#his 6 min jams are always soo good

[hunklet]

Others - Shintaro Sakamoto

[popsiclemania]

My 2020 in K dramas (+1 J drama)

I began watching k-dramas in 2018 but I’ve never watched as many shows, Korean or otherwise, as I have in this one. 2020 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I think what helps me really enjoy this over Bollywood+Malayalam+ American pop culture I grew up with is that a smirk on the wrong character’s face doesn’t make me seethe with rage and want to burn everything down. It’s not like growing up with SRK on screen and then having SRK wannabes leave you with lifelong trauma in reality. I can just move on. It’s removed enough from my everyday life but still familiar in a generic Asian family way. Does that make sense? It’s not perfect and it’s not free of its own harmful stereotypes and narratives, but there’s enough of the good stuff to make you stick around. This year I fell in love with Nana, Kim Hye Soo, Han Yeri, Park Eun bin, Ahn Eun jin, Kim Bum, Kim Yong ji, Flower Boy’s Go Dok Mi and Search:WWW’s Bae Tami. Cancelled Ji Chang wook (bye). Desperately missed Kim Jae Wook. Had thoughts on Hwang In Yeop, which were mostly heart eyes. Discovered J dramas and fell in love with Cherry Magic’s Adachi.

My year-in-review below:

LOVED

Into The Ring - I am so glad I saved this for a rainy day because it’s exactly the kind of upright citizen shenanigans my unemployed ass needed at the end of the year.

Goo Se Ra thinks the govt should work for the people but that doesn’t mean her own moral compass always points north. Her purpose is to make steady money, and I love seeing her go hard to survive and cobble together what she needs. The thing that really works for me is that she wants to be good, but she isn’t always. And you get to see her be disappointed, upset, embarrassed and hurt from being publicly kicked in the gut as she navigates a job where she appears, on the surface, to be a supremely confident, self-serving, accidental politician. What you see as her naiveté is mostly just her being a regular person in an environment dictated by backhand deals and rich people politics. She gets hit again and again, and you see what it does to her sense of worth to get back up again, how she grapples with her self. And through all this the show is funny?! Se Ra is what writers of manic pixie characters think they are doing and not doing at all. Love her friends, and Jang Hye-jin is *chef’s kiss*!

Hyena - Kim Hye Soo’s Jung Geum Ja is perhaps Se Ra’s older and darker contemporary.  Geum Ja is a survivor and will get what she wants and where she wants to, however many hells she has to cross. She’s single-minded about her success, ruthless and has no qualms about bending morals to get the outcome she needs. She’ll never compromise on who she is or justify how she lives, can build people up and also tear them down, but she also knows care and kindness.

I turned to Signal for more Kim Hye Soo but was disappointed in how the first few episodes seemed to shortchange her. May try again in 2021.

(Highly recommend @saltr0se​’s  fic series which just GETS Geum Ja so well. Fic writers are the best)

Search: WWW (Finished in 2020) - It took me half a year to finish this. I started watching Search in Oct 2019 and raced through the first 6 episodes because I couldn’t take my eyes off the rollercoaster of Bae Tami’s life. And then I had to take a break because it was a little too close to the frenetic pace of my own industry. As @drivingsideways wrote, a lot of Search is premised around ‘patriarchy? who dat?’, which is why watching its politics play out is so fascinating.  It’s also deliciously turmoil-y to watch a very clear-sighted, weathered Tami put on rose-tinted glasses for her romance and then frequently peer over them to evaluate whether it could actually meld into her life.

Catch The Ghost - Kim Seonho oozes charm and perhaps Startup was a showcase of how effectively he can be a typical male lead. But Catch is exactly not that. Go Jiseok and Yoo Ryeong have moulded their lives around to meet their most desperate wishes in life and in the process also left parts of themselves untended. There is guilt, pain and need. Now guess who will tend to whose wounds? Their dynamic is electric even when the central mystery flags towards the last few episodes of the show. I really hope Moon Geun Young is doing well and gets more amazing roles soon. She is so good here.

