#helstarion

[eclipsecrowned]

✩ for helstarion // @luxsclaris

Send ‘✩’ for the following:

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Historically? Astarion. His two modes when sufficiently irked are 'eerily quiet' or 'sudden bombastic Newbon intensifies.' Cazador even calls that the party has not seen his 'fits of temper.' It doesn't happen all that often, if at all, but if it is going to happen... It's definitely more Astarion's style than Hel's.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

So I get this is meant to be in a serious context, but it's probably to running gag levels between them. That's it, Astarion cannot take Hel ignoring him to do her work any longer! He is taking Myshka and packing his bags and leaving! That's it! Hel can take his sticky fingers no longer! She is packing her little hankerchief and going to her mother's! It's a cheeky non-starter...

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

...because they both know they aren't going anywhere.

Who trashes the house?

Neither. They are perfectly happy with their little house in a glade, content to simply live and breathe for a time before going back into the world beyond. It's their own temple to what they've accomplished. They're not going to defile it.

Do either of them get physical?

Nope. Neither of them are that kind of partner, but if it did come down to nastiness... Words cut far deeper than blows.

How often do they argue/disagree?

So here's the thing. Astarion is an evil alignment, whereas Hel is decidedly not. They are always going to have differences in opinion and methodology. They are always going to oppose aspects of each other. But they also both understand where the other is coming from and seek only to shield them from undue consequences or short-sighted harm, not actively argue or try to change them. Hel is a fount of patience and understanding, where Astarion is both in awe of and greatly confused by her ability to be so, even against enemies. Likewise, Astarion is pragmatic and does not mince words, which Hel can appreciate in some cases and recognize as naked cruelty in others, so she will never condemn the act -- only the intent. It's a balancing act built on communication rather than needless confrontation.

Who is the first to apologise?

Hel will when she's wrong, or if it opens any kind of necessary communication between them. Astarion is slow to admit to his flaws, and likewise his virtues. He doesn't want to be wrong. Hel is trying to help him get used to the sensation and recognize it isn't 'losing' or 'weakness' via leading by example.

Sex:

Who is on top?

When it's just the two of them, Astarion. He flourishes in control and feels safest mentally when holding it. That's not to say he mistrusts Hel or anything, it's just that his trauma regarding agency/his own sexuality is still close to the surface. Once they gain a third partner, it fluctuates. Sometimes Astarion controls them both, sometimes their shared lover calls the shots, and on rare occasion Hel is a sweet but firm top to the both of them, coaxing rather than ordering.

Who is on the bottom?

Hel, 9 times out of 10. She isn't quite a pillow princess, but she enjoys submitting to Astarion greatly -- to a problematic degree in her bad end, honestly. But otherwise, it's just that she enjoys letting go for scarce moments in her otherwise orderly life. She enjoys making Astarion feel good in whatever way he deems best. She even extends that to their shared lover in the future.

Who has the strangest desires?

Look me in the eye and tell me 'Kelemvor's Grave Cleric-cum-Champion is fucking a Vampire Spawn' is not considered some kind of weird power play fetish by everyone around them. I mean, it's emphatically not a fetish thing on either side, but still, Hel takes it for some of the things she wants to do for Astarion.

Any kinks?

Obviously there's some heavy D/s agenda being pushed here from both sides, safely sanely and with overt consent. Per a discord thread with Ax, however, there's also overlapping desires towards impact play, bindings/restraint, begging, edging, hair-pulling, biting, marking... Negotiably, there's bloodplay, breathplay, and maybe some waxplay if Astarion is very, very careful. There's an element of breeding kink given who Hel is, but she's never outright admitted to it or asked to be catered to. She's a little shy about it, to be honest. Ax and I freely admit that while we never go for the Ascended route, the whole conceit of 'sexy dominating figure who uses all sorts of possessive pet names and power plays' is a part of sexual roleplay in their bedroom.

Who’s dominant in bed?

Astarion. Just. Astarion.

Is head ever in the equation?

Of course! Both love giving, but are receptive to receiving. Astarion in particular loves to go down on Hel for a long while before finally getting to the 'main course.'

If so, who is better at performing it?

Astarion. Let's be honest. The canon for Hel has always been she's a better carpet muncher than anything. He, meanwhile, is old hand at this.

Ever had sex in public?

They've had sex in the open, and behind unlocked doors, but never purely in public. Though they might tease each other terribly but subtly in full view of others, making a game of it.

Who moans the most?

Per canon scenes, Hel. She's loud. She didn't know she could feel the things he stirs in her. She is very vocal with Astarion, and he takes steps to actually ensure she be such.

Who leaves the most marks?

Astarion. Perhaps not intentionally, given Hel's propensity to bruise and be a delicate wilting flower of femininity, but it happens all the same. He leaves her bitten, bruised, and sore -- and she loves every second of it.

