#heart locket x knife ii

[tdutb]

could i,., mayb.e ask for. knife ii x heart locket...... please <- is dying as she's writing this

honesтly had fun drawing тhis. probably more fun тhan i should have

[persephone-andromeda]

Three Words (ii)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 1.4k

Summary:  Three words shatters the potential for a relationship but will it be able to recover?

Warnings: Angst, reader calls Bucky ‘James’, fluff at the end, reader cleans his arm????

A/N: ANYWAYS GUESS WHO FORGOT TO UPDATE THIS FIC....Me. Lmao here’s part two and the final of this two parter. Enjoy!

He’s gone before you work up the courage to face him. You made progress yesterday by being in the same room with him but by the time you opened your mouth to speak, he left the room. You don’t blame him. You hurt him and you deserve it. Wanda doesn’t agree but while she can see everything that’s happened, she can’t understand, not really.

That’s why you don’t bother telling anyone. Why would you when no one can truly understand what you’ve been through? James can’t but you don’t want him to. He isn’t the only one.

So you wait and stare at your phone with fingers hovering over the keys as you try to type out what you could possibly say to him that would make it better.

Me: Hi. I wanted to apologize to you.

You sigh but it is a start. It’s not like he’s going to go out of his way to talk.

Me: I know you’re busy with the mission but maybe after you come back, we could talk? If you want to because I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to hate me forever.

You can practically hear Wanda’s voice chastising you for typing that out. You’re glad she isn’t here to give you a lecture on it. No guilt tripping. That won’t make anything better. You backtrack.

Me: I know you’re busy with the mission but maybe after you come back, we could talk? I owe you an explanation.

It feels too intimate, even though it’s simple and to the point. It shouldn’t all just be in one conversation either… You backtrack again.

Me: I know you’re busy with the mission but maybe after you come back…

You huff and toss your phone down on the bed. There was no using overthinking it. You’d look at it again tomorrow. You look at the clock in your room, 9:12 pm, and you sigh again. You switch off the lamp and decide to try to sleep.

But you wish that Wanda was here to help. 5 days without her soothing presence has been watching a papercut bleed out and you’re too tired to put a Band-Aid on to try to stop it. You’re too tired for anything these days, even before she left. But that night on the roof stargazing was the first time you felt okay. You laughed, smiled and were content in the silence. You never should have left.

You jump when you hear the voices coming from the hallway and it takes you a moment to realize that you had fallen asleep. You sit up and look at the time, 2:43 am. At least you got some. You sit up and once you get to the door, you realize that you didn’t even feel for the safety of the knife under your pillow. You swallow and sit with that realization for a moment before you open the door.

The voices are quieter now, but you can hear Wanda from the living room so that’s where you head. But you stop once you see that she isn’t alone. Sam is arguing with Steve while Wanda is attempting to calm them down.

“This isn’t helping!” She practically shouts. “We need to remind him that-”

She stops as she senses you lingering. She nudges Same and Steve towards your figure and you cast your eyes around the room before you land on James in the corner. Even from your place, you can tell that something has happened. He’s being too meticulous in cleaning his arm. Before you know it, you’re there with him.

“Let me do it. You’ll get cotton fibers stuck again.” You almost demand, knowing that he will.

He looks up at you and even in the dim lighting, the shattered pieces of his soul stare back at you. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen that. He hands it to you and you turn on the lamp between you as you start to clean.

You still hear the other three bickering, but their voices are quieter than before. There isn’t a lot to clean but you’re still careful to avoid getting anything stuck in his arm.

“They knew me,” he says quietly.

You pause for a moment but then start cleaning again.

“HYDRA agents?”

“Yes. They weren’t supposed to be there.”

While you don’t know the full details of the mission, you know that there have been whispers of a few remaining small cells of HYDRA operatives lingering and operating. They must have been investigating one or another operation in close proximity.

“Did you have to turn?”

The plates tighten a bit and you’re glad you moved the cloth away in time. That means yes. Once the plates loosen again, you go back in.

“It isn’t you fault, you know,” you start, and you know he’s going to interrupt so you look up at him. “James, let me finish.”

He shuts his mouth ad you go back down to clean the last remaining spots.

“It will never be your fault. Choice was taken from you, as it was from me. We were both made into something monstrous. It isn’t our faults, even though we try to justify it.” You hold his metal arm up to the light to see if there’s anywhere else you missed. “I don’t hate you. I hate my circumstances and how I feel.”

You gently let his metal arm rest on the arm of the seat as you drape the cloth on the table. You turn to see that the three have left so you turn back to him.

“I hate myself so much and sometimes I think that I won’t ever stop feeling that way. I’ve hurt so many people and some days I can’t find the strength to get out of bed.” You swallow, feeling it all start to spill out. “You’re not the only one and you’re not alone.” You sniffle.

You then start to fiddle with the locket for something to occupy your shaking hands.

“This locket is the only proof I have that I was normal, that I had a family. It is my greatest treasure, and I don’t ever want to forget this again because then they’ll win.”

You look away from him because you know he’s looking at you. You wipe your eyes and clear your throat. You try to shove the emotions back down into their cage, but everything is out there now. He knows. He might still hate you at the end, but your explanation is there. It’s up to him now.

The warmth of his flesh hand is against your wrist, but you cannot look back at him just yet.

“That is why you wanted me to ask,” he says. “You never got a choice.”

You nod.

“I know it sounds silly, but I never had a real first kiss. I wanted it to be of my own volition.”

He retracts his arm and then once you feel that you have composed yourself, you look at him.

“I understand, (Y/N).”

A weight is lifted off of your chest and just three words mean everything. So simple yet exactly what you needed. You feel the tears come again but you have to turn away to wipe them off of your face.

“I should have told you, but I was scared,” you explain as your voice wavers from emotion. “I don’t like to talk about it because no one can truly understand, not even Wanda.”

He’s quiet for a moment and you turn back to him once you can.

“She can only help so much too.”

“Yeah,” you say softly. “Any progress is progress, no matter how small.”

You can’t help but chuckle at that.

“I swear she got that off of a motivational poster or something.”

You snort and use a tissue to blow your nose.

“Maybe.” You sniffle again but you feel better. Your heart hasn’t entirely healed but it a step. Progress is progress, no matter how small. “I listen to ocean sounds sometimes to help me sleep. Maybe it’ll help you.”

He nods and then he stands with the cloth.

“I need to go clean up and sleep but…thank you.”

You look up at him and the shattered pieces are staring to come back together.

“You’re welcome, Bucky.”

You hear his footsteps depart and you look at the lamp’s light for a few moments before you hear him again.

“(Y/N)?”

You turn to find him slightly lingering in the shadows.

“Yes?”

He’s fiddling with the fraying ends of the cloth before he speaks.

“Would you like to go out sometime?”

A choice and it’s yours to take. You smile.

“Of course. I’d like that.”

His grin makes it worth it. Maybe you could say another three words in the future, better ones.