(Highly recommend @melonatures​‘s fic for putting that sizzling on-screen chemistry into words. HOW?!) Cherry Magic - Stories about painfully awkward people are my jam and Eiji Akaso gets Adachi’s shy, nervy energy so right. Cherry Magic is straight up just 12 hours of 🥺🥺🥺. 

Stranger/Secret Forest - I’ve been devouring the entirety of Agatha Christie’s work this year after Stranger reminded me how comforting murder mysteries can be. I love Bae Doona. I also love characters who don’t get social norms, not always because they are out to flout them but because that’s just not how their mind/brain works. (have to watch S2)

Flower Boy Next Door -  Honestly, the opening scene introducing Park Shin Hye’s character Go Deok Mi sold me on this immediately. An introverted, penny pinching copy editor living alone and working from home thanks to extreme social anxiety? Love. All the side characters are a lot of fun and I’ve never loved Kim Seulgi and Go Kyung Pyo more. It’s a warm show, slowly rounding off the sharp edges of every character.

JUST FUN

The Spies Who Loved Me -  It’s been a year of disappointing rom-coms and Spies kind of quietly turned it around for me. I want to be the fly on Yoo In Na’s wall as she figures how to play her characters. I’ve only seen her in 3 roles but somehow she always manages to be in character arcs that don’t short change her. Spies could’ve been and sometimes is the regular heterosexual fare, but In Na ups the ante over and over again, coming out on top as the smartest person in the room.

ENJOYED WITH *RESERVATIONS*

I have to watch A Piece Of Your Mind again because I don’t understand how Jung Hae In and Chae Soo bin built SO MUCH warmth and crackling chemistry with barely a kiss. I was iffy about how the whole AI thing started off and the tortured musician plotline (angsty male artists will forever be an eyeroll for me).

Park Min Young is a queen who never disappoints and When The Weather Is Nice is everything you want in a winter romance. My reservation was in how they explore so much of domestic abuse and the complex ways its traumatised the women in this family. I’m ok with the characters having imperfect ways of processing and understanding the violence, I welcome it. I’m not ok with the show dancing around whether the pivotal crime was justified/ self defence (it was).

A lot of dramas did this. I loved Han Yeri and Choo Ja Hyun in My Unfamiliar Family, I didn’t like the free pass the show gave their dad’s abusive character. 

Hwang Jung Eum’s comedy style is generally not my thing but she was pretty great in Mystic Pop-UP Bar. But I’m side-eyeing the sanctity surrounding motherhood. Maybe I should read more about babies and Korean folklore.

Hospital Playlist was my comfort watch through June and July. I think its wholesomeness and non-plot writing came at a good time for me. But I noticed then that the throughline for all main characters was moral superiority and hence what I then saw as *wholesomeness*. It’s kind of what makes it a grating rewatch in parts. Plus the real life of misogyny of Yoo Yeon Seok makes me want to push his angelic catholic character off a cliff. (For context, i was raised catholic). I want to continue loving Chae Song Hwa, and for that the showrunners need to stop cornering her with overbearing romantic interests (let that woman breathe! she literally ran away to another city!) 

Hospital is good at creating moments of comfort, so much so that I went to watch Reply 1988 after it, but had to drop it coz I couldn’t get into it. Maybe I’ll come back to it next year.

Once Again is what I call joint family propaganda. What it does well is lay bare the mechanics of living in a society that prizes the heterosexual family structure, the loops you have to jump through to hide when you break its rules and what happens when you are found out. I love the characters, their fights, their frustrations. I just don’t love the validation of joint families. (context: i grew up in an oppressive joint family lol). In my au, Nahee and Gyujin don’t get married again or immediately have children, but take the long route to figuring out how to love the person the other is. Gahee is openly dating Hyo shin and her parents have to figure out how to process her success and her romance. Young dal and Ok boon have to learn to stop dictating their children’s lives.  Joon sun runs his company from home, so his wife Hyun kyung can work on what she wants. Choyeon, Joori and Ga-yeon go back to being flamboyant AF and the market learns to not judge. Gyujin and Jaesok have to actually work on the relationship with their mother and what sent her into depression. Just a lot of learning involved.

