#hes just like. fuck you mean people hurt the only person whos shown me love and care since i died?? i gotta take this into my own hands

[ttimecode]

i feel so bad for never posting oricarmie bro i love them sm.... i should talk abt them more.....

i think after orion finds out that carmine was bullied, he definitely tracks them down (even if carmine doesn't tell him who it was)

he won't hurt them since he doesn't want to stoop as low as GHOST, but he'll pull pranks like locking them in a dark room for like an hour or two or just smth as simple as like. pouring a bucket of water over their heads

and then when it's over he steals buys some ice cream for him and carmine 😇😇

at one point orion probably stops since he has to gain approval from rhys to date carmine in the first place so. he tries to be on his best behavior HAHAHSHHSBBD

[god-i-hope-so]

Tips for younger Bucktommy fic writers who're looking to write an accurate characterization, especially when it comes to Tommy (and this post is also for the people who think everything goes too fast with no build-up between Buck and Tommy):

Dating when you're in your 30s and 40s is very different. When you meet a decent person you're attracted to and with whom things go (very) well the first few times you meet, things can go very fast in a very simple way. You know yourself better and you know others better too. So the dating phase can be very short and things can move on to being a real couple and moving together quite fast (if that's what both want). Also, things go even faster when it comes to queer people. In short: less bullshit, more straight to the point.

Love != passion. Of course, it's a generalization but the "passionate" phase of the relationship doesn't last as long as when you're younger. The passion is still there but it's not burning hot, explosive, in the face of the world, "look at us how we loooooove each other", it's more tender. You can have a passionate relationship but it doesn't show the same way as when you're 20. Passion becomes like a slow cooked dish with rich and deep flavors, instead of the rush of an energy drink and 5 coffees in your 20s. Also, it doesn't mean Buck and Tommy can't fuck nasty.

We care less, about a lot of things. Again, it's a generalization and I'm also writing this with what we know about Tommy and Buck. Unless Tommy is hiding his game very well, his personality is pretty clear to me. Look at the date. It was a failure for Tommy, as a gay man who fought his own demons, and others, for years. Yet, he decided to be kind about it. Because in the end, it's not the end of the world. It hurts, sure, but that wouldn't be the first time and he didn't make it only about him. It was also about Buck not being ready. The coffee date was also a good scene. Tommy is almost nonchalant, open. I'm borrowing Ryan's words when he said "whatever happens happens". Tommy went through enough shit to not give this situation the drama that can be easily avoided. And it paid off.

Pouting, sulking, active display of real jealousy, acting like a child (and I insist on the "like a child" because adult can sulk, obviously) = NOT CUTE. AT ALL. I get that the infantilization of adults is very common in fandoms so younger people can relate, and because fic writers often write older characters with younger people in mind as references. But it's not a thing in real life, and when it happens, it's not "normal behavior". Of course they can sulk and pout, but not the same way as a young person would. It's a lot more subtle. Also, in the case of Tommy, he's been shown being very good at communicating what he wants and doesn't want. Buck will dance around the matter more, his frustration would probably show with him being agitated or anxious, being reckless too, because he's just like that, but not Tommy. Make them talk about their issues, even if they go through a period of frustration and miscommunication. Tommy should be the kind of man who will encourage Buck to grow and be better at sorting and understanding his feelings in a mature way but without treating him as a child.

Again, all this could help for an accurate characterization. Anyone is free to write the characters the way they want, go full OOC if you want, it's your fic. This post is just giving some tips!

[coff33andb00ks]

20 Oscar

20: pressing the other’s hand against their cheek

warnings: author doesn't understand the meaning of the word "short" and (badly written) descriptions of a wreck during a race (no injuries)

driver + number = drabble/short fic <3

Piastri just doesn't give a fuck.

Oscar is just too chill.

Does he ever show emotion except when he's laughing at Lando?

You try to stay out of comments. Hell, you try to stay off social media, it's nothing but a cesspool of people with too much time on their hands and not enough brain cells to comprehend more than the surface level of what they're shown. But sometimes you like it, because there are creative people who put out beautifully edited videos of your boyfriend. Sometimes you show them to him, enjoying his giggling while he watches and shakes his head over someone finding him attractive enough to warrant a thirty second video set to a Rihanna song.

But the comments about his emotionless black cat behavior hurt. He's so much more than how he portrays himself. He's vibrant and so full of life, and you will forever appreciate the people who see beyond his social anxiety and notice his amazing sense of humor, his passion for racing and life. They'll never know the real him and will probably never understand why you fell in love with him.

Him. The sweet and shy guy who'd come to your defense when a rude customer had been berating you over a wrong order. His voice had cut over her yelling, calm and measured, and after your manager had kicked out the irrationally angry woman it had been Oscar that had approached you to check on you, frowning when he saw your tears. His gentle tone had calmed you, his respectful stance had won your admiration, and his calling the woman a fucking cunt had made you smile.

You wish you could defend him as he continues to defend you. When a video questioning how a nobody like you had bagged a formula one rookie had gone somewhat viral he'd taken to twitter and unleashed such a beautifully worded rant that people were still quoting it more than a year later.

It's come to my attention that some so-called fans are referring to my girlfriend as a nobody. Allow me to introduce her to you. She's funny, she's brilliant, she's beautiful. She's every word you can think of to describe the perfect person and she's so much more. She shines light in the darkest corners of my soul. Her eyes are a map of my universe. When you look at us together, know that I am constantly trying to be worthy of the love she gives me, and know that if you speak ill of her you will never have my respect but you will have my disgust.

You would never ever doubt his love for you. Not that you ever had but that had cemented it. You could never come to his defense in such a way. If you even tried you'd be sneered at for being a try hard.

And really, you didn't need to. Because the one thing Oscar did not give a fuck about was anyone's opinion. Only a handful of people mattered enough to him for him to care what they thought. You were blessed to be included on that list.

You love him so much that for a while it scared you, having never fallen into the this one person is my moon and stars mindset. But now you understand. He didn't just hang them, he is your moon and stars. Your one and only and if for some reason this doesn't end in forever you'll be ruined for any other man.

It was still a shock, though, when you felt your heart stop beating as you watched his car careen towards the barrier. The front wing clipped Max's rear tire and you can't breathe, watching in slow motion as the brightly colored car tips and lifts into the air. There is nothing but absolute silence around you in the McLaren garage and you're frozen, staring at the monitor while his car flips and rolls, carbon fiber flying in every direction when it lands upside down, his helmet just visible as it slides to a stop at the safety fence.

Silence. Then pandemonium. Your world has just flipped and spun and you can't breathe, ears straining to hear him but you can only hear the crackle of the radio when Zak and Tom try to get him to respond.

Then, finally, his voice. Shaken and scared. "Are they okay? Please tell me they're okay."

Of course he'd ask after the others involved. You can finally breathe but it hurts, not knowing that he's okay. And you can't do anything but wait, heart barely beating until he's finally out, he's moving, he's giving the fans a thumbs up as he's put on the stretcher. You still can't do a thing and you've never felt more useless than you do while you're waiting just inside the medical center with Zak and Lando, who'd come to wait during the red flag.

Then the most beautiful words you've ever heard.

"He's okay."

There's more after that, about him being transported to the local hospital for a complete check, the possibility of a concussion but he's okay. And you're allowed to go see him while the ambulance is readied.

He's sitting up, looking a little pale but he's not hurt, he's in one piece, and when he sees you he gasps. You try to be gentle when you embrace him, but he steals your breath, holding you so tightly it hurts, his face pressed into your neck.

"They won't tell me - are Max and George okay?" His voice is strained and you feel his tears.

"They're fine, my love," you promise.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, I don't know what I did. I was going good and then I was upside down." His voice shakes and cracks and he's trembling, one hand fisting in your shirt. You reach for the other.

"Shh shh... It's okay my love," you whisper, your tears finally spilling when he guides your hand up, holding it to his cheek as he lets out a shaky breath. "Everyone's okay, you're okay."

His eyes meet yours and your world rights itself.

[nekropsii]

People in the Cronus v. Vriska debate will also completely ignore that Cronus. Really wants to kill people. He just says that. No obfuscation included.

He doesn’t even have any excuse for it. Vriska killing people makes sense because she grew up on Alternia and had to feed her Lusus. Cronus just wants to kill people because he wants to do murder-eugenics and is really fucking mad murder-eugenics isn’t legal and does in fact have social consequences. Cronus just wants to kill disabled people for being disabled and not get in trouble for it. He explicitly says he wishes culling “meant what it should have” on Beforus.

