#hes SO lame and thats his allure to me

[bathylychnops]

ilove kim so much bc hes NOT special or cool. hes just some old man and hes just as cringe and offputting as harry but in a different font

[ieatstarsforaliving]

The Origin (1)

Summary: How you and Hazel and the fight club started. Also Hazel's Spider-Woman. But you don't know that.

Pairing: Spider-Woman!Hazel Callahan x Classmate!Reader

Warnings: Mature language, use of (Y/N), mentions of bruises and cuts, Idk what else

Word Count: 1508

Note: It's literally my first post. It may suck. I don't care. I don't get paid for this. I hope you do enjoy though, cause there's not enough Spider-Woman Hazel Callahan fics out here. Love yall - Bia <3

“You got paired up with (Y/N) for the ‘women murdered in history’ project?” 

Hazel nodded at Josie’s question. She had just left Mr. G’s class with PJ and Josie where he had introduced a new project to create a diorama based on a famous woman who was murdered. The partners were chosen by random, and to Hazel’s horror, she was paired up with you. 

Who just happened to be Hazel’s crush for 4. fucking. years.

Hazel had many moments of crises in her 18 years of life, which included getting bitten by a radioactive spider during sophomore year at a school field trip to the science fair, getting caught by Josie and PJ’s spider-trap (Where PJ wanted to catch Spider-Woman for her youtube channel with a net, and she actually managed to?) and Hazel had to reveal her secret identity, and her mother’s recent divorce with her minor-fucking, emotionally unavailable father. 

But none of them made Hazel as frantic as being paired with you for a school project. 

“Thats fucking amazing,” PJ said in jealousy. “How come that never happens with me and Brittany? I got paired up with that one emo kid who probably wants to blow up the school.” 

Hazel groaned, leaning her head against her locker. She was already tired from last night’s fight with a local bank robbery, which led to her face scratched and bandaged up today. She couldn’t stop thinking about how she was going to impress you. 

“Okay, well, you don’t look very happy considering you’re like, obsessed with her,” Josie commented. She was well used to Hazel’s constant remarks about how pretty you looked during class or how you made eye contact with her for 2 seconds. 

“I’m fucked. I just get so nervous around her,” Hazel replied, anxiety seeping out from her voice. “I have never really had a conversation with her other than, ‘hello’. If I can’t even talk to her properly, how am I going to do a whole project with her?” 

PJ rolled her eyes. “Hazel, why are you so worried? You literally swing down tall ass buildings and beat up tall ass criminals, and you can’t even talk to a girl that you like? Didn’t your spider powers give you like, enhanced everything?” 

“I’m pretty sure the whole point of Hazel’s secret identity is for you to not talk about it out in the open, PJ.” 

“I’m just saying, if I saved the neighborhood every night wearing a red and blue spandex lady gaga suit, I’d be getting so much puss right now.” 

The two continued to bicker as Hazel sighed. PJ was right. It was just a project. It wasn’t a big deal, it was only for a week, and she was certain you were straight anyways. All she had to do was just man up and talk to—

“Hazel?” 

Hazel jumped, turning around from her locker to see you standing with an alluring smile on your face. You wanted to talk to your project partner before the start of next class, who seemed to be very stunned at the sight of you. She looked like a puppy, with her widened blue eyes and her tousled brown hair. 

Hazel blinked rapidly and clutched her notebook, barely managing to reply with a small, “Hi.” 

“I don’t know if you remember me. I’m (Y/N),” You introduced yourself, starting to offer your hand but retracting immediately because you realized that you’re a high schooler and that it’s probably lame to shake hands in this day and age. “I’m partnered up with you for Mr. G’s class—” 

“-Yeah, I know who you are. (Y/N),” Hazel said, almost too quickly, causing her friends to hold in their laughter. “Mr. G’s project. Yeah– I can work on it. All of it, if you want.” 

“No, of course not, we can work on it together,” You laughed, before recognizing all the injuries on Hazel’s face. “By the way, you’re pretty bruised up. Are you okay?” 

Hazel instantly touched her bandages, feeling a bit embarrassed at her state. 

“’m fine. I just fell.” 

You frowned, staring intensely at Hazel’s face. “I don’t think you can get these cuts from falling.” 

“Well, some of them are from falling and some of them aren’t...” Hazel trailed off as you came closer, your face filled with genuine worry. You knew Hazel wasn't exactly popular, but you didn’t know she was bullied. Hazel slowly backed away, her heart beating out of her chest as her back made contact with her locker. 

Hazel's Face started to burn up, turning to Josie for help. Josie stuttered, “This is nothing, she just– she’s part of this— this club, and—”

“A club? What kind of club fucks up her face like this?” You interrupted, your hands reaching out and brushing Hazel’s bangs out of the way, carefully examining the bandages. “Is it like a fight club?” 

“Yes!” 

“No–” 

“-More like a women’s self defense club?”

You looked at the three girls who’ve provided different answers all at the same time.

PJ spoke up first. 

“Yes, we absolutely do have this club where girls fucking beat each other up and shit for… feminism. So that we can teach girls how to protect themselves from the evil male football players.” 

“You know how to fight?” You asked, staring at PJ who barely had any muscles.

“Yes. Because, We… went… to… juvie over the summer.” 

You blinked.

“...There’s also a serious lack of female solidarity in this school,” Hazel stiffly added. 

“Right. Okay, that’s fine, I guess,” You accepted. “Could I join?” 

“Yes. Absolutely!” PJ exclaimed, her face lighting up immediately. “You could bring your friends too. You know. Specifically your cheerleader friends. Specifically Brittany and Isabel.” 

Before you could question why specifically Brittany and Isabel, the bell rang to inform the students for the start of next class. 

“Okay, here—” You took the notebook Hazel was holding and quickly scribbled your number on one of the pages. “Message me so we can talk about the project. And the club. Is that okay?” 

You handed the notebook back as Hazel nodded, in denial that you just gave her your fucking phone number. You waved before running off to your next class, feeling happy that you had made a new friend. (haha friend…)

Meanwhile, Josie was losing her mind. 

“PJ, what the fuck are you doing?” 

“This is absolutely perfect!” 

“No, it’s not, PJ— we don’t have a feminist women’s self-defense fight club. You also don’t care about feminism. Your favorite movie is Entourage.” 

“Okay, first of all, shut up, and second, we can just make the club now, obviously. Come on– I just created the perfect opportunity for all of us to talk to Brittany, Isabel, and (Y/N)!” 

“Hazel, please tell PJ that she’s insane,” Josie turned to Hazel. 

Hazel grinned and said; 

“She gave me her number.” 

Josie groaned. “Congratulations! But we have a bigger problem now. We don’t know how to defend ourselves!” 

“Self-defense is common sense. You try to punch me in the face. I stop it from happening. Whatever, I don’t care, it’s easy,” PJ shrugged, holding a MMA fighter stance and started throwing air punches. 

“Yeah, maybe for Hazel, who literally has the… spider tingles? Hazel tingles?”

“Please do not start calling it Hazel tingles.” 

“And let’s not forget, you literally have superhuman strength,” Josie cautioned. “If we do this— very big if, we just run the biggest risk of exposing you and your spider identity. One wrong punch and you’ll send a girl to the hospital.”  

PJ turned to Hazel and grabbed her by the shoulders. 

“Hazel, listen to me. We teach a bunch of girls how to defend themselves against the evil high school fuckboys. They are grateful to us. Adrenaline is flowing— next thing you know, Isabel, Brittany, and (Y/N) are kissing us on the mouths!” 

Hazel paused. “I don’t know. Like Josie said, it’s a huge risk. The last thing I’d want to do is put (Y/N) in danger.”

A sardonic smile played on PJ’s lips. She tapped on Hazel’s notebook.

“Hazel, she gave you her number.”

