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oh-sweet-mama · 4 years ago

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𝐑𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞

T.W: !!TROS spoilers!! !!long!!, Sex, swearing, slight angst, I created a new term to fit into the story.

Y/n

"Help! Get medics!" Rey stumbled out of the falcon. People ran. They screamed. Voices collided together in the air. I needed a glimpse. Just a mere few seconds. His face- the memory was fuzzy.

My Ben was home. My heart throbbed. I remembered how he left me. He became Kylo Ren, the Jedi killer. Yet here he was, with a Jedi. Surrounded by Jedis. Rey, Finn, and Poe carried him out on a stretcher.

A tear slipped from my eye.

"Take care of my son." Admiral Leia begged.

"I will- I will I promise." I sob, holding her hand. Tears flowed down my face. It felt like my mother was dying before me. My body shook. Tremered with pain and loss.

There I saw him, clutching his side as he lay on the stretcher. His tunic was torn, and his was face beat up. Rey ran by his side, yelling incoherent things to him, holding his face.

I felt a twinge of jealousy. Storming off to my ship I board it. Punching a wall, leaving a dent, and knocking down several plants. Scattering dirt across the floor.

"You ok y/n?" Sallow asked. Swallowing a lump in my throat, I nodded silently. Plopping down on a couch to try to choke down my tears. "What's wrong Y/n/n?"

I shook my head. Smashing my fist down on the table. Accidentally breaking a chunk off.

"Now now! Watch the ship! I have to fly this thing!" Sallow tries to calm me down. I laugh.

"Thanks Sallow." I say wiping my tears.

Beep! Boop! Trill!

"Hey SB-3." I pat the small robots head. The droid climbs up my arm, gently nuzzling my head. (BD-1 anyone??).

"Master Y/l/n your presence is requested on the bridge."

"See you later Sallow" I say getting up. Fist bumping the captain.

——

"Come young Padawan, new experience to show you." The boy nodded.

Swiping on the small electronic pad, I read the letter Admiral Leia had left me. I kept my tears at bay the best I could.

Waking briskly down the halls, my Padawan at my side, I took long strides hoping to arrive quickly.

"Where are we going Master Y/l/n?" The teenage boy asked.

"Admiral Leia asked us to escort her son, Master Rey, admiral Poe, and General Finn around camp, ensuring their safety, as they settle into the base, before she-" I bit my lip at the end of my sentence (She sounds like a female Obi-Wan).

We turned a corner, walking into a smaller control room.

We both bowed, bending at the waist. Showing upmost respect for the 'upperclassmen'.

I looked up. Seeing Ben and Rey both sitting together on a couch. Finn and Poe were talking to each other around a map table.

"Good to see you master Y/l/n," Poe bowed, "now would you like to review the map of the new base?"

"Yes of course Admiral, please call me y/n, no need for such tittles." I chucked. We stood around a blue glowing hologram. Showing all of the terrain, structures, and mechanics.

I felt a lingering stare. Unsure of who it was.

Suddenly my padawan leaned into my ear. "Obi-Wan Kenobi is at fault for the rise of Darth Vader." He whispered.

I whirled around. Within seconds the padawans head hit the floor. Sparks popped. Wires and bolts hit the floor.

The force shriveled his lightsaber, biding to my anger. Crushing the Kyber crystal into dust.

I turned back around, putting my lightsaber back on to my belt. The blood stained the edges of my robes.

Silence echoed around the room.

"Another one." I state nonchalantly pain cracking in my voice. Poe looked disheartened. He had taken a liking to Padawan Joshuk.

"Why- why did you kill him?" Ben choked out.

"He was apart of a rising evil in the galaxy. They're robots- or part of one. The first order kidnaps a child, implant prosthetics into them, then sends them out to kill. They are next to try to wipe the galaxy of all force sensitive people, users, and- me." I say.

I was frustrated and annoyed. My heart was being crushed by every passing second.

Ben doesn't remember me, since he is blinded by his love for Rey.

"Listen to me," Ben tilted my chin up to look at him. "I'll love you forever, no matter who I meet, who I become, or what happens."

"I love you Ben, please- please don't leave!" I crash into his chest, sobbing.

"I'll never be truly gone my love, I'll always be by your side, I promise."

The academy burned down,

Luke was gone,

Ben was gone,

Kylo Ren rose,

Ben Solo fell.

I hit my fist on the side of the map table. The light flickered.

"Where do these kids keep coming from?" I think aloud.

"I don't know, but however their being turned, we need to find out a way to stop it." Finn said.

