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lipstickchainsaw · 2 months ago

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That done, let's get go down into the Undercity:

Before we find ourselves squarely in the Undercity, however, we get to the other person straddling that line, which is to say, Vi!

Vi's absolutely invested in the Undercity, of course. She's a punchy girl who doesn't necessarily want to solve her problems with violence, but she sees it as the only option to protect the people she cares about. She is invested in a future for the Undercity (for Powder) that's less miserable than what she's dealing with, and she sees Piltover as causing that problem, so she's going to punch them until they stop.

But she doesn't exactly have her guard up, and she gets blind-sided by a punch from the Undercity itself, taking away everything she cares about, and just as the larger structural problems end up completely out of reach (because she's in prison), she finds herself fighting that rot instead, in order to create that better future.

But, of course, this sees her join up with the cops, the enforcers that kept them all down to start with, because she's convinced that's not where the true threat lies, finds a partner in Caitlyn in a way that, uh, clearly messes with her ability to reach out to Jinx, because she has changed.

She no longer stands as a protector from the Undercity against Piltover's exploitation, but as an avenger aimed by Piltover, in many ways.

Which makes sense, because the stability the Undercity brought her was cruelly ripped away, when Vander died.

Vander is obviously Grayson's counterpart, but he's still underneath her, in many ways. The deal they negotiated to maintain the peace still keeps all the exploitation in place. He can't stand to watch people die for his cause anymore, and instead they die of the poison in the air. He tried to drown and strangle the Undercity's grander and darker ambitions to maintain stability, but just pushed it into the shadows long enough to come back and blindside him.

But, much like Vi, he wanted stability to protect his kids, and when he lost most of them, he gave up that peaceful inclination, crossed some of his own lines to desperately keep that protectiveness, which will only get twisted further against him by that poison Singed delivers.

Ekko, like Vi, also imagines a brighter future, but he doesn't do it through direct violence (although his Firelights are capable of it). He goes takes a more roguish, considered path, trying to avoid the disaster of the previous uprising by working on cultivating a brighter future instead, although this means he has to stop the boot trying to trample him from above, and the rot spreading into the tree he's growing from below.

Because if he misses that balance, he might make some of Vi's mistakes in one direction, and Sevika's in the other.

Because Sevika, like Marcus, remembers the old uprising, and saw how it came to nothing, and resents it. She's convinced they deserve better, and that bitterness pushes her to side with Silco's ambition over Vander's stability, especially once that stability is shown to mean Marcus gets to walk all over them.

She's a goon, of course, but she's selective in who she's willing to be a goon for, which lets her play kingmaker in a way that gives her remarkable agency, but only within the Undercity. She doesn't have a plan for how to deal with Piltover herself. That's someone else's job.

Namely Silco's, who embodies the Undercity's grand ambitions, grown darker and more vicious by the betrayal of Vander's desire for stability, and the influence of Singed's poison. He wants to be for Zaun what Heimerdinger was for Piltover, as seen in how ostentatiously he dresses himself when meeting Jayce. To reach for that he is willing to do almost anything. But only almost.

Because fundamentally, what everything in the Undercity revolves around is the unresolved pain, the trauma, the pure desire to make it all stop, almost undirected. Everyone else on the Undercity side of this divide has tried to in some way protect, or save, or heal this aspect of the Undercity, but none of them have been able to address the source of that pain, the results of Piltover's exploitation.

Which is why Silco can't just give her up to Piltover, and why she has to blow up the council.

Because this is all Jinx, once perhaps more targeted (and very accurate), but currently more of a spray, before the rocket happens, at least.

I'm about to start Act 3 in my rewatch of Arcane before the new season comes out, so this is as good a time as any to share my thoughts on how each of the characters in Arcane represent sociological forces.

This post is going to be long, so this post will be about Piltover:

Let's start with Marcus, who very much represents the 'Us vs. Them' mentality topside. A group of people who feel the enforcers didn't do enough to stamp out the criminal element during the uprising, and is left with a lot of resentment and insecurity about why that didn't happen.

But when they do try for that, they very quickly find out that the consequences are horrific, and now they have blood on their hands, and they're in power while their more experienced superiors have been removed from the equation, so they're floundering, facing pressure on every side, and reacting with more violence that doesn't resolve anything and just further increases the unrest.

(Until they get blown up by Jinx' long-repressed pain that they played a part in encouraging, but we'll get to that.)

Marcus doesn't really have a characteristic weapon, but if he did, it'd be a shovel, not just because this is the guy who found a hole and kept digging, but also because he discovered that this hole ended up being his grave, first metaphorically, and then literally.

Grayson, by contrast, represents the people who were there during that conflict, who fought in it and saw how monstrous things got. She's the boots on the ground, though, not the political class, so she didn't just see the results, she saw what it took to get there, and she's not eager to get there again. She's the part that maintains the divide, sure, but with a handshake right over the line. Willing to let things be and look the other way if it helps keep the peace.

But that peace is lopsided, and there is still a lot of unrest brewing under the surface, so when the peace breaks she's the first to go, caught entirely off guard by the ambition and anger still brewing in the Undercity.

Moving up that chain, we get Jayce, the well-off (but not ridiculously rich) upper class whose self-image insists that they are regular working class, and them 'making it' proves anyone can. The one who's grown up with surprising privilege he is not aware of, and who sees the world as remarkably simple, and the only reason problems still exist is because either the elite don't really care to solve them, or they're just not smart enough and Jayce's class would cut the knots that need cutting!

This insistence that things are actually pretty simple, that everything is just a nail to hammer down, is what allows him to be manipulated and taken for a ride by anyone actually savvy, but the power he ends up with still allows him to do a lot of damage (and makes people want to manipulate him).

But he's so stuck in his own head, and thinking he's fairly average and normal (and just smart and charismatic, instead of privileged), that he can't see other perspectives as reasonable.

But unlike the Marcuses of Piltover, the Jayce class started off genuinely meaning well. Their view of the uprising was a kind of beneficent condescension, as they were a step removed from the actual pain involved, so they likely went 'oh those poor people, driven to something like this by their poor lot in life (and not because we're actively exploiting them), clearly we should help them'.

And then when the help he's decided the Undercity needs doesn't work, because he never bothered asking them what they wanted or needed, he's confused and upset and, uh, kind of overreacts.

Going up one level more, you end up with Caitlyn. Caitlyn is the new upper class, who knows of the uprising only because of her mother's stories (and maybe because her mother was a bit more stressed for a couple of weeks when she was six), but otherwise the whole thing is too far removed from her personal experience it doesn't even register. She has seen just enough from the Graysons of the world to see that as a more honest way of living life than what her mother does, and so she decides to slum it, insisting she should be treated just as everyone else, unaware of how her class privilege affects any of those interactions as well.

Seeing it as a more honest living, as a goal to target with a single-minded focus, does lead her to approach the problem with a bit more understanding, allows her to actually see the Undercity and its many aspects, but even then, she's still coming from above, and her family is still responsible for much of that suffering, and when that check comes home, her appreciation for those nuances doesn't exactly survive.

Now, I said Jayces think the only reason things aren't better is because the Mels and Cassandras don't particularly care about solving those problems, and, uh.

They really don't.

The actual rulers of Piltover remember the uprising as this annoying item on the itinerary they had to deal with for a couple of weeks years ago, and they've passed responsibility to keep that from happening again off to the Graysons, so they can focus on the things they do care about: Getting richer and more influential within the council.

And while yes, Mel may be the more progressive rebel of her family, but in Piltover, what she wants is to not be the least of the Medarda's, and if that means turning Piltover into a scientific powerhouse, that's the way to do it!

The Undercity doesn't even register to her, and it doesn't for Cassandra either, as Caitlyn accuses her of, later (and I'm sure that's an argument that's happened in a ton of places).

Now, it's true that both of them eventually vote for peace, but that's because of their emotional connection to the Jayces and Caitlyns.

After all, the thing that makes Mel work is that she's been aimlessly building up political and economic capital, until she catches feelings for Jayce and starts to look at how to spend that capital, only its filtered through the lens of Jayce's own biases, because she doesn't have alternate lenses into the whole problem.

They've spent so long not giving a shit about anything other than their own status within the game the Establishment created for them, that when they finally do act, they are forced to do so without actually grasping it.

And that is, of course, the fault of the Establishment itself, the embodiment of Piltover as an entity: Heimerdinger.

Because Heimerdinger is an institution. Yes, he is the head of the council, but in a sense, he is the institution that underlies that council as well.

And like every other institution, he's slow to change. He completed his mission, achieved his goals, and has been enjoying the fruits of that labour for a good hundred years. He thinks he's done, and so he's stopped paying attention, at least in a structural sense, to the point where he isn't even playing the game the other council members are.

He's assured himself he is the board, and that everything is basically fine. The uprising was probably just a brief flash of something with little consequence to him. It was contained, so it's no motivation for institutional change.

And so he doesn't realise how bad things have gotten, how much the foundations of his grand city of progress have rotten and crumbled until Jayce (via Mel) kicks him out to form a new Establishment, and he finally has to think about what the fuck is actually happening.

It's in part a result of his long lifespan, and that sudden change is the one thing he's most afraid of, because what if the change goes bad?

The problem is, of course, that the change will happen regardless, and he's just neglecting to be part of it.

But hey, he does manage to be out of office when the result of his neglect actually blows up.

Good for him.

Speaking of his neglect, as we've gone up, we most also go down!

Viktor is, technically, the Undercity resident who's made it! He got out of the Undercity, and became the assistant of the Dean of the Academy, one of the highest aspirations possible!

But of course the Undercity hasn't left him. Literally in the sense of the degenerative illness, of course, but metaphorically in that, uh, nobody gave him the respect he deserved, unless he outright clawed for it.

Like, what the fuck is this guy doing as Heimerdinger's assistant? If this guy got the resources that Jayce got from Cassandra, imagine where he'd be?

But no, he has to work twice as hard to get half as far, and, unfortunately, he soon learns there's no point in asking other people for help, because they'll just tell him 'no', anyway. He'll still have to go at it himself, and he now realises he doesn't fit in the Undercity anymore either.

He has only himself, and like everyone in that position, uh, he quickly burns out. In this case, the tragedy is that he doesn't realise he does have someone next to him who he could reach out for help, and who won't go 'you're dying? That sucks buddy, but such is life!'

And instead of noticing that, in his burnout, he ruins that, too.

And as much as a lucky Viktor might partner with the Jayces of the world, he won't get the credit, and the Jayces of the world quickly get the kind of accolades that draw them away from the original work, and from helping Viktor with, you know, the whole dying thing, and the businessman beats the scientist regardless.

And we see this happen despite the good intentions of everyone involved, which is what makes this a sociological, institutional pattern.

Going the other way, however, is Singed, whose role as a disgraced scientist who clearly crossed a number of moral lines makes for an interesting commentary on both Heimerdinger's tenure, and Silco's proclivities, because he found a refuge in the Undercity, that was more willing to accept the many lines he crossed.

In part because they hardly have the luxury to turn him away. Silco's entire plan hinges on Singed's shimmer, so he gets to be a powerbroker there, too. Thriving as Silco lets him poison everything down there.

#arcane #very long post #this started as a series of Discord messages #and you can kind of tell I lost steam by the end #but I figured I'd share it anyway

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quendis · 4 years ago

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(writing this as its own post and tagging @ibrithir-was-here instead of sending an ask because this got way too long)

I’m supposed to be studying for finals right now, which naturally means that the Numenor version of the Ring Babies AU is all I can think about. More specifically, I keep thinking about how the fall of Numenor would’ve happened in this universe. So I accidentally outlined a fic?

Annatar still has no particular love for the Valar in this ‘verse, but neither does he particularly want to get back on their bad side. Still, when weighing the pros and cons of manipulating Ar Pharazon into attacking Valinor… he probably still does it. It’s not like he’d be successful, after all. Pharazon attacks Valinor, the Valar squash him and his fleet like a bug, and suddenly the Numenorian problem is solved. Easy peasy.

...At least until, in the later stages of Annatar’s pitch and Ar Pharazon’s preparations for war, the king of Numenor states his intention to bring Narya with him on the flagship. As an honored guest, of course. (He’s not completely stupid, after all.)

Mairon panics. In all his machinations, somehow he hadn’t planned for this. He dissembles, at first — argues that Narya is neither warrior nor sailor, that he would be of far more use to the king if left on the island to aid in the forging of weapons and the administration of the war effort. Ar Pharazon is unswayed.

So what’s a Maia to do?

He breaks character, for the first time since his capture. This is an alternate version of the scenario in this post, where Mairon goes apeshit is pushed over the line and reveals himself as Sauron, revealing in the process that the idea of storming Valinor was entirely a plot to get Ar Pharazon killed. Even though he expected some amount of treachery, Ar Pharazon is livid. He gives Mairon an ultimatum: either surrender the true secret to eternal life, or watch as Ar Pharazon sends a war party to Valinor anyway — with Narya on board — to die.

Mairon doesn’t have the secret to eternal life. During his time as Morgoth’s lieutenant he learned how to extend life, and how to distort it, but to truly take away the Gift of Men is beyond his power. Still, there’s an idea that sparked in the back of his mind, back when they first began creating the Rings, back before he had wholly thrown his lot in with Tyelpe…

He tells Ar Pharazon of nine rings (non-sentient, unlike the later Three) designed for Men, and distributed as gifts among them. He tells him of how they might be altered, to extend the lives of their bearers near the point of eternity. He vows to collect them, and to make them into fountains of youth for Ar Pharazon and his most loyal followers.

(There are a few things he doesn’t mention. He doesn’t mention that, in order to create this facsimile of eternal life, he would bind the bearers of the rings to his will. He doesn’t mention that, although some of the rings are on the mainland as he mentioned, three are already on this island. And he doesn’t mention that one, a plain, unassuming steel band, rests even now on the finger of Tar Miriel, the rightful successor of that ring’s initial recipient.)

And so Annatar is sent beyond the blockade to find and steal the rings for Pharazon’s use, accompanied by a guard of several of the king’s strongest warriors, and with Narya left behind on Numenor, still, as an “honored guest.” He supposes it would’ve been too much to hope for that Narya would be sent with him, and that they could find some way to escape together. All he can do now is stall for time while he tries to think of a better way to escape — with Narya — upon his return to the island. And how to explain his past to his son, who he was never given a chance to speak with after that final confrontation.

Meanwhile on the Isle of Numenor, Narya is conflicted, to say the least. But he also doesn’t have much time to think about his father’s identity, since between “audiences” with the king and his generals, he and Miriel have found themselves roped into the Faithful’s rebellion. With dwindling power in court and no military force to match Pharazon’s, I think it’s at this point in the AU that they start preparing to “abandon ship”, as it were: gathering provisions and any refugees they can reach, building or stealing boats to ferry them to the mainland, and saving any relics of the kingdom they can get their hands on — including stealing Nimloth’s fruit, which is how Narya first meets Isildur and starts spying for the Faithful.

Annatar, at this point, is playing out the world’s shittiest heist movie — sent from kingdom to kingdom among the mainland’s realms of men, disguised and collecting in secret the rings that he and his husband had given as gifts not so long ago, and all the while watched by Ar Pharazon’s men with the threat of harm to Narya looming over his shoulder should they catch him trying any more tricks. Narya, who he feels he failed. Who he almost got killed, who could be killed in truth if Pharazon discovers this plot-

He tries not to think about it. But he also keeps an eye out for any friendly faces on the road. He’s in survival mode right now, and survival mode for Mairon usually coincides with the hard-learned lesson of relying on himself, and himself alone. But he isn’t just Mairon anymore; he’s Annatar, and Annatar has friends, a family, and a loving husband who he would trust with more than his life. Maybe if he can get a message out to Tyelpe in secret, he might be able to do something.

Tyelpe is not able to do something. Or rather, he doesn’t know what to do. Since Annatar and Narya were captured — nearly half a century ago at this point — he, Vilya, and Nenya have been trying in vain to find a way through the Numenorian blockade to rescue their family. And between comforting his remaining children don’t phrase it like that, he still has three children, Narya has to be alive and he will not consider any alternatives, his own stress at losing his husband and son, and trying to both run and defend the city on his own, Tyelpe is… not doing especially well.

After he hears word of the sinking of Numenor, he’s doing even worse.

See, Ar Pharazon is willing to wait and see how Annatar’s new proposal pans out, but he also doesn’t intend to leave all of his eggs in one basket. He starts trying other methods. Maybe he sends scouts towards Valinor anyway. Maybe he begins making human sacrifices, as in canon. Either way, he manages to piss Eru off magnificently. And as in canon, Eru changes the shape of the world, and Numenor is drowned, Pharazon along with it.

What Tyelpe doesn’t know is that Annatar is already on the mainland. What neither of them know is that Narya, along with his new friends Miriel and Isildur, had boarded one of the last ships to escape the island, and is currently safe on the coast of what will one day be known as Gondor.

Annatar kills his Numenorian watchers. With Narya dead, there’s no point in playing Pharazon’s games any longer. He can’t bear the thought of returning to Ost-in-Edhil and facing his husband and children, after he killed his son failed. He starts to wander, and for the first time in his very long life, wishes he were an elf. At least an elf can fade.

Tyelpe had always heard that elves would feel something, when their marriage bond broke, when their partner died. That the sundering of a love strong enough to bond souls would take part of the survivor with it. He doesn’t know what it means, that he feels nothing. Maybe it’s some quirk of the unique bond between elf and maia. Maybe it’s his punishment, for not loving Annatar enough to drop everything and ride out of Ost-in-Edhil in a glorious charge (and a less glorious boat ride, he supposes) to save him. It’s what Fingon did. It’s what Luthien did. Why couldn’t he?

Tyelpe can’t save his husband, and he can’t save his son. But there are already reports of bodies washing ashore, and if he can’t save them, he can at least grant them rest. He gathers his other children, leaves the city in the care of one of his most trusted advisors (what he should have done, he thinks, half a century ago), and rides out to bury his husband and son.

Since this AU wasn’t dramatic enough already, naturally all three parties (Narya and the Faithful; Celebrimbor, Vilya, and Nenya; and Annatar on his own) meet at the same time. I’m sure there’s a lot of questions, a lot of shouting, a lot of crying. There are probably some difficult conversations, as Annatar and Narya address their fraught parting, and as Annatar comes clean to his children about his past. But that can all wait for another time, and another tale. Right now the Ringmakers and the Rings are together again and holding each other for the first time in fifty-seven years, and for a moment, at least, that’s all that matters.

#ring babies au #silvergifting #boy this turned into a doozy #i'm supposed to be getting ready to finish my degree and instead i write an entire fic at two in the morning #is this a fic? idk #time to tag 1000 characters ig #mairon #annatar #celebrimbor #narya #ar pharazon #numenor #tolkien #silmarillion #and last but not least #ibrithir-was-here

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sevenkittensinatrenchcoat · 4 years ago

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Modern Munkustraps and Why 2016 Misto Is Boring (And Also Why Tugger Is Less Good Now)

So, yeah, this is a very long, poorly edited essay that is basically just me writing down a bunch of feelings about the Broadway Revival and why it doesn’t work for me. Of course, it’s not the worst thing out there and everyone can like what they like, but here’s one big reason why I don’t like this particular thing.

So, I’ve mentioned that, having seen the whole thing, I don’t particularly like the 2016 Broadway Revival of Cats. I adore the cast, I appreciate the effort everyone clearly put into it, and some individual numbers work well enough out of context, but it’s a case of strong parts forming a weak whole.

One of the problems I had with it was with the character of Mistoffelees. It should be clear to anyone looking around this blog that Mistoffelees is my favorite character in the show. I hate insulting any Mistoffelees, which is why 2019 Mistoffelees frustrates me so much. The moment I realized I’d become a fan of Cats was when I was genuinely angry when I learned that Tom Hooper cast a non-dancer as Mistoffelees. Basically, problems with Mistoffelees will motivate me to rant.

In 2016, the problem with Mistoffelees isn’t the choreography. I prefer the original to the new stuff, but Misto’s material was fine. Ricky Ubeda completely nailed the dance part of the role. Broadway Revival Misto is still worlds above Tom Hooper’s Misto in every way. Really, the problem with 2016 Misto is that it often feels like he isn’t there. He has very little presence. His dancing is impressive, and his dynamic with Tugger is cute and fun, but he has no real personality outside of it. I don’t know how he feels about any character other than Tugger. There are no moments that center around him other than his dance solos. He doesn’t seem to have much of an arc when it comes to saving the day at the end. Is he already confident in his magical abilities? Is he still unsure of himself? Is he trying to prove himself? How does he feel about anything that happens to or around him?

As a show with a large ensemble cast, it’s impossible for every single character to feel fully developed. But, in shows/stories with large ensemble casts, there are always a few characters who stand out. Instead of a single protagonist with one big arc, you have several main characters with their own small arcs. Munkustrap is the group’s leader who has to fight to defend his tribe. Demeter has survived an abusive relationship and she confronts her abuser and starts to move on, finding a potential partner who she can trust. In the 1998 film, at least, Mungojerrie has an interesting arc. He used to work for Macavity, but he left. When Macavity shows up, Jerrie’s terrified of him. He knows what he’s capable of and probably witnessed some really messed up shit. But, when Munkustrap is wounded and Alonzo is struggling to fight Macavity on his own, Jerrie is the first cat to join the fight. He doesn’t do very well, but this inspires other cats to help out as well, and Macavity is eventually outnumbered and forced to flee.

Mistoffelees is another character with an arc. He’s coming of age, no longer a child but not really an adult either. He’s trying to prove himself and be seen as an adult. He has magical powers, but he still struggles to control them and doesn’t know exactly what he’s capable of. Outside of magic and dancing, he’s awkward and doesn’t fit in socially with neither the kittens nor the adults.

When Old Deuteronomy is kidnapped, and everything seems hopeless, Mistoffelees really isn’t participating in the action. Although he’s publicly done magic before and other cats have noticed, Tugger’s suggestion that Mistoffelees might be able to help is dismissed by most of the group at first. But, Tugger is completely confident in Misto’s abilities. He’s the first cat to believe in him that much. Tugger hypes up Misto and his confidence builds until he’s willing to try using magic to bring Old Deuteronomy back and succeeds. He’s a hero now, and he’s known to have a skill that no one else possesses. He’s respected by the tribe. As someone who can be consulted in emergencies, Mistoffelees can now be seen as an adult.

Now, Mistoffelees didn’t always have this arc. The Originial Broadway Misto comes across as completely confident in his abilities the whole time. Actors who played Misto in the 80s tended to play him as the same age as Munkustrap, already one of the adults and already established in the tribe. But, starting in the early 90s, some actors started to play Misto younger and less secure. By the time the filmed 1998 production was done, that had become the standard way to play Misto. I think the actors cast in the role wanted to make things more interesting, since Misto getting Old Deuteronomy back is a bit of an anticlimax. There’s a problem. It’s solved immediately. On with the show. But this was a big, spectacle-heavy number near the end of the show. It feels like it should mean something, but it just doesn’t. Old Deuteronomy is easily returned to the tribe and then Memory happens and makes everything else seem meaningless.

But, what if Mister Mistoffelees wasn’t about getting Old Deuteronomy back? What if Mister Mistoffelees was actually about Mister Mistoffelees. Having the song be a moment when a young cat comes of age makes it feel like the song means something, even if the stuff with Old Deuteronomy is anticlimactic. Since it happens late in the show, there’s plenty of time to build up to it. Misto is on stage for most of the musical. His character can be established. We can see him trying to prove himself and failing to socially connect with the other cats. So, when he does prove himself and he does gain the approval of the cats who dismissed him as a weirdo, it’s satisfying. The song has a bigger impact when Mistoffelees is portrayed as a young man coming of age.

So, what does any of this have to do with the Broadway Revival? Why does the title of this essay mention Munkustrap when the essay itself is mostly about Mistoffelees?

Well, it’s because Revival Era Munkustraps have stolen Misto’s character arc.

The Broadway Revival isn’t the only version of Cats to do this. Tecklenburg actually constructs the story around it, making Munkustrap the protagonist. It seems like the changes to Munkustrap’s character started to appear when the show started getting revived. When I say Revival Era, I mean every version of Cats put on after the London Revival in 2014, though there are naturally some outliers. This was when Grizabella was redesigned and rewritten. This was when an attempt was made to redesign and rewrite Tugger, which was thankfully abandoned soon after.

Before this era, it wasn’t really confirmed to the general public that Munkustrap and Tugger were Old Deuteronomy’s sons. They were still often portrayed that way, but it wasn’t something anyone thought viewers needed to know. The dynamic between Munkustrap and Tugger began to change now that everyone was expected to view them as siblings. Tugger, instead of messing with every authority figure on stage, now tends to single Munkustrap out. He wants to annoy his older sibling. The Tecklenburg non-replica didn’t even bother showing anyone but Munkustrap being frustrated with Tugger’s antics. The vibe you get in these productions is that Munkustrap is the older sibling who is left in charge while Dad’s not home and he’s trying to be responsible, while Tugger, as the younger sibling, is constantly messing around and annoying him.

Compare how Munkustrap and Tugger interacted during Tugger’s number in 1998 vs. 2016. In both versions, Tugger crashes the party and Munkustrap is not amused. But, in 1998, Munkustrap stands back and waits for Tugger to basically get all that rebellious energy out of his system. If he has a few moments to run wild, he’ll calm down and act up less later on. So, Munkustrap just waits it out. As for Tugger, he never directly targets Munkustrap when he’s messing with the authority figures. He targets Jenny and Jelly, and Skimble by proxy, but he leaves Munkustrap alone. Both brothers have some silent agreement not to get in each other’s way.

