#hence why i just swapped their roles lmao

[thehappiestgolucky]

Got a save manager to work! (thank you pawnguild mwah) and god. Its so funny watching the cutscenes with Fe'gahl as the Arisen because he just looks like he doesn't want to be there so much compared to Odessa who looks like yeah this feels like everyday business

[dreamsclock]

Secret Santa #2

@thequeerestboy HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!!! I WAS UR SECRET SANTA !! :D

i had so so much fun writing ur gift - a role swap between c!dream and c!wilbur during the l'manburg revolution is a genius idea and exactly my favourite typa prompt LMAO, hence why it's ,, over 2.5k words :cryingemoji: i hope you enjoy !!

warnings: death + violence threats, betrayal, weapons, c!wilbur being a bitch, c!dream being a bitch

“Dream,” Wilbur says, stiff displeasure in his voice, “you wanted to talk.”

“You wanted to talk,” Dream corrects, eyeing Wilbur with a slight air of tiredness that wriggles under Wilbur’s skin and makes him scowl, “I just agreed to it. I interrupted training for this, so…”

“Oh, I’m honoured.” Biting back a vehement, pained retort about how Dream’s men don’t need more training — they’ve done all the training they need, and by God has it been effective — Wilbur pushes back a chair for Dream in an attempt at civility. “Please, sit down.”

Dream obliges, sitting down without even looking around the area they’re standing in. Wilbur notes this: Dream’s getting cocky, he thinks, remembering how paranoid the younger usually is, because Wilbur could have, could have, set up traps for this conversation, and Dream never would have seen them.

“What did you want to talk about?” Dream asks, ever blunt, and Wilbur’s eyes dart to his.

“How is Tommy?” He says, stalling for a moment and swallowing heavily. “What about Fundy? Tubbo?”

Because Dream had managed to wrap those three around his finger with a few small lies and a promise of the greater good; help me put the other server members into place, Dream had told them, and together we can form a nation and make the server great.

Tommy had always admired Dream, had always been a little starry-eyed around him, as had Tubbo. It had been painful, but not ultimately too surprising, when Wilbur had walked onto the battlefield to see his pseudo brothers and his actual son staring him down.

Painful. Not surprising. Wilbur still remembers the heavy grief at seeing them against him; feels it from time to time when he bumps into them. The war is almost over now — Wilbur and his men simply can’t fight anymore, injured and low on resources and supplies and outmatched anyway by Dream’s gapples and stock of potions — but seeing the kids still hurts like a bitch.

Dream arches an eyebrow at him now. He’s clearly drunk a good number of potions before coming here (Wilbur isn’t versed enough in brewing to recognise them all) and is eager to finish the chat before they wear off. “They’re all fine,” he says idly, fidgeting around with the table they sit at, “missing you, obviously, but, uhm, spirits are high. It helps to know you’re winning and that you’re… on the right side of history, you know?”

Wilbur’s ragged temper flares, pride stung, but he keeps his composure. “You think you’re on the right side of history. You.”

“Sure,” Dream says agreeably, “I mean, I’m not on the wrong side.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I mean, of course you do. Everyone thinks they're on the right side. It's only... you know, after, that people look back in hindsight.” Eyeing him in mild amusement and sympathy, Dream gestures to Wilbur’s black eye, nearly shut over with how swollen it is. “Tubbo packs a punch, right? He’s improved a lot. Tommy actually taught him that, but I think his hits are stronger than Tommy’s now. It’s nice watching them learn.”

Wilbur could slam his fist into Dream's face. “You’re treading a dangerous path, Dream. If you think this is what’s going to bring server-wide peace, you’re an idiot.”

Dream adjusts his mask, unbothered by his words. “If that’s what you believe. I… think my plan will work well. I didn’t want this war, Wilbur. You demanded it-”

“Well, I wasn’t about to let you take over the server, was I?”

“You demanded it,” Dream continues, like he hadn’t been interrupted, “and I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again. If that means… you know, establishing some kind of system or, um, authority, to make sure it doesn’t happen again- You know, if that means creating one big country for us all to live under, then I don’t see a problem with that.”

“You don’t…”

Wilbur trails off with a horse, incredulous chuckle. I don’t see a problem with that. Dream is exactly the kind of person he’d been at twenty, and seeing his younger self reflected back at him now is a kick in the teeth. Dream is resourceful, intelligent, logical, a good twenty year old - but he’s fucking twenty. Wilbur isn’t much older at twenty seven, but he knows what being twenty is like, thinking that the solution for everything lies within your grip, and he knows that the world isn’t like that; knows the world, contrary to Dream’s perhaps childish thinking, is a lot more cruel and a lot more damaged than one war will fix.

The idea of a country to keep the peace is a pretty one. If Wilbur had thought of it first, he might have done it himself. But it’s an idealistic plan, one destined to fail - and from how willing Dream is to go to war over establishing it, Wilbur knows it’s already failing.

But telling Dream this will get him no more response than a firm reply negating his warning and a sentence like I know what I’m doing. It would be a lie - fucking nobody knows what they’re doing, least of all a twenty year old Admin with too much responsibility on his shoulders - and so Wilbur keeps his mouth shut about it all.

Dream will see. Dream will see soon enough. And when it all goes to hell, Wilbur will be there just long enough to grab his loved ones, offer Dream a pitying I told you so, and run like hell.

For now, his smile is tight-lipped and comes out like a grimace. “You’re making a mistake.”

“I don’t think so.” Dream’s voice is confident, calm. “I- Look. I know you may not think so, but good things will come out of this. Once we win the war, we’re going to… Well, I’m not gonna tell you just yet, but we’re going to make everything perfect.”

It’s painful, Wilbur thinks, because he knows he’s not being lied to.

“Everything will be perfect,” the younger leader repeats again, words sure-footed and certain, “and you’ll see that… you know… I was right.”

“We won’t let you.” Wilbur can taste blood at the back of his throat; wonders, with distaste, if his wounds are bleeding again. Sapnap and George and Punz aren’t the allies he would have wanted, ideally - they’re brilliant fighters, far better than he is, but when they’re survivors. “You realise that, I’m sure, Dream. That no matter what happens - whether you win tomorrow or in a month or in a year, whether you establish a country with you in charge or somebody else… We’re going to fight against it. We’re not going to let that happen.”

