#his name is merle and i barely acknowledge his existence once a year

[vvitchynerd]

finally done with it :,D

[txladyj-blog]

This Time Around - Chapter 22

A Daryl Dixon x OFC collaboration written by @xmistressmistrustx​ by request of @txladyj-blog​

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character

Tags: Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Awkwardness, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Humor, Mild Smut, Strong Language, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue

Chapters 26/?

Smoke filtered out through the open window, plumes of grey rising up to the sky from the illuminated bud at the end of Daryl’s cigarette. His morning cigarette was probably the one he looked forward to the most. He took up his usual spot on the window ledge with a coffee in one hand and his smoke in the other and watched the sun peep over the horizon. The streets were always empty save for the guards and it was one of the things he was grateful for at Alexandria, one of the small home comforts he had gone without for so long. It was now part of his morning routine once more. Rise early, shower, grab a coffee and smoke by the light of the sun rising before setting off on the hunt.

He would usually always see Jess around the same time, sitting on the same fallen tree trunk and checking her bow and bracers. It became more than a coincidence after the third time he’d ran into her there that the both of them somehow just accepted that it was now a rendezvous spot and the place they’d use each morning to greet one another and throw the odd competitive comment around. Daryl was aware he was the better hunter, but he had been hunting since he was old enough to hold a crossbow without dropping it. Jess only had a years’ experience but was holding her own, rarely returning to Alexandria empty handed. Whoever turned up the most fruits of their labor, he enjoyed their trash talk regardless.

On this particular morning, she was nowhere to be seen and he compelled himself to pay no heed to the fact that she was absent. She had fast become the highlight of his days and was the first thing he looked for when he embarked on yet another twenty-four hours of uncertainty. The air was crisp and he could see his breath form small, white clouds as he moved out into the woods and began to look for animal tracks, a task which usually commanded his complete attention but this time, only garnered a small percentage of it. His mind wandered and soon, he found himself wandering without a purpose through the trees and paying little attention to anything but putting down the odd Walker and his lack of self-restraint when it came to entertaining the memory of the captivating curves that Jess possessed.

It was uncommon for Daryl to think of such things, to see the women he encountered as anything more than acquaintances, friends or just other human beings. He never understood why Merle objectified them so much, it never seemed to get him much further than a slap in the face or a punch from an unhappy husband in a bar. There was a time, during high-school that he ruminated upon something being wrong with him due to his lack of interest in the opposite sex. He knew he wasn’t gay, but felt very little pull towards girls either. One female in particular did pique his interest and while he felt a connection to the strange personality of the girl that ate lunch with him and drank hard liquor with him in the park, he wasn’t sure if he could call what he felt an attraction at all. He thought her to be pretty, nicer to look at than all the others, but it was more of a comfort, to have someone else around other than Merle that wasn’t going to cause him harm and that genuinely liked his company. But it was short lived and he quickly found out that he wasn’t up to the task of conveying how he felt, resulting in his only potential mate giving him the cold shoulder and acting as if he didn’t exist. However, it wasn’t an issue he spent much time deliberating over, he had other things to worry about, like the abuse he would have to go home to or the drugs he carried in his bag to save Merle from getting arrested for dealing.

It wasn’t until he was in his late teens that a physical attraction to women finally presented itself. But Daryl wasn’t like other young men his age, not under the tough, troubled and violent façade he presented. Deep down, he was shy, sensitive and broken by years of beatings, run-ins with the cops and his brothers shadow looming over him as the only role model in his life. No, Daryl was certainly not gay, but he did find himself gravitating towards quieter girls with intelligence rather than the overdone, brash women that his brother spoke so highly of.

“Skirt like that, it’ll do anything ya ask if ya get it drunk enough, little brother” Mere would say.

Daryl laughed along in encouragement, cheered with the rest of them in dive bars when Merle managed to bag himself someone that looked halfway between a stripper and someone’s grandma, he even hit on women in his brother’s presence to save face which was the only extent of his flirting expertise. But underneath it all, he simply didn’t understand what all the fuss was about.

Fear wasn’t something he was familiar with either, not since he was a child and had to endure the horrors of a poor, substance addicted, violent family living in the Georgian mountains. He’d honed his fear, turned it around and used it to mold himself into a survivor, and as a result was always one of the first to run into a fight or dangerous situation. It wasn’t that he never felt fear, it festered in his mind and trembled in his hands just like everyone else, he had just learned to acknowledge it and soldier on anyway. But there are different types of fear and what lay heavy on his heart as he trundled through the woods and slumped to the ground against a tree was a kind of fear that he’d never felt before. It had bounded out of nowhere like a wolf in the night and struck him so powerfully that he could barely apply himself to much else, other than thinking of her. It angered him, it was not who he was and such a distraction made him feel weak and vulnerable.

But her effect on him was now wildly out of his control. She terrified him with what she made him feel. He had no names for it, no way of explaining it and all he could do was to persevere in the hope that one day, he would figure it all out. But when she looked at him and made him crazy, when she giggled in response to his flirting, when she wore tight clothes and when she teased him about near enough anything, she was striking fear into him at the same time because for the first time in his life, he felt something so strong for someone of the opposite sex and didn’t have a clue what to do with it.

 That afternoon, Daryl leaned with his back against the wall by the gate and waited for Jess’s arrival. He couldn’t deny that he’d been looking forward to this day since she invited him on front porch of Aaron and Eric’s house with her faintly suggestive invite that he hadn’t been expecting in the slightest.

Aaron wandered past with a box of canned goods from the pantry and nudged his head up in acknowledgement. Daryl pushed away from the wall and approached him, with one hand fiddling, absentmindedly with the foil from the empty packet of cigarettes he’d just disposed of.

“Hey, no recruitin’ run today?” He asked Aaron.

“Ah, nope. Rick Still hasn’t found any traces of that group you and Jess saw. Recruiting is on hold until we know we’re not going to be bringing back public enemy number one.” Aaron explained.

Daryl grunted and nodded, smoothing the foil between his fingers into a ball and flicking it across the street.

“How’s the leg? You don’t seem to be limping much anymore.”

“S’good. Thanks to Jess hassling me all the damn time.” Daryl remarked with a squint from beneath his hair.

“Ahh, she’s a good one.” Aaron responded “It’s nice to see you two so close these days.”

Without having any control over his defenses, they shot up and Daryl immediately became suspicious.

“What does that mean? We’re friends.” He stated.

“Oh, I know. I just noticed that you get along well. You make a good team.” Aaron offered casually in the hope that it might suppress Daryl’s obvious irritation. His comments seemed to work and Daryl shifted his weight to his stronger leg, glancing back and forth from Aaron’s smiling face to the area around them, looking for any prying eyes or listening ears.

“She uh…she tell ya about this boat she lived on?” He inquired nervously. Far from wanting to seem too interested in anything to do with Jess for fear of someone figuring out what was happening in his head, he was curious as to why she would invite him to such a place, and figured that Aaron may be his best shot at some information.

“Oh, yeah. She lived there for a few months. Said it was the best place she’s ever lived. She was self-sufficient, safe, sounded to me like she was quite content there before the big freeze hit and the lake froze over. I think it’s her happy place.”

Aaron’s answer only turned up more questions for Daryl, who was now closely watching Aaron’s expression.

“Any idea why she’d wanna take me there?” He risked.

Aaron’s eyebrows shot up and he tried to disguise a wide smile. He knew exactly why Jess would invite him there, he just couldn’t disclose it. The boat was indeed, Jess’s happy place. She got to live in the lap of luxury in complete safety, surrounded by fish to eat and sun to bask in. It was the only place she’d lived that didn’t feel like it was in the middle of the end of days. For her to invite Daryl there, meant she wanted to share her happy place with him, because she loved him.

Aaron knew he had to proceed with caution, saying the wrong thing could land Jess in a whole world of humiliation and he was pretty sure she would chop his head off with her machete.

“She’s never taken me or Eric there. Just…consider yourself honored.” Was all he said with a small wink. “Anyway, I should get this box home, we’re making cookies for the Monday meeting. Eric roped me into it. I’ll see you later.”

Daryl stayed in the same stance as Aaron moved off, confused and questioning the reasons why he would provide such a shady and vague answer and also wondering who else may have noticed how close he and Jess had become. Then, he realized just how long it had been since he’d arrived at the gate. Jess was late.

“Hey, wait a minute” He called out. Aaron paused with his box clutched to his chest. “Ya seen her today? She’s ‘sposed to be meetin’ me here.”

“Yeah, she’s in the armory.” Aaron chirped with a nod before resuming his journey back to his home.

 Daryl was confused. It was unheard of for Jess to be late and he couldn’t figure out why she would be in the armory when she’d told him to be at the gate at the same time. He set off in the direction of the underground, firearm’s storage room with his pace quickened as he approached the building. Taking the steps two at a time, he halted halfway down and felt fury explode in his chest.

Inside the armory, Jess was sitting on the desk with her leg propped up on the arm of the chair below her. In that chair, sat Abraham who was carefully showing her the components of his assault rifle. She appeared completely fascinated and totally unaware of Daryl’s presence when he materialized in the doorway with a scowl on his face and his skin crawling with jealousy.

