#hepbaestus

[incorrectgreekmyths]

Hermes,making deliveries at late night: How are still up?

Hephaestus: oh whenever I feel tired I just put some of dionysus' sugar in my coffee

Hermes: sugar? What do you mea- *watches as Hephaestus takes out of a zipploc bag a couple spoons of cocaine, mixing it in with his coffee*

Hephaestus: is super healthy, too! No added preservatives!

[hepbaestus]

I love that I've watched so much Fitpac content in the past couple of days that YouTube is recommending me "What type of boys do you attract?" tests with a big rainbow behind the text.

It's like it knows (which it probably does)

[wolfythewitch]

Just bought some of your merch, it's all very pog. Anyways have a good day! Keep doing the thing.

yoooo thank you so much :D I hope you like it

[hepbaestus]

The amount of these that I can tick off just when thinking about getting therapy is insane.

Huh.

[iridescentpull]

Aynée,

🎉 Happy birthday! 🎉

I hope today you are celebrated and eat lots of delicious food because you deserve it.

I'm glad that I got to know you better through the zine discord, you're such a fun and hardworking individual and I look forward to seeing where the future takes you.

- hep <3

Adhovvsuj hep ;-; tysm, your words mean so much!!! Im so glad i got to know ypu more through the zine!! Just thank you!!!

[qsmpficsarchive]

Coming Home to My Family Afterward Makes the Work Richer, Easier, and More Fun by hepbaestus

Oneshot | G | 1,685

Stardew Valley AU | Family Fluff | Hideduo Kiss Week

After a long day in the mines, all Fit wants to do is sit at the fire with his husband Pac and their three kids, Richarlyson, Ramón and Rosa. This is him doing exactly that and what comes after.

[hepbaestus]

The fact that I have to start thinking about my dissertation is wild to me.

I've not even technically started my second year of university yet (it starts tomorrow but that's neither here nor there).

[hepbaestus]

Oh God. Five things? Huh okay, I gotta think on this.

I like:

My weird, nonsensical taste in music (in one playlist alone it'll go from Up & Down by the Venga Boys to Somewhere Only We Know by Keats) (oh go I'm already struggling to think of things)

My cooking, I'm not the best at it but I do like the actual, surprisingly calming and methodical, process of it and making the 4 meals that I know how to make (and if it happens that most of them are pasta dishes then that's no one's business except my own, I fuckin love pasta)

My perseverance! I've had an absolutely fucked year with a lotta bombshells and new information thrown at me and I'm still here somewhat thriving.

My ability to attempt learning. I would say my ability to learn but I can't concentrate for shit unless it's something that I really fucking enjoy/want to learn about

My hair, not because it's a cool colour or anything but just simply for the fact that it isn't all one texture (is that the right word?? who knows) but like some of it is wavy whilst the other half is straight as a pin. It's funky and that's pretty neat in my opinion.

@raelwrites @suitsofwo3 know of like three people on this godforsaken hellsite of an app (/pos) but no pressure!!!

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers!

(no need to do the chainmail part and no pressure! im just copy pasting and waving at my friends!)

woaaahhh buddy 5 seems like a lot dontcha think????

how about 1 and my mutuals can do five lol

um

I like

my

favorite shirt

boosh

@bloodied-dagger @rainbowangel110 @artkittycatty @el-fandom-birb @stars-and-birds @im-on-the-highway-to-hell-bitch @tabsters @coffee-and-3-hours-of-sleep @threegoblinart @tardismama @childlikegoblinqueen

[shen-mu]

Pai's eyes mini-comic based on this fic by amazing @hepbaestus <З

[lilliancdoodles]

FitMC quote book (feel free to add on) Inspired by @hepbaestus

"Your ass is grass and Ramon is the weed wacker"

"im not white im olive"

"I know the Geneva Convention is more like a Geneva Suggestion but.."

"im just a silly little bald boy"

"IT MEANS PUSSY?????????"

"if you disable mines you are disrespecting the entire Hispanic community"

“ARE YOU TRYING TO GIRLBOSS GASLIGHT ME?”

"when im cold I don't joke about murdering children, but thats just me"

"Fit it's time to sin with me" -Phil "you're acting like it's the first time" -Fit

"so much sussy Baka activity"

"I broke Jesus's face.."

