#here's what I have in the chapbook:

[pangur-and-grim]

I'm the opposite of a free-verse person. I love finding formats so complex that their instructions look like summoning circles. it is FUN!! I am PLAYING!!

[izzy-b-hands]

First notif i see after getting out of the shower i forced myself to take:

Button's (the poetry group, not the pirate lol. tho i would happily be a part of his poetry group too) chapbook contest opens up in November

do i dare dream and try to put together another chapbook again

[elspethdekarios]

Places in Waterdeep

According to this reddit comment, Gale’s tower is most likely in the Dock Ward on the corner of Sea Lion and Sail Street. Assuming Gale and Tav spend most of their time in Waterdeep either at home or at Blackstaff (well, depending on what your tav does for a living! I imagine mine works nearby), here are some possible locations for all your fanfic needs. I’m using this map and the descriptions it gives for the locations. This is not an exhaustive list–just the ones I thought might be the most useful to writers.

- Near Gale’s Tower (Dock Ward) -

Taverns and Inns:

The Quaffing Quaggoth

Tavern. A favorite among sailors, merchants, and young nobles, this dwarven owned and operated establishment is known for its own specialty brew – the Quaggoth, a thick house-brewed stout mixed with a shot of a house secret liquor.

The Sailors' Own

Tavern. The place is low-beamed and crowded, with weary sailors slumped on benches playing at board games, cards, or merely getting thoroughly drunk. This place is just what its name implies. It belongs to the sailors, and they don't really want anyone else here. The proprietor is Guthlakh 'Hands' Imyiir. (so, maybe not likely for them to frequent this one, but who knows!)

The Pickled Fisherman

Tavern

The Soaring Pegasus

Tavern

Bard inn

A cozy inn owned by a family of past adventurers, it appears to have been fixed up recently. Most of its visitors are sailors, but it has been known to house meetings between gangs in order to keep the peace. In the basement is a hidden underground fighting ring.

The Angry Coxswain

The tavern contains a one-way portal connecting with a prison cell in the slave market in the Mulhorandi city of Skuld.

The Yawning Portal

Inn. Built in 1306 DR on the ruins of Halaster Blackcloak's old tower, the Yawning Portal gained most of its renown for being the primary open route to the Undermountain. The Portal's innkeeper, Durnan, is a former adventurer of great power and renown.

The Gray Griffon

Tavern

Darth's Dolphyntyde

Tavern

Selune's Smile

Tavern

Azuth's Mug

Tavern

The Rearing Hippocampus

Inn. Probably the classiest inn in Dock Ward. Favored by many caravan masters and merchants who want a good, secure place to sleep, and regular visitors to the city who have business near the harbor.

The Splintered Stair

Inn. The entry hall of this room rises up three floors, overlooked by interior balconies linked by elegantly spiraling stairs.

The Blackstar Inn

This dignified, even haughty inn is like a fortress on the outside, with barred windows, stone walls, and a slate roof. Its lobby has two armed guards, and the four hostlers in the locked stables are also armed. Fees are high, but in return, guests get almost soundproof rooms. Each room has a hip-bath, a double bed, water and wine provided for drinking and various pamphlets and chapbooks provided for light reading. Each room also has its own fireplace, albeit with a miserly supply of firewood, and the patrons tend to keep to themselves. A good place to get a long soundsleep. Asiyra Boldwinter is the proprietress of this inn. Her manner is one of uppercrust, noble dignity.

The Empty Keg

The Empty Keg is a rowdy beer-hall. Later at night, it sees visits from workers from Mother Salinka's next door to reinvigorate business there.

The Red-Eyed Owl

This is the closest thing Waterdeep has to a comfortable, unimpressive, welcoming gathering place for the neighborhood. It is the kind of place where friends will come in and hail each other across the room. The food and drink are pleasant, if unspectacular, and you'll be allowed to sit in peace. It is a rambling old wooden building that looks as if it's about to fall into the street. Balarg 'Twofists' Dathen, a man with long, red hair, owns and runs the tavern.

The Sleepy Sylph

Tavern. Locals in the neighborhood come here for a single drink, to enjoy the music and to watch the waitresses (wearing diaphanous robe), and then go to the Owl, just steps away to eat and drink at about a third the price. The owner is Callanter Rollingshoulder, a tall man dressed in dark silken robes with a magnificent mustache.

The Bloody Fist

Tavern. Bullies and angry people come here to pick fights, and a room upstairs is retained for a succession of novice priests of Tempus who dress broken bones and perform minor healing magics in return for donations to the war god. Members of the Bull Elk Tribe can usually be found drinking here. Proprietor: Uglukh Vorl, a half-orc.

The Sleeping Snake

Tavern. This rowdy place is roughly furnished in hastily mended furniture. Members of the Black Boar Tribe can usually be found drinking here.

Festhalls and Entertainment:

From the Forgotten Realms wiki: “A festhall was an establishment combining the services of brothels, casinos, and private clubs. Festhalls provided a variety of adult-themed leisure activities and entertainment, including sex work, gambling, day spas, dining, exotic dancing, companionship, role-play, and other specialized interests.”

The Mermaid's Arms

Festhall. Elegant dining lounges, in which one dines or just drinks with an attractive host or hostess (or alone). Increasingly, the Arms is being used by single gentlefolk for a night of love. In other words, patrons are going there to meet each other, not to hire a host or hostess for the night. The Arms is large, well-lit, always busy, and can be quite expensive.

The Hanging Lantern

Festhall. The Lantern, an escort service known for the stunning beauty of its workers, and for the skill of its matchmakers, is famous up and down the Sword Coast.

Blushing Nymph

Festhall. The long stair links the oubliette of the Blushing Nymph festhall with Undermountain's first level.

Mother Salinka's House of Pleasures

This is a dingy low-coin festhall owned by halflings and frequented by those who are there for a 'brief visit', or can't afford or are turned away from the Yawning Portal.

Three Pearls Nightclub

Festhall. Pearls, as it is called, is a popular evening destination for Waterdhavians, offering stand-up comics, trained animal acts, illusionists' recitals, bards, orators, and exotic dancing. It has a low ceiling and is usually hot and smoky. The manager, Xandos Waeverym, is known as 'the Dandy'.

Seven Masks Theater

The theater caters to a lower-class clientele, and ship captains and sailors are admitted for free. The owner of the theater is a burly and jovial Shou man with a braided goatee named Rongquan Mystere.

The Purple Palace

Festhall. This is the closest thing Waterdeep has to a Calishite silks-boudoir. Its lavender silk draperies and gauzy hangings are heavily perfumed. Everything is cushions, soft carpets, music, and purple-tinted, spiced wine. Companionship is expensive and very good.

The Smiling Succubus

Festhall. Not exactly the pride of Wharf Street, but one of its most popular destinations.

Businesses and Shopping:

Whistling Blades

Business. Weapons.

The Fishscale Smithy

Adventuring gear

Talnu's Ropeworks

Adventuring gear

The Old Xoblob Shop

This curiosity shop is filled with lots of battle trophies and souvenirs from Undermountain. Worth a look to see the stuffed beholder for which the shop is named. The shopkeeper is a deep gnome.

House of Pride Perfumes

Business. The House of Pride is crammed with a forest of glass bottles of all sizes, shapes, and hues. It is protected by a special enchantment that prevents glass from breaking. The shop is run by two sisters and is guarded by trained hunting dogs.

Khostal Hannass, Fine Nuts

Business. Food.

Felhaur's Fine Fish

Business. Food.

Miscellaneous:

Mirt's Mansion

Villa. Mirt is a friend of Durnan (see The Yawning Portal). Both used magic to extend their lives.

House of Two Hands

Monastery. Order of the Even-Handed.

Harborwatch Tower

City building

The Griffon

The walking statue called the Griffon is shaped like the beast for which it is named. Though it stands on all four legs, its back is fully twenty feet off the ground, making it a mount fit for a storm giant. Although it has shown itself to be capable of flight, with the granite feathers of its wings spreading like a bird's, the Griffon now merely stands in a regal pose near Peaktop Aerie atop Mount Waterdeep, looking to the southeast over the Dock Ward. Newcomers sometimes assume it to be a monument to Waterdeep's Griffon Cavalry, but Waterdavians know better.

Peaktop Aerie

City building

Castle Waterdeep

Thick-walled stronghold that broods over Castle Ward from the flanks of Mount Waterdeep. Pennants and banners are often hung and flown from its battlements to signal the arrival of diplomats or the commencement of ceremonies.

Starry Cradles orphanage

The Starry Cradles orphanage is a Dock Ward orphanage run by Matron Griselda Hoppletun, a halfling care-taker, and funded by the House of the Moon and the Selûnite clergy thereof.

- Near Blackstaff Tower (Castle Ward) -

Taverns and Inns:

Sapphire House

Expensive rooming house on Swords Street. The inn is a five-story building.

Tavern of the Flagon Dragon

Tavern. Three Stories high, stone dragons at the base of the walls are all gouting fire, two dragon helmed guards at the door. Caters more to the less-than-noble class.

The Singing Sword

Tavern. Three floors of busy diners enjoy one of the largest menus in Waterdeep. They are entertained by the high-voiced ballads of the wondrous magical blade for which the tavern is named. Gothmorgan Ilibuld, the proprietor, is a polite host.

Wyrmbones Inn

Inn

The Pampered Traveler

Inn. This inn stands like an exotic castle. There is inside a library filled with books and a reading table with a glass top, under which can be seen a map of the known Realms as far west as the Moonshaes, as far east as Thay, and as far south as the Shaar. All in all, a quietly luxurious place to stay. This is undoubtedly the wealthy scholar's choice of hostel. The inn is run by Brathan Zilmer, guildmaster of the Fellowship of Innkeepers.

Dauntlyn's Doors

Luxury Inn

The Elfstone Tavern

Tavern. This old, dimly lit tavern caters to elves. By night, dancing lights spells bathe the place in soft, floating, blue motes of light. Gentle harp, pipe, flute, and choral music is performed and service is fast and graceful. Dwarves and half-orcs will be driven away; humans and halflings are tolerated in small parties; half-elves are just accepted. Yaereene Ilbaereth is the tavern's proprietress.

The Blue Jack

Tavern. The tavern specializes in low prices and fast service, and it's a success. Immithar the Glove, the tavern's proprietor, is quick with a joke or to mimic the speech of other.

The Jade Jug

Inn. Waterdeep's plushest inn. Guests are attended by a personal servant for the duration of their stay and their every need is attended to. The charming, beautiful, one-armed hostess is Amaratha Ruendarr. She notices every detail.

The Dragon's Head Tavern

Tavern. This modest place is aimed at those who like to sit quietly and chat over their drinks. The proprietor is Vorn Laskadarr.

The Asp's Strike

Tavern

Festhalls and Entertainment:

Jhural's Dance

Festhall

Silavene's

Festhall

The Smiling Siren

Festhall. Nightclub & Theater. Home to a company of popular local actors who can perform everything from rowdy comedy to high tragedy. Nobles often hire the place for an evening for exclusive performances. The Siren is also home to traveling troupes of vaudeville jugglers, comedians, and nearly nude dancers or burlesque dancers. Before and between performances, the place is used for drinking and dancing to live music, sometimes with show dancers on the stage. The mage Perendel Wintamer runs this nightclub.

Lightsinger Theater

Business. Entertainers.

Mother Tathlorn's House of Pleasure

Festhall. Entertainers. The most famous house of pleasure in Waterdeep is a large, five-floored building with two additional levels of dungeons below ground. Mother Tathlorn's has on staff several priests of Sune. The most popular service performed at Mother Tathlorn's is massage and bathing, but all of this luxury and pleasure doesn't come cheaply.

Businesses and Shopping:

The Market

Open marketplace. Largest open space in the city surrounded by stone buildings that enclose the maze of temporary stalls and carts that appear here day and night.

