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anyarally · 4 years ago

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Defective Robot

Sanders Sides Fanfiction Virgil X Logan (Analogical), Virgil X Roman (Prinxiety), Logan has Hanahaki for Virgil 4,812 Words Ao3 Link

Logan Connaissance and Virgil Angoisse had been best friends since seventh grade, but they started to drift apart in freshman year. Why? Because Virgil started dating the only guy who managed to be a theatre kid and a jock, Roman Prince. Roman was nice to Virgil, but he and Logan absolutely hated each other. They disagreed on just about everything, the only thing they had in common was the jelly brand they enjoyed.

Logan Connaissance and Virgil Angoisse had been best friends since seventh grade, but they started to drift apart in sophomore year. Why? Because Virgil started dating the only guy who managed to be a theatre kid and a jock, Roman Prince.

Roman was nice to Virgil, but he and Logan absolutely hated each other. They disagreed on just about everything, the only thing they had in common was the jelly brand they enjoyed.

The longer Roman and Virgil dated, the more confused Logan became about his feelings. He thought he had never felt love, but the research he was doing led him to believe he was feeling it currently towards Virgil. He had no idea if this love was platonic or romantic, but one thing he knew for sure was that he was going to ignore it.

One day in sophomore year, Logan and Virgil were going through the lunch line together, as they always did, when Virgil piped up, “Hey, Lo?”

“Yes, Virgil?”

“Do you think we could maybe sit with Roman today? I know it messes up your routine and is probably annoying and frustrating but I-”

“Virgil,” Logan made eye contact and stopped walking, “you’re spiraling. I would greatly enjoy spending lunch with you as well as Roman.” Logan knew he shouldn’t lie, but this was the only way.

Virgil let out a breath of relief, “Oh thank god. Awesome, his usual table is this way.”

They walked to the table and the conversation going on was about sexuality and LGBTQ+, and they were sharing their identities.

Virgil sat down next to Roman, Roman snaking an arm around his waist. Virgil blushed but did nothing to stop it.

Since they were already sharing, they decided to go around the table and say their names too.

“Roman, gay. Duh.”

“Virgil, asexual and gay-romantic”

“Virgil, it’s homoromantic.”

“I know, but gay-romantic is better.”

Logan sighed, “Logan, asexual and panromantic.”

“Patton, pan!” Patton grabbed his backpack and pointed to a button on it with a picture of a frying pan. Logan stared at him for a moment before sighing.

“Janus, gay.”

“Remus! Roman’s aro-ace brother!” Remus cackled as everyone gagged at his inside out eyelids, excluding Logan.

Janus groaned, “It’s not like we’re eating or anything!

Roman pushed Remus so he fell off the bench, laughing the whole way down. “Hey, I’ve got an idea! Once we’re done eating we should help draw pride flags on each other’s hands!”

As lunch went on, Logan was able to participate (sometimes with Virgil’s help), keep up with the conversation, and even laugh! He’s always had trouble making friends, Virgil had been the best thing that had ever happened to him. He had trouble keeping up with conversations because he usually found them uninteresting and zoned out, reading, writing, or just thinking if he couldn’t do those. He actually couldn’t remember the last time he laughed about anything other than something he learned or something Virgil told him.

Only as he was walking home, ace flag on one hand and pan flag on the other, did Logan’s smile fall for good. He had just split off from Virgil, walking down the street to his house.

He opened the door, calmly stating, “I’m home. What would you like for dinner?”

“Oh honey, you don-”

“Shut up! Don’t you know what kids are for? Especially fucking defective ones like him!” Logan just stared as his father gestured to him with a beer bottle. “Fucking robot. Go make us some spaghetti. You don’t get any tonight.”

Logan’s mother just sadly watched, too frightened to intervene.

“Yes, sir.” Logan nodded at his father. As soon as the giant burly man flopped back down on the couch to drink and flip channels, Logan quickly but calmly went into the kitchen and started boiling the water.

His mother eventually came in and sat down, adjusting her taped-together glasses as she softly said, “I’m so sorry, Logan.”

“I know, mother.”

