#hey this is my first proper bit of protocol fanart!

[buildoblivion]

gossiping on OIAR time <3

[221bsunsettowers]

Buck/Eddie: I Can’t Get Enough of This Kind of Love (Part 2 of the Good News on My TV Screen Buddie AU series)

In just a few days, Buck has been in his second helicopter crash, been rescued by his boyfriend and their friends, witnessed people almost dying at a bug eating competition and the largest charley horse possibly ever, seen a woman with a high heel through her face at a child's beauty pageant, and had his beloved Eddie tell him he loves him for the very first time while tripping on laced brownies.

So there's that.

In which news reporter Buck is an integral part of the events from the episode 2x06 "Dosed".

(Amazing fanart poster by the amazing @jemmalynette! )

(Thank you so much to everyone who left love and kudos and comments for the first story in this series! In my head, the first story was a one and done that I had a lot of fun writing, and then all the requests to make this a series inspired me to do exactly that!

If you haven’t read the first story in the series, I would recommend doing that first, so you get the background of news reporter Buck and firefighter Eddie, and how they first meet and get together. You can read the first story here )

I Can’t Get Enough of This Kind of Love (can be read on Ao3 here)

Carefully placing the box labeled Dishes on the kitchen counter, Eddie immediately went back outside, bending down to grab the next box. "You really want me to like you, don't you?" Maddie's voice came from behind, and Eddie spun around, meeting her stare with a hopeful smile.

"Honestly, Maddie, I really like your brother, so yes please," Eddie answered promptly, and Maddie's gaze softened. She stepped forward, and patted Eddie on the shoulder as she walked past him and into her new home.

"Excellent answer!" Maddie called back, and Eddie felt arms wrap around him from behind. He leaned back into his boyfriend's embrace, smiling as Buck planted a kiss behind his ear.

  "Evan!" Maddie yelled out the window, "you can make googly eyes at your boyfriend later, he wants me to like him and my furniture isn't going to move itself!" She smirked as Buck blushed and walked over to the couch, bending his knees and grabbing one end as Eddie dutifully grabbed the other.

"Googly eyes, maybe when you stop making googly eyes at Chim," Buck muttered under his breath, and Eddie laughed as they moved in tandem up the stairs.

"I'll tease Chim relentlessly at work if that helps," Eddie promised with a wink, and Buck grinned mischievously, nodding his head.

"We've got a helicopter crash, a news station was doing a traffic report," Bobby explained as the fire truck screeched to a stop and everyone quickly hopped out. Eddie noticed the rest of his team shooting worried glances at him, but he waved them off with a grateful smile.

"Buck never does the traffic reports," Eddie assured them, as Bobby called them into a quick huddle. "He told me he paid those dues a few news stations ago."

"Um, Eddie?" Chimney said hesitantly, facing the helicopter and extending a finger to point at the back window. Turning, Eddie met Buck's gaze, could see from even this distance how he was working hard to keep his breathing even and his body still.

"Fuck," Eddie breathed out, feeling his heart stutter in time with the still-spinning rotors.

"Eddie, you going to be okay on this one?" Bobby asked softly, laying a comforting hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"Buck needs me, Cap, I'm on it," Eddie promised, forcing his focus onto the job at hand. "We need to watch for dynamic rollover, when we start getting them out the weight of the copter could shift."

"Okay, Chimney, you're going to pull Buck out first, make sure you're keeping an eye on the balance," Bobby ordered as they moved towards the helicopter.

 "Eddie, can you shut down the helicopter?" Eddie opened his mouth, about to argue that he should be the one to get Buck out, but then he sighed, nodding, knowing he needed to trust his captain to get Buck out of there quickly and safely.

  Still, Eddie couldn't keep his eyes off Buck, lunging forward as the helicopter rocked, but then Chimney had Buck back on solid ground, and Eddie was next to the pilot, stabilizing the balance and shutting off the engine. The second he had the pilot out and in Hen's capable hands, Eddie spun around and grabbed Buck in his own grasp, pulling him into his arms.

Eddie gripped onto the back of Buck's shirt, tugging his body as closely as possible. Buck nestled his face into the crook of Eddie's shoulder, and Eddie swayed them gently from side to side, pressing his lips against Buck's temple. "You're safe, sweetheart," Eddie murmured into Buck's skin. "I've got you."

He could feel Buck nodding and pulled back just enough to see Buck's face, running a gentle finger over a small cut on his boyfriend's cheek. "Let me check you out," Eddie insisted, leading Buck over to a bench and kneeling in front of him.

"You can check me out any time," Buck bantered back with a mischevious smile, and Eddie laughed, shaking his head as he squeezed Buck's hand.

