#his views of the archivist are extremely skewed

[theweirdestroller]

The Time Blades Sang Karaoke With Optimus Prime

"Oh oh oh, and have I ever told you about the time Optimus and I sang karaoke?" Why no Blades. You did not. Allow me to tell everyone for you. So- That's all this one-shot is! More fun with Blades, Ratchet, and Orion!

"C'mon Ratch! Sing with me!" Blades tugged on Ratchet's arm. The ATV had picked up a whining tone that had quickly started to get on Ratchet's nerves. "No. I'm not singing." "But it would be funnnnn," Blades hung off his roommate's arm. Ratchet pried Blades's servo off and let the smaller bot fall to the floor. "Go find someone else to pester," Ratchet stepped over Blades's frame. "But Jazz is busy DJ-ing and nobody else wants to sing with me!" Blades whined as he pulled himself off the floor. The bot looked miserable. "Pleeeease?" Blades widened his optics and gave a small pout, trying to look cute. Cute had never worked on Ratchet before and neither were under the impression it would start now. Ratchet sidestepped his rather pathetic looking roommate and swiped a cube of high-grade before returning to the party. Blades sighed and slumped to the floor once again. Ratchet was usually more open to partying with Blades, but the taller medic wasn't up to Blades's type of fun. Probably off talking to- Blades shot up from the ground. "ORION PAX!" Blades popped his wheels out of his pedes and darted into the party. He found the blue and red archivist downing a cube of high-grade, as expected. Most everything Blades knew about the mech, outside of these parties, was through Ratchet. That is to say, Blades didn't know Orion very well at all. Good thing you didn't need to know someone to drag them into karaoke. Blades grabbed Orion by the arm and dragged him up to Jazz, who was in charge of all the music. (It did not occur to Blades that Orion so easily followed because Blades, much like Ratchet, was white and orange. And Orion was overcharged as per usual.) "Jazz! Orion and I would like to sing-" "Shut Up and Dance!" Orion had a wide grin on his face. "Got it! The mics are all yours!" Whatever high energy song Jazz had been playing transitioned into a familiar beat that had Blades more than excited. Surprisingly, it was Orion's voice that started tham off. The archivist was tapping his pede to the beat, his optics bright from overcharge. "Don't you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me. I said you're holding back she said shut up and dance with me," Blades watched Orion at the mic, not yet having joined him. The ATV let out a shaky vent and adjusted his hold on the mic. "This woman is my destiny she said-" "Oo ooo~ Shut up and dance with me!" Blades joined in, singing the lyrics with all his spark. "We were victims of the night, the chemical, physical kryponite! Helpless to the bass and the fading light, oh~ we were bound to get together! Bound to get together!" Singing together was so fun! Ratchet didn’t join Blades enough. He really ought to remedy that.

--

Ratchet watched as his closest friends danced and sang together. The song was catchy, a pop tune he was sure he had heard before. It was also likely Orion's choice, as the mech was the one to start singing first. The medic took a small sip of his cube. Hopefully, this would prevent Blades from asking karaoke from him too often. Ratchet had no place in the center of attention. And neither did Blades, outside of these parties.

--

Blades needed to get Ratchet on this stage next. This was so much more fun than usual! Orion had wound the mic cord around his leg, somehow managing not to trip over it. Blades twirled his cord like a ribbon. It was as elegant as it was an uncoordinated, overcharged dance.

--

Back in the audience, a young enforcer was snickering into his cube. Streetwise loved these shindigs. Good high-grade, good entertainment, and if the way Orion was already struggling with his mic cord was anything to go by, something funny too.

--

Blades hadn't actually considered how dangerous the mic cords were. He still twirled his like it was an extension of himself. He should consider adding a winch to his frame. But the winch could wait for another time. He'd say a time after karaoke but- It was like slow motion, the cord just a bit tighter, Orion, who made the wrong step, and then- CRASH! Orion was sprawled out on the floor, still rather happy, but a bit bruised up. Blades let out a squeak and hurried to help up his fallen friend. Both of them were laughing, as were most others who bore witness to Orion's blunder. Ratchet was absolutely cackling, he had likely seen this coming.

--

"Ratch? You up for karaoke?" Blades asked, though there wasn't any party this time. There was a mischievous twinkle in his optics Ratchet set his datapads down with a soft thunk. There was no way that Blades would be getting Ratchet to join him any time soon. "You can return these." The taller medic left the room without another word. "Wait! Ratchet!! I'm sorry!" Blades scrambled after his roommate. Ratchet laughed to himself as Blades chased after him. With luck, Blades adopted Orion as his new karaoke partner.

[smaller-comfort]

For the character building questions and, of course, I am choosing Resh'an and Aephorul: 1, 4, 6, 32, 37, 43, 57

Sticking most of this under a cut because it got long!

1 What's the lie your character says most often?

Resh'an: "I'm doing this for the greater good." Aephorul: "I'm doing this for you."

(The non-horrible answer- or the more horrible answer, depending on your perspective- Resh'an lies a lot about his relationship with Aephorul, still, out of habit. There was a golden period in their early immortal years where they didn't have to hide because of social pressure, and they hadn't broken up because of all the genocide, and even then, Resh'an would still reflexively just refer to Aephorul as his "associate".

