#hes there twice i htink

[malakaiballwhipper99]

SURPRISE SKETCHBOOK DUMP FROM THE LAST 2 WEEKS

im sick rnn so i haven't done anything significant.. wish me luck in finals 🍾

[insert-stupid-username]

Ranking drivers based on how funny I think they would be on drunk history.

-would like everyone to know if charles and max were sharing a story and like saying it the same room they woud be top of my list cause they are just so unhinged when together... I would pay to see that-

Fernando Alonso: He is SO unhinged I feel like the one liners would be hilarious. I dont think he would act super drunk which I think would make it SO much funnier.

Yuki Tsunoda: I feel like he would act drunk and just keep swearing. To me he would be the one that keeps parafrasing what people say in funny ways ie: marie antonet "let them eat cake" to like "then she was all go eat the cake *pantomime shoving cake in someones face*"

Checo: Once he is let loose I think it would dbe hilarius. Also think about how much he would try and relate the historical thing to his current life

Daniel Ricciardo: Dude I think it would be a blast he just has a lot of natural charisma also think about all the things he would blurt out with less of a filer

Valtteri Bottas: I am of the opinion that the quite people have the funniest thoughts

Max Verstappen: dude people with that much trama are the funniest ever. But he is drunk so its a toss up if hes louder or quiter

Nico Hulkenberg: I stand by the fact that Dads are inherently funny in the formate of drunk history. there is something about dads that leads to very badly told history lessions that get funny once you add alcohol

Charles Leclerc: dude would just go on so many tangents I want to ee what the skits would turn into cause how the hell would they work a freaking dog and max verstappen into something like the french revolution (side note if it was anything french this man would 100% clarify a LOT that he is not french even if he is covering french history)

Kevin Magnussen: again Dad engery is hilarius

Franco Colapinto: THe fact that he wouldnt be able to keep on track would be funny, also think about him randomly slipping into spanish when telling a story thats like based on somewhere nowhere near a spanish speaking country

Pierre Gasly: dude would spend like half the episode speaking in french. Also think about all the times hed be like "yeah and that was a lot like the time x driver and x driver"

Carlos Sainz: He just doesnt strike me as funny drunk. though I do think his acting would be funny

Alex Albon: he would stick mostly to the script but the like 4 or 5 times he divates is funny enough to get this high

Logan Sargeant: I just want to see him fumble really long names. It would be a funny one where he would try like twice and than go lafieate is now going to be known as dave cause thats a hard name to say.

Liam Lawson: I feel like the guy would get so into it esspecially if its a war based episode. but like into it in a weird way that makes people go huh

Oscar Piastri: I dont think he would stray to far from the history itself

Zhou Guanyu: I dont htink there would be much straying from the script

Esteban Ocon: unless it was soemthing he generally liked it would be so very bland, and even then I dont think he would be drunk history funny

Lando Norris: I honestly think he would be more annoying than funny, and try to fource a joke but itll not work at all

Lance Stroll: I just dont think he can make funny jokes. If he has Ive never seen nor laughed at them.

Lewis Hamilton: He would be giggling and then the story would be kinda similar to brocedies so he would shut down fast.

George Russell: I think he just straight up wouldnt make sense or he would just straight faced tell the story with very little embeleshments.

[mellow-worlds]

He kissed M twice on his bday. Because he wanted to. M said no, kind of, and L still kissed him. Idk how to feel about that. It was such a nice birthday. L made me drink. He's the only reason I drank at all. I got really drunk. I had a lot of fun and talked to lots of people. At some point, though, when we were at D's house, I started questioning why he loves me or why he says he does so and I said I don't deserve you and he said sure you do and then dragged me back to the others. Idk. I feel kind of bad about this. Don't get me wrong, the birthday was a lot of fun, even after I felt sad for a while. I feel like I just wanted to feel sad.

I think I should feel neutral about this. About him kissing M. It was just pecks and I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. Maybe? It just kind of hurts that sometimes he pushes me away when I kiss him (I kiss him a lot on the neck tbf) and then really wants to kiss M. When we got home we fd. And he was really into it. He was drunk. He was really drunk. By then I was almost sober again.

