#hm. it’s different thinking/knowing it and having it confirmed by another! esp a professional
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hm. drunk and not crossfaded enough to be grappling with the idea that my parents do not love me and have never loved me, but only an idea of me! don’t care for it!
#had a productive but upsetting session of therapy today#shoutout to thomas for immediately apologizing for making me cry#even after he warned me he was about to#hm. it’s different thinking/knowing it and having it confirmed by another! esp a professional#anyway. very in my feelings and decided to avoid that by smoking (now mostly ineffective) and drinking (v effective when done heavily)#i’m in nc so we only have thc-a n shit#and i’m desperate for something stronger but im too straightedge to find out where i could get like. Real Ouid lol#hm loose enough to be sadge but crossed enough to post abt it#let’s goooooooo we’ll prob delete later#anyway! feeling v v v sad realizing i prob never rlly had a fam. or one that loved me for me!#syd happens#and i’m tired of the happenings!!! wanna hang w people i love and that love me. i rlly miss that
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