I sort of feel like Aephorul is more interesting if he's a pathological liar, but that circles back around to giving me brain maggots, so I...can't actually write him that way. At any rate, SoS-era Aephorul doesn't need to lie very often, and actually makes a point of being honorable/following through with his deals. "This will only hurt a little" is probably the most common lie he tells his subordinates. From his point of view, it's not that painful! His point of view is deeply, deeply skewed.)

4 What's a hobby they used to have that they miss?

Resh'an will claim that he doesn't have hobbies- everything he does is in service to his research. But he spent a few centuries getting really, really good at pottery and glassblowing. He'll claim this was just so he could manufacture his own alchemy equipment- but he honestly just really likes making things with his hands. Creating Living Glass made him remember how much he liked it.

Aephorul used to read voraciously, pre-immortality- poetry, fiction, philosophy, anything he could get his hands on. One of his immortal life goals was to curate the best library in the multiverse; he's forgotten this, and thus can't quite articulate why Resh'an calling himself "The Archivist" fills him with so much reflexive despair. (It was something he wanted them to do together.) He doesn't read for pleasure anymore, and considers it a frivolous waste of time.

(He was also a horse girl. But animals tend to avoid him on instinct, now.)

6 What's their favorite [insert anything] that they've never recommended to anyone before?

Resh'an's favorite snack are these little apricot and pistachio pastries that Nasreen would procure from the kitchens on special occasions by brining the kitchen staff. He'd never recommend them to anyone else because then he'd have to share.

Aephorul complains frequently about not being able to find decent coffee in the city (it's mostly tea culture in the north). Word gets around and he eventually finds himself in the kitchen of someone's grandmother, who insists on serving him coffee and feeding him and complaining about her children at him. He visits her at least once a week, and never tells anyone where he is when he goes. (He also quite likes the kitchen's apricot pastries, but he always saves his to give to Resh'an.)

32 If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?

pfffft just one? Resh'an would shoplift. He wouldn't even do it on purpose most of the time, he would just forget that he put things in his pockets.

Aephorul would vandalize things- give him a can of spray paint, and he'll be out there drawin' dicks all over public property. (modern au, these are things both of them have done. repeatedly.)

37 What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?

Resh'an gets cagey about his sexual history- this is partly because it could get him arrested, but it's also the source of a few nasty arguments he and Aephorul have early on. And later on, too, actually. Mostly these are stupid arguments that happen for stupid reasons, because Resh'an gets defensive about his life choices and Aephorul gets defensive about his relative inexperience, and it's extremely dumb.

Resh'an also doesn't want to tell any of his other lovers he's still in love with Aephorul, even after everything goes to shit, but that's not exactly a secret.

Aephorul never actually tells Resh'an he wants a family; he grew up with the expectation that hed eventually have an arranged marriage, and he secretly has this very naive, idealized image of himself and and a wife and half a dozen children. And then he meets Resh'an, and can't reconcile the intensity of his feelings with any of the other things he wants out of life, or any of the things that are expected of him.

Post-immortality, he offhandedly mentions the idea of adopting an orphan or two, and Resh'an just kind of laughs it off as too absurd to even consider.

He really doesn't have any other partners to keep secrets from; I don't even see him necessarily fucking his subordinates, unless it's as a means to an end. (Resh'an does have other lovers, both before and after they split. Aephorul tolerates this, but has a lot of mixed feelings about it.)

43 What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

Resh'an is pretty clueless about life outside the capital. He doesn't know anything about Aephorul's home country outside of stereotypes, which leads to him being occasionally incredibly offensive by accident. He spends a lot of time apologizing for putting his foot in his mouth. (Aephorul takes advantage of this a lot when they're first getting to know each other.)

He has an extremely cynical view of most familial relationships because of his fucked up relationship with his father. (I'm still vague on the details around his mother, but it's possible he doesn't find out the truth about her until he accidentally crosses over into the modern AU. Whoops.) He refuses to examine or interrogate any of his feelings on this matter; he acknowledges that Mooncradle was kind of fucked up, but only because it didn't produce Guardian Gods at the rate that he needed it to.

Aephorul is an arrogant snob who thinks he's the smartest person in the room; he suffers a bit from being a big fish in a small pond in a lot of ways until he settles in as an imperial alchemist. And while he wasn't exactly spoiled growing up, he did live a life of considerable privilege. He's used to getting his own way, one way or another, and doesn't deal well with being told "no".

He never really grows out of this, honestly! And he resents being called out on anything, and has to fuck up immensely before he'll be willing to apologize for it.

57 What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?

Resh'an is very bad with time management- fortunately, his life as an imperial Alchemist is pretty rigidly structured most of the time, so he gets by as long as he has people to remind him where he needs to be at any given time. This gets worse after [spoilers], but it's always something he struggles with. Post-immortality, it gets 10,000x worse; if not for the vial of time, he'd never be on time to anything ever again.

Aephorul can cook. He understands nutrition! He likes fresh fruit! But he will live off of coffee and hard tack if no one is watching him; he has come very close to giving himself scurvy on some of his extended solo research excursions. Fortunately, as long as he has someone to share meals with, he will eat like a normal human being. But one of the first things he figures out how to do with flesh magic is photosynthesis, so he never has to think about it again.

They both adjust very badly to being away from each other after they break up- it's all the little movements that come from spending an eternity living with someone else, that they constantly trip over. No second toothbrush to hand to someone else in the morning; remembering to only boil enough water for a single cup of tea. They both break a lot of lab equipment entirely accidentally, because they're so accustomed to having a second set of hands and eyes around when they work.