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damn-stark · 2 years

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Chapter 3 I’d make a deal with god

Chapter 3 of Tragedy at the Miller’s

A/N- I hope you guys like the chapter

Warning- ANGST, violence, death and blood, swearing, long chapter, some fluff :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Henry x Fem!reader

Episode- 1x05-1x06 (only the beginning)

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

The street was quiet. And as far as views go, it was the same way as it was in the tunnel, dark and eerie.

The stars overhead were tempting to admire, you felt grateful that you were out of the humid tunnel and breathing fresh air, but the cul-de-sac was too quiet, and you weren’t actually across the river yet. You knew better than to get your hopes up too soon; just like most of what you’ve learned from life, you learned that the hard way.

Yet it seems Henry and Sam don’t quite get that.

Then again how could they know? The farthest they’ve gone out of the city is being in that forest. They only know a small part of what the world is like.

“No,” Henry breaks the silence you had purposely left as you tried to make your way to the bridge. “No one is here. No one’s gonna be here because my plan worked.”

Your dad scoffs in annoyance, “so much goddamn talkin’.”

You look back at Henry over your shoulder and add on too. “We’re not across the river yet, let’s wait to celebrate then.”

“I’m just saying,” Henry continues smugly. “I delivered.”

You smirk faintly and roll your eyes to look back ahead.

“Make this right,” he points out. “Go down the street, embankment behind the last house, and we’re out.”

“So we cross the river and then what?” Ellie asks. “Where ya gonna go?”

You glance over at your dad, and even if it hasn’t been discussed you know that there’s no option but to travel home together now.

At least you hope that’s what he’s thinkin’ too.

“We’re going to Wyoming,” you share and blink to look at your dad for reassurance. “We can go together.”

But as expected when your dad meets your gaze he remains nonchalant. He then peers back at Henry though, and seems to look…unsure. “How about we cross the river and then talk.”

You swallow thickly and look back ahead. Would this really be it?

Ellie notices his look, he reads him like you do and comments on the matter. “Don’t worry he’ll give in. Trust me.”

Trust her?

How long have they been together?

“This is how it goes?” Ellie continues. “He’s like, No, Ellie,” she begins to mock him in a deep voice, causing you to blink in disbelief before you peer back at her. “Never, ever, ever happening.”

Regardless of what uneasiness you felt by his lack of agreeance, what jealousy just sparked, you can’t help but grin in amusement at her teasing.

“And then I’m like,” Ellie continues in her normal voice. “I’m gonna ask you a million more times. And he’s like—”

Before she can finish what she’s saying, she’s suddenly interrupted by the sound of a gunshot whizzing past your ear, and hitting the ground inches away from you.

“Fuck!” Ellie screams, while you cover your ear and throw yourself to the ground, losing that smile.

“Move, move!” Your dad yells and proceeds to grab your arm to yank you off the ground, and push you and Ellie behind a rusted car.

“Y/N,” you hear Henry from the ear that’s not currently ringing. “Are you okay? Did it hit you?”

You groan and shake your head. “No…no,” you pant. “Just went past me.”

“Where fuck is that coming from—”

“Shut up,” your dad cuts Henry off now.

You pull your hand away from your ear as the ringing begins to fade, and look over at your dad peeking past the top of the hood. A gunshot then breaks a car window though, so he ducks his head back down.

“How many?” You ask him.

Your dad shakes his head. “One, I think. I can’t be sure, not from here.”

You swallow thickly and snatch your rifle off your shoulder. You try to suggest a risky idea that comes to mind, but then another gunshot goes off and a hand wraps around your wrist instead.

“Shit,” Henry panics and looks away from the shooter to try and move with Sam at his other hand. “Alright, fuck. Let’s move. Let’s go.”

Without hesitance you yank your arm back and grab his wrist instead to pull him back down. “I’m not leaving my dad. And you can’t just get up like that or you’ll get shot,” you scold him as kindly as you can sound. “Stay down.” You then snap your eyes to your dad and share the idea you had in mind. “I can shoot them, I just need a distraction so he doesn’t end up shooting me.”

A bullet hits the car you’re behind, and your dad lets his gaze linger on you as he thinks about the plan you shared.

You want him to say yes so he’d see that you’re capable, that you’ve changed from that little girl he saw last time, years ago.

However, he shakes his head and sighs.

“Dad—”

“I’ll go,” he cuts you off before you can argue. “You two stay here.” He directs to Ellie and yourself.

“What?” Ellie asks in confusion.

He turns to face Ellie now. “If you don’t move, he’s not gonna hit you,” he tells her, and then looks to you. “I’m gonna go around, try to get in the house through the back, and then I’ll take him out.”

You shake your head and protest. “If you go out there, he’s gonna kill you.”

“It’s dark and he has shit aim. Nobody’s gonna kill me. Besides, I ain’t putting you at risk.”

“You just said—”

“Y/N,” he cuts you off sharply. “Do you trust me?”

You lower your shoulders from their tense position, you let your face soften from its hardened state and nod softly without as much as thinking about it.

Your dad proceeds to pull his gun out and looks to Ellie to speak to her. “If anything happens you stick with her, got it?”

Ellie glances at you and hesitates before returning her gaze to him and nodding in comprehension. After that your dad proceeds to scurry away through the cover of night, making the person in that house try to follow him with their gun to try and shoot him.

And now, while the person is distracted you lift your head over the car's hood to finally take a peek yourself. That’s when you catch only one light reflecting from a window before the bullet hits the ground in front of the car. You proceed to look around at the other houses to see if there were more, but your dad was right it seems to be just one in the house straight ahead.

Just one. Your dad will be fine.

You duck back behind the car and wait. Wait in anticipation. You hold onto your pendant around your neck and wait. A few more bullets go off and hit the objects around you, you wait for them to reload and shoot again, but a longer silence follows now, letting you guess that your dad might have reached the shooter now.

You slowly lift your head and peek out, and luckily this time you see no more reflection. Yet you can’t be assured that your dad has gotten to him, not until you can see him up there giving you all a sign.

However, a few seconds pass of more silence and he doesn’t give you any. Instead you hear one gunshot echo, it doesn’t hit anything nearby it just echoes, meaning one of two things; your dad shot the shooter, or the shooter shot your dad.

You can’t think of losing him just as you reunited, so you’ll go with he’s the one that shot the shooter first.

“It seems your dad got him,” Henry interjects.

You stop fiddling with the pendant and meet his gaze with hope. “Yeah,” you whisper. “I think so too. Let’s just wait until he gives a sign though.”

Henry nods in agreement, and silence follows again. Albeit the silence breaks soon thereafter with a distant scream from your dad. “Run!”

You blink in confusion, and hang your rifle over your shoulder again as you slowly push yourself up to try and get a view of him.

“Run!” Your dad yells again.

Why is he saying that?

And only seconds later is when you begin to hear the distant sounds of engines running. When you snap your eyes ahead you notice headlights down the street, getting larger the closer they get, and brighter as more than one begins to appear.

“Go! Go, go!” You bellow to the group, and push Ellie in front of you so she can get ahead of you so can you run behind her, Henry and Sam.

The closer the leading car gets, the more you hear metal clashing as cars blocking the street get shoved aside. Bullets ring against metal too as your dad tries to shoot the driver of the moving truck, and as Ellie tries to shoot back aimlessly.

You want to shoot at the driver too to at least get that car off your trail, but when you hit the trigger you come out empty since you haven’t given Henry his empty pistol back.

“Fuck,” you grumble. “Fuck. Fuck.”

As Henry and Sam get ahead faster, you mindlessly begin to run past Ellie to try and reach the other end of the street. However, it’s at that moment that you begin to get ahead that you suddenly hear glass clash, brakes then screech before you hear a crash through one of the wooden houses.

You try to look back at the sight, you try to look back even when you hear multiple cars brake behind you, even if it’s one thing you didn’t like to do while running away from dangerous shit, but you remember Ellie had fallen behind, so you look. That’s when you see her on the ground, and multiple people climbing out of their cars.

It’s a fucking risk to go back especially since they all have guns, but you can’t leave her behind, not even if you feel a smidge of jealousy towards her. Maybe giving her the slight cold shoulder is something that you can live with, but leaving her behind is something that would haunt you, so you quickly turn back around on your heels and sprint towards her.

She catches you running at her as she remains stunned on the ground and her eyes brighten before she pushes herself up and then runs at you.

“Come on!” You yell at her. “Come on!”

Ellie quickens her pace as best as she can, and just as you throw your hand out to reach for hers suddenly an explosion goes off at your side, and the force throws you both to the ground.

“Fuck,” you cough out seconds later, and flutter your eyes open, catching a bright raging light now brighten the street. “Fuck.” You snap your head up and see Ellie moving slightly. That fills you with relief over the fact that she isn’t badly hurt. Or at least that’s what it seems like.

“Ellie,” you call out between pants. “Ellie, are you—”

Before you can finish your question though, hands get slapped around your arms and begin to yank off the ground.

“Come on, come on,” someone muffles.

You snap your head back in a panic, but thankfully only see Henry.

“You’re not hurt?” He asks.

You shake your head and get up to your feet. “No, no, I’m okay. Go, help Ellie.”

Henry nods and leaves your side to run to Ellie while you run to Sam behind a car.

“Are you okay?” Sam immediately signs to you worringly once you’re ducked close to him.

You nod quickly and redirect his question. “You okay?”

Sam nods, and both of your gazes lift as Henry and Ellie join you ducked behind the car.

“You okay?” You ask Ellie as she fixes herself between Sam and you.

She nods and mumbles, “yeah.”

Multiple footsteps now step closer, and commands get thrown out that make you stiffen. “He’s up there! Two and two! Around the back, take him out!”

“Fuck!” You hiss. There’s no way to take them out without getting caught or leaving yourself vulnerable. Fuck.

“Dead end, Henry!” You hear a woman shout—Kathleen most likely. “Gonna step out? Save us some time?”

Henry of course doesn’t answer, so Kathleen continues.

“No? That’s alright. Doesn’t matter.”

You rest your head against the car and try to think of some plan to get out of this position. Yet, Henry then interjects. “I’ll come out!”

You quickly snap your head over to him and shake it in protest. “No,” you whisper. “No, Henry no.”

Said man meets your gaze and lets his eyes linger on you. “Just let the girl and kids go!” He shouts.

You keep shaking your head in hopes he’d change his mind.

“No,” Kathleen retorts. “Sorry. The little girl is with the man who killed Bryan. And Sam, and the other girl, well they’re with you.”

You shift your eyes away and scoff.

What the fuck?! What the fuck is her problem? Wanting to kill you, you understand, but the kids?

“You don’t understand!” Henry rebuttals.

But Kathleen doesn’t listen. “But I do,” she counters. “I know why you did what you did. But did you ever stop to think that maybe he was supposed to die?”

What the hell?

You shake your head and curl your lip in anger and disgust.

“He’s just a fucking kid!” Henry yells back.

“Well, kids die, Henry,” Kathleen says without an ounce of sympathy in her tone. “They die all the time. You think the whole world revolves around him? That he’s worth everything? Well, this is what happens when you fuck with fate.”

“Get ready to take him and run,” Henry blurts at you quietly.

You look over at him and see him looking at you. “No,” you rebuttal. “No.”

“Y/N,” he insists. “Yes.”

You try to look angry at his stupid choice, but instead you look hurt.

“Henry,” you whisper, but he then cups your cheek and cuts you off.

“Please. Do it.”

You stare into his eyes and want to argue, you want to yell at him for wanting to risk his life like this, for wanting you to take Sam away without leaving with him, but…you don’t. You trust him and understand this one need, you give in for him, for the love you already harbor.

“Fine,” you whisper and look over at Sam, noticing Ellie take his hand for you.

“It’s time, Henry,” Kathleen interjects. “Enough!”

You look back at Henry and meet his gaze, seeing him hesitate for a few seconds. So you reach for his trembling hand and give it a gentle squeeze. He proceeds to let his eyes linger in your hurt gaze for a moment longer before he averts his gaze, and puts his head back to pant and then whisper to himself, “okay,” before he stands up and raises his hands while he slowly steps towards the aggressor.

“It ends the way it ends,” Kathleen says after a few seconds of silence, and cocks her gun before she shouts another command. “Grab the girl he’s with too, I want him to see her die.”

You gasp and freeze since you know she only means you.

“No!” Henry shouts. “Wait, no! Not her! She had nothing to do with it! It was just me!”

Footsteps begin to approach, and your heart begins to race, your hands begin to shake, but you put on a brave face and roll your eyes to the side to glare at the rugged man approaching you.

“Touch them and I’ll kill you,” you grimace.

The man tries to grab you, but you stand up by yourself and step away from him. “Don’t you dare,” you snap and raise your hands.

“Come on,” the man orders and points the gun forward.

“No,” Kathleen adds now as you get forced to stand by Henry. “She might have not had anything to do with it, but you care about her.”

You drift your eyes to Henry, and end up meeting his angry and worried gaze.

“It’s okay,” you mouth to him with an assuring look and smile. “It’s okay.” You drift your gaze back to Kathleen and shoot her an unbothered glare.

There’s only one man next to you, the others are standing a bit too far to react too fast. They wouldn’t let one of their own die would they? They cared so much about the one person your dad killed, so….

Quickly before anyone can react to you, you fist your left hand, and quickly swing your fist up to punch the man’s forearm to make his aim fall from your head.

“Wait!” you hear Kathleen yell as guns point at you now.

You then quickly spin around and ram your fist in his throat to leave him incapacitated while you snatch his gun from him, and then use your foot to swing it under him to sweep him off the floor.

When the guy hits the ground you instantly point his gun at his head, and step on the back of his hand before slowly glaring up at Kathleen.

She looks stunned, so you take this time to look over at Henry, catching his own shocked and awed look.

“Come close and I’ll shoot him,” you threaten all of them. “Your revenge can’t mean more than your man’s life now does it?” You taunt Kathleen with a sly smirk.

Kathleen moves her gun to point at you and parts her lips to say something, but she then cuts herself off as the sound of rubble and creaking metal steals everyone’s attention, including Henry’s and yours.

At first it doesn’t seem like much, just the ground beneath the truck crumbling due to the explosion. But it’s from that same hole that the truck falls into that lets out the sound of distant groaning and growling. Infected….

You remove your foot off the man under you and help up so he can run away. You then snap your head over to Henry, and he meets your gaze to share a knowing look since no one can deny the sounds.

Yet before either of you can run away dozens, no, hundreds of infected climb out from the ground and don’t waste a second to charge at everyone that is formed in front of the hole. They all try to shoot at the runners and the clickers that charge at them, but there’s too many, too many overwhelm them immediately—It’s so many of them climbing out of the ground.

You’ve seen hordes before, you’ve run from dozens of infected before, but never like this, never from one’s running out of a fire pit as if they were spawn out of hell.

The sight freezes you out of fear, leaves you vulnerable, until Henry runs at you now that the men focused their attention away from him and you, and breaks you from your stupor.

“Come on!” He yells, and you both run to the kids still ducked behind the car.

“You have my gun, I have the man’s,” you tell Henry as you duck and hide with the kids. “Take Sam and go, I’ll take Ellie and be right behind you.”

Shooters approach the car you’re hidden behind and begin shooting at infected climbing on the car. More fall at your side as bullets come from the house where your dad is in. And before long, as more infected approach, you all bolt away from behind the car to run to your dad.

However, more infected swarm the area and get in your way, so you lose sight of Henry and Sam quickly as they don’t stop running. You on the other hand use the man’s gun and shoot at the clickers and runners that charge at Ellie and you.

“Go!” You yell at Ellie. “Go, I have you covered!”

Ellie runs on ahead, and you kill any threats that are near her. Once there’s no infected ahead of you, you follow after Ellie as she runs towards a van nearby that has a window slightly opened.

A clicker closeby hears her running footsteps however and tries to charge at her, but you quickly stop in your steps to shoot it and then move the aim to shoot the other infected that can be a possible threat.

“I’ll open the door for you!” Ellie yells back as she approaches the car.

You watch her get inside through the window, and immediately more infected try to reach her through the windows; they pound and claw. You clear as many of them as you can until your bullets run out and you have no choice but to throw the gun out and use your own rifle.

Yet that has few bullets in it too, luckily your dad helps you take out as many as he can around the car and you, while Ellie crawls to the door to try and open it for you from the inside. And when you turn to grab the door handle, suddenly a stalker tackles you down to the ground.

“Oof.” You breathe out as you slam to the ground, and end up losing your gun.

The stalker tries to bite down at you, but you quickly throw your head to the side, and throw your hands up to keep it away. You want to kick it back and use your knife, but then a bullet goes through its head and it falls limb, letting you crawl back away from its corpse. You then look up at the window and give your dad a thankful nod.

He nods back, so after that, before more infected come and swarm you, you get up and find your gun first, before you face the car to get Ellie.

Neverthless, at that moment as you turn you notice a different kind of infected. It’s larger than others, tall, and plump. It has fungus coming out of its head like a clicker, but this one also has fungus growing out of its entire body. It’s…terrifying. It’s fucking horrifying, but you don’t freeze this time, you can’t. You just push its presence to the back of your head and face the car again. That’s when you see a child clicker climb in the same car Ellie is hiding in.

You know your dad has you covered from any infected around you, so you quickly throw the door open and hastily help Ellie out of the car as the clicker flips over the seats to try and reach her.

“Come on!” You urge her after you close the car door. “We’re almost there!” You grab her wrist to run towards your dad together, but she quickly stops you and points out.

“It’s Sam and Henry!”

You follow where she points to, and see the both of them under a car trying to kick away the clickers that are trying to grab them. However, there’s too many infected in your way, too many for you and Ellie to take down without getting swarmed….

Wait! That’s right...

