#hiding this in the tags but it’s. infuriating how g way is p much the only person who came up in a similar scene that gets credit

[stpansy]

the essays i could write about how pete has always pushed the envelope of gender presentation with regards to his fashion sense and how that gets ignored or swept under the rug or mocked because people think his fashion sense is ugly or cringe… like regardless of how you feel about his aesthetic you have to admit that out of his peers he has almost always been most often playing in the intersection between fashion and traditional gender presentation. the skirts aren’t new. even the eyeliner and (women’s) skinny jeans existed as a similar symbol back in the day

[dragon-writes-sometimes]

I Hate Me More!

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Virgil, Roman.

Relationships: Prinxiety

Summary: Virgil has had the worst day of his life. Well, it's up that alley anyway. Roman isn't helping with being as extra as he is, but they eventually get to talking about what's going on. And it makes Roman start to think that, just this once, violence and murder was the way to go.

Word count: 2254

A/N: PLEASE!!! Read the tags!! This is very angsty (for me, and I wrote it)! I had to take many breaks from writing this due to the sheer amount of angst and crying! I don't know how angst writers do this every day!

This was inspired by an incorrect quote made by @MusicalsAndLove on Twitter.

Please stay safe my lovelies!

(This was also written on Virgil’s birthday... so happy birthday, Virgil?)

AO3 link

I Hate Me More!

Virgil was having a bad day. Well, all days were bad days, but this one was even worse. He’d been kicked out of his parents’ house a month ago for being himself. Like, come on. It was almost 2020. Get with the times already. Being trans and gay was nothing new at this point.

He’d moved in with his childhood friend and present boyfriend, Roman Green, after that. Roman Green he was going to kill! He loved Roman, don’t get him wrong. He really loved Roman. But sometimes he could be too much. Especially on his really bad days.

Roman was currently singing at the top of his lungs in the small apartment's living room. Being too extra about it, as well. Princey-style. He’d just come back from his last lecture of the day, Virgil had been home for a few hours at that point. And was just recovering from a panic attack.

Virgil stomped down to the living room from their shared bedroom down the hall. “Could you shut up for just one minute, Princey?!” Virgil asked, irritated. Roman stopped belting out songs as soon as he heard Virgil’s voice.

“Greetings to you too, my lovely Stormcloud. And nay to your question. Otherwise, how would I be able to serenade the most beautiful man in the world?” Roman smirked, turning around to look at Virgil.

“Stop already! You’re so infuriating sometimes! ARGH!” Virgil went to grab at his hair but stopped himself last second.

Roman dropped his smirk into a frown. Something was off. This wasn’t their usual daily after-class banter. “Are you alright, Virgil? What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” he asked. He shouldn’t have.

Virgil metaphorically exploded at being called pretty. He usually didn’t mind it, but after today’s events, it was the worst thing Roman could’ve chosen to say to him. “PRETTY?!” he all but screeched. “Is that all I am to you? Just a pretty face?! Someone to pity and show off? To show what a saint you are?! Ooh, look! It’s poor little Virgil who can’t figure himself out! He was kicked out of his own house because he was so fucked up! Let’s help him to show the world what a good person I am!”

Something was definitely off, but Roman’s mind only fixated on Virgil’s words. His statements. Roman saw red. How dare he insinuate that! “What’s wrong with you, Virgil?! How can you even think that?!”

“I’m right, aren’t I? I’m just a pity-project!” Virgil shouted.

“No! No, you’re not! God, what do you want from me?!” Roman yelled back.

“Nothing!! Absolutely nothing! I want nothing to do with you!” Virgil all but roared. It stirred Roman further into his red set of mind.

Before he could think about what to say next, he heard himself say the biggest falsehood in his life, one that was spurred on by the heat of the moment.

“Oh, my g- I hate you!” And Roman went silent. Had he just said that? Why did he say that? He loved Virgil! More than anything and anyone!

Virgil went silent as well. Tears in his eyes. And the wheels in Roman’s brain started turning again. “Yeah, well I hate me more.” His voice went quiet, and Roman almost didn’t hear him. “I hate me more.”

