#heavy rain was the worst of this because there were whole instances where the game would just make things up to aid the plot

[feenmies]

i constantly say "i wrote dbh" to jokingly justify my headcanons if they don't totally match up with canon but i take it back almost immediately in my head because i actually don't want to be david cage in any timeline ever. that guy needs to put the pen and paper DOWN

[secretobsessionstuff]

Been thinking about Mateo and Shawn lately !! They remind me of myself and my own partner, so I figured maybe i’d... request something based on one of my own experiences. Long story short, I had been with them all day but I was feeling really dizzy and nauseous. I was thinking about my partners gentle way of comforting me, by holding my forehead while i was getting sick or gently running their fingertips on my back. Perhaps you could do something like this with mateo and shawn? Maybe shawn is really out of it and mateo is worried he might bother shawn if he touches him too aggressively (?) i guess? I love their dynamic <33

Thank you all for being patient as I slowly get to requests. This was a super cute one 💕

It was nearing the evening when Shawn started to get tired. As the sun began to set, with golden hour in full swing, he too wanted to dip below the horizon to sleep. He and Mateo had been out all day doing errands and planned to get dinner at a new restaurant, but now Shawn just wanted to go home.

The fatigue and dizziness hit suddenly. It was the nausea that grew steadily stronger as the sun continued to leave for the day. He lazily moved through the store, holding onto the clothing racks to keep himself upright. People must have thought he was drunk with the way he swayed down the aisles.

He eventually found his boyfriend in one of the aisles trying on shoes. Shawn sighed as he found a place to sit next to a pile of shoes that Mateo was considering buying. It was only when he sat down that he realized how weird he felt. He realized that he could have passed out right there if he wanted to. Suddenly his lunch wasn’t sitting so well in his stomach. He looked up at Mateo with half-closed eyes.

“What do you think of these?” Mateo asked as he admired the leather shoes in the mirror.

“You look good in everything,” Shawn said through a yawn, not really looking at the shoes. Still, it wasn’t a lie. Mateo could walk out of here with slippers, and Shawn would be eager to see them kicked off haphazardly at the foot of his bed. Just not today. “Are you almost done? I want to go home soon.”

Mateo spun around, feeling fancy in the new shoes. He wasn’t going to buy them though because he needed more time to decide, and it didn’t look like Shawn had more time – he looked like he was going to fall asleep in the middle of the store. “You don’t want to get dinner at that new Thai place?”

Shawn scrunched up his nose. “My stomach isn’t feeling so good.” The blurriness around his vision wanted to creep closer in, and his head wanted to fall off his shoulder. “Actually, a lot of me isn’t feeling so good.”

After switching the shoes out for his actual pair, Mateo sat on the bench and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes which were bloodshot and glassy. He touched the back of his hand to Shawn’s forehead and pulled back in surprise. “It does feel like you a small fever.”

Shawn groaned and let his head fall on Mateo’s shoulder. “My eyes are burning and I’m dizzy. Will you drive?”

Mateo helped his boyfriend up. “Sure. Anything else bothering you?” It was tough not to fall back into the script that he used for patients, but Shawn didn’t seem to care.

“My stomach.”

“You already said that.”

“Well, it really hurts,” he whined, only half joking because his stomach really was in knots. “Add short term memory loss to the list.”

Getting in the car did not sound like a fun time, but Shawn did so anyway. The ride wasn’t as bad as he thought because he fell asleep before Mateo left the parking lot.

Mateo enjoyed the quiet drive back. Shawn’s car drove smoothly and silently, letting his boyfriend stay asleep the whole time. That might have been a testament to how Shawn was feeling rather than the car’s performance, however. Mateo snuck glances at Shawn’s paler than normal face. The tattoo on his neck stood out even more against the ashen skin.

“We’re here,” Mateo said as he parked the car. Shawn stayed asleep. “Babe, wake up.”

The snoring continued so Mateo got out of the car and came around to the passenger side. He unbuckled Shawn’s seat belt and felt the heat rolling off his body. “Oh boy, you’re really warm,” Mateo mumbled to himself, but it seemed to have startled Shawn from his sleep.

Shawn looked around and squinted. The first thing he registered was the fresh new wave of nausea coursing through his veins. With Mateo’s help, they walked to the door. Shawn’s legs really wanted to buckle under him. “Fuck, that nap did not help. I feel so much worse.”

“Yeah, your fever’s gotten worse too,” Mateo said as he opened the door for his boyfriend. “How’s your stomach?”

“Sick. I think I might puke.”

“You could wait for me in the bathroom while I put our groceries away.” Mateo set their bags down on the counter. “I want to take your temp—or you can crash on the couch. That works too,” he said as he watched Shawn fall onto the soft cushions.

With the thermometer and a bucket, Mateo joined Shawn on the couch. He wasn’t asleep, surprisingly. The grimace on his face told Mateo that he was too nauseous to sleep. His body took up most the couch so Mateo gently lifted Shawn’s head and placed it on his own lap.

Shawn moaned as he was jostled around. When he was settled back down on Mateo’s legs, he let out a heavy exhale. Even while lying down, the room felt like it was spinning around his head.

“Sorry, hon,” Mateo said softly. “Will you put this under your tongue?”

While Shawn held the thermometer in his mouth, Mateo ran his hands through his boyfriend’s hair. He hated hearing Shawn’s heavy breathing which served as a reminder that he was miserable. Mateo decided he would keep gliding his fingers through Shawn’s hair until his breathing slowed down or until the thermometer beeped. Whichever came first.

The thermometer beeped first. The device told him that Shawn’s temperature was sitting just below 102°F. It wasn’t terrible but not great. Still, Mateo never liked to treat anything under 103°F. This was the body’s way of curing itself. Of course, Shawn’s body had other plans to deal with whatever was making him sick, but that was a more unpleasant process.

Shawn groaned and squirmed around on Mateo’s lap. He wanted to stay where he was because Mateo’s fingers felt great, but the nausea was reaching its peak. His belly gurgled loudly, making him curl in on himself.

