#her & i just cant seem to agree on just being ourselves or hiding ourselves & putting up a fake personality like we always do around others

[qumiiiquinnquin]

i do not know what to say anymore because im afraid to be myself and i always think people do not like me when i am being myself. i do not like myself and i try to hide me away from everyone so im better to be around

[hunterofthemist]

Strength of the Meek

Carrying a paper bag Dave walks into the cafeteria. He looks around the room and sees Kotzal waving him over. He walks over to him and sits down with Kotzal at a noticeably empty table.

"Hey Dave, how are you?" Kotzal asks with a grin. "You dont have to rub it in, I had no idea you were a natural," Dave grumbles.

"It's just that when you showed me the rules I realized how similar they were to a game I used to play on Geon. Thrum If I remember correctly." Kotzal and dave talk for some time, the topic changes quickly from poker to physical ability.

"How strong are humans anyway? I've seen your movies but you said they aren't a good representation of human strength." Kotzal asks intrigued.

"Were strong enough. Enough to take down something bigger than us, at least with some planning that is." Dave answers. "I mean back when humans still dwelled in caves we took down wooly mammoths, which were beasts around three times the size of a human."

"Oh, I didn't know that. It's pretty impressive to hear." Kotzal says more than intrigued at this point.

"What about when a human has to do something impossible, just to keep the ones they care about alive. What do you do then?" He asks, his face getting a bit more solemn.

"We push on, do whatever it takes, even if it means we tear ourselves apart doing so," Dave says with a look of sincerity. He then breaks the look and smiles warmly. "What's got you asking a question like that?"

Kotzal laughs nervously and scratches the back of his head. "I dont know, I just heard stories over the Ether."

The conversation ends as the buzzer goes off on everyone's watch. "Shit thought we had more time for lunch break. That blows." Dave sighs.

Dave and Kotzal start walking down a hallway towards their respective stations. Halfway towards Dave's station, the alarm sounds, as well as an explosion in a nearby hallway.

"What was that!" Kotzal panics, immediately hiding behind dave and shaking. Dave reacts accordingly, not to the explosion but to Kotzal hiding behind him. "Woah dude, you good?"

"Oh sorry, my species is a prey species on my home planet. We get jumpy when stuff like this happens."

Dave chuckles at the thought, "you know if you did this around the others im pretty sure they wouldn't be able to see you." His attention focuses back on the sound. " We should go check out what happened, we're engineers after all."

Kotzal steps out from behind dave nervously and agrees. They walk down the hallway towards the commotion. Smoke billows out of the walls, embers pour out of the holes as well.

A hulking beast pulls its way out of the hole, it had to be around 8 and a half feet tall. Just as dave gets a look at it, several more come out of the walls. Kotzal grabs dave and pulls him around the corner, away from the beasts.

"Get down! Those are Tarvok pirates. We need to go, we do Not want to pick a fight with those." Kotzal is freaking out, likely having a panic attack. He tries to pull Dave with him. Dave doesn't budge, instead, he stares at the wall and puts his hand on it. "I cant."

Kotzal gets more anxious and frenzied, pulling harder on Dave. "No We have to go, David dont do this." In response, Dave grins and puts his head on the cold metal wall. "I said I cant, This station is my baby. I've fixed her more than anyone else. I can't leave her."

Dave turns to Kotzal and continues. "Not to mention the number of people these guys could hurt. You know how far the nearest guard post is, and how understaffed it is. If I turn tail and run countless people will die. But If I distract them, buy us some time. Maybe I can save a few lives."

"But you'll die! You'll get killed, I can't have you do that. I can't lose you, You're the only one who even respects me, let alone is nice to me." He says as tears start to form in his four eyes.

Daves grin breaks and he pulls Kotzal into a hug, Kotzal's small stature causing him to look like a small child not wanting their parent to leave. "That's not happening. I ain't gonna die." Dave thinks for a moment and goes on. "How about you help me, I dont buy this scared child Schtick. There's something there, something strong. I can see that."

Dave breaks the hug and pulls a knife from his belt, and hands it over to him. Kotzal stares at the blade for a second and takes the knife and nods in agreement. "Use your speed and stature to your advantage. there's a lot of smoke, try to use that."

Dave and total talk for a minute discussing plans and strategies after they're done he grabs a pipe on the wall and rips it off, but not before speaking to the station itself. "Sorry about this."

Walking around the corner Dave bangs the pipe on the wall, getting the army of Tarvok's attention. "Hey you brutes, eyes on me." He says, resting the pipe on his shoulder.

One of the Tarvok's starts walking over to Dave with a look of hunger and anger. Dave grins, this being a part of his plan, and stomps on a jagged and sharp piece of metal, launching it into the air. To which Kotzal leaves cover from behind Dave and grabs the piece of metal and throws it into the eye of the Tarvok.

"See, I told you no one would be able to see you back there." Dave jokes. He takes a step forward and inspects the now corpse of the Tarvok. "Oh damn, straight into the eye." Kotzal meekly responds to the compliment. "Thanks, it was heavier than Im used to so I didn't think it hit where I wanted to."

"You're a good shot, keep it up." Dave compliments. For a split second, Dave swore he could see Kotzal's cheeks turn blue.

Dave starts walking forward towards the rest of the army, beckoning them to come to fight him. One soldier takes a step forward to fight. The hulking beast throws a punch towards Dave but he sides steps it and slams his weapon into a pipe next to the Tarvok.

The soldier notices this and started to laugh but a second later the pipe bursts and hot steam starts to burn the soldier and causing it to fall to the floor.

The next one rushes Dave and throws a punch at him, he absorbs the blow into his shoulder and uses the force to spin himself around and slam the pipe into the soldier's skull.

At the display of force, the rest of the Tarvok's take a step back from the carnage. "Hey Kotzal, I think I fucked my shoulder up. It's your turn. " Dave says quietly so the brutes in front of them won't hear. "Yeah, let's do it." He responds, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

Dave starts to run towards the group of Tarvok's with Kotzal following. Before he gets too close he ducks down and arches his back and Kotzal jumps off his back and launches himself toward the enemy.

With one hand he throws a sharp piece of metal in the neck of one of the soldiers and with the other he stabs another with the knife Dave gave him.

The last one is in front of them, he's bigger than the rest. Probably the leader. "Let me handle this one," Dave says as he blocks Kotzal from moving forward with the pipe.

