#hess tiamaret

[carnivalls]

do you have any snippets of good intentions? there need to be more stories about girls who pretend to be their dead ex gf and become the school bully.

hey hello yes let's both practice mindfulness and pretend i haven't been sitting on this one for actual months. but. for once i actually do! since my friend is trying to get me to submit her to a penguin publishing competition thing (there is a 61% chance i will not be doing this) and i was self-guilted into at least sprucing her up a little.

here's some of the earliest juve and hess i wrote just for you anon <3

[carnivalls]

Ναι εγώ λοιπόν!!!! Πάμε ραντομ: 1,4,7,12,16,17,20,28,30,37,51 <33333

THEKLAAA χριστεμ αυτό μου πήρε μέρες... αλλά ευτυχώς λατρεύω να μιλάω για τους ψυχολογικά ασταθείς μπλορμπουδες μου όποτε. ναι. για πάμε λίγο.

δεν διευκρινησες χαρακτήρες οπότε διάλεξα τυχαία το άλλο κομπλεξικο duo μου, την nevinny και την hess, μιας που ήδη απάντησα σε άλλο ασκ για την juve και τον oreste της.

1. What's the lie your character says most often?

for hess it's not so much a lie she says as it is one she does, one that she's committed to doing, each and every day she's spent by nevinny's side. and that's just the implication that she is okay with what's happening, the turn her life has taken, and that she is completely over what happened with juve. doesn't even think about her anymore. she doesn't feel guilty, she doesn't feel angry, she isn't using her new life as a means of keeping herself isolated within a Familiar Framework (stuck at the side of a girl obsessed with making her open up) or as a way of punishing herself (see below), this is fine and also if anything juve is the one to blame, if she even thought of her, which she doesn't because she's got nevinny and Mostly Herself now. so.

for nevinny, hm! it's a little trickier with her since i'm still getting her character vibe sorted, but i don't. actually think nevinny lies! or, doesn't really see a reason to, anymore. she used to lie to the wider world via presenting herself as subservient to emi, a good core & mage duo, but at the point where she's at in her story (and with emi dead behind her) i think she's fairly straightforward in her motivations & attitudes. and i think that disturbs hess even more, since they're both so foreign to her, and she doesn't trust like that and is always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

4. What's a hobby they used to have that they miss?

the hess in my mind just bluescreened at the concept of hobbies. hobbies? her? growing up, she was too busy deliberately doing anything she could to set people off to cultivate her own likes and interests.

having said this, i think hess did like nature and exploring– a hobby that she doesn't so much miss as has been a little soured for her, as nevinny drags them both up mountains and through woods and god knows what else for hours on end. i also think nevinny at some point also started teaching her how to make jewelry, which hess liked, and then freaked out over liking lest it be used as a bonding point between the two of them, and now refuses to do it. still though. in another (or even future) world, where she's more normal...

nevinny meanwhile enjoys singing, if it can be called that– she's not greek coded, but the closest i can get to describing it is as moirologia. lamentation music intended to be sung after someone's passing (and, in my worldbuilding, also over someone's deathbed, to help ease the transition into the next world). nevinny's mom was a moiroloi singer in their village, and nevinny was taught all of the hymns growing up– and even sometimes joined in performing them too. despite being a core herself, i think nevinny's mom was a little... absent from nevinny, growing up, so nevinny only really felt like she was bonding with her during conditions of loss or grief, when her mom would actively include her in her beloved work. as you can imagine all this has done great things for her sense of interpersonal relations.

but yes nevinny to me reads as someone with a bunch of little hobbies, ways of passing the time, attempting to connect to others or finding peace with herself– making jewelry, working with clay and wax, whittling, knife tricks, etc. she can move quickly from one thing to the next, but only after completely excavating all there is to know about the thing that came before it. yes this also goes for her interactions with people. yes she's a fun parallel/foil to juve. yes this makes her dynamic with hess insane.