"Sounds like he's just fine!" Chimney called out with a smile, patting Buck's shoulder as he made his way over to where the pilot was sitting.

"No comments about how you're hotter than just fine, or how much you like me kneeling in front of you," Eddie commanded, pointing a finger at Buck, who shrugged and grinned,  Eddie smiling back in relief. "You scared the shit out of me," Eddie whispered, leaning in to cup Buck's face in his hands, laying a soft kiss on his lips. "Let me make sure you're okay, please?"

"Yeah," Buck whispered back, resting his forehead against Eddie's, "yeah, of course." Pulling out his penlight, Eddie shined the beam into Buck's eyes.

 Nodding in satisfaction, he took Buck through the rest of concussion protocol, checked for any other injuries, and cleaned out the small cut and bandaged it. Next to him, Chimney and Hen were finishing checking the pilot, assuring Buck he was completely fine.

"What were you doing on traffic anyway?" Eddie asked, sliding up to sit next to Buck, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as Buck leaned into Eddie's side.

"Oliver called in sick last minute, so I offered to sub in," Buck answered, sighing in relief as Eddie moved a hand to the back of Buck's neck, rubbing at the tense muscles. "I definitely didn't expect to be in my second helicopter crash." As Eddie's hand suddenly stilled at Buck's words, Buck bit his bottom lip, meeting Eddie's wide-eyed gaze. "If it helps, I clearly survived that one too?" he offered up hesitantly, and he heard poorly-concealed laughter coming from the rest of the team's general direction.

  "Can't say I didn't know what I was getting myself into," Eddie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head, before leaning in to kiss Buck softly. "Let's try to keep helicopter crashes off the agenda, yeah?"

"No subbing in for traffic again or chartering a romantic copter ride for the two of us, got it," Buck recited with a smirk, and Eddie rolled his eyes, nudging Buck in the side before hopping off the bench.

  "Any chance I could get you to come back with me to the fire station so I can keep an eye on you?" Eddie asked hopefully.

"I would love that, but I have to get back to work," Buck said ruefully, gesturing at the news van that was already pulling up.

  Eddie sighed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Buck's. "Text and call me when you can, please? Just let me know you're doing okay?"

"Of course," Buck promised, sneaking another quick kiss in before heading towards the van. Grabbing the door handle, he turned around. "Be safe out there, babe! And thanks guys!"

Eddie had gotten a myriad of selfies from Buck in the hours after the helicopter rescue. One at his desk, captioned I promise I'm watching out for papercuts. Another getting ready to go in front of the camera, Taking proper electrocution prevention steps. The pictures continued rolling in, Eddie laughing fondly at each one, saving them to his photos because he couldn't resist. Any picture of his boyfriend was one he wanted to have, even when said boyfriend was being a glorious little shit.

His phone trilled out "Breaking News!" again and Eddie quickly clicked on the new picture, a smile spreading across his face as the photo revealed Buck standing in front of the fire station, captioned Practicing fire safety. Shoving his phone in his pocket, Eddie hurried down the stairs, skipping the bottom step in his haste.

"Surprise!" Buck called out with a grin, hurrying forward to meet Eddie, throwing his arms around his boyfriend's neck before leaning in for a kiss. Eddie's arms looped around Buck's waist as he held him close, both men smiling broadly.

"This is a great surprise," Eddie proclaimed, brushing a curl of hair away from Buck's eye. "Did a story fall through?"

"Actually, a new story came up," Buck grinned, grabbing Eddie's hand and interlacing their fingers. "C'mon, let's go upstairs, I want to talk to everybody about it."

"Hey Buck!" Chimney met the two at the top of the stairs, grabbing Buck's hand and pulling him in for a quick hug. "Since we have a chance now, what kind of wine does your sister like best? I'm going over to help her move more of her stuff after work."

"Red, and make sure you bring some popcorn too," Buck answered with a wink, patting Chimney on the shoulder. "Maddie could eat popcorn all day every day and be very happy about it."

"Thanks!" Chimney called back as Buck made his way around the kitchen, greeting everyone else before moving to the coffee maker. Placing a filled mug in front of Eddie, Buck sat down holding his own mug (the one Eddie had brought from home for Buck to use whenever he visited the fire station). Leg brushing against Eddie's, Buck took a sip of coffee.

"Before I say anything else, I just want to make sure you guys know you can absolutely say no to this," Buck began, meeting the eyes of everyone else around the table. "You don't have to give me a reason, and I won't take any offense, I promise." Turning to Eddie, Buck interlaced their fingers. "Including you babe, okay?"

