#heed the disclaimers im begging u

[esta-elavaris]

A/N: This was originally drafted before the news clarifying Lucanis’ sexuality came out – and also without my having finished the game yet. I do want to write a full fic of him one day with these new things in mind, especially as someone on the ace spectrum who loves to see representation in media because it so often goes unexplored or even written oddly robotically.

I do think when the news hit it ended up fitting into the original idea really nicely, and it presented my first opportunity to explore this as a personal concept in a fic, but I just wanted to get my disclaimers out of the way first! As of writing this, I’m not far beyond the Weisshaupt boss battle, and I’m trying to have this story reflect what Rook knows as of this point, but please keep that in mind if there’s something that happens later that I haven’t been able to take into account. I’ve more or less been able to avoid spoilers so far and I don’t want to seek them out!

Also as a final warning – there are vague themes of sexual assault in this chapter – nothing happens to Rook or any other character featured, nothing is depicted, it’s solely surrounding the fact that she and Lucanis will be on a job hunting down a man who likes to assault women, but it is a component here so if that’s going to make you feel shitty, please give this one a miss!

Rook had never been well-versed in matters of the heart. Or even just plain old ‘versed’ at all, really. Not because of a line of tragic failures, and not even really to her own great remorse, it had just never been particularly relevant. Nor pressing, nor all that interesting to her. Sure, every now and then she’d indulge in a trashy romance novel or two – much in the same way she’d grab a cake or a bottle of wine after a bad day – but beyond that, and a few semi-interesting diversions that served little other than to pass the time – matters of romance just never had a way of sticking out much in her mind.

And then came Lucanis Dellamorte.

Most people would probably be wiser if they were beginners when it came to romance. A handsome but bumbling market seller, a pretty serving girl who laughed at all of their jokes, that sort of thing. But Rook had always stood by the concept ‘go big or go home’, and she was quickly being forced to come to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t be able to get Lucanis out of her head even if she wanted to. The fact that she didn’t want to was becoming more difficult to grapple with as time stretched on. Mostly because the feelings were turning out to be anything but mutual.

It was understandable, wasn’t it? There were no two ways about that. He’d been through a lot, and they were all still going through a lot – only Lucanis had the added burden of a spirit spitting poison in his ear at every possibly opportunity, too. Love, relationships, even lust, were all likely (and painstakingly understandably) the last things on his mind.

She’d just...thought she’d caught hints. Early on, in the beginning. Otherwise she’d never have been so daft as to hope. Surely? He’d remembered how she liked her coffee, ever since that time in Treviso when she’d stupidly rambled on about how long it had been since her last first kiss, but...in hindsight...that was just how he was, wasn’t it? After all, that came after she’d trailed along by his side, watching as he carefully picked up wares from the market that would suit all of the others. Unless he also had a secret thing for Bellara, Harding, Neve, and Varric, it seemed that it was more just his way than a display of secret feelings.

No, the only stone-solid indication that she’d clung to regarding any sort of affections he had for her wasn’t even all that sturdy at all. When he’d admonished Teia, and asked her not to flirt with his...colleague. That pause. It was upon that pause that Rook had placed all of her early hopes. And that had just been incredibly stupid, hadn’t it? Perhaps not in the moment, when there’d been enough recent kinda-sorta hints to bolster her hopes, and there seemed to be this tangible...trajectory between the two of them. But then that died off, and she clung to that denial, and those little moments, blaming the situation they were stuck in, the fact that everybody here viewed her as their boss, and what all that he had gone through. As well as the fact that none of it was over.

Until he started flirting with Neve.

And then she had her answer. It hurt – because of course it hurt, but she did what she could to convince herself it was for the best. Logically, that was the truth. Emotionally, it took a bit of doing. More useful than the hurt, however, was the answer. Now she knew that his lack of response to her flirting long after – probably too long after – he stopped initiating it wasn’t shyness, not a desire to draw things out. It was merely a lack of interest. A polite lack of interest, at that, which was gentlemanly of him, she supposed. Though she still cringed whenever her mind flung the memory of the final time she’d tried at her. And yet I’m still here. He’d said nothing. Gods, he’d probably felt awkward as anything, all while she’d thought she was making an emotional statement that he could trust her. Trust this thing growing between them, that turned out to only exist in her own mind.

