#hey remember how we talked about daryl telling him about his family life and thor turning around and going “my childhood was fine” ...

[aintashes]

the shadow of my father. feat. @othunderous. thor gets a random starter from this starter call. based on no fun by novo amor and gia margaret.

in a sick twist of fate, the end of the world might be the only thing that changed daryl dixon for the better. being forcibly ripped away from everything he used to know, far from the brutal hands of his family and into the embrace of a different kind of life, brought out the person he always could have been. the person he should have been if not for his abusive and neglectful upbringing.

it didn't happen overnight, and he couldn't have done it by himself; although society crumbled, the aftermath of daryl's experiences did not easily fall away. navigating his own emotions without being able to understand them was perhaps even more challenging that living amongst the dead. he has people like carol to thank for her unending support of his personal growth, even in moments where she very well could have left him in the dust for things he said and did in his anger and grief.

but even though he's a different person— a better and more loving person —and he knows more about himself now, daryl often finds himself existing inside of a somber shadow. it's not sufficient anymore to simply understand the why behind his behaviors and feelings. it doesn't help him move forward. it doesn't help him heal or find any kind of acceptance. there was a point in the past where it did, but now? after so many years, the knowing isn't enough.

he's read about this— about stagnation in healing and the cyclical nature of trauma. it doesn't mean that he knows how to change it, though. so he simply lives with it, and it makes him think sometimes that being able to acknowledge the source of his pain is actually worse than not knowing at all.

one thing that has come out of his awareness, however, is the ability to sense that familiar shadow whenever it looms over others.

daryl isn't one to pry. cracking open his own mind and finding out that so much of his life was abnormal and unjust was devastating for him for a long time— he would never strive to callously plunge someone else into that knowledge. even so, the way thor speaks of his father always makes daryl's skin prickle with the desire to speak up.

he doesn't want to overstep, though. thor is a friend. the last thing he wants is to push him away. instead, he resorts to simply opening up to him whenever it feels appropriate to do so; whenever their conversation leads them down that path. perhaps eventually, it'll occur to thor that the way odin treats him reads much like daryl's father in a different font.

‘ my dad was a real hardass. it was like every step i took was wrong, ’     he admits during a discussion about their lives before the outbreak, a light scoff leaving his mouth as his lips pull into a solemn little smile.     ‘ taught me damn near everythin' i know, but he wasn't a nice teacher. ’