  Waiting until everyone had nodded, Buck continued. "My boss knows I'm dating someone from the 118, and after that helicopter rescue this morning, he came to me and told me he wants a story done on a day in the life of the LAFD heroes of the 118. I told him I have to be the one to do it, because I don't want anyone else twisting up the story in any way, and that you guys have to be okay with it or it isn't happening."

There was silence for a minute, and then Bobby spoke. "You know, normally I would absolutely say no to this," he said with a sigh, leaning back in his chair, "because a reporter could get in the way, could create their own narrative that has nothing to do with the truth, or could even use someone's pain or cause harm themselves. But Buck, you also know I trust you. I believe that you will do this truthfully and put the safety of others above the story."

"I will, absolutely Bobby," Buck vowed, blushing at Bobby's words. "I would never spin anything to make you guys look bad, and I would never put anyone in danger or show them suffering, I promise."

"Of course you wouldn't," Eddie said proudly, slinging an arm around Buck's shoulders and pulling him in close. Buck beamed up at him, leaning into his side.

"We all trust you, Buck," Hen said, and Chimney nodded, and Buck smiled bashfully, glancing down at where his and Eddie's fingers were now intertwined on Eddie's thigh.

"So it's okay to start tomorrow?" Buck asked hesitantly, and Bobby let out a gentle laugh, nodding.

"Absolutely, Buck, we'll see you then," Bobby responded, just as the alarm sounded, and the rest of the team leapt to their feet.

  "I especially like the part where you'll be at work with me all day," Eddie grinned, leaning in for a quick kiss, which Buck eagerly returned.

"Me too," Buck grinned back, squeezing Eddie's hand before letting go. "Stay safe, sweetheart."

The next day saw Buck arriving hand in hand with Eddie, each balancing a carryout tray of coffees in their free hand. "You know we already love you two, right?" Hen teased, plucking the coffee with her name on it from the tray and taking a grateful sip. "But please feel free to keep the caffeine coming."

"I'm ready for my close up!" Chimney announced, dramatically leaping into the room, arms flourished. He grinned as everyone laughed, before taking his coffee as well.

"Since you're so ready, Chim, why don't you come for your interview first?" Buck gestured downstairs, eyes twinkling mischeviously as Chimney followed him. "We can start with you telling the story about how you got  your nickname..."

By the time the round of interviews was over, Buck was near tears. He would swear he heard his cameraman sniffing as well. Every story the 118 had told him had broken his heart and lifted him up, all at the same time, and when his friends and boyfriend shared what were the best things about being a part of the 118, Buck was honored all over again that they had welcomed him into their family.

A sudden alarm jolted Buck out of his emotions and back into the present, and he quickly followed the team as they raced towards the fire truck and flung themselves in, settling into their seats.  "You mean I can't just ride on your lap?" Buck pouted teasingly, as he ran to the driver's side of the news station van.

"You've taken a ride on my lap plenty of times, Buck," Eddie murmured into Buck's ear, "and I'm sure we can arrange another ride when we get home tonight." Smirking, he planted a quick kiss on Buck's lips before joining the others in the truck.

"You gorgeous bastard!" Buck yelled at Eddie's retreating back, Eddie's snort of laughter making Buck smile as he buckled his seatbelt and started the car.

"Whoa!" Buck's jaw dropped as he took in the crowd, and particularly the monitor lizard, in front of them. "Did you know monitor lizards have long forked tongues just like snakes?"

"Ah, a fan!" the woman nearest the lizard exclaimed, clapping her hands as Chimney darted out of the way. "His name is Claude, and the winner gets to take him home. Do you want to give it a try?"

"I'm okay over here, thanks," Buck responded quickly, as he took in the rest of the scene before him, namely the man struggling to breathe. As the 118 made their way over to the man, Buck made sure he and his cameraman stayed out of the way.

Chimney and Hen both flinched as they knelt down beside the man. Buck had the cameraman swing the camera away as soon as he realized the patient was in clear medical distress, instead having him film the other competitive eaters at the table, which unexpectedly included the woman with live cockroaches crawling back up out of her mouth.

  As the man began breathing again (and consequently began throwing up live crickets), the camerman got footage of the saved patient and the 118 loading him into the ambulance. "Did you know Joey Chestnut once ate seventy four hotdogs in ten minutes?" Buck piped up eagerly, and Eddie grinned, giving Buck a quick peck on the lips as he hurried towards the truck.

"You are so smart, babe," Eddie said proudly, Buck beaming as he slid back into the driver's seat of the van.

  "Even live bugs erupting out of people's mouths can't turn you two off from kissing, huh?" Chimney called out as he started up the ambulance. Eddie shook his head, offering Chim a proud grin and a wink as he drove off.

After rescuing a body builder from the largest charley horse anyone there had ever seen, the fire truck and news van pulled back into the station, Buck hopping out to join the 118 as they headed towards the kitchen.