Just Between Lovers was a nice watch, i just don’t get how Kang doo and Ha Moon So’s relationship will survive his constantly simmering anger. 

Crash Landing on You was so much fun until the main romance turned angsty, but it gave us North Korean soldier shenanigans and the epic romance of Seo Dan and Alberto Gu that we needed more of.

Tale of The Nine Tailed is probably what Goblin wished it was. I, however, will never be over Lee Rang. (Also, when can gods stop meeting their love interests as babies? Asking for my sanity)

I literally ignored everything in Oh My Ghost except Park Bo Young and Kim Seulgi and it was amazing. 

NOPE

Goblin, Dinner Mate, Oh My Baby and My Secret Romance were a whole lot of NO, NAHI, ILLAAA. 

I loved hate-watching The King:Eternal Monarch with the rest of k drama tumblr but someone please take away Kim Eun-sook’s access to gigantic budgets and all-star casts.

It was painful to watch Do You Like Brahms squander away its potential but I’m glad to be introduced to Park Eun bin. Age of Youth is next on watchlist.

More than Friends to me is only Ahn Eun jin. Someone give her amazing lead roles asap.

Why did Record of Youth do that to Park So Dam and her clothes? Just why

WANTED TO WATCH, BUT COULDN’T BECAUSE *INTENSE* 

World Of The Married, It’s Okay Not To Be Okay, Sweet Home, Extracurricular, Penthouse, Flower of Evil, Lie After Lie

WILL WATCH NEXT YEAR

SF8, Stove League, Birth Care Centre but I’ll start the new year with School Nurse Files coz it looks very good.

[kim-lexie]

december favorites.

a lot of favorites have come about in december. a break from the fall semester allowed for much needed time off. a wonderful time spent with family, friends, and dramas.

this is not a favorite thing that happened, but something that is important to put in this months rewind. jonghyun from SHINee passed away this month. this completely wrecked me. SHINee was the first group that got me into k-pop, and i appreciate all they have done for music, their individual solos and group work. my prayers are with his family, friends, and the shawols. may we never forget him, and remember to be kind to those around us.

please remember you are not alone. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

music.

OSTs. since this was the month for watching dramas, i naturally am inclined to listen to all of the songs made for the drama. so thus they made up the majority of my playlist for the month. 

- scarlet heart ryeo. i started to rewatch this drama (the first four episodes), and i fell back in love with the OST. i especially love ‘say yes’ by loco and punch. so beautiful.

- oh my venus. ‘beautiful lady’ by jonghyun and ‘darling u’ by kim tae woo and BEN. these songs had my heart for the beginning of the month.

- my annoying brother. ‘don’t worry’ the harmonies, the emotions get to me every time i hear it. kyung-soo and cho jung seok are everything in this track.

mic drop remix. even though it came out in november, i still have it on repeat. such an amazing song. a jam. a complete bop. i made a whole post about my feelings towards the song, and mv. just wow. amazing. perfection.

crystal snow. a beautiful ballad provided by the one and only bangtan japanese release. they have definitely out done themselves once again. this song belongs on an anime soundtrack.

skool luv affair. i am blessed to have a family who loves me and got me the cd for christmas. since i got it this cd has been on replay!

universe. winter special album. my goodness exo blessed us. they always release such amazing tracks. i already have a post dedicated to this gift.