Vriska was born and raised on Alternia, and that’s not her fault. It is, in fact, an entirely new level of fucking deranged to want Alternian laws to be real. Growing up in a system where killing people deemed below you is okay is different from wishing you lived in a system where killing people deemed below you is okay, because growing up there inherently means that that is already normal to you, while wishing that was the case inherently means it is not normal to you, you just want more harm to befall specific out groups (the lower class, the disabled, etc.) and to hurt more people in more violent ways.

People also love to casually ignore that Cronus is a grown adult. Like, sure, he’s 19, and 19 years old is pretty young in the grand scheme of things, but he is still a grown ass man who knows better. Him knowing better and simply not caring is literally a major part of his character. He is a grown ass man who can make his own legal decisions and live on his own. He can pay taxes. He could buy a house. He could invest in the stock market. In some countries, he can legally drink. He can drive. He can drink and drive. He can go die in the military. He’s grown. He’s a grown ass man. Vriska is 13. That is a child. Like, a CHILD child. Vriska is a middle school child. This is the difference between a middle schooler and a college student. Think of how mentally developed you were at 13. You weren’t even done with puberty yet. You’re not even done growing at that age. Cronus can fucking vote. He can go to adult prison. If you spotted a kid Vriska’s age out roaming the street with no guardian in sight, you’d probably be worried.

A major part of Cronus’s character is that he is a terrible person by choice, willingly, knowingly, and does not care. He is making a decision. Him being shitty and awful is a conscious choice he is making. He knows he is hurting people, and he knows what he is doing is terrible, and he does not care. Cronus knows that trying to bang children 6 years his junior is bad. He doesn’t care. He knows he is abusing Mituna, he calls it abuse, and he knows abuse is bad. He doesn’t care. He knows sex crimes are bad. He doesn’t care. He’s too entitled to care about anyone but himself and his own gratification.

Vriska is a 13 year old anti-hero who literally gets groomed and is shown to only be Like That because she is extremely traumatized and her experience of living on Alternia has made it so her guard is up 24/7. She literally cannot put the metaphorical swords down. She thinks it’s the only thing keeping her alive.

Cronus does not have an excuse.

That is, like… The Point.

The point is that he sucks and is irredeemable. He doesn’t have a single quality that makes standing around him worthwhile. He’s a relentless, unapologetic abuser. He just doesn’t care. He’s the most entitled man to ever live. He sees people as punching bags and sex toys, and any time this notion is rejected or faces even the slightest pushback, he freaks the fuck out about it.

And the point with Vriska is that she is complicated, and a child. A really, really traumatized, really, really scared child.

I don’t know, I think there’s a party here that is objectively worse.

… And - hear me out! - I think… I think it’s the adult sex predator… And not the child.

[seireitonin]

“Toby/ other characters would be an abuser!1!” A talk on why that pisses me off

Hi. My name is Seirei. I don’t want to share super personal shit on the internet, but due to certain factors in my life I have BPD. (this is NOT self diagnosis. I have been to a professional and for now they think I have this due to certain trauma/ symptoms I’ve shown) This is part of the cluster B personality type. That being said Toby and many other creepypasta characters either canonically have ASPD/ BPD or it’s a generally accepted headcanon that they do. Now this in itself doesn’t bother me if it’s done well and with research. But the problem is most ppl just slap these labels onto them without doing the proper research. I’ve gotten multiple comments on my TikTok like “well I think Toby is an abuser bc he has ASPD/ BPD” I hate that. I hate that so much. You guys say it’s for “realism” but you’re just demonizing mental disorders. You’re demonizing people like me. In you having your “realism” youre hurting me and ppl in the cluster B personality type. ASPD/ BPD doesn’t instantly make you an abuser. These are personality disorders brought on trauma. Especially trauma with parents/ family. People with ASPD/ BPD know that we’re not well all the time. We’re suffering from disorders that affect our lives. From trauma/ experiences that we didn’t ask for. These are DISORDERS. These aren’t fake edgy illnesses that you can slap onto a character with no thought when you want them to be angsty. For example when ppl say “Toby would be an abuser/ not be capable of love because of his ASPD and he went through abuse in his past” not only are you taking away the depth of his character, you’re just straight up demonizing mental disorders. If you read his story, he loves his mom and sister so much. People with ASPD can love. But it does cause him to be obnoxious and rude. But this isn’t coming from a place of malice. He’s a traumatized man w a disorder! This isn’t me saying Toby can do no wrong and he’s 100% healthy. Toby definitely has issues and I’d never erase that. But to call him an abuser because he has ASPD is so gross and you’re just demonizing ASPD to be edgy without doing research on it or the cluster B personality type in general. As I said before, people with cluster B personality type KNOW we have disorders. We live with them every day. They affect our lives, our relationships, ourselves. We know that we fuck up and what we do isn’t healthy all the time. We KNOW. We’re not doing it because we’re “abusers” we’re suffering and hurting. Again this isn’t me saying that everyone with BPD/ ASPD is a good person who’s willing to do the work and grow. There are bad people with these disorders. But that doesn’t mean everyone who has them are instantly abusive. I’m not an abuser at all. Never have been and never will be. But BPD does affect me and the way I act that can come off as hurtful/ unhealthy and I KNOW THAT. Im always actively putting in the work to be better, like a lot of people with ASPD/ BPD. Just because we have these disorders doesn’t instantly mean we can’t change/ be better. Doesn’t mean we’re not humans with emotions/ trauma of our own. Toby obviously had to do some kind of inner work to be able to be with Clockwork the way kastoway portrayed them. (If it’s canon or not is irrelevant here)When you say shit like “Toby is abusive bc of ASPD/ BPD” that’s what you’re telling us you think of us. You see us and treat us like monsters but then talk about how much you love Toby/ other characters for having our very real disorder. ASPD/ BPD can be seen as two sides of the same coin. They have so many similarities but are shown in different ways. Do proper research before you talk about mental health because you’re stigmatizing/ demonizing disorders that are already looked down upon. Toby does canonically have ASPD and possibly BPD but it’s written into his character pretty well(as well as a 13 year old in the 2010s can do) and now that ppl are older we can actually analyze his character/story correctly. But Jeff and many other characters still aren’t getting this same treatment and they need it.Do better.

[rainbow-femme]

Thinking too much about AFTG again and I know we rag on Neil for being oblivious but I don’t think Andrew understands for most of the story that Neil likes him back

(FYI I haven’t read all the extra content, Nora may have said something about Andrew’s mindset that contradicts this, I don’t care it’s my literary analysis and I control my interpretation and the only canon that exists is what’s in the books. Also I’m Jewish, and the number one rule is anything can be true so long as you can back it up textually)

You’ve got the whole “I’m not your answer and you sure as fuck aren’t mine” line. By this point two things have happened recently: Neil has become outwardly more emotionally and physically vulnerable, and Neil has shown more interest in spending time with Andrew as well as interest in Andrew in general. And Andrew’s response to this seems to be the assumption that Neil is having a crisis he isn’t sharing and seems to have decided that Andrew is the answer to fixing that crisis. To be fair he is having a crisis, Andrew is just an unrelated benefit.

Which makes sense, most of his relationships are based, at least in Andrew’s mind, on him providing a service in exchange for someone’s presence in his life due to his belief that people will not be around him otherwise. So if Neil is looking at him in an open, appreciative, and interested way he seems to assume it’s because Neil, the terrified guy on the run from something, has found himself enjoying the stability Andrew provides and is seeing being near Andrew as a solution to his problems. That maybe Neil has tricked himself into thinking he has feelings for Andrew because he likes having someone take care of him and that’s the reason, and we see from Andrew stopping the kiss when Neil is upset that he does not consider being interested in someone while emotionally vulnerable to be real consent, therefore if Neil is interested in him due to being upset and afraid that is not Neil actually being interested. He also is clearly very agitated by this first kiss, seeming to see himself as a predator who lost control and harmed Neil by taking advantage of him.