Who screams the loudest?

Hel's not much of a screamer, actually! She's vocal, but not making exaggerated or overt noises. Astarion, though... I mean... They were the sweetest --

Who is the more experienced of the two?

She was literally a 35 year old virgin before she met him. He was, unfortunately, forced to use his body to serve his master's aims. He has the experience between them.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

Depends on what they can handle. Due to Astarion's trauma and Hel's chronic conditions, sometimes they have to take things slow or table their plans. Other times, if all are ready and able, they go at it hard nasty as Kelemvor certainly did not intend. It is actually a gag between Ax and I that Astarion learns alchemy and starts brewing superior health potions just so he can get her to pound town more oftne.

Rough or soft?

At first, soft. Dialogue outlines as such, that Astarion didn't want to overwhelm the player their first time. Given Hel has a horrific 8 CON, this was reasonable and IC. However, one night Hel looks him dead in the eyes as he's trying to be slow an romantic and tells him 'Harder.' and it completely reframes their bedroom habits.

How long do they usually last?

I mean. 8 CON. As a standard mortal Hel can maybe make it two rounds before she has to tap out. Once she becomes Chosen and starts reaping some sweet rewards from Papa K, though... I mean, this is not what her god intended for her stat boosts, but it's what's happening. She's fucking a Vampire with them. For several rounds.

Is protection used?

Undead! 8 CON! No they do not use protection! It is irrelevant and does nothing their own physical states will no already negate.

Does it ever get boring?

Honestly? No. For them, sex is much more about intimacy than excitement or prowess. It's about trust and taking care of one another. Hel is demi while Astarion is... Astarion. Boring never enters the lexicon.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?

His grave. Definitely on top of his grave. Not just because of it being a grave, but because Hel is herself a Cleric of a death god. She had to lay down ground rules of 'only on your grave and only because you said so and hopefully I still have my powers come morning.'

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children?

Ha. So between her Constitution and his Undead nature, they never expect to have kids. In fact, they refer to their pet cat as their child post-canon for a long time. Plus, there's a lot for them both to unpack mentally before sharing their lives with anyone else. Still, several adventures and a lot of making peace later... Ax and I might have a plot involving a Dhampir...

If so, how many children do your muses want/have?

Via plotting, one of their own, and then the child Hel has with their shared partner. Two daughters, two dads, one blended family. The expectation/initial want was for none, but times change, circumstances arise, and characterization march on.

Who is the favorite parent?

Both girls love their Mama, don't get them wrong. But Astarion is the one they look to for guidance and to emulate. They both have a mean streak and deft hands that point to them favoring one dad over their shared mom.

Who is the authoritative parent?

Astarion is very good at teaching the girls to set boundaries and stand up for themselves. Hel is the one that has to actually set boundaries for them, because her husband is a very 'Do what thou wilt -- Within reason.' where Hel has to remind him 'They are 6 and 3, they do not possess reason!' and rein them in.

Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school?

Astarion thinks the girls need to go to school to prove they are better than everyone else, and Hel who has a piecemeal education past the age of 8 thinks they need to actually devote themselves to their studies. It's their partner who gets easily swayed with the idea the girls can learn more from observation and going at their own pace than in a structured environment.

Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around?

Hel. They're only going to be young once. Let them have the sweets while they can enjoy them recklessly and without consequence.

Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children?

Tell me Astarion is not that dad who takes ye olde teeball equivalent way too seriously and tells his kid to SEVER THEIR BLOODLINE DARLING! Like Hel and H*lsin are here for emotional support while Astarion is here to play hype man and inflict psychic damage on the opposing team.

Who goes to parent teacher interviews?

Helsin are discussing how they're going to help Hyacinth with her handwriting and teach Alraea to be kinder to her classmates, and thank the teachers for bringing these issues to their attention. Astarion, meanwhile, is saying it is the other children's fault that his daughter is using Vicious Mockery on them at playtime, and that have they considered it is the teacher that is wrong about Hya's clearly perfect penmanship?

Who changes the diapers?

Whole polycule. No idle hands on this ship.

Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby?

Hel, by necessity. Astarion will often keep her company when she does, though, take the baby to burp her when she's had her fill. Often just awed by the sight of his wife holding his child until then, though.

Who spends the most time with the children?

To the misfortune of the Sword Coast, Hel arises to divinity and her other mate is a community leader. Astarion is a wealthy twit with no day job. He's rocking that weekday warrior practically single dad life. The girls will be rotted out and spoiled by this fact.

Who packs their lunch boxes?

