#help i want to skip ahead to 2 weeks from now. well really 3 weeks-ish from now.

[youremyonlyhope]

.

[quirklessidiot]

Title: filthy rich [2/3]  Pairing: millionare!sakusa kiyoomi x y/n [filthy capitalist au] Genre: mild romance themes, major angst ahead, a bit of mystery, mafia!au-ish

Synopsis: He was perfect, maybe too damn perfect.

Warnings: mild sexual content, yandere themes, toxic relationships, violence, shady business, class differences, mentions of rape, and sakusa being a manipulative bastard [this fic does not in any way glorify these types of relationships!!!] Notes: Happy 605 followers guys! Decided to change this into a three part fic since it would be too damn long....I know this is a long overdue chapter hnnng i fucking hate college i cant wait to see sakusa in the new season, how was it guys? I was absolutely thrown off by akaashi even if he only had like a minute or so screentime hnnng...

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Sakusa Kiyoomi reminded you of an onion.

Over the past three years of going out with him, you seem to find a new layer to him. No longer was he the asshole from that day, he was the sweetest boyfriend, hands down. You were both a bit awkward in terms of affection since you two were treading on unfamiliar territory (much to your surprise, a man like Sakusa Kiyoomi has never been seriously intimate with anyone) but like every other couple out there, you surpassed it. You were now in the receiving end of his soft smiles, warm gaze, and affection.

Although you had your worries like your residency and his company growing bigger and bigger by the day, you started to wonder if you’d last long but the man casted your doubts aside and continued to be faithful to you and everyday you seem to fall deeper and deeper in the rabbit hole.

“...and for the last time, stop buying me expensive things and offering to pay my student loans.” you frowned, stirring the Butajiru for your boyfriend who was coming by today for dinner. Out of spite, early on in the relationship, you had to learn how to cook since Sakusa demanded you to when he learned that you lived a lot on canned foods and unhealthy take-outs. Much to your despise, he even volunteers to pay for your weekly groceries and even got you a ‘for sale’ stove that he apparently can’t return because he misplaced the receipt.

“I don’t get it, don’t partners like it when they’re given gifts all the time?” his brows are upturned, making you scoff. “From past experiences-”

“Are you sure that those weren’t sugar babies?” you cut him off, pointing the wooden spoon on your hand at him, “Because from your description you sound like a sugar daddy.”

“Hey.” He grumbled, walking up to you from behind to envelope you on a hug, “I’m not old enough to be a sugar daddy.”

You shut the stove off and turn to him, placing a brief kiss on the jaw, “You yell at teenagers and complain when it’s too noisy. I think you qualify for a senior discount and a sugar daddy title.” You joked, escaping his grip to grab some bowls so you both could start eating.

“You’re only four years younger than me.”

“Mhm.” You hummed, sticking your tongue out, “Also, aren’t you supposed to be at a party tonight?”

“You weren’t there.” 

“Aren’t you required to go?” You frowned, placing the bowl in front of him, “You know I’m not a big fan of those things and you can’t keep handing it over to Komori-san…”

“And you know I hate it when you aren’t there.” He softly repeated.

You roll your eyes and place your own bowl as you sit in front of him, “Always the smooth talker since we met three years ago.” you shake your head.

“Three years, huh.” Sakusa paused, “Speaking of three years, I was thinking…”

You stopped eating and looked up to face him, his face dead serious, “Move in with me.” He asked out of the blue. Your eyes widen and you let down a gulp, your stomach flipping at his words.

“I-” You paused, “I...I can’t…”

Sakusa tilted his head, confused, “What?”

“Don’t get me wrong…” You started, eyes looking at your food, seemingly nervous, “I-I wanna move in with you, my lease is almost up...but…”

“But what?”

“It’s not like I wasn’t going to tell you any sooner but….but i’m moving.”

Silence filled the room that you could almost hear the pin drop, “What do you mean you’re moving?” Sakusa’s voice was void of emotion and it made you scared for the first time. The man wishes you were wrong, wishing that you were just moving someplace nearby but the next words stun him.

“I got accepted for a huge humanitarian work in Medaide.” You gulped, carefully choosing your words as you slither your hands to his, trying to distract him, “We'll be travelling around third world countries, like the dream I've always told you about. I thought, well, I didn't got accepted since I didn't hear from them but it seems like I did.”

“How many months?”

“It’s- It’s a permanent job, I go back once a year…”

Silence enveloped the room, the only thing that could be heard was the faint sound of the bustling city outside. The world seems to have stopped for Sakusa that time.

“Congrats.” Sakusa smiled softly, breaking the silence, “I’m proud of you, bunny.”

Your eyes widen as you immediately leap out the chair and run to your boyfriend’s side, “Thank god!” you exclaimed, sitting on his lap to envelope him in a hug, “I was afraid you’d break up with me.”

You stare at him in the eye, hands on his cheeks, “Now why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, we’d only be seeing each other once a year if i accepted it.” You murmured, kissing him on the temple, “Thanks for being so supportive.”

You don’t notice how his grip tightens a bit on your waist nor the darken look looming over his features, “I’d never let you go, bunny. Never.” he hummed.

You continue on with your little happy bubble with your ever supportive boyfriend, you start shopping for some goodies for your trip that you were scheduled to leave next month. You should’ve known everything was too good to be true. 

A week before your trip, the company had called you in and said that you were cut off from the team and that apparently your experience wasn’t enough.

You vividly remember Sakusa rushing to your side mid-day when he should be swamped with work, whispering soothing words in your ear. You were absolutely devastated, the dream job you wanted felt like it slipped away, it took you a month to get back to your feet and actually go out. Despite getting over it, you were discouraged, the words they said echoed on your head, thoughts on how you weren’t performing well back  in med school and how your record on residency wasn’t enough.

“Y/N?”

“Oh.” you blinked, looking up to your boyfriend, “Sorry, I spaced out.”

“It’s alright.”

It seemed like the only constant thing in your life now was Sakusa, your friends were busy and they had come and gone, you didn’t want to worry your very busy parents so you didn’t call them about your dilemma. You didn’t want to call your aunt or Hinata about it too since you know they’d tell your parents.

Kiyoomi was the only person who stayed.

He was the only one you trusted.

“Is that roommate thing with you still open?” you suddenly asked, making Sakusa paused mid-movement.

“Of course it is,” He dropped the cutlery he was holding and strode to your side to caress your cheek, “It always is for you.”

“Guess I’ll be able to use my duplicate more often.”

Maybe being a humanitarian doctor wasn’t how it was going to be for you, it took another month for you to actually go and find a permanent job. Sakusa points out that you can take all the time out that you need but you don't want to lounge around and do nothing, you need a good distraction.

So you ended up working for a prestigious hospital as an ER doctor, for a moment, you forgot about Medaide with the help of your new job and your boyfriend.

You were happy.

Really happy.

The idea of staying in Tokyo didn’t actually seem like a bad idea now, you were going to bring it up to your parents and tell them that you wanted to stay here permanently with your boyfriend. They’d probably be happy, Sakusa Kiyoomi is a perfect man.

Until you come to the very sudden realization that he wasn’t.

Kiyoomi hated going out on long distance trips, he always wanted to be next to you or take you with him but this one was apparently too important to skip out so you greet him goodbye and wait for him to come home. Being the good partner you are, you decided to clean the house for your boyfriend. Kiyoomi was an incredibly clean person so you tried to keep your sloppiness to yourself when you moved in a few months ago.

Getting rid of the small dust here and there and throwing some unimportant things on the side, you prepare to throw out the collected garbage but ultimately freeze on your tracks when you find a ripped paper on the garbage dump.

Normally, you don’t do garbage dives.

Why would you?

Yet the name on top along with your boyfriend’s name caught your attention. It was Medaide’s logo, you grabbed the ripped piece of paper and started looking through the garbage dump, it did start to smell but curiosity always got the best of you.

Nervously biting your lower lip, you don’t find all the papers but you find one dated the same week you had broken the news to your boyfriend and the words, “Thank you for your donation and for sending us a group of more competent doctors for this batch.”

Your eyes narrowed as you stood there, shaking, the surge of panic and anxiety bubbling within you made the bile rose on your throat.

What was going on?

Was this really your perfect boyfriend?

Maybe it was all a big misunderstanding, why would your boyfriend do that? What would he even gain? You bite on your fingernails as you walk back and forth in front of the front desk, “Y/N-san?”

You jump on the spot.

“K-Kenjiro-san.” 

“You alright there?” Shirabu Kenjiro asked, tilting his head to the side, “You’re not looking very good these days.”

“Y-Yeah…” You gulped, “J-Just thinking about some things.”

“Well, your shift is about to be over. Maybe you can go home earlier? ER’s pretty much dead right now.”  Your fellow doctor shrugged, you turned around and let out a sigh, maybe you should request to go home earlier. You needed to rest. All this thinking was getting to your head that you had almost misdiagnosed a patient this afternoon.

“Hey Kenjiro-san.” you ask your workmate, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“I have a friend.” You gulped down, “They’ve got this perfect relationship and he’s a super great guy...then-then they realize that he did something bad…”

Kenjiro looks up from his paperwork and shoots you his usual upturned brow, “Can you specify what he did?”

“He got in the way of their dreams.”

Kenjiro is silent for a moment as if he was thinking of something deep, “Well if I were that person, I’d leave him. What kind of asshat doesn’t support their partner’s dreams?” he asked, placing his hands on his hips, “Tell your friend that they deserve better and not some asshat who is holding them back.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, he had a very good point, “Yeah, that’s right.”

Kenjiro had a good point there, maybe confronting Sakusa would be a wise choice but as of right now you decided against it, you needed to gather the courage to actually talk to him about it. The thing that scared you the most was how much you loved and trusted the guy too much.

He went through such lengths to get you to stay around, who knows what else he could’ve done?

You shake your head, you were being paranoid yet at the same time you couldn’t help it. Your anxiety towards the situation wasn’t helpful at all and it was spiking up and down.

On your way home, you decided to pass by a local pharmacy because your head hadn’t been feeling very well, “Do you have any pain killers?” you weakly asked the man on the front counter, after giving you your medication, you also decided to buy some extra vitamins because you recalled almost running out of them.

“Oh, we ran out of that brand yesterday.” The pharmacist replied, scrunching his brow in wonder, “Would you like another one? It’s not a generic brand but it’s  pretty much the same.”

“Yeah, that’ll do too.” You nodded, after paying for your purchase, you headed home. Fixing up your medicine in your cabinet, you freeze mid-action when you notice how familiar the vitamin looked. Shakily raising your hand to grab your birth-control pills in the medicine cabinet, you almost topple down when you pop it open next to the vitamin you bought.

It was the same.

It was exactly the same.

Before you knew it you were vomiting in the basin, your headache was worsening and the shaking wouldn’t stop.

The idea of the perfect boyfriend was completely erased in your head.

You didn’t look well these past few days, Kiyoomi noticed it because you didn’t even dared to hide it anymore, you wanted to leave him. Not only did he get in the way of whatever you worked hard for but he was trying to get you pregnant without your consent.

You felt utterly disgusted.

You sat at the tub, completely drained from all the events that transpired this past two weeks. The three year perfect streak that he tried to maintain was reduced to nothing but shambles. You wanted to blame yourself for being too stupid and caught up in this sham, your boyfriend was messed up, you wanted to get away but how?

You inwardly sighed, you were stupid. Too stupidly in love and intoo deep the rabbit hole that you hadn't even noticed.

“Y/N?”

Your gaze snapped to find him standing there with an expensive bouquet of flowers, you try to let out a weak smile, “Hey.”

“You’re not looking well.” He commented, placing the flowers on the side as he approached your naked figure on the tub, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” you nodded, “Just work.”

“I told you not to overstrain yourself.” He mumbled, bending down to your level, “You might get sick.”

You wanted to cringe away in disgust as he kissed your bare shoulders but you maintained yourself, “It’s fine.” You softly said, “I just have to do my best. I still want to try out for humanitarian work if I get a good recommendation from the hospital.”

You notice the quick shift of expression in his eyes, making you tighten your lips, so there it was.

“Again? I thought-”

“It’s my dream.” You began, trying to give him a smile, maybe, just maybe you can let him see through it, “You know how much I want this.”

“Maybe it’s not meant for you.”

“Excuse me?”

Sakusa Kiyoomi’s eyes widen at the new reaction, your smile turning to a grimace. Over the course of your relationship, you had never been this angry, “Y/N, you know that’s not-”

“Get out.” You shakily say.

“Y/N.”

“I said, Get out, Sakusa.” You yell again, eyes seeing red, the bastard had the audacity to keep pulling you back and doing these things to you. You were downright disgusted at him and everything he was doing, what more would you find? The mere fact that he destroyed your dreams and switched out your birth control had you on edge at the moment and you didn’t want to try to find out anymore, you probably wouldn’t be able to handle it.

He lets out a sigh, “You don’t have to leave the room. I’ll go sleep on the couch.”

You watch him leave and close the bathroom door yet his eyes don’t fool you anymore. 

You didn’t feel safe here.

You needed to get out.

Sakusa Kiyoomi is no fool towards your shift of attitude, he knows something is up when you snap at him when you were usually the calmer one (yes, you may be a bundle of energy and spitfire but you were relatively calm in the most part) so he calls the head of your hospital and sits him down, the head is shaking and on his knees, begging him to spare his life and his job for he did not know that you were overworked at all in your department.

“...I watch over her, sir…” the chief shakily exclaimed, “I always do…”

“So, you’re telling me… that my Y/N is a liar?”

The chief immediately freezes up on the spot, “Good lord, of course not! Doctor Y/N would never-”

“What would it be?”

“E-excuse me?”

“Your hands or your life?”

The man immediately cries out, begging him for mercy for he was innocent but Sakusa didn’t care. 

He didn’t care at all.

Yes, Sakusa Kiyoomi would do anything for you. If someone were to make you sad, tired, weary, or any negative emotion, he’d strike them down, just like how he paid your friends to stay away, just like how he had subtly shifted your parents work conditions that prevented them from returning to you.

You were his and his only.

No one could get in your ways.

“My name is Doctor Sato, I’ll be your new chief...”

You stare at the new head of the hospital blankly, apparently the previous chief, Doctor Yamomoto, had to retire due to some matters with his family. It was a shame, you really liked him since he was awfully nice to you and everyone in the ward, “...L/N-san?” the older man calls out as soon as the meeting was over.

Your gaze snapped towards him as he tilted his head slightly, you’re completely bewildered by the sudden attention from your new boss, “Are your working conditions alright?”

“Yes, chief.” 

“If you have any problem, “ his tight lip turns into a big smile as he places his hand on your shoulder, “Please don’t hesitate to ask.”

You blink at his uncharacteristic request and immediately move back to get away from his grasp, a rather uncomfortable smile made its way to your lips as you nodded, “I’ll take note of that, Chief.” 

Thankfully nothing odd happened anymore after the day ended and as you patched up your things, getting ready to go home, you find your one and only boyfriend standing there with another bouquet of flowers in his hands. The sense of familiar dread sinked in once again.

How would you end this all?

The perfect man was a liar and he got in the way but why couldn’t you end things with him quickly? Why couldn’t you cut him off? You were so angry at him yet at the same time you were so lost, where did it go wrong?

“Y/N…” He greets, “How was work?”

“It was fine.” You quietly replied, turning your gaze  at the expensive bouquet on his hands once again. Ever since you guys fought, he had been buying you flowers and expensive things but you remained the same, you just didn’t know how to act anymore around him.

“How was your new chief?”

You immediately tense up, as far as you recalled you had only met the chief today and no one knew about this outside the hospital. How the hell did this bastard know?