I just don't know how to feel... I think I should accept the kisses because us kissing is not what makes our relationship a relationship. The way I see it, though, is that I either do stuff that could make him jealous like cuddling or kissing other people or he stops doing it. Should I talk to him about it? I did already, didn't I? And he didn't listen to me. He did that twice. I told him something hurt me, or at least made him clear that I don't like it when he does taht and he did it anyway. He kissed M again and he was aggressive towards me when I gave him a blowjob even though I asked him not to do those things. I told him I want to get better and he thinks it's all going to sort itself out? He thinks it's easy? I don't think he understands how hurt I am and how much I've suffered. He doesn't understand how easily I get hurt. He doesn't understand how much he hurts me. He makes me so happy and he makes me want to be happy but he hurts me so much. He doesn't even know it.

I think I'm tired of suffering. I don't htink I want to hurt anymore. I don't know how not to. And I feel bad rn. It's ok to feel bad and I don't need to feel abd about feeling bad. It's ok. I can experience these emotions and still get better.

I wish I knew why I want people to hurt me. I wish I knew if I even want people to hurt me. I'm going to say that to him. I feel like I should. I feel like I should tell him that he doesn't really understand how my mind works and how damaged I am. I'm not going to phrase it like that, though.

M was kind of mean to me at his bday. He said it himself, but he didn't really apologize. After he said "I've been so mean to you today" I wanted to say "rightly so". I didn't. I kind of wish everyone was mean to me. I wish they'd treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I don't know if I actually think this. I do want to get better, right? I don't know if I can and I don't know if I can ever rid myself of thoughts like these. Should I get help? Should I talk to L? I don#t think I should tell L everything. I don't think he should suffer because of me. He shouldn't. I should suffer because the world hates me. Is that true? I want to be okay with the person I am. Does that mean I deserve to suffer`? Does the person I am deserve to suffer? Do I deserve happiness?

I shoudl think so. I should think I deserve nothing, neither happiness nor to suffer. I shoudl think the world is indifferent towards me.

I don't know what to do and I don't know how to feel. I want to be with L but he's not here and he hasn't responded to my texts yet, asking when he'll come. I always make such a big deal out of unseen text messages. Idk. I've suffered. But it's not ok for me to make him suffer. He shoudln't feel bad about unanswered text messages. I feel bad. I want to be with him. I cried and laughed and cired today. I watched a sad movie. I wrote. I was neutral, happy, sad.

I guess I'll just wait for him, because idk what to do dnwiadnawdaw idkdikidkdidkdidkdidkdidkdidkdidkdidkdidkidkdidkidkdidkidkdikdidkdikdidkidkdikdidkdikdikdidkidkdikdidkdidididdididididkidkidkdikdidik

[transmascnepetaleijon]

oh hell yeah todays friday that means i can do the unhealthy thing and go to sleep at a very unhealthy very bad hour

[commic-jester]

!!!!!!!!!!! spoilers ahead for the book, miniseries, n 2017 + 2019 movies !!!!

so okay ive read the book through twice now (skipped That One Scene . i might have torn the pages out lolsies um anyway) but ill b honest im bad at retainin info BUT ANYWAY

so the 1990 miniseries adaptation . three hours long . tim curry pennywise . he was honestly so fun tbh . like not scary in the slightest but Fun !!! seth green was richie tozier which i ??? n the worst part is like . hes My richie . when i think of richie tozier i think of Him /neg . anyway .

2017 movie . two hours long . not really as faithful as the miniseries i dont htink but oh well . bill skarsgard pennywise . TERRIFYIN but only in one scene LLLLL . finn wolfhard who plays mike wheeler in st is richie tozier in this n i picture him as richies voice . like seth green appearance wise but finn wolfhard voice wise .