In 2016, most of the moments where Tugger messes with an authority figure have Munkustrap as that authority figure. He’s more focused on annoying his brother than anyone else. He and Munkustrap are sort of bickering throughout the song, with Munkustrap being one of the cats who gets the “terrible bore” line. 1998 Munkustrap wouldn’t do this. He doesn’t get the “terrible bore” line because he’s too mature to insult Tugger like that. Instead, Misto, a more immature character does it.

These two different dynamics imply that Munkustrap and Tugger are in different age groups. 1998 Munkustrap tries to take the high road when Tugger crashes the party and Tugger has enough respect for him not avoid targeting him personally. The only exception is with the bagpipes in The Pekes and the Pollicles, and he was mostly doing that to entertain the others. He starts a dance party and then gets disappointed when it doesn’t work a second time. Munkustrap was already being annoyed by everything else that was going on as well, so Tugger’s antics don’t stand out in that regard. The vibe you get is that, though Tugger does like teasing Munkustrap a bit, they have a mutual respect for one another that they both take seriously. They’re both adults, too mature to bicker.

When Tugger targets Munkustrap with his antics and Munkustrap tries to argue back, they come across like two kids bickering. They both seem younger. This means that, in general, 2016 Munkustrap is played younger than 1998 Munkustrap. 2016 Munkustrap’s arc is about him learning to be a good leader, probably hosting the ball for the first time. He wants everything to be perfect so he can prove himself to his father. His defending the tribe and being willing to give Grizabella a chance are moments when Munkustrap begins to come of age.

So, 2016 Munkustrap’s arc is that he’s a young man, just coming of age, trying to prove himself, and eventually doing so. It’s not identical to Misto’s arc, but it’s pretty close.

And this is why 2016 Misto fails to stand out. Munkustrap’s arc makes Misto’s feel redundant, so he doesn’t have it. 2016 Misto already has Tugger supporting him from the very start and never feels like he lacks confidence. But, with Misto’s arc given to Munkustrap, nothing was put in its place, so Misto no longer has an arc. You don’t have scenes of him trying to appear mature and sophisticated around Bustopher, or his awkward attempt to help Old Deuteronomy and Munkustrap defend the tribe when Macavity’s around, or any of those other little moments that give Misto personality, because he no longer has the arc that those scenes are part of. There’d be no pay-off.

Honestly, the biggest problem with this isn’t that Munkustrap is different, but that his character was given this story and the expense of another character’s arc. Munkustrap already had a smaller arc that took a backseat to his role as storyteller and protector. He’s already the perfect leader, with his only flaw being his grudge against Grizabella. The main thing Munkustrap has to learn is the moral of the entire play. Outside of that, he’s the narrator and the straight man in the more comedic numbers.

This change also isn’t very good for Tugger. Tugger is not really a character with an arc. He doesn’t change any more than anyone else does. What changes, is how the audience, and some of the other characters, perceive him. In his own number, he’s fun, but he also comes across as a bit of a jerk. He doesn’t care what other people think of him, but that means he doesn’t seem to care about upsetting them either. His interactions with his fans sometimes demonstrate this. He just casually knocks over Tumblebrutus and Pouncival, briefly uses the latter as a chair, and then knocks them over again. Tumblebrutus and Pouncival both think Tugger is awesome, so they don’t mind, but that’s not a very nice way to treat kids who look up to you, even if they don’t mind.

But, then we get to Old Deuteronomy. Tugger appears again, interrupting Munkustrap, apparently being rude again, but then you hear what he’s actually saying. He’s also narrating about and praising Old Deuteronomy. At first, it’s kind of funny, because he’s just talking about how Old D got around, but then you get this line:

And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives And the village is proud of him in his decline

When he mentions “numerous progeny” he gestures over the crowd, ending on Munkustrap. He’s one of those numerous progeny, but he never gestures to himself. He never references himself as Old Deuteronomy’s son, but he does mention Munkustrap. This is followed by “and the village is proud of him”. After the “numerous progeny” line, it’s an awkward circle back to the main topic. But, Tugger seems to address Munkustrap as he says this. In his own way, he’s telling Munkustrap that he’s doing a good job and that everyone’s proud of him.

And then, when Munkustrap and Tugger duet, Munkustrap looks so happy about it. He didn’t expect Tugger to behave and he’s thankful for it. It’s a heartwarming moment and it shows Tugger in a new light. He was inconsiderate during his own number, but now he’s showing nothing but sincere respect for his family.

But, Old Deuteronomy is the ultimate authority figure of the tribe. Everyone loves him and he outranks Tugger. Having Tugger be so sincere here, in contrast to his attitude before, is mainly to show just how beloved Old Deuteronomy is. Even a cat who delights in pissing off authority figures has nothing but respect for him. The real stand-out moment is Mister Mistoffelees.

So, after the fight with Macavity, the tribe is in pretty bad shape. Their leader has been kidnapped and their protector is wounded. And, the kittens witnessed all of it. They saw Macavity kidnap Old Deuteronomy while they could do nothing to stop it. Macavity actually attacked Etcetera and Electra, who both tried to stand up to him. Jemima was right next to Etcetera when she was hit. Then, their protector, the strength of the tribe, someone they probably saw as invincible, gets beaten up in a fight. Munkustrap, when knocked unconscious, lands right in front of Electra, the kitten who seemed to have the closest relationship to him. Electra and Rumpleteazer try to wake him up, but they can’t. Mungojerrie can’t stand it and goes to take on Macavity himself.

So, there was a lot of violence and the kittens had front row seats. Now they’re all sitting in the dark with no idea what to do.

Then, Tugger speaks up. Right away, he has a solution. Tugger starts up a musical number and you can see the kittens getting into it like they’re at a rock concert. Not only does he have a solution to the big problem the tribe is facing, but he presents it in a way that distracts the kittens from what just happened.

And this is all without mentioning the subject matter. Unlike Old Deuteronomy, Mistoffelees doesn’t outrank Tugger and he doesn’t have the universal respect of the tribe. Tugger just thinks Misto is awesome and he’s singing an entire song about it. Misto was the cat who casually insulted him during his own number, but Tugger’s ego was unaffected. Tugger responds with absolute faith and support.

And Misto needs that faith and support. Throughout the entire ball, Misto has been trying to impress the authority figures of the tribe. Tugger, with how popular he is with the younger cats, has a lot of influence over the tribe. He’s an authority figure, in a sense. But, he was the only one in that category who Misto not only didn’t try to impress, but straight-up rejected. He doesn’t care what Tugger thinks. With everyone else in his generation either wanting Tugger or wanting to be Tugger, he stands out. Tugger respects that. And, Misto gets the approval he was looking for in the one place he didn’t bother to look. Misto finally getting that approval is what builds up his confidence so he can bring back Old Deuteronomy. And then Tugger gives him all the credit.

So, the audience is introduced to a character who seems egotistical and inconsiderate. But, he’s not. He never was. Tugger does things for the lulz sometimes. He likes to make a scene and he likes to make a mess. But, the Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing. He pays a lot of attention to the other cats and he cares about them. He loves his family, he looks after the kittens, and he gives support to those who need it. He’s actually not that different from Munkustrap.

But, the younger Tugger who bickers with Munkustrap comes across as more genuinely immature and it makes the more sincere moments feel out of nowhere. It’s hard for someone playing a younger Tugger to remain in character during the more serious moments. It just feels like whiplash.

Tldr: So, yeah, the point of this very long essay is that 2016 Munkustrap’s character arc, which has spread to pretty much every production of Cats done in the last five years, has the side effect of making Mistoffelees boring and Tugger obnoxious. It’s an alright arc for Munkustrap, but it sacrifices the arcs of other major characters in a way that a show with an ensemble cast can’t afford to do.

#cats 2016 #cats 1998 #munkustrap #mr mistoffelees #rum tum tugger #artful and knowing #i did an essay #a very long essay #someday i'll do an essay on how 2016 fails at comedy #especially the pekes and the pollicles

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nade2308 · 3 years ago

Note

43 ‘bleeding out’ for Mac, please! 😃

A/N: I finally got around to finish writing this, hope you like it.

Mac was enjoying the light breeze that was caressing his face. After going non-stop on missions for the last few weeks, and the temperatures in the city rising, it was a welcome reprieve to retreat to the mountains for a week off. That, and Mac had some ulterior motives for it, that he planned on talking about with Jack, but that could wait. It was the best he'd seen his partner look since Jack returned from the Kovacs mission and Mac was loath to ruin that. But as they approached the end of their week camping, just the two of them, Mac knew that he had to broach the subject sooner rather than later.

The thing in question that had Mac ask Matty for a week off to recharge and recuperate was a hostage situation that turned from bad to worse so fast that Mac was still reeling. But how Mac felt about it wasn't the issue, it was how Jack handled it (or rather didn't handle it) that was scaring Mac. So Mac decided to take matters into his own hands. And here they were. In the mountains, having a week off, camping. Just the two of them and the mountain air and the ground serving as a bed and pillow. So far things were going great. And Mac was happy to spend some quality time alone with Jack.

Jack wasn't okay, not by a long shot, and judging by how fast Jack was thrown back into the spy world after the Kovacs mission, Mac wasn't surprised. He was surprised that it didn't happen sooner. And he wasn't going to fault Matty and Russ about that, but seeing as they needed Jack to come and save the day, they saw the bigger picture and not the little details.

They weren't aware, at least actively, that Jack was having some hard time adjusting to being back, and although Mac noticed that, it took him a while to discover the source of why Jack was feeling like a fish out of water. Mac's best bet was that Jack was feeling guilty for spending almost two years on the Kovacs hunt and then he just… simply shut down. It was Jack who came back, but not all of him was quite there, yet, and that's where Mac struggled the most with.

Jack was quiet next to him as they walked down one of the trails. He seemed lost in thought and once again Mac was reminded of the reason why he asked Matty to give them the week off. He needed to talk with Jack, so they could work things out. Mac had a suspicion that this ran deeper than just the Kovacs mission. And now with their most recent mission going sideways… it was just a matter of time when it'd all blow up.

Mac was following Jack when his leg suddenly slipped on a wet log on the ground and Mac's breath escaped in a whoosh as he fell on his back and something snapped underneath him.

At first he thought he broke something, but the pain came a moment later and Mac screamed. It was one of those surprised, unbidden screams. But the pain was unbearable and he couldn't stop screaming. He couldn't see what it was.

Jack came to his aid immediately, screeching to a halt in front of Mac.

"Oh, no, no, no."

"J… Jack?"

"Hoss, I need you to calm down."

"W-why?"

"You have a bear trap closed in around your calf."

"B-bear what?"

Mac was getting confused fast and realized that something warm and sticky was running down his leg, probably blood. But he couldn't think about it too much, he had to make sure that Jack didn't freak out. Which seemed to have taken place because Jack was still standing over him, unable to move.

The pain was getting harder to ignore.

"Jack, can you get it out?" Mac breathed out through clenched teeth, and it was taking a great effort to talk.

"Um… I am not sure I should do that, Mac."

"We need to move somewhere where you can patch me up. We are… not safe."

It looked like the comment in combination with Mac bleeding out was enough to convince Jack. He pulled the first aid kid they always took with them, and opened it, disinfecting his hands, and then set on pulling the trap away from Mac's leg.

Mac knew that it was probably wrong. But he was willing to take his chances, rather than have the teeth of the trap dig in further in the flesh of his leg.

In hindsight, the snap Mac heard was probably the bear trap.

Mac bit on his hand to prevent a loud scream when the trap unlocked and Jack had to maneuver his leg out of it. Tears sprung to his eyes from the pain he was in, but he refused to let them out. He had to hold on. Just for a little longer.

"Oh, God, no."

Mac was aware of Jack moving around and then something was putting pressure on his leg. He realized too late that maybe pulling the trap off of his leg wasn't the best course of action. Because he started bleeding faster than before, and the gauze Jack used to staunch the bleeding was rapidly soaking blood and doing nothing to stop the bleeding.

Mac wasn't above trying to clot his wounds with black pepper or gunpowder, but they had neither on them right now… well Jack was probably carrying a gun, or two. It was worth a shot.

"Jack, you'll have to cauterize the wounds until we can…" Mac trailed off and forgot what he was gonna say. There was so much blood…

"I can't… Mac, I don't want to hurt you further. You know how bad it can get if you get an infection on top of everything."

Mac looked between Jack and his rapidly bleeding leg. He was scared he was going to bleed out before Jack could help patch him up or get him to a hospital, but on the other hand he was hurting a lot and probably wasn't for the best to make decisions while he didn't have his head in the game.

"Bud? Mac?"

Mac realized he spaced out and Jack was frantically yelling his name.

"What are we gonna do, Jack?"

"It's not much, but I can wrap your leg and carry you to the Jeep. Then drive to the nearest hospital, I suppose."

There was something about the way Jack handled the situation, but Mac couldn't put his finger on it.

Thankfully, he didn't have to think too much, and let Jack take over. Jack was always wired to help and be of assistance, and seeing as Mac couldn't do anything, but kept trying to stay awake, Mac appreciated Jack's alertness. Even though the delivery was cold somehow.

…

Jack was staring in front of him, eyes unseeing beyond the white and green of the tile in the hospital. The drive was a blur, once he got in the Jeep and called Matty to tell her about what happened and request help in settling things with the hospital; he was done with thinking.

There was so much blood. On Mac, in the car, on Jack, on Jack's hands. Honestly, Jack had no idea how to deal with this. He was aware that he was headed towards a spiral, but he had no idea how to solve that. Mac was the one who usually helped Jack when he was getting towards the darker holes in his soul, but Mac wasn't there with him now. And Jack wasn't sure Mac would want to be around him anymore. Ever since Jack returned back from the Kovacs mission, things were strained. It felt like Jack was trying to fit back in, somewhere he once fit seamlessly. But lately, the pieces with jagged edges refused to get smoothed out.

Jack tried to explain it with the way things happened a couple of years ago. The hush-hush of the Kovacs mission, the way he shook Mac's hand instead of hugging him. Telling Mac that he was just a good friend. It was all just a way for him to distance himself from how he was really feeling, how his heart was split in a thousand little pieces. How breaking the kid's heart and most of all breaking his promise, was the hardest thing Jack had to do in his life so far.

It was that and the subsequent mission as well as the time he was absent from their lives that brought Jack back to that person he was in the Sandbox before him and Mac were paired up. It was someone Jack wasn't happy to see reappearing.

Mac was the one that pulled him out of that state of despair almost ten years ago. And Jack wasn't sure that Mac would want to extend him the courtesy again. Because Jack left. He broke his promise. Why would Mac want to help him again, right?

Mac shouldn't be even close to Jack now. Jack was danger. The first moment alone with each other and Mac got caught in a bear trap. It was all Jack's fault. He was the one who screwed things up. He should have never returned. Just brought them more pain.

And he got people killed, the hostage negotiation from a week ago flashing in his mind. He was a killing machine, there was a reason why the Army kept him as long as they did. He was the best of the best for a long time. Give him a rifle and a target and then set him off into the wild.

Mac changed that.

Mac.

Whose blood Jack had on his hands.

…

Several more hours of waiting and a silent breakdown later, a doctor came out to the waiting room, relaying to Jack that Mac was going to be okay and that he was going to recover. As expected, he lost a lot of blood, but he was expected to make full recovery.

That made Jack feel a bit better, although he still felt guilty for going with Mac's plea to remove the trap from his leg. Jack could still hear the sharp click as the metal embedded itself into Mac's skin, the sick squelch sound it made when Jack pulled it off, the smell of blood, the iron from the blood mixing with the rust on the bear trap.

It was everything he could do to force himself to make the short trip to the bathroom where he threw up. After he was done, Jack washed himself thoroughly, making sure he scrubbed his skin until there was not a speck of dried blood or vomit and his hands and arms were pink.

And okay, he might have scratched harder and left some bloody trail of his own.

The doctor was gone when Jack returned from the bathroom, and he had no idea where to look for him. Jack forgot to ask if Mac was transferred to a room or not…

There was a nurse that appeared to his side and asked if he was Jack, telling him that the handsome blond in room 305 was asking for him. Jack went with her, because as much as he wanted to stop giving the kid grief, he would never deny him anything.

…

Mac could tell that he was on the good stuff because he didn't feel anything other than the floaty feeling which meant the painkillers were doing their thing. Otherwise, Mac was sure that he would be screaming in pain.

He was disappointed to see that Jack wasn't in the room when he woke up, but Mac knew that Jack was probably sulking off somewhere, trying to tell himself what he did wrong. And Mac didn't want that. Asking one of the nurses if she could find Jack and describing Jack the best he could, Mac hoped she could track him down.

(And okay, Mac might have been a bit loopy and waxed poetic about how amazing his partner was, but if asked Mac would say it was the drugs).

When the nurse returned with Jack in tow, something in Mac settled, but he could tell that Jack was having a hard time so he mustered up some strength to stay awake and talk to Jack.

Mac knew that he shouldn't have waited so long to talk to Jack, but what happened with the bear trap earlier put things into perspective. He knew that if he was to repair whatever ended up broken between him and Jack, he had to attack things head on.

"Jack."

"Hey, Mac. I am glad you are awake. You scared me, buddy."

"I think I scared myself. I'm so sorry about this."

"Why are you sorry for? It's not like you put the trap there yourself."

"I tripped. God, I'm a grade A klutz."

"That you are."

Mac could detect a hint of a smile in Jack's words, but he could tell it didn't reach Jack's eyes. His partner and best friend was still locked somewhere in that bad space where he was when Mac met him back in 2011.

"Listen, Jack, I want to talk to you about something."

Jack exhaled and Mac watched as Jack clenched and unclenched his hands in fists in his lap. He wanted Jack to hold his hand as always, but he also recognized why Jack was holding himself back.

"If you want to tell me that it's not my fault, save your breath, I know that it is, so…"

"Actually, it's not about that. But you are right about that one. It's not your fault. I begged you to remove the trap, and in hindsight I knew I shouldn't have, but it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"You… you were bleeding so much. I couldn't help you. I couldn't stop it. I did this."

"How? Let me reiterate what you said earlier. You didn't put that trap there, Jack. You couldn't have known. And I asked you to remove it. Okay?"

Another sigh.

"Yeah, okay."

Mac wasn't entirely convinced that Jack believed him, but he couldn't think much about it right now. He wanted to talk to Jack about something else.

"What was that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"About what happened a week ago."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I think we should."

"Mac, don't."

"Look, Jack, it's obviously bothering you. And something tells me this is not recent."

"Mac, please… I don't want to talk about it."

"It hurts. It hurts seeing you like this, Jack. I can't watch you destroy yourself systematically and blaming yourself for everything that happens. That's indeed who you are, you carry guilt the size of Texas in you, but this needs to stop."

The moment Mac saw anger and hurt flash on Jack's face before he schooled his features, he hated himself a little bit for using the way he felt to make Jack realize just how far he was gone in that dark hole again.

Just because this time Jack was functioning normally, or as normal as possible, it didn't mean Mac was blind to his partner obviously being depressed and maybe hating himself in the process.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't need an apology, Jack. I just need you to understand that just because you were absent for two years, it doesn't mean that you stopped being important to me and the others. We are family. And obviously something is bothering you. I want to know what it is. I want to help you, Jack."

"It's not on you, Mac. I can deal with it on my own. There's no need-"

"Oh, so my problems are your problems, but your problems are what? Chopped liver?"

"Kid, don't."

"Don't what? You are spiraling, Jack! You are so far gone, you can't even look me in the eye and I can tell that you are hurting. Talk to me, big guy. Please."

Mac could tell that he hit a nerve because Jack immediately looked up. The storm brewing behind Jack's brown eyes was about to start. And the worst of it was that Mac didn't know what to expect from Jack when it hit.

"You want to know why the hostage negotiation hit me so hard? Because that's how… that's how we got Kovacs. That's how I killed him. One cold and calculated killshot. Is that what you wanted to hear, Mac? Does that make you feel better?"

"No. But that's the most I've heard you talk about since you returned so I'm counting it as a win."

"When I accepted to lead the taskforce on getting Kovacs, I did it to protect you. I inadvertently hurt you and that's something I'll never forgive myself for. That and calling you just a good friend. You are so much more than that to me, Mac. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me one day."

"I forgave you a long time ago, Jack. And I know why you went. I read the report. I know my dad was behind it. And I know that you think you should punish yourself for it. But you shouldn't."

"I left you, kid. I promised I wouldn't and then I did. What does that make me if not a traitor? I don't deserve you."

"Hey, hey, now, stop."

Mac made an effort to move his hand and take one of Jack's and hold on.

"Jack. Did it hurt that you left? Yes. But I know why and I don't blame you. I would do it too, if I was put in such a position."

"I didn't… I went back to my old self, Mac. I became the ruthless killer the Agency and the Army needed at their disposal. And the way I shot that guy holding the kids hostages, my hand didn't even shake or move an inch. It was the steadiest I've ever hit anyone since… Kovacs."

"You are not ruthless, Jack. You never were."

"I'm not so sure about that, hoss. I didn't feel anything. When I pulled the trigger, I didn't feel anything. And that scared me more than I'm willing to admit. That's why I'm acting like this. I am dangerous. And I don't want to hurt you in the process. More than I already have, anyway."

"You are not dangerous, Jack. You are just you. And that thing you are feeling… that's part of you. You know, there was a wise man that once told me that darkness was part of us as well and that we need to embrace it in order to live with ourselves easier. And I don't know about you, but I have taken that advice to heart."

"I did say that to you now, didn't I?"

"It's time for you to take your own advice to heart, Jack. I won't throw you away just because there's a little bit of darkness in you. We both have done things we are not proud of, but we learned to live with it. And I know it's been a while since you had to do it, but I'm going to help you with reminding you how to do it. Okay?"

"Okay."

This time Jack's words sounded more convincing and Mac let himself smile. They just took the first step together.

"And Jack? It's okay to let us take care of you every once in a while. You need a break, too."

"Tell me about it."

As if on cue, they both yawned and burst into giggles. Suddenly Mac got an idea and he knew that it was impossible to make it work, he wanted Jack close.

"Come on, come here." He started tugging on Jack's hand.

"What? Where?"

To make his point clear, Mac made an effort to move on the bed.

"Hoss, you can't just ask me to take from your space, hold on, hey, stop it."

There was a thought that Mac filed for later, how easy it was to pull Jack into the bed while he was injured and on painkillers.

"We shouldn't be doing this, kid. You are injured."

"I know that, Jack. But I need you to get some rest too. And you never will until someone makes you, so I'm doing it. Now, hold me."

"So bossy." But Jack obliged and Mac felt himself truly relax in Jack's hold.

"Are we going to be okay, Mac?" Jack suddenly asked and he felt more than he heard Jack sigh.

"Yes, we are. I got you, Jack. You know, you watch my back and I watch yours. It still stands."

"Thank you, kiddo."

"Don't mention it."

#100 drabble challenge #drabble #writing #my writing #fan fic #my fic #prompt number 43 #bleeding out #Mac whump #Jack angst #angus macgyver #jack dalton #macgyver #macgyver 2016 #AU

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hermit-pistol · 4 years ago

Text

Rohan Kishibe Fluff Alphabet:

The second full alphabet is finally finished, woohoo! This one goes out to all of my Rohan lovers- Make sure to like, reblog, and click under the cut! It means a lot!

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Rohan will want to show you the things that he’s passionate about, and that mainly includes his artwork and enjoying art together! When you want to get out of the house, you guys enjoy walks in the park. Fresh air does you well.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He really loves your attention to detail. If he parts his hair differently? You're going to notice. If he draws a manga panel with an extra that looks eerily similar to your likeness? Of course, you're going to notice.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

In theory, he figures that he'd be inconvenienced, but once it actually happens his tune changes real quick. He soon realizes that when in a relationship, selfishness isn't an option. His arms will be open, all he's waiting for you to do is to run into them.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Rohan's forte isn't long term thinking. Unlike the issues of his manga, life can't be planned out and anticipated. He does see himself with you in the foreseeable future, though. For the present, he treasures each day he spends with you.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

You would think that Rohan would be dominant in the relationship, given his fiery, sassy personality. Instead, he's quite passive when it comes to decision making. He's been with you long enough that he can let down his guard and be his authentic self around you.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Verbal altercations are prominent in this relationship. It can either be petty or a big blowout, and Rohan usually makes it a show by slamming doors and hiding in his office. He's extremely stubborn, but every fight you have eventually gets solved.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He really appreciates the fact that you put up with him, honestly. He feels like he is such a burden and protects himself by being moody and lashing out at others. You know that he appreciates when you spend time with him and help him grow as a person.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Rohan doesn't really have a reason to hide anything, besides major spoilers for his upcoming chapters (He wants it to he a surprise when you read). BUT, that being said, he has such a fat mouth. Don't tell him anything you don't want all of Morioh to know about.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Echoing themes in B and C, he is inspired to be more giving around you (and less selfish). Also, if we're talking literal inspiration there's a chance that there might be a new character showing up in Pink Dark Boy that looks a lot like you...