"You did good, kid," Bobby said with a smile, squeezing Buck's shoulder as he passed. "You put the people above the story." Buck ducked his head, blushing, as he did a pleased little hop on his way towards Eddie.

"He's right, babe," Eddie grinned, tugging Buck into his side, planting a kiss to the top of his head. "Just like the day we met."

"Thanks, baby," Buck said with a bashful grin, turning his head to steal another kiss from his boyfriend, before squeezing his hand and pulling away. "I've got to get in a call to Taylor and give her an update before the next call."

"I'll be waiting on the couch," Eddie promised, and Buck winked at him before striding away, already pulling his phone out as he headed towards the bench right outside the station.

"Want a brownie?" Hen asked Eddie as she walked over, holding out the last brownie on the plate.

"Thanks, I'm starving," Eddie answered, grabbing the brownie and taking a bite. "Are there more treats on the table for Buck? He's just calling in to his boss."

"There are plenty of delicious snacks left," Hen promised as she settled into a chair. "Just not any more of these between you, me and Bobby."

"As  long as there's sugar," Eddie laughed, looking fondly over towards Buck, who had now hopped up onto the bench and was skipping back and forth across it as he talked into his phone.

The next call brought them all to another unexpected venue, this time a child beauty pageant. "Is that..." Buck asked, trailing off as he stared at the reason the 118 had been called.

  "A woman with a high heel stuck in her face?" Chimney responded, shaking his head as they made their way towards her. "Yes, yes it is."

  The little girls were all swarming around Buck, who had crouched down immediately and was now occupied giving out smiles and high fives to the giggling children. So it took him a bit to notice that Eddie and Hen were definitely not acting like themselves. Eddie was staring down at the kids surrounding Buck with a look of shock and some terror too, his eyes wide and his body frozen.

"Eds, you okay there?" Buck asked, carefully rising to his feet and laying a hand on Eddie's arm.

"Are we giants, Evan?" Eddie asked, dragging out every syllable, before getting distracted for a minute trying and failing to see his own tongue. "Or are these the tiniest ladies ever?"

"Um, they're definitely kids, babe," Buck responded, eyes squinted in confusion even as he couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Your hair is glowing," Eddie breathed out in awe, holding his hands out over Buck's curls. "It's making my heart warm." Buck blushed, reaching for Eddie, who just kept making grabby hands at Buck's head. Buck quickly gestured to his cameraman to stop filming, before turning to Chimney.

"Hen's doing it too," Chim answered, just as confused, as he finished up with the injured woman and watched her be taken out on a gurney. Both men turned to see Hen poking a balloon, giggling with delight each time it bounced back at her.

  "They are definitely tripping," Athena said matter-of-factly, coming up from behind them, having finished putting the high heel attacker in handcuffs. Hen hurried up, beaming as she took in Athena's face before delightedly informing her she smelled like love. Athena calmly nodded her thanks before radioing in for RA backup.

"The brownies," Chim said suddenly, turning to Athena. As Athena pressed him for more information, Buck heard Eddie start loudly crying, and ran to his boyfriend's side.

"I don't like this," Eddie blubbered as a police officer gingerly handcuffed him.

"Hey, hey sweetheart, it's going to be okay, I promise," Buck promised, cupping Eddie's face in his hands reassuringly, Eddie leaning into the touch. "Just breathe, I've got you."

Eddie sucking in air and puffing out huge dramatic breaths was definitely a sight Buck was tucking away for later, to tease his boyfriend with when it wouldn't make Eddie start crying more. Athena shook her head and sighed, exchanging a fondly exasperated look with Buck before explaining to Eddie and Hen what had happened.

"We don't want you to hurt yourselves or anyone else," Athena finished, as Hen was beginning to reach for her for another sniff and a hug.

"Yeah, yeah I like that idea," Eddie choked out. As Athena helped guide them towards the door, the backup RAs rushing in, Eddie tugged back towards Buck.

  "I've got you, let's get you somewhere you feel safe," Buck said gently, squeezing Eddie's arm in reassurance.

"I love you, beautiful Buck," Eddie whispered into Buck's ear, before planting a sloppy kiss on Buck's cheek and letting himelf be led away, a stunned Buck following silently behind him.

Stumbling out of the bunkroom a few hours later, Eddie blinked at the bright lights, sighing gratefully as Buck pressed a large glass of water into his hands. After Eddie downed the entire glass without stopping, Buck refilled it and joined Eddie on the couch.

  "Are you feeling okay now?" Buck asked softly, as Eddie placed the now-empty second glass on the table and leaned his head onto Buck's shoulder.