2019 movie . sequel to 2017 . three hours . even Less faithful . james mcavoy was adult bill denbrough which was fun . bill hader was adult richie tozier . :]

okay so actual plot . clown guy pennywise is actually an ancient bein that comes every 27 in the town of derry, maine to kill children !!! seven kids known as the losers club stop him once at 13, then come back at 40 to defeat him one final time .

theres . theres so much w the characters . okay .

bill denbrough . georgie denbroughs older brother . hes the one that makes georgie the paper boat . hes the one who encouraged georgie to play (bill was sick so he didnt go) . he blames himself when georgie goes missin . bill has a stutter n the bowers gang bully him for it . he has a romance w beverly (i dont see it personally) . in the books hes said to b taller than stan but shorter than mike so i assume hes the second tallest . definition of Just Some Guy .

eddie kaspbrak . eddie is bills best friend . theyve been friends for a while before the events of the book . eddie is asthmatic (not really, its a placebo . hes not sick but his mother convinced him he is . oh also every one of these characters either dont have parents or have shitty ones) n thats why the bowers gang targets him . i cant remember how he was described exactly in the books, but im fairly certain he was the shortest . the miniseries has him as blond but the movies have him as brunet so i Dont Know which one is right but in my head hes blond .

richie tozier . trashmouth !!! richie is stans best friend, but knows bill n eddie . cant remember how . anyway . richie has glasses n i think thats why hes targeted (hes also gay but obvi not out . its the 50s in the book n miniseries . in the movies its the 80s i think . i digress) by the bowers gang ?? anyway . richies parents pop up briefly in the books but they kinda . dont do much JDSKLLJFDSK . im p sure richie is shorter than stan so i have the heights so far as mike > bill > stan > richie . anyway richie has a major crush on eddie that lasts for 27 years ANYWAYYYYYY

beverly marsh . bev is the token girl ! she gets bullied for bein a slut (despite not bein one !!!) ig . anyway shes kinda everyones best friend after meetin them but shes bill n bens love interests . in the book there r some really sweet moments between her n richie !! i like their friendship a lot . she has a really bad relationship w her dad in every version, n her mom is dead . shes the only character ever .

ben hanscom . ben is the new kid ! he moves in w his cousins n aunt ! his died died in a war i think ? anyway ! he gets really interested in derry history ! the bowers target him for bein new n fat n henry bowers actually almost carves his name into bens stomach w a knife before ben gets away . ben is also a poet ! he wrote a poem for bev ! "your hair is winter fire // january embers // my heart burns there, too" . ben ends up seein a mummy (hes afraid of mummies + pennywise turns into peoples greatest fears) ! fun !

mike hanlon . mike is the homeschooled kid !! hes like . heavily targeted by the bowers gang . i mean all of the losers are but ESPECIALLY mike . the bowers gang r mega fuckin racist . uhhh mike is the actual historian i think ? i know ben was the historian in the movies but mike is the one w the photo album . anyway mikes parents burned to death ! he lives on a farm w his granddad ! he meets the losers last bc they save him from the bowers gang by throwin rocks at them !!! mike sees a bird that hes afraid of !!! hes prob the most important character when theyre adults but im talkin ab them as teens rn . anyway .

stanley uris ! my blorbo ! richie's best friend ! stan is jewish n thats why the bowers gang hate him blah blah blah anyway he also birdwatches !!! he was the last one to see IT over the summer . i cant remember what form he saw IT in, but he got locked in a standpipe n had to get himself out by recitin bird names ! stan is also a boy scout n a baseball player !!! OH hes terrified of a lady w a flute in a paintin in the movies !!! also in the movies he almost gets his face ripped off by her when IT takes her form !!! in the miniseries, he gets seperated from the losers while in the sewers n almost gets literally murdered by henry bowers !

bowers gang ! patrick hockstetter, vic criss, n belch huggins r all led by henry bowers !!! theyre horrible !!! i dont wanna talk about them !!!!

as adults time . acutally . yknow what . this is too long already i cant do this again . i havent even described some important events . OH WELL

i can’t read all of this in one sitting but i will Come Back To It this is genuinely so cool /gen

[badsithnocookie]

tl;dr

been htinking a lot lately about sith astrology and sith divination generally

korriban has a year twice as long (and change) as dk’s so if it’s based on a western zodiac model it’d be a 2.1ish year cycle

but that’s not the biggest problem wrt astrology because, you know, how can your sun sign be the saber forge when you weren’t even born on korriban for horuset to be rising there

(additional realisation that they literally called korriban’s sun ‘horus seth’ and i’m just. why are star war writers like this)

korriban has seven moons i don’t even what to think what their natal charts must look like (how many moons would even be acknowledged. like what if we woke up tomorrow and scientists were all ‘we found the moon... 2!’ would astrologers revise their shit or) (i mean when was the last time you saw someone care about eris’s position on a chart) (joke about troy goes here)

but that is also completely my fucking jam because it’s absolutely representative of this cultural tug of war between the ‘old’ pre-vitiate empires (korriban) and the ‘new’ empire (seat of power on DK) and the cultural clashes between sith and imperial culture and shut up appo this is a tl;dr

sith magic. reconstructionist sith magic. the taboo of pre-vitiate sith magic and the erasure and disdain he attempted to manufacture for the pre-GHW empires.

