#hey look i wrote something!! i havent written in at least three years now which is WILD.

[lionofmara]

A blisteringly hot huff of breath woke Dalamus with a start. His red eyes met odd-colored yellow and green, and plumes of strawberry blonde fur filled his vision as a soft, dry leather nose plunged itself into the open space between his chin and neck.

“Ah, Sinbadaen has shifted,” he thought to himself and a light chuckle escaped him as he lifted a sleepy hand to pet the enormous head intruding on his space. “Good morning, Sinbadaen,” he tried to coo, but it didn’t come out quite as playful as he wanted, with the sleep constricting his voice.

The Lion seemed to pick up on it though, and gave a breathy huff, indicative of a laugh, washing Dal in more of it’s hot breath. It’s equally hot tongue breached it’s huge jowls to physically wash Dal’s cheek, resulting in a more awake and hearty chuckle.

Dalamus freed his other hand from the beast’s weighty head and gave it scritches under the chin, which it replied with a content sigh and pressing its weight into his hand. The rest of the beast he could hardly see was sitting on the floor beside their bed, it’s collective enormous weight far too much to even try fitting into their bed lest it break it to splinters. He could hear it’s thick weapon of a tail beating against the floor every so often.

It didn’t take terribly long for Dalamus to register that it was still dark inside the room and his night vision was engaged, thus concluded that it had to still be nighttime. Before he could react to this information, the beast lifted its head from his chest. It didn’t go far though, just enough to nose at the vampire’s nightshirt, it’s huge shape ever so gingerly maneuvering to bury itself underneath.

It’s hot breath warmed the vampire’s core, though Dal couldn’t help but lightly giggle at the sensation. He reached for the beast’s muzzle and pet it for a moment before he realized that the Lion was not just burying its face under his shirt, but was lifting it, shoveling it upward with his huge frame and toward Dal’s arms as though to take it off.

Confusedly, groggily, the sensation pulled a pleased sound from the vampire. “Sinbadaen?” he muttered questioningly.

The call of it’s name prompted the huge creature’s tongue to emerge and ever so gently lick the vampire’s torso. It’s rough, barbed tongue danced across his skin, the sensation prompting a shiver from Dalamus. For some reason, it wanted his shirt off, so he sleepily obliged. The beast’s weight shifted and it got closer to the bed in response. Reflexively, his hands went back to the Lion’s muzzle, holding it gently as it moved across his body.

Tongue was replaced by the small front teeth of the beast’s maw, it moving with such delicate precision that just barely the tips of it’s teeth brushed, feather lightly, against Dalamus’ stomach. The sensation drew a fluttering breath into the vampire’s chest—that pulled him from his groggy state. Before he could say a word, the Lion’s teeth had traveled down across his sensitive stomach and had hooked themselves at the waistband of his sleeping trousers. He blinked, trying to form a coherent thought in his head at what in oblivion the Lion was on about. It grasped the fabric between it’s jaws and pulled delicately downward, eyes lifting to meet with Dal’s.

Blood, warmed by the Lion’s great heat of a presence, rushed to his cheekbones as he realized what the huge beast was actually after. He drew a shaky breath. “Sinbadaen…? Are you.. Wholly in control?”

It’s eyes danced as it’s nostrils flared and a great, rolling sound emerged from its chest, not terribly dissimilar to a dog who had learned to “whisper” but not bark. Sin had been practicing “verbal” communication with Dalamus while in Lion form, and Dalamus recognized the sound as an affirmatory one.

The resulting hot breath awashed his sensitive stomach, tensing Dalamus’ groin in anticipation. His thoughts swam in grogginess and apprehension; Sinbadaen had never shown sexual interest while shifted into Lion form, but if Dalamus was reading him correctly, the day had come that he’d been concerned about. After all, the Lion was well over eight feet tall, and it’s weight compared to that of Skyrim’s heaviest horses. He trusted his beloved partner, but so much apprehension swam in his head.

And yet… the Lion was so gentle.. and so patient—aside from the occasional slap of it’s tail against the floor as it emoted. It seemed Sin was wholly in control of himself, but Dal could only focus on how small of an error, how the slightest of lax of concentration, had to occur for the huge creature to hurt him. Not that he couldn’t heal it off, but it wasnt Dal’s favorite idea—he had seen what the Lion was capable of, and it wasnt a pretty sight.

But the creature, at the moment, was as placid and gentle as a kitten, watching him. Pleading with him. He could feel it in it’s great breaths.

He closed his eyes, drinking in the Lion’s hot breaths. He chose to trust his partner.

“Very well,” he drawled sleepily.

He felt the bed move as the Lion shifted it’s weight, heard the click of it’s claws as it grabbed into the floor for purchase as it stood on all fours. He lifted his hips so the Lion could freely remove his trousers, and that it did, gently pulling the fabric down his legs and off to unceremoniously drop them to the floor at the end of the bed. His eyes opened in time to watch the great beast’s head move back to his body, locking eyes with him as it’s soft, leathery nose hovered near his sensitive stomach.

Dalamus took inventory of himself as he watched the creature’s huge head in anticipation. He hadnt noticed before, but as the Lion’s great tongue gently washed his stomach and down onto his thighs, Dal caught sight of his own penis, half mast—was that just from Sin’s slight toying so far, or had he gotten that way in his sleep? The creature’s nose disappeared between his legs and there was a moment of tense apprehension before the Lion’s tongue ever so delicately touched down at his perineum, and dragged upward, taking his scrotum with it.

Now he was awake.