Sakusa notices you’ve gone too quiet, “Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Word travels fast, huh?” you blinked, regaining your composure quickly, something wasn’t right now, you knew that something went deeper than that little Medaide charade he did and switching your pills to get you pregnant, “He’s alright and please stop buying me stuff, didn’t I tell you that we were fine already?”

“Y/N-”

You sighed and leaned in closer, pulling down his mask so that you could give him a peck on his lips. Inside, you felt disgusted but this was the only way now, “Stop acting all cringey and lovey-dovey. I forgive you. Let’s not fight again.” You consoled the tall man.

You notice how soft his eyes became.

Yes, two can play a game. 

From stopping you from moving to trying to get you pregnant, it was those things that made you come towards a conclusion that Sakusa Kiyoomi didn’t wanted you to leave his side. The man probably wouldn’t stop at anything, if he was willing to go to such lengths, what more could he do? You let out a tight smile as your boyfriend kisses your temple.

You needed to find a way and quick because the Sakusa Kiyoomi you thought you knew for the past three years was nothing like the Sakusa Kiyoomi in front of you.

taglist [send me an ask if you want to be tagged for the last chapter and as always if i forget to tag, just send me an ask]

@maraudusk ;; @iamnotobsessed  ;;  @ssuna ;; @weebartistinc ;; @aomineavenue ;; @tsukkismamagucci ;; @onlyshinji ;; @ichiraku-verse ;; @watevermelon ;; @victoriasee ;;  @caramelcandescence ;; @n-nara ;; @bloody-bella ;; @ricefarmerkita ;; @paripedia ;; @srhlsx ;; @craftyfawns ;; @kepchups ;; @soggycardboardd​ ;;  @vinnieluv​ ;; @dinablossom​

@kn0xiousnight  @newfriendjen

[can’t tag you guys uwu just make sure ur tags are open :<]

[diplexchimera]

Hey people considering college-

I have some tips for you. Now, take into consideration that I am technically a college drop-out (didn't have enough money for a second semester).

- my college required Freshman to be in a campus dorm. We got to select whether we preferred someone quiet, someone loud, or someone in between. In my experience, someone loud = an extrovert who will have many people visit them, someone quiet = a person who prefers to keep their room more private, and someone in between = a person who wants their roommate to be okay with a noisy room & people over, but also wants to be able to say they need quiet time (or they aren't sure what they want, but want neither a silent room or a busy room).

- if you have to eat from the cafeteria, that's okay. They tend to have a wider selection anyway but! I would suggest memorizing the breakfast/lunch/dinner availability hours. Some schools are very strict, and will lock the doors which = a skipped meal for you.

-I would also suggest getting the app 'MyPlate Calorie Tracker'. College meals will most likely be different than what you've eaten at home and school. The MyPlate app is pretty simple, and can help you make sure you're getting the right amount of food into yourself, as opposed to too much or too little. If I remember correctly, it also keeps track of how much protein and stuff your food is supplying you.

- sugars, fats, calories, and carbs are not bad for you. Your body requires them. Your brain literally will not function if you cut out any one of those items. Remember, you don't need to avoid being fat, you need work today being healthy. Your body will sort itself out (over time dude, give it time) if you supply it with the necessary nutrients and such.

- dude, vitamins. They can be expensive, but if you have insurance, ask your doctor how much of every vitamin you should be having. They can tell you, give you a list, and they can ask your insurance if vitamins are covered. If you can't get to a doctor, try to do research. Here is one from Harvard that I think is good, but you should always cross check things. Getting all the vitamins and minerals you need is exceedingly important. They help you go to sleep, stay asleep, and wake up, help your brain and body to function and adjust, help keep you feeling healthy and happy. If you feel tired and depressed, it can be really difficult to accomplish tasks and enjoy/ appreciate being alive.

- I would not suggest starting your year by completing assignments before the start date of said assignments. For one, doing assignments as they come helps you get a feel for a natural schedule. Another reason is because it helps to be in the moment, instead of too far ahead to be able to keep track of what's going on and when. Wait until you have a hang of how and where to research, and a firm idea of how much you can hold onto mentally, so you don't fail tests. You'll also likely feel guilty later on when you begin to struggle to stay ahead as assignments get longer and more difficult.

- yo if you can get a used textbook that comes as a three ring binder instead of a hard or soft back, do it. It's cheaper, and so much easier to handle and copy. Heck, you can even take the pages out of the section you're using and put them in a folder -- boom, no more 40lb back pack. Also makes more room in any bag you use for the essentials, which I'll list next.

- here are some backpack essentials:

• earbuds, Bluetooth if possible. It's okay to have more than one type of listening device. "I prefer headphones!" You say. You can't hide over-the-ear headphones if you end up in a classroom which doesn't allow something like that. Sometimes you're just having a sucky day, sometimes you need extra stimulation to concentrate, sometimes you want to spend your time listening to a podcast that explains the current subject better than your teacher does. Sometimes you want to watch a movie casually. Earbuds also take up MUCH less space.

• an extra charging cable for every portable device you use. Roll them up, and secure each one individually with cable ties or bread bag twist ties. I say extra, as in, keep your original cords in your dorm room and Don't Take Them out. Get a secondary cable and charger for each device, and let them live in your backpack.

• 3 or 4 different colors of pen. Multiple colors, for whatever reason you want-- easily scanned notes, for different subjects, etc. These can serve a variety of purposes, and you never know when you need them.

• 3 regular pencils, and a good hand sharpener or silent mechanical sharpener. 3 in case the other two get broken lead or happen to suck. Regular pencils can be finicky.

• 2 mechanical pencils. 2 in case one of them fails, runs out of lead, or the lead breaks up.

• decoy pens and pencils! Get as cheap or expensive as you want. At some point, someone is likely to ask for one, and you don't want someone else using your favorites. You also may not get them back, or they get broken. I would suggest a couple of each, as it may happen in more than one class. You don't have to have decoys, but that way, at least you don't have to choose between either feeling guilty for not loaning out the items you like, or being uncomfortable that you did have to loan one. If you loan the decoys out, and don't get any back, and someone asks you for a utensil later that day, you have both a convenient reason you don't have an extra you're willing to share, and you already put the minimum effort towards being prepared.

• Water! You're going to get so dang dehydrated! You're going to have full days, much of the time, from trekking across campus, to class time, to meal times, to study time, to hang out time -- you need to have water with you, as opposed to having to track it down, and possibly have to pay for a bottle of water. Hydration is a main component in bodily functionality and brain processes. I would suggest a minimum of a 30-ish ounce container of any sort. A plastic water bottle you refill, a thermos, a sippy cup, a hydro flask, a camp flask, whatever works for you.

• I would say snacks. If you're eating meals throughout the day, I guess they aren't "technically" essential, but can confidently say, they are useful. Snacks can be an energy boost, a brain function boost, a hunger soother, a friend-maker, or just plain stimulation. Cut up some apple slices, maybe grab some peanut butter, or a portion of nuts, or a tangerine, crackers, pretzels, chips, the choice is yours. It helps if you can get ahold of some of those cheap reusable silicone ziplock baggies. You can wash them to be used again, and you don't have to deal with carrying plastic trash around with you.

• a pair of socks. I know that sounds weird, but it doesn't take up much space, and weird stuff happens. They get wet, or it's hot and your feet get sweaty and yucky, or food get spilled on your feet. Stuff happens.

• b12 tablets. They work with your system in a healthy way, as opposed to caffeine, and does the same trick. Just follow the directions on the bottle, and may I suggest, start with half the recommended dose. It affects different people more or less. My husband takes the recommended two, while I only need a half. We both have adhd, and are closely similar in body weight. If you need a wake up boost, don't slam your system with caffeine.

• baby wipes. You can get a small pack, and they can help clean up almost anything. Someone spill sticky tea? Got it. Fell and scraped a knee, and it has dirt all over it? Baby wipes and a little water. Need to blow your nose, and there are no tissues, or just feel like you need to rinse your face off in class? You're covered.

• chapstick is a very small item, but Lordy Lord if those classrooms aren't parched of all moisture in the air. You gone get cracked, chapped lips.

That's kinda it for now on backpack essentials. There is definitely more you could have, so supplement whatever helps you. You could add a hairbrush or comb, a hat and rain jacket for cold weather times, sunscreen during the hot times, hair ties and bobby pins, etc. It's all for you pal.

- keep in touch with your professors. Make yourself known to them. An occasional casual compliment is often helpful, and a good way to connect (you explained stuff really well today/your teaching style is helpful/I appreciated you taking time to answer my questions). They are people after all.

- if you have stuff going on, let your professors know. If your pet is sick at home and you're worried about them, give your professors a heads-up that you may seem less attentive that week, but that it isn't disinterest. If you figure out you have depression, and you're struggling to complete assignments/sleep/wake-up, tell them. Let them know you don't expect special treatment, you just wanted them to know that it isn't due to immaturity or lack of interest.

- always do studying and homework first. If you're able to accomplish these things while with friends, that's great, but if you can tell you're struggling, prioritize schoolwork. You'll have time for fun stuff later, usually later that evening.

- it's okay to drop a class. In fact, if you severely dislike a class, don't understand the coursework, or you realize you've taken on too much at once, it's better for your overall wellness and your grades if you drop it. If you have a professor suggest you drop a class in mean way, don't feel like you have to prove them wrong. This is your experience, and they can stuff it for being a rude brat. You don't need to prove yourself to them, and you cannot control their thoughts or actions.

- try to take classes that happen twice a week, which start later in the day than 8 am, at least for your first semester. There is a lot going on in college. A lot of changes to acclimate to. Take it a little easier at first, to give yourself time to work out what all is where, and how everything works.

Well, that's the end of 'dip's (college) tips' for now.

[missroserose]

coronavirus meme

Cross-posted from Dreamwidth.  Feel free to answer the questions yourself!  I’d love to hear how you’re doing, and what better time to make something go viral...?

1. Are you an essential worker? Nope.  I have Opinions on who is and isn't classified as essential and how much they're (not) being compensated for their risks, but ultimately there's not much I can do about that, other than tip generously when I do things like order delivery.  Regardless, massage is pretty low on the list of essential services, so I was laid off two weeks into quarantine. 2. How many drinks have you had since the quarantine started? Recently a friend asked what I'd been doing to cope, and the snarky-but-uncomfortably-truthful answer that immediately came to mind was "drinking".  So I'll let y'all draw your own conclusions. 3. If you have kids, are they driving you nuts? No kids.   4. What new hobby have you taken up during this? Other than curling in an anxiety ball and constantly refreshing news and social media?  Um.  Well, I saw a post on Pillowfort about a local papercrafting store that was doing $50 grab bag orders where they'd stuff a box full of supplies and send them to you.  Figuring now might not be a bad time to get back into papercrafting, I went ahead and ordered one; it came with a rather nice A5-size planner and a number of stickers/inserts/what have you.  I've started browsing through the Instagram planner community and am working on a plan (hah!) to start my own account/YouTube channel...I figure, since creative work is all I can really do right now and my biggest trouble with consistently finishing creative work is the lack of structure, maybe this'll help me get my butt in gear?  Or it'll become another project that disappears off the radar.  But hey, at least it'll give me something to focus on in the interim. I'm pinkpunkplanner on Instagram, if anyone wants to follow along. I've also been cooking more.  It's never been my favorite hobby but it's become weirdly calming. 5. How many grocery runs have you done? Two.  So far we've stuck entirely to Trader Joe's, since that's where our cat food comes from and we've been able to get everything else we need there.  I suspect a Costco trip is upcoming, however. 6. What are you spending your stimulus check on? Already dumped it onto our credit card, where it nicely made up for my lost income this month.  We'll see if the Illinois unemployment office ever gets back to me about my claim. 7. Do you have any special occasions that you will miss during this quarantine? Nothing that immediately comes to mind, so long as my family all stays healthy.  I'm going to be rather upset if my mother or grandmother fall sick, though, given that I skipped visiting Alaska last year for financial/time reasons and indeed had plans to visit in April but...well. 8. Are you keeping your housework done? Ish? Enough to be functional, nowhere near what my mother would approve of. 9. What movie have you watched during this quarantine? Several, in fact.  I saw The Birdcage and Her for the first time, both of which I suspect are going to become favorites.  Jojo Rabbit I was slightly disappointed by; it was cute but didn't feel quite as narratively coherent as some of Waititi's other work.  The new version of Emma was absolutely sumptuous.  Brian and KC suggested your name. one night, which was stunningly beautiful.  I've watched both Ladyhawke and Portrait of a Lady on Fire with friends via voice chat; the former is a perennial favorite and the latter also beautiful in a very minimalist way.  Probably some others I've forgotten. 10. What are you streaming with? iTunes, Netflix, and Hulu, possibly with a little Amazon Prime and Crunchyroll mixed in. 11. 9 months from now is there any chance of you having a baby? A miniscule one, I suppose. 12. What's your go-to quarantine meal? I've made this roasted-root-vegetables-and-chickpeas dish a few times.  If you don't have a NYT subscription, it's really simple:  Take a pound and a half of root vegetables (I use sweet potatoes and carrots), chop into pieces of roughly equal thickness, pour onto a sheet pan, season with salt, pepper, thyme if you have it, add enough olive oil to coat generously.  Stir together.  Roast for 30 minutes at 350.  While they roast, open a can of chickpeas, drain and rinse, toss with olive oil and whatever spice mixture that you've had sitting in the back of the cupboard intending to use (I have an Indian-flavored one that's been excellent).  Add to the pan with the vegetables, give everything a stir, raise oven temperature to 425 and roast another 15 minutes.  Mix together some yogurt (2/3 cup seems about right), salt, fresh garlic, and any seasonings you feel like adding; when the vegetables come out, serve them in dishes with yogurt sauce dolloped on top.  Delicious, warm, filling, and reasonably healthy. 13. Is this whole situation making you paranoid? The problem with not knowing the extent of the threat is that we can't really know the line where anxiety becomes paranoia.  This may be directly contributing to my current mental health state. 14. Has your internet gone out on you during this time? No, thankfully.  RCN's been sending out regular updates about the upgrades they've been implementing, and I've seen solid evidence (trucks with workers, improved physical infrastructure) that this is the case.  One building down the street from us has two junction boxes, one labeled "RCN" and the other "Comcast".  The RCN one is neatly wired with everything aligned and secured and all superfluous cabling removed.  The Comcast one...well, I'll let Adam speak for me on that one. 15. What month do you predict this all ends? See above re: uncertainty.  One of the things giving me anxiety is the sheer fucking hubris of the people in power making noises about "acceptable losses" in reopening the economy before we have anything like a robust testing/contact tracing/protection system in place.  Does the economy exist to serve humanity, or do humans exist to be ground up in the machine of economic progress?  I suspect we're quickly learning where the bulk of the USA lands on that spectrum. 16. First thing you’re gonna do when you get off quarantine? It probably says a lot about my current mental state that I can't really picture it.  But "make arrangements to go visit my family" is likely high on the list.  "Spend some quality time with my boyfriend" is also up there, assuming we're still together. 17. Where do you wish you were right now? Somewhere in 2021 or 2022, so I could get the uncertainty out of the way, take stock of the situation, begin the grieving process, and work on putting my new life together. 18. What free-from-quarantine activity are you missing the most? Looking at other people as potential friends and loved ones instead of potential vectors. 19. Have you run out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer? Funny story—I signed up for a subscription about a year and a half ago from Who Gives A Crap, and in order to get the best price I just got the largest (48-roll) box and, when they email me about the next installment, I delay until we need it.  So our latest box came in...at the start of March. As for hand sanitizer, I barely use it (I prefer hand washing, it's less drying if you have good soap), so the stuff we have will probably last for months. 20. Do you have enough food to last a month? Probably, although the cats would be pretty skinny.

[noona-clock]

First Impression - Part 3

Genre: Museum!AU

Pairing: Youngjae (Got7) x You

By Admin B

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 

Youngjae waited a couple of days to email you; any longer than that, and he probably would’ve internally combusted because of all the anticipation.

