#hes my babygirl he's my son he's my goat

[iho6hi2]

don't let his appearance fool you he's banned from most public spaces and is unhinged

him probably:

[quijabored]

GUESS WHO READ THE NEXT CHAPTERS OF BSD!! WHAT THE FUCK :D !! IVE GOTTEN TO CHAPTER 115, KEEP SEEING 116 IS COMING OUT ON JULY 3RD SO IM WAITING FOR THAT I GUESS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

FYODOR.

FYODOR WHAT THE FUCK.

"Yeah Im so happy hes dead, top 5 favorite character but yeah no Im so glad hes gone."

***WHAT DO YOU MEAN HIS ABILITY ALLOWS HIM TO JUST COME BACK????***

AAAAAAAAA?????

I sat there thinking. I sat there and I was like "yeah no way bros making it"

HOW??????

IM DONE WITH HIM OH MY GOD

I love Fyodor so much he makes me so happy BUT HE SHOULDVE STAYED DEAD

WELL GET TO SIGMA IN A SECOND CUZ I NEED TO TALK ABOUT HIM BUT

ALSO FYODOR BEING LIKE "Yeah I gotta take care of you :)" TO AYA LIKE STOP NO PLEASE JUST GIVE HER HER DAD BACK

WAAAAAAAAAAA PLEASE HE PROMISED AND HE- WAAAAAAAAAAAA

I HATE FYODOR SO MUCH OH MY GOD

I love him so much oh my god-

AYA LOOKS SO TERRIFIED AND UPSET PLEASE

PLEASE JUST LET BRAM COME BACK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-

ALSO FUKUCHI IS INFACT DEAD YES, IM GOING TO START VIOLENTLY SOBBING

Fukuzawa looks so upset oh my god I hate Fyodor so much not to my other other other father bro

ALSO IS TERUKO JUST FUCKING DEAD??? PLEASE TELL ME SHE ISNT??? MY DAUGHTER??? SHE WAS SO SAD AND THEN SHE WAS HAPPY WHEN SHE SAW FUKUCHI AND STARTED SMILING AND AND AND-

AAAAGGHHH HER BACKSTORY MAKES ME SO NOT YIIPPEE :((((

WAIT SO IS FYODOR LITTERALLY IMMORTAL??? SO HE JUST CANT DIE???

SO HOW ARE THEY GONNA DEFEAT HIM???

Is this gonna be like the immortal snail plans except the snail is super smart and has probably planned everything out?

Like could they just put him into a block of cement and feed him so he doesn't die???

OH GOD WHAT ABOUT NIKOLAI

HES ALL UPSET AND SAD BRING MY SON TO HIS HUSBAND I NEED TO SEE THEM REUNITE

Oh god Nikolais screwed he is NOT making it out of this series alive is he...

Cuz Fyodor was like "you tried to kill me so Im gonna kill you"

I WANT FYOLAI TO HAVE AT LEAST A DECENT ENDING I DONT WANT NIKOLAI TO JUST DIE

Also Ranpo being my absolute goat??? Like he's able to figure all of this out even if just a little too late??? I love my son and all of my children????

ALSO FUKUZAWA SHIELDING TERUKO FROM THE LIGHT PLEASE I AM SOBBING

OKAY BACK TO SIGMA

MY POOR SON

FIRST HES GETTING DROPPED 17 TIMES??? NOW HES HAVING TO GO LIKE "Oh god" SEVERAL TIMES BECAUSE FYODORS JUST....

THE HUH????

Wait do you think Fyodor can kill himself and he wouldn't come back since there's no one to blame or do you think he'd just come back

WAIT HOLD ON IF SIGMAS SEEING HIS MEMORIES HOW LONG IS HE GONNA BE THERE??

