#help I’ve been watching all my fave german shows because I’m sick

[lindonwald]

zurück nach Westerland?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[ratmonologue]

you knew it was coming aLL OF THEM

*darth vader voice* NOOOOOOOOO

1. Favorite action film? Does Raiders of the Lost Ark count as action? If so that2. What movie(s) could you watch over and over and not get tired of? JURASSIC PARK I’ve watched it about a trillion times by now and the soundtrack’s been stuck in my head for like a month straight and even now I’m kinda like “hey I should watch it YET AGAIN”3. Any old school favorites (pre-70s)? I don’t even remember how many pre-70s movies I’ve seen I’m so sorry Belle I know I’m a disappointment to you4. Top 5 directors? Idek if I can name five directors lmao5. Favorite dead actor/actress? Alan Rickman was pretty great

6. Favorite movie from the 90’s? JURASSIC PARK (apologies in advance for how many times I’m going to answer that)7. Ever been/are you such a hardcore fan of an actor actress you watched/will watch any movie they were/will be in? I tried with Harrison Ford a few years back. Watched a handful of movies but didn’t even come close to all of his. I watched a bunch of things solely because Richard Armitage was in them. And as soon I find Diego Luna’s spanish movies with subtitles I’m watching those8. What movie are you looking forward to coming out the most? THE LAST JEDI9. Pixar or Dreamworks? I like both but am not a diehard fan of either?10. Favorite animated movie? Disney’s Atlantis11. Favorite musical? …I’m gonna be controversial here and say the 2004 Phantom of the Opera movie because it was my introduction to the wonderful world of musicals in general so... Ooh or does Dr. Horrible count?12. Are you against book-to-movie adaptations? In theory I’m all for them. It’s just that in practice they’re rarely good.13. Your guilty pleasure movie(s)? The Outsiders. It’s not very good (like, at all) but everyone’s just so pretty (and now younger than me… yikes)14. Robin Williams or Eddie Murphy? Robin Williams15. Favorite chick flick? Legally Blonde and/or She’s The Man. I don’t really watch chick flicks so those are the only ones I can really think of16. Ever watched a movie just because you heard the effects were awesome? No17. Favorite indie film? I don’t even know honestly18. Favorite movie heroine? Princess Leia, Marion Ravenwood, probably others that I can’t think of rn19. Favorite movie action hero? Indiana Jones obviously20. Ever read a book so you could understand the movie? Not to understand the movie, no, but I’ve read books after seeing the movie because I enjoyed it and wanted to know more, because movies always leave things out.21. Favorite kids movie? Atlantis, Mulan, why is my brain malfunctioning there are many more…. OH and I loved the first two Ice Age movies22. Favorite Disney movie? see previous question23. Favorite movie soundtrack? JURASSIC PARK. Also the Lord of the Rings trilogy24. Movie that makes you cry every time? Serenity, Rogue One, and LotR: Return of the King25. VHS, DVD, or Blu-ray? We only have a DVD player out of those so26. Best experience going to the movies? I have two. One was when my friend Nicole and I went to the opening night of the first Hobbit movie, and while the movie itself was… kind of a disappointment, to put it mildly, we had a great time poking sleep-deprived fun at it and attempting to sing Thorin’s ridiculous bass notes (I was sick so I could actually kind of do it). The other was Rogue One; I was… not in the best emotional state going into that, or coming out of it for that matter (can I really call it a “best” experience if I sobbed my way through the last 40 minutes? discuss) but at the same time you know how when a movie or character comes along at the exact right moment in your life? Yeah. That.27. Top 5 actors? Currently Harrison Ford, Richard Armitage, Diego Luna, Nathan Fillion, Hugh Laurie28. Top 5 actresses? (It’s a testament to the fact that most movies are very gender-imbalanced that I’m having a much harder time thinking of actresses than actors) Daisy Ridley, Catherine Tate, Carrie Fisher, Lauren Lopez, Kate Winslet?29. Movie you completely regret seeing? Trainspotting was… strange. And very very TMI. There was also this German movie about a restaurant owner’s misadventures that was just no get this away from me this is cringey and gross and also just utter nonsense. I think I liveblogged it on the OT actually. I had to keep pausing and watching it in small chunks because I just couldn’t handle the terribleness all at once.30. Movie you wish was never made? That German movie. Most sequels and remakes (none of the German movie exist though, thank god).31. Movie your parent showed you? My mom showed us The Great Race, a 60s comedy about an automobile race (I’m imagining that in Tony Curtis’s voice, heh) around the world, and it’s wacko and completely amazing. On the other side of the coin, my dad let me watch Bladerunner when I was way too young for it…32. Last movie you watched? Probably Rogue One33. An overrated movie? Groundhog Day. It was so stupid34. An underrated movie? Atlantis. It’s one of the least-well-known Disney movies, which is crazy because it’s completely amazing35. Favorite comedy movie? SPACEBALLS36. Movie quote you live by? Now I’m just thinking of Spaceballs quotes. None of those are particularly good life advice…37. Movie quote that will always make you laugh? The “everything that happens now, is happening now” “go back to then!” “when? now?” “now!” “I can’t” “why” “we missed it” “when” “just now.” “……when