dramas & movies. * spoilers ahead*

oh my venus. my goodness this was a cute one *cue cute dimple pop kiss thing*. the concept was completely unique (i love that i had an inkling that it was hypothyroidism, i’m studying nursing). their relationship was precious, and i loved how everything fell into place. i was getting nervous, but he worked so hard at getting back onto his feet! they were not letting anything destroy their happiness. 8/10

my annoying brother. i expected something funny and heart warming from the title, and one time watching the trailer. i was in for a surprise/wrecked heart. kyungsoo was absolutely fantastic. he played a blind character who had given up on his career of judo after an accident while competing, and then gave up on life. his brother comes back into the picture after being released from prison. he completely changes his life around to find that he has cancer. i couldn’t even with this plot twist. i watched this with friends, and we were all crying by the end. it was a beautiful film, with incredible actors and heart to the film. 10/10 would recommend. be ready with tissues.

the package. this was the perfect sweet and heartwarming drama i needed. there were so many plot twists (i.e. her brother, the affair was a father and daughter duo, the fiance wasn’t cheating she was an actress). this drama knew exactly where our minds would go watching this, expecting the worst of the characters. but in the end everything tied into a nice bow. ma-roo was awkward, and cute, and courageously brave, held to his morals, and was an overall lovable male lead. it was refreshing to see a realistic male lead, not a CEO. so-so was so real! she was going to love herself first. i appreciate this drama! it was too short for me, i need to see where they ended up after they met in the airport (that stare though!) 8.5/10

somehow 18. i can never pick a normal chill movie. this was most definitely not the best portrayal of the super important issue of mental health and suicide. but overall they explored how people are not all what you see on the surface, and a lot is going on beneath the mask once we look underneath. min-ho was great (and the reason i was even interested in it when it popped up on the homepage of dramafever). i hope this opens up a bigger conversation about how to appropriately address mental illness, and offer new proper ways to address suicide and prevention. 6.5/10

train to busan. yes i know i am super behind with watching this one. it was a complete journey of terror, and no i am not one for zombie movies. this did not make into a zombie movie person, but it did make me appreciate gong yoo’s acting abilities even more. can he get any better?!?! there were so many incredible actors in this film, the little girl was insanely good! and i was pleasantly surprised to see woo shik in this film especially after watching ‘the package’. the whole movie i was dying of terror (i.e. had all the lights on in my home), but the ending had me using all my tissues. the song at the end. ㅠㅠㅠㅠ i rate it 6 out of 10 (because i am not about being terrorized, and the majority of the film was zombies, and terror. and everyone i loved died soooo)

how i married an anti-fan. this movie was required watching after making it through the terror of ‘train to busan’. it was cute, light-hearted, a little discombobulating. it was all over the place, and i tried keeping up. but its good y’all because chanyeol was great. the concept was super cute. they were super cute, however getting that ring was super fast! i rate it a 6.5/10 (p.s. make sure you watch the whole ending the bloopers at the end are precious)

my random favorite of the month is korean food. i had some friends over and we made: jajangmyeon, tteokbokki, and cucumber kimchi. it was such a fun time making the food, and then watching ‘my annoying brother’. side note: we never have watched a fun feel good movie together. none of us had any idea going into this movie that it was going to wreck us completely. but ya know, now we have decided to only watch dramas together (our last watch was ‘one way trip’)

[lubdubsworld]

The Unfaithful wife ( Jimin /OC)

Chapter 6

“Your sister won’t mind watching Jin Soo?” I asked nervously, lowering myself into the front seat and putting on the seatbelt with trembling fingers, i glanced at him. He was looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Are you alright? If you want , I can send someone else to take care of the bakery for the day. We can take the day off and get some rest…” He said huskily, reaching out and lightly rubbing the back of his fingers against my cheek, making me flush. I shook my head quickly, turning my face away. His fingers fluttered down , rested on my thigh lightly stroking my legs through the fabric of my soft blue dress. I quickly grabbed his wrist, stilling him.

“I’m okay. It’s getting late.” I said softly. He nodded and pulled away , but not before stroking the back of my head. After a few minutes of silence he sighed.

“I know its going to be hard. I just… I thought if we want it enough. Both of us , we can make it work. You know what i mean?” He said softly. I glanced at him. He looked handsome , the ebony hair falling in messy bangs across his forehead, the faded brown eyes looking a little too uncertain. He was dressed in a black button down shirt and nice jeans that shaped his muscular legs . He was beautiful, I thought with a pang. And no matter what anyone says, its invariably harder to reject a beautiful person.