Mateo heard the gurgled and felt his boyfriend tense up beneath his hand. “Are you gonna be sick? Need the bucket?”

With a hand over his mouth, Shawn nodded quickly. He lifted himself up with his arm, careful not to elbow Mateo in the crotch. He reached for the bucket, but his beautiful boyfriend held it up to his mouth so that he didn’t have to. Shawn still grabbed one side, just to help him aim and to keep him from falling off the couch.

He gagged emptily at first, making his whole body shudder. The nausea filled his mouth with saliva and caused his jaw to quiver. Another gag caught in his throat.

“I’ve got you, just let it happen,” Mateo said while holding the bucket steady. He could feel the strain that it had on Shawn’s body just from the way he shook.

Shawn gagged one last time before a real wave of sick came rushing up his throat. He lurched forward from the force of the heave. With his eyes squeezed shut and tears gathering on his lashes, he heard the splatter of sick as it hit the bottom of the bucket.

A mix between a cough and a heavy exhale followed a wet burp. Shawn’s chest moved rapidly as he tried to catch his breath in between retches. “Ugh everything hurts, Teo.”

Mateo’s go-to choice of comfort in this instance would be to rub Shawn’s back or stomach but he hesitated when he heard the pain in the boy’s voice. Shawn’s body was already tense and flooded with misery; he didn’t know if his boyfriend wanted to be touch that much. In the past there had been times when Shawn was too overwhelmed for any extra stimuli. Sometimes he couldn’t stand having his shirt rub against his skin when he was sick.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Mateo said gently, with his free hand hovering awkwardly in the air. “Will it help if I rub your back?”

Shawn swallowed thickly, aware that a second bout was coming. “Maybe. Can you do it lightly…you know, like the tracing.”

Mateo knew exactly what he was talking about. Sometimes when neither of them could sleep, they took turns tracing shapes on each other’s back with their fingertips. It started out as a game to guess the pictures, but it quickly turned into random patterns that left goosebumps on their arms.

With the lightest touch, Mateo started at the top of Shawn’s spine and slowly worked his way down. Then he circled back up to the base of his neck, taking his time to make each touch gentle.

When he felt the muscles in Shawn’s back tense up, he quickly lifted his hand in fear that he hurt him. Shawn just belched up another gush into the bucket. Without a second to breathe, he was bringing up the next wave of stomach contents. Shawn gasped for air and went right back into it with a groan.

“Shh, shh, it’ll be over soon,” Mateo whispered as resumed his gentle tracing.

For a long time, Mateo kept up the gentle movement of his hands, even when the vomiting seemed to have tapered off into plain old hellish nausea. It’s the worst feeling of still being nauseous when the puking stops, but that’s the land where Shawn found himself after wiping the bile from his lips.

Physically exhausted, Shawn slumped back down on Mateo’s lap. His throat was raw and his abdomen screamed from the work. Every breath hurt. But the one thing that made it easier to deal with was the pitter patter of soft fingertips on his back. It reminded him of peaceful rain during an afternoon nap.

“That feels nice,” he sighed and closed his eyes.

Mateo smiled. He kept his voice low because he could see that Shawn’s breathing was slowing down. “Do you feel better?”

“A little.” Shawn yawned. “I could actually fall asleep.”

“Then fall asleep. I won’t stop.”

Mateo was pleased that he didn’t hear a response. He was pleased to hear Shawn’s breathing even out. As promised, he danced his fingertips across his boyfriend’s back, at least until he too fell asleep.

[pride-vns-blog]

LGBTQ VN Week: Day Three! (6/20)

Welcome back for my third day of LGBTQ visual novel recommendations! Remember to check out my first post’s “One note before we get started” section to get a handle on what this recommendation list is, what it’s not, and why I made it, if you haven’t already!

The four visual novels I’ve got lined up to talk about today move beyond endlessly bleak apocalypses to focus instead on persistence and hopes for a brighter future — Spincut’s Who We Are Now, Sofdelux Studio’s Disaster Log C, and Worst Girls Games’ We Know The Devil, followed by a conversation with Jaime Scribbles Games about her upcoming As We Know It.

(Disclaimers: I’m somehow still into unique-looking apocalypse stories in the year 2018, so I backed both Who We Are Now and As We Know It on Kickstarter, and I also know the creators of Disaster Log C personally.)

Head on in for comic book supervillain jokes, super important teddy bears, one hell of a summer camp, and juggling your full-time job with the end of the world!

WHO WE ARE NOW (SPINCUT)

Itch.io Tagline: "A queer, post-apocalyptic visual novel about love at the end of the world.” Genre(s): Romance; slice of life; science fiction. Release Date: December 12th, 2017 (Xander’s Story); June 18th, 2018 (Jesse’s Story); TBA (Ray’s Story & Nathan’s Story). Content Warnings: Multiple explicit sex scenes; discussion of traumatic violence.

Who We Are Now, a visual novel following protagonist Wes as he offers comfort to the isolated fellow residents of a post-apocalyptic town named Home under the advice of town leader Mohra. The backdrop for Who We Are Now is distinctly science fiction, but the worldbuilding elements are interestingly vague enough that the characters only refer to the apocalypse more in terms of how it impacted their lives, rather than concrete details about exactly which places were destroyed on what dates and how. That’s personally something I prefer for character-focused pieces like this, and an interesting contrast to the hyper-detailed way AAA studios approach the apocalypse — it works in Who We Are Now, especially in the instances where the characters react differently to the circumstances of their situation or share different information, because it’s what they’ve retained.

Although Who We Are Now is short and largely still in “preorder”, according to its Itch.io page, both of the two relatively complete Stories — starring romanceable characters Xander and Jesse, respectively — offer distinct enough stories with memorable characters that I feel comfortable saying their two companion pending routes (Ray and Nathan) will all be well worth the price and the wait. Spincut’s script treats the two love interests’ struggles with society and their respective traumas carefully, never really offering an answer or a single moment that stood out to me as being a demand for them to just “get over it”. Both Jesse and Xander bristle, especially in the later half, and neither Xander’s struggle to control his mysterious electric powers nor Jesse’s slow progress fitting in as part of the society in Home go seamlessly. Even Wes’s personality feels realistically flawed; as a character who’s lived for years on his own, there’s moments in the script where his self-reliance and avoidance gets in the way of honest and open communication.