Bro I don't mind if the world explodes and everyone somehow manages to keep everything together, JUST LET SIGMA JOIN THE ADA

ASAGIRI DONT YOU DARE KILL HIM OFF I WILL EAT YOUR LAWN GRASS

SAME THING WITH AKUTAGAWA SO-

WAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS SERIES SO MUCHHHHH

Also Dazai rolling around when hes thinking is so real, I do it a lot

Now time to buy all the manga (I can buy the first 3 rn, BUT I SWEAR ILL GET MY HANDS ON ALL OF THEM SOMEHOW)

"How dare he look so babygirl after killing someone"

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY OH MY GOD I LOVE HIS FACIAL RANGE ITS SO SILLY BUT CAN YOU MAYBE JUST... WAAAAAAAAAAAA I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM HIM IM SO GLAD HES ALIVE BUT HE NEEDS TO STAY DEAD OH MY GODDDD

[monkeydlesbian]

HAIKYUU CHARACTERS + THEIR FAVORITE FOOTBALLERS — PART 2

OTHER SCHOOLS

KARASUNO EDITION

in honor (and as an apology) of the world cup ending and my incessant discussion (hysteria) over it on this here anime centered blog, i’ve gathered a few haikyuu babygirls and have assigned them their favorite soccer players. this is a joke but at the same time it’s the most important post i’ve ever made. i’m sorry in advance for this (for the richarlison one especially)

tooru oikawa + neymar jr

like 😭😭😭 there’s no way y’all didn’t see this coming. oikawa LOVES the fun and flair that neymar brings to the pitch, and he loves the energy of the brazilian nt in general. if they were to meet i think the world would explode. HIDE your girlfriends if these two ever became friends. true menace behavior would ensue. the only bad thing messi has done was introduce the two of them

hajime iwaizumi + matt turner (taste)

iwa also clocks me as another gk meat rider. i feel like he really got into soccer in california and has been following certain players ever since and matt turner happens to be one of them. LOVES how gk’s are able to control the game in seconds with one catch, and specifically admires turner’s sound handling and how he barely hesitates. iwa <3 matt turner <3

kotaro bokuto + richarlison de andrade (TASTE)

FIRST OFF. they can both run a train on me 🤍 anyways they’re bird brothers 🦉🐦 !! so many reasons as to why bokuto loves richarlison but he LOVES how richarlison doesn’t give a shit about what other ppl think of him (re: cry more 😢). probably has been following him since his late everton days/early spurs days. richarlison’s backstory also made him cry like a little baby, and he loves how richarlison isn’t afraid to cry on the pitch and in front of his idols (we love men in tune with their emotions). HIMBO CENTRAL with these two 😭 bokuto also lost his goddamn mind at richy’s bicycle kick against serbia (he just like me)

keiji akaashi + son heung-min

this is just another one that makes so much sense to me. such sweet guys and i think akaashi really admires how much sonny loves his sport and his country 😢😢😢 sonny is a big team player and i think akaashi really resonates with that as well. was introduced to sonny through bokuto’s obsession w richarlison 😭 akaashi + bokuto and sonny + richarlison are just goated bestie pairings. when he watches games he’s always so calm until sonny scores and that’s when he jumps from the couch and screams 😭 spurs fan (derogatory)

tetsuro kuroo + paul pogba

the first thing that drew kuroo to pogba was his DRIP. kuroo was so upset to find that he wasn’t on the france nt roster for the world cup and almost didn’t watch any matches bc of it 😭 (fanboy fr). but he did get really excited to see him in the stands during the final aww. genuinely believes that pogba is the best midfielder to grace football (luka modrić is right there kuroo 😒). also believes that the reason france lost in the final was bc they didn’t have pogba in the middle. he just like me

[rebelyelling]

It has been a while since i did one of these.

Stuff my patrons say (i work at a dive bar)

Patron: Everytime i come in here i get racially profiled. Ima stop coming in here. (Proceeds to become a regular)

——

P1: (pointing at me) thats my wife!

P2: nice. (To me) i met this guy on road crew

——

P1: (shutting outside door to block karaoke) some people should not pic up a mic

P2: (to p1) like you!

——

P: if i sing Single Ladies can i get a free drink?

Me: no

P: i’m singing it anyway

——

Context: two patrons who knocked a guy out months before happen to be there at the same time as the guy they hit

Me: you boys be on your best behavior now

P1: i have never caused an issue here. I’m an angel!