“I’m so sorry for everything, I just don’t know what to do, I just-”

Logan went over and gently touched his mother’s shoulders, “Mother, it’s alright. Next year, I’ll be able to get a job and-”

“But you shouldn’t have to! I should be able to speak up to my husband and get us out of here but I can’t !” She broke down sobbing, muttering “I can’t” over and over again under her breath.

Logan awkwardly rubbed her back for a few minutes before sighing and going back to making dinner.

At the dinner table, while Logan was dishing out the food, his father noticed something. Before Logan could sit down, his father yanked his hand towards him, already bruising Logan’s wrists.

“What the hell is this, Lo-bot? You some kind of fancy fag?!”

“I-I apologize, sir, it was for a project, they don’t mean anything-”

“No, no, no, I recognize these from those fucking inclusivity,” his father used air quotes, “posts on Facebook and those buttons on kids’ backpacks! You are a fag! I thought you didn’t have the capability for emotions, much less love! Not that it matters,” he stood up, dragging Logan by his wrists with him, “all you teens are just making it all up anyway!”

Logan barely resisted the multiple ‘um, actually’ moments as to not anger his father further, wrist bruises were already hard enough to hide.

“Nothing to say now, huh? Typical.” He slammed Logan’s head on the counter, Logan’s mother’s sobbing increasing volume in the background.

Logan’s eyesight was getting fuzzier and fuzzier, but he could tell his glasses were cracked. “Father, please, I-I have a t-test tomorrow, I can’t call in s-s-sick…”

Logan’s father gave a hardy laugh as he increased pressure on Logan, “Classic Lo-bot, only focused on school,” he lets his son go and pushes him in the general direction of his room, “Whatever, asshole. Go fix yourself up for your precious school !” he laughed and sat down to eat his spaghetti.

Logan staggered to his room, once inside getting his mirror and first aid kit out to assess the damage. He had a black eye, split lip, bruised wrists, a giant bruise on his jaw, and his suspicions were confirmed about his glasses, one lens almost entirely shattered.

He carefully took off his glasses, getting the tweezers and trying to pick out a few tiny pieces of glass with blurred vision. Thankfully, none of them got in his eye, but he was almost sure he had a concussion. He sighed and treated his wounds the best he could. Afterward, he got out another pair of glasses, ignoring the sting and splitting headache he got from looking at his laptop and researching makeup techniques to use tomorrow morning.

The six of them were at lunch when Virgil noticed something.

Everyone (excluding Logan) was talking about vampires.

Virgil initiated the conversation by saying, “Okay, okay, but who’s everyone’s favorite vampire?”

“Like, from all of fiction?”

“Yeah. I’ll go first, Angel from Buffy.”

Roman spoke up next, “The gayest and bestest vampire of them all, Marshall Lee the Vampire King!”

Virgil was already slightly suspicious when Logan didn’t correct Roman’s ‘bestest’ but was immediately distracted by Patton’s answer, “The guy from Sesame Street!”

“He doesn’t count!”

“Oh, I assure you he does.”

Virgil laughed, but then he noticed Logan’s expression. He was barely picking at his school lunch and his eye looked… red? Virgil had never seen Logan cry before, especially not at school, and even then it wouldn’t really make sense for him to have been crying and then just one eye be red. He gently tapped on the nerd’s hand, causing him to jolt and look up, “Hey, are you okay? Do you wanna come over for a bit today?”

“I, erm, I’m not sure. My parents won’t be… pleased.”

“Dude, they’re never pleased. I’m having Roman over for a sleepover this weekend anyway, my parents definitely won’t mind.”

“I…. suppose that could be alright. I will notify them that I won’t be home.”

Virgil gently chuckled, “Alright Lo. Just come to our normal spot, the three of us can walk together.” Virgil hooked his hand on Roman’s elbow.

At Roman’s questioning look, Virgil stated, “Logan’s gonna join our sleepover tonight. That ok?”

“Ah, yes! Any good prince knows how to compromise and improvise!”

Virgil laughed and Logan forced a smile. The rest of lunch passed normally, other than Logan still not participating much in the conversation. Patton wanted to ask, but felt it wasn’t his place since he hadn’t known him very long.