And sure, he could be high-and-mighty and say he cares about democracy, that he doesn’t give a single damn about power other than making sure Dream doesn’t have it, but really, he’s not as hypocritical as people seem to think he can be. Wilbur knows, deep down, that really he’s fighting because he wants the power, because he wants the glory - who wouldn’t? he tries to reason with himself. The thought of beating Dream in his own server is a sweet one, and the thought of ensuring no hierarchies spring up that feature Wilbur at the bottom is even sweeter - and Dream knows this.

…Dream is also the one person that Wilbur knows for certain isn’t in this for the power, or the glory. He wants stability, even if he’s misguided; he wants peace, even if he has to bring war first to do it.

Wilbur hardens his heart and tightens his lips. Well, he’s not going to let that happen. He’ll raise hell until he dies - through any means possible.

(Tommy’s disks sit in his Enderchest. The kid had given them in an act of trust - “Just to prove I don’t hate you, you get me?” Tommy had told him days before the war. “You can give ‘em back after. I trust you.”)

(Wilbur will do anything he needs to do to ensure this war goes in his favour. He’s not above using every means at his disposal.)

Dream inclines his head in knowing. “I believe you,” he says, “you are… You’re resilient. I honestly, uhm, was hoping you wouldn’t last this long. I prepared for it, obviously, but was hoping you’d surrender before it reaches this point.”

Something changes in the tone of his voice, just ever so slightly. Paranoid, Wilbur shifts away from him, checking Dream over for hidden weapons, potions of harming covered with armour. “You say that like you have a plan, Dream,” he says, and tries for an easy laugh that comes out wary, “here I thought we’d be able to have a peaceful talk. Isn’t that what you wanted? Peace?”

“It is.” Dream stretches, and stays sitting, though his body is hard-wired with tension. “I was really hoping to come here without… I don’t know. Being attacked.”

Wilbur’s heart drops. He hides the look on his face.

“Well, you got your wish,” he says, as lightly as he can, “look around. I told you that this was a… conflict free zone, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Dream says, regretfully, “and, I was really hoping to believe you. But Tubbo dropped by yesterday. Told us about the… uhm, the bomb, really, that you’re building. Told us about the several bombs you’re building, actually.”

Wilbur’s free hand slips to his pocket, and begins typing a frantic message into his communicator.

“And,” the younger leader continues, voice growing steely, “I know Sapnap’s hiding behind the door I just entered through, ready to stab me on the way back out.”

The world holds its breath. Wilbur is silent, damningly silent, for a long moment, before he lets the grin slide over his face, too-wide, too-mean, because it’s what he is.

“Well, I should’ve known,” he laughs, roughly, to hide his own building panic, “I should’ve expected you’d pick up on something that obvious.”

“Come on, Wilbur. You don’t give yourself enough credit,” Dream says, and when he pulls the mask from his face, his eyes are cold, “I mean, you did anticipate that, right? That’s why you sent your men to my base, right? To kidnap my soldiers while I can’t defend them?”

Fuck.

Fuck.

“But, uhm, here’s the thing.” Dream leans back, and that’s apparently the signal: Tommy, Tubbo and Fundy stride in, not uniformed, like Wilbur’s men, but covered from head to toe in polished netherite armour, glinting dully in the torchlight. They drag in a bound and humiliated Sapnap, George and Punz. “I set up a couple of traps around camp, just in case that happened. And look what’s happened.”

Wilbur says nothing. Tommy, grinning at Dream with dirt-splattered skin, does.

“Happened exactly like you said it would,” the sixteen year old says cheerfully, “we were sitting, looking all innocent and harmless-”

“You were stabbing training dummies and telling Fundy he was next,” Tubbo interrupts, “that’s not exactly harmless looking.”

“-and then we heard shouts from behind us. We turned round, and fuckin’-” Tommy claps a hand over his mouth to hide his snickers, “-Fuckin’ GeorgeNotFound is there, caught in the deepest fucking obsidian pit, and Punz is like, hanging over a tree, like Dumb an’ Dumber.”

“And then we saw Sapnap loitering outside too when we came here like you said,” Fundy says nonchalantly, “and I really kind of wanted to knock him out, so I knocked him out.”

“I fucking hate foxes,” Sapnap mutters, “I’m gona target every fox I see from now on.”

Dream’s mask is obscuring his face again - had been the moment his old friends had been brought into the room. He fiddles with it now, even as Wilbur attempts to discreetly get up, heading for the emergency supplies he keeps under his desk. “I put those traps up as a decoy for the actual traps,” Dream says, amused, “I thought they’d see those ones and avoid them.”

“Well, thanks, Dream, you thought wrong,” George says grouchily, embarrassed, if the flush on his cheeks is anything to go by, “let us go. We haven’t even done anything.”

“Well, you were going to.” Dream gets to his feet, and then there’s a sword in his hands, levelling at George’s neck. His old best friend goes still. “And you betrayed me. And you were going to hurt my allies. And you were more than happy with Wilbur planning to blow us up.”

“Dream,” George says nervously, discomfort in his voice, “don’t-”

“It’s your choice, Wilbur,” Dream calls over his shoulder calmly, “either you watch me take a life from your men, or you surrender, and you all live. It’s up to you.”

Wilbur freezes in place. What kind of choice is that?

“You wouldn’t,” Sapnap snaps, “you wouldn’t dare, Dream.”

Dream doesn’t even look at him. They’ve got bitter blood between them since their fight, and though Dream’s expression is half-regretful, it holds firm. “Do you really want to find that out the hard way, Sapnap?”

It’s not a choice at all, except it is, because he really doesn’t care much about GeorgeNotFound - fond of him, sure, but he cares more about his cause than him. Except it isn’t, because George will stop following him, and then Sapnap and Punz will, and he’ll have nobody. The Badlands are busy doing their own thing, nobody else wants to get involved - if he lets his current allies lose lives, then he’ll be utterly alone, and will have to surrender anyway.

So through gritted teeth, damning the ground Dream stands on, Wilbur surrenders. Dream smiles through lips pressed together as Fundy and Tubbo high-five and Tommy whoops, and it’s only after the peace treaty is drafted and signed that Wilbur remembers Dream cares too much about George and Sapnap and Punz to ever let them come to real harm.

But Dream’s side celebrate their victory, and Wilbur stews in his rooms, thoroughly shaken, and thoroughly angry.

Not thoroughly beaten. Punz taps out of the fight; but Sapnap and George are angrier than ever at Dream. Wilbur keeps this in mind. Wilbur keeps a lot of things in mind.

He’s mindful of everything that has transpired when Tommy knocks on his door that night, nervous, still smudged with dirt and flushed from spending the night dancing and celebrating.

“Hey, Wil,” his brother says, trying for optimistic, “I’ve come to get my disks back.”