Looking at the pipe in his hand, Dave realizes that the pipe is way too damaged to continue to be useful. He takes a step forward and throws the thing as hard as he can. The pipe flies through the air and when it's about to hit, the leader catches it.

As soon as he threw the pipe Dave started running towards the beast but only noticed that he caught the pipe when he was too close to do anything. The Leader propels his knee into Daves's gut, the spike on it spearing into dave.

"Oh fuck!" He screams as the spike goes through him. He falls back and tries to stop the bleeding. Another scream is heard, not of pain but rage. "You Fucker!" It's Kotzal, with the look of pure rage in his eyes.

"I'll kill you!" He screams as he starts running towards him. As he reaches him he jumps at the leader to get a clear shot at him. In retaliation, the Tarvok grabs him by the neck and holds him in the air. Kotzal doesn't seem to notice, the anger blinding him. He starts slashing wildly at the beast in front of him, a good majority hitting their targets.

Kotzal gets a good stab into the arm of the beast holding him, causing him to be dropped.

While on the ground he stabs the blade into the back of the knee of the Tarvok leader making him fall to his knees, lining him up for a stab to the side of his head, killing him.

He keeps stabbing the now dead Tarvok, more out of rage than him being unsure he's dead. After a few dozen stabs he stops and takes a second to breathe and remembers Dave. He turns around and sprints towards Dave.

He starts trying to help him staunch the bleeding and stabilize him. "No, no-no-no. Dont do this, you cant." He starts tearing up trying to help him.

"It's okay, you did well. Didn't expect the fucker to catch the pipe. I think this is it" Dave says as he rests on the wall, trying to do whatever he can to stop the bleeding.

"Dont say that! You'll be fine, I know what im doing. I can help you." Kotzal says frantically.

Dave looks at him and puts his bloodied hand on his shoulder. "You can't save me, an injury like this is impossible to fix up."

"Shut up!" Kotzals shouts as he slaps dave. "We aren't in the medical dark ages, You know how strong modern medicine is." a grin forms on Daves face as he shrugs. "Whatever you say," he says as his vision fades to black and passes out.

Daves eyes open and the bright light blinds him, "hey your awake." a familiar voice says. His eyes adjust to the light and he sees that Kotzal is sitting on the chair next to his bed.

Dave groans in pain as he tries to sit up. Kotzal puts a hand on his shoulder and stops him. "Dumbass, you can adjust the bed." He laughs, handing him the switch.

"How long was I out?" He asks as he raises the head of his bed. "About two days. You had us worried for a little while." Kotzal responds with a smile.

"You can't kill me that easily, its gonna take a lot more than that, I still have work to do here." He smiles back.

"Oh yeah, like what?" Kotzal asks. "The engines been making a thunking noise for the past week, I still figure out what the hell the problem is." They both start laughing for a minute and after they stop a silence is formed between them, which is promptly broken ten seconds later by dave. "Hey after they discharge me, do you wanna go to the bar and get a few drinks? I'll buy."

"Sure thing, I'd love to."

[red-elric]

so ive read fruits basket like twenty times, and over the last couple of years i noticed that, each time, i was drawn more and more to the characters of kimi and momiji, and identified with them in a way that was really confusing to me because i didnt really think i *actually* had a very similar personality to either of them? (discord friends may disagree but, well, this whole post is going to be about people and characters who change up their personality to be more likable.) i got all introspective about it and finally came to a conclusion about their characters that i subconsciously knew already: the key similarity between the two of them and myself is the way we very carefully layer subtle personality masks for ourselves to protect ourselves and to seem more approachable and likable without actually being vulnerable to other people. (other characters in furuba do this a lot too--key examples that come to mind are tohru, kagura, and yuki--but i care more about momiji and kimi so this is about them.)

to clarify a bit what i mean by this, ill start with a personal example. ive always been pretty good at remembering people’s names, especially if i think theyre cool and want to become friends with them, but i noticed around middle school or high school that people subconsciously find it intimidating/stalkerish if you know their name and they cant remember yours, especially if youve only met once. on the other hand, if they *do* remember your name, and you admit to not remembering theirs, they feel empowered and sympathetic to your situation; and if neither of you remember the other’s name, you have a moment of solidarity that can lead to a more relaxed relationship. so, i started pretending to have a manageable amount of trouble remembering the names of people i wanted to be friends with. the first two or three times that i meet someone, at some point i will use “clarifying their name” as a conversation starter, ie: “you’re....[], right?” or “is it []?” this is a small effect of a pattern of behavior i tend to follow: feigning incompetence to gain trust and camaraderie. is it manipulative? absolutely, but harmlessly so. its directly derived from my own social anxieties, but its a relatively healthy way to feel more connected with my peers and to stop feeling ostracized by people who resent me for being “smarter” than them--something i struggled with a lot in my youth. momiji and kimi dont put up the *same* masks as myself, but they are both rather adept at maintaining their own masks, and are both incredibly socially perceptive in the same way that i am: they analyze people’s reactions to their behavior and sculpt themselves to get the reaction they want.

lets take a look at what this means for kimi. surface level, kimi seems pretty cookie cutter--sure, shes a little chaotic, but she fits quite nicely into the femme fatale/dumb blonde trope (even though shes not blonde). but did you know that shes actually at the top of her class? its subtle, but to me its always been obvious that shes actually incredibly intelligent and constantly manipulating people to suit her needs. there are easy examples of this, of course: flirting with a teacher to get a new whiteboard, anyone? but there’s one scene that’s always spoken volumes to me about her character, and that’s the one-off joke where kakeru starts to say some “secret” about her, clearly joking, and she immediately shuts him down by cutting him off with “don’t say unnecessary things!” and elbowing him in the side, all while still smiling cheerfully. the subtlety of this is that, with her reaction, she’s actually imitating their audience: yuki. it’s yuki she doesn’t want to know about whatever kakeru knows, so she shuts down kakeru in a way we’ve seen yuki yell at kakeru whenever kakeru makes idiotic jokes. the physical attack, the angry smile, accusing kakeru of saying something annoying, but that doesnt really matter; none of these are particularly characteristic to kimi, she causes as much chaos as kakeru on a good day, but they’re incredibly recognizable to yuki. her reaction is familiar to yuki, and it invokes an assumption that kakeru is making a lame joke, not trying to reveal one of her deepest, darkest secrets, and it works because yuki would react completely differently if kakeru tried to tell someone about *his* secrets. yuki doesnt pursue the subject further, kakeru bounces back easily and doesnt give it a second thought, and kimi is safe. so, we can tentatively say that kimi has a habit of reflecting other’s expectations to hide her true self.

