#his little brother feels like mine too and i know of anything ever happened theyd be there
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#vent#ish#i guess??#i dont think ive slept properly in almoat a month#after all of this happened#moving on feels weird and im not sure what any of my emotions mean at this point#it feels weird finding myself close to other people#and how just them sending me a message beightens my day a bit#i havent had that with anyone else in a long time#but all of these emotions are fleeting and im just letting them do whatever they want for right now#it feels almost nice to not have to think about it and just let things happen#my friend is coming over tomorrow and im looking forward to the affection#hes bringing me one of his hoodies so hopefully that will help me sleep better too#idrk what we have planned for tomorrow but those little things make me happy#the company is nice too since im usually alone#i dont know why im rambling#its just past 3am and i cant sleep so maybe im just trying to clear my head#james is going to show up around 1 or 2 and i get to see his little brother and mom when they drop him off#i dont know his family well but theyre really kind#his little brother feels like mine too and i know of anything ever happened theyd be there#i like that feeling i think#we used to be each others rocks#and i think were falling back into that again#its good#things are good now#i only think about jake in passing anymore#it still hurts#i had a dream about everything a few days ago and it hurt#but its just a little twinge unlike before#and i guess thats progress
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I knew theyd have that twinsies thing lol.
Does Jongin or his brothers ever actually ask why Taemin was abandoned? Like, yeah hes cursed and bad for the rep but did he have to be thrown away? Did they not care if he lived or died? Does Suho or anyone even know about Taemin before Hogwarts? It has to feel weird/guilty for Jongin to know the same parents that loved and raised them so well could toss Taemin away.
Maledictus AUย
The older brothers all knew from the beginning that there was a seventh brother. They had seen their mother pregnant with twins, had seen two baby boys come home, had seen their parents take one twin and hide him away for over a month every night. They could never see their babiest brother after sundown. The younger brothers didnโt understand why, didnโt yet understand the meaning of a blood curse. But the older brothers - Suho and Xiumin - they knew why. And they were upset and confused about everything going on.
Then one day, just a couple months after their baby brothers came home, one of them was gone. And Jongin cried nonstop for months.
They thought the younger twin had died. That the blood curse was too much for him to endure. They were young and they didnโt fully understand.
Then when their baby brother is six, he makes a new friend. A little boy named Taemin. And theyโre inseparable for months, Jongin talks endlessly about his new best friend, Taemin. Then they learn this other little boy is a maledictus. A maledictus who turns into a snake at night. And Jongin can never see this boy again, their father has forbidden it. Then their father sits all six of them down and explains their familyโs blood curse.
And suddenly the older brothers start to understand. Their baby brother didnโt die, he was given up. Abandoned somewhere. They overheard his new father telling their father how he found Taemin at a circus, being used for entertainment, forced to transform.ย
Suho was horrified. He was old enough to really understand what that meant, to understand that his parents just abandoned their baby brother, left him to be tortured because they couldnโt bare the shame of having a child with a blood curse. Suho was fifteen at the time, was already at Hogwarts and old enough to comprehend and come to his own conclusion.ย
The other brothers at the time were still fairly young as well, but they were old enough to realize this other boy was their other brother. The one they barely remembered.ย
But they see the way their father gets so angry at the mention of this boy - the Maledictus - and they assume he must be evil. He must have been given up because something was wrong with him, there was something wrong with his blood. Itโs why they find it so easy to justify their bullying of him. Although Xiumin, the second oldest and a 7th year, does battle himself over it a lot. Itโs why, on the night they decide to go Maledictus hunting, all he does is guard the corridor leading to the Hufflepuff dorms. He doesnโt actually want to be involved in hurting the kid, but he doesnโt want to go against his brothers either. He may be older, but heโs easily outnumbered, and he doesnโt want to end up in a body bind all night like Jongin.