He also continues to do nice things for Neil after getting back, despite initially seeming to express frustration, disinterest, and distaste for Neil. Giving him keys to the car, buying him a new charger, giving Neil the shotgun seat. Andrew’s habit of feeling the need to incentivize the people he cares for to stay with him, as well as what appears to naturally be his love language of giving gifts and acts of service as a replacement for verbally sharing emotions. I’m not saying that when he’s doing nice things it’s for personal gain, but I think part of him feels good doing it and part of him believes this is all he has to offer this person. He got back and didn’t say nice things to Neil because he can’t, but he can quietly take care of Neil in a way that says “please stay with me, I want you to be ok” that he verbally can’t. He knows Neil values the ability to leave upsetting situations, that Neil reacted positively the last time Andrew gave him keys, gives Neil a way to charge his phone ie have a lifeline to safety and Andrew when needed, and he’s saying that he still implicitly trusts Neil with things that are important to him. And of course shotgun means “I want you to be the person who is nearest to me”. He similarly starts making a habit of sitting next to Neil when the team is together. Andrew very much is a cat, he’s going to swat at you but also glue himself to your side

There’s also the various moments where Andrew states out loud that he has an attraction and growing emotional attachment to Neil that he has already written off as impossible. He calls Neil a pipe dream, says he knows nothing will come of having an interest in Neil without having made any attempts to see if Neil is interested. If you follow up a confession of interest with a statement that nothing will happen, you can’t be hurt by rejection because you didn’t give the person a chance to reject you.

And it doesn’t seem like it’s because Andrew is purposely avoiding attachments to people. Most of the effort he puts into his life is in his relationships, specifically into giving people reasons to stay near him. He makes the deals with Kevin and Aaron, he could have gone to a school with a more competitive Exy program but went to one where Nicky and Aaron could come and be on the team and in fact made that a requirement, he proves to Kevin that he made the right choice in making Andrew his shield by attacking anyone who hurts Kevin and putting a target on his own back. Before the start of the books we know he went out of his way to connect with Renee and do things for her that meant a lot to her, things that again seem to represent “I am doing her a favor, therefore she will be more likely to stay.” And anything else could be written off as born again Christian charity rather than acknowledge she has love and care for him.

He doesn’t see an attempt at connecting with Neil to be useless because he has no interest in building relationships with people, if there’s anything Andrew is passionate about it’s building and maintaining relationships with people. He sees it as obviously useless because there’s no way Neil would legitimately want to be with Andrew in the same way that Andrew wants him, that it is impossible to consider Neil reciprocating the way he’s feeling because all he wants is Neil himself and he doesn’t think anyone could just want him and think it’s enough.

Neil says he allowed himself to be abused by the Raven’s for two weeks on the chance he could help Andrew, that he wants to care for Andrew even without any personal benefit, and that is when Andrew calls him a pipe dream. Neil has just said that he, the guy who previously was so terrified for his own safety that he put it above all else, would willingly sacrifice his safety for Andrew. When Neil says this Andrew covers his mouth to make him stop talking, which to me suggests that this revelation was an absolute gut punch to him, that what happened to Neil was not only for his sake but accomplished nothing. Andrew’s reaction to Neil saying this is to say that Neil was supposed to be a side effect of the drugs. Meaning what Neil just said made him feel so strongly for Neil that he previously assumed it could not possibly be something he naturally has the capacity to feel.

(And he stills says that he doesn’t think he could ever have from Neil what he wants. So yeah Neil isn’t the only one who can hear a heartfelt confession and come to the conclusion that the other person is completely uninterested)

Also the whole “there is no this” conversation they loop through a few times. Again, Andrew loves building relationships, but they all are ticking clocks in his head, most of them graduation unless he can come up with something to convince them to stay. And then Neil keeps trying to say that there exists a relationship between them that has not been carefully negotiated with a clear end date, which is probably terrifying to a guy who doesn’t think he can trust anyone unless he is providing them something that makes him more useful around than not.

What Neil is proposing is that Andrew has intrinsic value and his presence is all Neil wants, and that probably seems terrifying and untrue. If Neil isn’t getting a tangible benefit that outweighs any perceived inconveniences, and if there is no point where they “re-up” their contract, then at any moment Neil could change his mind and take this thing away from Andrew. He’s had people he loved decide he’s not worth it, he knows it can happen and how terrible it is to experience. He willingly dealt with Drake and harmed himself to keep Cass, and he still lost her because he in and of himself wasn’t enough to be kept and loved because he wasn’t easy enough to love, he was broken, he was damaged. There can’t be a non transactional relationship between them because Andrew can’t see himself being enough and thinks losing it would be too painful to willingly risk

(Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron also seem to have this same view as Neil in their own way of Andrew’s inherent worth to them. Nicky really deserves more recognition for clawing his way to happiness then willingly giving it all up and upending his life and doing things repeatedly that make him unhappy because he cares so much for Aaron and Andrew, aligning himself against possible friends who could make him happy because he will always choose supporting Andrew over himself. And you have Aaron showing that he will fight Andrew tooth and nail if it means they can have a good and lasting relationship, and we see Kevin form genuine love and affection for Andrew outside of their deal, but again Andrew seems to view the relationships at the time as transactional or obligatory on their ends)

Or my favorite, the scene where Andrew makes a comment about Neil’s “neck fetish.” Neil has kissed his neck only about two times by that point, and both times it has elicited what is clearly a pleasurable response from Andrew. But Andrew can’t accept the idea that Neil is doing something with no benefit to himself and only a benefit to Andrew, that he is choosing to take time away from his own immediate pleasure to do something solely for Andrew’s enjoyment of the moment

Neil responds to the comment by saying “You like it, I like that you like it.” Neil is saying that he cares enough about Andrew to have paid attention to what pleases him and wants to take the time when they’re together to make Andrew feel good in a way that Andrew makes him feel good, that he knows Andrew has trauma with physical touch on most of his body but this is a way he can reciprocate that has no negative connotations for Andrew and serves solely to make him feel good. And Andrew does not or cannot let himself see it that way because it’s too vulnerable.

The sex is supposed to be transactional, this is what Andrew has to offer to make Neil stay with him, uninterrupted time of Andrew making him feel good and asking for nothing in return. Neil is breaking the rules, he’s making it reciprocated, if he is making Andrew feel good then Andrew doesn’t have that safety net of being the one with something to offer. So it has to be something that secretly benefits Neil, it has to be that Neil is getting something out of it or Andrew is back to not having anything special that he offers to make Neil stay with him. If it’s just Neil sitting back while Andrew gets him off then Andrew is automatically the most convenient sexual partner for Neil and he won’t look for someone else. If it’s reciprocal, then it stops being a favor Andrew is doing and takes effort on Neil’s end, as well as means the sex includes Andrew knowing what it’s like to be loved and cared for, which means he will feel it’s absence when Neil inevitably leaves because Andrew isn’t convenient enough.

It honestly seems like the turning point is his conversation with Aaron about breaking their deal, Aaron making him choose their deal or Neil. Because it A. Forces Andrew to see that Aaron intends to stay in his life without the deal, meaning that yes one of the most important people in Andrew’s world loves him without a contract. And B. It forces Andrew into a position where he has to take a leap of faith that Neil isn’t going to just walk away, that Neil sees Andrew the way Andrew sees him. And I wonder if Aaron brought up the conversation he had with Neil, that Neil said he didn’t think Andrew would fight for him, and he realized that Neil not only has been thinking about him the way he was thinking about Neil, but that he had this person in his life that he cared about and he was acting in a way that made that person not feel valued and it could probably cause the very thing he wants to avoid by pushing him away.

So you finally get the very end of the last book where Andrew doesn’t deny it when Neil says Andrew likes him, which is for him incredibly vulnerable. He’s shown that he will always protect Neil without their deal of protection, and Neil has shown that he sees everything about Andrew that other people don’t like and he loves Andrew anyway.

Because the story is from Neil’s point of view we see his internal growth as he learns to recognize and accept love and care from others but Andrew has been doing the same, realizing and trusting that Kevin and his family will still be there even if he has nothing tangible to offer, and accepting that someone could genuinely know and understand him, all the things that make him inconvenient, and still want him with no extra incentive because even as broken as he sees himself to be he still has value to others and he can trust Neil in the way he wants Neil to trust him

[finthegood]

I'M WITH YOU EVEN IF IT MAKES ME BLUE

jj maybank x fem!reader

description: jj and rafe get into a fight over jj being poor. you end up having to clean up your boyfriend and assure him that you still love him. inspired by taylor swift's "paper rings." a lot of this is word vomit.

tw: violence, talk of socioeconomic status, fighting, money insecurity, and a plethora of injuries (shown above).

word count: 861.

five punches and a lot of yelling later, you were sitting on your bathroom counter with jj standing guiltily between your denim-clad legs, eyes running over your face and licking his bleeding split lip.