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Rohan definitely faces issues with jealousy, to the point where he would become paranoid and make false accusations. It's one of his fatal flaws, and in order to make the relationship work, he needs to learn to trust.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Rohan is definitely an awkward kisser at first. Although he talks a big game, he is still quite unsure of himself and might need some guidance at first. You more than likely will have to initiate the act most times, but once he’s gotten used to the feeling he’ll want to take the lead.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He would sit with himself for quite a while to figure out what he wants out of the relationship. He most likely has never used the "L" word with anyone before, and that makes him extremely nervous. You would be eating dinner together when he tells you how he truly feels, and oh how overjoyed you are.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Rohan would marry you having several years of dating. He thought that he would end up alone since he was holed up in his house all day, but finding and having you was a godsend. You would move into his home, and Rohan wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Rohan doesn't get too colorful with nicknames, it's a pet peeve of his when he overhears people going overboard with their terms of affection. Really, who shows their love by calling your s/o love muffin?! He just can't understand. Your name works fine.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

At first, it's a sense of giddiness that he just can't pinpoint. Once he learns the reason for his feelings, he isn't really sure how to properly deal with them. Josuke gets on his nerves through his teasing though, since the way he's feeling is so transparent.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

As mentioned before, Rohan is very observant of how others are when in relationships. In his own, he wants to make sure that he doesn't fall into the same "traps". Only hand-holding in public, nothing more. (He'll totally brag in front of the Duwang gang though)

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

His memory. As an author, he has to remember so many things. Why would being in a relationship be any different? Every special moment he has with you will be cataloged, and when it comes around next year he'll never forget the (deadline) date.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He finds little ways to show his love to you. One way that he loves to spend time with you is by showing you how to draw. He’ll place his hand over yours as the pen dances across the paper. Although, you’ll never be as great as the mighty Rohan Kishibe. Creative for sure!

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Rohan may be rather grumpy and show the epitome of tough love, but whatever you choose to pursue he'll be backing you all the way. He teaches you to not be afraid of rejection and tries to make his experience as a mangaka applicable. You have his support for sure.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He doesn't really feel the need to change the way things are. It's the casual outings that he values most, really. He'd rather get groceries with you or a book from the library than sky diving or something adventurous any day.

U nderstanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

One of Rohan's downfalls and something that he needs to work on is realizing when his partner is feeling down and out. While it's good to be in touch with your own feelings, now that he's in a relationship, there's another person's feelings to take into account. It's something that he'll need to work on and improve. (Hang in there, Rohan!)

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Before he met you, he was completely content with living and being alone. He's just grown used to being by himself. When he met you; however, things changed a lot. If you left him, there would be a gaping void that he definitely never noticed there before. You're his world, basically.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Rohan adores when you make him a homecooked meal. Before you met him, he was basically living off of take-out and fast food (how did he not gain weight?). Anyway, there's not a single recipe you've made that he doesn't like. For a present, you were planning on making him a book of your best recipes and trying them out together.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Rohan may complain all the way, but he secretly loves to be cuddled. He actually prefers to be the little spoon and feeling your arms around him. Prepare to not get up for hours; he feels so secure in your embrace.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Since he works from home, you're most likely the one who's away most of the time. He says that he'll be fine, but that's not true at all. He relies on the power of technology while he waits for you to get home, but of course, he would rather be talking to you in person. He has a lot of photographs that he looks at too.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Besides his fashion sense (epic burn), Rohan isn't really a flashy individual. He wouldn't do anything too extravagant in the relationship, because he knows that you would think he was trying too hard. If anything, he keeps his public and private life separate, since he values his privacy.

#anotha day....anotha alphabet #apologies on the wait #enjoy sassy rohan #jojos bizarre adventure #jojos bizzare adventure x reader #jojo #jjba #jojo heacanons #jjba headcanons #Rohan Kishibe #still can't believe all of you voted for rohan #STILL #rohan kishibe x reader #fluff alphabet #600 Follower Special

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ibijau · 4 years ago

Text

Worst engagement AU // on AO3

War is coming. War is coming. War is there, and Nie Huaisang never realised how much he had to lose.

warning for some mentions of violence and minor character death. Also, warning that this chapter is long (9.6K) so, uh... get comfy and grab a cup of liquid I guess?

With all his things packed for his upcoming trip to Lanling, Nie Huaisang feels he has earned a break which he decides to spend on the training grounds. Not to train, of course. He's already dealt with that earlier with Nie Zonghui, and he's in no hurry to do extra work. But it’s fun to watch others work out and try to capture their movements, and it’s a nice way to pass time. There’s probably other things Nie Huaisang should be doing, but his brother is currently absent, which means he’s free to do as he pleases.

Sitting on the side of the training grounds and sketching in charcoal, Nie Huaisang soon finds himself thinking of Lan Xichen rather than what he’s currently doing. It is not an uncommon occurrence these days. They had a rather great time together in Nightless City, getting to chat a lot either on their own or with Nie Huaisang’s friends, and they also got to kiss quite a few times. They were starting to get pretty good at that, Nie Huaisang likes to think. Before, he’s never bothered kissing the same person more than once or twice, but now that things are going well with Lan Xichen, he’s starting to really appreciate the concept of a steady partner.

Maybe it won’t be the worst thing ever, marrying Lan Xichen. In fact, Nie Huaisang is starting to really warm up to the idea. Even if the Cloud Recesses are a boring place, at least the company won’t be awful. Nie Huaisang is quite looking forward to going back there, and he’s already negotiated with Nie Mingjue that after having spent a week or two in Lanling, he’ll be allowed to push further south and stay a little in Gusu. By the time he gets there, there’s a chance Lan Qiren will have determined an auspicious date for the wedding and that’s… not so bad, really.

It’s odd to think that just a few months ago, the thought would have filled Nie Huaisang with dread, even disgust on a bad day. Now, he’s hoping that they’ll get married as soon after Lan Xichen turns twenty as possible. It’ll be a little scary to have his life change so radically, but it’s be exciting as well.

A commotion on the training grounds quickly brings Nie Huaisang’s attention back to the present. Everyone has dropped what they were doing and gathered around Nie Mingjue who apparently returned early from his business in Qinghe. This is already odd since he’d said it would take him all day, but odder still is the dark look on his face.

“All Night Hunts are cancelled until new orders,” Nie Mingjue announces as his brother comes closer. “No trips home. No leaving the Unclean Realm at all unless I have personally approved it.”

Murmurs run through the assembled disciples, but nobody dares ask questions. It’s easy enough to guess that it has something to do with Qishan Wen, since things have been growing so tense after that Discussion Conference. Still, when his brother walks away, Nie Huaisang follows him, worried about this new development.

“You’re not going to Lanling,” Nie Mingjue says before Nie Huaisang can even open his mouth. “You’re not going anywhere. I’m going to assign people to stay with you at all times from now on.”

“Did something happen?”

Nie Mingjue doesn’t answer, but motions for his brother to follow him into the nearest building, an armoury. After checking that it is currently empty, Nie Mingjue sets silencing talismans on the door. Watching him take such precautions, Nie Huaisang’s anxiety grows.

“Is it war?” he asks.

“Not yet, but it’s coming,” Nie Mingjue grunts, sitting down on a chest so quickly it feels more as if he collapsed. “Huaisang, they’ve burned the Cloud Recesses some days ago.”

Nie Huaisang’s legs give away under him, and he barely manages to go sit with his brother, all strength having left him.

“Xichen and Wangji…” he starts, only to find he can’t even ask that question without choking.

“I don’t know,” Nie Mingjue admits, pulling his brother into a tight hug. “I’ve not been able to get a clear picture of what happened yet. It’s possible that Lan Qiren and Qingheng-Jun have been wounded, but I don’t know how severely. My informant said that Lan Wangji was taken to Nightless City along with some other disciples of the sect. Nothing’s known yet about Xichen.”

Cold seizes Nie Huaisang, making it near impossible to breathe as he tries to realise how everything has suddenly changed. He buries himself against his brother’s chest, clinging to him like a lifeline. That desperation is mirrored in how tightly Nie Mingjue holds him back, as if Nie Huaisang might be taken from him if he let go for even a moment.

This fear turns to reality the very next day when an envoy arrives from Nightless City, demanding that twenty Nie disciples be sent there to be properly educated in cultivation, one of which has to be from the Nie clan itself. Although there are distant cousins that could fit that description, the instant Nie Huaisang hears that message, he knows that it means him. To send anyone else would be an act of open rebellion.

While the Wen messenger is given a room to rest, the Nie council discuss what to do. It is jarring to Nie Huaisang to hear himself discussed as if he weren’t here, nothing but an asset, a pawn to be kept or sacrificed. Hearing how many of the elders are perfectly willing to let him become a hostage is a slap in the face, but ultimately not such a surprise. He’s a second son, and one born of a lesser union at that, so being used like this is to be expected. It’s not so different from the way he ended up engaged to Lan Xichen, although this time the risks are much higher.

If the Cloud Recesses hadn’t just been attacked, the situation would be different. Their strategy was always that Qinghe would be at the forefront of the upcoming war, with Gusu used as a secondary base. Now though, Nie Huaisang realises that they might well be back to the situation they were in before his engagement, without allies to count on. There’s no telling in what state the Cloud Recesses are, how bad the damage, how many people are still standing. All they know for sure is that Lan Wangji is already an hostage, and that doesn’t bode well for Gusu Lan’s current strength.

Nie Huaisang sees how torn his brother is on the subject, how much Nie Mingjue doesn’t want to send him to an uncertain fate, and he’s grateful for that.

But they all have a role to play in what’s about to happen, and this is his. If putting himself in danger can give his brother the time he needs to gather his forces, check on old allies and make new ones…

Second sons are always sacrificable.

The Nie disciples are the first hostages to arrive at the training camp, and it quickly becomes obvious that the Wens have rushed when organising for this. Living spaces are still being prepared for the vast numbers of youth being brought in, and for a least half a shichen they're made to stand around because nobody knows where to send them, nor do they think at first of searching them for hidden weapons. It all gives Nie Huaisang the impression that maybe this whole thing wasn’t as carefully planned as his brother’s council believed.

Since nobody really knows what to do with them, the Nies are thrown in with the Lans in an empty storage building while waiting for things to be ready for them. Although they are ordered not to chat, Nie Huaisang all but runs to Lan Wangji’s side the instant he sees him. He can’t help it, not when his friend is one of several Lan disciples sitting on the floor, looking pale and exhausted in a way Nie Huaisang has never seen him before, not even after that disastrous Night Hunt in Caiyi.

After exchanging a look with Nie Fangjie who comes to stand in front of them to block the guards' view, Nie Huaisang kneels down next to Lan Wangji. His friend glances at him but doesn't react.

"What happened?" Nie Huaisang whispers as low as he can. "Mingjue says you were attacked?"

Lan Wangji looks away but nods, almost imperceptibly.

"Your brother?"

"Ran," Lan Wangji sighs, barely more than a breath. "They wanted us to burn our library. Brother saved what he could."

It's a relief to hear that Lan Xichen hasn't been killed. Nie Huaisang doesn't relax by any means, but he feels a little steadier knowing his fiancé is still alive. Still, that means Lan Xichen is on the run, possibly pursued by Wen cultivators. He is skilled enough that he should be able to defeat almost any enemy, although there's a big difference between fighting monsters and living humans. Nie Huaisang has often heard other Nie disciples say it takes a certain mindset to turn cultivation skills against another person. Hopefully, Lan Xichen will manage it, if it comes to that.

"Your uncle ?" Nie Huaisang asks.

"Fine." Lan Wangji hesitates, and glances toward the Wen guards who don't seem to have noticed their conversation. "My father…"

"He's wounded?"

A weak nod, and Lan Wangji looks so worried. It makes Nie Huaisang feel a little guilty because he wouldn't have thought to ask about Qingheng-Jun. He's so little around that it's easy to forget he's still sect leader, in theory.

"And you?"

Lan Wangji shrugs ever so slightly, even though they're something off about his posture that screams he's unwell. Between the normal stubbornness of the Lans, Lan Wangji’s own pride, and the fact the Wens must have ordered him to stay quiet about what happened, Nie Huaisang isn't sure how to extract the truth from him.

That problem is solved by another Lan disciple coming to kneel next to Nie Huaisang.

"They broke his leg," the boy explains. "We're taking turns helping him heal when they're not looking, but none of us have been properly trained in that."

Lan Wangji glares at the disciple for telling on him, but the other boy doesn't seem phased by it. He's not a Lan proper, judging by his plain ribbon, so it's kind of impressive that he's not trembling before Lan Wangji.

"Thanks, hm…"

"Su She," the other boy says, in a tone that makes it clear Nie Huaisang should have already known that. He does look familiar. "Do you have any medicine?"

"No, they confiscated everything. What does he need?"

"Something to speed up the healing process," Su She assesses. "If it helps with the pain as well, good, because I doubt they'll go easy on any of us."

"I'm fine," Lan Wangji protests, sounding offended.

Su She rolls his eyes, clearly unimpressed with the second young master of his sect. Just for that, Nie Huaisang kinds of like him.

"I'll see if I can ask for medication," Nie Huaisang says. "Maybe if it's not a Lan it will work."

When he stands up, Su She does the same and follows him, a little more closely than necessary but he looks so worried that Nie Huaisang allows it.

"Don't be like that, he'll be fine," he tells the other boy. "Those Lan clan boys look all willowy and delicate but they're tough."

"I hope so," Su She mutters. "He's the only hostage of value from our sect. If he dies, I'm not sure they'll bother keeping the rest of us."

It's a remark which sends shivers down Nie Huaisang’s spine. He's been so busy worrying about his own safety that he didn't even take a second to consider that of the other disciples. To make it worse, knowing Nie Mingjue, there's a good chance he asked the other boys to keep him safe. Their lives could depend on his capacity to stay out of trouble. It's terrifying, and it makes Nie Huaisang want to stay away from the Wens, but he can't. Lan Wangji really needs medicine.

Nie Huaisang takes a deep, calming breath, puts on his most innocent smile, and slowly approaches the Wen guards watching over them.

"Honoured hosts, may I make a small request?" he asks. "Someone here is wounded and needs a doctor, is there any chance one might be fetched?"

“Nobody is to be given any help,” the older of the two guards snaps. “If anyone got wounded it’s due to their unacceptable behaviour or their lack of skill. Either way, a lesson must be learned.”

“Ah! I knew he had to have deserved it!” Nie Huaisang exclaims. He doesn’t like this, doesn’t like working with enemies, but Lan Wangji is unwell and they’re all probably going to be here for a while. Days if they’re lucky. Months or even years if they’re not. Nie Huaisang has to do something about that. “What did he do?”

“He attacked Wen gongzi!” the second guard reveals, earning a gasp from Nie Huaisang and a glare from his colleague.

“What an idiot!” Nie Huaisang splutters, before pressing a hand against his mouth. “Sorry, I just mean… first it’s stupid in general to do that, but what, did he think he’d win?”

The younger guard snorts, while his slightly older colleague scowls at Nie Huaisang and orders him away. It wouldn’t pay to insist right now, when everything is so uncertain and there’s no certainty these guards are going to still be around them once they’ve been moved to their true living quarters. He’ll have to try again later to see if they can be mellowed. The younger one seems an easier target, but it’s the other one who has authority, so he’s the one to win over.

He can do this. If he’s befriended Jin Zixuan, he can befriend anyone, even Wen guards who wouldn’t hesitate to murder him and everyone else in this room.

“What are you doing?” Nie Fangjie hisses at him when he rejoins the other Nie disciples.

“My best,” Nie Huaisang retorts, trying to recall every encounter he's ever had with Wen cultivators to decide how to win them over. “It’s all I can ever do.”

In the days that follow, more people keep arriving. It’s a comfort of sorts to be reunited with Jin Zixuan, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, because if there’s any physical danger, they can take care of it. Sure their swords too have been taken away upon arriving in Nightless City, but they’re all strong fighters so they can manage without. At the same time, the three of them are so damn proud that they keep getting on Wen Chao’s nerves, who has been put in charge of this indoctrination camp. Wei Wuxian in particular really needs to learn to shut up, although Jin Zixuan is hardly any better. Nie Huaisang likes him a lot, but at the moment it really shows that he’s used to being spoiled by his parents and has never been through anything rougher than his stay in Gusu before this.

While his friends get themselves in trouble, Nie Huaisang does his best to fraternise with the men who guard their living quarters. It seems hopeless at first because those Wens are well trained and fear their masters. But a lifetime in Qinghe Nie has taught him nobody is ever as tough as they try to look, and day after day, Nie Huaisang erodes their barriers until one night one of them makes a comment against Gusu Lan in front of him. That’s a subject on which Nie Huaisang has a lot of experience complaining, so he starts describing how awful the food is there. The guards refuse to believe some of his descriptions, swearing he has to be exaggerating, but Nie Huaisang insists, going so far as to offer to cook a certain dish for them since he found the recipe once. They’re laughing as they send him back to his disciples. It feels like a victory.

Two days later, Nie Huaisang faints while returning from a Night Hunt organised by Wen Chao, and pitifully begs one guard if he really can’t have something to help him get better. He cries a few tears as he explains how his weak golden core won’t let him heal properly. He cries again when the man does bring him a few pills which he shares with Lan Wangji the first chance he gets.

“That wasn’t necessary,” Lan Wangji scolds him, though he does take the medicine. “They will think you’re weak now.”

“I am weak. Might as well use it. Listen, I’m keeping the rest for now but I’ll give you more tomorrow, ok? We’re going to get you back to health, I swear!”

That same day, Nie Huaisang finds himself giving another pill to someone else, a boy who was whipped half to death by Wen Chao for getting mud on his robes and made an example of. The next day, another pill goes to Lan Wangji, and the fourth again to that other boy. While treating him, Nie Huaisang gets asked by someone else if he can also treat one of their friends who was wounded during the latest Night Hunt. He already only has seven pills left.

Nie Huaisang suddenly realises how precious these are, and how he can’t give them away as easily as he'd like. He has to decide who to treat and who must keep suffering because there’s no knowing when he’ll get medicine again... and what if he gives away his last pill right before someone really needs it? The shock of that realisation rattles him to his core, making him want to crumble and cry. Instead he politely declines the cry for help from that boy whose friend should be fine again in a few days. He also stores in a corner of his mind the horror and helplessness of this responsibility he never asked for.

It’ll be a useful feeling to remember if he ever needs to cry on command.

Even with careful rationing, the pills slowly go away. Lan Wangji is healing, but not as well as he could be because Wen Chao always finds ways to make him use his leg and put weight on it. All the pills can do at this point is prevent the bone from breaking again.

One afternoon, a girl comes and asks him to help her mistress. Her sect is one of the few that sent girls, because it’s so small it couldn’t get twenty people otherwise. To make it worse, the sect leader only had a daughter to send, since his son is far too young. That daughter got on the wrong side of Wang Lingjiao, and had her back whipped over some invented offence.

“She has a weak golden core,” Luo Qingyang explains. “We’re trying to heal her, but Wang Lingjiao keeps finding excuses to stop us. She’s decided that Wen Chao was flirting with our mistress and she wants to make sure it won’t happen again.”

Nie Huaisang winces. Wang Lingjiao and Wen Chao really found each other. Maybe she’s the one he should have married, instead of his poor wife who has been sent back to her family with her baby (guard talks, they like gossip, and Nie Huaisang listens to everything because someday he’ll go home and something might be useful to Nie Mingjue). Nie Huaisang only has two pills left, but it's fine. They're going on another Night Hunt tomorrow, he'll just have to make himself faint again. It's easy when you know how.

He gives Luo Qingyang a pill, in exchange for which she gives him a little sachet of fragrant herbs.

“It doesn’t really do much,” she says with an apologetic smile. “But it’ll keep the bugs away.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Neither do you,” Luo Qingyang cuts him. “But since you’re doing it… at least, now you can avoid mosquito bites.”

It’s such a small thing, but Nie Huaisang accepts the sachet as if it were the more precious thing in the world. The herbs inside smell so nice while the sachet itself is prettily embroidered, and after a few weeks in this stupid camp, he's just desperate to have something pleasant.

The location of their next Night Hunt is a place called Dusk Creek Mountain. It is neither more nor less unpleasant to look at than the other Night Hunting spots Wen Chao has taken them to, yet there’s something in the air that unsettles Nie Huaisang. It might just be that the Wens are particularly excited this time, making him fear that they’re after something a little bigger than the previous creatures they’ve been sent after. He gets a little fearful when Wen Chao reveals that they are to look for a cave. Nie Huaisang doesn’t go Night Hunting if he has a choice, but he’s heard stories and generally, caves never bring anything good. To make it worse, the forced walk to Dusk Creek Mountain has undone much of the progress they’d managed in healing Lan Wangji’s leg, to the point that even other people were starting to notice.

“Is it true what they say?” Jin Zixuan asks Nie Huaisang as they walk side by side, supposedly looking for that blasted cave but actually observing Lan Wangji who on top of everything else is now being bothered by Wei Wuxian.

“People say a lot of things,” Nie Huaisang carefully replies, checking around that no Wens are close enough to hear.

“They say Sect Leader Lan and Lan Xichen have been killed,” Jin Zixuan whispers. “At first I didn’t think that was possible because Lan Wangji didn’t look so bad, but now…”

“Nobody knows for sure what’s up with them,” Nie Huaisang cuts him dryly. “Not even Wangji. Don’t listen to rumours like that, and don’t spread them either.”

His fists clench at his sides, and he’s forced to look away from Lan Wangji. After a short moment, Jin Zixuan puts one hand on his shoulder and stares at him with what can only be called pity.

Back during that conference in Nightless City, Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen got a little careless with kissing, and so the others caught them like that. Wei Wuxian teased them mercilessly, Jiang Cheng scolded them for doing something like that in public (even though they’d found a very nice and quiet little spot where nobody should have found them), and Jin Zixuan… Jin Zixuan’s reaction had been the worst. He’d looked at Nie Huaisang with understanding, as if guessing something that Nie Huaisang himself hadn’t been quite ready to face yet. He still isn’t ready to face it. He’s not sure there’s anything left to face, because if Lan Xichen is dead…

Nie Huaisang takes a deep breath, and pushes that thought away, as he’s done countless times since first hearing about the burning of the Cloud Recesses. He’ll worry about that the day there’s real news. Until then, it’s best not to think about it at all.

Thankfully, the cave’s entrance is found soon after, giving Nie Huaisang something a little more concrete to worry about. Crawling underground and looking for some unknown beast leaves little time to think about anything but the situation at hand. Since Jin Zixuan went his own way by being one of the first ones to enter the cave to avoid talking to Wen Chao, Nie Huaisang mostly sticks with the other disciples of his own sect as they fearfully try to hunt a prey they know nothing about.

When they reach a dark underground lake and still find no trace of any beast, Wen Chao loses patience and decides to bleed someone to use as bait. Nie Huaisang tenses and fights an impulse to hide behind Nie Fangjie. It’s not going to be him, he’s too valuable as a hostage, but… but Wen Chao doesn’t always make the smartest of decisions, and Nie Huaisang is definitely one of the weakest cultivators present, which their ‘host’ has noticed and made fun of more than once.

In the end though, Wen Chao’s mistress picks someone else as the offered bait.

It’s the girl from the other day, the one who begged for medicine and gave him that little sachet of herbs. The situation would be awful anyway, but the fact that they chatted once makes it somewhat personal. But just like with the pills, Nie Huaisang finds himself forced to calculate the worth of another person’s suffering. This girl will be hurt and she might die from being used as bait. In fact, it’s likely Wang Lingjiao will do her best to get her killed. But anyone who tries to intercede will likely be killed as well, and they might not even get to save her.

It’s made worse by the fact that while Nie Huaisang himself can’t do anything, he knows exactly how to get the other Nies to intervene. They are sworn to protect him, so if he puts himself in harm’s way, they will fight for him and for that girl. He could try to save her. He could get his disciples killed one after the other just to feel like a hero.

To Nie Huaisang’s relief and horror, Luo Qingyang finds protection behind Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan who stand firm before Wen Chao, forcing Nie Huaisang to go through the entire choice of whether to intervene all over again. The life of a stranger against the lives of his brother’s disciples was a hard thing to decide. The life of two of his closest friends, or the disciples? In either case he’s going to lose people who are his, and that’s unbearable.

When Wen Chao sends his disciples to attack Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji, the choice becomes obvious. Nie Huaisang launches himself to join the Jin and Lan disciples defending their young masters, followed by his own disciples.

It's not so hard at first. It's remarkably similar to his training sessions with Nie Zonghui, especially since he had started learning how to deal with armed adversaries. If he ignores the killing intent of their adversaries, everything is fine, it’s just like training.

Everything is fine.

Until Jin Zixuan, exhausted by the long trek to the mountain and struggling to fight without a weapon, doesn’t notice one Wen disciple ready to stab him in the back. Nie Huaisang moves without thinking, and strikes without restraining his strength as he normally does. There's a sickening crack when his hand makes contact with the man’s chest, bones caving in under the force of the impact. The man falls, twitches a few seconds, then stops moving entirely.

Even though the fighting continues all around, Nie Huaisang stares at the body. At the corpse, he slowly realises. He realises, also, that he knows that Wen disciple, as he is (was) among those to guard the hostages in Qishan. Nie Huaisang has laughed with this man and done his best to befriend him, only to now have killed him. He’s done this, he’s killed someone, and…

Jin Zixuan bends over the corpse to steal his sword, then turns to Nie Huaisang to grasp his shoulder and shake him lightly.

“Focus!” he orders. “It was him or me, you had no choice.”

“But he’s…”

“You’ll die as well if you don’t focus,” Jin Zixuan hisses. “You’ll think about it later, for now keep fighting!”

Nie Huaisang nods weakly and gets back to a fighting stance, pretending he cannot see the man on the ground. He’ll deal with this later. He’ll deal with so many things later. He doesn’t want later to ever arrive.

Not long after, Wei Wuxian manages to get a hold of Wen Chao and for a brief moment, Nie Huaisang tells himself that it’s over. They’re the only with a hostage now, they can leave this cave, they can maybe even go home and take Wen Chao with them, reversing the situation somewhat. It's his the first glimmer of hope in weeks.