"Just got a headache, dry mouth, and an overwhelming sense of humilation," Eddie huffed out, burying his face in Buck's shirt. "I can't even imagine what came out of my mouth."

"You don't remember, huh?" Buck sighed softly, and Eddie quickly lifted his head to look at him.

"Buck, please don't tell me I said something horrible to you," Eddie said quickly, grabbing at Buck's hands. "I was out of my mind, I had no idea what I was saying."

"That's what I was afraid of," Buck mumbled, staring at the floor. Eddie tugged at his hands until Buck looked at him again, and Eddie's eyes grew wise as he took in the pained look on Buck's face. Reluctantly, Buck pulled away before responding. "Eddie, you told me you love me."

"Shit, that's what I was afraid of," Eddie sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. The whimper that slipped past Buck's lips, the sharp intake of shaky breath, and the footsteps quickly retreating had Eddie snapping his head back up, yelling "Buck!" as he saw his boyfriend's back moving further and further away.

Sprinting, Eddie reached out and grabbed Buck's hand, planting his feet and refusing to budge an inch as Buck tugged half-heartedly. "Eddie, please," Buck whispered, fixing his gaze on the floor. "I can't watch you walk away, okay?"

"And you think, what, that I want to watch you walk away instead?" Eddie was fully aware how much of himself he was putting on display, but he kept going, fingers under Buck's chin to tilt his head up and meet his eyes. "I meant I didn't want the first time I said it to be while I was out of my mind on laced brownies surrounded by tiny beauty queens."

  "Wait, Eddie, what..." Trailing off, Buck's breath hitched, his wide watery eyes staring into Eddie's.

"Turn the camera on," Eddie said firmly, gesturing to where the cameraman had left his equipment while he went to grab food with the crew. Buck opened his mouth, but Eddie gently lay a finger across his lips, shaking his head. "Please trust me, and turn the camera on. Point it right at me."

Buck nodded, shaky, picking up the camera and resting it on his shoulder, turning so the lens faced Eddie, who was now sitting down on the couch. As soon as the light switched on, Eddie looked straight into it. "You once asked me what was the best thing about being a firefighter with the 118," Eddie said, voice strong even as he wiped the fresh tear on his cheek. "And I said it was the comradery, that that was what I missed from being in the military, and I had found it here, again, with this team."

Lacing his fingers together, Eddie rested his chin against his knuckles, keeping his gaze focused on Buck, who appeared frozen, all breath and words caught up in his throat, eyes glued on Eddie's face. "But that's not true. I do care deeply about the people here, the family I chose, but that's not the best thing about being a firefighter here."

"Then what is?" Buck whispered, hands gripped so tight around the camera his knuckles had turned white.

  "The best thing is that I met the love of my life," Eddie said, making sure his voice was loud and clear, that both the camera and Buck couldn't miss a single word. Eddie shrugged helplessly, letting out a watery laugh as he bit his bottom lip. "This gorgeous man refused to air someone else's pain to gain viewers, and suddenly I was watching the news way more than I ever had before, just to see his face and learn his name. Turned out his name is Evan Buckley. And he's the bravest, smartest, kindest man I've ever known. And I am so, so in love with him."

Buck sniffled loudly, and Eddie knew his own voice and face were full of the degree of emotion he only ever really showed around his son...and now around Buck. There wasn't any point in fighting it, especially not if it ever made Buck doubt how much he was loved.

"So Buck, you can use this video in the story, you can keep it for yourself if you ever need a reminder of how very loved you are, you can do whatever you want with it. I know I don't always say how I feel, and I'm sorr-" His words cut off on a surprised huff as Buck suddenly put down the camera and ran to the couch, bouncing onto the cushions and tackling Eddie onto his back, immediately wrapping his arms around him.

"I love you too, Eds, so much," Buck sniffled, wiping at his eyes, "and if this is you keeping your emotions hidden, I don't think I would survive having you turn them on full force." Eddie laughed, grinning up at Buck full force, before reaching up and pulling him down into a slow, tender kiss, one that Buck eagerly reciprocated.

When the special on the 118 aired, Eddie and Buck watched it snuggled up on the couch with Christopher, all three in their pajamas and surrounded by empty pizza boxes and popcorn bowls. Christopher giggled and clapped his hands every time he saw his dad, and patted Buck's cheek with a grin every time he heard one of Buck's voiceovers play over the images on the screen.

The special concluded with a montage of the 118, all explaining why they joined the station and what it meant to them. Eddie heard his sound bites about the military and comradery interspersed with the others, before the camera focused in on him again. "The best thing is that I met the love of my life," Eddie heard himself say, the image on screen changing to a video clip of Eddie hard at work on the scene of a car crash, the very first day and the very same place he and Buck had met.