“I.. I’ll try.” I said bleakly. “ That’s all I can promise.’

"That’s more than I hoped for.” He smiled.

I turned away, heart aching . It wasn’t that I resented him . I just knew , now that someone, had actually deliberately set out to wreck our marriage. Someone had meticulously built a trail, phonecalls, jewelry recipts, fake jewelry hidden without my knowledge, flower bouquets that apparently Jimin had noticed around the house. Stupid , everyday things, manipulated to give the impression of a cheating wife. I hadn’t know that five years ago. Hadn’t even noticed that Jimin had suspected me of cheating for weeks. too filled with righteous indignation to ask the question, why  did Jimin believe I was cheating so easily. Now I knew and I felt guilty. He was as much a victim as me.

But then, there was the other, heavier implication. The one that made it so hard for me to trust Jimin. 

Had we even been real?? If we had been real, some silly little things ought not to have brought us down, right? And if we weren’t real, if we really did crumble easily at the slightest pressure, who was to say we wouldn’t do that again?

 I thought of Jimin, of the way he’d stared at me while i texted the daycare to tell that Jin Soo won’t be in for the day. He had been fresh out of the shower, towel slung low on his lean waist , towel drying his hair when he’d spotted me, on the bed, typing out the message and his gaze had pinned me to the spot. 

It was vaguely, curious with just a hint of suspicion . The heavy gaze of someone who did not like what he was seeing. 

. I’d been compelled to tell him it was just the Day care, somehow feeling accused, just by the way he was glancing at me. i didn’t deserve to be accused yes, but i couldn’t help but wonder how hard it must have been for Jimin, wondering why i’d done what I had.

If it were the other way round…

I’d never thought of it that way.

What if Jimin had been the one to stray… Or rather, what if I’d found some clues to his infidelity? Would i have believed my husband unconditionally? I bit my lips in confusion. How badly I wanted to say yes. But i knew deep down, that I may have believed them as well. Jimin was handsome. Could have any woman on the planet…

Jimin’s fingers on my knee brought me back to myself. 

“Would you like to move some of the stuff out of your apartment today? We can get all the clothes and supplies you need for Jin Soo .” He said, following me into the bakery office. i nodded, reaching for my apron and giving him a questioning glance when he perched on the table, looking around.

“Don’t you have to get back?” I said, surprised. He shrugged.

“I took a few weeks off. Thought we could bond a bit. As a family.”

I stood still.

“You don’t have to look so horrified at the prospect.” He said dryly and I shook myself from my daze.

“Of course not I.. sorry. I’m just tired.” I said .

“I told you we should have stayed in bed. ” He scolded.

“And that would be the problem..not the solution.” I rolled my eyes. He looked unrepentant, grinning brightly.

“I missed you. I deserve to indulge myself a little , after five years of celibacy.”

Despite myself a smile tugged on the corner of my lips.

“You always were insatiable..” I shook my head, moving to take a look at the days orders, while I  called my assistants and told then I won’t be in for a few days. He looked surprised and i smiled at him, moving close to hug him gently, the soothing warmth of his chest making me tremble. 

“I can make an effort too. We’re both in this..” I said kissing the edge of his shoulder.  He stroked my back briefly before drop;ping a kiss on my head. 

After giving out a few instructions, I finished taking stock and then finished working on a couple of recipes for Mrs. Min. I hesitated, a bit torn because they’d originally been for Jimin’s wedding with Mi Rae.

“Don’t think about it.” He said , appearing suddenly in front of me, making me jump.

“About what?” I frowned. 

“Whatever’s putting that look on your face…”

I sighed,  giving up on trying to be classy.

“Why were you engaged to Mi Rae.” i said bluntly.

He shrugged.

