#hes just like. fuck you mean people hurt the only person whos shown me love and care since i died?? i gotta take this into my own hands

[allebooklover]

So as someone who also recognizes my own family dynamics in the Todoroki family storyline (not the same or as bad, but man, it's probably the first time ever I could see parts of my past in a storyline so clearly) and heavily relates to Touya the most out of the Todoroki's, to me, the message about Touya is along the lines of, 'your anger and grief is understandable and acceptable to feel, but do not let your rage turn you into the worst version of yourself', aka self destructive/into someone that continues the cycle of abuse. But it's also about how not reaching out to others for support and healing can lead to your own downfall.

Which probably makes Touya a cautionary tale? I think.

Spoilers below the cut. Also warning: I could be projecting stuff onto the Todoroki family storyline so take it with a grain of salt.

Anger and grief being understandable and acceptable emotions to feel when it comes to being abused:

Touya is shown being angry and upset over the abuse and neglect his parents showed him throughout his childhood, and of having the abuse gone unacknowledged despite screaming it from the rooftops. This is shown to be an understandable and acceptable emotion to feel - anger towards the person who hurt you is natural and it's fine to feel it. That it should have been acknowledged instead of ignored, and that ignoring such a thing leads to tragedy.

But it also shows that you have to be careful where you redirect the rage (eg: don't hit babies just because you feel like they've replaced you), so that it doesn't hurt people who had nothing to do with the circumstances that had caused you pain, like posted above.

Turning into the worst version of yourself:

Touya has been shown hurting people who were uninvolved in his trauma (innocents), or those who have also been hurt by that same abuser (his brothers), in his quest for revenge. He nearly caused the death of Natsuo, who loved Toya and who was neglected just like he was, because he didn't care about hurting someone he loved so long as it meant hurting Endeavor.

And in the scene where Dabi exposes Endeavor - its cathartic because it exposes the abuse that happened to him for everyone to see and gets Dabi some much needed acknowledgement and sympathy for what happened to him, but its also an example of Dabi lashing out at innocents in rage because:

Dabi is using his trauma as an excuse to hurt others. He's not apologising to the people he hurt - he's going 'you can't get angry at me for hurting you because I'm an abuse victim', because if people feel sympathy for him, they're less likely to be angry at him for hurting them. And he's also going 'don't get pissed at me for burning you and your loved ones, get pissed at that guy for making me angry enough to burn you instead', so that those who aren't tricked by the first will redirect their anger at his abuser instead.

he's also aiming to hurt Shoto, whom he resents, by exposing Shoto's abuse to an entire world without Shoto's consent. Just like Touya, Shoto was also an abuse victim of Endeavor, who was working through what happened to him. Shoto only wanted two people (Midoriya and later on Bakugo) to know what he went through while he processed it and tried to figure out how to heal from it. When Dabi exposes Shoto's story to the public, Shoto's actively torn away from his support system - he has to distance himself from his friends to prevent them from getting caught up in public ire. It's only at UA dorms away from public perception that he can maintain that connection instead of keeping his distance. Dabi didn't actually have to share the abuse Shoto went through. What happened to Dabi was horrifying and it would've been more than enough to condemn Endeavor. But Dabi shared it anyway because he was angry at Shoto for being their dad's favorite and wanted to use it to hurt both him and Endeavor.

Toya was right to do that expose about Endeavor and the abuse he suffered under his father. He was wrong to use it as a way to escape culpability for his crimes and for using the abuse Shoto went through as a weapon to hurt Endeavor - just as how Endeavor tried to use Shoto's success as a weapon to surpass All Might. By not giving a shit about who he hurts and uses in order to reach his goal, Touya has effectively become like his abuser Endeavor, who also did not give a shit about who he hurt and used in order to reach his goal.

Also his murder suicide attempt. Dude never intended to continue living. Didn't just intend to take Endeavor out, he intended to take out everyone else - civilians, other villains including the LoV, so on, because he didn't see a point in living after achieving his goal and would much rather die trying to achieve it. Pretty karmic that he failed that and made to stay alive, so he is now forced to think of his future after failing in his goals, and about all the damage he's done onto his body for the sake of his revenge.

Which leads to the other bit: accountability

BNHA is a story about compassion and accountability - show compassion to those who need it, while holding them accountable for the wrongs that they've committed. Dabi commits multiple crimes (murder etc) and has hurt many people in his pursuit of revenge - big ones being the majority of his family. They've hurt him, yes, and he's hurt them too. He brought his own body to the brink of death because he wasn't planning on living even if he won. Now he's got to deal with the damage he dealt his own body too. All of that has consequences - which results in medical jail.

Even if his circumstances were understandable, he's still a mass murderer criminal. He's still hurt people. Just because he was hurt doesn't give him the right to hurt others; he needs to be held accountable for that.

But he does get his goal - acknowledgement from his family that they've done wrong by him. understanding that he mattered to them, because they'd been effected by his death and came together for his sake when he planned to die. That most of them plan to stick around after too, so that they can talk things out.

And from that, understanding that his brother Shoto wasn't at fault for anything. His apology to Shoto meant everything to me and is also a start of him regretting something he did instead of blaming it on Endeavor or someone else - he acknowledges he did something wrong and from there, atonement for his crimes is possible.

(this probably isn't comforting but Toya does have a doctor that can advocate for him, if that helps. He's jailed and physically stuck because that's the consequences for every crime he's done, yeah, but he's not alone. He's got people watching out for him and making sure he's physically alright. He won't be placed in his previous situation again.

But also like. Someone acknowledging long dormant pain and proving that they're willing to take the steps to prove they'll change, with the rest of the family signing up for it, after you literally burnt yourself out trying to get that, even though your body is now a crisp and you've done really horrible stuff that did make people cut ties with you? heck yeah that's beautiful. That was what I dreamed for, back when I was an angry, self destructive kid.)

How this relates to Endeavor's atonement arc:

Endeavor, who started the series as an abusive piece of shit that thought of nobody but himself, is shown being able to have a life after atonement. He loses his life's goal, his career, most of his family, and is doomed to be a negative footnote in history if he's even included at all. also physical damage. And he's never going to be able to make up for everything he's done, but he does have people supporting him for his decision to change for the better.

If an abuser that drove his wife to insanity can work to atone and still have a life in the process of becoming a better person, so can a mass murderer that nearly killed his entire family in a self destructive attempt to find validation and love.

And comes back to - reaching out to others for support.

Toya had multiple opportunities to reach out to others before the Finale. He escaped AFO and got back home. He could have informed the others that he survived his initial burning. He believes that they didn't miss him - but they did. Natsuo mourned him and hated Endeavor for Toya's death; part of Fuyumi's decision to keep her family together is implied to be because she didn't want to lose another family member like she did Toya and wants to reestablish a relationship with him once she knew he was alive. They, Natsuo especially, would have been ecstatic and welcomed Toya back with open arms if they'd learned he was alive back then, or any time within the six years between his death and the start of the story, before he established himself as a supervillain.

Heck, even before he died, they wanted to connect with him as siblings. It's clear that they loved him, both as adults and as children. If he'd reached back and accepted that love instead of rejecting it in pursuit of getting his dad's love, it's possible he would have gotten the validation he needed.

NGL i think the best example of what I'm trying to get at is with Natsuo - Toya and Natsuo were closest to each other as kids before Toya's death, and both were fellow victims of neglect. Natsuo mourned for him and would've been super happy if Toya had revealed himself as alive. But Dabi burnt that bridge by going through with a plan that nearly killed Natsuo, hurt the rest of his family, and becoming a supervillain that murdered people and attempted to kill the rest of his family and other innocent civillians that weren't involved in their abuse, which is why Natsuo cuts him off alongside Endeavor at the end of the manga. This was a connection he could've had but didn't because he was too focused on his goal.

'But his family didn't acknowledge the abuse and added onto the pain caused by a household that has normalized abuse, so reaching out to them is a zero sum game' - true. Pretty realistic not to use them as support, tbh. But then:

what about the LoV?

This is after Dabi's love for his dad became hate, and he cut ties with his family. He could have found other people to validate and support him the way his family didn't, but we don't see any mention of such in the six years between him deciding to become Dabi and joining the LoV. Even as the LoV became a more tight knit friend group that would ride and die for each other, Dabi keeps himself at arms length - he actively avoids joining in on the group bonding exercise attacks on Gigantomachia and only appears when they need him for fights, he goes recruitment hunting on his own. He also doesn't share much about himself too - Hawks was part of the group and didn't know much past his name. Twice was a talker, so he would've spilled the beans - but he didn't know much either, implying that even in the final arcs, Dabi kept to himself as much as possible. He didn't reach out to rely on them, even though they would have accepted him if he did.

He does care for them, to be clear. It's just that he cares about getting revenge more than he does them. We can see this most clearly with Twice vs Hawks. Its implied he could have intervened earlier if he disregarded getting footage of the battle, but he didn't intervene until he got what he wanted, which resulted in Twice's death. And even that didn't matter as much as his revenge on his dad, but if he just reached out to them as they did to him, it's possible he could have found the validation he was looking for.

What I took away from this:

So it's a warning, yeah, but it's not just a warning that someone should intervene before it got to the point of no return, or that destroying oneself to reach an unobtainable goal is the wrong way to go about things.

It's a warning to reach out to others, and let them be there for you and vice versa. It doesn't have to be family if your family was shit, but it could be friends who are more likely to understand your pain.

Also to not be consumed by your own pain to the point that you ignore and add to the pain of others, because being hurt doesn't give you the right to hurt others. To sacrifice everything of yourself in pursuit of a goal will only lead to a lonely existence, regrets, and your own destruction.

It's a very tough lesson to learn. But I'm glad I did, before it was too late.

Other stuff:

Anon. I'm sorry about your dad. I'm sorry that you feel trapped, and I wish you good luck and well wishes at getting away from them. It sucks that the story's ending didn't work out for you. Your emotions are valid - you don't need to agree or disagree with anything I wrote in this post, I just wrote it because I had a different theory than what was provided.

Also bears repeating - its entirely possible i'm projecting because of how hard I relate to Toya's emotions and the Todoroki family storyline backstory. I'm trying very hard to be unbiased but that doesn't mean I succeeded, so like. grain of salt on everything.