That evening, they walked home together as planned. Logan had been looking at his phone and putting it away again all night, however, and Virgil was getting suspicious. When Logan went to brush his teeth, he caught a quick glance at his phone, seeing at least fifty notifications from messages, all from contacts titled either ‘Father’ or ‘Mother’. All the texts from ‘Father’ were in all caps, but that’s all the information Virgil got just by looking at the lit-up screen while Logan brushed his teeth.

Virgil had his suspicions, but decided to keep quiet for now. He’d talk to Logan about it tomorrow, besides Virgil had known Logan long enough to know he needed as much sleep as he could get.

That night, they all set up sleeping bags (Logan used one of Virgil’s parents’s) since Virgil only had a twin bed and no one wanted to be sleeping in different places. The three teens had also gone around Virgil’s house and gathered all the extra pillows and blankets they could find and Virgil grabbed his weighted blanket.

They ended up sleeping with Virgil in the middle, which would’ve normally made him anxious, but with the combination of the weighted blanket and his love for those around him, he could sleep easily.

It’s really too bad that it took him so long to fall asleep.

As soon as Virgil felt Logan’s breathing even out, he tapped Roman’s shoulder, who eagerly stopped pretending and opened his eyes. Virgil climbed on top of Roman, eagerly making out with him. Maybe, if they hadn’t been so distracted, they could’ve noticed the hitched breaths of the form next to them.

Logan, knowing all too well how Virgil always waits until everyone else is asleep to sleep himself, pretended to be sleeping beside him. He had done this many times, both with Virgil and at home, his father was less likely to, ahem, bother Logan if he was asleep. What Logan didn’t expect was the telltale sounds of kissing next to him. He didn’t think they were at that stage yet, why didn’t Virgil tell him? By the sound of it, this is far from the first time. Why did that make him feel… angry? jealous? He wasn’t sure, but he thought they told each other everything.

He felt a tickle in his throat and covered his mouth, liquid coming out of his mouth onto his hand, if the lights had been on he’d have known that liquid was blood. Thankfully, Logan had a fair amount of experience when it came to suppressing coughs and staying silent, so he was able to make any movements seem like normal stirs.

The longer he held them in, the more they hurt, and the more nauseated he became. It seemed as if the more he heard Roman and Virgil the worse it became. After about fifteen solid minutes (Logan was counting) of making out, Roman and Virgil settled down. At that point, once they cuddled up and moved the warmth even farther away from Logan,

Logan expertly waited until Roman and Virgil’s breathing evened out and quietly and efficiently rushed to the bathroom to cough into the toilet, clumsily putting on his glasses as he went. He closed the door and took a slight risk by turning the light on, but was glad he did. He coughed into the toilet, feeling as if his throat was being torn apart from the inside out. When his coughs finally subsided and he looked into the now pink-tinged water he saw blood-soaked purple orchid petals.

Logan shivered as he remembered that purple orchids were Virgil’s favorite flower .

Memories came back to him in a flash.

“What the fuck are these flowers doing here? Do you love someone else?”

“No, baby! I love you, you know that!”

“These say something else, bitch. Who. Are. They. For.”

“No! I won’t tell you!”

Eight-year-old Logan flinched in bed as he heard a slap.

“WHO?!” A punch. “WHO?!” A kick. “WHO?!” A crash and a loud cry.

“Okay! I’m sorry! It was… Remy. The man at the coffee shop I stop at on the way to work. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Logan remembered the man at the coffee shop, he liked his NASA shirt and gave him a free cake pop. The blackberry and pomegranate one dyed blue. Remy said he requested it from the owner of the bakery himself.

“Oh I’ll get that little dick for you baby, and then I’ll remove your flowers personally.”

Logan sobbed, thankfully being masked by his mother’s own sobs and the slamming of a door.

Logan didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t tell his parents, even if he did father wouldn’t pay for surgery and mother couldn’t. Father would only make fun of him and it’d only make mother sad.

Logan allowed himself a few silent tears before flushing the toilet and washing the blood off at the same time in order to not drag out the sound.

He turned off the light, opened the door, and walked back to the sleeping bags, disheartened and almost needing to go back when he saw Roman and Virgil cuddling, sleeping peacefully.

