#hhhhhooo boy this is a heavy one folks
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Idk if youâve done this but: taako just keeps doing dangerous stuff(probably with lup if weâre being real) because his boyfriend is death and itâs no biggie if he dies
tread carefully for discussion of death and suicidal ideation!
Thereâd been a world that had ended like this, in fire and brimstone and ash clogging up his lungs, clouding his eyes and making it impossible to think, or breathe, or do anything other than wait for the ceiling above him to come plummeting down and turn his bones to dust.
Heâd laughed about it on the cycle that followedââCâmon, Lulu, youâve gotta admit to the irony there.â
âThere were children in there, Taako,â was all sheâd said.
âDead children,â heâd replied, a little too sharply, and the ice that coated his voice provided momentary reprieve from the burning, screaming memory of what had only been seconds ago.
Except this isnât a memory. Heâs far too familiar with the liminal, off-kilter sensations that chase after him in his worst flashbacks, turning the world around him into the dredges of an unreliable recollection; scenery that shifts as suddenly as he does. This isnât the paralyzing stillness of a night terror that holds him in stasis, pressing through his chest and slowly crushing him alive. He feels the wood beneath him burning through his shirt, and crumpling under his weight, and he canât move. Â He canât move and everything is burning and the world is ending.
The world is ending, and Taako laughs.
He wheezes into the blackened air, wracked with shuddering fits of mirth and a whirlwind hysteria that would sweep him off his feet if he wasnât already on the ground. âWell,â he rasps, âweâll get âem next time, wonât we? Adios andââ Taakoâs ribcage rattles in a violent, wrenching cough. âAndâand sayonara, right?â
Heâsâ
He saying goodbye but the world isnât ending, heâsâ
Heâs made a terrible miscalculationâ
What happens next doesnât fill his vision with light.
Instead, what happens next grabs his collar and drags him headlong into a space that shifts, tilts, and ripples with iridescence. In the next moment, Taakoâs lungs are assaulted with fresh air, and he gags and chokes on it; has to turn on his side and hack up congealed smoke. The ground is cool and hard beneath him. Tile. Heâs on someoneâs floor. And thereâs a voice shouting in the background; high, sharp, piercing through the ringing in his ears.
The world isnât ending. Heâs not back on the Starblaster. In fact, he knows this tile, because heâd had it installed himself; it is, after all, the only acceptable flooring for a decent kitchen. And now someoneâs on their knees next to him and talking to him, lifting him up, but all he can think about is what a nice shade the ceiling is and how it really opens up the space. Thereâs a light fixture above him that he recognizes, too, because heâd insisted on it during their first furniture shopping trip. Itâs a little gaudy, and slightly too glitzy for an otherwise nondescript apartment, but that too is a work in progress.
And he knows this becauseâ
Taako tries to pull in another breath and realizes itâs getting harder, and he knows what that means, which is that heâs about to waste an afternoon backed up at the offices of the astral plane. Except that makes entirely no sense, because none of this mattersâheâs going to reform in hours, if not minutes. Rewind. Reset. The universe will knit him back together, free of scars and burns and the pressure of too much smoke clogging his lungs.
And he knows this becauseâ
He isnât allowed to finish his train of thought, because a melody drifts overhead and Taakoâs eyes grow leaden, weighed down by the promise of sleep. Itâs an easy temptation to succumb to. Heâs exhausted, and his body even moreso, and regardless of however he dies this cycle he deserves a little R&R. And thatâs when something twinges in his gutâwrong, wrong, it whispers, like it knows something he doesnât. But he ignores it. He lets the song sweep him away, further into unconsciousness.
âRest, love,â says a manâs voice overhead.
And Taako falls.