“See, honey. Ain’t nothin’ like a man with a great, big gun.” Abraham beamed at her.

She leaned back and laughed loudly, covering her mouth with one hand and slapping his arm with the other. Decked out in her usual, dark armored clothing, she was a world apart from the breezy, shorts and vest clad woman he’d sat with on the decking that night. But her smile was still the same, and he still loved the sound of her laugh, even if it was for someone other than him.

Jess raised her vision when she noticed the figure standing in the doorway and dropped her leg from the arm of Abraham’s chair. The big, ginger man swung the seat around to follow her sight-line and raised a hand, coupled with a wide smile.

“Hey, Daryl! Come to join firearms 101?” He cheered.

Jess’s face quickly dropped when she registered the anger written all over Daryl’s body language. His arm was positioned across his body, holding onto the strap of his crossbow over his shoulder and creating a barrier. His head was low, he glared at her through the gaps in his hair and he stood unwaveringly still.

Then, she remembered.

“Oh my god!” She gasped with wide eyes, throwing her hands up to her face and covering her mouth. “Was that today?! I forgot! I’m so sorry, Daryl!”

“Huh. Figures.” He spat. He wasn’t sure what he was even going to follow it up with, all he was sure of was that he was getting sick of seeing how happy she seemed to be around Abraham. So happy in fact, that she’d forgotten about the trip they’d planned. The trip he’d been looking forward to. The trip he was starting to think of as a pinnacle in the evolution of their friendship. It wasn’t that he had plans to confess his feelings or anything of the sort, but it was a chance for them to be together, alone and away from everyone else in an environment where she felt comfortable and at ease and who knew what possibilities that may have held.

“Daryl, just give me twenty minutes and I’ll-” She started

“-Naw, It’s fine. Really. I wasn’t waitin’ on ya like a fuckin' idiot or nothin’.” He bit at her.

“I’m sorry, please-” She begged, jumping down from the table and reaching out to him. He pulled away, his eyes flicking from her to Abraham, who was watching the drama unfold while gently stroking at his mustache.

“-Y’know what?” Daryl growled at Jess “I aint interested.”

With that, he vanished through the door and was up on the street, thundering towards the gate before Jess could even exhale and begin to figure out how to make things right.

Channeling Carl, Jess spent most of that evening sitting on the bench by the pond and ruminating over what had happened in the armory. She hadn’t expected such a fierce reaction from Daryl and she could only figure that he’d been looking forward to getting out and doing something other than hunting. Since Rick’s small group had been scouring the area for the group the man that shot Daryl was from, all runs and recruiting had been put on hold unless there was a desperate need, which there wasn’t. Hunting was still allowed and that was the only saving grace for Daryl, who was getting serious cabin fever and as a result, Jess could see it affecting his mood. He’d been angry at her before, but this time had been different. His eyes held something other than rage and it was still staring her in the face in her memories. He was disappointed as well.

She removed her jacket from the bench next to her when Rick strolled over and sat down. At first, he said nothing ad Jess noted the dark circles under his eyes and the weariness with which he held his body. He was exhausted.

“Evening, Sheriff.” She hummed. “Any luck?”

A deep sigh was detected from the noble leader of the group, the man that was fast becoming a secondary and well-respected leader of the entire town along with Deanna.

“It’s like they’re everywhere, but nowhere. All at once.” He replied.

“They have spotters.” She mused “The guy that shot Daryl. That’s what he was.”

“Yes, he was. You’re right. They’ve been out there long enough to know how to cover their tracks” He said with a nonchalant raise of his hands while he leaned forwards on his knees.

“Keep going.” She urged. “You’ll find them. I know you will.”

Rick murmured a small thanks and relaxed back on the bench, he threw one leg over the other and picked at the seam of his jeans at his knee. The sun had gone down and the only light illuminating the pond other than the moon was the orangey glow through the windows of the nearest house. Jess looked down at the jacket on her lap, it was new. Or, as new as new could get at the end of the world. She’d picked it up in the same abandoned house where Daryl had told her about the girl that liked him in high-school. She’d noticed it hanging on a coat rack as soon as she arrived and shoved it into her bag straight away. It was black leather, fitted and with a fabric hood attached to the neckline. She remembered the comment that Daryl had expressed when he first saw it. Apparently, she was stealing his style.

“Carol said he’s not spoken to anybody all day.” Rick stated. He didn’t need to give her any context, confident that she would know exactly who and what he was talking about. After all, it was the only reason she was still in Alexandria, sitting by the pond and not at home at the Fairground.

“Oh god.” She whispered.

“What happened?” he wanted to know.

“I arranged to meet him today at the gate. I have this boat. I used to live on it. I wanted to take him there. Y’know, get him outside the walls for something other than hunting? And…before you say anything, it’s way out of the search zone. So, I wouldn’t have been breaking your rule or interfering with the search in any way.” She paused to take a deep breath, seeing shrug a shoulder and shake his head as if to convey that he knew she wouldn’t have done anything to hamper his search anyway “I got the day wrong. I forgot. I was with Abraham in the armory.”

Rick took a moment to let her explanation sink in before he reacted, but he didn’t have much at all to say, already knowing that Daryl would have made it quite clear what he made of the matter.

“Oh.”

“Oh? You say that like it’s the worst thing in the world!” Jess cried.

“You should try and talk to him. It’s been a few hours; he might have simmered down.” Rick suggested.

“Depends how many walls he punched and how many cigarettes he smoked.” Jess remarked as she slid her arms through the sleeves of her jacket and wriggled it on.

“He’s done a whole pack according to Carol. Although the walls in our house are still untouched” He informed her with a small smile. Jess stood up and gathered herself, hoping by the time she reached the Grime’s house that Daryl would have calmed down.

“Right. OK. I’ll try. Thanks, Rick.” She sighed. He reached up and pat her arm as she passed.

 *

The porch light was on but the usual occupants of the front porch reading session were nowhere in sight. Even Carl and Judith were nowhere to be seen, which only made things worse for Jess. She’d imagined Daryl keeping his temper under wraps in front of spectators, especially children, but without their presence he was free to yell at her as much as he wanted. She regretted refraining from seeking him out earlier, but her gut told her it was best to let him be, she only hoped that it didn’t look to him like she didn’t care. Because she did. In fact, her whole day had been taken over by sitting around and trying to find ways to make it up to him.

Her knock on the door seemed to be louder than she’d ever heard. Maybe it was her heightened awareness of everything or her nerves, but she glanced over her shoulder, thinking she’d alerted the attention of the entire street. She stepped back and waited. Slowly looking up when the door clicked open and Carol stepped into view. She wore a floral blouse, much the same as she usually did. But it did little to soften the hard look on her face and all of a sudden, Jess was painfully aware that she was not Daryl’s only friend.

“Evening Carol.” She squeaked, stopping briefly to clear her throat. “Is Daryl here?”

Carol tilted her head back and pursed her lips, looking down her nose at a very sheepish Jess.

This woman is like the gatekeeper. She thought

“You were with Abraham, weren’t you?” She asked.

Jess furrowed her brow and thought over the relevance of Abraham being in the equation.

“Yeah, how did you…? Why?” She questioned back.

Carol steeped further out of the doorway and turned, peering through the gap to ensure no one was listening. She pulled the door almost to a close and faced Jess again. When she spoke, her voice was only slightly above a whisper.

“He’s not mad that you forgot. He’s mad that you forgot because you were with Abraham.” She explained.

Jess was still confused but bit by bit, the pieces started to add up. The reason he’d asked if she had friends here, the reference to her drinking with Abe, the way he averted his gaze or huffed to himself every time a suggestive comment was directed at her. She pondered that maybe just didn’t like Abraham but remembered that they were on the road together for a long time and when they were on runs, they worked well together. Could it be some other reason? Could it be that Daryl was Jealous of her friendship with Abraham? She tried to remember a time aside from forgetting to meet him at the gate when she’d treated Abraham any different to Daryl and could only conclude that she actually felt, and acted, closer to Daryl.

“He tell you that?” She questioned Carol.

“He doesn’t need to.” It was a stony and arrogant response that told Jess; I know him better than you and I can tell why you’ve angered him. But Jess could be just as difficult if she wanted to be and she wasn’t about to be patronized again.

“I don’t need another telling off from you.” She snarled “Please… is he here? I just want to apologize to him and then I’ll go.”

Carol deliberated for a few moments, detecting the sincerity and genuine sadness in Jess’s demeanor and rolled her eyes, pushing the door open behind her.

“I’ll go get him.”

*

By the time Daryl appeared on the front porch, Jess was nearly convinced he wasn’t going to show up at all and was readying herself to get up from where she was sitting at the table and make tracks back to the fairground. She breathed a sigh of relief when he crossed the decking and took up a seat opposite her, lighting a cigarette and reclining in the chair. It was difficult for Jess not to notice the arm that propped up on the table, toned and highly aesthetically pleasing. She wished he’d worn his jacket, meaning she wouldn’t have to adopt a constant awareness of what she was staring at.