An involuntary, deep moan loosed itself from Dal’s chest. If he wasnt fully erect before, he certainly was as the Lion’s tongue moved in for another pass, this time engulfing his penis with it’s rough barbs. Dal’s back arched as he loosed another involuntary moan. His hands reflexively reached to grab the beast’s nose as it bathed him in the best oral he had ever had, it’s massive tongue the perfect size, temperature, and texture that made Dal’s head swim. He bared his fangs in a tiredless yawn of pleasure, his mouth open to freely allow moans to leave him unmuffled.

The Lion stopped before he could get too close to orgasming, leaving Dalamus grasping needily at the Lion’s face. He didn’t need to breathe, but the breaths came reflexively, gasping for air to fuel sounds that he swore made the Lion’s jowls pull into a smile. And get Sin’s face he did, as the Lion moved to nuzzle his chest for a moment. Fear that the Lion had simply teased him for fun, his hands frantically grabbed at the Lion’s mane. But, before Dalamus could whimper, “Please, don’t leave me like this—”, the creature’s nose pushed under his shoulder in the universal companion animal sign to “get up”.

Could he? He wasnt sure his legs would work like this, even to find out what the Lion had planned for him next. Grasping Sin’s mane for leverage, the Lion essentially pulled him up into a sitting position for him. Sitting up, he could see the Lion’s tail swishing in excitement and for balance, especially as the Lion stooped on it’s back legs to lift it’s huge, unnervingly human-like front paws from the floor. Those paws gently grasped Dalamus’ arms, prompting him to let go of it’s mane—so he did. He surely couldn’t do anything to fight against those incredibly strong paws, so he watched with need thinly veiled by curiosity. From the Lion’s new stance, Dal could see that it’s light pink penis was fully erect, standing at attention against it’s huge testicles. He hardly had a chance to internalize and blush at the realization of what he was truly in for. Especially as, in the darkness, he couldn’t pick out exact details of the penis’ shape—but from what he could tell, it wasnt much different size than Sin’s normally was as a mer, curiously enough. Perhaps slimmer, but were his eyes deceiving him—did it have barbs on the head?

In a motion too fast for even Dalamus’ enhanced vampiric reflexes to react to, the Lion had let go of his arms and had delicately grabbed him under the armpits, not dissimilar to how one would pick up a child. His senses caught back up to him after he’d been hoisted into the air like a naughty cat, back pressed against the Lion’s furred chest, leaving him baffled at how blisteringly fast the Lion’s movements were for how bulky it was. The Lion first digits prodded into his underarms, prompting him to lift them. He did so, curiously, looping his arms around the Lion’s mighty neck and lacing his fingers into it’s mane for purchase. The beast’s head came to rest over his shoulder and against his chest, tickling him with it’s long fur, and warming him with it’s exerted breaths.

Dalamus’ blush that had died down returned as the Lion adjusted it’s grip, moving one large paw to grasp under his left knee and pull it back against his chest, the other paw moving to his right thigh, cupping his buttcheek in it’s huge paw pads. He stuffed his face into the Lion’s mane as it’s digits poked and prodded around his groin, the tip of one tender, yet sharp claw unsheathing to hone in on his anus. The sensation pried a shaky moan from the vampire, muffled by the beast’s fur. He relaxed in anticipation of the sharp claw sliding inside, but it stayed where it was—instead, the Lion shifted it’s weight and used it’s purchase as a guide to press the head of it’s penis against his entrance.

He gritted his teeth against the beast’s intrusion, letting off a drawn out hiss of air as the claw retreated, and the Lion’s length pushed deeper into him. His estimation on the Lion’s size seemed correct as it bottomed out in him, fur tickling his stretched anus. That was no where near as scary as he’d been apprehending, and just when he’d brought himself into a sense of security at knowing that it was essentially the same as he was used to, the Lion pulled out.

An involuntary shriek of a gasp escaped him at the sensation, his estimation of the Lion’s penis having barbs also having been correct. It didn’t feel like they were doing any damage, but the sharp, dragging sensation definitely hurt. It wasnt a hurt he didn’t enjoy though.

His arms tensed around the Lion’s neck, holding on for what felt like dear life as the beast began to thrust regularly, the barbs grabbing delightfully painfully at his insides with each out-stroke. His breaths came rhythmically with the Lion’s movements, releasing each time with what was probably a beautiful symphony of moans to the Lion’s ear that was awfully close. It shifted it’s right paw’s grip, balancing his weight on it’s arm and gently grabbing his penis with it’s rough, calloused paw pads.

He orgasmed embarrassingly easily after that paw gripped him. The texture of the pads, the heat of it’s paw, and the strength of it’s grip, in concert with the delightful penis inside of him and the earlier oral sent him spilling over the edge, whether he wanted to hold it in or not.

And yet, the Lion continued.

Dalamus moaned Sin’s name, which only seemed to encourage the beast to speed up and lengthen the amount of it’s penis it used to stroke with. Dal’s chest heaved, and ejaculate unceremoniously spewed over the beast’s paw as it’s barbs stroked against his prostate. He choked on moans too thick to escape his chest at the sheer ecstasy of each stroke, his body a melted mess in the Lion’s hands, even his hands betraying him and releasing the Lion’s mane.

He was given reprieve when the Lion bottomed out in him once more, his body trembling as the muscled mass held him aloft. His penis twitched each time the Lion’s within him did. He was allowed to come back to his senses, the Lion’s green eye watching him from it’s head’s place over his shoulder. It didn’t seem done, didn’t feel as though it had finished, but he was thankful for the moment of blissful still, able to feel the tickle of fur against his overstretched hole, the beast’s heavy chest movements as it breathed, it’s paw still holding his penis in a grasp he didn’t think could ever be bested, it’s strong arms holding his limp body so delectably tightly close.

“Oh Sin…” he breathed, the only coherent thought he could get to coalesce in his pleasure-muddled brain.

