#his character is so refreshing I loved that whole bit where he was calling dream out on his bs

[edwin-paynes-bowtie]

tell us more about cordelia! something you love, something you wish we knew more about, something you relate to, something you've discerned that we might not have seen yet, why she doesn't seem to know any neurotypicals yet might be neurotypical herself, etc. just cordelia. i think we should talk about her more

Cordelia, Cordelia, Cordelia!

She is my daughter. She delights me. She confounds me.

Despite being one of my favourite characters in TSC, I find everything she does baffling. Every time she is faced with a choice, any choice at all, she does the exact opposite thing than I would have done. For her, she makes the right choices. If I made her choices, though, I'd rip my own hair out. We are SUCH different people.

I actually really like this. A lot of my favourite characters are important to me because of the ways that I find myself mirrored in them. Matthew, Alastair, and Thomas are all great examples. Cordelia serves a different function to me as a window character. Watching her is like a huge character study in someone Very Unlike Me who's extremely complex, likeable, and ultimately lovely.

Matthew and Cordelia

The sole exception to this "Cordelia-and-I-make-different-choices" rule is when she runs off to Paris with Matthew, which I would have done. It would have been a good decision for me but was actually an awful one for her.

I'm going to be a little rambley here, but I want to talk a little bit about her relationship with my Best Blorbo Matthew. I think that she fundamentally misunderstands him, which is interesting for me to watch as someone who's so similar to Matthew. I might dissect the whole scene one day when I have time, but there's this bit where she's rejecting him where he's going on and on about all the places they can travel to. She says, "we can't always be running away." This was so interesting to me!!! Because it was so obvious to me that Matthew wasn't running away. He's planning his dream future full of unknown adventures, and he's trying to fit her in. She's too settled, she wants to be settled, and that's okay! They're just not compatible. But she so greatly misunderstands what he's trying to do, and I kind of turn my head to that scene to go "huh. That's why I don't understand her."

Daisy, My Daughter

There are so many things I love about Cordelia. I absolutely adore her bravery and her compassion, and I think she feels a lot. I think she's strong and independent.

I think that she's capable of being crafty and sneaky when she wants to be (see: the wording of the oath she has Lilith repeat to her in ChoT.) She's my daughter, my ridiculously frustrating daughter, who I know has a brain somewhere in there that she never uses.

I also will say that I really like the drive that she has to be a hero. It's refreshing to see a girl character who actively attempts to realize a goal like that rather than someone who's thrust into a world Chosen-One-Style. Both Clary and Tessa were "Chosen One" type characters, which served their genre well for the time. Cordelia, like Emma, was just an ambitious Shadowhunter, and I find her story very interesting as a result. And I like how Cordelia is in part driven by a desire for merciful, compassionate heroism (unlike Emma, who was driven by a desire for revenge). It sets her apart from all the other Emma-type Badass Warrior Girls who want to go out and kick as much ass as possible.

She's such a delightful person and one I would be proud to call a friend IRL. And she's a great character in a lot of ways, though I think there are some narrative issues holding her back.

Cordelia and Cassandra Clare's Narrative

I feel like Cordelia is the one character that I wish I could steal from Cassie and repurpose. I generally really like what Cassie does with most of her characters, and I like a lot of the things she did with Cordelia. If I didn't, I wouldn't love her so much. But I think that with some VERY MINOR tweaking, Cordelia could have been even better.

The issue with Cordelia is that the author gives her very little agency. The narrative serves to protect her and James as the Herongraystairs kids, and I get that, but it feels like Cordelia is often just dragged along for the ride. Like, she is the main character! Why is she given almost no agency or real choices? Why is she just swept along with the narrative as a pawn in this large chess game that is TLH? I was talking with a close mutual @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer a while back who said it would have been great if Cordelia became Lilith's paladin willingly to try to take power from all the awful men who abuse it. I would have loved this! If Cordelia had been allowed to get just a little bit messy, bend the rules of morality, and make some mistakes, she would have been even more incredible than she is.

The Impact of Lacking Agency

This narrative issue manifests as my least favorite Cordelia character trait: her hyper-naivete. She is so naïve in a way that is almost unbelievable to me as a reader. Like, her response to "dad's an alcoholic who's been abusing me since I was 10" is "huh!!!! That's why I found gin bottles everywhere and he was super clunky and they stopped serving wine! Who'd have guessed?" And, she literally swore fealty to this dude who said he was Wayland the Smith because... he said so? Like ??? Girl!!! Other people, especially your brother, have paid a great price for that naïveté. That bothers me.

The thing that's annoying about this is that I've come to the conclusion that Cassie didn't intend for Cordelia to be so naïve. It was a side effect of giving her no agency. If someone is an adult, that means they necessarily have agency; if someone has agency, they lose moral purity. Ergo, Cordelia was necessarily naïve.

Alastair and Cordelia

I also feel like re: the writing, I find Alastair and Cordelia's dynamic to be simultaneously excellent and irritating. Because he sacrificed his whole life for her! It should not have taken her several months and a murder accusation to marginally stand up for him! I'm sorry!

But I also really love their relationship, especially in ChoT. It makes me so happy to see them joking around together like normal siblings, and I feel like Alastair by Beloved Blorbo gets to kind of... be a normal guy with his little sister, if only a little bit. He doesn't need to act in loco parentis anymore, and they're immediately messing around. I love it.

Again, I wish the relationship were written in a more cohesive way. Maybe it's because I don't have a sibling. But it feels like Cordelia DOES acknowledge that Alastair is the constant lifelong protector that she wants to call out to when she's scared. But she also simultaneously says that he's like quicksand unprompted and tells Matthew that he must think she's terrible to love him.

Cassie, why!?

Cordelia and her Neurodivergent BFFs

This is a funny observation you make, that she "doesn't seem to know any neurotypicals yet might be neurotypical herself." And I agree, actually! I don't really have a lot of thoughts on this besides "that's just who she naturally wound up around because of her familial and life circumstances." What do you think of it? I'm curious to know. <3

[golvio]

I just recently replayed Wind Waker to get back into the Legend of Zelda spirit, and am now on a Ganondorf kick; what are your big Ganondorf Songs (aka songs that remind you a lot of him)? The only one I've really come across so far is "Waltz of Malice" by Kikuo

This one took me a little while to answer because it required me to go back through my archives a little to refresh my memory.

These are a couple of songs from my big ol' character playlist that I don't think I've specifically called out in my previous playlist posts. As with most character playlists, these don't always have a 1:1 meaning, but the general vibe matches how I interpret him.

Here are some, in no particular order:

Artificial Heart by Jonathan Coulton

Cleanse the Bloodlines by Unleash the Archers (Journey wide, they're spread across the land / they will hide, they know what I plan)

Kodokushi by Aesop Rock

Jumping Coffin by Aesop Rock

Draw by Elise Wattman

The Music Room by Raphael Benjamin Meyer

The Path to the Door by David Mason

The Laughingtrush by The Weather Factory (The Book of Hours demo has a lot of lovely tracks that I like to think could back Ganondorf going for a walk in the countryside)

Sun's Splendour by The Weather Factory ("Summer: Grail, with all her gifts")

What Now? by Mickymar Productions

Apollo and Marsyas: Overture by Mickymar Productions

Nemeses by Jonathan Coulton

I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor

Health Is A Currency by DEADLIFE

Belly of the Beast by Gazelle Twin

Mrs. Bluebeard by They Might Be Giants

River of Despair by Ridiculon

O Ruthless Great Divine Director by Lingua Ignota (Have they told you that I'll take you for everything you've got? / Ungoverned by any master / Unloved by any god / Have they told you that my tongue is alight with violet flame? / And every eye shall see me / Every voice shall speak my name)

Just Lingua Ignota in general, man, but particularly her album "Caligula," and "I Who Bend The Tall Grasses"

Tom the Diver by Petri Alanko

Wayward Sisters by Abel Korzeniowski

Come, Gentle Night by Abel Korzeniowski

"Vissi D'Arte" from Puccini's Tosca

The whole damn Lady Macbeth aria from Verdi's Macbeth, particularly "Vieni! T'affreta!" (I like to think this is what plays every time he picks some poor delicately-featured schmuck to be his lieutenant)

"Un bel di vedremo" from Puccini's Madama Butterfly (Waiting for that one dude who doesn't screw up and die horribly, because who says this guy can't have a sentimental side? Also, this is the aria they used as the backing track for "Don't Cry For Me, I'm Already Dead")

The Herminia Suite from Octopath Traveler

The Vide Suite from Octopath Traveler 2 (One of the few tenor performances that matched his vibe, to me)

Pillar of Souls by Sufjahn Stevens

A lot of Rammstein, particularly Ohne Dich, Mutter, Diamant, and a lot of stuff from "Reise Reise" and "Zeit"

The refrain from "Zick Zack," too. This is one of the songs where the lyrics/meaning as a whole doesn't really match him, but there's something of him in the idea of tearing yourself apart to put yourself back together in a shape you want. There was something about the way Cadence of Hyrule made it sound like his monster form was something he was actually actively pursuing since he was a little boy. I heard it a little bit in Beverly's monologue about her plastic surgeries (presented here as the ultimate culmination of her obsession with death and embalming, along with her cryogenic funeral parlor for celebrities) in the (admittedly NSFW-ish if your boss doesn't view life modeling and boob jokes as artistic) "Affairs of the Art." "You just gotta take control. It's your life. I mean, look at me! Check me out! I'm sculpting myself! My own body! I'm an exhibit, right? I'm a living gallery! My body is my art! Just go for it! What are you waiting for?" Here it's not the body as furniture for the patriarchy to judge as "valuable," but the body as a vehicle for pursuing one's dreams and obsessions, as Beverly came from a family of very likely autistic people who each devoted themselves to their life's passions, as eclectic and niche as they may be). It's like the principles of Moth and Forge, this wild yearning for transformation and the disciplined mettle and ingenuity to see it through, even if other people don't like the results and wish he'd change back into something more pretty or manageable.

This is about all I can muster for now, but I hope that's a good start and you find something you're looking for from it.

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi JWB!!

How are you doing? I haven't been around much lately but everytime I catch up on stugf on Tumblr you are having some amazing discussions. You are simply awesome 🤩🤩👌👌♥️

Hope you are having a great and healthy year and wishing you a Happy Valentine's a day in advance because you bring so much love, light and happiness to my life.

I have been meaning to ask this for a long time. Have you seen "Asshiqana" its a series by Gul Khan on Hotstar. Its very soap operatic and is a love story set in backdrop of crime and conspiracy. Though it has many problematic tropes and sometimes too many twists and turns which require healthy suspension of disbelief the treatment of certain sequences is beautiful. The lead pair are beautiful and have great chemistry which makes it good to watch but the way the FL breaks stereotypes and calls out patriarchy is something I haven't seen in a long time. It does get preachy at times but overall its something that was needed. Could have been handled better but its start and I love it. The FL and the brother of the ML are two awesome characters. He worships his elder brother but what is beautiful is that he shows him the mirror each time and higliights his 1940 ki thinking brilliantly. Also while the ML is chauvinistic he knows it and slowly is coming to terms with falling for a girl who is against everything he believes in. So thats refreshing.

Anyhow, I just wanted to know what you think about it.

Cheers

Hey!

I'm doing better love <3 How're you? Haha thanks for the love. Thank you and happy belated Valentine's to you too <3 You're honestly super sweet.

I'm aware of Aashiquana. I am glad you are enjoying the show. One thing that I often dislike about 4Lions shows nowadays is that they talk about feminism while showing patriarchy. The female leads will have big "dialogues" but I determine liberalism by seeing what happens with the female lead herself. Is she subjected to sexism and patriarchy by the elders? Misogyny and misguided rage by the hero? Is her character always assassinated, do her career dreams ever come true?

Thus her shows end up being preachy and cringey instead of revolutionary.

I've captured little bits of it and it seems interesting. As you've mentioned above the heroine and the hero's brother look delightful. But the whole concept of a chauvinistic man becoming better because of the woman he loves is dated and far from reality.

If a chauvinistic man is 'better' to the woman he loves or that he needs a woman in his concern to be affected by patriarchy to understand how terrible chauvinism is, then that is not changing. And that is not improvement.

So I'm turned off Aashiquana for the male lead and his terrible Amma/grandmaa/bua (I have no idea who that woman is but she lives in 1930s).

Like I don't think I could've liked IPK if Dadi (Subhadra) was a character from the beginning. And Arnav wasn't ever a "women shouldn't do this". His issues with Khushi wasn't ever gender based. He was more like "let me live, let everyone live, and for fuck's sake stop obsessing with marriage cause it's no use ruining two lives"

Which he was right about...

And honestly I am tired of women playing roles where they've to 'correct' the men. It exhausted me in Shaurya Aur Anokhi Ki Kahaani (non 4 Lions show) and every other telly show.

Also wtf is the female leads names? What happened to Zoya, Anika, Gauri, Meera and all?

But I do like Aashiqana's heroines dialogues. Probably that's it. However, don't let my rant ruin your viewing experience - if you're enjoying it, please keep enjoying it!

Love,

Jalebi

[marwankenzarisgaylittleearring]

“I’d like to end up as a tree”

Marwan kenzari (31) won a gold calf last year for his role in the movie Wolf. As of next week he is to be seen in Bloedlink (/reckless), opening’s act of the Dutch film festival. “It’s not my place to say I’m good.”

Bloedlink

“Acting offers the chance to become well acquainted with the complexities of being human. The Moroccan kick-boxer Majid in the movie Wolf had a fascinating interior life. His character was even easier to understand when he said nothing at all - I don’t think I’ve ever had as little lines in a movie. Rico in Bloedlink is completely different. He accidentally finds himself swept up in criminal business, but he’s actually just someone who’s had a whole slew of bad luck. In the movie his character undergoes a few very surprising U-turns. In my portrayal of him, I interpret all those different sides as honest, I find that interesting. In the movie, Rico does some paradoxical things, but he means all of them. Of course that’s simply not possible. That’s what makes him fascinating and tragic.”

Journey

“If I’m a good actor? That’s not my place to say. Sometimes you do the most interesting things you think are worthless in the moment. A movie is a collaborative journey, which, in the case of Wolf, I underwent with director Jim Taihuttu among others. Although I secretly did think during shooting: this will be fun. Wolf is an honest movie. The kick-boxing, the hits to the body, very little of that is pretend. Not that everything should be real in a movie, but this story required that. At a certain point I felt: this could be something really fresh in Dutch cinema. And it was.”

Peanut Butter

“Ever since that role, which I trained for quite extensively, I’ve found it increasingly important to stay in shape. It wasn’t a complete transformation; even beforehand I would exercise six times a week. But now I’m slightly addicted, yeah. It makes you mentally stronger, too. If I’ve been training on a Sunday at 7 am and then at 8 am I’m outside again, showered, refreshed and in shape while the rest of the city’s asleep, I’m 1-0 ahead. Scratch that: 10-0. I pay attention to my nutrition as well. Bread for example gives false energy. But I’m not always so strict. I get plenty of enjoyment from a good, white slice of bread with calvé peanut butter. And then fold it over, don’t cut it! You shouldn’t cut a sandwich, everyone knows that. Then you miss the first bite.”

Toneelgroep Amsterdam

“After the acting academy in Maastricht I was immediately invited to Toneelgroep Amsterdam. I was with them for three years, but found my attentions pulled towards film during that period. When the actors from TGA are - rightfully - expected to be fully available. We “broke up”, though that sounds too serious, with full, mutual agreement. I see the company as family and will be playing in Angels in America at the end of the month, in New York. Director Ivo van Hove has been very important for my development. I admire his knowing exactly what he wants, but also his ability to be unsure and searching, and to be able to be vulnerable about that. But I have to be fair to myself. I’m 31 now, and these are my most important years in film. While I hope to be an even better stage-actor when I’m fifty. I’m slightly further ahead in film than on stage. That development is tougher, needs more time and possibly total dedication. Stage is the motor in the actor’s car; film is a different muscle. But if Ivo calls me in two, or ten or forty years, he’ll be the first stage director I’ll say yes to.”

Pierre Bokma

“As the son of Tunisian parents in the Hague painters-quarter I didn’t come into automatic contact with theatre. As a kid I was mostly interested in football, the emotion you see on a player’s face when he scores - fantastic. At a certain point I realised that movies can affect you the same way, even though you know it’s fake. That’s the magic of acting. Through contacts I ended up with De Nieuwe Amsterdam, an in-between theatre course for teens for whom the leap to theatre school was perhaps a bit too big. I learned everything there: playwrights, Dutch actors, repertoire. You’re also taught which acting schools exist. And I thought: where did Pierre Bokma go to school? And Fedja van Huêt? That was Maastricht. It also appealed to me that they implemented Bijltjesdag: you might still be sent away halfway through the first year. I decided: if I’m going for this uncertain profession, maybe the best trial by fire will be going to a school where you aren’t sure if you’ll be allowed to stay. I was allowed, in the end. At the theatre academy I came into contact with art, philosophy, poetry. All of that was new. But it didn’t feel as if I was behind, I only saw it as a fantastic source of riches; as if I could try on all sorts of new glasses.”

Huntersfamily

“I never thought that this path wasn’t laid out for me, I just always let myself be lead by my passion and my dreams. My parents are happy for me; I have a good connection with both. My father is an amazing person - an accumulation of beautiful ingredients. He’s honest with himself, doesn’t spare himself and laughs a lot, that’s important to me. He might be made out of simple components, he’s from a huntersfamily, but for me these are the components that build a strong character. My dad can tell beautiful stories, about his life in Tunisia, about his old friends who aren’t with us anymore. Every year death takes someone new, and in that way a beautiful group of people slowly disappears, the protagonists of a generation. One lives close to the elements there, I find that fascinating. It’s so different to our life here. I’ll also never interrupt my dad when he starts on a story like that. Even if I’ve heard it before.”

Vampire

“I’ve always said: I want to play a woman, a vampire, a Moroccan kick-boxer. I’ve succeeded in doing the last one. A vampire is a wonderful character. The beauty of their faces, the sensuality, the tragedy of never going outside during the day, and of course their never ageing; never dying, in fact. I’d like to never die. When I was a kid, I suffered a lot of nightmares. About falling and never landing. I had a hard time in the dream world, I wasn’t a big fan of night. It was, I think, a sort of inexplicable fear of dying. At a certain moment I grew familiar with those dreams, figured out how to influence them. I could for all intents and purposes check-out whenever it became scary. I became the director of my own dream world. When I was twelve, I fell in love, and then I was over it. I still have nightmares, like everyone else, but now I find them fascinating instead of threatening. Beautiful how your mind can make a story out of all sorts of ingredients. Sometimes I call my mother to talk about what a dream might mean. For example, I recently dreamt about my grandmother. ‘She thinks about you and loves you,’ my mother says.”

Tree

“I still know fear and uncertainty, but they don’t hinder me anymore. They’re two trusted companions now, who walk with me. They keep me sharp and hungry, and in a good way, they keep me on my toes. As long as they don’t hold me back, they can be here. Fear of dying is now simply fear of no longer living. If a way to live until you’re 377 is discovered tomorrow, I’ll be the first to sign up. I’d like to end up as a tree. Then you only need to have a care for wind, rain and sun.”

[nakamoto-aesthetics]

Guardian Angel | Johnny

synopsis: on the way from a friends house you bump into a man who was trying to harm you but luckily a guy named johnny saves you before you were taken. from there you get to know him a bit and things get… interesting. (the synopsis makes the story sound boing but i promise it’s not :)

pairing: johnny suh x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff, a lil smut

warning: something similar to human trafficking in the beginning (if you’re sensitive to that topic please don’t read this fic), heavy make out shesh, not proofread!, other than that there’s nothing i can think of

a/n: also remember that this is a FIC and not real life, please don’t welcome strangers into your home :))

word count: 4.1k

“where do you think you’re going in that cute little dress baby?” an unfamiliar voice is heard as you walk down the fairly dark street. you don’t say anything and continue to walk not paying any attention to the voice. there was no one else really around, barely any cars passing by, let alone people.

“I asked you a question, I expect an answer” the tone was firm, his footsteps getting faster and so do yours. you hurriedly pull out your phone, quickly forming a plan that involved some of your friends but that all crashed and burned once you saw the dead battery flashing on the screen. your heart sink and tears instantly pooled in your eyes, threatening to fall from your eyes. that was your only escape, what were you gonna do now?

you were just trying to get home that was all. maybe you should’ve let your friend drive you home but you didn’t because you didn’t want to cause your friend an inconvenience. you were beginning to regret that decision, all because of that small reason. at least you would’ve been home safe and sound but no, you decided to be the unselfish and independent person you are, and look where it got you.