As a relationship-focused story with a heavy emphasis on character development, Who We Are Now’s writing delivers some solid growth and reasonable conflicts in a minimal amount of time, especially in Xander’s Story! Without going into too many spoilers, his convictions about the “bad guys” outside of the community of Home and his struggles with self-worth throughout the story build up to a believable, sympathetic end — his Story raises some interesting questions about violence in a post-apocalyptic world that, combined with how different it felt from Jesse’s perspective, made me all the more excited to see Ray and Nathan’s viewpoints on the apocalypse.

(Also, the sex scenes are 👌.)

The Xander’s Story and Jesse’s Story chapters of Who We Are Now are available now for a total price $15, a price that includes the eventual release of Ray’s Story and Nathan’s Story, both of which currently TBA. For more updates, you can follow developer Spincut on Itch.io or Twitter.

DISASTER LOG C (SOFDELUX STUDIO)

Itch.io Tagline: "It has been raining ceaselessly for 7 days...” Genre(s): Comedy; mild horror. Release Date: October 23rd, 2017. Content Warnings: See Itch.io page.

(This section contains mild, vague spoilers for Disaster Log C’s ending. It’s short and free, you might want to give it a try first!)

When it comes to the four apocalypse stories on this list, they’ve all got (thankfully) relatively different approaches to handling the end of the world, but Disaster Log C’s approach is one of the few visual novels that actually surprised me with its later swerve into a revelation I hadn’t totally expected. (I’m trying to be vague enough as possible, but I seriously didn’t see that plot point coming and can appreciate the worldbuilding that made it easy to accept as a “how did I miss that?” kind of fact once it’s revealed!) Protagonist Mell’s no-nonsense approach perfectly serves the story’s steady pace, punctuated by Mell’s own “Disaster Logs” of the ocean rising up to swallow the island she’s lived on her whole life, and that pace is fed into perfectly with the frantic nature of knife-wielding Issa’s demands about where to go, what to do, and how much alcohol she wants to drink. 

There’s a goofiness to Disaster Log C that never undercuts the story’s more serious moments — Mell’s struggle with the end of the world she’s always known and Issa’s own relative detachment from that world as it exists are both given more than enough space in the text, and the story never holds their growth back for the sake of slapstick. But there’s plenty of slapstick and a lot of absolutely hilarious moments, served equally well by both script and story, that are well-placed enough that it becomes clearer and clearer in hindsight exactly when Mell and Issa became as close as they can be by the story’s end. Their dynamic is a delight and well worth reading for, whether it’s in the most serious of heart-to-hearts or a scene where they’re arguing with one another about how much food to eat.

But above all else, the thing that really sells me on Disaster Log C — and Sofdelux Studio’s previous dating sim, Mermaid Splash Passion Festival — is how sincere it is. It’s easy for apocalyptic fiction to be smug, or grim, or just plain dark, but Disaster Log C manages to capture the real grief inherent in its premise without ever plunging into hopelessness. The world Issa and Mell inhabit is a beautifully illustrated one filled with plenty of jokes and triumphant fishing CGs, but it’s also a cruel world, and it’s still very much the story of how everything Mell has ever known disappeared in the blink of an eye. That’s a delicate balance to walk, for sure, but it’s a balance Disaster Log C walks seamlessly enough that its wonderfully optimistic True Ending had me in tears.

Disaster Log C is available now for free, in both English and Korean. Both halves of Sofdelux Studio also have individual Itch.io pages (DCS’s here and Nami’s here), or you can follow their shared Itch.io for more Sofdelux Studio projects!

WE KNOW THE DEVIL (PILLOWFIGHT, WORST GIRLS GAMES)

Steam Tagline: "Follow meangirl Neptune, tomboy Jupiter, and shy shy Venus as they get to know each other--but one always gets left out.” Genre(s): Group relationship horror. Release Date: February 15th, 2016. Content Warnings: Religious abuse; blood; character death; implications of sexual harrassment/abuse.

(This section contains spoilers for the plot and endings of We Know The Devil. Sorry! Please play it!)

It would be difficult — if not totally impossible — for me to talk about why I liked We Know The Devil or what it's doing in this group of visual novels without spoiling the ending in one way or another. (I don't think I could even refer to Venus, my hands-down favorite character, in a way that felt natural without dodging around her pronouns like a middle schooler playing volleyball.) For a while, I considered putting this in the creative design category and trying to avoid spoilers anyway! There’s been of fascinating pieces that I’ve loved reading about how We Know The Devil’s unique choice system operates; its “choose two characters out of three” model is smart, well-executed, and offers a lot of character development in both the duo you observe and the one you don’t in every playthrough.

But the piece of this story that I’ve always loved the most has been its ending and the way I feel that it functions as a work of apocalyptic fiction. While the other three entries on this list are all set either at the dawn of the apocalypse or well after the apocalypse has literally “dawned”, We Know The Devil’s apocalypse is more quasi-metaphorical and much more closely linked to its ending. If you read it 100% literally, the “three worst girls since Eve” ascend in all the ways they were never supposed to be and end the world; if you read it strictly metaphorically, they still become more removed from the all-encroaching, endlessly painful social standards that have been forced upon them. And in that case, it’s even more the “end of the world” for their family or the religious authority figures around them to see that self-satisfaction and acceptance instead of the quiet repression and shame, isn’t it?

