#his Si comes 10 times more instinctual

[pinkusmaximus]

Sis! Now I need a full on fic for Logan x Fem!Reader x Wade with the whole pregnancy thing! I love the trio and I can just see Logan’s wheels always turning, trying to pin point the scent difference, why he’s so touchy and clingy. Then when it comes out both men are 10 x more clingy! Dotting on their woman hand and foot, taking care of her when she’s sick or hurting from the added weight and her symptoms. I can see one of them standing behind her and they just put their hands under her belly and they just lift it up some to relieve the pressure on her and she’s just IMMENSELY relieved

Oh, I’m not sure if I’m in a state for a full fic right now (I work and when I’m not working I’m in school) but I can elaborate more for sure!

🎀🩷🎀🩷🎀🩷🎀🩷🎀🩷🎀🩷🎀🩷🎀

You would absolutely be the most spoiled, protected pregananant person in the world. In fact, they’d have to start taking turns with missions, because one of them would need to be at home with you at all times from the moment it’s confirmed by your doctor. Not that you really needed the confirmation, with the way Logan lives with his face pressed into your neck the moment it clicks for him that the lovely warm scent that mixed with your usual sweetness and lingered after you were long gone is due to the little life inside you.

Wade is a lot more hesitant at first. He’s overwhelmed with how happy he feels at the news, and that alone is enough to scare him. Logan’s too caught up in his protective instincts to think logically about the fact that you really are in quite a dangerous situation, but Wade’s all too attuned to the myriad of ways you and the baby could be hurt because of them and the lifestyle they’ve chosen. You’ll never see him so cautious. He comes home with less injuries than ever (though not insignificant, but it’s Wade), not wanting to cause you any undue stress after he reads how bad stress can be on you and the baby (because yes, he’s secretly started hoarding a stash of pregnancy books and magazines from the moment he saw those two blue lines).

And trust me, the moment that you start to show, things will only amp up from there. That’s when reality starts to set in— this is happening. They’re going to be dads.

Now that Logan has an explanation for his odd behaviors from before, it becomes much easier to manage them for the three of you. You and Wade understand his instinctual need to keep you close, so you start to mind it less when he gently tugs you over to him in his lounge chair from the couch, keeping his broad hands over the expanse of your belly and his head on your shoulder where he can keep that comforting aroma in his senses. It also means that it’s easier for him to allow you to relax with Wade, his instincts now accepting Wade as a fellow protector, rather than a threat.

Wade loves laying his head on your stomach for as long as he’s physically able to, your hands lovingly caressing his head as he talks to the baby about anything and everything, for as long as you’ll let him go on— or until he falls asleep, feeling a deep sense of comfort from being so close to you and the baby. Every other sentence is punctuated by enthusiastic kisses to your growing roundness, slowly becoming softer and more tender as his rambling shifts from making up stupid nicknames for the unborn child and telling them all the ridiculous ways he’s going to teach them to get into trouble, to soft murmurs of how good of a parent you’re going to be, how much he already loves them, how he can’t wait to see Logan act like a real daddy, how he can’t wait to be their daddy, too. And once you’re too big for him to lay his head down, he’ll just rest his head on your thighs instead, dotingly rubbing his hands all over stomach, tracing your stretch marks with his fingertips and admiring your physical and mental strength for carrying their child.

When you get to spend time with both of them, it’s usually on the couch or in bed now. You’re exhausted all the time, so lucky you that you’ve got two men who would never let your feet touch the ground if that’s what it took to keep you happy. You’re always laying with your head in someone’s lap, having your hairline lightly brushed by soothing fingertips, your feet and calves massaged by strong hands. You’ve always got someone to run and get you what you’re craving, someone to help you shower when you can’t see your feet anymore, someone to hold you when you’re crying because your hormones are too much and you’re thinking too much about the impending pains of birth. Bonus, that also means you’ve got two hands to crush in your death grip when you need it— and you don’t have to worry about breaking their bones.