“hey!” a hand grips your shoulder from behind and swings you around. “I asked you a question when I ask a question I expect an answer” the guy wasn’t a foreigner, he was most definitely korean. he seemed to be in his mid-30s, the age definitely showed. there were creases and wrinkles in some areas of his face and his clothes were all black including his shoes. you try to pull away from the grip but he only grips your shoulder harder, hurting you more than you would like to admit.

“maybe I need to refresh your short memory,” the guy chuckles lowly, his finger shifting your head up to meet his eyes. “where are you going in that cute little dress?” his eyes looked you up and down, his free hand gliding down your waist, slowly traveling to your ass. your face stayed straight the entire time even while tears fell down your face. you knew who had the upper hand power in the situation, you knew there was little you could do even if you didn’t dare say it aloud.

“still not talking? well maybe I should force it out of you huh?” he tilts his head. no, because the whole time you were creating a plan b in your head since plan a failed. there was no way you were going to allow yourself to be trafficked.

“well then, you made this choice for yourself. i’m sorry to do this sweetheart” his hands grope your ass and that's when you strike. you move your leg up to kick him in the balls but he’s faster than you, grabbing ahold of your leg before it collided with his area.

“is that what you were doing this whole time, creating that wack-ass plan? you didn’t think i’d see it coming that’s so cute,” he fake coos. “i’ve been doing this longer than you, i’m smarter and faster than you love” he throws down your leg and in the blink of an eye, you are turned around in his grip with an arm around your neck. your hand flies to his arm and you pull on it, not wanting to be choked to death.

“is there a problem over here miss?” another unfamiliar voice calls, making both you and the guy look over to where it came from. it was a tall guy with light brown hair. he had tan skin and different pieces of clothing put together that oddly worked. his eyes were a soft brown, not too harsh. he was… kinda cute if you were being honest. he was also In the process of taking his headphones out of his ears, for what reason? you didn’t know.

“there’s no problem here, keep on walking buddy” the male answered for you.

“I asked the lady not you” the new stranger spoke harshly to the trafficker and look at you once again. “are you okay?” he knitted his eyebrows. your eyes caught his, filling with tears, threatening to spill from your eyes. he nodded softly understanding how you were feeling through your eyes. he then looked at the male behind you.

“let her go, I don’t wanna hurt you” he said firmly.

“oh yeah, what can you do?” he looks him up and down and laughs at the guy, walking back to his original place, which was a block or two away.

“Im can do a lot” the stranger walks in front of you and the guy, making you both stop once again.

“listen man, this is my girlfriend. we’re just having a little disagreement aren’t we honey?” the guy tightens his hold around your neck. you open your mouth trying to suck in more air but his hold gets tighter. you tap on his arm in hopes that he’ll release you but he doesn’t. there was no way you were gonna agree with him.

the stranger doesn’t think furthermore and before either of you knew it, your head was being moved out the way carefully and a punch was thrown at the guy's face. you heard a crack of a bone and quickly moved away from the area, running out the man's hold.

it was like an action movie, the man was the villain and the stranger was the hero, and you were the one in need of help. the fight ended with the stranger still standing and the man now on the floor. he wasn’t moving but his chest was still rising and falling. he wasn’t dead although you weren’t sure what was gonna happen in the next few minutes but you weren’t gonna find out either.

“are you okay?” the stranger rushes over to you, sliding off his jacket and handing it to you.

“that won’t be necessary” you chuckle and wave your hand at his jacket.

“please, I insist” he places the jacket around you, not wanted to make you feel uncomfortable by touching you.

“thank you” you look down and smile softly.

“it’s no problem, I could never just walk by if I saw something like that” he smiles gently. “do you want me to walk you home? you know, to make sure you get there safe?”

“uhh… why not” you smile and begin to walk in the direction, he comes up beside you and walks along with you.

you pulled his jacket closer to your body for warmth as you kept your eyes glued to the sidewalk, scarred by what had just happened. you’ve never experienced something that traumatic before. you could’ve been snatched up a while ago if it hadn’t been for the guy walking beside you right now.

“thank you” your voice was quiet in a way it had never been before.

“anytime” he glances over to you, seeing your small frame wrapped in his jacket.

“I really do mean it, if you wouldn’t have been there I don’t know what I would've done”

“yeah, i’m glad I was there too. it hurts me to see things like that happen” he shakes his head. “I wish I could protect everyone around the world,” he breathily laughs. “that’s probably why I want to be a police officer” your ears perked up when you heard that. you looked up at him with surprised eyes and he looked at you nodding his head.

“it’s always been a dream of mine ever since I was a kid. when I read my first comic book I loved everything about it, I knew I wanted to be some kind of hero after that. I wanted my parents to buy me every single superhero costume so then I could feel like that character, with all the powers and stuff.” you breathily laugh at that, he notices and laughs with you. “anyways that’s enough about me, I wanna know about you” he looks attentively to you.

the conversation continues until you got home. you learned that his name was johnny and that he was 25. he grew up in his hometown chicago but his parents are both korean, and he moved to seoul for better job opportunities. you gotta admit, the guy was interesting and you wanted to know more about him, you thought he was pretty cool.

“so… this is it?” johnny stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks up at the house.

“yep” you look at the house and back to him. it got quiet for a few seconds, neither of you wanted to say bye to each other. johnny wanted to get to know you more and you wanted to know him more also.

“listen, I don’t know if the feeling is mutual but I wanna talk to you some more so how about this, I give my number and you get to choose if you want to text me” he offers and you instantly take it up. he smiles softly and enters his number in your phone. once you receive it back you see the name option blank.

“you’re not gonna name yourself?” you cock your eyebrow at him and he lightheartedly chuckles.

“I want you to have free will and set it as whatever you want. I want you to always feel like you have a choice when you're with me y/n” a smile was blatant on his face, allowing the corners of your mouth to pull up also.

“well thank you very much johnny,” you say, staring into his eyes, which seemed to catch the light from the streetlights in a way you’d never seen before. would it be weird to say that you wanted to get to know the sweet guy in front of you more?

“um.. i guess i should get going, it was nice meeting you y/n” his hypnotizing but kind eyes still staring into your soul. you never wanted to part away from them, from him. johnny was captivating, too captivating to let slip through your fingers.

“it was nice meeting you too. see you later johnny” you dismiss him yet his feet don’t move, they stay in place and so does he, looking at you with eyes of fondness. this continues for about a minute before you break the silence/slight sexual tension.

“uh- actually, do you wanna come in? i’m not going to sleep right away, honestly might have some trouble falling asleep” you shake your head, looking down and pretend to find your nails interesting.

“a-are you sure? i wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable-” he seems caught off guard by your words, obviously snapping him out of whatever trance he was in.

“not at all, now come on. i’ll put on a movie and get some food and drinks. it’ll be good” you smile brightly, grabbing his hand without thinking and taking him up to your front door. you unlock it quickly and turn on the lights, stepping into your clean house.

“this is a very nice environment you have y/n” he looks around staying still in his place, nodding his head, seeming genuinely impressed with it.

“thank you, it took a bit of work to get to this point” you chuckle, taking off your shoes and then his jacket. “oh, here you go” you hold the piece of heavy fabric out to him. he utters a ‘thanks’ once he sees it and takes it.

“you can put your shoes there” you point to the shoe rack beside to door. “and your jacket can go there” you point to the coat racket right next to the shoe rack. he doesn’t say anything and does as you say.

“now make yourself comfortable i’ll be right back” you point to the couch and then walk away but not before you caught his eyes. damn those eyes..

“now why did she do that? i swear horror movie characters are so fucking dumb” you roll your eyes and johnny laughs, agreeing with you.

“i mean what would you do in her position” you look at him. the light from the tv illuminating him perfectly. it was dark everywhere else so the only light you had was from the tv.

“i would’ve saved the friend and then booked it not stand there like an idiot waiting for someone to kill me” he looked at you right back, giving you that same look from earlier but his eyes were a bit brighter, filled with joy.

“exactly! so why can’t she do the same?” you sigh.

“y/n it’s just a movie” he chuckles.

“i know, i know but they really irritate me yk? like why stand there knowing damn well a killer is in the house with you i mean it’s-“

“alright it’s time to turn this off” he backs out of the movie, returning to the netflix screen where you started.

“hey!” you look at him with confused eyes.

“you were way too into it, it‘s not good for your blood pressure.” he says and looks at the tv, going through the comedy section.

you kept your eyes on him watching the way his eyes watch the screen attentively. you nibble on your lip, beginning to get lost in your thoughts. he could be your friend, best friend, boyfriend... husband- too far y/n, too far. you just met the guy but you felt like you’ve known him for a long time. you could see him being a potential boyfriend honestly. it’s been a while since you’ve had a boyfriend, really only focused on work. it wouldn’t be a bad idea. johnny seemed nice and he was interesting in a way nobody has been before, you could stay up talking to him and it wouldn’t get boring ever. what if you guys-

“y/n?” his head turns toward you and he catches you staring back at him with your lip between your teeth. he smiles softly and that’s when you are dragged out of your thoughts.

“here” you say out of nowhere making johnny laugh harder than before, his head is thrown back and his eyes are closed, filling the atmosphere with his beautiful laughs. meanwhile, you sat there a little confused and startled, blinking multiple times.

“huh?” you furrow your eyebrows.

“nothing” he waves his hands continuing to laugh.

“yah!” you hit his arm playfully. “i was lost in my thoughts im sorry” you look down feeling your cheeks heat up.

“while staring at me? what were you thinking about?” he says after his laughter dies down.

“uh.. nothing important, what did you pick?” you look at the tv trying to change the subject and you’re thankful that it works.

“that was a great movie, what’d you think?” johnny looks over to you and you nod tiredly, letting out a yawn. “oh somebody’s tired” he says and you don’t know if it was because you were tired but you thought it was cute.

“i enjoyed it and yes i am tired” you lazily chuckle and rub your face.

“alright, i’ll leave-“ he goes to stand up.

“no-“ you say abruptly and grab his wrist and his eyes shift down to your hold on him. “i mean… no you don’t have to, it’s late and i don’t want you going home at this time of night” you checked your phone with your free hand, completely forgetting about your grip on his wrist.

‘4:08 am’

“damn it’s four already?” your eyes bulge out your head and look up at him, his eyes still watching the way your skin was touching his. “you mister aren’t going anywhere, wouldn’t want anything to happen to you” you move closer to him and he notices this. you take your hand off his wrist and interlock your arms, resting your head on his shoulder. maybe it was the sleepiness that put you in this position but you didn’t mind it one bit, too tired to care.

he seemed surprised tensing up almost immediately but relaxing once he realized what was really happening. you were like the little bear that found comfort in the big bear. johnny brushed the extra pieces of hair out the way, how was it that he’d just met you but he felt so connected to you as if you were a lifelong friend he hadn’t seen in a long time. he didn’t under but at the same time, he didn’t want to understand it. he’d rather just let whatever this was flow at its own pace.

“do you think we’re moving too fast?” you say out of nowhere, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“i was just thinking about that and i think we should just let it happen naturally. whatever happens, happens” he says in a sweet voice and caresses your arm gently with his free hand. “if it feels right then act on it right? anyways, that’s the motto”

you move your head to look up at him and nod, intending to catch his eyes and you do. you’re only inches away from each other’s faces, eyes shifting from his eyes to his lips and so do his before either of you knew it your lips collided. johnny holding your jaw between his index and thumb. you wrap your hands around his neck and sit up slowly shifting onto his lap. your heart began to race as you kissed him deeper, johnny too, feeling his heart pumping with adrenaline, moving his hands down to your waist and gripping it. you moan softly against his lips as his hands travel inside your shirt. he felt like pure ecstasy against you. his touch, his lips, his words, everything him felt so good with you.

his hands then slid down to your hips and he gripped them, continuing to kiss you like no tomorrow. he pulls away from your lips, you following his lips for more, and he chuckles; before you knew it his lips were on your neck, pressing soft kisses to it making you moan softly. when his lips found your sweet spot he attacked it, leaving a dark red hickey in that place. you began to move your hips against his, hungry for some type of stimulation down there. his hands fly to your hips and he rests his head in the crook of your neck, letting out soft grunts.

you bite your lip and pull him up to kiss his neck, one of his hands rest on your shoulder. once you find his sweet spot you do as he did and leave a dark red hickey. you pull back and look at it proudly.

“an eye for an eye” you wink at him.

“yeah, yeah” he smiles and pulls your face closer, kissing you again, this time using a bit of tongue. you moan instantly, letting him win and he explores your mouth as your hands glide down his chest, you could feel all of the contours and lines of his muscles and abs, letting you know he was fit. which only made him sexier. your hands slip under his shirt and you explore the area. he was too hot for you to handle, you could pounce on him again even though you kind of already pounced on him. he’s just too hot.

you pulled away abruptly and he looked at you with a confused expression. you smirked and stood up, him still looking at you, obviously confused. he reached for your wrist but you pulled it away and before he could say anything, with the help of his thighs you got on your knees. his confused expression was now gone as he watched the scene unfold, his jeans were so tight against him and you knew that. his hard-on wasn’t small either, it was actually pretty big, you could still see his print though it was dark and you wanted to help him out so you teased him by gliding your fingers up his thighs and then teased his dick by running your finger up and down his hard-on.

“stop t-teasing” he breathily moans, watching your every move.

you smirked, looking up at him and unzipped his jeans.

did you guys fuck? no. just oral sex, that was all you guys agreed to. johnny thought it would be a bad idea to have sex during the initial meet. he said it would be best to give it at least a few weeks. he truly did wanna get to know you some more as did you and that’s why you were okay with not going that far.

you slept in your room after you guys were done giving each other head. you’d given him a blanket to sleep with and a comfortable pillow instead of making him use one of the uncomfortable decor ones on your couch.

“thank you johnny,” you said as he grabbed his coat. you let him stay for breakfast, that you and him cooked together. (he wasn’t going to let you cook it by yourself)

“for what? i should be thanking you. i had fun” he says as he puts his coat on.

“because i had fun too. the most i’ve had in a long time so thank you for that”

“it’s nothing really, i’m glad i could reflect some light on” he laughs and slips his shoes on.

“i hope we could do that again” you hint your fondness toward him.

“of course we can you just gotta let me know. i’m always free” he looks at you with that look once again and you can’t help but let it slip out.

“why do you keep looking at me like that, you’ve been giving me the same look since you met me” you say softly so then it doesn’t one out harsh and you know it doesn’t when he responds.

“because...” he moves closer to you which makes your heart skip a beat. “i actually like you y/n, and i mean it. you’re so different from other girls i’ve met. i’m not just another handsome guy to you. you take an interest in the things i say and the stories i tell you, not many girls do and i thank you for that alone. thank you for listening to me.” he moves even closer to you, grabbing your hands which makes your heart begin to race. “so when i look at you like this, i’m thanking you.” he doesn’t say anything after that continuing to stare deeply into your eyes.

you felt so drunk in the moment, hypnotized by his eyes and soft words. you could already feel how head over heels you were gonna be for this guy, that's if you guys kept it up, which you think you will. the chemistry was way too strong for either of you to let go of.

“thank you” you whisper and he nods gently not breaking eye contact. “you should get going, i wouldn’t want you to be late for work. you still gotta get home in time to change out of these clothes... do you need a ride or?”

“kind of... only if it’s not too much trouble” he answers.

“of course it’s not, come on” you quickly get your stuff on and take him home.

“this is it” he says and you stop the car once you’re in front of the house.

“okay, i’ll see you later” you look over to him and he’s already looking at you. nothing happens for a few seconds but then johnny leans over to you and kisses you. you sigh into the kiss and grab ahold of his neck and kiss him back as his hand rests on your neck, he kisses you just as deep as last night but before anything serious happens he pulls away and lets a ‘text me’ roll of his tongue before he exits the vehicle and walks to his front door, unlocking it and walking inside. all without looking back.

you however, were in complete awe. he kissed you like that and then left. damn was he a good kisser, you could still feel the sensation of his lips on yours even after he was gone. you touched your lips and then smiled, pulling off.

bonus: later that day; the evening

you decide to pick up your phone and do exactly what he said earlier.

you: what was that all about earlier? - y/n

johnny🥰😫: so you decided to finally text me😊

johnny🥰😫: and what was what about👀

you: you know what i talking about. the kiss in the car

johnny🥰😫: you know, it was just a see you later kiss

you: mhm, okay mr. suh

johnny🥰😫: what?😂

you: imma give your ass a ‘see you later’ kiss and then walk away. see how it makes you feel

johnny🥰😫: bring it on then sexy, let’s see what you got

you: oh i’ll show you what i got👀

johnny🥰😫: are we still talking about kissing?😳

you: maybe, maybe not🤷‍♀️👀

NCT Masterlist

[darkcircles4lyfe]

retrospective & predictions

Since we're on a hiatus week (between 320 and 321) I feel like waxing poetic about the depth and growth of bkdk for a bit. Especially because it seems like we’re right on the edge of their biggest development yet, I’m getting the urge to lay all my perspectives and insights I’ve picked up from others out on the table. This is ultimately only my subjective interpretation of subtextual material in canon, though. If you’ve never quite understood what people see in their dynamic and you’re actually open to hearing me out, maybe from this you can at least see where we’re coming from. And if you don’t like my takes after all, well, we’ll see who’s right in the coming chapters, won’t we? What I have to say can be taken platonically or romantically; I appreciate both. 

putting it under the cut, since it’ll be long:

At the risk of projecting, I want to start by examining a couple things based partly on personal experience.

From many different directions, I often hear people expressing that Deku’s persistent attachment and admiration for Bakugou is baffling at best. Despite the bullying, despite Bakugou’s loud, rude, and uncompromising personality, he still puts effort into their relationship and frequently describes him as amazing. It seems like Deku himself is aware of this as he’s said things along the lines of how he’s difficult, BUT... etc. Although I don’t think it’s exactly that Deku finds Bakugou’s personality hard to be around, but that he’s deliberately expressing patience for Bakugou’s emotional turmoil. 

I have to say I know what this sort of patience is like, as I went through it with someone I love. I only chose to put up with their behavior because I decided the possibility of what our relationship could be was worth it. I wasn’t blind or submissive to how they treated me, and I wasn’t coerced. I simply expressed myself and established my boundaries while still allowing them the opportunity to join me in my world once they got over their own hangups. And guess what? It worked out in the end. That doesn’t mean there aren’t circumstances where it’s better to cut ties, but I want to stress that true reconciliation is possible sometimes. I used to worry that other people around me thought I was delusional for seeking it, but what really helped was my therapist reminding me that I’m smart and strong. So I think Deku deserves to feel the same. In a way this is his whole mission in life, his approach to being a hero as well as his personal relationships.

Let me also be clear though that I don’t mean Deku is only tolerating Bakugou’s personality, his mannerisms, the parts of him that will likely never change. I’m drawing a line between those things and his emotional state (they so rarely align anyway, but I’ll get to that later). In fact, I think Bakugou’s general attitude is part of what Deku admires. This is gonna be hard to explain without inserting personal experience too, sorry. As a writer myself I’ve noticed I’m drawn to writing characters that are brazen and bold and don't mind telling people off. Really it’s because I operate in the world in the polar opposite way. I try not to draw attention to myself, I’m quiet, and I’m a people-pleaser. People who project confidence, especially in an impolite sort of way, fascinate me. It’s good to take cultural context into account, too: I've heard people who’d know better than me that part of the reason Bakugou is the most popular character in the Japanese fandom is likely because he contradicts a lot of their social norms. His disregard is refreshing and cathartic. I can speculate that Deku has a similar point of view based on what he thinks but does not admit about Bakugou being his image of victory and how this sometimes makes him mimic Bakugou’s speech and mannerisms: 

There’s also the bit in this fight where Deku realizes he's the only one able to receive Bakugou’s emotions. This is because he’s the most intimately familiar with him and his situation, but I think there’s another layer. Deku, as we know, has a self-sacrificing tendency, and in the current chapters we’re seeing the worst side of that. But let’s also not forget that to an extent, it can be a positive trait: resilience. When it comes to Bakugou, he has an almost comical ability to dodge the potential fallout of his outbursts. The example we all jump to (and fight about..) is how in ch1, apart from the initial shock of Bakugou suggesting he jump off the roof, the most he reacts is to criticize him for saying such a ridiculous thing. However, I think their interaction post- sludge villain is a lot more interesting:

Note two things: 1, in his head, Deku is practically making fun of how Bakugou’s acting as he stomps away without waiting for a reply. It doesn’t faze him. 2, Deku thinks, optimistically, that he can now focus on a different career choice. This is astonishing really. Up to this point, none of Bakugou’s attempts to put him down have worked; he just kept pursuing his dream. The only reason Deku concedes in this moment it because for the first time, he has been shown that he really couldn't do anything in a fight against a villain. All Might told him he couldn't be a hero (although he’s literally about to take that back in the next few pages lol) and the other heroes at the scene gave him a lecture about it too. It was those experiences, and not Bakugou’s words, that truly affected him. And when All Might tells Deku he can be a hero after all, it’s not thinking of Bakugou’s bullying that makes him sob and fall to his knees, it’s the memory of his own mom never telling him those words he so desperately needed to hear. Having spent most of their lives together, Deku must have been aware all this time that Baukgou was influenced by larger societal forces rather than a core judgement, so he didn’t take it personally. He separated the person from the action, and because he’s resilient and patient, he is thus equipped to handle Bakugou’s emotions. It’s a testament to his maturity and emotional intelligence, really. 