I can’t deny that a lot of my fondness for this kind of reading is a deeply personal one, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. (If anything, I think how many personal reactions there have been to We Know The Devil is a testament — ha! — to the nuanced writing and worldbuilding.) The legacy of religious abuse in the name of Christianity, specifically Irish Catholicism, is something that’s haunted my own family for generations. It’s dictated who got married and who couldn’t get divorced, it’s been the reason some of my friends were born and the reason some others died, and its impact is so irreversable that the guilt even gets passed down into generations that have barely attended a service. So for We Know The Devil’s true ending to take a lot of those religious hallmarks, that guilt from failing to live up to expectations, and then build up to a true ending where the rest of the world is damned for the way it treated Jupiter, Neptune, and Venus — without the true ending’s text ever condemning any of them for being teenagers who are willing to scorch the Earth, metaphorically or literally, and refuse to accept the pain they shouldn’t have to suffer? As a story about the end of three characters’ slice of the world, We Know The Devil one hell of an answer to the Christian idea of a Rapture, and one I prefer a thousand times over.

We Know The Devil is available now on sale for $1.99 (75% off), while you can try We Know The Demo for free on Itch.io; Worst Girls Games can be found on Twitter and Tumblr with more information about their upcoming project, Heaven Will Be Mine!

AS WE KNOW IT (JAIME SCRIBBLES GAMES)

Kickstarter Tagline: "A heavily branching visual novel, featuring love, friendship and life-sim elements in a future destroyed by the sun.” Genre(s): Romance; drama. Release Date: April 25th, 2018 (demo); TBA (final version). Content Warnings: Alcohol and drug use; violence; mature content.

As someone who really enjoyed Pinewood Island, Jaime Scribbles Games’ debut horror visual novel about college students trapped on an island with a murderer, I’ve been looking forward to As We Know It since I first saw initial character designs. The first demo definitely was what I’d been hoping it would be — although visually unfinished in places, given that the Kickstarter was largely to help fund purchase of its art assets like finished backgrounds and side character sprites — and the story about a post-apocalypse society that largely functioned but still ran into unexpected troubles instantly hooked me.

Interested in hearing a little more about protagonist Ashlynn’s dual focus on romance and maintaining a job, I reached out to Jaime with a couple questions to hear what she had to say about her upcoming visual nove.

First, congratulations on your Kickstarter reaching full funding and a bonus goal! I'm sure you've done a lot of this already during the funding period, but how would you pitch As We Know It to someone who'd never heard of it before?

A heavily branching visual novel with romance in a post-apocalyptic setting. Something along those lines.

Yeah, that sounds accurate to me! What's the experience in having run a successfully-funded Kickstarter for a visual novel been like? Are there any weird little details or things that you weren't expecting to have to deal with that have become surprisingly important?

Hm, I didn’t really know what to expect. I can’t say anything too unusual occurred.

Hey, no news is better than bad news, for sure!

Both As We Know It and Pinewood Island have had different mechanics alongside the romance -- in Pinewood Island's case, unpuzzling a brutal series of deaths, and in As We Know It's case, pursuing a career path in a crisis-stricken community -- that seem to be just as central to the storytelling, rather than a backdrop for romance. Can you talk a little bit about striking that balance?

It’s not easy! I have to make sure it makes sense for these characters to want to pursue romance despite whatever else is going on. That usually means making sure things don’t get too intense until more of a relationship is formed. Since romance is such a heavy aspect I hope people don’t question it too much lol

When you're designing characters' personalities or approving their visual depictions, what do you keep in mind? What do you think is the most important thing when it comes to building a lineup of characters to make them all feel distinct from one another?

I think of different personalities, different types of people I want to write, and then I try to make sure their looks are diverse and varied. As I write them their characteristics become more solid.

Were someone else to make a "dream visual novel" for you as a player, what do you think that visual novel would be like? In terms of genre, romance routes, etc?

Oh I’m not sure 🤔 probably a really good mash up of horror and romance with psychological elements and a mature story (no teenager plz) lol

😆 I'd definitely play that, too!

For my last question, what LGBTQ visual novels from other developers or creators are your personal recommendations?

Let’s see, Hustle Cat, Let's Meat Adam are my faves, but there are tons more out there!

Definitely! Thank you for the conversation, Jaime, I'm looking forward to seeing As We Know It's progress over the next couple months!

You can find more information about As We Know It on Kickstarter, try out the free demo on Itch.io and Steam, or keep up with progress on the game’s development blog!

[gobigorgohome2016]

Taper Week 1 + Final Big Workout

I am in the home stretch, which is strange because I’m feeling very different from other marathon training cycles.  

Normally at this point, I am plotting out exactly what I am going to do as soon as I cross the finish line:  drink a beer, eat a burger, and not engage in any physical activity for a glorious 14 days.  Last year, the US half marathon championships couldn’t come soon enough.  Even on the starting line, all I could think about was covering 13.1 miles as quickly as possible solely so that I could take a break.  Definitely not the right mindset for running your best! 

Traditionally, taper has been hard for me.  Not from the standpoint of “taper crazies”  - I’m not going to lie, when people complain about running less I just don’t get it.  At the same time, my taper is relatively small.  I ran 108 miles for my peak week, and last week I ran 92 (which includes one day off).  When you track my 7 day stretch from Tuesday to Monday, I still covered 102 miles.  This week will be lower, though, coming in at 76.  It will be weird to only run once per day most of the week.  Actually, today was my first single run in weeks and I felt like I had infinitely more time on my hands!  Of course that means I was less productive, because the best way to get things done is to be really busy, amirite?  

I’m starting to wonder if my early season setbacks will have actually served a greater purpose.  I feel like the last few weeks have been a turning point in my fitness and that things are coming together.  About 4 weeks ago I was running a warm up and I thought to myself you need to just be okay with the fact this might not be a PR training cycle.  After I had that thought, I wound up running a better-than-expected workout and I feel like I’ve been on the up and up ever since.  I’m not sure I have ever made it to this point in training feeling as though my legs are still fresh.  

