#hfs8

[fics-ladyshudragon]

Homage for the Suffering Chapter 7: Her

Pairing: Beruani Setting: Mostly Canon

Summary: While still in Warrior training, the higher ups set up new programs for their cadets.  Injections to make their titan forms stronger and titan hybrid reproduction.  Only it’s not optional who gets placed where. Bertholdt and Annie must now find a way to survive not only for themselves but for their child.

Read it on Ao3 or Fanfiction

Previous Chapter

Rain drops hit the window ledge one at a time, sending smaller droplets shooting off in all directions.  It seemed to rain only on the bad days, and according to Annie, there were more of those than usual lately.  

Her nights were usually filled with waiting for him to come back.  It was a lonely process waiting for another person.  She sat back in her chair at the small wooden table in her kitchen, resting her small feet up on the edge.  The motion caused her knee to pop; surprising her in the quiet room.  

This was one of the many nights she sat there waiting for him to come home.  It seemed to become routine after the incident a few weeks back.  Bertholdt was changing with the training.  He was stronger.  He was angrier.

Annie figured he would want to talk when he got back from training that night. Curling up with a book in the kitchen was her best bet to passing the time and forgetting about being alone.

Of the three friends, Annie and Bertholdt were the bookworms.  She had actually been the one to teach Bertholdt to read.  On the bad nights at his home, Bertholdt would run to her and they would sneak into the loft of her father’s barn.  Together they would hide under a blanket with a lantern to light the pages.  It was those days that reading connected her most to him.  They’d fallen asleep like that numerous times, only waking with the sunlight coming through the open window.

         It was always a rush to get back before anyone noticed they were gone.  And she’d held his hand the whole way as they ran.

         It wasn’t long before Annie started hoarding her mother’s favorite books, and several blankets and pillows in the loft, just for such nights.

         Annie sighed.  As painful as some memories were, these only brought peace.  But the Bertholdt she knew now was very different from the one she knew then.

The front door creaked and Annie sat up, dropping her book in her lap.  A roll of thunder shook the window panes.  Bertholdt stood in the doorframe, his silhouette visible with a flash of lightning outside.  The breeze picked up, chilling the room.  

         Annie got up to grab a towel for him, quickly wrapping it around his shoulders.  He didn’t move at all from the spot by the door, worrying Annie that things were much worse than they already seemed.  She shoved him gently away from the door so she could shut it. “Bertholdt,” Annie whispered.  She reached a hand to this arm, resting it there. Rain water slicked off of him, dripping to the floor.  “Bertholdt,” she repeated, “c’mon, let’s get you out of these clothes, you’ll freeze.” She tried to tug on his sleeve.  

         He wouldn’t budge.

         While in the past she would not have hesitated to yank him down the hall and make him listen…this time she couldn’t make herself do it.  His face looked so broken.  So angry. So very unlike the loving, shy boy she knew.

         “Bertholdt, please,” Annie begged, worry seeping into her bones.  “You’re going to get sick.”

         He finally complied, lifting the edges of his shirt up and over his head.  The clothing tried desperately to cling to his body with the weight of the water. He dropped the shirt to the floor.

         Another roll of thunder sounded outside, shaking the ground.  

“Annie, you love me, right?”  He said the words slow and quiet, so quiet that Annie did not hear them immediately.  

         “Of course.”  

         He reached a hand up to wipe some of the water from his face.  “No matter what happened in the past?  Or what will happen?”

         “Yes, but why are you asking me this?” she demanded.  Annie didn’t want to give him any reason to doubt her, but his dark behavior was so uncharacteristic.  “Please get the rest of those clothes off.  You’re shivering.”

         “Then…” he stopped, thinking, ignoring her, as more water dripped down his face from his dark hair. “Then I want you to tell me everything.  All that you and Reiner knew.”  He looked down into her blue eyes, and she couldn’t tell it was rain or tears in his eyes.

         Annie reached a cool hand to his face.  “I told you that weeks ago!  Why now? I mean, if that’s what you wa–”

“Not now,” Bertholdt snapped, cutting her off. “Because tonight you’re mine.”