You look up at your dad at the same time Ellie does, and you both speechlessly ask him to cover you with your looks alone.

He’s hesitant at first, but he gives you both an assuring nod, letting you both then run towards Henry and Sam.

“You help Sam, I’ll get the one on Henry!” You tell Ellie as you maneuver past bodies of the infected your dad was killing in your path.

“Okay, yeah!” She replies through pants.

You narrow your eyes on the clicker that has Henry by his feet, ignoring the car that races past behind you and quickening your pace to get closer.

Just as you approach Henry, the clicker drags him out of hiding, it wants to bite him, but you quickly lift your rifle and shoot it right in its head, killing it.

“Come on,” you tell Henry urgently as you help him to his feet. “You’re okay,” you assure him before you turn on your heels, noticing Ellie managed to get the clicker off Sam, but she can’t stab her knife deep enough to kill it. So you lift your gun and help her kill it, letting her then help Sam off the ground.

“Go, go!” You yell at everyone.

Quickly, before more infected can come towards you, you all bolt towards the house your dad is inside of. You climb up the yard hand in hand with Henry, you’re close to getting out, but then Kathleen stops you all.

“Stop!”

Henry pushes you all back behind him to block you all from her gun, but you still raise your rifle to try and use your last bullet on her.

Albeit that’s when you notice the child clicker from before sneaking up from behind her, and lower your gun instead. Kathleen blinks in confusion, and follows everyone’s line of gaze. But, she notices the clicker too late and it tackles her to the ground before she can react.

It hits her repeatedly, and overpowers her, all she can do is scream.

As bad as she was, that fate is still horrible.

“This way now!” You hear your dad yell, breaking everyone from their shock. You then look over at him in shock and watch him pushing Ellie and Sam towards the bridge just behind the houses.

“Move!” He yells and turns you around so you can keep moving behind Henry. He follows last, making sure no one or nothing follows you from the bloodbath that was now the cul-de-sac.

——

*LATER*

“Pew…pew. As the Raven 01 approaches the red planet….”

You put the paper your food was wrapped in down and drag your feet back against your chest to continue listening to Ellie reading with Sam.

Compared to all the terrified screams, all the infected growling and groaning, all the gunshots, and burning flames that had filled your ears on your way to the motel, listening to her read in the silence of night was calming and peaceful.

“You think they’ll be okay?” Henry asks out loud, breaking the silence that was between him, your dad and you.

“Yeah,” your dad nods. “I think.”

You hug your legs and look over at him as he continues.

“It’s easier when you’re a kid anyway….” He pauses and glances at you before looking at Henry. “You don’t have anybody else relying on you. That’s the hard part.”

Being scared isn’t easy, not knowing how to help because you’re young isn't easy, but he’s also right.

“Well,” Henry interjects. “I guess we’re doing a good job then.”

Your dad nods softly in agreement, and you can’t help but smile down at your knees since they seem to be getting along more now.

“What’s that comic book say?” Your dad asks. “Endure and survive?”

You lift your gaze to look at the Savage Starlight comic book Sam and Ellie are reading, and scoff softly before you nod. “Endure and survive,” you repeat.

“That shits redundant,” Henry retorts, making you smile in amusement.

“Yeah,” your dad agrees. “It’s not great.”

You shake your head and laugh softly. “No.”

Savage Starlight was a comic book you often saw lying around, but you never got into them so much. You always enjoyed more of uh…romance, some horror, thrillers, comedy, and fantasy.

“Look, Henry,” you hear your dad continue, making you snap your eyes to him and sit up as you’re filled with curiosity. “I don’t know exactly how I’m gettin’ to Wyoming. I’m probably walkin’. But you know if you want to.”

Your smile grows wider, and your gaze grows softer as you understand your fathers invitation to Henry.

“Yeah,” Henry agrees. “Yeah. Yeah, I think it’d be nice for Sam to have a friend. I’ll tell him in the morning. New day, new start.”

You’re filled with joy now, and that fear of rejection washes away….

At least you hope your dad is also referring to you.

“What about me?” You interject to double check. Even if you might know the answer.

Your dads eyes snap to you and he scoffs before he retorts. “How do you think we’re getting there?”

You smirk and then glance at Henry sitting on a table beside you to share a soft smile with him.

“I don’t why you had to ask,” your dad mumbles.

You then look at the kids, and notice Sam fiddling with the pendant you had given him.

“Just makin’ sure,” you say and drag your legs down. “Maybe y’all wanted to leave me behind….” Wait…you catch that comment the moment it comes out. It’s wrong…it seems like a jab directed to your dad, but you didn’t mean it that way.

You snap your eyes over to him in hopes he didn’t take it that way, but you can’t tell, he’s looking away, his lips are formed in the same serious line. Fuck. Fuck….

Let’s just hope he didn’t take it badly.

You swallow thickly and look ahead, noticing Henry in the room with the kids, and Sam still holding the pendant. So choosing to just brush off your concern so as to not overthink about it, you get up and walk in the room, seeing Sam walk to the other bed now.

“Goodnight,” you sign to him as he notices you walk in.

He offers you a faint smile and redirects your comment. “Goodnight.”

Henry walks back in the room, and before you can follow him you check on Sam since he was holding the pendant. “Are you feeling okay?” You question him.

Sam nods in assurance, but you can notice his frown and a…sad look in his eyes.

“Are you sure?” You press.

Sam nods again. Perhaps it was just the events of tonight then.

“Okay,” you continue to sign to him. “No story tonight?”

Sam shakes his head. “Tomorrow,” he signs back.

You smile and nod in agreement. “Sounds good,” you sign. “Goodnight.”

Sam offers you a faint smile as a response, and before you can leave the room you glance over at Ellie and offer her a very faint smile that’s a bit forced. Maybe she’ll grow on you soon enough. Once your dad explains why they’re traveling together. Hopefully.

Anyway, once you close the room door behind you, rather than sitting back down, and since there was no other room in this curtain room you’re camping in. And since you don’t want your dad hearing your conversation with Henry, you meet your partner's gaze and point to the exit.

Henry doesn’t seem to understand though, so you point to the door again. But nothing.

You roll your eyes and just break the silence. “I’m going to get some fresh air before bed.” You nod slowly, and before anyone can say anything you make sure you have your knife with you before you walk over to the door, and push the table that’s blocking the exit to the side before walking out. Hopefully, Henry understands, and hopefully your dad doesn’t walk out. As funny as that would be, it’s not who you want to talk to.

Regardless, as you wait you lean against the railing and look up at the shining stars painted on the night sky. You smile up at them and watch them twinkle. The door opens, and you quickly peer back, seeing Henry walk out. Thankfully.

“Hey,” you greet him in a whisper.

He closes the door and walks to your side first before returning a greeting. “Hey.”

You look back at the sky and continue to watch the stars. “You know there’s a way to navigate around using the stars.” You share with him.

Henry hums. “I didn’t know,” he says. “Do you know how to?”

You nod and drop your gaze to look at him, noticing he was already looking at you. “Yeah, I do,” you admit.

Henry smiles and scoffs. “Of course you do.”

You laugh softly. “Well it’s kind of convient you know, very helpful..”

“Is that why you like to stare at them all the time?” He asks.

You let out a small breath and shake your head. “No. I just like to watch them, it’s fascinating really; space, all of it.”

Henry hums and averts his gaze, he grabs the rusted railing and brings a short silence.

You notice his smile faltering, so you quickly probe. “What is it?”

Henry gently hits the wood and lifts his gaze to meet yours. “Thank you,” he says. Again. “What you did back there, to that guy…” he swallows thickly and goes shy. “No one has ever done that before. You know usually when things go down like that people scatter to protect themselves…I’m guilty of that, but you…” he pauses and his eyes soften, whilst you now feel caught by surprise. “…you stuck around all three times,” Henry continues. “You shouldn't have, but you did, and you saved me and Sam. Thank you.”

Your smile widens and trembles, and your heart races inside your chest, but you grab his hand and offer him a soft look. “You were worth it,” you redirect sweetly. “All of it. And when it’s worth it there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect the ones I love.”

Henry looks caught off guard for a few seconds, but he quickly manages to shoot you a smile before he cups your cheek to pull you in for a kiss. A sweet and passionate one that makes you wrap your arms around his neck. That lets you move in sync with another, and makes you press yourself against the wall next to the door.

Henry seems to be taken back by your passion, but he just smiles and goes with it, letting himself get swept up by you. The only reason you pull back is to catch your breath.

“You know I think you were right,” he says between pants. “I think your dad—”

“Please,” you cut him off and press your finger against his lips. “Don’t talk about my dad,” you whisper and giggle. “Not right now.”

Henry snorts and nods. “Right,” he mumbles, letting you drop your hand back to your side—“but we should get some sleep, I imagine we have a long day of walking tomorrow.”

You smile sweetly and lean in to whisper against his lips. “Yeah I know, but why not stay out here a while longer, hm? Maybe find a more discreet place to go take this further.”

Henry gapes and blinks rapidly. “I,” he breathes out and shakes his head.

You grin and cup his jaw. “It’s okay if you don’t want to,” you assure him. “I’m fine just being with you here.”

Henry shakes his head again and quickly throws out his response, “No I want to, I do. Do you?”

You grin softly and press your hand against his chest, feeling his heart racing.

“Don’t worry,” you assure him as you hold his gaze. “You’ll be okay. You’re with me.” You pull back, and drop your hand to your side to grab his, and pull him down the stairs with you. “Come on!” You grin happily.

——

*THE NEXT DAY*

“Sarah,” you whisper and slowly walk further inside her dark room.

She hums and shifts on her bed. “Hm?”

“I'm scared,” you whisper. “There’s something in my room.”

Her bed creaks and thanks to the moonlight reflecting inside through her window by her bed, you see her sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “Okay,” she mumbles and slides over to the other side of her bed. “Come on.”

You smile with relief and run over to the bed to climb on and lay beside her.

“What was in your room?” She asks as she lays her head back down on the pillow.

You pull the blankets over you and flip to your side to face her. “A…monster, I think.”

She smiles weakly and wraps her arm around you. “Maybe you just heard dad snoring.” She mumbles.

You sigh unsurely and watch her close her eyes to try and drift back to sleep.

“Do you want me to tell you a story?” She asks quietly.

You perk up and grin softly. “Just one,” you agree.

“Okay, well—”

“Ahh! Ahhh!”

Suddenly the dream you were having is interrupted coldly by the sound of distressed yelling that makes you gasp, and sit right up out of instinct.

However, it’s as you sit up that the door is slammed open and Ellie is thrown to the floor by….by Sam growling, groaning, and snapping his teeth as he tries to claw at her. She tries to push him off, but she can’t fight him. Or she really doesn’t want to…

But why?

Why?

Why is he acting so violent, why is he trying to bite her? Why is making those noises?

You sit there wide eyed, frozen by horrifying fear that inside, deep inside your heart you understand why it grows so furiously. You can identify what those sounds coming out of Sam mean, you’ve heard them what feels like all your life. You know…But you don’t want to accept it. You don’t want to accept his sudden fate.

He’s so young, so innocent, so sweet and kind. It can’t…it can’t be true. It can’t be happening again…

He can’t…

“Nope, nope, nope,” you hear Henry repeat, and when you look up you see him on his feet, pointing your dads own gun at him as he slowly stands up.

“Joel!” Ellie cries out.

Sam is going to bite her…he’s going to bite her…

You try to reach for your own knife since you know you’re out of bullets. You want to help her before it takes her too…you want to help your dad and Henry, but you can’t move a muscle, your fear paralyzes you as well as your denial.

You can only keep watching…just like when…Sarah died. You can only watch.

Henry shoots at your dad, you can hear the bullet, and his yell even after you cover your ears. You can feel it carve the ground, but that still doesn’t make you move.

“Joel!” Ellie cries again as Sam doesn’t stop.

He’s going to bite her. Sam he’s…

And suddenly there’s another gunshot, but this time rather than feeling it hit the ground, you hear a thump, and then silence. Deafening silence.

Finally as Sam stays still on the floor, you slowly get up and take a step towards him. You notice the dark blood spilling out and staining the ground, you still wait…You wait for him to get up. He has to. It can’t be happening again…he couldn’t have turned. He has to wake up.

You slowly put your hands down. “Sam?” You call out quietly even though you know he wouldn't have heard you either way, it’s just a desperate attempt.

“Ellie,” you hear your dad call as the girl sits there in disbelief at what just happened. “Are you okay?” You hear him ask her.

You worry if she’s bit, you want to ask if she’s okay too, but all you can focus on is Sam, you wait if he’ll move at least his chest to show he’s breathing.

Your dad tries to move toward Ellie, but he comes to a quick stop as Henry points his gun at him. He’s just shocked, that’s it.

Thinking he won’t do anything to you, you take another step towards Sam.

However, that's when you hear an abrupt stop. “No…don’t.”

You snap your gleaming eyes towards Henry, and see him pointing his gun at you now. Your dad quickly notices his new aim, and slowly puts his arm across you to try and shield you.

Henry’s just shocked. He’s just…shocked.

“Easy, easy, easy,” your dad tries to calm Henry down whilst he puts his hands out to try and grab the gun in Henry’s hand.

“Henry,” you call out quietly.

Said man's eyes drift to you, and tears immediately fill his eyes at the sight of you. “What did I do?” He asks you.

You try to tell him that he helped Ellie, that his brother was going to hurt her, but you can’t…you can’t muster a single word since you’re still in denial yourself.

“What did I do?” Henry asks again and keeps his gun pointed at you. “What-what-what did I do?” His eyes drift to his brother still on the floor, and you follow his line of gaze, realizing now—no, accepting at that moment as he lay still, as more blood spilled out of him, that Sam was gone.

It hits you like a bullet to the flesh, so suddenly. The realization shakes your entire core, making that painful anguish that you had pushed back bust through that shield of denial.

He’s gone. Sam’s gone. He was infected and now he’s gone.

“Sam?” The sound of Henry’s broken voice snaps your watery gaze back to him.

“Henry, gimme the gun?” Your dad pleads softly.

“Henry,” you call out quietly through tears. “Henry, please.”

Said man’s eyes drift to you and your dad, but he then focuses solely on you.

“Gimme the gun,” your dad continues to say. “Gimme the gun.”

“Henry,” you interject in a brittle voice, and take a step towards him to try and take the gun. “Just give me the gun, okay? Let’s talk.”

Henry holds your gaze for a moment and blinks before looking at Sam again. And finally he begins to lower his hand.

You try to encourage him, “yeah just—” but you cut yourself off immedietly as you see him move his hand to now point the gun at himself instead. You know what he intends to do, you yell at him to stop, but a gunshot goes off, causing you to quickly cover your ears. Yet you still hear a loud thump hit the floor.

Now…you just stand there, looking at the now empty space where Henry had one stood. You stand there frozen and quiet. You stand there panting, and with dry eyes.

Your dad stands before you, he talks to you, you see his mouth moving, but you don’t register his muffles that go through your covered ears because you can’t accept this now. If you keep looking at the wall, it’s like nothing ever happened. If you keep your eyes on the wall you won’t have to accept it, if you stand here time will stop….

You hoped anyway. You wished.

“Y/N! Look at me, baby,” you hear your dad yell at you, making you snap your eyes to him before you slowly drift your eyes down to see….

Oh god.

Oh god….

You drop your hands from your ears, and gasp as it feels like the air in your lungs is knocked out of you at the sight of his lifeless body, at the feeling of realization slamming into you, piercing your very heart now and shattering it and your entire being.

Henry’s gone. He’s gone just like Sam. They’re both gone….Henry’s gone….

But maybe…

“Henry?” You call out desperately as you watch him, hoping he’ll wake up. “Henry?” You call out again and step away from your dad to walk to Henry. “Henry, please,” your voice quivers as he remains unresponsive.

“Henry,” you mewl and fall on your knees beside him, on the pool of blood that now surrounds his upper body. “Henry.” You whisper and slowly reach for him to turn him face up. That’s when you see his lifeless eyes, the blood that now stains his face, and the tear stains on his cheeks. And it hits you again, but now it’s more powerful, more painful.

“No,” you cry and shake your head. “No, please Henry,” you sob and cradle his face for a moment before you cradle his body. “No, no….” You drop your forehead on his and shakily gasp for air as you can’t stop crying. “Please…please…someone help me….Henry…don’t do this to me, please.”

A hand falls on your shoulders, making you gasp and look back.

“Y/N,” your dad whispers.

“Daddy,” you mutter, “you have to help me. Please. Please.”

“Oh baby…”

You shake your head as he cradles your face in his hands.

“Dad,” you cry out desperately. “Please!”

He shakes his head, and tears fill his eyes only because he sees the heartbreak in your eyes as you hold your partner's dead body in your arms.

“He’s gone,” your dad says.

No.

No…

You pull your face away from your dads hold to look back at Henry, and lay your head on his chest.

He’s gone and there’s nothing you can do about it. Again. Someone else is gone and you can’t do anything about it. So you close your eyes and cry against him out of defeat, heartbreak, and agony.

“We can bury them,” your dad says softly. “Come on.”

Slowly he takes his body from you, and you let him, and just sit there. He takes Sam’s body soon thereafter, you can’t tell when, time just loses meaning, it all blends together.

Eventually you make it outside to where your dad and Ellie had buried Henry and Sam. You don’t know how, or when exactly you walked out, but feel the chilly breeze of the morning hit you, you feel the brightness burn your retinas for a moment until you grow accustomed to the brightness.

You see them no longer, only dirt over two unmarked graves. You feel only tears roll down your cheeks, and that agony in your heart as you realize you’ll never see them again, you won’t go to Jackson together.

You sit between their graves and just lose your gaze on the grass brushing against the wind. You sit there cold and hopeless. You sit there even as Ellie puts Sam’s board down on his grave, as you hear her speak to your dad once she’s up and behind you.