"I spoke to Master Qui-Gon today, he told me many stories of young padawans and force sensitive individuals. Though he's never seen anything of this before." I explain.

"Wait how could you talk to Qui-Gon?" Rey got up in my face. She smelled of sweat and blood.

"Master- Qui-Gon. I am a kosmker. Meaning 'world between worlds walker'," I scan the table looking at the map of camp. Studying infer structure and mechanics.

"I've never heard of that." Ben said behind me. His voice was muffled.

He thinks I'm a murder.

A tear falls from my face. A hand rests on my shoulder. Knowing who it was I didn't panic.

"He doesn't think you're a murder y/n, he's afraid of who he was. My Ben,0 thinks he's a monster. He still loves you Y/n/n."

I shake my head. Letting the tears flow freely. I couldn't hold it back any longer. Poe rubbed my shoulder. Me and him had gotten close.

"I'm sorry," I breathed trying to stop myself from crying. "She's-"

"I know- I know." Poe tried to comfort me. I could hear the pain in his voice.

I took a breath and cleared my throat.

"My apologizes." The room was quiet. "It would be my honor to show you around camp, however Master Ben and Master Rey have had a cruel day, I can show them to their personal quarters, whilst showing admiral Poe and General Finn around camp in depth."

"That would be great y/n." Poe smiled at me. I nodded.

I held the doors open for them.

Boop! Beep! Trill!

"Aw your antenna is bent." I bent the droids antenna back. Earning a happy trill in response. "This is SB-3 everyone, everyone SB-3."

————

"Here is your quarters, Master Ben." I escorted Ben to his room. I had already dropped Poe, Finn, and Rey off.

"Wait, Y/n/n-" Ben grabbed my arm.

"How-" I stumbled on my words.

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry for leaving you- I-" Bens voice cracked, his brown eyes became glassy. I opened the door to his personal quarters. Taking him gently by the hand, I lead him in.

"It's ok Master Ben, you'll be fine, with time, rest, and care." I said to him, leading him over to his bed.

"Please- don't call me Master- I don't even deserve that tittle." He cries.

"Sorry- well I think you deserve the world- Ben." I tell him, trying to be transparent.

"I remember you Y/n/n- I never- ever forgot you- even for a second. I never ever-" he sobbed.

"I saw you and Rey- I felt a connection-" I croaked.

"I know- I know- you- I've realized why the force brought me and Rey together! It wanted- it needed me to find you!" Ben said, he was almost desperate to get his point across. "I love you Y/n/n- I've never stopped loving you ever- I need you! You've held me together all of these years."

Tears were pouring down his face. Pieces of his hair was sticking to his face where he wiped his tears.

I got closer to him. Taking his face into my hands. I wiped my thumb pads over his face wiping the warm tears off his face.

"you love me Ben Solo?" I asked, anxiety rising in my chest. It was almost suffocating me.

"Yes, I'll never stop loving you- ever." He cried.

He hooked an arm around my waist. Pulling me into him. I was thrown back to that night.

"I love you Ben please- please don't leave."

"I love you Ben please- please don't leave." I sobbed.

He held me tighter.

"I never left, I was always by your side, but I'll never leave now." He sobbed into my stomach. I pulled back letting my hair out of the buns on my head.

I tried to get out of his grip. I needed to leave, he was destined to be with Master Rey- not me.

"Don't leave- please don't leave-." He cried.

"Let's get you some new clothes and cleaned up ok Ben." I tried to soothe him.

He nodded still holding onto me like a toddler. I pulled away grabbing his hand. I started the shower. Finding soft scented soaps, and fluffy towels. A fresh set of clothes, just laundered and still warm sat folded on the counter for him.

"Ben," I cooed out to him. "Ben, the water is warm."

I ducked my head out of the bathroom to find the man. I scanned the room.

"Ben?" I was starting to get worried. I heard the door click and he walked in. "Oh there you are. The water is ready for you Ben."

He nodded silently. He wouldn't face me.

"Y/n”

"Please Ben just-" I sighed that was his nick name for me, "just call me y/n- please."

He was ripping my heart out and stomping on it every time he called me 'Y/n/n”

"y/n- where's my mom? I heard her call out to me on exogol. Where. Is. She?" He begged. Distressed.

"Ben- shes- gone, one with the force. She asked me to take care of you. I held her hand-" I choked. "I uh- I have to go-"

I pushed passed him. The hurt. the pain. It was to much. I sped off to my ship. Boarding it. Slamming the door to the private quarters. SB-3 jumped off my shoulder to his work area.