It doesn't matter. Lunch time rolls around, Alraea is jumping the schoolyard fence to hunt squirrels and other small woodland creatures for sport. Hyacinth has a big stick, an older sister who can cast Fire Bolt, and the hubris of a Dead God in approaching a honeybee hive. It doesn't matter what is in their packs, they are independent grade schoolers who can hunt and gather their own lunch.

Who gives their children ‘the talk’?

Hel is the only one that can be trusted to go about this logically. Astarion would start off fine I think but then get into teaching the girls about consent and start slipping. Hel would be able to hold her own the whole way through.

Who cleans up after the kids?

The kids clean up after themselves when they are able. It's about accountability and responsibility by Hel's edict.

Who worries the most?

There's always going to be that worry. Hel went through it even as a very young child, and Astarion, well... He knows the absolute worst the world has to offer. There will always be worries between them, fears for their daughters. But I think where Hel was able to counterbalance all that he went through, Astarion did not have that safety net before he met Hel herself. He's always going to be the most worried, trying to make sure the girls are stronger, wiser, have the sharper teeth and minds of any who might come across them in the dark.

Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from?

To the shock of absolutely no one, Astarion. And it will be enunciated clearly and with proper inflection, like a good girl.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle?

Hel is so touch starved, she's always reaching for Astarion's hands, wrapping her arms around him, just trying to be tethered to him physically. She cuddles him like she'll die without his presence close at hand. Like at any second he'll realize he doesn't belong with her and go on with his life without her, so she has to get enough of him to go on.

Who is the little spoon?

Astarion is a little drunk on the concept of having someone he can hold and not have them be pulled away from him, to sincerely want to lay down and pass a trance with someone. He is holding her as often as he can.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

This is a place where they are almost evenly matched. They make a game of it, when they're in the mood in public. How close can they get to what they both want without tipping others off. Astarion slightly outpaces Hel because... Again... Fucking a grave cleric on his own grave. Hel at least has hardlines regarding the truly sacred that Astarion doffs gleefully. Then again, she is also the woman who led him astray to fuck on her abusive uncle's literal seat of power long after the keep wound down for the night --

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?

Neither? They might have little soft touches and hand holding, but nothing that's considered the classical definition of the phrase. Consent is key. Astarion probably gets the closest to this one because sometimes he falls victim to some giddy possessive part of his brain that says 'She is mine! I have an entire person to love that is MINE!'

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

It's less a matter of time as it is circumstances. If Astarion is not in the right headspace, touch is likely to be brief. If Hel has a chronic pain flareup, then she definitely does not want to be touched. It changes from day to day and sometimes moment b moment depending on what's going on.

Who gives the most kisses?

Astarion. He's ravenous in more ways than one. He doesn't just need touch, he needs to taste, too, to breathe her air, to make it something more than the tender touches she favors. It's not even strictly a lip thing, either -- he's as fond of the wrist, the neck, whatever he can touch.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?

Adventuring! It's how they met and it's still a favorite bonding pastime. It encapsulates several of their favorite shared activities -- Travel, networking, problem-solving, and hitting back at bastards bigger than you.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?

Outside, beneath the stars, laying on a spread cloak or blanket and feeling like the last two people on earth.

Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?

Whoever has consent. Also, come on, it's Astarion. There's not a lot to grope given how androgynously Hel is built, but by the gods he is trying. He found out she has hella ass under her demure layers and has never stopped focusing on it, especially when drawing her in for a kiss.

How often do they get time to themselves?

Early on? Very little, given the state of traveling and sharing camp with others. A few months traveling solo makes it a lot easier to spend some quality one on one time, and then settling at the end of another adventure allows them relative peace aside from their friend the alderman and those who also settled nearby dropping in. All bets are off once kids are in the equation, however. Their shared partner is a saint for taking the girls for nature rambles with daddy so they can get some time as a couple.

Sleeping:

Who snores?

Canonically? Astarion. He's sawing tiny little logs in the night and, post canon, changes to the day shift. It mystifies Hel. She thought Vampires didn't breathe.

If both do, who snores the loudest?

Ironically, Hel sleeps like the dead in silence and stillness, while Astarion is the only one snoring/shifting around.

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

Bed, bedroll, using a cave bear boyfriend as a mattress, cuddled up on the ground, it doesn't matter where they rest their heads over the years, they're sharing that space.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

As cozy as is comfortable. Again, due to Hel's chronic pain issues, sometimes Astarion can only hold her hand or press against her back. Most times, however, he is clinging to her.

Who talks in their sleep?

Astarion. Hel enjoys having little conversations with him based off of what he's mumbling about, even if he doesn't remember any of it when he wakes.

What do they wear to bed?

Hel is wearing either the simple linen chemise that sits under her robe or a long, practical nightgown depending on if they're traveling or at home. Astarion is either in his camp clothes, just his breeches, or at home is not afraid to let it loose. Two wildly different energies at play here.