For the most part, he seemed calm enough, but he had refused to look at her since he’d taken a seat. Jess didn’t really know how to approach the situation and decided to just run in full force with her apologies or, she was likely to sit in silence and stare at him all night.

“I’m sorry, Daryl.” She uttered. At the sound of her voice, his head twitched slightly to one side and he exhaled a large cloud of smoke. “I’m so sorry. What I did today was shitty. I’m a shitty friend.”

“Naw, I get it.” He told her “Ya got a better offer.”

“No, Daryl! No! That’s not it!” She pleaded, her voice rising and her body leaning across the table to him. She didn’t notice until her palm connected to the cold surface of the glass topped table that she was literally reaching out to him “Please, let me take you to the boat tomorrow. I’ll make it up to you. Please.”

It was enough to urge him to twist in his seat and make eye contact with her and in the moment that he did, his anger appeared to vanish completely.

“Ya actually gonna show up?” He asked.

“Yes! I know I messed up. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She assured him “I would never…I-I screwed up. Okay?”

“I ain’t upset.” He spat, turning back to the road and taking another drag of his smoke. Jess could see with her own eyes that he quite clearly was upset, but his tough exterior and disinclination to acknowledge his emotions meant he wasn’t about to admit it.

“Uh, I think you are.” She scoffed to herself.

I know you, Dixon. Don’t lie to me.

Jess retracted her hand and began to tap at her thigh beneath the table, anxious that he would just get up and leave without a word, or refuse her offer and never speak to her again. She knew in her heart that he was a little more forgiving than that, if he could get over her abandoning the quarry and hiding her identity from him for weeks, he was probably going to forgive her for this mishap. But the insecurity in her meant she jumped to the worst conclusion and found it problematic to get past it.

Minutes past and Daryl extinguished his smoke. He didn’t move. Didn’t even look at her. Jess was becoming so on edge she started counting what felt like the longest seconds she’d ever tolerated in her life. She got to three minutes before she detected that the drumming on her leg had increased and was actually loud enough for Daryl to hear. She stopped moving and searched her mind for something to break the silence.

“Tomorrow.” He finally said.

“Ok. Yes. Tomorrow. Thank you.” She blurted out swiftly.

Daryl stood and slowly walked back to the door. Jess, not wanting to linger for any longer than she was welcome, decided to follow him and veer off to the steps.

“Hey” He rasped from behind her. She turned as she balanced on the second step, on tenterhooks. “How ‘bout we just write-off today? Start over.”

The air left Jess’s lungs in a whoosh and her shoulders sagged, a thankful smile spread across her lips.

“I would like that very much.” She admitted.

“Alright” He agreed, “If I don’t see ya huntin’, I’ll meet ya by the gate. Midday.”

“Definitely” She said to herself. “Goodnight.”

He watched her leave the steps and cross the grass verge outside and took a minute to evaluate their conversation. He was angry, very angry and for a number of hours. But in holding onto it, he would have backed himself into a corner. A corner where he would be driven to come clean about the exact reason for his rage; that she had forgotten about him in favor of Abraham. Seeing her had chased away his fury in an instant and as long as he’d lived, no one had ever managed such a feat. He’d missed her. Not even a full day had passed and he’d missed her chatter and her jovial attitude. There was no way he could stay angry at her for long and as he stood there and watched her near the gate, he was glad of that.

*

The drive was gratifying enough for Daryl, the sun was high in the sky and the comfort of its warmth glowed in the trucks cab as Jess drove them along back streets and dirt tracks with the windows rolled down and a quiet tune being hummed for the duration. Conversation was minimal, as it had been from the moment that he’d met her at the gate. It wasn’t that he was still mad at her or was trying to prolong the silent treatment, he simply didn’t have much to say and preferred to steal glances at her as she switched gears, took corners and maneuvered the vehicle over bumpy terrain.

He noted that outwardly, Jess conducted herself much the same as she normally would but with a hint more enthusiasm than usual. A small change that could have been for a number of reasons; she could have been excited to show him the boat or, she was making a genuine effort to do as he’d suggested the previous night and start over. Whichever it was, he was pleased to be by her side again and grateful to be outside the walls.

Jess pulled the truck into the well-hidden track that led down to the gate. Rolling it to a stop, she climbed out and wandered up to the fence, peering through and checking for any signs of life. There were no footprints, not even any animal tracks and that in itself was a miracle to her. She was still baffled as to how no one had found such a diamond in the rough, but thanks to its overgrown track, fortified gate and high fences, the lake prospered in a world that was dying.

Hearing Daryl close the truck door behind her, she beamed at him and pointed in the direction of a hole in the fence that she’d used as an access point when she lived there. A dense and layered line of undergrowth provided a lot of cover for the man-sized hole in the wire that Jess rolled up and secured as she gestured for Daryl to duck through first. Once he was safely on the other side, she joined him and fastened the fence back together again, leaving it looking as thought it was completely untouched.

From the small, deserted beach, Daryl could see a jetty and one, single boat floating in the middle of the lake. It was a large boat, big enough to hold a family of four, maybe more and looked to be modern and well-kept save for some aesthetic issues like algae growing on the hull. He spied Jess smiling next to him and fiddling with her hands excitedly.

“You kiddin’ me, right now?” He asked “that’s your boat?”

“Well…technically not mine per se” She reasoned “But no one’s claimed it so, yeah. It’s mine.”

“That ain’t just a boat, Jess. That’s a frickin’ yacht” He observed with an impressed tone.

“Uh huh” She agreed as she set off for the jetty. “C’mon, I drove so you’re rowing.”

It was as innocent a request as any, that was as long as Jess kept her ulterior motive to herself. Sitting cross legged opposite Daryl as he rowed them to the side of the yacht didn’t make for a terrible sight at all. In fact, she made a mental note to request that he always do the rowing in future.

When Daryl climbed aboard the deserted, luxury boat, he blinked rapidly at the sight before him. Everything was spotless and as impressive as the outside was, the inside was even more so. A vast living area was split on two levels with a fully fitted kitchen at one end. The while upholstery, accessorized with gold, floral cushions was spotless and aside from a few specks on the carpet, the whole room looked as though it hadn’t long been bought from brand new. The kitchen counter tops were littered with empty cans and packets of food  and mounted on one wall, were fishing rods, axes and various tools, including shovels and other gardening equipment.

Jess dumped her bag on the counter top of the kitchen island and began rummaging through it, looking for the packets of nuts and potato chips she’d managed to get from Olivia at the pantry. It was uncommon that she asked for much, so on this one occasion, Olivia agreed to let her have her pick of the snacks and nibbles provided she was conservative with her selection. As she searched and gathered everything up, Daryl slowly paced around the room, trailing his hand over surfaces and spending a while examining the fishing rods on the wall.

“When I found it, it was only occupied by two very well-dressed dead people. They checked out. Blew their own brains out. I tossed them overboard and it became mine. Funny how Gucci belts rot like the rest of them.” Jess explained as she pottered about “I’ve never seen another soul in this place since I’ve been living here. Not even any footprints on the shore. The water is clean and the fish are edible. Like a parallel universe. Without rowing out here it’s pretty difficult to get to so it’s secure enough.”

Daryl reached a cabinet by some dining chairs and a table and opened it up to find a vast array of different types of glasses. One for every possible beverage. He shook his head in disbelief and started down the narrow hall.

“This place is amazin’. Like some kinda famous person lived here.” He commented.

“I know, it’s three times the size of the apartment I had before the turn. I just can’t use it in the winter. The lake freezes over.” She told him “The door at the end is the master bedroom. It’s a little messy. It’s only ever been me here so I didn’t really have a need to make the bed. The door on the left is the bathroom and the one on the right is a smaller bedroom. It’s full of dead crops at the moment.”

Taking everything in, Daryl opened one door at a time, peering inside and sometimes stepping into the rooms before reappearing again and moving onto the next door or cupboard to discover what was inside. To him, it was like entering another world. He’d been on plenty of boats in his time, but never a yacht and never one with such amenities. He noticed that even the toilet was compostable, meaning it probably worked and with the help of a generator for water heating, the shower most likely did too.

Jess watched his amazement with a satisfied smile as she leaned on the kitchen counter. In all the time she’d known him, she’d never seen him so fascinated and interested in something besides hunting and his motorcycle and she felt proud that she was able to provide him with a break from the norm and one that he would enjoy.

“Bring me the generator from the smaller bedroom and we can have dinner here. I’ll pour us some drinks” She stated.

He nodded and ducked into the room, returning seconds later with a small generator which he handed to Jess with an awkward glance. Now, he was all too aware that the two of them were alone and would be for a number of hours in an environment that, aside from Alexandria, was the nicest and most bloodstain free as he’d seen since before the turn. What’s more, it was one of her domains and he felt like a teenager being invited over to a girl’s house while her parents were out. Not knowing what to do with himself, he hovered near the door and scanned the beach in the distance through the window.

“Why don’t you grab a seat outside? I’ll meet you out there.” Jess suggested.

