#hes me favorite commando. he needs more appearences or else i will be very sad

[eumillipes]

Thsi dog is fucked up bruh

[starker-stories]

An Accord (WIS), Chapter 8

I’ll be re-creating my individual chapter posts for An Accord over here on the blog that replaces starkerstories. Until I hit the current chapter, I’ll be posting daily. They’ll have links to both tumblr and AO3 chapter links. I’m sorry if that bothers people who’ve seen this all before in the tag. I’m content to leave all my other fic as AO3 only, but this is my current favorite child, so I’m spoiling it rotten.

This fic is on a weekly update schedule. Hopefully every Friday. More chapters may appear sooner if the writing is going well. Because I have 0 self-control.

Tumblr Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13 AO3 Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13

Tags: Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Polyamory Negotiations, Polyamory, Cheating, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Domestic Nightmare Tony Stark, Reconciliation, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, WinterIronSpider, Happy Ending, Clothed Sex, Domesticity, Peter Parker is legal age in the state of New York, College Student Peter Parker, Takes place about 2 years after Civil War. Closeted Character

Summary: Peter grew very quiet. “Are you going to take him from me?” He tried to keep the shudder out of his breath, the break out of his voice.——————————————————————————————

Chapter 8: Different

Bucky stood apart from the couple. “I’m sorry.”

“For?” Peter asked.

“I shouldn’t have done any of that.” He lowered his eyes. “I knew you were together. I shouldn’t have…”

Peter crossed over to Bucky, reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. “You weren’t the only one who did something, y’know?”

“I started it though. I’ll find another place to stay,” he said quietly, sadly.

“I said we needed to talk.” Tony sat down at the dining table. “‘We need to talk’ does not mean ‘you need to move out’.”

Peter looked back and forth between Tony and Bucky. Bucky looked both crestfallen and terrified. Tony looked more tight and tense than he’d seen him since before he moved in. And there was guilt. So much guilt. Though he imagined there was a fair share of that on his face now as well. What Tony felt guilty for doing to Peter, Peter was also guilty of having done the same to him. Bucky fit into that equation somewhere. But Peter hadn’t been forced to go along with what Bucky did, and he doubted Tony had either. He could’ve said ‘no’ that first time. Or any of the times, including that afternoon, since.

But in the moment… Peter loved Tony so much that it felt like his entire heart could burst with it. Like his entire body was singing. Nothing about that had changed. Bucky didn’t make him feel like that. But he did make him feel something. At first he thought it was just sex. The way Bucky described it: ‘what’s a little head amongst friends’. But even then, even that first time, when it was just ‘amongst friends’, Peter felt something. Something warmer than the friendship he had with MJ or Ned. Something cooler than the love he had with Tony. Something.

Bucky went and sat in what had become his place at the dining table. Peter looked between them again.

“No,” he said, determinedly. “No,” he said, more tenderly.

“We need to talk, Peter,” Bucky said, his voice still quiet, his voice still sad.

“We do. Just not here.” He walked over to the table and stood between the two men. “It’s too… cold.” He furrowed his brow. That wasn’t the right word. “Too… clinical.” That wasn’t the right word either. He gave up on words and took one each of their hands in his. He walked backwards, away from the table.

Bucky and Tony stood to follow, though they both thought the trio was headed to the sofa and started in that direction. Only to be pulled away and led down the hall.

“Talk, not fuck,” Tony said. “That’s what got us into this situation.”

“You can do more than fuck in a bed, Tony. I know that might be a new concept.” Peter grinned.

Peter kicked off his shoes, tugged off his socks, and lost his pants, leaving himself in a t-shirt and boxer briefs. “Get comfy, but not naked.” He climbed onto the bed, grabbed a pillow and the small throw at the foot of the bed. Propping himself up on his side, he got ‘comfy’.

Tony stripped down to his boxers. He sat cross-legged on the bed, down around where Peter had his knees bent. Bucky took off his shoes and socks, then hesitantly climbed into bed, otherwise fully clothed.

“Nope,” Peter said, looking at him.

Bucky finished getting into the bed, still dressed. He sat much like Tony was. He and Tony made two points and Peter made a long side to a triangle. An appropriate shape, he thought.

When he and Steve slept together, Steve slept nude and Bucky slept pantsless. Never shirtless. They never showered together, not even after sex. Steve had seen him shirtless, of course, but not often and never for long.