[armltagehux]

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag! Thank you for tagging me: @philousophy​ 
 LAST 
[1] drink: iced coffee 
[2] phone call: my mom 
[3] text message: isa 
[4] song you listened to: it was last night sometime and i genuinely don’t remember 
[5] time you cried: right now? my uterus is killing me 
[6] dated someone twice: nope 
[7] been cheated on: unconfirmed, but most likely 
[8] kissed someone and regretted it: yeah 
[9] lost someone special: yeah but not for a while now 
[10] been depressed: most of the time 
[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: sadly yes 
LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 
[12] purple 
[13] red 
[14] green 
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 
[15] made new friends: yes 
[16] fallen out of love: no 
[17] laughed until you cried: yes 
[18] found out someone was talking about you: yes 
[19] met someone who changed you: yes 
[20] found out who your true friends are: yes 
[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: no 
[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them at least in passing 
[23] do you have any pets: two dogs, a goldendoodle named sandy and a cockapoo named cupcake 
[24] do you want to change your name: yes 
[25] what did you do for your last birthday: saw Hamilton in Chicago 
[26] what time did you wake up: 8 am 
[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping 
[28] name something you cannot wait for: louis’s album and tour 
[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: uhhhh Christmas I htink 
[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: the way i handle money 
[31] what are you listening to right now: still nothing 
[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah 
[33] something that is getting on your nerves: my fucking uterus 
[34] most visited website: tumblr 
[35] elementary: in minnesota 
[36] high school: also in minnesota 
[37] college: in wisconsin 
[38] hair colour: blonde 
[40] do you have a crush on someone: sort of 
[41] what do you like about yourself?: my brain 
[42] piercings: 5 in ears (4 lobe 1 cartilage) 
[43] blood type: no idea 
[44] nickname: fifi 
[45] relationship status: single   
[46] zodiac sign: libra 
[47] pronouns: she/her 
[48] fav tv show(s): currently it’s shadowhunters but i also watch a lot of comedy plus htgawm and the bachelor/the bachelorette 
[49] tattoos: one, it’s a one direction one (girl almighty in louis’s handwriting + the same paper airplane he’s got) 
[50] right or left handed: depends on what i’m doing 
FIRST… 
[51] surgery: mouth 
[52] piercing: earlobes 
[53] best friend: idk i’m not good at friends so i don’t remember 
[54] sport: dance 
[55] vacation: canada 
[56] pair of trainers: no idea

CURRENT(LY)... 
[57] eating: nothing 
[58] drinking: iced coffee 
[59] i’m about to: post this 
[60] listening: STILL nothing 
[61] waiting for: these cramps to go away 
[62] want: money 
[63] married: no thanks 
[64] career: librarian 
YOUR TYPE… 
[65] hugs or kisses: hugs 
[66] lips or eyes: lips 
[67] shorter or taller: taller 
[68] older or younger: within 5 years either way is good with me 
[69] romantic or spontaneous: romantic. i can’t handle spontaneity 
[70] nice arms or nice stomach: uhh doesn’t matter 
[71] sensitive or loud: sensitive 
[72] hook up or relationship: neither 
[73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant


HAVE YOU EVER… 
[74] kissed a stranger?: basically 
[75] drank hard liquor?: yes! love! 
[76] lost glasses/contact lenses?: yes 
[77] turned someone down?: yes 
[78] sex on first date?: yes 
[79] broken someone’s heart?: doubtful 
[80] had your own heart broken?: yes 
[81] been arrested? no 
[82] cried when someone died? yes 
[83] fallen for a friend: no 
DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 
[84] yourself?: sometimes 
[85] miracles?: no 
[86] love at first sight?: no 
[87] santa claus? no 
[88] kiss on the first date?: yes 
[89] angels? no 
[90] current best friend’s name: me? best friends? ha lol 
[91] eye colour: blue 
[92] favourite movies: the best movie i’ve seen recently was mike and dave need wedding dates, so comedies like those?

