#hethatshallnotbenamed

[just-spam-and-rice]

Today was a little strange. . Have you ever gone to the docs and they were like, “After this procedure, you should rest and recover...” - and you’re like, “WhatEVA, I can do what I WONT! WutEVAAAH! I can do WhatEVA I WONT!” . So, you head out still high on Atavan and anesthesia, and you buy some dumb shit from Home Depot that you don’t need. . Meanwhile, a six-car pile up happens next to you. You react a little slow, call 911, but luckily there was an undercover cop there to begin the rescue. (Word of advice - once EMS gets there and controls the situation, leave. If they tell you to leave and they “got it”, leave. They don’t need 20 random heroes that get in the way.) . I arrived home; did the lawn for me and a couple neighbors. My neighbor’s hubby has dementia, and I’m such a sucker for old people. . I wondered why the shrubbery under her back deck wasn’t cared for. Her son-in-law wasn’t around, so she asked for my help to handle the knee-high grass. . Her grandkids and a couple random kids were playing in some crazy-thick-grass when I noticed something. I stepped closer to take a look, and... . ...the women pointed at movement in the grass, and started to scream at me. . I saw this poor guy trying to get away, but everything happened so fast. . Hey, don’t get upset at me! I had three old ladies and a bunch of little kids yelling at me, and screaming, “Kill it! Kill it!” . I saw movement, four screaming little kids, screaming old Pakistani women, and it was all directed at me - so, I gave a ninja-swing with the nearest wooden staff, which happened to be filled with a couple of carpenter bees that flew out and landed on my face. . Yeah, I landed a killing blow, but bees landed on my face. 🙄 . At least I gave the kids a good laugh, right? . If anything, today taught me one thing: The next time doc says to stay home and rest - I’m gonna fuckin’ stay home and rest. (Next time, I’m burning their lawn down. 🙄) . #listentodoc #watermotrinandsocks #itsaharmlesssnake #hethatshallnotbenamed #parseltongue #slitherin #mybackhurts #ifeelbadforit #ididntmeanto #theymademedoit

[brandinicoleminter]

BahahahahhaahHhahaahahahahahahahaha For all my Harry Potter peeps @lissssabeth just sent me this and I laughed for about 10 minutes!!! I'd rock these in a minute. @miss_abigail92 @jasonhobart @bailesofhey #gryffindor #harrypotter #icantouchyounow! #hethatshallnotbenamed