“Which ways west?” She asks.

There’s silence before there’s retreating footsteps. You were moving on, you had to, there was no one else to wait for now, there was no one else to go with now.

“Y/N,” your dad breaks the silence. “I have to tell you something…”

You keep your eyes lost on the grass, and wait for him to continue.

“Ellie…she’s immune…”

Is this some joke? Some sick fucking joke?

You gasp and peer at him over your shoulder to shoot him a disgusted glare.

“Dont,” you croak because of all of your crying. “Don’t fucking joke.”

He stands there with a serious, deadpanned look on his face. “I’m not,” he assures you. “It’s true, I saw her get bit and she didn’t turn. Do you really think I would joke about that?”

You blink in disbelief and look back at the grass ahead of you.

Joining the fireflies built a hope in you that maybe there was a chance for the world to get better. It was hard not to believe what they believed in, for a hope for humanity. A hope that could’ve saved so many lost friends…that could’ve saved Sam. So hearing this now coming out of your dads lips isn’t completely unbelievable, not to you.

“That’s why I need to take her to your uncle Tommy,” he continues. “So he can take her to the Fireflies.”

So he? He?

As if a bucket of cold water had just been dumped on you, now you’re hit with a cold reminder, your anger towards your father. Those words he just spoke trigger it, the heartbreak you bear now only fuels it, blinding you with rage.

“So what?” You scoff, and stand up to spin around and face him with that burning anger in your watery eyes. “You’re going to dump another one of your burdens on uncle Tommy? Just like you did me?”

Your dad shakes his head and mutters out, “you’re just upset. Let’s go, we can talk about it later.”

You shake your head and step towards him to continue. “I have every right to be upset! I have every right to be mad at you, you left me,” you whisper and feel angry tears now roll down your cheeks. “You…you!” You cry out and hit his chest.

“Y/N,” he mutters and averts his gaze.

You swallow back the thick lump that grows in your throat and spat back. “Why? Hm? All I ever did was love you, even if you were mean—”

“I kept you alive,” he cuts you off bluntly with his eyes barely on you.

“Yes,” you scoff. “But I still needed my dad….” Your voice quivers. “And…you still left…Why? W-was it because I…was never good enough for you? I’m sorry….I’m sorry I wasn’t the perfect daughter, I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough then. I’m sorry I wasn’t worthy enough for you to stay with me, for you to take me with you.” You sniffle and wipe away your tears. “I'm sorry I wasn't important enough for you to call me throughout all those years. I waited,“ you mumble. “I did. But no.” You shake your head and wipe your tears away.

“I just hope you don’t hurt that girl the same you did me,” you continue. “I hope she’s the daughter I never was for you.” You scoff and hit your hands against your thighs.

“No, don’t say that,” he interjects. “And don’t pit your anger against her.”

You let out a shaky sigh and tilt your head down slightly as you keep your eyes on him. “I’ll take you to uncle Tommy,” you add bluntly. “But that’s it. I’m done with you after that.” You shove past him and pick up your backpack and rifle off the floor. You make it to the street but stop to add one more thing as you see Ellie a few feet away waiting for you and your dad to catch up.

“I won’t pit my anger against her. I just hope you do better.”

——

*A MONTH LATER*

It was quiet. Not outside; you can hear the birds chirping their morning song as the sun slowly rises, you can hear Ellie shuffling on the ground restlessly. It’s quiet inside your mind.

At first, those first few days after, your mind raced with different possibilities, denial, different outcomes…hopes. It was loud with anger, but now it’s quiet. Now as you hold the cold gold sun pin in your fingers your mind is just absolutely quiet, all there is is a picture of him, Henry, in your head.

There’s a coldness in your heart. Another gap missing that he and Sam left. It makes those nights you had to sleep, sleepless, restless. Like now. Your dad let you sleep, but you couldn’t keep your eyes closed, you couldn’t get that….that scene of a month ago out of your head. Everytime you close your eyes you see Henry and Sam, see them lying on the ground with blood around them. Their deaths replay in your head over and over again until you open your eyes. So it’s easier just to stay awake and study the sun pin in the silence….

Then again it’s not so quiet outside….Ellie keeps moving. You flip to your other side and the first thing that you notice is your dad passed out…

What a damn good watchman. Old man.

Pft.

You drift your eyes across from you and see Ellie has her back turned to you. She’s still for like a minute before she moves again.

Maybe she’s thinking about them too? Because she can’t be asleep with all that moving.

You haven’t talked to her since it happened—no, lies you did but it was just like a few words, “do you want some of my food?” “Do you want to help me keep watch?”. She was always eager for both, but beside that nothing else was said. And you do know what grief is, you know how it feels, she may not have known them long, but Sam and her still bonded, their deaths were still…impactful…

It’s not like your dad has talked about it anyway. It’s not like he would.

“Hey,” you whisper and stretch your foot out to tap her. “Are you awake?”

There’s a second of silence before Ellie slowly looks back and looks a bit disbelieved. “Yes,” she mutters.

You spare one glance at your dad to make sure he’s still sleeping before you continue. “Do you want to go for a walk? He passed out.”

Ellie pulls down her sweater and looks down to see for herself before she meets your gaze and answers hesitantly. “Sure.”

You smile softly and tuck the pin in your pocket before you get up, and very carefully grab your backpack and gun off the ground. Ellie grabs her gun and leaves her backpack where it is. As you head out she just does one more double take to make sure your dad is still sleeping, before she runs over to catch up to you heading to the windmill that’s across the small abandoned farmhouse you were camping at for the night.

“So,” Ellie rolls out with a slow head nod. “Can I hold your gun?”

You hold onto your backpack strap and look over at her with slight curiosity. “Do you know how to use it?” You ask her.

Ellie shakes her head. “I can be taught though.”

You hum and look back at the windmill you're walking to and give her a proposition. “How about you can keep watch through the scope. Feel the weight first.”

“It’s better than nothing,” she groans.

You scoff softly in amusement and open the wooden door to let her walk in first, before you close the door and follow her up the creaky wooden stairs against the wall, until you reach a platform that’s put against the window that overlooks what was once a secluded farm.

“Here,” you interject, and put your gun down to sit on your knees so you can take off your poncho and lay it on the dirty ground. “You can sit there.” You then proceed to take off your jacket and lay it over your spot. “And I’ll sit here.” You mumble and sit back down.

Ellie looks down and hesitates. “We’re already dirty anyway.”

You shrug. “But now you won’t be cold, and you’ll be comfy.” You click your tongue.

Ellie spares you a quick glance before she sits, she wants to reach for your gun, but she suddenly stops and goes wide eyed.

“Oh my god,” she gasps and crawls closer to you. “You have tattoos! No way!” She grins and studies the tattoos on your arm. “That’s so cool.”

You smile softly, and turn your body so she can see the crescent moon tattoo shaped from curved lines; it almost looks like it was a smoke moon. She then hovers her fingers over the small stars that are scattered around the area, and then looks down at the falling angel woman. But lastly she takes her time on one in particular, a small one on your forearm.

“What’s this?” She asks and points to it.

You look down and giggle. “What did you think it is?”

Ellie scoffs and smirks. “A dick?”

You smirk. “It’s supposed to be a middle finger. My uncle Tommy and I got drunk for my 21st birthday. He wanted to give me a tattoo so he drew a hand giving the middle finger, but he, uh,” you snort. “Failed, so now I will always have a little dick tattoo.”

Ellie snickers and sits back down with your rifle in hand.

You move your arm and twist your body to show her the back tattoo. “I also have this one.” You point out.

Ellie shifts back around, and you give her a few seconds before you turn to sit back.

“That’s so cool!” She says with a smile. “I want one.”

You glance over the golden grass and smile softly. “My friend, she does tattoos. Perhaps when you’re older she can do something on you. Just don’t get it while drunk.”

“Why stars and a moon?” Ellie probes.

You shrug softly. “I liked it, and I like the Galaxy, the moon, everything.”

Ellie turns her head, and you see a wider smile. “Really? That's nice, I do too. Or more the aspect of going to space.”

You grin and look at her. “Really? That’d be cool. Like, uh,” you snap your fingers until you remember the name. “Like Sally Ride.”

Ellie's eyes go wider. “Yes!” She exclaims. “Exactly like her! Like if I could choose a way to die, I would die up there in space, after I flew up there of course.”

“Of course,” you mumble and stare up at the sweet colored sky as the sun slowly overtakes the night sky. “I mean it would be a very cool way to die. No oxygen, but a view of earth and the vacuum of space.”

Ellie follows your line of gaze and smiles softly as she nods slowly. “Yeah,” she whispers.

Silence follows after that. Deafening, but peaceful silence.

Yet that peace soon begins to turn to gloom the more the sun rises and you remember why you’re here.

“Do you,” you interject, but pause to look down at your fingers not covered by your gloves. “Do you want to talk about what happened last month?” You can’t even mention their names. Not yet. Not without it aching.

Ellie drops her gaze to focus on the fields of grass, and lets out a deep exhale before she shakes her head. “No…not really. Not yet.”

You hum softly. “That’s alright,” you assure her. “Well I’m here, you know, 24/7. If you want to talk.”

It may not be a lot to offer, but it’s those very words that meant a lot to you when you were told them by your uncle, Maria, or your friends. Yes, you haven’t been the most welcoming, or the nicest person with her, but at first you were slightly jealous, then you were too sad, but after that argument with your dad that jealousy had faded. Call it pettiness or what not, but you’re here now, and hope that at least she knows she can talk about her feelings with you and not have to hide them or brush them off.

He’d do that.

Nevertheless, there’s a brief moment of quiet before Ellie mutters in a serious tone. “Here in this windmill? Because that’s sort of inconvenient.”

You snort and break into a chuckle for the first time in a month. “You know what I meant fucker,” you mutter between laughs.

Ellie smiles proudly and nods.

Silence comes back as you keep watch, your smiles fade, but she soon interrupts. “You know I did have this problem last night actually.”

Your brows slowly furrow and you look at her with concern.

“I just stayed up all night wondering where the sun went…then it dawned on me.”

Your face slowly falls, and she looks over at you with a very proud smile. You let a second pass before you burst out laughing at her joke. She soon joins in and you’re both too lost laughing until your stomachs hurt.

When you’ve somewhat calmed down you add one you remember. “Okay, okay.” You clear your throat. “I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra…it was a booby trap.” You smirk.

Ellie shakes her head and laughs harder. “That was stupid.”

You nod and once again begin to laugh along with her, not realizing in that moment as you were both distracted that your dad was now inside the windmill lost listening in to the both of you.

When your laughs die down you take advantage of this moment and pull your backpack to your lap to unzip it, and pull out an additional Walkman. “I feel like you’ll enjoy this,” you tell her and then search your backpack for a specific cassette.

Ellie slowly puts down the rifle and watches you pull out a small plastic box.

“The Smiths,” you mention and open the box to insert the cassette. “Very good band.” You smile and hand her the Walkman. “Listen to it when you can, or when you can’t sleep. Just don’t lose the cassette ‘kay? It’s my friends.”

Ellie hesitantly takes the Walkman and headphones. “Are you sure?” She asks quietly.

You nod. “I have my own. I had that as a spare, but you can keep it. When you’re done with that album, let me know, I can give you more music to listen to while we find more.”

Ellie slowly smiles softly, and meets your gaze. “Thanks.” She whispers.

You offer her a smile, and don’t realize that for that moment sharing your music as Sarah once did with you, laughing with Ellie felt the best you’ve felt in a long time; you didn’t feel sad, or angry. You felt good, at peace, and a sense of familiarity you haven’t felt in years.

——

*2 MONTHS LATER*

Winter has fully embraced the earth, providing some sense of what month it can be. Between Kansas City and here you’ve lost track of the days. You know with every feeling in you that Jackson is only a couple days out.

Seeing Maria, your uncle Tommy, your friends, and your house is only a couple days out. Finally!

“You don’t seriously believe them,” Ellie remarks as she stomps out of the cabin of this old couple living a quiet life in the middle of nowhere.

Which honestly isn’t half bad. You only wish to grow old like them and live with….with someone…

“They’ve lived here a long time,” your dad rebuttals as he leads the way off the property. He then stops and looks back as he hears only one pair of footsteps following him.

You then proceed to stop too and glance back, catching Ellie robbing one of the rabbits that the man that had found you killed.

“Put that back,” he tells her and then continues to lead the way.

“What about you, y/n, I mean you’ve lived around here,” Ellie pulls you into the conversation.

You scoff softly and wait for her to catch up. “Well all I’ll say is that it’s a bunch of superstition, okay?” You tell her without giving away too much of what awaits beyond the River. “There’s no River of death, nothin’.”

“So they don’t know anything?” She points out and falls beside you, letting you finally continue to follow your dad. “Because they’ve also never heard of the Fireflies.”

“It’s hard to hear much living so secluded,” you explain and look ahead, catching in that moment your dad stops and leans against a wooden pole.

Is he really that scared of some fear the old couple have? Because it’s only to scare people away, it isn’t true.

Is he still tired? He’s panting.

“Joel? Joel?” Ellie calls out, and shares a slightly concerned and confused look with you before she walks over to him, while you watch him with higher concern that freezes you a bit.

“Joel, are you okay?” She asks and gets closer to him as he stays leaning against the pole. “Joel?”

“Shut up,” he quips at her.

You blink and snap out of your stupor to make your way to him too. “Dad,” you call out.

“Holy shit, are you dying?” Ellie remarks, making that fear you didn’t feel before spark now at the sound of her words, even if he shakes his head.

Is it his heart? He is old now.

What if it is his heart?

“Dad?” You call out and walk past Ellie to look at his face, noticing his eyes are closed and his hand is in a tight fist. It’s like he’s in pain…

“I’m okay,” he mutters breathlessly.

You know you haven’t talked much in the past three months, your anger is still pretty alive and heightened to the point you can’t hold his gaze sometimes for more than a few seconds. But he still is your dad, and you still do very much love him…more than anything. It’s just hard being with him right now. It’s hard.

“Okay, okay,” he keeps repeating, and you grow more concerned.

“Okay, are you okay? It doesn’t sound like you are,” Ellie keeps panicking.

“I’m fine.”

“But are you because just a reminder that if you’re dead, I’m fucked—”

“Ellie,” you warn, and step closer to him. You feel like freezing, like covering your ears at the sight of his trouble, but you muster the strength to carefully grab his arm, and call to him again. “Daddy.”

As if snapped back to reality by your touch, and your voice so close, he snaps his eyes to you and calms his breathing immediately.

“Are you okay?” You ask him.

He swallows thickly and holds your gaze for a moment before he snaps back. “I said I’m fine.”

Huh. You pull your hand away and nod. “Okay.”

“It’s just the cold air all of a sudden,” he explains what can be true, but what sounds like bullshit.

“All right,” Ellie says and continues to walk ahead. “Uh, so let’s go and find Tommy and the Fireflies.”

You linger your gaze on your dad for a few more seconds as you try to find some sort of symptom. But he did brush Ellie and you off harshly so, instead you leave him be and follow after Ellie.

“It’s gonna be easy,” Ellie adds and almost trips going up the snowy hill. “All we have to do is cross the River of Death.”

You roll your eyes at the fact that she’s believing it so easily, but still don’t try to correct anyone. Instead you comment on something to lighten the mood.

“We might have to wait to find the Fireflies.”

Ellie looks back with slight concern and presses. “Why?”

You look down at the snow you’re walking over and smirk. “Well it’s not summer yet.” You look up at her and shoot her a smile.

Ellie rolls her eyes and looks back. “That was stupid,” she remarks as she hides her amused smile.

“You liked it,” you mutter and pull on your backpack straps to tighten them. “You know it.”

“Maybe I can laugh at all your jokes if you teach me what you did back there, to that guy in Kansas City a few months ago,” she says.

She saw that?

You let out a soft sigh, and brush away what threatens to resurface about Sam and Henry to solely focus on what she wants. “Well, one, you don’t gotta pretend to like my jokes to get something out of me. You could've just asked.”

Ellie shrugs. “I ask Joel to teach me stuff and he says no,” she argues. “I thought you’d be the same.”

You scoff. “Well no, I ain't. And two, always read the room, Kathleen prided herself on loyalty, she wasn’t going to risk letting me kill the guy. I knew that so I acted,” you share your technique.

“Uh, huh,” Ellie notes everything down mentally.

“Two, body stance, look at how they’re standing, how tight their finger is on the trigger, if it’s too tight you’ll get shot at that moment,” you continue. “Three, act fast, hit the weak points to paralyze them. Men, the groin is a good one, for both men and women, throat, eyes, knees, temple, nose, jaw and shins. And then get them to the ground, or your stance of choice to threaten them. But always make sure they can’t and aren’t reaching for any weapons, okay? You’ll lose the higher ground if they do.”

Ellie looks over her shoulder, showing off her little smirk. “Okay, got that, but now what about a physical demonstration?” She asks.

You nod. “Sure, once we find somewhere to camp.”

Ellie shoots you a partial grin and nods in comprehension. “Cool.” She looks back ahead. “Your joke was stupid by the way.”

You snicker and run up to catch up to her. “Yeah. How about yours, Will Livingston, huh?”

She snickers and shrugs, bringing silence that follows the three of you for a while. You just walk, walk and walk for miles, down hills, up them, past dryer terrain and even snowier ground. Past a horizon of the setting sun, and under clear skies. All up until you reach a valley that overlooks the river the couple had mentioned on the map your dad insists on carrying even if they have you guiding the way

“The River of Death,” Ellie comments. “Scary.”

“Don’t start,“ your dad warns her bluntly.

You on the other hand watch the distant running river and sigh with relief. You’re almost home.