"The best thing is that I met the love of my life too," Buck's voiceover rang out over the footage, before the video faded out to a wideshot of the fire station. "And he is a hero, surrounded by heroes. The 118 never hesitate, never put their safety over the well being of others. They spend long days and nights in harrowing conditions, helping people through horrific experiences, and these brave men and women never ask for anything but to know where the next emergency is. We all owe the dedicated members of the 118 far more than we may ever know. So next time you pass by a fire station, think about saying thank you, even though they will never ask you to."

Eddie couldn't stop smiling, pressing kiss to Buck's temple, who grinned up at him from where he was nestled into Eddie's side.

The video shifted to one of Buck, hanging off the fire truck by one hand, grinning mischeviously. "Just please, please don't bring brownies. Try a nice gift card instead. Trust me on this. This is Evan Buckley, signing off, thank you for watching."

Eddie's laughter rang out over the closing credits.

If you would like to be added to my Buddie fanfiction taglist and/or my Good News on My TV Screen taglist specifically, just let me know!

@dancer-me @buddie-buddie​ @perfectlynervousbeard​ @i-had-bucky​

[knightofbalance-13]

RE:RWBY Chapter 3 Review

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10099949/chapters/22790120

Students gathered in Beacon Academy’s large auditorium for an opening assembly. Ruby and Jaune managed to join to the crowd once they saw first-yeats flood towards the innards of the school.

Yeah, again this is a constant problem throughout the story as the author doesn’t understand that you need to add a bit more than what is necessary to keep an audience excited. Detail is the name of the game as it helps the reader visualize and see what is going on. Even in the original scene, I could tell the audience was excited due to the chatter and slight movement which made me excited as well. Here it sounds like everyone is like a robot. awaiting their orders.

“O-oh, okay! Bye…!” He sighed. “She thinks she has it bad, I can’t hold anyone’s attention for more than ten minutes. I gotta listen to Dad more…”

Another problem: Jaune’s original line “No where m I going to find another nice, quirky girl” was both cute, understandable and human. This feels...awkward and artificial due to the change in Jaune’s speech pattern.

“Yang Xaio-Long!” She announced as she walked up to her. “Oh hey, how’s your first day going, sis?” She waved happily, completely unaware of the trouble she experienced in such a short amount of time.

Um, again, detail. Maybe add in: “ up to her, ready to let out her frustrations and woes onto her elder sister.” Would have been more interesting.

“You’re lucky we weren’t blown off the side of the cliff!” Weiss warned. “Oh my god, you really exploded…” Yang did her best to contain laughter.

Yeah, in the original, Yang’s voice expressed surprise at Ruby being literal as well as Ruby’s compliants were being said just as we were seeing Weiss’ angry face thus it was one joke after another. Just as well, the way the Yang line is structured is just bad considering it should go like this: “Yang said, trying her best to contain her laughter.”

“It was an accident! An accident!” Weiss held up a pamphlet in front of Ruby’s face entitled “Dust for Dummies” and shoved it towards her hands. “The Schnee Dust Company” she began, “is not responsible for any injuries or damages sustained while operating a Schnee Dust Company product. Although not mandatory, the Schnee Family highly encourages their customers to read and familiarize themselves with this easy to follow guide to Dust applications and practices in the field. Well-readiness in the field of Dust applications can lead to none or fewer legal issues with the Schnee Dust Company and its providers.”

Describe Ruby’s lines as crying out and then it becomes funny. Weiss shoving the pamphlet into Ruby’s hands may not seem like a bad thing but it was the punchline of Weiss’ “read this and never talk to me again” line. Now, the line will be said without a punchline or a joke.

And Weiss’ talk is nowhere near as funny with it being speed up or seeing Ruby being overwhelmed. In fact, it’s not even funny just....there.

“I noticed your Dust cartridges,” Weiss said in reference to Ruby’s ammo belt. “Even if you do use an inferior and cheaper brand, that’s no reason you can’t familiarize yourself with proper safety protocol. For the sake of me and everyone at this school.” “U-um, it’s not really all that ch-cheap-” Ruby spluttered. Weiss ignored this. “You really wanna start make things up to me, dolt? “Absolutely?” “Read this, and don't ever speak to me again.”

yeah, the interjection of the two extra lines are completely superfluous and adds nothing. You could edit them out and it wouldn’t lower the quality at all. In fact, the joke of Ruby being awkward is now overstaying it’s welcome and becoming pretty damn boring.

“Look, uh, it sounds like you two just got off on the wrong foot. Why don't you start over and try to be friends, okay?” She offered. Clearly this girl had no intention to let things go with her little sister.