It gets ruined when an enormous monster of a turtle emerges from the lake and starts attacking all of them indifferently, when Wen Chao manages to escape from Wei Wuxian, when the Wen flee from the cave and trap the rest of them in the dark to be either devoured by the monster or die of starvation. Nie Huaisang can only share in the general hopelessness until Lan Wangji speaks of a way out, soon supported in that assessment by Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng.

While a plan is formed for an escape, Nie Huaisang can do nothing more than to follow along. He’s lucky enough to be among the people who can swim, thanks to his stay in Lotus Piers a few months before, so he ends up helping a few wounded people get to the hole in the lake through which they are set to escape. Still he’s not the strongest of swimmers, and the underwater route is just long enough that his lungs are burning from lack of air by the time he breaks the surface outside. He helps those with him to reach firm ground, then returns to the water alongside Jin Zixuan so they can give a hand as more and more people get out. After a long while, Jiang Cheng too appears, holding three boys who look a little worse for wear.

“Where are Wangi and Wuxian?” Nie Huaisang asks, surprised not to see them in what should have been the last batch of people escaping.

“Still inside,” Jiang Cheng grunts. “They were fighting the monster, I’ll try to go back for them. Check on the wounded, see what can be done for them. Do you still have any of your pills?”

“I gave the last one to Wangji yesterday,” Nie Huaisang confesses, horrified that his worst fear has come true. “His leg was causing him so much pain he could barely walk, I didn’t know, I couldn’t guess…”

Jiang Cheng huffs and shrugs, taking only a moment to rest before he dives again. Feeling guilty that he squandered those precious few pills before they had a chance to be really useful, Nie Huaisang starts looking at the other people. Some seem perfectly healthy, having stayed out of the fight with the Wens and out of range of the monster turtle. Others have serious wounds, which their friends are trying to treat as best as they can when nobody has much energy to spare. Luo Qingyang goes from group to group, offering the last of her scented sachets and explaining that they contain some herbs that might at least soothe the pain and keep the wounds clean, if nothing else. Nie Huaisang tries to do the same with the one she gifted him, if only to feel a little more useful.

Before too long, Jiang Cheng leaves the water, still alone, looking deathly pale, and calls for Nie Huaisang and Jin Zixuan who promptly join him.

“The exit is blocked,” he announces in a pained voice. “Something must have collapsed inside the cave. They’re trapped.”

At the news, Nie Huaisang nearly collapses.

“Is there any way to reopen the passage? If we all work together, maybe…”

“Not with the state everyone is in,” Jin Zixuan cuts him, so cold and detached that Nie Huaisang wants to punch him in the face. “And the Wens might be guarding the other exit, even if we reached it. In fact, we’d probably do well not to linger in these woods too long. Wen Chao’s pride took a severe blow and I doubt he’s going to learn forgiveness in the coming hours.”

"We can't abandon them!"

"We won't," Jiang Cheng retorts. "What's the nearest sect from here? I'll run and get help there."

After some head scratching, they figure that actually, Gusu Lan is the nearest from this mountain. But after quickly asking the Lan disciples present, Jiang Cheng decides that it's too risky to go there when the entire place might have been destroyed. For all they know, these boys are the only Lan disciples still standing. The second nearest place is Lotus Piers, and while it's further away, that has the advantage that Jiang Cheng will easily get the help he needs. Without losing a moment more, Jiang Cheng and the other Jiang disciples set out toward home, leaving the others to fend for themselves.

What to do next pauses a bit of a problem. There's a very real risk that Wen Chao might hunt them down and attempt to kill them if they don't swear secrecy. It would be easy to then say those who refused to cooperate just died during the Night Hunt. These things happen, and most sects are ready to turn a blind eye to avoid a war.

"I can take some people into my father's territory," Jin Zixuan whispers to Nie Huaisang as they try to decide what to do. "But only if their sect has an alliance with Lanling. In these circumstances, my father is sure to find some excuse to refuse entrance to anyone else if it can avoid offending the Wens."

"My brother will take anyone, I think," Nie Huaisang replies. "But Qinghe is pretty far and some of them are badly wounded, they wouldn't make it." He pauses and looks around at the people around them, waiting for their decision. Since they are from the bigger sects, everyone seems to have decided they're in charge. Nie Huaisang hates it, but it can't be helped and he'll do his best. "What if we pulled a little deception on your father?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Anyone who's badly wounded gets passed as a clan allied to yours. It's just a matter of switching robes. No offence, but I don't think your father has ever looked at a junior disciple from his own sect, let alone others. It will work."

Jin Zixuan readily agrees, clearly sharing his friend's view of his father on that matter.

The hardest part of that plan, it turns out, is convincing those who aren't wounded to give up a chance to go home quickly. Nie Huaisang begs and pleads in favour of the wounded, but what really convinces everyone is seeing the better off Lans give away their still impeccable robes and offer them to those who are unwell, then putting on their other's dirty, bloodied garbs. Gusu Lan is not formally an ally of Lanling Jin, but its reputation is such that Jin Guangshan wouldn't dare to turn them away, not even after what the Wens did to it. After this, disciples of other sects feel shamed into helping as well.

Once everyone is dressed, Jin Zixuan heads one way with the wounded and whoever still gets to come along, while Nie Huaisang and the rest go another way.

It's an awfully long trek home. They start out with a lot of people, but as they travel north toward Qinghe, some people break off from the group as they pass through their sect's territory. Others don't dare do that, no matter how close to home they get, fearful of what the Wen might do in reaction to what happened and hoping the Unclean Realm will offer more protection. War is coming, Nie Huaisang can feel it. He tries not to think about it. Like everything else he pushes the thought aside and focus on the task at hand, on getting all these people to safety.

By the time they get there at last, over two weeks have passed. It would have taken longer if they hadn't been cultivators, and thus capable of walking faster and longer than regular people, but for the first time in his life, Nie Huaisang wishes he'd had his sabre. Then the journey would have been over in just a few days.

As soon as they pass the borders of Qinghe Nie's territory, the freed hostages are found and welcomed by a party of Nie cultivators led by Nie Mingjue himself. Everyone is led to a temporary camp, given food and water, checked for wounds and generally cared for.

"Your friend Jin Zixuan sent a message you'd be arriving," Nie Mingjue explains when his brother falls into his arms, the two of them holding each other as tight as they can. "Two days more and I'd have gone looking even into Wen territory."

"Zixuan made it?"

"Hm. And the Jiangs were able to rescue Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, they're both home."

The relief is so intense that Nie Huaisang’s legs give away. He'd fall to his knees if his brother's grasp on him weren't so strong. Everything is fine, everyone he cares about is alive and well.

Almost everyone.

"What about Xichen? Did you get news? It's been two months, he must have come home now, right?"

Even before his brother answers, Nie Huaisang feels the way Nie Mingjue’s arms tighten around him, feels his brother's heart racing in his chest.

"Nothing yet," Nie Mingjue whispers. "But his father passed away not long after you all escaped, so he's sure to return soon."

"And if he doesn't?" Nie Huaisang asks, nearly a whimper. "Mingjue what if he's…"

"He'll come back," his brother cuts him. "So stop worrying, come eat something, and tell me what happened."

Nie Huaisang obeys, as best as he can, but food tastes of nothing and gets stuck in his throat.

Two months is too long without news.

Once all the escaped disciples are fed and rested, Nie Mingjue takes all of them back to the Unclean Realm and sends messages to their sects so they know they are safe and can be picked up.

The war hasn’t started yet, but its shadow grows ever darker over their heads. All it will take now is a spark. Nie Huaisang thought the incident at Dusk Creek Mountain might be enough, but the smaller sects are still unsure about opposing Qishan Wen even after this, while Lanling Jin and Yunmeng Jiang seem to cling to the hope that things won’t go that far. Nie Mingjue is both disappointed and angry at Jin Guangshan and Jiang Fengmian, and he doesn’t hesitate to let it be known during his councils, often using swear words Nie Huaisang didn’t even know existed.

It shouldn’t be a surprise though. Nie Mingjue’s council, made up of men the same age as the other sect leaders or older, are also begging him not to be too hot-headed because wars are easy to start and difficult to end. It annoys him and, to a lesser degree, it annoys Nie Huaisang that what he and the others went through, what happened to the Cloud Recesses, still isn’t enough to justify rising against the Wens.

He wonders, more than a few times, if anything will ever be enough or if these old men will keep making excuses until one day they all wear the red of Qishan Wen.

The answer to that question comes sooner than Nie Huaisang would have liked, and more brutally too.

It starts with a messenger running into the Unclean Realm at sunrise, demanding to see Nie Mingjue immediately. A quarter of a shichen later, an emergency council is called to which Nie Huaisang, for once, is not invited, mostly because it’s too early for him to be awake. That council goes on and on for over half the day, without even a break for food or tea. It gets worrying enough that Nie Huaisang gives up on doing anything else that day and just sits by the door of the throne room, waiting to hear the news. He could go to his secret alcove and find out. He doesn’t. However much he wants to know what’s happening, he’s also terrified by it. Something, he feels, is about to change.

It is mid-afternoon when the door to the throne room opens and the council members exit in silence. They don’t look at Nie Huaisang. They don’t even look at one another, their faces turned to dark masks as they all go their separate ways with resigned determination. Nie Huaisang waits until the last of them has gone before he barges into the room, barely taking the time to close the door behind him before turning his gaze on his brother, and…

Something is wrong.

Nie Mingjue is sitting on his throne, resting his hand on his chin, his eyes glassy and distant. He doesn’t turn to look at his brother, not even when Nie Huaisang hesitantly walks closer. He looks.

He looks so old.

A bit like he did after their father fell into a sleep from which he’d never wake again, forcing his eldest son to bear a weight he wasn’t prepared for. Nie Mingjue looks too old, and he looks too young.

Nie Huaisang doesn’t need to ask. There’s only one thing that could put his brother in such a state.

He asks anyway.

“Is it happening?”

“Yes,” Nie Mingjue whispers, refusing to look at his brother. “It can’t be avoided anymore. This is war.” In a way, Nie Huaisang has spent his entire life waiting to hear these words. He thought he was prepared for them. They still shock him.

This is war.

“What decided it, in the end?” he asks.

Nie Mingjue, slowly, turns his eyes to his brother, his sorrow deepening in a way Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have thought possible.

"Lotus Piers has been destroyed."

Nie Huaisang stops breathing for a second and stares at his brother. He can’t have heard that right. It can’t be true. He doesn’t want it to be true.

"Did… did Jiang Wanyin and Wei Wuxian… Th-They made it out, right?"

Nie Mingjue's face hardens as he shakes his head.

"Huaisang. There are no survivors. The Wens killed everyone, even the children and elderly. There’s no more Yunmeng Jiang."

Nie Huaisang can’t breathe. When his brother opens his arms, he can only run to him and let himself be pulled on Nie Mingjue’s lap like he’s six again and needs to be held after a nightmare.

“I’m sorry,” Nie Mingjue whispers, clinging to him too tight, almost hurting him. “I’m sorry, it shouldn’t have happened, we should have attacked them first, we should have attacked when they burned the Cloud Recesses, I’m sorry.”

Breaking into tears, Nie Huaisang nods, then shakes his head. It shouldn’t have happened. It can’t have happened. Jiang Cheng is his best friend, and he likes Wei Wuxian a lot as well, and they’re so brave and so strong, they can’t be dead. He doesn’t want them to be dead. It’s unfair that they are dead.

“Qinghe is about to get too dangerous,” Nie Mingjue sighs. “I’m sending you away to Gusu.”

The words are like a lightning strike. Nie Huaisang startles and tears himself away from his brother’s embrace so abruptly that he falls on the floor.

“No, I’m staying!” he cries out. “Let me stay, I can help! I’ll fight too if you want, I’ll train at the sabre for real, I’ll do whatever you want! Don’t make me go away!”

“That’s not up for negotiations, Huaisang.”

“Then somewhere else! Lanling is going to join us, right? Maybe I can go there?”

“We don’t know yet what Lanling will do. Jin Guangshan probably won’t pick a side until he’s certain of the winner. You’re going to the Cloud Recesses, they're our allies.”

“Don't send me to Gusu," Nie Huaisang begs, the very idea making him nearly sick. To be there again, without Jiang Cheng, without Lan Xichen… "Anywhere but there, I can't go there!"

Nie Mingjue looks exhausted, enough so that Nie Huaisang nearly feels guilty for throwing a tantrum and adding to his brother’s troubles. But he cannot return to the Cloud Recesses, not like this, not if there isn’t anybody there to wait for him. Nie Mingjue sighs and grabs him by the arm, pulling both of them to their feet.

"The Wens think it's out of commission,” he explains in a wearied voice. “It's unlikely to be attacked again, especially if the rest of us band together and bring the front lines to them.” Nie Mingjue hesitates. “It'll also be the first place to know if Lan Xichen re-emerges."

Nie Huaisang starts crying again.

"It'll be the first to know also if he's dead," he whispers. "I don't… I don't want to know that. I can't… If he's dead, I never want to know."

"Huaisang, that's not…"

"I think I'm in love with him," he sobs, tears flowing down his cheeks. "No, I don’t think, I'm sure of it. Mingjue, I love him and he's probably dead and I can never tell him and… I don't want him to be d-dead, I want him to come b-back and I want us t-to get married and, and, and I miss him, and he's d-dead, and Wanyin is dead t-too, and, and…"

He starts choking on his tears at the realisation that his two favourite people are gone. He's never again going to chat with Jiang Cheng or pester him just for the fun of it, they're never going to train together again or to spend time reading side by side in silence. And Lan Xichen… They've lost so much time, they had just started to really get along, and just when they'd finally learned to see each other, just when they were so close to be happy…

Nie Huaisang is no stranger to death, he saw his father agonise, he buried his own mother and his brother's, but this hits differently. He was so young for their mothers' deaths, and he never was close to his father. He doesn't remember it hurting so much back then. He doesn't remember this terror that it's only the beginning, that more people are going to die soon, that he might lose everything and he's powerless to stop it.

It could be Lan Wangji or Jin Zixuan next.

It could be Nie Mingjue.

His tears double until he's drowning in them, until the only thing keeping him afloat is his brother’s tight hold on him.

This war hasn't even started yet, and it has already taken so much from him.

The next day, Nie Huaisang sets out for Gusu, a few older disciples coming with him for his protection and carry him, since his sabre has never been returned. As he passes the gates, he notices a young man barely older than himself talking with the guards. Another new recruit, one a little older than would normally be preferred but desperate times call for desperate measures. Nie Mingjue had accepted men older than himself.

It almost makes Nie Huaisang smile when the young man proudly presents a recommendation letter and looks elated at hearing that the sect leader in person will meet him. He must be unaware of the war brewing, of the need to check for spies. Nie Huaisang envies him that innocence.

"Follow me, Meng Yao," he hears one of the guards say as he jumps on somebody's sabre, and envy turns to pity.

Nie Huaisang wants to grab that young man and tell him to run before he too gets crushed in the great horror that's coming.

He doesn't. His brother needs all the men he can get now that the worst has come to pass.

The Cloud Recesses have become a desolate place which Nie Huaisang would hate if he still had the energy for it. Some parts of it are nearly intact, such as most of the cabins for guest disciples, and the juniors and outer disciples' dorms. Others are nothing but rubble, like the houses of the main clan, the library, the armoury.

Even though he has been given plenty to do by Lan Qiren (juniors to oversee, letters to write, guests to welcomes… Everything he would have done someday as the sect leader's spouse) Nie Huaisang still finds time to wander those ruins daily, constantly amazed by the destruction around him.

Less than a year ago, he was sitting in the library, copying lines with Jiang Wanyin at his side because of some stupid idea Nie Huaisang had. Less than six months ago he was holding Lan Xichen's hand in his house and promising to kiss him if he won a contest.

Outside that same house, Nie Huaisang finds the tree on which Lan Xichen had attached that little bird feeder. Like so much around the main residence, it has been scorched. Some shards of the bowl are still scattered between the roots, so Nie Huaisang picks them up and brings them back to his room. It's stupid, and useless, but he wants to cling to anything that can remind him of Lan Xichen.

A little under two weeks after Nie Huaisang arrives in the Cloud Recesses, a rumour reaches them, saying not everyone in Lotus Piers died after all. Jiang Yanli, by luck, was with her mother's family when the attack happened and thus survived. A half dozen disciples, out on a Night Hunt at the time of the attack, have also survived by returning too late to help in the fight, and they have gone to join their young mistress to protect her. All this is known and certain. Where the rumour starts is when people say that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were somehow able to escape as the rest of their sect was slaughtered.

Nie Huaisang, at first, refuses to listen to such gossip. There is no way his friends would have abandoned their people like this, not even faced with certain death. They're not cowards like him.

Still, when Lan Qiren himself calls him one evening and confirms that they're both alive, although Wei Wuxian seems to have gone missing, Nie Huaisang has to believe it. The old teacher even seems worried for Wei Wuxian, in spite of the dislike between them. Nie Huaisang wishes he could be worried, or happy. Instead all he can think after hearing the good news is that this mess is just starting, and they’re still likely to die, so there’s little point in rejoicing.

When that thought hits him, Nie Huaisang realises that something isn’t quite right with him. Ever since arriving in the Cloud Recesses, he’s done little more than go through the motion of what’s expected of him. It’s not so different from the way he felt when he returned home some months ago, only made worse by everything that’s happening. He considers, briefly, asking Lan Qiren if he can play that song Lan Xichen used, the one that soothed him and helped him handle his worried a little better for a while.

He decides against it. He doesn't know the title, Lan Qiren is busy, and he doesn't want to hear it played by anyone who isn't Lan Xichen. Besides, misery is a companion like any others at this point. The only companion he has left, in fact.

After news of Jiang Cheng’s survival arrived, more and more rumours reach the Cloud Recesses. An alliance has been formed between the Great Sects with more and more small sects being drawn to their side, Wei Wuxian has been murdered and skinned and turned into a flag as warning, Lan Wangji is helping Jiang Cheng look for Wei Wuxian, Jiang Yanli is going to marry Lan Wangji, Jiang Yanli is going to marry Jin Zixuan, Wen Ruohan’s protégée Wen Qing is going to defect and marry Jiang Cheng, Jin Guangshan has been murdered by a Wen assassin, Jin Guangshan is threatening to betray the alliance and join the Wen…

Gossip is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses, yet it thrives in this place too far from the front where only whispers reach.

Nie Huaisang withdraws as much as he can, and stops listening. He does his job, teaches the younger juniors who haven’t been drafted to fight, smiles and commiserates with the people who come to beg for help against creatures and have to be turned away because nobody can be spared, smiles and acts as Lan Qiren’s secretary when they have more important guests.

He refuses to hear the rumours, refuses to let himself hope or despair.

All he can do is continue existing until all this is over and he’s free to feel again.

Night is falling on the Cloud Recesses and, hidden away inside the room given to him in the dorms, Nie Huaisang awaits the curfew bell. He does not intend to go to sleep, but knowing that time still passes around him brings a comfort of sorts.

Tonight, he is having a good evening. Sometimes he does nothing but lay in bed and wait for sleep to overtake him until dawn returns, but today Nie Huaisang actually has some energy to spare. He puts it in repairing that broken bird feeder he found when he just arrived in the Cloud Recesses, which might have been yesterday or ten years ago. It’s useless, there are pieces he never managed to find, but it’s calming in a way few things are lately.

A knock on his door startles Nie Huaisang so badly that he almost ruins his work by dropping the bowl. He stares at the door, unsure if he heard right. He can’t have heard right. Nobody ever really speaks with him except for Lan Qiren, but he wouldn’t come here at such an hour… not unless it’s important, in which case he wouldn’t bother knocking.

Nie Huaisang stares, and waits.

Just as he’s accepting that he must have dreamed that sound, it gets repeated, a little more urgently, a little louder.

“Come in,” Nie Huaisang orders, rising to his feet so that he can defend himself if his visitor has ill intentions.

It’s not an assassin that enters his room.

It’s a ghost dressed in white.

Nie Huaisang, for the first time in weeks, is overcome with emotion as he launches himself at Lan Xichen, heavy tears blurring his vision. His fiancé is almost knocked over when Nie Huaisang comes to hug him and he lets out a slightly pained gasp at being held too tight, but that’s fine. Ghosts don’t stumble, ghosts don’t breathe, ghosts aren’t warm enough to be felt even through layers of fine fabric. Ghosts don’t pet people’s hair. Ghosts don’t return hugs.

“I’m here,” Lan Xichen whispers into his hair. “It’s fine, I’m here.”

“I thought you were dead!” Nie Huaisang sobs, relief tainted with anger over the pain he did not need to feel since Lan Xichen is alive.

His fiancé’s arms pull him closer, and Nie Huaisang feels a brief kiss against his temple.

“I’m so sorry,” Lan Xichen says. “I assumed uncle would have told you. I should have guessed he wouldn’t, I should have asked him to do it. We were trying to keep it secret but I trust you, I know you wouldn’t have told anyone. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“I missed you,” Nie Huaisang whimpers, closing his eyes and pressing himself closer to his fiancé.

“I missed you too. I kept thinking of you. I was so worried when I heard about the indoctrination camp and about Dusk Creek Mountain. I’m so glad you’re fine. I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to you.”

“I thought you were dead,” Nie Huaisang says once more, the only thing he can think of.

Lan Xichen doesn’t reply, but continues petting Nie Huaisang’s hair and rubbing his back until, slowly, the other boy starts calming down. His tears dry up, he breathes more easily than he has in weeks, and he pulls back a little from the hug to look at Lan Xichen.

The older boy is thinner than last time they saw each other. Older, too, in some inexplicable way. Nie Huaisang can’t help feeling that something is different on his fiancé’s face, some sort of lingering sadness that wasn’t there before. It might be just tiredness since it is getting late, but Nie Huaisang doesn’t think it’s anything that easy to solve. It hasn’t been so long, but they’ve both been changed by those last few months.

“May I come inside?” Lan Xichen asks. “I want to talk to you about something. Well, I want to talk about… many things, really, but one of them must come first.”

Nie Huaisang releases Lan Xichen from the hug, only to immediately take his hand as he pulls him inside the room. It’s so good to be holding hands like this again. He didn’t think he’d ever get to do it again.

“I’ve talked with your brother about something,” Lan Xichen announces as he closes the door behind him. “It is a matter on which he said he had no strong opinion, but you might, and he thought we should let you have the final word. Whatever you decide, it will be so.”

His tone is… odd. Wrong. He sounds the way he does when he tries to hide, which is something Nie Huaisang thought they had put behind them. But so much has happened, of course Lan Xichen might need to fall back on old habits, at least a little, until things get better.

“Now you’re scaring me a little,” Nie Huaisang still says. “What is it I’m meant to decide?”

Lan Xichen lets go of his hand.

“I want to cancel our engagement.”

#xisang #worst engagement au #welcome to the chapter where it gets bad and then worse and then still worse #I have been very excited about this chapter since I first realised that the fic was going to be a bit more serious than my initial plans #also I think this chapter officially put the fic at 100K so like congrats to y'all for reading that monster #jau writes

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winifredsandersonsbitch · 5 years ago

Text

“Den Mom”

Warnings: season 7 spoilers, drinking, implied sex.

Description: If you’re going to have a bunch of teenage girls over at your house who are basically just biding their time until a battle that will determine the fate of the world, then you might as well make sure they have a little fun.

You’ve always wanted to be a camp counselor. This isn’t exactly it, but hey. You’re not complaining. You’ll participate in the good fight anyway you can, and if that means setting up movie nights and taking the potentials to the mall, then so be it. It’s Buffy’s job to train them, but you remember exactly how difficult it was for her to accept that she was the Slayer. It’s best, you think, to ease the girls into it.

That’s how you and Spike get into your first real fight since he came back with a soul.

You’ve been tender with each other recently, both of you trying to prove that you do in fact know how to have a semi-normal functional relationship. He’s been through so much for you, given up everything, so you’ve been as gentle as possible. The perfect doting partner.

Except in your haste to be a good den mom, you might’ve let a few things slip about your relationship.

“I can’t believe you told them that,” Spike repeats when you apologize. He’s stalking down the sidewalk with his stupid vampire speed, which means he’s about twice as fast as you and you’re forced to run after him like an idiot.

“I’m sorry! I thought you’d be proud! You used to terrorize Xander with the details, I didn’t think that you’d mind if I shared just a little—”

“A little?” he scoffs without turning around. “You gave them the whole bloody story! No one’s going to take me seriously in there! Especially not your sisters.”

“They already knew most of it!”

“That’s not the point!”

You have no doubt that the girls are leaning out the windows of the house, gathering on the front porch in an effort to hear the rest of this argument. The two of you are certainly being loud enough, although you’re almost all the way down the street now.

“Spike, I was only trying to have some fun with them. Teenage girls love gossip, especially about boys, and they’re so interested in you—”

The flattery gets you nowhere. He whirls around the corner and you let out a frustrated sigh. You’re almost certain he’s going to the graveyard, which has become your least favorite place over the years. You tolerated it when he had his own crypt—it even became kind of cozy—but now, there’s nothing there for you.

In your hesitation, you lose him. You fully consider going home. But after having all that girl talk about your relationship and the potentials telling you how lucky you are, you don’t especially want to face them after a fight that woke the whole block.

Still, it’s not safe for you to be out on your own. You always keep a stake and holy water in your jacket, but that won’t be enough if the First decides to send something after you. With this in mind, you hurry to Xander’s to ask if you can crash there for the night. Normally, you’d consider it rude to come over uninvited, but God knows he’s stayed over at the Summer’s residence enough times to rack up a bill.

