#here enjoy a completely pointless gifset just because

[danielsarmand]

do you like me? you've been shadowing me. you refuse to leave. our conversation isn't going anywhere. what am i supposed to think?

[nincompoopydoo]

DEBRIS AND MISERY

CURIOUS MINDS THINK ALIKE ; PART 5 / ?

PAIRING: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader WORD COUNT: 3.1k SUMMARY: Through guessing games and walking on eggshells, it’s you and Loki that dance the strange choreography of two curious minds trying to figure out the other. A/N: Slow moving chapter! If any of you speak Norwegian and know that sentence is wrong, please tell me! I took a risk, not sure if it's worth it. Anyways, I promise there’s more stuff coming in the next chapters. Tell me anything about this chapter, what you love, what you hate. Enjoy xo gif from this gifset by@marvelheroes WARNINGS: Swearing? More paperwork. support my writing through ko-fi💖 MASTERPOST ; MASTERLIST

The narration of Miss Minutes accompanying the grainy animated graphics of a training video on how, why, and when a branch of a timeline is reset seems to be the source of Loki’s absentmindedness. If he is typically referred to as outrageously and mostly unnecessarily communicative, it is his mind that beats his mouth—the tumult of his thoughts is loud and overwhelming like the people who amass at taverns every evening to drink themselves silly whilst singing jolly drinking songs until the wee hours of the morning. Except, his thoughts are far from jolly. He, mastermind of language and a silver-tongue, has no words of any language to describe the complexity of his mind with accuracy.

Kraftig regn som faller i en fossende elv.

Like heavy rain falling on a cascading river. Water from the sky on water streaming through the ground—thunderous raindrops from above against the river that strikes every rock of every winding turn.

Those were the words of his mother.

Maybe, that’s how his mind should be described.

It’s the mechanical creaks of spinning wheels against the polished floor that pulls him out of his thoughts and finds that he had been staring blankly at a page of men riding jet skis of a magazine he'd nipped from the stack of junk on Mobius’ desk for the last minute or hour. A second or a day? He isn’t sure.

Time works differently at the TVA.

“Hey Casey,” he hears you chime, the cart squeaks as it pulls to a halt. “Do you have a paperweight or something I could use?”

There’s a sound of rummaging as the clerk searches the drawers. Loki restrains the urge to look.

“Uh, yeah...Here.”

“Thanks.”

Probably an infinity stone.

The clerk then wheels by, pushing the evidence cart as he casts a cautious glance his way.

Right. He did threaten to gut him like a fish earlier on although the threat was not as deadly as he intended but proved to be surprisingly effective. Yet, Casey is probably the type to be afraid of his own shadow, he would comply with any sort of threat even if it isn't death.

Pathetic. But amusing.

The training video continues to play in the background, and Miss Minutes’ stupidly charming and cheery voice is starting to sound like gibberish to him. At this rate, it’s white noise to him—attention elsewhere but somewhat listening to a certain extent. He loves multi-tasking and isn’t afraid to admit he’s great at it though it likely plays a huge factor in contributing to the uproar of his brain. It’s why he doesn’t get any sleep for most nights.

There’s just...so much to think about.

And now, it’s filled with the reminder of how you met another version of him. Somewhere. Sometime. An inferior Loki, obviously.

Suddenly, the jet ski magazine becomes less interesting, his mind fleeting.

Discreetly, he spins in his swivel chair and sees you through inked writings and diagrams on the glass partition of your cubicle. Your coat’s discarded, and you have your sleeves rolled up, looking less formal, less tense than before. Yet, still as fierce with that constant scowl of your brows. He watches you bring your fingers to scratch the left side of your cheek and notices a vague resemblance of a fading scar.

He hadn’t seen that before.

The glowing orange hue of the soul stone sits idly on top of a stack of papers beside you.

Loki makes some sort of contemptuous noise in his mind at the sight.

The TVA is a strange place. The thought of a cosmic organization that overlooks all of the time doesn’t make it any less weird and neither do the uniforms—dull color combinations and collars that never seem to end. And the Time-Keepers, well, he isn’t sure what to make of that. Things are a little too straightforward, too simple for handling such a complex matter of the universe—Time. It doesn't make sense.

You spark his curiosity. You had a connection with him. Another Loki trusted you to a certain extent. He wonders what makes you so special, that Mobius was willing to try everything to convince you to help.

He also wonders what your name is.

The clearing of his throat comes off as a sudden and disruptive sound that resonates clearly through the somewhat silent environment of the office floor. A subtle way to gaining your attention although it's proving ineffective. You continue to flip through documents, scribbling notes on a notepad.

He wheels his chair closer to you. For a moment, he catches sight of a white mug amongst the mess. It says, 'Rocket scientist at work.' There’s no way a person as intimidating as you have that kind of mug.

He clears his throat once more.

Still nothing. It’s like he doesn't exist to you.

Then, he notes your vague attempt to fight down a growing smile.

Oh. Oh. You—

Hm.

He scooches closer and taps on the glass partition a little too aggressively.

“I know you can hear me.”

His tone comes out in a sing-song manner. Finally, your eyes turn up to meet his. They are different from when you first saw him emerged into the hallway. Less angry and shocked. Now, you just look unimpressed.

Loki somehow thinks it’s a great idea to charm his way to you.

A grin finds his way to his lips, curving widely with oozing allure.

Or so he thinks.

“Pardon me, but I believe we haven’t properly met and I didn’t catch your name earlier on.”

You don’t say anything, only blink in response.

Tough crowd.

Loki shifts in his seat.

“...What is your name?”

He articulates his words with care, and he doesn’t know why he finds it a need to tread lightly around you. Like with a touch, you will transform into a fiery beast from his childhood nightmares and eat him alive.

You and Mobius are polar opposites—personality-wise. It’s a wonder how the two of you get along.

Do you scare him? No. Definitely not.

Do you intimidate him? Perhaps. But, he will never admit it.

Maybe it’s the way you’re gazing at him with that constant, deafening deadpan look.

Then, you finally give him an answer.

“Agent.”

And with that, you're back to scribbling notes on a notepad.

Agent.

Loki scoffs silently to himself.

Well, that turned out to be completely pointless.

He turns his back to you, returning to scanning through Mobius' jet ski magazine within his grasp.

Loki doesn’t see how you’re now staring at the back of his figure, tapping your pen against the notepad absentmindedly.

Curious minds think alike.

-

You needed a change of scenery.

With all the noise of the muffling narration of the training videos from Mobius’ desk, you began to feel like you forgot how to do your job. The only job you were created for. The disturbance seems to be putting your brain into a frenzy and it’s preventing you from getting your head straight on report protocols. Trying to think of better words to describe the things you’ve seen on Sakaar that weren’t words that meant trash and didn’t end up sounding unintentionally sexual, is where you draw the line.

Times are hard for the variant turned analyst.

The archives are serene amid your solitude. Extensive tables hidden between shelves of identical-looking binders that expanded throughout the hundreds of floors of the building. The spot that overlooks the three looming statues of the Time-Keepers is your favorite. The occasional swish of a passing elevator calms your nerves from all the frustration and pressure ever since you were released from your arrest. You’re just happy to be somewhere familiar although it’s not home.

Although all distractions are gone, you manage to find new ones as you gaze at the glowing ‘357’ signage from across the building as you decide to let your thoughts run for just a little while. You feel like you’re looking through foggy glasses and your brain feels like it’s about to shut down any moment.

Dream away the pain, then.

Then, you hear a voice from afar. Two voices. It’s Mobius; you’ll recognize that quintessential Texan accent anywhere from the times he would rave about a new jet ski magazine he’d found on a mission...something along those lines.

Much to your chagrin, you also hear Loki with that irritatingly posh accent of his.

You should probably move somewhere else. Run and hide before you're being pulled even more into this mess because you know Mobius is trying to get you to spend as much time with the variant turned analyst to gain trust.

You’re still not sure how it’s helping with his case. Loki has better trust in Mobius than you as far as you’re concerned.

Before you could even gather the mess of your files, the two men you’ve been trying to escape are already by the desk you’re sitting at. You suddenly notice the stack of files on the other end of the desk, not remembering seeing the archivist putting that there.

Crap.

“Let me park ya at this desk and don’t be afraid to really lean into this work...”