Grunting in agreement, he clicked open the door and entered the warm sunshine. The deck was clean, the chairs and table scrubbed and neatly arranged, in the middle there was a raised semi-circle with fixed bar stools around the outside. He charged over to it, his eyes wide in astonishment just as Jess joined him with a bottle in one hand, two glasses pinched between her fingers and a bag of potato chips under her arm.

“There’s a fuckin’ bar out here?!” He exclaimed. She chuckled at his surprise, placing the bottle and glasses on the top of the bars surface as he took a seat. “See why ya come back here sometimes” he mentioned.

“It’s not just because it’s a nice boat. It’s because I made it mine. Just like the fairground. I worked hard to secure it and make it somewhere I could stay until I had no choice.” She surmised. Daryl hung on every word until he noticed the bottle of whiskey in her hand as she poured their drinks.

“The hell ya get that?” he demanded

“Secret stash. Thought you’d appreciate it. Although it’s Texan, so it’s better than all the rest.” She winked, taking a seat across the bar from him. The surface wasn’t any more than two feet wide, meaning with their hands resting on the top, they were closer than either of them realized. “Think of it as a peace offering. I really am sorry for what I did yesterday.” She met his eye but he quickly looked away while taking a gulp of his drink and wincing at its warmth.

“Guess he’s just more entertainin’.” He let slip, closing his eyes momentarily in frustration as he internally cursed himself for being so off the cuff. Jess stilled with her glass halfway to her mouth. She slowly returned it to the bar and tilted her head at him.

“Why would you say something like that?” She asked.

That just great. You fuckin’ idiot. You’ve screwed yourself over now. May as well just ask what you want to ask.

He fidgeted in his seat and Jess pushed her lips into a thin line when he threw the rest of his drink down his throat and slammed the glass on the bar. She didn’t know why, but his body language had changed considerably in the passing seconds. His jaw was pulled tight and he sat back away from the bar, crossing his big arms across his chest and hugging his torso. He appeared so uncomfortable that Jess almost told him to forget she’d even asked.

“You n’ him, you like a thing or somethin’?” he muttered with his vision cast out to the gently lapping waves around the boat.

“What?! No!” Jess cried, ruining the peaceful sound of the water tickling at the hull “We’re friends. We just get along. That’s all.”

He didn’t move an inch other than performing his usual, deep thinking ritual of nibbling his bottom lip.

“Just…seem close.” He mused.

Jess sighed and did a small double take at the potato chips. She stuffed her hand in the bag and chucked a couple into her mouth, chewing as she picked through possible responses to his observation in her mind. To everyone else, she did seem close to Abe and she knew that. But it was quite clear they were just friends and she enjoyed the kind of banter with him that she had with the male friends she’d had before everything went wrong. But what she had with Abraham was different to that of the connection she felt with Daryl. Very, very different indeed.

“I’m not that close to anyone.” She commented “Except you.”

He nodded once and finally awarded her the eye contact she wanted so she could at least try and work out what was going on in his head. Feeling the need to clarify a significant factor on the topic, she leaned towards him slightly and gestured to him with her glass as she spoke.

“Did you know that Abraham is actually with Rosita? Like, she’s his actual girlfriend.”

Another nod was his sole reply and Jess was altogether more confused than ever. Why would he ever have an issue with her being friends with Abraham if he knew that he was paired off with someone else? It was becoming evident that she was going to have to apply a little more pressure to get to the bottom of what was now a baffling conversation.

“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” She asked.

“Depends how personal.” He grumbled.

“Please” she urged.

“Alright. Fine. Can’t promise i’ma answer.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

Adopting Carol’s directness and ability to demand the truth, Jess readied herself for a flat refusal to reply to her question, but she needed to try anyway. She thought of the possible implications; he could flare up and get angry at her again, he could close up altogether and cement his defenses, or he could give her what she wanted, which was a straight answer. Whichever way, if she didn’t ask, she would never know.

“Were you mad at me because I forgot, or were you mad at me because It was Abraham I was with?”

If he was trying to hide his discomfort, he was failing. Jess observed him sigh loudly, his exhalation laced with a growl and she hoped it wasn’t aimed at her. He leaned forwards on the bar stool, using his elbows to brace himself and taking time to rub at his beard with one hand. The energy he was giving off was palpable and there was a discernible testiness, especially when she heard him cuss under his breath. She didn’t know why and it may have been out of place during such a tense moment, but she panicked and decided to top up both glasses and help herself to more chips. By the time she’d finished tinkering with everything on the surface, she found him glaring right at her.

“Both” He uttered.

Carol was right

“You were jealous.” She acknowledged.

His eyes dropped and he stared down into his drink for a moment. Having not touched his refill, Jess wondered if it was wise to be drinking during such a taxing conversation. He chewed on his bottom lip and she waited with bated breath for his response. She was learning; just wait and he would answer. Push him, and he would retreat into himself.

“Maybe” He grunted. “I dunno”

She exhaled a large breath and blinked as she looked down at the decking between her knees. Terrified of prodding at his temper again, she was at a loss for what to say and the silence between them was thickening. She forced herself to speak, having no idea if he was jealous in a romantic way or because she spent time with Abraham in general. She decided to play it safe and be honest, to an extent.

“OK. Um. OK.” She started “You…” She reached across the bar, gently placing her hand on his forearm. “…are my favorite person. Ever. I have never met anybody like you before and I highly doubt I ever will again.”

“Ya ain’t gotta do that.” He snapped, moving away from her and rising to his feet.

“Do what?” She inquired.

He flicked a dismissive hand in her direction. “I don’t need that reassurance bullshit.”

While she was busy fretting about Daryl’s temper, she’d neglected to maintain her own and it rushed to the surface at his comment. Before she could contain it, she was on her feet and slapping both hands on the bar.

“It’s not bullshit.” She told him. “And I think you do need it. No matter how vulnerable it makes you feel. I’m trying to be honest with you and it’s fucking terrifying and kind of irritating so if you could take me seriously, I’d appreciate it.”

Shocked at her clap back, he let a let out a brief huff and quickly diminished the slight smile of disbelief on his lips. It dawned on him from the irate look on her face that he’d offended her and a wave of regret engulfed him. He cleared his throat and gave her a quick nod, hoping that she would recognize that reassurance was not something he’d ever had the luxury of experiencing and therefore, was way out of his depth in dealing with it.

“Can I continue? Or would you like to pity yourself a little more? I don’t have all night” She spat.

It was one of the things he now knew he liked about her; the fact that she wouldn’t take any crap and if she was pushed, she could fight back like the best of them. He suspected she was always like that but it was heavily masked when he knew her back at the quarry due to the big personalities and overwhelming similarities Sarah and Jodie had to high school bullies. Showing her that he was, in fact, serious. He sat back down on his bar stool and managed to hold back the need to smile at her defiance.

“I like Abraham. He’s nice and funny and we share a lot of the same interests now I want to get to know my firearms. He’s the type of guy that I just get along with. But he’s not you. I’ve never had a connection to someone like I do with you. It’s weird and nice and scary all at once. So, there really is no need for you to be jealous.” She paused “He just flirts outrageously with me from time to time”

He watched her closely as he exhaled slowly and Jess secretly worried that she might have made things worse by the expression on his face. He seemed troubled, almost pained but he was too difficult to read. He looked away, back at the beach while he finished up his second drink, placing the glass on the table in front of them and taking in the sparkling view of the water and the clear blue sky. Jess finished her drink and accepted that it may well have been the end of the conversation and she still didn’t feel like they’d reached any kind of compromise. It felt unfinished but she was at a complete loss as to what else she could say to him. So much time passed that she felt her stomach growl and picked up the bag of chips, nibbling noisily on them and wondering why the hell they were even still sitting there.

“Can’t blame him. You’re real pretty.” Daryl mumbled out of nowhere.

She rapidly turned her head to face him, her mouth falling open, full of partially chewed potato chips. She was astonished and could only gawp at him for what seemed like forever. Daryl was positive he could have counted at least a full minute before she spoke.

“That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” She whispered before quickly chewing the rest of what was in her mouth and swallowing hard.

Daryl had now waded so far out of his comfort zone that he didn’t seem to be giving any thought to what came out of his mouth which was unheard of when he was with anyone else but Jess. Somehow, she made him say and do things that were out of character and how she managed it was a complete mystery to him. Nervously, he played with a loose piece of thread hanging from the bottom of his shirt under his vest with his head dipped, but he could sense the burning of the tips of his ears.

What the fuck am I doing?

“Oh my god.” Jess whispered to herself.

“C’mon, don’t make it no big deal” He pleaded self-consciously.

“You think-you think I’m pretty?” She stammered having already made it a huge deal. It was a first. Having believed for her whole life that she was not the girl that guys wanted to date, Jess hadn’t been the happy recipient of such compliments and while other girls reveled in them, she could merely hope that one day, she would be able to do the same. She didn’t see herself as pretty, or attractive in the slightest and as a result, she struggled to take Daryl’s admission as gospel. Now, she was the one that needed the reassurance.