Are either of your muses insomniacs?

Not by traditional definition. More night owls than true insomniacs, though I'm sure that's the perception outsiders might have of them.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

Hel has a few tinctures for rough nights, mostly meant to dull her senses and let her get some sleep when she ha a flare up. Ye Olde Knock Out Juice.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

Usually they tangle up in each other, but again, sometimes they have to settle for just laying there.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

Astarion. Hel's hair is too dense to really be disturbed by sleep, while Astarion... Well, his bedhead is the stuff of legend. Curls askew, loose without any sort of styling. He hates it, she loves it.

Who wakes up first?

By definition, Hel. Even after finding a fix for his daylight woes, that man is decadent and prefers to laze. Hel has to be up to take care of the homestead, at least.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

Once they find a fix for certain issues, Astarion. He does his best. Hel, however, will sometimes tease him with 'breakfast' in bed by presenting his favorite part of her to a newly wakened Spawn.

What is their favourite sleeping position?

Wrapped up in each other, facing each other, his arms around her waist and hers draped along his shoulders or sides. Head resting against him, brows pressed. Sometimes he might shift to instead rest his chin on her head. It might not last the whole night, but it's their favorite way to wind down.

Who hogs the sheets?

Astarion. Were they in a more modern setting he would absolutely pull the 'It's a QUEEN comforter so it's already at max capacity' shit.

Do they set an alarm each night?

They have a rooster in the yard. Sometimes it even helps.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

Given the setting, no. However... Books. Books everywhere. Pretty much every in-universe Drizzt book is within the confines of that bedroom. It's their equivalent of winding down every night with their favorite show.

Who has nightmares?

Always Astarion. He tries to avoid trancing or dreaming, but the memories still seep in when he's not able to properly hold them at bay.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Still Astarion. Hel doesn't seem to remember her dreams all that much, unless they involve her god. Astarion, meanwhile, has a subconscious that appears to be making up for centuries of survival mode.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Neither. It's the boyfriend. Every time.

Who makes the bed?

Given their... disparate sleep schedules, it can be hard to stick to this chore. Once they get his 'allergy' taken care of, however, Hel is the one making the bed, sometimes around a protesting partner who wants to sleep in.

What time is bed time?

It depends! Factors like whether at home vs adventuring, pre or post sunlight ring, and certain lifestyle changes mean that over their time together there's no set bedtime. Sometimes they might be crawling into bed just short of dawn, sometimes they both turn in early in the evening.

Any routines/rituals before bed?

If possible, at least a chapter of Drizzt, a light feeding if Hel is capable, and playing gently with Astarion's hair as he goes on his final ADHD ramble of the night, one or the other eventually going down first.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Astarion. Always Astarion. Hel is at that phase of life and illness where every morning is to be welcomed, even if the circumstances of waking up are not. Astarion instead wants to stay comfy, warm, and during the adventuring days does not want to get dragged back into marching for hours trying to find something.

Work:

Who is the busiest?

Hel. Given her status as Champion for most of post-canon and her eventual upgrade during the course of a far future plot, she's often caught up in work whether locally at a temple or abroad carrying out her duties. Astarion has his hobbies and might tailor when the urge strikes him to play at diligence, but mostly he's a trophy househusband and proud of it. The odd time they're equal tends to coincide with going on adventures together.

Who rakes in the highest income?

Both, when adventuring. Hel, when in the 'off' season or taking a break from the lifestyle, given how well people pay for her services -- even if they don't have to and some part of her feels dirty as a Champion taking such payment.

Are any of your muses unemployed?

Astarion. Listen, he's been through 200 years of pure shit. He does not have to generate income or work for anyone else. If he wants to do a bit of embroidery or tailoring for coin, that's his choice. If he wants to go out and play 'hero' to earn shiny trinkets and gold, that's his choice. He refuses to work a traditional position, and probably enjoys getting to laze in the comfort of a home that he owns more than most things.

Who takes the most sick days?

Hel. It tapers off once she becomes Papa K's Special Lil Problem Child, but she still has the odd flare-up or general poor health day. Find her curled up in bed being fussed over by Astarion who is holding off her cohorts in the Temple with barked orders to stop knocking, their Cleric can't come out and play today.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

Astarion. He gets there when he gets there, if he gets there, and if he wants to. Man is a disaster. His clients are either ignorant to who he is as a person, masochists, or willing to pay for quality and the rare open spot in his ledger with time gold and mental energy.

Who sucks up to their boss?