It’s a weekend, and even in a town with as many dangers as Sunnydale, there are people out and about. Not many, but enough to make you feel a little safer. Whole crowds wouldn’t stop the First from trying something, but you’re comforted by the living. The Bronze is open and although it’s not as full as it once would’ve been, the music is good and people are dancing. It reminds you of better, easier days when the world ending could be solved by Buffy and Co. instead of an entire army that might not win anyway.

One drink, you tell yourself. You’ll hit the bar, grab something light-ish, and then be on your way.

“You here by yourself tonight?” the bartender asks when you sit down.

“Not for long,” you say, pulling out an emergency twenty. When he smiles, you backtrack, realizing how you must sound. “I mean–– Not like that. I’m not looking for anyone. I just wanted a quick drink.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Really.”

“It’s like the Hotel California in here. No one comes in for one anything.”

When he sets down your drink and moves on, you down it quickly. Determined to prove him wrong, you head for the door. Only–– the music tonight is so inviting and you’ve been so focused on the girls lately. You join the crowd on the floor before you’ve even made a conscious decision. Two, three, four songs later you’re sweaty and laughing as you finally exit back out into the cool night.

It’s late now. Xander might not even be awake. You’re willing to bet money that the girls will be, though, and you take the risk. Sunnydale is a small town. You know you can make it to the apartment in maybe ten minutes.

You’re feeling good about this decision and don’t even snap at the man who bumps you on the sidewalk, until he opens his mouth to reveal a nasty set of fangs.

“Excuse you.”

“You know what? Just for that, I’m going to bite you.”

He lunges at you, but you’ve already got the stake out of your jacket pocket and you slam it into his heart. It takes more muscle to do this than Buffy ever lets on, makes your wrist ache a little with the effort, but he’s dust soon enough. The vamp doesn’t concern you so much as your boyfriend, who stepped out of the shadows when things got rough.

Spike tries to retreat, but it’s too late. You wrinkle your nose at him.

“You followed me?” You put the stake back in your pocket and shake the cremation off yourself. “I thought you wanted your space.”

“That doesn’t mean I wanted you dead. You should’ve gone home.”

“I was going to stay at Xander’s.”

“It wasn’t enough to tell the girls all of our problems? You have to tell him, too?”

He’s poking the bear, but there’s no heat in his words, so you turn right around and resume your walk. You’re not taking the bait. If he wants to talk about this, then you can talk. Tomorrow.

“Stop following me. I can take care of myself. Obviously.”

There’s no response. If you spun around now, you wouldn’t see him. You wouldn’t hear his footsteps either. But you know he’s there. Spike’s never given up that easily.

“I wasn’t telling anyone our problems,” you mumble, more to yourself than to him, though you know he can hear you. “I wanted them to like me.”

The girls worship Buffy, even if they do think of her as a kind of demanding drill sergeant, and they hang out with Dawn. They all giggle over Spike and ask Willow all sorts of questions about witchcraft. But you worry that they think of you as the same stiff older sibling you’ve always been, the one who reminds them about lights out and takes requests for the grocery list and agonizes over money. You want them to have fun while they still can and you want to be part of that fun.

“You were bragging.” Spike appears next to you, light-footed as a cat, and you flinch. You’ve never gotten used to that and he knows it. “You wanted them to be impressed with you, so you used me.”

He’s actually preening, spiking up his hair with his hands and subtly flexing underneath all that jacket. You roll your eyes.

“That is not what I said.”

“It’s what you meant. You knew that they all had little crushes on me and you wanted to make them jealous, show them that you were at least cool enough to land me.”

“First of all, Kennedy is gay. Second, I was not trying to make them jealous! And if I was, then I would use my savings account, or my job, or my many skills and hobbies!”

You’ve quickened your pace and Spike matches it casually. When you get stuck at a stoplight, briefly considering jaywalking just to cut this torture short, he wraps his palm around your upper arm.

“No need to be embarrassed, love.”

He’s trying to get you to look at him, passing his thumb gently over the cloth of your jacket, allowing you to imagine what it would feel like on skin. You keep yourself focused on the destination, but you don’t pull away.

“I’m not.”

“I think you are, a little, but it’s all right.”

“I said I’m not.” You pivot to glare at him, but he catches you off guard with his eyes. He’s so clearly laughing at this, at you. You guess he has a right to. This time was your fault.

“Why don’t you come back to the house with me?” he asks after a minute or two have passed. “I guarantee I can make you more comfortable than Xander. And it’ll give the girls something to talk about, too.”

“You’re awful.”

“All you had to say was no.”

He heads back toward the cemetery in a dark flash and he’s halfway down the block before you call out, “Wait!”

#spike x reader #btvs #buffy season 7 #buffy the vampire slayer

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tiramisiyu · 4 years ago

Text

【未定事件簿】 Tears of Themis: Xia Yan’s Personal Story 3-11 Translation

Translation Masterlist | Xia Yan Masterlist | Video

Translated Chapter 3: 3-1 / 3-2 / 3-3 / 3-4 / 3-6 / 3-7 / 3-8 / 3-10 / 3-11 / 3-12 / 3-14

See below cut!

Little Alley

Xia Yan walked into that alley.

Xia Yan: I’m here. You can let Tian Xin go.

Meng Qishan whistled.

Meng Qishan: You finally came out, Sphinx.

Xia Yan: Wrong. I’m called Xia Yan, a detective.

Meng Qishan: No problem, no problem. I get it. No one’s willing to be truthful as soon as they step up.

Meng Qishan: Gotta properly “greet” them first.

As he spoke, he tapped the steel pipe in his hand.

Xia Yan: Oh?

With a beckon of Meng Qishan’s hand, he led the group into rushing at Xia Yan—

Xia Yan carelessly avoided the steel pipe striking down at his head with a flash of his body, then immediately made his move!

Bang bang bang – bang!

Within a few seconds, everyone had been knocked down onto the ground by Xia Yan. He used plastic zip-ties to bind the hands of those people behind their backs, after which he reached out and pulled Tian Xin up from the ground. He then turned his head around and nodded towards me. Only then did I run over to him.

MC: Tian Xin, you alright?

Tian Xin: Ahem ahem… I’m good.

There was a patch of pale purple on his face, and his clothes were also dirty. Xia Yan did a cursory inspection of Tian Xin’s wounds.

Xia Yan: They look like they’re all just skin-deep wounds, but it’s best if you go to the hospital for a checkup after.

Tian Xin: Many thanks. That, you two…?

Xia Yan: We’ll answer your questions later. First, we have to ask Meng Qishan about what he wants to do.

After he finished, Xia Yan looked towards Meng Qishan, knocked on the ground and still breathing hard.

Meng Qishan: Tch! Just gonna get shut up for a few days in jail. I’m not scared.

Tian Xin hesitated for a moment, then explained to Xia Yan quietly.

Tian Xin: Before, Feifei and I called the police, but Meng Qishan was very stubborn…

Xia Yan smiled. He lifted his hand, stopping Tian Xin’s words.

Xia Yan: Meng Qishan, you said earlier that, more than speculation, you’ve always preferred rougher methods.

Xia Yan: Actually, I’m sometimes like that too.

Xia Yan: Right, you also said that there’s no monitoring in this place, and the police won’t be able to find evidence, right?

As he spoke, he pulled at Meng Qishan’s shoulder, dragging him into a corner 10 metres in front of us. Tian Xin faced me hesitantly, and I sent a comforting smile at him.

Meng Qishan: Aaarghh--!

Tian Xin: That…

MC: Urgent matters require power to deal with it, and extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures.

After several miserable shouts in different tones, Meng Qishan was thrown out. Right after, Xia Yan strode out relaxedly from the corner.

Xia Yan: Now, we can chat nicely.

INTERROGATION START

Monitoring Tian Xin

Xia Yan: At the old school building, I’m very certain that no one was following us. You… must have hacked into Tian Xin’s phone, right?

MC: (If he monitored Tian Xin’s phone, he could use the phone’s receiver and microphone. Thus, they would have been able to hear Xia Yan’s and Tian Xin’s conversation at the old school building.)

Xia Yan: When did it start?

Meng Qishan: Two months ago.

Meng Qishan: Two months ago, I received an email, asking if I wanted to get revenge on Sphinx. At the beginning, I thought that it was someone trying to get info out of me. After all, lots of people suspected that my resignation from the detective profession was because of Sphinx.

Meng Qishan: But he spoke of Sphinx’s operation style, so I confirmed that he was like me – a victim of Sphinx.

MC: A term like “victim” coming out of your mouth really changes its meaning.

Xia Yan: Who sent the email?

Meng Qishan: I don’t know who he is. He called himself “Oedipus”.

Oedipus was exactly the person who solved Sphinx’s riddle in the myth. Then did the sender of the email want to hint with this that he definitely would defeat Sphinx?

Relation with Sphinx

Xia Yan: What’s your relation with Sphinx? Why do you want to find him?

Meng Qishan: Since you know about Sphinx, you must have heard of Sphinx’s riddles, right? He sent me riddles before, and I lost. He had me resign from the detective profession. I couldn’t resign myself to that, so I wanted to get revenue on him.

MC: Why did Sphinx send you riddles, and have you resign from the detective profession?

Meng Qishan: I don’t know. You both can search online. No one knows who Sphinx will seek out and challenge…

Xia Yan: It must have to do with your divorce case commission from before, right?

Meng Qishan’s complexion shifted instantly.

Xia Yan: That major loss of yours that time – does it have to do with Sphinx?

Meng Qishan: …

Meng Qishan sunk into silence for a moment, then ferociously spat out.

Meng Qishan: That’s right! It’s exactly because of him that I lost face like that!

As soon as this sentence left his mouth, Meng Qishan started to talk straightforwardly, as if he might as well.

Meng Qishan: At the beginning, when that woman said in court that the man was her male cousin, I thought that my luck was just bad. But not two days after, I received Sphinx’s message. He said that if I wanted to know what happened with everything, then I had to solve his riddle, so I went to solve his riddle.

Meng Qishan: Only at the end did I realize that all of this was his setup!

Meng Qishan: He even threatened me, saying that if I didn’t resign from the detective profession, he would make it even harder for me to keep going on after this!

Meng Qishan: Sphinx…

MC: (So that’s how it was. “Your every move is being watched by me.” This really is a “kill a person by killing their heart” method – no wonder the detectives he defeated all resigned from the profession and buried this matter.)

Crime Plan

Xia Yan: What was your plan with Oedipus?

Meng Qishan: There have been people who’ve imitated Sphinx online before, but Sphinx paid them all no mind, so I asked him how to find that guy. Oedipus said that we just needed to reuse our old methods, and Sphinx would investigate. This time we’d take the initiative and guarantee that we could catch that guy.

Meng Qishan: He had me use that case that Sphinx messed up by following that executive’s wife and harassing her family. He said that he already was monitoring all the phones in that woman’s family.

Meng Qishan: As long as a family member got in touch with Sphinx, we could follow the trail of clues and yank him out.

Xia Yan: …

Meng Qishan: I worked according to plan for two weeks. Though the woman and her family were all very panicked, Sphinx never appeared. Plus, based on the results of monitoring them, they have no relation to Sphinx. When Sphinx helped them before, he never showed his face during the whole process, and he didn’t leave a single method of contact. They also didn’t know how to get in touch with Sphinx.

Meng Qishan: I originally thought that there was no point, but I accidentally noticed Tian Xin’s plan.

MC: Tian Xin’s plan?

Meng Qishan laughed coldly.

Meng Qishan: Haha, that “ɸ” or whatever, and those videos, were all made up by him. He wanted to use livestreams to catch Sphinx’s attention, to have him notice that I was starting to mess with them again and help that woman’s family.

Meng Qishan: Even if Sphinx didn’t notice, he could pretend that there were more people receiving Sphinx’s challenges… making it look like Sphinx was still active, which might scare me and make me restrain myself because of this.

Meng Qishan: Since he was going to be so proactive, I had to beat him at his own game.

Bar Expenditures

Xia Yan: You spent a lot at the bar just now. Where did this money come from?

Meng Qishan: You’re even concerned about where my money comes from?

Xia Yan: …

Xia Yan expressionlessly performed a “warning” on Meng Qishan’s shoulder.

Meng Qishan: Aaarrghh--! It was Oedipus, it was Oedipus who gave it to me!

Xia Yan: How much did he give?

Meng Qishan stated a number, basically the annual income of a typical person.

MC: (They were so liberal with their money, so the reason why Oedipus wants to find Sphinx must not be simple…)

Other Partners

Xia Yan: You went to the Nautilus Bar today for business transactions. After, you deliberately went on a roundabout course to lead Tian Xin out. You set this up intentionally because you knew that Tian Xin would follow you today, right?

Meng Qishan: You’ve seen things through pretty clearly.

Meng Qishan looked askance towards Tian Xin.

Meng Qishan: With his bit of unskilled efforts, of course we noticed it early on. Although, I wanted to use him as he fished Sphinx out, so I intentionally let it slip to him.

Xia Yan: After leaving Nautilus Bar, was it your or Oedipus’s idea to deliberately go in circles?

Meng Qishan: It was his idea. I originally wanted to track you both and find you. Didn’t think that you would be pretty good at hiding.

Xia Yan: Aside from “Oedipus”, do you have any other partners?

Meng Qishan: I don’t know. Oedipus and I have only chatted and kept in touch through email and online. We’ve never met. I don’t know if he’s male or female, or a single person or a group of people.

Xia Yan: Open your inbox.

Complying with his words, Meng Qishan opened his email inbox. Xia Yan inspected the email address and tried to do a reverse search.

Xia Yan: He used a lot of jumping boards. There’s no way to track his IP.

MC: Has “Oedipus” reached out to other detectives who have been defeated by Sphinx, like you?

Meng Qishan: Don’t know. Probably.

Xia Yan: Make it clear.

Meng Qishan: Tch… [laughs]

Meng Qishan: I kept operating in accordance with Oedipus’s plan, but Sphinx never appeared. So I asked, is this method alright? Is it reliable? Back then, he divulged one sentence, saying that lots of people were working at the same time, so we’d definitely find Sphinx.

Xia Yan and I looked at each other, seeing the worry in each others’ eyes.

INTERROGATION END

After interrogating Meng Qishan, we called the police. After the police found out about the details of the case, they immediately planned to bring away the things in Tian Xin’s house as evidence. Thus, after receiving Tian Xin’s agreement, we decided to go to Tian Xin’s house first to inspect it.

Tian Xin: Big bro Xia, you don’t plan to wait for the police to deal with it?

Xia Yan: That’s not the case. It’s just that there are so many cases that the police have to deal with. With the amount of attention they can split towards this, I might as well do it.

Xia Yan: Plus, they know very little about Sphinx. If they really are going to investigate, I feel like doing it myself would be faster instead.

Tian Xin: So amazing…

Tian Xin: It would be great if I could be as amazing as big bro Xia.

Tian Xin’s tone carried a bit of bitterness and disappointment. Xia Yan and I shared a look.

MC: Tian Xin, you’re also very great. You must have done your best to think up of this method because your friend’s family unfortunately encountered Meng Qishan’s harassing.

Xia Yan: Yeah, it’s thanks to your efforts that Meng Qishan has been caught by the police now.

Tian Xin: Thank you, although… you two don’t need to comfort me. Though I’ve just started university, I’m still an adult. I’m very clear on how capable I am.

Tian Xin: Half a year ago, Feifei’s big sister was framed by that guy, Meng Qishan. I also wanted to help, but I couldn’t do anything at all. After I saw Sphinx act, I really wanted to be like him. Only then did I open a livestreaming account - but in the end, when Meng Qishan started his tricks again, I couldn’t do anything again. I could only try my best to get in touch with Sphinx.

MC: Tian Xin…

He shrugged his shoulders, huffing out like he was indifferent.

Tian Xin: But in the end, I was completely deceived without even realizing it… It’s whatever that I got myself into it, but I almost implicated Sphinx. If big bro Xia didn’t rush here in time…

He reached up and scratched his hair, blocking his face.

Tian Xin: It would be great if I could be as amazing as Sphinx and you, big bro Xia.

He mumbled this sentence again.

Xia Yan: Me, I’ve dreamed of being a hero and a knight ever since I was small, wanting to appear coolly and knock down the bad guys when there’s a crisis.

Xia Yan: But after, I slowly realized that heroes aren’t always cool and impressive. They often are extremely wretched. But no matter how wretched they are, they still must protect those who they want to protect.

Xia Yan: Maybe you feel like you look terrible right now, but I feel like it’s extremely cool in how you did your utmost to protect others!

MC: From a female’s perspective, I’d also like to show my approval! You knew that your videos weren’t well-made and people would hate on them online, but you still persevered in making them to protect your friend. Tian Xin, you really are extremely cool!

MC: Plus, take it slow. In the future, you can become even stronger and more reliable.

Tian Xin froze for a bit. Then, he lifted his hand to prop up his glasses. The reflection of the lenses covered his line of sight.

Tian Xin: That’s true!

#tears of themis #tears of themis translations #weiding shijian bu #xia yan #未定事件簿 #夏彦 #tot translation #lowkey really like seeing xia yan go into full raven mode and assert dominance over terrible people #so badass #its super hot #and then the wholesome moment at the end #rly heals your heart

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parkeraul · 6 years ago

Photo

anatomy | oneshot

a/n: i don’t know what it is but i had this stuck in my phone’s notes and i’m going to give it a try lol. i got inspired by a post here on tumblr and another one on twitter (both different, both NOT what you’re thinking they are) and this is like... nerdy!shawn? college!shawn? student!shawn? idk read it to find it out. plus, this is a work of fiction, so the situations named in here aren’t exactly what happens in real life, my dudes. i don’t know if this is how it happens, i’m assuming stuff just to give them an atmosphere. all built up for shawn and reader’s relationship to go somewhere on this imagine. sorry in advance to any medical students lmao.

shawn x reader warnings: cursing, smut (?). words: 7.272

It’s nearly 10pm in a saturday when he knocks on her door with his free hand, holding his book in his other hand kind of nervously. She tiptoes downstairs, quickly knotting the strap around her robe to cover her recent showered body. Her mind goes confused, wondering who might be standing outside at this time. Peeking through the magic eye, she can barely recognise the tall figure standing in front of her door with what she figured out as a backpack hanging on his back and something under his tattooed arm. She wasn’t expecting anyone from college because the finals were still happening and she finally managed to get home after passing hers, so everyone else should probably be stuck in their houses half studying, half praying. When she saw his hand coming up to curl in a fist next to the wooden material, she flicked the keys to the side and made sure to hold the upper part of her robe, pulling the edges together to cover her breasts and collarbone. Opening the door, she meets him wearing a desperate expression on his flushed face. He sighs in relief before putting his shit together. “Shawn? What are you doing here?” She asks smiling insecurely, he doesn’t follow her though. “Thank God you’re home!” He vents and exhales heavily. “I know this is super weird and random, but I honestly don’t know who else to look for. I’m really sorry. God... I shouldn’t-“ “Spit it out, Mendes!” She giggles, opening the door a little bit more to show him somehow that she’s welcoming him. “You know you can count on me to something more than just having my veins available for you to train your blood-removal skills.” She winks and he smiles shyly, remembering how insecure he felt when first asking her to volunteer and be his pair to this class in specific.

They’ve become pretty close, always getting paired for the classes because they knew that they were responsible and worked greatly together – always hitting high grades even in the most difficult subjects. Medical school is hard already, so they’ve found in each other an easier way to go through it all by supporting each other since their class is filled with so many selfish people. Shawn and Y/N were rarely hanging out when not in college – but more than friends, they are also something like partners in crime. Although he had a very serious crush on her at first sight, he kept on doing his best to get rid of the feeling eventually, even though he knows he’s not 100% there, he thinks that he’s seen everything he could and his rational side is working constantly to make him get used to live next to her like a normal person would do (seeing her as a nice classmate who’s there for him, not someone who he wants to trace every single inch and experience his daydreams with). She finds him attractive, she can’t even lie. But she would never make a move considering how reserved he is, fearing that he might reject her right at first and never look at her face again. Things couldn’t get this awkward.

Y/N opens some space for Shawn to step inside her living room and gives him a gentle smile, always reassuring him wordlessly that he can feel comfortable in her presence to ask whatever he wanted to ask – she felt more than glad to solve his doubts, actually.

“I’m sorry for showing up so late and...” He finally sees that she’s wearing nothing but a black cotton robe and her hair is wet, clinging to her back. “Well, s-sorry for interrupting your s-shower, I-“ Shawn facepalms and rubs his forehead, trying to brush his nervousness off and find the right words to say. He doesn’t want to look like a creep. “Mendes, you’re rambling,” She warns him and closes the door, grabbing his stuff for him to have free hands to take off his coat and shoes. Knowing it, Shawn rapidly does it all before putting both hands together to wait for further instructions. “Stop apologising! You know I don’t care about it.” Shawn knows that Y/N doesn’t really give a shit about things that some other people would do. She always says that a body is a body: it’s not an object and that a body and sex should be seen as something natural, not something who demands silly and unnecessary jokes when you look at it. And considering the partnership they’ve been developing, she felt more comfortable to talk to him about these things without stuttering or feeling embarassed. If they wanted to build a professional career, they had to deal with bodies normally.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why they’ve never sat down to spill the tea about their secret little crushes. Shawn is a gentleman, of course, and that’s what keeps him fighting his willing to love on her like he never did with anyone else. He is misunderstanding her words, perhaps. She always talked to him about how much she hates when their classmates started joking and sexualizing human bodies like they were made for nothing more than sex. But that didn’t mean that she’s not into finding out how their touches can melt delightfully, because that’s been currently taking over her imaginations more often than she’d like it to – debating with her own mind how wrong is this, how awful it is of her to imagine Shawn maping her body with those intentions that she wishes her whole class could stop feeding. Maybe she had forgotten to say that, if they’re both agreeing on doing this, if their feelings are matching, then it’d be a whole another story (that she’d love to live intensely, thank you very much). This is such a hot mess.

She trails her way to the kitchen and he follows her before he can miss the sight of her. She points to the big island in the middle of her kitchen for him to sit as she places his book and backpack on top of it. “What’s going on, Shawnie Boy?” She asks while opening her fridge to look for something to eat to offer him. “Thank you for being way too nice, Y/N,” He chuckles to himself, also thanking the universe for crossing their ways. “I couldn’t pass Sally’s latest test and she’s going to eat me alive if I fuck up with the upcoming final exam.” Y/N grabs a box of grape juice to put on top of the island along with some Doritos she found on her cabinet. She thought he might probably want to sink down in unhealthy garbage to calm his damn nerves. “Sally is really unpredictable, isn’t she?” Y/N jokes and also grabs what’s left of her chocolate cake inside the oven to join the other stuff. “What was it about?” “Anatomy,” Shawn says unpleasantly, grabbing the glass that Y/N is giving him so he can pour some juice to himself. “Women’s body kind of anatomy, more specifically. It makes me wanna give up on this damn class.” He opens the box and starts filling his glass with the deep purple liquid. “You actually can’t. This subject is... How do they say? Obligatory.” She says, staring at him and finishing setting the island with tiny plates and forks. “See? I know I should be studying music or whatever doesn’t envolve vulvas and labias.” His tone expresses all of his disappointment. Shawn hates to fail and also hates the whole process of learning from his mistakes. He never allowed himself to fuck it up even though he had no previous knowledge to execute something perfectly for the first time. “Keep thinking like that and you’ll end up seeing your own hand for the rest of your life.” Y/N is effortlessly pushing him over the edge of his stress, but he knew she was only playing around so he pretended not to care that much. He thought of replying her as boldly as she’s doing, but when she leaned forwards a little bit to cut a piece of cake, he accidentally saw her skin underneath the dark fabric – almost getting the view of the swell of her breasts. He swallowed harshly, immediately searching for his book to find the pages that have been driving him insane over the past weeks. ‘It’s fine. This is fine. Everything’s okay.’ He quietly warns his own body. Shawn shakes his head and takes a generous sip of his juice and tries hard to blink and miss the view of her not even noticing what just happened and still trying to cut a perfect square to place on a plate. “I... Mm... Have been reading from page 45 to page 97 over and over again for two weeks straight and-“ He starts with difficulty and, as if it wasn’t hard enough for him now, she’s licking and sucking at her fork she used to set under her piece of cake to lift it up and off the tin while looking him deep in the eyes, waiting for him to conclude his first doubt of the night. She didn’t mean to seduce him on purpose, but if she only knew the way she is messing with his head right now, she’d probably do something much worse.

Shawn feels like cursing all the words he knows out loud.

He’s been managing to keep his first impressions controlled for years. Why is this shit coming up again like he’s seeing her for the first time in his life? His brain, always hungry for coherent answers, figured things out in a matter of seconds. When he understood it all, he came back to earth and denied his own instincts angrily. Hopefully, he would never ever need to explain this reason to anyone else.

“And?” Y/N snaps him back to reality, removing the fork out of her mouth and clicking her tongue to finish the small taste she had from the tiny crumbles that were glued to the steel. “And... I...” He keeps on turning the pages frantically, not wanting to waste time. Who knows that she wouldn’t get him lost between running to the closest bathroom to splash some water on his face and staying frozen in his seat to never get up again until he stops hardening against his sweatpants during this quick lack of words? “I c-couldn’t quite understand and memorize these parts and their functions.” Shawn fixes a single curl back to its place and then he points to the figure on his book. “Really?” She frowns. How a smart and handsome guy like Shawn can’t understand simple explanations about a vagina? “Why have you circled this so many times? You can barely see what it is.” She points to a messy grey sketch. “It’s the clitoris,” Shawn rolls his eyes and clears his throat before moving on. “Need to remind myself that this shit is killing me mercilessly with this stupid amount of nerve endings.” “You wish, Shawn,” Slicing her cake, she jokes and wraps her lips around the fork once again. Shawn can literally feel the palms of his hands sweating and he swears to God he could explode at anytime. Why anatomy of the reproductive system? Why not microbiology or pharmacology? He knew he should be a pro by now. “You better take notes about this little thing in particular if you want to pass or make a girl squirm under you.”