That whole weekend was hell for Logan. The more he saw Roman and Virgil doing couple-y things the more accelerated the Hanahaki coughs became.

That Saturday though, Logan was pleasantly surprised. Roman had brought them to a coffee shop closer to his house (the other side of town from Virgil and Logan) and Logan immediately recognized the barista.

“Remy? Is that you?”

“Lo-Lo! Omg girl I haven’t seen you in for ever !” Rent came out from behind the counter and hugged Logan.

“Uh, L? Who’s this?”

“Oh, my apologies, this is my old friend Remy. We haven’t seen each other in years but my mother used to go by his bakery every morning on the way to work. I hadn’t realized the location had moved.”

“Yeah, about that, do you wanna maybe catch up in the back? I can ask Emile to take over the front for a bit, he’ll understand.”

Logan nodded, and Remy brought him behind the counter and a man with a pink tie and a yellow apron came out to help Virgil and Roman order.

“Wonder what that’s about…”

“Yeah, no offense to him but I thought you were his only friend before he met the group.”

Meanwhile, in the back of the shop, Remy and Logan were catching up.

“Remy, I thought you were dead. Did my father do something?”

“Jumpin’ right in, aren’t we? Fuck yeah, your father did something, that’s why I have this,” Remy pulled up his shirt to show a deep scar on his abdomen.

Logan gasped, “I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t apologize for him, he’s an asshole, it doesn’t mean you are. You were seven, man.”

Logan sighed and looked down, “I know.”

“Anyway he never actually said why? He mentioned your mom, but just kinda went for it.”

“Wait, you don’t know?”

“He didn’t exactly stop and tell me, babe, he just waited for me to get off work and jumped me. Must not’ve known much about human bodies though because he never checked to see if I was dead, just left me bleeding out there. Thank god I was able to call Emile in time.”

“My mother, she had Hanahaki… for you,” Remy raised an eyebrow, “When my father found out he forced her to tell him who it was for and, well you’re aware of what happened next.”

“Oh wow. Well, I’m gay so it being unrequited tracks. I guess when she thought I was dead it went away?”

“I suppose so. May I ask why you didn’t report it to the authorities?”

“Well, Emile was a doctor before opening the bakery so he knew enough to patch me up, and your father was wearing a mask so I didn’t get his face. We were planning on changing locations anyway, so we just kinda didn’t? Why, would you have wanted me to? I won’t hesitate to stab a bitch back for you, hun.”

“No, that won’t be necessary, I was simply curious.”

“Although, now that I think about it, the day of and the month after Emile said he didn’t see her at all, why did your mom stop coming? Did she know?”

“Father made her quit her job, she had no reason to come anymore.”

Remy was looking at Logan in shocked silence, amazed at how calmly Logan stated such a horrible thing.

“Lo-Lo, is your father… abusive? To you or your mother?”

“No! What made you think that?!”

“Calm down, Lo, it’s alright, I believe you.”

Logan sat back down, when had he stood up? He took a deep breath.

“Logan, let me give you my number,” Remy gently held his hand out.

Logan relented, opening his phone to create a new contact and handing it over. When he got it back, it had tons of emojis after the name, but Logan could edit it later. He chuckled and put his phone away, “Well Remy, I’m glad we got to talk. I genuinely thought you were dead. It’s a… relief, to know you’re alright.” Logan finished with a soft smile.

“You too, kid,” Remy chuckled as he ruffled Logan’s hair.

When they came out, Roman and Virgil were already sitting at a table, three drinks on it with them. Logan smiled as he knew Virgil got him exactly what he wanted.

“Oh, Lo, before I forget! Meet Emile, my husband.”

“So this is the Logan I’ve heard so much about?” Emile held his hand out to Logan, “Emile Picani, do you how do?.”

Logan’s face flushed and it took him a second to process that what he said had to be a reference, but he shook Emile’s hand and put two and two together in his head, “Wait, Picani? You wouldn’t happen to know a Patton, would you?”

“Oh, yes! Patton is our son,” Emile wrapped his arms around Remy’s waist, “Are you and him friends at school?”

“Yes sir, we sit together at lunch, Virgil and Roman sit with us too,” Logan gestured to Virgil and Roman, who were already not-so-subtly listening to the conversation.

