#hiphop headers | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

foxymoxynoona · 2 years ago

Text

After the Applause (Ch. 3)

Header and linebreaks by @awrkives

Single Dad Jimin x Female OC

SUMMARY: Jimin doesn't know how he would have made it this far after the shattering of his world without the support of his thoughtful, generous, helpful neighbor. Hanbyul has lived next to hottie Jimin and his adorable daughter for years now, long enough to remember the wife he was so devoted to and lost far too young. With each safely ensconced on their side of the brick wall of the Parks' grief, it will take an enterprising little scientist to set the stage for a second chance at love.

CW: grief, prior loss of spouse/parent, comfort, explicit sex, secondhand embarrassment

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

Hanbyul was surprised but not bothered at all when Sun-young knocked on her door Saturday morning just as she was heading out for her walk with Hudu.

“Hi, Unnie,” Sun-young greeted as she swung the door open. “Can I hang out with you today?”

“Wait!” Jimin called down the hall. Hanbyul couldn’t help her smile as she leaned out to see Jimin –only to gasp as Hudu darted forward, yanking the leash out of her hand. He launched himself at Jimin, standing in his own doorway and trying to wave Sun-young back. “Ah, Hudu, wait wait– Sunnie– ahh!” Jimin cried as if Hudu was truly overpowering him. He collapsed to the ground and pulled Hudu into his lap, giving Hanbyul that sunny smile as she went to retrieve her bad little furball. Sun-young stayed put by her door though.

“Sorry,” Jimin said, standing but pulling Hudu up with his arms. “I told Sun-young not to bother you this morning –Sunnie, come on, you can bring your stuff and–”

“Oh, do you have rehearsal?” Hanbyul asked.

“No no, I’m just meeting my friend at his gym –Jungkook, you remember him?”

Hanbyul admitted, “I don’t know… is he the tall one with curly hair?”

“No, that’s Taehyung.”

“The hiphop teacher?”

“No that’s Hoseok.”

“You have a lot of friends.”

He grinned, “Ah, maybe that’s true. I have good friends… but yeah, sorry, I didn’t– she wasn’t supposed to invite herself over, she’s just going to hang out at the gym–”

“It smells there,” Sun-young frowned. And she gave Hanbyul, from all the way down the hall, the most obvious pleading puppy-eyes.

Hanbyul’s heart melted as she assured her, “You don’t have to convince me, I’m happy to have you along. What time do I need to have her back?” she asked JImin.

“You don’t,” Sun-young answered. Jimin gave Hanbyul a comical look, raising one eyebrow and making his eye twitch.

“I’ll be gone for two hours tops,” he promised. “Wouldn’t want to make you late for a hot date or anything.”

Hanbyul couldn’t believe she got to blurt out, “That’s not until six, I’ve got plenty of time.”

“Oh. Ah. So it uh went well, huh?”

“It did!”

“That’s great. Well I’ll be sure not to be gone long so you have plenty of time for whatever your, uh, pre-date routine is.”

He seemed kind of awkward about it, and now Hanbyul suddenly felt awkward about it too. Had she bragged wrong? She’d been so high on his surprise the other night, she’d convinced herself he thought she was pretty, but now that voice of doubt about the truth of her daydream grew stronger. More like he just thought it was weird she’d mention dating to him. He didn’t want to know about that. He was trying to raise a kid here! Maybe he was even worrying again, envisioning a quick marriage and suddenly she’d be gone, another loss from Sun-young’s life. Was she present enough for him to think that way about her? That she mattered in Sun-young’s life?

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere soon, and even if I did, I’ll always make time for my favorite tagalong,” Hanbyul assured Jimin and Sun-young both. “Come on, pup, let’s take Sun-young to our favorite hot chocolate place –is that ok?”

Jimin nodded and waved them off after setting Hudu on the ground; Sun-young seemed to turn her back quickly on him, and that was the final hint Hanbyul needed to understand there was a rough patch between father and daughter.

So she gave Jimin her most reassuring smile, checked her bag for wallet, phone, and poop bags, and fell into step besides Sun-young.

“Can I hold Hudu’s leash?”

“Of course you can. He behaves better for you anyway.”

“Does he really?” Sun-young giggled. Her mood lifted as soon as they stepped from the apartment building, it was like night and day. “He’s such a good boy. Aren’t you? Who’s the best boy? Hudu! You do!” She sang the little jingle Jimin had come up with, maybe without even thinking about the source.

If there was one thing Hanbyul wouldn’t do, it was pry. As if she knew anything about father-daughter arguments! Her relationship with her own father was loving and supportive and limited but good. Probably they’d fought sometimes when she was little but she didn’t really remember any particular instance.

“Do you really have a date tonight?”

Besides, Hanbyul was too busy choking on her own spit as she realized that maybe talking about her dating life in front of her neighbor’s daughter hadn’t been the best move.

“Um… well… yes…”

“With who?” Sun-young’s face scrunched up like this was the worst idea she’d ever heard.

“A friend of a friend.”

“What friend?”

“I have friends,” Hanbyul laughed.

“I never see them.”

“Ouch. Don’t roast me! I do, I just don’t have people over very often.”

“Why not?”