Can she stop? Great. Now he’s picturing it.

“Plus, I can guarantee you that, once you get to find where it is and how it works, you’ll wish you could reciprocate the merciless part everyday.”

This is not study. This is torture. Bad grades and bad thoughts. The “perfect” combo. Shawn gets his notebook and pencils out of his bag and works fast to find a blank page to start writing.

The time flies by with her careful explanations. Y/N might joke a lot with him but she knows when to talk seriously. She’s patient to describe every single detail and say things once more in a different way for him to see it all in a different way. She speaks; he writes and asks again. All happening in a loop and Shawn’s pretty surprised that the chills that were taking over his lower region were gone now. He’s been doing his best by looking down at the paper all the time, refusing to peek at her. “No! Nah-nah-nah...” She says and stretches her arm to grab the eraser next to him. He falls out of his concentration and reacts by traveling his eyes from her fingers to the expansion of her covered arm and finishing at her now exposed collarbone. The scent of her moisturizer escapes her robe to invade his nostrils. He can’t help but inhale deeply as she brings the eraser to rub the words he’d been writing. “What’s that on your clavicle?” Still studying her skin, he asks impulsively. Shit. She looks at him and then down at her own body. “Oh... This?” She sets the fabric to the side a little bit more, now almost showing her entire shoulder. Shawn feels like choking on his own air. “It’s just a little scar. Got it when trying to run away from my cousin once. Nails strong enough to mark me,” She remembers and giggles lowly. “Unfortunately not as cute as this one you have on your face.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

She just noticed that she revealed loudly one of her favourite things about him. For the first time in the night, he smiles. He feels his chest burning – still shyly – and she can’t take her eyes off his beautiful teeth, perfectly shaped and getting her missing the patterns of her breathing.

From there, the tension between them seemed to grow more and more and the emotions blooming up from this atmosphere were screaming louder than words, intensifying not only their desires but also the other feelings coming to their surface. It was like throwing alcohol in a bonfire. And it’s certain that the flames were getting higher and higher. They tried to focus one more time on whatever they were doing now (neither of them cared to understand exactly what it was), Shawn a lot more lost than her, already writing things that weren’t even about anatomy, he thought.

“Nope!” She says again. Erase, wipe the dust, explain again.

The clock is ticking.

“Shawn, no.” By now, he was finishing his third glass of grape juice and she had completely given up on her cake. Fork hitting the plate aggressively as she bends over the cold marble to repeat her actions. Shawn rubs his face and runs his fingers through his dark curls. Erase, wipe the dust, explain again.

“Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell are you doing?” If she was patient before, she’s not losing her shit for fucks sake. “Vulva is this external part, not the inside. The internal part is the vagina, down here in this entrance, see?” She’s pointing with his pencil and circling the spots with caution, because otherwise she might rip the page apart. Shawn drops his arms against the island and tilts his head to meet the hard surface, hitting his forehead and his sighs turns into a deep growl.

Erase, wipe the dust.

“God! Have you ever seen a pussy in your life?” He freezes in place and doesn’t get up, hoping she’s going somewhere else with this question. “Seriously! C’mere, I’ve got this kind of a plastic mould and you’ll touch this shit until the information gets inside your head somehow.” She stands in her feet and she knows that she’s being kinda rude. He doesn’t care, he knows he’s not going anywhere if she keeps on being all nice and shit but at the same time he’s so nervous that he wishes he could stay in that kitchen for the rest of his life until his problem goes away. “I don’t really-” His voice comes out muffled by the white marble under his face. “Mendes, you’re coming whether you want it or not!” She grabs his arm and pulls him off his seat. “I told you I’d help you and you know I won’t stop until I get my work done. Come on!” He seizes the last seconds where his face is still hidden to smile. He loves how much she cares about him now and it seems to vanish away all of her impulsive attitudes before. She just wants him to succeed and once she gets a goal inside her mind, she ain’t stopping until she makes it happen. Shawn gives up and she’s practically dragging him upstairs to her bedroom, steps punishing the degrees under her feet.

“Get yourself comfortable, I’m gonna find this thing.” She says as if he even could. Shawn falls in her bed while she turns the lights on and goes to her shelf, eyeing all the spaces where that mould could be hiding into. She tiptoes across her bedroom and checks every part of it like her life depends on it.

Wardrobe? No. Drawers? No. Desk? No. Under the bed? No. Bookshelf? No.

If the bedroom was even larger, she’d be running a marathon across it and the way she’s walking with powerful footsteps and picked up rhythm makes the hem of her robe swing and get loosened, sometimes showing the back of her thighs a little bit more and gradually exposing her chest. And if Shawn felt like dying before, now he’s sure that he’s floating between heaven and hell so quickly that he can’t do anything else but widen his eyes in desperation, fight his own mind and press down on her mattress for dear life. “You can’t think like that. She’s your friend, she’s not a piece of meat. Control your damn hormones.” He whispers to himself and closes his eyes. He doesn’t want her to think that he’s just another one of those stupid classmates of theirs or some kind of a weirdo who acts like he had never seen a semi-naked body before. Although that yes, he had never. Y/N might be cool about talking of sex and stuff, but he managed to just nod and agree. He never told her he was a virgin and something about the way she messes with him so easily makes him feel like organising a whole speech – in the most polite way ever – about how much he wants her to teach him everything: where to touch, how to touch and what to do to have her feeling not only relaxed in his presence but also pleased. If he only had the braveness, he’d be on his knees right now divided between begging for mercy or for a chance.

She closes the last drawer where she guessed the plastic cast could be inside of and turns around with her hands covering her mouth. Shawn looks at her concerned expression and concludes that she’s thinking, considering how fast her eyes are running across the room.

“Y/N, you don’t have to. It’s okay, I can find some other way...” Shawn tries to calm her and she tugs some strands, pulling them back and then dropping her arms down. She can’t think of anything else than this and she knows she might be taking a risk in here. She steps backwards to close her door and it gets Shawn frowning, gasping and blinking rapidly. What the hell is she doing?

If he could’ve only guessed that some dreams can come true sometimes...

“Mendes, don’t freak out, okay?” She looks at him worriedly and his grin is filled with doubts. He thought she was joking about his study routine or whatever happened a few seconds ago. But when he sees that her face ain’t changing to something more playful, he gulps once more. “You’re gonna have to do this in anyways in the final exam and, since you can’t even name things correctly, there’s no other way to do this. Tell me if you don’t wanna do this and I’ll stop.” She finishes and grabs the knot of her robe. In one fluid motion, she undoes it and the black fabric is pooling down around her feet. Right now she’s not thinking about her crush on him, she’s not trying to get him moaning her name. No. She’s trying to get anatomy inside his head because she’s been there before and she knows that, if he touches the wrong places, Sally is definitely not going to give him any other chances. There’s no dirty in here, there’s no seduction. She’s offering to a test just like she offered her veins once; or like when he let her feel his temperature and see if his throat was sore. “What are you doing? Y/N, seriously...” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Cover up, you don’t need to do it for me.” “Is that what you want? I’ll do if you’re feeling awkward on doing this,” She reassures him and catches her robe from the floor. “But I want you to know that I’m okay with it. It’s totally up to you.” Shawn can feel his limbs turning into cold stones and his leg starts to shake uncontrollably. He feels like someone just threw a ball on fire to him and he knows he’s got the opportunity to put the fire down. He just doesn’t know how. “C-Can you... like...” He rubs his face, still not looking at her (who’s covering her front with the robe now) and tries to make a smart decision. “Get under your covers so I... can... t-touch you without looking at you?” “Is this going to make you feel more comfortable?” “Y-Yes.” “I’ll try to guide you then.”

An inconvenient silence takes over the place and it had never been so annoying. He gets up, turning his back to her and she goes under her blanket, trying to feel less unsuited. “Hold on. I’ll wash my hands before... you know...” “Second door to the right.”

A few minutes later, Shawn is back and not so afraid. She looks at him and sees that his hairline is wet, he might probably had splashed some water on his face before returning. “Are you okay?” She asks, feeling her chest heaving in concern. “I’m good,” He closes the door with his foot and keeps his hands in the air, away from any object. “Sure you wanna keep going? You don’t have to-” “I’m sure,” She nods and he sits at the end of the bed. “With that I’m even feeling like a real patient now.” She points at his hands with her chin and chuckles bending her knees. He follows her and giggles too. He can’t even believe how amazing she is, he feels like nothing in this world can gift her enough for being this good to him. “You can, like, start from my pubic bone and then you can say what you remember, you know?” She incentivates him. “When you get to touch those parts we were seeing down in there, you’ll tell me what it is and what is it for.” He nods and she shifts her body up closer to the headboard, making some space for him to come forward and slip one hand under the blanket. “Don’t you want me to wear gloves?” “I’m out of gloves in here but I don’t really mind.” She says and he’s just going with her flow. “Showed you my exams before the tests, so you also know that I don’t have anything you should worry about.” She’s giving him so many reasons to leave his nervousness behind that he’s feeling like he’d forgotten for a moment that, on top of it all, they’re still friends. They’re not strangers. They should count on each other and this is what she wants him to do, this is what he wants her to do. “Go on, I trust you.” Her sweet tone reaches his ears and he smiles at her, so happy to know that she’s there for him and, more than anything else, she sees in him a person that she can trust. It’s just priceless. “And I trust you,” Shawn responds and she smiles back at him, feeling more comfortable against her pillows. “Excuse me.” He asks before touching her and she nods in confirmation, allowing him to go on. Shawn knows that this is not his body, so he must have her approval and excuse to touch her. His palm is softly sliding along the expansion of her shin to her knee and inner thigh, looking her deep in the eyes, attentive to any sign that she’s not liking it so he can stop. He wants to show her that he doesn’t wanna hurt her or do something harmful, so he rubs his thumb from side to side, caressing her and showing that he’s being so careful. She looks at her own ceiling, trying to keep her breathing calm and remain herself that she suggested it, so she must stay true to her pure intentions and leave her dirty thoughts locked and forbidden. He reaches the spot she told him to look for. He stops moving when he gets there and waits for her to give him another permission. “What’re you touching?” She asks. Shawn gets it as a chastise and lifts his hand up, widening his eyes. She slips her arm under the blanket and places it back to where it was, making him gulp and miss a heartbeat. “I’m not asking you to leave, Mendes,” She laughs. “I’m asking you what’s this specific spot you’re touching right now. This is still a test.” His eyes are still wide as ever, comprehending her words and looking for the answer in his mind. “The pubic mound... Okay...” He answers more to himself and tries to remember the words she made him take notes about. “It’s... a fibroadipose tissue that stays on top of the bone and it divides into the labia majora on either side of the pudendal cleft.” “Very good,” She praises and he smiles, actually wanting to scream in happiness for answering correctly and in tension, because her words made his nerves sparkle somehow. ‘Just breathe’ he says to himself as a mantra. “You can feel it if you want to.” The tips of his fingers press lightly against it, choosing random spots to feel and then he lets go of it. He can read about it in the books where his gravity is going to be centered. “Should I keep going?” He asks. “Yes, please.”

Oh God, not please.

Both of them getting a type of disquietude after this word in particular. She didn’t mean to say it, she knows that ‘please’ doesn’t even fit correctly to the moment but somehow it escaped from her lips nearing a state of beg. She couldn’t let him know. This is still forbidden. He swallows harshly and moves down slowly, almost reaching his next stop.

“Okay, stop.” She says and he immediately stays still. “I’m gonna ask you something very embarassing but necessary.” “...Alright?!...” Shawn eyes her with concentration, trying to understand if he did something wrong at any point. “Lick your finger before touching this next spot,” Unable to look him in the eyes, she asks and covers her face. This makes him comfortable to remove his hand and lick his index finger before she can see him doing it. “You shouldn’t do this to your patients, but I’m very sensitive and when it’s all dry it might hurt a little.” “Okay,” He gets back to where he was before and sets his hand back down on her. “Was I here?” “Yup,” She says popping her ‘p’. “You can touch it now.” His touch is now wet and cold, making her shiver slightly and it glides easily. She removes her hands from her face but keeps her eyes shut to focus on not getting wetter than his finger. “Clitoris.” “Nope.” “No?” “Try to remember about the first time I yelled at you downstairs.” “Oh, alright.” He tilts his head down and laughs to himself. His finger is moving so delicately that it’s nearly tickling her heat. She shifts her ankles further just a little so she can see that flushy face of his, eyes now looking up as he tries to find a blank spot where his sight can help his imagination to picture what it looks like as he touches her. “Clitoral foreskin? Clitoral hood?” “Hood is better.” “Fine,” He grins. “It’s a mucocutaneous tissue that covers and protects the clitoris. It can fully cover the clit sometimes, but it also can just partly cover it.” “Thought you’d never get it right, not gonna lie.” She confesses and he moves his pretty greenish eyes to look at her, and she finally reciprocates. “Thought you trusted me!” It’s so good to interact as they typically do. It’s so good to feel more normal and less awkard. The two of them could now feel their bodies relaxing and free to get back to joking and playing. Nothing’s really planned for ages before acting, it’s just natural. This is what they were looking for. His cold calloused finger goes down shortly and she lets a sigh fly from her lips, instantly biting at her bottom one. She writhes sparsely, trying not to do what she’d normally do if they weren’t studying. “Clitoris? Is it here?” “M-hm.” “Erectile nub placed at the top of the vulva. It has around 8.000 nerve endings and blood supply. Would you mind if I see it?” She shakes her head in denial and grabs the cover up to reveal her lower half, making it rest on her stomach. Shawn takes his finger away for a moment to see the little nub and memorize where it is. He thinks he’d never seen something so beautiful in his life; he never thought it’d look this beautiful. Totally compelled, he licks his digit again and touches her clit, differently from before. Now, he’s softly drawing tiny circles around it and she accidentaly moans lowly. The tip of his finger is sliding so deliciously that she couldn’t even notice the time when she showed such weakness. “If you keep doing like this, you’re gonna turn me on and-” “How sensitive is it?” He cuts her off and, to be honest, he wasn’t even listening. All of his concentration got directed to her clit, now swelling under his control. “What?” “How sensitive is it? With so many nerve endings, it must be really delicate. Isn’t it?” She’s not quite understanding. Shouldn’t he know this already? Or was he one of those guys who never finds a clit during sex? “It’s sensitive enough to get me excited,” She warns but it’s not like he’s giving a single damn right now. “But if you press it hard, then it’ll hurt me bad. Like... you can add a little bit more of pressure...” And he immediately does, watching the way his finger works carefully but performing firmly now. She exhales strongly, trying so hard not to lose her shit. “A little bit more...” She demands and he obeys. Where is this going? She can’t answer herself now that this feels so good. His touch rounding her clit, sometimes going from side to side and he takes his time feeling all the extension of it. “Don’t go further than this, otherwise it’ll only harm me.” This amount of pressure was just perfect for her taste. Shawn doesn’t even know about this, but he keeps going and he even leans closer to see it better. Now there was no hell, it was just heaven. Heaven in the way her face contorts everytime he hits the center of her clit; heaven in the way her chest is moving up and down, trying not to lose the pattern of her respiration; heaven in the way her eyes squinted – but no completely – peeking at him with some struggle. He stops eyeing her heat, saving the last information he got from it and looks at her, eyes practically dark. “Let’s move on to-” “Can I put my mouth on it?” Her jaw falls. Such a question she didn’t know she needed to hear today. She knew she wanted to, but never knew she needed it so bad. “Are you asking to eat me out, Mendes?” For a minute there, she thinks she’s dreaming. Dreaming wildly. She promptly supports her body on her elbows and tosses her blanket away from her body. “I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry,” It’s like a force pushed him back to earth. He felt so intoxicated by her that his attention flew out to somewhere else. “I’m such a-” “Do it.” “What is it?” “Do it,” She insists. Can’t miss the chance, can’t have him going back now. Not now. “You want it?” He nods kind of desperately. “Then show me what you can do.” She tilts her head to the side and smirks at him. His mouth forms an ‘o’ shape. Jesus Christ, she can get him around her finger so easily that he feels lucky that he was the one to get her around his finger previously. But how is he supposed to do this? He decides to get started by kissing the inner part of her leg, planting wet kisses along her smooth skin and it feels so satisfying to have her skin exposing goosebumps under his touch. He’s getting closer and she sighs so sweetly that he’s hoping he’s doing the right thing. The scent of her is driving him crazy, he can’t wait to know the taste. “I-” He starts that old speech of explanation. He doesn’t want to but he feels like he needs to be honest with her and tell that he’s still a virgin. Lost and anxious to find himself. Find her. “I know. I’ll guide you, don’t you worry about that.” She’s just perfect. There’s no better definition inside his mind right now. He’s the opened book she loves to devour every single page of, absorbing the details and letting herself get immersed. She arranges her body on her bed to give him more space to lay down on his stomach and between her parted legs. When he finishes his trail of wet and hot kisses, she stands in one shoulder as her other arm goes to reach his brown curls that she loves so much. “You can kiss it first,” She directs him. “See what it feels like against your lips and oh,” She moans because he wasted no time on licking his lips and kissing her clit. “G-Get yourself used to it, take your time to adjust yourself, no need to hurry.” But she didn’t really mean that. She does need the hurry, ‘cause she might collapse from this torture at any second. Shawn tries the kissing, doing it from her clit and covering every inch of her lower lips then going back to the smaller ones. Over and over again, until he gets kinda bored. He wants to make her squirm like she said before in the kitchen. He wants to put his daydreams to a proof as quick as possible. “You’re so wet,” He notices and is unaware of the effect it had on her. Her glistening pussy is inviting him and he wants to live in this for the rest of his days. He knows he has no experience, but this time, he doesn’t wait. He sinks his head down on her and his tongue is flattening against her heat to lick a stripe from her entrance to her clit, covering her with his mouth in order not to miss a single inch. And fuck she tastes so fuckin’ good. Nothing compared to his imagination. “Oh my God,” Another moan slips out and she drops her head backwards, gotten my surprise. “That’s it...” He embraces her thighs and her ankles are now resting on his back. His head buries in her pussy and she returns to look at him. It’s the best view in the world. Cheeks flushed and eyes closed, looking so serene and enjoying the taste of her like he never did with anything else. Shawn pulls her hips closer to him, growing hungrier and obsessed with this moment. “Shawn!” She calls out and giggles, thinking that he’s also in the mood to play. Not now. “How hard can I suck you?” He pulls away, not going very far just to breathe and ask her. “Hard enough to show me how bad you want me, not hard like a crazy animal would probably do.” He groans against her heat and frowns in what he thinks it must be suffering. How can she get him so fragile to her? He feels his head spinning and she hasn’t even touched him back yet. “What are you doing to me?” Shawn whispers, thinking out loud. He drags his tongue up and down against her boldly, mixing the wetness of his tongue with her wetness and it’s slow, painfully slow. She tugs his hair when she feels that tingling sensation down on her entrance and it spurs him on to try his first suction. He does, giving her the best job he could do for the first time in his life. “Close your mouth a little and suck harder.” She recommends and he promptly does. His lips are wrapped around her bundle of nerves as he licks her before, tongue gliding in circles and he’s keeping his tongue relaxed, what makes her see stars with this pleasant sensation. It’s so smooth and so tender that she’s afraid she’s going to pass out from the pleasure. He tries sucking for the second time and earns the perfect reaction from her: toes curling, eyes rolling to the back of her head and she gasps, body giving up against the mattress. She feels her clit throbbing and the way he sucks it is pushing her over the edge. It’s wet, it’s warm and so precise. “Fuck Shawn, fuck!” Her lungs are supplicating for air and she makes a good effort to look down at him again – eyeing her through his eyelashes – and, although he’s still finding a way to please her, he knows he’s being good, so he gives her a devilish smile. “Keep doing like this, baby, don’t stop...” That’s it for him. He tries to suck her again. It’s long he’s deliberately repeating series of suctions, having her crying out in her bed and arching her back. He tests it harder and faster and her hands instantly fly to grab his curls. Her moans are gradually turning into frantic screams and she’s trembling. Shawn Mendes never imagined he could get his friend shaking hectically with his mouth on her heat, sucking and licking her with his whole body and soul. His member is so hard inside his sweatpants but he doesn’t care, as long as she’s enjoying it, then he didn’t need something more. And he thinks she looks impossibly prettier with her beautiful lips parted to free her whimpers, sometimes smirking down at him to tease him; hair getting messier than her body quivering and being stopped by his large hands, caressing the sides of her waist and traveling down to the sides of her bum and legs, holding them forcefully so she wouldn’t escape from his touch. “Shawn,” She gulps before moving on, throat dry from moaning uninterruptedly. “Pull away, I’m gonna come.” With her clit gently tugged between his plump red lips, he shakes his head from side to side in denial lazily and it’s a new sensation to her, so so so good that her vision gloes blurry. Shawn just revealed himself not only stubborn in his studies but also in bed, and she’s so eager to dominate him like this... He remembers about all the things they should be studying right now and maps her core to find her entrance with his index finger. Just as she taught him, he licks the digit and thrust it inside of her as soon as he finds it, bringing his mouth back to her clit to suck rapidly as his finger moves slowly. She fights back a loud scream, covering her mouth as she feels her pussy aching deliciously, searching for its release. “Can you take two?” Shawn feels her walls squeezing his finger and doubts that she can keep another one. “Yes, please.” She says through gritted teeth and it’s good to give this word the real meaning she wanted to give before. He pushes another finger into her and she moans once more, she doesn′t know how long she can wait. He thrusts the fingers so gingerly, not sure about what to do and what pace to pick. Was he hurting her? “You’re so tight...” He comments so innocently, he thought that it wouldn’t be this constricted. He starts to imagine how heavenly his cock would feel hugged by her dripping pussy. “Mendes,” She says under her breath. “I need you to go faster.” “Like this?” He picks up his rhythm shyly. “More.” His digits are covered in her juices and moving with ease. She feels that knot on her stomach tightening and about to explode. “More.” She begs and broken sobs are slipping past her lips. He goes deeper, fingers completely disappearing inside of her. “Right there! Oh, right there,” He finds her spot and her eyes roll to the back of her head once more, making Shawn dig the nails of his free hand into the skin of her thigh and suck at her bundle of nerves as fast as his fingers are working now. “Do it like this.” She can’t raise her hand right now to show due to her weakness but Shawn’s eyes are quick to find her fingers moving in a ‘come here’ motion and he immediately gives it to her. He can’t comprehend exactly where he’s taking her, but when she stops moaning and her legs starts shaking, he understands it. She’s feeling every inch of her core pulsating as her orgasm washes over her body and he can’t believe he just made her come. His fingers are slowing down and he pulls his mouth away, looking at her body coming down of her high. He removes his fingers slow and carefully and gives one last lick, catching what she released, and one last suck, her back arching for the last time. He waits for her to settle down and get back to her senses before doing anything else. And when she does, she glances at him and silently invites him to come closer. “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” She taps his strong chest as he crawls over her, knees supported by the mattress under her parted thighs and upper half covering her front. He must be kidding. “Not really...” He vents, embarassed but glad that he provided her something nice. “But did... Did this just ruin what we have?” “I honestly couldn’t care less if it did,” She spits out and he fears her next words. “I couldn’t fucking wait to have you like this since the very first day we spoke.” “Would it be weird if I told you I feel the same way?” “Nope. But that’s something you can save for later,” She pulls him by the shirt and pecks his lips, savouring the taste of herself on his lips. “I wanna make you feel good first. What do you think about that?” “Glad you finally asked.”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes blurbs #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes masterlist #mine #ficsofmine #I NEED HOLY WATER AND I KNOW IT

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ineedrelationshipadvice · 5 years ago

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My bf is great but he often isn't attentive in the ways I need him to be. I'm always open abt telling him what I need from him, and I make sure he knows why I'm upset w/out blaming him. But he always responds with "I feel like I'm a bad bf" and it feels like he says that so he doesn't have to try. I'll tell him some small things he could do to make me feel more appreciated in our relationship, but we end up having the same convo over and over. Is this a real problem or am I being too sensitive?

This is a real problem, and I'm going to be personally honest with you, I have NO IDEA how to solve it. Maybe it's just a me thing, maybe it's a generational thing that everyone our age does, or maybe it's a problem within all of dating and relationships in general... But in my personal experience, I have experienced this similar thing with basically ALL of my partners - both in the long and short term - and none of them would do anything to correct the problems, even when told directly on what the problems were and how they could easily be solved.

What do? I think that you're doing the right thing by expressing your needs. Really, above all else, that's the only thing you really CAN do in these situations. If you're being open and honest about your feelings, he will know how you are feeling, and there won't be any confusion there. If you get into discussing how to fix issues you may be having, and he says, "I feel like I'm a bad bf," you should interrogate him on the subject. I already know how the conversation will likely play out:

I feel like a bad boyfriend. Why do you feel like a bad boyfriend? I dunno... I feel like I should help you more. I asked you to, but you didn't do that. Why not? I dunno... I just didn't think about it. Could you think more about helping me in the future before these issues get bad please? It would mean a lot.

It's all about setting reasonable expectations, and hoping that your other half meets you halfway. Letting him know that you expect some help from him sometimes is a very reasonable thing to ask, as long as you’re not demanding his constant, never-ending aid. Your partner or your friend-unit needs to be your safety net when things get rough. You can't make them take care of you, and if you can't take care of yourself because of personal reasons, then it means that when you fall, you're going to land without that safety net, and it'll hurt way worse than it will for other people. Your options are thus to tighten your safety net or learn how to land better to reduce the damage.