Hazel stood, her mind racing once again. PJ’s idea of starting a self-defense club was dangerous, she knew that. She would be gaining attention all while showing off her fighting skills, which is what she had been hiding for years. Josie’s warning echoed in her mind. But then she remembered the way you had looked at her, with darling concern in your eyes when you asked about her injuries. She hadn’t had anyone worry for her like that in a while. 

Hazel took a deep breath.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Josie cried.

“She said okay! It's an okay! We’re doing this!” PJ screamed, grabbing Hazel’s hand and pulling her towards the school’s office to create the club. “We’re going to lose our virginities this year! This is the year!”

“Okay, but who’s going to be crazy enough to even advise this club?” Josie yelled after them, but the two were long gone.

Next Chapter: The Fucking Fight Club

[haahka]

late tagged (💖!!!) by @vegasandhishedgehog for

10 BL People That I Want Carnally

not gonna list 10 bc if i did, i couldnt stop there, so these are just some extremely top tier entries from the few shows ive seen. here, a curated list is better than an endless list of "yeah would."

ok yes, im basic, so here's Phayu (Love in the Air). our grandmas had their harlequin novels, we have LITA and this guy who sweeps you off your feet despite your best efforts to resist. boss and his ponytail look were only the cherry on top (<- me when i lie).

woops, another pursuer, Jang Jaeyong (Semantic Error). do i really need to explain myself. see above but make it larger and sillier. make my walls crumble baby, the college bf i never had-

i think theres a type to be recognised here... Mahasamut (Love Sea) is another one of these, despite the dual power dynamics. sweet but nasty and brash, and you can count me as gone every time this man takes off his shirt, the plush,,,,, he can do the barking bc he seems to like it, but oh boy this is the one i go absolutely no-holds-barred crazy for, bitey bitey bite bite bite-

predictable? predictable. Gram (Not Me) is tall, kind, lovesick, has big hands (still thinking of genes hand on his, why does it do things to me this is so lame), great smile, softboy, did i say tall, and im so sorry the gramblack storyline got written off, but babe you look so good holding a molotov, wanna slam you against a wall to thank you for your service,

...and the (still predictable) 180°: Vegas (Kinnporsche). What a BITCH, what a smug schemer, what wouldnt i give for a scrap of his undivided attention, what can i say, hes the danger that allures, *dreamy sigh*, looking for something? YEAH THAT DICK-

a late addition: i didnt know war wanarat existed before jack & joker but woah, joke, thats a little guy i also wanna throw against a bar counter, no matter which disguise hes in... also where does jack get his patience and resistance from bc this competent little shit is truly something else, i need to fight him and lose and then fuck him about it-

if you made it this far (hi babe! 🥰), youve earned a voucher that permits you to ask about runner-ups and honorary mentions 👍 also if you somehow werent tagged when this meme was going around, or forgot to do it, or just procrastinated for half a year, then your tag has been renewed, GO!

[cconfusedkat]

No cuz imagine you could be thriving as a cult leader one day and a goat just . Fucking . Jumps onto you through a god damn portal and attempts to kill you and yapping about your own Very Trustworthy Mystic Trading Selling Buddy being a traitor.... PSHHHHHHH they dont know what theyre talking about (mystic betrays allure in the end) (to no ones surprise. To no Avail !)

Thats such a productive reason ive made for giuseppe though?? I'm proud because originally they arrived to allures cult to kill them for the sake of breaking a time paradox thing Or Whatever and that feels kinda lame itself. So ... SO .!.!!..!! Definitely a much easier planned out idea

Like it already starts with main game stuff except mystic is Literally a disguised lesser being as it referred to itself and was like Yep haha i can definitely bring your family back if you bring me your lungs and your heart and a final god tear.... yknow... since youre a god.... cry into this jar for me rq- /silly

Ahgh but No its a pretty slow plot bc allure still hadnt adjusted to dying yet or even being a proclaimed god of death themself .... i do wonder how i could sorta play around with the narrative of toww not knowing along with like ,,, herm ,,, Maybe he DOESNT know?? But how??? His crown is on allures head after all??? Maybe he does know and allures probably stubborn about it?? Im trying to think on that since i sorta settled on 'plot a' ,, A Bit ,, to say the least

[lesbiten]

the first rule of twelves era is that every single character is cringe and fail and if you think any differently you fundamentally misunderstand them

[forgottenpasta]

Dulce Periculum (Teaser)

Summary: Devious and devilish, your two new impish hybrids never miss a chance to torment you for your hopeless attraction to them, knowing exactly what they do to you. But is sly sexuality and enigmatic allure all there is to the tiger and wolf hybrid, or do the depths of their eyes hide somehting more for you? 

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff

Pairings: Tiger Hybrid!Taehyung x Reader X Wolf Hybrid!Jeongguk

Even though you had earbuds in, you weren’t actually listening to music, too preoccupied with thoughts of your lameness to press play. You could hear everything when Taehyung and Jeongguk started talking. 

“You helping me with the shoot tommorow?”, Taehyung asked him. He had a photoshoot for a luxury watch brand coming up which was going to be featured on multiple billboards and magazines. You always did a double take when you spotted Taehyung’s face around the city, on banners, screens and subway ads, had a hard time believing the same man slept across the hall from you.

“Nah, hyung. Jackson asked me to help him out at the club downtown, one of his bouncers quit recently and you know how the weekend rush is.”

Taehyung chuffed in disappointment, the sound so tiger-like you almost smiled. He couldn’t purr like small cat hybrids could, but his chuffs were so damn adorable it didn’t matter. 

“Why don’t you take Owner with you?”, Jeongguk suggested, a small tilt to his lips indicating he was joking. Maybe. Nevertheless you shrunk down in your seat to make yourself as small as possible. You did NOT want to go to one of Taehyung’s photoshoots, for many reasons but mainly because you knew what seeing him in his element would do to you and you had clowned yourself enough to last a life time. 

Taehyung frowned, running his long, slender fingers over his bottom lip in contemplation. “I would but I don’t want her to get nosebleeds watching me pose for the camera.” 

Death. You wanted it. 

Staring wide-eyes at your lap you willed spontaneous combustion to incinerate you right then and there. The nerve of him! He was so fucking arrogant but so fucking…spot on, and he said it with such quiet resignation too, like it was the truth of the matter universally accepted that you would, in fact, get nosebleeds watching him pose. But still, was humility not in fashion anymore? You had half a mind to connect your bluetooth to Jeongguk’s car and blast Humble by Kendrick Lamar. 

Jeongguk laughed. “You are a smug motherfucker.”

Taehyung was affronted, he shot the wolf a glare. “That’s ‘You are a smug motherfucker, hyung’ to you, brat. Besides, you have no room to talk after that shirtless, just out-of-the-shower thing you pulled on her back there. You knew what you were doing.”

Jeongguk shrugged shamelessly. “Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy that as much as I did.”

Enough. 

“I can hear you two animals.”, you said hotly, glaring at them as you crossed your arms across your chest.

Jeongguk snorted. “Animals? Thats what the playground bully called me in kindergarten. You gotta come up with something better than that, Owner.”

A/n: Releasing 8th Jan, 2020, 10 pm IST (Indian Standard Time). 

[nenastrology]

Uuuuh SasuNeji 2 or 11 👀

the people want sasuneji i will give them sasuneji but im not sure any of the people wanted it like this

they looked at each other from across the room bitchy goth boy to bitchy goth boy. with nothing else interesting going on at the party neji decided it was time. time to attempt the climb. the climb to the top of stupid bitchy goth boy mountain (sai’s coinage). the official list of all the boys in konoha broken down into categories the least likely to get with neji were those in the impenetrable unconquerable fortress of stupid bitchy goth boys. their hearts already set on the dumb hot jocks the natural order of things. neji had no time for rules or order confining him to stupid made up dating standards he was feeling reckless and like having a little fun so he locked eyes with the stupidest bitchiest goth(iest?) stupid bitchy goth boy. the holy grail of dudes not into neji firmly in the dumb hot jock seeker for life camp heart and brain and everything else tied to one crazy stupid orange idiot. but he can be curious too social conventions are meant to be broken lets not reinvent heterosexuality or anything here no need to make jock and goth the new genders of konohas dating pool. neji was going in.

he walked through the crowd of people to the very corner of the room where sasuke was standing. he looked aloof and out of it maybe he was just tired. the closer he got the more it seemed like sasuke really just could use a good nap or something obviously the drink in his hand wasn’t helping. neji got closer so close he could smell what was in the cup it was orange juice he was a man of taste.