You look like a deer caught in the headlights, signaling to Mobius that you really don’t want to share a desk with Loki. He continues to speak to him, ignoring your silent plea. Then, he gestures to the seat across from you.

There’s still time to leave.

Mobius addresses you with the stretch of his pointer finger.

“You, keep an eye on him. I’m gonna get a snack.”

Well, too late.

With a turn of a heel, you and Loki watch him walk away and pass neverending shelves of the archives. Once again, the two of you are left alone in the silence and the white noise of the TVA.

You meet each other's eyes at the same time, struck with the thought that you and he will probably be seeing each other a lot until the Loki variant is arrested. Plus, you’re tired of giving him the cold shoulder although you believe he deserves it.

This is a different Loki. The one who’s still power-hungry. The one who still wants to rule.

Time to start fresh.

You notice he now wears a jacket, a color somewhere between green, grey, and brown with a striking image of the TVA’s official badge above his chest. The lapels of his jacket jut out in an attempt to replicate his sense of pride and confidence.

He must have been on a trip with Mobius to the Renaissance Faire in Wisconsin, 1985. Oh, how you would kill to tag along. Everyone who knows you knows about your obsession with Earth’s music pop culture, specifically the 1980s. It explains the cassettes you have lying around. Your apartment has more of it.

Unfortunately, you're grounded. That's reality.

Thus, you decide that Loki deserves a second chance because he’s also somehow looking at you for some kind of approval. You’re starting to wonder if this is the same Loki that was tapping aggressively on your cubicle earlier on.

With an open palm, you gesture to the empty seat surrounded by stacks of binders and folders. It's the first time he has experienced some kind of acknowledgment of his presence that you weren’t ranting or screaming about. Oddly calm. Oddly inviting. Momentarily, he shifts in his stance, eyes darting between a fading figure of Mobius rounding the corner and to the seat, across from you.

The air is tense. However, still breathable.

Loki slides into the seat, legs shifting under the desk as it brushes against your by accident. You shoot him a pointed look, and he responds with a coy expression, blinking at you innocently. It’s mischievous.

Classic Loki.

You turn back to your case file, ignoring the way his gaze seems to burn holes into the side of your face for a fleeting moment before flipping a binder open from the stack to his left.

-

You snore when you sleep.

Loki wouldn’t describe it as a snore; it's more of a wheeze. Soft and subtle but it’s there, cutting through the ambiance of the archives, drifting and resonating in his ears. Through turning pages, uttering words to himself for his amusement, and having an irritating lady shush him for that, he realized how it became a lot quieter. The grazing sound of pen furiously scribbling words onto the yellow notepad has stopped.

Then, he hears it. Your pathetic snores. Your cheek is unceremoniously pressed against the back of your hand while the other holds the orange pen that’s still pinned down on the paper, mid-scrawl. The tip of the ballpoint pen sits idly, halfway through the curved stroke of the last letter of the word, ‘debris.’ He cranes his neck, face tilting in an attempt to read the chicken scratchings of your handwriting.

0132: L1190 hauls me through the time door and I miserably land on Sakaar, the planet of wastelands and debris.

You are quite...miserable. In a comical way. And he knows how much you hated your time on Sakaar—Mobius warned him of your apparent irritation in reminiscent of being stranded and then having to resume paperwork immediately. He wonders if he, too, is the reason for another boiling rage.

Apparently, you were pardoned on behalf of not only Mobius but the Time-Keepers as well.

You, an agent, are recognized by the holy and almighty Time-Keepers.

You, an agent, who sleeps with your mouth agape.

The statues of the TVA’s creators loom over him like they’re watching his every step. Every movement. Every lingering thought. Right now, he has the urge to uncover, perhaps deduce, the holes within this whole mess. In a carefully calculated and discrete movement, he reaches to prod you on the forearm. You don’t move.

He prods you again.

You still don’t move.

Now, Loki is trying to chat up the archivist who watches him through narrowed eyes, glasses framing the austere and rigid structure of her face, in favor of files that turn out to be classified.

Classified, classified, classified. Only able to gain access to his own file.

His journey from the desk proved to be useless and unproductive although the much-needed stretch somehow made it a little worthwhile.

When he returns, you're surprisingly still asleep, brow twitching and lips still parted.

Aren’t you supposed to be keeping an eye on him?

The pen you held has now left your grasp, rolled over to his stack of binders. He notices the words inscribed on it, ‘Mars is there, waiting to be reached.'

Through your fury and chaos, he knows there’s a part of you that feels, a part of you that loves. And you love everything about the Midgardians’ space program. It's shown in the way you cling to collected memorabilia.

There are dark circles that adorn your shut eyes, barely hidden under your lashes. You’re exhausted, fractured.

Loki is having a difficult time trying to suppress how he likes the way the frizz of your hair glows against the glowing table lamps from the desk behind you. You’re raw, flaws presented on a silver platter for everyone to see. Maybe, that’s the reason why you entice him the way you do.

He’s staring. Right. Back to work.

Loki returns to running through neverending case files, engrossed in the pixelated monochrome images that accompany the monospace typeface of endless reports.

Then, he sees it.

‘Destruction of Asgard’ in big, bold, and red letters. It glares at him sharply, images of his once divine home of Asgard, crumbling at the feet of Surtur. Buildings, people, engulfed in the flames of the fire demon. The prophecy of the end, Ragnarok—it was meant to be.

His home, it still was. Although an untrue Asgardian.

He knows how it ends. He knows he dies. He wishes his true self, the one on the Sacred Timeline, could have done more.

He doesn’t realize the forming tears that linger. He doesn’t realize that in the sense of premonition, you’ve awakened. He doesn’t realize that even with sleepy eyes, you notice the grief that glints in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

With three words, you’ve struck him with those eyes that seemed all-knowing. You see through the facade he has created, sealing the true nature of what is truly a child that is afraid of his destiny and to lose all he had ever known. His mother, father, and brother. His people. You see through it all.

You know that face. You’d seen it on Sakaar when he sat at the doorstep of your makeshift home, watching the splintered moon drift through the star-lit sky. You’d seen it in yourself through the dusty reflection of the screen of the tempad.

He longs for home. He longs for family.

For a moment, Loki sees Frigga in your eyes.

Then, his world shifts, hauling him back to reality. It’s you who’s across his way, not his mother. Loki blinks, partly to get his head straight with the excuse to blink away the sting in his eye. He shifts in his seat, rolling his neck and squares his shoulders.

“Yes. I’m alright. It’s just...”

Trailing off, he clears his throat. You follow his gaze and from your spot, you catch sight of those deafening crimson letters. Maybe, it was the spur of the moment. You blame your drowsy state, but there’s a growing warmth that spreads across your chest from the pit of your stomach. It’s subtle, a spark, but evident. Before you know it, you’re uttering words that leave your lips faster than your brain could perceive.

“I’m sorry.”

You don’t know when was the last time you said those words and meant it. Loki doesn’t know when was the last time he’d ever heard those words addressed to him, spoken from the lips of a stranger. Until now.

You mean it. He sees it in the curve of your brows.

Loki swallows, nodding curtly. For the first time, he has nothing to say. And as quickly as the moment comes, he brushes it off and so do you. Whatever is reminiscent of a residing unknown feeling, bubbling within, has disappeared.

He sees your hand reach for the pen and for a while, he thinks you’re about to reach for his arm.

But no, you’re back to scrawling notes on the paper and he’s back to studying useless documents.

It doesn’t take long for the two of you to fall back into your normal antics as you find yourself chasing after Loki, who abruptly left the desk with wide eyes.

Curious minds think alike. Mostly.

TAGLIST:

@lareinedususpense

@poubxlle

@mystoragehatesme

@the-maroon-panda

[thegunlady]

Movies I watched in 2021:

Was this a largely pointless exercise that reveals too much about the painfully boring inner machinations of my mind? Probably! But I have to do something with my film degree, so please enjoy this list of the 70 movies I saw this year, complete with IMDB links and my own deeply insightful (and spoiler-free) commentary:

January: 

The DUFF (2016) - This movie is so dumb but it brings me such joy and I’ve seen it a bunch of times because Mae Whitman and Robbie Amell are so obviously having a great time and enjoying the hell out of each other.