A pregnancy with Wade and Logan may be tumultuous in some ways, but in all the ways that count, you couldn’t ask for a more perfect family.

[srfgansey]

none of you are ready for my super hot take of infp ronan lynch

[thewordwanker]

why Scotsmen wear kilts

 It all started at one of my wee sisters annual BBq`s.

She does many over the year but there is one, normally the first one in August which has developed a mythos all of its own. This mythos grew out of her five star grub and good nature and grew and grew until, now well bawdy and hilarious don’t do these BBqs justice. The word spread, her bbq`s grew. If she wanted to she could have sold tickets.

I was at this one last year and as usual it started out as good fun but between the beers and the red wine a tension developed. It gradually got more and more tense. To lighten the mood ma wee sis started a tall story competition between the sexes. It had only one rule and that the rule was : the tall tale had to be true and had to take the mick out of your own sex, which as it turned out was not as easy as it first seemed.

A gathering of the warring parties happened in the gazebo and the initial tall tales were really nothing more than reworked sexist jokes. Then we started to get the hang of it and the laughter really took off.

The tension eased and more laughter flowed into the gap.

We got carried along and only noticed the lateness of the day when the sun started to drift away from the garden. Those sober enough slithered into the lounge onto whatever seat they could get into without spilling their drinks. As it was getting on we decided on two last tall tale tellers, one from each side. S went for the women and I was `elected ` for the men. It was also decided that the teenagers who had not floated off to play the ps3 or DS would be the judges.

Having all got refills S fake coughed to get our attention and began.

She started,

`This is a true story, honest it is ! this really happened and I think it shows how stupid women really are. During WW2 the top American general went on a morale boosting tour of the troops in the far East. The US navy liberated many, many islands on their way to attack Japan. One of these islands turned out to have a tribe on it that had never seen a white man, never mind one wearing clothes. Being very remote and isolated they themselves went around buck naked.

A sip was required, S continued.

Well the press wanted some footage of the liberating heroes so it was decided by the big wigs to use this island. The press managed to persuade the big general to do the triumphal parade bit the only problem was getting the islanders to wear clothes and therefore not upset the delicate Tv audience back home. The male elders took to clothes no problem but the women tried but were only comfortable in skirts. They just had to go topless, but seeing as the supreme symbol of the mighty victorious US forces was doing the parade this could not be allowed. So a senior diplomat was sent to convince the women to wear tops and after much too-ing and fro-ing an agreement was reached. Tops it was. The women promised the elders they would cover up and there would be no great afront to the mighty war chief.

The Elders told the diplomat the diplomat told the army and the parade and filming were set.

On the day of the parade there were many dignitaries, generals and the associated press from the free world. The parade was in full swing. It came down past the village elders, swung round a tight corner into the village square and there where the women all lined up along each side of the square creating a natural V. This V had the effect of driving the general`s party towards the ceremonial handshake with the chief at the top of the square. But ohhh ! no the women were all topless !! .The general was aghast but his embarrassment was only just beginning. The chief signalled the women to cover up. The women on mass took hold of their skirts and lifted to reveal -------.

here S took a pregnant pause

there total nudity`.

S well !! she could hardly finish.

Laughter rang out from the women they knew what S had done. It was a classic double-dip. Men were the butt here not women so laugh at the men they did. Some of the men got it too and there were some half-hearted cries of derision.

When the debacle died down the teens gave her 7 out of ten and now it was my turn.

The Guinness kept me in the chair

I began, `Many, many years ago when Scotland was still a baby, this grabbed their attention so I stood up and continued, now I don’t know if you know it but each country has its own male and female and in Scotland these were known as Heather, and the Mac the Green man.

Heather is where all Scotsmen get their unconscious ideas about women. She is everything from a kelpie to Flora McDonald. She is the spirit of everything from waterfalls to fairies, and if you believe the hype form those Barrs people she even gave them the secret to irn-bru, only kidding folks but a few of you were thinking about that for a moment there, eh !.