In his head, the email went like this:

Thank you so much for talking with me and answering my questions at the exhibit the other day. I’m truly in awe of your knowledge of Renoir; I can’t imagine how much you know about other painters, as well. I really hope you weren’t just being nice when you offered to help me with my thesis because I would love for you to read over it. Would you want to meet up somewhere? Maybe for dinner?

I have to admit, I didn’t go to the museum just to see the exhibit. I saw you there on my first visit, and to be honest, I was immediately attracted to you. Meeting and speaking with you only solidified my feelings, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.

I applied for an internship there - yes, partly to be close to you. If I get hired, we could have a secret office romance. We could stay late to “work.” We could do our best to be professional around our co-workers when, really, we’re thinking about ripping --

Here’s how his email really went:

Thank you so much for taking the time to talk about the exhibit with me the other day. Should I send you my thesis? I understand if you’re too busy, but really, any notes would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks again.

-YJ

He sent it quickly, afraid that if he wrote any more, he would accidentally type out one (or more) of those thoughts swirling around in his head. That... would be bad. And very, very embarrassing.

Anyway!

Youngjae was expecting to hear back from you in a day or two; he figured you were pretty busy, and his thesis was definitely lowest on the totem pole of your responsibilities.

But after only twenty or so minutes, he got a notification on his phone.

New message Re: Youngjae - grad student from the museum

His brow furrowed in surprise, but he opened it almost immediately.

Sure, go ahead and send it! I’ll gladly read over it and send my thoughts - and any corrections if I see them, though I’m sure there won’t be many!

I’m so glad you liked the exhibit. I don’t always get to hear what people think of it, so thank you! If you come back, let me know. I can give you another tour if you’d like ;)

-Y/N

...Had -- had you just... Okay, was he imagining things, or had you just kind of flirted with him? Via email? I mean, you’d offered to give him another tour of the exhibit. You’d sent a winking smiley face. That was flirting, right?

So... Youngjae clicked on ‘reply’ and started typing out his own response.

Another tour? I would like that :) I have a feeling there’s a lot more I can learn from you.

-YJ

p.s. thesis coming soon - on my phone at the moment

And just minutes after he pressed ‘send,’ he got another notification. Another reply from you.

I’ll be waiting! ;)

-Y/N

Honestly, Youngjae had to applaud you for that response. It could mean you were waiting for his thesis or you were waiting for his next tour or both. No matter which one you really meant, his heart still beating just a little bit faster in anticipation.

The two of you spent the next few weeks emailing back and forth, and while the messages were mostly professional (since they had to do with Youngjae’s thesis and the Impressionist movement), there were a lot of flirtatious undertones. A lot of sentences tacked onto the end of an email which definitely toed the line. And a lot of winking smiley faces, mostly on your part.

Youngjae had come so close to just straight up asking you out more than a few times in these email exchanges, but the interview process for the museum internship was actually going really well. He figured he could wait a little while and just ask you out in person, at work.

When Youngjae received the call from the human resources department at the museum informing him he would be starting his internship the next day, it was all he could do not to send you an email sharing the good news. He wanted it to be somewhat of a surprise, though you actually may have known already. The two of you had mainly just talked about his thesis, so he wasn’t all that sure how much you were involved in the inner workings of the museum.

For the rest of the day and into the next morning, he kept going through different scenarios in his head. He imagined seeing you -- you seeing him -- for the first time. He would shoot you a half-smile, maybe a wink? You would smirk bashfully, probably. And then he would find a time and place to approach you privately. He would ask you out to lunch and-- why not? Dinner, too.

As Youngjae got off the bus at the museum stop, he let out a nervous but hopeful sigh. He was excited to see you and talk to you outside of the digital world, yes, but let’s not forget the main reason he was here: to work at an actual art museum. He would actually be putting his degree to good use, and that was something not many art students could say, to be quite honest.

There were a few other presumably new interns arriving at the same time, and Youngjae joined them, following them in through the main entrance and into the lobby. 

A woman from HR, the employee who’d called him yesterday, greeted everyone and began a short speech about what they should expect during their internship here. They would be divided into different departments depending on their background and previous experience and whatnot, so really, this speech would do nothing to prepare them. They would learn everything they needed to know from their new bosses and co-workers.

Just then, a door next to the front desk opened, and museum employees started filing out to join the HR worker giving the speech. Youngjae’s eyes flitted around, searching for you.

He saw your hair first; you were walking next to someone, so he didn’t see the rest of you until you came to a stop about fifteen feet away from him. Youngjae’s heart skipped a beat, his stomach flipped anxiously, and he willed you to meet his eye.

You stood there for a few moments, listening politely... but then you started eyeing the new interns.

When your gaze landed on him, a smile tugged at his lips, just like he imagined it would. He was just about to wink, but then he realized your eyes had widened slightly.

And then you looked away from him almost immediately. He could see you take a deep breath, and you continued to avoid his gaze.

...What? What was going on? Why were you pretending not to know him?

Youngjae realized he hadn’t been paying attention because when he suddenly heard his name, he jumped a little in surprise.

“Yes?” he answered instinctively.

“Curating,” the HR woman stated, not even looking up from her clipboard.

Curating. He assumed she meant that was the department where he would be working, and his eyes immediately darted over to you.

You looked anxious. And you were still avoiding his gaze.

...Well, then. This would be interesting.

You heard the soft ding of your email notification, and you spun around in your desk chair, reaching out to shake your mouse and wake up your computer.

New interns starting today - meet in lobby ASAP.

Oh, fun! New interns! 

You quickly locked your computer back up and sprung from your seat. Most of your co-workers were already on their way, so you fell into step with them, following them out into the museum lobby.

One of the ladies from HR was already talking to a small-ish group of young people, though you kind of zoned her out almost immediately. You would perk up if she assigned anyone to your department, of course, but you didn’t need to pay attention to anything else.

After a few moments, you lifted your gaze to take a look at the new guppies, wondering which ones would come under your wing for the next few months.

As you scanned the anxious but eager-looking interns, you couldn’t stop yourself from passing some quick judgments about their appearances. Tall, extremely well-dressed, very nervous, beautiful, too cool for school, Youngjae -- wait, what?!

Youngjae?!

Your eyes widened slightly, and you immediately averted your gaze. 

Oh, god. Had you really just seen Youngjae? And not someone who looked like Youngjae?

Please let it be a lookalike, please let it be a lookalike, please let it --

“Choi, Youngjae,” your HR co-worker called out.

Damn it.

But then it got worse.

“Curating.”

WHAT?!

Oh, no. This was not good. Not good at all. Youngjae would be interning for you?! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Before you knew it, the interns had been released into the wild, dispersing through the lobby and finding their new bosses.

Youngjae walked straight toward you.

Lord Almighty, he was even more good-looking than you remembered.

If you could have cursed out loud right now and not gotten fired (or at least a slap on the wrist), you would have.

“Hey --”

“Come with me,” you muttered, resisting the urge to reach out and grab his sleeve. You had to act normal until you got back to your office, and leading your new intern by his sleeve was not exactly normal.

Your shoes clacked loudly on the marble floor, Youngjae’s hurried footsteps trying to keep up with yours. You pushed through the employee door with a purpose and headed back to your office.

Once the two of you were safely inside, you closed the door as gently as you could. You certainly didn’t want to attract any attention.

“Y/N,” Youngjae began. You turned to see him taking a step toward you, and you instantly held your hand up to stop him.

“No,” you told him, finally meeting his eyes. His beautiful, sparkling, sweet eyes. They just made it that much more difficult for you to form coherent thoughts right now. So you took a deep breath, willing your brain (and your heart) to get a hold of itself. “Listen. I know -- I know we’ve been... we’ve been -- flirting. In our emails.”

A hopeful smile appeared on Youngjae’s lips, and you almost felt bad for what you were about to say.

Almost.

“But that has to stop here and now.”

“...What? Why?”

“Why?!” you chuckled. “Because you’re an intern now! I can’t -- you can’t -- we can’t!”

“But I’m just an intern!”

“No. Not just. You’re an intern. You’re basically an employee. My employee.”

Youngjae’s brow furrowed, and you could tell he desperately wanted to take a step toward you. But he resisted.

“Is there a rule that says --”

“I have a rule. I’m here for work, and that’s it. I can still help you with your thesis if you want me to, but nothing more.”

His brow furrowed even more, and damn it if you didn’t want to reach out and smooth it over with your fingers. But then he interrupted your thoughts by letting out a soft sigh.

“Okay, fine,” he murmured with a little nod.

Thank god. You’d been prepared to argue more, but Youngjae was smarter than you gave him credit for.

“No more flirting,” you proclaimed somewhat under your breath.

His gaze shifted, and he looked you right in the eye when he repeated, “No more flirting.”

You almost let out the biggest, longest sigh of relief. All in all, that hadn’t been as painful as you’d thought it would be. Youngjae had taken it pretty well.

So now you just had to get through the next three or so months with Youngjae as your intern. Youngjae, the guy you’d kind of, somewhat, somehow fallen for the first time you’d seen him. Youngjae, the guy you’d been emailing flirtatiously for the past few weeks.

...How hard could it be?

Part 4

[koreanstudentiseul]

My Language Learning Experience (2006-2019)

Hello~ as requested, here is my language journey/experience post. So fair warning this is a very long post. Way longer than I meant it to be, but I did warn this when you guys asked for it so I’m sorry in advance.

For this, I’m going chronologically, but I’ll mark it clearly if you wanna just read specific bits, I don’t blame anyone who wants to skip sections it is a lot of text. With that said, let’s begin~

1st: Spanish.

My first experience learning language was in Primary school, at aged 10 (due to a late birthday) when we were surprised by a sparkly new class that wasn’t offered in the school before. Spanish. I don’t remember much from this point being nearly 14 years ago but I remember finding the class difficult because the teacher wasn’t very approachable and seemed to play favourites. At least in the context of only helping certain pupils rather than all the pupils. I picked up a few things, like 1-10 and some animal names but that was about it.

I continued Spanish in High school as it was a mandatory subject in the first 2 years, I learned more from these classes mostly I think because they were more used to teaching the subject but I can’t say that with any certainty. I have mixed memories from this time as we were forced to endless exercises that didn’t explain anything, yes/no style corrections which don’t help anyone, and my teacher told me off for knowing the answer (I still remember this clearly, she asked what the word for fish was, I said pez. Then she asked what the plural was, I said peces and she scolded me for knowing that. To this day, I don’t know why) so that was traumatising for me and meant I didn’t speak up in class again for well over a year.

At this point I’m 4 years-ish into Spanish and I think I’m doing okay, I can do the homework and the exercises with minimal issue (not always correct, but was done in a reasonable time) and we get to picking our subjects for our exams. At which point, my teacher who was talking to everyone about their choices as most did (this was to explain the exam courses and what to expect so you know what you’re choosing, which I think was a nice thing but they stopped doing this sadly) and when it was my turn, it was “implied” that if I picked the subject I wouldn’t be allowed to take the class. I was told that I wasn’t smart enough to pass so I couldn’t take either language course and that I’d to pick another department.

This knocked any confidence I had with languages, I thought I’d been doing okay, at parents night I always had good comments so I don’t know what prompted this delightful comment. And with it being their word against mine I couldn’t prove it was said, but I knew the school would have sided with them anyway. This is also the reason I have Spanish as a want to learn rather than can speak because aside from my fish trauma, I can count to 99 and do basic insa chitchat and that’s all I retained. Oh and the words for library and sharpener, because my favourite place is a library and un sacapuntas is just something that’s always amused me for reasons unknown.

2nd: Korean

So, fun fact, I’m surprised that Korean’s here because I actually had been counting it as 3rd until I actually thought about it for this. My derpiness aside, Korean comes in at the beginning of my 5th year so would be late 2011 (Our school year starts mid-August) when my friend introduced me to K-Pop and oh boy my mp3 player has never looked the same since. It was a serious exam year, so no great progress was possible, especially with trying to get into college. I didn’t find TTMIK till much later than this but for this point in time, I found the lyrics on live performances really intriguing. I mean it’s nothing I was used to seeing on our equivalent shows, they never had the lyrics up for songs, in fact I don’t remember them telling you the artist half the time was towards the end of their broadcasting time. That tangent aside, the words just looked really beautiful and by September that year I was enamoured by the sound of the language, so I started looking up things about Korean in between the onslaught of homework and assessments. Also according to old social media I was subconsciously singing it from the December onwards, so good to know that that was always a thing I did. It took me until March to be able to read enough to write and even then it crude as anything. There’s very little trace of anything from that time but I struggle to read what there is.

Sadly this is where things end here for now, exams and getting into college and having space to breathe after years of being up till 2am trying to get all my work done and not having weekends cause I had to study too kind of pushed it to the back burner. What can I say, it was the first actually free summer I’d had in 5 years and I wanted it to be a detox before college started just in case it was the same set up of no sleep. And then I bumped into the aforementioned Spanish teacher again over the summer who made a comment to the effect of “Bet you’re glad you didn’t take Spanish, otherwise you’d have a nasty fail on your results.” Which for one annoyed me because it implied I had any say in the matter, but also removed any confidence I had regained since our last encounter.

3rd: Japanese

Now this is going to be really underwhelming, you’ve been warned. So I picked up Japanese in exam season 2012 (’cause I clearly didn’t have enough going on) and if I recall correctly used Japanesepod101 for it. I just followed their podcasts so I never learned to read just speaking/listening really. I suppose the 3 alphabets scared me off some, still kinda does scare me but I have a plan of action now so it’s a long term goal rather than wishful/fearful thinking. Still not sure what prompted this though, maybe an anime revival, or just finally caving since I’d wanted to for years.

Anyway, I got through the most basic level on JP101, and a little into the next one when as previous stated getting into college/return of the Spanish teacher caused a little bit of a crisis and I fell away from languages. I also have retained basically no Japanese, and this bothers me so I look forward to getting back to where I was.

2nd (again): Korean

Oh hi, Korean’s back again. Okay this time it’s gonna be a little longer, this goes up until the day I’m posting this. So I picked Korean back up in 2013. At this point I found TTMIK (through yahoo answers would you believe, they hadn’t come up in my search for learning Korean back then). I did level 1 and then I think only got to lesson 4 of level 2 before college hit like a tonne of bricks. And then we have another gap.

We come back in yet again in 2017. I never stopped listening to K-pop, sorta dipped in and out of dramas in that time very lazily, but didn’t really learn anything between 2013-2017. I had to reteach myself to read because it was really hazy and only half remembered, no surprise though it had been more than 5 years since I’d really touched on it at that point.

So once I could comfortably read again, I was confident to go ahead and redo level 1. I did all 25 lessons in 2 weeks. Level 2 however, that caused more trouble. Admittedly I was really ill at this point, I actually had to stop working because of it so level 2 was a lot slower than I wanted or even expected. I knew it was basically new ground in level 2 but even so it was difficult to see the time between lessons, and how much work it was to understand lessons progressively increasing.

I had hoped to get it done in 6 weeks, but it took about a year. Even now some things I still struggle with and get muddled, though it’s getting better with time which is reassuring. At this point my motivation was crippled. I wasn’t progressing, I was barely looking at Korean and I honestly thought about quitting. It also wasn’t helping that the studygram that had once been an ally turned foe showing me all the work everyone else was doing while I was doing nothing at all.

I have now since learned that it doesn’t have to be something demotivating. If someone wants to study 13 hours a day, fantastic! But that’s not for me. Some days are easier than others, I am still in recovery and that’s okay. Some days I can do 4 hours no trouble, others 5 minutes seems impossible. But I should have days off, I shouldn’t make myself ill worrying about studying. I should have time for games, and painting, and wandering round the woods with my camera, and general self care things.