Blackwell's Fine Books and Good Tomes

Blackwell's Fine Books and Good Tomes is a posh retail shop, located in the shadow of the God Catcher statue. Owned and operated by the Blackwell family, Blackwell's Fine Books and Good Tomes specializes in rare and antique manuscripts. The shop is especially known, among the noble set, for its restoration, document preservation, as well as transcription services. Mr Blackwell's son, Aldous, has been known to keep an eye on any ancient texts which spend time in the family's shoppe.

The Bookstore occupies the bottom of a three story building. The upper two stories are the Blackwell's lavish townhome apartment.

Paethier's Pipeweed

Business

Eilean's Maztican Delights

Business

Sharkroar - Harth Shalark's Broadsheets

Business

Sorynth's Silverware

Business

The Curious Past

Business is run by Bronwyn Caradoon, dealing in exotic items while also being a front for Harper Activity.

Diloontier's Apothecary

Assassins. Drugs. Poisons. Potions. Now renamed to 'Diloontier's & Sons Apothecary'.

This upscale store catered to the elite of Waterdhavian society. Those who had the right credentials and money for it could quietly purchase poisons and more nefarious potions from the proprietor.

Balthorr's Rare & Wondrous Treasures

Business. Magic items. Balthorr 'the Bold' Olaskos will fence stolen items for 40% market value.

Old Knot Shop

Adventuring gear

Rebeleigh's Elegant Headwear

Business. Clothing.

Halls of Hilmer, Master Armorer

Armor. Hilmer, a tall, strong, and soft-spoken man, with shoulders as wide as most doors, only makes plate, but he's known as the best, or among the best, in all the Sword Coast lands. He's a master craftsman.

Halambar Lutes & Harps

Business. Entertainers. This shop sells all sorts of stringed musical instruments. Kriios Halambar, guildmaster of the Council of Musicians, Instrument-Makers, and Choristers owns and runs this shop.

The Golden Key Locksmiths

Business. The proprietor, Ansilver, makes custom locks to order, and guarantees that he's never sold a key that will open the lock you buy from him to anyone else.

Phalantar's Philtres & Components

Business. Drugs. Poisons. Potions. Here you can buy medicines, herbs, and rare substances used in the making of perfumes, scented oils, poisons, and as material components in the casting of spells. Phalantar Orivan will fence stolen goods for 40% market value. He is said to be fabulously rich.

Olmhazan's Jewels

Business. All the gems one can think of, except very rare or magical sorts. Jhauntar Olmhazan, Gentleman Speaker for the Jewelers' Guild, owns and runs this shop.

Temples:

Font of Knowledge

Temple of Oghma. Largest public library in the city.

Halls of Justice

Temple of Tyr. Holy Order of the Knights of Samular.

Spires of the Morning

Temple of Lathander. Order of the Aster.

Temple of the Seldarine

Temple of all elven deities.

Miscellaneous:

Melody Mount Walk

A magically lit tunnel that runs west up to the cliffs on which the New Olamn barding college is situated. The tunnel contains a little-known portal between Waterdeep and the keep in Rassalantar. The tunnel continuously resounds with music due to an ongoing concert known as the Neverending String of Pearls that is performed by bardic students from New Olamn in a small alcove in the tunnel.

Syndra Wands' Tower

Wizard's domicile.

The Lady Dreaming

One of the eight enormous statues called the Walking Statues of Waterdeep, scattered throughout Waterdeep to defend the city in times of great peril. This statue has the appearance of a titanic sculpture of a noble lady asleep in her garden.

The Great Drunkard

One of the eight enormous statues called the Walking Statues of Waterdeep, scattered throughout Waterdeep to defend the city in times of great peril. The unconscious pose of the statue and the tavern in its lap made the name of the Great Drunkard a natural fit.

Duir's Alley

This busy, winding passage is often the scene of spell demonstrations and practice, as patrons or staff spill out of the rear of the Elfstone Tavern and unleash magic down the alley.

Cat Alley

Recently, a masked, rapier-wielding, quietly chuckling assailant has made this a dangerous place for women after dark.

The God Catcher

One of the eight enormous statues called the Walking Statues of Waterdeep, scattered throughout Waterdeep to defend the city in times of great peril. This is perhaps the most famous walking statue in the city, thanks to its dramatic pose : a well-muscled but impassive male human with a sphere of stone floating above its right hand raised skyward.

Piergeiron's Palace

White marble Palace and main office location for many city officials, the majority of which are dedicated to the administration of city services, such as the Watch, the Guard, city clerks, and the Loyal Order of Street Laborers. The ruler of the city - the Open Lord of Waterdeep - resides and works here.

Tower of the Order

Guildhall. Magic items. Scrolls. Watchful Order of Magists & Protectors.

House of the Fine Carvers

Guildhall. Guild of Fine Carvers.

The Map House

Guildhall. Surveyors', Map & Chart-makers' Guild.

[faewoozi]

streetlights in the dark blue --- 18+

summary: you met seokmin in college, and in the beginning you were pretty sure you'd strangle him. but then he asked you out. everyone said marrying the goofy guy you met freshman year of college was insane. that someone better would come along for the both of you. by senior year you hated to admit that perhaps everyone had been right. since he just…disappeared. like you didn't mean anything to him. maybe you never did.

♡ pairing: theater major!dk x fem!reader

♡ genre: non!idol au, college into post college au, fluff, angst, some slight supernatural/sci-fi elements, smut ( probably more fluff than anything else though because dk really brings that out in me & angst because I have a crying myself to sleep at night kink )

♡ word count: roughly 8.5k or so

♡ this work feats: piv sex, unprotected sex, angst, some crying, being ghosted, oral ( giving and receiving ), fingering. let me know what i missed.

a/n: i was listening to abstract (psychopomp ) by hozier and i know it's about roadkill and all that but something about the lyrics + general tone of the song made me think of this. and who better to love you across the universe than lee seokmin? also now I have an idea for Hoshi x telepathy so this might become a thing. also i proofread this like once. so there's that.

"I'm Seokmin." You glanced up from your physiology book at the tall guy hovering near the edge of your table in the library. It was raining outside so the place was packed, where normally people would be studying on the plush lawns of the quad, they were all crowded inside whispering loudly and laughing louder. You'd rather be anywhere else but your roommate had a guy over and the common rooms were even more crowded with people. At least here in the library people were pretending to study, so if it got too loud you could tell them to hush within reason.

"Uh…so?" You hadn't meant for it come out so harsh. The ear splitting grin he wore slowly melted from his face and an awkward silence threatened to overtake you both but he just licked his lips and sat down leaning across the table conspiratorially and to your surprise not deterred at all.

"This is the part where you tell me your name." Seokmin said waving his hand in front of him. Was he serious? You didn't even know him.

"My name is please go away you're distracting me from studying." You responded reaching for your phone to turn your music up in the one headphone you wore.

"Nice to meet you, can I call you distraction for short? I just need a table to sit at. I was sitting with my friends but I'm gonna flunk this monologue thing if I stay over there any longer. I thought this might be the place to sit in order to memorize my monologue and it’s like the only empty table around here which is kind of weird. Because why has no else tried to sit here? Oh well. Hey if I'm bothering you I can leave." Wow he was talking, a lot. Your brow furrowed as you stared him down and slowly his chattering fizzled out. He pursed his lips, gave a small smile and opened the chapbook on the table in front of him purposefully avoiding your gaze. 

“In a week…when the flesh grows cold…” Two minutes in and you realized he was reading the words aloud to himself. You glanced up irritably from your book ready to snap at him but took notice of his red rimmed eyes and blatant sniffling as he continued to read in a whispery shaky voice.

"Are you crying?" You questioned in disbelief and he jumped, staring at you wide eyed and then he burst into nervous laughter.

"We're doing romance scenes for my monologue class. Some of the examples in this book are just so ugh…read this." He pushed the chapbook over to you, and your eyes ghosted along the first few lines of the page.

"I have a confession. I've never been in love. So I'm really going to have to tap into the acting for this assignment, and I don't know, the idea of loving someone so much that you'd rather lie down in a field and rot with them instead of being apart is…it's nice. It’s heartwarming. It seems morbid, but the real romance of it is that there's someone out there who'd hold my hand and leap into the unknown with me because if this guy can be so inspired as to write out such a thing then he can’t be the only one who finds romance in that right? Whether through death or something else…ah that's it I definitely have to memorize and read this one." He said with a wistful sigh, you stared at him. Clearly he was a sap but…sort of cute once you got past how much he was annoying you in the moment. Or maybe annoy was the wrong word, he was passionate. Unusual too and God could he talk, but he made it endearing somehow.

"Do you need help?" You asked, not entirely sure what had gotten into you. It's just, he said it all so sweet, and who wouldn't be a sucker for those shimmering brown eyes and ears he hadn't grown into yet? Who could hear words said by such a sweet voice and not have their heart flutter for just a second. You weren’t a monster after all.

As if to drive the point home his face lit up. He was all happy smiles and babbling excitedly about how much help he could use and how he couldn't thank you enough. Somehow you ended up in his dorm room out of the rain and the loud library because he was too embarrassed to practice in front of anyone. Which…sort of defeated the purpose but you decided not to tell him that, and somehow it wound up being one of the best nights of your college experience so far. Just him and you, reading romantic monologues together.

It was impossible to forget how after everyone he read he'd stare you down and ask in a completely serious tone. “Okay how did that one make you feel?"

At first you’d sort of shrug. But he wasn’t satisfied with that as an answer. “Do you feel moved when you hear me say it? Is it romantic or do I sound like an idiot? You have to give me constructive feedback because when I read this for my professor I want her to be a little bit in love with me afterwards or at least teary eyed. Then I know I’ve done a good job. Let’s go again!”

It went on for at least two hours and each time your feedback got better and better. Until finally he knelt down in front of you, your hand in his and said the words with so much conviction you were dumbfounded for a moment.

“Alright, how did that make you feel?” Seokmin asked still holding your hand, while catching his breath.

“Well. I guess it sort of felt like I was falling in love." You responded, heat creeping along the back of your neck.

“Really?!” He whooped in excitement. It didn't mean anything, or it wasn't supposed to mean anything. He was just someone you helped and now you knew him well enough to say hi around campus. But two weeks later after exchanging numbers and giving him your actual name, you returned to his dorm to find the place filled with flowers. His friends were holding signs, there was a whole song and dance number, all to ask you out. How he managed it so quickly you still don't know. But it had been enough, this sappy goofball was yours. And you were his.

"World's best distraction can I ask a favor?" Seokmin asked. You were laying on your bed in your brand new private dorm room. A room you'd snuck him in and out of no less than five times this week despite only just having moved in. He still had a roommate and most of the time Joshua kicked him out in sheer annoyance. In which case Seokmin would slink over to your building and pout until he was let in. It was way past “no visitors in the dorm” hours but you had managed to work out a system. If you timed it just right, you could get him out and have your RA none the wiser.

“If it’s about staying the night, no.” You replied highlighting a few definitions you wrote down in your notes earlier for class.

“You’re so mean. Who doesn’t want their boyfriend to spend the night?” Seokmin asked rolling over on the bed so that his face was smothered by one of your pillows.

“I don’t want to accidentally end up pregnant when I haven’t finished school yet.” You replied lowering your notes to stare at him being utterly dramatic.

“They make things to prevent that y’know….” He mumbled, voice sulky and childish.

“Have you met yourself? You’re literally so romantic it’s terrifying. Yesterday you wrote me a soliloquy about my hands. My freakin’ hands Min. This morning you kissed me twenty five and a half times, you did it again this afternoon and again an hour ago. You said you owed me because I made you happy 102 times last week but since we had class you couldn’t do all 102 at once. If I get anywhere near you while naked I’m liable to get you pregnant with how much love you have bursting out of you.”

