#heh my excuse is just im tired and sad and all hours have been sad hours lately

[landsword]

@ my mutuals that i used to talk to and interact with regularly

im sorry i havent interacted at all for basically ever i’ve just been sad and not in a reaching out mood i guess and i’ve had tons of free time and none at all if that makes sense

so yeah nothing against you guys, you’re amazing and i love u guys so much and im sorry, im okay i guess and i’ll get back into it eventually

[lovelettersandeathreats-blog]

school sux ass :+(

It feels like the middle of the school term but alas, its only the middle of the 3rd of 10 weeks. My timetable is arranged around sleep, or the more accurate ‘bouts of tiredness that possess me’. There was a study seminar at school today that told us the 3 factors that determine a good sleep is diet, exercise and i forgot the last one. The presenter said that this explains why boys sleep better in the HSC period.  I don’t know, i didn’t pay attention to half of the seminar because i was so tired... This health issue i have bought upon myself is ruining my life!!! grrrrr. Spent half the day stalking my blogger muses and the other half researching the new career i’ve suddenly become interested in. School science teacher stopped by and  i chatted about it for a bit with him .Being the awkward and nervous girlie i am he left soon after when my and i ran out of things to reply to him with... heh.... 

Anyways, here is a list of things on my mind atm (annotations of pictures saved on my desktop that i desperately need to delete as to keep the desktop only of my academic documents.... )♡♡♡

modern lessons...

In modern history we are learning about Germany after WW2 and the Nazi state. As you all know Hitler wasn’t a very nice fellow and the Nazi group had gained supreme power over the people. If anyone spoke against them they were killed. We covered youth in Germany yesterday and here’s a picture from the textbook. It states ‘rebellious young people were punished’ with the punishment being death. I’m guessing they were probably around my age (17) when they were killed by the government for going against them. It makes me realise how lucky i am to grow up here in Australia in this day and age. The only problems i have are the ones that surface when i overthink. 

Rrrrrrrrr

i want to recreate this photo of Shelby. I’m pretty sure i fell in love it the first time i saw it months ago and showed my friend who’s a ‘photographer’. We don’t talk anymore though, but that’s a story for another day. I do not want to make my dismal evening any more grey.  I also think that life would be so much better if i looked like Shelby. She has these big blue/green eyes that are absolutely entrancing. I’’m sure she can get whatever she want. People who would be willing to offer her the world...

Was extremely unproductive in school again today(a mood that i have been in since my last exams) and used half of the time stalking my favourite tumblr and blogs. I have mentioned Yan Yan Chan before and she is someone i admire for her work ethic. She has come so far even since 2013 which was when i first discovered her. Being the obsessed stalker i am i scrolled back all the way to her first posts and ask replies from 2010/11, to when she was a high school student like me. I realised that she was once like me, a high school student like me, confused and angsty (no offence if you ever come to read this idk!?!) with dreams and hopes and failures behind her. She is a public figure and has attained quite some attention and respect in the industry, she basically is a celebrity now i think. It’s easy to put these people out of perspective and see them as perfect beings, and on a whole different level to ourselves. I have to remind myself that even the most famous and successful people in this world had started out somewhere small , they were all teenagers once like me. Reading her musings and daydreams have made me personalise her and saw that we weren’t that different once. Here are two from her very very early posts: 

♡♡♡♡♡

this cartoon made me laugh... Reminds me of myself in junior years and had tried my best to come across as the perfect girl from YA fiction to every guy who took an interest to me. Yes that ‘glazed over distant look’ was how i wanted to seem when i would swing around poles in the middle of street as cars drove by in Hurst. It was only years after when  i discovered the character trope of MPDG... shocker.. haha... 

Wechat exchanges with my bf, driving to get dumplings...

Craving dumplings and now my bf is too (a post on him should be coming soon, he’s the loveliest, sweetest boy in the world!! ) Suggested to drop everything and go! Unrealistic as he lives far and it was 7pm, his mother probably made dinner already. I don’t want that family to hate me anymore than they already do.

Anyways i screen-shotted this because i have been really feeling motivated to learn to drive lately. I’ve been saying, ‘after i finish the darn HSC i want to take the first semester of uni off and use that time to work 2 jobs and learn how to drive!’ Using the work money to be able to purchase my own car by the end of next year! Do you want to see what cars i want? yes i do ! well i like cute small black cars. I would love a Suzuki swift or a Volkswagon golf. $$$$$ i know they’re not luxury cars, and anyone who knows me, knows i’ve been obsessed with Mercs and Maserati’s but im being realistic here! These two cars will make a 20 year old Orion very happy :). 

My goal of driving is so i can just vroom vroom away in my car whenever i’m feeling sad at home, swoop up James along the way and go where ever we want, without the restrictions of the Sydney public transport. When this is a reality of course we will go on late night dumpling runs!! 

When i was 7 i used to fantasise about being in high school ,when i was a junior i used to fantasise about having the dependance of a 16 year old and now i’m nearly 18 i’m dreaming of being an adult. In all the cases, the grass proved to have been better on the other side. I am a hopeless dreamer, i must say. Silly girl. 

hate writing these conclusions because there isn’t much to say in the end. Here’s a picture of darling Jane :) 

Orion needs to stop posting 3 times a day , i guess its beginners thrill though... assignments are building up and soon wont have any excuse to not study 24 hours a day ! :( peace out