#her character development is also really good

[thebeardedsoliloquy]

Ok, 14 episodes in, over halfway through the first season, and I know we're about to get to our first big cast shakeup, so I thought I'd jot down my thoughts:

This shit still whips, we've had more adventures and encountered a wide variety of Space Australians, and while I know the show is going to get more serial, the episodic structure is such a fun time.

I think the biggest strength of the show is it's character writing, our main cast are all incredibly well sketched out characters, and the show does a great job of subtly carrying forward their development from episode to episode.

Episode Highlights:

Of all the things to happen on this show, I was definitely not expecting our protagonist to be kidnapped by a literal wizard. That actor was having the time of his life, and I appreciate the insight into our ostensible main antagonist.

The Mad Scientist episode is easily the highlight of the show so far, it's got the best villain so far, some of the best effects, and I love the delicious drama of seeing half our cast of lovable rogues just get real nasty with each other. It's a big swing and they certainly pulled it off.

Episode Lowlights:

While I won't say I disliked these episodes overall, the episode with the Solar Flare planet and the Space Pirate episode both contained elements that really soured me on them. I found those two wolf bounty hunter characters insufferable, and the "punchline" about the scavenger alien felt very mean-spirited and icky.

Characters:

At this stage, I'd say Zhaan is my favorite, this actress is insane, she's got instant chemistry with all the other characters, and I love the subtle thread of her getting darksidepilled.

The guy who plays Crichton is great at looking liked a kicked puppy, like yes put that man in Situations.

Aeryn is also great, she's such a reliable straight man, I love when she has to do science and expand her horizons, we love a deprogrammed child soldier in the house.

I love the one-two punch of seeing D'argo at his most unsympathetic in the scientist episode, right before revealing his tragic backstory, that's some good writing.

I'd like to revise my previous statement about Rigel, he's actually Grunkle Stan if he was a british aristocrat.

Started watching Farscape cause it's free on youtube:

This shit whips I'm having a great time

The dated cgi is charming, but god the puppets are so good

It's very funny that most of the main cast are your standard sci-fi archetypes, but there's one guy who is, and I mean this as literally as possible, best described as kermit the frog's shitty grandpa

[nabi-unveiled]

Hagiwara isn't off the hook.

He shares responsibility in the state of his and Kaori's relationship, and I'm not talking about the cheating.

Put down your pitchfork. Just hear me out.

I adore Hagiwara. He cheated. I don't care. I have mentally added him onto my list of "good boys". I will make a special category just for him.

I'm also not making excuses for Kaori. She must own up that she kept Hagiwara on a string while knowing it was hurting him.

However, their relationship was doomed to fail. They need different things. Kaori needs a relationship where sex isn't expected, and Hagiwara needs a relationship where he can be fully open and honest with his feelings and desires. Frankly, he needs something deeper than Kaori can offer, and I'm not talking about sex.

But the relationship shouldn't have lasted this long, and that's on BOTH of them. It's perfectly okay that Kaori doesn't want sex. It's perfectly okay that Hagiwara does want sex (and intimacy). The problem is that neither of them communicate about it.

Before we go further, there are some points that need to be established. Also note - the symbols are EVERYTHING to me.

1 - Kaori/Hagiwara's relationship is NOT the same as Fujisawa/Sei's.

Their relationships share similarities, but they are NOT the same.

Sei's relationship with Fujisawa developed as a trauma response to a violent car crash. It has carried violent undertones the entire time.

The symbols convey that Fujisawa has methodically trapped Sei in this relationship.

But Kaori and Hagiwara's relationship? It starts with a romantic meet-cute. It was warm. It had saturated colors.

Their relationship does not have a violent undertone. It has an undertone of passivity and complacency. Of note, Hagiwara didn't initiate anything in this relationship. He's waited on Kaori's lead.

The door is open. Hagiwara could leave at any point.

These two relationships also do not have the same power dynamic. Kaori DOES control many aspects of the relationship. However, Kaori has control of the relationship because Hagiwara lets her. Fujisawa has control over his relationship with Sei because Fujisawa demands it. There is a difference.

In fact, the show actually has already acknowledged that there are different types of "controlling". The coworker's relationship isn't painted as unhealthy. Some of us may see it as unhealthy, but the show doesn't give ANY indication of that itself in sound or symbols.

2 - I am in the camp that thinks Kaori DOES like or care about Hagiwara.

Not because I believe her words, but because I believe in the symbols. Kaori made Hagiwara rice.

The rice that represents home and affection? Kaori made it. It's just her version had a sour plum in the middle.

And when she offered it, Hagiwara willingly chose to eat it. He knew the plum was there, and he ate it anyways.

In this week's episode, Kaori explains herself, and she's in black. This is not a typical color for her. She may be smiling, but she is mourning.

We could discuss in length about whether emotional abuse is in play here or if it's just an unhealthy relationship. That's not really the point of this post. Either way, we know that Kaori was finally being honest and vulnerable.

WE SAW HER FEET.

Feet shots happens when our character's true feelings and motivations are exposed. Sei has beautiful heels (desires) but his toenail is broken (😭 Just like his Sim card, but I can't go there right now). Both Kaori and Hagiwara have feet shots too. No broken toenails. In this case, Kaori's feet stop moving. Unlike Fujisawa whose body moves on it's own, her body won't move. We haven't seen Fujisawa's feet.

Kaori can't make herself take action to deal with the situation with Hagiwara. Her choices are selfish, and they hurt Hagiwara. However, I actually think that's very realistic and very human. In unhealthy relationships (and even healthy ones), we can often hurt the people we care about. It's not easy leaving an established relationship. Especially, one that you want. We're not all as altruistic as Hagiwara.

But Hagiwara isn't off the hook.

He shares responsibility in the relationship lasting until this point.

Sei admits his relationship has problems.

But Hagiwara? He denies that they have a problem at first. He's choosing to ignore reality. A conversation with Sei later shows it too.

He wants to believe they've been honest with each other.