“I still owe you the last twenty five and a half. I can start now?” Seokmin’s head popped up, his voice hopeful.

“Min…” He slumped back into the bed with a dramatic sigh.

“I’m sorry. That day when we first met and you were helping me with my monologues — all that romantic stuff. The sweeping kisses and loving poems, the impassioned expressions and worship of lovers. I was saying it all while staring at you. I was memorizing it all with your face etched in my brain as I said it, with your voice helping me along. And your smile kept making my heart skip a beat. So whenever I think about love, about having someone make me feel how all those epic sweeping grand monologues described —- it’s hard to keep it to myself. Because you are love personified in my brain I gue— oh!”

Seokmin yelped as you tugged him backwards onto his back. Before he could fully react your lips were pressing against his. His eyes went wide then completely relaxed as he leaned into the kiss. You pulled apart eventually, gasping for air. You realized with a start you were straddling him, his body very much responding to the intensity of your kiss.

“I love you.” He suddenly blurted out with wide eyes. He’d said it in a lot of different ways and gestures but he’d never said it like that before. It meant something wholly different when he uttered it now.

“Was there ever any doubt Min? You wrote me a thirty three page love letter last weekend and still had time to sticky note my car all over.” You teased leaning down to press your lips to his neck. “I love you too.” You murmured into his skin.

He took hold of your arms pushing you back to look you in the eye. He was slightly red, his hair mussed and his eyes shone with desire.

“Let me stay the night?” He pleaded, his eyes searching yours. You grinned.

“Ok.”

“How many kids do you want?” Seokmin asked lacing your fingers together. You two were cuddled up on the couch in the apartment he shared with his best friend Joshua.

You let out an exaggerated groan. “None right now. Or ever if you ask me again, that’s like five times today? What’s wrong with you?”

“I want to marry you so I thought I should start asking important questions.” Seokmin responded casually bringing your knuckles to his mouth and pressing a gentle kiss to them.

“We are literally twenty years old.” Your voice dripped sarcasm, it wasn’t like this was an unfamiliar idea to you. But Seokmin was always like this. Last week you had to gently break it to him that he had to stop giving all his stuff to Joshua, the two of you would not be moving in together. He took it hard for forty minutes then forgot about it as soon as you started holding his hand.

“I’m sorry, I know we’ve talked about how I have to stop doing that. Just, if I know you’re mine then why wait? Cultural convention be damned, so sorry for cursing. But the sentiment still stands. Why delay the inevitable when what we both want is to revel in the company of each other.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you doing one of those regency plays again? You’re talking weird.”

“Oh, you noticed. Dang I really thought I sold the gentleman scholar thing.” He said with a frown and you found yourself punching him in the arm. “Ow!”

“We talked about this! No shifts in vocabulary, weird accents, or method acting during serious conversations Min.”

“But baby how am I supposed to get better at this if I don’t use authentic situations?” He asked rubbing where you punched him with a pout.

“I’m not acting fodder for you, I’m your girlfriend.” You snapped rising to your feet.

His brow instantly furrowed. “Wait you’re mad at me for real.”

“Yes, I don’t like when you do that. I’m trying to set some boundaries with you about the weird questions and the marriage pressuring and you’re doing accents and playing a role. Instead of being my boyfriend which in those moments you need to be first.”

The hurt was all over Seokmin’s face for just an instant then it went completely neutral. Quite a feat for the most expressive person you knew. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how inconsiderate I was being.” He rose to his feet, suddenly his face was bright but it didn’t quite convince you.

“I’m hungry. I know you’re hungry. I’m going to go get us something to eat I’ll be right back.” He was already grabbing his keys from the table by the door.

“ Wait, Seokmin—“ Nope gone.

Like legitimately gone.

You waited one hour. Five. Ten. Apologetic texts were sent his way.Then angry ones. You went home. Every call went unanswered. Every text unread. Joshua said he hadn’t seen him but nothing of his was missing. Other than him and his car. You waited two days. Four. Eight. Thirteen. Your boyfriend fell off the face of the Earth without so much as a second thought towards you. You were terrified, you and Seokmin had fought before. About serious and silly things, but neither of you held long grudges. Even if he was angry, you knew him. He loved you. If you knew nothing else you knew this. He showed it in every single gesture, in every word and every action. He wouldn’t do this. Panic set in. Police stations and reports. Trying to question his parents but they were missing too. Their numbers blanked and their facebooks were archived. It was all so strange, had he been in witness protection or something this whole time?

Sixteen days. Akin to torture. Sleeping was impossible because you couldn’t stop worrying. Nothing about him for as long as you’d known him said he would do something like this. So you tossed and turned nightly, obsessing over every minor detail. He’d never done anything like this to you or anyone else you knew after some investigation. You were frantic and so had just decided to take a drastic course of action. Going up to his parents house. At least it would confirm something, but you had no idea if that would be good or bad.

You didn’t get the chance. Day seventeen and someone was beating hell against your door. You’d been on your own since last year not quite ready to leave the dorms, so whoever it was would have a ton of pissed folks at them if they didn’t stop.

You trudged to the door, yanking it open in irritation. And there he was. He looked…inconsolable. He kept trying to apologize through tears. He said it at least four dozen times. You were overwhelmed with relief. Anger didn’t come, not yet. You were just glad he was breathing and unscathed. You took his face into your hands frowning.

“Where did you go?”

“Doesn’t matter. Just let me stay here with you. In whatever way you’ll have me. Even if you hate me I’ll be okay just knowing you’re okay. We don’t have to get married soon. We can get married when we’re sixty eight if you want. Whatever you want. I’ll do whatever you want. Just keep me here with you.” He kept repeating it over and over, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a tight hug. Impossible to reassure and he wore his guilt openly. Yet he still wouldn’t tell you the truth.

“I’m so happy!” Seokmin sang doing some old folksy shuffle. He was in some play set during the 1930s and had taken to method acting at random moments throughout the day.

“Please don’t do that weird shuffle dance while holding my box of bras.” You complained. Seokmin was in the process of gathering the last of your wardrobe from your dorm room, you had chosen to move in together this summer.

“I can’t help it. I have so much stuff I want to do together! We’ve never stood at the toaster watching our pop tarts cook while holding hands so I have that as number one on my list for tomorrow. Today I think the number one thing I have is…wait never-mind.”

“No, no, no if I have to hold hands while toasting pop tarts you have to tell me what the number one thing is today?” You mused. Seokmin rolled his eyes and then hid his face behind the bra box.

“Taking a shower together. We’ve never done that before.” You heard him mumble sheepishly.

“How were you planning on asking me that?!” You asked trying to hold back your laughter.

“I thought maybe I’d just take my shirt off and you’d be so turned on you’d follow me in there or something.” He shrugged nudging past you to drop the bra box into his backseat.

“That—I told you I really don’t like when you hang out with Soonyoung he’s the worst influence.” You teased.

“He gives solid advice! He was the one who suggested me broaching the subject of moving in together again and you agreed! So really this is all because of Soonyoungie, we owe him.”

You did a fake gagging noise. “Please don’t ever say that again.”

Seokmin shrugged. “Anyway are you ready to go home?” He asked waggling his eyebrows. You rolled your eyes but you were just as excited as he was. No more slumber parties for the two of you, you’d be entering into the real deal of cohabitation and you were looking forward to all the first you would enjoy together. But you were also a bit nervous.

Things with Seokmin were great but they could be better. You were still struggling with trusting him sometimes, ever since the seventeen day incident — in which he gave absolutely no logical explanation for his decision to ghost you for two and a half weeks. You tried to be as reassuring as you could that he could tell you the truth but he didn’t budge on it. Which allowed paranoia to creep in on your end, what was he hiding? But it happened over a year ago and nothing like that had ever happened again. Leaving your side seemed to be the last thing he wanted to do.

The bulk of the day went on and you were exhausted by the time evening rolled around. How he managed to have so much energy despite lugging boxes all day was beyond you but it was in his nature. While you were fighting for your life to stay awake he was literally prancing around the living room with your bra on his face pretending to be fly people as if he hadn’t been doing physical labor all day.

And of course you loved him for it.

“Can I fuck you baby?” Seokmin was pressed up against you, his mouth on your ear. His hand was on your hip and inching forward to the seam of your panties. You glanced at the clock — 3:22 am. You didn’t remember falling asleep and you had no idea if Seokmin had even been in bed when you got in. But he was now. You could feel his cock pressed against your butt as he kissed down the side of your neck. “You’re tired I know, I’m just really happy you’re here with me.”

“I’m happy too. I’m glad we finally did this.” You responded trying very hard to ignore him creeping even closer to you somehow. You were certain if he could live inside you permanently he wouldn’t hesitate. Bye theater career I have a body to infest. You let out a soft giggle and he pulled back.

“What? Are you laughing at me?” He asked sitting fully upright. “You’re just so pretty. But we don’t have to — just we didn’t get that shower together earlier because you snuck in while I was gone  — but that’s okay. You being rested and happy is more —“ 

You rolled your eyes, grabbing him by the ratty t-shirt he wore to bed, interrupting his probably too long “whatever you want” speech and pulled him between your legs. It was rare that you got to return the favor by catering to him for once, no one loved harder than Seokmin. He got you the best gifts every major holiday, he always had something new he loved about you ( last week he said he’d never seen anyone drink liquids as sexy as you did ). He was the current manager, supervisor, president and ceo of romantic gestures and the scariest part was how genuine it was. In the beginning when you first started dating you were positive you were being love bombed. But Seokmin just didn’t do love halfway. He was all in at all times and the things he wanted in return were so subtle.

He craved intimacy and closeness like a toddler sometimes. Always needing to be touching, grabbing, holding, and so on. But nothing quite got to him like sex did. It was how Seokmin came undone. You weren’t a sex goddess by any means but he easily made you feel like one just by nature of being irrevocably in love with you.

Seokmin cups your face and lowers himself  down to kiss you. “Are you trying to impress me by using one arm to kiss me?” You ask teasingly.

Seokmin nods. “Yes, I do one armed push ups better than Joshua now, is it working?”

You pull him into another kiss, and only when he’s good and red in the face do you let up. “Definitely.”

You kiss him again and he lets out a little hum of delight as he kisses you back.  He keeps one hand on your cheek, but then he’s wrapping the other around your waist holding you closer to him even if it’s uncomfortable. You press in, your tongue teasing his, as the swell of your breasts push against his chest. He sinks his hand into your hair, fingers gripping, as he tips your head back, devouring your mouth. It’s been nearly four years together. Seokmin has kissed you thousands of times in hundreds of ways—quick kisses in the car, slow morning kisses while lying in bed, hurried kisses in a dingy bar bathroom. Each one is precious. But they aren’t his favorite.

His favorite kisses are the ones he claims while he’s inside you. He told you once that he craves the feeling of home that comes from feeling you everywhere all at once—under his body, around his dick, cradling his hips, in his mouth, gripped in his hands. That feeling of knowing your so completely his. More than being his, he’s yours. Irrevocably. Completely. The kisses he gives you in the heat of your passion are a claiming as much as they’re an offering. In those moments, he swears he’s giving you everything. Every piece of him. And he always promises that you can have it all.

“I need to be inside you,” He pants against your lips, gripping tighter to your hair. “I’m going to die if I can’t. Look at you.” He tugs your t-shirt up over your head exposing your breasts. He pulls his own off and shimmies out of his boxers. He curls a finger into the waistband of your underwear and tugs them down past your ankles discarding them on the floor.

His thumb slides through your pussy, spinning a circle on your clit. “I love you so much.” He scoots himself down until he’s half hanging off the bed but now he’s eye level with your lower half. His head drops, the pointed tip of his tongue mirroring the motion of his thumb. Your head falls back, hands to his dark hair. You moan. “Everything about you is so beautiful.” He murmurs.

