#hints of sahyo i guess

[onceuponaloonatic]

The night Mina and Nayeon confessed to Sana, she couldn’t sleep. She could feel the girls all rolling around in her stomach, they were all restless too. She should be happy, she got the girls. And Sana was happy. She got Mina and Nayeon. She thought that would solve all of her problems. But it didn’t. 

They hadn’t talked about the contract yet. Every single day Sana was closer and closer to her due date, but she didn’t know if she was going to stay after the babies were born. Mina and Nayeon didn’t seem to be thinking about it, too happy to have Sana. She was happy to have them too, but there was the gnawing question at the back of her mind. Staying would break their contract, and Sana wasn’t sure Mina and Nayeon were okay with that. She decides to live one day at a time, with Mina and Nayeon. They seem to be taking it one day at a time too. But taking it one day at a time almost made things worse. Sana fell in love with the girls taking things one day at a time. She had realistically fallen in love with them after seeing them on the ultrasound for the first time, but she finally allows herself to feel that love. She still cries whenever they are active. Before it used to be out of longing, but now it was out of love and confusion. Sana didn’t know what the future held. All she knew was she loved Mina, Nayeon, and the children.

When Sana’s due date came around, she was so scared. Mina and Naeyon mistook her fear for the fear of childbirth, but Sana wasn’t afraid of that. She was afraid of leaving. “Sana, we need to go to the hospital.” Mina sighed, nuzzling Sana’s neck as Sana tried to busy herself with her phone. She was in a lot of pain, but she was trying to ignore it. 

“N-No. I’m okay.” Sana nodded, on the verge of tears from holding back pain. 

“You're not though.” Nayeon could practically feel Sana’s pain radiating off of her. “What’s wrong?” “I-I-” Sana couldn’t say it aloud. 

“It’s okay.” Mina squeezed her hand. “What’s wrong?” “Do I have to leave once they are born?” Sana asked. “I know that’s what's in my contract but I don’t think I can.” Mina and Nayeon both got stiff at the mention of the contract. 

“We don’t want you to go anywhere.” Nayeon whispered, kissing Sana’s temple. “If you want to stay, we would love to have you.” “Yeah. Who cares about the contract?” Mina kissed Sana’s cheek. “We’re in this together now. If you want of course.” “I do want that.” Sana gulped back a scream of pain. 

“Okay then.” Nayeon smiled at her. Sana would never forget that smile. It was so beautiful. “Let’s go have some babies, yes?”

xx The ride to the hospital was a blur. All Sana remembers is holding onto Mina’s hand so tight she was scared she was going to break it. Sana wasn’t expecting as much pain as she was experiencing. It hurt so much. She cried the whole way. Once they got to the hospital, Sana was quickly moved to a delivery room. Mina and Nayeon were there the whole time she was in labor. They never left her side, not once. Nayeon would occasionally rain kisses on Sana’s face while Mina whispered how good she was doing. Sana had to admit, it definitely helped. When the first baby was born, the relief lasted only a moment. The pain gripped Sana again almost immediately after the first one was born. She could hear the oldest crying while the doctors performed a check up on her and Sana delivered the second one fifteen minutes later. After the second one, Sana’s pain somehow magnifies. It hurts so bad. The third one is out not long after the second, only about seven minutes separating the two. 

“I can’t do this Nayeon.” Sana whispered as the fourth one moved into position. It hurt so bad, hot white pain enveloped Sana’s entire body. She couldn’t do it. It hurt too much.

“You’ve got this baby.” Nayeon kissed Sana’s temple. “Just one more. One more, and you're done.” That motivated Sana to push on the doctor's command. When the fourth one was born, Sana nearly passed out. It hurt. It hurt so much. She felt like she could barely breathe. 

The doctors did a check up on Sana while the nurses prepared the babies. Once Sana was starting to feel better, the nurses brought the babies over. Sana took one of them, the youngest one, and held her against her chest. 

“Hello.” Sana whispered to the baby. The baby wiggled around on her chest, and Sana’s heart completely melted. She looked at Mina and Nayeon. Nayeon had two babies in her arms while Mina was cradling the oldest. “You did it.” Mina smiled at Sana with tears in her eyes. “I did…” Sana trailed off. “They are all so beautiful.” Sana couldn’t help the tears that welled up in her eyes. “They are.” Nayeon mentioned, tears already rushing down her cheeks. “Thank you Sana.” “Thank you.” Sana answered, looking down at the tiny baby in her arms. She was the smallest of the four, a gentle weight in Sana’s arms. “Thank you so much.” xx

After some time was spent with the girls, the nurses took them away for a little bit to let Sana rest. Mina and Nayeon stayed by her side, helping her get comfortable in her uncomfortable hospital bed. 