will then be now?” “SOON.” exchange from Spaceballs is PURE GOLD38. Film(s) you’ve watched on a date? Jurassic World. The movie sucked, but the date was fun. There was also one about a recovering heroin addict and his pet cat, which I should have taken as a sign that the dude I was with was not a good match for me. There were also plenty of movie/tv-show ‘dates’ outside of movie theaters.39. Favorite cult film? I don’t think it’s well-known enough to count as a cult film as such but it was on Mystery Science Theater 3000, so…. Teenagers From Outer Space, made in the fifties on an approximately $20 budget with no actual teenage actors. It���s…. it’s an experience in so-bad-it’s-good-ness. Cannot recommend highly enough.40. Directors you’d like to see work together? I don’t pay attention to these things I’m sorry I don’t know41. Actors you’d like to see work together? Everyone from the BBC already has worked together42. Films you wanted to watch, but never got around to watching? Pretty much any so-called classic film you can think of43. Favorite teen movie? It was more elementary school than teen, but The Lizzie McGuire Movie was pretty iconic. (Also I’ve seen a grand total of, like, three “teen movies” so)44. Top 5 favorite films? Raiders of the Lost Ark, Jurassic Park, LotR: Return of the King, can I count the entire Star Wars series as one, and Spaceballs. Such a wide repertoire I know45. Favorite superhero film? Uh….. Thor? Maybe….? That’s solely because of Hemsworth’s and Hiddleston’s faces though. Maybe Guardians of the Galaxy?46. Favorite cop film? The Fugitive isn’t a cop movie but Tommy Lee Jones was a great cop in it so that? (I can’t even think of any cop movies I’m sorry)47. Favorite road trip film? The Great Race, simply because it’s also the only one I can think of48. A disappointing film from your favorite actor? Diego Luna was not exactly a main character in Elysium but I still watched it solely because of him and then his extremely underdeveloped character was killed off halfway through to motivate Matt Damon and basically that movie was a dumpster fire. But, like, a really boring dumpster fire. I think I’d rather watch a literal dumpster fire, actually….49. A disappointing film from your favorite director? I wouldn’t say Peter Jackson is my favorite director my any means, but LotR was amazing and then The Hobbit movies happened and just… why…… why would you do this…..50. The first movie you ever remember watching in theaters? I don’t remember. Maybe one of the Ice Age movies?51. A movie that was better than the book? I wouldn’t say Jurassic Park was better than the book because it left out so much cool stuff, but I did actually like many of the changes they made. And I also saw it before reading the book so that probably helped my opinion of it quite a bit.52. Vin Diesel or Bruce Willis? Vin Diesel was the Iron Giant and Groot so him53. A movie that not many have heard of that you’ve seen? Nobody I know has heard of Teenagers From Outer Space. (How did I hear of it, you might ask? It was on tv at three in the morning and I was really really bored that night)54. A movie that changed the way you view the world? The LotR trilogy certainly changed the way I view New Zealand. I wanna go there.55. Favorite sci-fi movie? I know Star Wars is more space opera than actual sci-fi but I’m answering that anyway.56. Movie you completely nerd-out over every time it’s mentioned? Really any of my faves57. Movie that you’ve seen all the behind-the-scenes action for? Not all because there’s so damn much of it, but I’ve definitely watched a majority of the LotR behind the scenes stuff.58. Movie where your favorite actor was the only good part? Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights was absolutely AWFUL and I enjoyed it immensely, because tiny Diego Luna dancing and being otherwise adorable. That being said he was the only one that knew remotely what acting even was and the parts when he wasn’t onscreen were just… really bad. The script was also awful, but at least it was unpredictable (because it made no sense). At least it was the entertaining kind of dumpster fire.59. Movie from an actor you hate that was better than you expected? First I need to think of an actor I hate….60. Most visually stunning movie you’ve seen? LotR was just beginning-to-end scenery porn.61. A movie your parents introduced you to? Didn’t I already answer this62. Favorite genre? “Soft” sci-fi and/or space opera is usually a good bet. Alternately, anything at all involving archaeology. And if you combine them I’ll love you forever.63. Least favorite genre? Romance. I’d like an actual plot, please64. Comedy movie that you didn’t find funny? Most of the ones I’ve seen tbh65. Horror movie that didn’t scare you? Also most of them, but I rarely watch horror66. Favorite remake of an old movie? I can’t actually think of any where I’ve seen both the original and the remake67. A movie that started a passion for you? Jurassic Park. My dinosaur phase lasted into high school….68. A movie that sparked an interesting conversation? Also most of my faves. Though whether those conversations were interesting for the other person too remains up for debate.69. The main movie you remember from your childhood? Star Wars: A New Hope70. The first movie you saw on it’s opening night? The first Hobbit movie71. A move that made you ache for love. ? Is this asking for a movie that hurt because I loved it so much, or a movie that made me want to find love in my real life, or…? (I guess Rogue One for both? It was painful af and I really want a Cassian, so)