"stop licking," you demanded mindlessly, voice only a whisper. jj jumped, slightly shocked to hear your voice for the first time since you had fled upstairs with him in tow.

"sorry," he replied roughly.

you had your head tilted to the side, trying not to block the light as you ran a cotton swab over his busted cheek. he tried not to wince at the feeling of cold ethanol alcohol in the wound, but his eyes squinted at the corners. you dabbed it with a dry cloth, before pulling the split together with a butterfly bandage.

as you tried to clear some of the blood off his jaw, you sighed. "i don't really know what to do about the lip. i don't think that i can put neosporin on it, so it's gonna hurt."

"that's okay, it already does."

you gave him a sharp look.

"sorry," he winced.

you chewed the gum in your mouth, having lost the majority of its flavor, now just making your jaw sore in solidarity to your boyfriend. "i know you are," you swallow. "i just don't understand why. we talked about this jage."

he closed his eyes and you watched his adam's apple bob in his throat. he opened his mouth, but nothing came out and he looked ashamed. after a pause, he began to talk.

"i can't stand rafe. i don't know what it is about him, because he isn't the only person who doesn't like me. hell, he's not even the only person who doesn't like me because i'm poor. he just-" he let out a broken sigh. "he just gets under my skin every time, and i don't know why. he makes me so angry, i can feel it boiling under my skin and i just black out. i'm sorry." his voice is hoarse and you know he means it.

"i know."

"i don't even feel bad because he's such an asshole. he has everything. and i don't have shit and he talks and talks, but he doesn't even understand what he's saying because he can't because he has always been fucking rich and i wish i could have that life." his words are spilling out of him, sentences wrapping around each other and his eyes are going glassy. it hurts your heart to see him like that.

you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him, even though you are still angry, because the hurt is sour between your teeth, and you need him to know that he isn't alone.

"but this time was bad. i'm happy your dad was there so fast because i think i could have really hurt him this time," he says it like a secret because it is, but between you two it's just the truth. "he said that i didn't deserve to be at a party like that. that i don't deserve you and your family because i'm just some asshole with no one, with nobody waiting on me or for me. i know you say he's horrible and i agree, but i just think sometimes that if it was a choice between me or him, everyone at that party would choose him, because he's just less trouble."

his words are muffled by your neck, but the meaning is clear. you raise his head and you are inches apart. his breath fans across your face. you rub his unbruised cheek with your fingers and meet his eyes, determined.

"i choose you," you state. he makes a wounded noise. you press a soft kiss to his cheek, trying to move oceans with one small kiss. trying to communicate how much he means to you.

"i'm sorry," he whimpers.

"i don't care about the money, jj. i love you. i choose you. even if i have to clean you up in my bathroom every weekend. even if we both have to be normal people with normal jobs, who work and struggle. you are worth more to me than rafe and this stupid kook shit could ever be."

"i know, i know. i love you and i'm sorry," he winces.

"well, i'm not so stop apologizing," you laugh.

"okay, sorry," he says, laughing loudly when you glare. he leans in to kiss you, split lip be damned. it's gentle and slow. his lips are warm and soft. he deepens the kiss, just looking to kiss. not pushing you to do anything, never asking for more than you give. he licks into your mouth and you sigh.

you kiss for a few minutes before you remember his lip and pull back. he chases your lips mindlessly and you snort. "your lip, baby." he groans and you have to stop yourself from continuing.

his hands rub your waist and you admire him. there is a bruise beginning to form on his jaw. you want to bite it. he swallows and whispers, "i like your earings."

"shut up," you snicker before going to kiss him again.

[billluver0124]

"once more to see you.."

Narrators POV:

Imagine being who you are and being open about it. Having pride in who you've become when you entered this world and not living in fear. Sounds great right? I wonder what it's like too.

I hope you are brave enough to be who you are and love whoever the hell you want. Since I couldn't, being afraid made me lose the only person that could fill the empty void I had for so long. That void becomes bigger and bigger everyday. I'm losing hope for love.

It all started back in 2007...

"fuck.." he moaned out, the feeling of y/n grinding his neediness on Bill's lap was driving him nuts. He pulls y/n in, entrapping them in a wet passionate kiss. But this little make out was cut short with the sound of Bill's mother coming home.

"s-shit!" he muttered, pushing y/n to leave Bill's room through the windows, So his mom wouldn't see y/n. So no one would see him. So no one would see two boys making out; two boys in love.

This whole thing had been happening for months now, y/n and bill would meet up somewhere private and be themselves with each other, hold each other, kiss each other. But it all had to stay private because the world can't handle something like that. Two people of the same gender, being in love.

Especially not for Bill, he had a reputation to uphold. Being a musician has its pros, but with every pro comes double the cons. One wrong move and his entire career is over, it's like one long excruciating game of poker. But instead of gambling money, you're gambling your entire life. He's gotta play the cards right to stay in the game, if not, he could lose everything. But he's not gay...y/n and him are just friends...right?

The next day they met up again,what's so special about that? they do it every day, kiss, hug, make out? but this time was different, y/n just had to say what was on his mind today...the last time Bill would ever speak to y/n ever again.

"what is this?" he blurted out, holding it in was eating him alive. "what're you talking about?" asked Bill, his confused eyebrow making an appearance. "this..us..why are we still hiding?" y/n spoke, his eyes pleading for Bill to answer. "we're not hiding from anything..we're friends, just hanging out y'know?" y/n's stomach dropped to his ass. Just friends..? "friends don't do the things we do Bill.." "well we aren't together..I'm not gay y/n you know that." Hearing Bill say those words triggered tears in y/n's eyes. "so I don't mean anything to you..? at all?" Bill started to get annoyed now "what the hell are you even talking about?" "Bill, you told me you loved me..we've kissed, made out, we've cuddled..I even trusted you so much I let you touch my body bare..naked. That means nothing to you?"

"It's just something me and you do..it's a casual thing we do." Broken glass, the sound similar to y/n's own heart breaking by Bill's words. the sound of broken glass.

"why are you so afraid?" "what?" Bill was caught off guard by y/n's question. "why are you so afraid of this..of us?" he asked, "we could run away to a place where we don't have to hide anymore Bill..go on walks in the cities together..not having to hide anymore. I'm tired of hiding Bill." Bill started to become really annoyed, "dude I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but I'm not gay, we aren't together and the things we do are just casual things..we aren't in love y/n." he said those words so carelessly, like it doesn't have an impact on y/n's feelings. y/n stood there trying so hard to keep the tears back. "my career and reputation is more important than this..than you."

then he just couldn't hold it back anymore. the tears just started falling. "if that hurts your feelings, then go." y/n didn't say anything back, he just turned around and went back home.

Bill didn't mean anything he said, but he just can't admit who he really is. He's afraid..

It had now been one week since the fight. Y/n hadn't showed up to school..matter of fact he hasn't shown up anywhere. Bill was becoming worried. After all, he still cared about y/n. After school, Bill walked to y/n's house. Hoping to see him again and fix everything, resolve everything. But that hope was cut short almost immediately. "y/n passed away a few nights ago.." Y/n's mother said. "w-what..?" Bill felt his whole world collapse, this cant be true. "yeah, he committed suicide..I'm sorry." "n-no its okay! I'm so sorry you lost your son. I wish you well" That was the last thing Bill said to y/n's mother. He ended up not sleeping that night. He now has to live his life without y/n, without the love of his life; the person he was so afraid of loving.

It has now been seventeen years since y/n passed, everyone has moved on. maybe even forgot about him, but not Bill. He gives with a sense of pure guilt for the rest of his life. "hey y/n, it's me Bill!..the band has been super successful and we've gone on so many tours sometimes I wish I had a break..y'know, a break with you." Bill laid a bouquet of flowers on the grave, hoping y/n would accept the flowers in the afterlife.

Bills POV:

"I'm so sorry..." I sobbed as the tears flew from my eyes, If only I wasn't such a fucking coward. he would still be here, we could've had a life together; a really good life together, but I didn't want it. Because I was afraid of what everyone else would think of me. If only I was proud of who I was, just like y/n was. If only I told him my true feelings that night and not what I needed to tell myself in order to feel "normal". Then he would still be here..