After he was sitting comfortably, Bucky peeled off his shirt and tossed it onto the pile of everyone else’s clothes. Neither Peter nor Tony stared. Nor did they deliberately look away. They… nothinged.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky began.

“I’m not,” Tony said quietly.

Peter raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you, if I did, Peter.” Tony reached out and put one hand on Peter’s knee. “That I am sorry about.” He reached out and put his other hand on Bucky’s knee. “What I’m not sorry about…” He was vastly sexually experienced. He’d fucked many different combinations of people in many different numbers. But this wasn’t that.

“I’m not sorry about the way it felt running my fingers through your hair,” Tony said tenderly. “I’m not sorry about the way you felt relaxing in my lap. I’m not sorry about the contented little sounds you made when you went down on me. I’m not sorry about the way you, at first, tensed when I wrapped my fingers around your cock through your pants and then felt you completely give yourself over to it. The way I got to feel all of that…” He looked Bucky in the eye. “All of that fear falling away. And god, I am so not sorry about the way you fell on me when you were riding me. The way you clung to me. The way I held you. The way I felt you take what you needed and give me that pain.” Tony let his hands fall back into his lap and looked at them lying there. “I’m not sorry about any of that.”

He looked at Peter. “I’m sorry if that hurt you. I’m so in love with you, Peter. But I… I have different feelings for Bucky.”

“Pity.” Bucky’s voice was sad and bitter.

“No.” It was Peter who corrected him. “Not pity. Not the same thing I feel for Tony. That’s… that’s beyond words. But what I feel for you… that’s not pity.” Peter reached across the space between them and touched Bucky’s right, flesh, hand. “There’s… sadness there. But that’s not out of pity…” He played with Bucky’s fingers as he tried to figure out his words. “It’s out of caring about you. When you care about someone, you don’t want to see them hurt. You don’t want them to have ever been hurt before.” He looked up at the man. “When you find me having a nightmare, when Tony’s not here, do you hold me because you pity me?”

“Of course not.”

“Do you…” He wasn’t so sure that the next answer was going to be what he wanted to hear. “Hold me only because that’s what I need to calm down?”

Bucky reached out and brushed a curl from Peter’s forehead, like he did when Peter was trying to fall back asleep. “It’s because I care about you and it hurts to know you’ve been hurt.”

There was a silence as they all thought about what had been said.

“Are you in love with me?” Tony asked, turning toward Bucky. He was aware that he was the point on which this, the three of them, seemed to pivot, despite Bucky being the one they’d both been having sex with.

“I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Peter asked. “Or you think you shouldn’t say?”

“Both,” Bucky said after a long pause. “I know that I’m happier with you… with both of you… than I ever actually was with Steve. Than I think I ever could’ve been once we started again.” He paused again. “I think I loved a Steve that didn’t exist after… what he became. Not that he became stronger, that he wasn’t sick anymore, that he was big, not those things. It was… He played a role on stage when he was drumming up support for war bonds. When he finally went into battle… when he started leading the Howling Commandos… Steve was gone and all that there was was the role. That’s only gotten worse.

“So I don’t know if I love you. Either of you. Both of you. Or if there’s just…” Bucky closed his eyes and sighed.

“A void,” Tony provided.

“So I don’t know about love. But I know about care. And I know there’s something… That’s why that never happened again.”

“The two of you fucked,” Peter said, trying to keep an even tone. ‘A little head amongst friends’, like Bucky had said… it surprised him, but that didn’t make him jealous at all. Fucking… the things that Tony described… he was torn. He wanted Bucky to feel that. He knew how it felt. How safe he felt in Tony’s arms when they fucked. How overwhelmed he could get and how that overwhelmingness… it didn’t make everything all right. Things weren’t that simple. But it, at least during his waking hours, the security of it… it healed. He wanted Bucky to know that feeling. But that was his.

Peter grew very quiet. “Are you going to take him from me?” He tried to keep the shudder out of his breath, the break out of his voice.

“Oh Peter, no. Not ever. I don’t ever want to do that,” Bucky said.

“No one ever wants it when it starts.” Peter couldn’t open his eyes.

“Baby…” Tony rocked himself forward and pulled Peter into his lap. “This is over if it hurts you. I won’t ever leave you. I won’t ever hurt you. Baby… you’re… my everything.”