“i see you like orange juice” neji opened with a winner no one could mention the sweet taste of orange juice and not have men falling all over them it was like an aphrodisiac. maybe thats what drew him to sasuke perhaps he was the one who fell for it all. the alluring hint of citrus the real reason for his shift in thoughts.

“yeah its fine” sasuke obviously didnt seem to care all that much that was unacceptable neji had to pull out the big guns he reached deep into his pocket and pulled out a choker. this would make him irresistible he knew that. he snapped the black choker into place and sasuke obviously noticed, he leaned down to whisper something in nejis ear.  

"you are a fake goth" sasuke hissed into nejis ear a shiver ran down his spine he was found out his whole plan a wild failure he could never dismantle konohas goth/jock binary from the inside no he was an outside infiltrator he was a prep. a prep who wears chokers and has weird freaky eyes but deep down he yearned to listen to pop music and get good grades he WOULD wear a sweater vest. and thats what made him so alluring thats what interested sasuke the pure and crazy most forbidden of forbidden loves the goth and the prep a tale as old as 2003.

“actually i have no idea how old the goth subculture is” and neji was telling the truth he really knew absolutely nothing about goths

“i think it started in like 2003 or something” could sasuke be a fake goth also this was intoxicating the lies the betrayals this could be a great upheaval of konohas strict binary dating laws.

“are you not actually goth?”

“tch sometimes people can wear all black and be sad but also have good taste in music neji”

“i have no idea what you are implying you tricky bastard” this was a game of minds now and neji had no chance of backing down he knew he had an edge he knew sasuke cheated on his iq tests he knew where to hit him where it hurt.

“goths like bad music”

“oh how dare you!”

“i just said you weren’t goth”

“oh right you did indeed dont think ill forget this is a game of the minds now sasuke i know you keep your report card framed by your bed i know that to feel any joy in your life you need to read ‘was a delight to have in class’ before you sleep but i also know you penciled it in three years ago because though you are smart no one has ever called you a delight”

they locked eyes once more neji was slightly out of breath he realized this was all a bit rude he got sidetracked from the ultimate goal. how could he ever get with sasuke now if he was this mean to him god he hoped this paid off neji was out of options.

“wanna leave this party is extremely lame”

oh finally an opening it seemed he hadnt completely nuked their chances he had some hope!

“sure”

“ok”

they walked right out the door and straight to a 24 hour convenience store for a jug of orange juice and fresh cool air to clear their heads. this could be fun this could be the start of something great. or they could break up in 2 weeks when sasuke sends a cryptic :( text and blocks nejis number. who knows the possibilities are endless and the night is still young. the faint scent of orange juice will linger on nejis clothes and in his mind. when the bottle they just purchased is dumped directly on his head in some kind of absurd courting gesture. it is appreciated.

i have absolutely no idea why i wrote all of this but now you all get to read this sorry im going a little crazy this is advanced jokes now and its funny only to me

[heckolve]

heres my thoughts on the cursed vld season ;alskdjf

- im writing a lot i guess but im not as passionate lmao, when i was finishing the season i was kinda,,,,,, uninterested

- ezor and zethrid?? bad...... i thought it was weird?? to just bring them in and make them villians for one episode and then murder them? i guess they wanted to make sure we werent like “what happened to them?” but idk that was lame and the whole “homicidal lesbians!!” tweet was fucking gross and they murdered them so!! 

- axca having feelings for keith? bitch where.... MAYBE shes had a crush on keith this whole time... why does she have a crush on him?? who fucking knows theyve been. enemies the whole time they dont have any chemistry. and then she was only in a few episodes before just going and coming back in the end. like. i see no reason to address and tease axca abt her crush at this point unless her and keith are endgame and that makes me super fuckin mad!! i hate rushed and shallow relationships!! 

- i heard keith was ooc and mean this season but personally i didnt think it was that bad and it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be. him being mean when they were stranded in space?? i felt like that was... a little over the top but that situation was super stressful and all the characters were sorta ooc. the two main parts i thought were weird and unusually rude of keith were when he was like “i chose lance bc i dont want to spend eternity w/ him” instead of like... telling lance that hes valuable to the team like hes done in the past, and when keith said “dont miss” to lance on earth?? that felt.... weird.. like keith just suddenly didnt have faith in his abilities 

- not a fan of how they picked on lance again with the whole “the dumb paladin” stuff and never really resolved it again?? lance is?? smart?? he can be a bit of an airhead but no one even reassured him that they didnt think he was ‘the dumb one’ and lance was obviously upset about it hmm

- i thought the story delivered this time?? the season 6 story was shitty and i really didnt like it, but the story this season felt a lot better and less random n stuff. im really into griffins team?? or idk if youd call them veronica’s team since shes their handler--- but i really love them!! idk they were... refreshing

- uhhh so i felt like they put james and keith together a lot? even though they didnt actually end up interacting or talking that much? i hope they interact more in season 8 and like... resolve their conflict with each other, cause i felt like it was there?? theyre not really ignoring that keith and james are indifferent to each other or showing that theyve let go of their conflict so i think that means they want to show them resolving but.... who knows im shitty at analysis stuff

- adam. my thoughts? gross! killing him for like, no reason was bad enough but when i started watching it i was only aware of the plaque or whatever honoring adam?? i didnt know that they fucking showed him die and that made me super upset!!!! that was!! so fucking shitty!!! uhg i fucking. hate that. and then shiro was barley shown grieving?? just a bit after he saw the plaque and then in the last ep..... barley...... idk it was just. ick. 

- i just really didnt like how they killed adam and then all the het relationships are?? okay?? and new het relationships were introduced and developed like lance and allura and keith and axca!! fuck those relationships lmao, hunk even saw shay fucking hell, like, thats great!! i missed seeing them interact but holy shit, they really couldnt even keep adam alive?? they didnt even have to have adam fucking get back together w/ shiro but i just. cant believe they killed him and destroyed even the idea of them making up and becoming lovers again?? they cant even be friends now or anything and thats just. idk i still feel so gross about this lmao! oh and..... yeah you would never ever guess that shiro and adam were anything more than friends if you werent told they were lovers outside of the show thats fucking. bullshit. 

- i hate.... allura and lance.... i really really hate that theyre def gonna be endgame, theres no doubt in my mind that theyre gonna become a couple but!! i hate it!! theyre supposed to be crushing on each other this season actually but you cant fucking tell lmao, they didnt have any in depth scenes or were behaving differently towards each other except for when allura said goodbye to lance and they both were blushing or whatever-- and then obviously i dont like the whole ‘keep pursuing a woman until she says yes’ trope going on. idk, i def think that allurance and kaxca are going to become canon but both of them are so rushed and shallow?? i thought allurance was random and rushed but.... kaxca is even fucking worse holy shit 

- i thought it was weird that iverson was kinda brought up to be the bad guy at the garrison but then it was pushed onto sandra? mm

- idk i dont really feel like vld delivered on reunions yet again lmao. like, loving and missing his family has been part of lance’s character since s1 and we barley got to see them interacting? idk hopefully theres more family stuff for all of them in s8. 

- i loved that we actually got hunk content i just wish it was....... more.......... 