Austenland (2007) - Do the plot details of this movie make any sense? Certainly not. Do I care? Also certainly not. It’s the very epitome of genre-savvy, Austen-inspired, parodic delight and I watch it regularly. 

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) - I have not sat and watched these movies in full since they came out, and I also decided I wanted to watch a bit more Seminal Classic Cinema this year (in theory) so here we are. It was a great decision, actually. I expected to appreciate it, but be a little bored/confused because complicated high fantasy is not my bag and neither is a 3-hour movie, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! It was much easier to follow and more relationship-driven than I remembered. 

February:

Leap Year (2010) - I have a vague memory of disliking this movie, but it’s been so long and tumblr seems to really like it so I thought I’d try again. Turns out my memory was Correct and I did not like it, which is a bummer because this movie has a lot of really good things going on! There’s a version of the same script that could have been a classic IMHO, we just didn’t quite get there.

In Time (2011) - I saw this in theaters and haven’t even thought about it since then so I’m not sure what triggered it, but I just had the sudden urge to watch this movie. So much so I literally paid 4 of my actual, personal dollars to rent it. And listen, this movie was critically eviscerated for being terrible and I get it. But I still think the designing principle is unique and interesting—and you guys know I’m a sucker for anything aesthetically ultra-stylized. This would be GREAT updated as a limited series.

Booksmart (2019) - A delightfully conceived teen comedy with stellar performances top to bottom. A very few brief moments slightly more gross and slapstick-y than I personally find entertaining, but good work all around.

March:

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012) - A very short and quirky romp that’s a little dated but I enjoyed very much. Plus time travel! (sort of) which is a personal favorite. I really appreciate the emotional through-line of this one.

Falling Inn Love (2019) - I can’t explain what made me randomly hit this on Netflix. It’s absolutely every single thing you think it is and nothing more but I had fun.

The Illusionist (2006) - I watched this so many times in high school, and I saw a random gifset of it recently and wanted to know if it held up. Honestly, it kinda doesn’t. It’s a little cringe, as the kids say, and the VFX are...not that great. But I still love it?

April:

The Craft (1996) - Okay, don’t take away my tumblr cred but this was actually the first time I’ve seen this movie! I'm sure I would have loved it more had I seen it during my formative years, but nonetheless it is a vibe™ and deserves it’s high place in the lexicon. I am overcome with the desire to purchase black tights and burgundy lipstick. 

Thunder Force (2021) - This one got a little gross and slapstick-y for me, especially the extremely weird and pointless romantic b-plot but I LOVE the premise of middle-aged lady superhero best friends being hilarious with each other.  

The Stand-In (2020) - I can’t believe this movie slipped my notice all this time but we love a bonkers dark comedy with important themes about identity and two (2) Drew Barrymores!

The Dig (2021) - I really wanted to love this movie and I can appreciate it’s whole theme and aesthetic but it just did not do anything for me at all. I just watched it and I can barely remember it.

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) - A classic! I’ve seen this one a few times and it’s aged...not super great, but weirdly well for what it is? It just cheers me to watch. And y’all know how much I like almost anything about time travel.

Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991) - A double feature!! Hmm, this was my first time seeing this one and it is...markedly less charming and evergreen than its predecessor. Barely even any time travel! The poor ladies are just beyond fridged. And I was bored. Also there was so much screaming. I did love the whole grim reaper thing, though.

Bill and Ted Face the Music (2020) - A triple feature!!! The first movie is still the best, and I’m not always the biggest fan of the years-later franchise continuation but this one was really fun! Also, I know it’s not the point, but I would have liked it if this movie was even more (or exclusively) about the daughters.

Dazed and Confused (1993) - Listen, I love ‘70s music and a loosely-structured cruising movie so I fully appreciate what made this film so special. But I am too old and too square to be watching 28-year-old stoner teen movies for the first time. That love and nostalgia just doesn’t really pull through over the slow, un-PC weirdness when you don’t have an existing relationship with the movie. I really enjoyed parts of it though.

Jumper (2008) - Probably because it’s so akin to the beats of my beloved time travel, I find the premise of this (admittedly kind of silly) movie to be rad and I’ve seen it several times. I’m still disappointed that they didn’t adapt the next book.

May:

One For the Money (2012) - I used to love these novels so I was STOKED that they finally started making movies. I’m still upset that this movie bombed and we didn’t get any more, because I think it’s extremely well-made and delightful, and it’s one of my go-to comfort movies. Is it not enough for Katherine Heigl to be endearingly vengeful, comically reckless, and surprisingly good at bounty hunting??

June:

The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996) - Oh-ho-ho this one hit. I clicked it on a whim and discovered an unfortunately titled but endlessly endearing, slightly unconventional romance that got me right between the ribs. It’s dreamy and witty and mildly existential and quite affirming for me, personally. I can’t recommend it enough.

Corpse Bride (2005) - Another one of those classics-among-my-people-that-I’d-never-actually-seen. I ADORED the style, character design, and general concept but I am DISPLEASED with the ending. The mechanics of the world also make little sense and the movie is suspiciously short. Having read nothing else about it, I’m wondering if it did not go through fairly extensive cuts and rewrites. A shame. And perhaps worthy of being adapted again in some form?

After (2019) - It’s no secret that I LOVE bonkers melodramatic romances and will gladly watch and read even the worst ones. Also I needed something to put on while terraforming in Animal Crossing so I thought this would be perfect—and it worked out on that front I guess, but wow this movie is unwatchable. Even for me. In so many ways. It’s so bad. 

After We Collided (2020) - OKAY FINE Netflix queued up the sequel and I let it because a.) I was not done terraforming and b.) I was so shocked the first movie did well enough to warrant the sequel (and apparently a three-quel??) that I had to see what it was about. Honestly, I still don’t really know or care what happened in either movie, but this one was slightly better than the first. 

Luca (2021) - A most joyous and colorful adventure! I wish to visit Italy, and I wish for more Sea Monster Cinema (which is the name of my new pop punk band). 

July:

Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar (2021) - I may have watched most of this movie through my fingers in awkwardness but it was SUCH a delight in every way. I haven’t laughed that much in a long time. My only note is that I kinda wish they could have continued to be a poly couple but it’s fine, I get it.

Hysteria (2010) - A genius premise! This movie was so much fun and delightfully unique. The events happened really fast though I almost wish it was a series. Also a bit tonally unsure of itself I think, but joy was had and that’s really my main rubric for anything.

Suicide Squad (2016) - I almost didn’t add this to the list because I just threw it on in the background while working, but I did watch the whole thing. It’s perfectly enjoyable. Gosh I love Joel Kinnaman. Also Leto’s joker is /barf emoji thanks.

Home Again (2017) - What have I been doing since 2017 that I missed this movie entirely?!?!? It is SUCH a cute story and my heart is so unbelievably full!! More justice for middle-aged ladies! And more chad-like film-bro-style characters who are actually sweet and decent dudes!

Midnight Sun (2018) - Following in the trend of After from last month I’m going for the ridiculous teen romance melodramas again. This was your standard YA tearjerker fare if not worse, but I guess I picked an emotional day to watch it because I cried anyway.

Isi & Ossi (2020) - Absolutely chaotic fake dating shenanigans! I actually thought this was a series when I started watching it and I’m disappointed that it’s not because I would absolutely watch these characters do more things.

Lucky Number Slevin (2006) - Loved this! It was my first time seeing it and I knew very little about it even though I know it’s a cult classic. Maybe a tad too much Old Dudes Talking but still a blast. Lucy Liu really makes the whole thing.

The Twilight Saga (2008-2012) - Yes, all 5 movies. I think we can agree they don’t need individual entries. These all dropped on Netflix while I was trapped in my brother’s disgusting apartment after agreeing against my better judgement to dog-sit his (blameless, still beloved) demon corgi for a week, so it was the perfect self-indulgent movie marathon. The first movie is objectively the best but I think New Moon is my favorite? Eclipse is definitely better than New Moon but IMHO it’s just kinda there. And the Breaking Dawn movies are so goddamn weird.

The Kissing Booth (2018) - I’m really outing myself with this whole list re: secretly enjoying ridiculous teen movies. This is definitely that, but it’s so cheery and rote that it’s a great comfort watch.