now, is this one scene enough on its own to prove this idea? of course not. however, when we view her actions as a whole we start to see a pattern. we see several instances where kakeru will say something stupid and kimi will listen, encourage it, or say something just as stupid back; it’s only when he tries to reveal something about *her* that she shuts him down. we see subtle signs of genuine anger when he tries to reveal her secret: the overly violent jab, the tensed vein/angry eyebrows, etc--not very characteristic for happy-go-lucky, flirtatious kimi. and, of course, we have several examples of how she manipulates a) men into buying things for her, granting her favors, leaving their girlfriends for her, etc; and b) women into feeling inferior to her, feeling aggravated with her, and thinking she’s incredibly troublesome but knowing that they can’t argue with the men about it. overall, its not a far stretch at all to think she’s manipulating everyone around her to avoid revealing information about her true self: a proud, intelligent woman who enjoys causing chaos, but is also very manipulative and controlling to the people around her and hates being vulnerable.

momiji is in some ways similar, and in other ways very very different. most people--especially characters in the story with him--tend to put momiji in this “sweet, innocent child” box. it’s not just his height--his fashion, mannerisms, outlook on life, etc are all very reminiscent of someone much younger than he is, and people tend to *treat* him like he’s much younger than he is. even if they know intellectually that yes, momiji is significantly older than he appears, it’s very easy for the older sohmas to treat him as a troublesome but still loved younger sibling--someone to be taken care of, not taken too seriously, someone lovable. i’ve seen several people point out that part of *why* momiji does this is because he subconsciously feels that hes not allowed to act like an older sibling (to momo), so he acts as a younger sibling in an effort to get a similar sort of familial bond without overstepping the boundaries that his family instilled in his mind, and i agree. i believe momiji has a habit of feigning youth to more easily bond with the people he loves. his childish actions and behavior make him easier to deal with, and also give him a little more leeway to do things that would normally frowned upon if he appeared older, ex: sleeping in a bed with tohru, wearing a girl’s uniform top to school, taking any chance he can get to be physically affectionate with people, indulging in sweets and candy, etc.

two things draw momiji’s true personality out of its shell: his growth spurt, forcing people to acknowledge his actual age, and the breaking of his curse. late game momiji, to me, has always seemed bitter, tired, and sarcastic, as opposed to the sweet, energetic, and sincere front he’d put on for most of the series, which is very interesting to me. of course, you’d normally *expect* someone who’s gone through as much as momiji to *be* bitter, tired, sarcastic, etc; however, when he puts his child-like mask on, it’s easy to pretend that he’s this loving, saintly child who bears no ill will towards anyone, who can be knocked to hell and back and still stand back up to smile again. and i do think it’s true that momiji has an incredible capacity for forgiveness and love, but there’s also no denying that he has a limit, and we can see that during his first conversation with akito after his curse breaks. this, i think, is the most raw, true representation of momiji in the whole story; momiji has lost his link with the family he made for himself in the zodiac, he’s been physically forced to grow out of his persona, he’s finally seeing that his primary abuser is really not so powerful after all, and he’s forced to finally confront the fact that, while his curse, the thing that caused most of the troubles in his life, is broken, the impacts it already had on his life won’t magically go away. momiji in this scene seems completely disconnected from akito, who is still caught up in the curse, still desperately trying to hold everything together; in his lowest moment, we can finally see momiji, not as an all-forgiving saint, but as someone who just wants to start over. he’s not happy that his curse ended; id even go as far to say that momiji, out of every zodiac, is the one who most wishes it was still around, for the bond that it gave him with the other zodiacs and as something he could pin the blame on for his family struggles. which is why it is so sad to me that his was among the first to break.

now, yall probably know by now that i am a momimi bitch, so lets talk about them together. most of the people i see shipping them--and i fully admit, this is how i started shipping them--simply just say “same energy,” make a few cute headcanons about how they’d use each other for clout, and call it a day. this is perfectly fine. however, here at Overthinking It Inc., we take it a few steps deeper. personally, i have a hard time getting invested in a ship unless i can see how the characters compliment each other, how they help each other grow, and how they could genuinely enjoy each other’s company enough to pursue a romantic relationship. it took a little bit of obsessive extrapolating, but ive finally figured out just *how well* momiji and kimi compliment each other.

momiji, at the end of furuba, is going through a metamorphosis. he’s been forced out of his childish persona and into the life of an adult rather quickly, and he takes the opportunity to try to become more true to himself. we can see, in the last few chapters, the beginnings of bounds of growth; however, i imagine that there is a significant “awkward” period in his growth. judging from what i know about his character, i believe he would, in his effort to be more honest and confident, overcompensate a bit; he would become overbearing, intense, perhaps even oversharing. he might have a tendency to try to figure out what’s “wrong” with his friends and family, might always be trying to “fix” everything. i could easily see him, in fact, develop a bit of a selfish attitude (albeit rooted in kindness--it is, after all, still momiji); in his journey to stop letting people walk all over them, i believe he might become prone to walking over people himself. he’d have no idea where the lines are, where someone’s limits are, because he never had the chance to test them out in his youth, and because the people in power in his life (his parents and akito) never respected anyone else’s limits. enter kimi: tough, walled off, and incredibly secretive, though she tries to hide it. momiji, with his social perceptiveness, would notice at some point how difficult it is for her to form genuine, emotional connections with others, and would feel the urge to help her, to draw her out of her shell, not realizing that she doesnt necessarily want to be understood, nor that she’s (now entering headcanon territory, be warned) *scared* of those kinds of relationships. she’d take it, for a while, but there would come a time when she’d snap. this would do wonders for helping momiji figure out where the boundaries are, and how to be more aware of other people’s wants and needs (and it is something that tohru, reserved little wallflower that she is, would never be able to do for him).