You don’t even bother trying to talk. There’s no point. All your words disappear when his finger slides into you. After a few gentle thrusts, he adds a second finger. Your back arches off the bed in a silent plea for more. You want more, more, more. Then his mouth is on you and you’re having an out-of-body experience. Like you’re being consumed. Like he can’t get enough. Seokmin’s teeth graze your clit and you jolt on the bed, vision blurring.

“Fuck!” He pushes a finger in to work with his tongue and you’re a writhing, whimpering mass of limbs. “Min. I . . . oh my god. Fuck. That’s . . .” You can’t string a coherent sentence together. The only thing you keep asking for is, “More.” And when he adds a second finger, mouth suctioned onto your clit while he impales you roughly, more is what you get. Within a matter of minutes, you have an orgasm at the hands of the most infuriating and adoring man you’ve ever met. How could you not love him?

“It’s not enough.” Seokmin whines. He rolls off the bed and then he’s grabbing you by the ankles pulling you from warmth to the chill on the edge of the bed. He comes to stand between your legs and despite his eagerness to touch you, his face is as gentle and loving as always.Your hand reaches up, and trembling fingers gently trail over his stomach, tracing his abs, tracking the V-line that runs down to his groin. You watch as he shivers, taking hold of his cock in his hand and gives it a few quick pumps.

“Baby…can you open your mouth?” He asks and it’s almost shy. But it’s not really a question. Not from him, and not like this. You give him a hard time because you buckle under the weight of his devotion occasionally but you would do anything he asked you to. Your wide eyes turn up to him, and your lips part. He traces them with the head, watching a drop of pre-cum smear over your top lip. Watching your tongue dart out, like you’re dying to taste him, before opening your mouth wide again. You didn’t mean for it to be so sensual, but it undoes Seokmin. His control, his kindness and gentleness snaps. He takes two fistfuls of your hair and pushes his cock between your lips. You hum in satisfaction, watching your boyfriend shiver as the sound vibrates through him. His body clenches as he withdraws and then he plunges in again. It’s heaven having your warm mouth all around him, your tongue swirling, hands roaming over his torso as he controls your head.

Your gaze flits up to Seokmin and he’s staring hard at you, full of fire. Want. Desire.  Your mouth goes down farther and farther, hands gripping his ass. You swallow him deeply because you can’t get enough. His eyes are getting glassy, and he catches himself, immediately withdrawing from your mouth. Barely contained pleading dips into his voice.

“Just…please…” Seokmin for, if I’m not inside you within the next twenty seconds I will lose my mind. You know it well, know him better than anyone it feels like. All the little intricacies that make up the man you’re going to marry one day.

You lick your lips, and then he’s flipping you over, lifting your hips so your ass is in the air. He swipes through your wetness, watching the way your back arches, your knees slipping wider on the bedspread. You’re soaked for him and now he knows it.

He swipes again. A shiver races down your spine. Your pussy throbs. Your hips rotate and you push yourself at him. “Min please, I need — “

“This?” He slides in an inch, your mouth pops open as you manage to moan around the word yes. Your body vibrates with need. His body does it too. You can feel it. “This too?” He pushes in further, you fingers scrabble at the sheets twisting into the fabric. “It’s my favorite when you take all of me.” He pushes all the way in until he’s completely seated inside you.

“Fuck, yes,” you hiss, dropping to your elbows while he takes a hold of your hips. “Move, please move.” You whine. Your pants coming even like a drumbeat.

“Anything for you.” He whispers, pulling out and slamming back in. Your body bows, and your moans turn to screams as he hits a steady rhythm. Your groans mix with the wet sound of your bodies crashing against each other. He tugs your hair. You spread your legs further. He pushes your head into the bed. You chant his name. He squeezes your  throat, kisses your neck, bites your back. You take it all, still chanting his name.

Your hips, your back, your legs—every move you make is designed to get closer to him. To take it deeper. Harder. It’s never quite enough. Not for Seokmin, never for Seokmin.

“Just a little more.” His voice is wrecked, he’s hyper focused now, angling himself slightly so he can get as close and as deep as anatomy allows. “You have no idea how stunning you look, taking all of me. How good you feel. You’re the love of my life,” He grinds out as he thrust in and out of you again. You buck beneath him chasing the pleasure coiling in your stomach. The bed dips and you see he has a knee on it now. This shifts the pressure, the stimulation hits you hard and suddenly your leg is shaking as your orgasm builds. Everything tightens as you clench around him and then you can tell Seokmin is tumbling off that same cliff with you in this moment. His cock pulses inside you as you grip him tight before your legs give out and you both crumble onto the bed. A mess of sweat, weak limbs, and breathless touches.

He pulls you into his arms. His lips press against your temple.

“I know I say it a lot, so it loses its meaning sometimes. But y/n there is no place that you can go that I won’t follow.  No world where my heart doesn’t explode at the thought of you. I am unable to not love you. I can’t stop it. I can’t change it. I can’t be anything but yours forever.”

You have no idea what else he babbled. You were asleep within minutes the last words to him telling him that you of course felt the same. 

“Y/n please wake up. Please I have to tell you something. Please before I disapp —“

You shift in the bed. Was Seokmin just trying to wake you up? You roll over, the sheets are ruined, they definitely need to be washed. But he isn’t in bed. You yawn reaching for your phone. It’s later in the day than you thought. Almost 11am. Seokmin is not a late sleeper but he’ll let you sleep as long as he can keep himself quiet.

But there’s no noise in your new apartment. He’s not capable of being this silent. Did he go get breakfast? Or did he have something he needed to do for classes? You don’t have a message and he always leaves a message but he’s only human. You text him and there’s no immediate answer. Slightly frustrating but when he was free he’d respond.

Three hours and nothing. Three hours and you’re slightly pissed. Those old hurts are rising to the surface, it’s his own fault. He makes himself so available, there’s a text for when he’s arrived at every destination. He’s constantly narrating over the phone everything he’s doing or where he’s going. He tells you everything, well almost everything. Something niggles at the back of your mind. And you glance over to the other side of the bed after you’ve gone back in to change the sheets. Seokmin keeps his phone in the nightstand drawer. You don’t want to, you shouldn’t —- but you pull it open. His phone is there, all the notifications from you blinking a hello. You frown. Seokmin doesn’t forget his phone, ever. He likes to document everything — he sends you the most meaningless pictures sometimes. He says it’s like being together.

And he doesn’t have it. Your heart beats faster in your chest. You throw on a jacket and a pair of shorts rushing out of your apartment to the balcony. His car is still there. Parked next to yours. He’s not in it. Or around it. Immediately you’re texting his friends. Joshua, Jeonghan, Soonyoung. No one has heard anything but no one is worried either. They’re used to not hearing from him, because they’re used to losing track of him when he’s with you. It’s common they reply. But he’s not with you. You haven’t seen him since four in the morning.

Panic is setting in. Somewhere in the back of your mind those seventeen days niggle. They poke and prod and mock you. It’s happened before. It’s happening again.

Where did he go?

three years later.

In the end none of it mattered. He didn’t want to be found wherever he was. No amount of hounding the police, no amount of pushing the story on the news, or shouting outside of offices worked. In the end the matter was simple. There was no law that said he couldn’t leave. No law that said he couldn’t shatter your heart into fucking pieces as it suited him.

Oh it had been devastating in the beginning. You had an apartment you could only half afford, and his phone which held no secrets. In fact almost everything in it seemed mundane or focused on you. You had his car which you sold illegally to break the lease on the apartment eventually. And still nothing. You went to visit his parents and they were gone…again. Joshua swore it had to be witness protection. Everyone did. Because the only constant they could predict about Seokmin was that he’d never leave you. He’d rather die. Bullshit. 

You cried a lot. Screamed. Tried to have a one night stand with Soonyoung that ended with him embarrassingly driving you home and vowing to never speak of you attempting to jump him again. His response was that Seokmin would kill him. The same Seokmin that had basically ghosted you for six months at that time. But Soonyoung didn’t care, because wherever he was he had no choice. He would never leave you.

And you were sick of hearing that. Sick of hearing about his dedication to you. About his love. Eventually you avoided his friends altogether. It was too hard. Jeonghan would tell a joke, the kind that Seokmin would’ve loved. The kind he would’ve imitated to everyone he knew and later to you even though you’d been right there hearing it as well. They were his closest friends. They were angry with him but their hearts weren’t broken. No one wanted to hate him with you, they couldn’t.

You had to start over. After college you moved as far away as you could. You didn’t bother to keep in touch with anyone other than your own friends. No sense in letting his friends think you were holding out hope. You lost that a while ago. It stopped hurting as much. No longer a constant piercing deep pain. Now the loss of Seokmin was a dull ache. You tried dating but that would be impossible for awhile longer. What man could compare? What first date wanted to hear about how your hard and fast rules included being worshipped unconditionally and surprised with spontaneous romantic gestures daily? He had spoiled you for anyone else, right from the beginning.

Therapy didn’t help either. Your therapist would ask about red flags, what made you question Seokmin? His constant sweetness? His insistence that you would be married and have six kids? How he would make you hold his hand when he pressed the power button on the blender because loud noises scared him sometimes? All you could say was how it happened once before and you didn’t question it hard enough. You missed him so much that you never reached the level of clarity you had now. You just fell back into him — and what a horrific fool you’d been. To trust that bright, adoring smile.

Night was the hardest. When things got quiet and you had none of his laughter or happiness to soothe you. It had been three years and still you hadn't gotten used to it. You were starting to wonder if you ever would. At this point you were only months away from being apart as long as you'd been together and everyone kept saying that's when it'd get better. It had to right? Because the alternative would be that you’d always miss him and some part of you hated that. You just didn’t want him in your head anymore.

The one good thing in your life right now? A cute corgi named Yumi that you adopted once you moved into your new place. The house had once belonged to your grandparents who raised generation after generation of kids in it and now it would get to be yours to one day have your own family. You couldn’t wait to get there knowing some day you wouldn’t remember how much it hurt because someone would be able to love that pain away.

Feeling slightly better you headed toward the backyard to let Yumi out. A streetlight stood in the alley behind your house. It made the night time bathroom breaks easier for Yumi but it drove you crazy. There was a short or something in the light so it flickered like crazy all night. Even with blackout curtains you could see it sometimes and it would keep you awake. It was flickering now much faster than normal and you sighed, you really didn’t have the energy to deal with that tonight.

You were in the middle of the yard picking up dog poop when the light suddenly went out. You rose, tying the little plastic bag off and sticking it in the bin. You went inside to wash your hands and then came back out to investigate. The light still wasn’t on. Had it finally broken? That would make today amazing. Suddenly a sharp musical note caught your attention. The bedroom windows were open upstairs and you could faintly hear the sound. A ringtone. A familiar ringtone. Seokmin’s phone. A phone that you couldn’t bear to part with. But you hadn’t paid the bill at all. How was it ringing?

The streetlight flickered back on, it seemed much brighter than before. And someone was standing beneath it. They just…appeared. Aglow and beautiful and…Seokmin. A face you never thought you’d see again. Same big ears, sharp nose, glimmering eyes. He looked tired. His hair was shorter than he wore it before and darker. He looked stronger, muscles rippled from his t-shirt. The sight of him made you ache, and you felt faint. Suddenly you realized you had sunk right into the grass. Yumi was playfully hopping in and out of your lap.

Seokmin who had just been staring at you as much as you stared at him came running. Oh — he smelled different. A woodsy natural scent and so good. But you were angry, a numbing sensation began to smother that slight interest in him. He could never have you again.

“Y/n please let me explain. Please. I’m so sorry. I promised I wouldn’t leave again and I did I’m so —“ You stood to your feet ready to let him have it and promptly vomited all over him.