- i really liked romelle a;lsdkfj i really liked her and hunk interacting too and i wish ed there was more of that hmm

- idk how i feel about the time skipping, like, it partially felt unnecessary and it feels weird again to have it right after keith jumped 2 years so

- idk theres probs more but i cant even remember right now whoops! anyways my thoughts are pretty similar to a lot of other ppls so a;lskjfd

[jeonpalette-archive]

Could you please do namjin???

THE PARENT SHIP OH MY GOD thank you, bless your soul !!! ♡

who cooks normally?:jin, obviously. sometimes when jin has a long span for patience and attention, he would teach namjoon. and even though namjoon clumsily messes things up, jin cant help but smile at the younger man’s determination bec hes so cuuuute look at him biting his lower lip while trying to cut his fing-what!

how often do they fight?:they fight sometimes about very trivial things but then it’ll be ok in just a flash. like when jin is very irritable at the moment and namjoon just cant seem to stop talking about something, the older would tell him to shut up and namjoon would provoke him by saying “make me.” and then it instantly went sexual. joonie always knows the solutions to jin’s mood swings.

what do they do when they’re away from each other?:theyve been at this game for far too long so its like nothing when theyre away from each other but its not like they dont miss each other, they do. its just that it doesnt matter if theyre not together, distance aint shit. and they can always find time to update one another whats happening around them. [read: if the boys are starving because ramen is nowhere near jin-hyung’s cooking]

nicknames for each other?:namjoon calls jin his princess. although its for a girl, jin finds it sweet that namjoon wants him to feel that way, even calling him that and doing things he thought he didn’t deserve. joonie doesnt mind if hes jin’s prince or servant or horse, as long as jin’s his ‘princess’, nothing else matters that much.

who is more likely to pay for dinner?:“who needs dinner outside when i can have your cooking every night?” joon argued when jin insisted that they should eat out tonight, he feel like hes a little kid when it comes to jin spoiling him with every good thing in the world.

who steals the covers at night?:equal. just because they occupy the smallest portion in the bed, their limbs tangled, jin’s head on namjoon’s chest. “this is it.” joon thought before getting lulled to sleep, “this is everything i needed in my life, all right here. in my arms.”

what would they get each other for gifts?:material things are not really a part of their gift-giving ceremonies. they focused on what is essential, like spending time together. so that’s what they do. they take a day-off, a break, just for the two of them. driving wherever. “it’s okay. as long as were together.” jin said while interlacing his fingers with his soulmate.

who remembers things?:both of them remember things because jin is organized with their events and namjoon, well namjoon just have good memorization skillz [thats so lame im so sorry]

who cusses more?:namjoon does, but he wouldnt dare cuss in front of jin. 

what would they do if the other one was hurt?:jin always worries about namjoon and his carelessness. joon tries to be more careful each day just so jin can worry less. whenever he gets hurt though, jin is always there to soothe the pain. better than any pain reliever.

who kissed who first?:jin did, jin always wanted to kiss namjoon. so when joon was sleeping, jin snuck into his bedroom and left a kiss on joon’s right temple. and probably on his cheek too. 

who made the first move?:they were both drunk, or maybe namjoon was the only one. thats why he has the audacity to confess. you know what they say about alcohol, it’s liquid courage. joon told jin how beautiful, attractive, alluring, sexy, /insert all complimenting adjectives here/ jin is. 

jin replied with blush-tinted cheeks “and you’re drunk.” 

namjoon countered almost immediately, “yess. youre right… i am drunk… but jin-ah, /hiccups/ tomorrow i’ll be sober…. and you, you will still be so beautiful.” 

jin blushes into a deeper shade, “s-shut up, go to sleep already.”

who started the relationship?:both of them wanted to date each other, so when they tried to confess, they kind of blurted out “let’s go on a date” in chorus. they laughed because they got the one-word message.

thank you for asking! ❁ i cant believe i used this prompt here! this will be my last one and aAhh i just want to say that i love namjin so much !!! 

[yasuo-the-unforgiven]

Ok - Serious RP stuff inc

//Hey peeps waddup.

Ok so--- here’s one thing I decided to post about because of a conversation from yesterday. I remember sometime ago people used to ask me:

 “What one has to do to RP with you?”

And my answer usually revolves around this - ‘I enjoy seeing commitment. I like it when people give it all they have and when I can notice they are having a good time.’

So I’d like to speak in length about what this usually means, at least for me.

Okay so, I take an RP as a collaborative story, in which both ends attempt to add to this story. Before anything, I try to set up a plot. A plot doesn’t necessarily involve getting every single detail settled. I think if you had everything settled from the get go, it would be the same as watching a movie already knowing whats going to happen.

A plot, is basically a situation in which both (or more!) muses find themselves in and it is what sets the mood of a thread. When I ask you to plot, I don’t ask you to sit down and have this huge dialogue about--- no. This is how it works: “Okay so, I was thinking about this scene in which my muse goes to the bakery and finds yours and then maybe they have this accident and they have to wash dishes for a week for free.”

So basically, with this simple sentence I have outlined what the thread is going to revolve around - I have given a context to the situation and I have set a goal, which is having the muses washing dishes for one week. Of course there are more interesting things to have as a goal but take it as a lame example.

So, say we go with this plot... does that mean that is all there is to it? NO! And here is where I actually begin to point out favorites. The people that stand out to me are the ones who go out of their way. They mold the situation as it goes - as in, ‘Oh okay so, they both are washing dishes but then the water is gone!’ Of course, its always good to send a heads up before doing that just to be sure, but anyway - when people come up with things to spice the story up, I can’t say how much I appreciate it and that makes me want to come up with things by myself aswell. Its a collab - both muns should be actively seeking things to make it more interesting, inspiring each other and that is where I see many failing and eventually making me go on with the dull ‘Oh hey whats up’ thread.

It’s not something I usually feel anymore in most threads. I remember having a thread once with an OC and in it basically Yasuo was butt naked because he had just finished a bath in a pond and rolled off a cliff while trying to pick up his dry clothes and then bumped into this character. That was the crux point of the thread and it would be so funny if the other mun had worked with me to just you know, make the situation as awkward and hilarious as possible but sadly, that didnt happen and the scene just kind of... it just happened. Yasuo asks for help, the OC helped him out, there was the discomfort of having a naked homeless guy on top of your shoulders trying to reach out for his clothes (and I admit that was still funny) but thats it. Nothing came out unexpected - everything that happened was just according how I had described. That killed my drive for the thread and I just ended it prematurely.

I’ve had people coming to me, and I felt like they were upset, because I’d just have Yasuo be ‘meh’ at their muses. I think this goes to another topic however, specially if its an OC - I like OC characters and honestly? I think I have interacted more with OCs than canon characters but... some of them need to be developped better. I see a lot of OCs with issues when it comes to their core. As in - ‘oh hey there is this thief character I own who is a thief but he is also overly nice to people because ???’ I mean sure, thieves can be nice, there are good thieves out there and that’s not what I’m questioning at all, but... remember a thief character steals for some reason. A thief inspires treachery and deceit - be it for good or for bad. They are usually marginalized and are likely to deal with trust issues so, having a thief trusting someone for absolutely no reason sounds to me a bit... odd. I hear constant complaint from OCs when it comes to people not giving them due attention and by no means I am trying to prove them wrong. What I am saying is, when your character isn’t appealing, it tends to drive people off. It’s very important to have a character that appeals to others for you to be able to knock off good threads with anyone - myself included. I have had some muns of OCs I tried (but failed) to interact with say I was ‘too cold or stand off ish for them to be able to approach’ in the past but honest, I couldn’t just bring myself or my muse to feel interest for them. Both because of that and for the things I have mentioned above. I felt like they made no effort whatsoever to add to the threads.