And the gears clicked. Why Virgil had acted out. His family. “I- I didn’t mean it, Virge. Please, babe,” Roman said with the softest voice Virgil had heard from the other man. And Roman slowly went closer to Virgil. Closer and closer. Until he was only a breath away and embraced him. “We’ve talked about this. You have to tell me when you’re having a bad day.” Virgil was hiding his face in Roman’s chest, sobbing his heart out. “You have to tell me right away when your parents try and get to you. I love you. I won’t let them get to you. I swear it,” he quietly continued as he rubbed soothing circles Virgil’s back.

Roman’s heart broke at the sound of Virgil’s sobs. “I’m s’ry. ‘M s’ s’ry! I-I…” Virgil’s muffled cries came from Roman’s chest. And that sound shattered Roman’s heart.

“Shh, hush, darling. It’s not your fault. I love you so much. But please, tell me what happened. At your own pace. I love you so, so much!” he mumbled as he kissed Virgil’s head.

Virgil nuzzled into Roman’s touch. “Mm, love you too, Ro. I-” Virgil moved a bit to look at Roman. “Can we move to the couch, please?”

Roman’s heart was in danger of bursting from heartbreak at the look in Virgil’s eyes. So pleading and red and hurt almost beyond repair. “Of course, Love.”

After they had settled on the couch, Virgil started crying again. “I’m s- so fucking sor-sorry, Ro-oman! I-I didn’t mean it! I-I just-”

“I know. Love, I know.” Roman kissed Virgil’s hair once more. “But you have to let me know. It doesn’t matter if I’m in class. You tell me right away! Please,” Roman said seriously while looking Virgil in the eye.

Virgil sniffled and rubbed his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again and hid his face in the crock of Roman’s neck.

“What happened, my darling Stormcloud?” Roman was getting very worried. He’d never seen Virgil like this except for when he stood at Roman’s doorstep a month ago after his parents kicked him out.

Roman moved Virgil so that he was sitting in Roman’s lap. The recently turned 18 art student looked down at Roman’s chest, to scared to look him in the eye after what he said, even though Roman semi figured out what was going on with him.

Virgil softly placed his hands on Roman’s flat chest, one hand starting to softly trace it. God, he wanted a flat chest like his handsome boyfriend. Tears began to blur his vision once more.

“Virgil?” Roman spoke so softly that you couldn’t really blame Virgil for immediately surging up to kiss him. Roman was surprised at first but reciprocated it after only a moment. It was wet and sloppy but passionate.

They broke apart after a minute. “I’m really sorry for saying those things,” Virgil whispered his mouth only a breath away from Roman’s lips. He leaned his forehead on Roman’s before continuing. “My parents-” his voice broke.

“You don’t have to tell me right now. We can just cuddle until you feel a bit better, Love. I’m not pressuring you,” Roman murmured before kissing Virgil again, just a little peck on the lips.

Virgil smiled at the love and affection radiating from Roman and directed at him. “But I want to. I need to.” Virgil sighed, and his smile dropped. “I ran into them today.”

Roman visibly tensed. Virgil could tell he was trying to not show his anger towards them. When Virgil stood in front of Roman’s door on his 18th birthday, Roman had to really control himself so he wouldn’t take off and take out the rightful anger he felt on Virgil’s behalf on his parents.

Roman nodded for Virgil to continue. He wanted to know what the hell they did to his precious Stormcloud!

“They- it was in Remy’s coffee shop. I don’t know when or how they found it. Remy said they’d never been there before. Reina hadn’t seen them before, either. I didn’t see them at first. Was sitting with my back against the door. They-” Virgil’s voice broke again, and he had to swallow past the lump in his throat. “They deadnamed me.”

Roman was seething. Absolutely seething. He considered violence an atrocity but was at that moment planning two murders. Those people knew not what respect was at all!