kimi, on the other hand, has not quite started developing her character at the end of the manga. i like to apply all sorts of believable anxieties onto her: maybe she regrets not having an easy connection with other girls, like she does with boys. maybe she refuses to believe in the familial structure (that momiji idolizes). maybe she’s so used to playing the part of the homewrecker that, when she finally realizes that she’s found something or someone she truly loves, she doesn’t know how to handle it, and always worries that somebody’s going to take it away for her. maybe she views connections with others, or vulnerability, as a weakness, something that could be used against her, and tries to do everything she can to wall people off and hide her true feelings. well, good news for her, momiji is the resident king of loving family structures. family is something he truly loves and understands, from how much he’s admired it from afar, and been grateful for the family he’s made for himself in hatori, tohru, and the other zodiac. he’s well primed to help her understand what a true family is like, that real love is a good thing, not a scary thing, and that it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes. this big, sweethearted doofus who somehow managed to see how much she was struggling under the many layers of masks that she hides beneath? there’s no way kimi wouldnt fall for him. and she, this girl who challenges everything he believes in, teaches him valuable lessons about how far is too far, and is basically the most fun person he’s ever met? there’s no way momiji wouldn’t fall for her.

i believe the two of them would start things off as almost a play; theyd portray a satire of the ideal male and female celebrity couple rather easily; theyd lean into the standard boy and girl roles almost ridiculously so, drawing attention to the absurdity of the standard relationship and somehow flirting through it. kimi, as we know, likes to pretend to be this helpless, flirtatious, “i couldnt possibly do anything on my own, oh whatever shall i do O3O” caricature of the feminine “ideal” to draw men in; momiji, i feel, would respond to that with a dorky, happy-go-lucky, “i can help you with that, miss ; )” caricature of the masculine, “ideal” gentleman, just for fun. theyd put on a show, for each other, for their peers, and for themselves, but they would eventually run into some troubles (detailed above). things would be tense, but theyd keep up their personas--why would they *ever* admit to their flaws to the outside world, theyre perfect? their friends would notice, of course, but wouldnt be able to do much about it; in the end, the only people perceptive enough to read through the bullshit of one is the other. theyd come to an understanding--spoken or unspoken (with the subtleties of their relationship, its not unreasonable that they could change their entire perspective of their relationship with just actions, not direct words or conversation)--and shift back into their previous, flirtatious relationship, except its different this time. because now, they understand each other, they love each other, theyre practically reading the other’s mind, and theyre perfectly in tune. rather than putting on masks to hide from each other, they wear one together to hide from the world--but, they think, that’s probably enough.

[mydarlingklaus]

Unexpected Bliss

A cute quick thing I wrote for the upcoming 5x11 episode of TO. There’s no direct KC, yet, but still KC and a teenage Hope is in it so don’t complain (: 

Happy reading!

Klaus turned and was immediately star struck as his older sister walked towards him in her wedding dress with flowers in hand. With not much prep time after Freya’s surprise proposal to Keelin Rebekah managed to find, well compel, the couple the perfect outdoor venue not too far from the plantation the family resided in New Orleans. The youngest Mikaelson sister planned practically everything, from colors to seating arraignments, though of course the happy couple had the last word. It was a simple and intimate gathering with the Mikaelson family and some members of Keelin’s wolf pack in attendance. The hybrid genuinely grinned looking at his sister in her white bohemian styled dress, appearing more beautiful than ever with a shy smile on her face. 