I'm really glad that a lot of Japanese fans are voicing their discomfort with how the manga ended, especially the Todoroki plotline.

The Todoroki plotline really helped me realize that my dad is abusive. I've definitely not had it as bad as the Todofam but it's that domineering, "I'm right and I know what's best", "you're not doing what I/being how I want you to be because you want to upset me" type of thing.

Seeing Dabi expose Endeavors private life to the world was exhilarating!!! You reap what you sew!! Beautiful!

I'm glad Dabi didn't "technically" die but as someone who lives with their parents, idk, the ending of him still being "trapped" killed me and made me feel like maybe I'll never be free.

Sorry if this was ranty and all over the place btw!!

I'm sorry about your dad!

I think what remains still a decent message about the Todofam plot that there are different responses to abuse and victims are valid, their feelings and reactions are valid - with the obvious line of murder and turning that anger to kill or even just hurt people who have nothing to do with it is not ok.

I think the narrative also remains painfully honest that there are no winners in toxic / abusive families - everyone loses and has only the choice to be stuck in the trauma and grief or try to claw their way out somehow.

It also provides some models / coping strategies:

Natsuo who leaves them to start a family of his own,

Fuyumi who struggles for a while to get everyone together, but then resigns and keeps the bonds she can in whatever way she can, but maybe now can start to move on and build a life for herself.

Shouto who makes openings to his parents and watches their actions, who works hard to break the cycle of violence, but in the end bets on his friends / found family to find emotional support and safety as he distances himself finally

And well, Touya - whose anger and holding Endeavor responsible is an important part of the narrative, but also serves as a warning - because while he achieves his goal of destroying Endeavor, he also destroys himself in the process, leaving the painful "what if" questions and the grief of fulfilling relationships he could have sought instead.

I think the story in the end says that for the Natsuos, Fuyumis and Shoutos of this world, there is a way out even if difficult and painful. But for the Touyas of this world, the story in the end doesn't offer much more than to say "it could have been different if your abuser only stopped abusing you at some point" or if someone truly heroic intervened earlier.

And that's not a really encouraging answer.

[webanglikethat]

to every single queer person out there—trans, gay, bi, pan, ace, nonbinary, however you identify—let me just say this: I am so, so fucking sorry. SO, SO, SO FUCKING SORRY. I am furious. I’m pissed off beyond words. english seems like a forgotten skill as I'm typing this. I am so sorry.

we never deserved this. we never fucking deserved this.

I am sorry that you’ve been betrayed like this, that we’ve all been betrayed like this. I’m sorry that SO MANY of our damn votes weren’t counted, like we don’t even matter. like we’re just numbers on a page that they can toss out without a thought. like we can just be erased, as if we do not exist, like we’re puzzle pieces that don’t fit into their perfect picture, so they just throw us out, discarded, like we were never there in the first place. I’m sorry she just conceded, just gave up. left us hanging. just handed us over like we’re some afterthought, like we’re collateral damage in this disgusting twisted fucking game. as if our lives, our rights, everything we fought for, meant nothing. she just rolled over and let us get steamrolled, like we’re just noise, just numbers on a page, just nothing worth fighting for. do they even care that real people, people who trusted her, who put their hopes in her, are being crushed by this? and not only in the US. we ALL believed in her. and ... she ... just ... she was gone. just like that. and we’re the ones who have to pay the price. we’re the ones left with our futures on the line, wondering what rights we’ll have tomorrow, if we’ll even be safe tomorrow. and she just… gave it all up. handed us over to people who are hell-bent on erasing us, who’ve been clear from day one about what they think of us, what they want to take away. how do we even make sense of that? how do we believe in ANYONE? how can you abandon us in the lion's den and yet demand compassion and trust? to trust in the very hands that have left us to bleed, to burn, to fight alone?

we deserve better. we deserved someone who would stand with us when it mattered, who wouldn’t just throw in the towel and walk away when things got tough. we’re not just collateral. we’re not disposable. we’re human beings with lives, with love, with the right to exist without fear. we aren't statistics, diagrams, names forgotten on a wall. we are queer, and we are real. and she ... just left us to face down a nightmare she knows damn well is coming. so how dare they tell us to “keep faith” when they’ve shown us that our lives were never worth the fight to them. we needed someone who would dig in and say, “no, you can’t have them. not now, not ever.” and instead? we were left out in the cold to fend for ourselves. like always. like fucking always. and this isn’t just some political setback for us. this is our lives, our right to exist. we’ve fought and bled and stood through hell just to claim an inch of ground to live openly, to love who we love, and to be who we are. we deserved so much more than empty promises. and we won’t forget this.

right now, it feels like every warning, every fear we’ve had has come to life in the worst way. and let’s be real—what’s next is terrifying. I will not sugarcoat it. rights are going to be stripped away, our existence denied, our safety threatened. trump hasn’t hidden it; he’s promised it. this was supposed to be our home too. but they’re pushing us out, forcing us to hide. so please, if you need to, go back into the closet. change states if that’s what it takes. hell, think about leaving the country if you can, because it’s becoming clear that staying might mean risking everything. you do not owe anyone anything, just think of yourself first. you are your own priority.

and god .. Love. Love—something so pure, something so simple—has been twisted into a reason for others to hate us, to fear us, to hurt us. we were never supposed to be the ones people saw as a “threat.” that label should belong to hatred, to racism, to homophobia, to everything that has poisoned this world. but instead, somehow we are the ones they call dangerous. we are the ones they want to erase. and it’s maddening. what kind of world are we living in, where the fight to just exist is an endless battle? was it not love that led Eve to take that fateful bite, trusting in the bond she shared with Adam? and if love is the foundation upon which humanity was built, how can we be faulted for following its lead? of all the things we could hate, and we chose love.

if this moment feels like it’s too much, if it feels like everything you’ve fought for, every piece of yourself you’ve worked to own, every right, every dream, every bit of safety is collapsing around you -- I get it. I feel it in my bones. it feels like drowning, like being swallowed whole by a storm that never ends. the shore seems so far away. but listen to me: don’t you fucking dare let them break you. don’t let them get that satisfaction. don’t give them that power. we are not here to let monsters erase us. we’re here to outlast every single one of them. we’re here to survive and thrive. we are queer, we are real, we exist, we will continue to exist.

their power, their hatred, their cruelty—it won’t last forever. I know it's difficult to see the light at the end of this tunnel. but they are the ones who don’t belong in a world built on compassion, on love, on freedom. You are the real thing. You are here. You deserve to be here, and you deserve to feel safe, loved, and free.

if you’re feeling like there’s no point anymore, if this all feels like it’s too damn much to take, please just hang on. this fight is brutal, and sometimes it feels like it never ends. but I’m begging you—don’t give up. don’t let them have that final victory. don’t let them silence your voice, your light, your life. scream, cry, punch walls, call someone, reach out, hold on to whatever will keep you here another day, another hour. do whatever you have to do to survive this moment. because you’re needed. we need you. the world needs you.

you might not see it now, but you are a part of something big, something powerful, something they wish they could destroy but never will. you’re part of a legacy of resilience, of love, of defiance against hatred. every queer person, every person who has ever had to stand up against a world that told them they shouldn’t exist, that they should be crucified, erased, beaten up, has carried that legacy forward, passed it down so we could be here. so you could be here. and they did not survive all they did, did not fight, did not sacrifice so much just for us to lose hope. we’re still here because others fought and held on. now, it’s our turn. we owe it to them, to ourselves, to hold on with everything we have, to fight with everything in us.

and one day, I promise you, I truly pinkie promise you, that you’re going to wake up in a world that has moved beyond these hateful voices. one day, you will wake up in a world that sees you, that values you, where you don’t have to fight just to exist. you deserve to live in it, to walk in the sunlight without fear, without shame. they don’t get to take that from you. they don’t get to erase you. they don’t get to win.

this moment is hard. it’s beyond hard. but you, every single one of you, are worth it. you are not alone in this fight. you are surrounded by countless others who feel this too, who know this pain, who are holding on right alongside you.

so please, hold on. you belong, and nothing they do can change that. they cannot snuff out your light. they cannot erase your legacy. they cannot undo the love you were born to spread.

stay. fight like hell. be louder, be prouder, be everything they tell you not to be. because you are worth every ounce of this battle. and we will see the day they’re gone. we will make it through.

we too shall rise from the ashes.

to my queer family, my phoenix.

[god-i-hope-so]

Tips for younger Bucktommy fic writers who're looking to write an accurate characterization, especially when it comes to Tommy (and this post is also for the people who think everything goes too fast with no build-up between Buck and Tommy):

Dating when you're in your 30s and 40s is very different. When you meet a decent person you're attracted to and with whom things go (very) well the first few times you meet, things can go very fast in a very simple way. You know yourself better and you know others better too. So the dating phase can be very short and things can move on to being a real couple and moving together quite fast (if that's what both want). Also, things go even faster when it comes to queer people. In short: less bullshit, more straight to the point.

Love != passion. Of course, it's a generalization but the "passionate" phase of the relationship doesn't last as long as when you're younger. The passion is still there but it's not burning hot, explosive, in the face of the world, "look at us how we loooooove each other", it's more tender. You can have a passionate relationship but it doesn't show the same way as when you're 20. Passion becomes like a slow cooked dish with rich and deep flavors, instead of the rush of an energy drink and 5 coffees in your 20s. Also, it doesn't mean Buck and Tommy can't fuck nasty.

We care less, about a lot of things. Again, it's a generalization and I'm also writing this with what we know about Tommy and Buck. Unless Tommy is hiding his game very well, his personality is pretty clear to me. Look at the date. It was a failure for Tommy, as a gay man who fought his own demons, and others, for years. Yet, he decided to be kind about it. Because in the end, it's not the end of the world. It hurts, sure, but that wouldn't be the first time and he didn't make it only about him. It was also about Buck not being ready. The coffee date was also a good scene. Tommy is almost nonchalant, open. I'm borrowing Ryan's words when he said "whatever happens happens". Tommy went through enough shit to not give this situation the drama that can be easily avoided. And it paid off.