The Lion’s lip drew back in a grin. It could grin? Ah, it was probably grinning because it had reduced him to using it’s shortened name, something Dalamus was usually beloathed to do. Now he couldn’t form words enough to use his beloved’s full name, and that was it’s doing. It was right to be proud of itself.

Then it shifted it’s grip—not that Dalamus could protest much against it, with his body little more than a jellyfish at the moment. The Lion released his penis and moved it’s paw back under his arm, then again with it’s other paw. With the beast still inside him, he found himself being laid on the bed, face down, legs hanging off the side of the bed, a whimper being drawn from his chest at the sensation of the beast’s penis jostling about inside him at the repositioning. Before he could form any semblance of strength to move at all, the Lion’s paws gently grasped his arms, and in no uncertain terms pinned him to the bed. Not with it’s full weight, but with a pressure enough that even fully capable Dalamus couldn’t escape. He whimpered once more as the Lion shifted it’s hind paw placement to change stance and jostled within him again.

Initially bewildered why he was laid down, one final coherent thought formed in his mind before the Lion began to thrust again: “Oh... He tired of this bipedal nonsense.”

And that it had. With an untamed fury indicative of the wild animal within him, the werelion relentlessly began to truly fuck his beloved vampire. Despite being more bipedal than a feral lion, the werelion’s legs were perfectly balanced to thrust with breeding intent.

And perfectly it did, each full stroke tantalizingly brushing Dalamus’ sweet spot, then bottoming out only to go again, never losing it’s fast and almost desperate pace. Each slap of it’s furred and heavy testicles against his, the brush of his prostate with the Lion’s barbed head, and its intense pace made him moan and ejaculate. He knew he was going to be so sore when Sin was done with him.

By the time the Lion buried itself in him the first time, Dal was already hoarse, his brain clouded and lost in the fog of intense pleasure. The beast’s pause was at first considered to be a final reprieve, as through the haze he could register the twitching of it’s barbed penis and the low, inaudible rumble releasing from it’s chest indicative of it orgasming. At least one thing didn’t change between his beloved’s shapes. The brain fog began to dissipate as he thought it was done, but he quickly realized it was just paused, soaking in his pleasurable insides after dumping it’s load. It’s heavy breathing warmed him pleasantly, but he finally knew it wasnt done with him when it’s breath hitched in preparation to begin again.

Dalamus lost count of how many times Sin had paused to orgasm within him. He counted up to three, but his brain was too mush after that to register anything but the pleasurable pain. At some point in the endless night, the incoherent curiosity occurred to him of, who would be wrung dry first: him, or his beloved?

Final reprieve eventually arrived with the Lion’s paws trembling from exertion on Dal’s arms. It had paused long enough after it’s last orgasm for some semblance of coherency to come back to Dal’s brain, even if that was just enough to register the beast pulling back one final time to leave the vampire’s wrecked body with a gentle tug. Semen followed the path of least resistance once the plug had been pulled, and unceremoniously waterfalled from Dal’s insides to trail down his testicles and the inside of his right thigh. With his voice already so hoarse, he could only release a ragged breath at the sensation.

Before the Lion stepped away, it gently, lovingly ran it’s tongue across Dalamus’ back and gently pressed its nose against the side of his head, buried as it was in the mattress, to affectionately snuffle briefly against his ear. After a brief cuddle of it’s enormous head against his back, it took it’s paws from Dal’s arms and stepped away. Too brain muddled to register where the beast had gone, Dal simply laid in place in the afterglow.

Shafts of sunlight indicating morning had come shone through the window as Dal’s senses finally came back to him. With new coherency and alertness, he took inventory of himself. He was well and truly embedded in the mattress; he ached, whole body, but in the most amazing of ways; as he shifted to prop himself up on his elbows, he registered an unusual sense of fullness in his abdomen—oh right.

Just how much ejaculate did the Lion have?? He wondered bewilderingly to himself as he managed to look around the room.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Lion, curled on the center of their bedroom floor, snoozing away. He didn’t even have the decency to retake mer form to join him afterward--

His shifting attracted the Lion’s attention, and it opened it’s yellow eye to watch him. Dalamus swallowed against his raw throat and managed to say, as playfully as he could manage: “You jerk.”

The beast seemed to grin, and slow blinked at him before lifting its head to yawn. It stretched full body before rolling cutely on it’s back, belly presented to it’s lover. It’s groin and testicles were still damp, making it hard to gauge how much time had passed.

Dalamus heaved himself off the bed, legs shaking as they still weren’t entirely back in working order after the punishment his lower half endured. The Lion reached out it’s front paws in a “hug” motion, like a kitten reaching for a favored toy. Dal resignedly, carefully stepped over to the huge creature and willingly fell onto it’s chest, using it as a giant body pillow. It wrapped both paws around him, cradling him in a comforting hug, supporting Dal’s body just as it had earlier that night. Lions couldn’t purr like cats, but it did its best closest approximation, as a low rumble that was pleasantly comfortable for the battered vampire vibrated it’s chest. It ever so delicately washed his face with it’s tongue, intermittently rubbing it’s head on Dal’s.

“I would love some forewarning next time, should you need to use me as breeding stock again, Sinbadaen,” Dalamus managed to croak, as teasingly as he could.

The Lion’s ears rolled back in apology, it’s feline face somehow taking on a sheepish look. It seemed to try to loose a pathetic mewl, but being such a huge creature it came out far more intimidating.

Dal couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m not angry, my love. That was beyond amazing. I would just like to know that I’m going to be absolutely destroyed for a few days, ahead of time.”