7. What would you yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

honestly, in either case, just yelling hess' name would work to find her– she's technically on the run, and hearing her name would throw her, hard! she'd turn automatically before she could snap herself to her senses enough to keep it moving. likewise, i do think yelling juve's name would have... more of an effect on her attention than she'd like 😁👍

to get nevinny's attention... hm! she's a bit better than hess regarding the whole being on the run thing, so if she heard her name, any turning would be a deliberate act on her part rather than a guaranteed kneejerk reaction. it's possible that singing one of the aforementioned moirologia would be enough to pique her interest as well though, have her following the source of the sound. or maybe if she thought hess was in danger... hm. many thoughts!

12. What's something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

honestly i do think hess is the type of person to be very charmed by impressions. it's a little mean spirited, and definitely contributes to the whole alienation thing she's got going here, but. i do believe that a good impression of someone is enough to elicit some laughter. i know she hates puns.

i think nevinny is very specific in her humor– a little off-putting with it, will laugh at jokes before they reach the punchline, will just stare at you with a faint, flat smile after it's delivered. i don't think sarcasm hits her that well. having said this, i can see her being delighted with puppet theater a la karagiozi (she's not greek, i continue to mutter to myself) (unless), and enjoying a good situational comedy anecdote. she's big on the story hook, not so much the quipped sinker.

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their heads?

already answered for hess!

nevinny... doesn't do this. or at least not in this manner. nevinny might mentally orchestrate the societal responses she think she'll get to her whole Deal, but nevinny mostly focuses on the good things she thinks will come from her actions, not the opposition she'll face. so.

17. What do they notice first in the mirror vs what most people first notice looking at them?

hmm. i think hess doesn't look in the mirror too often– would curtly note that she knows what she looks like, thanks, unless she's changed overnight (funny foreshadowing). she feels the type to take stock of herself in a rushed, offhand way. honestly the first thing she'd notice might not even be a physical trait, but rather a belonging– checking that the latch on her necklace is still fastened tight. meanwhile, i think what people would first note about hess is her eyes– they're a striking shade of blue, and really stand out in her face.

meanwhile, i think nevinny looks in mirrors even less than hess does– she prefers thinking of how she feels in her body rather than how it looks to an outside eye, so a lot of her presentation now that she's older relies solely on comfort. i think the thing she's most fixated on is her hair, and enjoying how it feels now that it's finally short. she also enjoys cutting it (a bonding activity she attempted with hess a couple times under the guise of convenience) (hess is a freak about this too). meanwhile, what other people notice first about nevinny is probably... nothing, at first! she's very short, very unassuming, not too pretty and not too plain. but then, when her attention is trained on you? her smile. nevinny has a very unique smile. you never know if you want to see it again, or want it gone.

20. Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don't like the person?

for the most part, hess can't differentiate nuance in a person like that– she's a lot more of a black and white thinker. if she doesn't like you she can't acknowledge liking anything you produce, either, because it's an extension of you. so there.

having said this, i do think an older hess will find a sort of begrudging kinship with her old principal, dr malva albescu– a weird respect seeing this woman so insistently try at something that hess resented from day one, and who anyone with half a braincell could see was a terrible idea. a mess of good intentions, some might say (haha. title drop). this becomes doubly funny when dr albescu tasks her with finding and apprehending hess tiamaret, while not knowing she is in fact talking to hess herself.

nevinny.... hm. this might be a spoiler. let's call it a spoiler for now.

