#hearshae

[hearsayhorizons]

The fifth thing Tak did, he wrote a geode, an egg of stone. ... Then Tak looked upon the stone and it was trying to come alive, and Tak smiled, and wrote All things strive. 

And for the service the stone had given, he fashioned it into the first Troll, and delighted in the life that came unbidden.

—The things that Tak wrote, Thud, Terry Pratchett, 

+++ Dear Hogfather, For Hogswatch I Want

OH, NO. YOU CAN'T WRITE LETT... Death paused, and then said, YOU CAN, CAN’T YOU.

+++ Yes. I Am Entitled +++

Death waited until the pen had stopped, and picked up the paper.

BUT YOU ARE A MACHINE. THINGS HAVE NO DESIRES. A DOORKNOB WANTS NOTHING, EVEN THOUGH IT IS A COMPLEX MACHINE.

+++ All Things Strive +++

—Hogfather, GNU Terry Pratchett

The TL;DR is that I had a tough but worthwhile experience as a kid at a bear-themed park and wanted to use this quote along with the constellations for ursa minor and major in some combination for a tattoo, but I wasn’t sure how to do it—runic font for Tak? Something more DOS for Hex? My husband recommended an idea but I am on the fence. I just realized that his idea doesn't solve my font questions, but one issue at a time.

As preteen, I had the opportunity to hike the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes in Michigan with a cohort of kids my age. The only hiccup is that my slight cerebral palsy means my right foot turns in and I walk on the side of it. I need a solid surface to push off of—ice is only slightly worse than sand (I can roller skate, at least, I could fifteen years ago, but it looks goofy as hell as I’m in a constant shuffle of failing to fall so hard I should be flying instead).

It took a dozen ace bandages and a lot of sweat, but I kept up with everyone else and I still really value the experience.

All things strive has stayed with me for years since I first read Thud. I know I want those words as a tattoo, probably on my calf because everything else fluctuates with the weather. I want the constellations with the words. But what font? What will look nice over time, and fit both myself and the context?

Apparently, my husband has been sitting on “it should be a dung beetle pushing uphill—striving!” but he didn’t want to recommend a... tattpoo. 

But you know what, I don’t mind scarabs. And I could see what he was talking about, so I spent way too long hashing out an approximation

This is a rough draft I hope could be enough for a real artist to work off of: indistinct, placeholder font, the sphere of constellations looks like a dragonball, and I couldn’t get the text to curve despite tutorials! The blue-white is negative space/skin.

I think this could be a largish interesting tattoo. Just the text with stars scattered around it would grab much less attention but be much simpler. I dunno, my husband recommended it, and while he was reluctant because he wasn’t sure how I’d take it, my oversensitivity to being made fun of didn’t alert.

ALL things DO strive!

[hearsayhorizons]

I've been contemplating this for months.

Just as I fully believe there are more folks on the bi spectrum than we'll see publicly because the times or THEIR times made that virtually impossible to explore safely (I'm biased with my own "gimme that brain first" orientation, I'm sure)...

I think in a different time, I'd have investigated gender with a focus, rather than looking at it with a tired shrug.

Yeah, female, woman, it's there. Socially more comfortable with than without, at least right now. If I were born in a time or place where "hey, that's not set in stone. If it doesn't work for you, figure it out at your own speed" was a thought in my society...

There's a chubby middle-height enby with a buzz cut named Solstice in some other reality, is what I'm saying.

But I have the husband and social ties and changing our relationship or his perspective on me or himself is just not worth it. Not now. Not now that some of my biggest complaints about my body are answered: I don't need to worry about the stomach-clenching fear of pregnancy or the messy dysphoria of menstruation.

I'm in a tenable position despite: a previous attempt at a name change that didn't stick; all the head hair I wish I didn't have; the chest that never feels comfortable and needs bras that fill my day with static; the indelible feeling that no matter how nicely I'm dressed, I look "unpolished" without makeup that bothers my face and my brain.

Learning the term "gender nonconforming" was the same jolt I had when I came across ace/demi in highschool and went "there's a name for it!?"