"Think of me like an American Philza but im bald and a little more fucked up"

"we got spawn camped by tony the fucking tiger"

"I love balls so much"

"im pretty sure if I tried to do puppy eyes I would look like a crack addict"

"Bad, take your shirt off"

"What did kelp stand for again? 'Kill Every Living Person'?"

"I see TNT explosions that are sexy"

"Sneeg, shut up, im doing gay roleplay right now"

"Ill stop shaking my ass ramon, don't drown yourself please"

"I need my gay support slug"

"No one loves lesbians more than fitmc does"

"My sexuality is wario"

"I want to thank my 𝐵𝓇𝒶𝓏𝒾𝓁𝒾𝒶𝓃 𝐵𝑜𝓎𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹"

“The IRS was like ‘We saw you had a new source of income in 2023, care to explain that?’ And I’m like ‘Yeah, gay minecraft roleplay!’”

"Maidenless runt? I HAVE A BRAZILIAN BOYFRIEND BITCH"

"this cave is full of children and I'm god's hungriest Pitbull"

"do emo kids still exist?"

"Pro-wrestling is Hillbilly Shakespeare"

"i'll be a monkey's bare assed uncle"

"Just think about this Phil, in a few days im gonna get my hands on you"

"Hotdogs are gender-fluid in a way"

"guuuuuuurl same"

"I am crazy, and sexually ambiguous enough to do it."

"You know, just... just raw-dogging life with a smooth brain. It's not easy sometimes but someone's gotta do it."

[piningbuddies]

i'll build a house out of the mess (i'll give you the best years)

2.7k | mature | read on ao3

“I— I mean yeah! Definitely!” Buck’s quick to reassure him, nodding as he crouches down to decant some paint into the tray. “Although, babe, I don’t know why you keep checking in with me! I— I mean I’m completely flattered, don’t get me wrong, but it’s your house, Tommy. Ultimately, the only opinion that matters on any of this stuff is yours.” A silence settles over them as Buck continues setting up the paint in the tray, and Tommy opens his mouth and closes it a couple of times, trying to figure out a way to say what he wants to without sounding like he’s lost the entire fucking plot. “It’s not.” “It’s not what, babe?” Evan says, not even looking up. Tommy’s almost glad, is the thing. He feels a little frayed raw, somehow. A little more exposed than he planned to be. “It’s…it’s not just my house, Evan.” He begins, wetting his lips, his hand flexing around the paint roller. “It’s…it’s also going to be yours, one day.” (Tommy buys a house. Both him and Buck have some feelings about it.)

read the rest on ao3

tags below the cut!!

@usereddie @bucktommys @canonbibuck @honestlydarkprincess @swiftietartt

@bigfootsmom @loveyouanyway @buckdatesboys @messyhairdiaz @evankinard

@hepbaestus @queerbuck @nilshki @comfortbuddie @babyboybuckley

@silassstingy @zouisalmightie @bisexualdisasterbuckley @alex1424

[hepbaestus]

A secret fourth option of hating both my first and middle name.

[qsmpficsarchive]

Addition and Subtraction by hepbaestus

Oneshot | G | 3,947

Soulmate-Identifying Marks | Open Ending | First Meetings

Addition. A simple concept.

After having been married for a while, Fit and Spreen decided that it was time to add to the family and what better way to do that than by adopting?

Only, a subtraction wasn't a part of the equation. Until it is.

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

CAMP DAY 1

As you all pile out of the bus, encumbered by way too much luggage and new friends, you notice a large screen sat inexplicably in the center of the entrance, under an archway that says "Camp Egg". It looks like you won't be able to enter until the video finishes playing.

As the video ends, Not-Cucurucho steps out from behind the large screen and wheels it away.

He returns with a stack of papers and, one by one, he distributes them to each of you, instructing you to read it.

Cucurucho- er, Not-Cucurucho, mentions that more camper may arrive while camp is still running.

Once again, he reminds you all that if you have any questions, that you should bring them to him.

He looks at each of you, one at a time, before finally saying:

"Please proceed to your cabins. You will recieve your bandana, and your counselor will help you unpack your bags and get settled."

"I hope you enjoy Camp Egg."