Hel has been sucking up to her divine patron for a long, long time trying to say that Astarion is different somehow from those she is honor-bound to slay. First it was that she could not refuse an ally or a chance to study how the tadpole affected an Undead for future reference. Then it was that he slew his horrific master and saved the world from a greater evil, and so she would stay her hand. Then it was arguing that after everything she did for her god, he would let her have this one man. It's a balancing act of sucking up to Papa K and putting her foot down with him about what this world owes to she and her lover. Her luck eventually runs out, but it's a solid holding pattern for some time.

What are their jobs?

Adventurers on both ends, lackadaisical tailor for Astarion, Chosen and later Minor Divinity for Hel. Hel also plays at homesteader on their property between world-saving missions.

Who stresses the most?

Both? Hel in more practical/anxiety-driven ways, while Astarion is just... A dramatic man copign with a whole lot of trauma. Badly, for the most part.

Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

So in truth, some of Gale's arguments got under Hel's skin about the gods and worship. She never encouraged him to ascend, either, but he was definitely the beginning of a change in her. She was no longer content just to serve something inscrutable and immutable. She wanted more for herself, even if it was something humble, something heretical in its innocence. But she needed her powers to help this world. There's been some friction just under the surface in her role as Cleric and late Chosen for some time, but it never really surfaces -- even for Astarion, who she otherwise tells everything.

Are your muses financially stable?

If not then they can be in a night, Astarion knows where to hit in the Gate to make sure they are never without gold.

Home:

Who does the washing?

Astarion. He knows how to handle all sorts of fabric, and has some practice in taking care of all kinds of stains.

Who takes out the trash?

Hel, ever since discovering her darling husband was just feeding refuse to her hog. Just because Raphazora can eat everything doesn't mean he should.

Who does the ironing?

Astarion. Not just because he's the linens guy, but because he doesn't want his precious burning her already delicate skin. Forget that she's a Tiefling with resistances. He's being nice. Let him be nice.

Who does the cooking?

Hel tried as the only one here not on a liquid diet. Astarion did make attempts for her sometimes. Eventually it's just their shared partner, and that's for the best for all involved.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

Hel. Hel. Hel. She'd find a way to make water catch fire. Woman cannot cook. The men in her life are firm in keeping her pretty face out of the kitchen.

Who is messier?

Astarion. Not by much, both take pride in their home and their presentation, but sometimes he just... Gets distracted.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

Hel, sometimes. And yes he is whingeing about it as he picks them up.

Who is the prankster around the house?

Hel. What do you expect from the daughter of a card-carrying Mask's Special Little Guy? Astarion is so over it, but she's having a splendid time <3

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

Astarion. His meat hard, his abs defined, his brain Swiss cheese, he soldiers on. Hel trying to cast a minor spell just to locate the house key he set down and the fantasy ADHD erased from the memory bank two seconds later.

Who mows the lawn?

The yard goats. Hel and Astarion sit outside at their little table and sip drinks as the goats nibble their way across the property. Best and smelliest investment Hel ever made as a homeowner.

Who answers the telephone?

Astarion is running for Sendings hoping it's Gale delivering The Tea. It's never Gale delivering The Tea. It's boring old men in dusty old robes asking for his lady wife on Grave Cleric business. He hates it here.

Who does the vacuuming?

Hel sweeps. It's a nice relaxing repetitive movement. Plus it's cute watching Myshka chase the bristles.

Who does the groceries?

Hel goes to market for groceries. Astarion goes to market to steal. They are not the same.

Who takes the longest to shower?

Both. It's a rare day they don't share baths. Need to wash each other's backs and all. But honestly, soaking helps with her issues and he just likes to luxuriate. They're even.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Astarion. He's ready when he's ready! Quiet, darling, he's trying to put on eyeliner!

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem?

If it ever is, not for long. As outlined, Astarion is not above robbing a snob of their coinpurse, and Hel can go adventuring. They made it, in some form or fashion.

How many cars do they own?

Hel ends up purchasing one lovely coal black horse. Astarion cannot stand it, but the beast is efficient for both travel and heavy lifting around the homestead.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

Owned, and largely self-built. Others may have put in the labor, but the design and resource gathering was down to the couple in question.

Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?

Countryside. They settled in the Reclaimed Lands, close enough to society to visit, but also a place where both can pass a time just existing, not having to do anything but live as they want to.

Do they live in the city or in the country?

Again, country. Private, comfortable, easy to slide in and out of, and slightly removed from curious rubberneckers. Plus, easy access to their eventual shared partner.

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

Astarion may whine about the smells and all the green, but if he was genuinely fed up, he'd just move. He likes it, he just can't stand letting things be perfect for once.

What’s their song?