Me pointing to guy they hit

P1: i’ll behave

P2: *laughing the whole time*

——

P (a straight white man): i’m a lesbean!

Bartender 2 (an actual lesbean): high five

——

P (who i just sold a losing keno ticket to): you are, and pardon my French, fucking useless

Me: *cackling*

P: you either sell me a loser or one that too high to be redeemed here. I had to go to (state lottery hq) last time

Me: no inbetween

——

P: are we family

Me: idk are we?

P: we are now

——

P: what i wouldnt give to gobble you up

Me: *laughing* you’ve said that for years

P: and its still true!

——

P1: you don’t turn your back on family!

P2: *cheering*

Me: is…are you quoting the Fast and the Furious?

P1: yes

P2: gotta live your life a quarter mile at a time

——

P1: thats my wife (pointing at me)

P2: no shit? Like actually your wife

P1: no! Just my bar wife

——

Me to bar husband: this is our son now (baby faced freshly 21)

P1 (husband): damn we made one ugly kid

P2 (son): fuck off

——

P1: thats my mom (points at me) and this is my real mom (points at real mom)

Me: did…did you really want us to meet?

——

P1: (talking about some historical event)

P2: girl, i only got to Anne Frank

——

P: its colder than a goats teet in here

——

Someone comes into the parkinglot laying on the horn

Me: who the fuck is doing that

Regular comes in

P: did you hear me coming in? I had to improvise since i dont have a screaming goat

——

Me: yeah the bikers gave me a road name

P: thats cool, whatd you do to get it

Me: well when youre clumsy…

——

P1: hey i heard you crashes your motorcycle. Are you okay?

Me: yeah im good. I walked away with just a split lip

P1: thats good, whatd you hit?

P2: a dumpster!

——

P1: i heard you had fun in Sturgis

P2: i did, i fell off a golfcart

P1: oh like (me)

Me: copycat

——

P1: you know what, id like to talk to the manager

Me: let me find someone who cares *spins around* yes sir how can i help

P2: she got you there

P1: that was fucking good

——

Context: i got a puppy and he was only ten weeks at the time

P: im usually scared of dogs, but this guys my buddy

——

Context: regular walked out on his bill

Me: *cleaning kitchen and hears regular* *holding soapy knife* if you ever walk out again

P: babygirl please! Im sorry

——

Context: karaoke is aloud to go over but we have a hard limit of 2:00 am and this person wanted to sing a song at 2:01. She was also really off key

Karaoke DJ: you have to ask the bartender

Me: *looks up to see him violently shaking his head no* sorry no can do

P: i’ll pay you $50

Me: *struggling* im sorry i cant

——

Theres many more but this post is long

[heathenarmyimagines]

Title: Horrible Marriage

Summary: The day after (Y/N) and Ivar’s wedding as much more eventful than expected.

Pairing: Ivar x Reader 

Taglist: @ubbesgirl, @shewolf2000, @tis-itheapplepie, @atequila, @demoncrypt1066, @greennightspider, @badbitsh13, @fireismysaftey, @minarawr, @laketaj24, @hvitserksgirl, @blahblahcookiesdoma, @fabulous-peasent, @sforsammmmmi, @minmiin1d, @courtrae89, @letsloveimagines, @tomarisela, @titty-teetee, @beyond-the-ashes@elenawrit, @mblaqgi, @whenimaunicorn, @chuflisworld, @mystruggledlife, @moose-squirrel-asstiel, @syreni-dea, @trashqueenbitch, @alykatv, @mbaku-babygirl, @perfectus-in-morte, @beyond-the-ashes, @neeadinghugs, @readsalot73, @triumphantreturnofpies, @anarchy-is-coming, @tephi101, @alicedopey, @ivarslittlebadgirl, @jtrstp, @nejijjeoroo, @charlylama, @ivartheblessed, @captstefanbrandt, @fabulouschrissi, @ivarsrideordie, @3x5gurl, @the-writer-appreciation-blog, @lolabee9, @captainfoxy22, @young-ugly-god, @im5ftbutmythroat66, @bribyyy, @irishhiggins, @cadetomlinson, @keclleon101, @slutforragnarssons, @ltkeke, @meeeeeeeeeps, @lille-kanin, @opalscarab, @ssraven7, @ivarandersen, @concretewaywardangel, @funmadnessandbadassvikings, @sharon-is-tired, @cadetomlinson, @mystruggledlife, @chuflisworld, @justmarissa97, @lol-haha-joke, @weirdly-randomly-awesome, @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanim, @idonthavehusbandsihavelovers, @alexa040004, @buckythetinman , @burntmythroatskullingmytea,@jorunnravenslayer, @two-unbeatable-beaters, @buffy-the-vampire-blogger