“Yeah.” He grunted.

“Really? For real?” She continued. If she was coming across as a little flabbergasted, she didn’t care in the slightest.

“S’what I said, ain’t it?” He snipped at her, feeling out of control and exposed. After a deep breath he regained his composure and softened his voice “Course I do, dumb-ass.”

“Thank you.” She blushed “that’s a huge compliment. Especially coming from you.”

Her cheeks and nose were raging with warmth and she could see her reflection in the chrome beam around the bar’s counter. She was a deep shade of red and expected Daryl to be smiling at her smugly like he always did when he’d managed to embarrass her. But when she flickered her eyes up to his face, she was met with confusion.

“Why?” he asked.

She shifted about in her seat and huffed nervously. Should she have another drink, or was that a bad idea? It would provide her with the liquid courage to say what she wanted, but once it was said, it couldn’t be taken back and there was one, sizeable confession that she did not want to admit off the back of a drunken conversation on a boat that wasn’t likely to remember. She pushed the bottle away and Daryl noted her intention, internally agreeing with her.

“Um…” she tried “you even seen yourself?” She said under her breath

Daryl couldn’t help it, he flinched.

Does this mean she still has a crush on me?

“I ain’t nothin” He shrugged.

“Oh, shut up.” She scoffs with a small, nervous laugh “badass, big-armed, blue-eyed archer with a soft side. Yeah. Sure. You’re ‘nothing’” Her air quotations only made it all seem even more ridiculous. Like Jess, Daryl was never on the receiving end of a compliment, let alone so many in one sentence and from someone that occupied his thoughts on an uncomfortably regular basis.

“Get outta here, girl.” He laughed shyly.

That really what she thinks of me?!

The delicate pink hue across his cheeks and nose diminished rapidly but she loved every single second of the sight of it she did that. She made him blush and that told her that maybe, just maybe, he was happy that she thought him to be more than just a redneck from the mountains.

“You’re just as bad at taking a compliment as I am, it seems.” She pointed out.

“Not used to it.” He told her.

“Same” She agreed “You believe me though, right?”

“You believe me?” he shot back, feeling braver once his cheeks had simmered down and locking eyes with her.

“I believe that’s your opinion, yes.” She expressed.

“Same with you.” He smiled.

Neither of them could tell how much time had passed between Daryl's last comment and when he finally jolted and coughed, breaking the tense silence around them and the searing eye contact that had left them both teetering on the edge of making some kind of move, even if neither of them knew exactly what.

They finished off the bag of chips and after Jess retreated inside to fix them up some food, Daryl hovered around the deck, pacing and thinking that this might be the closest thing he’d ever had to a date. That was, if she felt the same. He knew she thought him to be decent looking and that thought alone was enough to make him smirk to himself. The longer he spent with her and the more he tested the water with flirtatious lines and compliments, the surer he was that he liked her more than he liked anybody else. He’d never breathed a word to anyone, but Merle had known it too and on the odd occasion, he wished he could just speak to his brother and ask him how he managed to pick up on it before he even had a clue himself. One thing loomed over it all; she was his best friend, his one and only exceptionally close soul who he would miss horrendously if it were to change

He refused any more whiskey for fear of bringing an abrupt end to what was becoming one of, if not the best days he’d had since the turn, maybe even ever. His limits when he drank became blurred and his personality changed, he altered to a more aggressive, blunt and unpredictable version of himself. A version that he hated and never, ever wanted to inflict upon Jess. Far from wanting to tell her as much, he simply suggested that he should save the rest and make it last.

When night began to fall and the crystal clear, blue sky made way for the velvet blanket of night with it’s twinkling stars, Jess and Daryl lay on two sun loungers on the decking, both staring up to the sky and enjoying the blissful, noiseless ambiance of being on a boat with the best company they could have wished for. With no more than a few inches between their sun loungers, Jess wished she could just reach out and take his hand on more than one occasion. But it would stay as a subtle fantasy and something she could only hope would be allowed to happen one day.

“Your leg seems a lot better” She observed.

“Yeah. At last.” He replied. He was positioned with one arm behind his head, his black shirt pulled up and revealing a slither of bare skin above his waistband. Jess had already clocked it, and shifted onto her side so she could admire the view, which was turning out to be much more entertaining than the stars. “Listen, thanks for everythin’ ya did.” He continued “I know I ain’t easy to be around sometimes.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’ll always be here for you.” She wanted him to know. “Although, I should point out that you’re lucky I was even around to help you. My mother almost became a nun and if she had, I’d never have been born.”

He turned his head to see her grinning at him. He wished he knew more about her, about her past and who she was before. He knew of her nerdy side and it wasn’t lost on him that she was sometimes shy and nervous, disbelieving that he could possibly think she was anything other than the ‘little, fat chick’ that his brother had referred to her as. He wanted to know more and he raised an eyebrow in interest.

“Really? A nun?” He questioned

“Yep and if it wasn’t for my love of a couple of the deadly sins, namely Gluttony and Sloth, I may have followed suit. Right into the convent.” She said. Her finger traced along the seam of the sun lounger, up and down in front of her.

“Can't see you as a nun” He chuckled

“Hey, don’t mock. I’m a nice, innocent girl” She insisted “I mean, I certainly wasn’t going to miss one of the sins. Never really been the object of anyone’s Lust.”

It was a tempting concept to him, to tell her that she most certainly was the object of someone’s lust now and before he could control it, the words were tumbling from his lips, albeit in an a barely-there whisper as he looked back up at the sky.

“Yeah, that ya know of.”

For a split second, Jess almost laughed out loud from thinking his comment was intended to be funny or some kind of joke. But when he didn’t laugh and acted as though he’d said nothing at all, she suddenly grasped that he had meant to think it rather than voice it.

Does that mean he…? No. Surely it doesn’t mean…? Oh, god!

Once again, her face exploded with heat and she rolled over onto her back, praying that he wouldn’t catch a glimpse of how coy she’d become.

But he already had. From his peripheral vision, he could see her raise her hands and cover her face for a few seconds while his heart raced in his chest at the prospect of her overhearing something that was supposed to be an innermost thought. He lay still on the lounger and acted as though he had no idea she was listening, ignorance was bliss.

She swung her legs over the lounger and announced that they should be getting back, it was dark and they had to hunt in the morning. Automatically, Daryl mirrored her when she stood but had very little desire to go back to Alexandria at all. The pause between them had been laden with so many things that had gone unsaid. Neither one of them were able to look away at first, neither of them wanted to.

“Why don’t we just stay here?” He suggested, lifting his arm and scratching at the back of his head. It wasn’t needed and it was more of a grounding gesture, to make him come across as certain and confident of his proposal when he was actually quite the opposite. In reality and to Jess, it made him look like a nervous teenager.

“We have to hunt in the morning” She reminded him.

“Can just get up before sunrise n’ go straight there.” He put forward. “I mean, um…it just- it makes more sense than drivin’ back in the dark. Y’know, safer n’all.”

She hoped he didn’t pick up on the slow and deep breath she hauled in before agreeing to his idea. She wanted nothing more than to spend the night on the boat with him and his suggestion had both startled and pleased her. After a good-natured argument over who was sleeping where, it was determined that Daryl wasn’t to sleep on anything but a bed because of his leg and because Jess had thrown out the spare mattress to make room for her crops, there was only the master bedroom left. Having shared a bed before, they both set about acting as if it wasn’t an issue, that it was nothing more than two friends sharing some space but in the back of his mind Daryl was anxious and so was Jess.

She pulled the ladder up at the side of the boat, preventing anyone from climbing aboard during the night and locked the door, switching off the decking lights. In the bedroom, she lit two pillar candles on the shelf above the bed which were a brilliant arc of gold in the blackness, rendering the shapes of the room so muted they turned a deep grey. Daryl sat up on one side of the bed, his boots left on the floor beside him. He shamelessly watched Jess through a side glance as she sat on her side of the bed and peeled off her layers one by one. Her jacket, her armored clothing and her boots. Leaving only her camo pants and a black tank top. There was a dull ache across her ribs from her injury at the fairground that was still sometimes problematic. With her back to him, she tugged the elastic from her hair which held her braid in place and raked her fingers through her hair, sending a shimmering curtain of waves across her shoulders.

He closed his eyes and looked away, shrugging off his leather vest and enduring the guilt stinging him for the way he thought of her sometimes. He had little interest in objectifying her, but he was human and his appreciation of her was now reaching much further than that of a friend who thought her to be pretty. He waited for her to settle beside him with her legs drawn up and glanced over at her with a small smile, their shoulders were a hair's breadth apart on the headboard and Daryl did his best to ignore the pleasant warmth that he felt emanating on his bare shoulder from her relaxing next to him.

“Never shown anybody the boat until today” She said thoughtfully.

“Appreciate it.” He replied sincerely. “Needed to get out n’ do somethin’. Goin’ crazy sittin’ on my ass all day. Carol keeps harpin’ on, throwin’ that damn physio book at me.”

Jess giggled happily and rolled her eyes at him, not bothering to mention that if it wasn’t Carol hassling him about physio, it would be her.

