#hi im incapable of being short winded abt fl ig

[princessofxianle]

response to @bingqiuhateabortion 's comment [also quoted below]

sry i wrote too much (again 😅) to respond in a comment...

@bingqiuhateabortion : this might sound like nitpicking but i read 4th book a while ago and i believe feng xin didn't really believe xie lian when xl said that bwx was haunting him and he and xl's parents thought that xl was just having a fit and depressed over the current state of things (which is bwx's fault but nontheless)... hadn't he told him? Also my main point wasn't that fx wouldn't follow xie lian technically but that he wouldn't do it while aligning his wishes with xie lian's... like he would still try to percieve xl as dianxia. When xl was away for a whole month bc of the swords temple and got back fx's first reaction was to hit him. He lashed out!! That's fine he's allowed to do that but it was egoistic. He always cared, and i agree that xl is at fault too for closing off, but fx never tried to breach his fence. As you wrote it comes from hes servant's mentality - he didn't ever push (neither in jian lan's case nor in xie lian's) or tried to wrap his head around other's inner struggles.

also nah dw i dont take it as nitpicking! just discussion 😊💜

As for XL seeing BWX, yes he does tell FX, but upon my reread, FX never really gives a clear and definite indicator of belief within his responses to XL. The only scene we see that seems to even maybe imply that FX doesnt believe him is the conversation XL overhears FX having w his parents. Who, to FX, are still the King and Queen. His superiors. FX can only communicate what he does know and must trust that XL will tell him the rest when he can. Maybe this is just my personal take, but I honestly don't think FX believes OR disbelieves XL. I think its a bit of both, which makes him very internally conflicted. He is confused and scared at how XL is acting now simply bc, as we said, he doen't understand why. Something doesn't add up bc he doesnt have the full picture since XL is avoiding the topic, as we both agreed. But FX does try! And we know he tries, especially to give XL the benefit of the doubt, because even in the face of a newly ascended MQ, who is the one who first tells FX point blank about XLs theft, he entirely denies it, assuming its MQs lie or theres more to the story he doesnt know, when XL subsequently freaks out. Because thats the most plausible assumption FX can come up with, given what (he thinks) he already knows about XL through their history. And yes, like we both say, FX may not push XL, but that doesn't mean he's not trying to understand him internally, on his own, when he encounters a situation where he realizes he doesnt. But you must remember, FX is a battle, war, and combat genius, his innate strengths don't lie in emotional intelligence no matter how hard he may try to understand XL by himself.

Back to the convo w the King and Queen, im sure FX feels a sense of responsibility to prove to them that he knows how to take care of their son. I'm also sure they had a hand in appointing him as XLs bodyguard in the first place, and I think that skews his answer to them bc its oversimplified and BECAUSE he himself still doesn't have a full answer. But he wants to show the King and Queen (and himself! ...i swear this poor boy has hella self worth issues) that he's capable and still useful to them and his prince. And unfortunately, XL overhears this oversimplified, and not necessarily accurate answer (& not meant for his ears in the first place) when he's in a VERY defensive state and feels like he's alone with no one there for him and now introduced to the possibly theyre even against him. And this is what I meant abt the miscommunication between FX & XL and XL's unreliable narration. XL may feel that way (and understandably so!) but FX is still trying as best he can to find a reason (sidenote: I do headcanon FX as being unable to lie to XL too, at least fully. Thats never mentioned, but I do think it fits) And AGAIN, when XL hears this, he runs. He barely gives FX a chance to talk to him, let alone listen to what he does say immediately after. Very similar to what happens when he tells FX later to leave without ANY discussion.

As for when XL returns, FX was not right to hit him. Not at all. And it's so sad about the timing because I feel like thats the true beginning of the end for them. But I do understand why. And its not at all because it comes from an egoistic place. From FXs pov, XL has been gone without word, for over a month at this point. Jian Lan has also kicked FX out during this time. And you bet your ass I believe that was partially bc FX was running around all that time in a crazed panic trying to find XL and mitigate the King & Queen's worries abt their son. He's stressed. And we know FX shows his stress through anger, through a form of lashing out. Like swearing (most commonly) and fighting (tho usually w MQ).