But I can almost hear some of you saying, “that doesn’t mean Deku should have to be the bigger person here!” Correct! Just because Deku is perfectly alright bearing all of that, doesn’t mean atonement-era Bakugou sees it this way. We can track his awareness of Deku’s care and selflessness as follows-

The bridge scene, when they’re little kids: Bakugou conflates Deku’s heroism with pity, and subsequently thinks Deku is looking down on him because Bakugou’s own insecurity makes him defensive.

The Sludge Villain, and also Deku vs. Kacchan Part 1: Bakugou witnesses first-hand how easily Deku jumps to risk his own life, but still thinks he’s being looked down on. 

The Sports Festival: Bakugou fights Uraraka and recognizes her endurance strategy and refusal to give up as very Deku-like. He’s half right. He thinks Deku advised her in the fight, when in reality she just mimicked Deku because she admired him. I want to draw attention to his very sober comment about her not being frail. It’s a great endearment of Uraraka’s character and Bakugou’s respect for her when others didn’t take “fighting a girl” seriously, but it also reflects on his opinion of Deku. Deku isn’t weak either. He never was.

Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2: Deku finally corrects him about the whole looking-down-on-him thing, and Bakugou is informed that Deku’s selflessness is in fact the reason All Might chose him. Since Bakugou had been in search of what he himself was “doing wrong” for All Might to favor Deku over him, he now has to reconcile the fact that selflessness is a heroic trait, and moreover something he lacks. This is also possibly the first time Bakugou is able to see his past actions toward Deku as bullying since he previously thought it was more mutual. Additionally, Bakugou can now link Deku’s selfless behavior to what he perceived as pity/contempt, and realize that Deku has been giving him A LOT of grace. Maybe too much. Maybe more than Bakugou deserves, and definitely more than Deku should have to. Holy heck- now Bakugou has to figure out how to live up to all the faith that’s been placed in him. 

Subtextually, we can see Bakugou’s feelings about atonement reflected in the Todoroki family:

1, Shouto is another example of Deku growing a friendship using his selflessness (since their fight in the sports festival) and their relationship is being acknowledged here where it hasn’t been in Bakugou’s situation. Perhaps Bakugou is wishing it could be so simple for him, to be able to thank him for being his friend like that. Deku saying the pleasure is all his also probably calls to mind how a mere apology from Bakugou would probably be dismissed because that’s just the kind of accommodating person Deku is. Bakugou has to operate more quietly in order to actually make up for their past. I personally don’t interpret this scene as Bakugou being jealous of Deku and Shouto’s friendship, exactly, just the lack of emotional baggage. Side note, Deku and Fuyumi are kinda similar in their desire to repair relationships. I like that she’s the one to give him some credit. 

2, With the common terminology, this can be interpreted as Bakugou receiving a model for atonement, one that is about action, and nothing to do with receiving favor or forgiveness. It’s a sense of duty. 

Many of the above sentiments are repeated in the flashback conversation between All Might and Bakugou right before Bakugou’s sacrifice. 

Bakugou acknowledges his bullying and that it happened because of his own insecurities, but aside from that, it’s interesting he neither confirms nor denies All Might’s suggestion that he’s trying to atone, or that Deku doesn’t see it that way. All Might is a bit of an unreliable mentor sometimes, but I don’t think he’s misreading here. Rather, Bakugou is displaying his tendency to hold back when talking about things that would make him really emotional. Besides, admitting to what he’s doing kind of defeats the purpose. He isn’t seeking acknowledgement. All Might has gotten to the crux of the issue here when pointing out that Deku doesn’t recognize the atonement, likely because Deku doesn't think Bakugou even needs to atone. Am I reading into it too much to say Bakugou looks wistful at this? It’s kinda frustrating sometimes trying to interpret Bakugou’s actions because he’s so paradoxical. Loud and in your face, but also extremely reserved. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, but hey, being hard to figure out is part of his intrigue as a character. The simplest way to look at him is to assume that unless he’s really showing vulnerability, he’s probably deflecting and hiding something.

Speaking of Bakugou’s tendency to to hold back emotional stuff, there’s his apparent lack of issue with Deku calling him Kacchan. Maybe to begin with, in his warped perception of things where he thought they hated each other, Bakugou saw it as Deku’s way of getting back at him for calling him “useless,” and didn't dare give any indication that it actually bothered him. However... consider how betrayed Bakugou has appeared when he was noticeably thinking Deku was looking down on him- the bridge scene, and the beginning of their first year at UA when he thought Deku was hiding a quirk all along. He looks shocked and hurt. That kind of emotion couldn’t be invoked by someone Bakugou didn’t actually care about his relationship with. “Kacchan” comes from a long time ago, before their relationship was strained, so it’s connotations are pure. Maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugou has always been hoping that Deku’s continued use of the nickname was not simply a matter of habit or teasing, but a vestige of friendship they’re both clinging to, and Bakugou himself was too afraid to admit to himself that he felt this way about it, so he mostly ignored it. (These are not original thoughts I am having here lol, this is a common interpretation. I’m just laying everything out like I said.) 

And now we turn to the current situation. Personally, I’ve been looking frantically back and forth between them wondering who’s going to break down first (Deku vs. Kacchan Part 3, this time it’s just a fight to get the other person to cry? ha.) Both have looked like they’re approaching a breaking point for some time. Also, I’ve addressed this before, but I think it’s significant that Bakugou is no longer wearing his mask with his hero costume, in contrast to Deku recently donning his own. It feels symbolic of Bakugou about to be upfront about how he feels.

The question is, what is it going to take to get Deku to accept help? If you ask me, Deku has dug himself so deeply into the I’m-doing-this-for-everyone-else’s-safety-and-smiles hole, no common sense argument can possibly reach him. By the end of 320, Deku’s mask is off, and we can see how desperate he truly is. But he has not cried, yet. I predict we’re going to see a bit more of his defiance, this time on full display on his face as the remaining class members and his other friends take their turns. But then I think Bakugou has to be the one to break down so Deku can witness his actions having the opposite effect he intended. People have been pointing out that Deku is currently ignoring Bakugou, and oof, that’s gotta be intentional. Regardless of what Bakugou says, it’s going to be wrapped up not only in his understanding of Deku’s self-sacrifice, but also the betrayal Bakugou feels at being ignored/left behind that ironically echoes his previous perception of being looked down on, as well as a need to express how much he cares about Deku before it’s too late. He must show that the two of them are inseparable because they both act to save each other without thinking, and both feel like losing the other would be like dying themselves. All Might may have been right when he told them they could learn from each other after Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2, but he didn’t fully realize that idea by making sure they stuck by each other for support and balance. 

I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like when they do finally get to that point, totally in synch and in tune with each other. They’ll be a powerful force no one is quite prepared for. Who knows when that will be, or even which chapter will be their big showdown, but I know the day is coming.

To speculate even further, I think the 2nd user is going to be really important really soon. And no I don’t mean to suggest that the 2nd user is Bakugou. But I do think their resemblance is key. Okay this is gonna be convoluted...

See how 2nd is the only one still standing? I think that’s symbolic of him withholding his quirk. Deku may not even know what it is at this point, let alone have unlocked it. Given that 2nd approves of Deku’s strategy at this point, it seems odd for him to withhold his quirk based on lack of faith. I think if his quirk was something that would help Deku in combat, he would have shown it to him already like the others did. So what if those gauntlets of his are support items that are meant to make up for his lack of a combat-oriented quirk, rather than to augment it? Mind you, I still have no idea what his mysterious power might be, but I’m dead set on it not being explosion-y. Regardless, I think 2nd looking like Bakugou is more about aiding some grand visual parallel, so! You know how 2nd and 3rd were probably intending to do away with Yoichi but 2nd changed his mind as soon as they made eye contact? This is really a long shot, but I wonder if 2nd’s quirk has something to do with that exchange. Maybe it’s something psychological, or some 6th sense about people he meets. So... in that way 2nd’s quirk could play a role in bkdk reaching a deeper understanding? Idk! But it could be significant at least that 2nd left Yoichi’s question about why he reached out to him unanswered. 

One more thing- while I was gathering screenshots I found this. I think “you’re the last one I’m telling” might be foreshadowing for Bakugou revealing his hero name to Deku and it being a Big Deal:

As for other lingering threads in the overall plot right now, such as the UA traitor, Stain, whatever Tsuyu is apparently about to do, All Might’s car maybe in the background of the last page of 320... man I have no idea. All I know is there’s literally 320 chapters’ worth of build-up to this confrontation that can’t be interrupted. 

See you next week <3

[jabbagabba]

La La Land

Read Prologue, One, Two

WARNINGS ⚠️

Triggering subjects: disassociation, manipulation, mind control, gaslighting, nightmares, grief, blood (READ AT OWN RISK)

Wandavision: Spoilers (up to episode 9, just to be safe) cheesy sitcom talk, the sixties, Señor scratchy slander, The nickname ‘kiddo’

Leave A Light On

The dream was always the same.

You would be on a beach, whether it was standing or sitting didn’t seem to matter, and the sun would be perfectly overhead. You were sitting this time, the salt in the air touching your lips as you basked in the warmth the sun provided. The waves crashed in perfect rhythm, and you let out a sigh when the water touched your toes, always warm and refreshing.

You were alone, yes, but you felt at ease.

Every worry and memory would wash away; the pain would drown in the never-ending ocean of happiness, and forgotten in the depths of the unknown. You were, to put it simply, in paradise.

But, like every night before, the waves would stop moving. The sun would go down, darkness would swallow the shore, and left in its place would be a field of glass. The warmth of the water would morph into bitter coldness; warping itself around your ankles and pulling you toward it, your skin would slice open the more you struggled against it, the glass under you stained red with your blood.

It was intense and graphic. The memories would come back in flashes, each one more brutal and heartbreaking then the last.

As your body was plummeted down what felt like miles of suffocating water, you tried to cling on to the memory of your father. You tried to picture him diving down after you, his hands trying to claw at you. You tried to imagine what your mother would look like; body and face blurred together as a ghostly hand reached down toward you.

But, you were alone, and no one going to save you.

“Ladies and gentlemen, for my final trick,” Vision pointed the plastic wand at you with a smile and you leaned forward in anticipation. “I bring you the ‘Cabinet Of Mysteries.” You clapped your hands in excitement. A moment passed and you watched as he fumbled a bit, putting his head down with a sigh. “Darling, that’s your cue.”

This morning had been rather eventful, to say the least. Wanda had woken you up with excitement; a cape in hand and tall magician hat atop her head as she revealed her plan for the talent show.

“We need a practice audience.” She giggled, your tired groan making her eyes gleam in mischievousness. “C’mon, Kiddo. I’ll let you in on the secrets.” You had groaned once more, hands pulling at the covers in protest.

“I’m tireeeed.”

The fight was shortly won when Wanda sighed, seemingly in defeat, and walked toward the door. You smiled in content but felt your body be pulled down the bed by invisible hands. She laughed.

“See you downstairs, Kiddo.” Your pillow missed her by a hair.

“Did you say ‘Cabinet of Mysteries’ ?” Which is what brought you here, sitting patiently as you waited for Wanda to be introduced to the “stage”.

“I said, ‘The Cabinet of Mysteries.” Vision flicked the wand again and you watched as a large cabinet, presumably of Mysteries, waddle through the small gap of the stairs.

“Oh, that’s my cue.” Wanda let out a small huff as she pushed it over a snag of carpet.

“Holy Toledo!” It was a rather large box. “Darling, do all the other acts in the talent show have such elaborate props?” You could only barley see the top of her head as she popped out from behind it with a small gasp.

“Are you kidding? Fred and Linda are building a Moet and a fully-functioning portcullises and no one knows why.”

“A Moet!” You can’t help yourself from standing in glee, the excitement that flowed through quickly draining as Wanda looked at you with a small betrayed look. “But this-“ You slapped the door of the cabinet with a goofy smile. “This is a million times better.” She gives you a push to the chair once more.

“Let’s keep going.”

“Oh, yes, yes.” You clasp your hands in your lap and watch as Vision gets back into character. “Where was I? Um....” His eyes sparkle with new found playfulness. “Watch closely as I, Illusion, master of enigma, make my captivating assistant,” Wanda leaps into feign shock and awe. “Glamour, disappear.”

You lean forward, eyeing the inside of the now open cabinet. It all seemed perfectly ordinary; but you were sure if you squinted hard enough, a crack or something would be found within the edges.

How do they do it

Wanda gives a small wink to you as she steps into the small box, her gaze now on her husband.

“You really are very dashing.”

“Mm, thank you, darling.” He closes one of the doors and turns quickly to the other. “Fear not, Glamour.” He turns to you. “For I, Illusion, vow to bring you back exactly as you are.” Wanda shudders, hands waving and you concentrate on the cabinet’s now closed doors. Vision winks in mischief, wand slapping the door. “Abracadabra!”

The sight of the now empty cabinet makes you giddy, hands clapping as a smile spreads across your face. As the back spins, the smile turns into a cheeky grin as Wanda claps.

“Yes, um... Wanda, you’re not at all worried that the audience might just see through this little charade?”

“Well, that’s the whole point!” Wanda replied, stepping fully out of the cabinet. “In a real magic act, everything is fake.”

“Isn’t that a little contradictory?” She waved you off, closing the doors with a soft push.

“Darling, the talent show fundraiser is the most important event of the season and it’s our neighbourly duty to participate.” You stand from the chair and pat down your pants with a small sigh.

“I’m gonna go get a drink, you want anything?” Wanda gives a small smile and waves you off again.

“Oh, wait!” You turned to her with curiosity. “Would you be a dear and move this back?” She pushes the edge of the cabinet toward you and you nod.

“Sure.” You say, “I can’t wait to see the show!”

Turns out it was a lot heavier then it looked; you wanted to rip out the carpet every time you hit a bump, a groan leaving your mouth as you pushed harder.

Now I’m really thirsty

You couldn’t help but give one of the wheels a swift kick, a satisfied grin on your face as you grabbed a glass from the kitchen. The window above the sink was open and goosebumps raised on your arms as the breeze settled on your skin. You filled the glass halfway and the sound of the front door closing fluttered into the kitchen.

“Seems like it’s just us now, Kiddo!” Wanda called from the living room. You didn’t bother turning as she entered, gulping down the icy water as she fiddled around. You both fell into a calm silence; her humming a tune as she wiped down the table and you refilling the glass with water three more times before finally feeling satisfied. You must have been really, really, really thirsty.

A loud thud startled you both, the peaceful bubble popping as you glanced at each other with mutual confusion.

“What was that?” Wanda shakes her head, eyes wide as she reached the door.

“I-I don’t know.” Outside was quiet, birds chirping happily as the wind rippled through your clothes. “You see anything?”

The roses

Your feet marched forward, eyes fixated on the burning bright object atop them. It was something you had never seen before; painted in colours you never even knew existed, and as you reached forward, fingertips inches away from it, you had to steady yourself when Wanda snatched your wrist.

“Don’t.” You listened and stepped away as she held it up in confusion.

S.W.O.R.D

“Look, it’s the star of the show!” Agnes’ voice startles you both, a gasp leaving Wanda’s mouth as the object falls by her feet.

“Agnes.” You both pushed it out of your memory, focusing on the cheery woman before you. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“Oh, I brought my pet rabbit.” She held the cage up with a proud smile, said rabbit glances your way. “For you magic act.”

“Yes, of course! Thank you, Agnes.” Wanda hands you the cage and you try to hide the disdain for the fluffy creature inside, it’s eyes too wide for your liking. “We will take good care of him.”

“Señor Scratchy just loves the stage. He played baby Jesus in last year’s Christmas pageant.” Her bragging is playful and she gives you a pat on the back as you turn down the walkway, trying to get away from the rabbit as quickly as possible. “Don’t worry, Kiddo. He has a soft spot for the younglings.”

You have to stop yourself from throwing it inside.

———

“So, are you ready to meet Queen Cul de Sac and her Merry Homemakers?” Agnes asked with a smile, you all laughing as you stride down the path. You and Wanda were either side of the brunette, elbows linked as she took the lead.

“Agnes, Dottie can’t be as bad as you say.” Wanda replied making her hum.

“Well, you’ll notice her roses bloom under penalty of death.” You both scoff in response. Agnes was rather dramatic and as she pulled away from you both, a look of seriousness etched across her features, you knew it was something you had to get use to.

“Wanda, can I give you a bit of friendly advice?”

“Is it about the way I’m dressed?”

“Yes, but it’s too late for that.” You were finally not on the bad side of fashion, thank God. “Dottie is the key to everything in this town.” She said. “Country club memberships, parties, school admissions...”

“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Your friend replies with a dismissive chuckle.

“You get in with Dottie and it’ll be smooth sailing from here on out. Just mind your P’s and Q’s and you’re gonna do just fine.” You felt the prickle of a thorn, one of many that surrounded the stem of the rose in your hand. You weren’t really paying much attention to the two women in front of you, tugging one off the bush when Agnes pulled you with them from Wanda’s.

“Or maybe I could just be myself?” Wanda suggested as the rose fell to your feet. “More or less?” Agnes was quick to dismiss her, the laugh making your stomach turn in knots. You rubbed your fingers together, smearing blood between two digits from the small wound.

“Oh, Wanda.” She said. “That’s good.”

Soon enough the ladies wondered out of the house, Dottie leading them down the path as they carried various items for the day behind her. You said nothing as Agnes greeted them, hands waving wildly as they passed. Wanda let out a sigh of nervousness and grabbed on to your arm.

“Here goes nothing, Kiddo.” You made sure to dig your shoe into the fallen petals as you followed.

———

The meeting was - in the nicest way possible - the most boring thing you had ever attended. It was filled with toxicity, gossip and ice tea, and you were miserable. Why on earth did you ever agree to this? You couldn’t remember, but as Dottie droned on about food and dress code and “Mary, I told you not to do this and that”, you imagined soundly sleeping in your bed.

When will this be over

“The Rotary club is finishing the stage set-up as we speak-“ The woman, Beverly, spoke and you were forced back into the moment as Dottie dropped a sugar cube into her tea. “They’ve given the gazebo a fresh coat of paint and will be installing the final decorations all through the town square.” Her enthusiasm was genuine and you couldn’t help but listen, it was simply contagious. “And if you recognise the antique footlights,it’s because they’re from my store.” Unfortunately you had to watch as the sunshine that was Beverly was trampled by the lioness beside her, stirring her tea.

“And the chairs?”

“I’m sorry, Dottie.” She tried not to tremble. “I didn’t ask about the chairs.”

“So you better not ask me if you can chair-“ She leaned forward and you had to dig your nails into your chair to stop from twitching. “-any committees in the future.” The women laughed and Beverly, still trying to be composed took a seat. “The devil’s in the details, Bev.”

“That’s not the only place he is.” You were thankful for the witty distraction, but waved Agnes off regardless.

“As you all know, the talent show is the sole fundraiser for Westview Elementary-“ You glance over when Agnes nudges you with a twinkle in her eye, dropping warm syrup into your tea on the table from her flask.

“I couldn’t.” You whisper but she was quicker then you, raising your glass to your mouth, even dropping a sugar cube in for good measure.

“Trust me.” She murmured. “It’s sweet.” Agnes always had a way with words, and you were sure it must’ve at least tasted a little better then the cider from before. You took the drink from her and smiled sheepishly.

“Thank you.” Agnes winked and took a bite from one of the many cookies being handed out.

It was extremely sweet, so much in fact that you swore you felt your teeth ache as you swallowed down the tea. You weren’t much of a sweet tooth; more of a salt kind of gal, but the tea was one hell of an exception, and when she wiggled her flask teasingly, you couldn’t help but stick your hand out for more.