Ofc talking about OC development isn’t my main point so, onto the next thing:

I understand most of the time you are thinking about your own muse. That’s fine since hey! Its your muse, of course you’d like to think about them a lot. But I feel like people oftenly forget to show that... interest for someone else’s muse they are trying to roleplay with. When thinking about it or plotting, discuss things about other people’s muses and think of scenarios based off on things you think would be interesting for that muse. I don’t know about everyone else but I absolutely love it when someone comes to me like ‘Yo I have this scenario, I noticed Yasuo has this thing with <x> you think the reaction would be interesting? Maybe we could have it so this happens.’ This shows you’re interested in your partner’s muse and it feels so much more attractive when their portrayal is taken into account. And likewise, your partner should take your portrayal into account aswell. RP is all about mutuality.

So yeah, basically I think I have things covered. To wrap this up I would like to mention a very cool thread I had with @crystals-angel. The main plot was basically: Yasuo was sick and needed to reach the top of a mountain to be able to acquire the herb he needed to heal himself while Chaj (her OC’s name) needed something from there aswell and both cooperated in order to reach their goal. That was the premise, but we both added things in the way to spice things up, such as a young monk recognizing Yasuo and calling authorities while he was unconscious and the dynamic from both sides ended up very alluring. I am only so sorry I couldn’t do things better because at the time I had a lot of things going on (such as final exams at uni) and my drive to RP wasn’t at its best. If you want to read it just check her tag on my blog.

But yeah please remember guys - RP is a collab. It should never be one sided. Both muns should be putting in effort so that both can have a good time together.

Thanks a lot for reading.

[dowsingflames]

First time participating in Zutara Week 🥰 I hope you enjoy 😉

P.s. this will eventually be a chapter fic so stick around if you’re interested

Secrets to Tell in the Dark

T- for underage drinking and profanity

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.

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Secrets to Tell in the Dark

multi chap

M

Zutara

Katara let out a snort, bringing an opaque brown bottle to her lips, sipping at its contents. She scrunched her face at the bitter taste. Yeah, beer was never going to be her alcohol of choice. A few laughs broke out, clearly at her expense. She looked up, dropping the drink next to the legs of her folding chair.

"You do realize this is all you have, right?" Katara stared pointedly at Aang, his face distored through the haze of the fire that burned between them. She only hoped he could see the intensity of her glare. He could only laugh more, if not harder than before, wiping away fake tears from his eyes. "Hey," he said, raising his hands up infront of him in mock defense, "thats all I can really do, if you dont like it you dont have to force yourself to drink it." The teasing tone faded out with every word he spoke, it being replaced with slight concern and guilt.

She was going to respond to him but was cut off before she could even form the words in her throat.

"Oh lighten up Twinkle Toes, dont get all mopey on us. Katara likes a good drink and you know it." Toph gave a hard solid wack to the back of Aangs head with the tip of her cane. He yelped out, rubbing at the stubble growing. "Oh you're fine, stop being such a baby."

"I'm not a baby!"

"Well you're acting like one."

Katara tuned out their bickering, blue eyes flickering around the small backyard. The grass was a bright green, even in the dead, black of night. Vines climbed up the wooden fence and flowers of all kinds and colors outlined the bottom borders. A small shed stood at the back end of the property, its yellow paint chipping away with age and the inside collecting dust from the lack of usage.

It wasn't exactly that interesting.

She made her rounds, her gaze falling back on the only interesting part of the whole place; the fire pit. it sat smackdab in the middle of the lawn, a safe distance between the shed and the tall deck that led into Aangs house. Five chairs were placed around the stone, Three of those occupied. Speaking of. . .

Aang and Toph were still having a go at each other.

Katara rolled her eyes, she swore Toph was the only person Aang could actually hold an argument with. That boy was too soft for his own good, maybe its what he needed though. She couldn't imagine being so up and bubbly all the time, although she did find his caring nature endearing at most times. She wasn't going to scold someone for being so nice, espcially someone she loved so much.

A smile etched its way onto her full lips.

"Idiots." She muttered.

Too wrapped up in their little spat, Katara rose from her chair, heading towards the spacious deck. She took two steps at a time up the small staircase, stopping briefly to open the little gate attached to each vinyl railing. She did so with ease, having done it countless times before, the complexity of it no longer exhisting. She pushed open the sliding doors, stepping into the cool of the kitchen and the end of a conversation.

"Man, Aangs' parents are so lame, who strictly drinks Bud Lite?" Her brothers voice was laced with annoyance.

"What do you expect from a bunch of hippies?"

"Yeah whatever, I guess. . .I'm going back out. You coming?" Sokka pointed a thumb towards the on going fire. His companion shook his head, shaggy dark hair brushing agaist his forehead. 
"Nah, I'm gonna hang back here, I'll be out in a bit."

"Alright dude, see ya later!" Sokka turned, almost taking Katara out with his arm.

"Hey! Watch it, dumbass." Lips pulling over her teeth in a sneer. Her brother looked down at her, a smile spreading across his face. He pointed an accusing finger in her face. "Well maybe, lil sis if you didn't stand right behind me, you wouldn't be bouldozed over." Slapping his hand away she pushed past him. Hmph. "You should watch where you're going next time." She stated matter-of-factly, but it fell on deaf ears. He was already gone, crossing the deck, back to their friends.

"Katara," Chocolate curls swung around, resting back against her shoulders as she turned sharply to the sound of a gruff voice, "long time no see." She smiled so big she thought her face would split in two. Throwing open her arms, she ran into Zukos stiff form. Crushing his arms to his sides, he stood there awkwardly, trying to figure out what to do with his hands.

She held on a moment longer than neccesary, breathing in his warm scent. She pulled back, looking into his honey colored eyes. "Why didn't you tell us you were back?" She pressed, digging her manicured nails into his wrists. Zuko chuckled, a sound she found herself missing these last two monthes. "Thought I could surprise you guys, though I guess that hasn't really worked well in my favor," He brought a hand up to scratch at his neck, a sheepish look crossing his face, "Sokka already tried killing me with a wooden spoon when I walked in." He looked back into her eyes, the sheer intensity of them holding his body in place. The feeling of her hands as they moved from their place on his wrists sent electricity throughout his veins.

He cracked a rare smile. The happiness in her diamond colored eyes only grew. She threw her arms around him again, this time really relishing in everything that was Zuko. Her head buried into his built chest and his arms circled around her back, likely crushing the waterfall of brown curls. Zuko rested his chin on her head. He inhaled, lilies and salt water. He smiled inwardly.

He’d missed her.

She broke the silence then, “are you sniffing me?” Her tone was serious but he could feel her lips etch into a smirk. “It’s not my fault you smell like the ocean pissed all over you.” He retracted from her hold on him and pressed his back into the breakfast bar. She watched as he crossed his arms, the muscle stretching and pulling over his pale skin.

“Oh don’t get all broody on me, it’s not my fault I’m so alluring.” Katara cast her gaze away from him and towards the porch doors, watching the fires flames blaze way higher than they should have, probably from Sokka’s doing. She, however caught the glimpse of Zukos infamous glare in the process.

“I wouldn’t say alluring.” Zuko scoffed.

Kataras flame filled daze was broken when she whipped her head back to glare icy daggers at the older boy.

“Oh yeah? Then what would you call me, hm?” She spat, her thick brows scrunching together. Her hands settled on her hips, the plastic studs of her belt pressing painfully into her knuckles. Zuko held her stare, “I’d say more repulsive.”

“Repulsive?”

“Repulsive.”

“Ugh,” she turned, heeled boots thumping against the cherry wood, “and I was excited to have you back for a second, ZuZu.” Katara made for the doors.

“Tara.” She stopped in her tracks, fingers wrapped around the handle, ready to pull.

Katara waited for him to speak, her forehead creased in worry.

Maybe she’d been a little rude, but, so had he. She sighed internally. But, damn if she didn’t really miss him these last couple months.

She’d missed him more than she’d like to admit to everyone else though. Saying it to herself was one thing, but saying into the thief impressionable friends was another story she’d rather not share around a bonfire.

Countless nights were spent wishing she could pick up the phone and call him; to shoot him a quick a text. He was one of her best friends, not that she’d really told him that but he was.