“I know I’m supposed to be sorry but I really don’t care about throwing up on you. I hope I ruined something really expensive.” You stood in the doorway of your kitchen watching Seokmin do his best to clean himself up. You were forced to loan him a shirt and at least let his shoes dry. It would be the perfect time to give him a piece of your mind, while he was at your mercy.

“That’s okay. I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing if someone I thought cared about me disappeared for…a year?” Seokmin said with a minor hint of hesitation in his tone.

Your eyes went wide. You were going to kill him. “A yea—Seokmin it’s been three years! Almost four in a few months.” You snapped and his brow furrowed in confusion.

“What? No. I would’ve come back. I wouldn’t have—I’ve never…” His voice trailed off and he just stared blankly ahead for a moment. “I was gone for almost four years?”

“Get out.” The word came out bitter and distant. He didn’t even keep track of how long he’d been away from you. This was a joke but finally it was closure.

“Wait, please.” You didn’t have time for it, you turned, marching toward the front door and yanked it open. Seokmin looked ready to burst into tears at any moment but he didn’t budge past the living room doorway.

“Get out.” You repeated a touch of venom seeping into the words.

“You didn’t see me walk up.” Seokmin replied frantically.

“What?” You snapped in return.

“The light. You were staring at the light when I appeared because you were looking right at me. So that means you didn’t see me come from anywhere. You didn’t see me walk up to the light.” Seokmin said in a desperate rush.

“So what?” You still held the front wide open.

“So I didn’t walk up at all. I-I came back from where I was by shifting realities.” Seokmin said.

The front door closed. You were crossing the room towards the kitchen and Seokmin involuntarily flinched backwards as if he were afraid you might hit him. Instead you reached for your phone.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Calling paramedics because clearly you're unwell."

"What? I'm--" He gripped his hair desperately, pacing back and forth for a moment before he turned to you with a desperate look. "Where's my phone?"

"Seokmin why does that -- wait how do you know I have your phone?" You asked carefully, eyes narrowing at him.

"It's the first thing that signals to me. Unless someone throws it out which has happened before. But I knew it was here, it's how I found you. It came back on right? It only does that if I'm back. I don't know why, it's just what happens." He intoned and although it had been several years, although you had no reason to trust him -- his face and his voice felt so familiar. You knew Seokmin. And against all odds, you still knew him. You could tell when he wasn't being completely honest, like before when he subverted all conversation of his previous disappearance. Now he stood before you and everything in his demeanor was begging you to believe him. You just didn't know if you could.

An hour later you were sat on the plush couch that led to your living room attempting to make sense of the story he was telling.

“When it happened before it was my body needing to go. I have to shift somewhere else at least once a month. Or my body does it for me. Like everything is building up waiting to implode. I hadn’t been doing my due diligence. We were spending so much time together and I realized quickly that although there were all these other universes, this was the only one that had you in it. I kept trying to find you elsewhere I thought maybe…I don’t know maybe somehow the you here would know I was safe with the you somewhere else. But there is no other you, anywhere in any universe. I looked for a long time.”

“So you were forced into this?” You asked cautiously, still not convinced.

“No. It’s genetic. It happens to my dad too. My mom knows about it though, I — I didn’t know how to explain it to you. I thought if I explained it too soon I’d lose you. I thought that I could just control it and you didn’t have to know. I didn’t realize that by ignoring things for so long it would result in such huge gaps of away time. I had been slacking on shifting, but it was so hard to leave you. I just couldn’t. Not even for a second so I kept pushing things back because I was scared I’d be gone too long. Finally I knew something was going to happen and I should’ve told you but I was gone for seventeen days and when I got back all I wanted to focus on was getting you to trust me again….”

“Only to completely shatter our trust a year later.” You said voice steeped in sarcasm.

Seokmin winced and then gave a brief nod before staring up at you. “I wanted to take you with me. To prove it. But my dad said it would kill you, that your body wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

You chewed your bottom lip and your eyes narrowed. “So if this is something you can control, show me.”

Seokmin’s eyes went wide. “But I just got back what if I leave again and I’m stuck like before. It takes a long long time to sift through reality and find my way back here. I have to keep moving, if I stay complacent I won’t ever be able to get back to you. And — and I don’t think I could live knowing I was stuck somewhere in a world that didn’t have you in it.”

“Seokmin I can’t trust you. Whether this is some elaborate lie or the absolute truth there’s damage that’s been done. I was unmade by your disappearing. And if there is even a hope to heal that hurt within myself I need it. Even if it means I never see you again.” Because if it was true and he never came back well at least you knew why. At least finally you’d have closure and you could move on. But if he did come back what then? It seemed like finding your way back to each other wouldn’t be an option…not after all this time.

He frowned but eventually nodded. “Okay, if it’ll help I can do it. I’ll just live with whatever happens.” He rose to his feet and when he looked at you, despite the warning in your brain, your heart swelled. You knew that look on Seokmin well. Complete and utter devotion and love. Even after all this time he still loved you. And then he was gone. Without a word just vanished in thin air. It was the truth and as you stared at the empty space where he’d once been you wept. It had been just the kind of healing you needed.

“Look.” You pointed to the flickering street light hoisting the toddler clinging to your leg up onto your hip. The light went out and your toddler gasped in delight as if they hadn’t seen this happen last month. After roughly thirty seconds the light came back on brighter than ever. A familiar ringtone sounded from the kitchen window, you could hear Yumi barking at the noise.

Seokmin emerged from beneath the light all smiles. He rushed forward springing your toddler from your arms and spinning them around. He was a good dad though he would argue against it. It was laughable to think of the old you, who didn’t think Seokmin had the capacity to hold love for anyone else but he was ever a surprise. In fact he was even more insufferable now that you’d become parents. Things like the first time your toddler played with a new toy or took their sock off were extremely important to him. The shifting grew harder for him the older your child got. He had to miss some important firsts like walking and the first birthday party. But he wasn’t allowed to skip his body’s need to explore the universes out there. He always had the best stories.

After that fateful night in your house things got better. You and Seokmin took things slow which proved a particular kind of torture for him, but it was necessary. There was lots of hanging out and then casual dating and then things got serious when he asked you to be his anchor this was after the wedding of course. His mom had done it for his dad. As long as you were alive he could hone in and come home. It was a huge undertaking because the stress of the shifting affected the anchor too. When he was gone you felt more fatigued, emotional and anxious. Which were normal symptoms of a lot of things but it felt dialed up to a hundred the first time you experienced it. Your heart missed him and you wondered at the familiar feeling. Maybe you’d been his anchor all along — when he returned it was like someone had slotted all the right pieces into place. Relief.

Even now as you watched them play and dance around the back yard with Yumi judging from a respectable distance, you felt the huge impact of your anxiety subsiding. Like you could breathe again, and that constant feeling of tiredness was dissipating. It was an even better feeling knowing that when he came back it would always be to you, no matter what happened. You forced him to shift now, he tried to get out of it but you kept a tight schedule. He wasn’t going to put it all off and then miss out on his kids life because of it. You would never take the risk of losing him for that long again.

He smothered your toddler in kisses that resulted in delighted screaming from the both of them and then he came over to do the same to you. As he led you both inside you were struck by how lucky you were. Seokmin had been in entirely different universes with all manner of beautiful people inside and out. He had every opportunity to look elsewhere. To love differently to give up and stop fighting to be with you. Yet he always chose you. He said once that despite having travelled to 3,294 universes, he really only needed you. His entire world.

And funnily enough you believed him.

[galedekarios]

the chosen's earring & the celestial spyglass (idle champions)

with idle champions releasing gale as a hero and revealing his age and alignment, there are also a bunch of items relating to him:

many of them have very sweet and cute descriptions, like a ball that gale tried to get tara to play with, lifting his spirits even tho tara didn't see the sense in it, or the collection of waterdhavian chapbooks that gale is glad are written at least in full sentences, the crystal ball used for divination as well as a helpful tool for shaving - but what caught my attention are two things that are more serious than the others:

The Chosen's Earring A symbol of Mystra's faith in me. Former faith, I suppose...

i found the wording here extremely interesting. there is a popular fanon theory that the earring is gale's focus, and it very well could still be.

yet the wording makes me thing that it's not something that he got for himself, but that it was something given to him. by mystra. a symbol to mark her newest chosen. a gift, but also expectations.

while idle champions is of course only a mobile game and we should probably take everything here with a big grain of salt, it's still interesting to me.

the other item that caught my eye was the celestial spyglass and its description:

Celestial Spyglass I like gazing at the heavens. To remember. And to forget.

this immediately stood out to me because it reminded me of gale's alternate astral sea / boat scene in act 3:

Gale: Quite the view, isn't it? The Outer Planes are a place of potential, somtimes overwhelming possibility. I conjured this illusion often during my confinement in Waterdeep. An escape for the mind where there was none for the body. It was easier to stare at the celestial abyss than recognise the emptiness within myself. Easier to pretend my destiny lay among such stars, than work to salvage a life on solid ground. You changed all that.

we also know that gale's tent still holds such a celestial spyglass:

he also comments on it if you explore the world and fine one, like in the abandoned wizard tower:

the "to remember. and to forget." is also very interesting here. i think from his act iii dialogue we can infer what he means by this and it tugs on my heartstrings the same way the alternate act 3 astral sea / boat scene does.

to remember the beauty of the weave, a time where he was all but one with it, where he glimpsed at those possibilities. and to forget, to forget all that came after, the crushing loneliness, the isolation, the abject feeling of failure and loss.

[rebeccathenaturalist]

hey there! fellow naturalist (albeit less experienced!) here! in regards to the AI-generated ID guides, do you have any advice for helping the general public learn to recognize them? are there any giveaways other than incorrect information a layperson might not pick up on that we can tell people to watch out for?

Hi, @fischotterkunst! It's a messy topic, to be sure, but here's what I've been seeing of these AI-generated texts, at least on Amazon:

--If you sort your search for "foraging book" or "mushroom hunting" or whatever search string you use by "Newest Arrivals", you'll notice that there is a glut of books that have come out in the past few weeks. Yes, there are always new books, but this is at a higher than normal rate, which suggests AI is behind at least some of them. There ARE occasionally real authors' books that just happened to come out recently, so don't dismiss every single book that is a fresh release. Use the other criteria below.

--They will invariably be self-published or from some publisher with zero online presence. Not a problem by itself; my own chapbooks are self-published on Amazon KDP. But they come out every three months, not every three days, because I am researching, writing, and editing them all myself, rather than churning out content with AI.

--The titles and subtitles are often very long and stuffed with keywords. They are obviously optimized for search engines rather than being descriptive of the book and they have a rather clunky fashion.

--Look for obvious typos and other errors; for example, in the image above we have "WILD MUSHROOM COOKBOOK FOR BEGINNER: The complete guide on mushroom foraging and cooking with delicious recipes to enjoy your favorite". It should be "for beginners", and the subtitle just...ends prematurely. Favorite what? Favorite mushrooms? Favorite cartoon characters? Favorite color? Also, while there are lot of variations on name spellings, "Magaret" instead of "Margaret" stands out as a possible fake in combination with other clues. (All her other books also have this spelling, though.)

--This is a BIG one: Who's the author? Check their bio. In the above image you'll see that "Jason Cones", the author of "The Wild Edible Plants Forager's Handbook: A Beginner's Guide to Safe Foraging, Including How to Identify Edible Plants, Learn About Their Medicinal Properties, and Prepare Them for Cooking", has a very generic picture and bio that has pretty obviously been generated by AI. If you search for him online, the only page for an author named Jason Cones is the Amazon author page--no website, no social media, no interviews, nada. Even a brand new author will at least have something other than their Amazon page, and they'll mention experience, credentials, other biographical info.

--Look at the author's other books. Magaret seems to focus on cookbooks of very specific sorts, but again they've all come out in a very short time. They also tend to often be on really super-specific niche subjects--this, again, is not a red flag in and of itself, but it's a common pattern with AI "authors". Jason Cones, on the other hand, has written over two dozen books not just about foraging but anger management techniques, acupressure, and weed gummies, and all of his titles have come out since last December.

