#hilarious song with absolutely horrifying sound edits

[buildoblivion]

thinking about that jordan peele quote saying ‘the difference between horror and comedy is the music’ because boy does protocol have fun toeing this exact line with mr bonzo

[solastia]

Author Interview : underthejoon

((If anyone wants to make a cool banner for this, please do. I suck at them))

Today is the debut of a new project. Whether it sticks around for long depends on you guys, but for now the plan is to interview one author a month. Creators are often underappreciated on here (or anywhere, for that matter), so this is me doing my part to connect our readers and writers in a meaningful way. Our first interview is with @underthejoon​, someone whose work I myself have enjoyed for many years now. If you enjoyed this interview, please be sure to send in authors you’d like me to talk to for future editions, as well as any specific questions you’d like answered (except for questions about updating, that will get you a ban). 

Where can your work be found?

I’m kind of a mess and so while I attempt to cross post, I’m not always great at it. All of my work can be found on my tumblr masterlist but some of my things are on Wattpad and AO3. I’m also underthejoon on both of those platforms.

Links to where readers can donate:

I made a ko-fi account ages ago that I never shared with the public because I’ve always felt guilty. Which is silly, idk why I do. But there it is!

Main bias (and why if you’d like) 

So!! I have always been a Namjoon bias. From the very first time I saw them/the very first song I heard I was like yes, you. You are the one, I’m a goner!! He’s so wonderful and unique. He’s very mindful and creative and such a beacon of light to me. Plus, he’s very open with his humanity, if that makes sense? Like he is open about his therapy, his feelings about his perceived shortcomings, his excitement about finding place and things and works of art that inspire him. ALSO THOUGH, in the last year or so I’ve also become a Hoseok bias. He is just so dedicated and loving. He’s insanely talented and vastly underrated, in my opinion. And through all the back breaking work, he is kind through and through. He’s seriously just so warm and makes me really happy.

Hogwarts House : 

Okay, the very first time I ever took it I was a slytherin. A few years later, I took it again and got hufflepuff. I like to think I’m a combination of the two but can see myself as more of a puff. 

Describe yourself in five words:

Creative, Extroverted, Empathetic, Intuitive, Inquisitive 

Current favorite BTS songs: 

SO MANY, but I’ll pick 7 for 7 members. Some of these are old as hell but still currently my favorite lol. Love Maze, Love is Not Over, Outro: Her, Dimple, Tomorrow, Like, 2!3!

What was the defining moment when you decided, “Yes! I am going to write the thing!”? 

For like fanfic in general? I feel like I had been reading a lot of it after “discovering” k-pop and then after a few months I was just like fuck it, I’m doing it!! I was always super into writing poetry and never thought I would be any good at anything like this but it sounded fun so here we are now. 

What do you most enjoy about writing BTS fanfiction specifically? 

I think it’s the community of writers. When I started my blog, I met a lot of really amazing supportive writers that I’ve managed to stay friends with and I think that makes a really big difference when you have people that can relate to you and what you’re doing.

Any tropes or au’s that you want to explore later? 

I would really like to try writing some sort of supernatural creature fics. I’ve had this werewolf love triangle universe planned out forever that I would like to eventually write. Maybe like a workplace romance? 

Which of your fics would you suggest for new readers? 

For a completed series i’d say Piece by Piece. My WIP series, Love is Not Over is another one. For a one-shot I’d say, For You. Maybe the sweetness/make it right drabbles too. 

Which of your fics is your favorite? 

Piece by Piece, no doubt. I really feel proud of it and I have a hard time admitting I like anything I write. 

What other fandoms do you wish you had the time to write for? 

I used to write for EXO, Got7 and sometimes Monsta X and I miss it sometimes but also, I feel pretty contented in just writing for BTS. There’s a lot of inspiration there and I always felt I was being pulled in too many directions by my readers when I wrote for multiple fandoms.

What are your writing goals for the upcoming year? 