The minutes flew by and you were having a ball, eating cookies and clapping when the other did. Dottie had turned into background noise and at one point you even found yourself laughing along with the women at one of her jokes. Soon enough, one by one, the women bid their dues, kissing cheeks and sharing hugs and you were the next to go after Agnes.

“Wanda!” Dottie’s voice echoed through the lounge area and you sighed. “Why don’t you help clean up, hmm?” You knew it wasn’t a question and when Wanda gave you a small pleading look, you started to gather the plates nearest you onto a now empty tray.

Who knew how many cookies a small group of women could eat! You alone picked up ten or so tiny plates off the various tables, and you didn’t even bother counting the glasses. Finally - as Dottie droned on and on with “tips” , you put the last of the plates and cups onto the bench, Wanda letting out a groan of her own as she did the same.

“Golly, you’re a whiz at all the committee stuff, Dottie.” She gushed, two cookie holders in her hand as she smiled. “Thank you for choosing me to help you clean up today. I feel so lucky.”

“You are.” Dottie replied. You rolled your eyes, and grabbed one of the cookies, bitting into it to stop from commenting.

“I can’t help but wonder if you and I haven’t gotten off on the wrong foot, Dottie. And I would like to correct that if I can.” You could never understand Wanda’s need to fit in, especially with people like ‘perfectly blonde’ Dottie.

“And how would you do that?” Wanda chuckles nervously, hand patting her hair as you try to look busy. This wasn’t a battle you were too interested to participate in.

“I’ve heard things about you,” She stands, tall and suffocating as her eyes harden. “You and your husband.” She scoffs at the sight of you. “Even your little... friend.” You let the cookie crumble between your fingers.

“Well, I don’t know what you’ve been told.” Wanda edges closer as your round the table, always two steps behind her, it seemed. “But I assure you I don’t mean anyone any harm.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Wanda.

You taste the salt on your tongue, waves crushing over the horizon as you try to catch your bearings.

Wanda, can you read me, over?

The sand is warmer then usual, almost burning, but you push through it when you see her.

Wanda.

She lets the water slam against her feet, back toward you as she watches the sunset in the distance. Her baby blue towel around her shoulders protecting her from the wind.

“Who is that?”

The wind picks up; you watch as her towel floats away from her, carried into sea and she shivers.

“Who are you?”

She disappears into the waves and you watch as the ocean swallows the sand by your feet, knowing that soon you’d join her.

Wanda? Who’s doing this to you?

The sound of Dottie’s glass smashing makes you jump, eyes wide as shards fall from her palm. Dripping down with it the same colour from before, bright and burning.

“Dottie!” Wanda gasps, having to stop her hands from reaching forward as the woman scoffs. “You..” She moves past you toward the closest table, her hands quickly wrapping the napkin around Dottie’s hand when she returns.

“Pop quiz, Wanda.” The blonde stops her with her undamaged hand and you try to swallow down the dread inside of you. “How does a housewife get a bloodstain out of white linen?” Wanda didn’t know what to say. “By doing it herself.”

———

Morning soon turned into afternoon, the sun beating down as you listened to the piano music playing behind you. After Dottie; Wanda had steered her focus completely onto the talent show, trying desperately to perfect everything down to what stockings to wear.

You weren’t much help.

But when you reached the town square you were thankful for her new friend. Geraldine was everything you had hoped Agnes to be. She was smart, funny, charming, even had amazing style and as Wanda paced back and fourth, trying not to panic about the sudden disappearance of her husband, she proved to be a great distraction.

“Glad I don’t have to follow this guy.” She giggled, eyes gleaming as she watched the dancers on stage.

“Huh, what?” Wanda was overwhelmed to say the least.

“Oh, but you’re going to be great!”

“Yes,” You added with a smile. “No one’s even thought about doing magic.” Wanda shuddered, moving to the corner with heavy breaths. “I mean, you know, cause... it’s just so hard to do!” You weren’t sure how to calm her down, choosing instead to step off the small stage and pace by the stairs.

“What time is it now?”

“Mmm, two minutes after the last time you asked.” You stop pacing, a sigh of relief leaving your mouth when you see the familiar man walk - well stumble - into view.

“I don’t know where he could be.”

“Vision!” You gasp. “Thank heavens, we were worr-“ His body practically fell atop of yours, the railing of the steps being the only thing to keep you up as he slides off you with a grumble.

“Sorry, Kiddo.” He slurred. You didn’t have much time to respond as he fell backward again, your hands reaching up his back to stop him from crushing you. “Sorrryyyy”

“Are you alright, Vision?” You grunted, finally able to push him upright. He said nothing, choosing instead to focus on getting up the stairs with his fingers gripped tightly on each side of the banister. He fortunately made it up without further incident.

“Wanda, my little cabbage, you look smashing!” He gritted, a loud grumbling - loud enough to be heard from your place on the stairs - from his stomach made Wanda panic somehow, even more.

“Vis,” She said, trying to keep her voice steady. “Where have you been?” You slowly made your way back on stage, making sure to stay near the railing in case he fell once more.

“Uh, well, me and the boys were playing a rather thrilling game of horses with shoes.” He grinned to himself, body swaying. “No, that’s not it...Shoe Horses! No.” She eyed you from behind him but you were just as confused as she. “Ah! Horse’s shoes.”

“Listen, something strange happened with Dottie.” She beckoned you over as she continued. “Well, something strange happened before that, too. It’s hard to explain. I...”

“I was just playing with his shoes!” You followed his pointing finger and watched as a person in a horse costume walked past, cowboys and cowgirls surrounded them.

How’d I miss that act

“What is going on!?”

“You are!” You all turn to Geraldine, clip board in hand.

“Okay, okay...” Wanda pointed to you. “Kiddo, go find your seat.” You point to the drunk toddler of a man besides you and she sighs. “I’ll handle it.”

You don’t have to be told twice, the fear of being crushed for the third time was greater then any concern you may have had over said man’s wellbeing. So, with a final push from Wanda, you crossed over to the front of the stage and made your way to a familiar brunette.

“Agnes.” She looks up with a grin.

“Hiya, Kiddo.” Agnes pats the chair next to her. “Take a seat.” You nod in gratitude and sit. Dottie says her speech, head to toe styled to perfection as she introduces the couple.

Wanda is the first to go, hands gripping the curtain as she eyes the crowd. She radiates chaos but is quick to put on a show. She smiles, surprisingly bright as she walks down to centre stage, arm stretched as she waits for Vision to enter.

The curtain remains closed a moment too long, long enough for Dottie to roll her eyes and for Agnes to sigh sadly. You guessed it was rather fortunate for him to finally barrel through the curtain, arms wide and a little too confident for a man who only moments ago found it troublesome to stand up straight.

“Hello, Westview! Good afternoon. It’s so lovely to be-“ You cringe as he stumbles to the side, railing digging into him. “I’m so sorry. Excuse me.” Maybe this was just a false start?

“I’m Glamour and this is my delightful assistant, Illusion.” Maybe not.

“I am Glamour.” Wanda corrects, waving her hands dramatically. “And He’s Illusion.”

“Yeah, what she said.” Vision, always the gentleman. “Today, we will lie to you and yet you will believe our little deceptions because human beings are easily fooled due to their limited knowledge of the inner workings of the universe.” You didn’t miss the way her smile dropped, confusion and panic mixing together was never a good idea. “Flourish!”

Wanda whispers something to him but Vision simply scoffs and stumbles away with a dismissive hand behind him.

“And now my wife and I will delight in your dumbstruck little faces. Flourish!” No one had time to be offended, mouths agape as Vision simply started to levitate. You didn’t have to look at her to know that Wanda was just as shocked as the rest of you.

Luckily, for Vision, his wife was rather quick on her feet as it only took a second for a rope to appear behind him, her moving a sign away to real the lever as the audience laughed.

“Wanda, what’s- Oh, no!” Vision kicked around, trying desperately to get back to the floor as Wanda played with the leaver. “Ah! No! Wanda, please! Darling, let me down!”

“Oh.” Agnes breathed beside you, purse clutched in her hand. You could feel the tension of the table, the nervous giggle she made as Vision was finally back on his feet. But you didn’t say anything, afraid you might take away the ‘magic’ of the small respite. So you simply clapped along with the others, ahhing and oohing with the rest as he stumbled once more.

“Oh! Yeah this is... this is gonna be great!” He said as he made his way to the piano’s side, trying to keep the cape away from his arms. “A staggering feat of strength!”

Oh, boy

He lifted with ease, only with one hand just to make it worse and you could feel the tension rise once more in the audience. Vision didn’t seem to notice the shift, of maybe he didn’t care, you couldn’t tell.

“Illusion!” Wanda gasped, the rope forgotten as she tried think. “Illusion, Master of Enigma, allow me.” She took quick strides, hands grabbing the now two dimensional piano from the grumbling magician. She made sure to show off the small handle behind the cardboard, shimmying her shoulders teasingly. “Whoops! You weren’t supposed to see how we did that trick.”

They all clapped again, seemingly too entertained to question things.

“Oh, Sherbert!” Vision called suddenly. “Yeah, this is my old mate, Sherbert.” His top hat is forgotten on the top step, as his body sways down to said friend.

“Stand up, Sherbert.” He slurred. “Say hello to the crowd.”

“It’s Herbert, Herb.” His friend corrects, hands awkwardly at his sides as he tries to play along.

“Pipe down, Sherbie, and pick a card.” Vision lets the cards spread across his hands like a fan. “Any card.” Herb obliged and gingerly took one from the middle. “Yeah, put it back in the deck.”

Again, Herbert played along, putting the card into the deck which was now behind Vision’s back. He turned and shuffled, a smug look on his face as he displayed one proudly for his friend to see.

“Is this your card?”

“Uh, no.” That revelation was the start of a rather bizarre standoff between the two, Vision going through each card, throwing them to the ground to every shake of Herbert’s head while Wanda tried to get him to stop.

“Is this your card?” He asked a final time, the last card of the deck in his hand.

“Oh, it is!” He replied.

“It is what?”

“It’s my card.” Vision was quick to get defensive, for... some reason. You weren’t really sure.

“Well, pardon me, Herb.” He said before pushing the card onto his friends chest. “Have it back.”

“Oh, no. You did the trick right.”

“Well, of course I did the trick right! I’m Illusion!” There seemed to be no right way to calm down the blond toddler in a cape, as he stumbled back to the stage, doing a quick and rather sloppy bow. “Flourish!”

While you knew it was anything but planned, the audience clapped and laughed. It was pretty funny from an outsiders perspective; but knowing how unstable he had become, how unpredictable, you might as well have been trembling next to Wanda on the stage.

“And now, for my next trick....” How long was this going to be? You were left to sigh as Vision scrambled around for his hat, the same one that was directly behind him. “Who stole my hat?” His shouting seemed to have startled the white rabbit - which had been hiding - and you watched as it hopped away from said accessory.“Oh! Oh, stop that Rabbit! I gotta pull a hat out of it.” Wanda ignored his whining, letting the animal rest in her hands.

“Señor Scratchy’s got real star quality.” Agnes pipped up from beside you, a prideful grin on her face. “Don’t you think?” You hummed.

“Well...” You replied. “He did play Jesus.” She smacked your arm playfully in response.

“Maybe we leave the poor bunny out of this one, shall we?” Wanda smiled, giving the pet a quick cuddle before putting it back into its cage.

“Well then.” Vision grumbled as he finally got back on stage, hat in hand. “I will just have to pull this hat... out of myself.” The audience gasped, as did you, but for more of a “Oh no, he’s going to do something” kind of way. Wanda couldn’t reach him in time and she was left to watch in horror as the hat slipped through him easily.

“If only you knew our secret.” She laughed dryly, hand flickering quickly as her husband swayed. Mirrors appeared from the back of the stage, the curtains falling to their respective sides as the audience laughed and clapped yet again.

These were some very easily fooled people, thank the heavens.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our grand finale.” Oh, finally! “I bring you, The Magnet of Crysteries!”

“The Cabinet of Mysteries.” Wanda corrected, pushing along the familiar wooden cabinet. From the sigh she made, you knew the feeling was mutual.

Let’s get this over with

“Yeah, yeah, what she said.” Vision turned it to face the audience, the tall doors in view as the couple stood on each side. “I will now make my wife...disappear.” You can hear the whispers of excitement buzz around you like bees. The trick was simple enough, and didn’t even need Vision to do anything but close the doors!

And he did! Only... Wanda didn’t get inside the said cabinet beforehand.

“Are you sure you don’t want an audience volunteer named “My husband Ralph”?” Agnes shouts with her signature snark and grin, the women around her giggled.

Oh, Agnes.

She even made Vision laugh, a look at his wife making him frown.

Right he must’ve thought, the trick

“Abracadabra!” He let the wand smack the side of the cabinet, seemingly forgetting the most important rule of the box. Wanda cleared her throat, a small smile on her face when he let out a small “Oh.”

There needed to be someone in the box first.

“What’s in the box?” A small sing-song question from Herbert soon turned into a loud chant, the tables be thumped by fists as they all sang.

What is in the box? Maybe Wanda, being the quick thinker she always is, transported that obnoxious rabbit into it? You wouldn’t know until the doors opened. Luckily you didn’t have to wonder too much; for rather the first time that afternoon, Wanda and Vision were in sync, both opening their respective sides of the cabinet, and the once empty space was now the holding place of a confused Geraldine, clipboard still in the hand.

She stepped out, knees wobbly as the crowd soared with applause. The couple grabbed her hands and pulled her down to a shared bow. Agnes seemed to be the most pleased.

“That was magnificent.” She said. “Just amazing! Don’t you think, Kiddo?”

“It was... something!” You don’t let her respond, already standing as the trio on stage disappears off stage. “How about I get Señor Scratchy for you?” She nods.

“Why yes, dear. Thank you!”

You ignore Dottie on stage, her speech and the applause being nothing more then loud static as you reach the back of it. He seemed to be sleeping soundly in his cage, the white fur making it seem as though he’s a rather large marshmallow. He even looked a little cute. But when you touched the handle and those large, red eyes stared you down, you remembered why you hated him.

“Time to go home, you little...” You grimaced when he did a small hop. “Rodent.” Agnes met you halfway, hands outstretched for said rodent’s cage.

“Thank you, dear.” You smiled politely.

“No problem.” You watch her leave, not before sending a final wave, and focus your attention on the crowd, trying to see the familiar top hat and cape.

“You two!” Dottie calls, the applause ending as you all train your gaze to where she points. “Stop right there.” They do, Wanda having to drop her hand from the hat atop her head to see the familiar blonde.

“Nothing like what you two just did up here has ever happened in the history of our talent show.” She explains while Vision can’t help but look down in shame.

“Dottie.” Wanda sighs. “We are so -“

“Hilarious.” Dottie scoffs and you can’t help letting in the swell of relief that filters through you. “That was the most hilarious act we’ve ever seen.” She turns to the audience once more. “Wouldn’t you all agree?” They clap - you joining in of course - and you watch as they are beckoned up on stage.

“On behalf of the planing committee, I would like to award you with the inaugural Comedy Performance of the Year.” Wanda giggles, saying thanks as she gingerly takes the small trophy form her hands. Geraldine is given a small push from Vision, grinning all the same and the trio take a another shared bow as the applause fills your ears.

“For the children!” A man shouts and you join in on the chant with glee.

“For the children!”

———

“It was wonderful!” You must have said that the whole walk home, as the two lovebirds just giggled along. “Way better then the moet.” You add as Vision twirls Wanda, the door closing behind you all.

“Well,” You feel the weight of the day suddenly, the bed upstairs calling to you. “I think I’m gonna head up. Goodnight.”

“Kiddo!” Wanda calls and gives you a warm hug when you turn back. “Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I can be a little...”

“Controlling?” You tease and she scoffs playfully. “It’s okay.” She squeezes you one more time.

“Goodnight, Kiddo.”

You bid them both the same, steps slow up the stairs as tiredness fully sets in. Changing is quick and swift, choosing to wear a simple pair of pjs for the night. You stretch one more time, a yawn leaving you as you get comfortable in bed.

In the morning; you will wake to a world filled with bright and burning colour, the same that dripped down Dottie’s hand and the same as the paint on the small toy.

You will dream of the women again, of the crashing waves and warm sun. You will watch her drown once more and you will finally understand why.

But for tonight, and only tonight, you will feel at peace, and sleep will come naturally.

Only for tonight, only for tonight

———

(Tag list, open just ask! You can also leave anytime, just DM)

@y-napotat @white-wolf-buckaroo @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @fruitiseavey @simsiddy @quietly-scrolling-through @mothsnsyrup @i-love-superhero @jdogjdyke @tonystanktheirondad @selluequestrian

A/N

Gasp! Where did lady Jabbagabba go? You may be asking, and well I, cried, slept, ate Taco Bell, cried again, read half of ‘A little life’, sobbeduntil I felt dead inside, tried to find out what kind of cake I would be, slept, had a mental breakdown after eating an entire tray of cookies, and, you guessed it, cried.

[vannahfanfics]

Fluff alphabet event request for Kiba Inuzuka please, thanks!

Ahh, my best boy! I love Kiba, I really wish we could have seen more of him later on in the manga and show :c

Fluff Alphabet: Kiba Inuzuka

A- Activities: How do they spend their time with their s/o?

Walks! Kiba loves to go on walks with his s/o, bonus points if they bring their dog(s) along! There’s just something so refreshing about strolling down a walking trail or through the neighborhood, especially with his s/o by his side. He’ll hold their hand as they mosey along, and he’ll be unable to resist pecking their cheek or their lips every so often. 

Kiba also loves to take naps with his s/o! He’s a pretty energetic guy, but he does tire out. When he does, his favorite thing to do is to snuggle up to his s/o for a quick snooze! It doesn’t matter where, either. Kiba can fall asleep anywhere, so sometimes that means just passing out right there on the kitchen floor while his s/o was trying to enjoy a quick lunch! It’ll have to wait, though, because he will drag them out of their chair to snooze on the floor with them. 

B- Body: What does this character appreciate about their s/o? What part of their body are they most proud of, and in reverse, what body part are they ashamed of and how do they respond to their s/o gushing over it?

Kiba is a tummy guy, 100%. He loves just planting his face into his s/o’s stomach, littering it in kisses or holding his hands there when they’re seated on his lap. His favorite way to nap is with his head resting on his s/o’s stomach and their hands running through his hair. 

Kiba isn’t really self-conscious about any part of his body in particular, but if his s/o compliments any part of him, he’ll get all blushy and shy. After the initial surprise, however, he’ll definitely turn it around on his s/o, growing smug and flirtatious!

C- Cuddles: Is this character a cuddler? What is their favorite way to cuddle?

Kiba is definitely a cuddler! As I previously mentioned, he loves to cuddle into his s/o’s tummy. However, he also does love to spoon! If anyone asks, he’s the big spoon. But honestly? He loves to be the little spoon, too. The first time his s/o is the big spoon he gets a little emotional because he just feels so adored? He swears he didn’t cry, though. 

D- Dreams: How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Dogs. All the dogs. It is a must. Aside from having a whole lotta dogs, Kiba dreams of the ideal life-- getting married, sharing a home, having some kids, and growing old together. With their dogs, of course. 

E- Equivalence: Is this character the dominant force in the relationship, are they passive, or is the relationship more or less even?

The relationship is more or less even. Kiba’s a little dominant, but he is also whipped for his s/o, so it really depends on the situation. In most things, he’s content to do whatever keeps his s/o happy. Of course, every so often he has to put his foot down, and he’s not afraid to. Still, it’s a blissful arrangement, all things considered!

F- Fights: How does this character respond to arguments with their s/o? What would they fight about, and who would cave and apologize first?

In the moment, things will get heated. Kiba will yell, because his voice gets louder whenever he’s excited about something-- either in a good or bad way. However, as soon as his s/o starts to cry, he deflates. He can’t believe he broke his s/o’s heart like that! He instantly switches to comforting mode, and he’ll be able to talk it over with a more level head after that. He will definitely apologize first. 

As for things he would fight about with his s/o? Kiba gets a little bit irritable when he’s stressed, so most likely, he snapped at the wrong thing and made his s/o mad. He’ll own that once things have settled down, too. 

G- Gratitude: How does this character show their s/o that they are grateful?

Hugs! Kiba’s love language is very much physical affection, so anytime he’s in a grateful mood, he will grab his s/o and snuggle into their neck or belly while telling them how much he loves them! 

H- Honeymoon: If this character had a honeymoon with their s/o, where would they go?

Kiba loves the beach! He would definitely want a week of sand, surf, and sun. He will be in the water constantly, and will definitely drag his s/o out to play with him, but don’t worry! He’ll have plenty of romantic dinners, shows, and whatnot planned to enjoy with his s/o, too. 