Even though he's not verbalizing his actual thoughts to Kaori. For those that don't remember, he has an entire sequence in his head at the BBQ with their friends of what he wants to say. But he doesn't say it. He's not being open and honest with Kaori.

He's also hiding what he truly desires. Kaori didn't say he couldn't drink the sweet coffee. She said it was unhealthy. Sei said it was unhealthy too. He drank it around Sei anyways.

He even bought it FOR Sei even though Sei thought it was too sweet. Hagiwara initiates with Sei.

It's actually been shown that Kaori doesn't care what Hagiwara eats. He's allowed to eat whatever he wants. Kaori isn't telling Hagiwara to go to sleep or eat the yogurt.

She controls sex (and maybe their social agenda). However, unlike Fujisawa, Kaori doesn't keep tight control on Hagiwara as a person.

Unlike Sei, Hagiwara isn't isolated. There's no traumatic backstory. He's more self-confident than Sei. Unlike Sei, he talks about the things he CAN do rather than things he can't. For example, in episode 1, he mentions that "he's good" at organizing parties.

Unlike Sei, he's not trapped in a locked room.

His affection might have been contained and hidden. I think he wonders whether Kaori has things she has to keep inside, because he knows there are things that he keeps inside. But...

He's not trapped. He's stuck. There's a difference.

Hagiwara didn't forget his ID. He didn't forget who he was. He lost his ID, because he's losing confidence in his relationship.

But he's still walking around this building freely. Apparently, he's been walking free without that ID for months. And when he gets a new ID? He chooses to put it back in the case that Kaori gave him.

He wanted to change his picture, but he hadn't taken the steps to do so. He could've changed the situation by being frank with Kaori at any point. Just like Kaori, he avoided. He has chosen to stay.

He chose not to call Kaori out. He doesn't like making people uncomfortable. His nature is to prioritize the other person. Unlike Kaori, his avoidance is inherently unselfish. But it got him stuck. I'm someone who was actively taught to avoid confrontation and to always think of others first. This hits hard.

Kaori was too selfish, but Hagiwara wasn't selfish enough. Being a little bit selfish is a good thing.

He chose NOT to talk about sex with her. He's not comfortable bringing it up with her, because he's not open with her.

Kaori doesn't communicate about sex, because she's afraid that not wanting sex makes her a bad woman. She's surrounded by heteronormativity after all. As @babyangelsky points out, this is what society treating libido as swamp does to you.

Hagiwara doesn't communicate about sex, because he's afraid prioritizing sex makes him a bad man. After all, wouldn't breaking up with his girlfriend just because of sex make him a bad person? Isn't his desire just making the river murky with swamp water? Stupid swamp. He doesn't realize sex is not the real issue. In the end, he has chosen to stay in this relationship even though he's unhappy.

It's why I had positive thoughts about the breakup scene. A lot could be said about Kaori forcing Hagiwara to be the one to breakup, but I was actually glad that Hagiwara said it. It was on both of them that the relationship lasted this long. Neither of them had been willing to speak up about what wasn't working. They both stayed stuck.

Hagiwara is finally speaking his mind. He calls Kaori out.

Hagiwara is no longer being passive. He's asserting control.

Hagiwara is no longer hiding what he wants. He's being open.

Hagiwara is now taking action to change the picture on his ID.

Previous posts about Hagiwara:

The Desire to Be A Good Man

I also have two additional posts about Hagiwara in my drafts. I'll try to get them posted this weekend.

[gayspacepiratesss]

A slightly more well-developed thought on beds in the Lighthouse, after realizing Neve does (kind of) have one:

Since the Fade is shaped by dreams and desires, do beds represent each character's relationship to self-care?

I've had coffee now so hopefully this makes a little sense 😅

***

*Davrin's whole character arc revolves around learning how to love and care properly for Assan, so he literally can't afford to ignore creature comforts. But also he's learning how to care for himself if he's not just living to die? Bed: plush quilt and full mattress.

*Taash is figuring out how to care for and integrate all parts of themselves and their identity, but they're already pretty good at expressing desire and their own preferences. Bed: fancy headboard, room for two. Needs some pillows.

*Harding has camping gear but she LOVES to be outside and go camping so I think this is actually her happy place and the kind of set-up she'd choose in real life. Bedroll and tent to shelter from the elements.

*Bellara and Rook have similar chaise lounge style couches, which suggests they're similarly never TOTALLY able to relax, but still understand the value of comfort. Bel has a better pillow/upholstery situation. 

*Lucanis and Neve both have awful tiny cots (I have learned lol), which tracks with the fact that they're both a bit self-neglecting, and the two "hardenable" companions. But Lucanis feeds himself better and his cot has more blankets/padding. Neve's cot is so small I didn't even see it at first. 😅 Mayyyybe there's a blanket folded underneath? Tracks with the black coffee and scurvy aesthetic.

*Emmrich only has a stone slab and a tall narrow chair. This could suggest that he is the most self-neglecting companion (and Manfred has to pick up the slack). But maybe he has a really different, distinctively Nevarran idea of what's comforting? This is a man who's thrilled to meet new skeletons and has his own little bone child/apprentice, so he might just think love looks a little bit different than the rest of the team.

[joyful-patatas]

I've been reading a lot of oi and regression manhwas where the fl ends up in the body of someone and starts treating the child like their own. Some of my favorites and hugely recommend are: The Villainess Flips The Script, The Wicked Tale of Cinderella's Stepmom, and My In-Laws Are Obsessed With Me.

I'm also OBSESSED with Twisted Wonderlad and was thinking of doing one for Riddle's mom where an oc gets isekaied into her body and ends up maybe a couple months before the main story of Riddle's second year with the relationship really tense. Isekaied OC was a therapist that specialized in working with traumatized teens and can see signs of a dysfunctional home based on the reaction of Riddle's father and how curt and proper Riddle is on the phone. While learning more about Riddle by pretending to have amnesia, she realizes that he really focuses so much on rules to a concerning degree and sort of tries to gently broach the idea of relaxing on rules and strictness, but that quickly backfires with Riddle thinking this is some kind of trick to get him to slip and he ends up even more guarded around his "mother". Or maybe MC comes the exact same time as Yuu does and only really meets Riddle during the winter break.