Ever After (1998) - A classic in every sense of the word! I can’t resist a Cinderella retelling and this one is easily top 3 of all time. The earnest romance! The French countryside! Anjelica Huston!

August:

Jolt (2021) - This movie is purely capitalizing on the success of Atomic Blonde with almost none of the artistry or gravitas, but it’s also purely about Kate Beckinsale wearing great outfits and wrecking many buildings and dudes under neon lights and I am not opposed to this.

Freaky (2020) - Clearly someone in a pitch meeting said “what if Freaky Friday, but a serial killer and his would-be victim instead of a mother and daughter”— and they had a point. I would have liked some more interaction between the two of them and also I’m not really sure what the killer’s goal or motivation was at any point but I still had fun. Also I was engrossed in trying to paint a lil strawberry with my new watercolors for most of this movie so I might not be the best judge.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - Ok in fairness, James Gunn brought some much-needed Guardians of the Galaxy flair to the whole show and I appreciate that. I am however NOT remotely okay with the death of my beloved [REDACTED], and this movie in general was. Very bizarre.

Jackie & Ryan (2014) - This movie was pretty slow and not super well-structured, but it was sweet and simple with lovely scenery and Ben Barnes singing country music. Also movie endings in general I find are the weakest part of them but I think it was the strongest part of this one. It’s been a while since I loved the way a movie ended. 

Fantastic Fungi (2019) - So I thought this was going to be more of a nerdy sci-comm thing about how fungus works, and it sort of is, but it’s also mostly for aesthetic and entertainment purposes, and is very pro-psychedelics. Which is fine! I confess I am a bit skeptical of some of the science and experts they have, but it was still cool! Mushrooms are the best!

Tenet (2020) - You guys know I love stuff that messes with time and time travel and this movie did a lot of cool things but it was also Very Serious and Very Long and the story engine felt pretty flimsy to me. I wanted to see way more of Neil and the Protagonist interacting and doing emotionally-grounded character things, and way less of extras running around in gas masks and wide shots of helicopters. I should really watch it a second time to get a better grip on it but I’m not sure I care enough to do it.

Roman Holiday (1953) - A charming and fashionable romp that changed cinema forever! Despite myself, I’d never actually seen it from credits to credits and I’m very glad to add it to my repertoire. Also I intend to wear far more swishy skirts and Gibson rolls.

September:

Bo Burnham: Inside (2021) - I guess this isn’t a movie per se, but I make the rules here. I visited my best friend for my 30th birthday and she couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen this and she insisted we watch it immediately and she was right. Bo Burnham gets it. I felt things. I already downloaded the album. Oof.

Cruella (2021) - This movie is preposterous but honestly about 30% less preposterous than I expected. I actually thought the punk rock ‘70s backdrop was kind of a cool idea. It was very long and very silly but I am always willing to watch charismatic leading ladies wearing bonkers outfits and being cinematically unhinged™. 

Buffaloed (2019) - Not only is this a clever and poignant premise for a movie, highlighting the insanity of American household debt, but I just got the vibe that the whole cast really got along and was having a blast getting to do so much screaming, scuffling, and dramatically slamming phones down. 

Savages (2012) - Hoo boy. This movie is painfully 2012 and super weirdly paced, but for the first half I thought I would like it anyway because it’s a pretty slick and compelling concept with a fun cast. But it’s way too long, and the second half goes bizarrely off the rails for no reason, and the pointless double ending (?) does nothing to resolve the themes the movie set up and it was just a vaguely unpleasant time all around.

Guys and Dolls (1955) - Despite myself, I just love the frothy midcentury musicals. Not to mention, my dad used to sing songs from this one to me all the time when I was a kid so it’s got a special place in my heart. I haven’t watched the movie in a long time though and I was struck anew by 1. how cool the sets are, and 2. how entirely delightful the chemistry is between Marlon Brando and Jean Simmons.

Love and Monsters (2020) - A very gross bug movie but very worth it. I love a romantic adventure quest! I love an underdog story! I love an actual dog! I love Dylan O’Brien! 

October:

Crimson Peak (2015) - Starting October off strong! Although a spooky and highly-aesthetic fairytale is a good idea anytime of year. I’ve seen this movie a few times and tbh the story doesn’t hold up to too much scrutiny but who cares! Ghosts! Incredible gowns! Crumbling mansions! Blood red snow! It’s got everything.

A Little Chaos (2014) - Having watched them mere hours apart, it strikes me that this movie is kind of....reverse Crimson Peak? It’s incredibly bright and polished and lush with endless pastels and flowers and golden sunlight, featuring a common woman who is lovingly accepted by high society. It was honestly just okay but I liked it! 

Free Guy (2021) - Oh man did I not expect the Ryan Reynolds video game action comedy to have such heart! I just wanted to throw on something goofy, but this movie had my full attention. It’s so sweet and clever and so much more than I hoped for.

Paradise Hills (2019) - This was the flowered, color-soaked, half-futuristic and half-victorian dreamy and deranged horror thriller I never knew I needed. Is it kinda ridiculous? Sure. Does it leave so many questions entirely unanswered? Oh yeah. But it’s cool as hell.

The Aeronauts (2019) - I saw this when it first came out, and it is, surprisingly, just as spellbinding on a second viewing. This movie plays like the most beautiful old time-y storybook, complete with ball gowns and brass telescopes, but it’s also an IMPOSSIBLY HARROWING hot air balloon adventure. I love it so much.

Love and Other Drugs (2010) - Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway are both great and thus fun as a banter-y couple, but this movie takes the bizarre stance of a romantic dramedy with the designing principle of...pharmaceutical sales? It also takes place in 1996 literally just so the invention of Viagra can be part of the plot but doesn’t really do anything with it story-wise that couldn’t easily be done a million other ways, or do anything else to make the movie look and feel ‘90s (I know it’s based on a book but the book is from 2005). Relatedly, some of the 2010 humor is a pretty darn yikes. 

Casablanca (1942) - I swore I was gonna watch more Important Classic Films this year and I haven’t really been doing it so here we are. It’s no surprise that this movie is a staple of Hollywood history because it is incredibly stylish and well-observed.

Twister (1996) - Frick I love this movie. It’s another shining star in the firmament of movies with a lived-in, nuanced, and delightful ensemble  working together against a cool ‘monster’ of sorts, with the monster being fun and aesthetic but sufficiently background to the character stuff at play. An unbeatable dynamic also found in movies like The Mummy and Ocean’s Eleven.

Happy Death Day (2017) - This might be my favorite horror movie ever. It’s so clever and funny and well-constructed. It’s Scream updated for the new generation. And of course, I am always on board for a time loop.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) - Have I been calling myself an Edgar Wright fan all these years even though I’d never seen this movie? Yes. But I have rectified the situation. This movie is so funny and I’m never over the way almost every bit happens twice, in a pre- and post- zombie context. It’s brilliant.

November:

Fool’s Gold (2008) - I saw a some random gifs of this and inexplicably decided on a whim that I was going to watch it immediately. It’s surprisingly good for being a mid-2000s romcom. More romcoms should be adventure-based.

The Maltese Falcon (1941) - Once again I attempt to add Classic Cinema™ to the list and once again, despite my literal film degree (and having seen this movie before), I don’t have that much to say about it. This movie is striking to look at and a huge part of movie history and I have total appreciation for that. But hanging out in 2021, it’s just not super fun to watch. 

All Too Well: The Short Film (2021) - This is my first short film this year, and I’ve decided that they count for this list - even if this one is more of a music video, but whatever. Loved it. I was quite struck by the awareness that I, like Taylor Swift, was Sadie Sink’s age when the song was first released, and am Dylan O’Brien’s age now. The video was poetic and beautiful and painful and it’s just an amazing song. 10/10. 

Contact (1997) - You guys know I love alien shit so I truly can’t believe one of the most famous alien movies of all time was barely even in my cultural awareness. My total loss, too, because this movie rules so hard. 

Mr. Right (2016) - A forever favorite! This movie is so colorful and hilarious and romantic and weird and I never get sick of it. More surprisingly wholesome action comedies about feral paleontologists and their reverse-hitman boyfriends!