But, after a little private moping, she endeavoured not only to forget all about it, but to forgive herself. These were extraordinary times, but she was only a woman. Who wouldn’t swoon a little upon meeting Lucanis Dellamorte? Maybe the times even contributed, her mind trying to cling onto any sort of pleasant distraction it could amidst the bloodshed, the blight, and the vengeful evil gods. Yeah, a crush would’ve been a welcome distraction. Maybe he’d even understood that. Maybe that was why he’d been so polite in his quiet rejections.

So she acted accordingly. Though she remained polite to him, friendly even – because she would never be the type to punish someone for not being attracted to her – he no longer became a de facto member of her party when she ventured forth from the Lighthouse, which she at least hope he met with relief. Of course, she still journeyed out with him here and there, but now it was just about as much as she did any other. Sometimes she even took Neve along, too, braving the woman’s disapproval over her choice to go to Treviso first, and when she did that she always tried to give the two of them their space

Third wheeling was no fun in general, but third wheeling while trying to shove down unwelcome feelings towards one of the latter two wheels was torturous. It was a good thing she was a mage, and could seldom justify having two of three in her party be ranged combatants, if they didn’t want to leave their scraps bloodied and sore.  

Lucanis just...didn’t make it easy. Not on purpose, but through sheer virtue of existence. Every time she managed to dull the sadness down to a dull, numb sort of detached disappointment, he would do something. He’d prepare a meal that he recalled she’d particularly liked a week or two before. He’d appear at her side with coffee when she’d been too mired in work to justify sleeping. He’d make one of those dry, deadpan jokes in that voice of his. And it didn’t mean anything, not beyond anything platonic which was meaningful enough in and of itself. He noticed things, he was a Crow, it was part of the territory. And he was funny. He couldn’t help that. But none of it just made things particularly easier, and the sooner she got over this ridiculous crush, the sooner she could stop worrying that she was being too obvious and continuing to make him uncomfortable.

And then he approached her with the job.

“Rook.”

She had no idea whether he’d purposely approached silently, or whether she’d been too engrossed in the work before her to notice him. Ordinarily she worked in solitude, taking what she referred to as busywork to the Lighthouse’s central meeting hall only when she knew she had to make an effort to be available to the others living here, should they have need of her. At that moment, she was strategizing – going over everything they had to do, and working out the best order to go about it all in, depending on what was most pressing, who she would have need of, and where she’d have to be. From there, she could work out a plan of action that would make the most sense, a task at a time, until the impossible and overwhelming felt at all tackle-able.

“What can I do for you?” she greeted with a little smile, straightening up from where she’d leaned over the table.

“Is it so obvious I’ve come for a favour?” he asked, a certain reluctance taking hold of his entire body language.

“More business, I’d say, than a favour. I’ve developed an eye for these things – with everybody here, I mean. It’s not personal. You just look all business and-“ she was growing dangerously close to rambling and stopped herself short, sighing and forcing what she hoped was an encouraging smile. “I’m all ears.”

Lucanis did not laugh when she punctuated her final statement with a gesture towards the pointed ears that protruded from her long crimson tresses.

“I’d…call this a favour. Given what she’s asking,”

Seeing that this was no time to insist on making jokes, Rook shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

“I think we should probably sit down, then.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “But not here. Somewhere more private?”

As he spoke, his dark eyes flitted about the hall, pausing briefly upon any and every entrypoint that might find them interrupted by one of the others.

“My…quarters?” she suggested slowly, hoping he wouldn’t misread the suggestion.

But he didn’t hesitate. If anything, he seemed relieved, his shoulers loosening a little as he motioned for her to lead the way. They walked in silence, right up until the door to her quarters was shut behind them, and they sat upon the couch that faced the window.

“This is where you meditate, then? To go and meet with Solas?”

“Only when he’s very lucky.”

If he needed time to build up to asking for this favour, she could grant him that.

“He has a type, then,” Lucanis quipped half-heartedly.

He referred to the Inquisitor – a fellow redheaded elf, with missing vallaslin.