âHe was justâI mean, shit, he was just lying there, Kravitz. He couldâve gotten up and he just didnât. I had to drag him to the fuckinâ rift, and he looked likeâhe didnât even know I was there.â
âHe wasnât flashing back, was he?â
âNo way for me to tell. But if he was, I just⌠it was a bad one. The building was coming down around us and he didnât make a move.â
Their voices filter through a thick soup of awareness, muddled and viscous and clinging to him as he fights his way into wakefulness. Taakoâs head is light. He tries to sit up and the world starts to spin, so he settles for pushing himself up into a semi-recline. The room around him is still moving like a supercharged Fantasy Tilt-A-Whirl, but this time he can pick out colors and texturesâthe art on the walls around him, for instance, and the silk of the chaise beneath him. The chaise he and Kravitz had picked out together. The one heâd approved after a heated discussion over the pros and cons of extended sofas.
Heâs home.
Taako goes to open his mouth, to say something cleverâor literally anything, for that matter, to prove to himself he hasnât gone and gotten his vocal cords incineratedâbut all that comes out is a strangled, grating sound that scrapes against his throat. Immediately the two vaguely fuzzy figures at the other end of the room are on their feet. âThank the gods,â says Kravitz, and heâs the first to reach Taakoâs side, looking faint with relief. âOh, Taako. We were so worried.â
âYeah. About that.â Lupâs smile pulls taut across her face as she grabs Kravitzâs arm. She leans in to murmur to him, and Taakoâs ears twitch, straining to listen in. âHeâs not lucid, yâknow? That healer dosed him up with enough potions to knock out an army. Weâre not gonna get anything out of âim even if we do play good cop, pissed-off cop. And believe me, I intend to interrogate the fuck outta him when heâs back to being himself.â
âOh, hell,â Taako drawls in their general direction. âSomebodyâs in trouble. And that, uh, somebody is me. I dunno why I said it like that.â
Lupâs head snaps back around in his direction, and they scrutinize him with bone-deep exhaustion in their faces. He wants to tell them exactly what had happened, that his mind just flaked sometimes and it was nothing more than that, but when he goes to speak the words trip and get tangled up in each other before they can escape. Heâs not lucid, Lup had said. Taakoâs brain knows what this means, but for the life of him he canât piece together the implications.
âOh, câmon, Lulu,â he says, reaching towards her with a loose hand. âGive it to meâhehâgive it to me straight. Whatâd I⌠whatâd I do this time, huh?â
Lupâs jaw is set, which he knows means sheâs angry, but he canât bring himself to worry about it. âTaako,â she starts, and then, âbabe. You, uh⌠you chose a real bad time to take a nap. Do you remember anything about that?â
He does. âSure,â Taako slurs. â âS, uh⌠Cycle 61? It was whenâwhen everything was on fire, thaâs it.â
His sister sits back like heâs shoved her. âCycle 61,â she says to Kravitz. âWe, uh⌠we died together in that one. End of the year, world was going to shit, I went in to try and get some kids out of a burning building. Taako went in after me. We both took in a lotta smoke, I got crushed⌠I think he did too. It just came down on top of us.â
Kravitz goes pale, and it sticks with razor-sharp clarity through the haze in Taakoâs mind. Heâs made his boyfriend worry, and lucid or not, Taako knows thereâs nothing he hates more. âHey,â he says, reaching out for Kravitzâs arm. âHey. Hey. âS fine. No big deal. âM all fine now, see? Taakoâs all in one piece. Doesnât matter anyway.â
âWhat doesnât matter?â Kravitz catches his meandering hand in one cool palm.
