#his head and feet. love to deform. but it honestly makes it funnier

[amekinoko]

I put him in project diva sorry

[whatadaze]

*CLIP DROP* hahaha ok but seriously you guys want angst and all of a sudden i’m writing essays. this is what happens when my angst mode is activated. ya’ll created a monster. (catch up here)

22:34: Hey is everything okay?

22:34: I think I just saw you leave the party. Call me?

22:36: Or text me!  Either one’s fine.

******

09:16 Still alive?

******

12:49 You know, it’s kind of an asshole move to just ditch someone like that.

******

20:23 Sorry. Just let me know you’re okay and I’ll stop bothering you.

******

“Ha! This is hilarious,” Janna says, opening and closing her mouth as she watches her deformed face on the phone screen. “Snapchat filters are the best invention of our time. No doubt about it.”

Isa laughs alongside her as she tests the filter out too.

“Wait I have a good idea,” she says, turning on some music. “Look it’s even funnier if you start lip syncing.”

The two girls giggle over the phone and sing along to the music as they record themselves.

Liv isn’t really in the mood to indulge in their weird form of entertainment and instead, unlocks her phone for the millionth time.

No new messages.

She lets out a tired sigh and leans her head back against the window, trying not to overthink what the silence might mean. God knows she’s already racked her brain over it way too many times this past weekend.

Now, she’s just being pathetic--sulking over a boy who is clearly not interested in her. No matter how much she was in him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Yasmina asks, pulling the earphone she had been sharing with her girlfriend out of her ear.

Her question catches Engel’s attention anyway.

“Is everything okay?” she asks, taking her earphone out as well.

And now the attention Liv had been wanting to avoid is on her. She tries to come up with some shit excuse, but honestly, she’s too tired and frustrated to do so.

“It’s Noah.”

“Noah?” Janna asks, sitting up from the bench. “That painter kid, Noah?”

“Noah Boom?” Yasmina asks seriously. “I didn’t know you knew him.”

Liv shakes her head. “I don’t,” she says quickly. “I mean, I thought I did. Fuck, I don’t know.”

"Shit, I thought I saw him at the party but I just thought he was tagging along with Gijs,” Janna says, her brows raised as she musses up her hair. “But YOU invited him, didn’t you!?”

Liv glances over at Isa, the only one who actually knew there was something going on between her and Noah, but she remains silent.

“Wait...” Engel says slowly. “Noah was at the party?”

Liv nods her head.

“He-”

Engel stops mid-sentence and glances over at her girlfriend. After exchanging a look that only they seemed to understand, Yasmina’s eyes widen.

“What?” Liv asks, straightening up from her slouched position.

Yasmina gives her girlfriend a nod before Engel finally says,

“Haven’t you heard?” she asks, glancing at each of the girls. “Noah’s mom passed away. I heard it happened Friday night.”

Liv’s mind flashes back to the look on Noah’s face when he saw who was calling him, the way his body seemed to slouch forward as she peered down at him over the railing, and his retreating form slowly fading away into the darkness.

And suddenly, everything seemed to make sense.

******

Liv goes to his place immediately after school.

She doesn’t need the navigation anymore and her legs seem to have a mind of their own as they quickly pace down the sidewalk and towards the elegant townhome that she now knows to be his.

When she walks up the steps leading up to his front door, she feels a heavy lump form in the back of her throat. She’s nervous, but picturing Noah hiding away in his room pushes her to go up that final step and ring the doorbell.

She hears the chimes echo throughout the house but unlike before, the door remains closed. Her persistence gets the best of her and she rings the doorbell a second time. The familiar chime echoes again but Noah still doesn’t answer.

Liv takes a few steps back and peers up at the window she knows to be attached to Noah’s room. She frowns when she sees that the curtains are drawn.

She bites her lip, contemplating on whether or not she should try again.

Her eyes flicker between the doorbell and then back up at his window before finally deciding it might be best to leave him alone.