I was also thinking about making the OC someone who desperately wanted children but couldn't. Whether from infertility, awful circumstantial factors like finances and career, or all of the above. Looking like the woman who abused Riddle is dreadful but also feels manipulative to pretend to be his real mother.

I was also thinking of maybe the OC being Yuu's foster parent and they both get isekaied to Twisted Wonderland but in different ways.

Maybe I'll also take inspiration with "This Maid is Forming a Union" on webtoon (It’s soo good I promise you!! Both the worldbuilding and the characters and the callout of terrible story delivery of manhwas that completely altered the way I read the genre!!).

I am also taking inspiration on @anakin-walker's series, "My Dearest Mother" where it's the same isekai concept, but they're there when the OB!Boys are little children. Definitely go check it out!

I'll try developing the idea a bit more and post the chapters once I have something coherent lol

[lemotmo]

We're so close. So very very close. This is really good.

Q. I think people are just scared to admit that it's actually possible and does look like it's coming. I think people are just desperately trying to protect themselves.

A. And to a point I get that, anon. I really do. But at a certain point people go too far in the name of protecting themselves. I have believed for years that Tim intended to end the show with Buck and Eddie together. But FOX denied them the ability to actually tell that story so Tim decided to just hold it for the series finale. But it wouldn't have been believable to have both of them go the entire series with no romantic relationship to speak of so he gave them different partners but never developed the characters or the relationships because they were always going to be filler relationships. Taylor was the lone exception to this rule (Shannon came into the show with an already developed history with Eddie and was removed from the equation by killing her off). But Taylor was the only one actually developed after she was introduced. One big difference that worked in Taylor's favor though was Tim was not the show runner at the height of the BuckTaylor relationship, Kristen was. Taylor was Kristen's project. She also filled a void Jennifer's maternity leave left scene wise on the show. So Taylor had a couple of things work in her favor that the others didn't have. Oliver never got on board though and didn't do anything to encourage that ship or discourage people from shipping Buddie (sound familiar)? No other on screen relationship has come close to getting actual development since Taylor.

I firmly believe when talks began between ABC, Ryan, Tim and Brad about Disney purchasing the rights to the show they were asked what their vision for the show was and I absolutely believe Buddie was a big part of the discussion. I think Tim told them his intent to have them end up together and I believe ABC told him that's great let's do it but let's not wait for the end, let's tell that story now. They couldn't go straight into season 7 and pair them off though, they have to get both of them to a certain story point in order to make it believable. Buck was always going to be the easier of the two to get out. I personally believe that Eddie is the more overtly queer coded of the two, but Buck's canon history makes him the easier one to get out first. So they did. Their sexuality arcs are tied together. The show made sure to introduce that in Buck's coming out episode. The episode was about Eddie but Eddie is not in story position yet so they wrote in a filler character that would allow Buck to come out and fill the space until they were ready to start maneuvering Eddie into position, but like all the other filler relationships, Tommy received no actual development or storyline outside of being the guy Buck was seeing. He was always only ever going to be a place holder. Eddie's sexuality awakening is going to be tied to his feelings realization for Buck. He's going to realize he's in love with Buck and that's going to be it. I genuinely don't think the show is going to label him. I just think he's going to have been in love with Shannon and now he's in love with Buck. It's one of the reasons why the show released the deleted scene of Eddie and Christopher's conversation about the day he met Shannon. The bachelor party was an intentional parallel to that meeting. Even the karaoke song choice made for them included a line about talking and telling someone what they want to hear. The show also made sure that even though we didn't see this singing we saw the closeness, the playfulness, the comfort level that exists between the two of them. Eddie talked about all those things when he told Chris the story of him and Shannon. It's a way to explain how Eddie could see the same things that drew him to Shannon in Buck. Ryan and the show have made a point over the last season to tell the audience that Buck and Shannon have similarities. I don't look for it to be anything more than that because the point of the story isn't to have him realize he's gay or some other label, the point of the story, as far as the show is concerned, is to get Eddie and Buck together. The audience needs Eddie in position fairly soon because Buck is already on the road to his realization and they're not going to have him pine for an Eddie that isn't an option for him.

Ryan is not his father or his brother. He is not responsible for their misguided and incorrect views. He has spoken out plenty of times about the journey he is choosing for himself and surrounding himself with people who broaden his world viewpoint, not shrink it. He has also talked about going to therapy to undo the generational trauma that has existed throughout his life. The story has begun, both Oliver and Ryan know where this is going and if Ryan didn't want it, something lots of people are screaming with absolutely zero proof, he would have stopped the story at the point of conception. It would not have made it this far if Ryan or Oliver or ABC had said no. We would not be getting the promo that we are getting. We would not have gotten the scenes we've already gotten. Nothing we are seeing would be happening if anyone involved had said no. People have to stop blaming Ryan for their fears because he hasn't indicated in any way that he's not on board with everything that is coming. I understand wanting to protect yourself but not at the expense of trying to villainize Ryan as justification for your fear.

Thank you Nonny!

Again, this was posted to my inbox before the Oliver NBA interview yesterday evening.

I agree with Ali on this one. I understand people wanting to protect themselves from getting hurt again, but at this point? It's pretty clear what's going to happen in 8b. We might as well embrace it and be happy. 🤷‍♀️

I've been getting a lot of posts about Ryan's brother and father, but I haven't posted those, because I don't see how they are relevant. Ryan has spoken up about his struggles when he was younger and it's clear he is anti-Trump. That's all we need to know. He is the one playing Eddie Diaz, not his father or his brother. He does what he wants to do. Whatever his family says or stands for, it's irrelevant for how Ryan lives his life.