Emile repressed the urge to cringe at ‘sir’ before he looked at Roman and Virgil, “Hi there!” he gestured to Remy and himself, “We’re Patton’s parents! And Remy here is an old friend of Logan’s, his mom visited here often before we changed locations.”

“Oh cool, nice to meet you!” Roman excitedly stood up and shook Emile’s hand.

Emile and Remy both chuckled before Virgil added, “‘Sup.” with a two-fingered salute.

Logan wanted to stay and enjoy the moment, but he felt a familiar tickle in his throat when he saw Roman and Virgil were sharing a shake and he couldn’t take it any longer. “Excuse me,” he rushed to the bathroom, ignoring the questioning looks.

He threw open the door and rushed into a stall, hastily locking the door behind him. He started to cough into the toilet, the smell of iron permeating his senses. He could feel the spikes from the orchid’s stem in his throat jerking around as he coughs up as much as his body will allow.

Once his coughs finally subside, he looks into the dark pink-tinged water, surprised to see an entire flower floating in the water. Logan gulps as he remembered a quote from an article he read when his mother had Hanahaki.

Once the patient inflicted coughs up an entire flower, that individual has from three days to a week to get it removed, or the patient will die. The next and final stage after a flower is another flower, this time attached to a stem, usually roots as well.

Logan sat kneeled by the toilet and contemplated. He wasn’t ready to die. He was so excited to become an adult and do all the things he ever dreamed of. Going to college, getting his Ph.D., getting a cat, actually being diagnosed for the autism he was sure he had, learning even more about the world and what lies beyond it… He… didn’t know what to do. Where should he go from here? He knew he should look into an agency or something to help him, there almost certainly is one, but would he have to go to the hospital? Would they have to know who his parents are? He couldn’t risk that. He didn’t want his father to hurt him or his mother, much less his friends. Not after what happened to Remy.

Logan stood up and washed his hands, knowing what he had to do.

He had it all planned out, he couldn’t be at home when it happened. He had his letters in his bag at all times and coughed as little as possible when at home. Luckily for Logan, the coughing fits didn’t get triggered as often at home, at least not severe enough to cause suspicion.

He walked to the bus stop alone, again. Roman had a car that didn’t have a backseat so he could take one person places but not more, so Virgil had been riding with him instead of walking with Logan more and more.

When Logan got to school, he had quite a surprise waiting for him. When he opened his locker, shaving cream fell out of it and got all over his outfit. He heard some kids laughing behind him and just by their laughter could tell it was Luke and Maddie, a couple who had bullied him since elementary school. He sighed, wiping the shaving cream off his shirt. When he picked up his books, it looked like they had put something else in his locker, making the pages of his books and journals sticky and wrinkled up. From the smell, it was probably Sprite.

He just sighed again and shoved his books in his bag. There’s not long left until this is all over, Logan, keep your cool .

His day went about as well as it could after that, but lunch was what finalized his plan. After getting his food, he looked at his table only to see someone else in his spot. Some girl with half of her hair pink and shoulder-length while the other half was brown and shaved to a buzz cut.

Logan lost it. He never went over to the table, he never even ate his lunch. Maybe if he had he’d have known that she had just got there, she was flirting with Roman and about to be turned down (for many reasons), but sadly he did not.

He dropped his lunch tray and ran to the bathroom, getting Virgil’s(and everyone in the cafeteria’s) attention, and Virgil and Roman both ran after him.

When Logan got to the bathroom, he was already sobbing, clumsily opening the wheelchair-friendly stall door and slumped down in the corner after locking the door.

He was still sobbing horribly, everything finally getting to him. His bullies, his disease, his parents, his classmates, Remy, Roman, Virgil, everything .

He opened up his phone and went to Roman’s Instagram account, scrolling through all the pictures of him and Virgil looking so happy together, knowing it would speed up the process and trigger coughing fits.

“Logan! L what’s wrong?!” Virgil banged on the stall door, only getting more sobs in response, “L please open the door I only want to help!”

“Me too!”

“Roman, I think it’d be best if you left, sorry. Logan and I need to talk alone.”