He had found a droid similar to his model on a recent planet we had visited. The still room often was filled with sounds of sparks and metal clanking softly.

I kicked my boots off my feet and tore my robes off my shoulders. Pulling my comforter over my body I tried to hide from the reality of my life.

I let silent tears flow down my face. Curling the knees closer to my chest I tried to drown my breaking heart.

Be-beep-

I looked up. The other droid SB-3 had been working on slowly started to power up.

"SB! You did it!" I whispered out to him.

Soft trills and beeps bounced off the walls from the communicating droids.

I dozed off. Hurt, pain, and loss consuming me.

———

Knock Knock!

"Kid! Come out here please- I know you're not doin' to good- but just please come join us-" sallows muffled voice called from the other side of my door.

I sat up. My head spinning and white stars danced in my vision.

Slumping on the couch, I scan the room for Sallow.

"Ben?" I ask.

"Yes- I- I cant be without you! Please-" he begs me.

I rub my eyes.

"Let's go back to your quarters it's- quieter."

"Ok- here take my hand I don't want to lose you." Ben cooed at me.

I felt my heart flutter. Ben played with the ring on my finger.

I swam through the crowd of the celebrating resistance. Ben had laced his fingers into mine. I could feel the force oddly connecting us. Past Jedi's were murmuring incoherent words and phrases into my ears.

We slipped into the private quarters section of the inside base. Ben punched in his room pin. The door unlocked with a click.

I took a seat on the desk chair across from his bed.

Ben sat on his bed. Looking up at him, my vision cleared and, fully awake, i take in details of his appearance.

He was built like a warrior- a weapon. His tall frame was with padded with muscle. His hair was longer than I had remembered. Still it beautifully framed his face. Which had a few cuts and bruises. Though i noticed his tear stained face, rosy cheeks, and red nose.

"So how are you feeling?" I asked trying to break the silence floating around in the room.

"Better? It's different here, I guess. Loud- yet quiet?" He tried to explain his new surrounding. I chuckled lowly. "That ring- I gave it to you didn't I?"

"Yes, right before you left- you got down on one knee- and proposed your love for me." I sniffled "I've never taken it off- all these years."

Ben stood walking over to me and wrapping his arms around me. I snaked my arms around his neck, holding on with the desire to never let go. Suddenly my back hit his mattress.

Confusion stormed my emotions. He left my lips. Hungrily kissing down my jaw and onto my neck. Leaving hickeys. I realized I had forgotten my robes. Leaving me in my under shirt and jeans.

"Ben?"

"Yes?"

"What- what are you doing?"

"I'm going to rekindle the love we never was lost." He said and continued down my body. Ben unbuttoned my top. "Do you want me- this?"

"Yes?" I whispered out to the air, unsure, of this fate I was approaching. I was never one to have sexual desires. I guess I had always subconsciously saved myself for Ben.

"Why so unsure princess?" He asked.

"Well- I've- I've never uh done anything like this before." I said, almost whispering. He brought it head up with surprise.

"Ever? Have you ever had sex?" He asked. I dropped my eyes, my face heating.

"No-" I mumble

"Have you ever- touched yourself?" Ben seemed surprised.

"No- no not ever- I mean- I wash-" I brought my hands over my chest. He laughed lowly.

"No I meant like pleasure?" I could hear the cocky side of him start to show.

"No-"

"Ok well- I guess I get to enjoy pleasuring you." He hesitates "do you want this?"

I felt a knot in my stomach . I was too afraid I didn't want to admit it, I did want him. I wanted this.

"I- I do- am I- are we supposed to do this?" I asked.

"Yes, I want this- you want this- the force wants this." He says coming back up to my face. I look up at him.

"Rey is in love with you- this might have have to a one-"

"No- it will never be a one time thing, this will be forever." Ben states. I felt his fingers graze the hem of my shirt. I threw my arms up allowing The shirt to be removed from my body.

Ben slipped one hand behind my back unhooking my bra. I felt the chilly air nip at my heated skin. Insecurity crept into the back of my mind causing me to fold my arms over my chest.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I've never had anyone seen me this bare." I said. He gently took my wrists and pinned them above my head. Ben kisses down my jaw leaving hickeys. As he was working down my neck. He lips hit a sensitive spot on my neck I never knew I had.

A moan slips passed my lips. A warm feeling washed over me as Ben sucked on the spot on my neck. The feeling was foreign but good. He worked down my body onto my chest. His left had gently massaged my breast.