“Was good to see one of the places ya live too.” He added.

“It was a nice night. I had fun.” She concluded. It was the most fun she’d had in as far back as she could remember and there was not a single doubt in her mind that she would have had anywhere near as much of a perfect night if she was there with anyone else. She scanned the wall opposite, making animals and mythical creatures from the shapes that flickered there and she was content. As content as she’d been in recent weeks, maybe months. His company beside her just seemed right. It made sense and she couldn’t wait for a repeat of the last few hours.

“I ask ya somethin’?” He whispered

“Sure”

“Will ya let me visit ya sometimes? At the fairground. I mean, actually let me in.” He requested.

By showing him her floating fortress, a part of her survival story and a place she sometimes called home, she’d already let him into a small part of her world. The fairground was only the next step.

“OK. But only you” She agreed with a wide grin. “Why do you want to visit me there anyway?”

In the yellow glow she saw him lick his lips and start to shake his head before pausing and fixing in her such a penetrating stare the skin on the back of her neck prickled and her palms began to sweat.

“You know.” He breathed.

“No, I don’t.” She whispered back.

It was there, on the tip of his tongue waiting to be released. The huge secret he held locked in his heart. She’d come along and picked the lock and drawn it out and now it was teetering on the edge and he was so tempted. So, tempted to just tell her.

Jess, I really like you.

“I rea…” But then, his gusto vanished “…I don’t like not seeing you”

Just like that, it was gone and he resigned himself to the fact that he would never have the courage to confess how he really felt. Not without the certainty that she felt the same. However, the words that came out of his mouth were not untrue and were enough to insert a sparkle in her eyes and create a suspense between them that he really wasn’t ready for.

“I don’t like not seeing you either” She told him.

His eyes dropped to her lips and she held her breath, unsure by what was happening but feeling certain that the energy around them had changed drastically into pure suspense. She didn’t like to assume, but she was willing him to kiss her. Repeating it in her mind over and over, all the while struggling to comprehend that anything of the sort could be happening to her. There was a vulnerability to him, a look of intent while his lips said nothing and it made her heart flutter. The perfect blend of sexy and adorable.

Daryl was literally on the verge and his mind was engaged in a war that was getting louder by the second. If he kissed her there and then it would be the first move that he’d made on someone he genuinely liked and that would be an achievement in itself, let alone that it would be on Jess. The only girl to ever have made him so crazy, he had endured the resentment, inadequacy and helplessness of jealousy. Uncertain if she would back away and take their friendship with her, it wasn’t enough. He blinked and broke the chains between them, snapping Jess out of her trance.

“Should get some sleep.” He mumbled.

“Yeah.” She quickly agreed. “Goodnight.” Before either of them could say anymore, Jess had slipped under the covers and dragged them so far up, her head was barely visible and there she stayed. On her side, facing away from him, for the entire night.

*

“You got it bad, little brother. Look at you, all snuggly n’ shit. Since when did you get to be such a pussy?”

Daryl shot up from the pillow, unable to catch his breath at first. Merle. He’d heard Merle. His head snapped from side to side, scanning the room. He’d definitely heard him. Then, he was there. In the corner, shrouded in darkness and balancing on a dresser stool, smoking a cigarette. Daryl couldn’t smell it, even though the smoke filled the room. He glanced down at Jess, motionless. Fast asleep. A throaty chuckle emanated from the darkened corner.

“M-Merle?” Daryl croaked.

“Us Dixon’s always had to fight for what’s ours.” Merle pointed out as he leaned closer, into the light. His face was mostly obscured but Daryl could see the bullet hole in his white vest, a deep crimson circle on his chest. His mind raced. Where did he come from? How is he alive? He turned into a Walker; he was gone. It didn’t make sense. “We was never good for much, but we was always survivors n’ ain’t much use in survivin’ if ya miserable as sin. All them folks in them nice houses? They all think you’re just redneck trash and one day, they’re gonna scrape you off their shoes like dog shit. Need to show ‘em. Ain’t nothin’ like provin’ folks wrong”

“You died. I saw you die. I put you down.” Daryl breathed jaggedly

“Are we ever really gone?” Merle sneered “Where’s the fun in that, now?”

“What are you doin’ here?” Daryl asked

Merle nodded towards the sleeping form of Jess beside him, clutching the covers to her neck and breathing a slow and steady rhythm.

“She’s a good one.” He stated “A little straight-laced but she’s got stones bigger than yours Darlina.”

Daryl's breathing was still labored and rapid at the sight of his dead brother talking to him from the corner of the room.

“You don’t know nothin’ ‘bout her.” He growled.

“Oh, but I do. That’s the fine thing ‘bout bein’ dead. You see all kinds of shit n’ I see you followin’ the little, fat chick around like some kinda hound dog beggin’ for a treat. You know what you gotta do. I told ya. So, why ain’t ya done it yet?”

Dead? Daryl began to hyperventilate. He was talking to his brother from beyond the grave. Shock washed over him and he blinked and shook his head, but the effigy remained. Merle had not moved a muscle. The smoke from his cigarette was turning everything cloudy, engulfing the room in smoke as if a fire were ablaze somewhere. Jess continued to sleep soundly, the smoke forming a funnel as it entered her nose upon each inhalation.

“Put the smoke out, ya gonna choke her to death.” Daryl ordered. But Merle merely grinned.

“Well?” He asked.

“I-I can’t.” He stammered “It ain’t that simple.”

“Oh, you ‘can’t’?” Merle mocked with pursed lips and a sniveling tone “Buck the fuck up, boy. All those years I spent, tryin’ to make a man of you and this is what I get?”

“It ain’t like that for her, bro.” Daryl mumbled in defeat. “She deserves better anyways.”

“Now you listen to me” Merle announced as he rose from the seat and hovered in the corner. The shadows cast a blackness over most of his face, leaving one, piercing blue eye scowling at Daryl. The smoke around them grew thicker and thicker and seeped into his lungs, it was hard to breathe, difficult to suck in a shallow breath. “I always said ain’t nobody ever gonna care ‘bout you but me, little brother. But I’m off meetin’ my maker… or, down in the depths with a whiskey in one hand and a bag of crystal meth in the other, whichever way ya wanna look at it. So, you gotta take your chance on her.” He paused to look over at Jess, cocking his head to one side thoughtfully. It was like the shadows followed his movement, keeping him concealed “She did right by me, would have been dead a whole lot sooner if it wasn’t for her. Like I said, ain’t no point survivin’, lettin’ all them pansy asses thinkin’ you a damn fool, when you could have somethin’ better.”

Rubbing his eyes with one hand, Daryl expected Merle to have vanished by the time he reopened his eyes, but still, he lingered in his cloud of intoxicating, yet odorless smoke. He hadn’t told Jess, but Merle had indeed told him what he needed to do and so far, he’d ignored the advice given to him.

“I need to know for sure, man. Can’t lose her.” He told him.

Merle slowly unfurled an arm, coated in blood and dust, his hand missing and replaced by a metal prosthetic and bayonet. He pointed it at Jess, stepping out from the corner and Daryl’s eyes widened at the multiple, bloody stab wounds to the side of his face. His stomach clenched and he felt nauseous. Stab wounds that he was forced to inflict. Violence again at his brother, or the shell that was left of him, at his own hand.

“This aint sure enough for ya, dummy?” Merle questioned with a rattle from deep in his chest. “You can’t see what’s right in front of ya. Time’s a wastin’, Daryl. Get to it.”

The smoke was now so thick that Daryl could barely see his brother anymore. He sat up further on the bed and squinted through the smog. Jess was blanketed in swirls of grey mass, undetectable. Holding his blue gaze, Merle smiled at Daryl, the half of his face that was still intact a painful reminder of everything he’d lost.

“M’ sorry I couldn’t save ya.” Daryl uttered, his voice a husky whisper “I just want my brother back”

“Don’t be no sissy” Merle smirked. “It’s time to wake up.”

“What?” Daryl asked, confused

“Wake up, little brother.”

*

His entire body jolted and his eyes snapped open. The room was clear, the air not clogged with smog and his lungs able to work properly again. The corner of the room was illuminated by the slither of the sun’s rays working their way through the drapes as morning crept in. He blinked and was suddenly rooted to the spot when he noticed the position that he was curled into. His body was flush against Jess’s back, his head resting on her hair and his face a mere brush away from the skin of her neck. To make matters worse, his hand was resting on her waist. He racked his brain to try and figure out how he managed to end up here, on the other side of the bed and spooning the girl he liked.

He regulated his breathing so as not to wake her and lifted his hand from her side, slowly rolling over and away from her. His other arm was entirely numb, his fingers starting to tingle when he flexed his knuckles. He sat up against the headboard, craning his neck to try and see if Jess was awake and was relieved to find that she was still fast asleep.

“What the hell….?” He said to himself under his breath.