An additional thing to mention, however, is your boyfriend can't be your everything. You can't expect him to catch you every time you fall, because you also have to take care of yourself sometimes. I don't feel that's what happening in this particular situation, but I'm obliged to say it so you or other people reading can hear it. Because I know there are people who like to take advantage of people who make their lives easier, and that's not cool; we all have our own issues, and although it's nice when someone is WILLING to help, they may not always be able to, and we all need to work on our landings without a safety net. It's just good practice.

But because your boyfriend can't be everything, it means YOU should expand your safety net to other people. Talk to other friends that you have, or your family that you might have, who would be willing to support you on the issues that your partner is not willing or able to. It may be a serious problem in the long-term, and there might not be any solutions to it. But at very least, in the moments, when you're really struggling and need someone to support you for a minute, you'll have someone in your friend or family unit who can boost you up when you feel like you're falling over. This can take that expectation off your partner and put it onto other people, who you can go on to support when they need it. That means if your boyfriend doesn't catch you with the safety net, that's okay, because you prepared for that and someone else can, keeping you from landing hard on the ground.

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admiralty-xfd · 5 years ago

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the whole truth

An FBI Christmas gala with Mulder, Scully, and Diana in attendance? Yes please! Also, CSM gives Diana her assignment in "Two Fathers."

This is chapter 11. To go back to the beginning, click here.

Chapter 11: The Dance

FBI CHRISTMAS GALA

REGENCY HOTEL BALLROOM

DECEMBER 1998

It had been a few weeks since she’d spent the night at Fox’s place and Diana hadn’t really spoken to him much. But she also knew that he and Agent Scully weren’t working together anymore and it was likely he hadn’t seen much of her, either.

He’d told Diana he had some stuff to figure out. He didn’t have to say it; they both knew what that “stuff” was. And although her suspicions had been confirmed that night, that Fox certainly had no romantic obligations to Agent Scully, there was definitely something unresolved between them; something about their relationship he wasn’t willing to share with an outsider.

Diana maintained a flame of hope in her heart that he still had feelings for her. And while the work would always be her primary focus, getting him back was something she now wished for despite everything else.

She looked in the mirror, leaning forward to adjust herself. Her dress was black, floor length, and extremely low cut, allowing for an ample display of cleavage. Not something she’d typically wear to a work function, but on the off chance Fox might be in attendance, she wanted to give him a reminder of what he’d been missing.

Diana intended to make herself seen, and she certainly had no intention of giving up.

Taking one final look in the mirror, she could see the scar from the bullet wound in her shoulder. It had almost completely healed, but there was still a faint trace; a reminder of what was expected of her, of what she owed to the Company.

Of what she owed to Spender.

She was well aware there was no turning back for her. I’m on your side, she’d said to Fox months ago. Was that true? She’d certainly picked a side because she had no choice, not anymore. She could only hope she could make Fox see someday that what she’d been doing was right, and if she could accomplish that, maybe she could somehow bring him into her circle. She would have to navigate this situation extremely delicately.

When she arrived at the gala there were hundreds of eyes on her, which was what she’d expected. She hadn’t worn this dress to blend in. After only a couple of minutes she saw Fox, standing near the bar with Agent Scully. He looked handsome, as always, and she looked attractive but subdued, as always.

Agent Scully’s dress was vintage, deep red, deeper than her hair, perfectly flattering but somewhat modest, especially compared to Diana’s own. Diana wondered if Agent Scully was the type of woman who would ever wear a dress like the one Diana was wearing to a function.

Anyway, if there were a contest on who would be getting more attention this evening, Diana was confident she’d win.

She downed the last of her champagne, took a deep breath, and approached them. When Agent Scully caught sight of her a look of barely restrained rage crossed her features and Diana couldn’t help but feel a small thrill, thinking of their last encounter. Fox must have noticed Agent Scully’s expression because he turned around, and when his eyes landed on Diana, his face turned as red as Agent Scully’s dress.

“Oh, um. Diana.” He stammered for a moment, and it reminded her of the way he’d behaved when he’d first introduced the two women. “Um… you look great.”

“Thanks. Nice party, huh?” she said. She didn’t give a shit about the party. It was an opportunity for him to see her dressed like this, nothing more, nothing less. Not only that, she was beginning to find it amusing the way Agent Scully reacted every time they crossed paths.

The other woman’s eyes drifted down Diana’s dress and back up, and Diana saw her jaw set. Fox looked like a deer in headlights and he turned to Agent Scully, then back to Diana, then back again. “Er…”

“Excuse me,” Agent Scully said, and made herself scarce.

Diana smiled at Fox, delighted that had been so simple. But then she saw Fox watch his ex-partner go, and he looked pained and extremely uncomfortable.

Maybe this wasn’t so simple. Maybe it never would be.

“Fox?” Diana asked. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” he said, distractedly.

She smiled. “I’m surprised to see you here. You always hated these things.”

“I did. I do,” he agreed quickly. “I wasn’t planning to come. But Scully wanted to, so.” He stopped. That was all the explanation she was going to get.

Scully wanted to, so.

This phrase took her aback. She’d always had to twist his arm to accompany her to these functions. And he’d just admitted he still hated them. But… Agent Scully, his work partner - in fact, not even his work partner anymore - wanted to… so...?

“You two seem awfully close,” she pointed out, fishing. He was still watching Agent Scully walk away, and Diana felt a chill go up her spine, along with a clenching in her gut that meant regardless of how she was dressed, regardless of the one-up she’d gotten over the other woman a few weeks ago, she was truly worried.

Her thoughts drifted back to when she’d asked him if he was in love with Agent Scully. He’d hesitated too long. It was only her own instinct but she knew what that pause meant. And if she were being entirely honest with herself, she hadn’t needed to ask him at all. It seemed as if everyone knew they were in love with each other except the two of them.

The power she’d felt while approaching them was rapidly dissipating. It was quickly evolving into real fear: a fear of losing something she didn’t even have. She’d never expected to see him again, and he had every right to fall in love with someone else. Nowhere in her mind did she believe her mere existence could have prevented that from happening after so much time apart.

It didn’t matter how many years they’d spent together, or how many times they’d slept together if his heart truly belonged to someone else.

She reached to touch his arm and leaned in to speak into his ear. It was an intimate gesture, one she’d used quite frequently back when they were married. She probably had no right, not anymore, but while he was right here, standing next to her, she enjoyed the familiarity.

“Would you like to dance?” she asked. She pulled back and tried to read his face. There was hesitation in his eyes that she hadn’t expected, and when he opened his mouth to speak, for a moment she was afraid he would decline. But he closed his mouth instead, as if changing his mind in the moment, and gestured for her to lead the way to the dance floor.

Her arms went around his neck, his hands resting at her waist, and as she leaned into him she felt him tense, uncomfortable. She had the distinct impression he was battling himself and that her comfort of being near him and holding him was not shared.

She’d been unsure about where they stood, exactly, when she’d left his apartment that morning. But there had been a shift since then, and she could feel it. She didn't have to, really; his non-responsiveness over the past few weeks spoke volumes that she simply didn't want to hear.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he said suddenly. “Did you send that furniture company to my apartment? The one you… mentioned, you know...?”

He didn’t say the last time we saw each other, i.e., that time you spent the night. Did he already regret it?

“No…? I don’t know what you mean,” she said. She truly didn’t.

“Never mind,” he shook his head, whatever information he was trying to get out of her obviously not forthcoming.

They moved to the music and he kept scanning the room. At a certain point she noticed sweat beading across his brow. Her mind raced as they danced, overwhelmed with his familiar scent, and the fear of losing him had never felt so real.

In spite of everything: his obvious feelings for Agent Scully, all the years’ worth of secrets and lies, and her own uncertainty about how he felt about her; in this moment she felt desperately hopeful. Maybe she could make him understand. Maybe she could win him back.

Maybe she could get him on her side.

***

Shortly after the Great Diana Incident, Mulder had fitfully re-stacked all the boxes behind his bedroom door to keep him from being reminded of it every time he used the bathroom. The bed had remained a problem, but much like the first time she left his apartment, he preferred to avoid the situation entirely.

The waterbed had soon afterwards mysteriously appeared, as if from nowhere, and the boxes had been cleared away. Mulder was used to the strange and unexplained, but solving that enigma seemed impossible.

He didn’t care for the waterbed, it wasn’t his style. But it had appeared at the moment he needed it to; the moment he knew that any bed Diana had slept in needed to be promptly removed from his home. It was as if the universe was course-correcting his shameful indiscretion.

He’d been so sure she’d done it, that she’d called and ordered him new furniture without even telling him. It was such a Diana thing to do. He assumed she hadn’t taken ‘no’ for an answer and had begun the process of weaving herself back into his life.

But looking into her face now as they spun around the dance floor, seeing the absolute confusion there, he believed her. She had no idea how his new bedroom had materialized. So he was back at square one on that particular X-File.

Diana held him close as they danced, which made him uncomfortable but allowed him to look over her shoulder without her noticing. Scully was nowhere to be seen, and while he hoped she hadn’t left entirely he was grateful she wasn’t watching them, at least. This delicate situation was getting more and more so by the day.

“So… you’re here to stay, then? In Washington?” he asked. He didn’t want to sound too hopeful, because he wasn’t. The outlook was not good.

“I guess that depends,” she answered.

“On what?”

She shrugged. “On a number of factors.”

She looked up at him in a very pointed way and he knew in this moment he had been correct in his initial read of the situation: indeed, she hadn’t taken ‘no’ for an answer.

Probably because you didn’t actually tell her ‘no,’ you fucking coward, he told himself. But Diana had always been the kind of woman who went after what she wanted. While he had admired that about her years ago, even weeks ago, right now it was unwelcome and extremely inconvenient.

“I hope I’m not one of them,” he replied.

She stopped dancing and pulled back. Pinned him with a stare. “Why wouldn’t you be?” She seemed offended.

“Diana… you left me, remember?”

“And a few weeks ago we slept together, Fox.”

Not wanting to draw attention, he pulled her in again to keep dancing. Whenever he thought about that night, that moment of miserable weakness, he felt sick about it. Angry at himself; not only for giving in so easily but also for having put Scully in such a position to doubt him.

“I know, and that was…” he searched for a word, “...premature.”

“Maybe it was,” she said. “But it was still wonderful.”

He neither confirmed nor denied this statement, as it nauseated him even talking about this while Scully was somewhere in the vicinity.

Sleeping with Diana had been a mistake; he knew that now, of course. It hadn’t solved any of his problems. It had only created new ones.

He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, though. Maintaining a friendship with Diana was important, for the X-Files, for his conscience. For his sanity, really. He wanted to trust her. And he wanted to keep the relationships in his life as harmonious as possible, especially considering she didn’t seem to be going anywhere.

So rather than respond to her, he pulled her next to his cheek, scanning the room again over her shoulder, and prayed for the song to end as soon as possible.

When it did finally end, he extricated himself from her arms. “I think I’m gonna go get a drink,” he said. He quickly realized he needed to make it clear he didn’t want her to join him. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

She nodded. “Okay. See you around.”

He gave her what he hoped was a friendly smile, and as he walked away, he felt relief. He wanted to find Scully, to somehow repair what he’d fucked up yet again in the past five minutes. To reassure her they were in no danger of The Great Diana Incident, Part Two.

He found her sitting at a table in the corner of the ballroom, her back to the dance floor.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you,” he said, pulling up a chair next to her. She took a sip of her drink, which looked like a gin and tonic, and eyed him.

“Here I am.”

She looked away again, not rudely, just guarded. He knew her too well.

“Too many people here, you know? Sometimes I forget we’re not the only ones at the FBI.” He grinned. She said nothing.

“Have I mentioned how great you look tonight?” he said. Charm wasn’t working; maybe a compliment would help.

She paused to take a sip, still not looking at him. “No, I think you said that to her, actually.”

Oof.

“Well, I didn’t because you don’t look great. You look… radiant.” He grinned and she rolled her eyes.

“Shut up, Mulder.”

“I mean it. You always look great, but I never get to see you like this.” He narrowed his eyes a bit. “You clean up good, Scully.”

She gave him the tiniest hint of a smile but still wasn’t looking directly at him. He realized she was going to make this as difficult as possible and he knew he probably deserved it. They were silent for a few moments more and the idea of making small talk with Scully made him feel like he was losing even more control of a situation that was already well out of hand.

She reached out to grab her drink and he stopped her hand with his own, covering it. She looked at him and in her eyes he saw softness, tenderness he hadn’t expected. So he took another chance.

“Dance with me, Scully.”

Her expression reflected surprise, perhaps not having expected him to actually have the balls to ask her such a thing. His eyes pled for yet another truce, now the second in what would probably continue to be a trail of half-assed truces until they could figure this all out, until their timing was finally right.

“Do you really want to dance, or is this you just being cute because you think I’m upset with you?”

"You think I’m cute?”

Another eyeroll.

“Scully. There’s nothing in the world I want more right now than to dance with you.” He stood and she allowed him to continue holding her hand. “Come on.”

Her eyes darted behind him, around the room, then back up to him. He knew the decision was fraught in multiple ways; how this would look to their co-workers, how it would look to Diana.

How it would feel for the two of them.

She seemed to want to find out as much as he did, because she stood up, and before she could change her mind he interlocked their fingers together and led her out to the dance floor.

His arms naturally pulled her in close and his eyes locked onto hers. It was different than dancing with Diana, for Scully was shorter and he had to crane his neck a bit to look at her. It felt so good to hold her like this, his hand at her waist, hers on his shoulder, their other two hands clasped together. And he was so relieved she was letting him.

After a few moments she dropped her head into his chest. She fit under his chin perfectly, which he knew she would from countless embraces of comfort, relief. Friendship. But he could feel his heart pounding in his chest beneath her cheek, knowing full well that things were very different now. He wondered if she could feel it, too.

After a minute he felt himself relaxing, and she did as well, and soon it just felt utterly comfortable holding her like this, spinning around the dance floor, breathing in her scent. It was something new, not quite floral, but definitely Scully. He couldn’t figure it out, and added it to the endless list of Scully puzzles in his mind, wishing he could find the answer to just one.

“Are we… okay, Scully?” he asked softly into her hair.

She was quiet for a moment, then he felt her hand, which was curled upwards around his shoulder, squeeze a bit tighter, almost possessively.

“That depends,” she replied.

“On what?”

“On what you get me for Christmas,” she said, and although he couldn’t see her face he could tell she was smiling. It was something in her voice, the way a subtle curve of her lips made her words sound. He closed his eyes and squeezed her back.

“Maybe a new partner, for starters?” he joked.

She sighed. “We aren’t partners anymore, Mulder.”

Technically she was right, but he certainly wasn’t going to admit as much. And he certainly didn’t feel that way.

“Yes, we are, Scully.” He laid his head down a bit on the top of hers. “It’s you and me. Partners. Always.”

He felt her take a deep breath. She nodded her head and her hair tickled his chin.

Relief washed over him in waves. This is going to be okay, this is all going to be okay.

“Who else is going to put up with you anyway, Mulder?” she said against his chest.

“No one would, Scully,” he said. “Only you.”

“Don’t forget that, and we can forego the Christmas gifts,” she suggested.

“Deal.”

He heard her sigh beneath him and he breathed her in, savoring this; the only dance that felt right. Another song began and neither of them let go.

THE WATERGATE APARTMENTS

WASHINGTON, D.C.

JANUARY 1999

It was nearly February and Diana hadn’t seen much of Fox at all since Christmas. As every day passed with no call, no paths crossed at work, she became more and more convinced he was avoiding her.

She was beginning to feel the stirrings of something she hadn’t felt before: desperation. She didn’t like it. Diana Fowley was rarely out of control.

The most frustrating part of it all was the mere idea that thoughts of the fox were yet again taking precedence over the work in her mind. It felt like déjà vu. She’d never wanted that to happen, even back when they were married, and it alarmed her.

There was a knock at her door and she hoped it was him, immediately chastising herself once again for feeling so needy. At the door, however, was Spender.

“There’s been a change of plans,” he said simply and she let him inside.

The creation of the first successful alien/human hybrid in Cassandra Spender had changed virtually everything. The timetable everyone had agreed upon was shot to shit; no one had anticipated a political upheaval among the aliens themselves.

Diana watched Spender as he sat down in a chair, looking more introspective than anything. She might have expected any other man to give up; in fact, she might have encouraged it. But Spender wanted to complete the work and she admired that. They’d come so far, and it was what she wanted, too.

He puffed his cigarette and she listened to his theatrical reflections. When he got this way it seemed as if she wasn’t really there, that he was talking only to himself. It was always best to just listen.

“I could never have scripted the events that led us to this. None of us could. All the brilliant men… the secret that we kept so well…”

She knew the plans, mostly. But Spender was doing something he hadn’t done before, not really. He seemed to be letting her in on his fears.

“They were good plans, right plans. Kept secret for over fifty years, ever since the crash at Roswell. Kept secret from men like Fox Mulder. Plans that would have worked had not a rebel alien race come to destroy them. Had not my own son chosen betrayal, or chosen to betray more wisely.”

“You should have expected this,” she said abruptly. She’d earned the right to second guess him at this point and they both knew enlisting Jeffrey Spender had been a fatal mistake. Involving his own son while the man’s mother suffered at Spender’s hands was the kind of hubris only he could attempt.

“I suppose I should have,” he agreed, to her surprise. “I’m rarely an optimist but I’d hoped my son would be more like his father; more concerned with his legacy than his scruples. I misjudged Jeffrey, and for that I have only myself to blame.”

“He’s going to do whatever he can to protect his mother,” she said.

“While the only thing she wants is to die,” he conceded. “But we cannot allow that.”

Fifty years of work had come to fruition. Ever since they’d found Gibson Praise and known for certain what he had inside him, Diana had every confidence he was the last thing they’d needed for their most promising alien/human hybrid test subject yet. And Dr. Openshaw had indeed delivered. Cassandra Spender was the one, the savior of mankind.

What Cassandra had inside her could save so many lives. She was more important than anything. Diana didn’t want to see that work go to waste.

“What if we could make him understand what she is, how important she is? Maybe he could believe?” She knew as the words left her mouth it could never happen. She knew as much from working closely with him for months.

“Jeffrey won’t believe,” Spender stated. “He refused to believe any of it. My son refused to believe that his mother had been abducted… even when I schemed to put him in charge of the X-Files… he turned to the man I’d ruined. The man I’d chosen for him to replace.”

“He knew Fox would try to help him. And you wouldn’t.”

“There’s no helping Jeffrey,” he said flatly. “He’s of no use to us anymore.” She knew that tone and it scared her.

“But… he’s your son,” she said. She’d searched for a heart within this man for years and not once had she gotten a glimpse. “He isn’t disposable. He’s not just a pawn you can wipe off the board.”

“Diana, there’s something I must tell you,” he said suddenly, ignoring her protestations. She was taken aback by the use of her given name. He’d never referred to her so informally.

“Tell me what?”

“Information that might change your perspective,” he said, looking her dead in the eyes now.

She was well aware of Spender’s ability to manipulate people, and was certain she’d been a victim of it in the past, regardless of his promises. But in his eyes right now was something she rarely saw when she looked into them: truth. He had something to say, something important. Something true.

“What is it?”

He paused, briefly. Then the words poured forth more quickly than she could process.

“Fox Mulder is my son.”

Diana was stunned. She wasn’t even sure how to react. Her two worlds were colliding suddenly and very unexpectedly. How had she never known? Fox had never introduced her to his father in all the years they’d known each other, and she’d known very little besides the fact they were estranged.

Diana shook her head. “Why hasn’t Fox ever told me about you?”

“Because… he doesn’t know the truth.”

Diana stared back incredulously. “Are you saying he doesn’t know you’re his father?”

Spender looked at her blankly.

“And I suppose you expect me to keep this from him, as well as everything else? To not tell him this huge secret?”

“Yes.” It wasn’t an overt threat, but she knew enough about Spender to know he was deadly serious.

She felt herself shrinking away from him, sinking into her chair. A wave of emotion and clarity washed over her in an instant. She wasn’t stupid, she never had been, but she felt it acutely now.

Of course this had to be true. Spender had always had an eye on Fox, and she’d never clued in to the fact that it might be something more than his occasional usefulness, or his ability to distract from and unknowingly dismiss his own discoveries by shouting them to the heavens.

“No. I can’t keep this from him. Not this. I think you underestimate how much I care about him.” She felt as if he’d trapped her.

“On the contrary, I know exactly how much you care about him. That’s why I’ve entrusted you and you alone with this.”

She paused, curious. “What do you mean?”

“I’m well aware you and he have a history, as you know. But Agent Mulder and I… have a history of our own. And it’s not a very pretty picture.”

She felt her eyes narrow. “Please, paint it for me.”

“I don’t want to elaborate. Suffice it to say, when I reveal the truth to him, when he finally has his proof, that will be the proper time for us to… mend fences.”

Diana didn’t know what to say. It was too much to process. And she wasn’t sure of his intentions with Fox. If his attitude towards Jeffrey was any indication, she feared for Fox’s life in this moment, truly.

“This… this is too strange, Sir. The fact that you’ve kept this information from me for so many years makes me very uncomfortable.”

Spender took a drag of his cigarette. “For whatever reason, he and you and I have been thrown into the mix together,” he continued, cigarette smoldering. “Call it fate, destiny, whatever you like. But I believe it’s for a singular purpose.”

“What purpose?”

He leveled his stare at her. “The only purpose that matters, Diana: the work. The work you and he and I have sacrificed so much for.”

His words struck a chord inside her. Maybe he was right; perhaps this all was some strange twist of fate. Maybe she’d been placed in this position to continue and complete the work. And once she did, she could be free of this man, once and for all. The world could be saved. Fox would know the truth, and he would have his final puzzle piece.

Then maybe, just maybe, they could be together again.

“The amount of suffering I’ve endured over the years, the inability to tell my son the truth…” he trailed off and looked down. She wasn’t sure why - perhaps something in his eyes gave way and she believed he was truly regretful - but she felt somewhat sympathetic for him in that moment.

“I’m sure Fox has suffered too,” she said. How would he react to this news when he ultimately learned it?

“I need your help, Diana. Consider it an opportunity to show me you’re capable of handling the responsibility that comes with this knowledge.” He looked up at her from his chair. “I only hope it’s not too late.”

“What is it you need?” She had to do what he asked; she owed him her life. And she hoped beyond hope that whatever task he entrusted her with would be the last.

“We need Cassandra,” he said simply. “And I need you to be the one to retrieve her. Jeffrey trusts you.”

She scoffed. “He won’t after I remove his mother from his custody.”

“I’m sure you’ll come up with something.” He took another drag; blew it out.

“Trust isn’t easily earned, Diana. I’ve trusted no one. Treachery is the inevitable result of all affairs. Every man believes he has his own good reason. I have little doubt of my son's disloyalty to me. Certainly he led Mulder and Scully to us. His mother must know by now her central role in the grand plan… that she's as much alien as human.” He took one final puff. “Do you wonder why I’ve chosen you? You’ve never betrayed me. Now I need someone to trust.”

His eyes said this was the right course. She stood and made to leave.

“I’ll help you,” she assured him. “It’s not too late.”

#txf #the x files #msr #fbi gala #diana fowley #fanfic #my fic

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repeatedceesaw · 5 years ago

Text

Teen Wolf

Welcome to a friend / roommate request for Sadie based off Teen Wolf. Ultimately this all just comes down to found family and everyone (or almost everyone) living in the same building being rented to them by the resident 'old man hangs out with young adults' landlord. Most of the characters will have known each other since 18 if not before, but while I've written mostly actual information about the characters, they're definitely more of guidelines in some parts due to the different universe mechanics. I've given three ideas for classes for each character but they're definitely suggestions and make the characters your own.

CONTENT WARNING This request contains references to family death, child abuse, and just generally shitty backstories.

( find part 2 here )

Stiles Stilinski

Open ✖ 22-24 ✖ Hexes & Cursebreaking / potions / alchemy ✖ open

✖ Occupation: Student

✖ Short Bio: Hyperfocused, sarcastic, witty, loyal to his friendships but not the best influence due to his own boredom and curiosity. mother died when he was younger and father has a 24/7 job basically so he raised himself, and maybe an 11 year old with an insatiable and dark curiosity shouldn’t have been left to his own devices. definitely got warned several times for his underage magic experiments but due to his age never really got in real trouble. honestly doesn’t really like most people and once you’re in his friend group and he accepts you, you are his prime priority. unfortunately sometimes his loyalty turns dark, and he’s more than willing to cause harm to those who cause harm to his group. is tempered a lot by the rest of the group but rarely should be left alone with Erica because they have the same sort of feelings about that. there’s a faint rivalry between isaac and stiles since scott adopted isaac into the group and stiles still harbors insecurity and a grudge for how easily isaac got scott’s attention when scott used to be stiles’ best and only friend. huge ex crush on lydia but now they they actually know one another, they are a terrifying duo of puzzle solving and thinking outside the box.