[dragqueenpentheus]

juno???? wouldnt let peter love him bc he felt too safe and too comfortable????

we already NKEW that but seeing it illustrated w the fountain WAS SO GOOD AND.....................

 GOD WHAT A SELFHISH THING BC..... PETER FINALLY??? FOUND A REASON TO BE HIMSELF

HE WAS FINALLY READY TO FIND OUT WHO PETER NUREYEV WAS

NOT JUST KEEP SHITTILY ACTING HIS WAY THROUGH LIFE

AND JUNO JUST COULDNT HANDLE IT

IT WAS TOO MUCH LIKE A  REWARD

 AND IF DETECTIVE STEEL IS ONE THING 

ITS A FAILURE

TO HIMSELF TO HIS FRIENDS TO HIS CITY 

TO HIS LITTLE BROTHER B E N

EVEN TO HIS MOTHER

SO NO IF IT MKAES JUNO HAPPY OR COMFORTABLE FOR ONE SECOND HE HAS TO LEAVE. IT GETS ABANDONED. EVEN IF PEOPLE GET CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE

FUCK IM JUST CRYING THIS EPISODE WASNT EVEN ABOUT PETER BUT FUCK

I MEAN THERE WAS THAT ONE LINE ABOUT RECOGNIZING THE EYES  OF SOMEONE WHO HAD REPEATEDLY THROWN THEMSELVES UP AGAINST THE WALL OF THE UNIVERSE AND GOT FLUNG BACK TWICE AS HARD BUT

LETS BE REAL

JUNO COULD HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE IM JSUT HTINKING VERY MUCH ABOUT PETER

AND I GUESS THERE WAS A FEW OTHER ALLUSIONS BUT SHIT IM JUST

FUCKED IM SUPER FUCKED OVER THIS SHOW AS ALWAYS BOYS

I LOVE PENUMBRA MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE BUT IT WILL ABSOLUTELY KILL ME ONE OF THESE DAYS

((also okay but ike heres a fun of the wall theory....................the cats represent junos eyes..................one of them exploded and although it didnt kill anyone juno still feels like shit...))

holy shit do i need a hug after this one huh boys am i rigtht

[tobeloved3000]

I had a really rough week. Like, a really rough week. I watched all seven seasons of Shameless in 5 days. Literally, in five 24 hour periods I watched Shameless in its current entirety. If I hadn’t had work it would have been less. Twice I stayed up for 36+ hours. I did two 24 hour stretches. I slept until 4:30 pm today because I was so exhausted my body finally forced me to. I love the show and it was completely addicting and the characters are amazing. So, watching to show was not why my week was rough. No, finding things out about myself while I watched the show. That’s what sucked.

Read at your own risk. this is 1,448 words of my whining about my life.

I’ve always been terrible about putting my thoughts into words and this post will probably not be any different. Half of the time I don’t even know how to put my thoughts into thoughts. I’m going to try though because I need to get things out. So here we go.

Shameless is amazing. The reason I spent every second I could the past 5 days watching this show is because I wanted to be a part of it. Not the creating of or anything (though I would literally do anything to be on it or to meet the cast at the very least.), but I wanted their lives. I have watched a lot of tv and loved a lot of fictional characters lives but never like this. I want to live their lives.

My life isn’t terrible. I live in a decent house, I have a car, I know that I will always have something to eat, I have clothes, so yeah, not a terrible life. I’m bored though. I’m alone. I’m bored. I’m not living. I know that the shit parts of their lives are truly shit. I’ve never had to scrounge my house in order to find a money to pay a bill. I’ve never had to ask my siblings to pitch in to pay for groceries so that we could eat. I’ve never worried that my dad’s going to go on a bender and not come home for days. I’ve never been abandoned by my mom. I would never want that and I would never wish any of that on anyone. I want to be what the Gallagher kids became despite their home life. I want to be resourceful like Fiona, a genius like Lip, in love like Ian, caring like Debbie, determined like Carl, and just generally awesome like Liam.