28. What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?

whough boy.

i think, if asked, hess will snap that she just wants to be left alone. it does not take a great mind to see that hess does not, in fact, want to be left alone– or rather, that she 'does', but only because she has no idea how to handle the alternative.

i keep re-iterating myself in various ways, but the tldr is quite simple: hess is desperate to belong, and doesn't know how. so it's easier to stay as someone hated, an eternal 'other', because then at least she belongs via not belonging. via constantly being the opposite of what she 'should' be, and thus exactly what's expected to her. it's the closest hess can get to an in-group of her own, while ensuring a lack of vulnerability and real connection (which she has no idea how to handle and is terrified of failing at).

so yes. hess is a feral alley cat who would rather tear your ankles to shreds than ever admit to wanting to rub against them, because well. can't say you failed if you never tried. can't be rejected or hurt if you shut people out first, conform exactly to their worst expectations, and find solace in them (while also resenting them for confining you to them). she's my favorite freak.

nevinny meanwhile is fairly transparent and accurate in what she wants– i, the author, need to sort out the details here but the tldr is that nevinny wants connection. specifically connection with other cores (the type she never got from her own mom growing up). nevinny wants to restructure existing structures to put cores at a unified forefront, and she thinks hess has unlocked something in her magic that's worth learning and teaching in turn– that she's generally a good face for the movement (as you can imagine, hess 'i would rather skin us both alive than have a positive basis for an in-group / if im not being judged for what i am i have to be judged for who i am and what if i don't know or like that girl either' tiamaret is slightly less keen on this. still, though, she's stuck around for the past like 7 or so years. im sure that'll end well for them both).

30. When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it's personal versus when it's professional?

sort of? primarily because hess won't feel bad if a job isn't well done. she has no actual emotional investment in this whole schtick, or at least none related to the job itself, it's more of a like... you committed one crime, so why not commit another? and another? and another? actually, maybe, by committing crimes in a similar vein over and over, maybe it'll take away the significance of the first time, which shouldn't even matter anymore (juve's skin searing, burning, the fact that she didn't scream and somehow that was even worse, the blood in hess's mouth). hess is using her current 'kill people for money' job as a weird form of coping, so there's not really any sense of making 'mistakes'– all of this is to take away from her Actual mistake (which she also refuses to see as such). having said this i do think hess feels weird if a death gets too drawn out. not guilty, but... strange. uncomfortable. and nevinny is more and more prone to drawing them out as of late.

(mind you, hess' sense of guilt on a personal level is also skewed– she tends to swap it out either for anger and outwards pointing blame, or heaps of self-loathing. it's a coin toss each day).

to be honest with you? i don't know if nevinny has really felt guilt a day in her life. she's felt regret over mishandling things a couple times in the past, sure, but actual guilt? that would require focusing on the losses over the gains more than nevinny cares to do. as far as she sees it, you make a mistake, can't change it now. you learn and move on. it's something she wishes she could impart more unto hess.

37. What's a secret they haven't told serious romantic partners and don't plan to tell?

for hess... jesus christ. 'serious romantic partners' here is a loaded question, for her, so i'll just swap it out for the closest thing she's had to one for the past ~7 years (nevinny).

hess does not plan to really ever tell nevinny how to use her magic to imitate the other two existing branches, despite implying that she will. as far as she sees it, she's the only one who's cracked that, and it helps set her apart from all the other cores out there– a necessity to preserve her identity, in a time where nevinny is so hell-bent on connection. she's given a couple lofty lessons on shifting, nothing major (and nothing that nevinny was able to imitate), but past that? no way. i also don't think she plans to ever tell nevinny the full truth of what happened with twisting gerumas into hurting juve, or even that she still thinks of juve at all. after all, she's too busy repressing that herself.

for nevinny? hm. potential spoiler, i think. we'll see.

51. What's a phrase they say a lot?

an inside joke of sorts between them– nevinny proposing something, hess hesitating. a half-smile from nevinny. 'don't you trust me?' the reply, in any of its variants: 'fuck no', 'like hell,' 'never did', 'never will.' hess doing it anyway.