Pouting, sulking, active display of real jealousy, acting like a child (and I insist on the "like a child" because adult can sulk, obviously) = NOT CUTE. AT ALL. I get that the infantilization of adults is very common in fandoms so younger people can relate, and because fic writers often write older characters with younger people in mind as references. But it's not a thing in real life, and when it happens, it's not "normal behavior". Of course they can sulk and pout, but not the same way as a young person would. It's a lot more subtle. Also, in the case of Tommy, he's been shown being very good at communicating what he wants and doesn't want. Buck will dance around the matter more, his frustration would probably show with him being agitated or anxious, being reckless too, because he's just like that, but not Tommy. Make them talk about their issues, even if they go through a period of frustration and miscommunication. Tommy should be the kind of man who will encourage Buck to grow and be better at sorting and understanding his feelings in a mature way but without treating him as a child.

Again, all this could help for an accurate characterization. Anyone is free to write the characters the way they want, go full OOC if you want, it's your fic. This post is just giving some tips!

[coff33andb00ks]

20 Oscar

20: pressing the other’s hand against their cheek

warnings: author doesn't understand the meaning of the word "short" and (badly written) descriptions of a wreck during a race (no injuries)

driver + number = drabble/short fic <3

Piastri just doesn't give a fuck.

Oscar is just too chill.

Does he ever show emotion except when he's laughing at Lando?

You try to stay out of comments. Hell, you try to stay off social media, it's nothing but a cesspool of people with too much time on their hands and not enough brain cells to comprehend more than the surface level of what they're shown. But sometimes you like it, because there are creative people who put out beautifully edited videos of your boyfriend. Sometimes you show them to him, enjoying his giggling while he watches and shakes his head over someone finding him attractive enough to warrant a thirty second video set to a Rihanna song.

But the comments about his emotionless black cat behavior hurt. He's so much more than how he portrays himself. He's vibrant and so full of life, and you will forever appreciate the people who see beyond his social anxiety and notice his amazing sense of humor, his passion for racing and life. They'll never know the real him and will probably never understand why you fell in love with him.

Him. The sweet and shy guy who'd come to your defense when a rude customer had been berating you over a wrong order. His voice had cut over her yelling, calm and measured, and after your manager had kicked out the irrationally angry woman it had been Oscar that had approached you to check on you, frowning when he saw your tears. His gentle tone had calmed you, his respectful stance had won your admiration, and his calling the woman a fucking cunt had made you smile.

You wish you could defend him as he continues to defend you. When a video questioning how a nobody like you had bagged a formula one rookie had gone somewhat viral he'd taken to twitter and unleashed such a beautifully worded rant that people were still quoting it more than a year later.

It's come to my attention that some so-called fans are referring to my girlfriend as a nobody. Allow me to introduce her to you. She's funny, she's brilliant, she's beautiful. She's every word you can think of to describe the perfect person and she's so much more. She shines light in the darkest corners of my soul. Her eyes are a map of my universe. When you look at us together, know that I am constantly trying to be worthy of the love she gives me, and know that if you speak ill of her you will never have my respect but you will have my disgust.

You would never ever doubt his love for you. Not that you ever had but that had cemented it. You could never come to his defense in such a way. If you even tried you'd be sneered at for being a try hard.

And really, you didn't need to. Because the one thing Oscar did not give a fuck about was anyone's opinion. Only a handful of people mattered enough to him for him to care what they thought. You were blessed to be included on that list.

You love him so much that for a while it scared you, having never fallen into the this one person is my moon and stars mindset. But now you understand. He didn't just hang them, he is your moon and stars. Your one and only and if for some reason this doesn't end in forever you'll be ruined for any other man.

It was still a shock, though, when you felt your heart stop beating as you watched his car careen towards the barrier. The front wing clipped Max's rear tire and you can't breathe, watching in slow motion as the brightly colored car tips and lifts into the air. There is nothing but absolute silence around you in the McLaren garage and you're frozen, staring at the monitor while his car flips and rolls, carbon fiber flying in every direction when it lands upside down, his helmet just visible as it slides to a stop at the safety fence.

Silence. Then pandemonium. Your world has just flipped and spun and you can't breathe, ears straining to hear him but you can only hear the crackle of the radio when Zak and Tom try to get him to respond.

Then, finally, his voice. Shaken and scared. "Are they okay? Please tell me they're okay."

Of course he'd ask after the others involved. You can finally breathe but it hurts, not knowing that he's okay. And you can't do anything but wait, heart barely beating until he's finally out, he's moving, he's giving the fans a thumbs up as he's put on the stretcher. You still can't do a thing and you've never felt more useless than you do while you're waiting just inside the medical center with Zak and Lando, who'd come to wait during the red flag.

Then the most beautiful words you've ever heard.

"He's okay."

There's more after that, about him being transported to the local hospital for a complete check, the possibility of a concussion but he's okay. And you're allowed to go see him while the ambulance is readied.

He's sitting up, looking a little pale but he's not hurt, he's in one piece, and when he sees you he gasps. You try to be gentle when you embrace him, but he steals your breath, holding you so tightly it hurts, his face pressed into your neck.

"They won't tell me - are Max and George okay?" His voice is strained and you feel his tears.

"They're fine, my love," you promise.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, I don't know what I did. I was going good and then I was upside down." His voice shakes and cracks and he's trembling, one hand fisting in your shirt. You reach for the other.

"Shh shh... It's okay my love," you whisper, your tears finally spilling when he guides your hand up, holding it to his cheek as he lets out a shaky breath. "Everyone's okay, you're okay."

His eyes meet yours and your world rights itself.

[nekropsii]

People in the Cronus v. Vriska debate will also completely ignore that Cronus. Really wants to kill people. He just says that. No obfuscation included.

He doesn’t even have any excuse for it. Vriska killing people makes sense because she grew up on Alternia and had to feed her Lusus. Cronus just wants to kill people because he wants to do murder-eugenics and is really fucking mad murder-eugenics isn’t legal and does in fact have social consequences. Cronus just wants to kill disabled people for being disabled and not get in trouble for it. He explicitly says he wishes culling “meant what it should have” on Beforus.

Vriska was born and raised on Alternia, and that’s not her fault. It is, in fact, an entirely new level of fucking deranged to want Alternian laws to be real. Growing up in a system where killing people deemed below you is okay is different from wishing you lived in a system where killing people deemed below you is okay, because growing up there inherently means that that is already normal to you, while wishing that was the case inherently means it is not normal to you, you just want more harm to befall specific out groups (the lower class, the disabled, etc.) and to hurt more people in more violent ways.

People also love to casually ignore that Cronus is a grown adult. Like, sure, he’s 19, and 19 years old is pretty young in the grand scheme of things, but he is still a grown ass man who knows better. Him knowing better and simply not caring is literally a major part of his character. He is a grown ass man who can make his own legal decisions and live on his own. He can pay taxes. He could buy a house. He could invest in the stock market. In some countries, he can legally drink. He can drive. He can drink and drive. He can go die in the military. He’s grown. He’s a grown ass man. Vriska is 13. That is a child. Like, a CHILD child. Vriska is a middle school child. This is the difference between a middle schooler and a college student. Think of how mentally developed you were at 13. You weren’t even done with puberty yet. You’re not even done growing at that age. Cronus can fucking vote. He can go to adult prison. If you spotted a kid Vriska’s age out roaming the street with no guardian in sight, you’d probably be worried.

A major part of Cronus’s character is that he is a terrible person by choice, willingly, knowingly, and does not care. He is making a decision. Him being shitty and awful is a conscious choice he is making. He knows he is hurting people, and he knows what he is doing is terrible, and he does not care. Cronus knows that trying to bang children 6 years his junior is bad. He doesn’t care. He knows he is abusing Mituna, he calls it abuse, and he knows abuse is bad. He doesn’t care. He knows sex crimes are bad. He doesn’t care. He’s too entitled to care about anyone but himself and his own gratification.

Vriska is a 13 year old anti-hero who literally gets groomed and is shown to only be Like That because she is extremely traumatized and her experience of living on Alternia has made it so her guard is up 24/7. She literally cannot put the metaphorical swords down. She thinks it’s the only thing keeping her alive.

Cronus does not have an excuse.

That is, like… The Point.

The point is that he sucks and is irredeemable. He doesn’t have a single quality that makes standing around him worthwhile. He’s a relentless, unapologetic abuser. He just doesn’t care. He’s the most entitled man to ever live. He sees people as punching bags and sex toys, and any time this notion is rejected or faces even the slightest pushback, he freaks the fuck out about it.

And the point with Vriska is that she is complicated, and a child. A really, really traumatized, really, really scared child.

I don’t know, I think there’s a party here that is objectively worse.

… And - hear me out! - I think… I think it’s the adult sex predator… And not the child.

[fictophilianworld]

Bucky Barnes headcanons (part 2?)

>> I just woke up so I don't know if I'm making any sense but yayy Bucky

OCD Kingggggggg

Will growl (and I mean GROWL) if someone messes with his stuff or messes up his organized shit

"It's SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. I don't care if you think it's messy. Get out."

Will pick out your nail designs/ go shopping with you & find it oddly therapeutic. Loves when you get something that reminds you of him.

Loves dancing, surprisingly. Once he opens up to you about his past/ feels comfortable around you + had a couple of drinks, if there's the right music playing he'll act more like Bucky from the 40s who loves a good dance and a night out.

But doesn't really enjoy rowdy parties or clubs because the flashing lights and the people pressed against him overwhelm/overstimulate him 🥺

if someone made you upset-- CRY-- you best bet he's gonna coax the name out of you and put it on a list (like his redemption list in his notebook but like, the opposite) and will fuck with their lives (because you forbade him from killing/seriously hurting people after the mysterious disappearance of one of your shitty exes)

If someone hits on you + doesn't back off after "no", he's not gonna stop the Winter Soldier inside him from being unleashed (remember that one scene in tfatws where he pretends to be tws?)

is your personal bodyguard in many ways

When things between you two grow serious-- like, SERIOUS-- he'll take out the Winter Soldier trigger words (I'm sorry my brain will not let me word things better right now) and shakily tell you everything

He expects you to draw back, be terrified, disgusted by the blood on his hands--

But blinks in surprise when you hug him tight.

he cries a little when you comfort him and tell him it's alright, that you still love him because he's only shown you love and kindness

You end up helping him regularly read the words to assure him that he's completely free now.