Wilbur remembers the trust in Tommy’s eyes when he’d given him the disks, sees the trust in his eyes now asking for them back.

His own thoughts echo back to him. Whatever it takes.

“I think I’m going to hang onto them for a bit,” Wilbur says, “unless you can do a few things for me.”

The trust shatters.

Tommy leaves that night bitter and disillusioned and a spy for his older brother. Anything, he’d said, lowly, for my disks.

And maybe it makes Wilbur a dick, but the thought of the look on Dream’s face when he’s inevitably betrayed makes him smile as he watches Tommy leave.

Whatever it takes, he tells himself, and prepares for Plan B.

[curiousscientistkae]

Okay imma just ramble I just needed an excuse lmao so under the cut stuff cause while some stuff I won't spoil I might get long

@twinklecupcake​ @julietthefooliet​

So yeah Glimmer would be in the Horde. Like Adora in Canon she was taken as a baby, has no idea about her birth family or anything. Due to never connecting with the runestone since she was taken so long ago she has black hair (I saw somewhere a HC of without powers Glim would have black hair and I liked that).

She has a similar upbringing as Canon adora. Shadow Weaver watched over her idk much past that with her tho sorry ;; and with the rest of the squad. I am debating how much I want Catra in since she would be close to Glimmer and/or if ill rewrite her to not be a total piece of shit but this story is about Adora and Glimmer so

Meanwhile Adora she also still doesn't know who are birth parents are. All she knows is George and Lance found her as a baby and took her in l. So she grew up along side Bow (love to tease him she is 9 months older) and his brother. I actually have been working on names for the brothers idk how much they would all appear but

Not so much a spoiler but the eldest who was much older than Bow and Adora died in battle when they were young, hence why George doesn't want anyone else to fight and gives Bow and Adora more motivation to fight–fight in honor of their brother

Thats the base stuff I have rn. The three do meet up in the woods again, probably Glimmer also was like realized the horde was bad and left something like that yadda yadda and they return to Brightmoon to fight the Horde

The other main things are Angella has no clue Glimmer is her kid. After so many failed attempts to locate her daughter she doesn't want to be let down again and between that and the death of Micah, she is VERY closed off and very over protective of Adora and Bow since they would be about her child’s age. Uh First One’s also arent around neither does horde prime. Easier for me and also just fuck it get rid of some stupid shit that makes my brain hurt. Im not rewatching the show its my story now

and uh finally i guess since Glimmer doesn’t have powers and is more of the fighter (adora still knows how to fight but not as much as she wants to) Adora has the magic powers to balance everything out. Still working out how that works but its gonna be fun

i feel like I am missing somethingbut aksgjbsakgja i dont want to give the spoilers of big stuff I do have but yeeeeeeee thats my role swap au. Probably wont do it until werewolf au is over but if/when I do this, i feel like its gonna be a long story so its good I have werewolf rn so i can put this together.

[insanelycooljk]

IF UR STILL DOIN THESE can i ask about your roleswap au? oR the evan is a compulsive liar one, whichever! @bandtrees

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it  

(you can read my reply about the “maybe evan really IS a compulsive liar” one here)

Oh boy the roleswap au... honestly this is an idea I’ve had for a really long time that I kind of forgot about, but then Kayla’s jared dies! au inspired me to revisit it. In a suprise to absolutely no one lmao, there’s a whole lot of angst. Like, I’d kind of forgotten what the plot was, and when I went back and read over my notes for it the other day I made MYSELF cry. So uhhh, yeah, this one’s gonna hurt

The concept is very simple, and I’m sure has been done before, but basically Evan and Connor (and Jared and Zoe to an extent) swap roles. So Evan dies, and Connor writes a therapy letter which gets mistaken for Evan’s suicide note. On that, obviously trigger warning for suicide.

Alright so this wip still needs a lot of work because I’m still trying to narrow it down to a single cohesive plot and figure out how to keep it in character (for instance I just can’t see Connor forming the equivalent of The Connor Project and dragging out the lie to that extent) But, here’s what I’ve got at the moment!

The first day of school is almost identical to canon, so I won’t get into that, but Evan still had his attempt over the summer and hence has his broken arm. I mean yeah, maybe Evan’s dialogue is a little different because he’s struggling more with his depression, but I don’t see his second attempt as necessarily being planned. It’s more of an impromptu “finish what I started” decision he makes after having an awful first day back at school

The only real change from canon at this point is the letter. It’s a therapy assignment for Connor rather than Evan.

The scene where Evan prints his letter and Connor signs his cast is essentially the same as canon too, except obviously Connor is the one writing the letter. Evan is just in the library to print out some homework or something for school.

After they talk/Connor signs his cast, Evan goes over to the printer to grab his own thing, and sees the page underneath has “Dear Connor Murphy” written at the top. Evan assumes it’s Connor’s, so in an attempt to be nice, grabs it as well.

Aaaaand here’s where the angst really starts. Originally I was going to do a whole kleinphy thing by fully switching Zoe and Jared. But then I had an excellent (aka horrible) idea.

So Connor’s finished letter still follows the same format of Evan’s as [today was NOT an amazing day] [talking about Zoe/Jared] [sad shit].

Except here’s the thing. The morning was essentially the same as canon, which means Jared still made the awful school shooter joke. So sure, Connor mentions Jared in his letter, but he’s got nothing nice to say. As he’s venting about how today wasn’t an amazing day, he writes a few lines about how Jared is a fucking asshole and he can’t believe he ever thought that they could actually be friends.

... Yeah. I’m sure you can already guess how that is going to turn out :(

But the angst doesn’t stop there. Evan clearly isn’t going to see Jared’s name in Connor’s letter and freak out because he thinks Connor has a crush on him. That just... makes zero sense lmao. But you know what Evan might think when he sees Jared’s name? Especially after Jared was a dick to Evan at the start of the day?

That they’re making fun of him.

“D-did Jared put you up to this?”

“… What?”

“He… you’re making fun of me. Both of you.”

Connor can see Evan’s spiralling into some sort of panic attack, knows he probably shouldn’t push but he’s got no clue what the fuck Evan is talking about.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“That’s why you came to apologise and-, and why you signed my cast, you two are making fun of me.”

“What? I wasn’t-“

Evan’s not even listening, he just keeps talking like he can’t hear Connor at all.

“I can’t believe I thought you were being nice to me.” He chokes out a bitter laugh that sounds more like sob. “But no, it’s just one of Jared’s stupid jokes.”