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

Walking out of the Matrimonial Chamber that morning you felt like a champion.

You had done what no woman had ever accomplished, what Margrethe had failed to do.

‘Well you two had fun it seems.’ Ubbe smiled as you and Ivar entered the great hall.

‘We might have.’ Ivar smiled.

‘You did we all heard it.’ Hvitserk laughed.

A blush like no other covered your face, you didn’t think you had been loud.

‘Don’t get too prideful brother, we leaned by the door.’ Sigurd grinned, pulling Hvitserk into an embrace.

‘Ah! Gods its…just too much.’ Hvitserk mocked your voice, clinging to his brother dramatically.

‘(Y/N), i-it feels good.’ Sigurd said huskily, caressing Hvitserk’s face.

‘You bastards, disrespecting our sacred wedding night.’ Ivar glared, but his cheeks were a bit red.

‘Don’t be angry brother, they are unmarried idiots having a bit of fun.’Ubbe soothed.

‘They listened in on a moment that was meant for me and my wife.’ your husband spat.

‘It’s fine Ivar I don’t mind, it was still a perfect night. And we all know they should get used to hearing you pleasure me.’ you grinned.

Ivar looked taken back before a smile crossed his face, he looked up at you with mischievous eyes. 

‘I guess they should, come here.’ 

You giggled as he grabbed your hand and pulled you down to kiss him, all passion and fire.

Ivar pulled you down lower until you were straddling his lap, he pulled back dragging your bottom lip between his teeth.

‘Alright enough of that Ivar.’ Ubbe laughed.

‘No such thing as enough with a woman like her.’ he said, keeping his eyes on you. 

‘Ivar you got so angry when they heard us, if they saw us...saw me, you’d probably kill them.’ you smirked as you stood up.

Though he rolled his eyes dramatically in the way only he could Ivar nodded in agreement.

‘Come, lets eat, we worked up an appetite last night.’ you said.

Once Ivar and you were seated a slave placed plates in font of you both, you said thank you, but were not surprised to not get a reply.

A lot of the other slaves didn’t like you much, they didn’t like the special treatment you received because of your closeness to Ivar.

 While they had tiresome and hard labor work you merely cared for Ivar, and while they slept in a rickety barn with rags for warmth you slept in Ivar’s bed under thick furs.

‘You are too polite.’ Ivar said kissing your cheek before he began eating.

‘So you two are finally married now.’

Everyone turned as the queen entered the hall.

‘You know we are, after the madness you went through for the wedding.’ Ivar answered as she sat on her throne.

‘Forgive me for wanting the best for my son.’ she smiled.

‘No need to apologize, the wedding was amazing, the town will speak of it for ages.’ you complimented.

Though you did find it tiresome you did appreciate all the work Queen Aslaug put into the wedding.

‘Sigurd and Hvitserk told me of your night, I am happy for you both.’

‘Thank you, but I prefer not to speak about my wedding night with my family over breakfast.’ Ivar dismissed.

‘Fine, what do you have planned for today?’ Aslaug sighed into her drink, clearly she’d lost interest.

‘We are going to the hunting cabin, so Ivar may bring home his first kill to feed his wife.’ Hvitserk said, his mouth half full.

‘And I will cook in our kitchen for the first time.’ you smiled.

Floki’s wedding gift of a house had by far been your favorite, it was something you’d secretly wanted all your life.

Ivar’s bedroom in the great hall held a special place in your heart and you had great memories in that room. Yet still it was Ivar’s room in the great hall, you had no claim on it.