Chanyeol is the ringleader when it comes to bullying though. He manages to convince Baekhyun, the 5th year, and Kyungsoo, the 3rd year, to go along with whatever he says. He can be very persuasive.ย
But the entire week leading up to Christmas break, and the entirety of the break, Jongin is pretty much inconsolable. Heโs upset and confused and he misses his twin more than anything, feels like a terrible brother and twin and person. Heโs just sad.
โWhy did you give him to a circus?โ Jongin questions his father one day.ย
โWe didnโt,โ Sooman says carefully.ย โWe just - left him somewhere one day. We didnโt expect him to be taken by anyone.โ
โSo you just - you just left him? To die?โ Jongin asks, the tears welling in his eyes starting to fall.
โWe thought it would be best for him,โ Sooman tries to explain gently.ย โLiving life as a maledictus isnโt easy. And until just a couple years ago, there was absolutely no way to suppress the nightly transformations.โ
โBut you just left him to die,โ Jongin accuses.ย โYou didnโt care what happened to him.โ
โJongin-โ
โWhat if it was me?โ Jongin asks, his voice cracking.ย โWhat if Taemin was born first, and then me?โ
Sooman is quiet for a long time, and Jongin really starts crying then.
โYou would have just left me to die too?โ Jongin asks, a strangled sob leaving his lips.
Jongin runs away from him then, goes to find Suho, and stays glued to him the entirety of the break. Heโs confused and upset, and Suho is the only one who seems to understand why, the only one who seems to want to help.
โMommy and Daddy love you so much,โ Suho says gently, holding Jongin on his bed.
โOnly because I was born sixth,โ Jongin cries.ย โI want my Taemin.โ
โI know,โ Suho whispers, holding him tight.ย โI want him too.โ
โHeโs mine,โ Jongin insists.ย โAnd now Iโm never gonna see him again.โ
Suho just continues to hold him, continues to comfort him as best he can, continues to reassure him that he loves him and that none of what has happened is his fault.ย
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Ali & Carly
Ali: How do you like your ย ๐ฅ๐ณ in the morning? Carly: no ๐ฃ Carly: ha Ali: ๐ didn't show up in your roost later, did he? Carly: he must be scared of you Carly: ๐ฎ Ali: or my ๐บ Carly: maybe Ali: eggs aside, how you feeling, chick? Carly: ๐ท๐ค๐ค๐คข๐คฎ Ali: ๐๐๐๐๐ Ali: unacceptable! Ali: what do you need, kill or cure? Carly: cure forever Carly: im too young to die Ali: I'll swing by with my witches brew Ali: actually doesn't taste like โ either Ali: pure ๐ Carly: aw Carly: really? Ali: 'course, not gonna half-arse the job Ali: and it makes a full pot, no sense in not sharing the ๐ Carly: ๐ Carly: wat does it taste like? Ali: like Christmas ๐๐
๐คถ๐โ๏ธ๐จ๏ธโ๏ธโจ๐ Carly: ๐๐๐ฅฐ Ali: it's got ginger and peppermint in Ali: the only other person hanging out their arse is my brother and he would rather die 'cos he's grumpy ๐ด man energy so Carly: no ๐ฆ tho yea?! ha Carly: oh no he sounds like my da Carly: which cute bro is it? Ali: definitely not ๐ Ali: some greens but not sprouts Ali: the freckly one Carly: did u heal my heart to ๐๐ข? Carly: course itd be the most beautiful one Ali: oh no, you're delirious Ali: I'll come quick ๐ Carly: dont b jealous ๐ผ hes only the most beautiful boy Ali: ๐ My ma'll be gutted Carly: do u have a tea for that? Ali: ๐ 'cos she's so bitter? Ali: I'll see if she goes for it Carly: noooo ๐ฏ so she wont be Ali: you're too sweet yourself, Walsh Carly: aw Carly: but ur the 1 who saved me Carly: ur the sweetest Ali: anyone would Carly: nah ur the 1st Carly: not just saying it to u get ur fairy wings Ali: had to fly away from that particular ๐ plenty myself Ali: harmless and flightless though he is, most the time Carly: yea Carly: he talks about u wen hes been on it Carly: the 1 that flew away Ali: uh oh Ali: can't let a boy โ your wings Ali: ever Ali: ever Ali: ๐ผ๐ฝ ๐ ๐ง ๐ฆ ๐ค ๐ฃ ๐ฅ ๐ฆ ๐ฆข ๐ฆ