Connor’s speechless. Has no clue what to say because this just makes no fucking sense at all.

Evan’s full-on hyperventilating now, taking these huge shuddering breaths. Connor’s kind of worried Evan might pass out on him if he doesn’t do something

“Evan hey, just breathe.”

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, finally making eye contact. “I-I have to, have to go.”

And then Evan runs out of the room because he’s definitely having a panic attack and he needs to get away.

Connor is just kind of standing there staring at the door, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. Feels like shit because he was actually enjoying talking to Evan, but no somehow he managed to ruin it. 

It takes Connor a minute before he realises Evan still has his letter. He calls out after Evan but he’s long gone.

Then we switch to Heidi’s POV. She gets a phone call while at work from Evan’s therapist’s office saying he never showed up to his appointment after school.

Heidi never forgives herself for this after the fact, but her first reaction is to feel kind of annoyed. She knew Evan didn’t want to go to his session today when she booked it, but she was just trying to do the right thing because she knows Evan always struggles starting back at school. Plus therapy costs money, they don’t exactly give you a refund/cancellation fee for not showing up, and they just can’t afford to be paying for therapy sessions Evan isn’t even attending right now.

She is a little concerned though. It’s not the first time Evan’s skipped an appointment, but he usually only does it if he’s had a particularly bad panic attack that day. But she isn’t worried enough to leave work early, which kills her later. Heidi wonders if she had of gone straight home if she could’ve been there quick enough.

I don’t want to go into this in too much detail, but I’m thinking Evan ODs. The tree thing didn’t work out last time so he figures he better try something else. He feels bad that this definitely couldn’t be interpretted as an accident like his fall was, but he just... doesn’t care anymore.

And god, Heidi finds him when she gets home from work, and somehow her being a nurse makes it so much worse because she knows it’s too late. Of course she still tries everything she can, and she kind of dissociates into work mode so she can put some of her panic aside, but she knows.

But... I don’t really want to write that because it’s too sad even for me lol. So the scene will probably just end with Heidi coming home and getting a bad feeling when she calls out to Evan and he doesn’t reply. It’s not the most out of character thing, because Heidi’s assuming he must have had a really bad panic attack since he ditched therapy, so he’s probably exhausted and having a sleep. But when she goes to Evan’s room to check on him her heart stops.

The next couple of days Connor mirrors Evan in canon. He’s getting antsy that Evan stole his letter and now hasn’t been at school.

I haven’t quite worked out what Zoe’s role will be yet, so I’m not sure if she’ll act as Connor’s sole confidant (like Jared is for Evan) or not. It’d make sense since Jared is kind of taking Zoe’s place, but I just don’t think it will work given the current state of her and Connor’s relationship. Either way, whether he told Zoe or not, Connor is getting really paranoid about Evan/the letter.

It’s been 3 days now since Evan took his letter and he’s still not at school.

Jared’s been away too, but he’s back today and is acting really fucking weird. He’s wearing like... a plain hoodie or something which is very unlike Jared, and he just looks really exhausted and has none of his usual arrogance. Plus he keeps staring at Connor and giving him these weird looks.

Connor’s so stressed about this stupid letter that he’s contemplating asking Jared where the hell Evan is, but he’s seriously freaking Connor out right now.

Before Connor has a chance to make up his mind about whether he should try to talk to Jared, he gets called to the principal’s office. And so the lie begins lmao.

But god... the amount of extra angst of NOT going the kleinphy route and instead having Connor write bad things about Jared in the letter is just... pure evil genius if I do say so myself

Like, imagine Jared’s parents going to see Heidi and do whatever they can to be there for her and make sure she’s ok, and Jared kind of numbly getting ready to go with them, only for his parents to explain that Heidi doesn’t exactly want to see him right now because of what Evan wrote in his note... ouch.

And god that just makes Jared sick to his stomach because what the hell did Evan say about him? And once he gets to actually read the “note” himself he really is sick.

And since his family is obviously very close with Heidi it really puts a strain on Jared’s relationship with his parents too, because they’re clearly extremely disappointed in him for doing whatever it was that made Evan write THAT

Just the whole Kleinman/Hansen dynamic would be so complicated. (but it will be fun to write!)

And oh boy... remember the amount of horrific hate Zoe recieved when Alana posted Evan’s letter online? Connor’s letter outright says something along of the lines of Jared is a fucking asshole/why did I ever think we could possibly be friends/etc. I haven’t worked out the exact wording yet because getting the letter right is just... so critical to the fic lol, but yeah if it gets posted online? yikes.

So anyway, that’s the roleswap au. I’m still working out the more specific plot details of this one, but I think it’s got some alright potential. There’s going to be a lot of tension between Jared and Connor as Jared struggles to decide whether or not he believes Connor, and as Connor finds it increasingly difficult to lie to Jared. Hmm you know on second thought maybe a kleinphy subplot doesn’t sound so bad 🤔 but just more of a slowburn angle which doesn’t start until after Evan dies... much to think about hahaha

I like to think Jared works out the truth on his own eventually, which leads to a gfy-esque fight. And whilst Zoe might take on Jared’s role in a way, Alana will be pretty much the same as she is in canon. Because for her it was always more about the message of the project than the actual person.

[ironinkpen]

"Lance and Keith, Neck and Neck”

Alternatively Titled: Here’s How Black Paladin Lance Can Still Win Lmao

Before you ask, no. No I do not have anything better to do.

This meta is going to be stupidly long (like... 4k words.... yikes.....) so tl;dr before we start: I think that 1. Lance is going to pilot the Black Lion at some point, 2. Keith is going to pilot Red again at some point, and 3. they miiiight share lions? Blah blah blah, general disclaimer, I’m probably wrong but whatever.

Alright, now strap the hell in:

I know it seems kind of silly to write a meta for what appears to be a done deal. Like Coran says, the Black Lion has to decide who her pilot is, and she did. it’s Keith. And Lance is Red’s, and Allura is Blue’s. That’s it, we’re done, here are our new team dynamics, let’s move forward now.

But I think there were hints throughout the season that the lion swap isn’t... complete yet. That we’re still waiting for some other shoe to drop when it comes to the Black and Red Lions. Because Lance and Keith’s swaps into them were just plain weird.

There are three major components of Allura’s transition into Blue: Lance’s goodbye, the “passing of the baton,” so to speak, and a Moment of Realization. 