I- Insecurity: What is this character insecure about? How do they deal with their insecurities with their s/o?

Kiba sometimes feels like he’s inferior to the other guys he knows, believe it or not. They’re just so awesome! He feels like a background character. He won’t admit it to his s/o at first, using brash declarations to try and make himself relevant; but when his s/o picks up on it, he will break down and spill out his poor little heart. He definitely needs to be reassured that he’s number one in his s/o’s eyes! Tell him he’s a big strong man! <3

J- Jealousy: Is this character the jealous type? How do they deal with being jealous?

Kiba doesn’t get jealous as much as he does insecure. If he sees someone else flirting with his s/o, he will get really moody and really clingy. Like, he will not leave his s/o alone after that point, hugging and kissing all over them to make the point known that they are off the market. He will also need to be reassured by his s/o too that they still love him and want him. Poor baby. :(

K- Kiss: What does the character want their first kiss to be like with their s/o? How does it end up happening?

Kiba wants the first kiss to be perfect, of course! He meticulously plans everything out, but when it comes down to it... He kind of bungles it, hits their nose on the way in and accidentally kisses the corner of their mouth instead. He is dying of embarrassment, so please just laugh it off and give him another chance, he promises he’ll do it right this time!

L- Love Confession: How does this character first profess their love to their s/o?

Kiba confesses totally on accident, haha. It just slips out in the middle of a conversation one day. Everyone around will just be like, “What?!” He’ll try to play it off, but the bright big blush on his face tells everyone exactly what they just heard. Poor baby boy, he’s trying his best.

M- Marriage: How does this character view marriage? What is their ideal wedding like?

Kiba definitely wants to get married! He dreams of settling down with his s/o. However, he doesn’t want it to be a big grand affair. He’d like a simple shrine wedding with just their parents, and then after, they can meet up with all their friends and have a nice time! In the moment, though, he would really just like to focus on his s/o and his love for them. 

N- Nicknames: What does this character like to call their s/o?

Kiba defaults to “babe” or “baby” most of the time. He’s not very creative when it comes to pet names, those two get the job done! But when he’s feeling extra soft, he’ll hit his s/o with a “sweetheart” or a “honey” that’ll just make them swoon!

O- On Cloud Nine: What is this character like when they’re in love? Is it obvious to others, or are they good at hiding it?

Oh, Kiba is so obvious it’s painful. He’s blushy, he’s stuttery, he’s over the moon. Everyone within a ten mile radius will know who he’s crushing on. It’s super cute, honestly, but he will 100% get ragged for it until he finally confesses because all his guy friends definitely know what’s up!

P- PDA: Does this character like PDA? If so, what kinds of things do they do in public to show off their s/o?

Kiba is so clingy! He loves PDA. He loves to hold hands with his s/o; if they are not holding hands while walking around he gets super mopey, haha. Surprise hugs and kisses are also a must! He just loves to shower his s/o in affection. He can’t help it! He has so much love to give!

Q- Quirks: What random traits or quirks does this character have that positively affect the relationship?

Kiba is a brutally honest guy, sometimes to a fault. As such, he would never dream of lying to his s/o, not ever! Even little white lies, he can’t stand the idea of lying to his s/o. Sometimes it’s not helpful, but most of the time it’s just a testament to strong communication. 

R- Romance: Is this character a hopeless romantic, or a bit on the low-key side? Are they cliché when it comes to romantic gestures, or can they get a little bit creative?

Oh, Kiba is hopelessly romantic when it comes to his s/o, but he’s actually kind of clueless when it comes to romantic gestures. He gets advice from his friends with... mixed results, haha. But he tries! He really does, and he hopes his s/o at least can get a laugh when things don’t quite go as intended. 

S- Secrets: Are there any secrets they hide from their s/o? If so, how do they deal with it when those secrets finally come out?

Aside from his insecurities, as I mentioned before, no secrets from his s/o! Kiba is an open book!

T- Thrill: Does this character prefer routine in their relationship, or do they like to shake things up every once in a while?

Kiba is very impulsive, so he definitely likes to shake things up! He will definitely drag his s/o off to do random things when the mood strikes him, but honestly, it just adds to the fun!

U- Understanding: Is this character level-headed and empathetic toward their partner, or do they sometimes have trouble figuring them out, which leads to some butting heads?

As I mentioned, Kiba can be a bit clueless, so bless his heart sometimes he does have trouble understanding his s/o. This can lead to frustration and he may butt heads with them, but after a bit, they’ll be able to talk it out. He tries to beas empathetic and understanding as he can most of the time, though, even if he has no idea what’s going on. 

V- Value: How does this character value their relationship with their s/o? How does it hold in comparison to their goals, ambitions, etc.?

Kiba adores his s/o, and after a long relationship, they will definitely become the centerpoint in his life. He doesn’t really have any goals or ambitions aside from just living a good and solid life, and so his s/o fits right in!

W- Wild Card: Any random fluff headcanon that does not fall within the other categories!

Kiba, unfortunately, is a wiggleworm in bed. I’m talking kicking around, flopping like a fish, falling off the bed without even waking up-- it’s bad! So, his poor s/o may find the blankets stolen, or even get an accidently hand in their face in the middle of the night!

X- XOXO: How does this character show affection?

95% of Kiba’s love language is physical affection. He just loves to snuggle up to his s/o, hold their hand, give them kisses, everything! However, he isn’t willing to hold back praise either; he loves to shower his s/o in praise and talk them up to whoever’s listening!

Y- Yearning: How does this character deal with time apart with their s/o?

Oh, he gets so mopey. He just walks around all depressed because he doesn’t get his daily dose of snuggles and lovin’. He is so sad that everyone hates being around him because all he can do is whine and cry about his s/o being there. As soon as his s/o returns, he will latch onto them like a koala and won’t let go for at least several hours. 

Z- Zeal: Is this character willing to great lengths for their relationship? If so, how far, and how long does it take to get to this point?

Absolutely! Kiba doesn’t take any slight to his s/o well, and he will do anything for them. It takes a while for Kiba to build up to a serious relationship, but when he’s there, he’s gonna be in his s/o’s corner no matter what. 

[herstarburststories]

(He Isn't) A Good Guy

Kinktober day 15: humiliation kink

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x reader

Summary: Jensen is tired of everyone saying he's a good guy.

Warnings: dirty talk (kind dark bc of the kink), handjob, p in v, riding, cheating, possessive, slapping

You have to be careful with what you're good at. You might just end up doing it for the rest of your life.

Jensen Ackles never caught the appeal of that saying. If you were really that good at something, why wouldn't you want to do it?

Such a mindset was as constant as a mother’s love and made Jensen's loyal company for a long time during his career. He pictured it would last forever: the head pats, positive criticism, and his charm that caught more and more fans. The Hollywood man was happy, really. He grew to be a good — if not great — actor. He had a wife and three kids that were the love of his life. He could go anywhere and find a job through the instantaneous recognition that Supernatural bestowed upon him, not to mention its gift of a best friend, Jared, and the raw amount of personal growth he went through. 

He was perfect in the most diversified aspects of his life, and, God, it was boring as fuck.

Whatever Jensen did, he was excused for it. Plenty of people would light themselves on fire for him (and hey, don’t think he was ungrateful for that), but being called a good guy that apparently couldn’t do any wrongs while the rights came out even in his sleep could be devastatingly annoying.

He thought he might have some problem, perhaps even a middle-aged crisis. Come on, who, with his life, would feel compelled to look for something else? Ackles had the money, the friends, and family. He had everything everyone dreamed about, but he just wanted to wake up.

Then, he met you.

You were the woman in her twenties who was barely starting in the media business, yet you had enough luck and talent to evoke the CW's attention that early. They wouldn't hire you as an official director, but you were in the training process. You were a prodigy, as most people on the set liked to joke about.

You sighed, slightly frustrated about the direction these takes were going. Asking Ackles to follow orders was roughly the same as punching a wall; the brick didn't break, and it only left you with scuffed knuckles and growing irritation. “Jensen, you need to tilt your head to the side or we won't be able to catch her face on camera.” 

“I'm doing that,” he said as if it was obvious.

“The camera doesn't agree with you.” You crossed your arms, tired of having this heated squabble again.

“I know how to shoot sex scenes, Y/N. I've been doing that for—”

You interrupted him: “I'm aware of how long the show I'm working on has been going, Jensen. Now, take my hint and do as I say. I get that you have done this before, but we are trying a new position, so your M.O. might not work.” You knew he was a good actor. Supernatural wouldn't be what it was if it wasn't for his character. Still, you needed this episode to be perfect in terms of filming. It was your first actual chance to prove how worthy you were. Jensen had his career and little apple pie life settled, but you had to scratch and squirm to insert yourself into the industry. You knew what you were doing. Nonetheless, you attempted to pacify his self-assurance by being assertive and gentle at the same time: “Just listen to me and try it. Please.”

The green-eyed man opened his mouth, very much ready to spit out a contradicting retort, but at the last second, he clamped his jaw shut and opted for a smirk instead. “Yeah, boss.”

It was the first time in years that someone actually came at him. Jensen felt the bruise aching his ego that spiked a sudden pressing need to puff out his chest and say I know what I am doing. Why don't you watch? 

He'd call that the Texan man behavior, alpha macho testosterone levels on high, but, honestly, he was just mad that someone had the audacity to talk to him like that, as if he was a rookie on his job. Jensen's whole body heated up, his jaw clenched, and his breath caught on his throat when he glanced at you — of course, he'd never put a hand on a woman, but God, that was infuriating. He wasn't a middle school child in need of a lecture.

But this was his first impression. As you gave everyone fifteen minutes to relax before shooting again, he went to his trailer, gait unnecessarily heavy like a child throwing a tantrum. Jensen locked his trailer and closed his eyes, trying to pick out his emotions — how long have it been since he got mad? That couldn't be healthy.

Do as I say. Your words were echoes in his head, spinning and making him dizzy. Just listen to me.

And the look you gave him. It wasn’t adoration as a fan or nervousness like a new worker. You didn’t excuse him as anyone else did. You glanced at him as you would to any other person on the set that had made a mistake: you pointed it out and didn't offer any sugarcoating to dull the blow.

It felt refreshing.

Shaking your head at the scene unrolling on the other side of the camera, you let out an exhausted sigh. This was your second directed episode, and Jensen wasn't making it easy for you. He always seemed like such a nice guy, yet you weren't surprised by his mulish behavior. You had called him out, and now he was turning it back around on you. Celebrities were complicated on their one, but male ones even more. Their egos required a role for themselves.

“Everyone, ten minutes!” you announced, placing the headphones on the table next to you. Your crew started dispersing, Ackles included, when his name left your lips: “Jensen, c'here.”

The green-eyed man arched his eyebrows, not sure why you wanted to talk to him so privately. Still, he approached you.

When you were a kid, you went through a phase when your smile wasn’t very pretty. It was too much teeth, eyes too tight, and head lifted high enough to show under your chin. Your parents couldn't just up and tell you that it looked terrible, obviously, so they just showed you multiple pictures until you decided that you didn't like something about it.

Maybe that would work with Jensen.

You patted the chair next to you, and Jensen sat there with a wisp of hesitation. You clicked on the scene you had been trying to get right for almost an hour. The replay went smoothly, Ackles's shoulders shrugging by the end. He didn't see the fuss about this.

“Seems good,” he said nonchalantly. 

You squinted your eyes at him. Someone as talented as him couldn't be serious about not seeing a problem with how ridiculous his vampire transformation through the last season was. “Seems like a sitcom”

“It's a dumb scene.” Jensen shrugged.

You groaned. “Can't you just accept that you can do better?”

Jensen crossed his arms and straightened his posture, holding a defensive atmosphere around him. God, he was infuriating sometimes. “Maybe you can. I've been doing great for years. You might not be the right director for this kind of show.”

“Just do as I said. You're in the scene, but I'm the audience. I can see right through you. I'm seeing things from another perspective and trying to tell you how to improve. That's what a director is for. Go ahead and try it!”

Your friendly conversation with the lead apparently had the opposite effect. As soon as he went back to his place in front of the camera, Jensen Ackles appeared to acquire the stubborn, incredibly unprofessional desire to take on all the worst camera angles only to get on your nerves.

“Are you kidding me!?” You elevated your voice, furious at how careless he was. All your patience has been zapped. “You're doing it on purpose. How can you be so petty?”

“Me? Petty!?” he said between gritted teeth, almost hissing as he walked to you. “I've been playing Dean for years. I know him more than—”

“I know. You do a big job with that character, but Jensen, you make mistakes. It's part of the process. You're a grown-ass man, so you can take what I'm saying and make something useful out of it. I'm the director; you are the actor. I don't care about how long you’ve been on this stage, and I don’t care for incompetence. You ain't doing good, so do as I say and fix it.”

Jensen tensed up when you said that, exhaling shortly while his eyes glued on you. You were half his age, yet the way you presented yourself — arms stiffly crossed, eyes ablaze and chin lifted — spoke of your power on this film set. At the end of the day, he was just a man, and he was in your court. Just like that, you held all control. He bit his bottom lip, neck red with the heat of anger and adrenaline that lashed through his body.

He was furious, yet all his body could do was react as if you had kissed him instead of punching his ego.

Anger and luxury both came from the same place. They were just different branches on the same tree growing from a common seed.

The half of Supernatural's leader actor started doing it on purpose, then. Not acting in a way that could collide with his career or mess up the shooting schedule, but an occasional bitched scene here and there when he had a chance, and always when you were in charge of the scene.

He relished in it: someone treating him like a man and not an untouchable idol. A woman who would look straight in his eyes and not be too intimidated, excited, or lovey-dovey to tell him all the bad things he needed to hear. You were someone who could put him in his place.

Unfortunately, playing around can only get you so far. If you bring someone to the pool, they won't be satisfied with just one foot in the water. They'd want to swim, splash water at their friends to get them all wet and soaked too. 

What started with provocative, fuming rage and nuisance soon melted into something deadlier. It was something unmanageable, a burning fire that attracted all the wrong kinds of glances. Yet, neither of you could help but follow where the smoke signal led.

You were here, in each other's arms. It was a dirty little secret that went way beyond just an illicit affair: it was about what you two could give to each other without even asking, and what other people could never quite comprehend. . . And they didn't need to. Jensen had you, and you had Jensen. To desire and savor the result was enough.

Your hand was wrapped around his cock, moving up and down in a painfully slow rhythm. You had two legs wrapped around his, your face hanging next to Jensen's — close enough that you could kiss all of his freckles if this were out of love and not necessity — as you spoke.

“Everybody thinks you are the good guy. Little mister perfect.” Ackles groaned at the malice in your tone. He hated that — how everyone called him perfect, how every single person told him he was such a good guy. You were his only grounding force under the blinding lights. “But I know you aren't. You are nasty, disgusting, and so needy for someone to put you in your fucking place.”

The male's lips parted slightly, a pornographic moan leaving his body. This perversion felt like a hair short of sin. Who in their right mind would be so turned on by a girl half his age picking up all the worst things one could say about him, only to throw them exactly where it hurt the most?

Why, in the name of God, did he want more? Why was Jensen bucking his lips, needy noises that he never dons escaping his trembling body? Why was his cock hard as fuck, ruinining your fingers with sloppy precum while he internally begged you for more? 

It was like receiving a miracle and giving it to the devil.

“Look at you,” you continued, a smirk painted on your features, “getting fucked in your trailer by the woman who basically told you to stop whining and get your job done like a real man.” You loved being in control of the usually overconfident Hollywood star. If only his dearest fans knew how much of a submissive he was — how he just needed to be told where he belonged. 

“Y/N…” Jensen managed to say, his chest moving erratically fast. You leaned in to press your lips to his, and he whimpered. Ackles' hand slid to your waist in an attempt to pull you closer, but all he got was a slap on the arm and lack of friction on his dick. “Y/N!”

“I didn't say you could touch me, stubborn idiot.” You hissed, getting up to throw away your skirt and underwear. Jensen sniffed, feeling so ridiculous about himself. You had way too much control over him, but he couldn't really care about anything other than you touching his cock right now. Fuck composure or else. “I'm not your wife. I'm not one of your thirsty fans.” Each word came out in a harsh tone, those syllabus together had no other duty but hurt him, and he loved how they agonized in his body, redirected right to his hardness. You got free of the skirt and your soaked lace panties. “I don't need you. This?” You gestured at yourself and Ackles, a wry laughter coming out as you climbed on his lap. “I'm doing you a favor. So, you better thank me and take whatever I choose to give you. Understood?” Jensen's eyes were obsessed with your image, not leaving your face once— not even to look at his hard cock that was so close to your cunt due the new position. He just nodded, wishing that was enough to show you his piece of mind. It wasn't. You slapped his cheek and howled. “I made you a question.”

Jensen gulped, the red on his cheek from your smack couldn't compare to his blushed body. This felt so good, finally getting what he wanted. Ultimately, he blurted out: “Yes, I understand.”

“Good. Now let's put you to good use.” You winked at him, a hint of silly playfulness before you got all his length inside you at once. Both of you moaned, the unique sensation of your walls around his hard dick was marvelous. So warm, tight, and wet. Everything he deserved in one pussy, one woman. You started to move your hips up and down. “You feel so good inside me, baby. Like your cock was made for me— I think you were made just for this, to be fucked by me. What do you think?” His eyes fluttered shut, Jensen was allowing himself to get lost into you. You were heaven in sin, fucking him so nice. You weren't having his silent, though. You both had to be quiet about many things regarding to your mutual arrangement, you couldn't get more of closed mouths. Not when this was happening. You grabbed Jensen's jaw, fingertips pressing against his skin. “You better start answering me before I get out of here and go get some with a real man.”

Jensen groaned, holding your hips possessively. You knew he was one of the jealous kind, talking about other men touching you always got a reaction out of him. “I'm a real man.” 

“Show me then, baby.” A glimpse of sweetness appeared as you leaned in to kiss his lips. It didn't last much before your lips went to his neck, words coming through an open-mouthed there. “You know, they all are so caught up in your act, Jensen. The perfect texan boy, the amazing husband, the unproblematic idol…” You chortled, sending goosebumps through his whole soul. His dick was deep into you as you were riding his restlessly. “I bet you get tired of this. I bet you just want to fuck me in front of everyone sometimes, just to show them how dirty you can be.” He nodded, a soft whine leaving his lips. He was so tired of being the good guy. Only you knew him. “Like right now. You spent the whole day messing up with me, teasing me, just so you could get punished. And here we are, fucking in your trailer, while everyone is getting ready to go home.” He tried to move his hips as well, to get more of you. When you didn't stop him, Ackles winced and bucked his hips, hitting your G-spot, going deep and raw inside your tight cunt. One of his hands went to your pussy, digits pressing to your clit. Your next words came during groans of pleasure. “You should go too, baby. But you can't help it, huh? You just want go fuck me, even though I don't even care enough to send you a message to make sure you got home safe. You like it. You love that I'm not crazy about you, that I don't care.” His heart ached, but his cock only grew harder. Jensen could feel he was on the edgy. “So, you stay here instead of going home to your sweet wife. You stay here instead of hanging out with your best friend. You stay here instead of looking through your social media just to get an ego boost. Is this what a good man would do, Jensen? No... But that's okay. Men like you just need to be put in their places, and you love it.”

“Y/N!” He screamed helplessly, pulling your body closer to him when he came inside you, marking your pussy as his. A treacherous, lust stained thought was placed on his shoulders, whispering lovingly to his ear like you did your swearing: breed her, get her pregnant with your baby. Make her yours.

You had broken him, and he loved every second of it. He couldn't wait to give you the shattered pieces as a gift.

You came with an excruciating grunt right after him, all over his cock. The feeling of Jensen coming inside you always pushed you right way. You sighed happily, resting your head on his chest.

He enjoyed moments like this.

You remained there, waiting for his cock to relax inside you, get less hard before you pulled you. When it did, you pressed a quick kiss to his collarbone, walking to grab your clothes.

“Jensen,” You coughed after putting on your skirt. “I'll send you the new script tonight. Send me an email to confirm that you got it.”

What you truly wanted to say was, tell me if you got home safe. But you couldn't.

“Sure.” Jensen answered with a nod. Once again, he also wanted to say something else: thank you for giving me what I need, for seeing me. I love you. But he couldn't.

You picked up your wet panties, throwing it at him with a teasing smile before leaving the trailer.

It was enough.

Leave a comment and REBLOG. Feedback is magic! Taglist on my reblogs— send me an ask or dm if you wish to be tagged! You can add yourself to my taglists through my bio's link as well.