Virgil hugged himself back into Roman, seeking comfort. “I- they- they said ‘well, i-if it isn’t our p-pretty little daughter, Victoria’. I fr-froze. It didn’t sound l-like they were the by ac-accident,” Virgil said, voice barely above a whisper.

Roman stiffened. “So that’s how I set you off? By saying you’re pretty? I’m so sorry, Virgil! Had I known, I would never have said it! Please forgive me!” Roman hid his face in Virgil’s neck. He was close to tears himself. Stupid! He should’ve noticed Virgil’s mood wasn’t one of banter sooner! Shouldn’t have called him pretty! What was he good for?!

Virgil sniffed out a small laugh. “I know, Ro. You would never do that. You didn’t know, so you don’t need to ask for my forgiveness. But… I forgive you.” Virgil breathed in Roman’s sent. So nice and calming. He smelled like the forest they used to play in when they were younger, with just a hint of lilacs and old books. Bottom line: he smelled Perfect with a capital P.

“What happened then?” Roman asked softly. He had a suspicion but hoped that that was it; what Virgil had told already. Of course, that sadly wasn’t the case.

“They- they started shouting and belittling me, and I didn’t do anything! I just sat there, all frozen.” Virgil was sniffling again, he was very close to tears once more. “If it weren’t for Remy and Reina, I don’t think they would’ve stopped. I might’ve even gotten physical between them and me. I feel so fucking guilty for leaving Ann behind! She has to live with them for two more years! I just wish I could’ve taken her with me out of that hell-hole…” Virgil trailed off, remembering what came next. Roman was going to flip when he told him. Virgil just knew it.

“I love your sister like she’s my own sister, so I get it, Virgil. But we have to stay strong. Maybe we can find something on your parents that’ll make them lose custody over her. I’m sure Remus’ partner, Dee, would be more than happy to help! They could definitely find something we can use against them!” Roman declared, mentally striking a dramatic pose.

Virgil hugged Roman even tighter because he knew what was about to be said was not pretty.

“Hey, what is it, Virgil? Did something else happen?” Roman asked, sensing Virgil’s discomfort. Virgil nuzzled himself closer to Roman in response. ”I’ll take that as a yes. You feel comfortable telling me?”

Virgil took a deep breath. He could do this. He slowly pulled back to look at Roman, tears in his eyes. “Remember how I got a new number after… you know?” Roman nodded. “Yeah, well, I made sure Ann got it so we could keep in touch, as you know.”

Roman didn’t like where this was going. “Yeah? What does that have to do with your parents being assholes to you?” Roman was very worried by the way Virgil avoided his soft gaze.

Virgil fished his phone up from his pocket and shoved it into Roman’s hands. Roman looked quizzically at Virgil.

“When I got back here I-I got a call from Anastacia.” Virgil paused. This was gonna be tough. “Except- except it wasn’t her. Mom and dad they- they got a hold of her phone. They were the ones calling me. I- I thought I’d gotten away from them! And when they called- I didn’t hang up! I let them scream at me over the phone! I- I didn’t say anything, though. So they hung up.” Virgil chanced a glance at Roman’s face, and Roman was no longer contemplating committing murder. He was actually going to do it!

But for now, Roman was going to be there for Virgil. And hear out the rest of Virgil’s story. So if he held him a little tighter? Well, you couldn’t blame him in the slightest.

Virgil nuzzled his head against Roman's chest again and listened to his heartbeat. “Open my phone, and it will tell you the rest,” Virgil sighed. And check it, Roman did.

“What the actual fuck is wrong with them?!” The phone was filled with hateful texts from his parents. Both from their phones, but also from Anastacia’s. And just as he was about to turn back to kiss Virgil, another text message dinged in.

And Virgil froze. “What does it say?” he asked after a lot of internal debating and at least a minute of hesitation.

Roman didn’t really want to indulge Virgil but knew that it was better that he saw it now, together than later when he was alone. Roman felt sick at what it said. ‘Think of what you did, you sinning little faggot. Learn your place in the world!’ is what the text said. “We’re gonna get a hold of Dee right now! I think this’ll help us get at least a restraining order!” Roman practically growled.