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[the-skywalker-legacy]

Genuine question here, do people actually enjoy skybound?

I’ve seen some posts on TikTok talking about how it’s great because of the character development between Nya and Jay, which I understand, but then they don’t see anything wrong with it?

There are a lot of things that aren’t terrible about this season, don’t get me wrong… HOWEVER you can’t deny it gets weird.

Firstly we have Jay being mysogynistic and a bit of a creep. I saw someone call him an incel and unfortunately I feel they’re right. A lot of the characters get like this throughout the season as well, but it is mostly Jay. Personally he feels really out of character for a lot of the season, as well as Nya.

Onto Nya, I feel she didn’t get what she deserved this season. She told Jay she didn’t want to be defined by her relationships but he didn’t listen, and she makes a couple of very stupid mistakes. Then again, this is Ninjago and there are a lot of stupid mistakes.

Nadakhan had the ability to be such a good villain. If the writers didn’t make him interested in Nya i personally think it could have been more interesting. Yes, I know he was only interested in her because she looked like Dolores, but that does not excuse how creepy he was. Also, weren’t the ninja still teenagers at this time?

Alright, rambling over. I understand this season has very mixed feeling for a lot of people, and I really want to know your opinions on this season.

[jessicas-pi]

So I absolutely NEED to hear all your thoughts on Downton Abbey so far: Favorite characters, dynamics, ships, general thoughts? (I'm rewatching it right now, so my obsession is showing itself😂)

YAYYYY FELLOW OBSESSION BUDDY!!!

Okay, so, disclaimer: I'm only two episodes into season two so I'm certain there will be development with many characters in the future that will make me like them lots more! However, at the current moment, here's my Thoughts:

Violet The Snarkmaster is an absolute riot and one of the highlights of the entire show. I can't decide if I like her most when she's fighting with Isobel or when she and Isobel are ganging up on someone else.

I Have Beef With Thomas And O'Brien Is On Thin Ice

The dynamic between Sybil and Branson has me gnawing on chair legs like a feral ferret.

*cries in the corner*

I have SUCH mixed feelings about the whole Matthew/Mary thing. Like, on the one hand, they make a really cute ship and I definitely get the vibe that they're the endgame pairing, but on the other hand, I REALLY LIKE LAVINIA TOO OK SHES SUCH A SWEETHEART

(Look I KNOW she's gonna either be secretly evil or get killed off because she's gotta get removed from the equation. I STILL LIKE HER THOUGH 😭)

unrelated, but "mother, daughter, and maid team up to haul dead body of turkish diplomat through mansion in dead of night" is a subplot i never in a million, million years would have expected to appear in the show at all, much less in episode THREE. Like they really did not hesitate. Full on dramatic and slightly insane right off the bat. 10/10, no notes.

*brief intermission to continue gnawing on chair legs because of Sybil and Branson*

I Kinda Have Beef With Edith Too (honey I get that you feel purposeless and neglected at the moment but kissing married men is NOT HOW YOU DEAL WITH THESE FEELINGS)

Cora and Robert INTRIGUE me and I need to know more about them.

Have I mentioned how much I love Mr. Bates? No? Yeah so I really love Mr. Bates. He's such a genuinely GOOD PERSON. Like the best person in the show honestly. I really love him. *gnaws on more chair legs*

Also like??? The relationship between Carson and Mary is just so sweet?? i can't even. I just can't.

alas i am out of chair legs. time to much on some drywall i guess!

[rahuratna]

Oh wow! Granted, I'm new to BG3 fanfic, but this was the first take on this concept I've actually read, where Astarion comes across someone he's known from the life he had before vampirism.

I truly appreciate when OC's/reader characters are so well developed and fleshed out. The description of their relationship before just hit me with this wave of nostalgia for young love. Ah. The sweet headiness of late nights, shared secrets and stolen afternoons. Imagining Astarion in this way just adds more pathos to his character, because in-game we don't get a lot of information on his early life. This somehow adds to the reader's perception of just how much he's lost, in terms of the life he should have had.

I love the banter you set up between them, the way they fall so easily into it. I'm always hooked when a writer gets a characters voice RIGHT and that's definitely what you've achieved with Astarion here. He's charming, facetious, mocking ... right up until she starts singing and, oh boy, I can almost here that crack in his voice that occurs when he's being earnest and he asks her to come into the light.

He forgot to kiss her goodbye on the night he was murdered. 😭😭 Please. Why.

And when they escape and she examines his face, well, that part hit hard too, because she actually has memories of him to COMPARE this to.

All in all, I really like these two as a couple already. Your Tav/Reader is smart, fully connected to the world around her, well-rounded and very distinct in her personality and link to Astarion. She also seems hella fun, while still having a level head, and a great deal of maturity that comes from experience, a really good foil for Astarion.

I will absolutely be reading the next chapters when I get a chance! So I'm adding that to my reblog tags here, so I can find it again!

Songbird in a Cage

Spawn Astarion x Female! Reader Oneshot (4k)

Summary: You've been thrown in jail, and its there that you meet a dear old friend of yours. This first part can stand alone, but the second will be 18+ fair warning.

@clericblood and I have been going insane in our dm's over writing ideas, and this one we just went nuts over. Here is their fic! :) Hope you enjoy both!

Part Two

Things are only getting worse each day in Baldur’s Gate. People are disappearing. Murders in broad daylight. Enver Gortash suspiciously rising to power, and his Steel Watch becoming a menace to society. You’ve even heard rumors of a mind flayer or two being seen in the sewers, and in the old windmill outside of town. People are becoming restless, and even trying to flee the city, but most choose to ignore it all.

Not you. 

You’ve always had a knack for music. You’ve been playing songs in the winding streets of the Gate for years. You even still perform at the Elfsong Tavern some nights. You decide to turn to the peoples’ ear with sweet unsuspecting melodies about the corruption and dangers happening beneath their noses. At first, it seemed to be working. The right people are noticing, and word is spreading about the odd goings on. And, you’ve been able to make a bit of coin in doing so. The Elfsong and its patrons have always been good to you. 