[dp-marvel94]

For the fanfiction author asks, how about 1-2-3? :) I'm nosy. Let's #2 be about the InvisoBang one - the most shady way to avoid spoilers. (But it's okay to choose any other fic too to answer the question. ;) ) And even if I haven't read yet Face to Face, but I'm curious if you could answer ask #1 about that story. #3 could be about anything you wish to talk about. :)

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

So Face to Face. Before I started that story, I read a bunch of stories where Danny got split by the ghost catcher or some other method. I thought that idea was so cool so I read just about every split Danny/ separate Fenton and Phantom story I could find. A lot of them were incomplete, which made me sad, or Pitch Pearl which isn't really my cup of tea. What I really loved was the platonic takes and the stories where Fenton and Phantom are literally just two halves of a whole Danny. One story really changed everything though.

I know I've recommended this story a thousand times and I'm going to keep talking about it! Because this story is literally why I started writing Danny Phantom fan fiction. The characterization is amazing, the character work exquisite! I loved the introspection, the dynamic between the two Dannys. So many great headcanons! I wanted to write something like that, that using Danny getting split to deeply explore his character and show him getting to know and accept his ghost half more.

2: What scene did you first put down?

For this years Invisobang fic, well, I normally write my fics in order so the first scene I wrote was the opening scene. 😉 This story will start with a bang, as is appropriate for the event. XD

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

This is hard. I guess, I'll talk about a bit from my first multi chapter story, Double Discovery.

The next morning Maddie woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed and calm. After finishing her talk with Phantom, she had gone upstairs and fallen asleep with little incident. Maddie stretched and look over at the clock; it was about 9:30. She was surprised she had slept that late, even on a Sunday. After using the rest room, Maddie for once dressed in casual clothes, jeans and one of her few t shirts instead of her ghost hunting suit. Hopefully the choice of dress would help the ghost feel more comfortable for the talk with her today. Maddie was honestly a little surprised with her willingness to disarm herself in front of a ghost, but then again, she was choosing to trust him and that was easier now that she knew who he was. Even though Phantom was a ghostly copy of her Danny, she loved him anyway and would always love him. After her dream, she soberly realized that if her Danny had died in the portal accident, Phantom would have been all that was left of him. She wondered what could have happened if things had been different. Would Phantom have found her? Would she have rejected him, angry at him impersonating her dead son? She frowned, shaking her head. There was no point dwelling on what could have been. They had gotten lucky, really lucky. Her still living son was still here and his ghostly counterpart had received in essence his humanity down to his core.

After exiting her room, Maddie peered into Danny's room. She smiled but then the expression morphed into surprise when sleeping on the bed, she saw Danny and…Danny?, ghost Danny?, Phantom?(she should probably call him Phantom to avoid confusing herself). It was honestly rather adorable; despite the bed being pretty small for two almost full grown teenage boys, they looked comfortable. Both laid on their stomachs with the human's right arm around the ghost's back. Phantom's legs had morphed in a ghostly tail which was wrapped around one of the human's legs.

Maddie marveled at how close the two were; the scene was strangely intimate but still completely innocent. It reminded her of when Danny was little. He was a very tactical child and loved to cuddle especially when he was scared or sad. He would often come into their bedroom at night whenever he needed to be comforted and just wanted to be near his parents. She often missed those times; now he was a teenager and more often than not shied away from her affection. She was glad though that Danny, both her Dannys, did go to someone for comfort, considering the intensely emotional day they had endured. And frankly going to each other made sense. She wondered what it was like, having all those shared emotions, memories, and experiences. She could hardly imagine having such a close, unique connection to someone, to see yourself reflected so strongly in someone else. She wondered what it must have been like to go through something so traumatic and confusing and find you've suddenly gained a brother, a twin. That was how Danny had described their relationship – the closest word being brothers.

I think my writing has improved a lot since writing this but I still really love the content. It's a soft, quiet moment with a good bit of introspection. Plus there's the Dannys being adorable. :) I mean, I've done it a lot of times in Face to Face too, with hugs, the occasional reassuring hand-squeeze. I still love that physical affection as an external symbol of self-love.

[softly-savage-mint-yoongi]

Allotrope Christmas Special

Genre: Idolverse Pairing: Kim Junmyeon (Suho) x reader Words: 2.7k Warnings: Fluff. Smut. Happy endings. Authors Note: Merry Christmas! I wanted to share this gift with everyone for the holidays. I am such a sucker for my own story and the characters and I felt like it would be really rewarding to get to see into their future in one way or another, and so this was born. I always knew in my head how their life together would progress and what it might be like- it’s been exciting to be able to write this and now, to share it!

You smile before your eyes even open, drifting to consciousness with delighted glee buzzing along your skin. When you finally open them, your smile broadens. It’s still dark, barely five hours have passed since you fell asleep to the soft glow of white Christmas lights hanging around the bedroom. There’s excitement humming in your bones, a feeling you try to quell while your lover sleeps beside you, but the feeling erupts from your throat and manifests as a grin too wide for your lips and a wiggle in your shoulders. You’re in your happy place. It’s- you check your phone- five nineteen in the morning on your favorite holiday with your favorite person still sound asleep beside you. Except that he isn’t, you realize, when a tiny mumble slips past his pouted lips. Turning to him as you coax yourself to relax back into the linens, your smile remains. Your fingers rise to his hand, tucked in front of his chest where it landed after it slipped from your waist when you woke. His skin is silky smooth, chocolate hair just as silky fluffed about with the natural wave it carries. His lashes are long, catching the faintest glow of the warm amber light hanging from the headboard. With pink lips, his pucker continues to twitch in his dreams. Every nuance of his brings a smile to your lips and love to your heart, as dumb and corny as that sounds. Every simple thing, like the way he always flexes his toes before he lets his feet hit the floor in the morning, or the way he always stirs drinks counterclockwise three times before tapping the straw or spoon against the rim twice. At how he seems particularly happy during the early afternoons, in his own words his favorite time of day because he isn’t hungry and work is almost over so he is more productive. Things you’ve spent nearly three years getting to know, the last year of which has been spent living together in what used to be just your apartment. He moved in just after the new year, almost a year after you said your first ‘I love you’s. A laugh bubbles from your throat, remembering the first time you saw him doing his skincare routine. Hilarious and meticulous as it may be, it has grown into a beneficial routine of pampering for both of you. You recall how his skin felt under your palms just a few hours ago. The way you worshipped one another under the same glowing lights in your shared bed, naked as the angels themselves and singing praises to the heavens just the same. As if being called to life at the memory, desire for him stirs in your gut. You wonder if he is too tired or if he might be so inclined to give you a gift this early on Christmas. Unable to help yourself, your fingertips graze the side of his face, physically admiring his angelic beauty with a quiet, breathy chuckle. “Mm… ‘S funny?” he mumbles, the center of his brow twitching a fraction. His fist clenched the duvet, followed by a deeper scowl on his brow as he noticed it was not where he left it. With his eyes still closed, he splayed his fingers and reached out toward you, humming with content when he felt the warmth of your skin. Your smile grows wide again, excitement unsetting and freed once more by the simple interaction. “I am just so very much enamored with you, Kim Junmyeon. That’s all.” His brows fluctuate their shape into one of surprise, and he peeks one eye open at you, unable to stop the smile that forms. “Well good morning to you too, sweetheart.” He says with an air of smug happiness. Free to express your love for him, your fingers now find themselves pressed to his hairline briefly before you drag his bangs out of his face, giving his scalp a good scratch along the way. Junmyeon sighs with delight. He rises on one shoulder, side-eyeing the lights still glowing around the room as he stoops his head to yours and plants a soft kiss directly to your lips. Then another when your head lifts from your pillow to chase his lips, and a third when your arm snakes around his neck. His eyes find yours, wide awake. He searches briefly in silence for an answer to the question he doesn’t ask. When he finds it, he smiles, rolling himself over you completely. You hunger for his lips, more and more until the space between your bodies is nonexistent and you part only to breathe. “Merry Christmas,” you whisper against his lips as your fingers climb his shoulders. He is adjusting the linens swirled around his hips when a thought hits him. Junmyeon’s body stills momentarily, lagging in motion as he thinks. Suddenly, he reaches his arm across his side of the bed, struggling to grapple with the knob of his bedside table without rolling you on top of him, a thought you consider while you wait. His head turns back over his shoulder and he levels you with a heavy stare, locked in his uncomfortable position. It feels like the moment drags on for a long time, but you feel no signs of something wrong from him. You know him well enough to notice when he is working up his nerve. He leans back over to you with one hand strategically behind his back, “Close your eyes.” You obey his command immediately, curious at his shenanigans. “Why do I have to close my eyes for a Christmas present?” “Because I love you,” he starts, and his voice sounds shaken. Puzzled, you wait for instructions. They come in the form of a deep breath from him before you feel his fingers on your cheek. “Because I want to surprise you, and most of all, because I cannot fathom spending the rest of my life without you.” You’re certain the way your eyes pop open is not at all graceful or beautiful, but he is smiling at you for all he is worth anyway. In his free hand, is a small blue velvet box, and nestled inside of it is a shining diamond ring. After many attempts to catch your breath and form words, all you can manage is a feeble “What are you saying?” In slow motion you notice how the apples of his cheeks are tinged a rosy color that spreads to his ears and his neck, much the way he blushed the very first night you met. “I am asking, or begging or pleading for you to say yes.” You are still stunned and unable to respond for a second longer than his nerves can bear, so he babbles a little, “Please, please be my wife. Let me make you as happy as you make me and let me keep loving you.” He winces at how hard your palms come to grasp both of his cheeks in your palms. Perhaps you’re a bit nervous as well, too energized to control your movements with as much precision as usual. Rather than words, your body lifts to crash your lips to his as your arms curl around his shoulders. He kisses you back with fervor, clutching your naked back in his hand to keep you grounded against him. He kisses you harder, faster, with as much passion as he can muster with his whole body shaking just slightly. Your fingers smooth down his arms, to his hand clutching the soft blue box, holding onto it tightly. When you part from him, eyes absorbing every minute detail of the moment, his eyes are large and round and soft. Fragile with emotion and the glittering of tears he refuses to let fall or acknowledge at all because he knows how cliché it would be. It takes a moment for him to realize what you’re waiting for, until you ask. “What are you waiting for?” Junmyeon blinks at you and smiles, fumbling, “Oh, is that a ‘yes’?” His reaction and bashful smile are infectious, pulling a genuine laugh from your chest loud enough to wake your neighbors, “Oh my goodness,” you grab his cheeks again, “Yes, you goof!” Your lips smear against his in an effort to defend yourself from your own tears, and you both laugh. The sound is breathy and refreshing, smiling like idiots too in love to stop kissing long enough for him to slip the ring onto your left ring finger. The first thing you do once it’s on, is lay your palm flat against his chest, over the space where his heart beats strong and steady. Where it beats honestly, reassuring in the comfort of every pulse that gives him life. Your eyes catch his briefly, lit up like Christmas lights as he watches you admire the diamond there. “Well,” he whispers, unsure whether to continue, “how does it look?” You grin in return before schooling your expression into one of mock concern, “I’ve got bad news,” you sigh dramatically, “I’m afraid it looks like you’re going to be stuck with me for the rest of your life.” Junmyeon snorts in jest loudly in the intimate space of the bedroom, tossing his head back with mirth. When he returns to you, he shakes his hair from his eyes, and his lips pucker in an attempt to keep himself from smiling so hard he can’t see. “I’m glad you like it,” he declares, relief flooding his shoulders. Then he bends to steal a kiss from your lips, pulling away with only enough space to form words. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” He comments quietly, looking at you until it becomes too much to bear and his lips need to descend upon yours once more. It doesn’t take long to rekindle the fire from minutes ago, sparked brighter with the new affirmation of your love with the engagement. In the three years you’ve been doing this, with practiced ease you fall deeper in love with him every day. Junmyeon leans over you, slowly forcing your back into the soft linens and using one hand on your knee to spread your legs wider for him. “Time for another present,” he winks with a gentle laugh as he sinks to his abdomen on the bed. Your lover pulls your hand to him, letting his thumb catch against the ring he just gave you with a smile before he tugs your fingers to his head. He sighs in pleasure with the first tug on his hair not a minute later, tongue, nose and chin wet with your arousal and his saliva. Not that you need it, but two fingers stoke the flame of desire in your core as your hips struggle to stay on the mattress. Junmyeon swears every sound you make is more holy than any hymns the angels could sing today, every touch of your skin a greater gift than the birth of God himself, not that either of you are practiced believers. Just before you’re sent toppling over the edge, he removes his tongue and his fingers- stifling your whine of despair with his lips and the ache in your core with an easy slide of his cock that has you gasping into his mouth. You can’t count how many times you’ve done this with him. Can’t even count the times you’ve had him like this in your shared bed, let alone every other place. Even so, something is different about this time. Magical, you are sure with or without the engagement ring glittering from your finger. Perhaps it’s the pure joy of Christmas morning, coupled with your affection and utter devotion to one another that sends you toppling over cloud nine in less than a minute. The fullness of your heart, fit to burst so it spills tears down your cheeks when it overflows. Junmyeon wipes every one of them away, kissing your lips, your cheeks, your forehead and the tip of your nose as he chases you slowly into blissful oblivion. His release is quiet and gentle, buried completely with his free hand touching your cheek so delicately. As if he is holding your soul, as he sometimes does when he is so tangled in feelings he knows words can’t express. Your own hand rises to rest over his, stroking the knuckles and watching his head lift from your neck. Although dark naturally, his eyes hold a sparkling that lights him up like every Christmas tree in the city. Every bulb on every string of them around your apartment is no match for the beauty he holds. He takes a moment to admire the way your ring catches the lights behind your head, humming his appreciation. “I love you,” he confesses, turning his hand from your cheek to catch your fingers, “I am honored and, admittedly, a little amazed, that you’re mine.” A smile forms on your lips, “I think the honor is all mine.” _____________________________________ Days later, your fiancée sits beside you at the large round dinner table. The setting is beautiful. High class with tablecloths as white as the snow on the ground outside, accented with black linens and seasonal flora in golden vases around the grand ballroom. Expensive and classy are the words that best describe the scene in your mind. They pale in comparison to the man beside you. The one with golden skin and dark hair swept to the side stylishly atop his head. He’s wearing a tuxedo with his own expensive watch and cufflinks to give the image his own style. His brothers talk loudly with him, seated at the table for ten. Some of the chairs are empty, scooted from the table or not quite pushed in all of the way at odd angles. Empty, but no less warm or inviting knowing they belong to people who will return to them when food reaches the table. Junmyeon keeps your left hand with him beneath the table. He holds it gently, absentmindedly spinning your engagement ring around your finger while he talks. After dinner, you dance, reflecting on your years with him. With the other familiar and friendly faces of his company, and the sense of pride that you’ve grown so much in the time you’ve spent with him. The first time you came to an event with him, the fear of gazes that pass over you now seemed so silly. You greet them all with a smile, pressed close to the love of your life, feeling comfort and ease with the joy you see in each of the people that notice the ring on your finger. Most that you recognize already knew before this party, but the reassurance that each one resonates such approval and happiness on your behalf makes you giddy with excitement all over again. You dance late into the night with several of his brothers, each stealing you away with the promise to do it all over again at your wedding, quipping Junmyeon’s protests with the truth that he will get to dance with you forever so it is important that they steal you away for a dance at the few meaningful evenings. Neither of you says a word of protest when his youngest brother reaches for your hand last, although it doesn’t stop any of you from grinning and laughing when you take his hand and he leads you back to the dance floor. Just as the your dance with Sehun begins to come to a close, the lights dim and a shower of white lights litter the space above the ballroom. A countdown begins on a screen high on the far wall and people- yourself included- rush to their loved ones for the grand finale. The kiss to end one year and ring in a new one. You don’t remember the countdown ending, because Junmyeon finds you and catches your waist at seven seconds, and his lips find yours at six and they don’t stop until after the gold confetti that rained down at midnight has stopped. And just like that, you enter your fourth year with the love of your life, ready to count for many, many more.

[drpierceandmrhyde]

okay here’s me blathering about “Hawk’s Nightmare” for ~1350 words

I’m going to talk about Frank and Margaret’s conversation in post-op first because it doesn’t fit with the other themes of the episode that I want to talk about, but I still like that scene, so I want to talk about it anyway.

    Margaret’s “I happen to be an engaged person” is very Gender, but I also like her “I’m a one-man woman” because … well, she is. Sure, she had a long affair with a married man, but that affair could have been born from mutual loneliness as much as from attraction, and as far as I remember she is never in a relationship with both Frank and Donald. When it’s clear that Frank is never going to divorce his wife, Margaret calls their affair quits. And she commits to her relationships, even if the men with whom she is involved don’t share her commitment. She sticks with Frank through countless empty promises, and Donald leaves her, not the other way around. (Also, I hate to say it, but “I know God exists because you exist” is quite a romantic line.)

    Now for the on-topic stuff.

    From the opening scene we see the impetus for the themes of Hawkeye’s sleepwalking and dreams. The episode opens with Hawkeye lamenting on the age of his patient. This isn’t the first time this has happened; he and Trapper had the whole “I’d swear this kid is really a kid” scene in “Sometimes You Hear the Bullet.” But Hawkeye seems especially worked up about this patient’s age, even countering Frank’s claim that their patients are proud soldiers by saying that they’re babies. So it makes sense that this fixation on the youth of these soldiers would lead to dreams about people from Hawkeye’s own childhood.

    The youth of Hawkeye’s patient is further cemented in a later scene when Hawkeye is visiting with him in post-op. The patient hadn’t even heard of Korea before the war started. And when Hawkeye says that he’s from Crabapple Cove, the patient says that it sounds like a place where Winnie the Pooh hangs out. There’s something unnerving about a soldier talking about something as childish as Winnie the Pooh. It reminds you that he’s just a kid whose government forced him into this war.

    The episode is full of little moments that show the care that the 4077th has for Hawkeye. When BJ sees him asleep in bed without a blanket, he puts a blanket over him. When Klinger and Radar catch him sleepwalking for the second night in a row, they very calmly and gently get him back to bed without waking him up. When Hawkeye wakes up Radar in the middle of the night because he’s desperate to check on a friend back home, Radar places the call without hesitation, and Colonel Potter asks Radar to call Sidney but does so discreetly because he doesn’t want Hawkeye to know. Even Frank kind of tries to offer comfort depending on how you look at it. I know Hawkeye doesn’t take comfort from Frank saying that there’s nothing in the dark that isn’t there in the light, but in the right circumstances I could see how that sentiment could be comforting to someone. (And I have a weakness for Potter saying “Anything I can do, son?” while putting his hand on Hawkeye’s back and then encouraging Hawkeye to lie down for a while.)

    The episode has some good demonstrations of Hawkeye feeling like he has to be funny, whether the staff has imposed that expectation or whether he’s imposed it on himself. You have “Come on, don’t pull my leg. The shape I’m in, it’ll come off,” and he says “Frankly, I think I’m pregnant” when he’s talking to Margaret and BJ about his first nightmare. It could be humor as a coping mechanism or to keep up with his jokester expectations or perhaps both.

    But I also think it’s interesting that when BJ says there’s no need to make such a big deal out of a little sleepwalking and one nightmare, Hawkeye agrees with him and says that he wouldn’t if it were happening to anyone else. But wouldn’t he? At this point Hawkeye has a history of treating traumatized patients with compassion and taking their trauma seriously, even if he doesn’t always understand the trauma. “Mad Dogs and Servicemen” is perhaps a bit of an exception, but that was mostly because he was trying to follow Sidney’s advice when Sidney couldn’t show up to talk to the patient himself, and behind that firmness I think he still cared about the patient, and he thought that the patient probably didn’t like him because of his treatment.

    We get a taste of Hawkeye viewing his home and his childhood through rose-tinted glasses. He says that Toby Wilder was his best friend as a kid, but when he calls Toby to check on him after his nightmare, Toby only cares about the money that Hawkeye supposedly owes him. And then a few seasons later, Hawkeye talks about his love for his cousin Billy, who almost drowned him.

    I love the way that the writing describes trauma without using medical or psychiatric terminology. When talking about his fear of going to sleep, Hawkeye says “It’s one thing to live in a shooting gallery, but now I’m being attacked from inside. […] How do I defend myself from myself?” And there’s the conversation between Potter and Radar after Potter has called Sidney, when Radar talks about the fight against the war. When Potter says that the jokes aren’t working anymore and Radar says that the other side is winning, it reminds me of Alan Alda saying that Hawkeye doesn’t fundamentally change but rather that his coping mechanisms stop working. And Hawkeye openly says that he’s scared. I always love when characters express their fear outright.