He'll take you around Brooklyn sometimes, pointing out all the special places he and Steve went to/ everything that's changed. You tease him about being an old man and he playfully reprimands you to respect your elders.

[seireitonin]

“Toby/ other characters would be an abuser!1!” A talk on why that pisses me off

Hi. My name is Seirei. I don’t want to share super personal shit on the internet, but due to certain factors in my life I have BPD. (this is NOT self diagnosis. I have been to a professional and for now they think I have this due to certain trauma/ symptoms I’ve shown) This is part of the cluster B personality type. That being said Toby and many other creepypasta characters either canonically have ASPD/ BPD or it’s a generally accepted headcanon that they do. Now this in itself doesn’t bother me if it’s done well and with research. But the problem is most ppl just slap these labels onto them without doing the proper research. I’ve gotten multiple comments on my TikTok like “well I think Toby is an abuser bc he has ASPD/ BPD” I hate that. I hate that so much. You guys say it’s for “realism” but you’re just demonizing mental disorders. You’re demonizing people like me. In you having your “realism” youre hurting me and ppl in the cluster B personality type. ASPD/ BPD doesn’t instantly make you an abuser. These are personality disorders brought on trauma. Especially trauma with parents/ family. People with ASPD/ BPD know that we’re not well all the time. We’re suffering from disorders that affect our lives. From trauma/ experiences that we didn’t ask for. These are DISORDERS. These aren’t fake edgy illnesses that you can slap onto a character with no thought when you want them to be angsty. For example when ppl say “Toby would be an abuser/ not be capable of love because of his ASPD and he went through abuse in his past” not only are you taking away the depth of his character, you’re just straight up demonizing mental disorders. If you read his story, he loves his mom and sister so much. People with ASPD can love. But it does cause him to be obnoxious and rude. But this isn’t coming from a place of malice. He’s a traumatized man w a disorder! This isn’t me saying Toby can do no wrong and he’s 100% healthy. Toby definitely has issues and I’d never erase that. But to call him an abuser because he has ASPD is so gross and you’re just demonizing ASPD to be edgy without doing research on it or the cluster B personality type in general. As I said before, people with cluster B personality type KNOW we have disorders. We live with them every day. They affect our lives, our relationships, ourselves. We know that we fuck up and what we do isn’t healthy all the time. We KNOW. We’re not doing it because we’re “abusers” we’re suffering and hurting. Again this isn’t me saying that everyone with BPD/ ASPD is a good person who’s willing to do the work and grow. There are bad people with these disorders. But that doesn’t mean everyone who has them are instantly abusive. I’m not an abuser at all. Never have been and never will be. But BPD does affect me and the way I act that can come off as hurtful/ unhealthy and I KNOW THAT. Im always actively putting in the work to be better, like a lot of people with ASPD/ BPD. Just because we have these disorders doesn’t instantly mean we can’t change/ be better. Doesn’t mean we’re not humans with emotions/ trauma of our own. Toby obviously had to do some kind of inner work to be able to be with Clockwork the way kastoway portrayed them. (If it’s canon or not is irrelevant here)When you say shit like “Toby is abusive bc of ASPD/ BPD” that’s what you’re telling us you think of us. You see us and treat us like monsters but then talk about how much you love Toby/ other characters for having our very real disorder. ASPD/ BPD can be seen as two sides of the same coin. They have so many similarities but are shown in different ways. Do proper research before you talk about mental health because you’re stigmatizing/ demonizing disorders that are already looked down upon. Toby does canonically have ASPD and possibly BPD but it’s written into his character pretty well(as well as a 13 year old in the 2010s can do) and now that ppl are older we can actually analyze his character/story correctly. But Jeff and many other characters still aren’t getting this same treatment and they need it.Do better.

[billluver0124]

"once more to see you.."

Narrators POV:

Imagine being who you are and being open about it. Having pride in who you've become when you entered this world and not living in fear. Sounds great right? I wonder what it's like too.

I hope you are brave enough to be who you are and love whoever the hell you want. Since I couldn't, being afraid made me lose the only person that could fill the empty void I had for so long. That void becomes bigger and bigger everyday. I'm losing hope for love.

It all started back in 2007...

"fuck.." he moaned out, the feeling of y/n grinding his neediness on Bill's lap was driving him nuts. He pulls y/n in, entrapping them in a wet passionate kiss. But this little make out was cut short with the sound of Bill's mother coming home.

"s-shit!" he muttered, pushing y/n to leave Bill's room through the windows, So his mom wouldn't see y/n. So no one would see him. So no one would see two boys making out; two boys in love.

This whole thing had been happening for months now, y/n and bill would meet up somewhere private and be themselves with each other, hold each other, kiss each other. But it all had to stay private because the world can't handle something like that. Two people of the same gender, being in love.

Especially not for Bill, he had a reputation to uphold. Being a musician has its pros, but with every pro comes double the cons. One wrong move and his entire career is over, it's like one long excruciating game of poker. But instead of gambling money, you're gambling your entire life. He's gotta play the cards right to stay in the game, if not, he could lose everything. But he's not gay...y/n and him are just friends...right?

The next day they met up again,what's so special about that? they do it every day, kiss, hug, make out? but this time was different, y/n just had to say what was on his mind today...the last time Bill would ever speak to y/n ever again.

"what is this?" he blurted out, holding it in was eating him alive. "what're you talking about?" asked Bill, his confused eyebrow making an appearance. "this..us..why are we still hiding?" y/n spoke, his eyes pleading for Bill to answer. "we're not hiding from anything..we're friends, just hanging out y'know?" y/n's stomach dropped to his ass. Just friends..? "friends don't do the things we do Bill.." "well we aren't together..I'm not gay y/n you know that." Hearing Bill say those words triggered tears in y/n's eyes. "so I don't mean anything to you..? at all?" Bill started to get annoyed now "what the hell are you even talking about?" "Bill, you told me you loved me..we've kissed, made out, we've cuddled..I even trusted you so much I let you touch my body bare..naked. That means nothing to you?"

"It's just something me and you do..it's a casual thing we do." Broken glass, the sound similar to y/n's own heart breaking by Bill's words. the sound of broken glass.

"why are you so afraid?" "what?" Bill was caught off guard by y/n's question. "why are you so afraid of this..of us?" he asked, "we could run away to a place where we don't have to hide anymore Bill..go on walks in the cities together..not having to hide anymore. I'm tired of hiding Bill." Bill started to become really annoyed, "dude I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but I'm not gay, we aren't together and the things we do are just casual things..we aren't in love y/n." he said those words so carelessly, like it doesn't have an impact on y/n's feelings. y/n stood there trying so hard to keep the tears back. "my career and reputation is more important than this..than you."

then he just couldn't hold it back anymore. the tears just started falling. "if that hurts your feelings, then go." y/n didn't say anything back, he just turned around and went back home.

Bill didn't mean anything he said, but he just can't admit who he really is. He's afraid..

It had now been one week since the fight. Y/n hadn't showed up to school..matter of fact he hasn't shown up anywhere. Bill was becoming worried. After all, he still cared about y/n. After school, Bill walked to y/n's house. Hoping to see him again and fix everything, resolve everything. But that hope was cut short almost immediately. "y/n passed away a few nights ago.." Y/n's mother said. "w-what..?" Bill felt his whole world collapse, this cant be true. "yeah, he committed suicide..I'm sorry." "n-no its okay! I'm so sorry you lost your son. I wish you well" That was the last thing Bill said to y/n's mother. He ended up not sleeping that night. He now has to live his life without y/n, without the love of his life; the person he was so afraid of loving.

It has now been seventeen years since y/n passed, everyone has moved on. maybe even forgot about him, but not Bill. He gives with a sense of pure guilt for the rest of his life. "hey y/n, it's me Bill!..the band has been super successful and we've gone on so many tours sometimes I wish I had a break..y'know, a break with you." Bill laid a bouquet of flowers on the grave, hoping y/n would accept the flowers in the afterlife.

Bills POV:

"I'm so sorry..." I sobbed as the tears flew from my eyes, If only I wasn't such a fucking coward. he would still be here, we could've had a life together; a really good life together, but I didn't want it. Because I was afraid of what everyone else would think of me. If only I was proud of who I was, just like y/n was. If only I told him my true feelings that night and not what I needed to tell myself in order to feel "normal". Then he would still be here..

I would see him one more time.

AUTHORS NOTE: hey guys! I've been on a break but I've decided to come back! I might not post as often as I used to because I've been working on small little film projects here and there, but I will be posting again! I know this one is not good Im a little rusty. But I hope y'all enjoy!

[rainbow-femme]

Thinking too much about AFTG again and I know we rag on Neil for being oblivious but I don’t think Andrew understands for most of the story that Neil likes him back

(FYI I haven’t read all the extra content, Nora may have said something about Andrew’s mindset that contradicts this, I don’t care it’s my literary analysis and I control my interpretation and the only canon that exists is what’s in the books. Also I’m Jewish, and the number one rule is anything can be true so long as you can back it up textually)

You’ve got the whole “I’m not your answer and you sure as fuck aren’t mine” line. By this point two things have happened recently: Neil has become outwardly more emotionally and physically vulnerable, and Neil has shown more interest in spending time with Andrew as well as interest in Andrew in general. And Andrew’s response to this seems to be the assumption that Neil is having a crisis he isn’t sharing and seems to have decided that Andrew is the answer to fixing that crisis. To be fair he is having a crisis, Andrew is just an unrelated benefit.

Which makes sense, most of his relationships are based, at least in Andrew’s mind, on him providing a service in exchange for someone’s presence in his life due to his belief that people will not be around him otherwise. So if Neil is looking at him in an open, appreciative, and interested way he seems to assume it’s because Neil, the terrified guy on the run from something, has found himself enjoying the stability Andrew provides and is seeing being near Andrew as a solution to his problems. That maybe Neil has tricked himself into thinking he has feelings for Andrew because he likes having someone take care of him and that’s the reason, and we see from Andrew stopping the kiss when Neil is upset that he does not consider being interested in someone while emotionally vulnerable to be real consent, therefore if Neil is interested in him due to being upset and afraid that is not Neil actually being interested. He also is clearly very agitated by this first kiss, seeming to see himself as a predator who lost control and harmed Neil by taking advantage of him.