On Sunday I did what I love to do during taper:  I pored over my running logs and looked at data.  I love to look at my mileage totals.  Here is my mileage during the same 92 day periods leading up to each race:

Twin Cities:  1,019 miles Olympic Trials:  1,163 miles Pittsburgh:  1,147 miles

At the end of the day, I will have only run 16 fewer miles than I did in the 3 months leading up to the Trials.  That doesn’t tell the whole story, though.  That training window includes a 3 week period where I was dealing with a hamstring issue.  If we look at the final 6 weeks of training, the mileage totals are slightly different:

Twin Cities:  505 miles Olympic Trials: 554 miles Pittsburgh:  565 miles

I have definitely come on stronger the last few weeks whereas in past training, I have struggled during taper to have motivation to run.  At the end of the day, training and racing only produces more data, so it will be interesting for me to see how the increased mileage plays a role in the outcome.  

I’m in the process of reading Deena Kastor’s Let Your Mind Run.  This book could not have come out at a better time for me.  I like to read during taper.  Before Twin Cities, I read Once a Runner.  Before the Trials, I read Suzy Favor Hamilton’s Fast Girl.  

Deena’s positivity has helped me look at the last few months and reframe them.  At one point I truthfully wondered why I was bothering to run this marathon when it didn’t seem like I was going to be in my best shape.  I will be the first to admit that I struggle at times with perfectionism when it comes to running (seriously nothing else though.  sometimes I wonder how I graduated college).  Something that tremendously helped was when my coach reminded me this race doesn’t have to be perfect - it just has to be good, I’m already a pretty damn good runner.  

Deena’s book inspired me to reframe a lot of the negative thoughts that have been holding me back lately.  For instance, I have used one word to describe this training cycle:  setback.  I’m pretty sure I have uttered that word more times in the last 4 months than I have in my entire life.  Instead of thinking about the things that have hindered progress, why not think of them as things I have overcome?  At the end of the day, I have run a shit ton of miles after dealing with:

-a calf injury -a plantar injury -a hamstring injury -a badly infected blister -a couple illnesses -a post-tib issue -the worst case of eczema I’ve experienced in my 20′s -unmet expectations at races  -new food sensitivities that undoubtedly contributed to the previous 8 items on this list

I prevailed despite all of these things.  What’s so hard about a marathon after your toe doubles in size because it is infected and is so painful  you have to drive barefoot in the middle of winter because your shoe is applying too much painful pressure on your toe when you hit the gas pedal? 

Deena’s book is also helping me see the other things I do - the things that are easy to forget - that make me a better athlete.  Joe Vigil has a quote that there is no such thing as overtraining, just underresting.  I love that.  This training cycle I have made it a point to:

-nap at least 60 minutes every day  -eliminate foods that I know my body cannot tolerate (science is cool) -get a massage every 2 weeks -set up mental game sessions as needed -have increased contact with my coach -make dietitian appointments as needed -make visualization a priority -do daily yoga instead of one session per week -more core/lifting -practice race day [this training cycle I made it a point to practice getting up at 4 AM before a couple long run workouts so that I wasn’t in shock when I had to do it for the race]

There is no guarantee that any of these things are going to make a better runner; but, there was something that Des Linden said leading up to Boston that spoke to me:  I could live with myself if I didn’t win Boston.  I decided I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try.  (referring to her training)

If I don’t reach my ultimate goal of breaking 2:30 in the marathon, I’ll live.  But, as long as I am training I will have a hard time not doing everything in my power that I know will contribute to success.  I often think of my mom telling me in high school (when I was half-assing my assignments) “if it’s a job worth doing, it’s a job worth doing well.”    

The past week of workouts has been good.  I’m not sure where the notion came from that taper weeks are easy.  In reality, the lower mileage gives way to more intensity.  Here’s what my week looked like:

M:  off (first dasy off in 6 weeks!) T: AM:  4, PM:  12 mi total w/ 6 x mi @ marathon effort ending with a mile at half marathon effort W:  AM:  10, PM:  6 Th:  AM:  6 x 400 m @ mile race pace w/ full recovery, PM:  7 F:  AM:  10, PM:  5 Sa:  AM:  8, PM:  5 Su:  AM:  16 mi cut down finishing in 5:44; PM:  4 mi shake out

Total for the week was 92, and I’m really happy with how my legs felt during that cut down.  I remember that workout before Twin Cities and crawling through the shake out later in the day because my legs were trashed.  The biggest difference I have noticed during the past 4 or 5 weeks is that my legs are recovering really well.

Today was my last big workout, and it was actually one I have never done before!  The plan was 3 x 15:00 at threshold pace.  While there is little fitness to be gained at this point, I’m so glad I did this workout because it was a huge mental win.  

I went to the tow path for the workout, which is a crushed limestone path in Indy.  I figured 15:00 should be roughly 2.5 miles.  My plan was to do a 2.5 mi stretch, then a 2.5 mi loop through a neighborhood, then the 2.5 mi stretch back.  I did not account for how much rain we have had lately, and the tow path was a muddy, sloppy, puddle-dotted mess.  We also have had pretty cold weather, so today was quite the contrast with 60 degrees and 100% humidity / light rain.  Fun fact:  I have run in a sports bra and shorts once this year, and that was in February.  

My superhero running strength is that I’m really good at not going out too fast, and at progressively picking up the pace in workouts as I go.  Actually, when this doesn’t happen I generally know something might be wrong with me.  Today was not that day.  

My first mile of my first 15:00 was 5:49.  This is not my threshold pace on a perfect weather day, and it’s definitely not my threshold pace on wet, muddy, soggy ground when I am slipping and sliding everywhere.  My second mile was 5:46.  I wound up covering 2.57 mi in 15:00 minutes.  

My fatal flaw as a runner is that, when I see these splits, I feel as though I must continue getting faster.  not the point of this workout.  So, I convinced myself that I needed to slow down.  

My first mile was 5:52 of the second 15:00 tempo.  Honestly, my legs felt like garbage.  I was running through a neighborhood on completely soaked streets trying to make turns and I ran way too hard in my previous effort.  My quads felt like crap.  My 2nd mile was 6:00.  I panicked.  Quads are heavy + slowing down.  When was the last time I felt this way?  Oh, right, when I was anemic in the fall.  At 12:00 I just stopped running.  I contemplated calling it a day and jogging back to my car.  Actually, I convinced myself that was what I should do.  If my quads are heavy, why add extra strain?  Then I spiraled.  What if I feel this way during the marathon and just walk off the course?  