“You can stop looking like a proud dad any time now.” Freya teased now standing in front of him. “How about a proud brother instead?” Klaus smirked. “You look beautiful Freya.” Kissing her cheek. “Thank you. You look very handsome.” She complimented his simple all black tux. “I’m still in disbelief that this is happening. I’m really getting married.” Her cheeks reddened and she could feel the tears building in her eyes for the thousandth time that day, determined to ruin her makeup. Rebekah would never forgive her. Klaus’s lip curved into a gentle smile at her overwhelmed state full of bliss and happiness, finally. “You deserve it.” He genuinely declared. She smiled wide, blinking away her tears. “Thank you and also for agreeing to walk me down the aisle. I love Kol and Elijah but this just felt right. Somehow me and you ended up being the closest, who would’ve predicted that?” He softly laughed. “It was nothing, I assure you. I was honored when you asked.” Freya exhaled into a smile. “You’ve sacrificed a lot for this family, for me. A debt that I will never be able to repay.” “Klaus...” He put his hand up. “I’m serious. Everything you’ve done for Hope: being by her side when I couldn’t, practically helping Hayley raise her and being the support system she needed through this tragic transition in her life...” Their family was still coping with the loss of Hayley 2 months ago. Klaus hadn’t stopped feeling guilty or helpless trying to be there for his daughter and Elijah. It took awhile for them all to realize they needed to move forward, no matter how difficult it became and they managed to do so, together. He sighed before continuing. “This has been difficult for all of us, and I don’t know if we would’ve had the strength to suppress it all without you.” She sniffled tightening her hold on the flowers. “Keelin’s good, you two are good together. You deserve to be happy, one of us needs to be.” Klaus half joked. Freya sympathetically smiled at her younger brother who appeared more somber than he probably wanted to express. She pressed her lips together and sniffed her tears back. “That means a great deal coming from you. We’ve been through a lot, you and I. Our relationship did not start off great.” “Understatement.” Klaus corrected with a teasing smirk making them both softly laugh. Now they could laugh at the bad memories from their first encounters. Neither accepting nor trusting one another as family and even wanting each other dead; typical Mikaelson fashion. Yet here they are now, standing together with happy tears and smiles as Klaus prepared to walk her down the aisle for her wedding. It was surreal. “Yeah well we overcame it, we Mikaelsons always do.” Freya claimed, holding more meaning behind it than let on. Klaus simply nodded. “Our family has been through a lot, especially recently. If anything all the tragedy our family has endured only made me realize more than ever how short life truly is, even as an immortal you can agree with me on that.” He silently agreed. “It’s too short to feel like you’re in it alone or holding back from what you really want, and you’re not alone Klaus no matter how much you wish you were.” She sassed. He smirked. “What makes you think I don’t have everything I want? My entire family is finally back together, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for centuries.” “True, but I know you.” She answered. Klaus flinched when Freya grabbed his hand in hers. Affection still a foreign concept for him. She continued. “While family is very important you also need more, you should want more. I know you don’t believe it but you deserve happiness too Klaus.” His jaw tightened. “Our family is an extremely loyal one and I love that but, the short time I’ve been apart of it I’ve seen how easy it is for us to be selfish with each other. Wanting more for ourselves outside of family isn’t going to break us.” Freya began. Klaus furrowed his eyebrows. “We’ve created this notion that if we’re not shackled to each other for life we’ll fall apart not, realizing the negative effects it actually has on our family. We stop each other from being happy and then resent each other after.” “Freya-“ “I will always believe in ‘always and forever’ but family is supposed to be unconditional love, not forced. We can live separate lives and still be as close as ever, we might even be closer being apart.” She happily suggested. “It’s a cycle that’s been around for a thousand years and needs to finally come to an end. I almost lost Keelin for good over it and I don’t want that to happen to any of us again.” Freya claimed. Klaus’s jaw clenched and unclenched. He knew everything she was saying was true, if Rebekah and Elijah lecturing him for over the centuries wasn’t proof enough. “Why are you telling me all this now?” He asked. She laugh-cried. “Because I’m getting married and preparing to start a new life outside of my siblings for the first time in over a decade. I’m happy, really happy. I just want you to know that you need to start looking out for yourself too.” “I don’t need any help in that department, love.” Klaus smugly claimed. Freya rolled her eyes. “Uh huh, well you’ve come a long way since when we first met and even more before that. I’m not the only one who’s noticed, everyone has, especially a certain Mystic Falls headmistress...” She said with a teasing grin. His smirk dropped and a  blush of red instantly rushed to his face at the mention of the baby vampire in Mystic Falls, who he hasn’t seen or spoken to since she was last in New Orleans. The last time Klaus and Caroline were together was 2 months ago when they went on a brief, yet effective, road trip to track down a runaway Hope. Just the few hours being together Klaus was reminded of how much he genuinely missed her. Unfortunately, with everything happening lately with his family, there never seemed like a right time for Klaus to reach out to her. He didn’t even know what to say after receiving her more than generous letter following Hayley’s death. Not that she’s been far from his mind, but he definitely didn’t want to talk about it with one of his sisters. “Freya.” He warned. “Hey, you can’t get mad at the bride on her wedding day.” She smiled with a raised brow. Klaus glared which only amused Freya more. “I met your mysterious ‘friend’ when I visited Hope at school and was well informed your colorful history together.” She said suggestively. His blush grew and he dropped his hand from her hold. “I’m not discussing this with you.” Klaus claimed crossing his arms over his chest. Freya couldn’t help but laugh at Klaus’s embarrassment, like a teenage boy with a crush. “You can be in denial all you want. I just wanted to say she’s nice, pretty and definitely seems like she can handle you.” He subtly grinned knowing she definitely could. “Not to mention your daughter adores her like crazy and Hayley trusted her as well.” - So do I. Klaus wanted to add. Freya stepped closer to Klaus and smiled. “Look I might not know the extent of your story with Caroline and I might not know her as well as everyone else, but she seems like a good person and good for you. You guys have been in each others lives for a long time and she obviously cares about you...you care about her too.” - I more than care about her. His thoughts never ending. It still boggled his mind that Caroline Forbes, the baby vampire who unintentionally stole his undead heart over a decade ago and swore wanted nothing to do with him, cared about him as much as he did her. Klaus frustratingly sighed. “Fine yes I care about her, deeply. What’s your point?” The witch scoffed. “My point is that I want you to be happy and I think Caroline makes you happy, if that blush on your face isn’t proof enough.” He tried, and failed, to hide his small smile. There has been an obvious change in their dynamic since being in Mystic Falls together all those years ago. Caroline was more comfortable and unashamed of her feelings for him now, which was refreshing as much as scary. They hadn’t discussed much where their relationship would go now since re-entering each other’s lives, and frankly Klaus wasn’t sure he wanted to know. If anything, all these years constantly entering and exiting each others lives only proved to him how much they weren’t meant to be. Talking about it only made him dread. He nervously licked his lips, staring down at his feet. “If only it was that simple.” “Why can’t it be?” Freya shrugged. Klaus quickly stared up at his older sister. “You care about her, she cares about you and you both keep coming back in each other’s lives for a reason. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to see where it could go? Stop making excuses and just go for it!” She persisted. He use to fantasize the possibilities of what could happen if Caroline finally gave him a chance. Yes, he promised to wait for her forever but the fact it might happen sooner than he thought was terrifying. No, no it could never happen. Not even now. The hybrid gulped. “I cant go back to Mystic Falls. I made her a promise-“ “Forget the promise! You’re acting worse than a child!” She joked. The corner of his lips twitched up. “Love, this is your wedding day. Shouldn’t you be focused on your love life instead of mine?” Her teeth scraped over her bottom lip. “Yes, it is my wedding day yet here I am focusing on you instead of the insane butterflies in my stomach ready to burst thinking about walking down that aisle towards the woman I love in a few minutes. I’m doing this because I care about you and love you.” Klaus stiffened but soon relaxed when Freya leaned in to give him a much needed reassuring hug. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her tight making the witch smile. “Please be happy.” She whispered in his ear before kissing him lightly on his scruffy cheek and pulling away. “Don’t pretend that you aren’t dying to see her either.” Klaus simply rolled his eyes. - If only you knew. Anything Klaus was preparing to say was halted by his 15 year old daughter storming through the doors. The witch and hybrid both stared at the young girl confusingly as she stumbled in closing the doors behind her and approaching the two. “Hey! Sorry for the abrupt entrance but- oh my god, you look so beautiful Auntie Freya.” Hope happily complimented. “Thanks Hope.” Klaus stepped towards his daughter. “Sweetheart what are you doing back here? You’re supposed to keep the guests occupied till we come out.” “I know, I know. Uncle Elijah wanted me to inform you that we’re a little delayed because we only had enough chairs for 20 people and a special guest decided to show up last minute so Marcel had to go find another chair for her-“ “Special guest?” Freya asked. “Her?” Klaus asked at the same time. The younger witch pressed her lips together nervously, trying to avoid her father’s gaze and quickly looked over at her gorgeous auntie. “Did I mention how amazing you look Auntie Freya!” The girl nervously praised. Klaus took another step forward, towering over his daughter when he took in her sudden anxious behavior. “Hope...” She cautiously looked up at him. “Mhmm?” “Might I ask, who this special guest is?” Klaus asked. Hope shrugged. “Just a last minute rsvp.” She confirmed with a nervous smile. “Hope.” He challenged. She gulped, looking between the siblings with fidgety fingers. It’s not that she tried keeping this a secret, well at least till Klaus saw for himself anyway. Sighing in defeat, the young Mikaelson looked up at Klaus. “Fine, I invited her as my plus one but Auntie Freya said I could invite anyone I wanted-“ “Who, Hope?” He pressured. Sighing again, she grabbed his hand and walked him over to the back door. “Maybe you should see for yourself.” She warned Klaus’s eyes lowered as Hope opened the door enough to where it wouldn’t alarm the guests but Klaus would still be able to look through. He poked his head in to see all the guests in their respectable seats. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until he spotted, her. The hybrid’s heart sank into his throat, stomach in knots and hands felt clammy when he immediately saw who was sitting in the front second row. Her recognizable bouncy blonde curls swung side to side as she looked around, flashing that signature pageant smile at the random guests introducing themselves to her and those wandering blue eyes he always drowned in. - I’m hallucinating. There’s no way she’s here. Klaus thought to himself. Blinking a few times to confirm this was real, that she was really here. The longer he stared the more real it became and anxious he felt.   His breath caught in his throat as he slowly turned his head to glare at his sneaky daughter. “Surprise?” Hope whispered with a nervous smile.