Now, there’s talk in the streets about a small band of adventurers that have caused quite a stir. Among them, a pale man with white hair who killed a clown at the circus in Rivington. Some people say it was a provoked attack, some say he lashed out after a bad joke on his own behalf… But when the fighting was over, some claim the body of the clown had transformed into a grotesque monster. You have to giggle to yourself about the whole thing. 

It stirs a memory of an old friend you had years and years ago. Another man who also had white hair, and too had a hatred for clowns. You’d teased him about it mercilessly back then. Even  dressed up as one, makeup and all, just to get a rise out of him one night. How he screamed and how you laughed, clutching your sides after jumping around a corner and spooking him half to death. 

That was over two hundred years ago, and you couldn’t believe it had been so long since you’d last seen your friend… He’d died tragically, too young. He’d been practicing law, and was murdered, you always suspected, by a mob he’d been at trial with but there was never any final pinned cause. 

He always came to the Elfsong on nights you were performing, said your voice was like a siren song luring him there. He’d drink, listen to you sing, and try to forget about the mountains of paperwork waiting for him back at his office. You were both so young, and naive; gods how you missed him, even now. 

This troupe, however, is gaining attention, and you are thoroughly intrigued. You start to sing songs about the group, calling them the Heroes of The Gate, here to save the city from the rising horrors.

‘These heroes though fearless be

Must also be cunning and witty

Though their actions bring some glee

Others find them quite shitty’ 

“Eh… could be better. I’ll work on it later.” You tuck your small notebook away in your coat pocket, and walk home from the park. You always did your best writing there. 

It’s only a few days of your little performances in the square when the Flaming Fist gets word of your little musings and performances, and you’re abruptly taken to Wyrm Rock Prison- quite a harsh punishment for someone just singing songs…

———

“What am I even in for? You can’t do this, I’ve done nothing wrong!” You demand, as your shackles are let loose, and you’re thrown into a damp stone-wall cell. The only light comes from the torches lining the edges of the cell block, but even with the small bit of glow, you can see illuminated beady eyes staring back at you from the edges of the darkness. 

Oh gods, you shiver. Rats. 

“That’s what they all say… ‘Let me out, I’m innocent!’ Or, ‘please I’ve got a family!’ But I know your type, troublemaker. You’re trying to cause unrest amongst our citizens.”

“I was just singing songs! You have no grounds to keep me here!” You plead through the bars, gripping them with both hands, if only you could pry them apart. 

“Tell that to the Archduke Gortash- the order to put you in here came directly from him. Now, shut it! Or I’ll cut out your little tongue, see how well you sing after that.” The guard snarls and turns on his heel. 

‘How the hells did my songs reach him? I must be more famous than I thought… Though, I should have made a fair bit more coin if that was the case.’

Alone, you retreat back into the far corner of your cell. Curling your knees up to your chest, you rest your head and softly hum to yourself to try and calm your racing thoughts. Surely you won’t be in here for long… right? That’s what you tell yourself anyway. You try to block out the sounds of small scurrying feet and hushed squeaking. 

———

The loud clanging of metal on metal wakes you with a start. Your mind scrambling as your heart jumps in your chest, pounding painfully against your ribs. 

“Meal time.” Through a small gap on the floor, one of the guards pushes a plate of bread and a cup of water towards you. 

Food… Your stomach twists and you leap towards the plate, snatching the bread and chewing greedily. It’s impossible to tell how long you’ve been down here- there’s no sunlight to indicate the passing of time. They give you water every couple of hours, but measly scraps of food- once a day. Maybe… when they remember. 

“Please, sir, what day is it? How long have I been down here?” You beg the guard.

“You’ve been here for five days. You have another twenty-five before you can leave,” he leans on the bars and gives you a look. “but, I could always arrange for you to be let out earlier, on account of good behavior.” He gives you a greasy sort of smile and a wink. He looks like he hasn’t seen a bath in weeks. Smells it too.

You’re not desperate enough to have any sort of ‘arrangements’ with a man that smells like he fucks mud covered pigs and likes it. 

“I’ll take my twenty-five days, thanks.” You sneer.

———

At every meal, (can you even call a simple roll of bread a meal?) you ask the guard what day it is. 

And on day thirteen, you hear them bringing another prisoner down into the depths. You feel your stomach drop and your neck grows hot and slick. What if they put that person in here with you? What if they’re a murderer? What if they’re a lunatic and they try to hurt you? You silently pray that they stay the hell away from you. 

You busy yourself with humming a tune from your childhood, and you feed a few of the rats some crumbs you’d saved from your last ‘meal’. Though terrified of them at first, they’ve grown to be your only friends down here. One even brought you three hair pins, like it was trying to thank you in its own rat way. Sweet little thing. 

Whoever is joining you down here is putting up quite the fight. Feet scraping against the stone floor, voices shouting, and a slew of curses exchanging between it all. They throw him into the cell across from yours, and you try not to be nosy by staring. But gods help you, you were never one for subtlety. Even with your elven eyes, the dark down here is unforgiving. That, and because of your lack of sleep and other basic needs, you can barely see into the other end of the cell. It’s a man, definitely. You only heard men shouting at one another when they brought him in.

When the two guards finally shove him in and lock his own gate, you turn your head and ignore them, hoping they forget you’re here and don’t bother you. At least for a while. That filthy flirtatious guard has come to you twice more since the first time, each time smelling more foul and rancid. Really, does he have something against bathing? 

A few minutes after the guards have left the man to rot down here, your eyes wander across the way, just to try and sneak a look at your new ‘housemate’. 

“What are you staring at?” His voice growls, making you jump a little. 

“Sorry… I’ve been alone down here for nearly a fortnight. The guards and rats aren’t much for company or conversation.”

“I see.” He sighs. “How long?”

“What?”

“How long do you have to be down here?”

“A month.”