Finally I decided I was going to finish the workout no matter what, even if it meant running 6:30 pace.  I took a couple minutes to regroup and decided the final tempo would be 18:00, to account for the 3 that I missed when I cut the second one short.  I would start slow (closer to my actual threshold pace), and no matter what stick this one out.  First mile:  6:07.  Much better.  Second mile:  6:02.  3rd mile:  5:55.  So, I made a workout that wasn’t supposed to be hard much more difficult than it had to be.  

But, I’m happy that it happened that way.  It is very rare for me to have a bad day in practice.  It’s even rarer for me to stop.  I don’t get a lot of opportunities to practice bringing it back around and making the day successful.  Having at least one experience like this going into the marathon is important, because if there is anything we’ve learned in the past 10 days, it’s that you can think you’re going to drop out of a race at half way, then find yourself becoming the first American in 33 years to win the Boston marathon.  

[element-effect-blog]

My 8 Finest Blogging & Content Creation Hacks (That Actually Work).

As I showed you all last week, terrific writing and true idea management does not appear out of thin air, unfortunately. Which is a genuine downer, if you ask me.

Yes, composing thousands and thousands of words is a core part of my occupation, and a big part of my career is fueled by an insatiable enthusiasm for helping others comprehend how to inform their stories better.

That stated, I am likewise a naturally lazy individual.

I just got into The Wonderful Mrs. Maisel this previous weekend because the pilot autoplayed after another show of mine had actually ended. I was bundled so cozily in a blanket burrito on the couch-- with the remote about 3 inches out of reach-- that I decided, "Meh, it's unworthy the effort to move."

That's. It wasn't colleagues like Kathleen badgering me for more than a year about how I simply had to watch this show, because I would absolutely like it, that lastly got me to cave. It was an ill-placed remote.

It may shock you to discover that I have a comparable approach to writing.

Once again, while there is no material wizard in the sky all set to "make it rain" polished prose for you, I have spent a significant amount of time searching for methods to streamline or boost the writing procedure-- without needing to go back to the days of intermediate school, where relentless English instructors would for force us to write thorough, ungraded lays out.

To be clear, detailing still serves a really important function (if done correctly). There are so numerous other ways to make creating content and getting a concept onto virtual paper a lot easier.

In truth, there are 8 specific blogging hacks I want to share with you today that will right away get rid of a few of the pain you're experiencing when you develop material, and make the whole process go a heck of a lot quicker.

1. Stop telling yourself you can't before you even start

I'm going to go out on a limb here and state that if you read this post, you've most likely made a commitment to develop more-- or at least better -- material in 2019, 2020, and beyond.

(If you do not have that resolution, I hope you can feel my death look across the stretch of cyber space.)

Even the most well-meaning material creators arrive at the keyboard with a set of fears that can weaken their capacity, making the whole process way harder than it has to be, before they've even struck their first keystroke.

"I don't have anything interesting to say."

"I'm not a writer."

"What story do I need to inform?"

"This is not my task-- I'm not excellent at this."

If you're proficient at your task, believe me when I state that little voice is incorrect.

In truth, it actually became a running joke with myself awhile back that when a customer would tell me, "I do not actually have anything to discuss," they were nearly guaranteed to become the team factor with the most engaging insights to share.

With this in mind, hear me when I state I'm not challenging you to reserve your fears and your avoidance based upon the truth that I think you're a writer first-- I'm doing it because you're not.

Whenever you take a seat to write, and you hear that bothersome voice in your head, tearing you down, remember this:

People are actually (and figuratively) browsing for your expertise in a market or location that probably has no to do with writing-- not the next literary classic.

That's why you don't require to be Hemingway. You just require to be you.

2. Decide on your subject at least one day prior to composing

After fear, the worst thing you can do to yourself is not choose a subject prior to you take a seat to compose.

Seriously, it impresses me the number of people complain about how long composing a blog site takes them, just to discover it's because they have to spend half of that time going through the basic step of finding out what it is they're talking about.

Obviously, blogging is going to seem like the absolute worst when you do that.

So, at least one day (ideally a week) before you desire to start putting your piece together, select your blog site subject and compose it down. On a post-it. On the mirror after a steamy shower with your finger. In your journal. On your burger in catsup.

I do not care how or where you document your topic-- the important thing is that you understand out of your head and record it someplace. Otherwise, the concept will stay abstract, which doesn't count.

It doesn't need to be a quite title, and it might alter, however it needs to be particular.

For example, blogging about persuasive writing in basic is intriguing, however too broad of a subject. Blogging about how and why buzzwords damage your capability to convince, or pointers for being a much better persuasive writer are much more distinct alternatives.

Again, as a devoted high school essay overview hater, I'm not asking you to do anything more than this.

If you're anything like me, as soon as you zero in on a concept-- any idea-- for a title, your brain will passively flesh it out, mull it over, and form it, while you move onto other things.

Think of it like giving a computer system an intricate equation to crunch as a background procedure.

By the time you take a seat to actually do your blogging thing, your subject might still be in tact, or it may have changed. It does not matter, since you'll have given yourself a head start with days of subconscious legwork currently completed.

3. Utilize my valuable material framework to prepare out the overall direction of what you're writing

One of the most difficult parts of writing-- for me, anyway-- is to get my head around the fundamentals of what I wish to cover. For every single subject, there are numerous ways I can pick to address it, consisting of an unlimited sea of anecdotes, suggestions, lists, and so on.

I can't treat every post I compose like the kitchen area sink. There needs to be some organization and purpose to what I put in, and I desire to make sure that everything I compose is as efficient as possible.

Go into stage left, my useful material framework:

It takes in between 10 and 20 minutes to finish the above grid; although now it takes me about five minutes to go through this psychologically.

You fill it out in this order:

WHAT What are you speaking about precisely, in an uneditorialized, uncontextualized way? This short article would be "blogging hacks."