Merle. He thought. If he was visiting him in his dreams it would be just his style to make sure he left with one more, embarrassing parting gift by ensuring Daryl woke in position he couldn’t explain and that would leave them both red faced. He was grateful that Jess was still asleep and hadn’t stirred when he moved or he would have a lot of explaining to do. It wasn’t his nature to be so bold as to cross such a physical boundary, especially without permission and that only added to the feeling of bafflement and worry that he experienced as a result. He decided to get up and head outside for a smoke before he woke Jess up for the hunt.

 *

On her side of the bed, Jess’s eyes sprang open when the door to the bedroom closed softly and she rolled over onto her back, laying both of her hands across her forehead and gawping at the ceiling. Little did Daryl know; Jess had been awake long before he was. His murmurings and flinching in his dreams had coaxed her from a deep sleep and she lay there trying to decipher his muffled and almost inaudible ramblings. When he’d finally quietened, she was stunned to find he curled up behind her, easing his face into the gap behind her head and gently sliding his hand onto her waist. Once the initial shock had faded, she allowed herself to enjoy this one, small joy. The sensation of being snuggled into, having someone that wanted to be so close to her he had mimicked the position of her body and fit to her like a jigsaw piece. Because that’s what he was to her, this missing piece to a complex puzzle that had been destroyed when the world went away but was now coming back to life. The pictures were brightening and the edges weren’t so frayed. He was repairing it single-handedly and she let herself reap the benefits, closing her eyes and reveling in his close proximity.

So, that’s what it would be like. She thought I could definitely get used to that.

 She found him on the deck, sitting on the edge with his legs dangling from the side. She offered him a coffee cup and settled beside him while sipping her own. The sun was beginning to peep over the canopy of trees beyond the beach and Jess had forgotten just how beautiful it was at the boat when the sun was rising. Aside from a quiet greeting and thanking her for the coffee, Daryl said nothing, his legs swinging back and forth and his attention moving from the smoke he was finishing, to his coffee cup and then up to the sunrise.

“Sleep OK?” Jess squeaked, unintentionally sounding a little more awkward than she would have liked.

“Yeah.” He nodded without turning to look at her. “Had the weirdest dream.”

Of course, she knew he’d been dreaming, she’d watched him whimper and mumble and jolt in his sleep. But she chose to claim ignorance, thinking it to be the better option than admitting to watching him sleep like some kind of stalker.

“What about?” She inquired

“Merle.” He stated simply.

The lack of information was no more than Jess could have expected and she figured that should he want to offer up anything else, he would have done so.

“Are you alright?” She asked in the knowledge that it couldn’t have been an altogether good thing to be dreaming about his deceased brother.

“Mmhmm” He hummed, quickly glancing at her and attempting to assure her that he wasn’t as unsettled as he felt.

“You miss him.” She said. It was a statement rather than a question, but one Daryl needed to respond to.

“Everyday.” He mumbled.

Jess gently reached out and squeezed his forearm. It was a motion that lasted less than two seconds before she was wandering back inside but he remained where he was, staring down at where his skin was tingling from her touch. Merle’s words floated through his mind.

‘You know what you gotta do. I told ya. So, why ain’t ya done it yet?’

*

Wandering through the trees as a duo was something Daryl had been looking forward to, as he always did when Jess joined him on the hunt. But hunting that morning was more strenuous than Jess could have planned for. The heat was so strong it was like wading around in an oven and sweat soaked through her clothes, which she was beginning to wish were not mostly black. On top of being on the verge of heatstroke, her lower abdomen coiled and tensed as though it was being wrung out and it meant she often had to stop and take a deep breath to stave off the pain. Daryl noticed straight away, keeping a close eye on her before she halted completely and clamped her hands around her middle. He was aware of the high temperatures but couldn’t say he was suffering as much as Jess appeared to be and he ran to her aid, taking hold of her arms and standing at her side to steady her.

“What’s goin’ on? You’re burnin’ up. What hurts?” He pleaded but Jess just brushed him off, determined to press on and finish their task.

“I’ll be fine.” She sighed

He didn’t argue at first, but it wasn’t sitting well with Daryl. Not one little bit and his focus shifted from hunting to watching her as she staggered through the woods, clinging to tree trunks and sucking in sharp breaths.

Jess was horrified. She knew exactly what was wrong with her but in the company of not only a male, but one she was hopelessly in love with, she was left with little option but to soldier on and pretend that the crippling menstrual cramps that were wracking her body didn’t exist. She cursed herself for not planning this better. Thinking she would have been back at the fairground the night before; she’d neglected to remember when Daryl suggested staying at the boat that there was a very good reason why she wanted to be at home and behind closed doors. She’d got herself so excited about the prospect of him wanting to stay longer and be alone with her, that she found herself in the most humiliating and awful of situations.

“Jess, just go back. Go to the infirmary or to Aaron’s.” Daryl tried from behind her.

“Did you not hear me? I said I’m fine. I can handle it.” She snapped back at him.

Her outburst had surprised him but he put it down to her being in a reasonably evident amount of pain and being stubborn enough not to do anything about it. She surged ahead, stopping briefly to check for tracks on the ground. Daryl hung back, hovering around her like an overprotective husband and It was fortunate that he did because Jess soon succumbed to the pain in her abdomen and ended up leaning against a tree, doubled over and baring her teeth.

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer and if she wanted to fight, he’d fight her, but he was not leaving her out there to trundle through the woods when she should have been in the infirmary. He ran to her, pulling her hair from her face and noticing how sweaty her forehead was.

“Nope. C’mon. I’m takin’ ya back.” He told her as he looped her arm over his shoulder.

“No!” She cried “No! I’m fine!

“Shut up” he groaned, hooking his arm around the back of her knees and lifting her from the floor. She clung to his shoulders and glowered at him.

“Remember that Walker alarm I said I had back at the quarry? Well, if you don’t put me down this instant, I’ll scream at the top of my lungs and have every rotting corpse within a twenty-mile radius hot on your heels. I said I am fine. I’m not going to toss my cookies all over the damn woods.”

Daryl sighed loudly and began to take the same path they’d followed on the way out.

“Yeah, big threat.” He stated “I don’t care. Set Walkers on me. Fight me if ya want. Ya ain’t stayin’ out here.”

It was becoming clearer to Jess that the only way she was going to get out of this aside from actually fighting him, which she did not want to do, was to tell him the truth. She was a private person when it came to such issues and after the tampon incident at the hotel, she hoped that she could avoid any further references to such things. But it was not to be and she was now backed into a corner. She swallowed hard and released a frustrated and throaty growl of frustration.

“OK. Fine” She complained “I know what it is and it’s nothing to worry about. I have cramps. Cramps that I get every month. Feminine…cramps. I get hot and irritable too. So, I don’t need a doctor, nor do I need my gay friend. What I need is to continue with my day with my dignity intact and lord knows it’s all but abandoned me right now.”

Daryl stopped walking and tried to speak but nothing materialized at first. He stood there with her clutched to his chest, his lips parted and his mind blank.

Well, this is new. He eventually thought.

He switched direction, swerving from one path to another without a word and carried on, refusing to put her down.

“What are you…? Daryl?!” She demanded.

“Just shut up, Jess!” He suddenly argued when his temper had worn thin. “There ain’t no way I’m lettin’ ya hunt in this state. What kind of guy would I be if I just fuckin’ left ya to it, huh?! Ya can’t even walk. So, I’m takin’ ya home.”

“Oh my god, this is so humiliating.” She huffed under her breath as Daryl ignored her protests and ducked under low hanging trees, carrying her back to the fairground.

 *

Outside the infirmary, he tapped his foot on the porch nervously. Delivering Jess to her home had been one thing, but leaving her inside her gate with no painkillers and extremely mad at him was another altogether. When he left the fairground, he told he would be back with something to help, quite what he was referring to was lost on him, but he had to do something. Jess raged at him that she wanted to be left to her own devices and that she didn’t need him to return. But he could be just as hard headed as her and the thought of him leaving her in so much pain was not a nice one at all.

The door to the infirmary swung open and Denise appeared, clearly not expecting to find Daryl standing on the other side of the door.

“Daryl. Hi.” She greeted.

“Hey Doc. Need ya help with somethin’.” He informed her quietly. She noted the low tone of his voice. Drawing her hoodie around her body, she stepped closer to prevent him from having to speak up.

“Okay, are you alright? Is it your leg?” She questioned with a concerned look.

“Uh, no. It’s Jess. She got this issue. Need some help from a…a female.” He tried to explain. All the while, he hoped that he would not have to be forced to explain in any more detail and that Denise would just connect the dots.

“Oh? What kind of issue are we talking about?” She asked.

No, he was not going to get away with minimal details. Uncomfortable, he shifted his weight and leaned on the doorframe, wondering when he'd transformed into that guy, the guy that runs out to the store to buy his girl sanitary products and chocolate. 

“A uh, a monthly one.” Was all he could think of to say.

“Oh!” Denise exclaimed, finally figuring out what the awkward and clueless man in front of her meant “What does she need?”

Daryl unintentionally waved his hand around in front of his own stomach “She’s got these… cramps.”

A slightly bemused expression crossed her face before she remembered her professionalism and shrank back into the room. “I’ll be right back.”