After all, she wasn’t really anything to him anyways.

******

The next day, Liv misses her stop and somehow ends up in Noah’s neighborhood again.  

At first, she didn’t think to go to his place, but the little voice in her head tells her that maybe he’s feeling a bit better. That she will ring the doorbell and he will answer.

And she tells herself that over and over again as she walks over to his house.

She swallows down her nerves as she takes each step leading to his front door and lets out a deep breath as her finger press the doorbell.

By now, she feels like she has the melody of the chimes memorized as she hears it ring through the door.

After no answer, she rings it again.

And then again.

But there’s still no answer,

and Noah in sight,

so she leaves.

******

“I just sent a email to Musikk Records,” her dad says over the phone. “Let me know if you hear back from them, okay? I know that you have the talent so it would be a shame if they didn’t meet with you.”

“Dad, I-”

“Listen,” her dad cuts in. “I have to go. But call me back when you hear from them. Love you.”

Her dad hangs up before she can even utter another word and suddenly her head is throbbing.

When her class got out early, Liv was looking forward to the extra time, but then her dad called and suddenly, she wished she was back in class so she didn’t have to pick up.

She puts on her earphones but doesn’t play any music, not really wanting to listen to anything at the moment. She found that if she has earphones on, people are less likely to approach her and right now, she wants to be alone.

As she pushes open the door leading out into the courtyard, her eyes immediately fall onto a boy sitting contently on the bench, far from the crowd of students bustling around. She stops in her track and watches the small smile form on his face as he flips through the pages of the book sitting on his lap.

And suddenly, she’s a bit jealous.

Liv used to feel the same way whenever she listened to her music but these days, it gives her a headache and all she ever wants to do when the topic is brought up is run away.

She misses feeling like that--oblivious to the people around her, smiling at the small things that used to give her pleasure, and getting lost in her own little world.

And before she knows it, her feet are carrying her towards him.

******

Liv pulls up her unfinished essay and stares at the ten words she had managed to type this weekend.

Needless to say, her mind wasn’t super focused on schoolwork, instead choosing to think about a certain boy every five seconds.

(Just like it is now.)

And how can she not? She stares at his raven sketch every morning when she gets ready, she thinks about him when she makes her morning tea, and when Ralph handed her a piece of his toast this morning, she almost cried.

She didn’t know who she was anymore.

“Liv?”

The sound of Isa’s voice followed by the rapping on her door pulls her out of her thoughts. Her friend opens the door and pops her head in, her curls flying every which way as she invites herself inside.

“What are you doing here?” Liv asks, moving her feet off from her desk.

“Ralph let me in,” she explains.

Isa walks across her room and sits on the edge of her bed. Her eyes seem to be studying Liv as they examine her from head to toe.

“What?”

Her friend shakes her head and her lips form a thin line.

“I saw Noah today,” she finally says.

This catches Liv’s attention and she tilts her head.

“He was at school?” she asks.

Isa nods her head. “Didn’t look too well, honestly. But yeah, he was there.”

Liv doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or sad or angry. She wishes that she was the one who saw him. She wishes that he would’ve reached out to her and told her that he was okay,

or that he wasn’t,

or that he wanted to be alone,

or that he didn’t.

She just wanted him to talk to her.

“So...d-did you say anything to him?” Liv asks, trying to control her shaky voice. “Or did he say anything to you? I mean-”

“He’s fine,” Isa tells her, reaching over to squeeze her knee.

Liv didn’t even realize she was shaking her leg.

“I felt like you should know that he’s alive,” she continues. “And he is. So, stop worrying so much okay? I don’t think I can stand looking at your chipped nails for much longer. They’re driving me crazy.”

Liv looks down at her nails and she feels a smile form on her face.

Because even though Noah hasn’t reached out to her yet, she knows that he’s okay.

He’s alive

And for now, that’s enough.