“Hm… I don’t know. I think when you get to be a grown up, people don’t spend time like that together anymore. I go out to places to spend time with my friends.”

“You come over to our house though,” Sun-young pointed out.

“True. But you’re a special friend. You’re just down the hall!”

Sun-young looked thoughtful and Hanbyul gave her the time, turning her own attention to their surroundings as they crossed the street and headed down the opposite sidewalk towards the park. Not that Hudu didn’t know the way to lead them and probably wouldn’t walk them into traffic, but she wanted to be extra careful when she had Sun-young with her.

“We don’t go out to places together though. You, me and Appa,” Sun-younged mused as the green lawn edged into view.

“We’ve walked to this park before. I’ve taken you to the mall before! And–”

“But we don’t go on dates together.”

“Oh. Well…you mean the three of us?” Hanbyul asked carefully and cleared her throat so she wouldn’t have another coughing fit.

“Why don’t you date with Appa?”

“Are you and Appa not getting along lately?” Hanbyul asked, an instant reflexive defense mechanism to change the subject. Sun-young immediately scowled and stared at the ground. Hanbyul’s own scowl remained internal only because she was better at hiding it. Now they’d both been asked something they didn’t want to answer, but Hanbyul hadn’t meant to pry. But damn, how was she supposed to explain to his daughter I would if he saw me that way! Put in a good word for me, huh? No, she absolutely couldn’t say that!

For a while they were both silent. Hanbyul felt like it was on her to smooth things over when Hudu failed to mediate or offer any subject change, just trotted ahead of them, tail happily twitching in the hair.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t like,” Hanbyul assured her. “As for your question, I don’t think it’s something you need to worry about with your father. He’s very dedicated to you and only you.”

“And dance,” Sun-young corrected.

“Yes you’re both so passionate and committed, it’s really admirable. Especially something like that. You know I told you I can’t dance.”

“Anyone can dance.”

“You’ve seen me try.”

“You were just nervous,” Sun-young insisted.

“No, I’m just really bad. I can move when I’m feeling the music, but it doesn’t mean it looks good. That’s a real skill you and your appa worked hard on. But that’s ok, I don’t mind being a bad dancer.” Hanbyul had a brief flight of panic. Oh god, what if you weren’t supposed to be that cavalier about being bad at something to a child? Should she offer to try again and be more serious about it? Reiterate some message about hard work and dedication and working extra hard on the things you were bad at?

Eh. It wasn’t her job and she’d hated lectures like that as a kid anyway. Besides, Sun-young was distracted by other cute dogs that wanted to say hello to Hudu. Hanbyul thought it was sweet, how careful and polite Sun-young was with the other dog owners, following Hanbyul’s instructions exactly as they let the dogs sniff at each other and quickly pulling Hudu away if anyone got too excited. Sun-young was such a smart, caring girl. Hanbyul couldn’t help but wonder if the people they met on their walk looked at them and saw… what, a young mother and her daughter? She didn’t have a maternal aura though… a stepmother? No. Probably a nanny.

Her own daydreams embarrassed her. They let Hudu sniff everything of interest even though it slowed them down, but they had nowhere to be. Sun-young wanted to walk along a stone ledge and Hanbyul walked right beside her. She probably wasn’t strong or quick enough to drop Hudu’s leash and catch Sun-young if she fell, but at least she could break her fall with her own body.

The air had that moist feel to it, a hint of spring on the way that matched the purple crocuses beginning to unfurl their petals across the otherwise patchy yellow-green grass. It had been a dry, mild winter, not at all pleasing.

“Why did you sigh?” Sun-young asked, ever observant.

“I was thinking that I’m sad for winter to be over. It’s my favorite season.”

“Why?” Sun-young gasped as if it had never occurred to her someone might like the season.

Hanbyul laughed, “What’s not to love? Warm cocoa, cute hats and coats, watching movies inside, pretty white snow if we’re lucky.”

Sun-young stuck out her tongue, then argued, “I don’t like any of that. My socks are always wet, my nose gets chapped, and my hair always sticks up because of my hat. I like summer way better. Especially because there’s no school and sometimes we go to the beach at Halmeoni and Harabeoji’s house.”

“Hm….”

“What’s that face?” Sun-young giggled.

“I don’t really like sand,” Hanbyul admitted. “Well, maybe it’s ok if I’m sitting on a towel under an umbrella with a book, but I don’t like when you get wet and it sticks everywhere.”

“Just get wetter and wash it off!” the little giggled and hopped easily off the end of the wall. Hanbyul felt a start in her chest but Sun-young landed gracefully without twisting her ankle or fracturing her skull.

“Well I guess we’ll just have to like different things, that’s ok. You still walked Hudu with me when it was snowy.”

“I liked his little boots.”

“He doesn’t.”

“Yeah I bet he’s a summer dog like me. I mean, I’m not a dog but…” Sun-young crouched down to pet Hudu’s head. “Do you want to go to the beach with me, Hudu? You can come visit Halmeoni and Harabeoji’s place. You and Hanbyul can come.”

“That’s sweet.”

Sun-young just smiled like it was a normal thing that could happen, for your neighbor to travel across the country with you to visit your grandparents.