[carnivalls]

writing some more good intentions ch 1. this is so fucked up. did you guys know hess was like this. did you know she probably tried to be 'good' at a younger age but then realized all of that progress got erased at the slightest misstep, and everyone only ever saw her for What she was and not Who anyway. and why would she work twice as hard for half the love? did you know hess has ultimately decided to cope with the world hating her by making herself sooo hateable in turn, embodying the difference ascribed to her, and deep down feeling pleased she gets to be the director's #1 problem child because it's the only way she knows how to belong <3

[carnivalls]

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in honor of pride (2023) here's a compilation of the straightest moments from when i first wrote of juve & hess. it involves a lot of staring, a lot of weird power dynamics, and a lot of shifting into your dead ex girlfriend in order to help your new... something learn how to shift as well

[carnivalls]

8 and 16 from the character questions\

hi thanks! since a character wasn't specified i followed my heart and did it for my horrible state-enforced codependent duo (juve & hess <3)

8. How loose is their use of the phrase 'I love you?'

juve will say i love you when she knows the moment calls for it, whether it's due to the social script of saying it (her parents are going abroad again, her nini has gotten her something she wanted, her girlfriend (?) is waiting for an answer) or due to knowing that saying it will unlock more interesting and relevant responses down the line, almost like an investment (hess must be unknowingly starved for that kind of attention, so what will happen if juve gives it to her?). juve will say i love you quite readily, and juve will think she knows what it means to say it. juve does not.

hess would probably prefer to be flayed alive than to say i love you. it indicates a level of vulnerability and acknowledgment that she can't quite bear atm because well. to love hess tiamaret is to see and know hess tiamaret. and frankly hess has absolutely no idea who that girl is either so.

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

haha ha! don't know about what kinds of people specifically, but present day juve has been using an. 'argument' with hess in her mind to keep herself going for about seven years now. she's chosen an entire career path based on the likelihood that it will lead her to hess and she will get to have it in person as well.

(although to be fair, 'argument' is not really the right word here so much as 'imposed reconciliation'– juve and hess last left off on an argument in person that left juve physically scarred, and she's sort of decided to herself, based on her own interpretation of hess, that hess will want to apologize to her for it. so sure. cue seven years of hunting down hess. for hess' own sake, not her own, of course. juve has no personal investment in this. she's not projecting or deliriously disconnected from her own feelings in the matter. juve is essentially a martyr.)

but yes all this to say. juve doesn't exactly have arguments with people in her mind as she does highly precise scenarios to inform her interactions with them. and for the most part she will go ride or die to see them through

meanwhile hess generally picks fights with just about everyone in her mind– she enters social interactions already assuming that they think the worst of her, and working from there to confirm it (oh the stability in being hated <3). hess is funny though because this means that it's not actually an argument– she wants them to win, she wants to prove them right and be someone to be hated, because by doing so she can define herself as well. she needs them to hate her so she can hate them and also kind of herself and rest easy in the certainty of her identity.

having said this, present day hess also spends more time than she'd like imagining juve's reactions to her actions and non-judging her. and yes it drives her mental & inspires her to keep getting worse so.

[carnivalls]

girl anachronism is a hess song but "there i go again, pretending to be you / make believing that i have a soul beneath the surface/ trying to convince you it was accidentally on purpose" oh baby. you know that's all juve

[carnivalls]

give phoebe a little kiss from me and tell me something about your toxic lesbians

phoebe said she doesn’t know you & also if she did she hates lesbians & also she wouldn’t even know the word lesbians so there.

also i’m assuming you mean juve and hess so i will talk about juve and hess (though hess is bisexual) (and juve is insane maybe bi-ace but it’s complicated)

something about hess: her only real possession is a fake gold necklace she always wears around her neck. she found it on the street and got weirdly attached to it as a kid, finders keepers rules. it should have absolutely no sentimental value to her and yet for some reason that’s why it does - hess doesn’t delude herself into fantasizing someone gave it to her, or even imagining they left it for her there to find, but rather, she likes that she’s the one now who got to pick it up. give it history. she likes that it was a random thing that means something because she said so. at some point in the story juve calls that necklace her collar and the only person hess is angrier at is herself for not being able to bring herself to rip it off

something about juve: i don’t think juve dreams? like a small part of me thinks she’d be a lucid dreamer, but that feels a) too on the nose and b) like that’s more what juve is manifesting she’d be rather than what would actually be the case. if that makes sense. instead i think juve just slips into a deep dark slumber and it’s the only time she’s not so acutely herself, or anyone, or anything. it would be peaceful if she had enough mind at the time to process it

[carnivalls]

hi everyone sorry real quick. just checking.