“It’s too close to dark,” your dad mentions. “There’s some caves along the river. We’ll set up camp there, cross in the mornin’.”

“Good,” Ellie says. “I'm starving. Should’ve stolen two rabbits.”

“We can get our own rabbits,” your dad counters.

You scoff at his comment, and see him give you a side eye.

“You gonna teach me how?” Ellie asks with hope.

Only to be shot down by your dad. “Just keep movin’.”

“Y/N?” Ellie now drifts her question to you.

You look over at her and think for a few seconds before nodding. “Sure let's just get more bullets first, or maybe a bow and arrow.”

Ellie snaps her eyes to your dad and shoots him a smirk. “See,” she quips. “Someone’s nice.” And then she proceeds to continue walking.

You scoff and roll your eyes before you also proceed to continue walking even more. Luckily this time you don’t end up walking far, your dad finds a cave somewhat deep in the woods to set up your last camp.

As always you’re all quick to eat as that’s what you’re looking forward to the most throughout the long days of walking, and avoiding danger. As always it’s quiet between you and him. He doesn’t attempt to talk to you, nor do you attempt to talk to him. Something stands in the way now, a tension…a fear that runs in the both of you.

The one thing that fills the awkward and tension filled silence is Ellie.

“Oh my god!” She exclaims and jumps off her seat to run off towards the giant rock in front of the cave.

“Ellie,” your dad mutters.

You look up from your food and see the sky beginning to glow as it fills with beautiful dancing colors of bright green, and hints of purple light. Northern lights.

You smile softly and shove the last bit of food in your mouth before you follow Ellie towards the rock to get a better view of them from the top.

“Beautiful huh? You know why they happen?” You ask Ellie as you sit beside her on the rock.

Ellie keeps her head up to continue admiring the dancing hues, and shakes her head. “Do you?” She redirects.

You hum and nod. “I read it in a book once, it happens when charged particles collide with gasses in Earth's upper atmosphere. Those collisions then produce tiny flashes that fill the sky with colorful light.”

Ellie looks down and meets your gaze. “Hm, interesting.” She says sincerely with a soft smile as she looks up again.

“There’s a lot of lore behind them, different beliefs,” you add quietly. “Some people think of them as bad omen, others as positive….what really stuck with me is this one belief I got told once by an old lady in Jackson…” you pause and slowly look down at your hands as that sadness, that grief, that agony, presents itself in you again after having pushed it away all day.

“She said that the lights are the souls of the departed…ancestors, those….” You swallow thickly and feel your eyes and throat begin to sting. “You lost.” You reach in your pocket and pull out the sun pin you kept inside, you fiddle with it and watch it reflect the lights that dance above.

“I like that one,” Ellie whispers.

You nod as your eyes fill with tears. “Me too.” You let out a deep sigh and flicker your eyes up to watch the sky again, to admire its beauty.

Ellie and you stay up there, basking in the lights and the silence until your dad whistles and cuts in. “Come down from there. Y’all gonna break your necks.”

Impossible….maybe a sore neck…

Regardless you both climb down and huddle back near the fire.

“Ah,” Ellie interjects. “Can I have some?”

You put the pin away and glance over at your dad, noticing the flask of alcohol in his hand.

“No.” He shakes his head.

“What?” Ellie argues. “Just to warm up. C’mon.”

Your dad rolls his eyes slightly but gives in, making you pass the flask to Ellie.

“Thanks,” she mutters, and looks at the metal flask for a second before raising it up as a speechless cheers.

You think she’d hesitate to take a sip, but she takes the drink without a fight.

Honestly, it’s very funny. Especially when she pulls it down and scrunches her face in disgust.

“Yep,” she groans. “Still gross.” She nudges it to you now. “Sip?”

You look at it and shake your head. “I’m fine. Thanks.” You grab the flask and hand it back to your dad.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Ellie continues to fill the silence.

“Hm?” You probe curiously, and press your hands down on the cold ground to lean back.

“Let’s say we find the Fireflies,” she says, “it all works, they draw my blood and put it through some of their fancy machines and make a cure.”

“Okay?” You hear your dad say.

“Then what? Like, what do we do?”

“Oh, it’s we?” Your dad retorts, kind of rudely may you add.

“Okay,” Ellie corrects herself. “Fine. Whatever. You. You can do anything you want. Where are you going? What are you doing?”

That’s an interesting question.

You glance over at your dad and wait.

“It’s never been an option,” he answers and looks up to the sky as he clears his throat. “Maybe,” he sighs. “An old farmhouse, some land, a ranch.”

He’s said that once, when you were young, he said he was working to get one, that you could all have all the free space you wanted, you could have horses, sheep, dogs, cats and goats. He’d said that once he’s old Sarah and you could live with him to take care of him and the animals. He always liked to talk about it.

Of course that was pre outbreak. You never heard that dream after. It’s nice that it hasn’t changed.

“Cool,” Ellie comments, but you can’t tell if she’s teasing him or actually interested. “What kind?”

“Sheep. I would raise sheep.”

You glance down at the fire and smile softly.

“Sheep,” Ellie whispers.

“They’re quiet,” your dad adds, making you snort softly. “Do what they’re told.”

You stifle your laugh and glance over at Ellie since you know it’s a jab at her.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ellie gets it. “Okay. So, just you and a buncha sheep. Romantic.”

You smile and spare your dad one teasing glance. He feels your gaze, he sees your smile finally directed at him after three months, and sighs softly.

“What about you, y/n?” Ellie asks.

You glance at her and then watch the dancing lights in the sky. “Well when I was young I wanted to be a performer like Britney Spears.” You grin proudly.

“Who?” Ellie queries, but you don’t have time to answer since you continue.

“But now I want to become a movie star,” you smirk and look down at her. “An actress who stars in big movies. Like Halle Berry, Kate Winslet, Kristen Dunst, Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, and my favorite, and my idol, Audrey Hepburn.” You beam at her and nod slowly.

Ellie squints and shakes her head. “I’ve heard of none of them.”

“You will soon enough, and you’ll know my name as well. Y/N Miller,” you throw your hands up in the air and glance at your dad with that grin, noticing him listening with intent and the corner of his lips slightly raised. “Famous movie star. Survivalist. And the most talented and prettiest.”

Ellie snorts and nods along again. “I actually think that’s pretty cool. I mean you’ll probably be the only one, but it’s nice.”

“Thank you,” you beam at her and put your hands down. “I won’t forget to mention you in my speech when I win my Oscar.” You wink and then press her now. “What about you? Where are you gonna go?”

Ellie gently punches her legs and looks up. “It’s probably because I grew up in the QZ. Behind you, there’s ocean, and ahead of you, there’s a wall.” She looks down between you and your dad. “Nowhere else to look but up. I read everything I could in the school library. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, Jim Lovell. But you know who my favorite is?”

Yes.

“Sally Ride,” your dad guesses correctly.

“Sally fuckin’ Ride!” She whispers excitedly. “Best astronaut name ever.”

You smile softly and in admiration. Silence follows, and her own smile fades, her gaze gets lost ahead of her, and you sense sorrow.

“It’ll work, right?” She then asks, making your smile fall. “The vaccine?”

You sigh and sit up to drag your legs against your chest, and hug them tightly.

“It’s a little late to start wonderin’” your dad retorts.

“I tried,” she says. “With Sam.”

Your frown immediately deepens, and your heart begins to sink.

“Tried what?” Your dad probes.

“I knew he was infected,” Ellie answers, and you see her glance at you. “I rubbed some of my blood into his bite. I know. I know it was stupid. But I…I wanted to save him.”

Your eyes water again, that anguish crawls back up, and memories haunt you.

“Well, I reckon it’s a lot more complicated than that,” your dad tells her. “Marlene, she’s a lotta things, but she’s no fool. If she says they can do it, they can do it.”

They hope….you hope too.

For him. For Sam.

After that silence returns, which is abruptly interrupted. “Who wants to take first watch and second watch?” Ellie asks to change the subject.

You part your lips to volunteer, but your dad quickly interrupts before you can.

“I’ll do both. you girls should get some sleep.”

You snap your eyes to him and get ready to argue, but once again he beats you to it.

“Y/N, it’s okay, I can do it. Tomorrow we’ll be with Tommy, and I can sleep then.”

You hesitate for a moment but you know you’ll get nowhere, so you give in.

“Dream of sheep ranches on the moon,” he adds as you and Ellie grab your sleeping bags.

“I will,” Ellie agrees. And you just scoff softly and leave it at that.

——

Sleep comes, but you don’t last long, eventually the nightmares take over; the same ones from the past three months, and all you can do is stay up to avoid seeing all of it. It would make a boring and long night, but you find yourself entertained by watching your dad.

He sits against the cave wall, he watches the sky, he watches the dark shadows in the forest, and occasionally he glances over to watch you and Ellie sleep. He seems to be looking for something, a sign of life. Once he finds it he’d look away and go back to keeping watch. That’s when your head spins and you begin to wonder why he left you?

What was his reason? Grief?

Because you feel it, you understand it. Perhaps not before, not the moment you lost Sarah, but after losing Henry?

That need to just go away, to cave into yourself, to hide and never come out? To…not keep going, to just end it as it seems like life has little meaning? You understand that. You want to do it everyday. Is that why?

Or was it fear? Just cause?

Did you do something wrong?

Or were you not enough? Were you not…her?

If you could, you'd bring her back to him. If somehow there was a chance, you would. You’d bring back Sam and Henry. Even if it meant you’d be gone forever, you’d do it.

If seeing Sarah again would make him happy you’d do it. Anger and resentment aside, you’d do it….

Nevertheless…as you’re caught up in your own thoughts, he ends up passing out.

What an old man.

To keep him that way so he can get the rest he needs you get up and keep watch for him. Ellie soon joins you and you let sleep as you both keep watch while the sun rises again, and the day turns bright.

During your watch you taught Ellie the move she wanted to learn; which she learns fast and gets very happy about. You talked about stupid stuff, and then watched some more until he woke up abruptly.

“Still mumbling in your sleep,” Ellie comments as he looks up panicked. “We woke up early. You were passed out, so we took second watch.”

“Y/N,” your dad scolds you.

You just shrug and brush him off.

“You gotta wake me up if that happens,” he rebuttals and gets up. “You can’t do things like this, Ellie.”

“But I can,” she counters sassily. “‘Cause I just did. Besides, y/n was with me the entire time.”

“She’s older, she knows stuff,” he quickly snaps back. “She’s not responsible for you, I am, okay?”

“Then don’t fall asleep,” she sasses him. “We were quiet, We checked our six, we looked for tracks, we found the high ground, and we kept watch,” she assures him as he gets near. “like you and she taught me too. And y/n let me hold the gun the entire time.” She quips and shares a proud glance with you. “What can I say, man? I'm a natural.”

“Uh-huh,” he nods. “Give her the gun.”

Ellie sighs and turns to hand you back your gun. You then proceed to hang it around your shoulder, and listen to him direct her a comment.

“You wake me up next time.”

“Yes, sir,” Ellie agrees. “But only if y/n is not here.” She shoots him a smile.

Your dad rolls his eyes and groans. “Fine,” he says in defeat. “C’mon pack up, let’s get goin’.”

As usual the day consists of endless fucking walking which was getting more annoying the closer you were to home. It’s like a fucking dread. And today it seemed colder out—but that’s probably due to the falling snow and the winder winds.

Once you assure Ellie and your dad that River is safe to cross, you make it to the other side and put your mask up over half of your face, you put your hood over your head to block out the cold and keep as warm as you can.

The closer you got home, the more the grounds seemed familiar, the more your excitement rose. That becomes especially so as you get close to the dam.

“We’re almost there,” you squeal. “We’re almost home.” You quicken your pace, but look back as you the sound of Ellie blowing out air catches your attention. “Whatcha doin’?”

“I’m learning how to whistle,” she explains as she catches both you and your dad looking back at her now.

“You don’t know how to whistle?” Your dad queries.

Ellie pulls her hand out of her mouth to rebuttal. “Does it sound like I know how to whistle?”

“No,” you retort and look back ahead. “Just put your lips together and blow.

“I’ve tried that! It doesn’t work!”

You smirk and do it yourself before you look back at her to do it again.

Ellie shoots you a pointed glare and drops her hand to her side. “Well now you're just showing off,” she spats. “No one likes a show off.”

You smirk and counter. “Everyone likes me, so I guess it’s wrong.”

Ellie scoffs. “Have you ever heard of the word humble? Won’t hurt to know its definition.”

You grin and look ahead. “I do know it actually.” You whistle one more to piss her off.

This time she doesn’t retort back, instead you suddenly feel a snowball hit your back.

“Hey!” You exclaim and look back.

Ellie shoots you a smirk. “Show off,” she quips without shame.

You let out a small huff and stop walking to bend down and make a snowball. Ellie knows what you’re going to do and begins to walk back with a grin.

“Don’t,” she laughs and puts her hand out.

“Whistle,” you say. “And I won’t throw it. Oh wait,” you snicker. “You can’t.”

Ellie quickly bends down and collects a snowball, causing you guys to stay at a standstill to wait who’d throw it first.

“Throw it and I’ll push you in,” she threatens.

You begin to walk back and taunt her again with a whistle.

“Fucker!” Ellie runs and throws it, but you manage to turn out of the way, and it ends up hitting the back of your dads legs.

Ellie’s eyes go wide, and you and her stifle your laughs as he stops and looks back.

“It was me,” she admits with a smirk, and you let your snowball fall, and snicker.

Your dad looks between the two of you, he lets his gaze linger without saying anything. And when he does break his gaze away it’s to glance down at his wrist for a second before he lifts his eyes and lets out a deep annoyed sigh. “Enough foolin’ around, let’s go.” He grumbles and turns to continue on ahead, causing you guys to follow after him now.

“You guys should teach me how to hunt. Like, seriously,” Ellie says.

“Huh,” your dad breathes out.

“Huh,” Ellie mocks. “Like she’s a girl. she can’t handle it.”

“You can handle the shootin’” you assure her.

“Not so sure about the dressin’?” Your dad adds on to your comment.

“What’s the dressin’?” Ellie asks.

You look over at her and explain it to her. “It’s when you take the guts out.”

Ellie nods as she falls behind. “Oh, yeah. Why do they call it dressing? It’s like, you should call it undressing ‘cause it is. It’s like undressing from the inside.”

You hum in agreement and think about it now too.

“Still interested, though.” Ellie adds.

“I told you,” you tell her and grin as you see glimpses of the dam coming up. “Let’s just get more bullets, and we can do it.” You then run up ahead and stop at the top of the hill that overlooks the running water that goes through the dam.

Ellie and your dad catch up, and Ellie of course adds something to specialize the moment. “Dam.”

You and your dad share a judgmental gaze before he retorts for you. “You’re no Will Livingston.”

“Yeah, yeah, but who is?” She rebuttals. “So that made electricity?”

“Yeah,” your dad answers her. “Don’t ask me. I don’t have a clue.”

You smile wider and linger in your spot for a moment before you continue walking.

“You know, you could’ve just made something up,” Ellie interjects as they both follow you now whilst you try hard not to just run home out of pure joy. “I would’ve believed you.”

“You know,” you add on as you walk down, past the dam. “The dam still provides electricity. I’ve been told how, but I forgot, but there is light in Jackson, trust me.”

“Huh,” Ellie huffs out. “Well we're almost there aren’t we? We’ll see.”

“Yeah.” You mutter. “We will.”

Once you make it down you each step makes your heart beat pick up, each other footstep makes you wary since you know that the rangers out on pontrol should probably be approaching. It’s rare that they’d miss spotting the three of you.

“Look at that River,” Ellie points out. “It’s crazy blue. Hey, Joel, what if this is the River of Death?”

You hear him stop, so you stop even with your anticipation to get home, and wait for them. You watch him pull out his map to check what you’ve already pointed out.

“We’re close,” you break the silence. “Let’s go.”

As you take a few steps ahead, you come to a quick halt as the sound of horses neighing, their running footsteps steal your attention.

Your dad takes Ellie’s hand and tries to run away, while you stay in place and watch multiple people surround you, stopping Ellie and your dad right by you.

“Get behind me,” you hear your dad tell Ellie, before he grabs your hand and tries to pull you behind him too.

However, you slip your hand away and step forward again. You’re not scared, you recognize this tactic, you know the protocol, you know it’s them.

“We ain’t lookin’ for any trouble,” your dad interjects to try to ease the tension. “We’re just passin’ through.”

You glance around at all of them, all the faces of the people that surround the three of you. Since they all have hats, and masks over their faces it’s hard to identify who’s who. You doubt much has changed as far as routines go, maybe some people have been added here and there, but it should be the same otherwise. They might recognize you and ease the tension.

Albeit just as you lower your hand to take off your mask all guns point at you

“Keep your hands up!” The man at front yells.

“Yes,” you mutter and search the crowd again for Maria, she usually likes to patrol at the gate.

Behind you a dog begins to whine; maybe it’s the alert dog…fuck that’s right. Fuck.

“Drop the guns!” The man yells again.

You snap your gaze to your dad and give him an assuring nod before you both pull your guns off your shoulders, and place them on the ground. When you’re lifting your arms again is when you reach for your mask and pull it off, you then lift your hand further and pull off your hood, finally revealing your face to those ahead of you.

Again you search the crowd and behind the man you spot her, Maria. Her eyes land on you too and you see her ease her shoulders.

The man ahead lowers his gun slightly and squints his gaze slightly. “Holy shit,” he mutters. “The child protege returns.” He scoffs and glances back, you follow his line of gaze and see Maria getting off her horse, she lowers her mask and her eyes soften—“welcome home, Sunny.”

You smile with relief, and offer him a nod.

“You’re gonna have to stay there girl,” he adds. “You know the rules.”