In-universe, he regards 'Down by the River' as 'theirs' because performing that song was her subtle invitation for him to join her in bed -- or, rather, that she trusted him enough to have her that night at the party. Out of universe... Ax and I have so many, it's hard to narrow one down.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Astarion plays the sad wet cat for the first hour or day depending on the length of absence, but he ultimately turns to reading, sewing, playing knife games. Keeping himself and his skill sharp, as it were. Hel will say a little prayer, then go about her day as normal. Chores, rites, reading, composing, staying active as best she can. Her favorite thing is to have unaccompanid rambles, though, whether in cities when abroad or through the woods that surround them at home.

Where did they first meet?

The Wilds, not far from the Nautiloid Crash.

How did they first meet?

Her performing rites over some poor dead traveler, putting feelers out for the approach of others that eventually paid off -- and seeing him for what he is. And still staying her hand. Him verbally being put out by her disfigured apearance, and her snarking back good naturedly. That was it. Grave Cleric and (poorly hidden) Vampire Spawn have game, set, match, and will be vitriolic friends with time -- and then something more.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Hel, by virtue of actuall paying fair market value or haggling for goods. Astarion sees it, he likes it, he wants it, he steals it out from under the owner--

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

Depends on what we mean. Astarion is the king of conpicuous consumption while Hel knows better than to make hersef a target for thieves and rogues. As for the other kind of assets... Neither. Astarion is no longer a slab of meat to be viewed, and Hel had a hard enough time for years showing all of herself to Astarion.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Hel is too earnest. Wants to make sure her love is alright and didn't hurt himself. Astarion muses it looks like Hel is falling for him all over again then gives her a once over to make sure his fragile favorite companion didn't ctually hurt herself, which is always a risk.

Any mental issues?

They are half the DSM masquerading as an Elf/Tiefling relationship. Both have ongoing struggles with PTSD, both are disassociative as fuck, both are totally fucked by their individual histories. They are multiple diagnoses in a trenchcoat trying to kiss. It's a mess, especially when they keep bumping into each other's trauma.

Who’s terrified of bugs?

Unless it's a spider, which are pretty neat actually, Astarion is wielding one of the Drizzt books and huntign vermin for sport. Hel at least lets the non-pests be sent outside in a little glass.

Who kills the spiders around the house?

Myshka their beloved son/pet. He is a big game hunter. He find spider. He kill. Mermer is so unhappy.

Their favourite place?

A small clearing on the other side of a narrow waterway, the boughs swaying in the breeze, the grass warm beneath them. It's a little sanctuary Hel found not long after they settled, and they love to just be there for a variety of reasons.

Who pays the bills?

These are tax evaders. The Governement Has No Right To What They Rightfully Pilfered. That their boyfriend is in local government is irrelevant.

Do they have any fears for their future?

Hel is genuinely and realistically terrified of what happens to Astarion after she's gone. Has he helped him rebuild, to stand on his own, or will her eventual loss upend everything? Will he survive her or join her? Or worse, will he survive her, but in some new, worse shape? It's a genuine source of stress to her in the relationship, knowing her time is limited and he now has something to lose. She's also holding her breath that one day he's going to wake up and realize he deserves better, that he's beautiful and charming and can have far better than her. She won't hold it against him. It will just hurt.

His fears mirror hers. That one day she's going to decide he's too much and leave. That whatever she sees in him will one day be gone and he'll be left with nothing,

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

Astarion. He loves to spoil Hel and even if he's sat there watching while sipping wine, he wants to see her taken care of. It's a good payoff for something he probably over or underthought from the jump.

Who uses up all of the hot water?

Astarion. He's cold. Keep the water warming by the hearth. He needs more. Hel who actually needs hot water to deal with her health problems is just staring at the back of his head and wondering who gave him the right.

Who’s the tallest?

They are actually evenly matched -- 5'9". Astarion is more likely to wear heels, though. The actual tallest in their household is the 6'6"+ boyfriend.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

Astarion has blanket permission to do this to Hel, and will do it with impunity. He locates her in the bath and just strips and clambers in. A menace who gets in the way of her actually trying to clean and soak.

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Astarion understands the concept of shame. It is simply immaterial to him. Hel tries her best to cover up, but Astarion literally cannot care less at this point.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Hel will hum along with any performance when out and about, and sings to herself when busy with things. Astarion refuses to sing. No. You can't make him.

What do they tease each other about?

Astarion is vain. Hel is completely over the concept of appearance as any indicator of worth. She is absolutely ribbing him on his vanity without demeaning him -- It's not about his looks. It's about his attitude. Which is incidentally how one can describe his attraction to her, she laughs, as he just 'Darling don't be cruel to yourself--' He, by contrast, is so befuddled and bemused by her hopeful ways. He's going to slow roast her for helping every poor bastad they cross, and helping ducklings cross the road, and he's just waiting for the day his beloved grows up and joins the nightmare world the rest of them live in --

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

Astarion dreams of dressing her in finer clothes, in a wider palette than simply blacks and greys and greens. Hel not getting what's wrong with her fashion sense is the kind of thing that makes him cry himself to sleep at night.