(Casting call! Poll - Yours truely. Ping - @hepbaestus . Áfonya- @semifontos . Pepper - @pikaeggs . Mia - @studio-stephen . Estella - @oozblob . Chip - @shrimpysstuff . Ribcage - @nameless-network . Soup - @grapesintomatosoup . Macron - @prismpanic . Blossom - @/eternal-nyx . Castor - @readbycrow . Floryn - @unqualified-therapist . Tala - @iminyourbookshelf . Constence - @lilliancdoodles )

[fitpacs]

A Day With Richarlyson

Summary: With Pac and Ramon away for the night, Fit and Richarlyson spend some much needed father and son time together.

Genre: Family Fluff

(a not-so surprise birthday present for my beloved @hepbaestus !)

((written in collaboration with the super talented @shen-mu who has created beautiful accompanying art on their blog!!))

—

“And you’re sure you’ll be okay? All of you?” Pac asks, pressing his lips together as he studies Fit’s face.

Fit rolls his eyes. “You’re asking if we’ll be okay if you go on an overnight trip? It’s already early evening!”

Richarlyson, stood beside Fit, places a sign.

‘just go, we won’t let him get into too much trouble kkkkkkkk’

Pac smiles and crouches down.

Both eggs immediately rush to stand in front of him.

Pac straightens out Richarlyson’s jersey and Ramon’s meathead, and gathers the two in a quick hug.

“Oh for god’s sake, we’re going for science materials, we’re not on our fucking deathbeds!” Tubbo shouts, from where he sits on a nearby wall, and taps his heels against the bricks impatiently. Beside him, Mike snickers.

Fit flips the two off before diverting his attention back to his family, and the familiar warmth blooms in his chest at the sight.

Pac stands back up and smiles warmly at Fit.

“Guess i’ve gotta go,” he says.

“Guess you do,” Fit nods. “Stay safe.”

Pac grins. “Please, Fitch,” he flexes his muscles. “Like anything would stand a chance against me.”

Fit prays to every deity that may exist that Pac does not notice the way he gulps.

Pac then winks and jogs over to Tubbo and Mike, and the three set off walking in the opposite direction.

Ramon and Richarlyson wave, and Pac waves back before Tubbo forcibly turns Pac back around to avoid him tripping over a boulder.

Once they are out of sight, both eggs look up at Fit.

“Right, Ramon, are you still having your sleepover with Empanada and Sunny?” Fit asks, and Ramon jumps in place before placing a sign.

‘yea, sunny will be upset with tubbo gone so i’ll comfort her’

“You’re a good brother, kid,” Fit smiles at his son. “But make sure one of Empanada’s moms messages me if you need anything.”

‘i won’t need anything but sure. have a good night :D’

Ramon barely finishes destroying his sign before Richas places his.

‘we will! have fun!’

“Have fun, Ramon,” Fit smiles, and Ramon nods before retrieving his warp stone and teleporting away.

He looks down at Richas, who is facing him in turn. The egg then begins dancing, as he frequently does.

Fit laughs. “Setting the pace for the rest of the night, huh?”

Richas jumps up and spins in the air before placing a sign.

‘can we play tag?’

“Sure!” Fit replies. “I have to warn you, though, i’m quicker than I look. You won’t win this war.”

Richas destroys his sign and throws his weight against Fit’s legs before he runs away.

“Guess i’m the tagger, huh?” Fit laughs as he sets off after the little egg. “I won’t hold back, Richas!”

Richas, having already gained a considerable distance, begins dancing in the middle of a flowerbed in what Fit assumes is a taunt.

It works.

—

It turns out, Fit absolutely will not win this war.

He practically wheezes against a tree as Richas strolls over, and tosses a water bottle at his feet. He accepts it gratefully and chugs the water, and slides down to the ground.

“I underestimated you,” Fit smiles through his rapid breaths. “I forgot you have…” he pauses for a moment, and begins counting on his fingers. “Six parents running around after you all the time.”

He pauses again. “That’s right, right? Six?”

Richas collapses to the floor dramatically and places a sign.

‘i don’t even know at this point KKKKKKK’

Fit laughs and Richarlyson jumps back up and into an elaborate dance move.

He, somehow whilst still performing the move, gets right in Fit’s face, in a silent yet very real challenge.

“You want a dance off?” Fit asks, and Richas nods.

Fit can hear multiple islanders’ laughs, shouts and squeals in the distance, meaning they are too close for him to even consider dancing.

“If we go somewhere where nobody can take incriminating photos of me dancing, you’re on. I will get my revenge.”