Spring might be on the way but the chill in the air was enough to make the warmth of the cafe welcome. Hudu was always a good boy in the cafe and stuck close to Hanbyul’s ankles, even though Sun-young was the one holding the leash. Sun-young bought a mocha latte for herself and hot chocolate for Sun-young and a little pup cup of whipped cream for Hudu, which they nestled down at a table by the window to drink even though the cold seeped through the glass. Sun-young had picked the table and looked happily out the window, her hands wrapped around her medium-warmed hot cocoa.

Hanbyul thought Sun-young was just people watching, same as her, but after many minutes of silent sipping had passed, and Hudu had finished his whipped cream and stretched out across Hanbyu’s sneakers, Sun-young turned her little face upwards to her and sighed wearily,

“Sometimes me and Appa don’t like the same thing. Maybe?” She spoke it like a question, her voice lifting at the end, either like she wasn’t sure they liked different things or wasn’t sure she was allowed to say it.

“That can happen, sure,” Hanbyul said, slow and careful.

“But it’s ok to like different things. Even when it’s someone we love the most. And if they love us the most, they can– they can understand that too, right?”

Hanbyul wished she had any clue what Sun-young was talking about. Was this a serious thing or a small thing? Something clearly weighed heavily on Sun-young’s heart and Hanbyul didn’t want to be the one to drop it!

“Yes.” She waited, but it looked like Sun-young was waiting too. “Part of growing up is figuring out the things we like, even if they aren’t the same thing our parents or friends like, even if nobody else likes it, and that’s ok… is this about the girl group?”

Immediately she could tell by Sun-young’s face it wasn’t.

“No,” the girl frowned. “It’s about…” Hanbyul held her breath as Sun-young pouted at the last bit of her cocoa before knocking it back like a wizened old cop booted off the case. “I don’t know. Dance and stuff.”

“Ah.” Hanbyul remembered previous disagreements between father and daughter because Sun-young wanted to start hiphop and Jimin thought it wasn’t right for her or she was too young or something like that. Sometimes the details weren’t clear to Hanbyul through the emotional telling, but it was always clear to her that father and daughter were two passionate, strong-feeling individuals. She thought it was really endearing they were similar like that.

“Maybe sometimes I want to do something else that’s not what he wants me to do. Like maybe he only wants me to be one way. Maybe…” Her eyes took on an extra sparkly dark quality to them. “Maybe he’s just mad if I want to do anything else but it’s what I want to do. Doesn’t that matter? Doesn’t he care what I want? Can’t he still love me if we’re different?”

“He loves you more than anything, Sun-young. I think if there are things you want to do that are different, you just need to talk to him about it. It won’t make him love you any less. That’s impossible.”

“We had a fight about it…”

“Oh. I see.”

“It’s not fair. He just wants me to be a dancer like him, a dancer like Eomma. But what if I don’t want to be a dancer?”

“What do you want to be?”

“Why doesn’t Appa ever ask me that?” Sun-young frowned. “He just tells me to dance because I’m good at it but I don’t care that I’m good at it. I want to try other things now.”

“Like what?”

“There’s a Science Club at school… I just think it’s really cool. I don’t already know everything but it’s all about doing experiments and finding things out… I just really like it. But he doesn’t want me to do it because it would make me late for dance and the truth is… the truth is I don’t even want to dance anymore. It’s not fun anymore.”

All of this streamed forth from the little girl like the hot cocoa had something magic in it. Hanbyul felt flush with the honor of Sun-young’s trust like this. She could see how these feelings had been like a splinter in her heel, a fracture between her and Jimin for days now.

“I’m not an expert in these things,” Hanbyul admitted, “But I was a little girl once and I grew up too. Sometimes when our parents love us so much, the way they want the best for us is trying to push us to do what looks best to them, especially if it’s something they know really well. But your appa is a good man and he loves you so much. Maybe he just needs some time to get used to the idea of you doing something besides dance.”

Even as she said it, Hanbyul could understand why Sun-young felt hopeless though. It was hard to imagine the Park household not revolving completely around dance. It had for longer than Hanbyul had known them. Classes, rehearsals, performances, competitions, new music ,new costumes, it was always such a whirlwind.

She gave Sun-young a sympathetic frown and suggested, “Maybe try having a calm conversation with him about why Science Club is so important to you. Maybe he’s worried you’ll regret if you give up on dance since you used to love it so much. Is that what led to your argument before?”

Sun-young looked instantly uncomfortable and admitted, “.... No. I… made a mistake. But I knew he’d be mad and then he was mad!”

Damn, Hanbyul felt like she was feeling her way by touch through a dark room. She wanted to navigate this well but felt completely out of her place right now. She didn’t want to not be useful to Sun-young, but she also didn’t want to undermine whatever Jimin was thinking… damn!

“Sometimes the most important conversations have to happen a couple times and with everyone calm,” she tried.

“He won’t even talk to me about it. He just wants me to be his perfect little dancer.”