Do they have mutual friends?

Their old traveling party, and in time Hel ends up friendly with what fellow Spawn he keeps contact with.

Who crushed first?

Per Ax, Astarion. Hel went from composed and gentle idiot preaching on the world being what you put into it and a bunch of other bullshit he doesn't believe, and yet the second she went feral on the graverobbers with grease traps and fire, he knew this woman was one to watch.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

Hel leans heavily on alcohol to cope with her own history as well as her ongoing health problems. Astarion is impulsive, but never really gets hooked on anything, be it due to his drifting attentions or his Undead nature.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

Hel's part-Goliath. She imbibes with abandon. Can't feel the aches and pains if she's too sloshed. And then she's going home to the man she loves.

Who swears the most?

Astarion. Hel will only swear if she's run out of all other verbal options. Astarion does not care. He will enunciate it clearly and with glee.

[eclipsecrowned]

thinks of how often hel ships with guys way out of her league that are just depicted as the sexiest bitches in canon. nods to myself.

[eclipsecrowned]

no but ok. gale takes two goths out to the crawling spider as requested. except one is a vampire so they're going to be out all night. gale is over 40 by this point, he's tired, he has class in the morning, it is well past his bedtime, he would like to go home to his partner. one companion is proving inordinately popular with the other guests in his genuine armor from the underd*rk and generally being a pretty boy. the other is simply vibing and sipping her own drinks while her partner takes sippies from her. they play it off as just hickies in a dark corner.

gale has never wanted an adultier adult to come pick him up so bad in his life.

[eclipsecrowned]

sybelle being everyone's first choice for romanceable kadi companion is why she endgames with only the top shelf best boy in her playthrough. she's a luxury few can afford. only the finest quality gentleman adventurer for this queen.

[eclipsecrowned]

like if u want to know what a fucking geek i am about smoot let's just examine a ship and how i make their sex life actually reflect something about narrative/muse i play.

helstarion.

she bites because he's offering, and she's never tried before, and he doesn't mock her for that fact when he rolls the perception success about her hesitation with his offer. they could be dead tomorrow. they've been through trial and tribulation together. she trusts him, and she thinks he genuinely wants her because she doesn't realize that he's manipulating her at that point.

she submits to him. this can be interpreted a number of ways for an audience. hel has been so in control and alone for so long that maybe her thrill is letting the handsome man take it all away from her, to be with her and in control of her. maybe because as much as fucking an undead is against her church's dogma, then she can at least argue this way he is a thing done to her, not a thing she is actively doing by her submission. maybe her exhaustion in spending her life in service to her god is represented in the repeated sin of letting this man have her any way he wants her. maybe she's trying to give him back the agency he's lacked for 200 years in her submission. maybe she's just a sub. each possible interpretation introduces a whole new layer to the dynamic, instead of just implying ax or i are deriving author appeal from such a dynamic.

hel's health would interfere with attempts to keep the relationship physical. whether on chronic pain days where she does not want to be touched in any way whatsoever to maxing out at two rounds, she's not keeping up with astari0n's immortal stamina. how does she cope with that? how does he? what sort of negotiations do they have about this less than ideal circumstance, or do they just shrug it off and accept it as is?

the ship doesn't take a hit once he nixes sex as an option. hel finds other ways that are just as valid to her to show her adoration, both emotionally and physically. sex doesn't matter to her in terms of compatibility or longevity of a relationship -- she loves that man. sex has no part in her feelings.

on the surface, the vampire is fucking the cleric, what scandal. to me, it's 'and what can we infer about the cleric, that she's allowing the vampire to fuck her?'

[eclipsecrowned]

something something helstarion as her asking astari0n 'will you live for me, we've been dead for too long, we have our own lives to live, however long i have i consecrate it to you, run away with me somewhere that our ghosts can't reach us, let us love each other til our voices are louder than the wailing.'

something something valstarion as him telling astari0n 'kill for me, we both want our freedom, we are both slaves to something ancient and bloody, be loyal to me, help me to destroy my enemy made flesh, let us both be allowed to walk in the sun, let us both have a future free of the shadows our blood casts --'

[eclipsecrowned]

shower thoughts of how fantasy hits the modern moral crusader of shipping. like.

i joke helsin is the most problematic ship bc he's 10 times her age (350 vs 35) but like. take valheart, for example. she's like canonically 40-something, he's minimum 110. but due to lifespan/fantasy race factors, they look roughly the same age, which is significantly younger. helstarion, well, physically the difference is four years -- in terms of lifespans, he's got 200+ on her. in-game the 20 year old sybelle is not barred from shipping with any character, including the aforementioned *starion and h*lsin. in a side project ax and i have in setting, there's an eventual endgame between a currently 23 year old tief and a currently late-thirties elf. and you guessed it, fantasy factors mitigate that difference in most respects, too.

what does the discourse in these fandoms look like for people that can't be normal about these things. genuinely fascinated by how they'd explain or condemn things with so many balls in the air. i cut one ex friend off too soon i need to know how they would get pissed over fantasy rpg smooching --

[eclipsecrowned]

feeling wretched but trying to power through drafts/ims. let's be Silly. i want to have a ship war.