This house you could organize it and decorate it; best part is Ivar would let you have your fun. He hated decorating and really couldn’t care less as long as it had the essentials.

‘Lucky Ivar, marrying a slave who already knows how to cook, Torvi nearly burned our first home.’ Bjorn said, joining his brothers.

‘Hello Bjorn.’ you greeted.

‘Hello...Sister in Law.’ he smiled sadly.

Bjorn often said you reminded him of the sister he lost as a child, and you could see he thought of her every time he saw you.

‘Aslaug.’ Bjorn greeted with no emotion.

Everyone knows that Bjorn, like Lagertha, has always blamed Aslaug for ruining their family. Which you completely understood, from what you heard it did sound as if she had snuck in like fox and stolen another woman’s husband.

Aslaug grinned in greeting.

‘Will you join us in our activities today brother?’ Ubbe asked.

‘Only if your activity is fishing, Torvi says she will not let me have her if I don’t bring home twenty fish at least.’ grunted Bjorn.

‘You won’t be so cruel to me will you wife?’ Ivar asked.

‘Of course not, twenty fish is ridiculous, I’d never ask for something so silly.’ you answered.

Ivar smiled and kissed your cheek.

‘I want our first meal to be a boar Ivar, a nice and fat one, big enough Ubbe will complain about carrying it.’ you smiled wickedly.

Ivar rolled his eyes so hard his head had to move with them, he looked at Bjorn in annoyance.

‘Thank Torvi for filling my wife’s head with ridiculous ideas so early on in our marriage.’ he glared.

‘No need for nastiness Ivar, I wanted boar anyway. I will not deny you sex if we don’t have it, but I know you will get it because I want it.’ you assured.

‘Still you could deny if you want, trust me sex controls men like meat controls dogs.’ Aslaug smiled.

‘Mother.’ Ivar pouted.

‘I’m only teasing, let me have fun with my daughter in law.’

‘Well if I am to catch a boar that will please you we should be leaving.’ Ivar said.

‘And I should be in the river.’ Bjorn sighed.

All the Sons of Ragnar left the table, Ivar kissing you before climbing onto Ubbe’s back.

‘See you at home wife.’ he called as they left.

‘Will you be joining me today your highness? Floki says you have yet to see my home.’ you said.

‘I would love to, but I have duties, lookouts spotted an envoy. I must be here to receive his message.’ she declined.

You sighed in acceptance before excusing yourself, secretly glad you would get to see it all alone.

Eagerly you followed Floki’s directions, not that you needed them. He had built the house on Ivar’s hill.

It was a very simple home from the outside, clearly Floki put in a lot of effort to make it subtle.

Behind the house there was a freshly dug garden and a pin for the animals that had been gifted to you and Ivar.

‘Thank you Gods, thank you all for this blessing. I shall sacrifice a goat for you, may it please you when the time comes.’ you whispered, before going inside. 

The living room was small and only held a fire pit for cooking, a two chair table set and a rug. In the master bedroom there was a bed covered in thick furs, a fireplace, a chest and a wardrobe. 

The second room was completely empty, but you knew what it was meant for.

Children.

You smiled to yourself as you walk around the empty room, thinking of the life ahead of you.

You stop and look out of the window and see the markets of Kattegat, a view you loved.

You looked further past the town, to take in the view of the other hills when you paused.

There was someone standing there on one of the hills, looking down at the town as you had just been.

Though you could not see hardly anything from so far away a familiar feeling settled in your stomach.

A feeling that everything you know is about to change and there was nothing you could do. It was a feeling you hadn’t felt in years, and only one man gave you that feeling.

A panic filled you as you began running out of the house, your legs burning as you pushed yourself to keep going.

Down the hill and through the woods then up another hill you ran until the hunting cabin was in sight.

Outside of it all the princes were skinning their kills, but they all paused when they saw you frantically running.

‘He’s returned!’ you yelled

‘(Y/N)?’ Ivar asked as you ran to them.

‘Ivar...’ you wheezed.

‘What is it?’ Ivar asked.

‘Ragnar Lothbrok has returned.’