“Business only. You know how those things work…”

I did. My own marriage to him had been a business deal. He must’ve sen the way my face fell because he immediately reached out and tilted my chin up.

“Ours was different. We loved each other…” He said firmly.

Did we? I thought desperately.

Love?

What kind of love had it been, to fall right when it ought to have stood firm? To bend and break when we needed it to be strong?

“Yes. Love.” I whispered. 

Jimin brough his palm down with so much force on the table that some of the files shook and spilled onto the floor, jostling me. 

“Don’t look like that, for fuck’s sake!! … stop it! Stop looking like that. I want to see you smile. I miss that. We … we need to get out of here.  To hell with this�� Come on.. I’m taking you home..” He said roughly, reaching out and pulling me up by my arm.

 i blinked and nodded. He was right. I wasn’t up for work today. i needed the day off. I quickly finished it all up, cleared the table, bid good bye to the two helpers and left emergency numbers on the table. Jimin led me to the car with a arm around my waist , guiding me gently.

I followed mutely, in a daze. It was hard because my kind kept oscillating between the past and the present, between how I’d felt before , to how I was feeling now,  to how  I wished I could feel and how I wanted to feel. It didn’t help that all those questions had different answers.

“Wait..the apartment..” I said , suddenly remembering. He hesitated but nodded, pulling the car in reverse and taking a U-turn to drive into the opposite lane. I didn’t question him about how he knew where I lived, just let it slide. Once we reached the hallway leading to my apartment I stopped. My eyes fell on the bouquet of flowers, jammed into the grill and foreboding rose inside my throat like a living thing, choking my breath.

God damn you, Lee Tae Min.

“What’s wrong?” Jimin said softly, taking my fingers in his and I felt tears sting. It seemed like the universe was conspiring against me as I shook my head stiltedly. Jimin noticed the bouquet a second later and then he went still, fingers momentarily tightening on mine. I stopped in front of the grill and he grabbed the bunch out of the grill.

“Looks like you have a present.” He said casually. 

I didn’t reply, moving to stand a bit closer to the door. I was familiar with the ebb and flow of jimin’s temper like i was of my own breathing. And angry jimin was always scary and unreasonable. 

“Who is this, LT?” He said softly.  

I swallowed. No point lying.

“It’s Tae Min.” I said softly.

He gave me a nod and looked away. 

And then he turned around and threw the thing so hard against the wall that it went to pieces, the petals tearing and ripping out of the ribbons on impact. I stopped breathing because he looked like he was ready to kill. I wanted to tell him it was stupid. It was just something the guy did no matter how much i yelled at him not to. But i couldn’t trust my voice to speak. I was also so scared he wouldn’t believe me anyway.

“Do you love him?” He said harshly.

I bit my lips so hard, I drew blood.

“No.” I whispered , staring at him. He was trembling with rage, pupils blown wide and I stared as he took a step closer. He reached out, grabbed my chin , just a little shy of being painful but enough to bruise and make my jaw clench. 

“Do you love me?” He whispered.

The tears slipped out before I could stop.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered, not knowing what I was apologizing for.

His lips pressed against mine, teeth biting down and drawing blood. I whimpered as he licked into my mouth, grabbed both my shoulders and pushed me up against the grill, the hard edges digging into my skin as he leaned his weight on me, grinding his erection against my stomach.

“Open the door.” He whispered into my ears before biting down on my earlobe. He pulled away from me, just long enough for me to open the door to the apartment.

He didn’t even let us make it to the bedroom.

“Jimin… wait..” I whimpered when he pushed me up against the wall, right next to the front door but he wasn’t really listening. Instead he kissed me fiercely, bruisingly … like he wanted to prove something. I trembled when his fingers slipped down, lifted my skirt and found the edge of my panties before slipping. I was still wet from the morning and he pushed three fingers in without preamble, making my eyes shoot open and my breath hitch.

“Have you been with anyone…here? Has anyone touched you like this ?” He panted, one hand pushing into me, thumb rubbing against my clit while the other unbuckled his pant and slid down his briefs, just enough to draw himself out.