Please leave reviews on the attached link (:

[marias-studyblr]

Hey, i'm not sure why i'm telling you this but im really upset and just need to vent. Today my history teacher pinpointed me infront of the whole class (twice) and, long story short, was very persistent with receiving an answer of some sort which i had no idea about. Everybody was staring at me, some were laughing, i felt my face burning honestly all i wanted to do was to run out of the class. As someone with social anxiety i avoid any form of class speaking anyway, but now i cant stop [1]

[2] replaying the events from earlier today and i just feel shit about myself. Im embarrassed that everyone else probably thinks i lack a lot of intelligence and basic knowledge. It’s hard to think when im asked a specific question infront of everyone,it makes me so nervous and my mind goes blank. To everyone this may seem like i’m overreacting but honestly im so upset and im not sure if its normal to feel this way. I dont know how to get over this feeling it’s horrible. I’m so done with school tbh

Hey! You deserve this rant, please whenever you need, I’m here for you!

So it might not seem like it because I’m pretty open in here, but I do exactly what you described. I was seeing myself in your words.

It used to be way worse in the last years of middle school, and in the first years of high school, it got to the point I didn’t really think for myself and all my interactions were based on what the other person wanted to hear or what I thought they would think of me.

Of course it always backfired, because it’s impossible to please everyone at all times, which left me even more unhappy about myself and lead me to more and more mental and physical problems (nothing too serious!). 

I would constantly overthink about particular situations where I was put on the spot at school and cringed over and over again.

It lead to tricky situations, a rough couple of years while I transitioned through that. A lot of hiding in bathroom stalls. And cringy stuff that only I remember by now.

I took way too seriously what other people talked about me, which gave them power. And those people understood it somehow and used it in the wrong way, which made me feel even worse.

I don’t know why. I have a couple of suspicions from my childhood but nothing that completely justifies why I didn’t know how to stand up for myself like most people did.

Looking back I can see how I was innocent and didn’t really understand how everyone, everyone, the students, the teachers, they also had problems and insecurities in their lives. I thought everyone was always better than me when actually we were all the same even with our differences and I had nothing to worry about.

I’m much better now. I’ve learned how to recognize my self-worth, hold myself as an individual. I’m not afraid to look people in the eye, and most importantly live my life for me and not for others.

But I’m not completely secure though. Just the other day I was thinking about this, trying to figure it out. Nowadays, I think my problems come from the huge respect I have for other people. I do this crazy thing: whenever I’m held responsible to someone I get super committed to doing it in the most perfect way possible because I don’t want to disappoint that person, even if it’s a total stranger. And whenever I feel like I’ve disappointed someone, I feel so bad because I just wanted to do it nicely for them. And I know that’s not a bad thing to do, but it comes to such extremes with me, because I overthink it so much.

For example, last friday I realized I forgot to send an email to the librarian to renew my book before 7pm, and I remembered at 10pm. I sent the email but through the night and the whole weekend I felt horrible about it.

It’s not like the social anxiety that I had before, but it’s still some kind of awkwardness that I don’t want to depend on.

So after this detour, let me get to the point. xD

I think we can both agree that we have to be able to stand up for ourselves and to appear stable even in the most embarrassing of situations, both for self-respect, because you don’t owe anything to anyone, you are allowed to make mistakes and be treated fairly, but also because it’s a good thing to have for your future life, you’ll always need to speak under pressure and you need to stop putting yourself through this anxiety everytime you are.

I also understand this is not something you can simply stop doing because it’s irrational. As soon as the moment starts, you get dragged into it and without noticing it your face looks like a tomato emoji.

However, that doesn’t mean you can’t slowly start making a change in your behavior, including practicing the way you present yourself, your posture, the way you talk, controlling nervous tics, answering while making eye contact with teachers and other people without stuttering.

Body language may seem non-important to you at first glance but it’s ALL that matters in social interactions, and this is what helped me overcome that feeling of pure cringe and embarrassment. I just kept practicing and I still do now. I encourage you to start paying attention to how confident people sit and how you sit, how they talk and how you talk. Truly start studying these things, and this is how I improved, it has made my life so much happier, and the biggest difference in my life quality. Truly.

Now, by NO means I’m saying this is going to solve everything overnight. I’ve improved my anxiety progressively and cringe situations still happen to me, but I find them less damaging over time. To finish up, I’m going to tell you an example of a situation of me practicing:

I’m in class, minding my own business. I pay attention to my posture. I sit with my back straight, hands relaxed, body still. I’m not covering my face or bending down. I pay attention to the class. The teacher asks me a question, I can feel my heart rate immediately going up. I focus first on my breathing (inhale and exhale profoundly) and maintaining my posture and quickly go through those physical checks. Even if I’m blushing, I keep eye contact with the teacher and my voice strong all the way through.

This is harder than it seems if you have social anxiety, but this practice really helped me and got me through so much. I still have a lot to overcome but I’ve gotten so many victories already and I want you to have the same, I know you can.

Here are 2 phenomenal Ted Talks that really helped me learn what I just told you about and I encourage you to watch them from beginning to end:

The surprising secret to speaking with confidence - Caroline Goyder

Your body language may shape who you are - Amy Cuddy

So I know this is already pretty long but I still have some stuff that might help you so I want to give it a try.