I would see him one more time.

AUTHORS NOTE: hey guys! I've been on a break but I've decided to come back! I might not post as often as I used to because I've been working on small little film projects here and there, but I will be posting again! I know this one is not good Im a little rusty. But I hope y'all enjoy!

[vivithefolle]

You seem to be really against Hermione for the bird incident, but don’t seem to care much about Harry sending Hedwig to claw at Ron and Hermione during the summer preceding fifth year, why is that?(/gen) You also seem to ship Ronarry. Is it just because she’s the canon love interest that you’re so upset? I know Harry regretted telling Hedwig to do what she did afterwards, but I don’t remember him ever apologizing to Ron and Hermione. How can we know that Hermione didn’t apologize to Ron after he came back in Deathly Hallows but before the battle of hogwarts?(I agree with your opinions on Hermione in general, I’m just curious.)

If you don't know, I've made some jokes about how Harmony shippers are right about Harry and Hermione having something in common, which is that they both sent birds to attack Ron.

Harry doesn't interest me nearly as much as Hermione because to be frank he's pretty much just... the most boring character in the series to me. I like him for his Ron-loving potential which is pretty off the charts when Rowling isn't actively using Ron as a stepping stone for Harry and Hermione to look better.

I'm actually a pretty big Romione shipper even if I myself get confused about what I'm mad about sometimes. Honestly, it's just that I've kinda had it with people constantly writing Ron fucking up and having to make it up to Hermione, I want her to be fucking up and making it up to him and it not being considered a Crime Against Women Everywhere because yeah, women fuck up and hurt men too, men also get abused or shat on by women, it happens. Hermione as she is has a pretty toxic mentality, what with her often using violence completely casually (her first "big heroic moment" in the series is to set a man on fire) coupled with that shitty tendency of Rowling to use "Hermione on the verge of tears" as a kind of sedative to make the average reader go "who cares what Hermione did before, she's crying NOW and that's UNFORGIVABLE, PROTECT HER".

But, Harry himself also has a system like that, by virtue of being Our Poor Orphan Protagonist. Honestly, I hate to say it but Potterheads read another book because yes, Harry is nothing new, when an author wants you to root for their protagonist they give them a backstory that makes you want good things for them, yes Harry's suffering is just all destined to make you attached to him and meant to make you think everything that ever happens to HIM personally is automatically The Most Horrible Thing Ever To Happen To Anyone Ever and I'm kinda done with that as a whole because of fandom experience. I can only tell people to pay attention to what Ron goes through only to be rebuked by a "but look how hard Harry had it, in comparison Ron is a baby" so many times before I get completely soured and decide that the character they feel so sad for doesn't need any more people to feel sorry for.

... I don't know if I'm being clear. But yeah I function mostly through pure spite nowadays.

I know Harry regretted telling Hedwig to do what she did afterwards, but I don’t remember him ever apologizing to Ron and Hermione.

He did say a token sorry to Ron specifically:

He showed Harry the index finger of his right hand, which sported a half-healed but clearly deep cut. ‘Oh, yeah,’ Harry said. ‘Sorry about that, but I wanted answers, you know –’

(I say "token" because yeah it's not really an apology given how it's immediately followed by a justification.)

Hermione however?

‘He seemed to think it was best,’ said Hermione rather breathlessly. ‘Dumbledore, I mean.’ ‘Right,’ said Harry. He noticed that her hands, too, bore the marks of Hedwig’s beak and found that he was not at all sorry.

WOOP WOOP FEEL THE HARMONY YET

How can we know that Hermione didn’t apologize to Ron after he came back in Deathly Hallows but before the battle of hogwarts?

Honestly she can have apologized anytime, I'd just like it to be shown to me, and I'd like it to mean something.

While for example @divagonzo believes that after Malfoy Manor Hermione realizes her own mortality and blunts her sharper edges, I still remember the scene where Ron isn't sure they can trust Griphook and Hermione immediately insult him for being racist. Yeah, if that's blunting her sharp edges then I sure hope she's got other ways to do it otherwise she's gonna need a lot more Malfoy Manors.

As it stands, Harry and Hermione are really underdeveloped and bare-bones. If Harry has a character arc then I've missed it entirely because while he does realize that Snape has reasons and shit he's still kinda hating on him all through OOTP, HBP and DH until the Epilogue pulls the rug from beneath our feet. Hermione has moments indicating there's some things happening - her arc with Luna in OOTP is neat, in DH she finally learned to thank Ron for complimenting her - but aside from that she never is confronted to actual failure, to actual dilemnas, to actual problems without a true "I'm right you're wrong" solution - we only see her "being right" without anything exploring what she COULD be beyond "being right".

Which leaves Ron to shoulder the burden of having to do character development for two static characters that amount to "male role model" and "female role model". Ron IS confronted with failure, with actual dilemnas to which there's no easy answer or solution, Ron IS confronted with his personal character flaws... in pretty much every book, he's kept in a loop of "complete character arc" -> "oh no JKR needs drama to happen and she can't have Role Model 1 & 2 do it because they're supposed to be Above Mere Mortals" -> "backtrack on Ron's character arc so he can cause the drama so she doesn't have to strain her brain too hard", which is pretty obviously a disservice to Ron's character. And sadly, the fandom picks up on it but takes the wrong message from it: instead of realizing "wait, Rowling is violating the rules of good storytelling by constantly backtracking on her one good and complex character's development all so she doesn't have to risk Harry and Hermione's popularity by using their character flaws to create conflict", the fandom instead goes "ugh Ron is always causing messes while Harry and Hermione always have their hearts in the right place and always want what's best and anyway if they ever did something bad it's because they were forced by the situation".

It's... upsetting.

[drthugitout]

My ver of dream :00000 AND RANTS ABT MY AU

I ws going for a more princesssy vibe if ykyk if ya like dream do u wanna have more hc on my au in stuff

So a lil rant, but this ver of dram takes place ofc after the whole being trapped n stone thing passses but more in the mist of trying to save his brother, not knowing that he’s already dead ((couldn’t be me type shi.))

He’s way more trusting and open arms meaning he could eager hurt easily, even if your mean he just assume he need to try harder to make you happy or to trust him n vice versa.

He’s also just not good with helping ppl who don’t want to be helped which his can never understand especially with people like killer or early on cross and even sometimes ink.

He can’t read. I mean he can read but not to the best.

Dawg hates getting treaeated like a child, he’s not a child he’s an adult man, yes trapped in stone for a long time sucks and he dose have some problems with not getting a lot of adult topic but prefers for them to get explained and not gatekeeped, with that in some ways even core could be considered more mature then him ((not like they aren’t though))

He gets wat to excited for missions but it’s not jus him so do ink and swap that dose change though

He’s not above overworking himself for the greater good no matter what it is.

He’s scared of going blind, random but it makes sine seeing as he was practically Lind for 500 years trapped in some weird purgatory.

Yes he try’s to make every one happy but if there’s really nothing he can do he won’t keep trying to make you better n be near your negative ahh.

Sometimes British.

His magic is sometimes hard to control as ink describes it he’s ’rusty’ training with him and swap so they all can up there strategy’s

Continuing the theme of the last hc of this au, he hates fighting especially and of corse against nightmare, from his eys he got stuck in a endless loop of nothingness for years only to wake up the the sweet kinda kid he knew as his brother know the most well known asshole across the world, along with getting teased and pushed during battle against nightmare for nights own sadistic personal gain, AND HE JUS LETS IT SLIDE BCZ HE WANTS HE BROTHER BSCK it actually hands to be stud dyed how overlooked that is.

He can fly, to some existent. Nobody is truly sure how?! But he can.

Trap rap scares him like that aggressive stuff ((I also don’t like it I LIKE MY RAP CATCHY N MUISCAL NIT HEADACHE RACING)) He also don like hardcore rock

The king along with his right hand men. ((Ink and swap)) along with core

His main friends are just the main sanses besides the bad guys.

Loves cosplayer n dress up

But HATEDSSSSSS holloween

To scared to accept his friends as family dispute how close they act the fact they sometimes live together feed each other and share clothes, I luv them<33

Hes open to showing affection in almost every way so yes he dose so time give ppl kisses on the cheeks and hugs and say how much he loves them bcz ipit brightens there day.