You nod and look at Ellie and your dad. “It’s okay,” you mutter and keep your hands at your side.

“You been near infected?” He asks.

You shake your head and try to answer, but your dad beats you to it.

“There’s no infected out here.”

“The hell there ain’t,” the guy spats back and whistles, making a dog from ahead of you bark as he’s brought over.

Then who’s whining behind you?

“Last chance for a bullet. If you’ve been infected, he will smell it and he will rip you up.”

You swallow thickly and glance over at Ellie.

Usually the dog only detects active cordyceps, hers is…dormant considering it hasn’t spread? Or is it active?

Fuck.

The dog is let go from its leash and he first begins to walk to your dad. He first smells him to make sure, and once he smells nothing he jumps up and gives the all clear. After that the dog walks over to you, he smells your feet and your legs, before jumps on you and gives you the all clear.

“Good boy,” you coo at him and scratch him behind the ears.

The dog happily wags his tail before getting on all fours to walk back to his handler.

“Like I said, we’ll just move on,” your dad interjects. But it’s not that easy, they still need to make sure Ellie is clear. You can’t move otherwise, not even to greet Maria that is itching to meet up with you as much as you are to meet up with her.

“Now her,” they point to Ellie.

Your heart begins to race, and your mind begins to race faster. The dog begins to growl as he creeps towards her, so you look at your dad to see what he’d do, but you see that he’s frozen…he’s…frozen.

He must truly care about her….

Fuck.

You step back and face Ellie, and she looks over at you at that moment too to express her concern since your dad wouldn’t turn to face her.

“It's okay,” you mouth to her as the dog gets closer. “It’s okay.” You discreetly reach your fingers for your holstered gun. If the dog does detect the cordyceps then you’ll have to…wound it so he doesn’t hurt her, they’ll all probably hate you for it, but you can’t let her die.

The dog gets closer, he smells her for a few seconds before he looks up at her. You hold your breath and clench your jaw.

Ellie glances at you again, and you step forward, but the dog then barks and jumps on her, giving the all clear, and letting you relax and exhale deeply.

“Hi,” Ellie giggles and crouches down to pet the dog and let him lick her. “Hi!”

Now that he isn’t going to kill her, you look at the guy for the okay.

He catches you and points to Maria with his eyes. You immediately beam as your eyes begin to sting, and don’t wait a moment longer to break into a run towards her, meeting her halfway.

“Oh god,” she whispers as she throws her arms around you. “You’re here. You’ve been gone too long.”

You nod and ball up the material of her jacket in your fists as you nuzzle your head against her shoulder.

“I’m home,” your voice quivers, forgetting those you came with as you’re basked by the joy, and warmth of being in her arms again. It’s why you miss the curious stare of your dad, the confusion that grows within him, whilst Ellie begins to feel a spark of something deep within her, something she hasn’t felt about you before, jealousy…not for what you might have with Maria, but over how she holds you and what it can mean.

Sure at first she was slightly jealous of you, of how your father showed you affection, but that soon disappeared, quickly actually; the moment she saw you take down that man. And now after 3 months, after witnessing what happened 3 months ago together. After 2 months of you teaching her things she didn't know, things she wanted to know, now after having someone to talk to, someone to laugh with. Now after finally having another woman to bond with her instead of just your dad. After having no one but you and your dad, she’s grown quite attached to you too.

She knew you were heading home to your family, but something in her hoped you wouldn't be so overjoyed, she didn’t want you to stay with them. She wanted just you, your dad, and her. Even if she noticed how you and your dad barely even talked at the moment.

“You’re never leaving,” Maria says and rests her chin on your head. “You understand that?”

You laugh and nod. “Not plannin’ to.”

Maria tightens her hold around you for one more lingering second before she pulls back to grab your shoulders and look at you in the face, to see the happy tears that roll down your cheeks.

“Tommy is going to freak out,” she says with a happy smile. “I was so worried,” she sighs and caresses your cheeks as she looks deep into your eyes.

You try to hide it well, the sadness brought by your still very much active grief, but can she tell in this small interaction?

“I’m home now,” you assure her. “I’m okay.”

“Are you?” She asks.

You nod and offer her a brighter smile. “I…am.”

She hums, and caresses your chin once more before letting you go, and letting you turn to introduce who you’re here with now that you remember that you’re still surrounded. But before you can, a big red bloodhound comes running at you and tackles you to the ground with all its force to start licking you, and whining out of joy.

“Hey!” You hear Ellie exclaim with concern.

“Ahh,” you groan and keep tilting your head away so you wouldn’t be licked in your mouth. “That’s a good boy, Achilles,” you tell him. “I missed you too man, but you’re heavy.”

“Maybe he’ll help you get cleaned up,” you hear someone say as they approach you. “Achilles, get off her man.”

The dog does as he’s told, letting someone else come to view as they stand above you now, blocking the natural bright light that almost blinds you, but shines around his head like he’s some majestic being.

“Fuck,” he gasps and throws his hand out to offer it to you.

As if it can be possible you grin brighter at the sight of his familiar soft brown eyes that gleam with happiness, and his beaming smile that spreads on his square jaw. You take his hand and let him help you off the ground, you stay there in front of each of other for a lingering moment just staring at one another with longing that comes rushing back at you—you also notice he doesn’t seem to aged much, he looks pretty much the same, except for his hair, it’s longer, fluffier, and no longer shaven.

It looks good that way. It’s nice to see him again. seeing your best friend since you joined the fireflies years ago brings even more ease to your wounded heart. It makes you excited, so much so that you squeal before you throw your arms around his neck.

“Jesus,” he mutters as he holds onto you. “I knew you’d make it.” He nuzzles his head against your shoulder, and you close your eyes to nuzzle your face against him.

“I’m finally home,” you whisper as if you can’t believe it.

He hums and begins to rub your back, he lets you bask in his embrace until you’re the one that wants to let go.

“You grew out your hair,” you point out with a smile and brush back the ends of his hair. “I like it.”

You begin to turn to face your dad and Ellie, but he turns with you to keep holding your gaze with a soft look that matches yours.

“Yeah,” he scoffs and grows cocky. “I knew you were coming, so I was like, I’m going to grow it for her since I know she likes it that way.”

You roll your eyes, but keep your smile as you walk past him to face your dad and Ellie now.

“They’re okay,” you assure the group. “They’re with me. That man is,” you exhale and share a glance with Maria. “My dad, Joel, the girl is Ellie.”

Slowly they both put their hands down, but the guns remain pointed.

“You vouch for them?” The guy asks you.

You glance at him and meet his gaze to nod. “Yep.”

The guy nods in comprehension and lowers his gun, letting the others do the same.

“Let’s get them on some horses and get them inside,” the guy instructs.

You glance at Ellie and your dad once before you turn on your heels to follow Maria.

“That’s your dad?” Apollo asks quietly beside you as he makes his horse, and his dog Achilles follows him as you all head home. “Are you gonna present me or what?”

“Shut up, Apollo,” you snap back and nudge him.

Apollo laughs and looks back. “I kinda see it between him and Tommy.”

You giggle. “Well they are brothers. You and Atlas look alike for that same reason.”

“You and your sister didn't look alike,” Apollo quickly rebuttals.

You huff out. “‘Cause we were half sisters, duh, do you want it explained to you how that works? Mama,” you look at Maria up on her horse now. “You want to explain to Apollo how that works.”

“Don’t be an ass,” Apollo retorts and nudges you.

You giggle, and notice Maria smirk.

Not so long after that Ellie, your dad, and you are whisked to some horses, finally being able to rest your feet and not have to walk the rest of the way to Jackson. You come to recognize most of the rangers who had given you that cold welcome, and greet all those you knew and that knew you.

You weren’t inside the walls yet, you haven’t seen your uncle yet, but you did feel more safe now, more comforted now that you aren’t out in the open. Now that you’re only minutes from home.

“I can’t wait to share the hell I’ve been through these past two years,” you interject on your way home. “You guys won’t fucking believe it.”

Apollo glances over at you and narrows his gaze to quip. “Maybe.” He licks his lips and looks serious. “You should tell it in the form of a play, hm?”

He’s making fun of you, funny.

“Yeah,” you go along with him. “The adventures of y/n Miller, one woman show, the musical.” You smirk and bounce your eyebrows.

“Who would play you?” He counters. “‘Cause,” he says and sucks in air through his teeth. “I hate to break it to you, but singing isn’t for you, you can play the guitar, but it’s singing that just….” He shakes his head.

You drop your jaw, peel your eyes wide as if suddenly hit with excitement, and snap your fingers to share your thought. “I have the best idea. Maybe…your mom can do it?”

Apollo goes serious, and you stifle your laugh as you grin at him.

“Can I get a bump?” You tease him and stick your fist out at your other side to offer Ellie a fistbump since she’s riding beside you.

Ellie’s confused at first, but she doesn’t leave you hanging. Apollo shakes his head with a frown, so you now offer him your fist.

“Come on,” you encourage him. “Don’t leave me hanging, it was funny.” You giggle.

Apollo rolls his eyes but very lightly hits your fist. “Only because you’re back,” he mutters.

You shrug sweetly and shoot him a sweet smile.

“It was a lame joke,” Ellie mutters.

You roll your eyes to her and sigh. “Well, I think it works,” you assure yourself. “It was good at the moment.” You flash her a smile.

Jackson isn’t far now, you all make it there quickly by horse. That wooden wall comes to view soon, and after being gone for so long, it’s such a heavenly sight. What once felt like a trapdoor, what once felt like a cage is now nothing but paradise. Walking in was such a fucking relief too. There was instant comfort in all the buildings, some that have had some tweaks and others that remain the same.

“Welcome back home,” Maria tells you as the gates close behind you.

You shoot her a smile and continue to look around at all the people, and then focus on the Christmas decorations, letting you know come up to date with what month it was; December! It’s almost Christmas!

Yet, even as happy as you feel, there’s a sadness that stabs your heart, that reminds you of that pain…

Henry and Sam should be here. They should’ve made it this far, they should’ve seen all this. You promised them…

“Y/N?!”

You snap away from your thoughts and look behind you where the call had come from, that’s when you see another familiar face, a close friend from your firefly days, and Apollo’s younger brother.

You turn your frown the other way around so they won’t worry. “Atlas!” You call out and climb off the horse, letting the man behind you take it for you.

“I knew it was you!” Atlas exclaims as you both run to meet halfway in an embrace. “Holy fuck!” He chuckles. “Fuck! I thought you were dead!”

You laugh softly and pat his back. “I made it, like I said I would.”

He smiles and caresses the back of your neck with his soft hands. “We missed you. Home wasn’t the same without you.”

You pull back and offer him a happy smile. “You haven’t aged,” you point out.

“Nah,” he winks. “Just got more handsome.”

You scrunch your nose in disgust and pull away from him completely.

Atlas smirks and glances at the pair you came in with as they walk away further in town. “You’ve brought company.”

You nod and turn to walk after them now, seeing Apollo approach on foot. “Yeah, that’s my dad,” you let Atlas know.

Atlas snaps his head to you and furrows his thick dark eyebrows. “No fucking way. Like, your dad, dad?”

Why are they so in disbelief that he’s your dad? Is there something you’re missing?

“Yeah.” You nod and scoff. “Him.” You let out a sigh and watch Apollo fall by your other side now. “I’ve got a question,” you abruptly change the subject as curiosity grows. “Are you still with redhead Jessica?”

Atlas begins to snicker, but Apollo answers before his brother can blurt the news.

“We broke up.”

You perk up instantly.

“Yeah,” Atlas bounces off his brother's announcement. “She cheated on him.” He smirks.

What a relief…not the cheating part.

Well…kinda…

“Yeah,” Apollo sighs as he shoots his brother a glare. “It happened like a year ago.”

You smile and let him see it. “Bad news, told ya.”

“Whatever,” Apollo retorts.

“Atlas! You rangle up stragglers?!” You hear a woman shout.

Apollo and you snap your heads to the side, seeing Atlas spin around to walk backwards so he can look at the young girls that had spoken to him.

“Yep!” Atlas lies. “Bad ones too! I spotted them myself, kept them from getting shot.”

You and Apollo share an amused and judgemental look before continuing to watch Atlas, noticing at that moment a pile of shit that one of the horses dropped just now; and Atlas was walking right towards it.

“A thousand that he steps in it,” you offer Apollo.

Your friend scoffs and shakes his head. “No need, he’s going to step in it.”

You both snicker and watch Atlas continue to walk back.

“Let’s meet later while everyone is at the movies, I’ll tell you all about it, and my recent patrol!”

The girls giggle and nod. “Let’s do it!” One of the girls accepts.

Atlas shoots them a wink, and as he does he runs into the pile of hot horse shit.

Without looking, as if you hadn’t ever left, Apollo and you share a proud highfive at his brother's carelessness.

“Oh man!” Atlas exclaims. “What the hell?!”

“Y/N?!” Someone yells, this one more familiar and soothing than before.

You snap your eyes ahead, and there in the middle of the crowd that had greeted you outside the gates, beside your dad, is your uncle Tommy.

“Uncle Tommy!” You call back with instant tears filling your eyes as you’re slammed with unmeasurable relief, more bliss than you’ve felt since you saw your dad for the first time.

Your uncle Tommy smiles softly and without hesitation, before wasting another second you both break through barriers of space to collide, to throw your arms around one another and hold each other.

“Oh, babygirl,” he whispers as he caresses your back, and holds you in his arms tightly as if he would lose you if his hold was too loose.

“Uncle Tommy,” you cry after not being able to hold it any longer.

“Oh,” he breathes out. “My sweet Sunny.”

As you held him, as you cried into his shoulder, you felt finally home, secured. This was home. Him. Uncle Tommy. For so long he was all you had after your dad left, for so long even when your dad was there he was the light that didn’t flicker away. He was the hope you almost lost. He was home, just as much as you were his.

Yes, as you hugged him, as you held him close you did notice the faint look of hurt in your dads eyes as he saw the interaction, it hurt you seeing it. But isn’t this what he wanted when he left you? When he drove you away? When you weren’t enough for him?

When you weren’t enough for him to stay and be your dad?

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @traceylader @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @dgraysonss @rana030 @punisherinthealps @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201@maeneedsabreak@maelartasch@adristyles@daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @ririvilliams @khaylin27

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damn-stark · 1 year

Text

Chapter 7 Blood on our hands

Tragedy at the Miller’s chapter 7

A/N- someone’s serving c*nt this chapter, so much so that uncle Tommy would be proud. Also there’s one more chapter coming up!

Warning- ANGST, swearing, blood and wounds, violence, long chapter, fluff :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader, OC x fem!reader, Henry x Fem!reader

Episode- 1x09

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

“Y/N, it’s been a long time,” she says with nonchalance as if her men didn’t just attack you. “Sorry—”

“Where are they?” You cut Marlene off without caring whatever was going to come out of her mouth, without trying to be nice in any way because you knew what being here meant. You were once a Firefly after all, and you can’t be naive anymore.

Marlene sighs. “Your dad is a couple floors above, and Ellie,” she pauses briefly, but it’s enough for you to find suspicion. “Is getting prepped for surgery.”

What?

You blink in confusion and probe immediately. “What are you talking about surgery?”

Marlene sighs, and you ignore your throbbing headache to stand up and shoot her a pointed glare. “Marlene?” You press. “What are you talking about? What’s happening to Ellie?”

“I’ve known you since you were young, when your uncle and you joined us to try and better humanity through all the darkness,” she avoids answering your question, only adding concern and making your annoyance begin to grow. “You left, and I can’t imagine it’s been easy. I mean you’re with your dad again.”

You scoff and stop in your steps before you can get closer to her to let her explain what she’s trying to say.

“But I like to think I still know you,” she continues and takes a step closer to you. “That you still have that same hope for humanity that once blazed in you so bright. I mean I used to admire it, wonder how someone so young still held on through it all. You were an inspiration for a lot of us.” She smiles faintly.

As presumptuous as she is you still have no clue what she’s trying to get at with this sweet talking. What does all this have to do with your question about Ellie?

“Marlene,” you interject. “What are you trying to get at?”

Marlene smirks faintly. “There’s hope y/n. All we fought so hard for has finally accumulated to something bigger than ourselves. All the people we lost finally have meaning, it means that we no longer have to lose anyone else to this virus.”

You narrow your gaze, but not out of more confusion, the words she spoke now are beginning to make sense and pointing to one thing, one person; Ellie.

“Our doctor, he thinks that the Cordyecps in Ellie has grown with her since birth. It produced a kind of chemical messenger. It makes normal Cordyceps think she’s Cordyceps. It’s why she’s immune.”

Okay? So what? Sure you never figured out why exactly she was different, but what does this have to do with anything? Can't they just run their tests and then get what they need, and let you all leave?

She doesn’t have to stay does she? Not if she doesn’t want to?

“He’s gonna remove it from her,” she continues to add, causing you to scoff softly in disbelief at the sound of her words. “Multiply the cells in a lab. Produce those chemical messengers…and then we can give it to everyone.”

It can work? It will work.

Making a cure will work. There was no doubt about that, but what about Ellie? Cordyceps grow in the brain, if they remove it from her that means that…that…Ellie’s life will come to an end? A life for humanity's salvation. And not just any life, her life. The life of the girl that has been like a sister to you, the girl who saved your own life after Henry died, the girl who helped you find the light in the darkness you had gotten lost in after Sarah died. That same girl.

If they get the cure that means Ellie dies….

All this time you believed, truly believed that it was somehow in the blood, that they’d want to keep her with them forever which is why you wanted her to have a choice between staying or leaving, but now; by the sounds of Marlene’s long talk it seems that they don’t want to give her a choice between living and dying.

Should you?