Left on his own, Daryl slowly walked the length of the porch and back again with his hands pushed into the pocket of his ripped, black jeans. He struggled to believe the situation he found himself in and never could have imagined over a year ago that he would be in the middle of the apocalypse, begging a doctor for help because the girl he liked had cramps. It was a ridiculous notion, but there was no way he was about to leave Jess and pretend that everything was fine, when it wasn’t. He considered for a moment what Merle would have said and cringed slightly at the thought.

Yeah, you’d fuckin’ love this, wouldn’t you? You asshole.

Denise returned with a small, plastic bag containing two pills and a bright blue hot water bottle. She held them out to Daryl who took them from her grasp.

“I’m not supposed to dispense pain meds for this kind of thing because it goes away on its own but for you to be standing here, it must be bad. So, keep it to yourself and give her those. I am also prescribing this hot water bottle, I filled it for you, and some light exercise.” She explained to a nodding and uneasy Daryl.

“That it?” he checked “There nothin’ else that helps?”

Denise knew there was and although she thought it to be admirable and brave that Daryl had shown up out of nowhere to ask for such assistance and she wasn't entirely aware of his relationship, or lack thereof with Jess, the temptation was too great to ignore.

“There’s also orgasms.” She shrugged as she tried with all her might not to burst into fits of laughter at the shock on his face. “Y’know, one or… two players, if you’re game. But you might want to buy her a drink first.”

She was met with a thick silence followed by a grunt. She couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“I’m sorry. I’m kidding.” She laughed “I mean, orgasms do work though.”

“Pain meds, hot water bottle, exercise. Got it.” He clarified very deliberately while holding up the hot water bottle. “Thanks Doc.” He mumbled with a quick jump down the steps.

“Daryl?” She called out to him. He glanced over his shoulder to see her about to close the door. “It’s cute. What you’re doing for her. It’s…it’s cute.”

“Yeah, keep that to yourself.” He huffed.

*

He waited ten minutes with no response from inside the fairground and was growing increasingly irritated as each minute passed. From his place at the gate, he could see through the disused rides to the door of the diner that Jess now called home and he wondered if, with some well-aimed throws, he could make her mad enough to open the door and yell at him. At least then, he would have a shot at passing on the painkillers he’d endured a very awkward encounter for. Just as he began to look around on the ground for some small rocks to throw, he heard the door swing open inside. Jess appeared and walked along the path towards him, wearing some baggy, grey sweatpants and a Star Wars T-shirt. She’d scraped her hair up into a messy bun and wore her unlaced military boots, pulled open at the top.

“Thought I told you I didn’t need you to come back here.”

Daryl said nothing, instead opting to press the hot water bottle against the fence with one hand and display the tiny packet of pills in his palm with the other. Jess was quickly put in her place without a word and swallowed the anger she’d felt when she noticed his valiant effort. Now not angry at all, she was touched. He’d gone out of his way to help her even though she was being difficult and bordering on rude. She edged closer until she was standing inches from his face with the fence in between them.

“You didn’t have to do that.” She croaked.

“Don’t like you bein’ in pain.” He uttered.

He didn’t need to ask to be let in. Jess unlocked the gate and stepped aside, to allow him past. He waited for her to secure the lock and let her lead the way to the first time he would be allowed inside her home. Guiding him inside, he saw that it was an old cafeteria but it barely had the same characteristics anymore. She’d ripped out the insides and turned it into a home with a bed, animal skulls decorating the walls, a working stove and lights powered by a generator in what was once the diner’s kitchen. Her windows were blacked out to avoid any passers-by noticing the place was occupied. Handmade bookshelves were stocked to the brim and a stack of journals rested on the top. It was apparent to Daryl that Jess liked her personalised, home comforts and she wasn’t about to let the end of the world change that. Her wooden-framed bed, which he assumed was brought in from a nearby house, was covered in animal furs and blankets and a thick rug covered the main living area, giving it a homely and warm feel.

Jess climbed onto the bed and held out a hand, gesturing to the other end of the mattress. Dutifully, Daryl accepted her wordless offer for him to make himself at home and sat down before handing her the pain meds. She ripped the bag open so quickly it reminded Daryl of some addicts he’d seen when he’d delivered their fixes for his brother. Only this was much more innocent and once she swallowed the medication, he instantly felt like he’d made a difference.

She gingerly pulled the hot water bottle towards her from beside him and placed it between her bent legs and her stomach as she leaned back against the pillows that she’d propped up behind her.

“Doc says you need to do some light exercise.” Daryl relayed.

“I will, once the pain subsides a little.” She replied shyly.

He could tell she was still quite disturbed from having to admit something so personal to him and guessed it was made worse when he’d showed up with help after refusing to let it go. But she was coming around, he could see it in the soft way she looked at him every now and then.

“Anythin’ else I can do?” He asked.

Jess didn’t know what to make of it all. She was skin crawlingly humiliated and wished she could turn back the clock and change the events of the last few hours, but at the same time, she wouldn’t have been able to witness the gallant efforts of Daryl and his quest to rid her of the pain she suffered. If it wasn’t confirmation that he cared about her more than he cared about anyone else, she didn’t know what was.

You’re a sweetheart under there, aren’t you?

“No.” She whispered. But really, she was trying to think of a way to ask him to stay. “Do you…?” She started “…Actually never mind.”

“Naw, what?”

“Was going to ask if you wanted to say with me. But I know you’re probably weirded out and that’s okay. So, forget it.” She said, waving her hand in the air as if she were literally brushing the idea out of the room.

“Don’t be stupid. Course I’ll stay.” He affirmed. Leaning across to her nightstand, he slid a pack of cards from the surface and held them up with a raised eyebrow. Jess smiled at him and gave him a small nod and they spent the next couple of hours playing poker. Jess thought herself to be quite the advanced player, but was put to shame when Daryl won every single game and told her that losing wasn’t an option when you grew up in bars and didn’t eat if you didn’t win your bets.

Jess couldn’t remember a time when she’d had more fun doing nothing of significance other than playing cards and laughing with someone that she credited with being one of the best people she’d ever met. She could have sat there for hours more, just reveling in him smiling, which was something he rarely did around anyone else but her. She noticed it on runs, during meetings, even when he was with Rick. His smiles were reserved for her and if she was his only reason to reveal such a side of him, then that was more than good enough for her.

Daryl didn’t want to leave but when he noticed the sun starting to go down through the one, unblocked window, he figured he’d best get back to the house and offer up at least some explanation for where he’d been for the past two days and one night. That was the problem with living in such a close-knit place, his housemates would only send out a search party if they thought him to be missing and that put lives in danger. It was tempting to check in, then head back to be with Jess, but he didn’t want to push his luck or outstayed his welcome. Being in her home was like jumping a huge hurdle and he realized he’d finally broken down her barrier and been let in not just to the building but to a higher level of their friendship that spoke volumes of her trust in him.

“You feelin’ better?” He asked while walking the path to the gate with her in tow.

“Yes. Thank you. For everything.” She replied. He stopped and turned back to her, pushing past the urge to wrap her in his arms, something he’d never wanted to do to anybody. “I’m kind of embarrassed.” She admitted.

“Don’t be. It’s just me.” He told her, lifting a hand and nudging at her elbow with the back of his fingers

She could have put it down to hormones, or said the moon phases made her crazy or blamed the painkillers, but she hugged him. A thoughtless and automatic hug that was perfectly executed. She slid her hands around his torso, feeling him tense slightly and breathe in sharply, but instead of overthinking it, she just rested her head on his chest.

It was what he wanted. He’d thought about it moments before. But when it actually happened it felt like…finally. A simple hug had never meant anything to Daryl, so much so that it wasn’t something that ever crossed his mind. He never hugged his family, or women he’d met, or anyone else before he found himself stood with Jess’s arms around him. Far from knowing what was an acceptable level of enthusiasm he gradually raised his hands, finding that they were trembling slightly and placed them lightly around her waist. Finally, able to breathe out his anxiety about being touched, he rested his chin on her head and felt her sway subtly with him in her grasp. It was, incontestably, one of the most meaningful few seconds of his life.

When she pulled back, she was happy to discover a certain lack of awkwardness between them. It was almost like a line had been crossed and it didn’t need to be overthought or clouded with too many questions. But Daryl did have one question.

“So, um… I get one of those every time I help ya out now?” He smiled.

“You get one any time you want.” She answered confidently. “Didn’t have you down as much of a hugger. Guess I took a risk on that”

“I ain’t a hugger” He confirmed. “Just seem to make a lot of exceptions… for you.”

“Then, I’m a lucky girl” She flashed him her best, flirtatious grin and could only dream that it meant he saw her the same way she did. When she let him through the gate, he glanced back at her twice before disappearing into the trees and she was left pondering if all close friends acted the way she and Daryl did. If it was normal to have many long, suspense laden silences and telling instances of eye contact. Or, was that all her imagination? She had no idea. But she knew in her heart that every time she set eyes on him, she loved him a little bit more.

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@lilred254​ @woundmetender​