#hint. a sliver. a drop. a teeny tiny bit of change.
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also i would like to mention I drew a reverse death today and sometimes i hate the cards
#like yeah. YEAH im resisting this change#this upheaval of my entire life. 90% of my income is gone by the 4th GONE with no replacement and literally NO help#i went through so. much. fucking. shit. and i get it#I DO#i got the break i wanted. i got two years. like i asked. but i lived those two years in the absolute most stress ive ever been in#I GOT A GREY HAIR#AT 20#and i am. i truly am thankful. that for those 2 years i did get somewhat of a rest. of a break. but#but really? REALLY. all at once?#im allowing myself to be upset by this. and i need. i need an out! i need a way. i need mark rutte to choke on a bicycle#for 8 years. EIGHT FUCKING YEARS I've been RUNNING AND FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE. FOR SOMEWHAT OF A LIFE#and its not acts of god. its not fate. its the system. the so terribly broken system that forces people like me into surviving instead of#living. im not the only one. im not the only child this happened to and that absolutely BREAKS ME. IT SHOULD'VE ENDED WITH ME#others shouldnt have to go through this ITS SO UNFUCKINGFAIR TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THID#I SHOULDVE BEEN THE ONLY ONE OR THE LAST AND THE FACT#the fact im not. the fact somewhere in this goddamn 'first world country' someone is going through the EXACT same thing i went through#it haunts me. it so terribly haunts me.#im writing a letter as well. it wont change anything but at least ill have written it and maybe just. just maybe it can spark the slightest#hint. a sliver. a drop. a teeny tiny bit of change.#god im so. angry. really really angry
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