Sam died because of that same damn virus. You’ve had close friends die; good friends. Their deaths will all have meaning. And this is why you came in the first place, to see Ellie off. Life could be a fraction of what you once knew. There can be peace….

You sigh deeply and step back to sit back down on the couch and drop your head, and repeat everything she said to think about the outcomes.

“You can leave,” she adds and continues to approach you. “Now with your dad, we’ll return your packs and guns, give you a car. Or you can stay and see this through with us. Just tell your dad to leave without a fight.”

No matter how you spin things in your mind, it all ends up coming to the same thing, the same person, Ellie.

“What about her?” You finally break your silence and lift your head to meet her gaze.

Marlene swallows thickly and assures you. “We didn’t tell her, we didn’t cause her any fear, and she won’t suffer any pain.”

They didn’t tell her, so what? They don’t need to run more tests? They’re just going to throw her on the medical table and just what? Kill her now?

“Just like that?” You share your thoughts. “No more tests or nothing?”

Marlene shakes her head. “No, the doctor has all he needs.”

You blink rapidly in disbelief, feeling your annoyance and anger heighten.

“So?” You spat. “You’re just going to murder her. You’re not gonna ask what she wants?” You stand up and look at Marlene with a pointed glare, making her step back, and causing a man to push the door open to peek inside. “Immune or not, Ellie is still a human. Have you cared to ask her for her choice? Have you cared to, I don’t know, wait it out? For-for a different alternative,” it slips mindlessly. “One that doesn't involve her to die?”

Marlene lets out a slow deep breath and retorts. “We can’t put the fate of humanity up for gamble for one person.”

It hits you now, like a slap to the face. What good is peace without her? Why did you debate that before? After all Sam and the others are gone already, what good will the cure be for them now?

Sure if giving her life for that hope is something she wants then you won’t fight her, it’s her choice and her choice alone. But if she wants to fight then you’ll fight with her.

“I want to see her,” you blurt and take another step towards Marlene as you can scan the room for your weapons and backpack. “Let me talk to her.”

Marlene’s hopeful look fades away, and annoyance replaces it. “I’m sorry,” she counters. “But I can’t let you do that. It’s going to happen. You can either be a part of it or keep risking your life in this broken world.”

You scoff and take one step towards her. “I just need to give her a choice, humanity has lived through an outbreak for 20 years. I'm sure they can live through a few more minutes, months, years. I don’t care,” you scoff with a scowl on your face and a fury filled glare that makes Marlene uncomfortable. “All I care about right now is her. My dad can take care of himself, you know that.” You smirk. “You know how he is. I know him, he won’t let Ellie die, he’ll fight everyone in this hospital before that happens, but if being the sacrifice is what Ellie wants then I’m the only one who can talk him through it and make him leave without shedding blood. Give me that.”

Marlene holds your gaze and stands in silence as she thinks of what you have to offer.

Yet she doesn’t linger too long and breaks from her stupor to respond back with disappointment in her eyes. “No. And if you’re willing to gamble humanity’s fate then you’re a danger now.” Marlene walks back, and the man walks in with a rifle clung around him and a cuffs in one hand.

You try to swerve past him, but he swings his rifle and smacks your side hard, causing you to stumble and groan, and then letting him grab your wrists to try and cuff your hands together. However, you fight through your sudden pain, and just as he’s about to throw the cuff around one wrist you hastily bite down on his hand hard, causing him to yelp and then let your arm go to slap you across the face with his other hand.

“Y/N! Stop it!” You hear Marlene intervene from the door, but you ignore her and roll your head up to shoot the man a wide grin whilst blood trickles down the cut he made on the corner of your lip, and the blood that trickles out of your nose because of that slap. His face contorts to bewilderment as he holds his hand, so you then slap your hands on his rifle and throw it up to hit him again and again on the face.

Quick footsteps approach thereafter, but you don’t pay attention and instead pull the pistol out of the man’s holster to smack him hard on the head and knock him out. You then spin around on your feet and point your gun at Marlene.

“Had you asked me to give up Ellie a year ago, I would have let you kill her,” you admit. “I was…in a dark place, but I found the one thing that the fireflies are so fond of. I found my own hope; in someone who taught me to love me again,” you smile softly. “Who taught me that it’s okay to love in this cruel world. It’s because of him that my answer changes now. It’s because of him that I let myself love her. I’m sorry you can’t find that.”

The door pushes open and two more armored goons walk in pointing their rifles at you. You try to look for a way through—maybe you can trick them and then slide past them at the last minute to quickly close the door and lock them in—Shooting them won’t work, you shoot one and the other shoots you. You can grab her! That’s right, and threaten her life.

“I'll ask you once more,” you add and fix your stance to get ready. “Let me talk to her. She decides that she wants to do this, then I’ll leave with my dad and never look back. If she says no then well…” you trail off and sigh.

Marlene shakes her head and just as she’s going to say something you kick her knee, making her lose her aim and stumble. You proceed to snatch her gun away from her hand before you kick her down to the ground and point both guns at her.

“Let me pass,” you spat at them and reach down to grab Marlene’s arm and yank her up. “She’s gonna take me to Ellie, I just want to talk.” You press one gun on her back to push her forward as you take one step ahead. “Move or I'll shoot her.”

Both men lift their arms and step aside, letting you keep pushing Marlene forward as you carefully keep walking out of the room. However, just before you can make it out, you manage to hear feet shuffle behind you so you quickly look back, and just as you do, you barely miss one of the man’s knife.

He tries to stab the back of your throat, but you quickly manage to swerve to avoid getting impaled. Albeit the knife still cuts the side of your neck, making you gasp from shock and let go of the guns to grab at your wound that was spilling out blood. You then stumble back and look around in desperation, without knowing what to do.

At the sound of the commotion and lack of gun to her back, Marlene turns around and immediately reacts in shock and anger. “Oh my god,” she gasps, and quickly squeezes her hands on your wound. “Get the fucking first aid! Do you have any idea what you just did?!” She yells at the man who had sliced the side of your neck while she walks you back to the couch. “It’s okay,” she assures you. “Well stitch you up, you’ll be fine.”

“But,” one of the men stammers.

Marlene snaps her head back and spats back. “Do you have any idea what her father is capable of? You’re lucky you didn’t kill her. God only knows what he’d do if you did.” She looks back at you as you’re sitting in shock and shoots you a pointed glare. “This doesn’t change anything. You’re still dangerous, and the only reason I’m not killing you is because of Tommy.”

You try to scoff to counter her, but you’re too scared that any ragged breath or any big breath will make more blood spill out, so you just sit still and catch the man coming in hesitantly with first aid supplies.

However, instead of having Marlene help stitch up your gash, she makes the man do it since she gets up and instead hooks the cuffs around your wrists before you could put up a fight again.

“I’m sorry,” she takes advantage of your silence. “I really wish we could’ve seen eye to eye on this.” She turns to to leave, but you stop her with your interjection.

“My dad,” you whisper to not add too much strain on your neck while the man stops the bleeding. “What’s going to happen to him?”

Marlene sighs. “Let’s just say I don't have the same mercy for him that I have for you.”

——

*NOT MUCH LATER*

Clinking metal echoes out, again and again. Clink.

Clink.

Clink. And clink.

Due to the fact that you’re restrained, weaponless, and have a gash on the side of your neck, making your next move has been slow. You’ve been trying to have hope that Marlene will come to her senses and let Ellie have her choice, because after all it’s her life they’re trying to sacrifice without consent. But in all your waiting there’s been nothing.

You can’t even count on your dad to come through that door in peace, he cares too much about Ellie without a fight, and unless it’s all been some act then you know he won’t agree to Marlene’s choice either. Not unless you talk to him, but that’s impossible now that Marlene thinks of you as dangerous. So what to do?

What to do?

Beg?

Won’t work.

Yell?

No.

You can’t just sit here either and wait it out, your dads life is at risk considering Marlene hinted that she wouldn't hesitate killing him, Ellie’s life is also at risk with only so little time left to get to her and let her decide what she wants before they murder her. So what is there left to do?

You’d be lying if you said that you haven’t thought of letting the doctors just make the cure without asking Ellie what she wants, because it has. Mainly because of Sam’s fate, but what sister would you be if you didn’t try to at least fight for her?

What the fireflies want is understandable, a future, a cure! But the way they want it isn’t right, it’s murder! Ellie deserves a choice. No matter how much love you harbor for her, no matter how selfish you want to be, you want it to be her choice; If she wants to live her life she can, if she wants to be salvation…she can. So how can you give that to her before they murder her?

You look at the door and keep banging your cuffs against the cabinets harder in hopes they’d get annoyed and come in so you can talk to them, but they don’t react, leaving you with the one option you didn’t want to commit. Violence.

With what?

You look down at your hands—-choking them won’t be enough, so you keep looking until you see one small object, a pen left on the desk.

Press hard enough and a pen can be stabbed in a person's eye, or a throat deep enough to end their life. It can work.

Then again you have no other choice but to use it…

You exhale and push yourself off the couch to snatch the pen off the desk and tuck it in your sleeve before you walk to the door and begin pounding it. “Hey!” You call for their attention as loud as you can without using too much muscle on your neck. “Hey! Please! I need help! Please, it's my stitches!” You stop and wait.

But nothing.

“Hey,” you keep begging as you keep hitting the door. “Come on, it’s my stitches, my neck is bleeding! Ima bleed to death!” You slam your forehead against the door and listen.

This time you hear feet shift before keys jingle and the door knob begins to turn, causing you to step back behind the door. The guard then opens the door slowly and steps in.

“Hey,” she immediately notices that you’re nowhere to be seen, so before she can make more commotion you push the door closed. The guard gets startled and immediately spins around to face you, but she only catches your threatening scowl before you lunge towards her and swing your cuffed fists up her jaw, and then slam down on her nose before you kick her down, and lastly slam your foot on her face again.

“I’m going to give you a choice,” you share ironically. “Take me to Ellie with no bloodshed, or…” you trail off and let her guess what comes after that threat.

The guard narrows her gaze and lets go of her gun to slowly lift her arms to show her willingness.

However, that’s what she wants you to believe because just as you’re about to move your foot, she suddenly swings her boot up and kicks you in the back, just on the end of your tailbone. You proceed to quickly stumble back in silence in order not to alert whoever is out in the hall. The guard then counters her own move by swinging her leg under your feet and tripping you.

You fall on your back, and the pen you hid in your sleeve slides back out of reach. The guard then gets off the ground, so you don't linger in your pain and flip around just as she reaches for her gun.

The pen manages to slide back down to your hand, luckily, so since the guard has orders not to shoot you, you let her approach you, you let her grab your arm to try and yank you up. But just as she gets you on your feet, you draw in a deep breath as you clench your jaw, and then swiftly twist your upper body around and use as much force as you can muster to stab the pen on the side of her neck.

The guard immediately lets go of her weapons and begins to choke on her own blood. Luckily since the pen goes in deep enough she can’t scream so she doesn’t alert anyone, she just gurgles as she falls on her knees. All while you exhale and step back from her to just watch her fall as she chokes on her own blood.

“I just need to give her a choice,” you mutter to the dying guard as if trying to reason her death. “You had yours.” You swallow thickly and reach down for the keys to quickly get out of the cuffs, you then grab her body and flip her around to lay her on her back.

“For whatever it is worth I am sorry,” you murmur as you watch her take her last breath.

She made her choice. She chose to fight, so you fought back….

So before anyone else can come you take her coat off her body. It has fresh blood on the front, but it’s not too much, plus you just need it to get out of here without gaining unwanted attention—

“Shots fired!” You get startled by the sound of a static voice coming from a walkie clung on her belt loop. “Shots fired on level 4! All able bodied personal come to level 4!”

Shit. Shit.

It has to be, there’s no one else who has the balls to shoot up the fucking hospital.

Your dad took action already. Fuck! Fuck.

Quickly you zip up the coat and throw on the hood to cover as much of your face as you can. You then reach down for the guards gun and realize it’s your fucking rifle!

Do people think it’s something that can just be passed around?! Fuck her.

Regardless, you step over her body and stop just in front of the door to listen as footsteps run past the room to reach level 4.

However, all except one stops. “Miranda!” They knock on the door. “Marlene says to keep the girl there!”

The person goes quiet, and your heart begins to pound in your ears as the terror that hits you paralyzes you.

You look at the end of the doorway to watch their shadow, and hold your breath as they wait.

“Did you get that Miranda?!” They question.

You slowly begin to raise the gun and point it at the door as you keep your gaze on the end of the door.

There should be no one else out there, the gunshot will mix with the ones you now hear in the distance, so no one will come running. No one will find her until you’re gone.

Therefore, you reach one hand for the knob to open the door and just shoot. But luckily the person runs off, letting you sigh with relief and hang the gun around your shoulder to instead wait until you can’t hear her footsteps anymore to then open the door.

And just in case anyone is out in the hall you make a sharp turn out of the room and head to the elevators for faster transportation so your dad doesn’t do any further harm, before he steals that choice from Ellie.

Moreover, when you do walk outside you spot your backpack on the desk, so you quickly side step towards it to keep your back turned against the hall behind you, and quickly snatch it from the counter.

There’s no questions as to your actions, no other noises, so it must be clear. You don’t want to check either, so you take advantage of the silence in this hall and stride directly towards the elevator. You then wait for a second and when there continues to be nothing you quickly press on the up button, hear the ding from the sign above and wait with your hand around your gun strap.

When the elevator gets to your floor you draw in a nervous breath, and reach for your necklace, but find your neck bare since your dad still has them. Or at least you hope. You haven’t really paid much attention to his neck. There’s been too much on your mind since leaving the resort.

Regardless, as the elevator slowly begins to open you leave your gaze on the ground until there’s enough room for you to walk in.

Albeit, when you look up to walk in the elevator, you don’t end up moving since you catch Marlene inside. Fuck! Fuck!

You rapidly raise your gun to point it at Marlene, but she’s fast too and raises her pistol to point at you too.

“Put the gun down y/n,” Marlene orders with her gun pointed at your chest. “Now.”

You raise your chin, and ignore her threat and her gun to hold her gaze.

“Put the fucking gun down, or I will shoot you.”

You narrow your gaze on her and hold your ground without saying a word.

“This attitude is why you made a perfect firefly,” she mutters and takes a careful step towards you. “That's why I know you won’t be stupid right now.”

You quirk up a brow and shoot her a smirk so she can try you.

And Marlene does, she reaches for your gun, but you don’t hesitate to hit the trigger either.

However, she’s quick, she’s smart. She catches your action and slaps her hand around your wrist to quickly twist it up so the bullet instead makes a dent on the ceiling.

You yelp as she keeps your shooting arm twisted, and Marlene proceeds to disarm you and then shove you back to the wall behind you to point the gun on your head.

“I also know your dad,” she interjects through gritted teeth, and yanks you off the wall to push you ahead of her so you’ll be facing the elevator doors that close now as the sign above glows. “He won’t leave without you. So why not wait for him here?”

She presses her gun at the back of your head and keeps your hand twisted, bringing a writhing pain that makes your eyes water and doesn’t let you fight back. She forces you to wait there outside of the elevator doors because just like she expected the elevator comes to a stop on the floor you’re on.

Part of you hoped that it wasn’t actually him, that he didn’t actually kill Ellie’s choice. The people well, their deaths are tragic but they’re not that significant, it’s her that you care about the most—So that part of you, the part that cares, also wants it to be him too because it also meant that he saved Ellie from being killed. But you mostly hope it’s not him.

You lower your gaze to avoid seeing the person behind the doors out of that same anxiety. When you watch the doors open all you can see is boots, boots you’ve seen on one person for months. It’s him. Yet you still don’t face him, besides now that deep rooted feeling of shame begins to seep back due to the situation you’re stuck in.

“I’ll give you a choice, Joel,” Marlene doesn’t hesitate to output and twists your arm more, causing you to cry out softly, and making your dad step out of the elevator at the sound of you in pain.

“Leave with Ellie and watch your daughter die,” Marlene continues to say her bargain. “Or save your daughter, leave with her, and leave Ellie behind.” She presses the gun harder against your head, and you now slowly lift your eyes, noticing Ellie unconscious in his arms, confirming what you were afraid he’d do, what you couldn’t stop. You then lift your gaze to his face and notice his hardened glare focused on Marlene.

He then feels your stare and shifts his gaze to meet yours, making you, at that moment feel that same shame heighten in you to the point you break. “I’m sorry,” you mutter through thick tears. “I’m sorry, dad.” You shake your head, and notice his eyes soften as hears your unneeded apology. “It was my fault, I’m sorry.”

Your dad shakes his head to assure you of the opposite, he’s going to speak, but then Marlene interjects. “She’s your only daughter Joel. Real daughter. Your little girl. Ellie is nothing to you but cargo, take y/n. I’ll give you a car and weapons,” she offers in exchange even after you assume he killed the other fireflies; considering that none of them have joined you on this floor—“Give me Ellie, wait for the cure to be distributed and live a happy life. Watch y/n have the life she wants, watch her have an actual career, watch her get married, have kids. She will no longer have to suffer, isn’t that what you want? What every parent wants?” She asks. “Doesn’t she deserve that?”

Not if it means murdering Ellie, that’s clear to you even if your own life is on the line. You would never live in peace knowing that you let them kill her without her choosing her own fate, or without saying goodbye.

“And doesn’t Ellie deserve a choice?” You retort in annoyance. “You think of yourself as so high and mighty, but you can’t fathom the thought of letting Ellie choose for herself.”

“To do what?” Marlene redirects and sways to the side. “You can’t keep her safe forever. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many people you kill, she’s gonna grow up. And then you’ll die. She’ll leave. Then what? How long till she’s torn apart by infected or murdered by raiders? Because she lives in a broken world that the two of you could have saved.”