“Do you need anything?” Mina asked, noticing how Sana was adjusting her pillow. 

“No.” Sana nodded. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” Nayeon asked. “I’m fine.” Sana responded. She saw a file of paperwork tucked under Nayeon’s arms. “What’s that?” “Nothing.” Nayeon quickly moved the file away.

“It’s not nothing.” Sana narrowed her eyes at Nayeon. “What is it?”

“It’s, it’s the contract.” Nayeon stated. “I was uh looking at it to see what we agreed to do after the babies were born.” “What does it say?” “Well uh…” Nayeon made eye contact with Mina. “It says you aren’t supposed to see the babies again. And that we won’t see you again.” “I knew it said that, you're going to change it right?” “I, um… It’s a lot harder to change than I thought it would be.” Nayeon avoided eye contact with Sana. “There’s another thing too… Your name isn’t on the girls’ birth certificates.” “What?” “I’m trying to change it, but since they have already been printed it’s going to be hard…” Nayeon explained. “Technically, you don’t legally have any relationship to them right now.” “You can change it right?” Tears came to Sana’s eyes. “Right?” She had only been with the girls for a little bit, but it was long enough for her to know she never wanted to let them go. She wanted to hold them all again. They were so precious to her. They were her babies. Sana could say it now. They were her daughters.

“I can try… But I think it would be easier if we left it that way, at least legally.” Nayeon kept avoiding looking at Sana. “You can of course still know them and be with them and us, but I think it will be easier for us to keep things the way they are…” “Sana, it will just be more simple for everyone. You can still see them and love them, you will still be their mom.” Mina added. “The media is relentless, it’s best for everyone if we don’t let them know we fell in love with you.

“But not their real mother…” Sana trailed off. “You can just say you don’t want me around if you don’t want me.” “No no Sana that’s not it- it’s just- we um for appearances sake-”

“I’m sorry I’m not good enough to be seen in the media.” Sana could feel anger rising up inside her. She had so many emotions swirling around. She had just had four babies, and her hormones were a mess. And she was upset. Sure legal stuff doesn’t make a family, but Sana wanted to at least be listed on her daughter’s birth certificates. “I’m sorry I ruin your precious appearances.” “No Sana it’s not that- it’s just. We’re trying to protect you.” “Protect me?!” Sana asked. “I can protect myself. You can just say it you know. Tell me I’m not good enough for your perfect media family.” Sana didn’t notice she was crying. “If I’m not good enough, don’t even waste your time.” “What Sana-”

“No. Just go. You don’t want to change the contract, then we won’t change it.” Sana sobbed. “I’ll send Momo to collect my stuff from your apartment. Take good care of them okay?” “Sana please-” Mina was crying too.

“Just go please.” Sana sobbed, burying her face into her pillow. “Please.” Sana heard their footsteps moving around her. When they were finally gone, Sana let out a loud sob. Why had she done this to herself? xx 

After being discharged from the hospital, she went to Momo’s. True to her word, Sana sent Momo to collect her things at Mina and Nayeon’s. Momo had told her Mina and Nayeon weren’t home, and Mina’s assistant had let her in. Two weeks later, the money promised to Sana appeared in her bank account.

Sana had been so sad after leaving the hospital. She was depressed. She barely ate, she barely slept. It killed Momo and Jihyo to see her like that. They knew she was in pain, and they were worried this was going to happen. Especially Jihyo. She had been so scared this was going to happen to Sana, and it was going to break her. And it did.

Sana throws herself into her studies, and Momo and Jihyo do anything to cheer her up. She appreciates that she has the two of them. They are the best friends she could ask for, and she wasn’t sure what she would do without them. They help her get back on her feet and land a job as a first grade teacher for a well paying fancy private school.

Sana never truly gets over the loss of the babies. She’s of course crushed about Mina and Nayeon, but the babies crush her even more. She never even got to know their names. She only held them once. She grew them and protected them for eight months, and now she had to live with the fact she was never going to see them again. The worst part was she knew it was her fault. She had done this to herself. She had abandoned her children. Some nights, it hits her so hard she breaks down in Momo or Jihyo’s arms.