After being locked out by Blue and finding himself seated in the Red Lion’s chair instead, Lance takes a (really bittersweet and fuck i’m still crying) moment after the battle to say goodbye to Blue. This scene has two important functions: 1. it sets the scene for when Allura comes in (in her badass new paladin armor) and the two talk and 2. it gives both Lance and the viewer closure about his partnership with Blue. Lance reflects on their adventures, on how he wishes he could say with her but knows that he can’t, and then just. Lets go.

Keith does not get a scene like this with Red.

In fact, not only does Keith not say goodbye to Red-- he barely interacts with her at all this season, other than when he flies her around to look for Shiro in the first episode. There’s no sense of closure. Just last season, Red activated - independently - twice to save Keith (both in the episode where he and Allura run away from the castle and the one with the Blades of Marmora), something none of the other lions have done for their paladins, and now we’re supposed to buy that their relationship is just over, with no goodbye necessary?

It’s just. Weird. And I think this weirdness is on purpose. It would have been easy to have a concurrent “Keith says goodbye to Red" scene while Lance said goodbye to Blue. But, not only did they not include it, later on in the season when Lance goes to talk to Keith about the whole “six paladins” situation, he says that when Shiro returns to the Black Lion,

“Your Red Lion.” And Keith doesn’t once deny this assertion that Red is his during this conversation. He doesn’t deny wanting to go back to her.

Moving on:

There’s this. Right after Lance says goodbye to Blue, he and Allura have a talk, and Lance hands Allura his bayard. This scene is significant for loads of reasons, but one of the coolest things about it is the focus on their hands. It’s framed like a passing of a baton. Lance quite literally passes on his Blue Paladin position to Allura by handing off his bayard. It feels permanent.

But, again, there is no such scene between Keith and Lance. We never see Keith giving him the red bayard, and the two don’t talk about it like Allura and Lance do. There’s no passing of the baton when it comes to the Red Paladin role. 

And, for that matter, we don’t really see Keith picking up the black bayard for the first time either. The Black Paladin’s bayard has carried so much narrative weight these past two seasons. And... it’s Shiro’s bayard, Keith says so himself in season 2. There was a lot about Keith struggling with Shiro’s loss this season, but why leave the black bayard out of the equation? Shouldn’t there have at least been a scene where Keith activates it for the first time? Or something?

Keith’s arc thus far has been all about identity and learning about who he is. Like, just look at the scene above where he unlocks the blade of marmora and discovers his Galra heritage. If we’re really supposed to buy that a big part of Keith’s identity is "being a leader,” shouldn’t there have been a similarly dramatic scene when he became black paladin? We see both Lance and Keith using their new bayards, but nothing about them unlocking them (and Lance has apparently unlocked a new form!! What the heck!!!). The scene we get, with Keith sitting in the Black Lion is just... sad. Mournful. When I watch it, I don’t see a leader taking his rightful place, I see a boy who’s been shoved into a job he doesn’t want and just misses his friend.

Even when “Shiro” (pssst he’s a clone) comes back and is rejected by the Black Lion, the conversation the two of them have about the passing on of responsibility doesn’t have the same air to it as Lance and Allura’s about Blue. Allura takes the bayard (and the responsibility) with determination. Meanwhile, Keith, despite having lead Voltron for several weeks(?) at the point of “Shiro’s” return, still seems resistant to the idea. He hasn’t settled into his new role.

We don’t get the sense of Keith really taking the baton he’s been handed by Shiro yet.

The final way Lance and Keith’s transitions to new lions differ from Allura’s is in a moment of understanding. During episode 3, Allura really “locks in” her position as the Blue Paladin by connecting with Blue on an emotional level. This is the scene where Allura realizes what her and Blue’s partnership is going to be built on-- a willingness to open up and rely on others. We see similar scenes in earlier seasons with Hunk (who is able to unlock the Yellow Lion’s ability after realizing that he wants to fight with for the sake of other people, like Shay) and Pidge (who is able to wake up a shorted out Green Lion after realizing how connected she is to others via Green’s element, the forest). 

And - you guessed it - we don’t get any scenes like this in season 3 for Lance and Keith.

We don’t see Lance take Red’s controls for the first time. We don’t see Keith have any real moment of connection to Black, besides when the two of them find “Shiro”. Neither of the new Paladin-Lion pairs seems to interact at all, besides when Keith begs Black not to make him her paladin and Red growls at Lance to be her paladin.

As of yet, neither has seemed to really “click” with their new lion, unlike Allura, whose transition into Blue Paladin gives us a) a moment of goodbye between the old lion-paladin pair b) a moment where the responsibility is passed from the original paladin to the other and c) a moment where the lion and the paladin connect. Again, the keyword here is “closure.” Her transition into Blue feels official, for lack of better word. When that particle barrier drops in episode 2, we really get the sense that “oh, this is where she belongs.”

We... don’t really get that with Lance and Keith. When Lance took the Red Lion, I didn’t get this triumphant moment of “oh, this was his true place all along.” And the same goes for Keith. The two of them don’t seem like “The New Red Paladin” or “The New Black Paladin.” They almost exist in a sort of limbo, without official roles.

Lance, for his part, seems to recognize this.

He doesn’t see himself as having a rightful place within the team. When “Shiro” (clone clone clone) comes back, he expresses concern about this. Lance sees Allura as the full fledged Blue Paladin. Meanwhile, he doesn’t see himself as belonging in Red or Blue. And while he views Keith as belonging in Red (again, “your Red Lion”), he also addresses Keith as the leader (a trait belonging to Black). Keith appears to be caught between roles, while Lance seems to see himself as just not having one.

Even in-universe, the characters seem to acknowledge that something’s fishy about their swap.

This problem seems to resolve itself when the Black Lion rejects Shiro. Of course they’re in their rightful places-- if Black rejected Shiro for Keith, then clearly Keith’s the true Black Paladin. Which means that Lance has to be the red one by process of elimination.

But, as I maintain that the “Shiro” that Black rejected is actually a clone, I don’t think we’ve genuinely gotten a scene where Black chooses Keith over the real Shiro as leader. Which means that Lance and Keith’s positions on the team are still up in the air.

What does this have to do with Lance in Black? And Keith in Red? And lion sharing? Lance tried to pilot Black already, and he was rejected. He’s not meant to be leader. It’s a done deal.

But... is it?

When the team all present themselves to the Black Lion to see who’ll become the next Black Paladin, Allura puts her hands on the controls and kinda kicks off a humorous montage of she, Pidge, and Hunk trying their hand at activating Black. Allura makes a face, Pidge struggles to reach the controls, Hunk sits down and is immediately like “nope,” all while happy, campy music plays in the background.

And then, Lance sits down. And there’s a complete tonal shift. The music stops. Things get really quiet. There’s a real focus on him.