๐ฆ ๐ฆ ๐ฆ ๐ฆ ๐ ๐ฆ ๐ ๐ฆ ๐ฆ ๐ ๐ฆ ๐ Carly: im ๐๐ซ๐ but idk if those were the guests i danced with Carly: did get a cute lil ๐ถ๐ค to fall asleep to tho ๐๐ Carly: ๐๐๐๐๐ Ali: very ๐ธ of you though Ali: I can ๐ it Carly: my ma is trying to make me clean Carly: ๐๐๐๐ฟ๐ฆ๐พ pls Ali: also unacceptable Ali: not 'til you're better Ali: use my wings to fly through and ๐ค he don't get the wrong idea about who I'm there to see Carly: [sends her a pic of whatever caravan mess she caused last night that her mum is raging about] Carly: so u can play a game of spot whats got her ๐ Carly: cuz idk Ali: Fun ๐ง๐ค๐คจ Ali: angry mothers are my forte Ali: [does the circling the hazzards moment on the pic] Carly: making her angry is mine but nah to knowing y ever ever Carly: k ur cute & smart Carly: ๐ Ali: it's rarely logical, but ๐คซ on that or it's hulk levels in 0-60 Ali: how are you this nice when you're ๐ท๐ค๐ค๐คข๐คฎ Ali: that's a skill, rare one at that ๐โจ Carly: my da is looking green must of had his own ๐ถ๐ป๐ ha Carly: idk i can b nicer? but k now i know ronan aint been talking bout me when hes ๐บ or ๐ Ali: can be a tea party for three Ali: have to bring his own ๐ฉ though Ali: not to me anyway Ali: but as you can tell Ali: ๐บ keeps all the ๐๐๐ away Carly: ๐๐๐โ ๏ธโฃ๏ธโฅ๏ธโฆ๏ธ๐๐๐ Carly: she is fierce Ali: she likes to think so Ali: ๐ถ really Carly: course ur not scared of her silly Carly: u love her Carly: im a ๐ person ha Ali: [sends her a load of pictures of Bluebeard she didn't ask for rather than being like do I love her hmm] Carly: AW!!!! Carly: ๐ฅฐ๐ค Ali: he's captain โ ๐ด but there's always room aboard Carly: thats the best offer ive had from a gentleman ever ever ever Carly: whats his name? Ali: Bluebeard Ali: and he is MOSTLY a gentleman if you can handle some toe nibbling Carly: ๐๐๐๐ Carly: into it Carly: ive done more for lads i just met who aint as beautiful so Ali: ๐ I feel that Ali: honestly, it's quite comforting, when he doesn't sneak attack you with it Carly: [sends her a selfie that shouldn't be as adorable as it is] Carly: now u can introduce us Carly: ๐ baby blue Ali: the ๐๐๐๐ are mutual Ali: I can tell Carly: yay Carly: ๐งก Ali: is there anything else you need/we want for the tea party? Ali: en-route at last Carly: ur really coming? Ali: yeah, sorry I was ages, it's a whole process brewing it Ali: also a dead giveaway you're ๐ท๐ค๐ค๐คข๐คฎ which obvs my ma takes as her cue to be all Spanish inquisition about it Ali: ๐ of my mostly-fictional-but-which-are-and-which-aren't-mother exploits later Carly: sorry iou so much magic Ali: nah, don't worry about it ๐ธ Ali: who doesn't love a little scandal with their morning brew? she deffo does Carly: its too late im looking for ๐ Carly: among the ๐ผ๐ผ๐ผ Ali: awh Ali: I'm never turning down extra luck Ali: we can make daisy-chains Carly: its the dresscode Carly: soz da Ali: does he have a ๐ง? Ali: that's a #look Carly: not rn Carly: my ma wasnt on @ me only to clean up Carly: he had his turn Ali: damn it Ali: maybe a nice belt Ali: I'll be ๐ค Carly: dont b ๐๐ข he has bushy eyebrows Ali: same Ali: he's earnt his invite back Ali: your ma gonna have to chill though Ali: and it ain't that kinda tea ๐ Carly: you wont b able to tell if shes angry or surprised Ali: ๐ โฌ