Chaos Walking (2021) - This movie wasn’t really good enough for it’s Dark Seriousness or clever enough for it’s Jokiness (which was really just the same joke over and over). It set up a bunch of interesting things that never paid off, and threw in a bunch of random stuff that didn’t really matter. It’s a decent concept and an impressive cast, but we are not in the strand of the multiverse where this movie worked.

December:

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) - I saw someone on twitter recently say that Tobey Maguire was a mediocre spider-man in a franchise that really understood and loved spider-man. And that Garfield was a truly spectacular, god-tier spider-man in a franchise that sorta-kinda understood spider-man. Where Tom Holland is a close second to Garfield, in a franchise that doesn’t really give a shit about spider-man OG themes and lore at all. Watching this movie for the first time in several years, I must concur. Story-wise it’s perfectly fine but nothing special - except that Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are absolutely flawless in their roles.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) - Oof That Part™ of this movie is still a soulcrusher. This movie also has markedly less fun and interesting side characters than the first movie. But still a cool watch and also this version of peter x gwen 4ever!

The Hating Game (2021) - Ok, technically I watched this after midnight on New Year’s Eve, but I didn’t want to end my night on the minor bummer that was TASM2, or end up with 69 total movies. I just couldn’t. This is your fault, internet! But anyway! The Hating Game is one of my absolute favorite romance novels of all time, and I’ve always thought it could make a great movie (which I actually DON’T think about most romance novels), and survey says it was: so good! It’s a really faithful adaptation and I actually think a lot of the changes they made are even an improvement. Highly recommend. And Happy New Year!

[elizabethrobertajones]

Yes, Destiel is there already, has been for years, but if Cas was a woman, it would be out in the open, and that's the whole point. That's what people resent, and when some meta writers tell us we're bitter and delusional because Destiel is endgame or, God forbid, is already canon, well, sorry, but that annoys me. You're a decent person - others not so much. This fandom has turned into a cult.

Then you should cultivate your fandom experience. Unfollow the people who feel culty, follow the people who seem to have their head on their shoulders. Encourage the behaviour you want to see. Ignore the stuff you think is bad. Don’t give negativity a platform. Stop saying tired things which turn the entire ship hollow and all its interaction before a kiss meaningless like “if Cas had been a woman”… I mean that argument is a good strawman for literally one side of the vast argument, and otherwise pointless as an analytical measure for reading Destiel in the show except to either make yourself wildly frustrated, or to write a long form fic chronicling that, since all that canon has already happened with Cas not being a woman except that one time 100 years ago and therefore utterly pointless for dealing with the actual story we have in front of us. 

Stop encouraging the idea of a meta writer “us” and “them” while you’re at it, because meta writers are literally all randos off the street who started talking loudly about the show and people wanted to read it because they loved the show too. And the mysterious “us” are people in exactly the same boat but consuming that. 

Askbox culture is so ridiculous because it turns people into askers and askee and the askee is given a ridiculous power and the asker is put in a position of subservience and humble petitioning for an answer to a higher authority when it comes to either wank or panic (and I don’t mind helping the panic but I’m sick of the wank and negativity culture). Especially when functionally everyone’s at the same level of knowledge and power when it comes to the actual SHOW, just that the askee has some mystical power of “talks a lot” which apparently makes them worth talking to and a mouthpiece for opinions. 

Like, seriously, anons as the faceless blob of fandom are more of a problem for shaping how meta writers react - especially as if it’s constantly concerns and panic and wank and toxicity, meta writers have to go on the defensive about the thing they only came here to write love about. If anon was only used to ask normal reasonable questions about the show - about analysis and interpretation and do I have a good idea or what do you think happened there - it would be a completely different scene, but people with grey faces and sunglasses bombard people who end up in the mysterious position of authority like they can do anything about anything.

If you think fandom is toxic and culty, STOP MAKING IT THAT WAY. I make you the face of all the anons out there, and give you the personal responsibility to make the masses stop flocking around the culty people and start being normal about things for once. Encourage healthy discussion instead of circular arguments we can’t resolve. Focus on the things you love! I don’t know how I can keep saying this over and over again! Don’t ask the people who you know will give a shitty answer, the shitty questions that beget the answers! If you see someone giving shitty answers, just don’t antagonise them for MORE shitty answers because it’s giving a platform for all the shit!

Like at the end of the day we all KNOW we aren’t going to affect the way the show is being written by writing wank in inboxes to meta bloggers on tumblr, or that those inboxes can do anything about it. Right? 

If you see a post which you think is culty, don’t reblog it and don’t follow the OP. Don’t reblog other stuff from them, including gifsets or cracky posts they make, just so you don’t encourage people to go follow them and accidentally expose them to the ideas you don’t like. Write your own posts. Make your own gifsets or cracky posts to raise your profile. Idk. Live your life. >.> 

I can’t help what other people resent about the ship when I’ve come to it in a different way from them and draw a different meaning from it. ALL I do is write on my blog and share posts about the way I see it and how other people who see it similarly to me do, and enjoy the community about how we see Destiel in the show and how we are all engaging on roughly the same level of canon with roughly the same level of investment. If you see the ship differently, then maybe you can enjoy some of my content but other stuff makes you sad or something, idk, but it’s okay because we all have different perspectives and lines we are comfortable with. I can keep my feelings about canon and stuff separate from my feelings about the story. I love the story. That’s what I choose to focus on. I wish we all could. 

[jesterlady]

Avengers Endgame Review

So it's finally time, I am about to give the world my review and feelings of Endgame.  I've had this swirling around in my head for weeks but am finally ready to give it voice.  I've seen the movie twice and there are obviously massive spoilers ahead so read at your own risk.

First off, I like this movie.  It's a good movie despite the sadness and the stupid time travel, so when I criticize it, know I still enjoyed it.  I think it's a beautiful crowning achievement, the end of an era of the MCU. In many ways I wish it was the end of the MCU, it would be fitting and sometimes things should end.  I laughed and cried and cheered with everyone and seeing it opening weekend was absolutely an amazing experience.  For a full time fan it had some amazing fanservice and callbacks.

I also want to point out that I am usually incredibly good at liking a movie on its own terms.  Even if something doesn't make sense or doesn't make sense in our world, so long as that universe has claimed it as its own, I'll put on my suspension of disbelief and shrug my shoulders and say, 'whatever you say, squire.'  So really I'm the type of person who should be okay with the way they handled time travel in this movie.  Spoiler, I'm not.  I'll go into all of that.

Let's get the generals out of the way.  Visually it's fantastic, acting its ass off, I'm okay with the writing, I laughed at all the funny bits, it's heartwarming and gives all the feels.  Love the music, love the cinematography, all that jazz.

Character looks changes since, wow, there were a lot:

Steve: Thank you, Cap, for shaving the beard.  Chrevans is a fine looking man with a beard but it does not scream clean linen and fresh apple pie and I need my Cap that way.

Natasha: I'm actually a fan of the red ombre look, Katniss braid and all.  It's pretty and I need her red because the blonde was not good, not good at all.  I know people complain about hair not growing out that slow, but I think it's a good symbol, Natasha caught between two worlds, the old and the new, becoming more herself, but unable to let go of the past.  And it's red and it's pretty.

Clint: Yeah, the mohawk grew on me.  I actually think when you see it moving and in action, it works, it's only in the pictures and promos that it just looks weird.  I feel like the tattoo sleeve was a bit much.  (That can't come off so easy post-snap, Clint!)  His Ronin suit was cool; I would have liked to have seen more of it.

Carol: I don't like the haircut.  That's it; I just don't like the look.  But whatever. I think it's kind of pointless other than to emphasize again time has passed, but they were hammering that point in hard enough without that reminder.  But honestly, I don't care.

Bruce: So, this is more about my feelings on Bruce in the movie than his look, but it's all tied up in his look so I'll put it here.  I am leery of Professor Hulk.  I'm gonna go with Valkyrie, better either of the other ways.  The CGI was really cool, but I think it says something alarming about how Bruce is handling his situation and his solution…is not good. We'll skip over how he magically invented a Gammatron thing to accomplish this and go into how it directly goes against what had been happening in the MCU so far and how Bruce/Hulk is handled in the comics.  The best way is when Bruce and Hulk both develop as individuals and come to a symbiotic understanding, two beings sharing a body.  Eddie and Venom style.  Hulk had been given his own story in Ragnarok and had his own path as evidenced by him hiding in IW.  Now, there is no Hulk.  It's Bruce wearing a Hulk suit, just like him wearing Tony's armor.  That almost feels like murder to me.  My mom said she thought Bruce had more Hulkish characteristics now, okay, maybe, but I think it's more like him acting a part now that he's Professor Hulk and feels like he beat the beast.  My theory is supported by the fact that when the Ancient One astral planes him, it's only Bruce that comes out of the body.  Now, I'm happy he's happy, but I think they went the wrong way on this one.