âOh, yâknow,â says Taako. âDyinâ. No⌠no big deal, right? No big deal during the, uh⌠the century, no big deal now. Gotta pretty sweet deal when yourâyour future mother-in-lawâs life ân death ân your boyfriendâs gotta handle on alla that, right?â
Heâs more than pleased with his line of reasoning there, but Kravitzâs eyes flick to Lup, whoâs looking more disturbed by the second. âHe was flashing back to the century,â she says. âI thought that was why he wasnât doing jack shit, but heâTaako, honey, do you remember what we were doing back there? In the burning building?â
Something about spell components. He tries to say so, and it comes out as painfully garbled, but Lup seems like she gets the gist. âHeâs got the basics,â she murmurs. âFlashback seems like itâs over, which is good, butâŚâ
âYou said heâs not lucid. He might not know what heâs saying.â
âIf this were anybody else Iâd agree with you, but Taakoâs a fucking liar on his best days. If heâs not talking nonsense thereâs a good chance heâs telling the gods-given truth.â Lup kneads her forehead with two fingers. âSo this isnât just about the flashback. You dumbass. Taako, what happens when you die?â
âHachi-machi,â Taako manages, through what feels like a mouthful of cotton. âThaâs a real deep question, isnât it?â
âYou know what I mean.â
He shoots her a lazy smirk. âEasy. Kick it, drop in on the family, shake up the astral plane. Rinse ân repeat, back in time for dinner. No⌠no big deal, âs what I said. Who cares?â
âTaako,â says Kravitz. Heâs not quite meeting Taakoâs lazy stare, training his eyes instead on the rings stacked on Taakoâs fingers. âActing as an emissary of the Raven Queen comes withâwith its benefits, of course, but if you die, youâyou die. I canât barter with the passage of life and death.â
âYeah,â says Lup, and she looks furious all over again, simmering with frustration that rolls off her in waves. âSo when you pull dumb shit like thatââ
âOkay, heâsâheâs high off hisââ
âNo. Heâs talking likeâI mean, âWho caresâ? I thought he was past that. I thought we were all past that. The only reason I agree to do dangerous shit with him anymore is because I trust him, but heâs notâheâs not who I left behind, okay? Treating death like itâs a jokeâI mean I get he hasnât exactly had conventional experiences with it, but this shouldnât beâit shouldnât be happening, okay? It shouldnâtââ
She stands up, and the sudden movement sends ripples through Taakoâs field of vision, andâwell, thatâs not normal. Lup presses the heels of her hands to her eyes and breathes out, and he can see her shoulders shaking.
âFuck,â she mutters into her sleeves. âIâm sorry. Itâs beenâŚâ
âA rough day,â Kravitz finishes. âI know.â
âYouâre a doll.â Lup sighs and looks back at the kitchen. âIâm gonna make everybody some coffee, and, uh⌠I guess try and get in contact with Merle. Dunno when his adventure thing is ending, but itâs worth a go, I guess. Mocha for you?â
He gives her an affirming smile, and she returns it with a weaker, distinctly un-Lup-like grin before she retreats to the kitchen. Kravitz stays with Taako, thumbing over his knuckles and watching his face with something that walks the line between confusion and knifeâs edge concern. And Taako hates itâhe knows he hates it, that this is wrong, that heâs made Kravitz worry for no reason. But the reassurances donât come. Instead he shifts on his side and says, in a conspiratorial whisper, âLup makes fuckinâ terrible coffee.â
A choked laugh drifts from the kitchen adjacent. Kravitzâs smile morphs into something exhausted but endeared. âShe doesnât need to know that.â
âI think⌠she already does. Sheâs real smart, yâknow.â Taakoâs eyelids are starting to flutter again. âI think sheâs upset with me.â
âSheâs worried,â says Kravitz. âWe both were. You were in bad shape.â
âYeah, butâŚâ He takes in a soft breath, and his hand begins to loosen in Kravitzâs. âDoesnât matter, right? Nâworries?â
And then the world dissolves into a thick, liquid film, and it drags him down, further from the light and the bitter aroma of burnt coffee and Kravitzâs hand around his. Far from the burning, screaming memory. Far from the century and the flashbacks that cling to him like a layer of cold sweat. Far from the voice that drifts overhead and tells him You do know weâd miss you terribly, donât you? We care about youâwe love you, TaakoâŚ
And Taako falls.
#ivyfoxpictures#ask#the adventure zone#taz balance#taakitz#lup#fic#mine#death cw /#hhhhhooo boy this is a heavy one folks#please be careful mdears
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