         Suddenly he was kissing her, more force and wanting than she had ever felt from him before.  His lips were rough, and he was so wet.  She couldn’t resist him, only accepting it, reaching her other hand up to his face and brushing whatever water was there away.

         He wrapped one tan arm around her waist, and the other hand behind her neck, gripping it tightly in his palm.  Annie felt herself being backed into the lowly lit kitchen.  In a few steps, her butt hit the edge of the table, and Bertholdt’s hands moved to lift her onto it.  Her hands traced his wet body.  He shivered under her touch, a little from the cold and a little from her.  With his chest already bare, she moved to his pants, trying to undo the button holding them on, but his fingers stopped her.  Burning green eyes glared into hers.

         Her hands went back his face, his neck, his chest.  She allowed her fingers and mouth to investigate his body as his hands started stripping her from her own clothes.  He tore off her shirt and pulled down her pants in just a few seconds, leaving her in her underwear before him.  

         His eyes softened some, seeing her like this again before him.   Slowly a large hand reached up to one of her breasts, cupping it gently.  Her head leaned back taking in the feeling of his touch, and she gasped a bit when his mouth touched the skin of her collarbone. Even though he had been soaked moments before, every place he touched her radiated warm.  She’d missed him so much, being the only one not allowed to train, being the one left alone all day with Gisa, in a house that didn’t feel like a home.  

         All she wanted was her best friend by her side.  The boy she loved.

         Annie looked down at his head, and wrapped her arms around him, hugging his head to her chest. “Hi,” she said tentatively.

         Bertholdt relaxed his muscles and leaned into her.  He breathed a laugh into her chest, moving to look in her eyes. “Hi.”

         She didn’t want this to be one way; she so badly wanted to let him feel how she did.  Annie wanted him to know how it felt to be loved, to be wanted.  How long had he pined after her; how many years of her not giving any romantic feelings a second thought?  Her thumb started to trace his bottom lip and she curled her other hand around his shoulder. “Are you okay now?”

         Bertholdt smiled up at her, a real, genuine Bertholdt smile.  The blush she knew so well crept up his face.  “Yeah, I’m okay.  Sorry about that.  We don’t have to do anything.”

         Annie continued to watch him, trying to judge his mood.  He was so angry when he left.  And even more so just then, coming in with the rain.  But the tender look in his eyes, the softness of his features were all it took to really reassure her.  “I believe you.”

           His lips slowly trailed up her chest to her face, kissing the edges of her mouth, her cheeks, her eyelids.  Annie took hold of his face between her hands and directed his mouth to hers, kissing him as earnestly as she could.  

          “Bertholdt,” she said, pulled back a little.  Her hands dropped to his chest.  “Are you sure you’re not tired?”

         “Not tonight.”

         She reached for his wrist. “Then let’s meet in the bedroom…”

         “So how’s the morning sickness?  Or did you not get any of that?”

         “You’re funny.  And I feel absolutely awful.”  Gisa sat back in the kitchen chair with a cup of hot tea held to her lips.  “But no morning sickness.  Jokes on you, it’s too soon for that.”

         Annie shrugged.  “I don’t know anything about this stuff.”

         The girls sat across from each other in Giselle’s kitchen, sipping tea and discussing the finer points of their days alone.  Annie picked at a sandwich in front of her.  She adjusted in the wooden chair, her hips very sore from the night before.

         “You two sure were loud last night,” Gisa mused, giving Annie a knowing eye.

         “Hush, I’m not the one ‘with child.’”

         Gisa smiled.  “Anyway, do you maybe want to go for a walk or something today?  I am so tired of this place already.”

         “You say that every day.  And we literally take a walk every day.  Why don’t we do something different for a change?”  Annie stood from her spot at the table to take her plate to the sink.  “We could maybe… do some training?” she asked tentatively.  

         Her friend’s eyes widened. “I thought you had given up on that already?”

         Annie shrugged.  “I’ve been thinking about it a lot.  It can’t be that damaging, as long as I don’t shift or overdo it.”  She turned to Gisa and leaned up against the sink.  “So same spot as before?”

         Gisa smiled.

With each hit, Annie processed all the pain in her world.