“I’ve missed you. It’s gonna take a while to get used to that attitude of yours again.” He’d somehow ended up behind her. How had she not heard him? His proximity was comforting but also a little nerve wracking. Without look looking at him, she answered back. “My attitude? I’ve got to remember how to deal with your mood swings again,” she opened the door, “but I’ve missed you too Zuko.” Katara stepped out, Zuko following close behind as they made their way to their friends, smiles etched onto their lips.

[samanthasroberts]

Jar Jar Binks, Watto and more most annoying things in the Star Wars universe

Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

Weve been through a lot together, Star Wars fans, from pod-racing to Kylo Rens lightsaber. We’ve dealt with Liam Neesons luxurious hair and Ewan McGregors luxurious hair and Harrison Fords luxurious hair and Adam Drivers luxurious hair.

While most of the journey has been an exciting trip to a world we wished we lived in, there are some notable pain points hate-inducing enough to make even the most loyal of fans curse George Lucas name. Whoose you thinksa Im talking aboutsa?

SEE ALSO: ‘Rogue One’ director justifies reshoots: ‘Star Wars has to be fantastic’

Below, 13 of the most annoying things about Star Wars.

13. Baby Boba Fett

This one tops a lot of lists of worst Star Wars characters, but it’s only because adult Boba Fett is so universally adored. Maybe its the unexciting revelation that he’s a clone of Jango Fett, the Mandalorian warrior who is also cloned for the aptly named Clone Army, that upsets people, or its that their favorite character is unveiled as a dumb kid who spends most of his scenes glaring and silently brooding. He might as well not have been there and maybe it would have been better that way. The mystery was one of the most alluring aspects of Boba Fett to begin with.

12. Ewoks

This is a touchy one. For the record, I do not have a problem with Ewoks. I also, since ceasing to be a 7-year-old kid, see how they could upset some people. Leia meets an animate teddy bear in the woods who threatens her and then immediately needs her help walking through the woods hes supposedly lived in his whole life. Its a stretch for us to believe that this species would have made it through the evolutionary wringer, let alone take down a legion of the most trained, feared and technologically advanced military in the galaxy.

SEE ALSO: Here’s how the ‘Star Wars’ droids could help you survive the holidays

11. Luke Skywalkers Maturity Level

When you watch A New Hope as a kid, Luke Skywalker is your hero. When you watch it again as an adult, you realize, Oh, wow, this guy is a kid.

At the storys beginning, Luke Skywalker is 16 and he acts like it, whining about chores and wishing he could instead go to Tosche station to get power converters. The first thing he does upon entering the Millennium Falcon is moan about what a piece of junk it is. He then interrupts the adults to scream, WHATS THAT FLASHING THING?! while trying to press all the blinking buttons on its dashboard like a spoiled toddler. Luckily for us, and the series, Luke grows up.

10. Nute Gunray

Image: starwars.com

The Neimoidian Viceroy of the Trade Federation and Separatist leader is cowardly, dumb and boring, all the while boasting an offensive Asian accent. Gunray is so bafflingly useless and obviously two-faced, the intelligence of all characters who trust him is immediately suspect. We would rejoice when Darth Sidious orders the newly named Darth Vader to do away with the Viceroy and his buds, but honestly we keep forgetting he exists each time he exits the screen.

9. Boss Nass

Gungans are already hard to love. So when their leader rolls in refusing to cooperate with our heroes and spraying saliva like a bad Richard Nixon impression, its especially hard to get on board. Maybe fans would have hated him less if the good Gungan name hadnt already been soured for so many by a certain Mr. Jar Jar of Binks.

8. Padawan Braid

Image: composite, all photos by starwars.com

George Lucas can call them Padawan braids, a symbol of rank in the Jedi training, but we all know what they are: rat-tails. Its tough to associate the single, long, skinny braid with the calm and enlightened Jedi order when so many of us associate it with that kid down the street who tried to steal beer out of peoples garages. Give us a bearded and long-haired Obi Wan, or No-bi Wan, please.

7. Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band

Barf. Barf. Barf. George Lucas claimed he always wished this musical interlude at Jabbas palace in Return of the Jedi could have been an extended sequence, and in 2000, the extreme hubris of the digitally remastered versions gave him his chance. The new CGI iteration of Sy Snootles, lead singer of the Max Rebo band, turned a strange but charming alien into an uncomfortably sexual one. It even threw in some anachronistic backup singers for good measure, along with a loud creature named Joh Yowza screaming in huttese directly into the camera. The tone is completely wrong for the setting, and frankly, its hard to watch. Even more cringe-worthy? The new song theyre singing is called Jedi Rocks. Woof.

6. Young Anakin

You know, maybe the character of Anakin Skywalker was doomed to fail. Maybe nothing could have ever matched our expectations. Darth Vader had been too perfect. He was the baddest baddie we had ever seen, how could his backstory ever have lived up to his future? Or maybe its that George Lucas has seemingly never interacted with a child, so for research, he watched Dennis the Menace and Leave it to Beaver and wrote down a few one-liners before calling it quits so he could spend more time planning Jar Jar Binks hijinks.

The resulting Little Ani is a cloyingly innocent 1950s cartoon character, practically on the verge of saying, Gee Whiz, Mister Qui-Gon! in every scene. Any evidence of his future capacity for deep emotion, any whispers of darkness that might be hidden in his heart, any foreshadowing of the towering villain he is to become is deafeningly absent.

When we saw Voldemorts childhood, we saw the events that led him to mature into an evil mass murderer and it enriched our fear of the villain, making it more confusing, more real. When we saw Darth Vaders childhood, we saw a bunch of lame jokes, a plain personality and pod-racing.

5. Jabba the Hutts Tongue

OH GOD. OH GOD NO. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. I CANT LOOK. SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN ITS OVER. IM PUKING. IM PUKING RIGHT NOW.

4. Watto

Image: starwars.com

There is nothing to love about Watto. Hes a slave owner. He constantly flies around on flimsy wings that couldnt possibly support his bulbous, lazy body. Hes smarmy, arrogant and unintelligent. Oh, and hes a monstrously racist stereotype. Greedy, slimy, with a large nose and a middle-eastern accent, Watto feels like every false anti-semitic caricature come to life. The Toydarian junk-dealer takes up way too much space in The Phantom Menace, and honestly, his body looks so fragile its a shock that none of his slaves swatted him to finish him off. I know plenty of fans who are up to the job.

3. Cheesy Dialogue

Now that Im with you again, Im in agony. My heart is beating hoping that a kiss will not become a scar. Love wont save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that. The Force runs strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And… my sister has it. Yes. It’s you, Leia.

Groaaaaaan. Look. George Lucas. Its OK. We all need an editor. Use one.

2. Midi-chlorians

The biggest knife in the back to die-hard Star Wars fans? The introduction of midi-chlorians in The Phantom Menace, answering the enormous question that no one was asking: How does the Force work? Qui-Gon tells us that midi-chlorians are little, microscopic life forms, living inside of cells that are the conduit for the Force.

The thing is, we already had an explanation for the Force from Obi Wan in A New Hope. Retroactively adding details about microscopic life forms living in your body doesnt totally fit with Obi Wans explanation, making our image of the Force messier instead of clearer. Midi-chlorians reduce a beautiful cosmic connection to something physical and less cool. Instead of expanding the Force, they narrow it. People have been frozen in carbonite for less heinous crimes.

1. Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

While many of the above offenders may be worse than the most notorious Gungan, nobody could take home the gold without me receiving a flood of death threats, so here you go! The worst part about Star Wars is Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jars biggest crime is over-exposure. Maybe a measured amount of meesa so dumb dumb moments, executed with surgical precision would have, in fact, been a welcome distraction from an otherwise boring plot. Unfortunately, well never know Jar Jar Binks as anything other than the bumbling moron who pretty much laid out the red carpet for Palpatine to take over the Senate.