[crowsent]

👶,⭐,💘, and💻. Love you!!

thank you for ask anon! writer ask game is here if yall wanna send in something. still taking asks for these btw

👶- advice for new writers =

yall this is hella fucking generic but PRACTISE. theres a reason almost literally every writer on tumblr gives the advise of “practise practise practise” and that reason is it works. practise doesnt mean ‘oh just write bc youll automatically get better over time’ it means ‘write bc if you dont, you wont figure out what you need to improve.’ did yall know that i literally had no sentence variation in the past? i started every sentence with [character name] or [character pronoun] and i didnt realise until i was 15/16 and i only realised bc i started writing a lot.

i think there’s a fear of failure with new writers. there’s this lingering doubt of  “what if its not good?” and boy howdy i will answer that question right fucking now. it wont be good. when i compare my current work to my earlier work, my earlier work sucked fucking shit. i spelled soldier with a fucking ‘j’ and i had no idea what the hell a point of view was. and thats okay. whoever tells you that youre going to perfect writing is a fucking liar. there is no perfecting writing. 20 years from now, imma look at the writing from today and im gonna think it sucks shit. writing is a process. its a craft. you get better and better over time and the way you get better is by experimenting w different styles, different genres, different ways of writing.

and the only way you can experiment and improve is through practise. in video games, especially rpgs (which are my favourite kind of video games), you struggle in the early game. youre at a low level, you dont have good equipment, you have a hard time moving to the next area. but the only way you progress is by grinding, gaining levels, and getting stronger. same w writing. if youre a level 1 writer, just starting out, no idea what to do, just experiment. fuck around a bit. write crackships, write rarepairs, write niche self-indulgent reader/character fics. at the end of the day, you should write for yourself. its good and cool if other people like your stuff and validate all your hard work, but at the end of the day, the one who should enjoy your writing the most is yourself.

you WILL mess up and you WILL struggle, but thats the only way you can improve. i struggle with pacing the most. still do. but others might have pacing down pat and struggle instead with word choice or pov or something else. cant figure out where you need to improve if you dont write, so just practise and worry about all the fine print later

⭐️- how do you get your inspiration? =

this is definitely not universal, but i just sit on my bed, close my eyes, and meditate. cycle through all my emotions and thoughts and filter them out. then i just toss everything out the damn window. like. id just meditate for a while, focus on breathing, on experiencing the present, picture a field and a tree and myself and breathe. thoughts fly by and i let them happen but dont focus on it.

meditating gives me some semblance of emotional control bc i normally have none, and it gives me kind of this space. this safe space that only exists for me and me alone. so i use that space to let the world drift away. just me and my thoughts and sometimes, those thoughts end up being good writing ideas. but i usually meditate for a set amount of time. like 15 minutes or 30 minutes so i dont write until i finish meditating.

then when i get out of my headspace, i open up my laptop and see what i remember. thinking too hard about something causes it to muddy up. same with art. in digital art, artists flip the canvas to refresh their eyes, see if there’s anything weird or wonky about the illustration that they normally dont see bc theyve gotten used to it. flipping the canvas is like giving our eyes a jumpstart and lets us see what we could do better. in traditional art, its turning the canvas this way and that or repositioning yourself. meditating is like that. a break. a cleanse. a kind of pause where you dont think about anything and just try to process what you already have. you relax and kind of let yourself float down a river of thoughts and sometimes, a fish would jump out of that river and youd go “hey, thats a good idea. i should try that” so when you get out of the river, youre refreshed and ready to go.

same principle with showers. more ideas come to you in the shower when you dont have anything to write with bc youre not thinking about it. youre not focusing on finding inspiration or motivation so ideas naturally flow through you. you know that feeling when you want to do x then someone comes along and says “hey you should do x” and suddenly all motivation to do x leaves? same w your brain. focus too much on “i should be writing” or “i want inspiration” and its never gonna come. just let things happen. at least, thats how i do it. some people might get inspiration by reading or watching tv. everyones different so if thats not what works out for you, dont feel pressured to try my method

💘- what’s your favorite AU? Least favorite? =

magic au. specifically fantasy au set in like a pre-modern era. shows like avatar where theres all this magic and fantastical beasts and so on and so forth. semi-modern like six of crows and nevernight are great too. i want that magic to be woven into people’s lives. harry potter is okay but there’s like this separation between magic and muggle. there’s this feeling of “magic” but like as a tool. like a spoon or a gun or a shovel. i want magic au’s that are INTEGRATED with the world its set in.

like in atla, earth kingdom people have trains they move with bending while fire nation people have machines powered by heat and steam. both correspond to their bending and makes sense for the world they live in. but if your plot is like harry potter and its less worldbuilding and more action, then there’s this book series called seasons rising (read it. so good) where there’s a bunch of spells but the spells have character. the people using the spells GIVE it character and it feels much more intimate. pokemon does the whole fantasy mixed w reality better. give two trainers the exact same pokemon and by the time that pokemon reaches lvl 50, its gonna have a different moveset, different fight style, etc bc it was shaped by the world and people around it. i like harry potter but tbh it could have been so much better

for the least favourite au, it’s A/B/O i dont like the whole “omegas are only good for breeding hurr durr” and “alphas are violent and aggressive and cant control themselves around omegas” thing and it squicks me out. major squick. i read the original harry potter squick (THAT one. yeah. you know the one) and i still hate a/b/o more. i get why people like it, and there are one or two fics set in a/b/o au that i enjoy reading, but as a whole, i severely dislike a/b/o fics.

the themes are squick, the character dynamics get so messed up, and shipping dynamics (bc a/b/o fics usually have shipping) just get so blown out of proportion. there are so many a/b/o fics that turn ooc or the character interpretations radically change or something else. no hate against a/b/o fans bc yall are amazing for writing/drawing yalls au. there are things that you can only do in this setting and exploring those things can be incredibly fun for people, but for me personally, its not an au i like to visit.