In saying this, I’m guilty of saying this then ignoring it. Especially since I started using italki, where I’d have to learn 100 words, write a presentation and answer 30 questions in a week. I should push myself to try and do the homework, but at the same time, I have other things to do too and I shouldn’t torture myself with cramming homework and nothing else cause it takes so long to try and do the stuff that’s physically handed in let alone anything else.

Don’t get me wrong I love my tutor, she’s the only person who has me laughing at my mistakes, has me trying to use the language because I was terrified of doing that before. Well, I still somewhat am, but it’s getting better. Sometimes the workload is a little crazy, funny how I wanted homework now I just want to throw it all away and just do what I feel I need with the language between lessons. Not sure if it’s a phase or the initial excitement’s wore off and it’s not like wading quicksand.

So, before I start rambling I’m going to have a tl;dr summery here in regards to Korean this year.

The good from this year is hands down the studygram/studyblr community. Before I was annoying people talking about or posting about studying Korean, and these communities offered me a safe welcoming place to be where I could discuss what I was learning, and even get help when needed. I will always be eternally grateful to those who answer my questions in relation to anything, be it being unable to read handwriting, or grammar, or vocab confusion or something as simple as recommendations.

Slightly less good, no fault of Korean admittedly, probably is the difficulty in understanding and retaining information. Most of it is down to being ill. The rest, just generally me being confused because the way our schools teach English, so I don’t really know the different word classes and the rules for each. I can’t look at a word and be like, that’s an adverb, or even if I’m told ‘oh this is and adjective’ I really don’t know what to do with that information. I can do noun, and verb that’s about it. Not for lack of trying though, I have since tried to teach myself, and I have a cheat sheet but I can’t use that in a conversation so hardly a great use. It also means forming sentences is quite tricky, since if one type of word must follow another to be grammatically correct, or even make sense I have no clue about it.

Even further from good, and not something I like to dwell on too long, I feel like I’m cheating with Korean 95% of the time. With Spanish, I never had to double check anything, I could form sentences, and say what I wanted with what I knew and it was fine, but with Korean, it’s like the exactly opposite. I don’t trust myself to write anything without quadruple checking it. I wish I could just write sentences and just look up words/grammar as I need them but no every word of every sentence and even then it’s still flooded with mistakes which doesn’t help me try and wean bad habits.

So yeah I think that about wraps up Korean, but it doesn’t sound particularly good in this explanation. Hopefully next year it’s better.

4th: Turkish

Langjam number 1 (for me), and I had Turkish. Delightful experience, granted I was very ill. I had the flu that weekend because of course it had to hit that weekend, I’m not allowed to have plans apparently. But it was fun, I learned how much of a time sink grammatical concepts are. I feel like all I did was learn grammar that weekend, and I don’t remember any of it, but I still have the sentence I made at the end of the weekend:

“Merhaba, adım Rosie. Hastayım bu yüzden fazla çalışmadım. Ama, Türkçe çalışmaktan mutluyum.”

Not going to lie, all I remember clearly is Merhaba, but that’s better than nothing. I would love to go back and do it properly, or at least without the flu. One of my best friends, a very sweet bean is from Turkey and I’d love to be able to try and speak to them in Turkish a little since they speak English every day for me and yeah I’d love to be able to chat to them a little (though I still can’t type it on my laptop properly so that should perhaps be task one on returning to it).

I don’t know when I’ll go back to Turkish, but I kept all my resources and my notebook so it should be good when I do. Perhaps when I get to an intermediate level in Korean Turkish can resurface, though don’t hold me to that I may just wanna do it randomly. 

That’s it for now! Bet you’re glad you don’t have to read anymore of my boring language past ;) If I missed anything, or didn’t entirely answer the question you asked, just let me know and I’ll try and get back to you as soon as possible.  Thank you for reading, have some cookies and happy learning~ ♡

[marauder--harder]

Hand to Hand- A Remus Lupin Imagine (Part 13 of The Torturous Year)

A/N: Hey y’all so I know it has been like two months since I posted anything for TTY, which I honestly didn’t even realize it had been that long. However, I thought I should at least to attempt to make up for lost time by coming back with a doosey. This chapter is nearly 12k, so I hope y’all enjoy. This is FOR SURE the second to last chapter of the series, I promise. So close to the next project! (as soon as I figure out what it is going to be lol) 

Previous Installments: The Torturous Year. (Part 1) -  Methods of Torture. (Part 2) - Pressure Points. (Part 3) - Sleep Deprivation. (Part 4) - Drowning. (Part 5) - Solitary Confinement. (Part 6) - Heart Damage. (Part 7) - The Silence. (Part 8) - Restraint. (Part 9) - The Burn. (Part 10) - Hit or Miss. (Part 11) - Power Play. (Part 12)

Warning: SMUT (ish)

“Alright, ladies, we’re going to be late if we don’t head out soon; and Kettleburn is sure to give you detention if you’re late again this week, Alice.”

Alice simply scoffed and threw her school bag over her shoulder before raising her chin with pride. “Deep down, I think he loves me.”

“As much as McGonagall loves Sirius, I’m sure,” Mary joked back with a wink, as she sidled up next to you, biting into the apple she nicked from Sirius’ plate.

“Oi, Minnie does love me! And that’s my apple!”

Laughing along with her, you nodded and quickly dodged Alice’s playful slap against your arm. In the middle of linking arms with Mary, you heard your name being called from behind you.

“Uh, Y/N?”

You stopped and turned around, dropping your arm from Mary’s. “Yeah, Moony?”

“Do you mind catching up with the girls later? I wanted to talk to you.”

Furrowing your brow, you tilted your head curiously to watch Remus for a moment. He seemed uncharacteristically nervous in the way he held himself. His shoulders were tense and his posture rigid as he sat on the Gryffindor bench. There was a faint edginess about him, striking a small inkling of fear in your chest.

“Oh, um, can it wait? Professor Kettleburn really will chew us out if we’re late again.”

His shoulders sagged ever so slightly and he said, giving you a half smile, “yeah, no worries it—”

You looked at him in more confusion when he suddenly groaned and jerked his leg back towards himself as if someone had kicked him. Looking over across from him, you saw James glare at Remus pointedly before making obvious ‘that wasn’t the right answer’ eyes at him.

“Actually,” you smiled sympathetically before turning to Mary and Alice. “You guys go ahead, I’ll catch up with you in a few, yeah?”

“Oh no, this is way better than that barmy old man’s class. We’ll wait with you.” Alice grinned, nudging you a bit closer.

You stumbled forward a few steps and shook your head with an amused scoff, turning back to Remus. “Alright, then; what is it you are making me miss a hands on lesson with a litter of crups for?”

“Well, I wasn’t aware that I was less important than a pesky dog, Y/N. You wound me.”

Suppressing a laugh and quip about just how much of a dog he is once a month, you simply cleared your throat with a smile. “They are certainly cuter, but that is beside the point. Out with it.”

“Right,” muttered Remus, who then cleared his throat and shifted so one leg swung over the bench, straddling it. “So, I was wondering—well, the others and I were talking about it and—not that it wasn’t my idea or that I didn’t want to—”

“Remus,” you interrupted with a small laugh. “Are you getting to a point any time soon?”

“Are you free to go to Hogsmeade tomorrow?” he asked. “With me? On a proper date?”

The smile you held quickly dropped as your eyes widened. “Oh,” you said, blinking repeatedly in some sort of stupor.

“Oh?”

You were suddenly very aware of the many pairs of eyes watching you in the Great Hall. Standing in the middle of the Hall for so long had not only attracted your friends’ attention, but the audience from a few of those sitting around you as well. Why did he have to do this in the Great Hall? You reminded yourself to breathe as you felt the anxiety grow as your heart started to pound and your lungs constrict.

Going on a date with Remus, a proper date, would mean that the two of you were taking the next step in your acceptance of him. It meant that you were well on your way towards a relationship and while it always did feel easy with him, it was times like these when you remembered how much his rejection hurt months ago.

You stood there for a few more moments before you realized that your silence was only making everyone’s eyes bore into you that much more. Your mind tried to replay the last few minutes in your head, searching for the last thing he said before you blurted, “no!”

“N-No?” Remus sputtered, seemingly genuinely surprised that you would have thought to even say no to his question. The thought made your heart skip an annoying beat, realizing that he must have been assured enough to ask in the first place.

“No, not no,” you groaned, licking your lips and taking in a quick, deep breath. “I meant not just ‘oh.’ I meant of course I’d go to Hogsmeade with you. Is that all I was missing adorable crups for?”

The smile that graced Remus’ face was more of a quick beam, before he schooled it into a smirk. “I’m sure I can find a way to make it up to you.”

“I don’t know, Re; you’re setting this bar for our date pretty high. I do adore my canines,” you smirked, inclining your brow just slightly in your hidden meaning.

Grinning wider, Remus huffed out a laugh and rolled his eyes in exasperation. “If you hurry, you shouldn’t be too late. Tell him that you were helping James and me with some basilisk theory.”

“Teacher’s pet, he always had a soft spot for the two of you.”

“You wound me,” said James with a hand held over his heart.

“Go,” Remus prodded, looking to Mary and Alice. “The lot of you; I can’t let you be too late otherwise Kettleburn will cut me off from his good graces.”

“Aye aye, Prefect Lupin!” Mary saluted with a smile, before linking arms with yours again.

You rolled your eyes as she practically dragged you away, Alice and her making a hasty attempt to hustle in order to not get scolded too harshly. Though, you had to listen to them gush about your newly accepted love life the entire way, despite your many protests.

“This doesn’t mean we are dating, girls. It means I am going on a date.”

Rushing over to the group of students gathered for your class, Alice merely turned to you and whispered, “Oh, but soon enough, Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed as you shook your head. The three of you tried to hide in the back as to not be noticed in your late arrival and dropped the topic. None of you missed, however, the way the tips of your ears were burning and the large grin plastered on your face for the rest of the day.

The next day rolled around quite quickly with you spending most of the day yesterday finishing up all of your assignments for the weekend. You had wanted to clear the whole day for him, not worrying about the three feet of parchment Kettleburn had assigned or the work Slughorn had insisted on being due that Monday. Keeping your mind busy, you didn’t have any time to dwell on the thought of your date with Remus until that following morning.

Thus, there you stood in front of your armoire, staring at your clothes selection, wondering just what you were going to wear.

“Y/N?” Lily called, walking out of the bathroom and over to you. “You missing something?”

“Hm? No, I just—” you paused and worried your lip before continuing. “What does one wear on a first date?”

“Something cute; it’s been quite warm out recently, maybe a dress?”

“Would that seem too… I don’t know, try hard?”

Lily barked out a laugh, her hand resting on her stomach and you watched with a pout as her shoulders shook. “Merlin, Y/N, are you actually nervous?”

“Oh shut it, nevermind. I’ll find something myself,” you grumbled, glaring at her.

Watching you sort through your clothes angrily, Lily sighed to herself. “Don’t be like that, you ninny. I think it is sweet you are nervous; I’m sure Remus is too.”

“Remus doesn’t get nervous, Lily. I don’t get nervous. Why am I acting like such a girl?”

“Because you care about him. You like him,” she smiled. “Now, let’s get you ready for your date!”

With the help of Lily and Marlene, who insisted on doing your hair, you were finally ready to head out with a few minutes to spare. Taking one last look in the mirror, you smoothed out the material of the sundress and smiled. You had to admit that the girls did a pretty damn good job in getting someone ready for a date.

As you were slipping on your other shoe, you heard a knock at your dormitory door. Marlene walked over to answer it with a furrowed brow and merely sighed when she saw the person standing on the other side.

“May I help you, Black?”

“My dearest Marlene,” Sirius grinned. “I am here to politely rush the two young ladies that I believe are hiding out in here. Their dates are waiting and I think Moony might faint with nerves if Y/N doesn’t appear soon.”

“See, we told you Moony was nervous too, Y/N!” Marlene called with a laugh, stepping aside to let Sirius in.

Before Sirius could even walk through, you were walking towards the door with a shake of your head and a small blush. “Nonsense; Remus has no need to be nervous.”

“If he isn’t now, he will be when he sees you. You clean up well, Y/N.” Sirius chuckled while eyeing you up and down.

“It’s Lily’s, actually.” You smiled and stopped next to him. Watching him continue to ogle you made your smile drop slightly. “It’s too much, isn’t it? Lily, I told you this was too much! I’m going to change; tell Remus I’ll be down in ten minutes.”

You heard the sound of laughter behind you as you quickly turned and walked back into your room, heading towards your trunk. You were going to wear a nice blouse and some jeans like you had wanted before Lily opened you up to her muggle wardrobe. Feeling your cheeks burn, you were sort of glad that Sirius had shown up when he did so you didn’t make a bigger fool of yourself than you already had.

“Y/N, relax. I meant that you look beautiful. Merlin, don’t pitch a fit here.”

“I’m not pitching a fit, Sirius!”

“You kind of are,” he remarked, walking towards you. Reaching out, he stilled your frantic rummaging and waited until you looked up at him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Pads; I’m just trying too hard.”

“Mm, maybe a bit...”

“What?”

Hearing Sirius sigh, he leaned against the post of your bed and lightly squeezed your shoulder where his hand was resting. “You’re trying too hard to impress someone who’s already over the moon for you, love.”

Snorting at his choice of words, you looked down and bit your lip nervously. “What if he leaves again?”

The small, comforting smile that adorned Sirius’ face dropped and he looked over at Marlene and Lily. Both were standing on the other side of the room, hovering in a way that Sirius knew they could jump in at any moment. He took in a deep breath and nodded his head to the door, telling them to go ahead.

Marlene furrowed her brows and frowned, looking over to Lily who simply smirked lightly at Sirius. Lily had known about Remus’ condition for a while but didn’t say anything until James had asked Remus for approval in telling her. She tried to act surprised, but Remus had a feeling that she had already known.

For a few moments Lily stared at Sirius before he nodded and smiled back at her. Taking that as a sign that he knew where he was going, Lily nodded back to him and motioned to Marlene that it was okay to go. They left with a small click of the door shutting behind them.

“Y/N,” Sirius sighed. “You know Moony cares about you, right?”

Feeling your cheeks burn, you merely shrugged your shoulders before nodding hesitantly. This is not how you wanted your pre-date plans to go and you cursed yourself for being so weird about everything.

“And you know he feels terrible about hurting you?”

“Yes.”

“Then there’s no reason to believe that he will run again.”

Looking up at him finally, you gave Sirius a pointed look and rolled your eyes. “Moony is nervous, Sirius. You said it yourself. He knows how I feel about him; so what else am I supposed to think other than he is nervous about doing this in the first place? What if he regrets it? What if he regrets us again? We both know he functions on about fifty percent self-loathing.”

“You may be right,” Sirius shrugged. “But you may be wrong too; the only way you will ever find out is to walk down those stairs and go on your date.”

Folding your arms over themselves, you glared at him. “I hate when you use logic against me. You know that always works.”

“It’s my job,” he chuckled and slung his arm around your shoulders. “Now, you finished getting all gooey on me?”

You simply rolled your eyes and punched his arm lightly. “Shove off.”

“There she is!” he laughed and walked out with you, down the stairs. “I present the fair maiden to her knight in shining armor.”

“Hey,” you smiled as you walked over to Remus, who was perched against the back of the couch.

“Hey, yourself. Everything okay?” he asked lowly, reaching up to push a strand of hair out of your face.

“Everything’s great. Just a, uh, bit of a wardrobe malfunction, ‘s all.” The hand that came to rest on your waist was heavy and warm. You felt yourself lean into his touch and a warmth ran its way through your body, up to your cheeks.

“Well, I think you look brilliant.”