Kids loved him. Adults wanted to rip their eyeballs out of their skulls and shove them deep into their eardrums to keep from ever hearing him again. Intended to be lovable, actually unbearable, Jar Jar Binks blows and thats all there is to it.

BONUS: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ reimagined as a homemade trailer

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/

[adambstingus]

Jar Jar Binks, Watto and more most annoying things in the Star Wars universe

Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

Weve been through a lot together, Star Wars fans, from pod-racing to Kylo Rens lightsaber. We’ve dealt with Liam Neesons luxurious hair and Ewan McGregors luxurious hair and Harrison Fords luxurious hair and Adam Drivers luxurious hair.

While most of the journey has been an exciting trip to a world we wished we lived in, there are some notable pain points hate-inducing enough to make even the most loyal of fans curse George Lucas name. Whoose you thinksa Im talking aboutsa?

SEE ALSO: ‘Rogue One’ director justifies reshoots: ‘Star Wars has to be fantastic’

Below, 13 of the most annoying things about Star Wars.

13. Baby Boba Fett

This one tops a lot of lists of worst Star Wars characters, but it’s only because adult Boba Fett is so universally adored. Maybe its the unexciting revelation that he’s a clone of Jango Fett, the Mandalorian warrior who is also cloned for the aptly named Clone Army, that upsets people, or its that their favorite character is unveiled as a dumb kid who spends most of his scenes glaring and silently brooding. He might as well not have been there and maybe it would have been better that way. The mystery was one of the most alluring aspects of Boba Fett to begin with.

12. Ewoks

This is a touchy one. For the record, I do not have a problem with Ewoks. I also, since ceasing to be a 7-year-old kid, see how they could upset some people. Leia meets an animate teddy bear in the woods who threatens her and then immediately needs her help walking through the woods hes supposedly lived in his whole life. Its a stretch for us to believe that this species would have made it through the evolutionary wringer, let alone take down a legion of the most trained, feared and technologically advanced military in the galaxy.

SEE ALSO: Here’s how the ‘Star Wars’ droids could help you survive the holidays

11. Luke Skywalkers Maturity Level

When you watch A New Hope as a kid, Luke Skywalker is your hero. When you watch it again as an adult, you realize, Oh, wow, this guy is a kid.

At the storys beginning, Luke Skywalker is 16 and he acts like it, whining about chores and wishing he could instead go to Tosche station to get power converters. The first thing he does upon entering the Millennium Falcon is moan about what a piece of junk it is. He then interrupts the adults to scream, WHATS THAT FLASHING THING?! while trying to press all the blinking buttons on its dashboard like a spoiled toddler. Luckily for us, and the series, Luke grows up.

10. Nute Gunray

Image: starwars.com

The Neimoidian Viceroy of the Trade Federation and Separatist leader is cowardly, dumb and boring, all the while boasting an offensive Asian accent. Gunray is so bafflingly useless and obviously two-faced, the intelligence of all characters who trust him is immediately suspect. We would rejoice when Darth Sidious orders the newly named Darth Vader to do away with the Viceroy and his buds, but honestly we keep forgetting he exists each time he exits the screen.

9. Boss Nass

Gungans are already hard to love. So when their leader rolls in refusing to cooperate with our heroes and spraying saliva like a bad Richard Nixon impression, its especially hard to get on board. Maybe fans would have hated him less if the good Gungan name hadnt already been soured for so many by a certain Mr. Jar Jar of Binks.

8. Padawan Braid

Image: composite, all photos by starwars.com

George Lucas can call them Padawan braids, a symbol of rank in the Jedi training, but we all know what they are: rat-tails. Its tough to associate the single, long, skinny braid with the calm and enlightened Jedi order when so many of us associate it with that kid down the street who tried to steal beer out of peoples garages. Give us a bearded and long-haired Obi Wan, or No-bi Wan, please.

7. Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band

Barf. Barf. Barf. George Lucas claimed he always wished this musical interlude at Jabbas palace in Return of the Jedi could have been an extended sequence, and in 2000, the extreme hubris of the digitally remastered versions gave him his chance. The new CGI iteration of Sy Snootles, lead singer of the Max Rebo band, turned a strange but charming alien into an uncomfortably sexual one. It even threw in some anachronistic backup singers for good measure, along with a loud creature named Joh Yowza screaming in huttese directly into the camera. The tone is completely wrong for the setting, and frankly, its hard to watch. Even more cringe-worthy? The new song theyre singing is called Jedi Rocks. Woof.

6. Young Anakin

You know, maybe the character of Anakin Skywalker was doomed to fail. Maybe nothing could have ever matched our expectations. Darth Vader had been too perfect. He was the baddest baddie we had ever seen, how could his backstory ever have lived up to his future? Or maybe its that George Lucas has seemingly never interacted with a child, so for research, he watched Dennis the Menace and Leave it to Beaver and wrote down a few one-liners before calling it quits so he could spend more time planning Jar Jar Binks hijinks.

The resulting Little Ani is a cloyingly innocent 1950s cartoon character, practically on the verge of saying, Gee Whiz, Mister Qui-Gon! in every scene. Any evidence of his future capacity for deep emotion, any whispers of darkness that might be hidden in his heart, any foreshadowing of the towering villain he is to become is deafeningly absent.

When we saw Voldemorts childhood, we saw the events that led him to mature into an evil mass murderer and it enriched our fear of the villain, making it more confusing, more real. When we saw Darth Vaders childhood, we saw a bunch of lame jokes, a plain personality and pod-racing.

5. Jabba the Hutts Tongue

OH GOD. OH GOD NO. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. I CANT LOOK. SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN ITS OVER. IM PUKING. IM PUKING RIGHT NOW.

4. Watto

Image: starwars.com

There is nothing to love about Watto. Hes a slave owner. He constantly flies around on flimsy wings that couldnt possibly support his bulbous, lazy body. Hes smarmy, arrogant and unintelligent. Oh, and hes a monstrously racist stereotype. Greedy, slimy, with a large nose and a middle-eastern accent, Watto feels like every false anti-semitic caricature come to life. The Toydarian junk-dealer takes up way too much space in The Phantom Menace, and honestly, his body looks so fragile its a shock that none of his slaves swatted him to finish him off. I know plenty of fans who are up to the job.

3. Cheesy Dialogue

Now that Im with you again, Im in agony. My heart is beating hoping that a kiss will not become a scar. Love wont save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that. The Force runs strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And… my sister has it. Yes. It’s you, Leia.

Groaaaaaan. Look. George Lucas. Its OK. We all need an editor. Use one.

2. Midi-chlorians

The biggest knife in the back to die-hard Star Wars fans? The introduction of midi-chlorians in The Phantom Menace, answering the enormous question that no one was asking: How does the Force work? Qui-Gon tells us that midi-chlorians are little, microscopic life forms, living inside of cells that are the conduit for the Force.

The thing is, we already had an explanation for the Force from Obi Wan in A New Hope. Retroactively adding details about microscopic life forms living in your body doesnt totally fit with Obi Wans explanation, making our image of the Force messier instead of clearer. Midi-chlorians reduce a beautiful cosmic connection to something physical and less cool. Instead of expanding the Force, they narrow it. People have been frozen in carbonite for less heinous crimes.

1. Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

While many of the above offenders may be worse than the most notorious Gungan, nobody could take home the gold without me receiving a flood of death threats, so here you go! The worst part about Star Wars is Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jars biggest crime is over-exposure. Maybe a measured amount of meesa so dumb dumb moments, executed with surgical precision would have, in fact, been a welcome distraction from an otherwise boring plot. Unfortunately, well never know Jar Jar Binks as anything other than the bumbling moron who pretty much laid out the red carpet for Palpatine to take over the Senate.

Kids loved him. Adults wanted to rip their eyeballs out of their skulls and shove them deep into their eardrums to keep from ever hearing him again. Intended to be lovable, actually unbearable, Jar Jar Binks blows and thats all there is to it.