Paradis Eldians were the most flawed of all creatures. And titan shifters like her were created to eradicate them and fight for Marley.  This is what they were taught from the moment they entered the Warrior training.  The world would be a better place without the evils of mankind, the demons of Paradis Island.

Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie all believed it.

“How could you be important to them if your ancestors left you here?”

“Wouldn’t you rather be citizens of Marley, you demons?”

“Your humanity is nothing.”

They’d heard it all.  

Yet, nothing kept them from obeying, from falling for the trap set by the Marleyan government.  Fight for us and your family can be a citizen.  No more compounds.  No more war.

They bought it.  And they fought hard for the privilege to not only shift into a titan, but to inherit the power of the Nine.  

It’s easy to brainwash kids who don’t know any better.  Becoming one of the Nine powerful titans had it’s drawbacks.  It meant going to war.  It meant possibly dying.  It meant losing your humanity and becoming a murderer.  

Annie led another punch straight into the flour bag.

Her mother, small but strong, was ripped away from her when she was young.  And she didn’t see her mother again until the day she needed to shift for the first time.

Shift and come back.

Annie had been warned of the scene that would be in front of her: another human, tied by the hands and feet with chains, a gag in his/her mouth.  She would get injected a final time in the arm and then burst into her titan body for the first time.  It wouldn’t hurt, and she wouldn’t remember a thing.  

What no one had told Annie was that her mother would be the shifter sacrificed so she could change back into a human.  It was with horror in her young, teary eyes that the needle broke through her skin, too quickly to say “no!”  Annie woke with Reiner holding her head and Bertholdt her hand.  

On the empty stand where her mother had been only a single foot remained.  

Her father never told her.  Or maybe he didn’t know.

At that moment, Annie felt her first bit of true hatred for humanity.  What made them so special to fight back and ruin the world for us?  They left us to fend for ourselves in the Titan War, to lose to Marley.  To become their slaves.  Victims to their own cause.

The feelings persisted, as countless weeks of titan training control ensued.  How long could she last?  How big could she get?  How much of Annie was still present inside the mask of a giant monster?

She was a force of destruction.  Fast, athletic, strong.  Nothing like Reiner, but the longevity of her titan was above average, and her cognition from within outdid that of many of her training team. They said she looked like her mother’s Female Titan.  

Annie’s knuckles bled as she continued to strike the bag.

A weapon of her kind was made for the destruction of humanity, and she slowly forgot why she ever questioned otherwise. Humans were evil and they must be destroyed for the good of all.

Or that’s what she was taught.

“I assumed you weren’t going to do this anymore?” Bertholdt accused as he wrapped his girlfriend’s tiny hands with bandage.  

“I needed a different activity than walking with Gisa every day.  You can’t leave me alone all day and expect me not to continue my training.”  She winced as the bandage rubber the raw skin.  “Besides, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it won’t hurt a baby.”

Bertholdt sighed, too tired to contest.  “Fine.  Do what you want.”

They sat quietly in the bedroom, the only light the flickering lantern near the bed. While there was no thunder, a small breeze and rain flicked the windows like the night before.

Annie broke the silence first.  “How’s training?  Can you tell me about the mission?”

“Why so interested?  A few weeks ago you didn’t want to know the details…”

“Newly understood intrigue.  While I was training, I thought a bit about my mom and the first day I shifted.  At least what I remembered of it.”

“We are going to Paradis Island.  Reiner, Marcel, and me.  They want us to bring down a few of the walls.”  Bertholdt looked at Annie.  “They said this expedition may take a few years.”

“Years!?” Annie feel back on her bed, hands over her face.

“There’s a district called Shiganshina, a city that sits out of the first wall.  We have to break the first gate there… that’s my job.  Then Reiner is supposed to break down the inner wall.  Marcel is supposed to take out any weapons on the walls themselves.  The idea is that an evacuation won’t be quick enough for the population there.  Then the inner wall dwellers will lose their lands, humanity will be pushed back.”

Annie listened, understanding the importance of what he was tasked.

“They either die being eaten or at the hands of their own people.  Overpopulation and a small area, with little food, should end the reign of the island demons.”  Bertholdt quieted.  “Then we return, assuming we aren’t killed.  I get pardoned as an Eldian, treated like a hero, and we move out of the compound.”