“So, worse than the rest,” Virgil whispered. Not a question, but a statement. “Can we- can we stay here for a while? Just. Cuddling? Text Remus, but please just stay?” Virgil asked, voice so quiet and doubting.

“Of course, my beautiful dark angel! I would love nothing more! And I will text him. But for now; cuddles,” Roman whispered back, kissing Virgil’s hair before softly using his hand to tilt his head up to give Virgil a tentative and caring kiss, trying to pour as much love in it as he could muster.

“Mmm, cuddles,” Virgil mumbled as he slowly broke away from the kiss to curl up in Roman’s lap, starting to dose off, the excess anger and anxiety had left him rather tired. This day had just turned from the worst to the not worst. “Cuddles. Cuddles good.”

Endnotes: And if you want to kill Virgil's parents? You're not alone! I wanna kill them, too! All throughout writing this, actually.           

[cannedapricot]

Road Trip with! NCT Dream

the album,,,,,,, the mv,,,,,, i’m soft don’t touch me,,,,,,,,,,,, here’s a road trip au based on their mv to let my uwus out. also this gif makes me hella emo

hello

so i know school has started in most countries

but for this au, pretend that you’re still on summer vacation!!

aka what i wish i was on rn ugh

anyways!!

high schoolers! dream!!!

except-

mark’s already graduated high school

and will head off to his uni after the summer ends

then donghyuck, jeno, jaemin and renjun’s gonna graduate before next year summer

which really means

that it’s gonna be the last summer of your crew as high schoolers

this thought didn’t really go through your head until a week before school starts

when the 00 line fucking shows up at your door with their bags already packed

and bright smiles

you’re just like-

????when did we agree on a sleepover????

“hEY YOU UP FOR A ROAD TRIP TO COMMEMORATE OUR LAST SUMMER AS HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS?”

“uh-”

“come on, dear y/n, it’s not like you were planning on doing anything else”

you eyes narrow 

becaUSE DID THEY JUST ASSUME YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO

i mean,,,, they’re right tho,,,,, all you’ve done all summer is laze at home because it’s way too hot outside,,,,,,,,but,,,,,,,,,,,,

“can,,,,, you even drive tho”

“hahHAHAHAHAHAH DONGHYUCK? DRIVE?” 

“i even don’t trust him with my fish what makes you think i trust him with the wheel”

“okAY JUST BECAUSE I FAILED MY DRIVING TEST TWICE DOESN’T MEAN YOU GUYS CAN BULLY ME”

fuck no one’s sane here

but what���d you really expect from two jocks and two art geeks

the same jocks and geeks that pushed you back into your own home and watched as you packed

wipes away tear

“why am i always forced to do dumb shit with you guys”

“whAT DO YOU MEAN????”

and so you were pushed out the door after having a word with your parents

who only agreed to let you go cause they deemed renjun trust worthy

because he’s the only one who at least acts normal around your parents

“whoSE CAR ARE WE EVEN U S I N G- oh”

right on the curb parked mark’s old and stuttering blue car.

on which he sat in the driver’s seat, trying to get the old thing to play music

“are you sure we’re not gonna die”

“nope, but it’s the only car we have available”

jeno whispered in response, throwing your bag in the trunk

“ah, y/n, i see you’ve been successfully dragged into hyuck’s dumb idea”

donghyuck climbs into the passenger seat next to mark, 

flipping his friend off in the proccess

“you are all here because we are all friends and we love each other”

you, being squashed in the back seat:

“no - not really”

“wtf jaemin there’s another row of seats in the back stOP TRYING TO PUSH ME OUT”

“BUT I WANNA SIT WITH Y/N????”

“fucking donghyuck”

“WHY ME???? WHAT HAVE I DONE????”

wow great start to your trip 10/10

picking up chenle and jisung literally took five seconds

they lived next to each to each other

and it only took one excited nod from chenle for jisung to tag along

and that’s the story of how you ending up being in a shotty blue car with seven teenage boys

miles from home on an empty ass road

screaming the lyrics to micheal jackson songs into the heat (thanks to dj haechan)

at least mark got the speakers to work again

“wherE ARE WE EVEN GOING???”