Staring up into his eyes, you smiled for a moment before it slowly turned into a frown. “Are you okay?” you asked, reaching up to touch the back of your hand to his forehead gently. “You sure you want to go out today? You look a bit peaky.”

“Just tired,” he supplied with a small smile. Yet, you could tell the way his bags were puffier and darker than the day before and the way his shoulders were slumped slightly. The more you stared, you noticed how much of his weight rested against the couch, as if he was too tired to stand on his own.

“You sure? We can go another weekend, Re. I don’t want you wearing yourself out for—”

“Hush,” he scolded lightly. “You got all dressed up for this. Let me take you out, yeah?”

“Okay,” you nodded with a frown. “You ready?”

Nodding himself, he stood and straightened out his dark grey shirt. You also couldn’t help but admire the light wash muggle jeans he wore, or the way they clung to him in just the right way. Your eyes trailed down his body, before slowly moving upwards to the exhausted, yet amused, looking man in front of you.

“Do you approve of my appearance?” he asked with a satisfied smirk, leaving you to blush heavily in response.

“Greatly,” you replied with a wink, leaning closer into him. “You look rather fit in muggle clothes.”

Chuckling lowly, Remus pulled you in for a sweet, chaste kiss. As he pulled away, you started to follow, pressing your lips against his again for a few moments before pulling back. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, darling.”

“Alright, you two. Either get a room or get a move on; nobody wants to see you snogging in the middle of the common room!” Sirius called from the sofa behind you.

The two of you laughed for a moment, blushes rising to both of your cheeks and you grinned. “Shall we, then?”

Nodding and taking your hand in his, Remus lead you out of the common room and out to the ground of Hogwarts. “Let’s.”

The walk down to Hogsmeade was slightly awkward, the two of you in relative silence. Once you arrived in town, you turned to him with a smile.

“So, where to?”

“Uh, I was thinking we could go to Tomes and Scrolls and then maybe Puddifoot’s for some tea?” Remus asked, scratching the back of his neck.

Your eyes widened slightly and you opened and closed your mouth repeatedly, trying to find something to say. He wanted to go to Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop?? That was where all the couples went; it was frilly and pink and much too stuffy from what you’ve seen of it.

“You want to go to Puddifoot’s?”

You watched as Remus smiled sheepishly and blushed. “I just thought that since this was a date… Don’t birds usually swoon for that stuff?”

“Merlin, no!” you laughed. “Well, I mean, maybe they do but I surely don’t. Come on, Moony; you know me. There’s no need to be nervous.”

“I don’t know why I even thought to ask,” he laughed along with you.

“Because you’re sweet,” you muttered, taking his hand in yours. “But I think I’d rather have a lovely time window shopping with you than sit in a stuffy, overcrowded hoarder’s den drinking tea.”

“Good thing that can be arranged.”

The two of you walked around Hogsmeade for hours, spending as much time as you could in every shop. You did admit that a majority of that was spent in Tomes and Scrolls, scouring shelf after shelf with Remus. The two of you laughed and joked and Remus ended up buying one of your favorite books for you, despite your many protests.

“Merlin, Y/N, you make it awful difficult for a bloke to treat you well on a date, you know.” Remus half-joked as the two of you walked out of the shop.

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed, feeling slightly embarrassed for making such a fuss about the book. He really was trying to be nice, but you knew that Remus didn’t really come from much money either. “I just thought that you should save your money for something better than some book for me.”

“I happen to think that buying my girl something is a perfect way to invest my money.”

Your eyes widened momentarily, heart stopping for a few beats. Glancing around the square, you noticed all of the other couples walking hand in hand. For a split second you felt a twinge of panic before you shook it off and looked up at Remus with a smile. “Well, then at least let me buy you an ice cream later in return.”

“Deal.”

After the two of you wandered through Gladrags, Ceridwen’s, and had a lovely meal at The Three Broomsticks—that you insisted you each pay your own way for—you found yourself browsing the muggle record section in Dominic Maestro’s Music Shop.

Remus had been slightly reluctant to enter the music shop, knowing how enthralled you were with muggle music. He, himself, quite enjoyed the music but Sirius always ended up gravitating towards the new hits of disco, which Remus tended to not have much of an ear for.

Nevertheless, he relented and while he was searching for a nice record for James, since he couldn’t afford anything at the time of his actual birthday, he suddenly heard a familiar lilt of smooth jazz coming from a record nearby. It brought him back in time immediately and he smiled, unconsciously swaying ever so softly as the words were sung lowly in the back of the music shop.

Remus almost didn’t notice the presence beside him and he probably wouldn’t have if not for the waft of your sweet smelling shampoo. You nearing did not stop him from his almost trance like state and you found yourself mirroring Remus’ smile as you watched the far away look in his almost amber looking eyes.

“My mother used to listen to him,” said Remus lowly. “She was a bit obsessed with him actually.”

The thought made you smile wider, exhaling an amused chuckle. “Hope had a thing for the American crooner?”

Remus looked at you now, eyes crinkling with mirth as he came back from his memory. “She always said he was her second choice after dad.”

You snorted in surprise, shaking your head and stepping closer to him. “Did you listen to a lot of muggle music growing up?”

He hummed a small affirmation, before reaching out and taking your hand in his. His thumb trailed comforting circles over the back of your hand, leaving a slight tingling in his wake. You glanced down at your joined hands and back up into his eyes. You loved the way he would look so boyish and happy when he talked about Hope. You knew that she was getting a bit ill in her growing age and you knew it was always bittersweet for Remus to bring her up so you didn’t ask often. But when you did, he lit up like a kid at Christmas; it was so pure and loving. You absolutely adored it.

“Mum loved music. We didn’t have a big selection, but there was a lot of Sinatra.” Squeezing your hand gently, you noticed the way his eyes became just a bit more unfocused as he began remembering again. “She used to dance around the kitchen when she cooked. It was kind of dreadful, actually; but she looked so happy that you didn’t even realize she was bad at it. Some days she would drag me over with her and we’d dance around the whole house. I would pretend to hate it at first… But her laughter was always so contagious.”

For a few moments, neither of you said anything. You both listened to the soft crooning of Frank Sinatra’s voice thrum throughout the shop before you tugged lightly at his hand that was clasped in yours.

“Dance with me?” you asked with a shy smile.

Blinking once, then twice, Remus took in a deep breath. “I used to dance on her shoes, Y/N…”

“Okay, then sway with me.” You paused, looking up at him pleadingly. “Please?”

“You’re lucky I can never say no to you,” he breathed lowly as he pulled you close.

You simply grinned softly and rested your head against his chest, your hands coming around his shoulders carefully. “Mm, I’ll have to keep that in mind.”

The two of you swayed to a few songs, slow enough that it didn’t seem weird to slow dance but not slow enough of a song that you thought it would be too romantic. After a while you began humming along softly, enjoying the way Remus’ fluttering heartbeat somehow kept in rhythm with the record.

“You sound like her too, you know.” Remus’ voice was a low, timber at the shell of your ear and you couldn’t help but shiver at the sudden deepness about his whisper.

Regardless, you smiled dreamily. “Perfect, Re,” you tried to joke back, without lifting your head from his chest. “Just what a girl wants you to think of when you’re with her: your mother.”

You felt, rather than heard, his laughter rumbling deep in his chest and you couldn’t help but join him.

“I meant,” he continued as he pulled away to give you a gentle spin, “you sound just as beautiful as she did when you sing.”

Color rushed to your cheeks as you stared into his warm, kind eyes. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” he replied with a dumb looking, and equally adorable smirk.

Wrapping your arms back around his neck, you kept a bit of distance as you continued to look up at him while the two of you continued to sway. “You know, I never thought that Remus Lupin would have a soft spot for Frank Sinatra. Pretty in touch with your gentle side, yeah?”

Remus exhaled another form of a chuckle and shrugged. “Maybe,” he said. “Just don’t tell the others.”

You grinned further and rose your eyebrows in expectation. “It might cost you, then.”

“Yeah?” You felt the hands at your hips tighten and pull you in just a bit closer. “What’s your price, sweetheart?”

The hairs on the back of your neck stood and you shivered at the darkening look in his eyes. “Sing to me.”

Smirk falling, Remus’ eyes widened at you in shock and he stood still. “Sing?”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “I’ve never heard you sing, Moony. I’m sure you know the words to at least one of these songs.”

Chuckling nervously, Remus cleared his throat and looked around, as if noticing for the first time that the two of you were still in public. “I don’t sing well, Y/N.”

“So? I’m not asking for well; I’m asking to hear it. Pretty please?”

Taking in a deep breath, Remus listened to the song that was playing and slowly, ever so softly began to hum along to it as the two of you began to sway gently again. You were glad that not many students tended to check out the muggle section of the music shop, as it left the two of you in practically perfect peace.

Swaying a bit more now, you drew yourself in closer to listen to Remus as he continued to hum and lowly sing his way through the final bits of the song ‘The Best is Yet to Come.’ You didn’t know the words yourself and you did admit that it did sound a bit pitchy; but it still sounded somehow elegant and beautiful to you. You absolutely adored the low way he breathed into you as he held you closer and the way his voice rumbled in his chest as he tried to hit the lower notes.

When the song ended, you pulled back and smiled up at him. You were a bit breathless, honestly, and wanted nothing more than to pull him into a deep, burning kiss. The absolute closeness of everything that happened within the last ten minutes of you two dancing made your head spin and your body heat. Blinking a few times, you noticed the way Remus started to lean in and you quickly put a hand on his chest to steady him. You laughed nervously, ignoring the way your whole body was tingling and swimming with butterflies, and tried your best not to panic at the absolute sureness you felt in wanting to kiss him.  

“A bit warm in here, yeah?” you asked with a small smile. “How about that ice cream now?”

Remus, while feeling rather warm himself, smiled in return and cleared his throat as he pulled away. “Ah, yeah. Sounds good.”

The two of you walked hand in hand to Fortescue’s and headed up to the counter to place your order. You waited for Remus to place his order and then turned and ordered your own chocolate swirl cone.

After you paid for the both of you, which you did not let Remus forget was already agreed upon, Remus turned to you with furrowed brows. “I thought you swore off chocolate ice cream?”

Taking the cone in your hand you stared at it for a moment before looking back over to him. “Well, I’m all for second chances, you know.”

Remus merely rolled his eyes and smiled wider in response, while throwing an arm over the back of your seat casually. “I am all too glad to know that, love.”

The two of you sat, munching away at your ice cream for a moment before you turned and looked at him. “Besides,” you stopped and took a long, slow swipe up the entire base of your ice cream swirl. “I’ve been dying for some stickiness lately,” you winked with a small giggle.

Remus gulped harshly and clenched his jaw, staring down at you. “You’re not being fair, Y/N,” he gritted out lowly.

“When am I ever fair, love?” you asked, giving little kitten licks to your cone with another grin.

Closing his eyes, Remus took in a deep breath. “You’re going to kill me, love. Watch it,” he growled, leaving you to laugh and give him a gentle kiss.

“Sorry, I get a bit carried away sometimes.”

“I’ll just have to get you back for it,” he grinned, placing a hand on your thigh innocently. “Over, and over, and over again. You haven’t even began to see me carried away yet, Y/N.”

Chocolate ice cream fell to the ground as you gasped softly, cheeks flushing in color and biting your lip in surprise.

Well, that backfired.

Tortured: 0

Torturer: 1

As the two of you walked slowly back to the castle, you realized with a strange sense of surprise at the amount of fun you had on your date. You had been worrying yourself silly this morning  over just what this meant for you both; yet, once you were with him you didn’t think about it at all. You were just happy being with him. It was actually nice to know that not much was different on your date as it was during your friends’ date.

Walking hand in hand with Remus, you tugged at him lightly when you saw the castle along the horizon.

“Something wrong?” asked Remus, looking down at you in slight confusion.

You simply smiled and shook your head. “No, I just—” you paused, fighting the urge to ignore the sappy feeling that had been settled deep in your chest the whole day. “I don’t quite want this to end.”

The smile that grew on Remus’ face forced you to mirror him, happy with his reaction. “Then we can walk slower,” he muttered and threw his arm around your shoulders.

By the time the two of you meandered your way up to the Gryffindor tower, it was beyond nightfall. Before you approached the portrait of the fat Lady, you grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to a secluded bookshelf in the 7th floor corridor.

“Before we head in and probably get bombarded, I wanted to say that I had a really lovely time today, Remus.”

Remus said nothing for a moment, staring at you in amused disbelief. “Merlin, you’re not joking for once; you’ve gone soft on me,” he snickered with a wink.

“I had a really lovely time today, you utter bastard,” you repeated with a toothy smile, bringing another round of laughter from the man in front of you.

“That’s more like it.”

Joining him in laughter, you found yourself smiling up at him stupidly. You thought about the way he looked so damn beautiful while he laughed and your heart betrayed you as it started fluttering. Good Godric, you were acting like such an utter girl; but you, somehow, couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

“So, it’s pretty late; I should probably let you get some sleep.”

Remus stuffed his hands in his pockets roughly, rocking back and forth on his heels, suddenly a bit awkward again. “Yeah.” Watching him carefully, he slowly stopped his rocking, before leaning down to kiss your cheek chastely. He pulled away all too soon and you sighed quietly in disappointment. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

You counted the footsteps he made before you quickly turned and caught him by the arm. “Re?” you asked quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

“Oh, thank God,” he muttered before pulling you into him and planting his mouth against yours.

The kiss that started off as a sweet sort of end to your date quickly morphed into one that was full of more longing and desperation. Remus cradled your head in his hands, tilting your chin up to meet his. Meeting him touch for touch, you arched yourself into him for a moment before you felt the cold, stone wall at your back.

The cardigan that Remus had leant you slowly fell away, dipping past your shoulders to pool at your elbows. Your hands, that had somehow managed to tangle themselves in his sandy colored hair, clenched fistfuls and tugged as you opened yourself to him. Remus made a low sound, a mix between a moan and a growl, which set a warmth across every inch of your body.

“You have no idea what terrible things I’d do to you,” he mumbled against your mouth.

You took a moment to find words again, biting his lip and slowly winding a lock of his curls around your finger before releasing it. “Mm, I’m counting on it.”

His lips soon trailed down your jaw and neck, licking and sucking in a way that both made your head spin. Kissing Remus was dangerous; each time felt new and better than the last. The absolute sureness in the way his body pressed into yours felt heavenly and had you breathing his name on the cusp of a moan.

For a few more minutes, or perhaps only a few moments, Remus continued. He wound you tighter and tighter; your breaths coming in more staccato puffs. Eventually, he pulled away with one last harsh nip to the hollow of your collarbone followed by a soft kiss. Resting his forehead against your shoulder, you both panted against one another.

“Moony, are you always this horny around your monthly?”

Breathing a harsh chuckle, he cleared his throat and licked his lips. “Nearly every month this term; I wonder why that could be, hm?” His head, which was resting against the edge of your shoulder, moved inwards and started nuzzling your neck lightly. You smiled as he planted a gentle brush of a kiss over the sensitive spot he probably marked on your skin before pulling away.

“Sorry, I can never seem to control myself around you. I didn’t mean to get so,” he paused and licked his lips while slipping the thin strap of your sundress back onto your shoulder, “carried away.”

“You know, I usually have a rule that I don’t kiss on the first date,” you chuckled.

Remus looked into your eyes and grinned wolfishly. “Yeah? Well, aren’t I a lucky bloke then.”

“You bet your arse, you are,” you laughed. “Anyone else tried what you did just now, I’d hex them to the dungeons.”

“Why not me?” he found himself asking with the same grin.

“Because,” you said with a blush. “You’re different. I told you, Moony, things are easy with you.”

“Mm, I’m very glad then.”