Confidence comes from within, so self-reflection is always needed. In order to not go too deep on that right now, because that’s a whole other question in itself, I’m going to give you the one piece of practical advice I always give which is recommending Yoga with Adriene, either doing her yoga videos or her meditation ones, or her challenges. Just to keep that positivity flowing in your veins is so important. And if you don’t have a source in your life, I feel like Adriene could be it.

Goals are really important in being confident too, so keeping a bullet journal, or a journal, a vision board, where you write your feelings, your interests, your dreams, might get you through the bad days and give you confidence when you need it the most. I feel like some days thinking about how grateful I am for my family, my home, myself, etc. really gets me through tough feelings I might be experiencing. 

Always share out loud what you are experiencing with your loved ones, with people you trust. Whenever I have feelings bottling up I force myself to spill them to my loved ones because I know no matter how much it embarrasses me to admit them, it always makes me feel better after they comfort me and make me see something differently, and suddenly the incident sounds a little more beatable.

Last thing I want to touch, and I promise, I promise this is the last thing, is those people in your class making you feel inferior. Don’t you shed a tear for them and I mean it. You are the classy one. You are the strong one. You get to keep your head high and be kind to yourself. If someone isn’t compassionate to you, you don’t owe them anything and you have the right to shut them out of your life. You don’t need to keep thinking about them or talk about them. You just don’t do them. You don’t pay attention to what they’re saying about you… they don’t know you. They. Don’t. Know. You. They don’t matter. That doesn’t mean you get to be rude to them, it just means they’re irrelevant. So. With that being said, I hope you understand you are a beam of light, a fucking rock star and you can get through this, you can overcome this school year, and the next one and the next one.

Find the people in your life who matter, who make you feel good. That’s all that matters. Here’s something interesting I read: “Feel bad for people who have the energy to bring others down. Don’t hate them back, feel for them. They are clearly in pain if that’s where they want to spend their energy.” Like I said they’re irrelevant, but you don’t have to be mean back, don’t get inside their game. Be the classy one and always, always, always focus on yourself, live your life.

I honestly want to keep talking for hours. I hope this was enough for you to kick-start a new way of seeing yourself and starting to become happy with who you are. There are so many obstacles in life but positivity is possible, you just have to keep looking for the things in your life that matter, that make you feel good and don’t give up.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to answer this for you and I hope the advice reaches you. ♡ ♡ ♡ lots of love!

[l-brouillette]

Marinette's Diary (3)

I cant even begin to say how much nicer and easier things got, being able to tell at least one person about being a superhero. Everyone at school seemed happy we were together, although Chloe naturally was a bit upset.

"WHAT?!? you cant be serious!? You and the baker girl?? Over me?!? Re-diculous! Utterly ridiculous!" I smiled as i recalled how she took it. True Chloe fashion.

Alya was understandably a bit confused, but still happy for me. She even said we could double date! If only she knew our double date was a group of all of Paris superheroes! I hadnt even told Adrien that part yet, and he hadnt asked. Yet. Im sure he will, once the need for their help becames necessary, but, one bridge at a time!

Adrien keeps asking when i can come meet his dad. While normally I wouldnt hedge and find excuses not to go, in this instance, after that fiasco with his dads book, Im not in a rush to look his dad in the face any time soon! But i CANT tell Adrien that!

Although, maybe i should? Gosh! I dont know! Its all too much at once! Not that i would EVER give up anything in order to change the outcome, but still! How do i deal?!

This evening, Chat Noir and i finished defeating the bad guy and capturing their akuma when Alya ran up to us, trying to get a new scoop for her ladyblog.

"I can only give you a minute," i told her, as my earrings started to beep.

"Wow! You guys are getting so crazy good! At this rate Hawkmoth wont stand a chance!" She exclaimed, videotaping the whole time.

I smiled at her, trying to think of a whitty response, when Chat Noir dropped down beside me. He ran his hand over my hair and gave me a warm smile.

I smiled up at Chat and he asked, "Is My Lady telling you all about how her ah-mazing partner makes her a better hero?!" He joked, grinning for the camera.

"Oh, for sure Kitty Chat," I smiled coyly at him, and batted my lashes, "we make the purr-fect team!" Chat laughed at my joke.

I looked back at Alya who had a different light in her eye than usual. Like she wanted to ask something, but just wasnt.

"Wow, no more questions from Miss reporter tonight? Cat got your tongue all the sudden?" Chat Noir asked Alya with a laugh.

For once, Alya didnt respond. She just clicked off her video without saying anything further.

I stared at her a bit surprised, this was not like Alya! I was brought out of my thoughts when my earrings beeped again, and Chat touched my hand in warning.

"We have to go Bugaboo," and he lightly tugged on my hand.

I looked at him, nodded, then looked back at Alya and gave her a quick smile and a wave. Still holding Chats hand, we ran aways away before Chat pulled me close and extended his pole to vault us out of there.

We landed in the park next to my house just before both of us transformed back. I reached into my bag for a macaroon for Tikki, and a piece of cheese for Plagg, which i had started to carry just for him. He really was just adorable!

"Its kind of nice, having your secret stash of cheese for Plagg," Adrien remarked, as both Quamis flew up into a nearby tree to eat and talk between themselves.

I smiled at Adrien before holding out a hand for him to take.

"Its not really a big deal, but your welcome."

We walked around the fountain in the park holding hands, while i chewed on Alyas behaviour tonight. What could it mean?

"I can just hear the gears working inside your head," Adrien remarked. "Whats got you worried?"

I pulled him to sit along the edge of the fountain with me, where he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. For a few seconds, i didnt say anything.

"Do you think Alya is suspicious of us?" I finally asked him. "I mean, it was very unlike her tonight." I looked at him, to see if I could tell what he was thinking.

He pursed his lips for a few moments, thinking, and finally shrugged his shoulders a bit. "Honestly, its kind of hard to say. Maybe something we said tipped her off? But i dont remember saying anything out of the ordinary."

I laughed. "Nope, you were your usual Chatty self!"

"Hey!" He exclaimed with mock shock, "you happen to like my witty humor!"

"My Silly Kitty." I whispered, with a smile on my face, as i wrapped both arms around him for a real hug.

He rested his chin on the top of my head, and i could feel him smile. I was exactly where i wanted to be, and, i thought, exactly where Adrien wanted us to be.