But over time, the pain starts to go away a bit. Sana is busy with her own job now, and Momo and Jihyo are always there for her when it’s particularly painful for her. It gets to a point where Sana is able to live with herself a bit more. Sana starts therapy, knowing she’s going to need it to process her more complex emotions. It helps. She’s still miserable every time she thinks about Mina, Nayeon, or the babies, but she’s overall better now.

As her kids get closer to her student age, Sana wonders if any of her students act like the kids. She wonders what they look like. What their names are. How they are doing. Every year on May twentieth, Sana regresses to her original sad state. That was the girls’ birthday. And it always served as a reminder for what she’s lost. 

On the sixth year anniversary of the day she lost everything, she breaks down more than usual. Momo was out of town at a work conference and Jihyo had been avoiding Sana on account of the fact she was in rut. But when Sana called Jihyo, drunk and sobbing, Jihyo can’t help but come over. Jihyo wraps Sana up in a hug and tells her everything is okay, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Sana tells her to prove it. One thing led to another, and they ended up in bed together, naked and hot.

Due to Sana’s depression and drunken state, she didn’t even think about protection. Jihyo’s rut had clouded her judgement, so she forgot to ask. Neither regretted the sex the next day, but it didn’t lead to a relationship. They never saw each other that way. 

When Sana got pregnant for the second time, she cried. There was so much going through her mind. She was scared, sad, and she wasn’t sure she deserved to have another baby after what she had done to her first ones. But Jihyo was there for her the minute she told her. She told her she wasn’t going anywhere, and then asked if Sana wanted to keep it. Sana nodded, putting one hand over her stomach. She still felt like she didn’t deserve the baby, but her therapist had helped her a lot. 

Her second pregnancy was much easier than her first. There was only one baby this time, and Sana was under less stress. She was able to love this baby. To think of herself as its mother. She hadn’t been able to do that before. She falls so in love with her new baby, but she doesn’t forget her old ones. When she feels her kicking it reminds her of when her older babies used to fight inside of her. Each of them had their own personalities, and there were two of them that were so squirmy inside of her. Her new baby wasn’t as active, but she would still move around inside Sana to reassure her she was there.

When Nico was born two months early, Sana thought it was some kind of punishment for giving up her older babies. Jihyo reassured her it’s not, that fate had just brought them Nico earlier than planned. When she held Nico for the first time, Sana couldn't stop crying. And when the doctors tried to take her away, Sana refused. Jihyo apologized and told them Sana needed a bit more time with the baby. Sana never wanted to let Nico go again. She didn’t want to lose her like she lost her older babies.

While Nico is in the hospital, Sana is always there. Momo and Jihyo both knew Sana was just scared that someone was going to take Nico from her, so they didn’t try to take her away much, but they made sure she was eating properly and still taking care of herself.

Taking Nico home was such a big deal for Sana. She was always so scared someone was going to take Nico from her, so taking her home made her feel so emotional. Sana was living with Momo, Momo being a supportive friend throughout Sana’s entire pregnancy with Jihyo. She had actually found it hilarious that her best friends had made an accidental baby, and she had declared that she would stay by their sides and help out in any way she could.

Sana was so happy finally being Nico’s mother. She had been waiting to be someone’s mother for so long. Nico was not a replacement for her older girls, but she did help Sana heal. Sana was finally getting to be a mother to her baby. She still felt guilty about what she had done with Mina, Nayeon, and the older kids, but she was happy. She was happy with Nico and Momo and Jihyo. 

Until one day, everything changed forever. Sana had been away on maternity leave for a bit but she was excited to start her class with all her new students. Being a teacher had been her dream, and it made her so happy to finally live her dream. On the first day, she had all her students introduce themselves with their names and their favorite animals and colors. She found that worked the best in getting to know her class of six and seven year olds the best, at least at first. It was all going normal until she reached the girl sitting in the first seat of the third row. She had looked familiar when Sana had first seen her. She wasn’t sure why, but she assumed she was the younger sister of a different student she had taught before. She was not expecting what she got when the girl introduced herself.

“Hi, my name is Im-Myoui Saki. I’m six years old and my favorite color is purple and my favorite animal is dinosaurs.” Sana’s heart stopped beating when she heard the child’s name. Im-Myoui. This was Nayeon and Mina’s child. This was her child.