[eclipsecrowned]

Follow-up poll to a recent tie. No it's not recounting the votes. I'm obsessed with that one being a tie actually.

[eclipsecrowned]

but yeah like. the more i think about it the more i want to make it 100% clear that as a canon writer i don't appreciate forceshipping, so in writing my ocs i will never assume a dynamic with a canon in turn. for the most part, i try to let people come to me when it concerns characters that might derail or change canon significantly -- for example, the oc in question odessa, or my ice and fire oc mira, or countless others -- because i never want to step over boundaries or force interaction with someone whose lore or character is at odds with my own worldbuild.

if i do post about an original or player character muse's dynamic with a canon, i hope it is understood that one of three things is happening:

i am talking about my own dual muses. ie if i allude to stray and ard*n having a special bond, or that i ship hel and dream, i am talking specifically about the ones on my own muse page. i am not forcing my own idea on my partners. stray does not have to be a reflection of the main villain. hel is not going to go throwing herself at every dream in the tag. if things go that way organically with a partner's muse, i'm not opposed to exploring my takes with someone else, but it's never my intent to railroad my mutuals into indulging my own personal lore. at that point i might as well write fic and leave other people out of it.

i am talking about a dynamic established in a pc's playthrough -- using my most recent gaming experience as an example, i might reference helstarion/valheart/wybelle/auzel/ruetash as being romantic, but i would never just spring that on my writing partners who play the canon, or assume they have to cater to my own savegames. i'm simply talking about in-game lore in my own personal playthroughs that help shape my take on the pc. this applies to other fandoms/games as well, too. ismail does not have to endgame with a grippy sock drow milf, it's just that he does in my worldstate. einmyria doesn't have to take the bull by the horns, that's just how i played the game. me musing about in-game ships does not mean i go into interacting with accounts for those canons with expectations.

more often than not, i am referencing ships with established partners. for example, this morning, i was talking explicitly about the irudessa ship with lee. i was not jut posting for my health about a hypothetical dynamic, i was talking about a one-on-one ship between my muse and that of a friend. this applies to more than romantic shipping, too -- ex, lea and tarhos are siblings per my and ferret's lore, aria and eld's loki are cousins in his da au, and that's between us and lightly sprinkled into other threads with friends. i may not always namedrop this fact, because i assume other people trust me as a partner enough to understand i am not throwing dynamics out there without proper plotting and discussion.

thank you, friends, have a normal one.

[eclipsecrowned]

i'll get off the ooc in a minute i just have playlists going as i cheese my way through boss fights and persuasion rolls and the way 'francesca' not only encompasses the betterment of all my pc ships (helstarion, valheart, wybelle, galelach, auzel) in that 'you are the hope in this horror, the reason i survived what i have been through because one day our paths would cross, i will bear your burdens with my own and i will love you regardless of the scars (metaphorical or literal) you carry, regardless of who you have been and whatever you are becoming'

...but you can also infer it in a dark reprisal sense as ruetash. 'i know what you are at the worst. i have seen the storm of you. you cannot frighten me. i know the bodies that led us here. i would do it all again. my love is the wrath of my god against you. there is no peace at the end of this. whatever was robbed from us will be repaid. there is no heaven fit to house our love. better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.'

[eclipsecrowned]

something something the death and the maiden/the virgin and the vampire motifs of helstarion. im going insane.

[eclipsecrowned]

the most important question of our time.

[eclipsecrowned]

helstarion is just him throughout act 1 and 2 going 'aren't you tired of being nice? don't you just want to go apeshit :)' and her arguing 'i find no intrinsic value in carrying on the arbitrary cruelty that has been perpetrated against me my entire life, and choose instead to be for others what i never had. but if you need to go 'apeshit' to find catharsis, then i will cheer on your fits of madness.'

and that just kind of crumples him like wet tissue.

[eclipsecrowned]

and evil can be loved and never reciprocate (pick either woman in his life)

and evil can love and be loved truly, even selflessly, without compromising its nature (ruetash)

and evil can be loved, and understood, and given space to become whatever shape it wishes and know the love will endure (helstarion)

[eclipsecrowned]

poll tiem for side projects.