    I love that Hawkeye and Sidney’s scene is framed as a conversation rather than a formal psychiatric appointment. Their friendship and mutual respect has been well established by this point, but this is the first extended scene of Hawkeye being a patient and Sidney being his therapist (we got a little of that in “O.R.” but not to this extent). Hawkeye is relieved that Potter called Sidney, and he quickly talks very candidly about his fear of falling asleep, and Sidney invites Hawkeye to share his own insight into his mental state without trying to twist Hawkeye’s words. “So you’ve been walking in your sleep. What do you think it means?” And as a bonus we get a taste of Sidney’s sense of humor with his “losing your marbles” joke.

    I haven’t seen “Goodbye, Farewell and Amen” yet and won’t until the 28th, but from what I know about Hawkeye’s arc in that episode, there is some foreshadowing/reversal in this episode. In this episode Hawkeye is worried that he’s going crazy and eventually asks Sidney point blank if he is crazy, but in GFA (from my understanding) Hawkeye doesn’t think he needs help. In this episode Hawkeye tells Sidney that he’s very reassuring and that he has a great warside manner, but in GFA he calls Sidney a son of a bitch. I’ll definitely revisit this episode once I’ve seen GFA.

    I also love and appreciate that Hawkeye’s sleepwalking and nightmares come from the trauma of the war without Hawkeye dreaming about the war itself. It’s a refreshing twist on war-related PTSD tropes. He dreams about childhood friends, and in the dreams they’re still children, and the dreams all end with the kids dying violently, and Sidney compares those dreams to the children that Hawkeye has had to operate on. And Sidney saying “But there’s a lot of suffering going on here, Hawkeye, and you can’t avoid it. You can’t even dream it away” is yet another indication of Hawkeye being fully, painfully aware of the war and another indication that Hawkeye is drowning in the war and cannot escape the totality of it.

    So overall it’s a great episode that presents it subject matter authentically and in ways that ring true to the characters’ personalities.

[inscribeddiatribes]

Peter Parker Fluff Alphabet

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Aged up Peter (18+)

Warnings: Mention of danger.

A/N: This is my fourth work for my first follower milestone/ birthday celebration! The template is by @wonderwxlls (I think they deactivated though). Hope you enjoy!

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A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Peter is the sappy type, so he’d definitely find your personality, laugh, and smile attractive. To him, seeing you happy just hits different.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

It’s kind of 50/50 with him. Peter loves children and is amazing with him, but he realizes that there’s a lot of danger associated with his lifestyle after seeing what happened with Tony and Morgan. At the beginning of his superhero career, he was adamant about keeping his title, but as the years pass by he starts to realize that he shouldn’t have to sacrifice his personal dreams for a risky (and thankless at times) job.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Peter can be very clingy. He’ll curl over you and hold you close. Cuddling with you under a blanket or two is one of Peter’s favorite ways to spend the day.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

He’s usually a man of routine when it comes to dates because he doesn’t have a lot of faith in his date planning skills. The options are usually a restaurant that him and May frequent, an ice cream shop, Delmar’s, or the park. However, he’s extremely charming and really tries to woo you.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

You are my glue. Peter’s the one with the webs, but to him it feels like you’re the glue that’s holding him to together.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

He knew he was in love with you when he revealed to you that he was Spider-Man after a mission and you cared about whether or not he was safe, rather than just behaving like a fan.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Peter’s extremely gentle most of the time because he realizes that he has super strength. However, he can sometimes get really excited and hug you a bit too hard. He’s always apologetic and sad after though.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

He’ll gently grip your hand and will occasionally smile at you to show his appreciation.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

He thought you were attractive, and after talking to you he realized that you had a good personality to match. Instant crush basically.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Peter doesn’t really get jealous, but he does get insecure. He believes that you can do a lot better than him, so you may need to occasionally reassure him that you want him, not the others.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You initiated it. Peter was dazed by it, but ended up kissing you back. Peter loves giving you kisses, but they’re usually little pecks because he’s too shy to ask for anything more.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Peter said it first. He’s very in tune with his emotions and is quick to express them, so he’d immediately want to let you know how he felt because he may not get another chance to.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

It was your second date and Peter decided to take you to buy ice cream. He was so nervous that he ended up almost stumbling into a tree. It had made you laugh so hard that you snorted. It’s somewhat embarrassing to both of you, but he loves it anyway because it involves making you happy.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Even after graduation and getting a job, Peter is kind of broke. So, he may save up to buy you something nice, but he tends to spoil you with affection and attention.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Blue. Peter finds your personality very refreshing and relaxing. He instantly thinks of you whenever the sky is clear.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

Baby and Angel. Peter’s far too shy to call you any or them in public, but he almost never uses your real name when in private.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

A vintage train set that May had gifted him. While Peter isn’t necessarily interested in trains, it reminds him of his Uncle Ben’s train collections.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Peter will either watch movies, cuddle with you, or show you his current LEGO projects.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Going out to eat with you and May never fails to cheer him up. With you by his side and May cracking cringy jokes, it’s hard for him not to feel better.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Anything. Peter is extremely talkative and can nervously ramble at times. He can jump from talking about cartoons to the meaning of life in 0.5 seconds. Your conversations with him will always be interesting.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Movie nights with you. Peter loves watching “classic” movies, so he gets really excited when he gets to show you some of his favorites.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Peter tends to show off his intelligence. At times he may fear that you’ll think he’s too nerdy, but he believes that his intelligence is one of his best qualities.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

Peter would definitely not propose until you were done with college. He knew that marriage would be extremely difficult to balance along with school. After you’ve both started to settle down, he’d seriously consider proposing.

Peter would probably take you to a private place to propose because he’d get nervous doing it in public. A heartfelt speech with plenty of tears before kneeling down to present you with his Aunt May’s ring (Like she gave him in Spider-Man 3).

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye

“Listen baby, ain't no mountain high. Ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough baby. If you need me call me no matter where you are. No matter how far don't worry baby. Just call my name I'll be there in a hurry. You don't have to worry”

No matter what, Peter will always be there for you. His faithfulness and loyalty knows no bounds.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Peter has fantasized about a life with you since he first realized that he had a crush on you. He’d never bring it up in the beginning because he didn’t want to mess things up and the whole Spider-Man secret.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Peter would want a pet that would be able to keep up with him and play, so probably a dog.

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Masterlist

Check out my masterlist, you might find something you like! Reblogs are welcome! Follow for more :)

I don’t own these characters, songs, or lyrics, nor did I create any of them. This work is strictly for fair use/ entertainment purposes. No money has been received from this work.

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[technomaestro]

Top 5 Video Game Soundtracks

Ok. Let's try this *again*. I had a whole thing written up and I accidentally refreshed the page, so tumblr ate the entire thing, and I lost it.

Destiny 2 There's a reason D2 is one of my all time favorite games, and the music for it is one of those reasons. Destiny 2's sweeping orchestral soundtrack is full of songs that encapsulate that grand, epic nature of the world and conflict you find yourself in as the Guardian. From the mission tracks like 1AU/Forge Ahead , Valkyrie, and Guns Blazin which provide this cinematic backdrop as you fight for your victories, to the epic swelling of the raid bosses where the tension in their first phases is replaced with triumphant moments where the tide turns as seen in Riven of a Thousand Voices or Insurrection Prime (even the most hated boss in Destiny has a pretty baller theme with tons of brass in it as you get ready to put him in his grave one last time after fighting him multiple times throughout the raid). Locations such as the Dreaming City have tracks that manage to encapsulate the mystery and history behind each location. No matter my feelings and critiques on the gameplay or the story, the music in Destiny 2 is just an absolute gift of musical genius. Michael Salvatori (yes, that same Michael Salvatori from Halo) is one of my favorite composers for the work he's put into that series. Favorite track: Journey ft. Kronos Quartet. This is the song that plays after the deafening silence that comes from escaping the city during the initial Red War campaign, where you montage your way through an unforgiving wilderness, powerless, as the city fades into the distance behind you. You've been beaten, your home taken from you, but the music swells with hope as you follow a sign from the Traveler - and you know you'll return to reclaim your city. I highly recommend taking a peek at the mission, as you can't play it anymore, to see what I mean as to how the track absolutely enhances the experience.

Hades Supergiant games - the people behind Bastion and Transistor, two other games with amazing soundtracks - really did knock it out of the park with Hades. This game's soundtrack is a wonderful blend of classic acoustic instruments (Check it out - it's called a Bağlama) mixed with metal and electronica to create a theme that evokes not only the aesthetics of the region, but also give it a modern twist that meshes with the dark, haunting vibes of the underworld that you reside in. Each track flows so well from one into the next, mixing perfectly with each area or character you encounter. And the two musical characters you encounter - Orpheus and Eurydice - add in plenty of musical flair to the game themselves. The motifs present in the songs are called back frequently to make it a coherent, consistent soundtrack, and it remixes so incredibly well. Favorite Track: God of the Dead - the theme for the final boss of each run, this track is incredible. Not only does it reflect the theme of Zagreus in a different key, showing the link between Hades and his son, before delving into this heavy, frantic track that perfectly encapsulates having to fight

Payday 2 There are exactly two ways to play Payday 2. The first is stealth - you won't have much in the way of music as you silently slip by cops, cameras, and civilians to reach your score. The other is the way I play, where you suit up in the heaviest body armor you can get, grab two automatic shotguns, and go to town to some of the best soundtracks in the game. Payday 2 has a unique musical cue system with it's audio during loud heists, where it amps up the tracks in time with what the cops are doing. At first, before you've been detected, you have the Stealth track which is always low and very basic to not intrude. In low points, like when you first go loud and the first responders arrive on the scene, you're in a Control track. Then, as the police gear up, it switches to a higher temp Anticipation Track, and then when the police storm your position, the Assault track. So each "song" in Payday 2 is actually 4 songs in one, that the game blends seamlessly together in order to match the audio with the gameplay. It's an incredibly clever system that keeps you immersed in the tension of the heist even as Bain, your mastermind, calls out over comms with instructions. And it helps that almost all of the tracks are exceptional bangers in their own right, with amped up electronica with great percussion and bass lines alongside rebellious hard hitting metal and rock. But during those assault tracks, there's something satisfying about hearing the build, reloading your guns, then timing you leaving cover to unleash fury with the bass drop. There's a great playlist here with links to the different types of tracks if you want to take a peek yourself. Favorite Track: I Will Give You My All - one of the few tracks with built in vocals. This particular track feels like the exact kind of music I'd see in a movie, and with the build I run in game for Loud stuff at the moment which incentivizes me running face first at bulldozers and cloakers, giving it my all is *exactly* what I intend to do in that game.

Horizon Zero Dawn HZD's soundtrack is full of the same sort of sweeping orchestral stuff that made me love Destiny 2, with tracks that serve to accentuate the world around you. The only reason it's down here at 4 and not higher is because there's a somewhat lack of variety; as a singleplayer story game, most of the music you encounter tends to be in cutscenes, rather than during gameplay. That isn't a *bad* thing however, and over the hundreds, if not thousands of games I've played, reaching #4 on the list is no small feat. The actual orchestral bits pair so well with being able to cultivate this theme of a world full of grandeur, the kind of which you'd see in nature documentaries. The various tracks illicit this feeling of a long forgotten hope, which if you know anything about the plot, ties in perfectly. The music that *does* play outside of the incredible cutscenes add to the world's aesthetic so well, pairing the sort of instruments you'd find people playing in the civilizations you encounter with the environments you find them in. Even the battle music, when there is battle music, is a tense affair; the game incentivizes you to stalk your prey, as Aloy is not a frontline fighter: she's a hunter among predators, and the music matches that tone. Favorite Track: A tie between Aloy's Journey, which provides not only natural sounds mixed with the instruments of the Nora and the underpinning of techno that permeates the story (in addition to one of my favorite musical things where you have these grand sweeping vocals that aren't actually lyrics) and Your Hand of Sun And Jewels, which gives off this sort of air of walking through city streets in golden sunlight, where people dance just a block away and you can smell the fragrant spices of the local cuisine. It makes me yearn and if I listen to it on full blast I can forget that I'm stuck at home for a moment.

Pokemon Heart Gold & Soul Silver Pokemon OSTs hold a special place in my heart because as much as I loved games as a kid, getting started on things like Mappy for the NES (which, now that I write that, really shows how fuckin *old* I am), Pokemon was one of the first things that I basically turned into my personality as a child. Silver version especially was one of the ones that *truly* got me going, as in Blue version I always felt one step behind my brother but Silver was *my* game, my generation. I have extremely fond memories of that game, from the Lake of Rage to trying to beat a ghost gym with a Sentret and it taking four hours because normal types and ghost types are just... immune to each other. But when Soul Silver came out and remastered the soundtrack, it brought back this wave of nostalgia. The bit tunes I remember had been brought to life, in a way that was recognizably Pokemon. Hearing it again brought back the waves of wanting to journey and be a hero again that when the game came out, I was sorely missing. The music in the game is upbeat and chipper, befitting a near solarpunk world that I want to live in. Iconic tracks remain iconic but with a bit of cultural flair, showing that the Johto region hasn't lost touch with it's roots. While it isn't the almighty trumpeting of Gen 3, the nostalgic tracks that are already evocative of nostalgia brings a yearning back for a time when things were simpler and I could just play games. Also, the Rival theme is *rocking*. Favorite Track: Route 26 Theme. Route 26 is also known as Tohjo Falls, the place which connects Johto and Kanto together. And for me, this route represents having reached a triumph and the energy to explore what's next. It's a critique directly against the Hero's Journey's unfortunate end, that they can never go home - the hero here *can* go home, but they choose to set out again for new sights. It's full of the fact that when it plays, you're taking your steps into something new, something bold, and full of new challenges that await you. It is, by far, one of my favorite tracks and the orchestral version brings me to tears.

[tillidontneedfantasy]

A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 8th Studio Album: ‘folklore’

Taylor Swift’s 8th studio album, folklore, starts off with the lie, “I’m on some new shit.” Perhaps to someone who hasn’t been paying attention this would seem to be true. But to those listening, folklore is the essence of her skill and success throughout her entire career stripped down for all to see, but more refined, enhanced, and impressive than ever.

Even prior to her pop-world domination with 1989 (2014), Taylor’s storytelling ability has always been her most compelling strength as a writer. In 2010, she released her third album, Speak Now, penned fully solo to prove to the cynics that she does, in fact, write her own music. And it’s damn good. Widely considered her best song, “All Too Well” from Red (2012) is a five and a half minute epic about love had and lost, all in walks through autumn trees, almost running red lights, dancing round the kitchen, and a scarf reminiscent of innocence, unreturned.  

Yet her pop prowess over the last six years perhaps leads to her storytelling being overlooked to those more focused on the music. There is a particular genius in writing a successful pop song, let alone three successful pop albums, that still has hard-hitting lyrics underneath the synth. Take the excellent “Cruel Summer” from Lover (2019) for example. The song is just under 3 minutes, and the production is so enthralling and infectious that it can take such a hold on you, you might miss the tale being told along with it about a fraught summer relationship that was actually just the beginning of her own love story.

But without the pop production, her stories on folklore demand attention. Swept up by a strong wave of creativity and inspiration, Swift secretly wrote and produced this album in around three months with Aaron Dessner of The National, one of Swift’s favorite bands, and long-time collaborator and friend Jack Antonoff. A surprise album is a new endeavor for Swift, as she generally spends months meticulously planning an album rollout. It is refreshing, and as a dedicated, long-time fan of Taylor, it is thrilling. Due to the album cover where she is standing in the woods, and the genre of the album itself, there have been think pieces regarding the “man in the woods” trope and what it means that Taylor seems to be embodying it. As a result of over-exposure, people are unable to stop focusing on her image and the way she presents herself. It’s understandable, as she is a very smart and deliberate businesswoman, and clearly cares about how she is perceived. But with this album, it is clear that none of that was at play. We are in the middle of a pandemic. Her mother has been battling cancer for years. Isolate a creative person in a dangerous world and they will dream up an escape. She understands more than ever how precious each moment is, and does not want to waste another one. The woods being the landscape for the photo-shoot is most likely attributed to the fact that it is the safest place to have one under these circumstances. She’s not pretending she removed herself from society and became enlightened, she didn’t dabble into a more alternative sound to prove anything; she is just sharing stories she wants to tell that she is proud of, and nothing more.

Of course the music of the album is important, but the lyrics are the heart of it all, and I wanted to focus on them. Upon its release, Taylor explained in a foreword that the album was a mixture of personal and fictional accounts. The beauty of stories is that once they are shared, they never live one single life; each person who consumes a story interprets it uniquely, and the story becomes a multiverse, with different meanings and outcomes than what initially drove the pen to the paper. As explained by Swift in a YouTube comment prior to the album’s release, three songs on the album are all one story, which she has dubbed “the teenage love triangle.” The three points of the triangle are “cardigan,” “august,” and “betty.” But if someone had not seen her say that, they might not have figured it out. Maybe they’d interpret each song as their own story, and connect it to their own. Taylor knows this. It is why she loves storytelling and is why she is so good at it. The album itself is a mirror ball, shimmering with every version of the stories being told, reflecting a bit of each person who listens. These are my interpretations, but they can mean whatever you make of them. 

1. the 1 The melody of this song helps set the scene; picture yourself skipping rocks on a lake, reminiscing on the one that got away. “the 1” is about learning to assimilate into a life without them, resentfully accepting that they might be moving on, too. She ruminates on what went wrong and what could have been. In a very Swift fashion, she puts the blame on herself when she sings, “in my defense, I have none / for digging up the grave another time.” Perhaps this song is fictional, perhaps it’s a revisit of a past feeling or relationship, but its relatability makes it feel real and present. She searches for explanations, restraining herself from asking, “if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?” But it’s good she didn’t ask, because she’d never find the answer, anyway. Best lyric: “We never painted by the numbers, baby, but we were making it count / You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.”

2. cardigan (teenage love triangle, part 1: betty’s perspective) “When you are young they assume you know nothing,” Swift sings in her smooth low-register on this Lana del Rey-esque single. “But I knew everything when I was young,” she asserts. They say wisdom comes with age, but there is wisdom lost, too, of what it felt like to be young; but she has held onto it. In this track, the narrator (Betty) is looking back on her relationship with someone she once loved (James, as name-dropped in “betty” later on in the album). Her insight on his character was always spot on; she knew he’d try to kiss it better, change the ending, miss her once the thrill expired and come back, begging for her forgiveness in her front porch light. As soon as she was feeling forgotten, he made her feel wanted, his favorite. The ending in question is unclear, whether she granted him her forgiveness or not. But what is clear is Taylor’s understanding of the pull of young love, the intensity, the immortalization of all the smallest of details, the longing to be someone’s favorite. It’s why we look back on it so often, read stories and watch films about it, even as we grow old. It’s the cardigan we put back on when we want to be Peter Pan and remember what it was like to fly with Wendy. Best lyric: “You drew stars around my scars / but now I’m bleeding.”

3. the last great american dynasty The story of Rebekah Harkness and her destruction of the last great American dynasty, Standard Oil, is documented in this track, as each verse covers a different part of Rebekah’s life, going from a middle class divorcee to one of the wealthiest women in America by marrying into an empire. Swift paints Rebekah as an outcast, the Rhode Island town blaming her for her husband’s heart giving out. Rebekah used her inherited fortune on her ballet company, throwing lavish parties with her friends who went by the “Bitch Pack,” playing cards with Dali (Yes, as in Salvador Dali. It’s not clear if they actually played cards together, but her ashes were placed in an urn designed by him), and feuding with her neighbors. Then, fifty years later, Taylor Swift bought that very house and ruined the neighborhood all over again, bringing with her the triumphant return of champagne pool parties and women with madness, their men and bad habits. It’s a note on how women will be blamed for tarnishing what is sacred to men rather than celebrated, specifically when its related to wealth and power. They will call them mad, shameless, loud. But just like Rebekah, Taylor learned to pay them no mind, and just have a marvelous time. It is also interesting to note that Rebekah went by Betty. Perhaps Taylor felt inspired by and connected to her and gave her a whole backstory, and thus the birth of “the teenage love triangle,” or maybe it’s just a coincidence; but that’s the fun of it all. Either way, this track is a standout showcase of how Swift has truly mastered her craft as a songwriter. Best lyric: “Holiday House sat quietly on that beach / free of women with madness, their men and bad habits / and then it was bought by me.”