The two of you stared at each other for a few moments and you felt the blush on your cheeks warm again. Remus, however, did not waiver and continued looking at you with a dopey stare. “I should probably let you get some sleep,” you muttered. “It’s late and you need your rest for this week.”

Blinking a few times, you noticed the way he seemed to suddenly remember how tired he was. Your heart ached for a few moments, wishing that he didn’t always have to be cursed with such a terrible affliction. As he nodded and hummed in agreement, you gave him a little push towards the portrait. “Wattlebird,” you both said in unison and walked into the common room.

“There’s the two lovebirds!” Peter chuckled, tapping a dozing Sirius on the arm quickly. Jolting awake, Sirius looked around in surprise before smiling at the two of you standing by the door.

“Enjoying your nap, Pads?” Remus asked with a smirk.

“Wouldn’t have to nap if I wasn’t waiting up for you both.”

“Is Dad waiting up to make sure his wittle girl got home safely?” you asked with a laugh. “Don’t worry, Sirius; Moony took good care of me.”

Rolling his eyes, he scoffed and stretched before standing. “Fine, fine; I’m sure Moony—” he stopped mid-sentence to stare down at your form with narrowed eyes. Leaning down, he studied you for a moment and slowly grinned. “Ah, so Moony did take care of you, yeah?”

Your eyes widened in astonishment and quickly tried to cover your neck, where you assumed Remus had left a mark on your skin. Looking over at his amused and slightly proud face, you glared at him half-heartedly.

“You’re lucky the full moon is in a few days,” you mumbled, cheeks burning in embarrassment.

Shrugging with a smirk, Remus pulled you close and pecked your forehead. “Mm, I’m lucky for much more than that.”

“Okay, I know you’re sleepy if soppy Remus is speaking.”

“You love soppy Remus.”

“Mm, whatever you say, Moony. You need me to tuck you in too, then? Off you go, Mr. Lupin. To bed.”

“How about you tuck us both in?” he whispered against your temple. Feeling your face flush heavily again, you glanced at a very amused looking Sirius and Peter and rolled your eyes.

“Remus…” you scolded gently. “I may have broken my rule, but I hope you know that this is still the first date.”

“My apologies, my lady.”

“You better, if you want a second one,” you remarked with a small smile. “Now go to bed, you big oaf.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight Remus.”

Watching him turn and head up the staircase, you finally stole another look at the duo standing to your left. You took in a deep breath, imagining the teasing coming your way before seeing Sirius look at you curiously. “What?”

“No goodnight kiss?”

Rolling your eyes, you sighed and turned to walk up your own staircase when you noticed the cardigan that was still wrapped around your frame. Spinning on your heels, you rushed up the stairs after Remus. Standing a step above him, you stopped and smiled. From this angle you were still shorter than him, but rose closer to the base of his nose now.

“You forgot your cardigan,” you said, quickly shoving it off and into his hands.

Remus furrowed his brows, looking from the clothes in his hand to you and back again. “You know you could have kept this, Y/N.”

“Yes, but you also forgot something else.”

“Did I?” he asked curiously.

“Well, I do need a goodnight kiss.”

Remus huffed out a small laugh before leaning in. Your lips met slowly and you could have cringed at the way it felt so bloody perfect kissing him. It was slow and sweet and yet still sent your heart in a tizzy. Applying more pressure, your small hand came up to caress his face. The tips of your fingers ghosted along the scar that ran from his temple past his jawline. You felt the way he sighed into the kiss, leaning in heavily without the hunger that was there before. It was as if he just wanted to be as close as possible, keeping you melded to him.

Eventually, he pulled away; his eyes fluttered for a few moments before opening them fully. He watched as your own eyes did the same and the two of you stared at the other in a sort of peaceful bliss.  

“Mm, that should hold me off for the night.”

Remus laughed quietly, rolling his eyes before biting his lip in thought. “You don’t really hate when I’m all soppy, do you?”

Smiling wider, you leaned forward to grab his face in your hands. “I was merely teasing you, lovely. I have a street cred to protect and all.”

“Nobody believes you are as rough and tough as you do, Y/N.”

“Well, I will make sure that you especially don’t then, Remus.” You leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth ever so gently before pulling away and looking up at him affectionately. “You’re bloody brilliant and I adore when you get soppy. I adore most things about you, actually. I’m sad that we didn’t do this earlier; this was the best date I’ve been on, I think.”

The sincerity in your voice made Remus’ heart stop for a few beats. Clenching in his chest, he thought it may burst at the amount of adoration filling it so quickly. He felt a sudden surge of affection for you and resisted the urge to pull you in a bone crushing hug.

“Likewise,” muttered Remus, still too awed to speak.

You snorted at his response and shook your head. “Why is it that when one of us gets even remotely serious, the other has to act emotionally constipated?”

“Because we can’t be too sentimental; nobody would want to be around us.”

“The voice of reason has returned,” you grinned. “Goodnight, Remus.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

Pecking him once more on the lips, you took in a deep breath and practically skipped around him, down the stairs.

Remus walked up the stairs to his room, where he got ready for bed by taking a nice, long shower, which he rarely had the energy to do the days before the full moon. Somehow, he felt a sort of peace settled deep within the wolf, even if his body was still wound tight from a full day of your teasing.

Which is also why he shut his curtains all the way that night and cast a small silencing charm over his portion of the room.

Tortured: 1

Torturer: 0

You couldn’t remember the last time you had felt this happy. Even if it was only one date, it was the best date you had been on and you were going to bask in the girlish feeling tumbling your stomach around for as long as you could.

This is exactly why you had practically forgotten about the secret Remus was keeping from you until the middle of your potions lesson that following Monday. Your eyes lit up as you listened to Slughorn drone on about Shrinking Solution and quickly glanced over to see Remus staring at the front of the room, clearly bored.

Picking up your quill, you tore off a small piece of parchment from your workbook and began writing him a note. Once finished, you folded it up and picked up your wand to send it over to him. You waited for Slughorn to turn his back to you before discreetly sending the note over a row to sit on Remus’ desk with a nonverbal ‘wingardium leviosa.’

Remus furrowed his brow as a piece of folded parchment landed on his open potions book. He merely stared at it for a few moments before looking around the room in confusion. His eyes flitted over to you, who was staring at him with a small smirk and a raised eyebrow. Rolling his eyes, Remus shook his head before opening the note.

You never did tell me that secret last week. What are you keeping from me?

“Patiently” waiting,

Y/N xx

He looked back up towards you before smiling cheekily. “Patience,” he mouthed with a wink, before turning back to the lecture and leaving you to pout.

He was going to kill you.

Tortured: 0

Torturer: 1

After all of your classes that day, you finally marched up to him and demanded he tell you what he was keeping from you at once. This, however, did not get your expected result when he merely laughed at how ‘adorable you look when annoyed’ and his answer of delaying once again.

Only a few hours later did Remus find you in the courtyard with a few friends. Walking up behind you, he rested his arms on either side of you and leaned in close.

“Boo.”

Squeaking in surprise, Remus and your friends laughed at your startled reaction. “Remus John Lupin, don’t do that!”

Continuing to laugh, he smiled cheekily. “Sorry, sorry.”

“You know I startle easily,” you muttered grumpily, folding your arms over one another.

“Fine, I will just have to make it up to you then,” he grinned, taking your hand in his. “If you don’t mind ladies, I’d like to steal Y/N for a bit?”

You watched with rising embarrassment as your friends eyed you, then Remus and then each other. You figured where their minds had gone and quickly glared to try and convey that is not what he meant. Or at least you hoped.

“Where are we going?”

“Well, I think you’ve been patient enough, don’t you think?”

Eyes lighting up, you smiled and nodded before turning to your friends. “I’ll catch up with you later, guys, yeah?”

“Don’t look too eager, Y/N,” Marlene giggled. “But you do owe me details then.”

Before you could respond, Remus was pulling you away, chuckling under his breath.

“Remus!” you scolded, “They think we are going off to have sex!”

“And?” he asked with a wink.

“And… I don’t think that is the surprise you were telling me about!” you responded, mortified.

Looking back down at you, Remus smiled sheepishly at your obvious embarrassment. “Of course not, Y/N. I have more class than that. You can set her straight later tonight when you come back to the dormitories walking perfectly fine.”

“Remus!” you scolded again, blush growing even deeper at the thought of what state a night with Remus would leave you in.

“Kidding,” he reminded, guiding you along with him. “We’re going out to the Lake anyhow, don’t worry.”

“You’re awfully cheeky today,” you said.

Remus simply shrugged, giving your hand a light squeeze. “Just happy.”

Smiling, you both walked the rest of the way in relative silence. Your embarrassment had long subsided and you were almost relieved to see Remus teasing you that much. Things were truly getting back to being perfectly normal between you two, if not better.

Once you two reached your usual spot on the lakeside, you turned to him and crossed your arms over one another.

“Alright, Moony, what gives?” you huffed with a forced pout. “I do not appreciate my friends keeping secrets from me!”

“Ah, so she’s nosey along with her impatience,” he chuckled in response.

“I know where you sleep, Lupin; watch it.” You leaned in close, nudging his shoulder. “I also now know all of these lovely non-verbal spells too. So what was it you wanted to show me?”

“Teach, not show.”

Rolling your eyes, you tried to fight the corner of your mouth from turning upwards as you sighed. “Teach me.”

“I’m going to teach you how to defend yourself,” he stated simply.

“I thought I already knew how? We just spent the last month going over dueling.” You looked at him in confusion for a few moments before scoffing. “Merlin Moony, I know the full is tomorrow but you’re acting pretty forgetful here.”

“I don’t mean with magic.”

“You mean like fighting??”

Remus looked at you, his expression deadpan. “Well, yes, that would be the idea.”

Ignoring his snark, you turned to him fully as your brain tried to wrap itself around the idea that your bookish professor wanted to teach you to throw a punch. “Why would I need to learn how to fight?”

“Because,” he sighed. “You aren’t always going to have your wand to protect you, or even magic. We agreed that we didn’t want you defenseless; this should help with your confidence too.”

“Okay, Remus, but this is barmy! I don’t need to fight!”

Rolling his eyes, Remus clenched his jaw in agitation. “Merlin Y/N, would you stop being so daft??”

“Excuse me?” you recoiled. “Not wanting to brawl like a neanderthal is not being daft, Lupin!”

Remus gave you a pointed look in return. “So if I were to attack you right now, you’d be able to fight me off?”

“Re, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think you have a mean bone in your body. You wouldn’t attack—”

“But Rosier would.” He cut you off. “He’s shorter, granted; but he’s also got more weight on too. Could you fight someone like him off? Or even someone like Mulciber?”

You stared at him dumbly, eyes wide and blinking. “I—”

“Could you?” prompted Remus more pressingly.

“I don’t know! Maybe; what’s got you uppity with this stuff all of a sudden?”

“Like you said, Y/N, there’s a war coming. From what I have gathered, I don’t think the stuff in The Prophet is the half of what is truly going on outside of Hogwarts. I mean, even Mary was attacked on school grounds. Once we get out of here, we’re going to start fighting; and if you somehow get mixed up on a mission where you don’t have your wand…”

“I’ll have my wand, Remus,” you tried reasoning but he shook his head and sighed.

“Not if you’re disarmed. This isn’t me saying it would be easy for them to do but you have to be bloody prepared, at least.”

You listened to him intently, noting the truly scared expression in Remus’ eyes. While he had gotten quite good at schooling his appearance to remain as collected as possible, you could always tell what he was feeling through his eyes. The captivating warm hazel that held a ring of amber-ish gold running around his pupils closer to the full moon—it was always such an easy way for you to read him. Looking into his eyes in that moment you frowned at the genuine, frantic fear swimming about.

You also noted the almost strung out way about him. He sat with his forearms resting on his knees and wrung his hands together subtly. It was always something he did when he was unnerved; you usually found it rather endearing. Now it set a pit of sympathy in your stomach. Studying him further, you saw the way he clenched his his jaw reflexively, over and over. The motion made you realize that Remus was angry—or at least extremely frustrated and tense.

With the full moon being only a day away, you could tell that he was trying not to snap at you. Remus had been pretty good about controlling himself around you during the full moons, trying his hardest not to say or do anything that could set you both back in your attempt at moving forward with one another. It had been pretty easy, from what you could tell of it thus far, but now you realized that you were truly testing his patience as you stubbornly fought him.

Thinking about his reasons, you sighed in defeat. Truthfully, he was right. It probably would be a good idea for you to know how to defend yourself from those who did want to do you harm, regardless of how barbaric you thought the practice. You found yourself nodding your head in agreement, wondering if it would ease the tenseness and frustration rolling off of Remus in waves. It may do the wolf deep inside some good to let it burn off the anger before the full moon, which was only 48 hours away.

“Okay, okay; I get it. So you’ll teach me how to fight.”

“Good,” he clipped, a slight edge to his voice that you tried your hardest not to find attractive. You knew how insufferable Remus got when angry; the other boys would actively avoid him until he calmed down. Remus suddenly moved to stand. “Now let’s get started.”

It was different, trying to learn how to fight the muggle way. You couldn’t say that you had never tried, as you had gotten into a fistfight with another child when you were much, much younger. That had you walking away with a scraped knee and a sore scalp when the other boy yanked hard on your hair in retaliation.

However, now you were much more aware of what your body could do. The child sized, uncoordinated fists had grown into a more nimble dexterity. With Remus’ guidance, it was quite shocking the impact you could have with your own body.

It was also surprising at how well Remus knew what to do. His methods were not formal, by any means, as he had his form fit to what he was comfortable with and offered little advice on what you wondered should be considered comfortable when fighting. Regardless, his teaching was clear and concise and you found yourself learning quickly.

“Alright, put your arms up, turn and step through while you push forward,” said Remus, as he stood behind you.

Following his instructions, you turned to face him and stepped forward, behind his own leg as you pushed your arms back down to block yourself. You felt him start to stumble and lean back as you did so before you quickly reached out to right both him and yourself.

“Brilliant,” he muttered. “That was brilliant.”

Not able to stop the grin that made its way to your face, you smiled as you panted. “Thanks; but can we take a break?”

“Sure.”

Both of you pulled away and sat down, filling your waters twice each in your thirsts. You reached up and wiped your brow before looking over at him sitting next to you in the grass.

You were both quiet as you regained your breaths. It was always so shocking how comfortable the silence was between you two. Even when the two of you were doing something as intense as fighting, the silence was always calm and reassuring.

“Moony,” you started after a while, voice soft as you looked out onto the lake. “Where did you learn to fight?”

There were a few moments of tensed silence that made you look over at him curiously. Remus was staring at a small fray in his jeans and began picking at it as he started to speak. “Being the sickly, scarred sprout in the neighborhood made you an easy target,” he shrugged slightly, trying to seem careless but it looked far too calculated. “We moved a lot growing up—because of my condition. Dad had to work almost all the time to make up for it. Mum homeschooled me but I couldn’t just stay inside every day. After a while I just picked it up; nothing major, really.”

“Re, that is major. I had no idea—”

“I didn’t want anyone to. Especially those who know about—” he stopped suddenly and cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Mum always said that it would be best if I kept a level head. Don’t make people afraid…”

Frowning deeply, you both sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. You wondered if the other marauders knew; maybe that was why they always stayed away when Remus got angry. Maybe they knew what he was capable of. Even if they thought it was cool, which the lot of them most likely would have, it was something that they didn’t want to be on the receiving end of. If Remus was always controlled, you’d imagine that there was a lot of built up and repressed anger in him. The thought made you shiver.

‘He’s Remus.’ You scolded yourself. ‘The same one you always knew. He’s good and kind. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He’s just Remus.’

His quiet voice broke you from your thoughts, however. “I think I may have broken his nose that day.” He paused for a moment, before his frown slowly tilted up at the corner of his mouth. “Rosier, I mean.”

And just like that, you scoffed with a smile and a shake of your head. “I figured.”

