#hi reddit xoxo youre gonna lose your mind when you read this

[ladygoofball]

What happens when Luana and Minsc remember they used to be lovers?

I only have a draft but it's LOONY as fuck.

Luana stumbles on a landmine

Luana fights the emperor to bring Minsc into their party. Even though she does not have any channel divinity charges, she was able to project a big anvil over the emperor’s head and kept dropping it on him until he agreed. Gale failed an insight check to see why she was fighting so hard to get Minsc in their party and decided that he would not try to cause another fight with Luana over how Gale was being over protective of her time and space. 

After about 4 days of having Minsc in her party, Luana starts feeling the echoes of memories that she was granted for defeating Gortash and getting a second nether stone. Luana’s tadpole connection with Minsc helps her fill in the details, they used to fuck when she was fighting with Nesram in Mulhorland.

She demands Jaheira come walk with her and Minsc as soon as possible because Gale was RIGHT around the corner in elfsong tavern and he had the senses of a god damned blood hound when it came to who Luana spent her time with in camp ever since she had used her avatar form to fight myrkul. She tries to communicate that she absolutely cannot get Gale’s attention with her leaving the room because he would probably lose his shit if he heard she was going out into this city without him with her eyes, and Jaheira only understands what she is saying on a critical success roll. 

Next scene is Luana hanging upside down in the sewers where they had originally found Minsc. Jaheira says “I did not think it was possible, but you two have just given me the worst fucking headache I have ever had in my entire life. And that is not hyperbole. [in elvish] Where is the wine in this gods forsaken sewer?” 

Minsc: Minsc kept a secret stash just at the feet of where he made his bed. 

Luana: Did you have to show me those fucking memories that you had of me right in front of my current partner? 

Minsc: Minsc had no idea he was sharing this image with you! He would not dream of going anywhere near the blast radius of the time bomb you call a lover. 

Luana [Succeeds in an intimidation check, pulls a dagger to Minsc’s throat]: Careful, srinna you forget who you speak to. I will not have you assign such a disgusting label to my current partner. You will apologize, or you will see exactly how quickly I can regain the emperor’s favor by cutting you where you stand. 

Boo comes out and Luana starts to tear up and casts speak with animals. She kneels in his presence.

Luana: Boo…I cannot begin to express the depths of my own self loathing that I will sink to knowing that my mind allowed you to slip away. Allow me to make amends after we are not in immediate danger of being blown to smithereens because my partner won’t be able to handle the idea that someone who is sleeping in the same suite as we are has seen me naked. Minsc has put us all in a lot of danger by sharing that little tidbit via the tadpole connection we share with my partner, and I am a very bad liar. The only one who could reach my partner’s tender heart in this particular juncture is the indomitable Boo. 

Boo glares at Luana. 

Luana: I understand your reservations, if I were to meet him just now I would never ask you to do this favor for me because I would also believe he was incapable of seeing reason when it comes to me. You must use your divine judgment to see the man I love, he is unwell, but I swear on my Oath that if he was of a clearer mind and out of these incredibly dire circumstances he would never raise a hand to you or put you in harm's way at all. Will you help us? 

Boo considers the request. Luana and Minsc sigh and thank the stars that he will consider the request. 

Minsc: I believe Minsc owes you an apology now. It is nice to see you, and with someone who enriches your life. 

The tadpole connection shares the last time Luana saw Minsc. At Nesram’s funeral. Luana was forced to perform a ballad detailing the moment that Nesram sailed into Osiris’s care in the Land of the Dead. He watched the life force drain from her in order to finish the song, and she crashed. He had decided that she was his prey and he would bring some life back into that face if she would let him near her. She had been avoiding him the entire evening so far, but they had exchanged a couple knowing glances. 

Well, Minsc wouldn’t go so far as to say he was knowing what she meant but he had seen that look enough times to know that she was looking for a distraction once this was over. 

Just as he started making his way towards her, Gale of Waterdeep steps in his way and breaks their eye contact. He bumbles out some fluffy words about how spectacular that was and that she must be celestial if she was able to conjure such imagery. Minsc glares at Gale and sinks back to the corner. When he turns back around, he sees Luana regard what Gale had just said to her and give him a confused look that melted into jubilant laughter. The sound cut through the somber mumbling among the Mulholandi nobility who all sent a disapproving glare her way for being so joyful at her lover’s funeral. 

Minsc: Well Boo, it looks like Minsc is going to need to find another distraction.