--If all the books have the same cover but slight differences in title, it's also a big red flag. There are reputable publishers of regional foraging guides like Timber Press, but their books are written by multiple authors and have come out over a long stretch of years (plus they're a well-known publisher with a solid track record, online presence, etc.) Also notice the typos in the title and subtitle; everyone says "Mushroom Foraging", not "Mushrooms Foraging", and "Keep Track Your Mushroom Sightings" is missing "of".

--Compare the descriptions of multiples of these new books and you start seeing patterns. If you look at the images above, you'll notice that both Lorna K. Thompson's "Foraging Recipe Cookbook" and Kevin Page's "The Ultimate Foraging Guide for Seniors" have a very similar formulaic description. They start with a brief story about a person in a town or village who discovers some foraging secrets and then transforms his life, and then a list of things you're supposedly going to find in this seemingly miraculous book. This basically reads like "Hey, ChatGPT, tell me a story of a person who improved their life with foraging in two hundred words or less!" Also, the ends got cut off of my screen shot, but they both end with "GET YOUR COPY TODAY!"

I have not purchased any of these books to verify how awful the content is, but what little content I can see in the previews is uniformly formulaic and, again, reads like someone asked an AI to write content on a topic with some specific keywords thrown in. Needless to say, I do NOT recommend any of these books.

Also, I feel really bad for any actual authors who released their books in the past few months. They're likely getting drowned out by this AI junk, though hopefully they're getting enough attention for their work through their publishers, social media, etc. to get some sales. Support your real-life authors, and boycott AI!

Finally, PLEASE reblog this! It's really, really important that people know what to look for, and the more posts we have floating around with this info, the less likely it is someone's going to get poisoned by following what these books have to say.

[inkedwingss]

I’m not a performer. I’m just a poet.

And my poetry spreads its wings wide,

as I was blessed and cursed

with an inked heart.

These words might not even be mine!

I’m not a poet, I’m a prophet.

I tell myself the next paragraph.

Don’t ask me to perform—to breathe,

and to live and to fly

I must write—or die!

I’m not a prophet, I’m a poem

lacking words—ink spilt,

hungry lines.

“tracery” by timothy cleary

Keep reading to check what I have been up to.

So, yeah we are back at doing this:

And this:

And this (my wrists crying):

You have to understand I come from a lifetime of not finishing absolutely anything (except two novels). I mean relationships, projects, paintings, books, food, degrees, whatever you can name... I'm the queen of abandoning shit half done.

So the fact that I didn't drop all of this and that I'm still writing my novel, and my poetry chapbook while working a lot, and trying to read (because there is always a lot that I want to read and I end up not doing it enough nowadays), is amazing. Also, I managed to not give up the little zines yet. A miracle.

Just recently I managed to finish my literature/language degree (dropped uni 4 times). Just recently I managed to not run from a real relationship and get married (and very happily married, but only God knows how much my husband fought for me). Just recently I managed to stay, for the first time ever, in the same job for more than 6 months. Not giving up stuff is... New.

But I'm also trying to slow down and focus more on consistency than on doing too much all the time. No rush, no anxiety around it, just a gentle unfolding: one day at a time, enjoying the journey, yada yada. I'm ready for a burnout-free, but productive 2025.

I'm back at Substack (even though I cursed that platform and the vibe is still a bit off for me), because of how practical it is to do a classical blog style and their easy newsletter system...

If you want to get poems in your inbox, subscribe. I'm always uploading stuff there because it's easy, and if it gets too complicated, I will find excuses to give up creating. And what we don't create, consumes us. I know that too damn well.

This year was very important for me to remember that I'm a writer, to connect with some lovely people here and gather strength, but this is still... just my tumblr. And tumblr people can always find me on other platforms, but I'm not interested in other platforms finding me here. Truth be told being in this space since 2009... There is a language that I speak that is mine and mine only and I honestly enjoy tumblr as the quiet space with no expectations. This will never be my writing blog, but now I finally managed to put myself somewhere else.

Maybe it's because I'm not scared to call myself a writer anymore.

I wonder why I took so long.

__

✶ A big thanks to you, lovely people:

(let me know if you want to join or opt-out)

@caustic-splines @hersurvival @canibereborn

@soulstarscape @informedimagining @thedayoftherae

@sablewing @stumbling-through-time @burntblanc

@lelestarmy @fairytaleinagem @remnantofabrokensoul

@yakultstan @illarian-rambling @cssnder @crow-with-a-typewriter

[verysium]

what do you read in your spare time? you’re one of the most eloquent users i know, id love to hear how you find the media you consume and what your favorites are

omg ei 😊 welcome back to the inbox! thank you for your sweet words although i'm probably not qualified enough to be considered the full definition of eloquent. i am going to preface this post by saying that i definitely don't read as much as i should, so this list is not going to be comprehensive whatsoever. the last time i even visited an in-person library was like half a decade ago, and since then my spare time has been nonexistent lmao. anyways, here are some of my favorite/most recent reads as listed by author:

POETRY

richard siken: i think siken is already well-known both in the literary world and in whatever booktok deems is popular culture. if you don't already know him though, he is best known for his poetry collection crush, which delves into themes of obsession, gay love, and violent eroticism. i actually read this chapbook unknowingly. as in i was hounding sketchy pdf download sites at 3 AM and saw a man with bloodied lips on the cover and decided to read it. he basically became my summer fever dream after that. the way he juxtaposes images is seamless, smoother than water. only richard siken can talk about violence without making it sound violent. i also enjoyed his other poetry collection war of the foxes, especially "portrait of fryderyk in shifting light." i think light is a common motif throughout most of his poems, and he manipulates it effortlessly. the most recent piece i read from him is "piano lesson." i have nothing left to say that he didn't already say, so i would just recommend reading it for yourself. he is the og big brain when it comes to word play.

ocean vuong: he's unforgettable, and i mean that literally because nobody forgets a person named ocean. time is a mother was exactly what the name suggests: an exploration of grief, loss, and the rewind of time after his mother's death. some of the poems are almost cinematic in quality. "künstlerroman" is my favorite because it feels exactly like watching a video tape in reverse. i think his most famous work is "someday i'll love ocean vuong." it was the first piece i ever read from him, and to this day, it remains my comfort poem.

silas denver melvin: i only recently discovered him through his chapbook grit. i think he's also on tumblr @/sweatermuppet. he writes a lot on the trans experience, and his work gives me a mix of southern gothic and country vibes. would definitely read his other publications if i had the time.

chen chen: one thing about chen chen is that he always comes to devour. my favorite works from him are "self-portrait as so much potential" and "song of the anti-sisyphus." you have to put on your thinking cap for some of his poems, but once you grasp the meaning, everything makes sense all at once.

franny choi: "disaster means without a star" was the entire inspiration behind my first rin fic. i relate to her more personally in regards to the diaspora experience, but her collections are worth reading in general because of the sheer quality.

pages matam: his poem "piñata" was what got me into slam poetry. his work mostly consists of political commentary which i feel is particularly relevant in today's social climate. "on learning america's english" also resonates with people who have encountered the entire losing/learning immigrant tongues experience.

laura lamb brown-lavolie: i've only read one spoken word poem from her, and tbh i only needed to read one. "on this the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the titanic, we reconsider the buoyancy of the human heart" is my two-headed calf poem. one day i will get this tattooed.

brendan constantine: once again, this was the result of me being chronically online coupled with the boredom of an august heat wave. i found "the opposites game" through TED. honestly, i was a bit unsure about it at first, but it's a cute little poem that makes you really delve into the intricacies of craft.

TEEN POETRY & PROSE

yasmeen khan: she could mouth her words onto every square inch of my body, and i would still be coming back for more. ingraining them into flesh is not enough. "movie stars" is by far my favorite work from her. she writes about femininity and womanhood so profoundly. it's tragic, but really i wouldn't have it end any other way.

kaya dierks: her writing is basically middle-of-nowhere small town stoner teenage life but personified. "crushed" is my favorite piece from her. the soundtrack for this work was definitely by ethel cain, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

FICTION

madeline miller: i was first introduced to her when i read the song of achilles. let's just say that book had me nonverbal for the greater half of three months. it was my metaphorical hatchet. i buried it once, and i never want to dig it up again. i read circe a few years later. the first time was during the blue hour at an airport, right between one red-eye flight and another transfer. i don't even remember that experience because i was heavily sleep-deprived. i read it again recently for a literature course, this time for academic analysis. overall, i enjoy the the heroine-centric narrative. typically, i'm a bit wary of novels with heavy feminist themes because they either project their agenda too strongly or they run the risk of misrepresentation. circe doesn't exactly have that problem. it was more about empowerment and less about exercising power over others.

charlotte brontë: as a historical figure, brontë was questionable, but jane eyre most certainly was not. that book rewired my brain, and that is saying something because i have never read any classic by choice. and it is so important to me that jane was the ugliest, plainest girl you could ever imagine. also cus i unironically enjoy angst, and this book was full of dramatic misunderstandings.

yoko ogawa: i love japanese literature, so there is no reason not to include this one here. "a peddler of tears" is one of my favorite short stories. i did not expect the ending at all, but it was welcome. something about violence, body gore, and dismemberment being framed as romantic and semi-erotic just gets to me. sign me the hell up. hotel iris is a hit-or-miss with some people. either you like the fact that art makes you uncomfortable or you shut it down completely. for me, i was alright with exploring some of its darker themes, but read at your own discretion.

NONFICTION

ross gay: he lives up to his name both in optimism and in carefree joy. probably one of my favorite creative nonfiction authors simply based off the accessibility of his writing style. easy to read and understand but still hits you with the full force of a semi-truck. i would recommend his book inciting joy. it's a collection of essays that delve into grief, but since this is ross gay, he makes it seem like a quintessential part of life.

paul kalanithi: sixteen-year-old me was mind blown by him cus before that doctors were shrewish old men with bald spots and sterile coats, not poetic surgeons who dissected the anatomy of word and recited t.s. eliot in the most heart-wrenching way possible. he is everything i want to become in both life and death. when breath becomes air literally does take your breath away.

[wifelinkmtg]

mom said it's my turn with the five-dollar bill

hello! i've set up a ko-fi. you can give me money if you want. there's no emergency but i am one of those disabled broke transsexuals only just escaping a terrible and dare i say kafkaesque living situation, so it'd help.

WHAT YOU GET FOR THE MONEY

you know i'm gonna keep writing dumb horny reviews of magic card art as long as i stay interested, and when i stop being interested i'll start writing dumb horny reviews of something else.

i got a chapbook called WOLFCANNON coming out this year! it's about what if the roman republic'd had a multi-story wolf mecha that you could fuck. there will be an electronic version available for free, which will always be true of my poetry, but there will also be a physical version available! meanwhile here's the one poem i've bothered to get published in a journal that hasn't since gone defunct, RIP Entropy.

one life-changing* essay every year or so. here's a moodboard for the next one:

...and much more! probably. we'll see! i have so many projects back-burnered at any given time.

YOU WILL STILL BE ABLE TO GET ALL OF THESE THINGS FOR FREE JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR. BUT YOU CAN ALSO ELECT TO GIVE ME MONEY ABOUT IT

if you do, thank you! regardless, thank you all for reading my writing. i have accidentally built a small audience in maybe the dumbest way possible, and i am never going to be good about responding to replies or messages, but i do appreciate all of you, so, yeah, thanks. see y'all next time.

[pinetree-poet]

NOVEMBER POEM-A-DAY CHAPBOOK CHALLENGE: DAY 1 ~ BEFORE YOU LEAVE

BEFORE YOU LEAVE © 2024 - G. Smith (BMI) =================== I drove a truck for thirty-odd years, Countin’ the miles and shiftin' the gears, Haulin’ the lumber, movin' the steel, Chasin’ the white line, and turnin' the wheel.