“You’re halfway, you’ll be fine.” He snorts, dismissing your agony and loneliness with a wave of his hand. You can barely see his face, but not enough to make out any distinguishable features. His eyes though, they’re almost glowing in this awful dim. 

“How long do you have?” You ask softly. 

“Five years, but I suspect I’ll be out much sooner, should my friends actually gather the brains to help me.” 

A long moment passes by before you try to fill the awful silence permeating the air. 

“There’s rats down here by the way. They’re mostly harmless but I’d be wary and sleep with your shoes on. Had one nibble my toe the first night I slept.” You offer, in the hopes of making more conversation.

“Hah! This isn’t my first time being locked up with only rats for company.” He scoffs, and you almost think you recognize something in his voice. Like a memory of a dream- foggy but still… there. 

“Frequent prison cells do you?” 

“In a way…” 

Well that’s awfully vague. 

“What are you in for anyway?” He asks. 

You clear your throat before boldly telling him, “Singing…”

He barks out a short laugh. “…Singing? Come off it.”

“Well, that’s not the full extent but that’s what it comes down to.”

“A songbird in a cage…” He teases, and again there’s a flicker of something you recognize. 

“What were you singing about, little bird?”

“I, uh, I was singing about the times. The unrest, the Steel Watch, Gortash- I was trying to get the truth out, without getting into trouble.” 

“And that worked out very well for you, didn’t it?” His reply drips with sarcasm. 

“What about you? What are you in for?” You ask. 

“I threatened a few people, illegally snuck into the city with my companions, and I killed a clown.”

“I heard about that, that was you?” 

“I see my fame precedes me. Yes, that was me.” He chuckles dryly. Gods, why does his laugh sound so familiar? “So, you’re a performer, then?”

“Yes. I sing at the Elfsong some nights, if you’ve ever been there. I’d recommend it, if you haven’t.”

“Mm. I know it, it’s a uh, old haunt of mine.” 

The guard comes back and gives you your second ration of water for the day. A small silver cup with enough water to just wet your throat, and not a drop more, and hells- how you ached for more. 

Hours pass, and boredom burrows deep into your skull. You fiddle with the laces on your boots, tying and untying different knots over, and over again. As you do so, you hum to yourself, faintly, so as not to disturb your new neighbor. 

“I know that song…” His voice echoes across the way. “It’s an old elven tune from the Heartlands.”

“It is. You have quite the ear.” You remark, looking up.

“Will you sing it for me?” He asks softly. Never one to shy away from a crowd, you clear your throat and sing out loud the words.

‘For even in death will I find you,

I’ll kiss your cheek and sigh,

Had time been kinder to us,

I would have never said goodbye

You danced in the grass,

I sat under a tree,

You took my hand, 

and said dance with me

How I wish to dance with you now,

And hold you close to me,

I’d never let you go,

If only, if only’

Your voice echoes off the stone walls, and only the slow drip of water is your applause. 

“Sorry, my voice is a bit rusty-”

“Come into the light, please..” He urges, softly desperate.

You look across to his cell. There he stands against the bars, his face pressed between them. The man you fell in love with over two hundred years ago. The same white mop of curls, the same devastatingly beautiful face you could never forget. His eyes searching for you in the darkness.

“Astarion?” Your heart leaps to your throat. 

Your legs move before you do, standing and propelling you to your own cell bars. You press against them and stare out. 

It is him. 

Have you gone mad? Are you dreaming?

“It’s you…” He breathes. 

“H-how? You’re dead! You died!” Your eyes prick with tears and your throat closes up. How can this be happening?

“I did..” He replies sheepishly. 

“But then how-?” Surely this can’t be real.. Can it?

“I… I fear that might take some explaining.”

“Well, it’s not like we’re going anywhere…” 

————

He tells you everything, starting from the very beginning, when your lives were torn apart so abruptly. How he was beaten, left to die in the streets. He was on his way home after watching you perform. You had a few hours left in your set at the Elfsong, and needed the money from performing. You’d told him to hurry on ahead and you’d meet him at his townhome. 

He recounts how he’d forgotten to kiss you goodbye that night, and he’d regretted it every night since. Centuries had passed, and the fact he didn’t kiss you goodbye, that has stuck around in his skull like a blood stain on a white shirt. Your heart shatters hearing him speak about how he’d met his demise. It’s like he’s died all over again… 

He takes small pauses to swallow, steadying his voice; when he continues, he tells you about how he was turned, how he was kept in Cazador Szarr’s estate, locked up and beaten, and kept alive by feeding on rats of all things. It takes every ounce of courage he has to tell you about the people he lured back, but his voice reveals the pain he’s carried all this time. The shame, the guilt, the utter self loathing. The hatred he carries for himself and his master. 

Stretching your arm out from between the bars, you reach for him and he immediately does the same. Your fingertips brush against one another, just enough to feel his cool touch. 

He’s real. This is all real.

He lets his arm fall and you stare at one another. The silence between you two saying more than words could at the moment. Gods, how your heart aches to hold him, to kiss his face and feel his arms wrapped around you again. 

“Why didn’t you ever come find me after you were turned?” Your voice quivers, and heat burns your eyes as you try to keep your own emotions in check. 

“I was so afraid that I would hurt you. I… I didn’t want to find anyone from my life before. I was dead to you all, and I thought that was better than coming back as a monster.”

“You’re not a monster.” You choke, a tear spilling down your cheek. “I missed you so much…” You whisper, the tears now threatening to drown you. 

“I… I missed you too. Every single day, I’ve missed you.” His own voice is soft, but still dry. “There isn’t much I remember from my mortal years, but you… I remember how I loved you.”

“Can I ask you something?”  

“I’m sure you have many questions. So, yes, go ahead.” He smiles softly. 

“How come we never crossed paths over the last two hundred years? I mean, I never left the city. And if you’ve been here, well, and in the Szarr estate... Surely, we would have seen each other just once?”

“I kept to the shadows, and the seedier places of the Gate. Being a spawn, I couldn’t go out in the sunlight. Though, now with my tadpole, that has changed-” 

“Wait, tadpole?” You ask puzzled. 