One word can make all the difference, like adding “hopelessly” after “offered.” Without that word, the lines here are kind of confusing as I don’t know why Yang is doing something she knows she’ll fail at while “hopelessly” implies she’s taking a chance.

“Yeah!” Weiss exclaimed with sudden and obviously-not-forced enthusiasm. “And we can paint our nails and try on clothes and talk about cute boys, like tall, blond, and scraggly over there!”

Narration is suppose to be factual and informal, not sarcastic. That defeats the purpose of narration. Everyone knows that.

“Wow, really?!” Ruby asked, far too optimistic for Weiss’s sense of humor.

Weiss offered no response but dead silence and a very disgruntled glare.

Okay, what narration style is this? This all over the place third person narration is something that beginners have hammered out of them by the second chapter. I know this because I had this problem in my very first work and didn’t repeat it.

Also, waiting for the punchline. You know, the frank “No” Weiss says that is the payoff to the build up of her sarcasim, Ruby’s hopefulness and her glare? ... Not happening? Then your joke falls flat. Also, Jaune’s “I’m a natural blonde” was set up by Weiss mentioning him but that’s also edited out so that’s another build up wasted.

A man walked on stage and the room began to quiet down. Ruby squinted and saw none other than Professor Ozpin make his way to a microphone stand with Professor Goodwitch in tow. Ozpin seemed to stand with regal straightness despite reliance on a cane. For that matter, Ruby felt like his eyes lingered on her for just a moment despite his sweeping, aloof gaze. A very unsettling, ghostly presence. He quietly adjusted the microphone to his height, and gave a slight cough to draw the crowd.

Normally this would be praiseable given that it’s fine detail...but it shows the author is too lazy to do it for everything else which is what really needs it. Youw atsed detail on Ozpin when this detail should have gine to the Weiss and Ruby part or to Ozpin’s introduction.

“Kind of a creepy guy, huh?” Yang asked, hardly respectful without the experience Ruby had. “Hey, he’s just a little strange. I promise he’s got it together more in person.” “Didn’t sound all there to me.” “Maybe he’s getting on in years,” interrupted Jaune Arc, who appeared between them. “You know, my grandpa hasn’t been able to tell me or my sisters apart since I was six.”

Creepy? I never got a creepy vibe from Ozpin. Your language from ebfore fits that but doesn't fit his character: Those description are better suited for Salem NOT Ozpin who is a mentor character and thus this unsettling vibe would conflict with that. And removing that and replacing it with creepy is both a downgrade and makes him superfluous.

Also, Jaune line here is...just dull and sad for people with Alzheimer disease. The blond line was much funnier.

Pyrrha Nikos commanded attention wherever she went. The young girl wished to keep things quiet on her first day at Beacon, but students who had heard of her fighting prowess and seen her face from magazine to cereal box refused to give her that peace. Weiss Schnee, the queen of entitlement, hardly attracted a crowd herself but made sure to make herself the forefront of Pyrrha’s followers. “Oh, Pyrrha, your gown looks simply divine!” Weiss kicked off a torrent of compliments, even though her night garb advertised nothing but modesty. Ironically the white-haired girl dressed richly and without shame of her wealth. Hundred-yard stares of awe and envy showered her every move. Everyone in the ballroom must have gawked to some extent; all except that scraggly blond boy who cluelessly wondered what made all the ruckus.

Okay, again, this clusterfuck of a narration style is giving me a headache as this gets hammered out of you mere days within writing. It’s too specific for normal 3 person and two wide spread to eb character specific.

This praising Pyrrha thing only worked because Jaune was there to provide a direct foil and counterpart to Weiss at the moment, bring misery for Weiss who at the time was the perfect joke magnet due to her bitchy side being the only side we see so far. Now there's no misery except Pyrrha who is too kind and composed for it to be funny. Also Jaune not noticing Weiss is very OOC.

Speaking of: You showed you can do detail now mind explaining what Weiss is wearing? no? The why is it so attractive?

“I know I do!” She purred seductively through her teeth. Several shirtless guys had taken the opportunity to flaunt themselves before they turned in. “Oh come on, after your sixteenth birthday, I don’t think he’d want you having sleepovers anymore.” “Ah yes, Lilac,” she reminisced. “Really made it a ‘sweet’ sixteen.” “Gross,” Ruby shuddered. “Is it really that much more gross than the time I walked in on you polishing Crescent Rose ?” “It’s very different!”

because the joke about Ruby being sexual attracted to weapons didn’t die out after Volume 1 ended...there years ago!

Also, ruby’s grossed out by Yang mentioning sex but had a sexual depiction of Blake?...Not only is this inconsistent with this version of Ruby, it’s OOC as Ruby would probably have a joke like that swing over her head! God, you know a joke is unsalvageable when Taiyang is mentioned and I’m not smiling like a goofball.