“Oh, uh, okay…” Roman hesitantly leaves the bathroom and sits outside.

“Logan? Please talk to me? It’s just us, I checked all the stalls.”

Virgil was shocked and scared to hear the horrible hacking coughs coming from Logan’s throat.

Eventually, the coughing stopped. Virgil yelled and yelled his name, and eventually Roman came back inside, “Virgil? What’s wrong?”

“He’s not responding anymore! Go get the nurse! Or anyone who can open this stall door!”

Eventually, they were able to get the door open, but what Virgil saw would forever be burned into the back of his eyes. The dead body of Logan, blood all over him, staining his tie and his books which had fallen from his bag. Blood-soaked purple orchid petals surrounding him and in the toilet, even some entire flowers in his lap. Virgil’s heart shattered when he thought about how his favorite flowers were purple orchids… not anymore, though.

Virgil saw a paper sized orange folder, just the corner stained with blood, labeled

Friends

Family

Inside, he found five envelopes, labeled Mother and Father , Remy, Emile, and Patton , Janus and Remus , Roman , and Virgil .

Later that night, after giving the other letters to the rightful owners(or in Logan’s parents’s case, putting the letter on their doorstep, ringing the doorbell, and then running away), he snuggled into his bed to read his.

Virgil,

As I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, you were my unrequited love. I hadn’t had a word to put to my feelings toward you until you started dating Roman, which triggered the Hanahaki disease in my system. You deserve the world, the sun, the moon, and all the stars, and I’m sorry you only got me. I’m sorry I’ll be gone, but I know you’ll make it through high school with or without me. You’re an incredibly smart, kind, vigilant, clever, handsome, and helpful individual, I’m so glad I had the privilege of being alive at the same time as you.

Logan

Janus and Remus,

I wish I had the opportunity to get to know the two of you better. You were always kind to me and welcomed me to your group with open arms. Thank you for bringing a smile to my days, even if school is a figurative hellhole. Just so you’re aware, I had Hanahaki for Virgil. I wish I could write out in detail how it feels for you, Remus, but I find thinking about it usually triggers a coughing fit, and I do not want to go to my home.

Logan

Remy, Emile, and Patton,

Patton, I’m sorry I never got to know you better, but you were always kind to me despite me being new and you not really knowing me. While most of your puns made me “cringe”, I did actually enjoy some of them, so thank you for bringing joy to my life.

Emile and Remy, I don’t know whether or not the two of you will be informed, but I had Hanahaki. Specifically for Virgil, but that’s not really important. I wish my father wasn’t so cruel to you, especially since you never did anything purposely against him. Again, I apologize for his behavior. I wish mother and I could’ve had a normal relationship with you, instead of her being so sheltered she fell for the first guy to treat her like a person before my father.

Logan

Mother,

Thank you for trying your best to help me. My childhood wasn’t great, but the fondest memories I have of it are the times it was just you and me. I had Hanahaki, just like you. I knew you couldn’t afford the surgery and father wouldn’t allow me to have it, seeing as I had the disease for a boy, so I never brought it up. I didn’t want to drag out the sadness any more for you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t stay alive to be old enough to get a job and help us out of here, I hope you can forgive me.

Logan

Roman,

I am going to be entirely honest with you. When I first met you, I did not like you. And when you and Virgil became romantically involved, I began to hate you. But after all the sleepovers and lunches, I have learned that you are a good person. A person that I respect, whether I like you or not. Therefore, I entrust you with the most important job I can give; please look after Virgil for me. I do not care if you two continue to date, whatever happens, just please make sure he gets through life well enough. Help him mourn, be there for him when he cries, be there for him because I no longer can. Thank you.

Logan

Hope you enjoyed! Or cried, whatever Prompt: Hiding an Illness

Additional Tags:

Logic | Logan Sanders Angst

Logic | Logan Sanders-centric

Autistic Logic | Logan Sanders

Implied/Referenced Child Abuse

Child Abuse

Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism

Verbal Abuse

Slurs

Hanahaki Disease

Angst

Fluff and Angst

Alternate Universe - High School

Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings

Blood

Mild Blood

Implied/Referenced Abuse

Bullying

Suicidal Thoughts

Suicide Notes

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