“Oh, yes. I didn’t get to that bit. You believe me with everything I’ve explained thus far, yes?” He asks with a snarky grin. 

“I do. Why is this next part just utterly insane?”

“Well... Yes, actually.” He replies. “About five months ago I was captured by mind flayers and infected with an illithid parasite- a tadpole. This has interrupted the connection between myself and Cazador, and has broken some of the vampire rules for me. For the first time in so long, I am living. Truly living.”

“It's true then- the illithid invasion is real.. Hah! Wait- how have you not grown tentacles yet and become a squidface?” You ask, trying to wrap your head around it all. 

“One of my friends, another person that was captured, she has a prism that has been protecting us all from changing.” He explains his entire journey here, through the Emerald Grove and the Goblin camp. Then the Underdark, going through the Shar temple, fighting against shadows and an Orthon. Shadowlands, Rethwin Town, the Harpers... All of it. Up until arriving in the Gate and being thrown in jail. It takes hours, but you don’t care in the least. Hearing him, his voice again. You could listen to him read out of one of his old law school textbooks, and you wouldn’t care about the boredom. 

“We need to get you out of here then, if you really are going to save Faerun.” You smile at him, and sigh, “Any ideas of how we can do so?”

He sighs in reply, and he looks up, contemplating an escape plan. “If I had something small, I could pick the lock. But-” he looks around his small cell. “I have nothing. Anything over there, darling?”

“Would a hair pin work?” You ask, sliding the few pins from your hair, allowing your bun to fall out and drop around your shoulders. You pass them through the bars to him,his log fingers just barely able to snag it from your own. 

“Yes, that’s perfect.” He takes it and puts it in his pocket. “I’ll start after the guard comes by next.”

“Makes sense... How did you learn how to pick locks anyway?” 

“When you’re locked in chains as frequently as I have been, you learn by necessity.” He retorts. “I’ve been doing all of the talking. What have you been getting up to all these long years?”

“Oh, nothing exciting. I still perform at the Elfsong most nights, and in the square too. I live in my own house, I have a cat. I’ve actually had twelve cats over the last two hundred years...” 

“Twelve??” He laughs. “Any other loved ones in your life, or are they all pets?” 

“If what you’re asking is ‘do I have anyone else in my life’ the answer is no, not as of late.” You snark with a half smile and raised brow. Though so much has changed for both of you, it feels so good to be talking to him again; instead of talking to his headstone and pretending he could hear you. 

“That truly baffles me. How has no one swept you off your feet and smuggled off with you away from all of this?”

“Oh, others tried but I never really clicked with anyone over the years.” You reply casually. It’s a half truth. You certainly have loved many other people since you and Astarion were together, and you almost married one of them. But, something inside your heart never let go of him. You could call it sentimentality or hells, even puppy love, but you truly never did find someone else that understood you and loved you the way he did. 

“But, what about you? Did you ever find true love?” You ask and you hate yourself for even doing so, but you hate waiting for his answer even more.

“No.” He shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. I had many ‘lovers’ but even calling them that is too generous. Dalliance is probably more accurate.”

“I see..” You nod, a bit of relief filling your heart. 

“How often do the guards come by?” He asks, trying to look down the corridor. 

“Not too often, when they remember anyway. But, what do we do if we can actually escape? We can’t-”

“Done.” He pushes on his gate and it swings open, and he immediately sets to work on your side. Your heart races in your chest as you watch his nimble fingers push and fidget with the lock. Standing just on the other side of the bars, you catch the faintest hint of citrus and herbs. He still has that same smell to him, and now your heart races for different reasons entirely. Memories and old feelings come rushing back to the surface, bubbling and spilling over the sides like a pot of water left on the stovetop. When your own door finally opens with a screech, your heart drops to your stomach. 

“Shit, that was too loud!” You panic. Astarion grabs you by the arms, pulling you from your cell. He twists one of the gold bands from his fingers and places it on your own index finger. 

“This is an enchanted ring, it has an invisibility spell in it, it doesn’t last very long, so I need you to stay right by my side, and don’t make a noise.” He holds your hands so delicately and you nod your understanding. “That’s my girl.” He gives you that same wicked grin you had once fallen in love with, only now it’s much sharper you notice. He moves your thumb over the ring and makes you squeeze it against your finger, instantly making your hand vanish before your eyes. You look down at where your feet should be, and there’s nothing. Astarion follows suit and dissolves into the air. You feel his cold hand pull you to his side and you shuffle on tiptoe down the hall, careful as to not make a single noise. It's not a particularly wide corridor, and when the guard passes you, Astarion pushes you against the wall, and presses his own body to yours, so as to give the other man a wide berth to walk around the two of you. 

This is so weird... I can feel his breath on my face, but he’s just gone.

The second the guard passes the two of you, he snakes his arm around your back and continues to usher you out of the prison. Past two snoozing guards and around the ajar front gate, softly padding up the steps, and then finally out into the warm afternoon sun. He doesn’t stop though, not till you two are hidden away in a side alley near the Flophouse. You feel him guide you to the back of the small building, and push you against the wall. You let out a sigh as the spell wears off seconds before his own does. 

His face is much closer to your own than you would have expected, so much so that you’re sharing the same air as you try to catch your breath. The two of you can’t stay here though, you’re still far too close to the prison, and surely they will come after you any moment now. That doesn’t stop you from letting your eyes drink in his face. He’s still just as handsome as you remembered him to be. But there’s dark circles under his now crimson eyes, and his face no longer holds the lively pink it used to. Despite the circumstance, you can’t help thinking about his lips, and how much you want to kiss him. 

“We need to keep moving.” You murmur, inches away from his face looking down at you. 

“Always the sensible one.” He grins. He clears his throat and steps away from you. “Sorry, I forgot myself for a second there. But you’re right we, uh, we should keep moving.”