Hanbyul let it sit for a moment so she could weigh her words. Really she’d never had any terrible battles with her parents. Sure, they might have liked her to go into something else but they weren’t too upset about her career. They would have liked her to live closer to home. Maybe when she was younger she’d stayed out too late or gone to a concert they didn’t approve of or something. But for the most part, her parents had not asked too much and she hadn’t ever had a reason to fight what they did. And in a way, she suddenly found that sort of sad, as if she’d never had anything to really champion for herself, nothing that she was really passionate and strong-willed about.

“You’re both such passionate people,” she mused. “Dance is something you’ve had in common all this time so maybe it just will take him some time to adjust if you decide that’s not where your heart lies. Maybe he’s worried you’ll regret something you’ve worked so hard for. I don’t know what’s in his head, but I know you’re in his heart and I really believe that even if it takes some time, you can figure something out together.”

Sun-young let her chin rest in her hand and pouted her lips out as she mulled this over. Hanbyul thought Sun-young was a very smart girl to be so thoughtful about it. She felt like it would be easy for a child to just be upset at their dad’s response and the injustice and take this as an opportunity to complain, but instead Sun-young seemed to genuinely want advice.

“I’m not being silly about it though. Science is a real thing!”

“I know that,” Hanbyul laughed.

“I mean it’s not like I’m saying I want to run away and be a unicorn farmer or something. I just want to be in Science Club and take a break from so much dancing…”

Hanbyul reached her hand out; she normally wasn’t quick to touch but felt the impulse to now, resting her fingers lightly on the back of Sun-young’s hand.

“It sounds reasonable to me, but just try talking to your appa again when you’re both in a calm, good mood, that’s what I think. Say all the things you just said to me so he can see how much you’ve thought about it.”

Sun-young twisted her hand to take hold and pouted, “Ok… I’ll try it, unnie. If you think so… I think he’s just going to be mad and say no but I really want it… can’t you just suggest it to him though? He likes you, I bet he’d listen to you better.”

Damn, Hanbyul wished those words meant something more!

“I think it’s a good conversation to have between a father and a daughter,” she grinned. She hesitated to offer to at least put in a good word if Jimin asked, because the truth was he might. He did ask her opinion sometimes on woman things or daughter things, but not exactly parenting things. The last thing Hanbyul wanted to do was overstep, or insert herself into this family in a way that wasn’t welcome. From the outside, Sun-young’s request seemed perfectly reasonable to her, as did why Jimin might have been surprised at first to hear it and worry about Sun-young turning away from something she’d been so dedicated to for so long. Surely the Parks could work this out though, guided by their mutual love and respect.

“Ok I guess,” Sun-young sighed, sounding far more like a nine-year-old girl now. She added with a giggle, “If he gets mad again, maybe you can help me make a powerpoint. Isn’t that what you do for work?”

Hanbyul grinned, “It is among the things I do for work, yes…”

“Ok, if it doesn’t work I’ll let you know and you can help me.”

Hanbyul wasn’t sure she should but didn’t want to say no either. Fortunately Sun-young wasn’t looking for an answer and just pushed her cup away. She seemed happier than before, as if Hanbyul had actually said or done anything useful. Maybe she had! Maybe sometimes it helped to hear from someone else that you weren’t wrong to like something of your own, even if it went against your parents. Hanbyul hoped Jimin wouldn’t feel like that support had been an overstep… but at the same time, Hanbyul knew in her heart that Jimin loved Sun-young enough to want her to be happy, even if it might take him some time to make room for something besides dance in their lives.

“Shall we head back?” Hanbyul asked, gathering their empty cups.

“Yeah– hey, unnie, have you ever made a volcano? Isn’t it crazy how the foam just gets big so fast? Miss Kwan showed us a video of all kinds of chemical reactions like that but with like dangerous chemicals we can’t use at school, but some of them are so crazy!”

Well, this was easy, at least. Hanbyul smiled and encouraged her, “Tell me all about it, I’d love to hear.”

***

Taehyung had called just as Jimin was leaving the gym –not for anything in particular, just bored, because he was young and single and not someone’s dad so he had time to be bored. Jimin couldn’t imagine. Taehyung asked if he could come hang out and Jimin welcomed the company because things were a little tense with Sun-young still but Taehyung was the kind of guy who could cut right through that and get them both laughing in no time. Things were always easier with Taehyung around.

“Ah, I should just marry you,” Jimin sighed after divulging the latest issue to him on the walk from Yoongi’s noodle place where they’d met up so Jimin could bring home food. Taehyung had shrugged and offered to play some games with Sun-young to see if that got her more relaxed and talking and even though Jimin knew Taehyung was experienced at conflict resolution because he caused so much conflict when they were younger, it was such a relief to feel like another adult could help settle things down. He had tried to talk to Sun-young that morning but she’d wanted nothing to do with him and instead invited herself over to Hanbyul’s.

How embarrassing. Hanbyul must think he just really sucked as a father and for the first time, that was really starting to bother him. Taehyung could know he was incompetent, but he found himself wondering if all this time he’d actually been a figure of pity in Hanbyul’s eyes. Probably. Widowed single father, can barely cook a decent meal, has to watch YouTube videos and have friends teach him how to do his daughter’s hair. He was damn good at it now though. Just in time for Sun-young to decide she wanted to start doing her own…

“You want to marry me? I’m the reason for that starry look in your eye?” Taehyung teased.