💻- three works of yours that are must reads =

i. dont know what fandom youre in anon or your genre preferences. so ill just rec you one fic for a different fandom each with kind of different genres. ts masterlist is on my side @hufflepuff-deceit and regular fanfic masterlist is on my writing blog @crownonymous 

(BNHA) Viper. its my first serious attempt at fanfic in YEARS and its my baby. currently has 7 chapters, i havent updated it in a while bc im hyperfocused on ts rn, but i love it to bits. its just all of my fav bnha fics crammed into one fic. quirkless kind of villain izuku with stain as a mentor as they work together to bring light to the injustices of hero society and where bakugos bullying has visible and long-lasting repercussions? sign me the fuck up. you can read it on ao3 HERE bc its not on tumblr. kind of fast-paced, has a lot more action scenes than anything else ive written. heavy plot-wise but has a lot of humour and comedy to break things up

(Kimetsu no Yaiba) I Pray To God He Hears You. not related to my other kny fic oleander which is a multichap retelling au. iptghhy is a standalone one-shot and kind of a character study on one giyuu tomioka. i love him so much. giyuu is my baby and i adore him. so of course i wrote a sad fic focusing on him. well technically, the fic focuses on giyuu AND his relationships.  SPOILERS for chapters 130 and 131 of the manga. focuses mostly on giyuu and sabito, but there’s a fair bit of giyuu and tanjiro and urokodaki.  you can read it HERE bc this is also not on tumblr. also deals with heavy things but more emotion-wise since it doesnt have that much of a plot. loss. grief. moving on. survivors guilt. that kind of stuff.  very sad. hurt but with comfort, especially at the end.

(Sanders Sides) Logan’s Birthday Fic: Logicality. just what the title says. i wrote 5 different fics and published them all on logans bday but the logicality one received the most feedback and honestly? the cutest of the bunch. its gonna be crossposted onto ao3 but for now, you can read it HERE on my ts sideblog. theres no plot since its literally just domestic and relationship fluff. and puns. patton is in the fic, theres gonna be puns. nothing but good things and warm feelings bc logan deserves it.

-

thank you so much for such interesting asks anon! i enjoyed answering these. have a lovely day!

[you-andthebottlemen]

52. Request - Van is lovesick but you think he’s just being friendly.

Based off this request:

hiii, love your blog so much!!! you're crazy talented, could you write something about van liking reader like waaay more than she likes him? maybe they're friends and he has a crush on her and writes songs about her and acts "lovesick" but reader just acts like it's just him being friendly lol and doesn't really mind it? i havent thought about the ending at all so it can be fluffly or whatever you want it to be! thank you xxxx

Thank you sooo much to whoever sent this! I am SO sorry it has taken over a year for me to write this as I received it just after I officially closed my requests. But now that I am back....here it is! Hope you love it. <3

Please send me any requests if you have them! 

E x 

*********************************

The window was open which meant the warm springtime air flooded in and filled your small flat with the smell of freshly cut grass and blossoms. It was your favourite time of year. Van lay casually draped across your couch with only his boots hanging lazily off the end, guitar in hand and strumming away slowly trying to piece together new chords into a song. You were sat on the floor by his feet reading and Larry was clattering about in the kitchen making a fresh pot of tea. Being Larry’s roommate meant the three of you spent almost all your down time together since Van and Larry were practically attached at the hip. You and Van were pretty close too. You all existed in a perfect harmony.

When Larry walked back out, both you and Van dropped what you were doing instantly. You moved the vase full of flowers Van had bought you that morning over so there was space and Larry placed the pot on the table. He filled all your mugs before settling down beside the now upright Van. The three of you slurped in silence for a little while until Larry began to talk.

“So what you workin’ on Van?” he asked, throwing you a small smirk.

“New song,” Van replied after swallowing a mouthful of tea.

“Duh. About what?” Larry questioned.

“Y/n,” he grinned bashfully and picked up his guitar again.

“As per usual…” you said quietly, not looking up from your book. “What is it this time? My enchanting wittiness or my stunning smile?” you teased, over exaggerating.

“Not my fault you’re a dead perfect muse y/n.”

You rolled your eyes and Van gave you a gentle nudge in the rubs with his boot.

“You need to get a girlfriend Van.”

“Yeah Van, get a girlfriend,” Larry provoked and leant over to give his best friend a small punch in the arm.

You and Larry laughed in amusement, but Van just stayed quiet and returned to strumming his guitar and humming softly. Everyone always teased you, saying Van was practically in love with you. All the songs he wrote about you, how he followed you around like a puppy, his general behaviour around you. But you always passed this off as friendliness; Van was the kindest most loveable person you knew, and he treated everyone as if they were special. This was just how your friendship was and you didn’t mind.

The three of you continued to exist easily in the same space for the remainder of the afternoon, occasionally floating in and out of the room. There was some casual conversation, but mostly a comfortable silence only interrupted by Van singing smoothly under his breath. It was the most relaxed you’d felt in months; you loved having them back from tour. As the sun went down, Larry went out, you retired to your room and Van eventually went home after a solitary smoke out the window.

………………….

The smell of alcohol rose off Van like a horrid perfume. He dragged along behind you slurring words to a half-written song only he knew and swayed around trying to move his feet both in the direction you were walking and as if he were trying to dance a waltz.

The others had piled into a taxi but Van in his drunken state, had insisted on walking and you couldn’t leave him alone. You’d sobered up by now, so the walk wasn’t pleasant. You were cold and not dressed properly for a 3am adventure through the city.

“Come on…” you whined, looking back at Van who was now swinging slowly around a street lamp. “I want to go home.”

