#her environment shaped her yeah but that's an explanation- not an excuse to go easy on her

[ultfreakme]

Oh I do not like that two of my ships right now has someone that's deeply oppressed on a systematic level in their story having to set aside their own morals and values for their extremely privileged lover who does not bother to truly understand their pain, often trying to make excuses for the oppressors.

[kasienda]

An Open Secret

I’m so excited to post this story today! It is written for the @mlsecretsanta 2019 Secret Santa event for the lovely @ladybuginettes!!  This story would not be in the shape that it is in without the help of @floraone and @tinacentury for all their aid and feedback! 

This is a fic where they both know (Almost immediately! Promise!), but can’t openly talk about it. ... 

Chapter 1 (of Four): A Revelation

Adrien had never understood his relationship with Marinette, but after knowing her for two years, the dynamic was comfortable. He had no explanation for her tendency to make word soup or sounds of astonishment in his presence, and only his presence as far as he could tell. It was easy to be patient with her when her antics made him feel warm. He had long ago stopped feeling awkward around her sometimes strange behavior. And as a bonus, Adrien had gotten amazingly skilled at deciphering whatever she was saying, maybe even better than Alya at this point. He secretly coveted the moments when he caught her off guard because her eyes would get so big and they were the loveliest shade of blue - the same shade as the sky on a cloudless day. So even though he didn’t understand it, he considered her to be one of his closest friends. He relied on their dynamic; he treasured it. She was one of the most consistent sources of inspiration for his smiles, and she often gave him a warm fuzzy feeling. She made him feel like he had come home. He didn’t even feel that way when he went to his actual home. But that week, something had shifted, and that adorable stuttering Marinette that he counted on for those warm squishy feelings every day vanished overnight. And some doppelgänger Marinette had taken her place. That Monday, she had walked in and said good morning as smoothly as a pebble polished over centuries of crashing waves, her eyes dancing in amusement rather than panicked nerves. Then she had winked at him and walked away with a little sway in her hips. Winked!

Keep Reading on Ao3 Keep Reading on FF.net Note: the Ao3 and FF.net versions are better because they have formatting. I didn’t take the time to italicize all the words in the tumblr version. Go read it, in one of THOSE places! (You can read it here too if you prefer). 