Jimin laughed, “Yeah, just picturing our peaceful household.”

“Wouldn’t be peaceful at all. You would never approve of my parenting. My motto is to just give Sunnie everything she could possibly ever want.”

“Ah, right right. Would I, how did you say it… freak?”

Taehyung hissed a non-apology through his teeth and snickered, “Is she talking like me? I’m flattered…”

“She’s always talked like you! Don’t say things that are so spicy for a nine-year-old!”

“Spicy,” Taehyung repeated with a laugh as he pushed the elevator button. “I can’t help it if I’m cool.”

“You’re right, we’d never work out. I forgot what it was like living with your ego–”

“Hey, we had fun!” Taehung quickly argued.

“Too much fun.”

“Yeah, until– well then you had a different kind of fun,” Taehyung quickly corrected. Jimin kept his face neutral despite the internal flinch. Until he’d met Subin and fallen hard and fast. He’d instantly abandoned his solo partying ways and instead found a happy medium: a happy, busy, social life with her on his arm, not so much the messy drunk parties he’d flaunted his dance skills at before. Then came marriage, then a baby– and then loss.

Taehyung knew he’d accidentally brushed against a sore spot and patted Jimin’s shoulder, “Don’t worry, maybe Sun-young will invite you to parties in a few years, you can get a social life back.”

“Tae!” Jimin glared and Taehyung gave him that charming grin that had secured him so much luck with ladies but nothing permanent. He would have chased his friend out of his home for suggesting something like that, for making a joke about Jimin’s fears that Sun-young was leaving him behind (even if he appreciated the attempt at painting it as something ridiculous), but first he had to collect said daughter. He nodded his head towards Hanbyul’s door and asked, “Can you knock? My hands are full.”

“Right.” Taehyung rang the bell and after some shuffling on the other side of the door, Hanbyul flung it open and Hudu launched out.

“Ahhh my best boy, I don’t have a free hand for you,” Jimin lamented.

Taehyung was quick to rise to the call though, crouching down and scritching behind Hudu’s jaws. Maybe Jimin felt a little jealous how instantly Hudu caved to Taehyung’s fingers and baby-talk.

“Hudu,” he complained. “I thought we had something special.”

Taehyung smirked, “I’m irresistible.” Then he seemed to realize the dog owner was standing there, leaning in her doorway. “Ah, hi.”

“You’re Jeon Jungkook?”

“No, why, you think he’s more irresistible than I am? I’m Kim Taehyung.”

“Ah… ok, I see now, but didn’t your hair used to be curly?”

Jimin felt a grumble at the way Taehyung stood so fluidly and grinned at her, “So you’ve noticed me, huh? Nice to meet you, Ko Hanbyul.”

Jimin suddenly thought it was very strange they had never met before, that Hanbyul hadn’t met most of his closest friends. She’d met his parents! There hadn’t been any purposeful reason Hanbyul hadn’t crossed paths with his friends, it was just that he tended to make plans with her when he didn’t have plans with someone else, and he wasn’t exactly hosting parties or anything. He used to. Subin and he used to host things all the time and found great joy in bringing social groups together. That was how Yoongi had met his wife; otherwise the chef and ballerina would never have crossed paths!

Hanbyul looked shocked that Taehyung knew who she was, which immediately embarrassed Jimin. Why not? Why wouldn’t his closest friends know about his neighbor who helped so much with his daughter?

“I brag about what a great cook you are,” Jimin quickly blurted out because it sounded good in his head. Then he quickly added, “And what a good neighbor you are.” That wasn’t what he’d meant. It suddenly felt weirdly uncomfortable but he added anyway, “And how great you are with Sunnie.” Still not quite what he’d meant to say but for some reason how I don’t think I could have made it all this time without you felt like too much to say. Way way way too much.

Hanbyul gracefully moved past it with, “Oh, I’m flattered. But Sun-young is my favorite person to spend time with and we had a great morning, she’s always such a help with Hudu. He gets lonely just with me.”

Jimin was prepared to call for his daughter but she came to the door suddenly on her own. And, to his surprise, the dark cloud that had hung over her since Thursday seemed to have eased off. She even smiled at him, though maybe it was just on her way to cheering,

“Uncle Tae!”

“Hey, favorite girl,” he beamed, holding his arms out for her hug.

“Are you going to kid-sit me?”

“No, I’m just hanging out. We going to play some games?”

“I’ll play too,” Jimin quickly offered, realizing Sun-young thought he was leaving again. He suddenly felt like the stick standing in the middle of the stream as the water rushed around, all these people who loved Sun-young and got her smiles, even though he loved her most of all.

To his utter relief, she said, “Ok. But if we’re on teams, you have to be on Uncle Tae’s team.”

“I’m not a burden!’

“We don’t have enough for teams,” Taehyung pointed out. Then turned to Hanbyul, “Unless?”

“Um–”

Sun-young’s face lit up, “Yeah, can you play with us!”

“I’m not very good at games, you know that.”

“That’s ok, Appa isn’t good either, but me and Uncle Tae are so then it’s fair.”

Jimin realized Hanbyul was trying to find a way out and so assured her, “It’s ok, we know you have a date to get ready for tonight–”

“It doesn’t take me that long,” Hanbyul laughed. “I can come over for a bit to play.”