Van’s face melted into a pout and he came up behind you and held both your shoulders as if he were about to start a conga line. Then he let one hand fall and used the empty space to pull you into him with his arm wrapped tightly around your shoulders, so he could share his body heat. You put yours around his waist and held onto his velvet blazer gratefully.

“You’re like...nothin’ else y/n,” he slurred, a soppy smile on his face as he looked down at you.

“You too, McCann, you too.”

Van’s drunken weight made you stagger slightly but you soon fell into rhythm as you led him all the way home.

Once you arrived back at your flat, you found that all the boys had stayed. Benji and Bob were crashing on the couch, Bondy was top and tailing with Larry. This meant Van had to share with you.

Larry helped you drag Van’s body to your room and pulled off his boots for him. Meanwhile, Van was still singing in slurs and trying to serenade you, seemingly unaware or at least, very unbothered by what was going on around him.

“Crushing on you, that one is,” Larry laughed. Your cheeks burned.

“Shut up he’s not.”

“Totally lovesick,” Larry asserted, too drunk to be wary of what he was letting slip.

Once Van was successfully in your bed, you bid Larry goodnight and made sure he was okay too. Then, you showered and washed away the grime of a boy’s night out. When you came back to your room, Van was fast asleep in your bed and snoring lightly. His face looked soft and peaceful, kind of angelic really. You climbed under the sheets and curled up beside him then tried your best to fall asleep too. But Larry’s words echoed in your brain. Van was not into you. No way. Yeah, he was a little obsessed with you. But you were sure it was because he didn’t really have many other female friends. You were different and he treated you differently because of it. All innocent.

You let these thoughts carry you off into a deep sleep and didn’t notice when Van’s arms snaked around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

…………………………

Unsure of how it all came to be, Catfish were doing a bar show. Unheard of at this point in their career. You weren’t missing it. They may be some of your best mates and you weren’t a fangirl, but their band was fucking good. You’d only seen them live for the first time just before The Ride came out, so mostly larger venues. This was special.

The room buzzed with a vibe you couldn’t describe but wanted to bottle up and keep forever. Everyone was excited, happy and in awe of the guys. You felt a different energy from the guys too, one you’d not felt before. One that confirmed to every single person there, that they belonged in arenas, that they were going to be the biggest band in the world someday. Van’s stage presence was a lot usually, in a small venue such as this, it was something else entirely. He effortlessly captured the attention of every single pair of eyes in the room. No wonder they’d made it so big already. Their talent was plain as day. You felt lucky to be there and couldn’t help but smile.

“Hope you don’t mind if we play a new tune for ya?” Van asked the crowd. He was met by loud whistles and cheers. “This one’s for you, y/n.”

Van used the neck of his guitar to point you out in the crowd and you felt everyone turn to face you curiously, some whispering to each other and other’s throwing you expressions you didn’t understand. His hair was sweaty and stuck to his face and you could hear the excitement in his voice, accompanied by his huge grin. Your cheeks turned a bright red and you awkwardly held you glass up to him. After a small chuckle into the microphone, Van launched into the song.

“You’re so lucky to be his girlfriend!” a random girl beside you squeaked.

“Oh, no. I’m not his girlfriend,” you replied with a bit of a laugh.

She looked confused. You gazed back over to Van, who was just visible over raised arms, from where you were stood at the back of the packed room. He was throwing himself around stage and singing about you. Your eyebrows furrowed and you got lost in your thoughts, not listening to the lyrics of the new song at all.

That was the first time you’d properly thought about what it would be like to be Van’s girlfriend.

…………………….

You and Larry were holding a small party at your flat to celebrate one whole year of living together. Somehow, the place hadn’t blown up and you were still sane, just. Your job was to take care of the space; cleaning and decoration. You’d spent most of the morning on the kitchen and much to your displeasure, the bathroom. Now onto the living area.

“Van, can you like not do that right now? I’m trying to vacuum?”

Van was laying on the floor propped up on his elbows, vinyls spread all around him.

“I’m on music duty,” he replied bluntly. He continued to slowly flip through all the records he’d gathered from around your flat and from his own, as if you weren’t there.

“I know.”

You prodded his leg with the end of the vacuum. He ignored this and began to whistle as he fiddled with the record player. Your record player.

“God you’re so annoying,” you groaned in defeat.

“Yeah but you love it,” Van replied, sounding smug. He looked at you over his shoulder and gave a cheeky smile with his tongue between his teeth. You rolled your eyes.

“Can you leave that for literally two minutes? I won’t take long,” you argued. “Or, hey. Go get food and alcohol with Larry, he will need the extra set of hands.”

Van huffed and gathered his limbs together, so he was now sat cross-legged and looking up at you. He looked like a child in kindergarten when the teacher had roused on them.

“Why’re you trying to get rid of me,” he whined.

“Fuck Van, I just want to vacuum the floor!” you laughed in disbelief.

Finally, he stood up and you pushed him out the door with Larry who was on food and beverage duty. After you cleared the vinyls and record player Van had left off the floor, you went around and finished your tasks undisturbed. They took about half the time they would have if the boys were still around. Once you were satisfied with the cleanliness of everything, you moved onto the aesthetics.

You strung up some colourful bunting and golden fairy lights on the ceilings and empty walls. When the sun would finally go down and you would turn the big lights off, the room would have a glow. You were excited. All the tables and surfaces were clear, ready for Larry to put out a spread of drinks and snacks.

Van and Larry took longer than expected so you used the peace and quiet to get ready. Your phone occasionally chimed; people texting questions about what to bring, confirming their attendance or bailing, sometimes the odd text from Larry double checking what you’d written on his list.

Once you’d slipped on your party dress and done both your hair and makeup, you felt ready.