Thor: Loving the long hair again, though I wish he'd brush it a bit, hate the beard.  The lightning makeover made it very cool with the Viking look, but otherwise, please shave immediately!  You know, it was funny for him to be so out of shape, it was also sad because it showed how depressed he really was.  I am okay with the jokes and don't think it was wrong for us to think it funny because we're conditioned to think that Chris Hemsworth with his shirt off is supposed to be the latest in hunk.  Did they have to joke about it as much as they did? Probably not, but I don't think it was horrendous and body shaming and he clearly does need to get more healthy in body and mind.  I fully expect and will be fine with, if we see him again, him being unmelted ice cream.

Superficial out of the way, let's walk through the movie and then dive into the time travel issues.

Okay, Tony and Nebula dynamic is the best and I would have wanted so much more of that. Tony leaving the message for Pepper is all the feels.

Did Carol go looking for them or just find them?  It doesn't really matter, but I'd still like to know.  With Pepper being at the compound I'm thinking yes.

Poor Steve and Tony, that was not a good reunion, and I don't like Tony yelling at Steve, but I can understand it in his frame of mind.

Going off to kill Thanos, yay!  Okay, so all along I've been pulling for Nebula to kill Thanos and honestly, she deserves it.  Second in line, Thor.  So I was glad Thor did that, but poor Nebula.  She's such a beautiful character and so tragic and I just wish there had been a bit more catharsis for her other than the potential of acceptance and pride she didn't need and blood splattering her face.  I mean, ouch!  My ultimate version of a Thanos death in this movie would have been both Nebulas and past Gamora killing him with help from Thor. 

And Five Years Later.  Lol, the audience was all what!  I'm all, duh!

So yeah, a rat really did save the world, you guys.  I mean, come on!  Poor Scott. Though I am thinking, okay, the world is clearly a trashpile now and yet we had the resources to create giant monument graveyards presumably all over the world?  Also, his reunion with Cassie was sweet, but I'm sorry, I can't help but mourn the loss of the munchkin.  That actress was super adorbz and now we'll never see her again and I am not okay with that.  Also, I really feel like that new Cassie was way too old looking.  (Guys, I'm not good with ages, but little Cassie was like 6, 5 years makes her 11, that girl was clearly 15 or 16.  Though again...seeing as how Harley looks way too old to me as well and that's the actual actor, what do I know?)

Love the team effort spread out over the globe and universe.  It's also a good way to handle Carol.  Over-powered characters are so difficult to handle because then there is no conflict, so it was good to show her off saving the whole universe (honestly just like she's apparently been doing this whole time).

Oh Nat.  Her and her sandwich.  Her and Clint!  Finally this movie gives me the Clint/Natasha content I deserve and then rips my heart from me.  She's handling this burden but her partner is lost and that's what's breaking her and I can't handle it!

Her and Steve's friendship has always been aces and I loved that scene.

Scott there to save the world and he's so refreshing and then on to Tony and it's so precious he has little Morgan and they did a good job showcasing that he is handling this the best of anyone and honestly deserves to.

Nat is wearing the arrow necklace again!!!!

I'm glad Tony said no, but honestly, it's so like him to have a problem and need to fix it. And Pepper is such a queen, such an amazing giver, and the world doesn't deserve her.

We've gone over my feelings on Bruce (the joke with him and Scott went on way too long and was not funny.  Also, thank you for only doing the barest of alluding to a Bruce/Nat romance.)

Tony and Steve scenes are the best and I love them rebuilding something and Steve getting the shield back.

Tokyo in the rain kills me.  Okay, so let's talk a bit about Clint here.  I am not a fan of the farm, I wish the farm had never happened and I like to live in a world where it didn't.  In fact that gifset where Clint introduces Laura as his sister is my preferred canon and I think would have done the trick in his grief spiral.  Personally, I don't have any issues with a Ronin lifestyle and my only worry is what it's doing to his psyche.  Oh, but them in the rain, my feels, my feels, my feels.  Honestly, the world is chaotic now and needs a bit of vigilante justice.

Thor and New Asgard.  My first thought is that while obviously the most decimated people in the universe, the Asgardians really lucked out coming to earth when they did, because at what other time would we have accepted an alien race landing on earth to come and live with us without freaking out?  I don't even know how there are any left anyway because clearly so many died in Ragnarok and then half of them were wiped out by Thanos (pre-snap, remember, so did they come back?!  Not likely unless Bruce (who was there) included them, but still unlikely.)  Then the half that were left...were on a ship that got completely destroyed and left Thor floating in space.  So all I'm saying is they did not take care of continuity for this people and they were the real victims of the MCU. 

But clearly some escaped and I find it hilarious Thor is a depressed bum playing video games and it's so so sad at the same time and I just want to wrap him up and let him rest.  Honestly, Thor has lost everything and it's no wonder he's a giant mess and he deserves to be.  I'm also glad he didn't magically buck up, because honestly no one would.

The PLAN:

Them all planning together is so cute and a bit smart and good times apart from their ridiculous time travel premise we'll get into later.  I do want to be very clear here, Nebula did not know about the price for the soul stone or she would have told them.  There's no way she could have known.

Let's go over each era individually.

2012

You remember 2012 right?  It was glorious.  I don't care what you think about Joss Whedon or the rest of the MCU, 2012 was magic. In fact right after watching Endgame, I went home and read all my fave gen domestic team tower fic and I needed it. So the fanservice was lovely and seeing behind the scenes almost of what we loved was the best.  Everyone was perfect.  Hulk and the stairs, Thor and his hammer, Tony giving himself a heart attack, Cap in the elevator, America's ass, Loki and the tesseract, even being reminded that Hydra was in SHIELD at the time.  Apart from the time travel issues, it was all wonderful.

I’ve seen a lot of people point out how they didn’t like Steve in 2012 and how Endgame Steve was annoyed at himself, but I don’t see it.  2012 Steve is perfection, fight me.

I liked seeing the Ancient One as well, knowing they would have been there.  Seeing how much she knew about Strange ahead of time is good and her knowing what he meant by giving it up.  I'll go into the Stones and their conversation later as well.

2014 Asgard.

Poor Thor, but having him talk to his mom, that was beautiful and just what he needed.  I know some people were mad he didn't spend more time being sad about Loki but honestly, Frigga was what he needed right then. And not to have to be reminded of Jane and how annoyingly that ended up for no reason whatsoever other than Natalie Portman deciding not to come back.  What if Gwyneth Paltrow had felt that way!  I shudder to think.  But that’s part of my ongoing saga of how horribly the Thor saga in particular, yes, even Ragnarok, especially Ragnarok, treats its characters and continuity.

2014 Morag

Seeing the opening of Guardians was so funny and I loved it.  But I got super annoyed at Rhodey saying Quill was an idiot for it. Rude!  Do you know how often I dance around my house lip syncing to music only I can hear?  We adore it when people do that in the movies.  There was nothing idiotic about it and I resented the way people looked down on Quill in the movie.  For instance, I’m super mad about how his reunion with Gamora went.  He reacted beautifully and I also understand her reacting the way she did if she didn’t know him, but Nebula had told her about him and that was just mean and condescending.  In fact, I also get annoyed about the whole rivalry between him and Thor.  I mean, just let Quill alone.  Having his own team, his own family, be so cavalier is annoying, especially when they’ve all lost Gamora and Peter has lost a lot of people very important to him in a very short period of time.  Yes, he is insecure, but he’s also lost a lot and I’m a fan of loyalty.

There not being traps is so funny and then 2014 Thanos happens.  Ugh.  It was the way to bring Gamora into the film and Thanos honestly.  But ugh.  I do think the network with the Nebulas was clever, though very convenient, memories just project themselves out and happen to be the ones that would clue Thanos in to what happened!  I hate for Nebula to be subject to that again after being free for 5 years.   More really.  Poor 2014 Nebula as well. 