“You did?” asked Remus, as he turned to look up at you. You were staring out at the water again.

“You were shaking, Moony; your knuckles were bruising, too. I just didn’t know you knew how to fight—or that you had to.”

“Well, there’s some good that comes of it too, you know.”

“Yeah?”

“I get to keep you safe.”

You rolled your eyes, trying to fight the way your face wanted to smile wider. “There’s that neanderthal I know.”

Remus simply exhaled a chuckle and grunted in response. You reached out and slapped him on the arm playfully, laughing now at the sheer cheesiness of it all.

“You’re also still a sap.”

“Your sap,” he corrected.

You hummed in agreement, before a sort of quiet settled over the two of you for a bit. “Hey Remus?”

“Yeah?”

“You still don’t scare me; just so you know. I know you’d never intentionally hurt me.”

Remus felt his heart clench as you openly shared your feelings with him. He knew that the would never want to hurt you; and perhaps deep down, he might have even known that it was very unlikely. Yet, the constant fear and worry that plagued him lessened as he heard your soft confession. His heart skipped a few beats before pounding in his chest and his stomach did a girlish flip of happiness.

Though, the more he thought about it, the more his smile started to fade. “I’m not worried about the intentional, Y/N. And you might not want to forget that I already did.”

He felt your hand reach out to stop him from pulling away and was surprised by the tight grip you held. “It’s a two way street, Remus.” Your voice was stern, yet eyes still somehow soft. “I’m not backing out on you, but you don’t get to back out on me either. We’re getting there; don’t run with your tail between your legs now.”

Remus said nothing, his heart still pounding and feeling as if it may burst. He felt a sudden surge of affection for you, mixed with the instinct to run far away. He knew that he shouldn’t be pushing you away and was glad that you were smart enough to see him creating distance before he did.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a bit longer, staring out at the water and watching the sun slowly make its descent towards the horizon.

“So are you going to finish teaching me this or what? I still haven’t seen the infamous street Lupin punch-up and the sun is setting.”

The two of you worked and worked until the sun set well into the night. Neither of you had realized that you missed dinner, but once the sun was gone in the sky you made your way back to the castle for a shower, a nap and then a late night trip to the kitchens.

The girls, of course, had teased you when you came up to the room looking so exhausted. However, once they smelled the stench of sweat and grass, they realized that you two did not partake in any sort of interesting secrets.

The next day, Remus had told you to meet in the same spot after classes, despite your protests of it being the full moon the next day. He had said that he was feeling a bit wired and that sparing would help settle him before the moon rose anyway.

Thus, you found yourself trying to perfect a move that would knock him off balance. However, you stepped too far and wobbled for a moment before tipping both of you over. You landed on top of him with and ‘oof’ and grimaced.

“Sorry, sorry. I can never seem to get that bloody landing,” you blurted in worry.

Remus simply smiled down at you encouragingly. “Don’t worry, that was actually better.”

“I landed on top of you.”

“Then that was much better,” he grinned, his hands wrapping around your waist.

You found yourself smiling for a moment, shaking your head as you gave him a playfully scolding look. You both stared at the other for a bit before you flicked your gaze downwards to glance at his lips. He was no longer smirking, mouth closed and looking more alluring than you had cared to admit. There was a sort of intensity about him as the tension built between you. Glancing back up to his eyes, you noticed the way he looked at you. It was more intense than you had seen in some time and you remembered that the full moon was tomorrow. Remus had once mentioned that the wolf in him felt a drastic pull towards you; and you now understood just what that meant.

Leaning in, you slowly watched his eyes darken with lust before you pressed your lips to his. Remus responded instantly, prying you open for him and making you pliant in his arms. It didn’t take long to do so and you were soon wrapped around him, straddling his waist. The warmth that was radiating off of him as he pulled you closer was burning and made you want him further.

Remus moaned lowly below you as you began rubbing against him, feeling the pull intensify immensely. You didn’t exactly know what you were doing but didn’t even think to care as you felt your head spin. Suddenly, he rolled the two of you over so you were on your back staring up at him.

His thigh pressed itself closer between your own as he shifted his weight up. Grinding against you, he smiled at the moans being muffled by his own mouth. You could feel the way his body was so much more assured in its movements, a thought that made you shiver as you wondered just how much Remus was always holding back. One of his hands supported himself while the other made its way up to cup your breast. Heavy against your body, his thumb began stroking over your nipple until it pebbled under his hand.

Your head swam and core throbbed, moaning breathily into his mouth. Eventually Remus pulled away, hand moving a bit lower and looked down at you. You panted heavily as you tried to calm down and looked back up at Remus, noting the absolutely wrecked look on his face.

“Terrible, terrible things, I’d do, love,” he reminded you. His voice was raspy and low and sounded sexy as hell.

You bit your lip for a moment but before you could respond, he backed off of you and scooted further away to rest his back against the trunk of a tree.

Laying there for a few minutes, you caught your breath and stared up at the sky. You tried to will your mind to think of anything but the way Remus made your heart pound and set a heat pooling within you. This didn’t work however, leaving you squirming for a moment before stopping with a half groan.

You heard Remus’ breathy chuckle and swallowed your dignity long enough to tilt your head over to look at him.

He was already staring at your flushed face and neck, grinning at your obvious frustration. The thought that you wanted him just as much as he needed you made the wolf inside him howl proudly.

“So,” you breathed with a slightly embarrassed chuckle. “Is this how you used to fight all the prats in the neighborhood?”

Remus laughed heartily in reply and you joined him, feeling lighter than you had in a long time. You didn’t think about the way you must have trusted him, or the way that this could be taken as so much more. Remus knew that you had trusted him more, even if you hadn’t accepted it yet.

But you had thought that things with Remus were easy. You wanted to bask in the slightly needy, buzzing feeling coursing through you and the fact that you were going to take a long, long shower when you got back to your room.

After the two of you finished your session for the night, you walked back up towards the Gryffindor common room to take a much needed shower. You were still buzzing with the feeling of Remus’ hands running over your body and you tried to ignore the sinful thoughts running through your mind’s eye.

“Y/N?” Remus asked, trying to snap you out of your thoughts. You were both on the fifth floor landing and you had stopped to look down the corridor for a few moments.

Looking back over to Remus, you blinked a few times and smiled. “Hey, Re?”

“Hm?”

“Remember when I asked you about where you have thought about me?”

Rolling his eyes, he sighed playfully. “Yes, I remember that embarrassment quite well. Why?”

Glancing back towards the statue of Borris the Bewildered that had captured your attention ever since that conversation you two had, you grinned wider. “Have you ever thought of me in the prefect’s bath?”

His eyebrows rose high in surprise but you saw the obvious amusement on his face too. “I can’t say I have.”

Stepping closer to him, you reached out and palmed a hand against his chest lightly. “Would you like to?”

Remus gulped harshly in reply, voice seemingly caught in his throat. He felt his pulse quicken as he stared down at you and wondered how lucky he was to have you in his life. The way you were looking up at him, while more sinful than he had seen since you pulled him to the restricted section of the library, made the wolf urge him forward.

Reaching up, he grabbed the wrist that was placed against his firm chest and you bit your lip nervously. Blinking a few times, you studied his face, trying to discern exactly what he was going to do. Eventually, Remus smirked and pulled your hand away from his chest to pull you along down the fifth floor corridor. The two of you walked quickly past the statue of Boris the Bewildered and you couldn’t help yourself from giggling in nervous excitement.

Once Remus checked that the bathroom was empty, he pulled you inside and pulled you as close as possible. His mouth met yours quickly, leaving no room for a build up. You moaned at the way he left you feeling dizzy and felt the prominent ache growing at your core again.

The two of you stumbled backwards, towards any sort of direction until his back hit a wall. Eyes closed, you lost yourself in the feeling of pressing yourself against the contours of his body. Eventually, you pulled back and looked up at him with your most innocent, doe-eyed look.

“I want to try something. Can I?”

Remus found himself nodding, a deep shiver running through him at the look in your eyes. Before he could say anything, however, he became more focused on the fact that you began sliding down his front until you were perfectly resting on your knees. His heart practically stopped as you blinked up at him with a small, innocent smile.

“Y/N, what are you—”

His question died in his throat as you palmed him gently, quickly adding more pressure as you continued. Remus threw his head back, breath becoming more labored and he tried to grip against the wall, now understanding what was to come.

The feeling of your lips parting around the head of his cock had him snapping his head back down to look at you. He quickly became mesmerized with the way you looked sucking him off. Remus tried to grasp at something for support, his legs straining in order to not give out as you took him in further.

After a few minutes, you felt Remus tense under your hand, which had come up to rest against his thigh. Your other hand continued to stroke the rest of his shaft, hoping to make up for the fact that you couldn’t take in much of him.

“Y/N,” he panted, “I’m going to—”

You moaned when his hand gripped your hair, giving it a small tug to signal you to pull off of him. Instead, you looked up at him through your lashes and continued. Despite the growing ache in your jaw, you doubled your efforts and reached down to fondle his balls gently.

Remus moaned again as he felt himself heavy against your tongue. Your movements, while slightly inexperienced, were heavenly to him and he didn’t know that it could feel this good. He had thought that Marie was talented, but the pleasure of your mouth wrapped around him was intensified by his obvious feelings towards you. He truly didn’t know that he could feel this way.

After a few more moments, you heard Remus stutter out a groan and felt him release into your mouth. You tried to swallow as much as you could and eventually pulled off with a pop, licking your lips. Looking up at him, you wiped your mouth and smiled at the sight of Remus panting heavily, head thrown back against the wall, skin flushed an alluring shade of rosy red.

He didn’t move as you tucked him away, pulling his pants and trousers back up. Remus didn’t even register you had done so until he felt his belt tighten and shivered.

“Sorry,” you muttered, slightly embarrassed. “I had just been thinking about that for a bit and—”

Remus cut you off with a slow, sensual kiss, leaving you to squeak softly in surprise. The initial shock quickly wore off, however, and you leaned into the kiss, sighing in bliss.

“Never apologize for that. Ever. Literally,” he mumbled against your lips.

“Noted,” you breathed with a smile. “Now shall we head back?”

Remus furrowed his brows in response, looking at you curiously. “What about you?”

Your smile slowly morphed into a teasing grin and wrapped your arms around his neck loosely. “Mm, well, are you up for a bath, Mr. Prefect?”

Closing his eyes for a few moments, Remus bit his lip and sucked in a stuttering breath. “Truthfully, I don’t think I could take a bath and not fuck you, Y/N…”

“Oh,” you said quietly, albeit slightly surprised. “But you just—”

“There are lots of things I can do in the meantime, love.” whispered Remus, opening his eyes to stare at you intensely.

“Oh!”

Remus chuckled at your apparent shock and nodded his head, gulping harshly. “Yeah, so maybe not the best idea.”

Clearing your throat, you grimaced. “Sorry.”

“Now, what did I say about apologizing?”

“But—”

“I’m serious. No need, sweetheart. I can wait. I should probably be apologizing to you, actually. If this wasn’t before the full moon...” His voice was soft and gentle, despite its hoarseness. You felt him nuzzle at your nose, before kissing you softly and you couldn’t help but sigh in happiness.

“You shouldn’t make these sorts of things so appealing, you know. You’re ruining me.”

Your heart fluttered at the sound of his rough chuckle. “Good,” he muttered before leaning in to kiss you again.

When you both pulled away and sorted yourselves out, you said, “Now, let’s get us both up to bed. I believe I said something about you needing all the sleep you can get?”

“Yes, ma’am, you did.”

“Then let’s head back up,” you smiled up at him.

Remus mirrored you, taking your hand in his. “Let’s.”

[adventuresofajetsetter]

Balancing your life in Japan | JET Programme 2018

So, this past month has been a quiet (ish) month for me. As I had to fork out about 30,000 yen for a new bed, meaning I’ve had to stay on a budget and keep my free time as cheap as possible.

For the most part, a lot of my focus has been on work which has been both a good and bad thing. It keeps me busy and lets me use all my brain power, plus being there having fun with the kids always makes my day. Having a natter with the teachers is always nice as well, the conversation we share helps me learn more about Japanese culture and they seem really interested in wanting to know more about life in Britain.

However, this isn’t to say it cannot drain your energy. The other week, I ended up sleeping so much after I got home after work that I even skipped dinner on a few nights. If you know me well, I would never miss a chance to eat food.

Therefore, it is really important to maintain your work, rest and play schedule to make sure you don’t fall down the rabbit hole of overdoing yourself.

First, let me give you some suggestions on how to improve your work life.

1.Use free time wisely

It’s probably been said a lot but it is incredibly important because if you’re anything like me and thought there was nothing to do during your free time, you are always wrong. Things can change very quickly where one moment you will have all the time in the world, then the next you will be running around like a headless chicken because you are so busy. My best advice is to think ahead, look at your schedule and make some easy, quick, low-prep lesson plans. This could also prove useful for when before class is about to start, you are suddenly greeted by a teacher who asks what the plan for the lesson is.

Another handy tip would be to make flashcards, you can never have enough flashcards as there is always a way in which they will prove useful.

If you’re completely wiped out thinking “I can not possibly prep any more”, then dedicate your time to learning more skills or committing to a secondary project. For example, I study Japanese and occasionally write some stuff intended for either my blog or the AJET community. There is always something else you can do, you just have to find out what best fits with you.

2. Socialise with students or teachers

You would be surprised at how quick the day goes when you’re not in your own little bubble, keeping to yourself. If you’re an ES teacher, I would definitely recommend playing with the kids at recess. Not only do you bond more with the kids, but playing games and having fun always goes quicker than just sitting by yourself for 15 minutes. However, please remember to rest, there will be some days where you have very little energy and running around chasing young active kids can make you feel very delirious. So, please, take your time and put yourself first!

Now, onto play! When you’re in Japan, you want to make every single moment count and don’t want to waste a second. When you’re having a brassic month or when you don’t have any plans at all, it’s hard to feel like you’re not wasting time. However, do not fear because I have a list of things you can do on the cheap!

Hiking

Find some walking trails within your area. It’s a free, fun and healthy way to spend your time. You can even get your friends together and make a day of it! This way you can enjoy the beautiful scenery and nature that Japan has to offer, making it a great way of seeing more of the country.  

     2.  Coffee hangout

Hanging out with friends doesn’t always have to be a grand, expensive day out. There are many adorable cheap cafes you can go to in Japan, with amazing coffee, delicious cakes, and a lovely atmosphere. Depending on where you go, some also offer free coffee when you visit!

     3. Visit a local shrine

The beauty of Japan is that there are shrines around nearly every corner. Most of the time, you will stumble upon one either on your casual walks or big hiking trips. Seeing these shrines, especially the older ones, are a splendor to see and really take you back to a simpler more mystical time.

     4. See what’s on in your local area

Usually, there will be an event or festival within your area every other weekend. For instance, my town has a bandstand where all sorts of performers show off their talents on Sundays. They are also accompanied by street vendors, selling cheap and wonderful food. So make sure to keep an eye out for a place where events happen often!

Finally, let’s talk about rest and for this time I have only one tip for you.

Take time for yourself

I cannot stress how important this factor is in all aspects of your life. Though I know, you feel pressure from your own self to not waste any time, but thinking this way will only damage your experience. It is important to have those lazy, homey days, especially as you are living in Japan, not on some summer holiday. Your home isn’t a hotel, it’s, for most people, the first place that you can call your own. So cherish this time, make your apartment a home so when you do have that time you can enjoy it thoroughly. As I mentioned before, it is important to go at your own pace and ensure you re-energise, as without doing this it can affect other aspects in your life.

One thing you will realise during your time in Japan is that it’s the simpler things you do in Japan that make your time worthwhile. Go and enjoy that time, make those memories but remember to keep healthy in all areas of your life.