WHY The "why" container just asks the question "Why you?" Why are you certified to address this subject? Is it a summary of experiences? Is it a particular experience or story that makes you uniquely qualified to not only show you can relate to their scenario, however also help them solve their issue? Is it both?

HOW How is the pay-off. Now that you know what you're discussing, who you're speaking with about this topic (and why they appreciate it), and why you're the one who should be resolving it, you're going to lay out how you're going to resolve it. For instance, "I'm going to note a couple of different blogging hacks, including stop telling yourself you can't write, picking your topic a day beforehand, the useful content structure, and more. I'll most likely likewise relate to the reality that much of the writing process we've been taught is not fun, and although composing is my task, it is tough for me, too. Possibly I can find a story in that."

I desire you to think about the above tool I developed like a compass. Upon finishing it, you will have an 80,000-foot-view of exactly where you want to opt for what you're writing, which makes it a lot much easier to either dive into laying out (if that's your bag) or immediately into writing your initial draft.

on how to utilize the material framework above.

4. Develop a simple "roadmap" of what you're going to state

Even though I'm an author by trade, I'll be sincere. There are some days when the words flow with ease, and there are others when the words merely ... don't.

Have you ever opened your mouth and started speaking with no end video game in mind? You rake ahead with your well-meaning word salad, hoping that you magically figure out where you desire your words to go as you speak?

I do this all the time, which most likely says all examples about my personality, but whatever. If you associate with this, you know how awkward it is. Even if you in some way manage to blindly find your way to a point.

This exact same reasoning can apply to writing.

While I do fully sign up for the concept of free-writing as a workout, writing a complete overview as a first action can be just as demoralizing as writing a blog site, and it's not always that essential.

Rather, I like to create what's called a "roadmap" for my blog site. To show you what I imply, here's the roadmap I produced for this post:

(Psst! Bear as my distraction-free editor of choice.)

In other words, a roadmap is an approach I use when I'm feeling lost with a topic to plot out the beats I desire to hit in an article-- and it can be as ugly and as bare bones as it needs to be. (Simply look at that compelling conclusion, am I right?)

The purpose of a roadmap isn't to do all the heavy-lifting for me prior to I start composing.

It's to offer me confidence that, from an 80,000-foot view, I'm going someplace with what I'm writing, and I have a path to arrive. (It also helps me keep track with the point I'm attempting to make, when I'm lured to wander off or go off on a tangent.)

If you desire to continue to refine and add detail to your own roadmap to make it more of an outline, however, do not let me stop you. (In reality, if you are working on a long-form piece that needs lots of information, it may be a wise relocation.) It's just my choice that, from here, I come down to company.

Mentioning which ...

5. Start "completing the blanks" by composing the simplest area initially

As soon as you have your roadmap in location, here is among my preferred hacks: You do not need to write your blog in order.

Rather, take a look at your roadmap and select the spot or section that seems to come simplest. After that, the next most convenient, and so on.

I love this technique for a few factors. Initially, it enables you to separate writing your post into workable pieces over the course of a few hours and even a few days. Second, it has actually empowered me at a more global level to recognize that the finest work I've developed normally comes together in pieces I deal with out of order.

A nip here. A tuck there. Oh, this idea I simply had made me understand I should return and expand this other section near the top.

As I mold my blog post into its last type, I have the ability to go back and assess what requires tweaking and fixing to get it just right, without getting hung up on whether or not I'm doing things in the right order.

6. Skip the difficult things, return to it later on

I'm going to keep this one concise. Whenever I'm writing, I constantly have those moments where I know what I wish to state, however the concept or the words aren't ready to fall out of my brain yet.

Rather of falling into a pit of anguish about how I'm the worst and everything is awful, I make note of where my brain fart occurred in my draft and move on.

Here's an example:

This is the original summary section for this post, as I was composing it.

As you can see, my quips about instructors wishing to torture me and keep me away from Carson Daly weren't totally formed when I initially started dealing with my draft.

At first, I stopped. I glared at the screen. I tried a couple of versions of what I wished to say, and they were horrible, so I decided to come back to it later, with a fresh brain.

So, if you get stuck like I did, note it in your writing and proceed.

Do not let a single idea or sentence be the obstruction that sends you spiraling into a limitless devoid of self-doubt. The worst thing you can do is stall your momentum with the asinine concept that you require to have all of your words and ideas completely figured out when you sit down to compose.

Even if a whole section is puzzling you, set it aside, work on a different area, and attempt again later.

7. Compose your introduction and conclusion last

Conserve what is often the worst for last.

One of the most unpleasant parts of writing for me is when I understand what I want to blog about, however I'm stumped when I try to write that first sentence; that hook that makes me people go, "Wow! I need to read this."

In those cases, I won't deal with writing the introduction and conclusion until after everything else is written-- unless, naturally, I have some sort uncommon stroke of magnificent motivation.

After I write everything else, I've generally spent adequate time with my total writing topic to know how to kick it off and cover it up effectively.

I feel like I must have more to say about this hack, but that's really all there is to it.

8. Listen to ambient sound rather of music

I have actually been in the professional world for more than 10 years, and it's just remained in the last 2 or so years that I realized I was doing one thing that completely deteriorated my ability to stay concentrated and produce my finest work.

I listened to music when I tried to compose.

I don't learn about you, but-- with the exception of very few playlists-- my mind wanders when I listen to music. I think about the lyrics or the artist ... or perhaps a specific tune brings me back to an especially pleased (or unfortunate) memory.

That's great if I'm dealing with something that does not require additional psychological mojo-- positioning web copy into a page template, formatting short articles for publication, constructing out a piece of pillar material that has actually currently been composed and edited, doing some light copyediting, producing an editorial calendar, etc.

. But when I'm writing, I need to listen to something that concurrently shuts out all of the interruptions around me, however also does not pull me into a brand-new ball of diversions.

Then I discovered Noisli:

Noisli is a free, life-altering website, Chrome extension, and downloadable application that allows you to develop personalized ambient noise sound blends, so you can be your most efficient.

There are studies that reveal listening to ambient sound rather of music increases performance.