Switching the Nebulas was clever as well (though why on earth wouldn’t anyone wonder why Nebula wasn’t with them when they tried the snap?)

Also, let’s not get into it too deeply yet but they are very clear, so clear, that Pym Particles are the only way you get through the quantum realm and they ONLY had enough for ONE round trip per person.  It’s why we had to go to the 70s in the first place, remember?  When 2014 Nebula presents herself to Thanos, she hands him the vial of particles, we never see him hand it back.  Now, either she was just showing it to him and he gave it back and that’s how she came to the future, (which is most likely), or she gave it to him so he could come to the future with their evil plan (but then how did she get back with the others?)  But either way, someone shouldn’t have been able to get to the future.  No matter what Nebula did to the Quantum tunnel, (so convenient she just plugged in and did all these science/mechanic/time travel things) there were no Pym particles that could have brought Thanos, our Nebula, 2014 Gamora, and all of his vast armies and armada to the present. IT LITERALLY COMPLETELY FALLS APART AND MAKES NO SENSE AND GOES AGAINST THEIR OWN RULES!

2014 Vormir

Oh my heart. I’m actually ashamed, I didn’t see it coming until they were headed to Vormir and then I knew, I knew one would die and I was so unhappy the whole scene.  I didn’t go into this movie fearing for either one of them so it was a big shock.  I’d been expecting Steve and/or Tony to die. 

So like I said, I’ve been a Clint/Natasha shipper since day one.  Honestly, I didn’t even care if they were together so long as they were always the most important people to each other and were together. The MCU tore that from me with Ultron, but also with their cavalier treatment of Clint in general.  Say what you will about Natasha’s arc, it’s hella better than Clint’s.  So don’t give me that.  Clint is my favorite character so naturally I’m biased in his favor, I accept that.  But I love him and Natasha and so it was going to devastate me either way.  (I also love Natasha).  Remember the early version of Winter Soldier when Clint and Nat were in it and he stayed with Hydra to fool everyone while she went off with Steve and Sam and they were secret partners just like I’m convinced they were in Civil War?  Jeremy Renner wasn’t available as I recall, oh sadness.

Anyway, so this scene just slayed me.  They were so pure together, each trying to die for the other.  Oh, it was awful and visually stunning and I am so annoyed at how it ended.  How deep a contrast between the parallel scene with Thanos and Gamora, each just as sad though.  But no matter what the end result was, it brought Clint and Natasha back to each other, back to their rightful spots at each other’s sides and uppermost in each other’s hearts.  It was always them and if they’d killed one or the other without letting the other one be there, I would have been so furious.

And I’ve seen a lot of hate about letting Natasha die this way.  For a man, no funeral, but I don’t agree.  I don’t want her to have died and I’m so sad, but I think it was a glorious death and I think it did close out her arc beautifully.  Clint tried his darndest but she was better than him and she chose it and she saved everyone.  You want the credit in this film, it goes…rat, Scott, Natasha, Tony. As for her not being mourned, heck yeah she was.  Clint clearly is mourning and that funeral was absolutely for her just as much as Tony. It’s a movie structure thing, and I have no issues with that.  There’s no way she wasn’t heralded just as much as he was to the people who matter if not to the world.

I did read that the writers/directors didn’t know there was a Black Widow movie in the works and if that’s true, it both proves and illustrates my two points that Marvel really is the deciding force in everything if the individual movies are so sure that they’ll get stopped if they’re wrong they don’t even bother to check on things, and that the MCU has gotten too big for its britches and doesn’t bother to take care of the characters they have in their insane rush to bring in new stories and characters.

1970s

Goodbye Stan Lee cameo, we miss you already.  And look at Community sneaking into the MCU one bit at a time.  And Jarvis!  You know, that’s the first character from one of the shows who’s been allowed to be in a movie rather than the other way around.  Way to validate, Marvel.  It’s scary how the technology works to make younger versions of people these days (provided the actors are still alive to play underneath the CGI).  And Peggy, glorious Peggy, that was an important moment for Steve and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.  I’m not overly fond of old Howard Stark but if Tony got to see him, I’m glad.  I’m so glad for his sake.  He deserves validation he was loved.

Back to our present.  A mourning scene for Natasha is appropriate and, boy, would I hate to be Clint.

The second snap. Appropriate in many ways for it to be Bruce and the snap worked!  Everyone came back.  Question: did everyone come back in the same place they left just 5 years forward in time? It seems that way from what Peter said. So…what about the people who came back in planes that were no longer in the same space in the sky or in space or underwater or in buildings long gone?  For that matter, did Thanos consider all those things when he wiped out half the universe?  Did the accidents resulting from people being gone get considered in his numbers?  I know these are more IW questions, but they’re valid. And like I said, Asgardians?  The people who died as a result of people being snapped, did Bruce bring them back as well?  And we can also talk about how a sudden influx of people like that will likely cause quite a lot of chaos and issues.

But then explosions and Thanos attacks even though it makes no sense for him to be there and people are drowning and the compound is destroyed!

Battle commences and the three of them pounding on Thanos like that is pretty cool. Unfortunately, guys, remember how unbeatable Thanos was with the Stones in IW, and how it almost seemed like Thor by himself would get him?  Here, he doesn’t have the Stones and our three main guys are not able to beat him. That’s a little contrived, just saying.

Okay, but Steve with the hammer, how cool is that?  And how cool is it for Thor not to be jealous?  We all cheered so loud and it was awesome.  Love it, love it, love it.  Don’t break the shield though!!!  (Never mind, pop back to the PAST store and pick up a replacement.)  Good fighting, good visuals, yay.

And the image of Steve standing by himself, ready to take on a whole army…it’s so him.  He is willing to fight to his last breath always (so stop hating on him finally getting to rest himself, guys).  It was glorious.

And then…on your left.  Oh my heart, oh we all cheered for every portal opening.  That music, it was the best.  Such awesome moments, everyone was there.  And extra sorcerers and Wakandans and Asgardians because like it or not our superheroes are not an army.  Epic battle!

Okay, and remember how people complain about Natasha not being there in the all woman power move (which I am totally fine with and it was a cool throwback and tribute), that’s sad and all, but you know who deserves to be there who wasn’t? Maria frikking Hill!  No reason her and Fury couldn’t have been there and if you’re going to bring Hope, you might as well bring Hank and Janet.  And frankly, I wish Sif had shown up and the SHIELD folks and all the other people who weren’t there, Nakia anyone?  Strange clearly gathered more people than he knew about with his knowledge of the future.  Heck, let’s remember Betty Ross exists since her dad clearly does.

So anyway, fabulous battle.  I just want to point out that Wanda could have beaten Thanos on her own (poor Wanda) and so could have Carol. 

Peter and Tony reunion brought my cold dead heart back to life.  He’s learned a little bit about being a Dad and he did this mainly for Peter. 

Nebula has to shoot herself, like how messed up is that.  Also, makes no sense, but it’s very sad.  Thought maybe that’s her catharsis, she puts the past literally behind her and moves on with her new family.  She was so tragic in this movie and I love her.

T’Challa knows Clint’s name. 

Peter and the Gauntlet clutching.

It’s nice to know why Strange saved Tony’s life by giving up the Gauntlet and that was a horrible one finger to have to lift up and condemn a man’s life.

Tony and Pepper fighting together

AvengersAssemble one more time

For heaven’s sake, where did the flying horse come from?

And then the culmination of eleven years of our lives and full circle I am Iron Man.  Oh brave Tony, I love you, sir, you are aces and I respect the heck out of you and I’m so thankful for you and it was very fitting.

Oh and having Rhodey and Peter and Pepper say goodbye.  Oh Pepper, you brave soul, you queen of the MCU, you absolute giver. Ugh, being the one left behind sucks.

And then everyone is fine and together and better and Tony gives us a voice over and there’s a funeral and we see everyone there, Tony Stark has a heart, and when Happy starts talking about cheeseburgers, I lost it.

I didn’t recognize Harley, but I love he was there.  Ross doesn’t deserve to be there.