[edgewaterfarmcsa]

CSA WEEK 8

p i c k l i s t

Tomatoes - Carmen Sweet Pepper (big) - Shishito Peppers (little) - Summer Squash - 

Golden Zucchini -  Mint - Basil - Corn - Cabbage - Blueberries - Eggplant 

Great news! No deaths today while picking mint during the supposed tornado.  That said, there was a lot of talk around death while picking herbs and how our tombstones might read.  Here lies Jenny and Roy* (yup, you read it right, not Ray), who just needed 8 more bunches for CSA.  Once we picked those last 8 bunches we put the truck in 4 wheel drive and headed to the pack-shed to seek salvation from the storm.  There we were met by the entire field crew.  When thunder or lightning, tornado or hurricane make their way to Edgewater Farm we (field crew) consistently pray for movie day and almost always are met with so many tasks around the packshed.  Luckily it was CSA eve, and everyone was there to pitch in on the final squash count, box stack, and pinting of shishitos.

But the big news today is your basil bunch.  Each basil bunch was picked from a greenhouse that by the time you are reading this, the greenhouse will be stripped of any remaining basil.  The beds will be tilled, and the soil amended as we get ready for the Fall CSA planting.  More News on Fall CSA later, but get stoked.  That said, these basil bunches could potentially be the ugliest basil bunches you’ve ever seen- as a grower, it is too hard to waste a whole house of basil because stalks are too woody and it's already been harvested through twice.  However, like last week’s hakurai turnips (was that last week?) the flavor of the basil is perfect and will take your tomatoes to a whole new level of SummerTime eating.  

And lastly, two weeks of cabbage in a row? You betcha!  Now you have 0 excuse to not sauerkraut, ferment and get that good gut microbiome.

ROY* an Edgewater 19 year field crew veteran and one of my best friends.  He comes up from Jamaica in May and stays through the end of  harvest season. Leaves before all of our fingers frost in November.  He is always down for a good joke, a helping hand, coffee, and donuts.  Lately we’ve shared the mantra, if you go, I go.  (This is clearly a joke as both he and I have practically signed on to Edgewater Farm forever and ever, Amen).   

 TIPS - TRICKS - RECIPES:

Tomato and Corn Pie (smittenkitchen)

JENNY’S NOTE:  PLEASE know that i cursed this recipe the WHOLE time.  Especially when i came to the part about blanching tomatoes in which i declared, “this is too much work i will never ever make this again.” But then it was served to my picky 4 yearold eater who said, “yum mama, did you make this?  Can we have it again tomorrow night?”  WHAT THE HELL.  So now, it will be in heavy rotation as our Sunday night go to while the tomatoes are at their peak, the basil abundant,  and the corn sweet as sugar.      

Now back to the recipe:  A few notes: First, butter-brushed biscuit-crusted savory pie, where have you been my whole life? I’ve been living on the wrong side of the Mason-Dixon line, clearly. Second, this recipe works exactly as-is, save one irksome issue: our pie was a puddle when we cut into it. I simply poured off the crust-sogging liquid, but I’d advise you to instead seed and juice your tomatoes if you bear it (I hate tossing the most flavorful parts, personally) or risk a mushy base. Third, this pie includes the curious instruction to peeling your tomatoes, which I first dismissed as an annoying extra step but in the end felt that it was absolutely brilliant. No chewy separating tomato skins! Just pure, instense peak-season tomato goodness. Consider me converted.

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 3/4 teaspoons salt, divided

3/4 stick (6 tablespoons or 3 ounces) cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes, plus 2 teaspoons melted

3/4 cup whole milk

1/3 cup mayonnaise

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1 3/4 pounds beefsteak tomatoes

1 1/2 cups corn (from about 3 ears), coarsely chopped by hand (my preference) or lightly puréed in a food processor, divided

2 tablespoons finely chopped basil, divided (skipped this, no harm was done)

1 tablespoon finely chopped chives, divided

1/4 teaspoon black pepper, divided

7ounces coarsely grated sharp Cheddar (1 3/4 cups), divided

Whisk together flour, baking powder, and 3/4 tsp salt in a bowl, then blend in cold butter (3/4 stick) with your fingertips or a pastry blender until it resembles coarse meal. Add milk, stirring until mixture just forms a dough, then gather into a ball.

Divide dough in half and roll out one piece on a well-floured counter (my choice) or between two sheets of plastic wrap (the recipe’s suggestion, but I imagined it would annoyingly stick to the plastic) into a 12-inch round (1/8 inch thick). Either fold the round gently in quarters, lift it into a 9-inch pie plate and gently unfold and center it or, if you’re using the plastic warp method, remove top sheet of plastic wrap, then lift dough using bottom sheet of plastic wrap and invert into pie plate. Pat the dough in with your fingers trim any overhang.

Preheat oven to 400°F with rack in middle. If your kitchen is excessively warm, as ours is, go ahead and put the second half of the dough in the fridge until you’re ready to use it. Whisk together mayonnaise and lemon juice.

Cut an X in bottom of each tomato and blanch in a large pot of boiling water 10 seconds. Immediately transfer with a slotted spoon to an ice bath to cool. Peel tomatoes, then slice crosswise 1/4 inch thick and, if desired (see Notes above recipe), gently remove seeds and extra juices. Arrange half of tomatoes in crust, overlapping, and sprinkle with half of corn, one tablespoon basil, 1/2 tablespoon chives, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/8 teaspoon pepper and one cup of grated cheese. Repeat layering with remaining tomatoes, corn, basil, chives, salt, and pepper. Pour lemon mayonnaise over filling and sprinkle with remaining cheese.

Roll out remaining piece of dough into a 12-inch round in same manner, then fit over filling, folding overhang under edge of bottom crust and pinching edge to seal. Cut 4 steam vents in top crust and brush crust with melted butter (2 teaspoons). Bake pie until crust is golden and filling is bubbling, 30 to 35 minutes, then cool on a rack. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Do ahead: Pie can be baked 1 day ahead and chilled. Reheat in a 350°F oven until warm, about 30 minutes

SHISHITO PEPPERS: These peppers are soooo good when pan fried/grilled with a little olive oil and salt.  Pull from the pan once blistered, consume immediately- never look back, your life is forever changed, this is your new favorite pepper, you’re welcome.  

This eggplant is magical. Not greasy (even though you fry in oil) crunchy, crispy and insanely addictive.

The trick is to slice it thick-ish and salt it generously. Let it sit out releasing puddles of water. Pat dry aggressively, cover in corn starch aggressively and then fry in hot oil until it comes out golden and dark brown in some places (you want to make sure the eggplant meat inside is cooked, custardy and sweet). I have topped the eggplant with garlicky tahini, amba (mango pickle sauce), fresh parsley and sea salt but you can really do whatever you want here.

1 large eggplant or 2 medium eggplants

kosher salt

1 cup cornstarch

4 cups canola oil or any oil with no flavor 

sea salt to finish

serve with garlicky tahini (recipe below), amba, fresh parsley, fresh lemon, parsley, honey

Directions- Slice the eggplant in 1/2 inch thick pieces. You have the option of keeping the skin on or removing the skin. I keep it on, because I don’t like to waste it but if you remove the skin, it will get even crispier. Place the eggplant slices on a sheet tray and generously salt the eggplant. Let it sit out at room temp for at least 1 hour. Puddles of liquid will come out of the eggplant. Before frying, take a kitchen towel and pat down the eggplant well, drying them off as much as possible. Slice in half on a diagonal (I think they are too big to fit in a sandwich or a pita this way so I like to slice them in half) Place the cornstarch in a bowl and toss each piece in the cornstarch well. Shake off excess and place on a dry sheet tray. Heat up the oil in a deep pot. If you don’t have a thermometer (which I don’t) heat on high and sprinkle a little cornstarch in the oil. If it sizzles it should be ready. Turn the heat to medium high it should be around 350 degrees f and add in the first piece. I like to fry one at a time so that the oil temp stays up (if you overcrowd the oil the temp will come down and the eggplant wont fry they will soak) 

Flip the eggplant over once the bottom is golden and brown in some places around 1-2 minutes. When the other side is golden another 1-2 minutes remove from the oil and place on a paper towel to let dry. Immediately season well with sea salt.

Serve this eggplant on its own, on sandwiches, in pitas…you can do a lot with it. 

For my crispy eggplant fries, I peeled the eggplant and sliced them into 1/2 inch thick pieces. Salted them and let them sit out for an hour, pat dry and then sliced them into strips (keep them thicker so that there is enough eggplant inside to get creamy, while it’s frying). Toss the strips in the cornstarch and 1 handful at a time fry in the oil until golden. Let it fry for 3 minutes until they are golden and lightly browned (make sure they get to that golden light brown color, you want the meat inside to cook). Remove from the oil and place on paper towel. Season well with salt and serve with yummy condiments like garlicky tahini, amba, silan, honey….etc.

Garlicky tahini–

1/2 cup tahini paste

2 tsp fresh lemon juice

1 small garlic clove, finely grated

large pinch kosher salt- or to taste

3 tablespoons cup ice water

Directions- Place everything in a bowl and mix. The tahini will get thick and pasty but keep mixing. Add more water to loosen, if needed.

[whimsiesofanerdgirl]

My 2019 Bookish Favorites

FAVORITE 2019 DEBUT AUTHORS

What makes these debut authors great enough to be featured for this is the fact that I could not put them down once I started reading them! I probably devoured these within hours or a few days which is saying something considering sometimes a book can take me a week or two to get through. If you haven’t read these yet please go pick them up ASAP.

FAVORITE 2019 YA BOOK COVERS

100 Days of Sunlight by Abbie Emmons

I normally don’t care too much for contemporary covers, but this one just speaks to me on a personal level!

The colors are so happy and lively. I’ve also got a sweet spot for that waffle, laptop, and camera. <3

Failed Future by Elise Kova

You’ll notice about a handful of these covers have artistically drawn people, these tend to be my favorite. They’re just too beautiful to pass up!

In fact, these covers made me discover Elise Kova which are still on my TBR list, but fingers crossed that I read them this year! 🤞

Beyond the Black Door by A.M. Strickland

There’s something about the mystery behind closed doors…and keyholes.

Capturing the Devil by Kerri Maniscalco

This is one of my new(ish) favorite series in recent years. The cover artist does so well with creating a scene against the backdrop of the main character. Plus, a beautiful dress on a book cover is my kryptonite.

Empire of Grass by Tad Williams

I’m a sucker for everything green and high fantasy vibes.

Find Me Their Bones by Sara Wolf

The lantern in a dark cavern or ruin with what appears to be a dragon’s tail in the background - IT’S A MOOD!

House of Salt and Sorrows

I love everything beach or ocean themed and this cover has the perfect details along with that gorgeous font. *swoons*

Last of Her Name by Jessica Khoury

At first glance it seems like this is a somewhat boring cover, but look again! The title is made out of crystals which is really different for me to see on a book.

Resurrection Girls by Ava Morgyn

I’m not going to lie, I probably wouldn’t have even bothered putting this on the list but this is a perfect throwback to the first book in the Vampire Kisses series by Ellen Schreiber - take a look at exhibit B. There may not be a skeleton, but it definitely has the gothic atmosphere going on.

Sherwood by Meagan Spooner

A hooded archer with green clothing and a beautiful faraway backdrop, ‘nuff said.

Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson

To be honest I could stare at this color scheme all day! One of the ya book subscription boxes also had featured this book with a purple background and it’s just as eye catching as this one.

The Beholder by Anna Bright

Yup, again with the nautical theme. YES, PLEASE!

The Cerulean by Amy Ewing

I’d mark this one as one of the more unique covers. The artist was clever in doing the contrast of light and airy dripping into the dark and starry night, kind of makes me think of a creative yin yang.

Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi

I absolutely adore a beautiful filigree cover. Give them all to me!

The Girl the Sea Gave Back by Adrienne Young

Okay…I’m guilty of loving archers. WHAT OF IT!?!?!?!

The Kiss Thief by L.J. Shen

Although I haven’t gotten around to reading these, I love me some royal stories…crowns and pretty fabrics are all the rage.

Light at the Bottom of the World by London Shah

OMG, I can’t believe I just realized that the author’s name is the same as where the story takes place. *facepalms* ANYWHO, I just love the glowy atmosphere of an underwater city with oceanic creatures swimming around. Sign. Me. Up.

The Never Tilting World by Rin Chupeco

Alright, so there’s more covers with the whole light versus dark aspect, but I dig it!

The Weight of a Soul by Elizabeth Tammi

Though this is probably one of the more plain covers, it gives me Avatar feels.

The Winter of the Witch by Katherine Arden

I’m starting a buddy read of the first in this series and I’m excited to dive in! I’ve heard so many great things! Every one of these covers are perfect fantasy eye candy.

Unnatural Magic by C.M. Waggoner

Another less bejeweled cover, but it’s got the whole lady silhouette and symmetrical design going for it.

Vortex Visions by Elise Kova

Last, but not least…I added another of Elise Kova’s books. In my defense, I mentioned that all the covers caught my eye. Mmmkay?

FAVORITE 2019 HISTORICAL FICTION

Hands down, Kerri Maniscalco’s Capturing the Devil wins this category. I sometimes even fact check out of curiosity and she’s pretty spot on when it comes to inventions and events these books. Not to mention I ship Audrey and Thomas who were really tested on their love for each other in this concluding book to the Stalking Jack the Ripper series. Though I’m sad this series is over, I’m looking forward to what 2020 has in store for YA historical fiction.

2019 TOP 5 FANTASY READS

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

I have to admit, the storyline and the world sucked me in. I felt like Alice in Wonderland going down the rabbit hole and it was a delicious ride. All the scenes and magical abilities in this took me by surprise. It was like nothing I had ever read before so I give Stephanie Garber props for doing something so different from a lot of the YA already out there.

House of Salt and Sorrows by Erin A. Craig

This is a triple threat with the categories I’m showcasing for 2019! For one, I freaking love the 12 dancing princesses fairy tale and Erin Craig remixed it into a lovely horror retelling. Like I said earlier, I was so invested in this one that I was reading late into the night (whoops).

The Beholder by Anna Bright

I couldn’t help but not be able to put this one down as well! I did feel like there was a little lack in a correct description of this one, due to the fact that she didn’t go see all of the possible suitors on the itinerary so it wasn’t exactly like the Bachelorette. Regardless, the first contender was a twist I did NOT see coming. I probably had a small idea, but it was still surprising. I adored the second man she met and that’s all I’m going to say because I don’t want to give too much away!

The Traitor’s Kiss by Erin Beaty

I CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE SEQUEL. Though I’m a little scared to read it because it sounds like I won’t be seeing much of the love interest but don’t let that stop you from reading the first book. I adore the whole hate to love dynamic and getting off on the wrong foot start to relationships. SO MUCH YESH.

The Wicked King by Holly Black

You’ll notice that I did not include the last book in The Folk of the Air trilogy…I felt like the second book was better than The Queen of Nothing which is a surprise because most of the time my favorite order is 1, 3, 2. There was so much rivalry and banter in the second book and I think that’s what the third book lacked. It’s like all their negative emotions were gone like they were never there and I disliked that it was written that way, as if it disappeared between one book to the next. It seemed like a lazy way of skipping ahead to the conclusion. Anyways, back to The Wicked King - it had so many conflicts going on that you really needed to keep reading to find out what happened next!

Now I want to hear about yours! What were some of your favorite YA book picks of 2019? Did you read any of the books I mentioned? What did you think about them?

OTHER RELATED ARTICLES:

Best YA Historical Fiction of 2019 | Kirkus Reviews

Best YA Fantasy and Science Fiction of 2019 | Kirkus Reviews

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Have a suggestion or want to get in touch? Email me: whimsiesofanerdgirl@gmail.com