I know the vibe Ali: you do you babe Carly: she used to let me sort em out but there was an accident Carly: which im sworn to secrecy about Ali: I'm so good with secrets ๐๐๐ Carly: k Carly: my head zoned out but my hands kept going like Ali: you were meditating you can't help having ย ๐๐ง Ali: I'll ๐คญ now and never tell, don't worry Mrs W Carly: @ school yea im meditating on your q sir relax Carly: ha love that Ali: they just ask questions to answer it themselves, what is the point Carly: u coming for my ma again? Ali: ๐คซ bad first impression, that Carly: shes heard it from ronan too sorry Carly: lad has loose lips Ali: honestly Ali: ๐ can't keep up with my bad reputation Carly: ud think hed be better at kissing Carly: its talk talk talk Carly: more good things about u than ive made it seem like tho Ali: he was a big talker Ali: probably 'cos he ain't allowed with the lads Carly: if he talked about what a ๐ผ u are & how ๐๐ข he is theyd uninvite him from the bonfire Carly: its sweet really how hung up hes got Ali: he only thinks I'm an ๐ผ 'cos he took my virginity probs Ali: that's more suitable ๐ฅside chat Carly: he goes on about that alot but I thought he was lying Carly: oh no that sounds bad Carly: not calling u a slag ur obvs not its y he likes u more Ali: ๐ I'm fine with slag Ali: all definition dependent anyway Carly: yea same Carly: can be hot if ur in the mood Ali: right, and if I'm a slag 'cos I didn't marry him then I'll take it Carly: & hes not allowed to marry gorgers theyd wanna throw him in the ๐ฅ Ali: exactly Ali: we can't both be ๐๐ข forever can we boy Carly: just me @ the party til u came to my rescue Ali: ๐ฅบ Ali: What was he even on about then, like? Ali: dickhead Carly: idk i zone out wen he shouts @ me too Ali: I can always poison a cup and send it his way Ali: just say the word Carly: hes not that bad Ali: okay okay, just some laxatives Ali: 'cos he's a bit ๐ฉ Carly: ha Ali: no ๐ผ๐ผ๐ผ unless he says soz then Carly: but his beautiful curls ๐ฅบ Ali: hmm, a good point Ali: be strong, baby Carly: ill throw one @ him & run away Carly: back to u Ali: you're so adorable Carly: says u Carly: ๐ผ๐ธ๐ผ Ali: ๐ we're gonna have an adventure when the tea hits okay Ali: I've decided Carly: k thats the kinda ๐๐
๐คถ๐ it is Carly: i do want the energy of a kid on xmas morning Ali: that's the best Ali: how I'm tryna be every day Carly: ๐ซโญ๏ธ๐โจโก๏ธโ๏ธ ๐๐ธ Ali: if only ๐ Ali: this bike can only go as fast as my lil legs can carry, like Carly: aw baby Carly: i shouldve asked u where u live before this 2nd rescue was launched Carly: im sorry Ali: No distance is too far for a fair maiden Carly: ill have to see what other ๐ฎ i can find before u get here Carly: dont love ious Ali: there's no ious Carly: [sending her loads of pics of her with or just pics of the cat lady's cats that she's rounding up for this tea party and they're adorable] Ali: ๐๐๐ป Ali: okay, non-debt fully paid though Carly: [just rambling about the names she's given each cat cos her and cat lady don't know each other properly til Ali comes along and like facts about each cat/her fave things cos she's a big nerd] Ali: I love them Ali: I'm gonna get them some ๐๐๐ when I get tea party tings Ali: some cream, awh, okay, this is happening Carly: im picking enough ๐ผ๐ผ๐ผ๐ผ๐ผ๐ผ for everyone Ali: should've put Bluebs in my basket Ali: next time Carly: aw Carly: Humbug might try & fight him Carly: youd b there to protect him tho Ali: I can ref Ali: my little brother is always trying to play-fight everyone so I'm well-versed Carly: is he ticklish? that works for me Carly: broken up lots of fights Ali: big time Ali: his kryptonite Ali: reckon it's against the rules in professional fights but preparing him for anything like any good big sister Carly: ha Carly: aw i bet ur an amazing sister Carly: if i had 1 maybe id wanna be on site sometimes Carly: my ma's eyebrows r hardly a call to home Ali: he might disagree but he's 5 so what does he know ๐ Ali: feel that though Ali: home is just a base, whole ๐ out there Carly: wen ur 5 you argue to argue Carly: yea if u dont use ur wings theyll think u dont want em ๐๐ข Ali: flying is like riding