Van and Larry finally came crashing back through the door, arms piled high with groceries. You rushed over to help, envisioning one of them dropping and breaking a wine bottle all over the cream coloured carpet.

“Fuck, y/n…the place looks amazin’!” Larry beamed at you as he gazed around the room.

“Forget the place, look at you! Dead gorgeous.”

Van was staring you up and down from behind the boxes of beer stacked in his arms, his eyes twinkling. You knew if he had his hands free, he would have come up and twirled you around.

“Er, thanks!” you swayed side to side awkwardly and smiled.

The boys disappeared to get ready; which probably meant reapplying deodorant and maybe changing their shirts. But not without Van sneaking one last glance at you around the corner, which you didn’t see. You got to work on the drinks, even though that wasn’t your job. You only had an hour until everyone was meant to start arriving and knowing the rest of the Catfish boys, they’d be early to get dibs on the best food and drink.

You looked up from the kitchen sink where you were mixing up a punch and saw Van leaning in the doorway, his arms crossed and eyes on you. You were unsure how long he’d been there. He’d changed into the burgundy button up you loved on him and kept his trademark black jeans and brown boots. You could smell his cologne and slight tobacco scent from where you were stood.

“Can I help you?” you chuckled.

“Nah. Well…maybe.”

Van came and stood across from you on the other side of the counter. He ran a hand through his hair and made a small noise, almost like a sigh.

“I think- I think I’ve gotta tell you something y/n,” he said nervously, his voice dipping up at the end of the sentence. He placed both hands down on the counter.

“What did you break?” you said seriously, trying to joke and lighten the mood. But he didn’t react.

“I know I’m just your mate and stuff. But I like you y/n. I really fuckin’ like you.”

Your eyes widened and you dropped the bottle you were holding, luckily into the sink.

“Careful,” Van laughed and reached over to pick it up just as you did. Your hands collided together and you snatched yours back instantly.

“No, you don’t Van. You only think that because I’m the only girl who hasn’t fallen at your feet.”

You refused to believe that everyone had been right about him this entire time. Why hadn’t Larry just said something for god’s sake? But then you remembered he had when he was wasted that time. Fuck.

“Maybe. Guess that’s part of it. But no! For real, I was proper taken with you ever since we first met. You completely blew me out my mind.”

“Oi don’t go ripping off more Oasis lyrics on my account,” you teased in a faux tone of disapproval.

“I’m being serious, y/n. I have feelings for you.”

Van’s voice reached a level of sincerity you’d never heard before. You sighed and weren’t really sure how to react. You couldn’t say you were shocked? But it was also the last thing you expected.

“I probably should have been able to tell, right?”

“Yeah, I’m no good at subtle,” Van laughed.

Your mind flipped through memories of the last few months. The songs. The flowers. The compliments. The unnecessary intimacy. All of it.

“Always thought you were just like, really nice to me. That it was normal?”

You gave Van a small shrug and chuckle as you put the punch bowl aside on the bench. When you were done, he came over to be beside you. Your hip touched his leg and neither of you moved apart. You looked down nervously, avoiding his eyes.

“I won’t lie, I hadn’t really thought about us in that way before,” you said quietly, feeling embarrassed and worried about hurting his feelings with your honesty.

“Would you want to?” he asked innocently.

Then, you spoke words you never thought you’d be saying.

“Yeah, I think maybe I would…”

With that, Van lazily rolled his head down and planted a slow kiss on your cheek, testing the waters. You let him. He raised a gentle hand to your chin and moved your face to be looking up at him. You thought he was going to kiss you on the lips and your heartbeat rose – you weren’t sure you were ready for that.

“Well okay then,” he replied simply.

His voice was low and quiet, but it was also hopeful and smug; you could hear the tiny grin in it. You smiled at his tone and wrapped your arms around his middle, giving a small embarrassed groan.

“I’m so stupid!”

Van just chuckled, pulled you into him and swayed you side to side, your forehead pressed to his chest.

This was going to be new and different. Van definitely liked you way more than you liked him and clearly had for a long time, in a romantic way at least. But somewhere, you knew that it wouldn’t be long before you were going to be head over heels in love with him. He was just that sort of a person. Magnetic.

Soon, people began to arrive. You and Van sat with your friends, chatting away and socialising but keeping yourselves a secret for now. You’d not necessarily agreed you were a ‘thing’, but you’d acknowledged something further than a friendship. You’d work it out together with time.

The evening was spent swapping stolen glances, arm touches and shared drinks. Both of you smug in the awareness that you were something no one else could see. As the night went on and you both became progressively more drunk, Van stole you away to an empty room, pushed you up against the wall and kissed you for the first time. One kiss and that was it. You knew you were made for Van McCann and he was made for you.

[smireyac]

yea boi u already kno what it issssss 🍾🎆🎉🍾🎆🎉

hey so i started writing this at 8 o’ clock so i would be ahead of the game and actually have more than an hour to write but HEY its already 20 after midnight so who the eff care amiright ladies

WOOOOO 🍾🍾🎆 🎉 🎆 🍾 🎉 🎉 🍾 🍾 🍾 🎆🎆 🎆 🎉 🎆 🎉🍾 🎉 🍾🎆 🎉

so.................... its 2019.....................

i watched vox’s “2018 in 5 minutes” video and cried so thats how this year has been :^) a lot of lows......... we always think we leave the shittiest year behind then lo.............. the next year rears its ugly head and we never learn............ despite this, im gonna try to keep a positive outlook on the new year......... its literally just another day and i have to be in at work @ 9 tmrw but its what ever im already super fucking tired whats losing another hour of sleep anywahy?? its practically expected of me any way what with being a youth,,, ANYWAY i spent my time ringing in the new year watching spiderman homecoming so i think that wa sGREAt its also great  that im gonna get to see spiderverse AGAIN tmrw after work so SUCK ON THAT im ringing in the new year RIGHT!! its a very spidey new year and i wouldnt have it any other way heh.....