Gets annoying headaches from nightmares voice mainly when he yells, it just brings back pain and damn, that sucks. Smh smd

He’s seen as royalty but hates getting treated like that as he feels like he shouldn’t be looked highly in for what he dose ((mainly because he feels like he should be able to do more, and hates that he can’t help everyone mainly because of his childhood))

lowkey fuck them villagers.

Cusses n it catches ppl of guard but for him it’s not shown as bad at all

Says some things that would get him canceled but doesn’t know that so he has to get explained that

One when angered he best nms ahh n once night left came to the realization of what he did n cried, ink swap and pretty much everyone were so proud though.

Everyone is his best friend

513 ((A GROWN MAN))

Actually scared of octopus/ squid’s ect. Like when he would cry cuz nightmare scares the fuck out of him. ((He actually got over his fear a bit with freshs parasite

Sleeps in dirt, a weird calming thing for him especially since he like to sleep in the sun. I dunno his ass weird but yeah needs sunlight like a plant.

Swap carries him around somtimes I dunnod I jus though that was sweet

Also wears anything, this goes for slot of the skellys n my aus but he would wear the most gorgeous ball room dress ever n never bat an eye.

A rly good singer. Who can play the piano kinda sometimes.

Hates wearing headphones or annoying boarding noises.

For some reason he dependent on helping cross mainly him because of how bad he feels but how much he relates to him especially after that one battle with nm around when he gets closer to cross n more open to the fact most ppl suck. He stops being less of a bitch.

Seen as the leader even though swap would make a better one out the three

Along with his sleep he doesn’t have the best eating habits swap of then haveing to help him out and vice versa as they love overworking them selfs

The thought of a muiltverse overwhelmed him. A lot. ((Cuz ur saying I gotta make allll these ppl happy? Damn.))

WEAKER BECAUSE THERE ARE WAY MORE NEGATIVE AUS THEN THERE SRE POSTIVE PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT NIGHT HAS A HARSH ADVANTGE

his smiles contagious.

Ngl the drawing kinda gives “I will fight n the name of Rose Quarts n every thing that she believed in.” Very Steven universe coded though.

Can’t flirt or take a romantic hint

Pretty gender neutral

He pokey prob likes gross food btw like nuts, ew.

His highest priority is children as he projects on the highly.

((Note I came up with half up these from the top of my head, I don know hc were so easy, n I don even like dream like that))

That’s most of my hc but yeah there less silly fun ones n most jus to do with his character n my au.

Uhhh he likes frank ocean.

[redsparko]

Hopefully this reaches the right audience.

I’d like to talk about Maya Sokolov and her writing and the analysis of what Miss Rina Kent could’ve done with her character and her story. I know Rina said in one of her Insta stories that for sure Remi, Maya, Vaughn, and Gareth were not getting stories. I can be fine with Remi and Vaughn not getting stories (Remi not so much but I can live) while Maya and Gareth I can feel some potential with.

And I get it from Rina’s POV, miss girl has written like 35 books within 3-4 years. And if she feels no passion or connection with certain characters then she won’t write it. I understand and agree with that completely.

It doesn’t mean I won’t have any ideas about it yeah? Even if it’s not canon that’s what makes it fun.

Anyway back to the point, Maya Sokolov and her character

She falls under the lines of the Queen Bee, diva, bitch. Something like Silver, Nicole, and Reina. I absolutely love those three. Personally, Silver should’ve gotten the trilogy, Reina was done dirty lowkey, and Nicole’s story (Empire of Hate) left me with wanting more groveling. But out of the three I found I relate to Nicole more.

It’s the inferiority complex. I love that shit, I have it too, and I eat it up. And that’s clearly scene in Maya too. In the end of GOR it’s referenced/implied/canon that Maya was jealous of Mia and made a monkey’s paw type wish that came true.

There’s something so raw and sad and powerful in that that can and should be shown in Maya’s character (speaking from personal experience) feeling something so negative that it results in an act of hurting another person you REALLY care about because it comes from a place of deep sadness and insecurity.

Maya can act like the biggest girl boss and look at everyone like they’re the dirt beneath her feet (literal quote from GOR) but that does not disguise the fact she can only act like that because no one else will ever hate her more than how she hates herself.

And as readers we can really see it, and even theorize it from in between the lines. In GOF we read about Nikolai’s thoughts about the twins.

There are people saying that GOR ruined the relationship and wished it never happened. I can’t say the execution of it was done well but I can’t say it was a total trash fire either. It’s a 50/50 depending because there are good things I absolutely loved and things that could’ve been improved.

But mostly people are saying that the relationship between Maya and Mia was sabotaged and it would’ve been better if it never happened. I disagree, I prayed for times like this to come—kidding, but the layers of anger and frustration and love in the relationship between them makes the relationship deeper. But we never get to see that in its completion.

Think of Landon and Brandon in GOF. We love them so much because behind that ire and blockage from both sides they came through that and love prevailed. This is why I stand by Rina Kent MALE friendships/relationships. They’re much more complex and thought out than the female friendships which come off as somewhat shallow. I’ll make another rant abt that later.

What I wish was done better was mentioning the difference in Maya, Niko and Mia’s relationship. It’s clear that Niko likes Maya less than Mia. And Maya feels less than Mia because she’s seen that Mia is favored. It’s not Niko’s fault but it’s like an unconscious thing, he’s just closer with her because he sees that he is similar to Mia. It’s a common and natural thing, you’re just closer to people you feel like you can relate with. That checks out.

I feel like even both of Maya’s siblings only see her for what she pushes herself out to be, a shadow diva who sees herself as superior (obviously hiding an inferiority complex). They don’t stop to acknowledge that maybe she’s compensating for something? Especially Nikolai, in that quote saying that he and Mia would fuck up each other’s demons but what abt Maya? You can’t be close to her because she doesn’t have flaws or negative thoughts or demons either?

This feels less like a “it’s Nikolai’s personality” issue and more like a “Rina Kent wrote Maya to be nothing more than her character archetype”

Other than that, I also wanna mention Maya’s relationship with Ilya and how it could enhance her character and dynamics.

Ilya is down to earth, not egotistical like Landon, or notoriously violent or volatile like Nikolai, nor with the high status like Jeremy. He’s a perfect match for Maya.

It’s mentioned by GOR from Mia’s POV that Maya wants someone high status with lots of money (I agree, get it girl slay) but Ilya is not those things. He’s just a bodyguard and the money in comparison isn’t that good. But he can see Maya for who she truly is, someone who is hurt on the inside, insecure and needing some help.

It’s not what she wants but it’s what she needs. She needs someone who won’t isn’t already existing in the circle who prefers Mia to her.

Although I do wanna say that I love the angst in early chapters if Maya felt some jealousy and sadness from believing that Ilya prefers Mia to her (seeing as how Ilya doesn’t regard Maya with the same reverence as other boys do) and he’s actually friendly to Mia while he’s bitchier to Maya. It’s all part of the angst. But endgame wise he would choose Maya cause he sees right through her and is more interested in the true part of her that’s vulnerable and scared to love in fear that the one she loves will love Mia more.

[yayll]

https://www.tumblr.com/yayll/759326311116308480/havent-slept-yet-but-just-as-i-was-about-to?source=share

Hi, this anon again😅 haven't slept yet again...it's 6 am🙃. I just love the idea that Dazai with all his godlike intelligence is the kind of guy to see immediately what troubles or struggles his significant other has with themselves or in general.

If you have trauma he will immediately catch on, self esteem issues? Immediately caught on, mommy or daddy issues? People pleaser? He knows it, and many other things, he will immediately figure it out as you both date.

He'll probably even do little things that you'd think he doesn't understand how much it means to you, like validating you, making sure you always have a specific comfort of yours at hand, you'd think he just does it because he saw that you liked it, but it was because he knew what it would do for you, what it makes you feel.

Dazai sees you and he doesn't just see your traumas and things you struggle with of course, he first sees someone he loves unconditionally. Dazai knows you love him with all your heart especially after knowing about his past.

Dazai will tell if you're sensitive, if you're uncomfortable with loud noises, if you get emotional about a lot of things, if you're lonely around people, if you're masking your real personality around other people, if you've only heard criticism instead of any praise, if you've been undermined and seen as a second choice, Dazai will know.