a ๐ฒ though Carly: r we goin on a ๐ฒ adventure? Ali: definitely Ali: ugh, need one of those wagons for the ๐ป๐ป๐ปs Carly: โบ๏ธits gonna b so fun! Carly: we might meet more ๐๐๐๐ Ali: way better than ๐ Carly: ha Carly: do u have ๐ฎ left to help me find shoes? Ali: have you checked the fridge? Carly: [a pause while she do] Carly: theyre not there ๐๐ง Ali: damn, that'd be the last place I'd look though Ali: were they in the mess your Ma was sounding off about fr Carly: o mayb Carly: if i was wearing any when you dropped me off Ali: ๐ค I don't know if I recall any glass slippers Ali: I'll ask Lene hold up Carly: ๐ธ energy Carly: but idk if i wanna scary ๐บ at my door Ali: turns out she's actually your ๐ต Carly: ha my grandma is ๐ to god Carly: its not close to the energy shes putting out Ali: she'd probably tell your actual that God is a gay girl Ali: nah she's well ๐ around fam, just hide behind your Ma and me, baby, you'll be fine Carly: ha that wasn't in any of the kids bible stories she sent me every ๐๐
๐คถ๐ Carly: her god is ๐ than Humbug Carly: he likes to shout so i gotta zone out Carly: aw that's sweet ur ma loves her too? Ali: Hooray for Catholicism, yeah? ๐ Ali: she loves my Ma, more like Carly: we spend our sundays on our knees nana but its ๐ฝ๐คฎ or u kno a bigger sin Carly: u do look like her i remember Ali: that's not QUITE ๐ฝ๐คฎ levels but close ๐ Carly: nah its nice u have the same ๐๐โจ Carly: idk who i look like Carly: postman maybe Ali: now I don't know whether to ๐ณ or be ๐คจ you like my Ma too Ali: you look like you and that's Ali: ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ฅฐ ๐ ๐ธ ๐ผ๐ฝ ๐ฐ ๐ผ ๐ป ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐จ ๐ฐ ๐ญ ๐ฌ ๐ ๐ Carly: yea ๐ค๐๐ the postman isnt my da cuz hes a ride Carly: aw now youve got me ๐ณ Ali: rude, my postman is not Carly: ๐ซ๐ then baby Carly: ill text u instead Ali: so grumpy, don't stick your hand right into our house if you don't wanna get bitten, sir Ali: not by me, whatever Ronan has said Ali: though I'm well flattered I'm getting a text back Carly: ha its k its not that u use too much teeth Carly: & course ur my hero Carly: tho ๐ค๐๐ wont b an sos every time Ali: good, can't have him putting you off with blatant lies Ali: it won't be if I do a better job at the heroics and get there before any bad shit can happen Carly: its k i like it Carly: helps me remember what i did Carly: ๐๐ข no lads r spelling their names out in bruises for the who Carly: ๐๐พ๐๐พ๐ Carly: nooo theres no better u could do Carly: ur flying to me faster than anyone has ever ever Ali: amateurs, like Ali: so rude, ain't they heard you're ๐ธ Ali: I'm basically there now, prepare for the best tea party you've ever been to Carly: aint wat theyve heard but idc Carly: yay ๐ i havent had 1 since me & my ๐งธ๐งธ๐งธ Ali: I'll be ๐ถ๐ it so get in the know lads Ali: awh, can I meet them too? Carly: not too ๐ or ur gf will bite me which could b fun but im not trying to do u like ๐๐ข Carly: some r shyer than others but if u work ur ๐ฎ how u did for me ull make friends Ali: fill your boots, babe, I don't reckon she's your type, like Ali: I'll be on my best behaviour ๐ค Ali: the loveliest guest you've ever had ๐ค๐ค Carly: be fun though Carly: not boring Ali: ๐ฒ๐ฒ Ali: Is that the impression I give off? Ali: or another Ronan tale, either way Ali: gonna have to prove otherwise now in the most extra ways imaginable Carly: nahhh Carly: he don't lie to me its his 1 saving grace Carly: its just like a pls Carly: to u & the universe Ali: I won't be boring Ali: trust me Carly: k Carly: i do ur a lifesaver Ali: nah Ali: just happy to help Carly: im happy we r mates Ali: me too Ali: idk why we weren't before, like Ali: too many people at school Carly: & i dont go much ha Ali: this is true Ali: lesser spotted walsh ๐ฆ Carly: oooh wat colours am i Ali: ๐๐๐๐งก๐ Carly: cute Ali: very Carly: wats ur fave colour? Ali: It's a harder question than people reckon, that Ali: like, there's so many beautiful things of every colour Ali: if I can decide for the day, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to all the others Carly: sorry Carly: i havent decided on mine either Carly: when i was a lil kid it was ๐ for the ๐ then wen i started goin out it was silver for wat i thought the ๐ looked like Carly: but ive seen so many new colours since Ali: kids always know Ali: they're much smarter than adults about everything Carly: i bet ur lil bro is the smartest Carly: like u Ali: he likes red for ๐จโ๐โ๏ธ๐ซ๐ฏโผ๏ธ๐ฅ๐ฅค Ali: and I see the appeal Carly: does he like ๐? i kno somewhere that sells the reddest shiniest 1s Carly: or we cud just throw ๐
s Ali: he's at the anti-fruit stage Ali: but I reckon he could be convinced if we let him smother 'em in caramel and sprinkles Carly: its a date Ali: Me first
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One Year.... One year ago this month, I was introduced to these AMAZING gentlemen, and life has never been the same! I donโt recall the exact day it happened, but I do know it was March, 2016,ย
This is how it started... It was a very cold, snowy winter here in NJ last year, so my life long friend Dawn, my daughter Sarah, and I started binge watching different series on Netflix. Dawn first suggested this show Supernatural, which I had only heard of in passing a few times over the years, but she had watched since the beginning. She said I would love it, the brothers ย are hot, they hunt monsters and demons, delve a lot into Religion, which is a big interest of mine, I even have a degree in Theology, and am legally ordained. I checked the title on Netflix and saw it had 10 seasons available, and I said ย โNah, thatโs a pretty big commitment, I dont think I could stay interested in a show that longโ then Dawn informed me, that it was still on the air and in season 11. Not my cup of tea, so I declined. She next suggested Nurse Jackie, which was really good, but so easy to burn through. I got the next pick and picked House MD which had been mine, and my daughter Sarahโs favorite series to date.ย This was a longer series than Nurse Jackie, 8 seasons instead of 7, and hour long episodes, as opposed to half hour. This took almost 2 months to get through. While watching this series again, I would keep commenting how much I loved the bromance between House and Wilson, to wish Dawn would always replyย โThe you will LOVE Sam and Dean!!โ So since she had next pick, I agreed to give Supernatural a try.ย And this is what happened... *CRASH BOOM BANG ย <heavy flop>*ย โWooooaaah easy tigerโย โDean?โ Yeah, these boys are freakin adorable, and Im gonna love this bromance. I thought Dean was hot, and Sam was cute. Too young for me to think he was hot (me being 49 at the time) but I felt like the monsters and a lot of the horror was pretty lame, and sometimes even cheesy, though I did enjoy the chemistry the boys had with each other, and found Samโs psychic visions to be an interesting element, I didnโt think I would stay interested for very long.