“Look at how that ended for her,” Rook muttered.

Surely that wasn’t what he wanted to discuss? Non-existent flirtations between herself and Solas? Fen’Harel would sooner stab her than kiss her – thankfully.

“...and he’s not the only one,” Lucanis sighed, “with a type, I mean.”

“I’m...not sure what you mean, Lucanis,” she said slowly, staring at him.

“Teia has written with a contract. Not the usual sort. It’s more personal than that, I think, from what I can glean between the lines.”

Did he need time away, to go and handle this personally? No, that couldn’t be it, surely he wouldn’t be so nervous just to ask her for that – she wasn’t a slave driver. She would’ve made a piss-poor Shadow Dragon, had that been the case. But she got the sense he was building up to something, and that to interrupt would quash his momentum, so she only waited, quietly and patiently, for him to make his request.

“Someone in Treviso, someone with wealth, is...having young elven women kidnapped. For reasons it doesn’t take much imagination to piece together. A group of those who live in the alienage have banded together to have a contract put out on him.”

“That doesn’t sound so different from usual Crow business,” she replied, quashing the sense of nausea and outrage that threatened to rise within her.

“How many alienage elves do you think can afford a contract with the Crows?” he asked drily, and then faltered. “I mean no offense, Rook.”

“None taken, you’re right,” she mused quietly. “But I never thought your organisation was so scrupulous about where the gold came from, so long as it was there. And this is a good deed, is it not?”

“The best deed,” he said quickly, “And the Crows don’t have scruples, but I have suspicions. Teia wants us to handle it, with as little fanfare as possible. Either she’s given them a steep discount...or she’s covering part of the cost herself. Either way, it’s not our way, but she knows we won’t ask the same questions the others in Treviso might, if it’s assigned to them.”

“I’m in. Of course I’m in.”

“Rook,” he sighed. “He works...cleverly. We’ll need to lay a trap, tempt him, and then kill him once he walks into it.”

“I don’t feel right about asking Bellara to be part of this,” she admitted quickly.

“Bellara would be no good to us here. He doesn’t like the tattoos – think it makes them look less pure,” his lip curled.

...Oh. Of course. Lucanis’ eyes were trained keenly on her face, and he hardly seemed pleased or even all that relieved when she finally understood what he was asking. She’d spent so long in Arlathan Forest these last couple of weeks, among elves that were far more elf-y than she, that it had impacted her logic, forgetting that to many humans, one elf was the same as another for all intents and purposes. The worst intents and purposes, as far as this particular bastard was concerned. But now her logic was in full working order.

“I’ll do it.”

“Rook.”

“I’ll do it!” she repeated firmly. “Of course I’ll do it. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

He breathed a tired, humourless laugh. “I didn’t doubt for a second that you would – but I don’t like it.”

“I might be a little offended if you were too enthusiastic about it,” she said, and when he didn’t laugh she sighed. “It’s just another job, right? We face worse every day.”

“That’s different,” he said doggedly, shaking his head. “We run into battle, with daggers and swords and we handle it. That’s more straightforward. You won’t be able to carry weapons – they’ll smell a rat from a mile away.”

“I’m a mage, I don’t need weapons.”     

They helped, sure, but they weren’t vital. She could get by.

“It’ll just be the two of us, or else the risk of going detected is too great. You staging the trap, me following along in the shadows.”

“...Oh.”

“If that changes things, I can-”

He watched her closely – so closely, in fact, that she couldn’t even take a chance to try and discern how he felt about the two of them working alone together without it falling under his scrutiny.

“No,” she interrupted. “I was only surprised because I assumed I was going it alone.”

“You’d have...alone? You’ll be the death of me, Rook,” he sighed, shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose.  

It felt dangerously like a return to their old ways, before things had gotten strange between them. That, in and of itself, was probably dangerous.

“I take that as high praise,” she smiled a little. “We should leave soon, right? Before he gets it in his head to take another?”

“Probably, yes,” he sighed.

“Tonight then,” she said, slapping her thighs as she rose. “I’ll go and prepare.”

A/N: More parts of this pairing to come -- and then I'll post 'em all on AO3 when this is done!

Dividers by cafekitsune.