He also continues to do nice things for Neil after getting back, despite initially seeming to express frustration, disinterest, and distaste for Neil. Giving him keys to the car, buying him a new charger, giving Neil the shotgun seat. Andrew’s habit of feeling the need to incentivize the people he cares for to stay with him, as well as what appears to naturally be his love language of giving gifts and acts of service as a replacement for verbally sharing emotions. I’m not saying that when he’s doing nice things it’s for personal gain, but I think part of him feels good doing it and part of him believes this is all he has to offer this person. He got back and didn’t say nice things to Neil because he can’t, but he can quietly take care of Neil in a way that says “please stay with me, I want you to be ok” that he verbally can’t. He knows Neil values the ability to leave upsetting situations, that Neil reacted positively the last time Andrew gave him keys, gives Neil a way to charge his phone ie have a lifeline to safety and Andrew when needed, and he’s saying that he still implicitly trusts Neil with things that are important to him. And of course shotgun means “I want you to be the person who is nearest to me”. He similarly starts making a habit of sitting next to Neil when the team is together. Andrew very much is a cat, he’s going to swat at you but also glue himself to your side

There’s also the various moments where Andrew states out loud that he has an attraction and growing emotional attachment to Neil that he has already written off as impossible. He calls Neil a pipe dream, says he knows nothing will come of having an interest in Neil without having made any attempts to see if Neil is interested. If you follow up a confession of interest with a statement that nothing will happen, you can’t be hurt by rejection because you didn’t give the person a chance to reject you.

And it doesn’t seem like it’s because Andrew is purposely avoiding attachments to people. Most of the effort he puts into his life is in his relationships, specifically into giving people reasons to stay near him. He makes the deals with Kevin and Aaron, he could have gone to a school with a more competitive Exy program but went to one where Nicky and Aaron could come and be on the team and in fact made that a requirement, he proves to Kevin that he made the right choice in making Andrew his shield by attacking anyone who hurts Kevin and putting a target on his own back. Before the start of the books we know he went out of his way to connect with Renee and do things for her that meant a lot to her, things that again seem to represent “I am doing her a favor, therefore she will be more likely to stay.” And anything else could be written off as born again Christian charity rather than acknowledge she has love and care for him.

He doesn’t see an attempt at connecting with Neil to be useless because he has no interest in building relationships with people, if there’s anything Andrew is passionate about it’s building and maintaining relationships with people. He sees it as obviously useless because there’s no way Neil would legitimately want to be with Andrew in the same way that Andrew wants him, that it is impossible to consider Neil reciprocating the way he’s feeling because all he wants is Neil himself and he doesn’t think anyone could just want him and think it’s enough.

Neil says he allowed himself to be abused by the Raven’s for two weeks on the chance he could help Andrew, that he wants to care for Andrew even without any personal benefit, and that is when Andrew calls him a pipe dream. Neil has just said that he, the guy who previously was so terrified for his own safety that he put it above all else, would willingly sacrifice his safety for Andrew. When Neil says this Andrew covers his mouth to make him stop talking, which to me suggests that this revelation was an absolute gut punch to him, that what happened to Neil was not only for his sake but accomplished nothing. Andrew’s reaction to Neil saying this is to say that Neil was supposed to be a side effect of the drugs. Meaning what Neil just said made him feel so strongly for Neil that he previously assumed it could not possibly be something he naturally has the capacity to feel.

(And he stills says that he doesn’t think he could ever have from Neil what he wants. So yeah Neil isn’t the only one who can hear a heartfelt confession and come to the conclusion that the other person is completely uninterested)

Also the whole “there is no this” conversation they loop through a few times. Again, Andrew loves building relationships, but they all are ticking clocks in his head, most of them graduation unless he can come up with something to convince them to stay. And then Neil keeps trying to say that there exists a relationship between them that has not been carefully negotiated with a clear end date, which is probably terrifying to a guy who doesn’t think he can trust anyone unless he is providing them something that makes him more useful around than not.

What Neil is proposing is that Andrew has intrinsic value and his presence is all Neil wants, and that probably seems terrifying and untrue. If Neil isn’t getting a tangible benefit that outweighs any perceived inconveniences, and if there is no point where they “re-up” their contract, then at any moment Neil could change his mind and take this thing away from Andrew. He’s had people he loved decide he’s not worth it, he knows it can happen and how terrible it is to experience. He willingly dealt with Drake and harmed himself to keep Cass, and he still lost her because he in and of himself wasn’t enough to be kept and loved because he wasn’t easy enough to love, he was broken, he was damaged. There can’t be a non transactional relationship between them because Andrew can’t see himself being enough and thinks losing it would be too painful to willingly risk

(Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron also seem to have this same view as Neil in their own way of Andrew’s inherent worth to them. Nicky really deserves more recognition for clawing his way to happiness then willingly giving it all up and upending his life and doing things repeatedly that make him unhappy because he cares so much for Aaron and Andrew, aligning himself against possible friends who could make him happy because he will always choose supporting Andrew over himself. And you have Aaron showing that he will fight Andrew tooth and nail if it means they can have a good and lasting relationship, and we see Kevin form genuine love and affection for Andrew outside of their deal, but again Andrew seems to view the relationships at the time as transactional or obligatory on their ends)

Or my favorite, the scene where Andrew makes a comment about Neil’s “neck fetish.” Neil has kissed his neck only about two times by that point, and both times it has elicited what is clearly a pleasurable response from Andrew. But Andrew can’t accept the idea that Neil is doing something with no benefit to himself and only a benefit to Andrew, that he is choosing to take time away from his own immediate pleasure to do something solely for Andrew’s enjoyment of the moment

Neil responds to the comment by saying “You like it, I like that you like it.” Neil is saying that he cares enough about Andrew to have paid attention to what pleases him and wants to take the time when they’re together to make Andrew feel good in a way that Andrew makes him feel good, that he knows Andrew has trauma with physical touch on most of his body but this is a way he can reciprocate that has no negative connotations for Andrew and serves solely to make him feel good. And Andrew does not or cannot let himself see it that way because it’s too vulnerable.

The sex is supposed to be transactional, this is what Andrew has to offer to make Neil stay with him, uninterrupted time of Andrew making him feel good and asking for nothing in return. Neil is breaking the rules, he’s making it reciprocated, if he is making Andrew feel good then Andrew doesn’t have that safety net of being the one with something to offer. So it has to be something that secretly benefits Neil, it has to be that Neil is getting something out of it or Andrew is back to not having anything special that he offers to make Neil stay with him. If it’s just Neil sitting back while Andrew gets him off then Andrew is automatically the most convenient sexual partner for Neil and he won’t look for someone else. If it’s reciprocal, then it stops being a favor Andrew is doing and takes effort on Neil’s end, as well as means the sex includes Andrew knowing what it’s like to be loved and cared for, which means he will feel it’s absence when Neil inevitably leaves because Andrew isn’t convenient enough.

It honestly seems like the turning point is his conversation with Aaron about breaking their deal, Aaron making him choose their deal or Neil. Because it A. Forces Andrew to see that Aaron intends to stay in his life without the deal, meaning that yes one of the most important people in Andrew’s world loves him without a contract. And B. It forces Andrew into a position where he has to take a leap of faith that Neil isn’t going to just walk away, that Neil sees Andrew the way Andrew sees him. And I wonder if Aaron brought up the conversation he had with Neil, that Neil said he didn’t think Andrew would fight for him, and he realized that Neil not only has been thinking about him the way he was thinking about Neil, but that he had this person in his life that he cared about and he was acting in a way that made that person not feel valued and it could probably cause the very thing he wants to avoid by pushing him away.

So you finally get the very end of the last book where Andrew doesn’t deny it when Neil says Andrew likes him, which is for him incredibly vulnerable. He’s shown that he will always protect Neil without their deal of protection, and Neil has shown that he sees everything about Andrew that other people don’t like and he loves Andrew anyway.

Because the story is from Neil’s point of view we see his internal growth as he learns to recognize and accept love and care from others but Andrew has been doing the same, realizing and trusting that Kevin and his family will still be there even if he has nothing tangible to offer, and accepting that someone could genuinely know and understand him, all the things that make him inconvenient, and still want him with no extra incentive because even as broken as he sees himself to be he still has value to others and he can trust Neil in the way he wants Neil to trust him

[yayll]

https://www.tumblr.com/yayll/759326311116308480/havent-slept-yet-but-just-as-i-was-about-to?source=share

Hi, this anon again😅 haven't slept yet again...it's 6 am🙃. I just love the idea that Dazai with all his godlike intelligence is the kind of guy to see immediately what troubles or struggles his significant other has with themselves or in general.

If you have trauma he will immediately catch on, self esteem issues? Immediately caught on, mommy or daddy issues? People pleaser? He knows it, and many other things, he will immediately figure it out as you both date.

He'll probably even do little things that you'd think he doesn't understand how much it means to you, like validating you, making sure you always have a specific comfort of yours at hand, you'd think he just does it because he saw that you liked it, but it was because he knew what it would do for you, what it makes you feel.

Dazai sees you and he doesn't just see your traumas and things you struggle with of course, he first sees someone he loves unconditionally. Dazai knows you love him with all your heart especially after knowing about his past.

Dazai will tell if you're sensitive, if you're uncomfortable with loud noises, if you get emotional about a lot of things, if you're lonely around people, if you're masking your real personality around other people, if you've only heard criticism instead of any praise, if you've been undermined and seen as a second choice, Dazai will know.

And he will show you from the moment he picks up on everything, that you're never gonna feel like that again as long as he's there, and he will always be there. He will validate everything you always wanted to be validated. Dazai from the Port to ADA is very much "gun is love, gun is life" to "what is gun, what is this metal thing that can hurt another human being!?" An exaggeration of course but that's how he probably would be even though he's joking, but the second someone tried to mess with you, suddenly every training he had in the Port comes back and he's immediately shown to be this incredibly intimidating and ruthless man to anyone who tries hurt you.