We as viewers are meant to take Lance’s attempt at piloting Black seriously. With Allura, Pidge, and Hunk, there’s this underlying feeling of “oh, they already have a place (or, in Allura’s case, she’s meant to be somewhere else), so none of them are going to pilot Black,” hence the silliness. But Lance... Lance sits down and it’s not funny. He’s genuinely trying to be Black’s paladin.

But he gets rejected. Why?

You could argue that he’s not qualified (I’ll get into that later because that’s false), but the main reason I think that Black chose Keith over Lance here is that a) at this moment Lance wanted to be her paladin for the wrong reasons (ie to prove himself) and b) Keith and Black’s goals line up. They both want to save Shiro. 

Take a look at the scene where Keith pilots Black for the first time. Nothing in this scene is really about “being a born leader” or whatever. It’s about Keith and Black working together for a common goal: protecting Shiro. 

Is it that far a stretch to say that Black has chosen to work with Keith again for the same reason?

Keith is the only paladin that we see actively search for Shiro after he disappears. Everyone else seems to be trying to move on at the point that season 3 starts. But, Keith isn’t. And I think that that’s what he and Black’s partnership is built upon. Because the main moment of connection between Keith and Black in season 3 is-

-when they look for and find “Shiro.”

Keith, along with being one of, if not the most, competent fighters of the team, is also the paladin that wants the most to bring Shiro back. Which seems to be what Black wants, as well.

But, like I said earlier, there’s this sense that Keith isn’t Black’s One True Paladin, or that the lion swap is as clear cut as it seems. And it all comes back to Lance:

This line was a whammy to me, and I think it sums up the impression I've gotten throughout the series: we’re still waiting for Lance’s “moment,” so to speak. While every other character has had an arc that helped really define that character - Pidge learns that she has to help others on her journey to find her missing family (both in s1 when Lance gets hurt and in s2 with the Olkari), Hunk realizes that he wants to keep fighting with Voltron to protect people like Shay, Keith learns about his heritage via the Blade of Marmora and realizes that it doesn’t define who he is now, and Allura realizes that she needs the help of others to save the universe and that she can’t do it alone (her “I need your help” to Blue in s3 was just. wow) - I don’t really think Lance has had such an arc yet. We haven’t really had a moment where something about his character really snaps into place for the viewer.

Maybe we just need to see more of Lance in Red for things to really click together. But, I genuinely think what we’re really waiting for is for Black to respond to Lance.

Like I said, I think the main reason that Black rejects Lance, besides the whole finding Shiro thing, is because, when Lance put his hands on those controls, he wanted to pilot her for the wrong reasons. Lance was treating piloting the Black Lion as “his moment.” He's a guy who’s really tied to his ego, and what he wanted was to prove that he could be a leader. But, that’s not reason enough to become a leader. So Black turned him away.

But immediately after that? He changes his tune. He throws his full support behind Keith, counsels him, encourages him and the others (notably Allura), and keeps the team together (in fact, he’s quite literally the character that keeps the team together in s3ep3, when he argues with Keith about him separating the team). 

And I think that that’s what makes him leadership material.

Allura says differently, telling Lance that his decision to support Keith and become his right hand man makes him,

But I’d argue that Lance isn’t really all that similar to Alfor. Or, at least, not in that way. Unlike Alfor, Lance wants to be Black Paladin. And while Alfor steps down because he acknowledges Zarkon as a better military leader, Lance steps down because a) the Black Lion chose Keith and he respects that decision and b) recognizes that being the Black paladin isn’t about having “your moment”-- it’s about leading the team, and pursuing Black for that purpose was wrong. 

Keith parallels Alfor more than Lance does, in my opinion. 

Running ahead of the group? 

Does that sound like anybody we know lmao?

Not only that, but Keith and Alfor each show an unwillingness to be Black Paladin, both arguing that they’re not suited for the position. And, the real whammy:

And:

The sword is. Literally the Red Paladin’s weapon. All of this, combined with Keith and Red’s close bond (she! saved! him! twice! last! season!), Keith’s compatibility with the Red Paladin’s traits (”temperamental,” “fastest and most agile,” “unstable” (see the entire first half of season 3 lol), etc.) the weird lack of closure between Keith and Red during the lion swap, Keith having some trouble flying Black and finding her too slow for him (and Lance finding Red too fast... hm....), and Lance referring to Red as ‘Keith’s lion’ makes me think that Red and Keith’s story together isn’t finished yet.

As for Lance? Despite his initial rejection by the Black Lion, I still think we’re going to see him pilot her in some capacity at some point in this series, even if I’m wrong about everything else in this meta lmao. Season 3 was characterized by what I think was Lance quietly taking on some of the responsibilities of leadership that Shiro left behind.

He’s the character that stresses the importance of teamwork throughout the season. Keith, whom I love to bits, is more inclined to want to hit hard and fast, hence his aggressive pursuit of Lotor in this episode. It’s Lance that gets him to step back and slow down so as to not leave his team behind. And when Keith runs ahead-

It’s Lance who gets everyone to stick together.

Lance is also the character we see most supporting and encouraging others in season 3, most notably Keith and Allura. He tells Allura that he’s honored to have lost Blue to her and, adorably, apparently tried to mentor her on how to fly Blue-

-which didn’t go well because she yelled at him too haha. As for Keith, Lance is the one who really pushes him to accept his position as Black Paladin. But he also falls into the role of being Keith’s voice of reason. He’s arguably Keith’s biggest supporter, but he’s also Keith’s greatest critic if need be, which we see in episode 3. 

I think this scene really sums it up:

When Keith realizes he fucked up, Lance does two really cool things: he says “lol yeah you did” and then he says “but now we gotta fix it.” We. Lance shows an ability to call other people out on their mistakes while also saying “but I’m still in your corner, no matter what.”

The maturity he displays here, and in other spots throughout the season (specifically his acceptance of Black’s decision and his passing of Blue to Allura), really screams “leader” to me. 

And then there’s arguably the most important leaderly thing Lance brings to the table: his ability to communicate.

Just... honestly take a look at the entirety of this fight sequence. It’s so organized. Lance is the social guy, and it really works to his advantage when it comes to coordinating with others. Hunk voices a concern? Lance offers an explanation for his actions. He’s also a really clever guy, coming up with interesting work-around solutions to problems (flipping the blue lion to make that shot in this fight, and then later on in the season shooting the control panel to keep more guards from coming into the room they’re in).

And when he can’t find a solution to a problem himself?