BONUS: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ reimagined as a homemade trailer

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/168171128242

[allofbeercom]

Jar Jar Binks, Watto and more most annoying things in the Star Wars universe

Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

Weve been through a lot together, Star Wars fans, from pod-racing to Kylo Rens lightsaber. We’ve dealt with Liam Neesons luxurious hair and Ewan McGregors luxurious hair and Harrison Fords luxurious hair and Adam Drivers luxurious hair.

While most of the journey has been an exciting trip to a world we wished we lived in, there are some notable pain points hate-inducing enough to make even the most loyal of fans curse George Lucas name. Whoose you thinksa Im talking aboutsa?

SEE ALSO: ‘Rogue One’ director justifies reshoots: ‘Star Wars has to be fantastic’

Below, 13 of the most annoying things about Star Wars.

13. Baby Boba Fett

This one tops a lot of lists of worst Star Wars characters, but it’s only because adult Boba Fett is so universally adored. Maybe its the unexciting revelation that he’s a clone of Jango Fett, the Mandalorian warrior who is also cloned for the aptly named Clone Army, that upsets people, or its that their favorite character is unveiled as a dumb kid who spends most of his scenes glaring and silently brooding. He might as well not have been there and maybe it would have been better that way. The mystery was one of the most alluring aspects of Boba Fett to begin with.

12. Ewoks

This is a touchy one. For the record, I do not have a problem with Ewoks. I also, since ceasing to be a 7-year-old kid, see how they could upset some people. Leia meets an animate teddy bear in the woods who threatens her and then immediately needs her help walking through the woods hes supposedly lived in his whole life. Its a stretch for us to believe that this species would have made it through the evolutionary wringer, let alone take down a legion of the most trained, feared and technologically advanced military in the galaxy.

SEE ALSO: Here’s how the ‘Star Wars’ droids could help you survive the holidays

11. Luke Skywalkers Maturity Level

When you watch A New Hope as a kid, Luke Skywalker is your hero. When you watch it again as an adult, you realize, Oh, wow, this guy is a kid.

At the storys beginning, Luke Skywalker is 16 and he acts like it, whining about chores and wishing he could instead go to Tosche station to get power converters. The first thing he does upon entering the Millennium Falcon is moan about what a piece of junk it is. He then interrupts the adults to scream, WHATS THAT FLASHING THING?! while trying to press all the blinking buttons on its dashboard like a spoiled toddler. Luckily for us, and the series, Luke grows up.

10. Nute Gunray

Image: starwars.com

The Neimoidian Viceroy of the Trade Federation and Separatist leader is cowardly, dumb and boring, all the while boasting an offensive Asian accent. Gunray is so bafflingly useless and obviously two-faced, the intelligence of all characters who trust him is immediately suspect. We would rejoice when Darth Sidious orders the newly named Darth Vader to do away with the Viceroy and his buds, but honestly we keep forgetting he exists each time he exits the screen.

9. Boss Nass

Gungans are already hard to love. So when their leader rolls in refusing to cooperate with our heroes and spraying saliva like a bad Richard Nixon impression, its especially hard to get on board. Maybe fans would have hated him less if the good Gungan name hadnt already been soured for so many by a certain Mr. Jar Jar of Binks.

8. Padawan Braid

Image: composite, all photos by starwars.com

George Lucas can call them Padawan braids, a symbol of rank in the Jedi training, but we all know what they are: rat-tails. Its tough to associate the single, long, skinny braid with the calm and enlightened Jedi order when so many of us associate it with that kid down the street who tried to steal beer out of peoples garages. Give us a bearded and long-haired Obi Wan, or No-bi Wan, please.

7. Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band

Barf. Barf. Barf. George Lucas claimed he always wished this musical interlude at Jabbas palace in Return of the Jedi could have been an extended sequence, and in 2000, the extreme hubris of the digitally remastered versions gave him his chance. The new CGI iteration of Sy Snootles, lead singer of the Max Rebo band, turned a strange but charming alien into an uncomfortably sexual one. It even threw in some anachronistic backup singers for good measure, along with a loud creature named Joh Yowza screaming in huttese directly into the camera. The tone is completely wrong for the setting, and frankly, its hard to watch. Even more cringe-worthy? The new song theyre singing is called Jedi Rocks. Woof.

6. Young Anakin

You know, maybe the character of Anakin Skywalker was doomed to fail. Maybe nothing could have ever matched our expectations. Darth Vader had been too perfect. He was the baddest baddie we had ever seen, how could his backstory ever have lived up to his future? Or maybe its that George Lucas has seemingly never interacted with a child, so for research, he watched Dennis the Menace and Leave it to Beaver and wrote down a few one-liners before calling it quits so he could spend more time planning Jar Jar Binks hijinks.

The resulting Little Ani is a cloyingly innocent 1950s cartoon character, practically on the verge of saying, Gee Whiz, Mister Qui-Gon! in every scene. Any evidence of his future capacity for deep emotion, any whispers of darkness that might be hidden in his heart, any foreshadowing of the towering villain he is to become is deafeningly absent.

When we saw Voldemorts childhood, we saw the events that led him to mature into an evil mass murderer and it enriched our fear of the villain, making it more confusing, more real. When we saw Darth Vaders childhood, we saw a bunch of lame jokes, a plain personality and pod-racing.

5. Jabba the Hutts Tongue

OH GOD. OH GOD NO. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. I CANT LOOK. SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN ITS OVER. IM PUKING. IM PUKING RIGHT NOW.

4. Watto

Image: starwars.com

There is nothing to love about Watto. Hes a slave owner. He constantly flies around on flimsy wings that couldnt possibly support his bulbous, lazy body. Hes smarmy, arrogant and unintelligent. Oh, and hes a monstrously racist stereotype. Greedy, slimy, with a large nose and a middle-eastern accent, Watto feels like every false anti-semitic caricature come to life. The Toydarian junk-dealer takes up way too much space in The Phantom Menace, and honestly, his body looks so fragile its a shock that none of his slaves swatted him to finish him off. I know plenty of fans who are up to the job.

3. Cheesy Dialogue

Now that Im with you again, Im in agony. My heart is beating hoping that a kiss will not become a scar. Love wont save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that. The Force runs strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And… my sister has it. Yes. It’s you, Leia.

Groaaaaaan. Look. George Lucas. Its OK. We all need an editor. Use one.

2. Midi-chlorians

The biggest knife in the back to die-hard Star Wars fans? The introduction of midi-chlorians in The Phantom Menace, answering the enormous question that no one was asking: How does the Force work? Qui-Gon tells us that midi-chlorians are little, microscopic life forms, living inside of cells that are the conduit for the Force.

The thing is, we already had an explanation for the Force from Obi Wan in A New Hope. Retroactively adding details about microscopic life forms living in your body doesnt totally fit with Obi Wans explanation, making our image of the Force messier instead of clearer. Midi-chlorians reduce a beautiful cosmic connection to something physical and less cool. Instead of expanding the Force, they narrow it. People have been frozen in carbonite for less heinous crimes.

1. Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

While many of the above offenders may be worse than the most notorious Gungan, nobody could take home the gold without me receiving a flood of death threats, so here you go! The worst part about Star Wars is Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jars biggest crime is over-exposure. Maybe a measured amount of meesa so dumb dumb moments, executed with surgical precision would have, in fact, been a welcome distraction from an otherwise boring plot. Unfortunately, well never know Jar Jar Binks as anything other than the bumbling moron who pretty much laid out the red carpet for Palpatine to take over the Senate.

Kids loved him. Adults wanted to rip their eyeballs out of their skulls and shove them deep into their eardrums to keep from ever hearing him again. Intended to be lovable, actually unbearable, Jar Jar Binks blows and thats all there is to it.

BONUS: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ reimagined as a homemade trailer

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/