Clint and Wanda’s moment gives me life and is the only remembrance for poor Vision.  Let’s remember folks, that I called it. Everyone who was snapped came back. Those that died apart from that, didn’t. Heimdell, Loki, Gamora, and Vision are still dead.

No one saw what happened to 2014 Gamora, did they?  A mystery likely to be unanswered until Guardians 3.  But Peter searching for her made me sad.  And it made me sad for everyone to gang up on him though I do like the idea of Thor joining the Guardians.

Scott, Hope, and Cassie together is so sweet.

And Steve…

I am a fan, I don’t think it’s OOC, I don’t think it’s lazy writing, I think Captain Frikking America deserves to dance and love his lady and not have to fight a battle anymore.  It’s a fitting end to Chris Evans and it was beautiful.  I would have been happy with either Bucky or Sam getting the shield and so that’s lovely.  As for people being upset about Steve just leaving and then Bucky not talking to Old Cap along with Sam.  Come on, guys.  Watch that scene.  Bucky knew what Steve was going to do and they had their goodbye there.  Also, Old Cap didn’t drop dead the second the camera left, guys.  There was plenty of time for him to talk to Bucky.  It was just was more important for Sam to get his proper goodbye and to pass the baton. 

Them ending it all on a happy Steve and Peggy, well, one of the couples deserves a happy ending, geesh.  Nobody else got one!  (I don’t count Clint and Laura!)  Granted, the next phase of lovers, T’Challa and Nakia, Strange and Christine, Scott and Hope, I guess, they could make it.  But Steve and Peggy living a life together, Steve learned how to let it go, and Tony learned how to give it up, and both are valid paths for their characters. Sad either way, but ultimately right in my opinion.

The credits were so cool and I was so happy they did the OG6 at the end like that.  They are the reason we love this and they deserve all the glory for the first few phases of the MCU.  They’re now passing the baton and that’s always why it was good and final for there not to be an end credit scene.

So time travel…I don’t pretend to know anything about quantum physics, but I know a lot about science fiction time travel.  The quantum tunnel being how they did it, that was the part that I could accept as being their rules of how they want to play it.  Doesn’t matter if it isn’t science, it’s their science.  Pym particles necessary to nagivate?  Okay, if that’s what you want to do.  Everyone always back at the exact same time with no time having passed no matter when you push your button to come back?  Okay, whatever.

There’s a lot of ways to do time travel.  Closed loops, paradoxes, alternate timelines, whatever happened happened.  LOST does the latter and it makes logical sense. The past happened the way it did because you always had gone back to the past and affected it, you just didn’t know it at the time.

But there’s always a certain amount of hand waving in time travel, okay?  It’s not easy to make it make sense.  Back to the Future is very solid, but there’s a certain amount you just have to accept.  Doctor Who does it really well, because it uses practically every type of time travel in its timey wimey way and manages for it to mostly make sense.  (River Song’s creator and his glorious power mad timeline aside.  Had to write two different fics to fix that!)  So like I said, you can go with a different version and have it make sci fi sense, but there are two incredibly important things to remember about time travel. 1. Ethics.  2. Stick to your own rules.

The Russos have confirmed alternate timelines were created with every change our peeps made in the past.  According to their version of time travel, it didn’t change their own pasts and can’t affect their future, but it does create alternate timelines.

Just to be clear, alternate realities and alternate timelines are different.  The multi-verse theory allows for completely different realities to be stacked alongside each other where every possibility is played out.  You can cross between them, sometimes the rules are that you can’t function in that dimension or sometimes you can take the place of that version of you and live there, either way.  It’s a whole separate place apart from your reality.  Generally, it’s not good form to interfere too much, but if you do, best to get back to your reality quickly.  You being there and making changes doesn’t change that world though any more than you switching jobs or meeting someone does in your own timeline. Too much crossing could destroy all realities though!

Alternate timelines are different though.  They are deliberate changes stemming from a cause and affect everything from that point on. Most of the time if you jump back to the future from a past where you changed something, then you’re jumping back to the future that change created.  Endgame doesn’t do that.  Which is very convenient and again, they can make their own rules even if they’re not logical and I’ll believe them, so long as they follow the two main things I said up above.

However, they don’t.

1.       Ethically, do they have the right to create other timelines and affect those people’s lives without knowledge of the consequences?  There’s now a timeline where a 2012 Loki is loose with the Tesseract. Folks, that’s not a good thing considering his mindset at the time.  There’s a 2014 Asgard Thor that doesn’t have his hammer (although when Steve took it back with him in time, I’m unsure whether he returned that as well as the Stones) and whatever Hank was going to use those Pym particles for, he now can’t. 2012 Steve knows about Bucky being alive.  2012 Hydra thinks Steve is on their side.  2014 Thanos and Gamora and Nebula and all his children are gone from that year and now the Guardians will never form in that timeline. 

Sure, maybe Frigga doesn’t die now, but the point is there are now numerous different timelines where billions of people’s lives will be different for better or for worse simply because our heroes decided to change their own timeline. How selfish is that?  Generally, it’s even a huge question when you’re trying to fix something that’s already been changed, ala SG1 Continuum.  Beau Bridges calls Cam, Daniel, and Sam arrogant for assuming that he’ll change billions of people’s lives because they insist the world was supposed to be different.  All any of us know is the reality we’re presented with.  Anya asks in Buffy how Giles knows the other world (the timeline Buffy came to Sunnydale) is any better.  He didn’t.  We did, but that’s another story.  We should consider how our actions changing time affects things other than the one thing we’re trying to fix.

2.       We’ve already been over how they gloss over the need for Pym Particles when it’s convenient for them so I won’t rehash that, but let’s talk about the Stones.  Why the heck is it all right to take any person or object you want from the past so long as it’s not the Stones?  Just because they make up the fabric of time?  Well, if that’s the case, when Thanos destroyed them, all time should have stopped or the universe exploded or something. Honestly, I could have handled their way of doing time travel a lot more if they hadn’t made such a big deal about needing to restore the Stones to the exact moment in time they were left in order to avoid these dark branches.  The Ancient One is just arguing for the logic of all the sci fi time travel that Endgame is saying is so wrong.  They should have just cut that part out.  Of course, that gave Steve an excuse to go back in time…so maybe it was all in the name of his ending, but that’s the poor writing part of that.

How do they get from one timeline to the other?  When they jump to the past, they always conveniently end up back in their own present but Old Cap had to jump from his alternate timeline to this one (specified by the Russos, mind you) to give Sam the shield.  How did he do that?  If he had just used his wrist device at the time he wanted to use it basically as long as it takes for him to accomplish his goal as Bruce says (according to their logic of time travel), he would have appeared on the platform when they expected him to, just old.  Of course, that’s not as nice of an aesthetic as Old Cap sitting on a bench, so I’ll give them artistic license on that.

It’s awfully convenient that Steve jumping back to the past and replacing all the Stones is so easy to do.  He never runs into any problems jumping into an alternate timeline, but they’ve created so many different ones, I feel like it should be easy to.  For instance because they changed things in 2012 and the 1970s, if he jumps into the 2012 one first, couldn’t he possibly jump back to the wrong one?  Tony sure made time travel infallible when he fixed it on the fly in his house with his only a genius on earth brain…

But one of my biggest issues is that the past has now become a get out of jail free card. Provided they have enough Pym Particles (which he’s alive now to make), they can fix anything they want in their own timeline (screwing all others) whenever they want.  Guys, no one ever has to die again!  Because here’s the thing, you can grab anyone from the past seconds before their death and it’s fine. 

All of the pathos and feels from Endgame have become meaningless.  Let’s go back and get Yinsen from Iron Man, we’re definitely saving Pietro.  What about Stanley Tucci?  I’m definitely saving Yondu. T’Chaka?  Odin, Frigga, Loki, Heimdell, the Warriors Three, and most definitely Vision, Gamora, Natasha, and Tony.  See, you can’t bring them back in the snap, but if you grab them before they die, then their timeline suffers, but yours doesn’t and as we’ve already established, apparently that doesn’t matter.

So, guys, we never have to cry again.  Everybody lives, Rose, everybody lives!  That’s what’s so dangerous and illogical about Endgame and time travel in my opinion.

Yeah, I know that was a novel, but there’s probably actually more I’ve forgotten which is ridiculous.  Kudos if you actually read that.