“We have enough noodles,” Jimin quickly corrected so she wouldn’t think he was trying to tell her not to know.

Taehyung snorted and set off down the hall, Hudu trotting at his heels as Sun-young passed them with a happy shout.

“All right. It’s on then.”

***

Hanbyul left in the early afternoon but Taehyung stayed because he did that sometimes, just hung around for hours, and then you might not see him again for a few weeks. Jimin appreciated the company though; it always felt weird to him not to have anything going on at the studio on a Saturday but it wasn’t time for dress rehearsals yet, auditions were over, and he had no performances of his own this weekend. The lack of schedule left him feeling like he’d left the stove on, like he’d forgotten something important.

Adding to that was Sunnie’s friend Ginam calling to ask if she could come over for dinner and a movie. Jimin had no reason to say no to it so now he’d have a quiet, childfree apartment for a few hours. The dream, or something something. But he liked having Sun-young around…

“Glad you’re staying,” Jimin sighed, elbowing his friend on the walk back from dropping Sun-young off. She had wanted to walk on her own but Jimin wasn’t ready for it yet even though he knew she could do it, so he’d lied about needing to swing by the drug store anyway.

“Actually…”

“Taeeee,” Jimin whined as Taehyung looked at something on his phone and wiggled his eyebrows at Jimin.

“Hey man, you could be doing the same thing tonight.”

“Could I?”

Taehyung scoffed, “Yeah, you only gotta go a few doors down for it; meanwhile I’m dragging my ass across Seoul for this… ah, is it worth it,” he mumbled to himself with sudden second thoughts. Jimin grabbed his arm to steer him around a bike rack he almost walked into while concentrating on his phone, tongue between his lips in thought. Taehyung tilted his phone towards Jimin to show him the picture of the woman.

Jimin rolled his eyes, “Don’t ask me, I don’t do that kind of thing– wait, what do you mean, a few doors down?”

“You don’t do… sex?”

Jimin leveled a look at him.

“But I mean, you could. Do sex, I mean. You’ve done it before.”

“I don’t remember how,” Jimin laughed, then waved both his hands. “But it’s fine! I don’t mean that to sound pathetic.” He suspected he knew what Taehyung was hinting at with the thing he’d said but played dumb anyway, “Besides, I take up enough of my neighbor’s time, even if she didn’t have a date, I wouldn’t bug her to come hang out with me just because I’m alone.”

“Well then that would be her date, right?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m saying you could be the one going on a date with her.”

“Ah!” Jimin immediately made a face and shook his head. “No no.”

“No? You don’t have any interest there? Because I mean, she’s cute, she loves Sunnie, she’s got a cute dog, and she seems pretty fucking into you.”

Jimin felt an immediate flush, like he’d done something wrong, and assured Taehyung, “No, no, that’s just how nice she is. She’s amazing, right? I knew you’d get along, it’s funny you haven’t already met but I guess you’re both in and out at different times–.”

“Ah! Yeah! So I can date her?”

“I– … yes? You want to date her?” Jimin asked. His steps slowed without meaning to as he gave Taehyung a careful look, completely twisted around by Taehyung’s rapid teasing and questions.

Taehyung looked at him closely, eyes narrowed, and pressed, “Why, would it bother you?”

“No… I guess not… I mean, if you wanted to date each other, why not? She’s on a second date though so she may already have found someone.”

Taehyung laughed loudly at that and threw his arm around Jimin’s shoulder, “Come on, a second date isn’t a wedding. It really wouldn’t bother you at all if I wanted to date her?”

“Why would it?”

“Do you want to date her?”

“No,” Jimin said, easily and without thought. He avoided looking at Taehyung so as not to trigger the pity me moment his friends were always so painfully loving through.

“Because you aren’t interested in her? Or because you aren’t interested in dating anyone?”

“That one. I mean, not that I’m sitting around thinking about dating her, I just mean I’m not dating anyone. I have a daughter.”

“Which is, strangely enough, not mutually exclusive with dating–”

Jimin felt an uncomfortable twist in his gut, a warning that this was going on a little too long, and sighed, “Come on, Tae. I’m not ready yet. You swore you wouldn’t push.”

“Only as long as I didn’t think you were wallowing.”

“I’m not wallowing!” Jimin huffed, leaping quickly to hotly annoyed. He squirmed out from beneath Taehyung’s arm. “Just because I don’t want to date my neighbor?”

Taehyung was immediately apologetic.

“Ok, fine, sorry, I’ll back off. I didn’t mean that you’re wallowing. I just mean that she’s nice, she and Sunnie like each other, you already know her and she’s part of your life so you shouldn’t let fear of dating apps or whatever stop you from asking her out, now that you know she’s open to dating.”

“Dating someone else doesn’t mean she wants to date me,” Jimin laughed. It was fake. His smile was fake and he knew Taehyung knew it but would let it slide. “Not that I want to date her! It’s not fear of dating apps! I know I’m hot, if I wanted some ass, I could get it.”

Taehyung sighed deeply, “We don’t really talk about women like that anymore….”

“Come on,” Jimin laughed, a little more sincerely at the teasing. He gave Taehyung a playful shove. “I’m just not… ready.”