“No…” I choked out and he bit down on my neck. I gasped when he yanked my panties to the side, so hard the fabric ripped.

He was hard, big and he pulled his fingers out of me grabbed the back of my thighs and lifted me up against him, back against the wall before lining himself up to my entrance.

“Tell me i’m the only one….The only one who gets to see you like this. The only one who gets to toucvh you like this” He whispered. The look in his eyes let me know that he was actually in physical pain as he stared at me, the hurt shining through his features so strongly that i would have said anything, done anything to stop him looking like that. That’s the curse of loving someone really, when he’s dying and you’re dying too, you will still look to soothe his pain rather than your own.

I nodded frantically and he growled.

“Say it…” the snarl in his voice made my heart lurch painfully. 

“You’re the only one…” I whispered, staring down at him, his sooty black eyes wild.

He pushed into me in one smooth slide, my breath knocked out of me as he buried himself to the hilt, giving me no time to adjust. I trembled , choking a little as I grabbed his shoulders, eyes screwing shut at the intrusion, more pain than pleasure , my body still sore and hurting. I struggled to hold my tears at bay but it was impossible.

“And I’ll be the only one… always..” He ground out, grip tightening on my waist demanding  submission. 

My eyes shot open, hurt slicing me deep. But I bit my lips.

“You’ll be the only one. Always.” I said. He pulled out and pushed back in, setting a punishing rhythm that made my spine ache and my thighs tremble. I whimpered when he came inside me, the sticky release against my thighs making me feel some kind of way.

 I swallowed the tears as he gathered me close into my arms before sinking to the floor. We were fully clothed I thought vacantly. I’d never had sex with my clothes fully on before and I couldn’t stop trembling.

“I… i shouldn’t have done that.” He said after what felt like hours of just sitting blankly, wrapped around each other and staring straight ahead. He reached out and brushed my hair back.

“Probably not.” i agreed, voice slightly raspy from disuse.

He pulled me into his lap, stroking my hair back from my temple.

“It’ll never happen again. I… I don’t know what came over me…” He swore under his breath and then kissed my cheek, open mouthed, wet .

I nodded and tried to stand up but my legs were still trembling, and I fell back against him, embarrassed.

“It’s alright, come here.” He pulled me up into his arms and carried me into the bedroom. I wasn’t even surprised when he climbed in after me, but not before pulling all the curtains open.

“What are you doing ?” I whispered.

“I want to spend the day here. With you.” He said firmly. I blinked.

“Jimin….”

“This place… I can’t help thinking how many memories you and Jin Soo have here. Was he born here?” He whispered.

I shook my head.

“I moved here after he turned eight months….” I said softly. He nodded.

“Even then , that’s nearly five years worth of memories. I just… I’m sorry i couldn’t be a part of them.” He whispered, pulling me close and wrapping his arms around me. It was surreal having him in my bed. I’d never linked this room, the peeling paint on the walls or the small , worn out furniture with Jimin. but if he spent the day here, I knew I’d never be able to think of anything else but him, ever again. i hesitated, before slowly reaching out and pressing my palm against the sharp line of his jaw.

“Are you hurt..” He whispered, turning his face around to kiss the inside of my palm.

I hesitated, before shaking my head.

“I want to make memories with you. and Jin Soo. Tons of them. So many that he forgets that I wasn’t always there with him..” He said fiercely and i felt a smile tug on my face, despite the way my heart was aching.

“Okay. We can do that.” I nodded.

“Starting now.” He smiled, reaching out and unbuttoning my blouse. I sighed and grabbed his wrists quickly. Of course he wanted to start off with those kind of memories.

“I was only being polite when I said it didn’t hurt. it actually hurts. I can’t .. do it again.” i wrinkled my nose.

“You don’t have to do anything… I promise…It’s just that this lighting..” He pointed at the window. “ It seems like a crime not to get you naked here…”

And resisting park Jimin had never been my forte, so i didn’t even bother trying.