Even her tendency to trip over her own feet had disappeared, and he found himself missing his encounters with her stumbling down the stairs or the moments when his or her papers scattered to the floor like confetti after an unexpected collision. He no longer had an excuse to catch her or help her up. How else was he supposed to touch her without invading her personal space? Instead, she offered eyerolls, smirks, and finger guns. Actual finger guns! He had no idea what to think! On a few occasions, her eyes seemed to convey entire paragraphs of information - willing, begging him to understand. He couldn’t interpret any of it. Her behavior felt familiar, so familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. It was like struggling to remember a vivid dream that evaporated upon waking like a drop of water on a hot desert stone. The sudden shift in their interactions left Adrien feeling uncertain and off balance. In class, he could feel her gaze on the back of his neck, and it was all he could do to stop himself from spinning in his seat to consider the new enigma she had become. During breaks and passing periods, his eyes always found her, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to focus. Today, he was supposed to be helping the class decorate the school courtyard for the Christmas season. He, Rose, Mylene, Nino, and Alya had been assigned to the railings along the stairs and second floor. Rose stood on the ladder above him, pinning up strings of lights and paper streamers, and he was supposed to be handing her the adhesives whenever she needed them. But his attention was on the girl wearing twin pigtails across the courtyard with a clipboard in her hand directing others in their mission of creating a more festive learning environment. A sharp flick to his ear tore him from his thoughts. “Ow!” “Pay attention, Sunshine!” Alya scolded. “Rose has called you like three times!” “She has?” he repeated dumbly, looking up apologetically at the girl above him on the ladder. “I’m sorry, Rose. I don’t know where my head is today.” “It’s okay,” Rose assured. And then she giggled. “It looks like your head is over there with Marinette!” Alya smirked, and his cheeks burned at the observation. He resolved to stay focused, dutifully and mindlessly handing Rose and the others whatever they needed when they needed it. Thirty minutes later, they had the whole railing and wall behind the stairs decked out in shiny glittery red, green, and gold decor, and Adrien had long ago mastered the ability to carry out instructions mindlessly while his brain continued to ponder the girl who sat behind him in class. He didn’t notice the ball that Kim had thrown had hit the ladder. He didn’t notice the ladder rocking precariously back and forth, and he didn’t notice that the hinge was slipping upward instead of staying in its locked down position. He did hear Marinette scream his name. “Adrien! The pen!” Several things clicked in that moment, and time seemed to slow down as if he were in an akuma battle. The ladder was collapsing, and Rose was going to fall. He was on the wrong side of the ladder to catch her. Adrien’s eyes flew to the pen in Alya’s hand as she and Nino looked on in horror. He grabbed the pen and wedged it into the ladder’s hinge, as he kicked the ladder’s base, causing it to tip in the other direction toward him. Rose lost her balance and fell right into his arms with a startled squeak. “Oh my god! You’re the best, Adrien!” Juleka exclaimed, already prying her girlfriend from his arms almost the second she had landed there. Everyone in the courtyard had started clapping at the unlikely rescue. “Adrien!” Alya gushed, even as she high-fived him. “That was amazing!” “It was Marinette’s idea,” Adrien deflected, his hand rubbing absently at the back of his neck. “Adrien! I’m so glad you were there. I couldn’t get there in time,” Marinette said with a relieved smile. “Anytime, Mari,” he said with a grin, offering his fist. She met it with one of her own and a pleased smirk before she walked away and went back to directing their peers now that the disaster had been averted. “Dude! That was some quick thinking!” Nino praised from behind his shoulder. Adrien shrugged. “It was Marinette’s plan. I just executed it.” “What plan?! She literally said two words!” Adrien shrugged. It was just like he always understood Ladybug’s extravagant plans from very few context clues. But of course, he couldn’t tell Nino that he had had a lot of practice understanding Ladybug. The thought was like being struck by lightning. He whirled around toward Marinette. She smiled at him. He couldn’t smile back. He stared at her like the dumb blond model that he was often accused of being. Everything this week had felt so familiar, so right, because it was. His jaw was on the floor, and his eyes were open as wide as saucers. He couldn’t have strung two words together at that point, which was just as well because it probably would have said the wrong thing and ruined both their identities, and she’d be pissed at him for all of eternity. Something shifted in her expression. And her warm open Marinette smile transformed into Ladybug’s grin. He was looking at Ladybug right now. In her civilian clothes. That she made herself, no less! He knew Ladybug’s name! How many times had he seen that exact expression? The upturn of just one side of her lips, one cheek slightly puffed out, her eyes dancing in amusement at whatever dumb joke he had just told? A calm washed over him as the shock and panic receded, replaced by a tranquil certainty. Really, who else could Ladybug have been? It was so obvious; he couldn’t understand how he had never seen it before. And it wasn’t something he could unsee or unlearn. Their eyes met. They locked gazes, and she nodded. She had already figured it out. Approximately a week ago, judging by when nervous Marinette had disappeared. “Dude!” Nino prodded, poking him in the shoulder. “You okay?” “Y-yeah,” Adrien managed, tearing his eyes away from his classmate, his partner, the love of his life, toward Nino, trying not to show the giddy joy that was flooding his system. He had found his lady. And he couldn’t say anything! And not just because they were in the courtyard surrounded by their classmates. He literally couldn’t say anything! Not to Marinette! Not even to Plagg, who had confided two weeks prior that Master Fu was growing increasingly paranoid since the location of his home and hideout had been compromised. Their master had apparently decided that Chat Noir and Ladybug would have to give up their miraculouses if they ever discovered each other’s identities. It wasn’t fair! Why couldn’t this have happened like three weeks ago? But really, it was his own fault. How could he have been so blind? So oblivious for so long?! Adrien was lost once again in his own swirling thoughts. He didn’t know how he made it back to class, in the front row next to Nino like he did every single day after the lunch break. But