“Ok. That’s ok then. You’re not ready then, that’s fine. I just wanted to make sure you aren’t missing something good while you’re waiting to be ready. I mean, what does that even mean? It’s not like you’ll ever be over Subin, right? You aren’t going to forget her and neither will Sunnie. What does it mean to you to be–”

“It means not right now.” The sharpness to Jimin’s voice cut Taehyung right off. There was a strained pause that let them both know this had now stepped too far. Jimin felt instantly flush with embarrassment to have snapped, or maybe flush with embarrassment at this whole conversation. To hide it-slash make it worse, he added, “I didn’t realize I was being so needy you think I need a girlfriend.”

“Nah, I don’t think you’re needy. I do think you deserve more in your life when you want it but not yet? Fine. I just thought there might be a little something extra when you mentioned Han–”

“There’s not.”

Taehyung easily slid into casual, “You know I’d marry you in a heartbeat and I’d be a damn good husband.”

“Apparently Sun-young’s friends already think I’m gay.” He hadn’t thought about that remark since she said it but it came to him now.

“Because you’re a dancer?”

“And the earrings, the hair…”

“Who cares, it’s not cock-blocking you anyway.”

It was enough to let a chuckle ease from Jimin’s chest. Yeah. He didn’t care if people thought he was gay, that wasn’t offensive. There was something painful at the thought that Sun-young was embarrassed or put off by him, but she’d said it in anger, he knew better than to trust it meant something more than that she was mad and trying to hurt him. But also maybe it did mean more, sometimes anger unlocked the things you didn’t want to say when you had better control of yourself.

All of this left him thoughtful as Taehyung split off to meet up with this woman, which Jimin declined regardless of whether she had a friend or not. He didn’t much want to go home either though so he took a left where he’d usually take a right and headed to the studio instead. There were always things going on there, and sometimes he enjoyed being swallowed by the activity even when none of it was his. The body heat and smell of sweat and rubber and leather and dust and cleaner, the cacophony of conflicting music as you walked down the hall, the slant of the late afternoon sun through the tall windows, it was all so familiar. So safe. So comforting.

He was able to find one of the smaller studios, not ideal for dancing it out but all that was available for the moment so it would have to do. Maybe he ought to have just gone home, god knew there was always plenty to do around the house. But he felt adrift right now in a way that left him needing to move. His daughter was drifting away and either angry or embarrassed by him. He was asking too much of his friends. This passion that drove him felt like it wasn’t quite reaching all the same corners in his soul it had even a few days ago. He felt some kind of way about not knowing Hanbyul was interested in dating, or was out dating, or that he wasn’t her type –it was all a mess in his head, he didn’t really have concrete thoughts, just that unease of uncomfortable feelings that he wanted to be free of. He took his timing stretching out tense muscles but felt the knot of worry still lodged in his mind and gut.

So he danced. He knew where and how hard to push his muscles to warm up, and they knew what was coming next, and this centering of his existence on his body was a well-honed survival skill by now. He didn’t have to be anyone when he danced. Nobody expected anything of him greater than what he expected of himself. He wasn’t Jimin or a father or a widow or lonely or tired or any of those things when he danced; for a few moments he could just be a body creating, pouring forth energy and emotion into the universe so he didn’t have to hold so damn much of it.

As he began to sway and float around the small room, he felt that connectedness return. He was a conduit for the music. He was a conduit for every emotion he felt without having to linger on any of them. He was a receiver for the life that surrounded him with every note, every breath, every twitch of his muscles, every echo of his feet padding against the floor as he leapt. He was as strong as the wood as he rolled across it. He was as ethereal as the air as his arms and legs cut through it. The rules of physics didn’t apply to him as he leapt and landed, as he collapsed without pain, as the song’s percussion took over the beat of his heart, the melody pumping through his veins and out his fingers and toes.

He danced straight through several songs in a phone playlist he’d selected at random, dancing until he slid to a stop against the wall, chest heaving, sweat dripping down his temples and chest. There wasn’t even a mirror in here but he hadn’t danced to be seen, not even by himself.

Back when Subin had been his living wife, when they’d have an occasional argument, he’d started coming here to do this. Not that dancing to vent his bubbling emotions didn’t go further back than that, but this room specifically was an anchor to that time. Such a strong anchor in fact that this form of comfort had been closed off to him for a year and a half after her death, and at the time he had thought it would be forever. Now he could bear the connection, but it struck him as he sat there that the displacement of reality didn’t linger afterwards as long as it used to. He had expected to lose himself so fully in the music when he danced in this room like this that he’d briefly forget all the events of the last few years and for a moment still believe Sun-young was small and Subin was alive and the greatest challenge facing them was whether all the classes would make next month to keep the studio afloat for another four weeks. In the moment, dance let him escape reality, but once the movement and music stopped, the dream was gone too and he was instantly himself sitting on the floor with all the truth of his reality.