He asks for the opinions of others. Lance takes charge in this scene, and the battle is characterized by communication with and listening to the people he’s working with. Which is a problem the team later runs into during episode 3 against Lotor on the gas planet. If you compare the two fights, this one is the more cohesive one, for the sole reason that it involves more communication between team members.

Because, if there’s anything that definitely characterizes Lance, it’s that he’s the one we see talking to people the most out of the rest of team Voltron. And that’s good for a leader. He makes sure everyone’s okay (”Allura, are you doing alright in Blue?”), offers support, voices concerns and often asks questions, gives frequent warnings to others in battle (”Hunk you’ve got a fighter on your six” “Guys! Fighter!”), and asks them for ideas when he’s lost.

Lance is the character who facilitates communication between the others. He’s also the one who “assembles Voltron” for the first time, so to speak. He drags Hunk over to Pidge, and then Hunk and Pidge over to Keith and Shiro. He’s the one who brings the team to the Castle, and is the first to interact with Allura and Coran. He’s, in a way, the social center of the group, and the character who was the first to form connections with most of the others.

And the rest of the team kinda seems to acknowledge this on some level. He’s the one they look to when Keith’s having trouble. They naturally expect him to handle the situation. 

When Allura describes the black paladin, she talks about a “born leader that is in control at all times.” Someone, she says, “whose men will follow without hesitation.” And I think that Lance, after being rejected by Black, begins to fall into that role. He shows maturity and stability in the face of this lion change. Others look to him for help. They actually listen to him when he tells them what to do (re: “Keith, don’t do this!”). 

He really just had to make that initial choice between his “need for glory” and the team, and then he like. Started to slowly become the leader Voltron needed.

So, where does lion sharing fit into all of this?

Well, for one, I don’t think we should necessarily count Keith out as Black Paladin yet. Black did choose him-- I just think we’re waiting for another shoe to drop, the shoe being Lance. Keith does begin to take charge and fit into his new role towards the end of the season, bringing everyone together to form Voltron, comforting Allura after the loss of the comet, trying (and arguably failing but eh) to comfort Lance over the whole “six paladins” thing (including trying to stay behind on the mission so that Lance can pilot Red!), etc. Plus, the scene in episode 6 where Keith maneuvers Voltron out of the way of the laser really had me feeling some leadership Keith vibes. Ultimately, I think that Lance and Keith are two different types of leaders. Lance is good at strategy and communication, while Keith has good instincts and fighting skill. So... I think we might be looking at a coleadership situation.

Lance’s somewhat delusional rambling about Keith being his Garrison rival here sets a precedent: Lance and Keith are “neck and neck.” Wherever one is, the other isn’t far behind. And this holds up narratively. Keith’s a fighter pilot? Lance takes Keith’s spot when he drops out. Keith goes to rescue Shiro? Lance goes to rescue Shiro. Lance becomes a paladin? Keith becomes a paladin. Keith becomes the red paladin? Lance becomes the red paladin. Keith becomes the black paladin...? 

Hm.

Lance and Keith, since their introduction, have been coded as two halves of a pair. At first that relationship begins as slightly antagonistic (tbh the better word would probably be petty lmao), but then:

They’re a team. 

The inclusion of this little moment between Keith and Lance means something. Their partnership is emphasized here. The background is purple, a combination of their two established colors, red and blue.

The same thing happens here:

In this scene, which is arguably the turning point in season 3, blue and red come together in the middle to make purple. This is the scene where Keith and Lance finally strike their balance, Lance getting Keith to stop his pursuit of Lotor in order to look out for the team. It’s in the purple area of the shot that Lance and Keith are having their conversation-- literally meeting in the middle.

And, you know, the Black Lion’s quintessence is purple, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. The two of them need each other to properly lead the team, no matter what lion each is in. Just take another look at that shot where Keith and Lance are carrying Shiro-- it’s the two of them, blue and red, holding up Shiro, purple, between the two of them. And they do it together.

So, why wouldn’t Lance also carry half of the burden of the Black Lion with Keith?

Honestly, though, even if he doesn’t and I’m totally wrong, I don’t really mind. Black Paladin Keith has been fun so far, and has opened the door to some really cool team dynamics. Lance and Keith have already fallen into a sort of coleadership, so if things progress as they are, I can see it being just as compelling and interesting. But, I do still think that we’ll see Lance in Black at least once.

Anyway, this is long as fucking balls so I’ll stop here (got another Black Paladin Lance post if you wanna hear more rambling though lol). But, as a parting shot, I’ll leave you with this:

In the scene where Allura is assigning the lions, both Keith and Lance are shown in the shot with the Red Lion, seemingly foreshadowing Lance’s future role as the Red Lion’s paladin. And in the shot where she assigns the Black Lion, we can see Shiro, Keith, and, just barely-

-Lance.

[zekessanctuary]

Yan Jie movie recap: 神算子蔣敬 / Inn on Fire (Divine Mathematician Jiang Jing)

Today, I’ll be recapping 神算子蔣敬, aka Inn on Fire (aka Divine Mathematician Jiang Jing). And by recapping, I mean more like fangirling and squealing aimlessly. SO! Onto the squeeing recap. Oh and I must mention that I watched this movie without any English subtitles which means I actually don’t know what is entirely going on in the story (LOL). 

Other recaps:  杀出太平镇 / Killing Taiping Town

In this movie, Yan Jie plays a character named Jiang Jing. The story takes place in 12th century Song Dynasty China and starts off with a stormy night. Although it’s hard to see his entire face, I can instantly recognise it’s him. Probably due to having spent far too long studying his face. 

Since I don’t understand what he’s saying to himself in this scene, I’m going to guess from what he’s doing that he’s either an exiled General or he’s escaped from his duty due to some terrible incident just before this. I think he’s on the run because later, we find out that he’s a wanted man with a bounty on his head. 

Gotta mention this scene though when he’s pouring wine: he’s lifted the wine bottle SO FAR UP ABOVE those wine bowls that the liquid is barely going in!! LOOK AT THEM SPLASH RIGHT OUT LMFAO and yet he just continues pouring the wine from one bowl to another. LOL what is there left to drink now?! Just sad, sad rain. 

Moving on, he’s removed his armor (omg why did he have to just stop there) and now dresses like a commoner. Enters an inn and asks for more wine. I really wasn’t so sure about this haircut at first - I mean, those... bangs... do they really go with that ancient Chinese style hair? But throughout the movie I got more and more used to it, and it doesn’t take away his cuteness so in the end I liked it. 