Peter pulled his head out of Tony’s neck. His face was tear-streaked, but he’d stopped crying. He smiled at Bucky. “When he holds you like that…” He rested his head against Tony’s chest while he kept smiling at Bucky. “It’s… safe.” He reached his hand out to the man and held it there until Bucky took it in his metal hand.

He looked up at Tony. “I want not to mind it. I want Bucky to have that. I want him not to run away and be afraid of it the next time it happens.” Peter shuddered. “But Tony, if you leave me, I’ll die.”

“Not gonna happen, baby.” Tony put a light kiss on Peter’s lips. “It might be a fucked up one, but how can I live without my heart?” He put Peter’s other hand, pressed palm flat, over his arc reactor.

Peter looked between the two men. “I don’t want to be there. I mean I wouldn’t mind, but I don’t need to be there, but… I think I might like it if one of you told me after it happened? I don’t know if that will help. This is all so much ‘I don’t know’. But if one of you tell me… I can be more happy for the two of you and maybe not so scared. And it won’t feel like you’re… cheating. God that’s ridiculous. Because of course it’s all cheating…”

“It’s not if we don’t lie, Peter. Lies make things cheating. Lying since it started… that’s probably my biggest regret.”

“Mine as well,” Bucky said. “I never wanted to lie to you, Peter. Or you, Tony. I know how much Steve’s lies hurt you.”

Tony sighed. He didn’t know why those lies hurt so much and this didn’t. “This isn’t like that… doesn’t feel like that… I don’t know why.”

“Who was first?” Peter asked, looking at Bucky.

“Tony. Then you two days later. After, it’s been more-or-less balanced.” He smiled at Peter. “You’re more difficult. You’re not home as much when he’s not.”

Peter laughed. This was all much easier to take sitting in Tony’s lap. He turned a little to the side and held his arm open. Bucky slid closer and Tony balanced on his other arm, letting the man find a spot to rest his head on his thigh.

“So,” Tony said, putting a kiss on the side of Peter’s head and shifting around until he could run his fingers in Bucky’s hair. “This seems to work… at least a little. But there are some jealousies,” he added. “Peter wants to know when we fuck. You, Pretty?”

“Oh, I’m the guest in this situation,” Bucky said.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings about it all.”

“Keep playing with my hair,” Bucky grinned up at Tony. “I really do get gone from that. Even when I wore it short. You lied to me.”

“When?” Tony said, shocked.

“When you told me you didn’t like your hair played with.”

“I don’t.”

“Uh huh,” Bucky and Peter said, disbelievingly, in unison.

Tony rolled his eyes. “God when Pretty and Beautiful gang up on me, I’m not gonna stand a chance.”

“Can I sleep in here with you both sometimes? Even if we haven’t done anything?” Bucky asked, after a pause.

“I’d really like that,” Peter said.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed. “Anything done or not. It’s a big bed.”

“It’s the size of my whole damn apartment back in Brooklyn.”

“It is not,” Tony countered.

“Damn near.”

“It’s his former orgy bed,” Peter teased.

“Okay. Bucky likes his hair played with… no surprises there. And he’d like to sleep with us. And… as long as we tell Peter, I’d like to fuck you again if you’d like that.”

“Yes please.”

“Do you just like to get fucked?” Peter asked. “Or do you like fucking too?”

“I’m fairly vers. I like getting fucked a little bit more, but it’s not a one or the other thing with me.”

“It is with me,” Peter said. “I haven’t ever felt the desire to fuck anyone. Even with our horizons broadened, that’s still the case. Is that okay, Bucky? That I’m not gonna want to fuck you?”

“Would you like me to fuck you?” Bucky asked. “If Tony’s okay with it?” They both looked at Tony.

“Peter’s never been with anyone but me,” Tony explained. “I’ve gotta think…” he said slowly, letting the words trail off into a pause. “Would ‘if I’m there’ work for you both? Not just telling me about it. I’d want…” He bit his lips. This was all so unusual. To even consider the possibility of sharing Peter. He was probably the most possessive person in the universe. It didn't bother him that Bucky had been going down on Peter as long as he’d been doing it to him. But fucking was more… intimate. “I have to be there,” he finally said, having come to a conclusion. “Are you both willing to do that? Because, otherwise, no.”

“I told you, I’m the guest here,” Bucky said. “I’ll do whatever you say.”