He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall and at once felt the rush of everything dancing had given him jumbled together with the things he had sacrificed for it. The sore muscles and strained ligaments, the bruised knees and pinched nerves, the shoulder pain that was sending him to Physical Therapy more frequently. The time he’d chipped his tooth on the barre trying to impress Subin doing flips. The long hours and late nights and early mornings and many, many weekends. It gave him purpose and community and breath, he couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without it, any more than he had been able to envision life without Subin. Dancing, this studio, they were his wife now, the second most important commitment in his life –Sun-young obviously being the first.

So what was Taehyung talking about, dating? Hanbyul? Worse than that, why had Jimin felt a jolt at such an innocuous question as to whether Taehyung could date Hanbyul? Why not? Granted he didn’t really think their personalities worked well together but hey, who really ever knew? And she wanted to date! She was on a date right now. It wasn’t like she’d ever told him she wasn’t open to dating someone, it wasn’t exactly something they’d ever talked about, because why would they? He was her old widowed neighbor with a child, not a friend to talk about things like dating with, even in an innocent way.

He caught his reflection in the glass window, now that the sun had gone down. Mindlessly he fussed with the locks plastered to his forehead. He’d started to worry it was thinning out. He’d been dying it blond for a long time now, it was inevitable he’d damage it beyond repair at some point, but he’d simply put off worrying about it because he liked being blond. Subin had liked him being blond too; she’d teased him that it was his natural hair color, a rare blond Korean, because it looked so good with his skin tone.

“Aish, why am I thinking about my hair color?” he said, and sprawled out on the floor so he didn’t have to avoid his own gaze another moment. He rejected that question that had tried to sneak in what does Hanbyul think of my blond hair? Did she ever see it dark? Would she even recognize me? It would be funny to surprise– It didn’t matter what Hanbyul thought, why would it? It didn’t matter what the kids at Sun-young’s school thought either; that’s what he wanted to teach Sunnie, not to worry about what anyone else thought. Only worry about what’s in your own heart.

In his own heart was Sunnie and dance. And a corner of it was carved out for his friends, including Hanbyul and Hudu, sure. He would be sad if she suddenly got married and moved away. Sun-young would be sad too. He’d be alone again.

More alone.

Because Hanbyul wasn’t currently a solution to loneliness anyway.

Not just currently, period.

He didn’t need more than what he had right now. He was so blessed with what he had. And wanting more –god, the thought of it, of leaving Subin behind like that, it nauseated him. Practically speaking, he knew you shouldn’t live your life dedicated to someone who was gone and that Subin would want him to be happy and all that because he’d mostly want that too (and maybe just a little bit of her never forgetting him, selfishly) but– but to even think of actually doing something like that– of putting himself out there and opening himself up to losing another person, or putting Sun-young through that, or even just having to adjust this life they’d barely stitched together around the absence of Subin to accommodate someone else–

He couldn’t imagine it. He couldn’t do that to Sun-young. He couldn’t do that to himself. Things were fine now and he would stay single for the rest of his life to make sure he didn’t do anything to upset his and Sunnie’s balance. At least until she was grown and settled on her own, if/when that day came. If she wanted to stay living at home forever that was fine too, he sure didn’t mind. If not, maybe he’d just get a dog. Hell, they could get a dog now!

Ok they weren’t going to get a dog now. Maybe they’d just borrow Hudu more–

Well maybe Hanbyul had a new boyfriend now who would want to walk Hudu for her.

The door cracked open and Hoseok peeked in.

“Hey, Jiminie, I’m locking up soon. Are you staying late? Sorry to poke in.”

“No. No no, I’m done,” JImin decided. He hadn’t realized it had gotten so late so quickly. He checked his phone, still no call from Sun-young. He’d call when he got close and see how the movie was going in case he could pick her up on the way.

“Everything ok?” Hoseok pushed the door wide for Jimin to step out into the empty hallway.

“Yeah. Steady on. Sunnie’s with a friend for a movie.”

“And you came here to dance? Ah, that’s some real dedication. I would have taken a nap.”

Jimin bit back the sigh. Yep, those were pretty much his options, huh? He ought to be doing something about the dishes, or the bills, or the laundry that never ended even though there were only two people in the house.

“Hey, I can wait if you want to shower –you want to get a drink? I’m meeting up with Jungkook and Yoongi–”

Just as quickly Jimin waved him off with, “Nah, I’ve got to pick her up.”

And Hoseok didn’t push. Jimin hadn’t had a drink in years, he hadn’t gone out for a drink in years, and look, that was pretty much a requirement for dating anyway, so until he felt like going out for drinks, he’d never make it in the dating world. Not that he wanted to make it in the dating world. Meeting up with strangers over drinks? Fuck, how did people do that? He didn’t do that, and he wasn’t going to start now, because if it wasn’t broke, don’t fix it. Right now, things weren’t broken. They had been so broken before. He’d do whatever it took to keep things from being that broken ever again.

“Ok, next time,” Hoseok winked, and patted his back at the door. “See you tomorrow?”

“You know it.”

Jimin brushed his fingers through his hair and went to fetch his daughter before she could think of asking to spend the night at a friend’s house for the first time. More things he was definitely not ready for.

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

#jimin ff #jimin x oc #park jimin fanfic #dad jimin #bts fanfiction #bts fluff #jimin smut #jimin fluff #jimin fic #jimin fanfic #single dad jimin #after the applause

51 notes · View notes