You drift your gaze to the corner of your eyes and try to move your hand, but she squeezes her grip tighter, causing you to groan and drop your head. Albeit, that’s when you notice a chance to get out of this position and bring an end to this choice your dad shouldn’t have to make.

You can’t give it away right away though. You wait for the right moment, and instead listen to your dads response. “Maybe. But it isn’t for you to decide.”

“Or you,” Marlene counters. “So what would she decide, huh? ‘Cause I think she’d wanna do what’s right. And you know it.”

Yeah, because she was so for giving Ellie a choice. Bullshit.

It’s why you choose to go on with your plan now. She’s distracted currently so you lift your gaze and tilt your head to the side, catching your dads attention right away. So as soon as he meets your gaze you point your eyes to your side.

Luckily your dad is smart and doesn’t miss your speechless hint, he actually looks down, letting you point out the chance you have, the one you caught; Marlene's exposed side after she swayed to the side.

As to not give anything away though, your dad returns his gaze back to Marlene, and you stay where you are and wait.

“It’s not too late,” Marlene adds and now loosens her grip around you. “Even now…even after what you’ve done. We can still find a way.”

Your dad killed all the others by the sound of all those gunshots that rang, and the lack of guards that didn't come down. He probably killed the surgeon, so as much as you want—wanted Ellie to have her own choice, it seems that now….well that is probably unlikely. So why make your dad make this choice between her and you?

There’s no other choice now but to get out of here, the three of you.

Hence why you gave him the hint, it’s why you shift slightly as Marlene lets go of your wrist as she thinks your dad has made up his mind, and watch him lift his pistol he holds under Ellie’s legs to hit the trigger without hesitation.

The feeling of the bullet passing right by you makes you tense, and the sound makes you lift your hands to try and cover your ears, but luckily it doesn’t hit you. The bullet hits Marlene directly, causing her to drop her gun off your head as she falls to the ground.

You want to look back at the outcome, you also want to see if anyone would come, but your dad grabs your hand and pulls you in the elevator right away. You only catch a glimpse of Marlene on the ground with blood beginning to spill on the white hospital floor before the elevator doors close to begin moving down.

“Are you okay?” Your dad finally has the chance to ask.

You glance at Ellie still unconscious and make sure she’s breathing whilst you want to counter with questions. But there’s no time now and well, it’s not hard to guess what he did, so instead you just assure his worry. “Yeah, some fucker sliced my neck, but it wasn’t deep enough. I got off lucky. And my hand,” you say and look down at your throbbing wrist. “It’ll heal. She didn’t break it.” You then look over at him and look at him up and down to take in his dirty appearance, his worried look decorating his features, and want to question him, but the doors then open to the garage.

And right away you both walk out and search for a car to use. Thankfully, it’s not hard to find a usable car across the lot that’s getting its battery charged.

“There,” your dad points to the black car you had also spotted. “Help me get her inside,” he adds and walks off quickly, while you blink to look at the elevator doors closing past your shoulder to think about what you couldn’t prevent. What you couldn't give Ellie. And if there’s still a possibility to give her that.

After all, she went through so much to get to this hospital, and all for what? For a short trip she won’t remember because they drugged her, because he took her away?

“Y/N, come on, open the door for me.” Your dad breaks you from your train of thought.

“Yeah,” you say, and then look away from the elevator doors to jog over to where he's waiting to open the door for him.

With no other choice left now, you watch him lay Ellie down in the back. When he steps back you take off the stranger's coat you had as a disguise and put it over her legs.

At least she’s alive; you think to yourself as you step back and grab the door. Pushing everything else aside, at least she’s still here with you.

You sigh softly and begin to push the door close, but that’s when you hear a loud thump on the ground. And you know it’s not your dad because he’s by the hood of the car trying to get it ready, so you proceed to close the car door and look over at him.

Your dad meets your gaze with his usual furrowed brows and points to the car hood that’s still open. “Come get the car goin’.”

Your brows knit together in confusion, but you begin walking over to where he is as he turns and walks away from the car. Once you reach the front of the car you see that Marlene had somehow dragged herself down even as she bled out.

Albeit, she’s not in a good shape, getting down here took all her energy, she’s now coughing out and gasping on the ground. However, you do have to give it to her for trying. She’s a true firefly through and through.

“No,” she groans out as your dad reaches her. “Wait. Wait, wait, wait.”

You close the hood of the car, and since you might need to make a hasty escape you walk to the drivers side.

“Please,” you hear Marlene whisper between pants. “Let me go.”

You open the car door and get in without trying to fight for her. Why would you? There’s nothing left, he made sure of that. And you love your dad too much to be against him, no matter what wrongs he’s done—what wrongs he will do.

“You’d just come after her,” he mutters to Marlene, and you watch him lift his gun as you close the door.

And once again without a sliver of hesitation he shoots her, this time he makes sure to kill her right away. Now there’s truly nothing left. Now…home.

Thankfully now the way home won’t take months. Of course you didn’t make it back home before your birthday like you promised your uncle Tommy; your birthday actually passed while you were on the road, but Maria should still be pregnant in two days.

However, it’s the silence, the awkward silence that fills the car that will make this car ride eternal, especially since you’re not driving anymore. There’s so many questions you need to ask, complaints you want to throw at him over what he did, but you can’t do that with Ellie passed out in the back, she can wake up at anytime, so you let the silence build and just watch the city pass and smile at the sight of the lush green forest.

You hoped that the silence would stay to avoid spilling everything, but your dad breaks it. “You know, back there…” he pauses, letting you push your head off the window you’re leaning against to look at him—“…I wouldn’t have let you die,” he shares with a brief glance at you.

You can’t help your smile and nod softly. “I know,” you whisper.

“Yeah?” He questions with a slightly concerned look. “I just didn’t want to let you think that I would—”

“Daddy, I know,” you cut him off quietly.

Your dad holds your gaze for a brief second with this soft look, and lets out a relieved sigh before he focuses back on the road and you focus back on the passing green trees.

“Can you promise me something?” Your dad breaks the silence once again.

You blink and slowly meet his gaze again, but don’t answer so he continues. “Don't tell Ellie what I did back there, she doesn’t need to know.”

What? That he didn’t give her a choice? That he snatched that from her after knowing how much it meant to her? Lie about that to her?

You blink rapidly in disbelief and avert your gaze.

“Just let her believe none of it worked and that they’re all gone. Can you do that for me?”

Siblings are meant to have secrets with each other that the parents aren’t aware of. Not a sibling and a parent, it never ends well.

“For how long?” You murmur.

Your dad sighs. “For however long it needs to be kept a secret. She doesn’t need to know. Ever.”

You let out a deep exhale and turn your head to face him and answer, but then Ellie begins to groan, giving away her slow rise back to consciousness.

“What?” She says as you hear her move back there. And as to not give anything away, to not let her see any emotions, you rest your head on the window and close your eyes to pretend to be asleep.

“It’s all right. You’re with me,” your dad assures her. “Take it slow. The drugs are still wearin’ off.”

“Y/N?” She asks, causing you to swallow thickly out of guilt.

“She’s fine, she’s…sleepin’.” He says to her.

You hear Ellie move some more before continuing to speak. “I was with Fireflies and then—what drugs?”

“They were runnin’ some tests on you…” he lies to her. “And some others. Turns out there’s a whole lot more like you…”

No. No.

“…people that are immune.”

Why does he have to say that?

“Dozens of ‘em,” he continues to add to the lies. “And the doctors, they couldn’t make any of it work. They’ve actually—they’ve stopped lookin’ for a cure.”

Let’s hope she believes him now.

“Where are my clothes?” She asks with no clue as to if she does believe him.

“Raiders attacked the hospital. I barely got ya outta there,” he responds. “We’ll find you some new ones on the way.”

“Were people hurt?” She asks.

There’s a moment of silence before he answers with an actual truth. “Yes.”

“Is Marlene okay?”

You clench your hands at the sound of her worry, at the sound of her soft tone. Yet you don’t feel regret for letting Marlene die, no, just that Ellie’s been lied to.

“I’m takin’ us home,” your dad avoids answering her question, but that gives her insight as to what she wanted to know. No.

It’s because of his non answer that you hear her turn around, letting him add one more genuine thing. “I’m sorry.”

Let’s hope she does believe him.

——

*LATER. WYOMING*

The air smelled like home, it made you eager to actually be home; to see your uncle Tommy, Maria, your friends, to just be home. But you’re still a few hours away from actually getting home thanks to the fucking car that broke down!

Albeit at least it didn’t break down earlier and made this trip any longer.

“Well,” your dad breaks the news. “She got us close enough.” He closes the hood of the car, and you turn around to kick a rock and groan in annoyance.

“We gotta walk the rest of the way,” he adds as you hear his footsteps recede from the hood of the car. “Probably about a five-hour hike…but we can manage that. Remember?”

You peer back to see Ellie’s reaction, but the sun hitting the windshield blocks the view, only letting you hear what you assume is slight joy. “Yeah.”

“You ready over there?” Your dad directs his question to you as he steps away from the car to begin walking towards you at the front of the car.

You groan and look at the path ahead. “I’m so ready,” you feign a smile. “I’m eager.”

Your dad falls by you and scoffs. “It’s not long now. We’ll make it there by lunch time.” He shields his eyes and sighs. “I think Maria might kill me this time. With her look alone.”

You laugh. “Nah. I'm comin’ back home in one piece….but maybe once she’s had her baby she will.”

Additional footsteps approach you, so you break away from the spot you had stood at and begin treading that five hour hike.

“All for what?” Your dad quips in a lighthearted tone. “That little cut? Please.”

You shrug. “She’s protective of me, but regardless, rest assured I brought her a bribing present and a heartwarming apology.” You look over your shoulder and smile widely. “I’m still very good at cryin’ on cue, that wins her over.”

Your dad flashes you a smile before looking back at Ellie as she’s lingering behind the two of you. “You shoulda seen her when she was a little girl, she was so dramatic that she learned how to shed the best crocodile tears. Always knew how to get me to do what she wanted.”

“Still can,” you look back at her and wink. “It’s all in the eyes.”

Ellie lets out a soft scoff and nods without saying anything, she stays quiet like she has been for the best couple months, since she’s woken up. But you can say you understand why she’s behaving as such, you’d be quiet too if suddenly that hope to be humanity’s savior was snateched from you without knowing what really happened, and only being able to hear the events from someone else.

She doesn’t deserve to feel such a heavy sorrow, she deserves to be happy, to feel all the lows and highs of being a teenager without such a heavy burden or such a broken heart. So that’s probably the only good reason why….you haven’t told the truth, why it doesn’t bother you that your dad killed everyone in the hospital and stole away her choice out of a selfish act of love. Because if she knew, she’d only know betrayal and even deeper agony that would break her. You want to protect her from feeling that because you know what those feelings bring, darkness.

It’s too bad you couldn’t actually prevent the risk of having her feel it….

Nevertheless, the walk is long, but not hard since it isn’t too hot and the wind is graceful. There is conversation so it isn’t always quiet, but it’s always mostly between your dad and you, Ellie just remains quiet most of the time. The hike isn’t filled with obstacles either, nor with danger, so it’s easy. The only thing that was pesky was your eagerness to get home that’s heightened the closer you get.

“You know, Sarah, y/n, and I used to hike like this all the time,” your dad breaks the silence that had filled your small group, making you smile softly and peer back at him.

“I wouldn't say it was her favorite thing,” he continues. “She wasn’t a fan of the mosquitoes and such. But she was a big climber…or scampering. That’s probably the right word. That girl…she’d see a big rock, and just…pew.”

You grin and try to recall memories, but nothing comes to mind.

“What about y/n?” Ellie probes, causing you to turn around to face your dad as if that will make a difference.

“She was a little girl so when she wasn’t clung on my back she was on a little red wagon. Besides, y/n she liked more of the water activities, swimmin’, she liked to help me and Tommy fish.” He shoots you a small smile. “Actually one time she helped me unhook a fish and…”

Oh this story, yes, you remember it clearly. How funny…

“She actually,” he says between laughs. “Got smacked by the tail. Right on the face,” he points to his own face. “It left a mark for days, I could not get her to stop cryin’.”

“Nor could uncle Tommy stop laughin’,” you grumble and turn back around. “He still does by the way. Never lets me live it down. Especially when he’s drunk, “oh do you remember when you got slapped by a fish, Sunny,” you mock his voice. ““So there was this one time….” Pft,” you blow out air.

“It’s too funny to let you live it down,” your dad teases.

You shoot him back a pointed glare and feign a dry laugh.

“No, but,” your dad continues. “Sarah woulda liked you, Ellie.”

You sigh and lose your annoyance to smile softly again.

“Not to say the two of you are the same. Definitely different.”

“How so?” Ellie chooses to investigate that comment.

“Well, she was a lot more…I wanna say girly. And I’m not sayin’ that you’re not girly,” he tries to assure Ellie.

“I’m not,” she quickly rebuttals.

“Yeah, you’re not,” your dad agrees. “So that,” he chuckles. “She was taller. She had a killer smile. Again, not sayin’ that you don’t,” he assures her. “But you know why I think she’d like you?”

“Why?”

“‘Cause you’re funny. I think you would’ve made her laugh.”

You look back and nod in agreement.

“Anyway,” your dad continues after Ellie’s silence. “I bet you would’ve liked her back.”

You look back ahead and hear Ellie agree. “Yeah, bet I would've.”

You smile softly at her response and can’t help but imagine having Sarah here. It’s hard to say how she would’ve been like considering she would’ve been, what? In her thirties, but you know she’d be happy to have Ellie, to have a different dynamic in your little family considering Ellie is different from you too. Plus, she would’ve liked that Ellie could make your dad smile, you know you do.

Regardless, as you continue leading the way, your smile quickly breaks into an excited grin as you spot a clearing just past the end of the tree line, finally. So without hesitation you break into a sprint to the end, knowing what lies just beyond the end woods and at the top of the green hill.

“Y/N!” Your dad calls out. “Careful!”

Disregarding his warning you maneuver through the tree branches in the way, you duck under a fallen tree stuck on another, and only feel your enthusiasm make your heart pound faster. You don’t stop running until finally you see it in the clear and green horizon, home. Finally, after what’s been a difficult couple months, complete and utter happiness fills your heart.

“There it is,” you point out with a happy grin as Ellie and your dad catch up. “Home,” you let out with a relieved sigh.

From on top of this spring hill, Jackson is a lot larger than you thought of it being. It’s big, but it only means it’s full of people, it’s a small reminder of humanity without the monsters.

“Yeah,” your dad agrees. “Not much further now.”

You try to squeal out of joy, but that hurts to do because of your wound, so you just keep grinning as you continue walking ahead beside your dad now.

“Hey, wait,” Ellie calls out, making your dad stop right away, and making you slow down before stopping a few paces ahead of him.

“Fuck,” you catch Ellie whisper, causing you to shift around and catch her fall in front of your dad to continue. “Back in Kansas City you asked me about the first time I killed someone.”

Your smile falls, and a pit in your heart begins to grow as you feel nothing good coming from what she’s saying.

“When I got bit in the mall, I-I wasn’t on my own. My best friend was there,” she sniffles. “And she got bit, too. We didn't know what to do, and she says, “we can just wait it out…”

Oh god…no. You knew it, nothing good.

“….be all poetic and just lose our minds together.” And then she did. And I had to—“ she pauses, but it’s not hard to decipher what she meant, what she had to do—she had to kill her friend. “Her name was Riley…and she was the first to die. And then it was Tess….”

Wait. What? Yes you knew something might’ve happened to not see her with your dad, but you never…you never came to the conclusion that she was dead. You never asked either, but you never—that never came to mind.

Fuck.

You never got to know her well, but from what your uncle Tommy said about your dads life from the messages they’d send through radio before, Tess was in his life for a long time. Damn….

It’s not sad news for you, but it’s surprising that’s all.

“…and then Sam,” Ellie adds, making you now drop your gaze to the wild flowers around your feet.

“That's not on you,” your dad interjects.

“I know, but—”

“Look, sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope,” your dad cuts Ellie off. “You can feel…like you’ve come to an end….and you don’t know what to do next. But if you just keep goin’…you find something new to fight for.” He glances at you, and you offer him a very faint smile.

“And maybe that’s not what—”

“Swear to me,” Ellie cuts him off abruptly. “Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true.”

You swallow thickly out of guilt, but hide your emotions well in the flowers around you just in case Ellie is trying to read you too.

“I swear,” you hear your dad lie with no remorse.

A moment of silence passes, a heavy silence you feel immediately, so you look up and catch Ellie’s furrowed brows, pointed gaze, and unrelieved look before she nods and mutters softly. “Okay.”

It doesn’t sound convinced though, you can tell that, you can see her glistening eyes. You can see a shift in her look. What should be a relieving moment seems to be filled with tension. Yet you don’t know how much she believes, or if she’s just disappointed by the answer, but you can tell that there’s a rift between her and your dad now. Her look alone gives that way. After all, you've once looked at him like that too; same narrowed glare, same long frown, and disappointed look.

What would Sarah do? You can’t help but think now, at this very moment as you remember her by looking at the pretty flowers that decorate the green hill. Would she go against your dad and tell her the truth, or hide it like you are now and carry the burden of the truth for her sake, for the purpose of not seeing her heartbreak. Would she risk her relationship with Ellie, the trust, for her own sake?

You look at Ellie and watch her turn away from your dad to finally continue walking home. You then look at home, and then at your dad as he stops by you without saying anything.

After all she’s been through…

You watch her again and sigh with tears beginning to sting your eyes.

….you can’t break her heart. You can’t do that to her. You’ll carry the burden for her sake, for his sake as well.

Yet it doesn’t mean he won’t hear what you have to say, the disappointment you feel for his choices, he’ll hear it, just not now. So you shove away your need to cry and bring back the happiness you felt for returning home. You break away from your dads side without a word, only a guilty look, and trot down to join her side.