No makeup. Button downs and slacks. The daily atavistic urge to buzz my head. Faint desire to bind, or at least explore that look. Shave my legs? Who's paying for it?

But all this venting into the void just to say: I was thinking this morning about how odd it is that I am exploring GNC and I am pro your-leg-your-look, but I need to shave my armpits and seeing that hair on others makes me queasy (it's a me-problem and I never judge, I approve/acknowledge my approval isn't required despite my reactions).

Then I thought back to when I was a pre-teen and my dad mentioned that my 12 year old friend was/was going to be a "exotic piece" but that her pit hair basically took points off her rating.

I think his stance on it stuck with me, since he was my dad, and my undiagnosed weird brain went "!!! people notice that! Add it to the social anxiety/rulesetting pile."

I was a kid, so I forgive myself for not taking away the actual important bit: what the fuck is wrong with my dad?

It's always trauma. But I'm working on it.

The horrors persist...but so do we.

gender to me is like a car i dont really want one and society would be much better if it was not structured around it. but i got one because it helps me get around and sometimes its fun to make it go fast

[secondbeatsongs]

We used to buy CD players with antiskip technology. Now we get those artisanal and imported skips.

these are no bargain basement skips - each one is crafted with care, chopped apart both lovingly and violently. only the finest skips will do!

[rainbowchibbit]

Ack, new page. Ack, the wonderful expressions. Urge to reread... rising. But so is the clock.

LMAOOOOOO I do understand this. Do not worry the ability to re-read will be there tomorrow too--get some sleep!! <3

[hearsayhorizons]

trying to eke out time on what I thought was a slow day to basically write a small essay about Murderbot and Nutt from Discworld's Unseen Academicals.

Now every time I ADHD-tab back and forth the BLANK PAGE titled "Worth" just mocks me.

[hearsayhorizons]

I am having FUN in Starfield. I just finished a long-ass quest and folks give me the respect you should get for that sort of thing, but I didn't become the archmage or harbinger, which is great.

I feel competent in ships, in experiencing the world.

There is no level cap. I can do whatever forever, and if I make a mistake--I can just do better going forward. I can take my time clearing out side quests, or use the Frontier's upgrades I made in the course of missions to catch and flip ships, or explore planets and start crafting.

But damn if missing out on the 10% well-rested bonus to XP all the time doesn't make me want to start over and "do it right."

Why?! I already got through a bunch of stuff (level 12!) and I can make sure I sleep (and eat) properly going forward!

Human brains are fucked, man. FOMO everywhere.

[hearsayhorizons]

Reading a book in whose backstory one supernatural had trounced another violently for fucking things up, gorging with abandon, basically just being a menace to both normal and supernatural populations (re:staying hidden from humanity).

In the book the thrashee burns with a desire to find and destroy the stronger opponent for the insult (and pain) suffered previously.

But I have to say, the idea of somebody who had Been Really Dumb and tried, honestly tried to take it to heart and live more sustainably, but their impulse control is bad, or they just can't figure out how to drain without killing, how to reduce the thirst to manageable levels..

They need instruction, and boundaries, and may be facing the realization that they're prime minion material. That they might be CAPABLE of (short term) planning, but find it exhausting, and just want someone else to take that burden...

Yeah, I like that.

[hearsayhorizons]

Speechless

I was absolutely sincere in my devotion. Every gesture, every tribute, every word of praise and prayer--I meant it. Wholly, body and soul and mind.

It didn't surprise me when the Source favored me--if I gave everything and it reflected what it was given, how not?

I didn't realize that that reflection, that light, that mimicry, was... just that.

When the Source expressed that it wanted to... that it wanted me to know it as it knew me, how could I deny its trust? Its faith, that it wanted to be seen in a way it never had been before--and with me. By me.

I knew it wasn't human, or human adjacent. Not quite a god. I thought I braced myself for that Other. Maybe I did as well as I could--but it was like looking into a sun that was a color I had no name for.

I flinched. Just the once, just for a moment, before I redoubled my heart with welcome and my face with adoration.

It was too late. The Source knew everything, knows everything, in my heart and face and eyes. It knew I loved it still, but that moment of involuntary rejection... maybe it couldn't comprehend because it tore away the humanity I leant it in order to show what laid beneath.