I sank some Guinness.

I carried on, ``-- but the green man is the story here. You see the green man is the symbol of male fertility as Heather is the symbol of female sexuality. This was known and very much revered in the very beginnings of Scotland when we were more like cavemen than homo-sapiens. During this age we were still very warlike. This annoyed heather no end so she gave the green man an ultimatum, ` do something, end this cycle of wars or no more sex`. Being the ultimate symbol of male fertility the green man thought, ` uh, I can live without sex, no prob, I don’t need her !`.

In the months after Heathers ultimatum the green man found this very easy. Being one with the land meant he was also one with the animals and there rutting was in essence a form of release for him. There instinctual acts gave him some more time to ignore Heathers ultimatum but this did not last.

As time went on the green man got randier and randier until sleep deserted him. Sleep left because of the difference between light and hard because as you all know you can sleep with the light on but you cant sleep with a ------------! `.

I didn’t need to finish that one. There were a few groans but I moved swiftly on.

  `This went right on through a particularly hard winter and on into the spring. Where, feeling the sap rising again the green man fell into a deep, deep sleep of utter exhaustion. But the sap was still rising and it was springtime and time for the rut so the green mans dick made a decision. It decided to leave the green man. As the green man slept his dick jumped off and out into the world.

Of it went.

It visited every nubile women in the land and that is why there are so many redheads in Scotland cause that’s all the green man had was masses and masses of red hair. Having travelled far and sated most of that springs rising sap the green mans dick decided it was time to head home. So off it set.

The green mans dick was more tired than it thought and as a result slipped, lost its footing and tumbled head over bollocks, more groans here but I answered these with, `ah ! come on you wish you had thought of that one – that’s top class comedy that is ! `. I continued, ` --- yes head over bollocks right down into a humungous patch of scotch thistles. He was stung everywhere, over and over. It seemed like forever before the green mans dick reached the end of the thistle patch. When it eventually got out every square millimeter had been stuck more times than a tourist in the Algarve gets stung by timeshare touts. The green mans dick was now itchier than a redheaded person with sunburn in a cloud of midges

So ! lion rampant, off it went.

About now the green man awoke and realising his loss started to track his dick down. This was not easy as his dick was the same as him, of the land and so could shape shifty as and when required. At this moment in history his dick was every shape everywhere making love to anything with a pulse. It is rumoured that it even went up the grab-a-granny night at the Savoy !!`.

hurrying on

`One day the green man caught up to his dick just as it was starting to get amorous with an animal freshly introduced to Scotland. This animal was the humble sheep. So the green man watched and waited for his dick to be totally engrossed in the task at hand and then he crept up behind and reattached himself. His dick was having none of that so it struggled and struggled and in this struggle he got entangled in the wool in the upper back of the sheep. Feeling the coarseness of the wool the dick relented. Unknown to the green man Heather had been tracking both of them and had come across them just as this crucial moment.

As heather fake coughed the green man was clearing all the wool from his dick. Taking pity on him Heather made love to the green man but alas the green mans dick was still restless.

She had a brain wave during some post-coital haggis.

She went over to the sheep and after apologising for this rather unusual welcome to a new country she and the sheep dropped down into a deep conversation. Much bartering took place.

As a result of this bartering the sheep got a place in folklore which no one could erase, it also got the knowledge of colours and colour schemes for which in return all it had to do was provide an endless supply of wool. Heather now told the green man to get busy and he set about building the first ever loom.

The sheep gathered.

The following morning when the green man met Heather she looked down and she saw the first ever kilt.

The green mans dick was content to stay put as the coarse wool meant that his itches were rubbed 24/7 and that is why Scotsmen wear kilts !`.

The women went, `10 out of 10` but to be honest I do not think the men will ever speak to me again.