Scott McCall

Open ✖ 22-24 ✖ Cryptozoology / animal magic / combat ✖ open ✖ Occupation: Student / After class job ✖ Short Bio: puppy ™, sees the good in almost everyone but also sees situations as what benefits people the most (if he doesn’t like you, might sell you for a cornchip if it gets someone he likes out of a sticky situation), is way too trusting and cares about almost everyone, thinks with his heart. definitely works outside of class with either kids or animals… or both. the sort of help out afterclass with cryptozoology and then tutor younger students if he knows the subject. lowkey dumb, but is a hard worker. raised by a single mom (and sort of stiles’ dad), he begrudgingly goes along with stiles’ schemes because who else is going to make sure stiles doesn’t go looking for a dead body and gets murdered? exes with allison, bromance with isaac and childhood friends / are they gay with stiles. kira and scott together are pure and great, even if his he still hasn’t gotten over his first love

Lydia Martin

Open ✖ 22-24 ✖ oneiromancy / necromancy / alchemy ✖ open ✖ Occupation: Student / Possibly a TA? ✖ Short Bio: #betterthanyou, brains and beauty, she used to dumb herself down in when she thought popular girls couldn’t be smart but quickly got bored of it and chose to dominate in class. stiles could probably give her a run for her money if he bothered to study at all but best he could do is second place to her first. intends on winning academic awards and wiping the floor with absolutely everyone. entirely possible she’s finished half the courses offered by now, multilingual to the extreme especially in various spell languages and is most likely to create new spells or be doing research into some half forgotten art. struggles a little with her ability but is determined to master it like everything else. best friends with allison and was on and off with jackson in the past. not here for any women vs women bullshit and well beyond the years where she ever thought she needed a man on her arm for status. as much as it’s really not her job to improve and change a man, she knows jackson better than anyone and does go to bat for him occasionally and helps him unlearn all his bullshit posturing, sometimes with understanding and sometimes with tough love.

Allison Argent

Open ✖ 22-24 ✖ combat / healing / folk magic ✖ open ✖ Occupation: Student / Head of Family Business ✖ Short Bio: beautiful smile, dimples, sunshine. is genuinely just a nice person with a pretty big physical training background from her family and was so lovely when they all met. now though, she’s learned more and more of her family’s backstory and cruelty, and the horrors have changed her. Older now, she works hard to be the best leader she can and guide her family to the right path. although her naivety has gone now, she’s still just Good ™ . Callous when she needs to be, she’s worked hard to get through her issues and find her own morals. wants to help people but is more in the middle of stiles and scott’s ideals, more suspicious and careful than scott, but less cynical than stiles. used to date scott and they were pure and in love until she found out her family secrets and pushed him away. dated isaac for a bit and there was always a weird feeling between the three of them, with both loving her and her loving them both. after erica and her buried the hatchet, she’s just happy to have more friends and tries not to get jealous when she sees kira and scott but first loves can be hard to let go even when the timing isn’t right anymore. jackson is definitely an ass, but he’s her swimming partner and an excellent person to talk to when you just want to bitch (specifically about scott or stiles)

Derek Hale

Open ✖ 26-30 ✖ herbology / healing / rural/folk magic ✖ open ✖ Occupation: Local Ghost (completely open, he can even be a student again if you want) ✖ Short Bio: the older friend who missed out on some of his teenage years due to tragedy, it’s a little weird that he’s always hanging around these younger adults. still, he’s mostly harmless and even a little pitiful and soft when you get through his aggressive defence. definitely a major concern when they first met, it was stiles who really dragged him into the group and showed compassion for the shitty things derek went through. historically has had a really shitty relationship with allison’s family but the two of them have worked through most of their issues. lost most of his family when he was a teenager and hasn’t entirely worked through his survivors guilt so although he likes to think he’s the dad of the group, he’s really just the somewhat incompetent older brother who tries his best. erica, boyd, and isaac tend to humor him but other people not so much. he progressed from leather jackets (he, erica, boyd and isaac all had matching ones that they sometimes pull out from retirement) to sweaters. progressed from a camaro to an suv. big literature nerd. with part of the life insurance payout, he bought an old apartment building they all live in and is doing it up, everyone else’s apartment first while his stays untouched.

Erica Reyes

Sadie van der Ven ✖ 22 ✖ illusion magic, scrying, healing ✖ cerise ✖ Occupation: student ✖ Short Bio: part one of the ‘didn’t used to have power and then suddenly came into their own’ squad. was once bullied for her looks and left out of things due to her health. always deeply concerned with proving herself, even if it’s dangerous for her. with an original family who didn’t know how to handle her, she kept pushing herself until she pushed too far. when she eventually had her power glowup, she let it go to her head and wanted to take revenge on those that teased her before. definition of ‘bullied girl glows up, seeks revenge’. big proponent of girls vs girls until she eventually settled and found out that teaming up and having fun was much more satisfying. huge crush on derek but who knew he wasn’t into teenage girls as a grown adult? just wants to feel powerful and uses magic and looks like armor against all her insecurity. big movie and comic nerd with stiles and had a crush on him throughout much of their first meeting before she joined the gang. listens almost exclusively to boyd in terms of being told not to do the thing, but if he’s not around… definitely up for getting into trouble. just insecurity in a pretty cover.

Vernon Boyd

Open ✖ 22-24 ✖ elemental magic, defense, cleromancy ✖ open ✖ Occupation: student ✖ Short Bio: part two of the ‘didn’t used to have power and suddenly came into their own’ squad, boyd is the only one who didn’t become a goshdarn nightmare when he started using magic properly. with how quiet he is, you’d think he wasn’t interested in being friends with anyone, or wanted to be anywhere else. this isn’t true. he loves being around people, he’s just silently judging all of them for bad choices. having spent a lot of his time looking after his younger siblings, he didn’t really have time to hang out after school and eventually ended up just sitting alone at lunch. worked hard after his siblings’ bedtime, he had a job to try bring more money into the family. he’s probably the only one who realises that derek chose him, erica, and isaac because they were lonely and insecure and while he thinks that’s super fucked up, he also realises derek is super fucked up too and gives him a break for it. while he’s not the absolute closest to derek in terms of sharing past trauma over lunch, is definitely derek’s favorite and probably best friend. big brother who keeps people in line but disappears into the shadows when it’s not really needed. big on his found family. you think he’s quiet but he’s just the only one who can control himself when it comes to actually saying the snarky things out loud…. mostly

#magicsrpg #hello cerise fucking STRUGGLED with this coding #if anything is out of place then too bad thats how it is now #part 1 because it refused to post all at once #wanted ad

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toloveawarlord · 5 years ago

Text

Red Army- Older Generation (Toddlers)

You can find my masterlist in my bio!

These are the Red Army kids that exist in the universe when Eden is 3 years old. They are the older generation because there are few more red army kids (like Zero’s kids, and younger siblings) that haven’t been born yet.

I will be adding information to these whenever I discover more about them!

Tagging some peeps @plumpblueberry @christmaswarlock @youreawizardharr

I added a read more because this is very very long! Please excuse any mistakes because my brain is fried from working on this.

Enjoy!

Lancelot Kingsley:

Status: Married to Victoria Buckley

Home: Owns a large home near Red Headquarters; kids visit often but mainly live at their home

Kids: 2

Atticus Kingsley

Age: 6 Years Old

Appearance: Fair skinned, red hair, rich blue eyes. A little shorter than average for his age.

Some Facts:

Spends most of his time out of school at Headquarters with his sword instructor. This is his favorite pastime and he wants to grow stronger so that he can inherit the King of Hearts position from his father one day.

Hates any other lessons, like etiquette or dance, but he masters them quickly so he can go back to sword play.

Extremely smart and manipulative. He believes because of his status that he can boss every one else around, especially his staff at his home. Though, it typically only works on new workers.

He’s sent many nannies away over the past few years. They all tend to find him too hard to handle and quit within days.

His current nanny has become the exception. Annalise Perry has been the only successful nanny to corral the young Kingsley. Atticus adores her. She doesn’t chastise him for his pranks, instead usually finding them funny, but she does not let him boss her around either. Annalise will play swords with him and doesn’t mind getting out in the woods. She is one of the few adults he listens to.

Thoughts/Interactions with other Red Army Kids

Lyra Kingsley:

His baby sister that he doesn’t really care for. She can’t speak or play with him so she bores him easily. He doesn’t care for how everyone coos at her for being cute either, but secretly likes when he makes her giggle and smile.

Caroline Clemence:

Atticus likes Caroline for how easily bossed around she is. She always jumps at an opportunity to sword fight with him, despite her never beating him without him giving it to her. The two have been together since they were born. His least favorite thing about her is how stuck to the rules she is.

Jude Clemence:

Like his own sister, he is bored with babies and tends to avoid them if at all possible. He rarely sees the younger Clemence, unless Caroline drags him along.

Eden Bright:

When Eden was first brought to headquarters, Atticus was immediately interested. Since Eden is much younger and more timid than Caroline, he vowed to protect her, especially since she gets sick so easily. He refers to her at the Princess of Headquarters since she lives there full time. He hates to see her cry and wants to do everything he can to make her smile.

Beckett Ash:

Immediately sees him as a rival. Until Beckett arrived, he was the only boy with the two girls. He tries to assert his status over Beckett as soon as they meet. Atticus finds his niceness as weakness and picks on him often. Since Beckett is so level-headed and shy, he doesn’t fight back, giving Atticus the control and power in their relationship.

Sadie Ash:

Atticus really doesn’t know what to make of her, at first. He’d never experienced a girl like her. She always surprised him with how she defended her brother from his antics. Unlike Caroline, Sadie doesn’t care that he is the son of the King of Hearts and that is entertaining to him. He enjoys how angry she gest at him, and he often pins her to the floor during a physical fight and taunts about what she is going to do.

Thoughts/Interactions with Black Army and Neutrals:

Castor Oswald:

Occasionally sees him on the playground or at assemblies. Since he isn’t in his immediate circle of friends or his grade, Atticus pays little attention to him. He does think that Castor is boring since he rarely sees him with other children.

Sasha Hyde:

Atticus thinks that Sasha is very strange because of how often he sees her reading big, old books. He can’t boss her around like the rest of the class, nor does she fawn over him like the other girls, so Atticus is generally frustrated with every interaction he has with her. He wants her attention so badly that he tends to follow her around practically begging for it.

Valen Tweedle (Dean):

Not in his class, but plays with him at recess. His second in command during school hours. Enjoys having him around to follow his orders and play sword games or pirates. Atticus drags him into his shenanigans that land both of them in trouble. Even when sitting in time out, they make funny faces at each other and goof around.

Lyra Kingsley

Age: 1 Year Old in present

Appearance: Whispy blonde hair and sky blue eyes; most say she looks exactly like her father

For the purpose of telling her personality, the following information is based on Lyra being around 4 or 5 years old.

Some facts:

The reserved child, but still understands her status. She is nice to everyone and willing to help out.

Hates the idea of fighting and would never pick up a sword. Instead, she would rather solve problems by talking about it.

It rarely happens, but should another child pick on her, she always runs to her brother to protect her.

Doesn’t make friends easily because of her shyness.

Red Army Thoughts/Interactions:

Atticus Kingsley:

She see Atticus as her protector and often follows him around, much to his displeasure. Their age gap puts a strain on their relationship at this age. She likes for him to tell her stories before she goes to bed.

Caroline Clemence:

Lyra believes that Atticus and Caroline are going to get married. She likes to let Caroline dress her up and play house with her. Although they are four years apart, Caroline dotes on her like she did when Eden.

Jude Clemence:

Being nearly the same, the two were always put together when the elder siblings went to school. They are best friends and go everywhere together. She finds him incredibly sweet and would rather play with him than anyone else. They are constantly playing hide and seek together in HQ and Jude brings her a flower every day as “a gift for the lovely lady”.

Eden Bright:

Closer in age than Lyra is with Caroline, the two don’t spend much time together. Lyra is similar to Eden in being a little clingy to her parents, but not quite so drastic as the young Bright. If Caroline is not around to get all the girls together, Eden and Lyra don’t play together. But, when all the girls get together, they can get along.

Beckett Ash:

Lyra likes Beckett a lot because he is so nice to her all the time, but Atticus doesn’t like the two of them being together. Beckett reads to her a lot and tells her about the things he is learning.

Sadie Ash:

Since Eden and Sadie become very good friends, Lyra doesn’t spend a lot of time with her. She doesn’t like how much Sadie and Atticus fight with each other, and she fears they’re going to hurt each often, making Lyra upset.

Other Interactions:

Since Lyra is so sheltered, she doesn’t see any of the other kids enough to have an opinion of them (at this age), but she is polite to every person she meets, but rarely talks unless she has to.

*****

Jonah Clemence

Status: Married to Eleanor Atlas

Home- Owns a home near Red Headquarters; the kids live part time between home and HQ, due to Eleanor traveling overseas often.

Kids: 2

Caroline Clemence:

Age: 5 years old

Appearance: A mini Jonah. She has little features from her mother. Mint hair and amber eyes. The only difference in her and Jonah is that her mole is under the opposite eye, like Luka’s.

Some Facts:

Similar to Atticus in knowing exactly what her family name means and can do, but she isn’t very manipulative about it. She takes her surname very seriously and always follows the rules that are set for her. The only exception to this if she is approached by one of Jonah’s Heart Defenders, then she might abuse her power as a Clemence.

Unlike Jonah was raised, Caroline has a lot more freedom than he did. She gets plenty of attention, despite not being the current choice for the Queen of Hearts. Jonah is very protective of her, but also spoils her a little too much sometimes.

Enjoys being girly and rich- spends money as easily as her father.

Caroline has a fondness for sword fighting, but mostly because it’s one the only ways she can get Atticus’s attention.

She typically mimics Jonah and tries to speak in the way he does sometimes.

Red Army Thoughts/Interactions

Atticus Kingsley:

Caroline adores Atticus and would do anything he asked. She has never beaten him in a sword fight but pretends that she has. All her skills come from his instruction. He told her it was because he wanted a sparring partner, but she took it as him saying she was special.

Lyra Kingsley:

As a baby, Caroline loves to take care of her along with her own baby brother. She is very motherly towards Lyra, even as they grow older. She tries to get Lyra to be more outgoing and always makes the others listen to her when she wants to speak.

Jude Clemence:

Her little brother might as well have been her own child. Caroline fully took her mother’s place anytime she was away. She memorized Jude’s schedule, knows what foods he can eat, and thoroughly loves sitting in the rocking chair and holding him while he falls asleep. As the two get older, she finds him to be meek but charming.

Eden Bright:

Her little sister. Caroline loves Eden so much. Any time she can spend with her, she’s there. She teaches Eden things that she learns at school and likes to read books to her when Eden is feeling sick. Before Beckett and Sadie arrived, Caroline had Eden following her around everywhere. Despite Eden spending time with Sadie a lot, the two remain close.

Beckett Ash:

Caroline doesn’t really mind him, but also goes along with whatever Atticus tells her, so she typically shuns him when Atticus is around. She admires how smart his is and when he joins her class in school, Caroline looks out for him.

Sadie Ash:

The enemy. Oil and water. Sadie stands up to Atticus and talks about him. Caroline isn’t fond her at all. Especially once Eden and Sadie start playing together. She sees her as disruptive, because Sadie doesn’t let her boss around Eden when all the girls are playing together.

Black Army/Neutral Interactions:

Caroline also only sees those in her school grade as Kindergarten doesn’t play with the older kids. The only other kid that Caroline knows well enough in the present is Finley.

Finley Godspeed:

Her biggest rival for Eden’s attention before Sadie arrived. Eden talks about Finley a lot because of all the presents she receives from her. Caroline greatly dislikes that and tells Eden that Finley is lying to her because they cannot get married. Her reasoning is that they live in separate territories. She bickers with Finley any time she sees her.

Jude Clemence:

Age: 11 Months

Appearance: Dusty brown hair and hazel eyes, very much like his mother has the porcelain complexion of Jonah.

For the purpose of this section, like Lyra, I’m aging Jude up to around 4 or 5 to give insight to his personality.

Some Facts:

Bashful child, unless he is with Lyra. He finds talking and interacting with the other kids tiring and would rather be alone with Lyra.

He brings Lyra a flower every day because he says that she is angel and he wants to see her smile.

Jude doesn’t like to talk, and his family thought that he was late in learning how to speak but he just chose not to.

Sometimes he is confused for being a girl, especially when he was a baby because of he took after his mother. He grew used to it, and because he didn’t speak up, many still refer to him a “she” by mistake.

Terrified of swords and fighting. He does not want to take lessons in learning swordplay, typically hiding away or sitting on the floor to protest.

Red Army Thoughts/Interactions

Atticus Kingsley:

Jude finds Atticus’s outgoing and bossy personality scary and he tends to avoid him if at all possible. With their age difference, he doesn’t mind that Atticus that ignores him.

Lyra Kingsley:

The love of his life. Even at a young age and he doesn’t understand what love is, he is enamored by Lyra and would do anything to stay by her side. He likes to hold her hand and the two often run off together to play without other kids.

Caroline Clemence:

His big sister that he adores. Jude and Caroline play a lot at home together, and she is a good teacher to him. She is always willing to help him learn big words in the books he is reading.

Eden Bright:

He doesn’t spend much time with Eden when he gets to the toddler age. She is in school and tends to stick with Sadie. He doesn’t understand why she gets sick or why she gets angry when other kids want to be around her dad.

Beckett Ash:

As he grows older, Jude begins to see Beckett as the older brother he never had. The two are both on the shy side of the scale but share a love of reading. Jude doesn’t mind spending time with Beckett whenever he is around.

Sadie Ash:

Her brash and honest way of speaking scares him as much as Atticus does. He doesn’t like fighting so Jude is always the first to go running for help when Atticus and Sadie get into a physical fight, after he makes sure Lyra isn’t going to be hurt in the process.

Black Army/Other Neutrals:

Like Lyra, Jude is very sheltered in who he can be around at the toddler age, so he doesn’t know many of the other children in Cradle at this age.

Ezra and Valarie Clemence:

Unlike his big sister, Jude has never known a time before his cousins weren’t around. Since Ezra and Valarie were a secret for the first 4 years of their life, Caroline never knew them until she was older. Jude doesn’t mind his cousins but he still finds their personalities to be strong.

*****

Edgar Bright

Status: Single

Home: Red HQ

Kids: 1

Eden Bright

Age: 3

Appearance: Brown hair and matching Jade green eyes, fair skin, very much like Edgar

Some Facts:

Her mother kept her until she was 2 years old, leaving her Edgar’s care for only a little over a year at the beginning of her story.

She is extremely clingy to Edgar, and jealous if any other kids take his attention away. It gets worse when she is sick.

Eden has weak lungs, so Kyle gives her breathing treatments. Her immune system is also low, making her sick more often than a normal child.

Overall, the sweetheart of the Red Army. She interacts with the other soldiers and in turn, they all dote on her. Eden is very polite and doesn’t get into much trouble.

Eden loves candy as much as her father and will sweet talk her way into getting sweets from the kitchen staff on a daily basis.

Red Army Thoughts/Interactions.

Atticus Kingsley:

Her big brother figure. Once she settled into HQ with Edgar, Atticus would visit her with Caroline. She found him to be really nice and she likes when he pretends she’s a princess. The only things she dislikes is how fast he plays, and she tends to get left behind until Atticus notices her lagging.

Lyra Kingsley

Complete opposites. Eden doesn’t like Lyra when she is a baby because of jealousy. Any time Eden is in a room with Lyra, she will not let Edgar put her down to hold Lyra. It takes a long time for the jealously to subside.

Caroline Clemence:

Big sister figure. Eden loves Caroline to visit her and read her books. Caroline’s personality intimidated Eden at first but with time, she grew to like it. She spends the most time with Caroline and likes for the older girl to dress her up and fix her hair.

Jude Clemence:

It’s not often that Eden sees Jude unless Caroline takes her to him. She has mixed feelings about him, but in the end, she wouldn’t like for Edgar to give him any attention, so she stays away.

Beckett Ash:

Mostly friends by default. He stays with Sadie, therefore he spends a lot of time with Eden until he goes to school. Eden doesn’t mind him because he is typically very reserved and kind to her.

Sadie Ash:

Once Sadie arrives at HQ, Eden begins to play with her the most. Since Caroline has school, and Sadie is only 3 like Eden, the two get to spend a ton time together, especially since Kyle often looks after Eden. The two become really close. Eden likes the Sadie is patient and never forces her to play things that she doesn’t want to.

Black Army/Neutrals

Finley Godspeed:

Eden was absolutely terrified of Eden the first time that they two met. She grew to like Finley because of the attention and her persistence. Seeing how excited Finley gets to see her, the two begin an odd friendship. Eden looks forward to seeing Finley in town.

*****

Kyle Ash

Status: Single

Home: HQ

Kids: 2

Beckett Ash

Age: 5

Appearance: reddish-brown hair and blue eyes

Some Facts:

Beckett like his father, is incredibly gifted. He taught himself basic first aid and treats all his sister’s wounds that their mother inflicts. He is typically spared her wrath because of his timid nature and he complies easily.

He has saved his mother from an overdose on many occasions despite her constant neglect of them.

Had to become the “parent” figure to his little sister and make sure she gets meals and bath every day.

Does not like to start trouble. Beckett is considered a suck up to adults because he does not want to rock the boat.

Red Army Thoughts/Interactions

Atticus Kingsley:

Beckett finds Atticus to be overbearing and he tends to avoid him at all possible. He doesn’t like how much Atticus can rile up his little sister, but he rarely comments on how the Kingsley torments him.

Lyra Kingsley:

As a baby, Beckett doesn’t spend much time with her. But as she grows older, Beckett begins to like her because she is the opposite of her brother. She listens to him talk about his day and things he is learning at school. He is her honorary big brother.

Caroline Clemence:

Beckett has no ill will toward Caroline despite her mean behavior toward her when Atticus is around. He can see that she holds onto Atticus’s every word and he admires her for being so devoted to him. At school, he is always grateful for her assistance with his peers.

Jude Clemence:

When Jude grows older, Beckett becomes quite close to him. He was not surprised that Jude is as dedicated to Lyra as Caroline is to Atticus. He takes on Jude as his apprentice and teaches him big words and all the names of the flowers so he can impress Lyra.

Eden Bright:

He feels bad for Eden because of how easily she gets sick. He tends to follow Kyle around and help tend to her. He likes to take care of others so Eden is no exception. He takes extra precautions when they are playing outside to make sure Eden doesn’t overdo it.

Sadie Ash:

His little protector. Beckett adores his baby sister and chastises himself for not being able to keep her safe at their home. He wants to protect his little sister but typically she ends up protecting him, whether it be from their mother or the other kids that like to pick on him. He admires that she is so strong despite their situation. He wants her to find a place where she doesn’t have to fight for her right to live and for her to finally feel safe and loved by a parental figure.

Black Army/Neutrals

Lux Genetta:

He is fascinated with her, never met anyone with magic much less magic like hers. Beckett tags along with Kyle on his days out for working with patients just so that he can try and find Lux out and about. It isn’t often the two meet up.

Finley Godspeed:

He finds her to be most entertaining and genuinely a good person. He’s seen a lot of fakes in his life, but he is always astounded with how much Finley genuinely cares for those around her and makes an effort to make everyone happy.

Sadie Ash

Age: 3

Appearance: reddish-brown hair and golden eyes. She looks identical to Kyle. Some facts:

Her appearance being so similar to Kyle is why their mother hates Sadie so much. She resents Kyle and therefore takes it out on Sadie.

Strong willed and stands up to anyone who opposes her or her brother. She has issues with authority because of her terrible mother. Adults tend to set her into a spiral of rebellion.

She has burn marks and permanent scars from her abuse on her back and torso.

Sadie doesn’t like reading or studying like her brother. She would enjoy learning to wield a sword because it would be another way to protect herself.

Red Army Thoughts/Interactions

Atticus Kingsley: Oil and water. Sadie does not like him one bit. She wants to wipe that smug smirk right off his face and she tries her hardest. She fights dirty with him landing her trouble often. Lyra:

Sadie isn’t too fond of babies because of her 3 half triplet half siblings that keep her awake at night screaming and crying. She steers clear of her for the most part. As they grow older, the two don’t get along because of Sadie’s behavior towards Atticus.

Caroline Clemence:

Her arch-nemisis. Sadie and Caroline tend to fight quite often, either over Eden’s attention or Sadie is trying to let Eden get a word in and let her make her own decision. Sadie can’t stand that Caroline leads Eden around like a puppy. She also dislikes that Caroline sides with Atticus when Beckett is getting picked on. Sadie has smacked her more than a few times.

Jude Clemence:

Like Lyra, Sadie avoids him as a baby. As the grow older, Sadie still doesn’t have much to do with him. But, she dislikes that he always runs and tattles on her and Atticus when she is fighting with him.

Eden Bright:

She didn’t quite understand at first why Eden got sick easily, but once the two began spending time together, Sadie grew fond of her quickly. She teaches Eden how to speak up for herself with the other kids and not let them walk all over her.

Beckett Ash:

Sadie loves her big brother, and she does everything she can to protect him, even at only ¾ years old. Her mother doesn’t pick on Beckett because of his compliant attitude and Sadie is happy for that. She does wish that he would stand up for himself, but until he does, she will defend him with everything she has.

Black Army/Neutrals:

Finley Godspeed:

Not allowed to be alone with her. The first time the two met in Central Quarter, they caused a ruckus and destroyed a fruit stand by startling a horse. Fast friends, and partners in crime. They bond over their adoration for Eden and love of causing mischief.

I will definitely be updating this as I explore more of their relationships with each other and delve more into their stories. Stay tuned for a breakdown of the Black Army kids and the Neutral kids! ^_^

Please feel free to ask me questions or comment on the munchkins!

#whew this took ages #but i love my next gen #it all started with eden #it's been a full year since I wrote her first chapter #red army next gen #older gen #they have siblings later in life #atticus kingsley #lancelot kingsley #lyra kingsley #jonah clemence #caroline clemence #jude clemence #edgar bright #eden bright #kyle ash #beckett ash #sadie ash #zero is the only one not a thot in this universe it seems

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