And he will show you from the moment he picks up on everything, that you're never gonna feel like that again as long as he's there, and he will always be there. He will validate everything you always wanted to be validated. Dazai from the Port to ADA is very much "gun is love, gun is life" to "what is gun, what is this metal thing that can hurt another human being!?" An exaggeration of course but that's how he probably would be even though he's joking, but the second someone tried to mess with you, suddenly every training he had in the Port comes back and he's immediately shown to be this incredibly intimidating and ruthless man to anyone who tries hurt you.

Have a beautiful forever Hun💖🥺 I know you said in the last message you've had a rough time and I genuinely hope you're doing better 🥺💖 a reminder that you're so amazing and you deserve the best, you deserve to be happy and i wish you the uttermost happiness and love and good health, you're still so incredibly young, you have so much time to accomplish everything or anything you want, you're doing well, get some sun, hydrate yourself, sleep the best you can(because I know sometimes we don't always get enough sleep) and eat well💖🥺

I'll leave these emojis for now so you'll know it's me next time😅

- 🥺💖

HELLOOOOO my sweet 🥹💖

i'm so sorry i have such a late reply! i've been working on some writing and also quite literally irl so i'm just trying to catch up. you are amazing and i'm wishing u the best of health and happiness right back :') love is all we rlly have in this world. things are a lot better lately on my end and i hope you've been able to sleep comfortably even if it takes u a while! MWAH.

and also. i just rlly wanted to indulge those lil things you said about dazai because they are sooooooooo true. sooooo fucking valid. GUN IS LOVE GUN IS LIFE TOOK ME OUTTTT LMAO i actually love the way u talk abt dazai's highly intuitive side, it's quite literally what makes him so compelling as is. and in a relationship/partnership? oh it's a goddamn dream. he's like a hawk watching and registering your every mood fluctuation and the cause of it, tryinf to see how he can rectify it immediately. and i also FIRMLY believe he will use any and all past PM training to facilitate ur happiness should he ever need to. he'll be like:

"Hey, take five. You've been at it for hours now and frankly, it's boring watching you work."

"I can't, I'm so behind on reports and I'm helping out with the agency holiday party, I also need to-"

Dazai's eyes narrow, and shakes his head rapidly. Mission accepted, he thinks. He knows what you need, and if you won't cater to your needs, he'll have to just do it himself. He lives to see you at ease, because you deserve the entire world. You will not, under any circumstances, be stressed under his watchful eye... And he also just really wants an excuse to cuddle later without having to hear about dumb things like work. It's a win-win, and you don't have a choice! He sighs, and puts on his little performance.

".. You expect me, the great Osamu Dazai, to simply watch as I witness my favorite detective work themself to the bone?! Absolutely not! I refuse. Come, we're going to the cafe downstairs."

You groan as he pulls you, smiling in reluctance.

"Dazaiiii, i'm serious.. plus, don't you have like, a huge running tab there?"

He flashes you a sly smirk and a wink.

"That's why I have you, silly! Your philanthropic and generous heart is willing to treat me as your penance for being so stubborn. How noble of you. You really shouldn't have."

You roll your eyes, sighing deeply as you zoom out of the agency with him.

"The waitress there wants to kill you, you know."

You mutter under your breath with a playful smile. Dazai gasps dramatically and looks back at you, still holding you by the arm, tighening just a smidge.

"Oh, goodness! I'm quaking. well thank god i'm bringing you, my precious little scapegoat~"

Despite your feigned annoyance, your cheeks redden, and it's hard not to become endeared with how relentless he is in his pursuits to distract you. what a slack off, you want to kiss his stupid face until he shuts up. You might just have to.

"You're the worst, Dazai."

"Mm, what a weird way to say 'I love you.' I'll take it."

this is a silly little thing, but basically overly observant and on the case Dazai he just NEEDS to make you the happiest whether you like it or not!

i love u, mwah :')

-ivy

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

the shroud parents

Okay, so I’ve been thinking about this for a while 🤔: “Why are the Shroud parents so warm and loving when the impression we had of them from Idia are so... negative?” And then I realized it’s very obviously because CHARACTERS CAN BE UNRELIABLE NARRATORS.

Like. That does NOT mean that what happened to the characters didn’t actually happen. The events very obviously DID happen as described (especially as it pertains to post-OB flashbacks), but it’s how the characters tell the information that paints the perception of events and how certain elements are presented or omitted entirely.

***Content warning: I briefly mention a few dark topics under the cut (including suicidal ideation and depression) and link to a related post on those topics!!***

As an example, let’s look at the Shroud parents. Idia previously described his grandma and dad as being very gloomy and negative people. He also says his parents as being the types to value results over their children’s feelings. We also notably do not see Mr. or Mrs. Shroud in Idia’s backstory flashback when he was going through a difficult patch of coping with Ortho’s death. This all led to us having an impression that the Shroud parents were cold, distant, calculating, and just overall not very good parents. Then we meet the parents in book 7 and Mrs. Shroud is SUPER bubbly, and both parents readily welcome Ortho as an official member of the family. It’s a huge juxtaposition which completely recontextualizes the information Idia previously gave us.

Idia is Mr. Doom and Gloom, a huge pessimist. It could be possible that he was greatly exaggerating elements of his parents’ personalities, usually when it pertains to them asking him to do something he doesn’t want to (ie pulling him out of school to research on his classmates). Alternatively, it’s implied that he barely left his room for two years following Ortho’s death. The lack of the Shroud parents in Idia’s flashback could indicate that as their own method of coping, they distanced themselves or they gave Idia space to heal on his own. Or maybe Idia was even the one who actively shut his parents out? It’s extremely possible, especially given that there are theories floating around that Idia’s memories and thoughts are greatly impacted by grief, depression, and/or suicidal ideation.

This makes me kind of want to go back and reevaluate all the other OB boys’ flashbacks and see just how much of the information could have been colored by the bias and the perspectives of the storytellers 🤔 POV actually adds a LOT to whatever is being told!! Like you can tell in Riddle’s flashback that even though he now knows his mom’s parenting has fucked him up, he doesn’t appear to hold any ill will toward her. He’s moreso confused and unsure how to proceed, feelings which are perfectly encapsulated by Riddle asking why his chest still hurts, even though he has followed every rule his mom has set for him. As a result, Riddle is shown to be a lot more hesitant and charitable to his mother compared to other people.

Interestingly, fans are quick to bypass Riddle’s own neutral telling of his story and demonize his mother (I think maybe because his circumstances are more relatable?), whereas with Idia he tells us the worst of his parents and it paints our ideas about the Shroud parents in accordance with Idia’s telling.

I also wonder if the fandom’s assumption that Leona’s whole country despises him or that Azul’s mom didn’t know about him being bullied is true at all??? Because if you think about it, Leona’s flashbacks only ever depicted palace servants talking badly about him, which are not representative of all of the Sunset Savanna. We don’t meet locals that speak badly of Leona in his hometown event either??? Then for Azul’s flashback, you can’t really take omission of information as confirmation of anything.

This line of thought also applies for the information the boys relay to us; how much of it is embellished or slightly altered in order to project a certain outward image to their peers? Especially considering how NRC is teeming with (mob) students ready to pounce on you if you seem weak??? It’s really interesting stuff to think about.

[urplepurplegurgleturgle]

you should definitely rant to me about your iteration if you can.. I would absolutely love to learn abt it to possibly draw our iteration turts interacting.. /nf

I LITERALLY SURPRESS A SCREECH OKAY OKAY OKAY OAKY HHHHH SO

TMNT: Found Family is a teetle iteration based off of my friends!! I only have the turtles drawn out (and April planned in my head) but!!! I do have some of the basics:

Donnie (He/Her): He's based off of Tomi!! She's 14, the youngest of the four bros. Typically quiet around people (unless she freaks the fuck out) but he yaps A LOT when she's either alone or with her siblings. A lot of people mistake him as a very meek and mild individual, but in reality he's a violent BEAST filled with rage. The #1 hater ever. But overall she's very silly and critter-like...