“Until you have to give up your titan,” Annie spoke matter-of-factly, “or you die in the next 10 years.”

“Hopefully I will have the pleasure to train the future holder of my titan.”  Bertholdt got up from his chair and moved it back to wall beside the door, before joining Annie on the bed.  “There’s talk of you joining us for this expedition.  That is, Zeke is trying to convince them.”

“Obviously that won’t work,” Annie said.  “They can either have me pregnant or on the island. They can’t have both.”

“And that is exactly why he was shot down.”

The couple remained still.  This mission would change their world forever.  But what was the cost?

“Look, Annie, let’s not dwell on this too much?  Other than your torn hands, how was your day?  I feel like I don’t ask you enough.”  Bertholdt turned to look at her.

As Annie say up, she said, “Nothing too exciting. Nothing like your day, I’m sure. Did you kick Marcel’s ass yet?”

Bertholdt laughed.  “If I could, I would.  He’s had it coming for a while now.”  He continued to look at the tiny blond.  “But, let’s not talk about him tonight.” He leaned down to kiss her hair.  

“What should we talk about then, Bertl?” she teased.

“How about no talking?”  Bertholdt grabbed her middle and pulled her onto his lap.  He wrapped his arms around her chest and tucked his chin on her shoulder.  Bertholdt began with slow kisses to her nape, his fingers tangling lightly in her golden hair.  

Annie sighed, leaning back into him.  She felt his hands trace down her arms and then up her sides, following the curves, where he finally caressed the skin of her breasts through her shirt.  Goosebumps rose on her flesh.  His kisses continued lower on her collarbone as he leaned over her.  

“I am going to get this shirt off of you, okay?”  He growled.

Her voice came out in small breaths.  “Yes.”

Slowly his fingers began undoing the buttons of her shirt.  His lips grazed her skin, following the loosened buttons.  She turned in his lap, allowing him access to her chest and straddling his hips.  Annie could feel him under her seat.  Her body reacted in time with his.  

“Your pants are next,” he teased, biting one of her nipples.  

This elicited a loud sigh from Annie’s lips.

He tossed her from his lap, landing on her on her back against the pillows.  Bertholdt climbed on top of her.  “Ready?”

“Yes.”

“Berty!” the voice called out for him.  

Bertholdt opened his eyes, but was momentarily blinded by the sun.  It was a cloudless day, bright and blue.  His hands lay under his head, as he remained supine on a grassy hill.  

“Berty!” the same voice called again.

It was a young Annie, running up the hill toward him.   Her blond hair was long and tossed behind her like the blades of grass.  Her smile was bright.

He sat up to greet her.

But something was changed.  The face was all wrong.  Her hair looked like Annie’s, but her eyes were his.  

“Daddy!” the girl called, the sound different this time.  She threw herself on his lap, laughing.

Daddy? he thought, confused.  Who was this girl?

Before Bertholdt could process the girl or anything else, he saw them coming from the distance.  A mob of lab coats, followed by a horde of titans.  

Including his own, the 60 meter Colossal Titan.

Their eyes red.  Their bodies followed by a cloud of darkness.

The titans reached them first, reaching for him and the small girl in his lap.  He couldn’t move.  All Berthold could do was watch in horror as a titan picked up the girl and slowly directed her to its mouth.

Her screams were deafening.  She reached for him desperately.

He could do nothing but scream and watch as the titan devoured her whole.  

Next Chapter (In Progress)

[ashishbansalfoodie]

Windsor Castle @ London (at Windsor Castle) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8elKi-HfS8/?igshid=1020uvjby7igg

[mycrochetpattern]

How to do a 2 dc shell - step by step instruction Written instruction: https://mycrochetpattern.com/beginners/2-dc-shell/ Video tutorial: https://youtu.be/onFAJUcUDBE #mycrochetpattern #crochet #crochetpattern #crochetlove #freepattern #freecrochetpattern #crocheted #crocheting #crochetforbeginners #crochetstitch #howtocrochetforbeginners #howtocrochet #learningcrochet #crochettutorials #shell #crochetshell #shellstitch #2dcshell https://www.instagram.com/p/B-IVuy-hfS8/?igshid=167owovq3sxf3