I’ve been to Portland, I’ve been to Rome, But my favorite place was my bedroom at home. That’s where she waited, between every load, My one destination, whatever the road.

“Before you leave me, please tell me,” she’d say, “That you’ll come back to me, whatever, what may. “And know I’ll be waiting, with heart open wide. “So tell me you love me, and come be by my side.”

I pulled in one evenin’, after takin’ a call, And cancellin’ a trip, cancellin’ a haul. The doc said, “I’m sorry, she doesn’t have long, “And I cannot help with whatever is wrong.”

I looked at her sleeping, so peaceful, at rest, And knew in soul that my life had been blessed. And despite all the highways, and each traffic jam, She’s been the reason I am who I am.

“Before you leave me, please tell me,” I said, “That you know I love you, and I’m here by our bed. “And I know you’ll be waiting, with heart open wide, “At the gates up above, for me to be by your side. “I know you’ll be waiting for me to be by your side.”

[topazadine]

How to elevate your writing style with 6 simple hacks

Let's go through a few simple and easy tricks to make your writing masterful! No expensive writing courses - these are all so very free.

Read and write poetry

Use Microsoft Read Aloud

Develop your theory of mind

Be vaguer (within reason)

Listen to IRL conversations

Say less to do more

Read and write poetry

I often get complimented on my poetic writing style (no wonder my entire book series is about poetry magic). Here's what a professional editor said about the sixth book in the series, Poesy:

There's no real secret to how I have developed my style: the entire start of my journey, from about age 14 to age 26, was writing poetry. I read good novels and practiced my poetry in addition to getting my Brit Lit degree and all that stuff. (I have a chapbook out called The Lucretia Cycle, which is about my sexual assault at age 25. Trigger warning, obviously.)

Why is poetry so helpful for fiction writers? The word flow. Poetry is meant to be spoken aloud, so it needs to have a certain cadence.

As an aside, this is why I hate people who think you can just take a sentence and break it up however you want and call it poetry. No! They're different forms. You can use poetry to inform your fiction writing style, but it doesn't really work the other way around.

Anyway, practicing a lot of poetry helps develop your internal voice so that you can self-edit, improving your word flow and making for a smoother reading experience.

To write good poetry, just like with writing good fiction, you need to read good poetry first. Hunt up an anthology of celebrated writers, search "100 best poems of all time," stuff like that.

As a test for if a poem is good, read it aloud. If it makes no sense and sounds weird, then it's a bad poem.

Use Microsoft Read Aloud

This goes along with the abovementioned poetry: you want to develop a good word flow. Even if your readers aren't listening to an audiobook, most people have an internal voice that reads along with them, and they're going to get annoyed if your writing has a jangly, unpleasant flow. Of course, there are times when you do want a jangly, unpleasant flow, like when you're discussing something gross, but most of the time, you don't want that.

Hearing your work read aloud not only helps you catch typos, but it also lets you notice if you use the same word too many times; the Microsoft Read Aloud voice uses the same tone for the word every time so it'll be very apparent. You can also ensure that sentences flow smoothly with one another based on the practice you've done with poetry.

The other thing that Read Aloud helps with is punctuation, something that a lot of people struggle with. See, the way that we teach punctuation in school sucks because it doesn't point out that punctuation is basically stage directions for reading aloud; that's the whole reason it was invented. It helps group words together so that we understand how they are related and how we should verbalize them. Even if your punctuation isn't grammar-school perfect, it will make sense to readers if it helps them slow down at the right points.

My ultimate goal when revising is to put my headphones on, sit with some knitting, and not have to stop the Read Aloud for several pages. Once I've hit that point, I know I'm good to go.

Develop your Theory of Mind

Theory of Mind is the ability to understand that someone else may not have the same knowledge, experience, opinions, or beliefs that you do. It is a crucial skill for writers in a variety of ways; I'll detail a few of them now.

Being aware of audience. What enraptures us as a writer is not always what our readers will care about. This is why infodumping is annoying; it often is about the writer wanting to show off how smart they are and how much they have thought about their characters. Writing in an engaging way. Going along with this, good writers understand that their readers are likely not devoting their lives to any one book; they're able to recognize that their book is one of dozens or even hundreds that the reader will consume this year. As such, they push to make their book stand out by making it as intriguing as possible. My way of standing out is going all in on characterization, and including poetry, which is designed to be memorable. Considering a reader's blind spots. A great beta reader can help you with this, but if you have good ToM, you can rectify these errors yourself by remembering what you haven't told the reader yet - and what they need to know right this instant. It also ensures that you explain things in a way that makes sense to readers, such as remembering that not everyone knows the same pop culture references and may not be familiar with certain brands or objects. Understanding characters' perspectives. When my brother started reading my first book, 9 Years Yearning, one of the first things he said was something like "ugh Orrinir is SO down bad for Uileac!! Why can't Uileac see that!!" Well, because Uileac is a teenage boy who is also down bad for Orrinir but is terrified of pushing his closest friend away by confessing. Applying Theory of Mind allowed me to write a story where both characters are practically screaming their desire, but neither is willing to take the plunge. There's no forced miscommunication, just a very human reaction: accepting one pain (keeping one's feelings hidden) to avoid another, bigger pain (ruining a close friendship). Remembering what information only one character has. Especially crucial in mysteries and thrillers, but it applies to every book in some fashion. Your characters don't know what the other does unless they are a mind reader (unlikely), they are actually told the information direct from the source, or they sniff around and find it out.

Now, I know that some neurodivergencies have issues with Theory of Mind, but recent neuroscience demonstrates that there are actually a number of ways to improve your ToM.

If you have autism, schizophrenia, or other neurodivergencies, please don't think it's impossible for you to become a good writer; it's absolutely not.

Anyone can become a great writer if they work hard and practice. No matter your neurotype, no matter your background. I'd never gatekeep this beautiful art from anyone.

I've found some resources about improving theory of mind here and here, but there are many more out there. I'd also argue that dialectical behavioral therapy, targeted toward developing theory of mind, would be helpful too.

Be vaguer (within reason)

Keeping some mystery in your works is important for a few reasons.

Invites further reflection. When everything is spelled out for your readers, there's little room for them to come up with their own theories and perspectives on your writing. Gives readers autonomy. Readers like to take ownership of a world - that's why we have the entire genre of fanfic. Leaving some things open for interpretation helps them feel like they are part of the experience rather than a passive viewer. Helps your writing pass the sniff test. This is especially important for scifi or fantasy, but it matters in other genres too. Getting too specific gives readers a chance to go "well acktuahlly" if they happen to be more well-versed in a topic than you are. Blatant misinformation breaks their immersion. Avoids infodumps. Readers' eyes will glaze over if you throw too much information at them. Let them think. Sprinkling a few tidbits in here and there, then making the reader connect the dots, is far more enjoyable than a wall of irrelevant details.

The funny thing is that what I remember from texts is always the small and charming details rather than the big important plot points and explanations of the world mechanics. For example, it has been literally 20 years since I picked up a Redwall book, but I remember the sumptuous discussions of the feasts, with all the yummy cheeses and so on. I remember the discussions of the tapestries and the abbey's tall ceilings. Those are the memorable details, not the exact plot points.

What can you be vague about? Well, it really depends on what type of book you have - there's no one-size-fits-all rule. Make a hierarchy of things that are most important for readers to understand, and let everything else be background info.

In general, though, avoid specific measurements. Time, distance, weight, height, and so on, unless they are absolutely critical to the plot for some reason (unlikely). If you're wrong, readers will be very annoyed.

Listen to IRL conversations

I have a more in-depth guide to dialogue planned, so I'll leave this pretty short.

One of my favorite ways to improve dialogue is to watch interrogation videos. You have access to hours of unscripted conversations from a variety of people in all sorts of situations.

But, at the same time, you are not trying to figure out what to say in response to anything because you've not having a conversation. It can be challenging to notice verbal tics when you're working to digest and respond to someone else.

Another popular method is to just plop yourself down at a cafe, or bus, or whatever else, and quietly listen to others without seeming weird.

The important thing about both of these is to choose something where you are passively listening to someone speak without needing to contribute anything.

Do not rely on movies, or other books, or podcasts, or whatever, to build your dialogue skills. These are edited down and agonized over; they are not going to teach you how to sound natural. You need real-life examples.

Say less to do more

Good writing can do a lot of work without extra fluff because the writer is targeting multiple things at once. Excellent authors can build foreshadowing, demonstrate personality, worldbuild, and infuse themes just by having a character walk across a room, moving the plot forward without separating every single thing into its own point.

Sentences can be pretty short, less than two lines, and still powerful. For example, I'm proud of this part from my upcoming book, Pride Before a Fall.

As if a world-fever had broken: Orrinir woke feeling sluggish, mind full of marbles that rolled every time he moved. His first thought was of Uileac lain beside him, eyes closed and hair stiff with sweat. A bath would be in order, but later. Assuming the cavalryman even let him.

Clearly Orrinir had a rough night full of unexpected problems, and now he has a mental hangover. He's tired and has many disconnected thoughts rattling around in his head.

From the "world-fever" part and the fact that Uileac is covered in sweat, we can sense that Uileac was sick but the danger has now passed.

Uileac and Orrinir clearly had some sort of argument, and now Orrinir's not sure whether his partner will accept his care. We also guess that Orrinir desperately wants to help his partner and is kind of obsessed with him but also scared of rejection. He seems a bit snippy and resentful, too.

Each of these sentences is less than two lines, but they all get a lot done very quickly.

Note also that while I use two unique phrases in the first line, the rest of it is pretty plain. The reader can enjoy the interesting metaphor in the first line, then get back to more straightforward discussions afterward. It's not a 24/7 purple prose fest.

This is a very hard skill to learn; even after over 15 years of writing regularly, I'm still working on it. However, you can get to that point by just revising over and over again.

Write your draft in as much detail as possible, unconcerned with if it's wordy or messy. Then, figure out how you can say the same thing more concisely without losing the meaning. Go back in and do this again, and again, until every single word has a reason to be there.

I've created a masterlist of writing resources that you can peruse at your leisure, all for free.

The posts I write can sometimes take me hours - they're always intricate, always thoughtful.

I do this as a labor of love for the writing community, sharing what I have learned from almost 15 years of creative writing.

However, if you'd like to support me, maybe you'll consider buying my book?

At $0.99, that's about 7 cents for each minute you spent reading this post.

9 Years Yearning is a gay coming-of-age romance set in a fantasy world. It follows Uileac Korviridi, a young soldier training at the War Academy. His primary motivations are honoring the memory of his late parents, protecting his little sister Cerie, and becoming a top-notch soldier.

However, there's a problem: Orrinir Relickim, a rough and tough fellow pupil who just can't seem to leave Uileac alone.

The book features poetry, descriptions of a beautiful country inspired by Mongolia, and a whole lot of tsundere vibes.

You can also check it out on Goodreads for a list of expanded distribution. If you loved it, be sure to preorder Pride Before a Fall, arriving January 1, 2025!

If you do purchase my book, don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are vital for visibility on Amazon and help to support indie authors like me. Whenever you love a book, be sure to let the author know! It's much appreciated.

[fatimaamerbilal]

Forgive me if this has already been asked, but what exactly is moony moonless sky? Is there a place one might be able to access the whole thing, assuming it’s a poetry collection or chapbook?

P.s. your writing is incredible. Thank you for giving words to what most people can’t say or don’t understand. <3

hey, you absolutely don’t need to apologize. ‘moony moonless sky’ is just a compilation of poems i started writing when i was fifteen. i am not sure if it’s a poetry book or something else because the chances of its physical existence are quite thin. to answer your second question, i'm sorry, but as of right now, there’s no outlet for you to access the entire collection. i have been told that some people here would appreciate a pdf file containing all my work, so i have been working on that from time to time.

thank you so much for reading. i hope you’re having a great day!