Leo (He/him): The second youngest, based off of me! I would've made myself Donnie but. Then I'd just be drawing my sona SO... yeah... I decided to go with Leo because the person I relate to the most (after MM Don, ofc) is Rise Leo. For. Various reasons. But yeah. He's a 16 year old shithead who looooves playing pranks and being a smartass. He's academically smart but SUPER dense (a lot of shit goes over his head..), but also somehow extremely cunning and witty. Despite being a ball of unhinged chaos, he still ends up caring for his siblings like a dad because he's also an Anxious Idiot. Oh also he has a severe case of RBF syndrome

Mikey (He/him): I based him off of Val, he's 17 years old and the second oldest. Gay as fuck, I haven't shown his design yet but he's. Literally a walking rainbow (and I mean LITERALLY... wait until you see his scale patterning). Like Leo, he's a little shithead who teams up with the blue boy to prank everyone within a five mile radius. He's also somehow even more insufferable than Leo. It's probably because he's gay (DON HOMOPHOBIC REAL!??11/??!?!??!? /j). Despite being a seemingly fiery ball of energy, he gets pretty quiet with strangers. Actually, ALL of them get quiet with strangers. Autism sibs unite or something idk

Raph (She/They): The oldest of them all, being 18 years old!! She's based off of my beloved nee-chan Phantom. The (appointed) leader of the group, she has a major case of the Eldest Daughter syndrome. She's a very caring figure of them all, but despite seeming mature and calm, she's just as chaotic as the rest of them. She won't hesitate to condone murder (for the right reasons, of course) and doesn't really reprimand any of her brothers for their shenanigans. If anything, she laughs and cheers them on. I mean, as long as no one's getting hurt, it's all good, right??

April (She/Her): April is also 14, standing next to Donnie age-wise. She's based off of Cin.. I haven't developed her as much since I don't have her design down yet, but as far as I've thought, she's a very mischievous creature.. think of Anya's smug little "heh" face. That's basically her entire personality /hj. Despite being a little bitch (/lhaff) she's very sweet and won't hesitate to comfort her friends and family. Best little sister ever <- not biased at all

As for the storyline.... uh... haha um I. Haven't really thought that far?? Ik for a fact Splinter (who I haven't developed in the slightest) finds all four of the turtles individually as time goes on, with Raph being the first, then Donnie, then Mikey, and then finally Leo. That's why my iteration is titled "found family", because they all literally found each other (unintentionally, but still).

[louspinx]

Implied Rape / and SA in WC

For fuck sales I'm sorry, but people who think that rape and sexual assault don't exist among warriors are complete morons. Somehow you can fathom the idea of pedophilia and grooming, and genocide and such other topics in the books, but someone's rape is where it's pushing the lines and that it's a stretch. You people are actually weird. So as a sexual abuse victim, I'm going to give my perspective on this because I'm actually sick of it. 

To start, I want to say that rape will not always be outright forced. Coerced consent is rape. Pressured consent is rape. Befriending women for motives beyond an actual relationship and for just sex is rape because you are essentially leading through a process of desensitization, manipulation, and Coercion. And to add on using physically abuse to scare your victim into fulfilling your needs and this applies here considering Tom does just that.. Quite literally, it is a premeditated sexual assault. 

Marital rape is a thing where they pressure or coerce their spouse into doing sexual deeds despite them not wanting to. In this case, Tom played the nice guy and pretended like he loved her until they got into a relationship so he could get sex out of her. Yes. These cats have sex because, quite literally, it is implied every time it says, "I'm expecting kits" or "I'm carrying kits." 

They know what sex is. Though it's not explicit in nature,. He acts lovingly with the intent to desensitize her to the idea of him not being a bad person. His motive is to get kittens out of her because he can control her with them and only reveal his true colors once it happens. Tom had  power over  both turtle tail and Bumble, not only because of how much larger he was than them but also because they were in a marriage where she loved him too much to see him for what he was until after he made his intentions clear. 

Turtle Tail: "How do you think it happened? I made a mistake. I missed you all so much. Tom seemed strong and friendly, I thought I could move on and make a new life with him. But when I realized I was expecting kits, he... he changed."

Gray Wing: "If he hurt you..."

Turtle Tail: "Oh, no! Tom was still friendly, but he didn't want to make any plans for the kits with me. And Bumble seemed uncomfortable any time I mentioned them. But neither of them would admit that anything was wrong."

 - page 19 of Thunder Rising 

I'm sorry, but this text seems very rapey. Call it a stretch if you'd like, but I could give less of a fuck, honestly. Tom had shown his true colors after he realized Turtle Tail was pregnant because he knew he could use their kits against her to control her. He kidnapped her for the purpose of controlling her and would've abused their kits regardless if Turtle Tail did not come back. Tom threatened not to tell Bumble and stated that he was beating her because Turtle Tail left. 

In chapter two, when Turtle Tail returns, she notes that there is no father of her kits and that she does not want him involved in her life. She acknowledges that he is abusive and a bully who physically assaults her. In chapter two, when Turtle Tail returns, she notes that there is no father of her kits and that she does not want him involved in her life. She acknowledges that he is abusive and a bully who physically assaults her. When Thunder meets her, he speaks of her as if she means little, bashing her for taking away their kittens and claiming that she "stole them." He thinks little of his children as only pawns in possession and control over his wife.

I’m sorry, but if you still fail to see how a man who befriends a woman, who then goes on to spoon-feed her false facade and then uses the mate title to coerce her into having sex with him as not being rape, you are not very smart and lack genuine analytical skills. Yes, I get that Warriors is very terrible at hinting at the obvious, but this was a very clear message of domestic violence, coercion of rape, and premeditated sexual assault. It’s not a stretch because it is the literal reality.

 To say that rape makes the series “too dark” while at the same time knowing that there are multiple groomers and pedophiles running around in the series is ridiculous. 

And let’s not forget, slash, he used to be apart of the One Eyes group, and he was promised Star Flower as a wife. He physically restrains her and holds her down, getting on top of her and holding her captive while Clear Sky does absolutely nothing. And directly after that, he gets uncomfortably close despite being told to stop, licks her cheek, and is extremely creepy about it. 

Unwanted touch is sexual assault, guys. Put on your thinking cap, because I know you’re smart enough to think. I have seen some imply that Yarrowleaf’s relationship with Nettle is implied to be a case of rape, and I disagree considering the circumstances in which the Shadowclan cats were living while in the kin. And imposter Bramblestar is hinted at with how much he kept her confide in her den and his overrate affection for her. He’s a canon groomer of Shadowsight and Bristlefrost so I wouldn’t put it past the Erin’s to try this shit.

[your-mums-nuts]

I am a hardcore stolitz shipper, let me preface by saying this.

Stolitz possibly giving up on Blitzo? Fucking great, actually.

Think about it, Blitzo does not show his hand when it’s about his feelings (especially his ones for Stolas) and that’s a big part of his character, but there comes to a point where it hurts the people around him. He sort of resolved it with Moxxie when they were going through their trauma trip and it’s clear that he’s a good dad and cares a lot about his friends and even without all that, I like him a lot, he’s funny, he cares to a certain extent and he’s had a fucking hard life.

But this is what we know, cause we’re the audience. Stolas has no reason to continue trying to have any kind of relationship with Blitzo, best example being the texts we saw at the very end of our most recent episode. Did that hit different for some people? Just me? The things they do in hell are very cartoonish and silly and random, it keeps the show interesting, this also means that their more personal problems are shown in more outlandish ways. Have you ever had your wife try and murder you by hiring you a cowboy only to tell him not to kill you just yet so you can fork over your money? No, but have you ever been the only one to start a conversation? The only person putting effort into a relationship? The one leaving paragraphs only to feel your heart drop when the response is three words or less?

The answer, statistically, is yes.

I hope he gives Blitzo the asmodeus crystals (I think that’s what they’re called) and fucks off. He cares about Blitzo, this care is reciprocated! But there’s a point where it’s appropriate to just back away, because you aren’t getting any of the same attention or care back. I’m not saying this as a fuck you to Blitzo either! Blitzo would flourish with some space and time, he needs to sort out his feelings and he really can’t do that when he’s sleeping with the guy transactionally in a deal that makes him feel like shit.

They do not understand eachother, at all. That’s to be expected as they are of different classes and backgrounds. In the latest episode you can tell they were actually starting to, with Stolas getting a big speech from Striker (who in my opinion, is Blitzo’s foil) and Blitzo’s classic ‘he can get hurt?’.

With space to sort out his feelings, Blitzo could be the one to reach out, be the one to be open about his feelings.

With space and time, Stolas could put his love life on pause and deal with his numerous home life problems.

In conclusion, I loved this episode and these idiots and this was my biggest takeaway.