I’d like to finish three series I have planned, get caught up on my collab fics and at least finish an outline for my original fiction piece I’ve been putting off!

Which writers do you read religiously? 

There’s so many amazing writers on tumblr and I try as hard as I can to keep up with my mutuals when they put stuff out but sometimes it’s hard! I’m gonna be really brief because otherwise my list could go on and on. Okay, first and foremost, Shanna (@kpopfanfictrash) - she’s my best friend and a fabulous, wonderful writer. I would just like to give her a special shout out because not only does she entertain me for hours with her writing, she is very supportive of mine. Other authors I adore as humans and content creators and keep up with most regularly are @floralseokjin and @lamourche !

What is the weirdest thing you’ve had to google in the name of writing?

LOL. Hmm… I’m really boring and feel like I don’t really google that much when writing except maybe like different sex positions when i need a visual or synonyms to certain words. I’ve found some good porn though? Because visuals do help me.

Reader/OC fics within this fandom are often still looked down on and we all have to work hard to make them good enough for readers to look past their reputation. How do you combat the cringe? 

TBH, I don’t think that responsibility lies on us as writers. If people don’t like certain types of writing, that’s on them and they can avoid it. Reader insert/oc fics are just as valid a genre as any. I’ve read some of the most beautiful, creative stories on this platform, some of which could be published if names were changed/reader was switched to a named OC. There’s something out there for everyone and it’s all subjective. While I might find certain things super cringey, others love it. To each their own as long as they aren’t shoving it in the faces of the people they’re writing about or being disrespectful, you know?

What is your personal guilty (or not-so-guilty) pleasure trope? 

MUTUAL PINING/FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I feel like it’s so basic but I fucking love that trope and I think so many people do it so beautifully it is my absolute favorite. 

What is something that you see often in other fanfics that drives you insane? 

I think the only thing that really bothers me is when people romanticize abuse or other toxic/triggering topics. 

Are any of the boys or ships more difficult for you to write than others? 

I think I have the hardest time writing for Jimin and Taehyung but only because I feel I am the most similar to them and for whatever reason that deters me from writing about them often.

We all think we are the most hilarious person there is (even if we won’t admit it), so what is one line or scenario of yours that you like to go back to and giggle over? 

Okay this was actually really difficult for me because I don’t write like any humor and don’t think I’m good at LOL. I think my only attempt at humorous writing was The New Guy in which the reader is high off her ass lying on the front lawn and thinking the world is ending then accusing Namjoon of being the Grim Reaper when he comes looking for her.

ONLY IF YOU WANT TO - A scenario as long or short as you want. Maybe 250 words or less. Godzilla is attacking the city and BTS is your rescue crew. How screwed are you? 

“D-danger, you say?” Seokjin stutters.

“G-giant lizard monster headed this way?” Hoseok chokes. 

The pair exchange glances then turn their focus towards you. Seokjin jerks his head towards the door and you nod in return. 

“I hear what you’re saying, gentlemen,” Hoseok says as he stands on shaky legs. He grabs your hand as if to instruct you to do the same. 

“And as much as we would LOVE to help you…” His grip is tighter now and you know what comes next. 

Before he can finish, Seokjin shoots up from his chair and makes a mad dash towards the door. “Now, now, run, holy shit, NOW!”

Hoseok joins his friend in his haste to evacuate, dragging your nearly petrified form behind him. “No way in hell are we getting anywhere near that thing!”

Seokjin and Hoseok babble horrified nonsense between them but you can’t really decipher much of it. Your heart is pounding in your ears as you replay the name “Godzilla” in your brain.

They wanted you to rescue the city? What were they thinking?

When you reach Seokjin’s car, you have a brief moment of clarity. There are lives at stake, after all. How can you really just abandon the city when it needs a hero?

“What about everybody else?” you ask, voice small and fearful.

“Everybody else?” Seokjin huffs, putting the car in gear. He hardly gives your question a thought before he peels out of the parking lot. “Jungkook can handle everybody else. I raised him on my back, you know? It’s the least he can do!”