“IDK LOL”

“WAIT WHATTHEFUCJ-”

at one point, jisung and chenle at the back decided to sit up onto the car, with their legs on their seats

“I’M PRETTY SURE THAT’S ILLEGAL AND DANGEROUS”

“yOlO!!1!1!!!1”

“how the fuck do i disown them”

“push them off”

everything was going swimmingly

until the car breaks down in the middle of the road

“i knew this was gonna happen sighs”

mark then jumps out to check the hood

then immediately notices something wrong rip

“hyuck, pass me the box in the glove box.”

“you’re prepared???? does this happen often or????”

so mark tries to fix the car in the blistering heat with renjun nagging beside him, holding an umbrella to hide the two of them from the sun

whilst the rest of you start playing uno on the back of the car

multiple times, not once, buT MULTIPLE TIMES

CHENLE HAS LOOKED AT YOUR CARDS

HE’S DOESN’T EVEN TRY DEFEND HIMSELF WHEN YOU POINT IT OUT

WHAT A LITTLE SNAKE

“FOR FUCKS SAKE ZHONG CHENLE IF U DON’T STOP I SWEAR-”

jisung won every round 

which made the rest of you bond trying to break his win streak

“jeno do you have a plus four to screw him up with”

“i only have a green plus two if that helps”

and that kinda goes on until mark lee emerges from behind the raised hood, telling y’all to give the car a push

“yeah just a second, jisung’s finally losing-”

“hA YOU THOUGHT”

THROWS DOWN FIVE NINES

INFURIATING

everyone grumbles as they hop off and start pushing

“lets just put our rage into pushing this stupid car”

which ends up moving easier than y’all thought it would

so the seven of you stumble a little when the car started moving by itself

mark nearly drove away himself lmao

made the group of you chase after the car for a moment lmAO

you wished he did drive off though because the second the car starting moving with everyone back on,

he yells,

“lET’S GET IT”

“siri where’s the nearest bus stop to get home”

“HSEGFSUEF NO I’M SORRY :C”

then as the day slowly got darker,

your screams didn’t die down lol

the latest feud was over chocolate vs vanilla

and you honestly think about how you got stuck in a group of dumbasses

“remember when hyuck hated jaemin and jeno back in freshman year lol”

“nO SHUT UP RENJUN”

“LMAO DIDN’T HYUCK DISLIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY CHUCKED A BASKETBALL AT HIS HEAD”

“what you still remember that? i’m sorry hyuck :’cccccc”

“NO JENO I’VE FORGIVEN YOU AGES AGO- FUCKING RENJUN-”

the group of dumbasses did make you laugh though

so maybe it wasn’t so bad

night then came and the conversation finally started to tone down

mark pulls to the side of the road 

“let’s call it a night, yeah?”

the rest of you mumble in agreement

“our last summer as high schoolers huh”

you hum, running your hands through jaemin’s freshly dyed candyfloss hair

“but will anything change even if you guys graduate?”

chenle asks from the back, head on jisung’s shoulder

“not much, i don’t think. we just won’t see each other as much.”

it was a clear night, and the stars were brighter than ever

everyone was staring up at the night sky, enjoying the cool breeze

“we always have summer right?”

a round of agreement sounded before jeno cuts through-

“does this mean we’re going on another road trip next year?”

“way to ruin the mood jeno”

“oh please no, i don’t think i can handle another one with you dumb fucks”

lies

you loved every moment with them

“this is a cute moment and all, but can jaemin get off of us now?”

renjun asked, referring to the long boy sprawled on top of jeno, renjun and you

“i was planning on sleeping in this position tho-”

he didn’t get to finish his sentence before the three of you pushed him off

mark chuckled before leaving his seat to pull the hood over the open seats

“good night”

you were shook awake by mark the next day, greeted with a sky that wasn’t even awake

“what’s going on?”