PS: Jaune was suppose to wlak in here and make Yang roll her eyes which is funny because Jaune was in a onesie which has lead to many a funny fanart. Here we have...a sex joke and a joke that went stale two years ago. See why jaune is important?

“Whatcha writing?” Yang asked, head tilted towards the scroll. “Just a letter to the gang back home. I promised to tell them all about Beacon and how things are going.”

Okay, the incosnistancies in the author’s writing style is pissing me off. it’s too robotic to be casual and too casual to be informal! It’s really ruining my experience.

Next: Ruby was writing a letter in the original script which kind of reinforced her being simpler than the others, hence “a simple soul.” Typing doesn’t work the same.

“The girl looked over her book to see Ruby unsuccessfully struggle against Yang as she leads her sister over to spot below a vast ballroom window. “Hel-looooo! “ Yang sang, “I believe you two may know each other?”Ruby, right.” She put her book in her lap and leaned back. “You exploded earlier and got that Schnee pissed off.”

Yet another example of animation failing to translate to written form. In the original we had Ruby visibly AND audibly fighting against Yang while Yang’s line was delivered in a cheerful and funny way. This lacks that charm and makes it just dull.

“Ruby, right.” She put her book in her lap and leaned back. “You exploded earlier and got that Schnee pissed off.” “Uh, um…yes?” “Made for a pretty good first day,” she said with a smirk. “See? She likes you,” Yang whispered as she nudged Ruby. “Keep it up!” “I don’t know what to say!” She hissed back, glad that she had the girl’s approval but completely lost on what conversation to make.

See here, this just feels artificial because Blake was so factual and netural about the incident in the last chapter that we would think Blake wouldn’t say something like that whereas the original just had Blake mention she exploded and Ruby tried to shake her hand she sniffed Ruby, reinforcing her awkward personality naturally instead of this unnatural crap.

“Blake,” she sighed. She had just began to pick up her book when Yang asked. “Well, Blake, I'm Yang, Ruby's older sister! I like your bow! “Thanks,” Blake said, a little irritated now. “It goes great with your, ya’know, pajamas!” “Mm..?” Blake tilted her head, impatient for them to either get on with the conversation or leave her be. Yang thought she even saw the bow twitch with annoyance. Ruby laughed uncomfortably as Yang continued to throw out topics.

Okay, this is where the narration style crashes and burns as I cannot tell what is going with it. Is Yang making the observations, is Blake , is the author? It’s mixing in all these things that do not work together!

Also, Blake was perfectly fine before with Ruby whereas in the original she was being factual and showed annoyance earlier on, displaying she didn’t want to talk naturally. Now it feels like Blake is annoyed because “plot!”

“Well, that's why we're here. To make it better.” “Oh, I am so proud of my baby sister!” Yang coddled. She smothered Ruby with a tight hug, which she valiantly fought and lost against. “Cut it out!” Ruby kicked at Yang’s legs to knock her down and they ended up in a pile on the floor. Somehow Yang’s hug turned into a headlock and soon enough sleeping bags were tossed tangled beneath them and pillows flew across the room. Blake sunk into her place against the wall further as eyes turned on the arguing sisters.

If they were being that rambunctious in the original, Glynda would storm in and scold them or at the least someone besides Weiss would come up and tell them to stop.

“What in the world is going on over here?!” No one but Weiss Schnee stormed in on the scene. “Don't you realize some of us are trying to sleep-” Yang and Weiss locked eyes, fed up with each others presence. “Oh, not you again!” They both shouted in exasperation. “Shh! Guys, she's right! People are trying to sleep!” “Oh, now you're on my side!” “I was always on your side!” “Yeah, what's your problem with my sister? She's only trying to be nice!” “She's a hazard to my health!”

Do I even need to point out how the original surpasses this due to voice acting and Blake’s expression?

Blake sighed and closed her book for good. She had been ripped from her peaceful night but couldn’t say the bickering didn’t entertain her some, especially with Weiss angry at an innocent Ruby. Something about the way that girl got worked up gave her a deep satisfaction, but that she would keep to herself.

Why would Blake not know why making Weiss upset satisfy her? She’s a Schnee and from her view Weiss is a spoiled privileged brat that caused her kind Fanaus and her comrades the White Fang trouble for years?

... Blake’s not a member of the White Fang in this is she?... It’d say how dumb that is and how by removing that Blake should be a completely different person but I’ve got house work to do.

Final thoughts: The writing is boring and uniteresting, lacking detail and comedic timing to be engaging or funny. The changes just make the story worse and the narration pisses me off.