“Stop it,” Peter said. “You’re the third, yes. I’ll agree that’s the situation we’re in… we seem to be in… But you have a say.”

“Whatever happens,” Tony said, “we all have to agree. Lies are the absolute hard limit for me. Don’t tell me that something’s okay and then have it fester and twist into lies.”

“I’m okay with you being there if I fuck Peter.” He cast his eyes downward. A hint of a smile played at his lips. “I think…”

Peter smiled. “I think we both like it that way.”

Bucky looked up at him and met his smile. “Yes.”

“Peter, I know you don’t have any experience with any of this, not just trying to work out a relationship, but just… in bed with multiple partners. Bucky? Do you?” Tony asked.

“Winter did. Often,” Bucky said with distaste. “But me? When there was more than one, you ever saw them again after the party was over,” Bucky explained. “Or if you did, you never acknowledged it because it was dangerous. It was… a different time.”

“So you don’t even really have experience with…” Tony sought for the words. He knew what the sorts of parties Bucky described were like amongst closeted men. But he also knew what it was like to have multiple partners in your bed that you didn’t shy away from in fear after you came. Who stayed the night in your bed and you woke up in a tangle of bodies, kissing whoever happened to be laying next to you before the writhing mass became entangled again. And to have that go on for an entire weekend.

“Experience with affection and multiple partners,” Tony explained. “But a relationship… None of us have ever navigated those waters. Not even me. The longest an orgy ever lasted was…” he looked at the ceiling to compare the memories of the events. “Eight and a half days. Though the number of guys varied as they came and went. With girls it was three, and I was more of a… voyeur. With a mix, it was five.”

Both Peter’s and Bucky’s eyes went wide.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Tony,” Peter exclaimed.

Tony grinned. “It was a well earned reputation. I needed a big bed.”

Bucky laughed. “We defer to you expertise.”

“No shit,” Peter added, laughing along.

“You don’t fuck for that long without there being long periods of just… lying about and getting snuggly. If some people in the bed were more there for a chance at getting to a certain someone, little jealousies popped up. Little ones, because…” Tony shrugged. “Even eight and a half days isn’t very long for that stuff to really happen. And I guess if someone got too bent out of shape, they left. I never noticed.

“But this…” He ran his finger down Bucky’s arm and tightened his hold around Peter’s waist. “Jealousies are gonna happen. The minute anybody lies about it, this ends for me. Which, if Peter wants to stay with me, means it ends for him too. Sorry baby. I know that doesn’t sound fair, but you know that’s how I work. You knew that from the beginning. I’m possessive as fuck.”

Tony looked down at Bucky. “And damn, Pretty, if you don’t make me feel just a little bit possessive too. But if you ever do find a certain someone who’s like Peter for you, I’ll let you go, okay? Not because I don’t care about you or I don’t want you, but because I want you to be happy. Meanwhile… If you’re gonna park that pretty piece of tail in this bed, this bed is it. Me and Peter. As long as this goes on, the three of us are exclusive.” Tony ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair. Hey, no one ever said he played fair. “Is that okay?”

“You feel possessive about me?” Bucky said, a confused look on his face.

“Yeah, Pretty. I am a greedy, possessive, demanding fuck. What’s mine, I like to stay mine. We can talk about looser things as long as everything’s kept oral. But if I’m gonna fuck you. If we’re gonna share what that was. That’s gotta be mine.”

“I…” Bucky’s blue eyes were dark when he looked up at Tony. “Yeah. That’s yours.”

“Don’t worry, Pretty,” Tony said tenderly, still threading his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “I take care of Beautiful, I’ll take care of you too. Two strong men who could break me like a twig, but who I’ll keep safe because that’s what all three of us are looking for from each other.” He leaned his head against Peter, and his hand slid down Bucky’s back, firmly holding him.

Tony drew a deep, shuddering breath and paused. His voice broke when he spoke. “Peter, I love you. God baby, I love you entirely. But Bucky… there aren’t words. The vocabulary isn’t deep enough. It’s not what I feel for Peter. But it’s so not friends-with-benefits either. It’s… a different kind of love, I guess. I love you Peter. God, I never thought I’d say this, but I love you different, Bucky.”

They sat together for a long while. “Is that okay, beautiful?” Tony asked Peter.

Peter sighed. “Yes.” He reached down and slipped his fingers into Bucky’s hair alongside of Tony’s. “We love you different, but we love you.”