I do not understand if I'm all set to provide up listening to Beyoncé when I'm feeling especially alert about a nonwriting work job. I will state that I have actually never felt more focused, more productive, or more able to develop in on the specific words I'm looking for so quickly than when I'm working while listening to Noisli.

Sometimes it's the little things we take for given that end up being the most prominent conditions for success, when it comes to composing.

Composing still needs effort & & self-awareness I thought twice utilizing the

word"hacks" as part of the title for this blog post, because I believe that some people-- not all-- are constantly on the lookout for some sort of wonderful unicorn faster way that will take the pain out of writing. The reality is that producing content takes some time and effort,

and this should be a surprise to no one. Additionally, the truth that often you require to sit down and think, and occasionally get stymied should not be a signal to you that you're bad at developing content. It's merely part of the process-- and all of us go through it. That said, I hope you find worth in the pointers I have actually shared here.

They have actually helped me significantly as I've continued to improve and "hack" my own process throughout the years. Simply remember there's no blanket blogging solution that will apply to

everyone. Much of finding what will eventually work for you will need you to dedicate to the practice of producing material and maintain awareness of the particular obstacles you're coming across along the way.

This content was originally published here.

[dylanslegos]

Thoughts on Resident Evil 4 after playing it for the First 15 years later

                                      “No use in telling him... he's dead.”                               

To start this thing off let's take it back to when I first got Resident Evil 4 in 2016.

Warning: Spoilers abound

It was the late Summer, around 12 pm on a Sunday. Our family loves to 'yard sale', and that's actually how I get most of my games and systems. I was sleeping after my dad bought two giant -went to the ceiling- cat towers. He woke me up to tell me that he stopped by a sale that was selling videogames. I first debated if I honestly cared enough to get up, but I eventually realized I might miss something if I didn't go. So I did.

We drove over to the yard sale and I walked in not seeing any games. Realizing that they might have been picked clean, I wasn't completely wrong. They did have some interesting leftovers, though. I bought two Gameboy Advance video cartridges (Cartoon Network Vol. 1/Vol. 2) - and Resident Evil 4 for the Gamecube.

I took them home and watched both GA video cartridges right away, but it took me about 6 months to finally play RE4. Actually, right up until last weekend (January 28), when I finally played it.

Reminded me of today's Darksouls and The Evil Within

First impressions count a lot, and I thought the graphics looked outdated and the controls were kinda whack. But then I actually played the game and I loved it, from the opening 4th wall breaks and grainy scenery to the widescreen presentation. It all made the whole thing extra scary... and it was.

                                               “I just want a hug.”

The first time I saw the crazed chainsaw man and the Las Iluminados attacking me from behind while jumping on me from around the corner I was yelling out loud for them to stay away from me. It kinda reminded me of today's Darksouls and The Evil Within. I can see why everyone loves this game, though, and why it basically won every known video game award back in '05.

For the most part, though, the Bosses weren't that difficult.

Though, the reason for that is probably that my trusty shotgun would never leave my side... and I had two!

They definitely came in handy when I needed to pump hundreds of bullets into the Regeneradors when I stupidly didn't buy a rifle after finding the infrared scope. If I had to choose the scariest and most frightening enemy in RE4, it would be them by the way. Freaking slow moving with heavy breathing creeps me out.

Also, the most challenging boss fight I had was the water monster. One- I hate things swimming underneath me, and two- I didn't really know how to kill this thing.  Easily one of the most memorable parts of the game.

The lore in the game gave me what I needed to know but it didn't really expose much about some of the characters. For instance, the secretive Ada Wong. I'm pretty sure I tried talking to her about seven or eight times in the game and she would just disappear. It was kinda frustrating even when I knew the basics of what she was doing. I do need to get the PS2 version or the remastered version so I can play the Ada Wong story.

Luis was a funny character, but because he always had to go back and get the research he kept disappearing, and that's what eventually caused his death. I'd wish he lived a little bit longer because I just ended up leaving his dead body in a castle.

"It felt so good because I hated him so much"

There are two of my absolute favorite parts of the game.

The first one is definitely Leon nailing the little pirate Salazar in the hand. It felt so good because I hated him so much. One of the most annoying bosses I have ever fought in any game. And the second one would have to be the helicopter support from above. Well, before Mike and I could share a beer. RIP...

I was glad I had a break to just kick butt and take no names because Mike didn't give me the chance to. He was blowing everything up and it was awesome! I couldn't have asked for a better rain of hellfire.

Now, let's talk about Ashley, the President's daughter.

She wasn't the best character, but she definitely wasn't the worst. When I first heard Carolyn Lawrence was the voice actor I was pretty happy because as you might know I love the Spyro games and she did some work in those games.

The amount of times I issued the "wait" and "Get over here" commands to her character is countable. But on a serious note, Ashley just got in the way at times. She just sticks to you like white on rice. I would tell her to wait somewhere far away so I could explore pretty often.

Plus the fact that she can't climb down ladders is kinda stupid. She did provide some comic relief and charm to a dark story, though. That's especially true mixed in with Leon's smart comments, which also make for some laugh out loud moments.

On a quick note here, I loved how this horror game ended in the most 'James Bond' of ways possible. Riding into the sunset on a jet ski with a girl on the back and the Island blowing into smithereens.

But now it's time to talk about the strangest, weirdest (yet kind of nice to see when everything's going up creek) guy ever; The Merchant.

He sells things, and I'm fine not asking where he gets them. I can now definitely see where they got the design for Zur (Destiny) too. The Merchant is not the guy I want to get on the bad side of, but it's kinda weird knowing that the Las Iluminados is so much into shooting ranges, because they're everywhere. And one other thing, try shooting him.

All in all, I had a great time with the game.

It was honestly a great breath of fresh air, stepping back from all the big name AAA games of today. Resident Evil 4 is a "perfect" game back in 2005, but that doesn't stop it from impressing me even today. And since Resident Evil 7 is out now, I think I'm ready for that next revolutionary turn in the Resident Evil universe.