Its unnamable light grew sour. Turned away from me.

Turned away from me and my sisters. Took with it the voice I had used to praise it, the dexterity with which I wove the tapestries and wrote the hymns.

I am mute and palsied and now my sisters and I rely on the damned pity of kenku who have been there, done that, and just roll their sad corvid eyes when I discuss killing a god.

[hearsayhorizons]

Nic of Time Auto

Used car sales owned/operated by Nicodemus Depietro, smooth talker and unacknowledged precog.

You want this sedan? No, I think you'd be more comfortable in a minivan. Deeply unsurprised to have the wife admit to her pregnancy while signing papers.

The medics said if the roof of the car was three inches lower you'd be decapitated? Gad, glad we set aside that cruze.

You definitely want all three warranties. You're a safe driver... how about your neighbor?

And then one man shows up for a test drive and Nico denies him flat, and Nico's employees are surprised at his vehemence.

Four days later, slaughters a family drunk driving while on a "long term demo" on a dealer plate he shouldn't have been using.

[hearsayhorizons]

This Whomps

Y'know that episode of Recess where TJ finds out one person in the entire school doesn't like him, and he ruins his own recess trying to "fix" the situation and at the end of the episode it just is what it is and some people just don't like each other?

Don't let people ruin your recess. Don't let YOURSELF ruin your recess.

I try to be midwest-polite and considerate at all times. Too much entropy and harshness in the world for me to add to it. I let my dog say hello to people who also want to say hello to him, I clean up after him and ourselves.

I get to the laundry even before the door unlocks because there are two machines for an entire building. I do not use both washers even when I really could. I pick up detritus that isn't mine so long as it isn't actively disgusting or looks like it'll give me hepatitis.

I clear the steps off of acorns because I hope that helps people feel more firm about their steps, and I know mine are never steady.

I vent about weirdness or oddness or meanness only to the people who probably don't need that dumped on their shoulders just because they're my safe people--

I try to take up as little space as is actually mine in the world, and be helpful about people around mine...

And a neighbor with whom I'd spoken cordially YESTERDAY MORNING still called me a bitch to my husband last night apropos, as far as we can tell, nothing.

Some people's kids, man. Some people juggle geese.

Life whomps; do what you can and move on from what you can't.

[hearsayhorizons]

Couch out, new couch tomorrow. Someone is happy about the seating arrangements.

[hearsayhorizons]

[hearsayhorizons]

Dating two nonbinary folks: enbydextrous .

[rainbowchibbit]

Have not (yet) started the reread, but I compromised with myself last night by rewatching the Soulfell promo video last night. That is really well done.

AAAAAaaa lmgdfkjgfvhjhffhj im sorry you were compromised xD but im glad you enjoyed uwu

[rainbowchibbit]

*sneep

sneep sneep sneep 

[rainbowchibbit]

I sent in an ask a few days ago, and I know I missed it, or my phone glitched, or tumblr is slightly broken. But your comic is why I joined tumblr in the first place, so I reblog/like a lot of your stuff; I feel like it gets too much. I know that you're chiller than that, but my anxiety sure isn't. I can't convince myself of the glitch. So: with each comic, I think that there's no way the next page can have as great expressions or interactions, and with each page I am delightfully wrong.

oh gosh!! no sorry I got the ask, but I actually like... hoard a lot of asks and I can’t always answer them all--I have like 300 asks sitting un answered. some I meant to answer but didn’t have a reply or some I’m just keeping to look at, or some are from art memes I like still mean to do eventually djkglsdf.

BUT omg please don’t worry. I love when people reblog/like a lot of my stuff don’t let your anxiety tell you I mind because I don’t.

If I ever don’t answer an ask, it’s not that I’m mad or annoyed or anything negative, it’s generally just that I didn’t know what to say or have time to respond--and then MY anxiety was like “it’s too late you can’t reply to this old ask now” and it just sits in my inbox and I stare at it guiltily LMDKGdfjgdf

So yeah don’t worry! but I am so glad that you enjoy my expressions and interactions ;w; expressions are my favorite part to draw.