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter 111818

18 November, 2018

Dear Dad--

I am settling into my new gallbladder-less life! Not much is different about this life than the old one. I still have a stab wound in my navel that’s still healing. The only thing that’s a little different from before is that if I eat too much fatty food, it tends to produce Nagasaki-level bowel movement excitement, but that’s not too big a deal. I can moderate my fat intake, and that’ll help alleviate the problem.

I’ve actually started to (gag, ack, retch) EXERCISE a little bit after work every day. I’m walking around our building before I leave to go home, essentially. It’s a huge building, so walking around it takes a good while. And I think there’s just a chance that it makes my depression less intrusive and helps me more optimistic. I could be wrong, but at the beginning of the week, I was still nervous as hell about moving out of state. By Wednesday, after I’d walked and gone home, I was feeling much less nervous, and even started to look forward to the possibilities. This may not be permanent, and may not have been a direct result of the (gag, barf) exercise, but in case it is, I’m going to continue the walking. I’ll do it all this coming week and observe my own emotional state throughout, see if the walking really does cheer up the ol’ brain.

In case it’s not obvious, I dislike the idea of exercise. Not because it’s physically strenous; I don’t mind exerting myself. And not because my feet give me near-constant pain, because sometimes it’s not that bad. Mostly because exercise is like taking a long trip on a plane. Yes, the results can be lovely, but the process itself is tedious as fuck. (“I’m going to walk around an insurance building! Rapture!”) Then again, lots of people listen to music while they do their walking or jogging. Perhaps I can take my little headphones along with me. I can listen to audiobooks. I can listen to Jack Reacher beating up a group of six bad guys all at once. Will advise.

Thanksgiving is coming up this Thursday. Did not expect it to happen quite so quickly! But we have a plan. I hope you two, too, have a plan for Thanksgiving dinner. Little something special to eat and some...I assume, Dallas Cowboys game? I’m going to make a glazed ham. Zach is going to make something we’ve both heard of, but never tasted: an apple brown betty. Just the name evokes a thousand calories per serving worth of warm holiday cheer, does it not? A brown betty, according to the internet, seems indistinguishable from a cobbler with a crumbly streusel top. That sounds like something I’d like. (Dutch apple pie is my fave.) And, of course, I’ll make balls. Sausage Bisquick balls. They’re amazeballs. It’s just a savory appetizer that’s little balls of bisquick, cheddar, and breakfast sausage, and lots of pepper. I make them once a year, on Thanksgiving. Oh, the jokes. "Those are some hot balls!" "Yes, pop my balls into your mouth for a savory treat," etc. etc.

I’ve been thinking of some of my favorite movie-going experiences, like your experience walking into the drive-in to see Apocalypse Now. A few of my favorites: When I went to see Die Hard for the first time. I walked to the local cinema from my dorm, had no idea what to expect, except that it looked like an action movie with Bruce Willis, and it just blew me away. I walked back to the dorm feeling SO DAMN PUMPED! I wanted to find a German terrorist and throw him off a skyscraper. When I first saw The Shawshank Redemption, I didn’t know what to expect, either. I didn’t know the story, didn’t know he was making a tunnel until the prison warden through a rock through his Racquel Welch poster. SO MUCH was conveyed with a simple sound effect. You expect the rock to hit the wall, with a ‘tick’ sound, and instead you hear *rip* (as it goes through the poster)  *tick tick ting! tick-tick bounce, ting! tick* (as it bounces down the tunnel & hits the occasional metal pipe). And just from those sounds, you suddenly know everything Andy has been doing for the past twenty years’ worth of story. It's one of the best "reveals" I've ever seen in film.

Another good movie watching experience was when I got to see The Silence of the Lambs on my own, then I got to take my best friend Jason to see it. That’s always fun, isn’t it? Showing a really, really good movie to someone who’s seeing it for the first time. I got to watch him go into shock when he realized the patient in the ambulance was actually Hannibal Lecter wearing the patient’s face! That was such a good, sick and twisted movie. I remember when you took me to my first viewing of Lethal Weapon. That was a classic too. Damn, I love movies.

More next week. Stay safe and warm.