“We can hide out at my house for the night, and then we’ll figure out how to get you reunited with your friends.” You smile at him. 

“Lead the way, darling.”

Borders by @thecutestgrotto

Thanks for reading! - Tilly <3

[craske]

Do you think White Lilly cookie might benefit from talking to someone else who also explicitly knows what she knows? I did find it ironic that Gingerbrave who literally escaped a fate of being eaten shortly after coming into this world was right there but since he is a kid she never breached the subject outright and he never really mentioned it either bc he never really has a reason to (and considering he explicitly denied the plate thing in front of DE bc he didn't want Custard III to be upset-) and while it seemed to still comfort her I do not think she got that he knew. The thing is. There is no way Shadow Milk doesn't know at this point. Or at least it is highly improbable. Let's assume he does because In fact he might be the worst person to have a talk about the delicious nature of cookiekind with but I also think he (the dejammed version) and White Lily must have an encounter that ends in this talk and it proceeds to suck so much for both of them. And also for character development reasons.

ohhh thats a fun one!! considering what lily thinks of shadow milk in this au (rip elder faerie), them having something in common would be unbearable to her. and vice versa, honestly.

i like to think the witches that baked the beasts were from the coven that is shown in cr:twc, meaning they were benevolent and cared about their creations. however shit hit the fan and now theyre gone. and youre right, as the fallen fount of knowledge he simply has to know, probably found out relatively quickly. and i can see them talking about it at some point.

while it would take a Long time for them to interact for the first time since he fell, and by that time shadow milk wouldve mellowed out ever so slightly, it still wouldnt start off good, probably with some pretty foul teasing. after all, there is a LOT of grudge to hold here, the death of the guardian, tormenting pure vanilla and overall the chaos in the faerie kingdom on one side, then further imprisonment and direct connection to the dark enchantress on the other side. but i believe they would finally find some sort of understanding, the burden of knowledge that corrupts, but also the constant need to seek it and all that. maybe they could even reach and shaky understanding perhaps? thats possible, they are both insatiable seekers of knowledge. and i think, that while not even slightly as forgiving and accepting as pure vanilla, white lily would see herself ever so slightly in shadow milk, his fall from grace and [although hed be denying that] the effort of trying to crawl back up. and while i dont think he would spare any sort of comforting words regarding the true nature of cookies, i think that. maybe in the brief moment of ""weakness"" he would mention that not all witch covens see their creations like that. then walks away like squidward before white lily even thinks of asking him to elaborate

[transmasccofee]

i think the thing that is interesting to me about teruhashi is how she not only doesnt hate the attention she gets, not only enjoys the attention she gets, but actively and punishingly chases it. While also simultaneously hating it.

She cant get any peace or quiet, she can’t express her real personality, yet she pushes herself to know everything about everyone so she doesnt have any flaws whatsoever, she can’t just be the sweet pretty girl, she has to effectively make it so everyone she meets forms a one sided relationship with her because it feels like she cares about them. not only that, She initially is totally friendless, because “girls are intimidated by perfection and anyway i dont have time” or something (i don’t remember what she actually says but it was along those lines)

in the beginning she isn’t standing up to anyone, even creepy guys who clearly dont have her best interests, who internally she hates. The only time she gets close is her brother because he not only disrespected her but publicly embarrassed her in front of someone she cared about.

Initially it seems like the only person who sees her as a human is saiki, to everyone else she’s practically an idol, or even a fictional character. Which is insane because she’s NOT. She’s a 16/17 year old girl in highschool.

And despite all of this, she pursues it. She needs everyone to admire her more than they admire anyone. She is willing to put herself through eating actual trash to achieve this. She lives her life like an idea rather than a real person, like she’s a writer except the character she’s writing is herself.

Someone please send her ass to therapy

[gunstellations]

In the world I love

_

In a different world

[bookshelf-in-progress]

I love how a well-written romance is so often structured as a mystery. A person starts with a certain idea about another person, and over the course of the story, they uncover more evidence that gives them a fuller picture of who the other person truly is. They learn about layers to the personality and backstory that give the other person more depth. They learn how the other person's personality meshes with theirs. Even the third-act misunderstanding fits the mystery structure--it looks like they've uncovered the final secret to the other person's identity, which is that they're not the worthy person they seemed to be, but then discover that they misinterpreted that evidence, or the other person takes steps to apologize and repair the level of trust. When the mystery is resolved, they've reached a full understanding of each other and know they've found a partner they can trust their whole future to.

[sweetnnaivete]

how many times do i have to tell you that if you’re going to make walburga (and any other female character) a two-dimensional stereotype, you better be doing the exact same for the death eater characters because (shocker!!!!) if you’re choosing to base how much attention you give to a character’s complexities on their actions, then they all did terrible, unjustifiable things, and as such should be receiving the same treatment

[sskk-manifesto]

Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me

[thefriendoforatioisdead]

I think there is something quite brutal for Anin to realize that she can't solve everything. Because she's a problem solver, she prides herself in being Pin's courageous hero, and even if most of the time she just uses her privileges and the power she has over her brother and father, she still got away with everything, and obtained what she wanted. And I think she truly believed that the power of their love might be enough, because it's so strong, how could anything resist it ?

But the truth is that sometimes, nothing is stronger than social pressure. And although she was starting to realize that, and things were looking bleak, at least she knew Pin was going to fight alongside her. Until she wasn't. And then she was alone. And she probably felt like maybe all this time, Pin never loved her as much as she claimed she did, because otherwise, she would fight, wouldn't she ? Anin can't see and can't understand Pin' point of view just yet, because she feels too much pain, and she probably feels so so alone.

And that's what really hurts in the ''I find myself inferior to every man in this world''. She is the princess, she's the center of her family's world. She has everything. And her and Pin's love is beyond everything. But none of it matters, and none of it has weight in the face of society and its rules. When it comes to loving another woman, loving Pin, she will always be inferior to every man in this world. You can be anyone, you still can't escape the mechanisms.

[k233-0]

who am i without my powers?