“fancy watching the sunrise?”

turns out, mark woke up earlier than the rest of you and drove to an empty beach to watch the sunrise together :’)))))))

you stumbled out of the car, legs soft from sitting for too long, finding the rest of the boys sitting on the hood of the car and on the concrete in front

donghyuck pats the space next to him and you hop on top of the creaky car

“is this safe”

“probably not”

“ o h “

it’s all quiet before the sun starts coming up

then gasps were heard and wishes were made

and it was all heartwarming :”)))))

before all of you made a dash to the cold ass water

trying to chuck mark in

“whY ME????? I DROVE Y’ALL HERE”

“YOU’RE LEAVING THAT’S WHY”

“SBRGOSBEGOSBAE??????”

S P L O S H

chenle was screaming the entire time

then one idiot cough hyuck cough accidentally chucks sand into mark’s blue car

which then leads to mark pulling the squad into a self wash station

“come one guys let’s wash this car together!!1!1! wE’rE aLl In ThIs ToGeThEr”

“wow i suddenly dont know you”

then some idiot coUGH HYUCK COUGH starts chucking suds at everyone

AND JAEMIN’S LOWKEY TRIGGERED BECAUSE NOT HIS NEW HAIR

SO HE FIRES BACK

AND RENJUN WHO WANTED TO HOSE THE SUDS OUT OF HIS HAIR ENDED UP FIRING WATER AT CHENLE’S FACE

EVERYONE STARTED LAUGHING LIKE NO TOMORROW AND YOU GOT A GOOD VIDEO OF IT LMAO

AND EVERYTHING JUST ENDED UP WITH EVERYONE GETTING A FREE SHOWER AT THE STATION

and renjun getting pinned to the car by jeno but u h 👀👀👀👀👀👀 

y’all end up drying yourselves by sitting under the hand dryers in the bathroom

“at least we don’t have to worry about showering”

“hyuck you started this shut up”

hopping back into the small car, the group decides to start heading back

mainly because your snack supplies were running low

but also because you don’t think the car’s gonna survive any longer

but mostly because snacks were running out

“chenle ate all the fucking pocky”

“nO JISUNG DID”

“WTF-”

“i love best friends throwing each other under the bus”

taking a shorter route home, you stop at a basketball court to move a around for a while

“why is jaemin and jeno on one team, they’re the star basketballers of our school tf i call bs”

“you literally picked your own team-”

nomin vs the rest of u fuckers

no surprise, nomin won

now you guys owe them mcnuggets

“hA SU C C”

“let’s leave them behind quiCK TO THE CAR”

mark: trips over own laces running

in no time, you were in front of your own house again

unlike before though, you lowkey didn’t want to leave your friends

“i still can’t believe that we ran out of snacks in a day and a half-”

“blame chenle”

“hEY-”

renjun pats your shoulder as jeno and jaemin go get your bag for you

“we’ll be living and sleeping at mark’s place until he leaves. you’re welcome to join”

mark from the driver’s seat: what.

and as they drive away with mark questioning when this was decided,

you head back inside to restock you bag, leaving for mark’s house just a few hours later

when high school started up again, you weren’t surprised to see renjun having chensung in headlock in front of your locker

whilst hyuck just whispers-

“right in front of my goddamn salad” at the sight

creaking open your locker, the first thing you do is stick up a group photo taken on your trip

nomin lean on your shoulders, craning their neck to look at the photo

“we look dumb”

the picture was taken by mark setting a timer on his phone then running to join the picture 

everyone was lined up, leaning against the old blue car against the sunrise

but mark bumped into haechan who bumped into jeno, who bumped into jaemin etc etc

and the picture ended up coming out with everyone slanting as y’all fell in a domino effect

but the smiles on your faces were precious :’))))))))

“i think it’s cute” 

you say, closing your locker, ready to face another year with these fuckers.

hi i’m apri and i present to you yet another unedited piece of shit :’)

listening to the dreamies’ album while writing this made me really emo about mark’s graduation so it got really deep in the middle im s o r r y