#heavily debated posting this because I feel like its target audience is a little too small

[watercolorwanderer]

The car alarm goes off incessantly. I kick the speakers. My shoes don’t fit. These clothes are my brother’s, my hands are my mom’s more than they are mine and she never feels in control. I don’t know how to apologize for all these things I didn’t do. They haven’t caught me yet but I’m on death row. I’m not afraid to die but I’m afraid my last meal will be sourdough and cheap wine. I swear I’m not hungover. I don’t know when I last spoke but I’ve been laughing. I haven’t been smoking but I can’t look people in the eyes. I watched that movie everyone recommended but I think I related to the wrong character. I think I’m a real person for now but I keep forgetting how to breathe. In, out, in, out, I can’t breathe. I don’t know what you did today. I want a cigarette. I still think about that afternoon. I’m scared for the summer. I wanna ask you to teach me how to breathe but I don’t know how to ask you how your day was. I’m scared for myself. I took the batteries out of my smoke alarms but I keep waking to the sound of them in the night. I’m trying to tell you I don’t make promises but my voice sounds like stars in a light polluted city and I tell you that I’m sorry instead. How have you been sleeping? I’m scared of myself. I can’t see the stars. The car alarm goes off incessantly. These aren’t my hands. I need a cigarette. Can you hear me? I don’t make promises. How was your day?