[cog5]

Villainations on a Theme

Thinking up titles for these posts is the hardest part. Something else that’s difficult is trying to create variety in villains while writing a mega-dungeon. I first took the route of having the villain pop up here and there, to make them known, and give the adventure party a chance to interact with them. These interactions set the tone of who this person is. But in the last third of the dungeon, I started to really lean in on playing with different incarnations of the villain, to lean on some of the original facets of their core personality, but then also explore what they might be like if they had lost everything in their life, if they were all-powerful, if they were a puddle of living oil – things like that. 

See, this particular villain has a cloning machine that they use to clone themselves. An aspect of the adventure is that some of these clones have become aberrant, gaining unique powers of their own, or having different circumstances that cause them to diverge from the standard archetype of the villain I first started with. I don’t think I would have done this with a smaller adventure/dungeon, so it’s been an interesting side effect of writing a mega-dungeon where I am constantly scraping by, trying to generate unique ideas to come up with something new. It’s good mental exercise.

I don’t know if this approach works for everyone, but quantity has been effective in sifting out quality for me. That is, writing a lot helps to unearth interesting ideas. Proof to me that it’s worth sitting down and writing a little every day, even if everything that’s on the page doesn’t make it into a final draft. So much of what ended up in the final version did not exist last year during my initial drafts. 20 months later, the mega-dungeon has taken on a life of its own. Even in the final hours of writing yesterday, certain things just fell into place that I had not even been thinking about. It’s a unique sensation when things click like that.

I’ve come to a close on this mega-dungeon, finally. All 12 areas are complete, and I managed to squeeze in an intro and some adventure hooks. 240 pages, last I counted. I’ll likely do one more pass of proofreading, undoubtedly there are still typos, or miss-referenced locations. But it’s a load off for sure. Time to take a breather and focus on something new for a while. I appreciate everyone who has come along for the ride, thank you!

Things I’ve Been Playing

Role-playing adjacent, I picked up a very unique game called “Lost Worlds”. I had never heard of it before, and happened upon a stack of the play books at my local game store. It’s a game from the early 80s, and the mechanics are so utterly novel to me. It’s nice to be surprised. 

The best way I can describe it, is a mix between a choose-your-own adventure book, and a one on one character fighting game, ala Street Fighter, but with a fantasy theme. It’s all done with a couple of books. You and your opponent each have a character card that lists your moves like “down swing”, “thrust” and other “special” attacks. 

Then you exchange your book with your opponent and shout numbers at each other to perform your character’s moves. The numbers are listed on a matrix that correspond to pages. The matrix combinations define who parries, who hits, etc.

It’s fun not knowing exactly what move your opponent is going to pick, and when you have an advantage, you can press on it by picking a move that would score you a hit. There is a real sense of action. No dice, more of a rock-paper-scissors strategy with extra layers. It’s impressive, all being done with a couple of small chapbooks. 

Without knowing how it all works, it’s a bit like magic. After researching how it works (I won’t spoil it), it’s still pretty special. I could go on. So I will.

Another interesting thing about these books, the fact that the illustrations depict the action in first person. Meaning once you’ve exchanged your book with your opponent, you are seeing their character through your character’s eyes. That is, you see an illustration of them attacking you, or blocking your attacks. Pretty much every situation is accounted for. Fascinating stuff that I have just not seen anywhere else in this format. 

I guess this was based on an older game called Ace of Aces. An aerial combat game with similar mechanics. A bit of a rabbit hole for me, for sure. Love digging into this kind of thing.

And of course, you can run campaigns, and your characters can level up. It also mentions using the Lost Worlds battle system in place of traditional RPG combat, taking your Lost World characters into your favourite dungeon adventures. The game was popular in DnD’s early days – if I manage to get a B/X or OSE game up and running one of these days, I might just try this mash-up.

—

Alright, that’ll do for now. I believe I’ll take a break for a bit – see you around!

Oh yeah, go back Get it at Sutlers! Everyone needs a little more Troika! in their lives.

[crippleprophet]

Hello! Do you or your followers have any tips for attending an academic conference with chronic pain and mobility disability?

ooh okay this definitely isn’t universal bc the only conference i went to in person was fall 2019 & a huge biomedical engineering one, so both scale & the particular flavors of ableism may differ for you not to mention yk. covid. but here are my takeaways:

if you don’t have a motorized mobility aid you may want to rent one - i rented a mobility scooter for part of the time & immediately called to extend the rental for the full duration after getting there because the conference center was fucking massive. i definitely could not have physically walked it. so see if you can check the size ahead of time & plan accordingly - it sucks that disabled people have to put in so much effort but if it’s at a conference center calling the staff might help. if it’s at a university their access & accommodations office might have a relevant campus map

i stayed at the adjoining hotel also for access reasons (getting a mobility scooter into an uber is not my idea of a fun time) which was way more expensive than my colleagues who could share an air bnb. check with your department to see if they have conference funding! your university’s access & accommodations and/or financial aid offices also might have recommendations for funding options

if you’re doing a poster presentation & will be seated, a laser pointer might be helpful if you won’t be able to point at the top of the poster with your hand! someone also recommended i make little printed flyers with summaries, the main graphics, etc so i could talk to people directly more easily since i couldn’t present the “standard” way - your department should also be able to print that sort of thing for you if you’re interested

if the conference is at a university, check social media to see what disabled students are saying about access issues to anticipate etc

it’s gonna be ableist. again this is coming from my experience in BME which is super cure-oriented so it might not be universal, but however ableist you expect it to be, double that. i had at least two breakdowns over the 4 days about how hard it was to navigate the environment, how isolating it was, feeling like i wouldn’t be able to have a career in academia, etc. if at all possible, have a support system “on call” for you during this time - if you’re 18 or older & want to join my bitter cripple discord, feel free to dm me! i’d also think about learning about any disabled people in your field. & if you want some commiseration, i have several poems about my conference experience in my chapbook mountaintop (available free)

invest in a P100 respirator if you haven’t already! i have one of the kinda cyberpunk looking ones but people can be weird about it (moreso than they already are for masks they recognize), my gf uses the Flo Mask which is less obtrusive & really likes it

i hope that’s helpful! other folks feel free to add on, & please dm me or send another ask if you have more questions! i will leave you with two blessings, one from my first disability studies professor & the other from a longtime friend:

run people over.

take up space. take up more.

[decepti-thots]

Do you have any tips for getting back into reading?

I do, anon!

So for context, as I said previously, I went from reading 50+ books a year to 5-6 a year max for about half a decade. Most of this related to a longterm downswing in my overall health and my executive dysfunction specifically. I would pick books up and never finish them; my attention span was dead in the water, as was my motivation to even try half the time. It took a couple years of active effort to get back to a 3 book a month average. So here's a few subjective tips I personally found helped. They may not be useful for everyone, but this is what personally helped me!

Some of the techniques I used:

Follow your interest and enthusiasm, and don't be afraid to hop around books. I was stuck in a rut for ages where I'd start a book, lose steam, and vaguely want to read another one instead... but I insisted to myself 'no, I need to FINISH this one, I can read that one when I'm finished!' Obviously, I just never finished the books period, rather than methodically finishing everything one at a time, as I'd hoped I would. I read less, not more. The most important thing period is getting momentum back up; better 4 'still not finished'-s on the way to the book you unexpectedly finish in one sitting than nothing finished, and just a vague sense of guilt. If a new book calls to you and your current one feels interminable, seize that urge and start the second book so you can keep your motivation going. At least you're reading something then; the alternative was usually just not reading either book, for me.

Try some shorter books. I read a lot of novellas to get myself going again last year especially, and it was fantastic. Again, it helps get the momentum going, to be continually working up to longer stuff. (Plus novellas are just a great medium in their own right! Length =/= depth. SFF especially is having a real Novella Moment rn!) Hell, read short story collections, read poetry chapbooks, read plays- if you can only read 75 pages before losing steam, find a 75 page book worth reading. There's tons of them.

Try and carve out reasonably consistent times to read. For me, I started saying that after work most evenings if I was still awake really late, that was now book time, not Twitter/etc time. I read on my lunch a lot at work, and on Sunday afternoons. You don't need to be rigid, that can just be restrictive, but make it a routine you can easily make time for on a predictable basis without hoping you'll spontaneously 'feel like it'.

Read shit you love. This sounds obvious but like. You can't easily branch out of your comfort zone into more challenging-to-you stuff til you have the momentum going, IME. Start off reading the shit you know you like, heady intellectual ambitions be damned. Yeah yeah, reading outside your usual lane is often rewarding, but it'll wait a year til you get back in the swing of it. Read 50 romance novels in a row if that does that for you. The other books will wait. Likewise: reread shit you know inside out. Your to-read list will be here once you got a few of those old familiar faves in.

Those are the big things I guess. A lot of it was locating what really resulted in bottlenecks for me and tailoring what and how I read to them, instead of trying to force past them. Finding the books that fit what I could manage helped me reach a point now where I can read more broadly again. It's like building endurance, you can't start at 110%, I found.

[lvllns]

book recommendations!

i got tagged by @rosebarsoap and @narrativefoiltrope!! thank u both!!

i'm gonna taaaaag @pensdragon @pinkfey @waspgrave @venusmages @queerbrujas @princesshoneytea and anyone else who wishes to do this!!

the last book i read: excluding manga, the red threads of fortune by neon yang!

a book i recommend: always always always the darkness outside us by eliot schrefer. do you like science fiction? would you like to experience the slow unraveling of a mystery aboard a spaceship as two young men gradually fall in love amidst the backdrop of Shit Being Weird? do i have the book for you! i still think about this book two years later. it had me staring at the wall for three days after i finished it contemplating life and what it means to be human.

a book that i couldn't put down: i will not bang on about the previous book so here's a different queer science fiction novel, winter's orbit by everina maxwell. science fiction, political nonsense, trying to solve a murder, slowly falling in love. it's just so good.

a book i've read twice or more: i've read tithe by holly black like. a dozen times by this point. i love the modern faerie tale books so much.

a book on my TBR: re-coil by j.t. nicholas! more science fiction! this time with the ability for people's consciousnesses to be backed-up and then downloaded into a new body!

a book i've put down: i've only ever put down two books. thr*ne of glass and ac*tar. it's a no from me.

a book on my wishlist: somewhere beyond the sea by tj klune! the sequel to the house in the cerulean sea! i'm greatly looking forward to meeting back up with arthur, linus, and the entire group of kids.

a favorite book from my childhood: i can't pick one so the immortals quartet by tamora pierce!

a book you would give to a friend: the city of brass by s.a chakraborty. doesn't matter if you like fantasy or not. you get this book. read it. read the whole trilogy.

a book of poetry you own: cracks knuckles i'm actually sad bc i can't remember if i saved all my poetry chapbooks from undergrad :( however! the year of blue water by yanyi was. amazing. incredible. i know i saved it because it just changed me so fucking much. salat by dujie tahat was also fucking incredible. they spoke to my poetry class and they were a DELIGHT!

a nonfiction book: broken by fred kay which is about the suspicious death of alydar, a famous thoroughbred stallion.

what are you currently reading: the horse god built by lawrence scanlan which is about triple crown winner secretariat, focusing heavily on his groom, eddie "sweet" sweat, and the influence eddie had on the stallion. also diving into looking at how grooms, black grooms specifically, are often overlooked when it comes to the entire package of a race horse.

what are you planning on reading next: oh man probably intimacies, received by taneum bambrick, who was my poetry writing professor (and many other classes professor lmao), and it's a poetry chapbook! and then following that, i will probably pick the tensorate series back up with the descent of monsters by neon yang!