ย For a while, we were only watching 2-3 episodes at a time, a couple times a week when Dawn would come over. Near the end of S1 I told her I didnโt think I wanted to continue. She asked me to PLEASE give it to the end of season 2 and if I still didnt like it, we could find something else. As promised, I did become more interested in S2. The humor was funnier, the acting got better, and the bromance was hotter, and the emotional moments were even more heart breaking. The first episode that left a really big impression on me was Born Under a Bad Sign. Until then, I knew Sam had psychic powers, and his father was worried he would turn dark, and left it on Deanโs shoulders to save him or kill him (good idea John, what the hell) and this episode was probably showing Sam go bad. I didnt want that, I liked the boys and I wanted to like both of them and not have to start thinking of Sam as evil, but he was soooooo creepy in that episode! I was so afraid he was going to rape Jo, fortunately he didnโt, but thatย โMy daddy shot your daddy in the heeeaadโ thing gave me the willies! I was so uncomfortable with thisย โDark Samโ I thought maybe I couldnt continue. Dawn didnt want me to stop just yet, but didnt want to give me spoilers, she told meย โDonโt worry, Sam and Dean are the GOOD guys and Sam is a REALLY good guyโ so I continued. When it was discovered that Sam was possessed, I found that very interesting, I didnโt think the boys would ever succumb to the evil things, just kick their asses all the time, though I assumed theyd have their own asses kicked sometimes, I never thought the show would allow the heroes to really suffer.... boy was I wrong huh??ย I recall my first noticing that Sam was hot and built like a truck, in Heart, and it was also the first time I really cried. I remember telling Dawn, I will watch it when she comes over but Im watching it on my own too, because now Im much more interested, but I also saidย โitโs kind of a bummer knowing the boys wont die, that will take away from the suspense and emotional moments when itโs feared they might die, and I remember her giving me this look... she saidย โtrust me, you know nothingโ. She was right ... All Hell Breaks Loose 1 & 2 had me sobbing! When Sam dies in Deanโs arms and Dean sobs into his neck, I dont think Ive ever seen such intense, realistic ย grief on a TV show. And then Dean goes and sells his soul for Sam!! This turned what I thought was aย โMy brother is my best friendโ love into aย โId willingly spend eternity in fire and torment, to have one more year with my brotherโ love. That was a big turning point for me. I new Id watch it till the end and couldnt wait for those long days off when I could just binge all day long.ย Then Season 4 happened... I dont know when exactly it happened, or which episode it was, but somewhere early in S4, I discovered the most amazing thing. I woke up one day and realized I am madly in love with Sam Winchester! And to top it off, I was hopelessly addicted and obsessed with SPN! I wont give a rundown of how each season hit me, but its been a crazy, emotional, tragically painful, beautful roller coaster that I have no intentions to ever get off of. By the time I got to S9 and started seeing the episodes dwindle away, I didnt want to finish too fast, yet I wanted to keep binging, so thats when I decided to start rewatching. ration out the newer episodes so I dont finish too fast, and binge the ones Ive already seen, and Ive done that continiously since then, and that was in May. By the end of June, I had watched everything on Netflix and purchased all of S11 On Demand and just kept finishing and starting over, rinse, repeat.ย What I have learned... I mean no disrespect to Dean, I love him... but, if he ever saysย โAs long as Im around, nothing bad is ever gonna happen to youโ ... just RUN!! He said this to Sam in S1 and things just unraveled fast for poor Sam. I dont think there are many bad things LEFT that haven't happened to Sam, and we still have at least 2 more seasons to go!!!