Have a beautiful forever Hun💖🥺 I know you said in the last message you've had a rough time and I genuinely hope you're doing better 🥺💖 a reminder that you're so amazing and you deserve the best, you deserve to be happy and i wish you the uttermost happiness and love and good health, you're still so incredibly young, you have so much time to accomplish everything or anything you want, you're doing well, get some sun, hydrate yourself, sleep the best you can(because I know sometimes we don't always get enough sleep) and eat well💖🥺

I'll leave these emojis for now so you'll know it's me next time😅

- 🥺💖

HELLOOOOO my sweet 🥹💖

i'm so sorry i have such a late reply! i've been working on some writing and also quite literally irl so i'm just trying to catch up. you are amazing and i'm wishing u the best of health and happiness right back :') love is all we rlly have in this world. things are a lot better lately on my end and i hope you've been able to sleep comfortably even if it takes u a while! MWAH.

and also. i just rlly wanted to indulge those lil things you said about dazai because they are sooooooooo true. sooooo fucking valid. GUN IS LOVE GUN IS LIFE TOOK ME OUTTTT LMAO i actually love the way u talk abt dazai's highly intuitive side, it's quite literally what makes him so compelling as is. and in a relationship/partnership? oh it's a goddamn dream. he's like a hawk watching and registering your every mood fluctuation and the cause of it, tryinf to see how he can rectify it immediately. and i also FIRMLY believe he will use any and all past PM training to facilitate ur happiness should he ever need to. he'll be like:

"Hey, take five. You've been at it for hours now and frankly, it's boring watching you work."

"I can't, I'm so behind on reports and I'm helping out with the agency holiday party, I also need to-"

Dazai's eyes narrow, and shakes his head rapidly. Mission accepted, he thinks. He knows what you need, and if you won't cater to your needs, he'll have to just do it himself. He lives to see you at ease, because you deserve the entire world. You will not, under any circumstances, be stressed under his watchful eye... And he also just really wants an excuse to cuddle later without having to hear about dumb things like work. It's a win-win, and you don't have a choice! He sighs, and puts on his little performance.

".. You expect me, the great Osamu Dazai, to simply watch as I witness my favorite detective work themself to the bone?! Absolutely not! I refuse. Come, we're going to the cafe downstairs."

You groan as he pulls you, smiling in reluctance.

"Dazaiiii, i'm serious.. plus, don't you have like, a huge running tab there?"

He flashes you a sly smirk and a wink.

"That's why I have you, silly! Your philanthropic and generous heart is willing to treat me as your penance for being so stubborn. How noble of you. You really shouldn't have."

You roll your eyes, sighing deeply as you zoom out of the agency with him.

"The waitress there wants to kill you, you know."

You mutter under your breath with a playful smile. Dazai gasps dramatically and looks back at you, still holding you by the arm, tighening just a smidge.

"Oh, goodness! I'm quaking. well thank god i'm bringing you, my precious little scapegoat~"

Despite your feigned annoyance, your cheeks redden, and it's hard not to become endeared with how relentless he is in his pursuits to distract you. what a slack off, you want to kiss his stupid face until he shuts up. You might just have to.

"You're the worst, Dazai."

"Mm, what a weird way to say 'I love you.' I'll take it."

this is a silly little thing, but basically overly observant and on the case Dazai he just NEEDS to make you the happiest whether you like it or not!

i love u, mwah :')

-ivy

[finthegood]

I'M WITH YOU EVEN IF IT MAKES ME BLUE

jj maybank x fem!reader

description: jj and rafe get into a fight over jj being poor. you end up having to clean up your boyfriend and assure him that you still love him. inspired by taylor swift's "paper rings." a lot of this is word vomit.

tw: violence, talk of socioeconomic status, fighting, money insecurity, and a plethora of injuries (shown above).

word count: 861.

five punches and a lot of yelling later, you were sitting on your bathroom counter with jj standing guiltily between your denim-clad legs, eyes running over your face and licking his bleeding split lip.

"stop licking," you demanded mindlessly, voice only a whisper. jj jumped, slightly shocked to hear your voice for the first time since you had fled upstairs with him in tow.

"sorry," he replied roughly.

you had your head tilted to the side, trying not to block the light as you ran a cotton swab over his busted cheek. he tried not to wince at the feeling of cold ethanol alcohol in the wound, but his eyes squinted at the corners. you dabbed it with a dry cloth, before pulling the split together with a butterfly bandage.

as you tried to clear some of the blood off his jaw, you sighed. "i don't really know what to do about the lip. i don't think that i can put neosporin on it, so it's gonna hurt."

"that's okay, it already does."

you gave him a sharp look.

"sorry," he winced.

you chewed the gum in your mouth, having lost the majority of its flavor, now just making your jaw sore in solidarity to your boyfriend. "i know you are," you swallow. "i just don't understand why. we talked about this jage."

he closed his eyes and you watched his adam's apple bob in his throat. he opened his mouth, but nothing came out and he looked ashamed. after a pause, he began to talk.

"i can't stand rafe. i don't know what it is about him, because he isn't the only person who doesn't like me. hell, he's not even the only person who doesn't like me because i'm poor. he just-" he let out a broken sigh. "he just gets under my skin every time, and i don't know why. he makes me so angry, i can feel it boiling under my skin and i just black out. i'm sorry." his voice is hoarse and you know he means it.

"i know."

"i don't even feel bad because he's such an asshole. he has everything. and i don't have shit and he talks and talks, but he doesn't even understand what he's saying because he can't because he has always been fucking rich and i wish i could have that life." his words are spilling out of him, sentences wrapping around each other and his eyes are going glassy. it hurts your heart to see him like that.

you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him, even though you are still angry, because the hurt is sour between your teeth, and you need him to know that he isn't alone.

"but this time was bad. i'm happy your dad was there so fast because i think i could have really hurt him this time," he says it like a secret because it is, but between you two it's just the truth. "he said that i didn't deserve to be at a party like that. that i don't deserve you and your family because i'm just some asshole with no one, with nobody waiting on me or for me. i know you say he's horrible and i agree, but i just think sometimes that if it was a choice between me or him, everyone at that party would choose him, because he's just less trouble."

his words are muffled by your neck, but the meaning is clear. you raise his head and you are inches apart. his breath fans across your face. you rub his unbruised cheek with your fingers and meet his eyes, determined.

"i choose you," you state. he makes a wounded noise. you press a soft kiss to his cheek, trying to move oceans with one small kiss. trying to communicate how much he means to you.

"i'm sorry," he whimpers.

"i don't care about the money, jj. i love you. i choose you. even if i have to clean you up in my bathroom every weekend. even if we both have to be normal people with normal jobs, who work and struggle. you are worth more to me than rafe and this stupid kook shit could ever be."

"i know, i know. i love you and i'm sorry," he winces.

"well, i'm not so stop apologizing," you laugh.

"okay, sorry," he says, laughing loudly when you glare. he leans in to kiss you, split lip be damned. it's gentle and slow. his lips are warm and soft. he deepens the kiss, just looking to kiss. not pushing you to do anything, never asking for more than you give. he licks into your mouth and you sigh.

you kiss for a few minutes before you remember his lip and pull back. he chases your lips mindlessly and you snort. "your lip, baby." he groans and you have to stop yourself from continuing.

his hands rub your waist and you admire him. there is a bruise beginning to form on his jaw. you want to bite it. he swallows and whispers, "i like your earings."

"shut up," you snicker before going to kiss him again.

[faksyan]

Long ass essay about my ocelhira vision because they don't leave my brain and I have Thoughts.

It's alway weird to me when they are unironically portrayed to be unable to communicate, agree on anything, or outright hating each other pre-Venom reveal, because there's next to nothing to suggest that besides like. two arguments they had. One of which was about Quiet (you know, the supernatural super-soldier assassin they were letting stay on their base), and the other about the kids they rescued, both very complicated and sensitive topics. Kaz is bitter and angry and snaps at everyone past his rescue, but it couldn't have been all like that for the whole duration of their partnership, obviously.

They were each other's life lines for almost decade. Imagine thinking you're the only person in the world who has devoted their life to BB to such an extent that you'd do everything for him, only to find out there's someone else who gets it. From Ocelot's perspective especially. He's never been properly allied with anyone, he trusts no one and has never had anyone to rely on, aside from Snake (and I'd say even that was pretty one-sided), always the spy and always hiding. And then, when he learns that BB is in a coma and it's like his whole world is crashing down around him and he truly doesn't have anything left, in walks Kazuhira Miller. Even the circumstances in which they both met Snake are similar. They tried to kill him, he beat them into the ground, and then spared them, when he absolutely could've not. They are both insane about him in the same way. Forget jealousy or animosity, that might just be the only person in the entire world who can come close to understanding Ocelot.

Yes they are murderers and torturers and horrible people, but it's still explicitly shown that they do not treat the ones they look out for the same way they do their enemies. The idea of them hitting each other with hammers is fun, but what about them having no choice but to hang on to one another, because there's no one else left, and if one of them gets too hurt, or dies, or walks away, it's all over. If one sinks, both sink, and I definitely see either of them trying to drown themselves throughout the years, just to drag the other down. It's toxic co-dependency, in a way where they have to keep each other going. So they lick each other's wounds when needed, take turns dragging each other's dead weight forward. What they have is hanging on by a thread that is Snake, but at the same time, their relationship is ultimately good for them. In a sense working at gunpoint is good, because it reminds you that you actually want to live, keeps you being productive and doing what you are supposed to do. Maybe it's not really loving or caring, but it also is, in a very profound and fucked-up way (it is loving and caring to me. if you care).

They made Dimond Dogs together. Like, all of it. Sure, after Venom's awakening he gets them more funding and more people, but the rest? All them. And they keep it afloat for years, built on nothing but their dedication to the same man. They're both shown to have played an equally important role in it, meaning they both spent (presumably) more time with each other than with BB. Kaz trusted Ocelot to a point where he didn't ever visit BB in the hospital and didn't doubt Ocelot would take care of him. Probably against his will, of course, but still. if he could stomach working with Ocelot for so long, there couldn't not be some trust that he'd keep the most important person in their lives safe. Kaz agreed to be the bait, believing Ocelot would get Venom out and organize his own rescue. Ocelot kept Kaz's glasses on him throughout all of Cyprus and trip to Afghanistan.