+ propaganda & plot synopses:

— TERRAS TOWN.

plot: terras town is about a girl, lev alvarez, who falls into a parallel world layered right under hers, and who needs to find a way back home before she brings her world crashing down alongside. however, lev's life back home is not going too well right now, and this goal rapidly starts to vanish as she deteriorates more and more into escapism in a world that carries no consequences for her.

if i did this for nano, i'd probably just throw myself into writing as much as possible since i've got her entirely outlined, and post little excerpts of my progress if the fates allow it. definitely won't hit 50k words but still. we said abridged.

— GOOD INTENTIONS.

plot: good intentions is about the first academy in the saints-square built with the aim of anchoring cores (people who possess raw, explosive, very dangerous magic) to mages (an artificially created class of people who can siphon cores' magic into 'usable' forms); and more specifically about the experience of two girls (hess tiamaret & juve mizani) in the process. hess flat out refuses to become some rich girl's magical battery, and juve is very much keen on making her buckle and accept her 'help.' they're also both really fucking crazy and there's more to them but i'm still learning how to summarize their deal.

if i did this for nano, i'd probably need to split my efforts into outlining since this is a fairly new project and i don't know everything about her yet. having said that, i'd work on smaller drabbles and chapters where i do know what's happening etc and try and post parts of those. so there's that.

[carnivalls]

hiii. so. i'm a little trapped right now as far as writing goes - aka wholly unsure which of my two main projects to work on. and i've decided that after presenting my respective problems, i'm leaving my course of action up to all of you.

please read the propaganda before voting if possible!

EXPLANATIONS/PROPAGANDA.

terras town is about a girl, lev alvarez, who falls into a parallel world layered right under hers, and who needs to find a way back home before she brings her world crashing down alongside. however, lev's life back home is not going too well right now, and this goal rapidly starts to vanish as she deteriorates more and more into escapism in a world that carries no consequences for her.

pros of me working on this: this has been my main project since i was 15, i have it completely outlined and the characters are fully fleshed out and everything, i know how it all fits together and i'd kind of really love for it to be the first project i complete properly

cons of me working on this: structurally it's a bit fucked - it drags on in the same way for far too long, it has too much introspective activity and not enough external action, and the mc is totally severed from the wider plot surrounding her; thus risking a large part of the story not making sense until book 2 or (like i said) feeling repetitive as she simply does not engage with it. also it's a little cringe

good intentions is about the first academy in the saints-square built with the aim of anchoring cores (people who possess raw, explosive, very dangerous magic) to mages (an artificially created class of people who can siphon cores' magic into 'usable' forms), and more specifically about the experience of two girls (hess tiamaret & juve mizani) in the process. hess flat out refuses to become some rich girl's magical battery, and juve is very much keen on making her buckle and accept her 'help.' they're also both really fucking crazy and there's more to them but i'm still learning how to summarize their deal.

pros of me working on this: i think it runs a lot smoother than tt structurally, with a good balance of internal and external action; it's multiple person pov which is just v fun and also helps keep everyone involved in the wider plot, it has a more polished sense of character voice, juve is a low empathy love interest which ive always wanted to explore (i have a low empathy character in tt too but shes more of a minor character), if you like gideon the ninth vote this one

cons of me working on this: since it's a new wip i'm still not done plotting it, there's big worldbuilding gaps, and i have no idea how a lot of stuff ties together just yet (and potentially for a long while) so it'll take much longer to do. also everyone really does love tt, me included, so it feels a bit like a sell out.

some excerpts to help sway your mind either which way:

1. terras town

2. good intentions