#hi im belfry im sick of feeling the background radiation levels of shame generated by the internet about being

[belfrygargoyles]

the tags on that post went on way long ive never reached the tag limit before.

but honestly it is really important to me that people start learning the limits of what can and cannot be helped irt mental illness and neurodivergency, both from the standpoint of someone directly experiencing it themselves and from that of a bystander in someone else’s life looking in. Particularly with adhd specifically because that’s just the one I have myself and have both experienced and witnessed the most “reason not an excuse” type treatment as a result, and also the one I’m getting the creeping feeling is being more widely accepted as ‘cringe’ to have and talk about online.

But that’s just a feeling I get without much to back it up. I don’t see much of it firsthand because I don’t really frequent many different circles or websites, but I get hints of it from the way certain posts are spread around and just knowing the ways things tend to go. Usually in the form of the odd story or screenshot from another platform about someone who used RSD as an excuse to avoid being held accountable in a very ‘2013 tumblr’ way (ie when it was much more common (in my personal microcosm I guess) for people to take that very particular victimized stance whenever someone tried to hold them accountable for literally any minor thing, usually with “cry typing” and citing some reason why it was uncalled for to ‘attack’ them, usually using a mental illness or trauma to try and make whoever confronted them look like the villain by taking on a ‘I’m just soft and helpless and I can’t help it, you’re personally causing me to have a mental breakdown’ approach to conflict. I will clarify. I think the reason why I don’t see this as much anymore is largely due to the fact that a lot of us have grown up and learned how to take criticism, and I don’t see as many new young tumblr users in their early teens as I used to. The site climate has changed since then, but I wouldn’t be able to put my finger on just how exactly.)

...and also in posts about people who say “I can’t help it, it’s my hyperfixation and it’s important to me” when asked about why they still like and avidly post about certain things that aren’t. Great. How do i say Parry Hotter and Tooster Reeth without saying it. Things that have long since been exposed to be rife with bigotry and the continued support of which not only supports the continued creation of harmful content, but also raise the question of how a fan can continue to enjoy it if they themselves don’t share the same beliefs. I do believe “hyperfixation” as a word has been taken and applied so often to so many things that aren’t a hyperfixation, that a lot of people think it just means “I’m a big fan of this thing” and it’s lost the significance it used to have as a term for a more specific experience.

And with both RSD and hyperfixations not being exclusive to, but very commonly considered a part of adhd for many people, the way I see it going is less “ha ha let’s laugh at people who are misusing a word to cover for their immature behavior” and leaning more towards “adhd is a cringe condition to have and you’re going to curve from feeling more comfortable discussing it openly right back around to point A of being ashamed and embarrassed because you don’t want to be made fun of”

Now, is this a concrete trend I’m seeing a lot of? Again, no, because I stay in my own corner and curate my experience well enough that I don’t often come across bad takes about adhd, but it’s more just a general feeling of dread anticipation based on patterns I’ve seen before.

...But. yeah. There’s a line between acknowledging and accepting that someone is mentally ill and knowing that they will have symptoms that are unpleasant or inconvenient but supporting them regardless, and enabling and excusing harmful habits and behaviors that exist as manifestations of that mental illness. I think a lot of people have a really hard time telling when what approach is needed, and, not wanting to risk accidentally encouraging harmful, unhealthy, or ‘embarrassing’ behavior, default to the ‘judge and shame’ mode.

There are a lot of conversations to be had about this. Regarding how people who are mentally ill finding ways to examine and recognize their own behaviors, what is a symptom, and what level of control they have over it and how to manage it in a safe and healthy way, regarding people who /aren’t/ mentally ill learning when it’s right to say ‘i’m sorry you’re experiencing that,’ when to say ‘i’m sorry you’re experiencing that, but it makes me feel x when you say y and i want to discuss how we can work it out for us both,’ and when to say ‘i’m sorry you’re experiencing that, but you need to chill/i don’t have to take this’ without taking the judgmental route that ends up hurting more people in ways you didn’t intend, and regarding the fact that people just /love/ to make fun of anyone who doesn’t act ‘normal’ and when it’s brought up that hey, actually what you’re saying is in fact something a lot of people with x condition do/experience and the way you’re talking about it is very hurtful, people say ‘no i dont mean the people who actually have x, i just meant the other freaks who do x’ and it’s like :/ y’all hear yourselves sometimes?