That's what makes the betrayal all the worse - that it wasn't just some rivalry or reluctant cooperation, not after a decade. At that point what they shared wasn't out of necessity. It was a nine-year bond, longer that either of them spent by Snake's, or anyone's side. From the beginning both of them knew they would choose Snake over each other if it ever came to it. But I don't think Kaz thought it would. screaming into the void.

[flipfliqyaoi]

hi.........

. Totally anonymous asker right here..... What do you like about flipfliq.... 🗝️

Helo totally anonymous asker they are my sunshine and rainbows for a lot of reasonsssdhj both personal and urrm my justifiable insanity😻 gonna be long bc it's a broad question, might be incoherent bare w me

LOVE EVERYTHING ABT THEM they r soo so silly n lowk complex n also sighs I can rant forever (Double Whammy & W.A.R. Journal oh how i adore you) Fliq has been with Flippy through thick & thin you guys. From the battlefield to all the way back home — he's always been a strong soldier, protecting the Host the second he gets triggered out ever since he was split despite how much Flippy hates his violent methods. It doesn't change the fact that without him, Flippy would literally be long gone in that mission to kill General Tiger, or genuinely just at any given time when he was in the special forces because tell me how Flippy even got through basic training.... that Ka-Pow episode consistently showed how clumsy and uncoordinated he is, I'm not even sure how he got a leader role in that operation but. yk u go girl

Fliq cares SO badly for Flippy and yet both sides literally do not understand eachother in terms of why they do/think in the way they do. Which causes a lot of misunderstandings. (they got cursed with world's most nonexistent sys communication and complete amnesia after every switch)

They're mad asf at eachother bc in Fliqs POV he doesn't understand WHY Flippy doesn't want him to protect him anymore after they've gone home. honestly taking a huge offense on it because "fym. oh NOW you don't need me anymore, what?? After all I done for u? Saving our life a multitude of times out in the field? are you kidding me?"(Also dude carried until they were ranked up from Private to Sargeant according to the Chevron on their uniform if we compare his Ka-Pow & usual fit. goddang !! I also believe he's in the Special Forces because of the distinct green beret), it hurts him knowing the guy he's been protecting for years just hates his ass so much, like "damn ok fuck you ungrateful ass bitch tf" (← he says this and then immediately starts crying just thinking about Flippy being nice to him) (Hear Today Gone Tomorrow episode reference aha). Fliq thinks like this because violence and war is quite literally all he's ever known before they got back to town. He doesn't understand that the civilians/friends aren't enemies(exception to ppl w inability to defend themselves such as Mole who's blind and obviously kids and yeah etc) because he legitimately cannot grasp the idea of a place or people being peaceful and civil because that's such an insanely drastic contrast over what he's used to. It's a whole new environment for him and he just doesn't get it, so he defaults to the assumption that whatever sound/visual/thought that triggered him out means danger is ahead. Just like how his role has always been. and he just does what he needs to do every time he's front (annihilating everyone around him lol). Since he learnt quickly that the only way to save himself from battles were to be equally or more violent and hypervigilant against who he perceives as an enemy unlike how Flippy is more kindhearted and a klutz, those traits inevitably become a problem when it comes to the two polar-opposite environments they've been exposed to. Flippy struggling in the field ; Fliq mad struggling to act all calm and civil ; and both of them(mostly Flippy) distressing during n after seeing what they've done in the PTSD attack(s) before Flippy was like OK THATS IT!!!! and went to therapy for it lalalala

In Flippy's POV, he's upset and because he's yet to find Fliqs reasoning as to why he's like. so aggressive all the time. guys they suck ass at communicating it's literally ruining them. He thinks Fliq is attacking ppl for no fucking reason to the point where even he himself FEARS Fliq(as shown in the Helicopter and Alicorn dream...thing, I'm so not normal about that episode I'll talk abt it later), because any Flippy episode before Hear Today Gone Tomorrow he's been under the assumption that when he blacks out and takes front again in the aftermath — it was him that did all that even tho he doesn't. Remember doing it. And is visibly shocked and petrified over what he seems to be capable of.(he's literally the last person to even want to go ballistic, he likes tea parties and quietness and silly 'childish' things bro wouldn't even hurt a butterfly. something something DID is covert u can't just tell too, so he's been like w.what the freaak is wrong with me 😥‼️ andd bearing guilt over whomever he's hurt during blackouts for however long until he figured it out and um got therapy n prescription meds for his PTSD n stuff even tho his therapy sesh were lowkey kinda balls um at least he's getting help yay!! And these two start to form better communication albeit super fucking slow at first with said therapy!!) (speaking of butterflies oh i LOOVEEE how its one of the few ways we see Flippy get switched in again in the show... his fronttriggers showcasing what stuff he likes and AGH), he never rly expected that, well. he has a headmate that's still tryna avenge him in those blackouts. Smiles and big thumbs up yay 😋👍 bro was dissociating n just mentally gone in his entire time in the military gang he stays a silly billy forever n ever

Urm so yeah I may like some stuffs abt them a teensy bit!! and I may like their dumb problems that can literally be fixed if they could jus talk to eachother lalalala they r so silly togetherrree

this is gonna be so much longer if i include how insane I am of the entire Double Whammy & Hear Today Gone Tomorrow episodes. Among 20 other details and don't even get me started on his bestie Flaky n how important they are to Flippy SCREAAAMS cough. so im gonna end this here 4 now!!! Ty anon for being my first ask YAY everyone start loudly cheering rn!!

who would've thought dumb gay bears can fix me

[vivithefolle]

You seem to be really against Hermione for the bird incident, but don’t seem to care much about Harry sending Hedwig to claw at Ron and Hermione during the summer preceding fifth year, why is that?(/gen) You also seem to ship Ronarry. Is it just because she’s the canon love interest that you’re so upset? I know Harry regretted telling Hedwig to do what she did afterwards, but I don’t remember him ever apologizing to Ron and Hermione. How can we know that Hermione didn’t apologize to Ron after he came back in Deathly Hallows but before the battle of hogwarts?(I agree with your opinions on Hermione in general, I’m just curious.)

If you don't know, I've made some jokes about how Harmony shippers are right about Harry and Hermione having something in common, which is that they both sent birds to attack Ron.

Harry doesn't interest me nearly as much as Hermione because to be frank he's pretty much just... the most boring character in the series to me. I like him for his Ron-loving potential which is pretty off the charts when Rowling isn't actively using Ron as a stepping stone for Harry and Hermione to look better.

I'm actually a pretty big Romione shipper even if I myself get confused about what I'm mad about sometimes. Honestly, it's just that I've kinda had it with people constantly writing Ron fucking up and having to make it up to Hermione, I want her to be fucking up and making it up to him and it not being considered a Crime Against Women Everywhere because yeah, women fuck up and hurt men too, men also get abused or shat on by women, it happens. Hermione as she is has a pretty toxic mentality, what with her often using violence completely casually (her first "big heroic moment" in the series is to set a man on fire) coupled with that shitty tendency of Rowling to use "Hermione on the verge of tears" as a kind of sedative to make the average reader go "who cares what Hermione did before, she's crying NOW and that's UNFORGIVABLE, PROTECT HER".

But, Harry himself also has a system like that, by virtue of being Our Poor Orphan Protagonist. Honestly, I hate to say it but Potterheads read another book because yes, Harry is nothing new, when an author wants you to root for their protagonist they give them a backstory that makes you want good things for them, yes Harry's suffering is just all destined to make you attached to him and meant to make you think everything that ever happens to HIM personally is automatically The Most Horrible Thing Ever To Happen To Anyone Ever and I'm kinda done with that as a whole because of fandom experience. I can only tell people to pay attention to what Ron goes through only to be rebuked by a "but look how hard Harry had it, in comparison Ron is a baby" so many times before I get completely soured and decide that the character they feel so sad for doesn't need any more people to feel sorry for.

... I don't know if I'm being clear. But yeah I function mostly through pure spite nowadays.

I know Harry regretted telling Hedwig to do what she did afterwards, but I don’t remember him ever apologizing to Ron and Hermione.

He did say a token sorry to Ron specifically:

He showed Harry the index finger of his right hand, which sported a half-healed but clearly deep cut. ‘Oh, yeah,’ Harry said. ‘Sorry about that, but I wanted answers, you know –’

(I say "token" because yeah it's not really an apology given how it's immediately followed by a justification.)

Hermione however?

‘He seemed to think it was best,’ said Hermione rather breathlessly. ‘Dumbledore, I mean.’ ‘Right,’ said Harry. He noticed that her hands, too, bore the marks of Hedwig’s beak and found that he was not at all sorry.

WOOP WOOP FEEL THE HARMONY YET

How can we know that Hermione didn’t apologize to Ron after he came back in Deathly Hallows but before the battle of hogwarts?

Honestly she can have apologized anytime, I'd just like it to be shown to me, and I'd like it to mean something.

While for example @divagonzo believes that after Malfoy Manor Hermione realizes her own mortality and blunts her sharper edges, I still remember the scene where Ron isn't sure they can trust Griphook and Hermione immediately insult him for being racist. Yeah, if that's blunting her sharp edges then I sure hope she's got other ways to do it otherwise she's gonna need a lot more Malfoy Manors.

As it stands, Harry and Hermione are really underdeveloped and bare-bones. If Harry has a character arc then I've missed it entirely because while he does realize that Snape has reasons and shit he's still kinda hating on him all through OOTP, HBP and DH until the Epilogue pulls the rug from beneath our feet. Hermione has moments indicating there's some things happening - her arc with Luna in OOTP is neat, in DH she finally learned to thank Ron for complimenting her - but aside from that she never is confronted to actual failure, to actual dilemnas, to actual problems without a true "I'm right you're wrong" solution - we only see her "being right" without anything exploring what she COULD be beyond "being right".

