#her content brings out the best in me if you arent following floral wtf are you doing with your life

[notedchampagne]

karkat: places anything (usually food) within a two inch radius of his speaking hole

dave, internally: cant i do that? am i not the sustenance of the lips. i could be the apple juice to the dry cracks of those long overworked wondersnackers. theyve been taking 12 hour shifts and are planning to stage a revolt for the favor of the working class. i thought you were better than this karkat. theres no other way around this. i just have to gander at wistful contact like that one fuckin medieval country dame thats always there in those romance book covers you buy everytime we pass by the bookstore which is everytime we opt for a bro promenade bromenade if you will because you have to have a lifetime of romance to stuff yourself with in fiction which is OKAY i GUESS but. also im here. im slowly wilting.

[the part where his mental thoughts slowly become mumbles] dude i one ate tartar sauce straight from the pot for you just to see if itd be palatable with the one chicken you cooked to perfection because you follow those intructions like a diligent ass student and then like a stubborn ass student you pick me all bridal style from the fountain of fire and condiments and toss me onto the couch because i burned coffee one time. just once. ive changed. cue me going for a longing voice wailing about how ill pamper you until the end of your days bc i wanna haha thats gay btw. i could totally do that. youd be lounging on a chaise id be your trophy wife feeding you some juicy ass grapes except maybe youd hate being fed like that because its embarassing to wait with your mouth hanging open paying resemblance of a baby longing for the sucking of any lactal teat. youre lactose intolerant in spirit. i could totally do that for you not the teat sucking but the trophy wife thing and the truth is im a grown ass man being fully in range to do so myself without paperwork or any loopholes the government cant stop me were fucking trillionaire gods only trumped by the steady mechanisms of the economy. fuck have i told you about the economy karkat anyway it doesnt matter juxtaposed to you but still the offers there but im physically incapable of grabbing a pen and slapping the ink onto the paper because my fingers mutate into spaghetti and i gotta have your hand guiding me along the process one step at a time for performative consent of paperwork under the pda section p in pda stands for penis and also private. just for fuckin funsies in case youre not feeling up to it one day im