I’m a boring person. All I do with my life is go to work and come home. I don’t go out. I don’t meet people. Every single person I know (locally, excluding internet friends) I know either through work, church, school. I haven’t been in going on 2 years now, church is church, and my social anxiety makes it hard for me to reach out to people at work and if I’m reached out to accept it. I love all of my coworkers and I have some really great friends there, but my shitty brain makes me think that I have to leave work friends at work. I had a coworker say that we need to grab a drink sometime (not a date, just drinks, she’s married with two kids) and I completely shut it down and made excuses. I would love to go out with coworkers and have drinks and laughs and just have a good time but my stupid fucking anxiety won't let me. I don’t know how to live. That’s what Shameless showed me. These people have a shitty life. They live in the literal hood but they know how to live. They know how to go out and have a good time. They know how to stay in and have a good time. They just know how to have a good time. I want that in my life.

I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of coming home to my parents. I love my parents and I am sososososososo thankful that I have them to come home to. But I’m 24. I’m 24 and I don’t even have the prospect of a prospect for a boyfriend. Everyone in this show (save Liam) has had multiple relationships. They weren’t all great and quite frankly the only relationship that I really give two shits about is Gallavich because they are fucking perfect. All of Fiona’s relationships started awesome and each of them I thought ‘Hey, maybe this one will be good’ and then everything gets fucked up and I stop caring. Mandy was the only good relationship Lip had in my opinion. She was the best one for him. I loved the concept of Bonnie and Carl and I think its crap that they dropped the ball on her. Debbie just totally fucked up her life with her relationships (and don’t even get me started on the whole Matt thing). I need someone who loves me the way that Mickey loves Ian. I need it more than anything. I know it took Mickey time to warm up but I mean, he was raised a certain way and it takes time to change. But now. Now Mickey is the best thing that has ever happened to Ian. Mickey was there through everything. Mickey was there for Ian through his diagnosis and to bring him back. Mickey saved Ian. I want a Mickey Milkovich.

I want a family. I want kids of my own. I want to find my Mickey Milcovich and have our own little Gallaghers. I love the sibling relationships that they have and I hope beyond hope that my children will be as strong and supportive of each other as the Gallaghers are. I hope that this level of loyalty can be achieved without me and my husband becoming dead beats and living in poverty. I’m a Hufflepuff and our identifying factor is loyalty. I’m a loyalty junkie. Anytime the kids team up against people (typically Frank, the current instance I’m picturing was after Monica’s dad left and Frank was trying to find the crack Debs hid and started attacking her.) I start crying. That happens in just about any movie or show when people bond together but there’s just something about this one that’s different. I want people that are that loyal to me. I’m beyond grateful that I’ve never needed my brother to prove that he would kick someone’s ass for me but it would be nice to know for sure. I hope my kids would never have to prove their loyalty in that way either but I hope they can find other ways where they wouldn’t have to even question it. I still question it. I love my brother and I know he loves me so I don’t think I have anything to worry about but still.

I need to stop falling for people I have no chance with. I need to fucking stop falling for famous people. Fucking Cameron Monaghan. I first fell for him in Gotham. Jerome was my favorite character on the show despite him being absolutely insane. Then, when I first started seeing things about Shameless and Gallavich and I realized that my Jerome had the same actor as Ian I was hooked. I have a history of falling for famous people, most notably Michael Clifford. I know it’s not healthy and it’s ridiculous to fall this hard for someone you’ve never met and probably will never meet and you know your heart will break when you see they are in a relationship. I can never help myself though. It’s ridiculous how filled with happiness and love I am anytime that Ian would come on screen. I don’t even know Cameron. There’s no way of knowing if we’d even be compatible and yet I cannot stop myself from wishing that I was with him. I just want to be with him all the time. It’s seriously unhealthy.

I want a different life but I’m too fucking chicken to make a new life for myself. I’m too fucking chicken to go out there and find my Mickey Milkovich. I’m too scared to go out and live. I’m too scared. I’d rather sit in my room and hardly move for 5 days and fantasize about this life than actually go out there and have fun. I’m pathetic. This show in all its amazingness helped me realize how fucking pathetic and useless I am. I know that that revelation should make me want to go out and change my life and motivate me to do something to change my circumstance because I’m the only one who can but I’m just too damn scared to.

I know this was long but even in all of these words I don;t think I fully described how much this damn show now means to me. I don’t htink any words ever could.