[shadowed-dancer]

Cats 2019 Review (Spoilers)

So I FINALLY got to experience Cats the Movie (2019) and I have some thoughts. For context, I’ve seen the staged production and actually really enjoyed it!

You can find my review of the soundtrack here.

I wasn’t sure how to organize my thoughts in any coherent manner, so I decided to to a quick overview, a plot summary, then break it up into visuals, story, singing, changes, and other thoughts for those who want an in depth thing.

Overview

So overall, I didn’t hate this film. It was weird, but pretty par for the course compared to its source material. If you know the plot of cats then you’ll only be weirded out by some odd visual moments. If you know nothing about Cats the Musical, then you will be very confused. The best part imo was Mr. Mistofelees (the character, not the song).

Summary (of the film)

We start with Victoria (a white cat) being tossed into an alley and immediately she is found by a tribe of cats called the Jellicles

She learns that once a year, a Jellicle is chosen to ascend to the Heaviside layer (basically heaven) where that cat is then reborn into a new life. This decision is made by their leader, Old Deuteronomy, and is called the Jellicle choice

We learn that a cat must sing a song about themselves if they want to be chosen. There are some cats who introduce themselves with the desire to be chosen, and some who introduce themselves for the fun of it

Our contenders to be chosen are: Jennyanydots, Bustopher Jones, Gus, Skimbleshanks, Macavity, and Grizabella

The cats who introduce themselves for fun are: Rum Tum Tugger, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, and Mister Mistofelees

Macavity is the villain and kidnaps all the other contenders by teleporting them to his boat. That way he’d be the only one present once the choice is made

Old Deuteronomy refuses to choose him and is teleported away by Macavity, but she’s brought back by Mistofelees before she can be forced to walk the plank (no, I’m not kidding, that’s an actual line)

Oh yeah, side note. Macavity and Mistofelees have actual magical powers. It’s never explained how or why

Old Deuteronomy ends up choosing Grizabella, an outcast cat, and she flies away in a hot air balloon that’s also a chandelier

Visuals

I'm not sure if I saw the updated version but someone said if Judy Dench has a human hand with her wedding ring in the last scene, then it’s the old version. My version had that so I’m assuming I saw the original

The CGI fur wasn’t as horrifying as I feared but any time their feet were shown, the illusion was immediately broken

Also the mice and cockroaches looked so fake I couldn’t help but laugh

The cats also looked very fake in Skimbleshanks’ song, but I liked the song so I gave it a pass

Mistofelees’ ears weren’t really a consistent size. Like if he took off his hat his ears should have been way bigger than they actually were rendered to be

Actually nothing was a consistent size. Sometimes the cats looked way smaller compared to other scenes

Idk what was wrong with some of the clothing in this movie, but Jenny’s dance suit, Skimble’s suspenders, and Munkustrap’s collar looked like they were floating over their bodies

This is weird since all the coats in this movie look absolutely fine

Also at one point I made the mistake of looking at a background character and I saw her face was clearly not connected to her body

I thought I’d have to see Misto and Victoria kiss with their weird human mouths. Luckily I did not. Thank you for sparing me from that

At a few points the cat’s (human) nails extend into “claws” but they just look like longer human nails. Idk how to describe it.

Idris Elba looked very naked. Why did he ditch his coat at the end?

At one point Bustopher drinks some champagne (I think) and it spills all over his face and then literally evaporated as soon as it’s done. Like not even in the next shot, in one continuing shot the drink is gone from his fur

In the last scene, Jenny’s collar keeps popping in an out of existence between shots. I’m sure it was inconsistent throughout the film, but I noticed it at the end

Oh, and yes I saw the snot on Grizabella’s face and yes it was very distracting

Story

I was really confused about the rules of the Jellicle choice. They said you have to sing a song if you want to be chosen, but Jennyanydots and Bustopher Jones sing before Old Deuteronomy even shows up

Edit from the future: I saw the movie again and realized Jenny’s performance was a practice for her real performance. That’s why she packs up the cockroaches, it’s because she’s taking them to the actual venue.