"Shit-" I clasped my hand over my mouth not knowing where the profanity had come from.

"It's alright princess- it feels good, don't me ashamed about it."

My face heated up even warmer. He swirled his tongue around my right nipple. Pleasure exploded over my chest causing me to arch my back off his bed.

He kissed down my stomach leaving a darker trail of hickeys. Ben pulled down my pants leaving me nearly naked. My breathing quickened and my heart beat against my sternum.

"Ben, I'm scared." I whispered. Ben crawled up to my face. "I've never done this before."

"It's fine, I won't go down there if you don't want me to this time." Ben whispered.

"Ok, next time?" I said.

"Oh, for sure, and every other time after that." He whispered down my jaw. "Do you still want to?"

"Yea, I love you Ben."

"I know-" he pulled my panties down. Ben pulled his shirt over his head leaving his toned chest bare. He guided my hands on to his chest. I glided my hands over all of his muscles. His skin was soft and twitched every now and then, not used to touch.

He pulled his pants off. I started to feel wet?

"Ben,"

"Yes princess?"

"I'm wet? Down there?" I was embarrassed needless to say. I had never experienced this before.

"That's good, that means you want this." Ben said seductively.

He pulled my panties off, leaving me completely vulnerable under him. I felt an ache? Or a need, a longing. I needed him between my thighs.

Ben grinds his clothed lower half into mind. Earring a desperate whimper from me.

"Ben- Ben, I need you- please!" I moaned.

"Ok well- we might have a slight delay- um since you've never done anything like this before- I might have to prep you- are you ready?" Ben sounded flustered. I looked up at him- his face was red.

"Ok- please- I need- something-" I moaned, getting even more desperate by the second.

Ben lowered down- collecting some of arousal onto his fingers- he stilled right before my entrance.

"Tell me if it ever hurts or feels uncomfortable ok?" Ben instructed me. I nodded.

He inserted one finger- it felt weird- yet it calmed some of the aching fires. Ben added another digit, he slowly pumped. I bit my it stung. He started to scissor inside of me with his fingers- stretching me?

"Ben why do you need to do this?" I asked.

"So I don't hurt you with- with me-." Ben said. He suddenly started to rub a sensitive spot on the outside.

"Shit-" I moaned. Suddenly he stopped. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion.

"Ok you should be good- plus if i go any longer-." He growled lowly.

He came back up to my face, briefly connecting our lips in a passionate kiss. Ben laced our fingers together. "Tell me to stop at any point ok?"

I nodded once again. My legs instinctively wrapped around Bens narrow waist. I could feel him at my entrance once again. I unlaced my fingers from his and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Ben slowly pushes in. He finally stilled. His hips flush against mine. I felt my eye water a bit.

"Ok- move?" I said barley above a whisper. He started a slow pace. It was a mere few seconds before my body exploded with pleasure. I felt the heat creep up through my body. It went to my fingertips. Through my veins. "Shit- Ben-"

I let go of his neck. Gripping the sheets.

He sped up just enough to hit my sweet spot with every thrust. I choked on air.

"Fuck Y/n" Ben moaned in my neck. He started on his trail of hickeys and love bites on my neck again.

There was a tightening in my stomach. I clenched around him. The feeling of having Ben inside was foreign- he was warm- but he was bringing me unbelievable pleasure that I never knew existed.

"I feel it too Y/n- let it go." Ben told me. I didn't know exactly what he was taking about. Suddenly a wave of pleasure knocked my vision into white light.

I was moaning Bens name repeatedly as waves of pleasure ran through me. Ben bucked his hips into mine chasing his white vision.

He suddenly stilled.

"Fuck y/n- shit- that was good-" he moaned. Ben left my heat and grabbed a cloth off of his bed side stand.

"Oh so you were expecting this." I laughed.

"Almost used it for something else." Ben mumbled.

"What was the 'white vision'?" I asked.

"White vision? You mean an orgasm? You don't know what an orgasm is?" Ben look up at me as he was cleaning me up.

"Well I'm sorry I chose the path of the Jedi- I was taught ancient ways."

"Sure like no-sex-no-pleasure kinda way!" He laughed.

"Sure yea! Make fun of me all you want!" I laughed, "Ben?"

"Yes?"

"Will you come cuddle with me?"

"Of course princess."

He dropped the rag on the floor, and we snuggled up together. Ben pulled his comforter up over us.

I love you Ben Solo

I love you too, never won't, now stay with me.

Of course.

3544 words

#ben solo #Ben solo smut #Ben solo x reader #Ben solo angst

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