Turns out a couple of the other inn guests are there for the bounty on his head, a fight ensues and whoa THOSE SPINNY SPIKE THINGS flying out of Jiang Jing’s abacus! Dat 3D. 

Look at my Handsome Assassin (yes I still sometimes call him Handsome Assassin because of his role in Nirvana in Fire) pose as he holds his... abacus weapon. I mean, I did think it was a strange choice to choose an abacus as your primary weapon, but after googling it turns out this was based on some historical character who really did fight with an abacus. So. Yeah. Besides, he IS the Divine Mathematician after all, and the ancient calculator is therefore mightier than the sword. 

Back to the story. It turns out the enemies got to him anyway with their hidden blades so Jiang Jing drops his precious abacus and spews blood. Honestly he gets injured SO MANY TIMES in this film, I think I’m just going to gif every scene of him getting hurt now because apparently I enjoy watching my Handsome Assassin suffer: 

While he’s being tied up by the innkeeper lady after re-entering consciousness, I’m busy checking out his magnificent manly jaw and chin:

I’m guessing at this point that innkeeper lady wants the hefty bounty reward too, hence her capturing him. But! Due to Jiang Jing’s quick wits and dexterity, he blows out the single source of light in the room, i. e. the candle she holds close to him, and turns the table around by literally swapping his position with the innkeeper lady during those moments of darkness. He relights the candle and now she’s sitting all tied up where he was mere seconds before!

And he cockily throws a nut into his mouth. Everything in the previous sentence was intentional. 

Tons of other story stuff happen but I’m skipping details now as I’m mostly just focusing on his prettiness. Because honestly I’m struggling with following it due to lack of subtitles lmao.  AWWWW LOOK AT HIM HERE HE’S SO CUTE AAHHSADKJFLSKADJF;K

Innkeeper lady totally has the hots for Jiang Jing. She’s filling his wine bowl in this next scene, gets him super drunk and watches him with this hungry expression lmao:

Ooooo she makes a move while he’s barely holding it together. Nice juicy lips on Yan Jie, btw. 

Some bad guys charge in at this point, a fight breaks out and Jiang Jing appears to have some kind of ability to disable movements so all the enemies become frozen: 

However, boss of the bad guys is still conscious, he says something that angers Jiang Jing, probably that his motor disabling skills do not work cos the rest of the bad guys ended up moving anyway, so Jiang Jing’s face goes from:

to: 

Innkeeper lady gets captured and taken hostage by this point, so for a brief moment Jiang Jing lets his guard down and is beaten down a second time:

Unfortunately, the bad guys kill the innkeeper lady, much to Jiang Jing’s grief. But! TURNS OUT THIS WAS ALL A DREAM ANYWAY. Jiang Jing wakes up from his drunken slumber and leaves innkeeper lady, probably realizes that if he hangs around her his enemies would kill her too if he gets caught. 

Timeskip, he’s now doing some stuff with some officials to catch the bad guys. There’s a scene where he’s looking back with the weirdest expression on his face. LMFAO YAN JIE WHAT IS UP WITH THIS FACE?!

Oh my god my retelling of this story is all over the place. Jiang Jing returns back to innkeeper lady, they have some kind of disagreement then the bad guys enter AGAIN and Jiang Jing has to fight them again. This time he incorporates some waterbending shiz though, look at those super smooth fluid movements: 

And as always, the boss of the bad guys is the last one to deal with. Go on Jiang Jing, show him who’s really boss by beating him with your ancient calculator!! 

Unsurprisingly, Boss Bad Guy throws out a dirty trick and poisons our hero. Jiang Jing attempts to dodge it but to no avail, he then tries to steady his hand for one final blow... 

... before he passes out deliciously: 

dear god why HAVE I MADE THREE GIFS OF JUST HIM COLLAPSING wtf is wrong with me

Moving on swiftly, there is a whole crazy scene later at a campfire where Jiang Jing wakes up to find his innkeeper lady friend is also captured by the bad guys and the Boss Bad Guy wants to bang her, but in the previous fight, right before Jiang Jing faints from the poison, his last second move gave the Boss Bad Guy erectile dysfunction so Boss Bad Guy gets all mad and starts strangling Jiang Jing who laughs his ass off at him *breathes*

YEP THAT ALL HAPPENED. We can safely know that Jiang Jing didn’t actually get strangled to death here because the reward to bring him back alive is much higher. 

Anyhow, Boss Bad Guy also has a boss, we’ll call him Boss Boss Bad Guy. He shows up (well he’s been showing up throughout the entire movie, I just haven’t bothered to even mention him until just now), kills Boss Bad Guy (probably for being useless) and has a final fight with Jiang Jing in the inn (hey that rhymes). At this point, innkeeper lady has escaped to find help. 

So Jiang Jing vs Boss Boss Bad Guy/Ancient Calculator vs actual weapon:

Oh I somehow managed to capture this face of Boss Boss Bad Guy in the middle of the fight: 

Terrifying.

At some point in the fight, our hero finally realizes his abacus isn’t really that great for beating up corrupt officials so he bends and breaks it, causing its little spinny spike things (remember those?) to shoot out and severely injure Boss Boss Bad Guy. However this isn’t enough to take down the resilient villain, plus at the same time the spikes have smashed open most of the wine bottles around the inn. The entire room is now flooded with alcohol and the two resume their fight: 

Jiang Jing eventually gets overpowered as Boss Boss Bad Guy who ties him up with a chain, it feels like all hope is lost here: 

But then! In the nick of time, innkeeper lady brings back help from another group of people - I really didn’t understand who they were, perhaps more officials? Possibly. Anyway, so Boss Boss Bad Guy goes out to greet them and is met with a rainfall of arrows. The new arrivals shoot more fire arrows at the inn and, well, upon touching the alcohol-filled inn, the whole building gets set on fire. 

WAIT WHAT

BUT

Jiang Jing is still in there! All tied up!!  But nope, he somehow crawls his way out and hides safely inside a well just outside the inn, because later we see him climb out next morning. Let’s just forget about the fact that he was all tied up in chains eh:

Yaaaay he lives!! He finds a horse and manages to locate innkeeper lady in the middle of the desert. She pretends to be annoyed with him but he playfully grabs her and lifts her onto his horse, much to her excitement (look how happy she is!) and the two ride off romantically into the sunset. 

THE

END. 

My god, this is probably one of the worst things I’ve ever written (so far). There are 2 more to go, might as well rename this to Yan Jie’s movie butchering rather than recaps. Up next, 杀出太平镇 / Killing Taiping Town!