This also explains the fact that she unzips her skin. It implies she made a suit to look like her skin for this big reveal. That’s weird in it’s own right, because it implies she made a suit to like like her own skin

Also apparently Rum Tum Tugger wasn’t trying to be the Jellicle choice (which makes sense, his life seems pretty good) because he's never taken away by Macavity

Macavity says “I’m the only contender here” while Tugger is in the room, so I’d assume that means a few cats are just introducing themselves for the heck of it (Tugger, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, and Mistofelees)

How did the other cats get off Macavity’s boat? I get that they fought back, but how did they actually get to the statue in time?

Overall the story is pretty much the same, only they gave Macavity more of a role

Singing

Yes, I know I reviewed the soundtrack already, but now with the context of the film I have some more thoughts

Jenny sounded like Miranda Sings when she sang “BuUuUuuuuuT” (idk how to describe that voice, but if you’ve heard Mirana you know what I mean)

Also she is not a tap dancer and I’m very sad

So turns out Beautiful Ghosts is sung to Grizabella. It really slows down the film because it’s right in between the first Memories and Gus’ song (both very slow songs)

I was not on board for Judy Dench as Old Deuteronomy, at least in the singing department. Acting wise she was great, but I couldn’t do the singing.

Also remember how I said Grizabella slurred her words? It REALLY stands out in the movie. Oh my gosh at one point I couldn’t tell what she said despite knowing the lyrics. I didn’t love her

It felt like she was singing for sadness, not for the emotion

Also the music really overtook her during the climax of the song and it took away from the emotion

Oh, the first bit of Mr Mistofelees is actually sung by Munkustrap! I couldn't tell from the recording. Just thought I’d point that out

And also Macavity appears after his song, so it’s not as weird timing wise as I thought

Changes

I actually didn’t hate the shy version of Misto they created. However, it was very hard to watch his song because I could feel the awkwardness radiating through the screen

I’m also upset that his song is no longer as fun and upbeat as it used to be. Like he almost bursts into tears at one point and I was just sitting there like “Wow, this is the exact opposite energy I was feeling at this point in the stage production”

I miss Jellylorum, but it was cute having Misto be like this big fan of Gus, that was adorable.

And yeah I didn’t hate Misto and Victoria together. I thought it was cute watching them interact

Misto didn’t dance and I felt ripped off

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer helped with the catnip scene, but when was this agreed upon? Before the movie took place?

Other

Not gonna lie, I actually laughed when Bustopher Jones went into a garbage can and Tugger was just chilling with 2 girls. And then Bustopher acts like it’s such a normal occurrence I found it funny

The film needed more Tugger, I was very disappointed in the lack of Tugger in this film. Even if it was just a running gag of him in random places with some cats like the garbage can bit, that would have been hilarious

The ending scene was horrifying sorry. Like I’m fine with eye contact, but that was too much

Victoria, Misto, and Munkustrap’s actors were fantastic

At one point Victoria was dancing on pointe but they edited it so she was barefoot, so she was on pointe on her actual toes (think that party scene in Titanic)

Misto has to wear an actual bow tie while Bustopher Jones has it as a pattern on his fur, which is reversed from the stage play? Why?

During Macavity’s song, when all the cats are high on catnip, Misto makes this weird expression while rubbing his face on the barstool and it was SO UNCOMFORTABLE TO WATCH. That whole scene was actually unnerving there was a lot of moaning and heavy breathing

Any time Macavity teleported by saying “Meow” I burst out laughing

What kind of cat was Victoria supposed to be? Because I always imagined her as a Persian kitten but she’s kind of a tabby in this version (but not consistently, her markings seem to fade or get bolder randomly)

Speaking of which, so many of the cats looked the same and were kind of boring. Lots of tabbies with short fur.

