#hissombermoon

[clemymimi]

This post attempts to dissect both michikatsus perspective on his looks, how his self-image is impacted by yoriichi as well as michikatsus feelings towards yoriichi during his childhood. It also serves to describe the roots of michikatsus inferiority complex and hatred for Yoriichi. And in the conclusion.. attempts to diagnose a mental illness based on the material from this text.

tw: manga spoilers!

Michikatsus perspective on his looks + how that played into the Infinity Castle arc

Objectively, michikatsu knows that he is very pretty but he certainly does not feel that way, because:

It was mentioned in the manga how much michikatsu hates yoriichis face, how much his voice and his smile makes him want to vomit and gives him headaches. That is not because he can't stand yoriichi. Michikatsu hates how yoriichi looks because yoriichi is his IDENTICAL twin and because yoriichi is how MICHIKATSU looks like. Yoriichi is a constant MIRROR IMAGE, his constant judgement. Yoriichi is a man with no flaws in michikatsus eyes, and he is everything michikatsu ever wanted to be (strong enough to be free) it is a constant reminder of his own failure, of his own inadequacy. Yoriichis face makes him want to vomit because michikatsu struggles with his self-image so severely that he projects his deep self-hate and feelings of inferiority towards yoriichi.

But.. that day... during the final battle.. when kokushibo sees his face in sanemis katana.. he notices that he doesn't look like yoriichi anymore.. that he has strayed so far from his judgement from the person he wanted to be, that he loses his entire will to fight. It is the day he finally accepts that yoriichi is a huge part of him, of his identity and that he has lost himself along the way.

Michikatsus hatred for yoriichi explained

Also about the way michikatsu "hates" yoriichi. I've stated before that michikatsus hatred stems from love, a love so strong that he simply does not quite know how to handle that it flows across all of his emotions.. this is still true. That michikatsu projects his own self-hatred and judgement onto yoriichi showcases that he doesn't hate yoriichi himself, that yoriichi is simply unfortunately caught in the cross-fire of michikatsus constant pain and trauma. Michikatsu hates what yoriichi stands for, never yoriichi as a person. He hates yoriichis smile because it's the way michikatsu smiles, he hates his face because that's his face. And yet even though he hates these things about yoriichi,seeing yoriichi sad kills him on the inside. Michikatsu loves him so deeply and intensely and he thinks himself so unworthy and useless that he thinks yoriichi could not care less about him, and that in return makes michikatsu NOT want to love yoriichi, but he can't and he hates himself even more for it and he projects that hate towards yoriichi.

I'm not a therapist but michikatsu should really talk about his feelings instead of just writing poetry about them. Maybe if he knew that yoriichi loved him he could slowly start to heal and to allow his own heart to shine..

Child Michikatsus relationship towards yoriichi explained

And about child michikatsus hatred for yoriichi... michikatsu was jealous because he himself worked SO hard on his swordsmanship and yoriichi just comes in and is instantly better and the worst thing is that yoriichi couldn't care less that he is talented. Child michikatsus heart literally broke that day because it just wasn't fair, and to him it felt like yoriichi had just rejected his entire craft, his entire life's work. Michikatsu has trained ALL OF HIS LIFE and yoriichi has the gall to tell him he doesn't care about swordsmanship, and would rather play kites. To michikatsu it felt like yoriichi knew exactly how much swordsmanship meant to him and he just did NOT care, that yoriichi didn't care about HIS wishes at all, that in yoriichis eyes, michikatsu could NEVER be good enough. This is most likely where michikatsus feelings of inadequacy are rooted. He was a traumatised but sweet and considerate child before that, and he still tried to be kind afterwards, but he felt so so very bitter and unloved by his twin brother at that point..

When yoriichi came to visit him at 3am in the night to tell him that their mother had passed and that yoriichi would leave for the temple, michikatsu was too shocked to react. When yoriichi then smiled and clutched the trashy flute in his hand and told him he would take it with him and thinks of this flute as if it was michikatsu, michikatsu is canonically disgusted.

This disgust stems from two sources

1) the flute was made unprofessionally and michikatsu is too perfectionistic for his own good. It looks like trash and he hates it for that.

2) yoriichi had completely disregarded michikatsus feelings (not that yoriichi had any clue what they were since michikatsu NEVER voices them out loud ffs) and has basically told him in so many words that he couldn't care less about him and now yoriichi has the gall to smile and pretend that the flute meant something to him.

he is mocking me. Why are you mocking me, yoriichi? Your smile is disgusting.

Later on, when michikatsu reads in their mothers diary that she has been suffering from pain in their left side and he puts two and two together and figures out that yoriichi had been supporting their mother all this time, he is filled with hatred because:

`yoriichi not only disregarded his entire life's work (his swordsmanship) he also mocked michikatsus capabilities to take care of his clan. Yoriichi had taken on the duty that should have been michikatsus and he had never bothered to inform michikatsu about it at all.. which in michikatsu language translates to: "you're not competent enough to become the heir, the family head. You're useless and I had to step up because you FAILED."

in that moment michikatsu wishes his brother to die. This moment is one of the roots of michikatsus inferiority complex, the root of his hatred for yoriichi because he is so hurt by the "indications" of yoriichis actions and they have completely ripped him open raw that he will carry yoriichis perceived apathy and mocking forever in his heart.`

Michikatsu is known to define his self worth, his identity in accords to his brother, and michikatsus own self-worth has always been fragile. So because yoriichi (allegedly 💀💀💀) thinks him worthless and useless, michikatsu thinks himself worthless and useless.

Michikatsus father as the root for Michikatsus trauma

About his fragile self-worth: that's all on their father. Their father is the primary reason why michikatsus thoughts spiralled so easily and why his self-esteem was so fragile to begin with. Michikatsu is VERY sensitive, he interpretes things that aren't present because he is very much stuck in his own mind. He only does that with yoriichi though, because yoriichi is the only person that he truly loves (in canon)

Michikatsu diagnosed

There are a lot of things afoot with michikatsu. Although he has a strong mind and self-discipline he is not immune to trauma and he had quite the turbulent childhood (their parents constantly fighting (which canonically upset both him and yoriichi)) the harsh training he had to endure, how easily he was discarded by his father as soon as yoriichi demonstrated his strength, their mother dying abruptly without warning (from michikatsus perspective), yoriichi leaving.. michikatsu having to grow up very early on an having two children at the age of seventeen already including the trauma that comes with serving as a samurai during the warring states period.. Michikatsu is bound to have collected quite the heavy baggage. And no. A person completely mentally healthy would not jump at the chance of joining muzan, the whole gig of Demon Slayer is that the demons are humans that suffered and decided to make others suffer for their suffering in return, ergo.. trauma for every single demon. Yes. Even douma.

I will make a bigger post about all of these in the near future so fear not should you find my claims odd, but here goes:

Michikatsu suffers from generalised anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder as well as cptsd

The cptsd and bpd are a direct result of his violent childhood

Hope you enjoyed!

[clemymimi]

I subscribe to this, michi is an emotional disaster, especially around yoriichi

I was talking to some friends earlier and mentioned some animatic concepts I had with Yoriichi and Michikatsu. I mentioned some scenes where Michi hit the Ivan the Terrible pose with Yoriichi after their last fight, and later him clinging to his gravestone the same way. I like to think that Kokushibo sometimes has brief flashes of kinder memories, which then lead him to a slightly mournful mood some days.

I don't have much spare time these days but I did a rough sketch to get it out of my system.