ย To me, Sam is the most beautiful, kind, selfless, brave character ever. Yet, he can be a little selfish on occasion, but if you needed any of the duct tape and safety pins that hold him together, he wouldnt think twice about giivng them to you. He is scared fairly often, but itโs never stopped him from facing any big bad monster life could hand him.Season 10 was definitely not his most attractive season (that hair?? WHAT??) and if you piss him off, he can viciously sting with his words at the very least, or be brutally lethal with his hands when need be. He is a full on nerd, but not the least bit pretentious about it. He doesnt think he is better than anyone, and maybe even not as good as most. He is brilliant, but wont ever make you feel stupid. He is the sweetest, kindest gentleman youโll ever meet, but 100% badass as well. But most of all. he loves Dean with everything in his life. He will never leave him (again) for anyone. If he ever finds a significant other, they will have to accept him and Dean as One person. Package deal and thats it.ย To me, Dean is a rock. He rarely ever changes, This isnโt a bad thing. This compliments Sam, who is ever changing. Dean doesnโt live inside his head. He expresses his feelings more physically than with words, though he isnt one to mince words if you need to hear it. Heโs emotional, not afraid to cry, but maybe afraid of who he allows to see it. Heโs not perfect, he has made a lot of poor choices for himself and for Sam as well, but never with any ill intent (other than when influenced by a Supernatural force) He is a sweetheart, who unfortunately carries too much baggage. In Regarding Dean I feel like I met the REAL Dean that is lost under decades of pain, lossm and never ending violence. He can piss me off big time, but I forgive him because Sam does, and the most important thing in his world is Sam. There is nothing he wouldnt do, nor lines he wouldnt cross for Sam, and I believe he would give Sam anything in his power if Sam would simply ask.ย What I think of the side charactersย Cas, Crowley, Rowena, Bobby, etc.. all good characters who bring a lot of interest to the show, but none are strong enough characters to have their own storylines apart from Sam and Dean. Their side stories arent very interesting. I would watch a show that was only Sam and Dean (which is what I prefer) but I wouldnt watch a show that was only Cas or Crowley or whomever. They should support Sam and Dean and thats it, in my opinion.
What I have learned about the Fandom... Supernatural is the Holy Reaches of Heaven to them and they are Religions. Separate groups of individuals, expressing their love for the show and the characters in different ways. Some SPN religions are open and accepting, and some are vicious and hateful. Everyone gets different things from different parts of the series, but some of these religions, think their thoughts are the best and only True Canon even when sometimes, their thoughts are not canon at all. There are some fun, silly, kind loving fans in the SPN Family, and I have met a few, but Ive also seen some unnecessarily hatefull, mean spirited individuals who I cant consider family. SPN belongs to me, and it belongs to you. Take from it what you take from it... blog your blogs, go meta crazy, ship your ships, and write the shit out of fan fic... but please dont belittle and berate those who think differently. It is a ficitonal show, no one is going to go to Hell or be arrested for their views on it. If you donโt like it, dont watch it, but let those who do still love it, like myself, enjoy it while they can. Donโt go trying to hurt our feelings withย โIt should end!!โ because someday it will, we know this, but we want it to live on for as long as J2 are happy to do it, and even then, itโs gonna hurt like the death of a loved one to see it go, so try to be more considerate okay? If you stayed to read ALL of this, You are precious to me :) and thank you!
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