Misto’s wand is a pencil

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed. You should absolutely go see this film just for the experience of it. I will absolutely be adding this to my yearly Halloween-movie line up.

[mst3kproject]

Night Fright (1967)

 I found this movie by accident while I was looking for Night of the Bloody Apes.  The goofy cover art got my attention, so I pulled the box out for a better look and there at the bottom was the name of the star: John Agar!  There’s also Bill Thurman from Attack of the The Eye Creatures, a movie I will be referencing a lot in this review. Furthermore, Night Fright was directed by James A. Sullivan, who according to IMDB edited Manos: the Hands of Fate (yeah, apparently Manos was edited… who knew?).  Clearly the Bloody Apes were going to have to wait for another time.

That woman on the cover?  Not in the movie.  I’m not sure she’s in the same decade as this movie.

We open on a couple making out in a car, and then watch as they get killed by a POV shot while a radio news announcer tells us that a mysterious object recently fell from space.  With that union-mandated scene out of the way, Sheriff Clint Crawford gets to work investigating the rash of mysterious murders that have beset Hollis County in Texas.  Weird three-toed tracks make it look like the Paulasaurus from Track of the Moon Beast might be to blame… and that’s actually almost it.  The object that landed in the nearby woods is a NASA rocket, and six months in space has mutated every living thing on board into hideous monsters!

I think ‘James A. Sullivan’ may be a pseudonym for Larry Buchanan, because this movie feels an awful lot like Attack of the The Eye Creatures.  I mean, there’s Bill Thurman, and both John Agar and Carol Gilley were in another Buchanan film, Zontar, the Thing from Venus (a remake of It Conquered the World).  The dingy and washed-out film stock makes the day scenes look exactly like Buchanan’s night scenes, while the actual night scenes are tinged blue, so dark it’s almost impossible to tell what’s going on, and still obviously shot in the daytime!  We see several full-body shots of the monster that are just black, with no features visible.  I’d be tempted to say this was an attempt to create suspense if we ever did get a good look at the thing, but we didn’t, so I guess the lighting was just that bad.

What little we do see of the monster is gloriously cheap.  It’s half-Paulasaurus, half-Bigfoot, a shambling fun-fur joke that moves very slowly because the poor actor in the costume can’t see where he’s going.  I think the reason shit-cheap movie monsters attack teenagers making out in convertibles is mostly because they’re not fast enough to catch anybody else.

A number of online summaries claim that the creature is a mutated alligator, but I’m going to disagree on several grounds. First, although we don’t see the monster very well we can tell it’s a primate… and it’s got fur, for crying out loud.  Second, the same summaries also say that the radiation from the rocket mutated an alligator that was already living in the swamp, which is not at all what the movie says happened.  And third, who sends an alligator into space?  A dog, sure.  A monkey, of course!  An alligator?  What poor bastard had to stuff it into the capsule?

Badness continues.  The characters are blandly-dressed and big-haired.  John Agar looks like he’s about fifty in this movie (he was, in fact, forty-six) while his love interest is implied to be in her twenties (I could’t find out how old Carol Gilley was).  The dialogue is breathtakingly bad – the way to kill the monster comes up in one of those ‘wait, say that again, no, the other part’ conversations.  The character of college student Chris is established as a philosophical type by having him say something like, “I keep thinking about the things we don’t know about, like the earth and the sky and the wind and even this leaf.”  What?  The movie’s scientist, Dr. Clayton, always has a pipe in his mouth and seems to be an expert on everything from rocketry to biology.  And god, I hate having to say this, but John Agar is actually the best actor in the movie.

The music is very strange.  ‘Suspenseful’ scenes are set to what sounds like a very, very sleepy woodpecker who occasionally wakes up and does some proper hammering before drifting off again. There’s a very annoying piece that consists of the same four notes on a flute, over and over – when we’re meant to feel more urgency, it’s reduced to three.  The ‘hip song’ the beach kids dance is a repetitive instrumental, which to judge by what the radio announcer says, is apparently the hottest thing around here.