You hoped it’d be a quiet walk, but she surprisingly breaks it.

“So what? Are you happy to see your lover boy?”

You blink rapidly in disbelief and scoff softly before you retort. “What are you talkin’ about?”

Ellie shoots you a faint smirk. “That guy you were batting your eyelashes at when we first got to Jackson.”

You scoff and roll your eyes in annoyance, but you’re actually left speechless.

“What?” She quips. “Just ‘cause you lost one boyfriend doesn’t mean you can’t get another. I mean isn’t that how life works?”

You squint your gaze on her in slight disbelief to what she’s saying and actually interject now. “Where is this comin’ from? Huh?” You tease her. “Is this, like, dating advice?” You quirk a brow and smirk.

Ellie’s lips begin to pull to a smile and she shrugs. “I’m just saying I mean it’s not like your dad is going to give you this kind of advice.”

“Oh, and you will, a 14 year old?”

“15 now,” she corrects you.

“Whatever,” you quip. “Same thing.”

“Well,” Ellie sighs. “I'm just saying. Are you happy or not?”

You avert your eyes and shrug. “I guess it depends, doesn't it?”

“Yeah,” she agrees. “But if it doesn’t work out then you can always date Henry’s ghost for the rest of your life.”

You giggle and shake your head.

“Or we can do shit like—”

“Become astronauts and fly to the moon?” You cut her off with a smile.

Ellie meets your gaze and nods. “Yeah. We can do that.”

You nod softly. “We'll see then. Who knows you might beat me and meet someone first. There’s boys and girls your age there.”

Ellie shrugs and huffs out. “We’ll see. I like the moon idea. We could…live in a space station over earth, go to the moon whenever we want and not have to worry about anything down here.”

You look at the green path ahead and let out a deep sigh. “Yeah. I like the sound of that. It’d be a killer view too.”

“Just you and me,” she whispers.

——

“It’s just you and me now, Sunny,” he mutters over the sound of the pattering rain.

You sigh deeply, and watch the rain fall over the patch of green forest below the hill with a sad frown, with an ache in your heart that was left when your dad left you.

“Yeah,” you whisper and glance up at your uncle Tommy with a small smile.

He meets your gaze and offers you a wider smile that he tries to use to assure you. You hold his gaze for a second before you drop your head and look at the wet grass beneath your feet with deep sorrow in your heart.

It’s not so weird that you came back to this moment in your mind, Ellie’s words triggered them to reappear. Nor is it weird that you couldn’t stop thinking of it until now, until you saw your uncle Tommy. Your home.

“Uncle Tommy!” You exclaim before you throw your arms around his neck with a happy grin on your lips.

“Sunny,” he whispers softly by your ear as he hugs you back with more force.

Being apart this time wasn’t as long as before, but months still feel eternal, and well no one knows what can happen to anyone so seeing him even after a few days is a delight.

“You said a month,” he remarks. “You missed your party.”

You sigh and pull back to face him and talk back, but he catches the bandage over your wound on the side of your neck, and his face expression contorts with concern.

“I’m okay,” you quickly assure him as he turns your head so he can take a better look. “I’ll be okay. It’s not deep. You.” You pull back and grab a hold of his hands with a tight squeeze as you grow worried. “The baby?”

A smile once again breaks on his features and he shakes his head. “Not born yet.”

You clasps your hands together and squeal with happiness. At least you didn’t miss that.

“Good, I’m glad,” you retort and step back to let your dad greet his brother.

“You’re still alive,” your uncle teases your dad whilst you twist around and search the patrol group that had come out to greet you before you could reach the gate.

This time around since Maria is heavily pregnant she isn’t one amongst them, neither is Apollo or his dog Achilles….hm. Hopefully, they’re okay.

Something else that changed this time around was the confrontation, it wasn’t hostile or full of terror since now you know the dog won’t detect the cordyceps on Ellie. And since your uncle was out here, your dad nor Ellie’s intentions were questioned, leading you to actually get home quicker this time.

And just like before, when you walk past the gates you’re taken aback by the liveliness of it all. Snow didn’t cover the ground, and the holiday decorations didn’t decorate the town, but the sky was clear, the sun was softly shining from above, and the town was full of color due to the colorful flowers that now replaced the holiday decorations.

“Okay, but don’t think you guys are off the hook,” you interject as you let your shoulders fall, and rest your head on the horse your uncle let you ride home so you wouldn't be on your feet any longer. “I still want my birthday party. Birthday week!” You exclaim. “I have it all planned.” You say and throw your hands out dramatically.

Your uncle grins softly. “Do ya know?” He retorts.

You hum in agreement and nod as you meet your dads gaze now too. “First day, bam, breakfast outside, fancy dress code, pancakes, coffee, fruit, chocolate chip cookies, eggs. Second day…” you trail off and gasp softly as the sight of Apollo walking out of the school his father taught at, catches your eye.

For a moment it’s only him you see amongst the crowd of people, time even seems to pass by in slow motion even if your heart begins to race as you watch him walk down the street. He doesn’t spot you since you’re sort of in the middle of the walking-in crowd, and his eyes are just focused on the ground.

“Apollo!” You yell out even if that hurts the muscles on your neck, and proceed to shoot up before you throw your leg over the horse to slide off sloppily since you’re hardly paying attention. “Apollo!” You yell out again and this time catch his attention and cause him to stop in his tracks.

You almost fall when your feet hit the ground, but you don’t pay any mind—Your dad does though. “Jesus Christ, y/n, careful.”

“There she goes,” Ellie comments as she watches you maneuver past the horses.

“Apollo!” You keep yelling out your friend's name with glee. “Apollo! Apollo!”

Said man's lips spread to a beaming grin and he doesn’t hesitate to also break into a sprint. “Y/N!” You hear him shout.

And before you know it, once all the barriers of space are broken you meet halfway and hop to throw your arms around him.

Apollo doesn’t falter and grabs onto you with all his might. You proceed to giggle and dig your face in the crook of his neck, taking in his fresh and clean scent, and feeling like yourself again; no guilt for what you had to hide, no fear, nothing bad, just ease and joy. The feelings make you linger in his arms for a moment longer until you have to pull away.

“Did you just back?” He asks with an awed smile.

You nod and keep holding onto his arms. “Yeah, I just got back. I missed you out on patrol.”

He scoffs. “Got today off. Damn shame now.” He catches your long bandage on your neck and his face falls. “Is this fresh?”

You sigh and shake your head. “I’ll be fine. Just a cut. You should see what I did,” you clear your throat and smirk smugly. “Pen move. Lodged on the throat.”

“Is that right? I would've liked to see it. Maybe you can show me later.”

Your smirk softens. “Oh yeah, I could.”

Apollo shoots you a grin and holds your gaze with a soft look that makes your breath hitch, and for you to begin to grow hot under his gaze. However, you don’t look away, your smile softens, and you keep holding his gaze even as your heart begins to race again.

You actually catch his gaze flicker down, so you mimic his actions and see his lips part slightly, making him lean in just a bit.

Yet before anything can happen suddenly the sound of your name being yelled out breaks the tension. When Apollo and you look over, he quickly groans in annoyance, but you smile as you see his brother and your friend Atlas, and their dog Achilles running at you.

The dog beats him to you, but when Atlas reaches you he makes you stumble as he throws his arms around you and his brother in front of you.

“You’re still alive you fucker,” Atlas says to you.

Your lips pulls to a grin and you nod. “Always. You need to stop doubting me.”

He chuckles and pulls back, ignoring his brothers annoyance and just focusing on you. “I have to, who would I be if I didn’t?” He retorts.

You roll your eyes.

“I’d be crushed if I kept up my expectations,” Atlas adds quieter. “I’m happy to see you home.” He smiles and pats your shoulder. “Someone missed you terribly.” His gaze bounces to his brother, but he snickers and plays it off by then petting Achilles. “This old fucker here.”

“Ah, well,” you play along with him and slide your arm off him to touch your chest. “I’m here to stay this time. For good.”

“Really?” Apollo challenges. “You being for real?”

You hum and nod as you step back from both boys. “Swear.”

Apollo can’t help but smile, and Atlas just counters you. “We’ll see won't we.”

You scoff, but don’t try to argue, instead you let out a deep breath and point back to the group most likely already at the dinning hall. “I’ll see you boys at home, y’all still live there right?”

Apollo smiles and nods. “Of course. Why would we leave…I’ve been waiting for you to come back.”

You smile softly and don’t add on to his comment because of Atlas beside you, but you understand his reference and nod. “I’m going to grab lunch,” you tell them. “I’m starving. Get…the tequila ready, yeah? Birthday shots?”

Atlas quickly rebuttals as you walk back. “No, your birthday passed!”

You shrug. “Doesn’t matter. Have it ready!” You shoot Apollo one last smile. “Let’s talk later, yes?”

“You know I always have time for you.” He shouts back with a smirk.

You grin at him before you turn around and catch up with your family waiting for you outside of the hall. And once you get close your dad and uncle head inside whilst you linger behind with Ellie, all because she wants to pass you a teasing look.

“What?” You retort and know exactly what that look is for. “I’m just happy to see him.” You open the door and let her walk in first.

“Sure.” She chuckles. “Sure it’s just that.”

“Whatever,” you scoff with a giddy smile.

——

*LATER*

Having babies during this never ending pandemic seemed like such a selfish act to you before, you thought of the people as selfish for wanting to have and raise their kids during this apocalypse. But after meeting Henry, after learning to love again because of him, that thought disappeared.

Now you couldn’t be happier for Maria and your uncle Tommy. Now as you feel their baby kick inside her you also kind of long for such a bliss.

“You pick a name yet?” You ask Maria as you have your ear pressed against her belly.

“No,” she says. “Not yet. We’re waiting until the baby’s born to give it a name.”

You hum and then beam at the open air ahead of you. “I’m so glad I made it back in time to feel this.”

“I almost thought you wouldn't,” Maria retorts with some sass behind her comment.

You scoff softly. “You know he’d bring me back home.”

Maria sighs, so you lift your head off her belly to sit up and face her with a more serious look on your features.

“Look, I know he’s not your favorite person, but he’s still my dad, he’s still my uncle Tommy’s brother, making him your brother-in-law, so you have to suck it up and start coming around. Besides, when it comes down to it you wouldn't want anyone else having your back but him, he’s good, and protective.”

Maria holds your gaze and swallows thickly out of hesitation. After all she’s heard you can’t really blame her, she’s being protective too over you and your uncle, but now your dad is here to stay. She can’t live on hating him in this small town.

“Do you trust him?” She asks with a narrowed gaze. “It doesn’t matter if he’s your dad, push that aside. Do you trust him?”

Without hesitation you nod. “I do,” you assure her because it’s not your trust that’s at play here, no, you’re just upset and disappointed. “He’s earned it,” you add and clasp your hands together whilst you watch the wind sweep over the spring flowers in your meadow.

“Okay,” Maria sighs, “then I’ll be less…hostile. I’ll try.”

You drift your eyes over to her and shoot her a smile. “Good. That’s all I ask, all uncle Tommy and I ask.”

A moment of silence passes where all you hear is the soft howl of the wind brush over your ear, where all you do is watch the pretty and delicate flowers dance gracefully in your meadow. But Maria then breaks that moment. “Are you going to talk about why you left the second time, and came back all beat up?”

Shit.

You blink and drop your gaze whilst it slowly begins to harden and lose all the softens it held over the meaning of her question, and what it asks from you—lies.

More lies. You can’t tell her about Ellie, about where you went and what happened on the trip. At least you can’t say all that involves the fireflies. She’d hate your dad more than she already does, she’d just stir trouble.

Albeit there's a knot in your throat that threatens to undo so you can just throw up everything in some kind of word vomit.

But you can’t, you have to avert your gaze to avoid breaking. And luckily the back door opens, and when you look back you’re thankful to see your dad here to save you from breaking.

“Daddy,” you greet and quickly push yourself to your feet to avoid what came up.

Said man forms his lips into a tight lipped smile when he notices Maria, and slowly begins to wander over to where you are. “Sorry,” he interjects and meets Maria’s gaze. “I don’t mean to interrupt.”

You shake your head and answer right away. “No, no it’s okay. Come over.” You see his gaze flicker to the flower meadow and linger there for a moment before his gaze falls on Maria and you—“Everything okay? Or did you just come to visit?” You ask.

He nods stiffly. “Yeah. I came to visit.”

The wood from the bench swing creaks, stealing your attention. And when you look back you see Maria getting up. “I’ll go then and leave the two of you alone.”

Your dad doesn’t put up a fight to try and be nice, he nods and mutters, “yeah, okay, thanks. Sorry again.”

Maria shakes her head to assure him that it’s fine before beginning to walk away. And just as she makes it on the patio she glances over her shoulder. “I’ll see the both of you at dinner.”

You offer her a kind smile and nod in agreement, she then finally leaves the area when she walks inside, leaving your dad and you alone in a silence that feels quite comfortable.

“Sit, please,” you point to the bench as you sit back down.

Your dad lets out a deep sigh before slowly making his way to sit beside you.

“I grew it in memory of Sarah,” you let him know right away. “The meadow. I mean,” you sigh and smile a wobbly smile. “I’d already see her in the gentle flowers when I had no picture of her, everytime we were out trying to survive. I’d see her in the delicate and beautiful butterflies that flutter on them, so…I grew this meadow when I got here to see her all the time.” You drop your head and sniffle.

“It’s,” your dad mutters in a shaky voice. “It’s sweet. I like it. I’m sure she’d love it too.”

You smile softly and nod, you look at the flowers again and now as you remember your sister you also can’t help but remember the new burden you carry, and you have yet to talk about with your dad.

“Where’s Ellie?” You ask with a fading smile.

“Home,” he says. “She wanted to stay home.”

She’s thinking about what she failed to do isn't she? You know she is. You saw her overthinking behind her solemn look she carried ever since she woke up. You saw her disappointment after she asked your father for reassurance over what he said happened. You could hear her heartbreak when she questioned your dads fake story in the car.

So if you saw and heard all that, you know he did too.

“Why?” You break the silence that had built. “Why did you do it?” You ask, but not with anger laced in your voice, not disappointment; your voice is soft and filled with genuine wonder.

“They were gonna kill her,” he mutters out with no remorse behind his voice. “They were gonna kill her for it without giving her a choice.”

You briefly shut your eyes and let out a deep sigh. “Did you give her a choice?” You ask him and blink to look at him, to watch as he meets your own gaze. “Did you give her a choice before you took her, before you killed everyone in that hospital including that doctor?”

Your dad holds your gaze and now you see that once hardened look turn soft. “I couldn’t lose her,” he says quietly. “You have to understand that.”

More than anything. You love her too.

“I do,” you whisper, but begin to shake your head. “But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong. It doesn’t mean you weren’t selfish.”

“I’d do the same thing with you,” he rebuttals. “In a heartbeat—”

“You were wrong!” You cut him off in an emotional outburst. “You were wrong!” You shout again and jump to your feet to continue facing him. “You were selfish for taking that chance from humanity, even after all we’ve seen, all those people I’ve lost, that we’ve lost in the way,” your voice quivers. “You disrespected her by taking that choice away from her. I…I grew to love her too, I did,” you nod and feel your eyes fill with tears. “She made me find myself after being lost for so long without Sarah. But,” you swallow back your tears. “I would have given her that choice, if she said she wanted to live then I would have helped you get her out by doing whatever I took, but you….didn’t give her a choice.”

Your dad drops his head and watches the flowers in the meadow. He stays silent, letting you let out a deep shaky breath to calm down that anger you had held in.

“If you’re asking me to regret what I did,” he breaks his silence with no anger, his voice remains soft. “I won’t.” He meets your gaze with exactly that, no regret. “I won’t regret what I did because I did it for her, so she can live. I did it for us, for our family. If it was you in her position I’d do it too in a heartbeat, damn the consequences. I wouldn’t even care if you spent all your life hatin’ me because at least you’re alive to do that. The same goes for Ellie.”

That doesn’t take away from your anger and disappointment, but it does help you better understand his reasonings behind his actions.

“And if she ever finds out,” he continues as you remain quiet, unable to find something to argue back with. “I’ll never let her blame you because it was all me. But I hope that she doesn’t find out, she doesn’t deserve to live with that heartbreak, she deserves a good life. She can have that here with us. So that’s all I ask from you, don’t tell her. Please.”

You hold his gaze for a brief second as you think about what he asks from you, as you debate whether to listen or not.

You then proceed to sit back beside him on the bench, you watch the flowers and think about your thought process before, when you stood on that hill that overlooked Jackson. You remember what you came up with then; you want to save Ellie from the darkness that his betrayal would bring, because you also want her to have a good life.

That’s the only reason why you’re agreeing to carrying that burden too.

“I won’t,” you assure your dad. “I won’t tell her. I swear.”

Your dad nods, but keeps holding your gaze with anguish. “Does this change anythin’ between us?” He asks, catching you by surprise. “Because I can’t…I can’t lose you babygirl. Not again.”

You quickly shake your head and speak your truth with a gentle smile. “No, of course not.”

Your dad nods softly as he lets out a deep relieved sigh.

“I was just angry,” you share. “I just needed you to hear what I had to say, that’s all, but no I don’t want that to change us.” You grab his hand and give it an assuring squeeze. “Because regardless of it all, omitting this truth from her is for her own sake now.”

“Yeah,” your dad agrees with a nod. “It is. It’s for her...”

“For Ellie,” you finish his sentence.

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @maplecohen @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @dgraysonss @rana030 @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @ririvilliams @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl @g4ns3y @izzzzy-the-amazing @aphr0d1teh @lovelyygirl8 @ivy-taylorsversion

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