However, there are 2 tiny yet INCREDIBLY important details MXTX mentions after FX clocks him. First, XL, one of the strongest martial gods to ever ascend, crumples to the ground like no more than a rotten tree trunk. Second, after throwing the punch, FX immediately freezes and looks at his fist. My interpretation? FX never expected the hit to even land, let alone knock XL entirely to the ground. It is very well known in this story how exceptional XL is at EVERYTHING: martial arts, strength, cultivation, etc. He's unparalleled. And im sure FX knows this intimately. Through watching him, sparring w him, or simply just the years he's spent by his side. FX himself may be strong (he does eventually ascend via his "martial might") but no matter how much power is behind a hit, it doesnt matter if it doesn't land. Like if XL dodges. But he doesn't. He doesnt even counter. Debatably, he doesn't even see it coming. And therefore, FX lands the hit, and HARD. And the shock he shows through looking back to his fist, the hand that just HIT Xie Lian, who he's sworn his life to keep from all harm, I think proves the hit itself was not his intention. Just his way of showing he was upset (another sidenote: i think this really shakes him. His demeanor toward XL changes too immediately after, even helping him right back up and changing to speak with softer words toward him. And I do headcanon this interaction as a core momory of his that disgusts him abt himself for awhile, if not the rest of his very long life) If he was egoistic, I doubt he'd care enough to even look for him let alone be upset enough to even have the thought to hit him. He still wasn't right to. Not at all. But it absolutely did not come from a self-centered place. It came from concern. From fear. Because he has ALWAYS cared about XL's safety, and in all that time, XL put him in a position where FX couldn't do anything to protect him let alone know what happened to him or if he was even alive.

And to your main point, that FX may follow XL in practice but not have his heart in it, (thank you for clarifying ...but) my interpretation still stands. Yes, at this point FX is used to dianxia!XL. Its the only XL he knows. My point is that FX has proven himself to want to align with XL's goals anyway, whatever they are. If im remembering right, its the Queen that, while asking XL to bring FX back, reminds him that FX isnt just his bodyguard but also his best friend. That isnt part of FXs job description. That was his own choice.

FX doesnt follow XL just because he's loyal to Taizi Dianxia. He follows XL because he's loyal to Xie Lian... who also happens to be only Taizi Dianxia...at first!

The concept that XL felt restricted by the role FX places on him is multifaceted. There is not just one reason. And thats what my post was trying to explain.

That: (these # correspond to my prev rb)

1) FX does not realize that his intention of the pedastal he places XL on may not always align with the actual resultant way XL percieves being placed on said pedastal

because...

2) XL has not communicated that to FX for FX to properly empathise or understand him, so FX can't know he should adjust this approach of "help" to XL during his banshiment struggles

because...

3) its the approach FX has always used since way back when (in Xianle and heaven) it worked, bc XL still had yet to experience failure and the change in his worldview that came with it

however...

4) XL has built this wall limiting real vulnerable communication between him and FX out of fear because for the first time in his life, he himself is terrified of this brand new feeling of unpredictable drastic changes in himself, his life, and his values, which hes still trying not to drown in. And that fear comes from not knowing how FX will react to him confessing that he cant be "perfect" anymore (given FXs habitual pedastal-ing) since its never something he had to, or ever imagined doing

so...

5) XL makes sure to build that wall of fear up higher to avoid the unpredictable (and possibly undesirable) response that may come with confessing to FX that he's uncomfortable with, and doesnt anymore fit, the old version of himself, that FX has always and currently can only see him as

and therefore...

TLDR:

6) FX will be sent away without any explanation and spend 800 years never really knowing "why" but even after all that time, when their paths cross again, FX will continue to fall back into old habits based on the limited amount of what he knows about XL, while he STILL tries to find a way to understand XL without pushing too hard. Because he doesn't even know if XL wants him back in his life.

In conclusion, and based on all this,I want to make two things clear:

1. Feng would have stayed if never told to leave, or asked to come back.

BUT

2. Xie Lian's headspace prevents him from thinking clearly in the first place and is why he drives FX off, and believes this act to be irreperable so he doesnt try to get him back

Both of these truths can mutually exist.

Feng Xin would have stayed if asked. But canon Xie Lian would have never asked. So it's not FX's lack of loyalty thats the deciding factor. It's actually XL's decision.

All of Xie Lian's and Feng Xin's actions are consistent to their characters, and absolutely & completely justified. And, to me, thats the painfully wonderful and tortuous beauty I find in their dynamic. I empathise with both of them dearly, so I know there was no possible other way this could've played out between them (tho I can dream 🤪).

Through no fault of either party, the few small holes in their relationship in combination with a situation meant to rip those holes wide open (thanks, Jun Wu) is ultimately what led to this result.

These are also holes that Hualian's relationship does NOT have. And by comparison, shows how unbreakable their bond is. There's no point of failure that could ever be exploited to rip them apart.

Unlike, unfortunately, as we see with Fenglian.

fin

edit: I had a whole section about comparing FX and HC's loyalty, but Tumblr fkn ate it, so I'm just gonna link you to this post where i say...

'why are you being like this? when did. you become this way?' feng xin mumbled. 'i...i really don't know...i'm... why did i follow you all this time--?' 'then stop following,' xie lian said. feng xin couldn't wrap his head around that. 'what?' 'i said, don't follow me anymore,' xie lian repeated.

heaven official's blessing, pg 273