every hair on the back of his neck went on high alert when Marinette came in only to take a seat behind him… like she did every single day. It’s just Marinette! But it wasn’t. It could never be just Marinette again. That was Ladybug sitting behind him, able to notice every misplaced blond lock of hair, every wrinkle in his overshirt, every time he dropped his pencil or bounced his knees in absolute boredom. So naturally, he was extra fidgety today. Even Ms. Bustier noticed. “Adrien,” she said, a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Are you all right?” “Fine!” he croaked around the lumpy ball in his throat. “I just had too much caffeine this morning,” he lied easily, as if his whole world hadn’t been knocked completely out of orbit. Ms. Bustier smiled pleasantly and continued to move through the classroom as they all started their reading. He tried to focus on the passage. He really did. But it was a lost cause. There was just no space for the story to enter his head when his brain was already full of his own spiraling thoughts. Ladybug was Marinette. How many times had he called Marinette “just a friend”? Plagg had given him such a hard time every time he said that. The little bastard had known! God, he wanted to strangle the little black kwami. Marinette was the love of his life! And he could not be more happy about it! She was so amazing! She was passionate, creative, and someone who actively stood up for others. God, he had looked up to her before he had known about her alter ego. Now, she was so completely out of his league. He slumped down into his seat as his euphoria crashed as low as he had been high seconds before at that revelation. Because what reason did Marinette have to like him? What did he have to offer someone like her besides emotional baggage and lame jokes? Plus, Marinette liked someone. His eyes scanned the rest of the class. Was it someone he knew? No one here popped out at him for holding Marinette’s attention. Maybe it was someone she knew from elsewhere. He tried to stamp out that line of thinking! He had told her before he would respect her feelings. He would! As impossible as that sometimes felt, he knew he wasn’t entitled to her attention just because they had both been chosen. He knew that he wasn’t entitled to any of it, even though he wanted her favor more than anything. But right now, they had other pressing concerns. Because they both knew. (At least, he was pretty sure). They weren’t supposed to, and if Plagg or Tikki found out, they’d have to give up their miraculouses. And he couldn’t give up being Chat Noir. He couldn’t go back to being locked up in his room alone with no outlet for release. Not now that he knew what freedom tasted like. The bell rang, and the sudden burst of activity as everyone packed up left him reeling. Marinette was already halfway out the door. But they needed to talk. “Marinette!” he called after her as he slammed his tablet into his bag, moved around the desk, and took a few quick strides to catch up with her where she had stopped at his call of her name. “Yeah?” she asked, her blue eyes were soft, so deep, and so very familiar. How had he never recognized them before? She was smiling at him with genuine affection; it made him feel warm. “I was w-wondering if… uh…” Great. Now he was the one stuttering… “Yes?” she prompted patiently, one side of her mouth upturned in an amused smirk. “Could we grab some coffee together?” His fingers twitched, and his stomach fluttered with nerves. God, it was hard to look at her. Her lips parted. “Not a date!” He rapidly corrected before she could respond. He couldn’t handle adding another no to his growing list of rejections at the moment. Her smile lost some of its luster, her shoulders stiffened, and her gaze glanced past him. God, had he screwed this up already? Was she angry that he knew her identity? It had always been so important to her. “You want to get coffee?” she repeated. “When?” “I… ummm… now?” His hand rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” “Of course,” she agreed readily enough, but her voice had dropped to a whisper, and her eyes remained glued to the floor. All of her warmth from seconds ago had evaporated. They walked together two blocks to a nearby coffee shop. Not a word was exchanged. His skin buzzed in nerves at the awkward silence. He could not for the life of him figure out why this was suddenly so hard. This was Ladybug. They saw each other every day. She had seen him trip over his own feet, chase laser pointers, and she had caught him from falling off a building. He trusted her more than he trusted himself. They had rapport. And banter. So why couldn’t he say two words to her now? They ordered their drinks. He had offered to pay, but Marinette insisted on separate checks. They finally settled on either side of a small table against a large window, the cold emanating from it encouraging them to keep their coats on. “So… what did you want to talk about?” Marinette finally prompted in the silence, her hands wrapped around the hot cocoa as if to warm them. Her eyes stared blankly out the window. And for the millionth time that day, Adrien had no idea what to say. He hadn’t thought this through at all. They were in a public place and he was keenly aware of the kwami nestled comfortably in his jacket. He had never thought there’d be a time when he wished the kwami wasn’t present. “I… uh… well, I r-realized today…” And for the first time in thirty minutes, her expression softened. She reached across the table and captured his fidgeting fingers and calmed them with a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay,” she whispered. Her fingers stroked his hand, tracing phantom patterns onto his exposed skin, and a second later he realized her fingers slid over his ring. His miraculous. And then she repeated the pattern. His eyes met hers, and she nodded. That was as much confirmation as he needed. He glanced at her earrings while he pulled his other hand to his own ear, and gently tugged on his own earlobe as if he was merely scratching an itch. She nodded again. And finally, his internal storm abated, and he only felt calm. Things were obviously different, and they had to find a new dynamic, but he was always okay when he was with her. Together, they could get through anything. “Well see,” he started for the kwamis’ benefit, proud of how steady he held his voice. “I can’t actually say. I wasn’t thinking. It’s somebody else’s secret, so I can’t talk about it. I shouldn’t have said anything about it to you at all.” “That’s okay,” she said with a smile. It was small, but it was genuine once again. “I know exactly what you mean.” “This is really happening, right?” The question burst from him without thought. He knew he was pushing it. Plagg wasn’t an idiot and he assumed Tikki wasn’t either, but he had to ask. She giggled. “Let’s have lunch! And we can talk about anything and everything that is not a secret.” He smiled. “That sounds amazing!”