Which leaves Ron to shoulder the burden of having to do character development for two static characters that amount to "male role model" and "female role model". Ron IS confronted with failure, with actual dilemnas to which there's no easy answer or solution, Ron IS confronted with his personal character flaws... in pretty much every book, he's kept in a loop of "complete character arc" -> "oh no JKR needs drama to happen and she can't have Role Model 1 & 2 do it because they're supposed to be Above Mere Mortals" -> "backtrack on Ron's character arc so he can cause the drama so she doesn't have to strain her brain too hard", which is pretty obviously a disservice to Ron's character. And sadly, the fandom picks up on it but takes the wrong message from it: instead of realizing "wait, Rowling is violating the rules of good storytelling by constantly backtracking on her one good and complex character's development all so she doesn't have to risk Harry and Hermione's popularity by using their character flaws to create conflict", the fandom instead goes "ugh Ron is always causing messes while Harry and Hermione always have their hearts in the right place and always want what's best and anyway if they ever did something bad it's because they were forced by the situation".

It's... upsetting.

[drthugitout]

My ver of dream :00000 AND RANTS ABT MY AU

I ws going for a more princesssy vibe if ykyk if ya like dream do u wanna have more hc on my au in stuff

So a lil rant, but this ver of dram takes place ofc after the whole being trapped n stone thing passses but more in the mist of trying to save his brother, not knowing that he’s already dead ((couldn’t be me type shi.))

He’s way more trusting and open arms meaning he could eager hurt easily, even if your mean he just assume he need to try harder to make you happy or to trust him n vice versa.

He’s also just not good with helping ppl who don’t want to be helped which his can never understand especially with people like killer or early on cross and even sometimes ink.

He can’t read. I mean he can read but not to the best.

Dawg hates getting treaeated like a child, he’s not a child he’s an adult man, yes trapped in stone for a long time sucks and he dose have some problems with not getting a lot of adult topic but prefers for them to get explained and not gatekeeped, with that in some ways even core could be considered more mature then him ((not like they aren’t though))

He gets wat to excited for missions but it’s not jus him so do ink and swap that dose change though

He’s not above overworking himself for the greater good no matter what it is.

He’s scared of going blind, random but it makes sine seeing as he was practically Lind for 500 years trapped in some weird purgatory.

Yes he try’s to make every one happy but if there’s really nothing he can do he won’t keep trying to make you better n be near your negative ahh.

Sometimes British.

His magic is sometimes hard to control as ink describes it he’s ’rusty’ training with him and swap so they all can up there strategy’s

Continuing the theme of the last hc of this au, he hates fighting especially and of corse against nightmare, from his eys he got stuck in a endless loop of nothingness for years only to wake up the the sweet kinda kid he knew as his brother know the most well known asshole across the world, along with getting teased and pushed during battle against nightmare for nights own sadistic personal gain, AND HE JUS LETS IT SLIDE BCZ HE WANTS HE BROTHER BSCK it actually hands to be stud dyed how overlooked that is.

He can fly, to some existent. Nobody is truly sure how?! But he can.

Trap rap scares him like that aggressive stuff ((I also don’t like it I LIKE MY RAP CATCHY N MUISCAL NIT HEADACHE RACING)) He also don like hardcore rock

The king along with his right hand men. ((Ink and swap)) along with core

His main friends are just the main sanses besides the bad guys.

Loves cosplayer n dress up

But HATEDSSSSSS holloween

To scared to accept his friends as family dispute how close they act the fact they sometimes live together feed each other and share clothes, I luv them<33

Hes open to showing affection in almost every way so yes he dose so time give ppl kisses on the cheeks and hugs and say how much he loves them bcz ipit brightens there day.

Gets annoying headaches from nightmares voice mainly when he yells, it just brings back pain and damn, that sucks. Smh smd

He’s seen as royalty but hates getting treated like that as he feels like he shouldn’t be looked highly in for what he dose ((mainly because he feels like he should be able to do more, and hates that he can’t help everyone mainly because of his childhood))

lowkey fuck them villagers.

Cusses n it catches ppl of guard but for him it’s not shown as bad at all

Says some things that would get him canceled but doesn’t know that so he has to get explained that

One when angered he best nms ahh n once night left came to the realization of what he did n cried, ink swap and pretty much everyone were so proud though.

Everyone is his best friend

513 ((A GROWN MAN))

Actually scared of octopus/ squid’s ect. Like when he would cry cuz nightmare scares the fuck out of him. ((He actually got over his fear a bit with freshs parasite

Sleeps in dirt, a weird calming thing for him especially since he like to sleep in the sun. I dunno his ass weird but yeah needs sunlight like a plant.

Swap carries him around somtimes I dunnod I jus though that was sweet

Also wears anything, this goes for slot of the skellys n my aus but he would wear the most gorgeous ball room dress ever n never bat an eye.

A rly good singer. Who can play the piano kinda sometimes.

Hates wearing headphones or annoying boarding noises.

For some reason he dependent on helping cross mainly him because of how bad he feels but how much he relates to him especially after that one battle with nm around when he gets closer to cross n more open to the fact most ppl suck. He stops being less of a bitch.

Seen as the leader even though swap would make a better one out the three

Along with his sleep he doesn’t have the best eating habits swap of then haveing to help him out and vice versa as they love overworking them selfs

The thought of a muiltverse overwhelmed him. A lot. ((Cuz ur saying I gotta make allll these ppl happy? Damn.))

WEAKER BECAUSE THERE ARE WAY MORE NEGATIVE AUS THEN THERE SRE POSTIVE PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT NIGHT HAS A HARSH ADVANTGE

his smiles contagious.

Ngl the drawing kinda gives “I will fight n the name of Rose Quarts n every thing that she believed in.” Very Steven universe coded though.

Can’t flirt or take a romantic hint

Pretty gender neutral

He pokey prob likes gross food btw like nuts, ew.

His highest priority is children as he projects on the highly.

((Note I came up with half up these from the top of my head, I don know hc were so easy, n I don even like dream like that))

That’s most of my hc but yeah there less silly fun ones n most jus to do with his character n my au.

Uhhh he likes frank ocean.

[redsparko]

Hopefully this reaches the right audience.

I’d like to talk about Maya Sokolov and her writing and the analysis of what Miss Rina Kent could’ve done with her character and her story. I know Rina said in one of her Insta stories that for sure Remi, Maya, Vaughn, and Gareth were not getting stories. I can be fine with Remi and Vaughn not getting stories (Remi not so much but I can live) while Maya and Gareth I can feel some potential with.

And I get it from Rina’s POV, miss girl has written like 35 books within 3-4 years. And if she feels no passion or connection with certain characters then she won’t write it. I understand and agree with that completely.

It doesn’t mean I won’t have any ideas about it yeah? Even if it’s not canon that’s what makes it fun.

Anyway back to the point, Maya Sokolov and her character

She falls under the lines of the Queen Bee, diva, bitch. Something like Silver, Nicole, and Reina. I absolutely love those three. Personally, Silver should’ve gotten the trilogy, Reina was done dirty lowkey, and Nicole’s story (Empire of Hate) left me with wanting more groveling. But out of the three I found I relate to Nicole more.

It’s the inferiority complex. I love that shit, I have it too, and I eat it up. And that’s clearly scene in Maya too. In the end of GOR it’s referenced/implied/canon that Maya was jealous of Mia and made a monkey’s paw type wish that came true.

There’s something so raw and sad and powerful in that that can and should be shown in Maya’s character (speaking from personal experience) feeling something so negative that it results in an act of hurting another person you REALLY care about because it comes from a place of deep sadness and insecurity.

Maya can act like the biggest girl boss and look at everyone like they’re the dirt beneath her feet (literal quote from GOR) but that does not disguise the fact she can only act like that because no one else will ever hate her more than how she hates herself.

And as readers we can really see it, and even theorize it from in between the lines. In GOF we read about Nikolai’s thoughts about the twins.

There are people saying that GOR ruined the relationship and wished it never happened. I can’t say the execution of it was done well but I can’t say it was a total trash fire either. It’s a 50/50 depending because there are good things I absolutely loved and things that could’ve been improved.

But mostly people are saying that the relationship between Maya and Mia was sabotaged and it would’ve been better if it never happened. I disagree, I prayed for times like this to come—kidding, but the layers of anger and frustration and love in the relationship between them makes the relationship deeper. But we never get to see that in its completion.

Think of Landon and Brandon in GOF. We love them so much because behind that ire and blockage from both sides they came through that and love prevailed. This is why I stand by Rina Kent MALE friendships/relationships. They’re much more complex and thought out than the female friendships which come off as somewhat shallow. I’ll make another rant abt that later.

What I wish was done better was mentioning the difference in Maya, Niko and Mia’s relationship. It’s clear that Niko likes Maya less than Mia. And Maya feels less than Mia because she’s seen that Mia is favored. It’s not Niko’s fault but it’s like an unconscious thing, he’s just closer with her because he sees that he is similar to Mia. It’s a common and natural thing, you’re just closer to people you feel like you can relate with. That checks out.

I feel like even both of Maya’s siblings only see her for what she pushes herself out to be, a shadow diva who sees herself as superior (obviously hiding an inferiority complex). They don’t stop to acknowledge that maybe she’s compensating for something? Especially Nikolai, in that quote saying that he and Mia would fuck up each other’s demons but what abt Maya? You can’t be close to her because she doesn’t have flaws or negative thoughts or demons either?

This feels less like a “it’s Nikolai’s personality” issue and more like a “Rina Kent wrote Maya to be nothing more than her character archetype”

Other than that, I also wanna mention Maya’s relationship with Ilya and how it could enhance her character and dynamics.

Ilya is down to earth, not egotistical like Landon, or notoriously violent or volatile like Nikolai, nor with the high status like Jeremy. He’s a perfect match for Maya.

It’s mentioned by GOR from Mia’s POV that Maya wants someone high status with lots of money (I agree, get it girl slay) but Ilya is not those things. He’s just a bodyguard and the money in comparison isn’t that good. But he can see Maya for who she truly is, someone who is hurt on the inside, insecure and needing some help.

It’s not what she wants but it’s what she needs. She needs someone who won’t isn’t already existing in the circle who prefers Mia to her.

Although I do wanna say that I love the angst in early chapters if Maya felt some jealousy and sadness from believing that Ilya prefers Mia to her (seeing as how Ilya doesn’t regard Maya with the same reverence as other boys do) and he’s actually friendly to Mia while he’s bitchier to Maya. It’s all part of the angst. But endgame wise he would choose Maya cause he sees right through her and is more interested in the true part of her that’s vulnerable and scared to love in fear that the one she loves will love Mia more.