4. exile ft. Bon Iver You know that feeling when your parents are fighting and it’s upsetting you but you can’t help but listen? That’s kind of what listening to this song feels like. Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon co-wrote the track, and he lends his gorgeous vocals to play a man who has been exiled by his ex who has moved on with someone else while he desperately tries to understand where it all went wrong. The bridge is particularly poignant, both proclaiming, “you didn’t even hear me out,” while talking over each other. He thinks he was expected to read her mind, but she is adamant that she gave him plenty of warning signs. Miscommunication is one of the most common downfalls of a relationship, and the emotion in Swift’s and Vernon’s voices really draws you into the argument with them, transporting you back into your own exile from people you once called home. Best lyric: “I couldn’t turn things around / (You never turned things around) / ‘cause you never gave a warning sign / (I gave so many signs.)”

5. my tears ricochet Taylor describes this song in the foreword as “an embittered tormentor showing up to the funeral of his fallen object of obsession.” If you know enough, you can put the pieces together that the tormentor is Scott Borchetta, the head of Big Machine Records, and the funeral is of their professional and personal relationship. Taylor was the first artist ever signed to Big Machine. Borchetta and Swift had to trust each other in their partnership for it to be a success, and oh, how it was. But prior to Lover’s release, Taylor announced that she would be signing to Republic Records as her contract with Big Machine had ended and Republic offered her the opportunity to own all of her masters moving forward and negotiate on Spotify shares for all their artists. It all could have ended amicably there, but then Scott Borchetta sold all of Big Machine, along with Taylor’s masters from every album prior, to Scooter Braun. Braun manages some of the biggest stars out there, and had previously managed Kanye West. Taylor publicly spoke out about this purchase, stating that she was not made aware of this before the announcement, and how much of a betrayal it was considering she had cried to Scott before about Scooter’s mistreatment of her. Taylor has continued to be vocal about this, and so she sings, “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace.” There is a lot to unpack in this song, but the main takeaway is that this betrayal hurts him just as much if not more than it hurts her, because his career was built on her achievements. He buried her while decorated in her success, becoming what he swore he wouldn’t, erasing the good times for greed, all just to be haunted with regret for pushing her out and stealing her lullabies. The pain is palpable, and it is notable that this is song is placed at track 5, the spot generally reserved for the most vulnerable on the album; it shows that there are different types of heartbreak that can shatter you just as much as those from romance. Best lyric: “If I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake? / Cursing my name, wishing I stayed.”

6. mirrorball On Lover’s “The Archer,” Taylor expresses her anxiety over people seeing through her act, her own grief at seeing through it herself, wondering if her lover does and whether he would stay with her regardless. “mirrorball” is about the act, one of the more obviously confessional songs on the album. She talks about how a mirror ball can illuminate all the different versions of a person, while also reflecting the light to fit in with the scene. Taylor’s critical self-awareness is heart wrenching, and it’s clear that the anxiety that surrounds the public perception of her is still prevalent. She describes herself as a member of a circus, still on the tightrope and the trapeze even after everyone else has packed up and left, doing anything she can to keep the public’s attention. It hurts to hear the desperation in her voice, but there’s hope in the song, too. She is speaking to someone (we can assume her long-term boyfriend, Joe Alwyn) and thanking them for not being like “the regulars, the masquerade revelers drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten.” In 2016, the height of Taylor’s fame and subsequently her farthest fall from grace, all the people who pretended to be her friends and attended all her parties celebrated her (temporary) demise, continuing to dance over her broken pieces on the floor. But he stayed by her side as she put herself back together. And so now, when no one is around, she’ll shine just for him, standing even taller than she does for the circus. Best lyric: “I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why / I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try / I’m still on that trapeze, I’m still trying everything / to keep you looking at me.”

7. seven Her voice gentle and haunting, Taylor recalls the freedom and innocence of her childhood in Pennsylvania. She asks to be remembered for how she was, swinging over the creek, before she learned civility when she would scream anytime she wanted, then letting out a very pretty one. She sings to her old friend soothingly about taking them away from their haunted house that their father is always shouting in, where they feel the need to hide in a closet, perhaps literally, or figuratively, or both. They can move into Taylor’s house instead, or maybe just to India, just be sure to pack their dolls and a sweater and then they’ll hit the road. She can no longer recall her friend’s face, but the love she had for them still lives in her heart, and she wants it to live forever through story. Just in the way that folklore itself blends reality and fiction, but the truth within it passes on, so will the purity of that love and friendship. Best lyric: “Please picture me in the weeds / before I learned civility / I used to scream ferociously / any time I wanted.”

8. august (teenage love triangle, part 2: the other girl’s perspective) If you had to assign the feeling of longing to a song, it’d be “august.” It’s when you’re teetering at the edge with someone, unsure of where you stand with them, clinging to anything they give you and doing anything just to raise your chances, “living for the hope of it all.” August, the last month of summer, its heat causing it to slip away the fastest in a haze before reality hits. This track is a display of how sometimes losing something you never had causes an even deeper ache than losing something that was yours, and Jack Antonoff’s signature production intensifies the emotion even more. It’s the story of shattered hope, and the longing for the days where it could still fuel you. Best lyric: “To live for the hope of it all / cancel plans just in case you’d call.”

9. this is me trying “this is me trying” is like a drive through a tunnel at night, hearing your loudest anxieties and insecurities echo all around you, caving in. The track is another apt insight into Swift’s struggles with her self-image, with the pressure she puts on herself, so much so that she sometimes pushes herself too close to the edge, her fears luring her out of the tunnel and down, down, down into her own cage, stunting her own growth and keeping those who care out of reach. She tells us how she was “so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere.” Every action has an equal, opposite reaction, meaning that she was pushing herself so hard, she rolled back to where she started, and now has to reset. This could be referring to the period between the end of the 1989 era and the release of reputation (2017), or a different time in her life, or just a general sentiment. It doesn’t really matter, though, because no one’s growth is a neat, straight line; growth is jagged. Just like any of us, Taylor will always have to face new obstacles, new pitfalls, new reasons to get back up. She sounds most vulnerable as she cries, “at least I’m trying,” and you feel comforted knowing someone so beautiful and successful has to push herself to try, too, and yet that motivates you more to try yourself. Best lyric: “They told me all of my cages were mental / so I got wasted, like all my potential.”

10. illicit affairs A quiet, slow-build testament of the passion, the tragedy, the secrecy, the inimitability of a romance that shouldn’t exist, “illicit affairs” demonstrates how you can ruin yourself for someone from just one moment of possibility or truth, quite like the narrator of “august” does for the hope of it all. An illicit affair can be many different things: infidelity, forbidden love, a love that can never be fully realized, a relationship that is inherently wrong but electrifying all the same. It’s a reminder of what so many of us would do just to see new colors, to learn a new language, even if the one moment of enlightenment destroys us forever. We might lose the iridescent glow but we don’t forget it; we carry it with us, but must be careful to remember its blinding effect, to remember how fatal the fall is from the dwindling, mercurial high. Best lyric: “Tell your friends you’re out for a run / you’ll be flushed when you return.”

11. invisible string Clearly the most outright autobiographical track, “invisible string” is the plucky pick-me-up needed. The song is like sunshine, as Swift endearingly links all the little connections between her and her boyfriend, Joe Alwyn, since before they even met. She compares the green grass at the Nashville park she’d sit at in hopes of a meet-cute to the teal of his yogurt shop uniform shirt, and gives a nod to her smash hit “Bad Blood” from 1989 with the delightful line “bad was the blood of the song in the cab on your first trip to LA.” She reasons these coincidences as a fateful, invisible, golden string tying them together since the beginning, always destined to meet at the knot in the middle. She thanks time for healing her, (a callback to “Fifteen” from Fearless [2008]), fighting through hell to make it to heaven, transforming her from an axe grinder to a gift giver for her ex’s baby (the ex in question, Joe Jonas, and his wife Sophie Turner, happened to have their first daughter two days before this album’s release). As she has on her previous two albums, she uses the color gold to illustrate how prized their love is to one another. It’s sweet to know in all the gloom that the string has not been severed, and the trees are still golden somewhere. Best lyric: “Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart / now I send their babies presents.”

12. mad woman Throughout her entire career, Taylor Swift has defiantly defended female rage, all the way back from throwing a chair off a platform on her Fearless Tour during the impassioned “Forever & Always,” to her patient, vengeful reliance on karma in reputation’s lead single, “Look What You Made Me Do,” to her most recent tackling of the matter on Lover’s last and final single, “The Man,” where she explores society’s acceptance and encouragement of angry men yet disdain for angry women. “The Man” is catchy and upbeat, and a fun thought experiment into how Swift’s career would be perceived if she was a man, something that is even more interesting to think about now as she releases an album in a genre heavily dominated and lauded by males. But on “mad woman,” she further explores the creation and perception of female rage, though masked under a smooth, haunting piano melody, her vocals subdued, taunting. In the album foreword, she describes the inspiration behind this song as “a misfit widow getting gleeful revenge on the town that cast her out.” This could be the continuation of Rebekah “Betty” Harkness’s story at her Holiday House in Watch Hill, RI, and how she further alienated herself from the rest of the neighborhood as they cast stones at her for the collapse of the last great American dynasty. (Or perhaps Daenerys Targaryen’s descent as the Mad Queen played a part in the song’s inspiration, as Swift has spoken of her love for Game of Thrones and her character specifically.) Taylor herself could also represent the widow, her music and masters as her love lost, and the men behind the crime as the “town that cast her out.” In the first verse she sings, “What do you sing on your drive home? / Do you see my face in the neighbor’s lawn? / Does she smile, or does she mouth ‘fuck you forever’?” It’s the first f-bomb of Taylor’s career (though a much more playful one will come two tracks later in “betty”) and it speaks volume. Taylor has received a lot of condemnation for expressing her anger at their transaction, for calling out their greed for what it is. Some view Swift’s stance on the ordeal as petty and trivial; they see the men as orchestrating a good business deal, and Swift as the girl throwing a tantrum. Ask any woman, and they can tell you about a time a man told them they were crazy for being justifiably angry; it only makes us angrier. “No one likes a mad woman,” Taylor states, “You made her like that.” Swift underscores that here, how they will poke and poke the bear but then blame it for attacking, as if they had never provoked it at all, and how dare it defend itself. Just as they blamed Rebekah for her husband’s heart giving out, they somehow manage to blame Swift for not being allowed to purchase the rights to her own work. And yes, she’s mad, but the song is measured and controlled; she’s used to her anger now, and knows just how to wield it. Best lyric: “Women like hunting witches, too / doing your dirtiest work for you / It’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together.”

13. epiphany This is another track Swift provided some background on, stating it was inspired by her “grandfather, Dean, landing at Guadalcanal in 1942” during WWII. The first verse paints this image, while the second verse depicts a different kind of war, happening right now, fought by doctors and nurses. She speaks of holding hands through plastic, and the escape folklore has granted you suddenly lifts. Watching someone’s daughter, or mother, or anyone suffer at the hands of the COVID-19 pandemic, just as watching a soldier bleed out, helpless, is too much to speak about. As she points out, they don’t teach you about that vicarious trauma in med school. We are living in a tireless world with barely any time time to rest our eyes, but too much going on while we’re awake to make sense of any of it. “epiphany” is a cinematic prayer, pleading for some quiet in order to find an answer in all the noise. We’re still waiting for that glimpse of relief. Best lyric: “Only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / Just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you’ve seen.”

14. betty (teenage love triangle, part 3: james’s perspective) It makes sense that a song reminiscent of Fearless would exemplify some of the best story-telling on folklore. The final puzzle piece of the teen love triangle, “betty” is a song sung by Swift from the perspective of the character of her own creation, James, attempting to win back his true love, Betty, who he slighted in some way. He proclaims that the worst thing he ever did is what he did to her, without explicitly stating it. Though the infamous deed is unclear, here’s the information we collect from this song: James saw Betty dancing with another boy at a school dance, one day when he was walking home another girl (from “august”) picked him up and he ended up spending his summer with her yet still loved Betty, and though he ended things with his fling and wanted to reconcile with Betty, he had returned to school to see she switched her homeroom (James assumes, after saying he won’t make assumptions. Classic men). So in order to make it up to her, he shows up at her party with the risk of being told to go fuck himself (the second and charming “fuck” on the album! Which is repeated!). Upon his arrival, there is a glorious key change (ala “Love Story”) and all the pieces fall into place for the listener; we realize Betty is the girl singing in “cardigan” as he lists the things he misses about her since the thrill expired, like the way she looks standing in her cardigan, and kissing in his car. He’s 17 and doesn’t know anything, but she knew everything when she was young, and she knew he’d come back. The way I see their story conclude is that she led him to the garden and trusted him, but as they grew older they grew apart, but the love she had for him never faded completely. Listening to this song is like being back in high school, whether you were the person who did someone wrong or the person so willing to forgive in the name of young love, or Inez, the school gossip, you’re right there with them. The other great thing about this song is that it is sung to a girl, and though it is set up so we understand it is most likely from a boy’s perspective, it doesn’t have to be. It’s really great that girls in the LGBTQ community can have a song in Taylor’s voice to fully connect to without changing the pronouns or names (even James, which is unisex and is one of the names of the daughters of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, Taylor’s close friends, mentioned in this song). That is the beauty of folklore: the infinite ways a story can be told, perceived, retold from a different perspective, and told again. Maybe you’ll hear it from Inez. Best lyric: “But if I just showed up at your party / would you have me? Would you want me? / Would you tell me to go fuck myself, or lead me to the garden?”

15. peace One of the most beautifully solemn songs of her career, “peace” echoes the same fears explored in “Dancing With Our Hands Tied” from reputation; will the person she loves be able to weather the ever-present storm that comes with the life of a superstar, but also dwells within herself? Will holding him as the water rushes in be enough? Will giving him her wild, a child, her sunshine, her best, be a fair consolation? Presumably another confessional track and about Alwyn, Swift puts him up on a pedestal, praising his integrity and his dare to dream. She proclaims that she would die for him in secret, just as she told him she’d be on her tallest tip toes, spinning in her highest heels, shining just for him in “mirrorball.” She highlights some of the greatest gifts of love, such as comfortable silence and chosen family. She knows what they have is special, but she also knows the value of peace, the ultimate nirvana, and does not want to deprive him of that. It is so deeply relatable- to me, at least- to feel like you can give someone so much of yourself but know it still may never be enough, and to fear either losing them or robbing them of something better. But looking at what they have together, maybe peace is overrated. Or maybe, she’s looking for peace in the wrong places. The calm is in the eye of the storm, and sometimes, there’s nothing more freeing than throwing away the umbrella and soaking in the rain. Best lyric: “I never had the courage of my convictions / as long as danger is near / and it’s just around the corner, darling / ‘cause it lives in me / no, I could never give you peace.”

16. hoax The truest enigma of the album, the closer, “hoax” is a devastatingly dark ballad about the uncertainty, or perhaps incredulity, of someone’s love for you, a love that is your lifeline. The lyrics are ambiguous, which gives way to a plethora of interpretations. Perhaps she is speaking about a hypothetical situation that has yet to happen (and hopefully doesn’t) in which someone she loves and trusts betrays her. Maybe she is talking about a relationship, real (hopefully not) or fictional, in which despite the torment it brings her she holds onto it for dear life. I’m most inclined to believe that the song represents her difficulty in accepting that someone is willing to love her through such dark periods, that their love must actually be a hoax, but she chooses to believe in it anyway and uses it as the motivation to rebuild her kingdom, to rise from the ashes on her barren land. And even through the downs that come at some point in every relationship, she can still see the beauty in it all. Yes, their love is golden, but waves of blue will crash down around any partnership, because life does not exist without them. So even when things are as blue as can be, she’s at least grateful it’s with him. Best lyric: “Don’t want no other shade of blue but you / no other sadness in the world would do.”

Although we still have yet to hear the deluxe track, “the lakes,” as a fan of Taylor for almost 12 years, it feels so obvious that this is her strongest work yet. The storytelling I fell in love with on Fearless as a teenager (which, much like folklore, was highly inspired by imaginary situations and real emotions) is even sharper now as we have both grown into adults. The music on this album might not be everyone’s speed, and that’s okay. But it allowed Taylor to dip back into what made Fearless such a success: using pieces of her own truth and the whims of her imagination to develop a multi-faceted narrative that becomes universal. During her Tiny Desk concert, before performing “Death By A Thousand Cuts” from Lover, Swift explained the anxiety she felt around the possibility of stunted creativity when people would ask her what she would write about once she was happy. Taylor has released an abundance of beautiful, fun, complex love songs since the start of her relationship almost four years ago now. But “Death By A Thousand Cuts,” which is a fan favorite, helped her prove to herself that she can still write a killer breakup song while being in a happy, fulfilling relationship; the song was the last track written for Lover and was inspired by the film Something Great on Netflix. And so it makes perfect sense that Taylor used folklore to continue exploring this new avenue for songwriting. All of her discography and all of her life experiences have culminated to the folklore moment: as all the best artists do, she will never stop finding inspiration in hidden corners of this dark, mystical, wondrous universe, and falling in love with new ways to share those wonders. And that love will be passed on.

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: I love Taylor Swift more than any person in my life, yes including my parents, they are aware and have accepted this fact long ago ❤️

[kill-your-authors]

Wow I just finished Every Blessed Day and can I just say [spoilers] 

I have NEVER watched a movie or show before with the premise “Man and Woman struggle to get pregnant” and have it end with them not getting pregnant, let alone not getting pregnant and the message being that you can still be happy even if you can’t and hey you can adopt a dog and get married and focus on your other passions like -

Straight up, that message, that kids aren’t needed to be happy and that you’re not broken if you can’t have kids and your life isn’t over if you can’t have kids...does not fucking exist. I was one hundred percent expecting an ending in which miraculously, abruptly, Antonia finds out she’s pregnant after all and now they can have a real ~happily ever after!~ But no!

Not to mention this movie did an excellent job of showcasing that parenthood is not always an intrinsically good and right thing to do, with Guido and Antonia’s neighbors continually getting pregnant despite not trying to and not wanting to, bringing kids into an abusive home that, by the end, is now a home with a single mother and an absent father who isn’t supporting those kids. 

Plus Guido’s character was so beautiful too...showing a man bringing his girlfriend breakfast in bed every day, following a recipe for dinner and wearing an apron, crying with her when she was sad, continually only showing anger when someone had done something to hurt her or disrespect her, continually being patient and understanding of her emotions no matter how trivial, and not even showing the slightest bit of resentment or anger when, at her lowest of low moments in life, she cheated on him. He had every right to be angry, and not take a step back to try to understand where that self-destructive harmful behavior was coming from (the belief that she deserved to be be with someone who abused her and treated her badly) if he didn’t want to, but he did, because he loved her so fucking much and that was so palpable. Even crying when someone else told him how much she loved him like...

Those are the kinds of male characters I want to see. That I want men to see. Because more men should not only be like that, but want to be like that, and feel comfortable being like that, and more women should feel they deserve a man like that! Even if they can’t have a baby! 

And also? There’s this secondary sort of them of both of these characters not ~pursuing their dreams~ and giving in to dead-end ordinary jobs that neither of them particularly enjoy and there’s even a moment when someone tells Guido that Antonia told her that he “gave up his career for her” and he insists he didn’t. Both of them at different points in the movie have opportunities to capitalize on pursuing those dreams, Guido becoming a professor and Antonia becoming a ~real musician~ and like...nothing ever comes of it. And, I think if this were an American film being critiqued by American critics...that would be considered a plot hole. Like, a flaw in the film, that not only did she not end up getting pregnant, but neither of them suddenly decided the life they were living was no longer fulfilling and had to go and pursue their ~real dreams~. But like! In real life! People don’t necessarily get to have their dream jobs! And a lot of people don’t want their passion to become a job and that should be okay! And what I love is that this film made it okay. It made it okay for Guido and Antonia to casually pursue their passions on the side and that isn’t, at the end of the film, portrayed as some kind of failure on their part to live their best lives. They’re happy as is, at the end, even if they couldn’t get pregnant and even if she’s not a pop star and he’s not a professor. 

Which gets me into a whole other thing about how different these two characters are and how incongruent they could have felt together but instead both characters really saw the best in each other and were perfect for each other even though normally the two personalities would seem incompatible and this is all because of a purposeful effort on each of their parts to appreciate one another’s quirks and differences! 

God it was just so fucking refreshing. 

And once again...because after all, I did only watch this because Luca was in it...I was astonished by Luca’s acting. I think I was actually more astonished by his acting in this film than any of the others I’ve watched, even They Call me Jeeg or Martin Eden because...I don’t know, maybe it’s just because I didn’t have a clue what to expect going in and I did with the others or because while watching this one I could so easily compare his acting to the others...but like...

Dear fucking God, He Has The Range. I fucking love him.