And again like Attack of the The Eye Creatures, very little actually happens.  For much of its length, Night Fright just kind of lies there, trying to convince us there’s suspense and action when there isn’t any. Everything goes on way too long: there’s an early scene with a couple of young lovers who do far too much dull frolicking before finally finding a corpse, interminable scenes of men in cowboy hats searching the woods, a Manly Beach Dance that would show us lots of wiggling asses if it were only bright enough to see them, and many more.  There’s some kind of subplot among the sorority girls, having to do with who used to date who and who has a crush on who else, but this ultimately doesn’t do much in the plot and I’m not sure why they made such a point of it.

There is one kind of fun thing in the movie, though, and that’s how they defeat the monster.  Sheriff Crawford likens it to duck hunting – they set up a mannequin in the middle of the woods and all sit around watching it, with guns.  The monster doesn’t fall for it, though, perhaps because the thing doesn’t smell like a human.  Instead, it chases after Chris and his girlfriend Judy, who run towards the mannequin, and then it blows up when the creature touches it.  I was definitely not expecting that, and it made me smile, so I guess I can award a couple of points for that.

Really, though, there’s very little entertainment or amusement of any sort to be derived from Night Fright.  There’s just nothing interesting in it, and it completely denies us the two things we want most out of it.  The first of these is a decent look at the monster.  We can see just enough of it to tell that it’s probably hilarious rather than horrifying, but the details that would make the difference remain frustratingly just out of reach.  If you make a monster movie and the monster is not somehow memorable, then you’re screwed.

The second thing we want to see is the massacre of the teens at the lake, which seems to build up but then, as in Nightbeast, somebody tells them to leave and they actually do.  The only ones who hang around to get munched are annoying wannabe-tough-guy Rex and his whiny girlfriend Darlene, but Rex has already had his comeuppance when sensitive nerd Chris beats him up, so… why bother?  At the end of the film, the credits roll leaving us feeling fundamentally unsatisfied.  Why the heck did we watch that movie?  Why did anybody bother to make this movie?

As usual, I’ve managed to tease an answer out of the mess, and I think it may actually be an intentional one.  This movie is about government secrecy doing far more harm than good.

At the beginning, the rocket come to earth and the Area 51 types, with Dr. Clayton in tow, immediately show up to claim it (the movie can’t afford to show us this, of course, or the army of State Troopers brought in to help hunt the creature).  Nobody is allowed in, even local law enforcement, and so it’s only the coincidence that Clayton and Sheriff Crawford are old friends that allows anyone to make the connection between the downed rocket and the bodies.  Later, the Sheriff brings a plaster cast of the creature’s footprint for Clayton to look at, and Clayton recognizes it at once but has to seek permission from his superiors before he can say what it is.  I don’t know if I can say he would have saved lives by speaking up, since this movie has a body count of four, but the possibility exists.

Local law enforcement, in the form of Crawford and his deputy Pat, resent this, but also participate in it.  In the tradition of authorities in monster movies, they decide to keep what’s going on a secret in order to avoid a panic (the plot here really is just a bunch of tropes strung together).  They forbid the newspaper editor to print the story until they have more information, and then ask Chris and Judy not to talk about what they’ve seen at the site of the first murder.  Chris remembers this later when he urges his friends to abandon their beach party, and so Rex and Darlene dismiss his warning.  Everybody in this movie keeps secrets, and nobody gains anything by them.

In running this blog I’ve reviewed a few movies I highly recommend entirely because they suck.  There’s the amazing Lou Ferrigno Hercules, for example, or The Giant Claw, films that are absolutely no good at all and yet are funny or charming enough to be truly so bad, they’re good.  This is not one of those movies. There’s no reason to bother watching it unless you’re some sort of masochistic John Agar completionist, which… uh… well, at least I have a name for my problem now.

Damn it, I could have been watching Night of the Bloody Apes.