alright

so its time.... to reflect...........

and actually reflect this time last year was weak sauce compared to the first year “im too unfocused right now happy new year or whatever” *scoffs* what r u too good for self reflecting now a days huhh

been doing a lot of self reflecting this year,,,,,, but today we will look back on how the previous years have gotten me to where i am today...

if 2016 was the year of change and 2017 was the year of getting used to things.............. 2018 felt like............ the year of getting TOO used to things, of not ENOUGH change............. like alright i scratched a few of the bigger things on my yearly “to do” list/resolutions, i. e. finally going back to school and getting a job at the library, but like.......... i definitly dont feel like i did enough........... my art game was SO WEAK and i feel like i wrote less than 10,000 words ALL YEAR (not counting my academic papers) i didnt really CREATE anything this i dont have ANYTHING significant to show for this year............and to get more negative i didnt even make any friends all year NONE FRIENDS im only *just* starting to get more friendly with people at the library thank GOD theyre nice and gave my shy ass a chance to open up but i still dont feel like ill make FRIEND friends theyre just work friends and u kno what thats making me so pissed bc its tricking my dumb ass into thinking i have a crush on someone at work aND that i want a *romantic* relationship with them!!! OUTRAGEOUS im so peeved.......................... i also still havent gotten behind a wheel but at this point im not sure if i will anytime soon bc im That Way..... grrrr im just mad thinking of all the things i didnt do so motherfucker i will make 2019 the year of DOING!!!! and i had so many resolutions last year i feel like the more i had the less i felt like i had to do them, like i was just saying all that to be like “oh wouldnt it be nice if any of these things happened lmao” so yeah 2019: the year of DOING... and since ive kinda sorta figured out that writing is my thang.... i think i wanna focus on doing that.. and anything that will help me do it

SO: #GOALS for 2K19

-WRITE AT LEAST 50.000 WORDS U COWARD, more than just “brainstorming” too bc thats like a cop out, write like stories or dialogue or scenes or scripts or WHATEVER just make it to 50,000 pls some people do that in like a month

-READ UR GOD DAMN BOOKS, u *cant* buy anymore if u dont read the ones u’ve already bought,,,, im willing to make an acception re: checking things out from the library................ but u rlly shouldnt IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO EASY TO WIN THE BET DUDE srsly..... maybe .... an hour b4 bed ? try to read ? at least try to read once a week dude....

-heres a curve ball WATCH MORE MOVIES !!! u say u love film well fuckin act like u do...... u only went to the movie theater 5 times all year and three of those were all in the last month to go see spiderverse, more than that HOW MANY movies are there on netflix that u see and go “oh i should watch that finally” or “people say thats rlly good bro” and u scroll right past to watch the same 3 fuckin movies i s2g

-oh yeah back to the writing thing, to reach that 50,000 goal u should write about what you read and watch, there u’ll prob meet the goal b4 summer if u do that bro but....u actually gotta do it....................

ok those r the 4 im REALLY gonna work on and try to keep track of in either of the journals sien got me :^) these next few i rlly want to happen but..... we’ll see

-make some friends pls.... pls be more friendly......... ENGAGE  people when u have the opportunity askQUESTIONS about them like if they have a dog or a hobbie jesus h christ

-go out..... on ur own..... do stuff............by urself if u have to... go to the movies by urself go to a park, walk around down town for the fuck of it idk DO STUFF

-finish something............ for once in ur miserable life...................................... finish the vlog or the scrapbook..... or the reading list or this set of goals PLEAsE ANYTHING

im not even gonna put draw/art blog related stuff on here bc........ its not what i want........ like i love drawing and i dont think im terrible at it, im at a good place with it but i dont wanna put my energy this year into drawing stuff for the sake of me being able to say “i did it” like...... last yr and the yr b4 i rlly RLLY wanted to get better at art to idk prove that i could?? but like i havent picked up my drawing tablet in months ... that makes me really sad but i dont really feel like picking it up either? ? i said i wanted to take a painting/color theory/ life drawing class maybe i will this yr and it’ll reinvigorate my love of drawing........ tbh spiderverse got me *this close* to being pumped about art and animation and like yeah i still am, i love the medium and its still a dream of mine to be apart of it but it feels like a pipe dream if i try to go thru the art angle........ so many people r better than me at that and its not really what i wanna do,,, i wanna CREATE STORIES and worlds and characters and like i used my art to help *me* develop those but... i dont wanna use my art to do it for someone else i guess............. the art of animation itself still facsinates me so they door isnt close yet but,,, i wanna focus on the other aspect of myself that im more and at the same time LESS confident about lmao WRITING like alright,,, i think im a good writer .... sorta ? like yeah people tell me i am and sometimes when i look back on things ive written im like “dAMN i wrote this ???” but like,,,, there are some things to writing that still. escape me... like poetry.... and a lot of other aspects to it that i cant describe write now bc it would take too long and im getting cold and tired SO YEAH hopefully this english class will help me, even tho its just writting for college essays, i need to start somewhere and if shes rlly as good of a professor as rate my professor says then ill learn smthg new

where was i

well the year wasnt ALL bad, like i said i got the job at the library i wanted and FINALLY got to go to school, stressful as that mightve been........ and i got to see my love, my darling, the light of my life rhys again for one glorious week,, hopefully ill be able to see more of my friends this year? either in miami or milwuakee idc which MAYBE BOTH lmao im not that rich but hey i can dream,,,

alright its 1:12am i think im ready to sign off,,,,,,,,, here’s to DOING in 2019

🥂 cheers