The excited jump Richas does after he says this is enough to make Fit’s heart swell - whenever he makes Ramon or Richas happy, he feels some sense of accomplishment that he never came close to feeling at any point in the wasteland.

‘FOLLOW ME!’ Richas writes before taking off in a fast run.

—

“You’re unbeatable,” Fit holds up his hands in surrender, from where is slumped against another tree - sweat pouring down his face and breaths coming out rapidly. “You know what I did before coming to the island, right?”

Richas sits on the ground opposite him.

‘killed people!’

Fit gently bites the inside of his cheek. “It had a bit more finesse to it than that, Richas. Ever heard the term mercenary?”

‘yeah but killing people sounds cooler’

“Only if they deserve it, that’s the difference,” Fit points at the egg. “Let that be a lesson from me to you, Richarlyson.”

‘i am educated >:D’

“You have some of the best and smartest parents on the island, you’re definitely educated,” Fit smiles.

Richarlyson simply nods.

‘can i ask you something?’

“Of course,” Fit replies, leaning back against the tree and stretching out his legs. “Anything.”

‘you said six parents before, right?’

Fit nods. “Yeah, your first four dads, Bagi and Roier.”

There is a pause before Richas moves again.

‘i have seven parents’

Fit’s breath catches in his throat, and his heart swells. It’s not a conversation they’ve had before - Ramon began calling Pac pai extremely early into Fit and Pac’s relationship, but Fit and Richarlyson weren’t at that stage yet, and Fit had decided he’d let Richas decide the pace.

“Richarlyson, you don’t need to say that if it’s too soon-“

Fit’s cut off by the egg throwing one of his many plushies at the man, hitting him straight in the forehead.

‘don’t ruin the moment KKKKKK’

He then runs into Fit’s arms and hugs him tightly. Fit can feel the tears pricking the back of his eyes, but wills them away using every ounce of inner strength he can muster. He hugs Richas back, and they stay in the embrace for at least a solid minute.

It’s Richas that steps back first.

“I’m honoured to be your dad, Richarlyson,” Fit smiles.

‘yeah, you and half the island xD’

Fit laughs heartily as Richas breaks into an impromptu dance.

“True as that may be,” Fit shrugs. “My point stands.”

Richas stops dancing.

‘and i’m honoured to be your son…. now that you and pai told me you’re dating’

Fit rubs the back of his neck and laughs nervously. “I thought Pac was going to tell you, I swear! I told Ramon and Pac was going to tell you!”

‘mhm sureeee but all this emotions talk has me sleepy’

“You sure it’s the emotional talk and not the fact you’ve been on the move for the past few hours?”

‘nope it’s the emotions talk’

Just as he’s about to write something else, Richas yawns loudly, though he tries to stifle it.

It’s an action that takes the rest of his resolve with it, as he simply makes grabby hands in Fit’s direction.

“You want me to carry you?” Fit asks for clarity, and Richas nods sleepily, still reaching for him.

And so Fit sweeps the dragon-hybrid into his arms and slings his backpack over his shoulder, and begins walking in the direction of their home.

As they walk, Fit hums various lullabies to help Richas sleep - a tactic that works a little too well as he begins snoring in only a couple of minutes.

It turns out that Richarlyson is just as hyperactive when asleep as he is when he’s awake - he constantly tosses and turns, and kicks in his sleep, resulting in Fit almost dropping him once.

But all Fit does is smile, as he carries on walking and smiling down at his sleeping son.

He dares to use the word aloud when he tucks Richarlyson into bed, with it being Pac’s usual night to have him overnight.

“Goodnight, son,” he says, smiling widely as the word falls from his tongue so naturally. “Kick ass in dreamland.”

Richarlyson - either having heard him or in the weirdest coincidence ever - snuggles further into the bedding and lifts an arm in a sleepy wave.

Fit’s smile doesn’t drop once he leaves the room - he wonders if he’ll ever stop smiling, but doesn’t see a reason to stop anytime soon.

After receiving confirmation from Bagi that Ramon is sleeping soundly with Empanada and Sunny, and confirmation from Pac that he, Mike and Tubbo arrived at their destination, Fit allows himself to relax.

He falls asleep soon after, with hazy dreams of golden futures that might actually be in reach.

[hepbaestus]

I NEED THEM ALL