Just then, the evening was broken by the sound of running feet, and suddely Alya came into view.

Adrien and i both jumped up from our seated position, and i worried something was wrong!

"Alya, whats wrong?" I called to her. And started to head her way. I glanced back to see Tikki and Plagg perk up and zoom our way. Tikki hiding herself in my bag, and Plagg hiding inside Adriens shirt. Better keep them close in case there was a problem.

We met Alya part way through the park where she stopped and rested her hands on her knees, and bent over, breathing hard.

"I got over here as soon as i could." She managed in between pants. "I REALLY need a word with you!!

Her expression looked serious. I glanced back at Adrien, making sure he was fine with everything.

Alya jumped in quickly, "Oh, him too!" And she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards my house.

Once we were safely inside my room, Alya turned to Adrein and i and demanded, "Are you Ladybug and Chat Noir??!"

I was super shocked! I stared at her wide eyed, not sure what to do, what to say. Where had that come from??

"What?!" I tried to brush it off. "Why on the world would you think that??! Of course we aren't!" I looked at Adrien to see if he had something else to add. Something better to throw her off.

"Do you really think we could pull off being the saviours of Paris??" He asked.

I looked back at Alya, and it didnt look like she was believing us.

"Where did you get such a ridiculous idea from?" I asked her.

Alya crossed her arms in front of her chest and started taping one foot. "Oh come on. I have just spent the last week watching you two being all lovey dovey to each other, did you really think it would skip my notice when Chat Noir was touchy feeler with Ladybug and she DIDNT push him away?!"

"Uh, um, I-it - m-maybe there was a fly? I mean, who knows!" I stammered.

"Ya," Adrien tried to help, "or maybe, coincidentaly, Chat Noir and Ladybug got together around the same time we did?" He mentioned questioningly. "Or who knows, maybe longer and nobody noticed?" He added with a shrug of his shoulders and motion of his hands, trying to look unconcerned.

"Oh come on!" Alya exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. "Your gonna actually try and lie to me? I'm your best friend Marinette!"

"And its my best friend I am talkimg to and thinking of." I said quietly.

"Oh, I get it," Alya finally said, as she paced away from us, and back again, "this is about the conversation we had the night my sisters were akumatized. About wanting to protect your friends and family from the badies."

I clasped my hands together in front of me, and looked down at the floor. Then i felt Adriens hand on my shoulder. I looked at him, and the look in his eyes made me wonder if he was telling me to just tell her. But how could I? Not only was that one other person who knew, but then Rena Rouges identity was out too! And then how long before Ninos?

I was Ladybug. All of this fell on me.

I walked away from them both to the window and rested my hands on the sil, and lowered my forehead to the glass. What to do, what to do...

I saw Tikki in my bag, trying to catch my eye. She nodded at me, and whispered "trust your instincts."

I smiled at her, glad she understood. So i straightened and turned back to Alya and Adrien. Walking over to Adrien, I took one of his hands in both of mine, as a kind of support.

"Your right Alya, I am Ladybug."

"Ha!" She yelled, and pumped a fist up into the air. "I knew it! There was no mistaking that telltale Adrien hair rub back there!"

Adrien and I looked at each other, and we both blushed. I guess it WAS fairly obvious.

"And your right as well that I am Chat Noir," Adrien said with a smile, never letting his gaze leave mine.

I looked at Alya, finally, to see her grin running from ear to ear.

"This is AWESOME! now we can fight the badies together!" Alya beamed!! So excited that she didnt notice Adrien raise a brow at her.

"Um, Alya?" I drew her attention to me. "Just bc Adrien knows I am Ladybug, doesn't mean he knew who everyone else was..." I left it at that and let it sink in.

Her mouth moved into an "O" and she blushed furiously. "Man, if i had been with anyone else that would have been a major oops, huh?"

"Kind of," I agreed.

"So i take it then that Alya is Rena Rouge." Adrien stated.

"Uh, ha ha, ya," Alya rubbed the back of her neck. "My bad."

I couldn't help it, I let go of Adriens hand and gave Alya a hug.

Alya pushed me back quickly and held me at arms length.

"Oh my god! I can't wait to tell Nino!" Alya exclaims in excitement!!

"Alya, whoa, we can't just tell everyone," Adrien begins, stepping forward and putting a hand on her shoulder, "we still have to keep ourselves safe."

Alya lifted a brow and smirked at me. "He doesn't know does he?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I guess there went my earlier dilemma.

"Nino is Carapace" Alya tells Adrien matter-of-factly.

"What?! No way!" Adrien says excitedly. "Really?"

"It was SOO obvious," Alya began, "im surprised you didnt notice. It only took me like 30 seconds."

I chuckled at the two of them, and put my hand on Adriens shoulder, "don't feel bad for not knowing. Its supposed to be a secret identity, after all. Im sure how close Alya and Nino are is what made her recognize him."

He smiled at me, "ya, your right... But wow! Nino!"

"He was Awesome, wasnt he?!" I said with a chuckle. "I made a great choice with him."

"So wait," Adrien frowned, "do you pick everyone?? Did you pick -me?" He looked worried about that fact. Did he think i had chosen him just because i liked him? I sure hoped not.

"No, i didnt choose you. We were chosen by a..." I tapped my lip and I searched for a good way to put it, "higher power, well say. Only when we needed extra help, did we recieve it."

"Well i dont even care how, I LOVE it!" Alya exclaimed excitedly! "Do you think there will come a time when i DONT have to give you back the Miraculous?"

"I cant answer that." I told her, frowning a but. It was a really good question. One id be sure to ask Master Fu when i saw him next. "That part isnt up to me."

Just then, Tikki and Plagg flew out from their hiding place. Tikki flew over to sit on my shoulder. "The Ladybug and Chat Ring go hand in hand. You cant JUST put out Ladybug, you need the other side to her!"she explained to us.

"Oh wow!" Alya exclaimed, putting her hands on either side of her face. "Is this your Quami? She's adorable!"

"This is Tikki." I told her.

And, not to be outdone, Plagg did a Double flip and hovered next to Adrien, "and im Plagg!"

"Man, this is so Awesome!" Alya did a fist pump in the air. Then flung one arm around me, the other around Adrien, for a group hug.

I was glad it had all worked out. I'd have to explain to Master Fu, but there was no helping it. As i looked at my 2 friends, I knew it was the right call.